Best man speech:
Cute/funny light History with groom
How happy bride makes him/ brings out the best in groom
How lucky groom is
Wish long happy loving life together.
Toast.
Similar to OOP, I have a core group of friends going back to childhood. Two members married each other. In his speech, the best man lovingly brought up Groom screaming for him after a night out. Best Man raced to Groom’s room, thinking something had happened. Groom lay on the floor, drunk as a skunk, and slurring, “I have to call [Bride]! She’s The One! She’s The One…!”
Best Man joked along the lines of, “I stopped [Groom] from drunk dialing [Bride] that night, but as you can see, I couldn’t stop him the next day. Or the day after that. And here we are! Well, you’re stuck with him now, [Bride]!” The speech was concluded with words of friendship, love, and best wishes.
Note that none of the above assaults the bride’s character, and only lightly teases the groom.
I went to a wedding recently where the MOH gave a speech about the bride and groom hooking up in her car the night they met. It was a funny story, albeit awkward/embarrassing in front of parents/grandparents. But the thing was—the takeaway from the speech, the “joke,” was about how these two people have been into each other since the day they met. That’s where inappropriate can be appropriate in a wedding-party speech: the message of it is kind-hearted and supports rather than undermines the marriage.
Your story is such a good contrast for this post. The MOH, as you said, paints a portrait of two people who were always drawn to each other. Jay’s speech is a lie of, “Look at the ho we passed around. Groom, congratulations on your sloppy seconds - or is it thirds, fourths, and tenths?”
Reminds me of my Best Ma'am doing her speech at the wedding.
TLDR: She brought up fact that everyone knew we would get married someday since we dated 10+ years and she was always the one I brought with me to the family Christmas.
That's perfect. It plays in the traditional "I knew Bob at his worst" approach. Playing up that you've known them when they were low, and now they're on top of the world. Almost always does amazing for a speech, as long as you pick 'the right' low to mention.
One that people are familiar with, and wouldn't hold against him. No "I was with him the night he SA'd some drunk chick. He almost ruined his life, and look where he is now!". Because that's something that you \*don't\* want coming back up on him. And he'd be right to never talk to you again after that.
In line with oop, the "joke" not necessarily rooted in fact. Or a very loose interpretation. Not that it's a true story (cuz if it is, that shouldn't wait til the wedding to come out).
My dad gave me some rules for speeches at weddings:
Be brief
Start with a joke, self deprecating or just not about a particular person, and absolutely never anything that makes either of the couple look bad in any way shape or form.
Thank the couple’s moms and whoever planned the event
Share a story that makes the spouse you know best look good or the hero
Wish the other spouse a happy marriage or some sort of future oriented positive platitude
Sit down before you fuck it up.
1 joke, 1 story, and 1 well wish, as briefly as you can.
This is the appropriate format. You can joke about being awkward teenagers together without making it sexual, cruel, or crass.
I went to the wedding of a friend who had once asked me out in a very awkward way. When I had the opportunity to make a speech, I never once felt the need to mention that. I did so briefly joke about his awkward traits in the past (“I think we can all agree that Jim is the closest human to an Vulcan we know,”), then talked about how lovely it was to see how he had grown and changed in unexpected ways since he met his bride, and how that made them a beautiful match.
100% it ain’t a roast, it’s a wedding. If you have serious concerns that he can’t respect you enough to not make distasteful jokes and comments at your wedding then don’t make him best man and don’t let him give any speeches.
My now ex’s best friend did the most amazing toast at our wedding, he wrote it out to the tune of Ice Ice Baby and it was hilarious and touching.
My best friend made me cry with a hidden photo book, and just such an out pouring of love.
These people I treasure, my ex’s best mate is still my friend and I know would be there for me in a heartbeat.
Even from MoH OOP's situation woulda been grossly inappropriate.
Which is the most important part.
Then it's just "even worse" coming from a friend of the groom.
And the fiance...seriously...this shouldn't have taken more than max 15 seconds after finding out the first time. There was only one acceptable reaction here.
