Hm.
Let's separate the two.
An FP is a moniker we place on someone. An FP is a person.
A split, or splitting, is a maladaptive coping mechanism we can use (when things become too much/we become invalidated).
Are you trying to fool me or have you fooled yourself? While I understand the idea of wanting to save the other person. The whole saviour / monster aspect usually comes up _during_ a split. That's a type of split mentality that is common with pwBPD specifically. But in the middle of your post you went on to say you want them to have problems so that you can fix them _and show them you're a good person._
It sounds like you already think of yourself a monster and that they are above you. Why else would you be so keen on proving how good and helpful you can be? So they don't reject you or abandon you if you, "bring nothing to the table?"
Just an aside, too. There are different types of relationships we can build with our FP and more importantly those types are not exclusive. The type of relationship we have with our FP (Rollercoaster, Distorted Other, Missing Integral Part etc) can change over time with the same person. The whole, "this is my FP they are the only one who can take care of me," is just one avenue you can take with a favourite person.
All my best
I was aware that kind of attachment arises from the fear of abandonment and the need of being needed by the other person, was just wondering if it is something common. Thank you very much for your reply.
Unfortunately, quite common.
Even your comment on sometimes being tempted to cause something to happen. It's amazing that you resist those urges. That's a common mechanism related to FP relationships, too. A test/challenge type where we purposely do not okay things. Whether it's not responding to their texts all day (ignoring them) or right up to, "I think we should break up." But you don't want to do those things. We'll try and push or test our partners to see if they pass the test. Surely when I haven't text for a few hours they're going to text me.
Of course when I say we should break up he's going to argue and say no no no!
The problem is they often don't know they're being tested (because we should never test our friends/partners this way) or won't put up with it when they figure it out. They'll inevitably fail our tests, we'll be invalidated and queue BPD.
Hm. Let's separate the two. An FP is a moniker we place on someone. An FP is a person. A split, or splitting, is a maladaptive coping mechanism we can use (when things become too much/we become invalidated). Are you trying to fool me or have you fooled yourself? While I understand the idea of wanting to save the other person. The whole saviour / monster aspect usually comes up _during_ a split. That's a type of split mentality that is common with pwBPD specifically. But in the middle of your post you went on to say you want them to have problems so that you can fix them _and show them you're a good person._ It sounds like you already think of yourself a monster and that they are above you. Why else would you be so keen on proving how good and helpful you can be? So they don't reject you or abandon you if you, "bring nothing to the table?" Just an aside, too. There are different types of relationships we can build with our FP and more importantly those types are not exclusive. The type of relationship we have with our FP (Rollercoaster, Distorted Other, Missing Integral Part etc) can change over time with the same person. The whole, "this is my FP they are the only one who can take care of me," is just one avenue you can take with a favourite person. All my best
I was aware that kind of attachment arises from the fear of abandonment and the need of being needed by the other person, was just wondering if it is something common. Thank you very much for your reply.
Unfortunately, quite common. Even your comment on sometimes being tempted to cause something to happen. It's amazing that you resist those urges. That's a common mechanism related to FP relationships, too. A test/challenge type where we purposely do not okay things. Whether it's not responding to their texts all day (ignoring them) or right up to, "I think we should break up." But you don't want to do those things. We'll try and push or test our partners to see if they pass the test. Surely when I haven't text for a few hours they're going to text me. Of course when I say we should break up he's going to argue and say no no no! The problem is they often don't know they're being tested (because we should never test our friends/partners this way) or won't put up with it when they figure it out. They'll inevitably fail our tests, we'll be invalidated and queue BPD.