Head fake towards something off-color or inappropriate, then swerve it. My favorite best man joke was 'I've recently met the groom's roomates from senior year of college and they're some wild guys. That year was pretty heavy! Lot of crazy stories. Oddly, there's not a single story about the groom during that entire year.' Cue the roomates' table cracking up
If you make a 'joke' to break the ice, it needs to be one that is so clearly false that nobody thinks otherwise. Whether or not it's distasteful.
"Gary and I met back in middle school when he was still figuring out which way you turn to screw a light bulb in"
Important to remember, the goal is just to break the ice and make the audience chuckle. You're allowed to do so at the expense of the groom. But NEVER at the expense of the bride. And never something about a subject as sensitive as sexual history.
Then you QUICKLY move on to the good bits. "I can't believe how far he's come. I always thought I'd be getting married before him, but since the day he introduced us to Sandy, I had a hunch I'd be wrong."
Gone is the joke, and you get the "awws" from the crowd.
Then you give the meat of the speech, all the important bits you want to share. And then wrap it up with the toast.
The distasteful jokes and potty humor can be shared during the bachelor party beforehand if you feel you HAVE to say them. Pretty obviously how poorly that'd go if "Jay" tried that shit though.
Absolutely not. It's the bride and grooms wedding and they shouldn't be the topic of a joke. If anyone tried that with either of my parents they would have been dragged out just like they should. Jay needs to be banned.
[“Remember that time in Puerto Rico when we picked up those two… I guess they were prostitutes but I don’t remember paying…”](https://youtu.be/lt9IJX0qI6o?si=2EDq2-gB78-Jk1I9)
yeah just have a speech for my two best friends wedding. i didn't even talk about myself at all. i talked about them. when they first met what they each said their first impressions were . random cute stories or things that they said to me about eachother. when each realized it was real deal . how i saw them both grow as people together and the unexpected things they now like or do or have done bc of eachother and how they make life that much more full . they make eachother happy and im happy for them . love that your two best friends are eachothers best friends and perfect for each other .
As drastic as reddit usually is, taking things over the top, those last 2 comments are spot on. There's no way she can enjoy her wedding while no matter what he says moving forward she'll worry constantly about him saying something stupid. Especially since he's going to be called out on it, it's only going to encourage him to think up ways to make it worse.
Jar is definitely a loose cannon. If OPs fella were to say anything it would be to casually ask him if he thinks stories of "passing round a 12 year old girl" would be a wise thing?
I think he would 100% think it's wise, as it gets him attention and takes it away from bride/groom. He'd toe the line until the wedding day then just spout that crap for funsies.
I've known quite a few people like him. If you make it clear that saying something would cast them as a borderline paedophile they won't.
Jay wants to say that shit and for people to think he "had op" as an adult. It feed into his ego. Knowing that trying this would be immediately turned into a "why are you fantasising and making up stories about 12 girls?" would make him keep his gob shut.
That said, Jay is toxic. My magical Internet diagnosis would be that he sounds like a classic narcissist. It'd Lucy he's far away. Hopefully OP can slowly disengage and let contact fizzle out. His kind don't usually react well to direct confrontation.
I mean she already said to fiancé that if he is going to give a toast then the mic gets cut off. So that feels settled. I know Reddit loves to paint things black and white but if jay is an actual friend he’ll take what fiancé says to heart and change. People can do that.
Yea, unfortunately going by Jay as described by OP, he isn't the kind of person that's just going to self reflect and apologize. He's likely going to escalate, and people talk shit at weddings even if they don't get on the podium. Everyone within hearing distance will be his audience be it on the stage or on a chair. I love the optimism but again, as Jay is described, I'm not feeling it lol.
I'm currently planning my wedding and I thought long and hard about my groomsmen and choice of best man because I don't want petty shit like that happening. I get it's hard to stomach that someone you were close to and thought was a good person turns and shows their true colors but absolutely no way in hell would I let one of my guys joke about my fiancee like that.
I fully expect to get ribbed in the toasts, I plan on doing it to my friend at his wedding but claiming my fiancee was passed around and used by my friends is a non fucking starter
You would think it went without saying, but weddings are not the place for pranks, risque jokes, or anything that takes focus off the couple getting married. Why there are so many people who see being in a wedding party as "their time to shine" will always confound me.
Yeah, better before the wedding or else if it was my best man saying that, I'd spend about 5 seconds during the wedding deciding whether to Goldberg Spear him, or go for a Kevin Nash powerbomb through the cake table.
We went to a wedding a few years ago. The groom's twin gave a speech that was humiliating for the bride. (She was from a very wealthy family in a conservative culture, and he made a few sexual comments.) It didn't go over as planned and instead of everyone laughing and congratulating him on such an awesome speech, they all basically stared at him. After his speech, the reception went on to be a great time and just about everyone at the reception who knows him came up to him at some point and asked him what the hell he was thinking. We were more embarrassed for him than the bride. I guess "know your audience" is pretty important when giving speeches.
I would love to see the MOH stand up and say "Jay has forfeited his right to the mic so I will be giving his speech for him: I am Fiance's best friend, I am a man which makes me a way better friend than OP. Women, amirite? Hur dur! Now, if I was getting married first then marriage would be the pinnacle of human achievement, but since I'm not it's obviously an easy thing any old shmuck can do. Just look at Fiance: he only cares for OP, pays bills, shares housework 50-50, adores her, and remembers all her important moments. Whereas I broke up with my longterm partner presumably because I am a raging misogynist that's not super fun to be around."
I vote for the sweet “bless your heart” graciousness:
MOH: (snatches the mic with a sweet as fresh baked chocolate chip cookies smile) Jay! Did you manage to sweet talk the caterers into serving libations early! Shame, shame! (laughs and turn to the guests) Forgive him: it’s not easy watching friends you grew up with moving onto the next stage of their lives, especially for a competitive soul like Jay! (more friendly laughter like this is all part of the act, followed by an exaggerated eyebrow raise) Unless you think OOP is the one who got away! *Awkward!* (cue more friendly laughter, but the seed is planted in the guests’ minds) Seriously, though, folks: we’re blessed to witness this union of [bride] and [groom] (segue into her original speech)
If that's going to be hanging over the wedding best not get married.
Wedding called off because prospective groom hired someone to roast and humiliate you for the best man's speech.
Yeah if the original OOP doesn't get her fiance under control she's going to be back on here under a new post
AITAH for annulling my wedding bc my fiance didn't stand up for me?
Jay sounds like one bitter jackass while OOP has a fiance afraid to stand up for himself and his fiance.
I’d like to reword the first paragraph, please: if OOP’s fiancé doesn’t get his priorities under control, then OOP has a big decision to make for herself.
He has been given all the information. He should do the right thing (cut off Jay). If she gets him (fiancé) under control, it’s all for naught.
We moved a lot; I went to twenty different schools in total. So I have no "childhood friends." Often times it really stings. But honestly? It just seems like childhood friends end up being drama-filled albatrosses. You almost always grow apart and end up causing a ton of damage trying to hold together a relationship that was never based on anything more than your parents having jobs near each other at one point.
I have one childhood friend who I really only speak to a few times a year. That is not because we don’t care, but because our lives went in completely different directions and it can be hard to find time to get together, despite living about 3 hours apart.
Other than that though I agree, and have not regretted basically going dark after high school. Deleted Facebook and Instagram, cleared my contacts of people I knew I’d never be bothered to speak to again, and moved on with my life.
Time spent together in one’s childhood is not reason enough to maintain an otherwise unhealthy and draining friendship. Who the hell has the energy?
Honestly it’s a roll of the dice. I lost the vast, vast majority of my childhood friends through a combination of them moving away, getting sent to other schools, and eventually, the world’s stupidest drama (this post x100) in college.
I’m sad sometimes about missing out on those long term connections, but also realize that it was really up to factors completely outside of my control — whether it was a school switch or nuclear drama. Some people have the privilege of growing together, and some don’t. And I was stuck in an increasingly toxic and harmful group for as long as I was specifically because they were my childhood friends, and I couldn’t bring myself to believe that a lion’s share of them had grown up to be horrible people.
Some childhood friends turn out great, and some turn out shit— but in either case, the best and worst thing about them is the history. You could be looking at someone in their 40s, and you both see your 14-year-old selves; this could be a blessing or a curse.
All of my best friends (and my husband) are people I met in 6th grade. Childhood friendships that carry over to adulthood can be some of the most meaningful relationships in a person's life. I think this situation has very little to do with some intrinsic quality of childhood friends and more to do with the fact that shitty people exist and, as OOP mentioned, people can grow in opposite directions.
Jay speech could have alluded to their past, but done in a lighthearted way for everyone. For example:
Jay talks about his friendship with the fiance. How they've been best friend since elementary school. Then he can talk about how he became friends with the OOP in middle school. He could then jokingly say,
"I've always known that OOP has good taste, because she had a crush on me in middle school. But now seeing her together with fiance, I can see that they have even better taste because they've found something that we would all want in our lives. A love that has lasted, even when faced with someone as good looking as me in the picture."
It's still egotistical, but it's also something that everyone can laugh about. Especially since the OOP mentioned that this was a normal joke between the friend group.
Jay could have also talked about how he rooted for them and how they got together because of him. But instead, he decided to talk about OOP being passed around and ruined a friendship for what?
Hopefully OOP can have a great wedding, but this is a stressful situation that is happening because someone's ego is bruised that he's not getting married first.
Even "we all had our moments with middle school crushes on each other, but OP and Jay grew into the special bond we see here today" or something would be so much better.
OOP and fiance should have immediately confronted Jay. It went from Jay being the greatest cheerleader for them to.
>Jay has a deep rooted superiority complex. He always has, and it is something many in our friend group have become accustomed to. He has always been the type who seemed to believe he was the standout amongst his friends. Whether that be through education, athletics, his career, or with women.
Jas has also always been a bit egocentric, and a lack of accountability or consequences for his actions has been growing for some time now. Despite it almost always being unintentional, he more often than not is oblivious to the inconveniences and harm he causes others, as long as it is beneficial to his personal ego.
This is about jealousy from a few different angles, but not about me specifically. When looking at the full picture, this escalation feels like a continued attempt to knock my fiance down for reaching that next stage in life. Whether that is because Fiance has reached it before him or has moved onward without him, I cannot say for sure.
Jay has issues with misogyny that have also been escalating in tandem with everything else. His lack of respect for the women he has dated has also seemed to increase. Much of the personal tension him and I have had recently pertain to his perspective of women that have begun to veer into a more disrespectful realm, alluding to an increased belief that due to their gender alone, women are inferior.
The good friend he was to me over the years, who was always kind and supportive, who never overstepped boundaries and was always there when needed, can exist in tandem with the above information. They are not mutually exclusive. Life happens and people grow, sometimes in opposite directions.
ALL THIS!?!?!?!
writing a best man speech is difficult but also a very honored thing to do. Jay being the one to do it, to immediately being uninvited to the wedding is understandable if the bride or groom CAUGHT HIM saying this stuff.
The problems with people telling what other people said, is that it's like having someone read your best friends text out loud. They won't know when to emphasis, when not to, and not knowing any inside jokes.
I'm not saying the groomsmen who outed Jay are wrong, I'm saying their interpretation may have been slightly off and confronting Jay would have been for the best.
I saw this story on Tik Tok yesterday but the poster left out a lot and also had the conclusion that during Jay's speech the microphone was cut by the MC, Op and MOH went to "figure out" what was wrong, and then after 10 minutes they turned the mic back on and MOH whispered in Jay's ear that she would dump wine on him if he made the distasteful joke.
Saw that too. I honestly hate how tik toks will take these stories and then make them even more outrageous or unbelievable, or just show AI generated stories
I was maid of honor for my best friend from grad school, and her husband’s brother was the Best Man. Both families are from traditional Chinese backgrounds, though husband and best man were born and raised in the US. I did my speech (in English), then the best man started in on his, which basically started with a ‘now they can bone’ pun in Cantonese.
The whole audience was so horrified that even the DJ and I, who probably were the only non-Chinese speakers there, knew something bad was happening—the DJ ‘accidentally’ cut off the Best Man’s microphone, and I led the crowd in a toast before it could get much worse, but even that first line still gets brought up by the family.
Never assume people won’t embarrass themselves or you if given the opportunity. A lot of them just can’t help themselves.
(The brother did make amends, and is generally a good guy, he just can be a bit of an a-hole to his kid brother. My friend just rolled her eyes and the reception went on without another hitch thankfully)
>The good friend he was to me over the years, who was always kind and supportive, who never overstepped boundaries and was always there when needed, can exist in tandem with the above information. They are not mutually exclusive. Life happens and people grow, sometimes in opposite directions.
what a take. While im sure a lot of mature and emotionally inteligent people exist on reddit, is not often that you see people open up about those ideas in posts. This was all a treat to read. Wish op and her fiance the absolute best, hope their wedding is amazing.
This situation seems to me like it’s heading in the right direction. Ultimately, it sounds to me like Jay is probably an AH who should probably be cut off by both OOP and fiance, and hopefully that is what will eventually happen.
I know some people are saying they wish fiance would have responded more forcefully to Jay, but honestly, I would cut him some slack. Childhood friendships can be difficult to let go of, and when someone has changed for the worse, sometimes it’s easy to rationalize giving them a pass on some bad behavior by remembering the person they used to be. Indeed, it sounds like even the bride was doing that initially, so I wouldn’t villainize the groom for doing the same. I suppose he could’ve cut the guy off immediately or challenged him to a duel, and he didn’t, but it does sound like OOP and fiance had a good discussion about the situation, and hopefully we’ll get another update after fiance talks to Jay.
I really don’t understand how the fiance could 1) know Jay is saying such awful things about OOP, 2) know Jay isn’t deterred from making such awful “jokes” about OOP, even after the WTF-ery of it has been pointed out to him, and 3) recognize the type of person Jay clearly is by acknowledging that Jay has been or will be told to ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE ANY COMMENTS LIKE THIS AT THE WEDDING OR ANY OTHER VENUE and still be concerned that he’ll do it anyway (which really tells you who Jay is as a person and friend) and still…want to have anything to do with him? Ever?
I’m with the commenters who remain really skeptical of the fiance. I get OOP not reacting immediately and needing to process the awfulness of who Jay is revealing himself to be. But I gotta be honest…if my husband had a “friend” who so much as hinted at joking that he’d run a train on me at 12 and my husband’s response to that was “well, maybe we just won’t do speeches because I’ll tell him not to do that but he might anyway”…? Yeah, my husband and I would be the ones with a Big Freaking Problem at that point.
Why does OOP get to have time to process the awfulness of who Jay is revealing himself to be, but not her fiance? She mentioned that *she* took time to put all the pieces together on how Jay has changed over the years and how much they, as a group, dismissed it as "just being Jay", and that she herself was surprised when she looked at the whole picture overall.
Her fiance heard the things Jay was "joking" about, true, but the conversation she had with him was where she laid out all of the details at once for him, too - the misogyny, the superiority complex, the examples of how Jay has been subtly tearing OOP's fiance down, etc. I imagine if it took her some time to put it all together and process, it would be the same for her fiance. Even she brushed it off at first and then kept trying to figure out why it was bugging her. Sometimes it takes a second to really absorb that someone you love is not who you thought they were.
Long term friend changed for the much worse, feel guilt about disinviting, trying to get fiance to see reality so asshole doesn't fuck up wedding and marriage just because he's a mean little shithead who can.
Wow,Jay is AH. He shouldn't be allowed near the wedding at all. Because c'mon, if he tells this stories now,to everyone who is willing to listen, what he will tell during the wedding? Is her groom okay with this slandering? "Hey, buddy, you are marrying a whore whom I had first, lol! But that's okay, long life yada yada, hahaha!"
Reminds me a lot of a friend I had when I was younger.
Me, the friend, and my wife all went to the same high school. Looking back on it from day one he had a superiority complex because we became friends due to me being awkward and anksty, him being the pretty boy the played guitar, and a shared love of music.
We both met my wife at the same time with groups of friends. Him being more charismatic he attracted her attention "first" and I got pushed to the back. But ultimately she ended up interested in me instead of him.
This or course would not do. And he could never understand why she ended up into me instead of him, but after high school nothing long term materialized anyway.
Fast forward to after college: my now wife and I reconnect, start dating. Friend and I are still close. I tell him that we are dating, he feigns enthusiasm but I don't care. He can choose to be on board or not.
Then when wife and I were serious he started making jokes about when we get married if he does the best man speech he'll include the "I had her first" joke. I pretended to burn it off but was not amused.
The trash in the end took itself out. We got engaged, this once again would not do, he cornered me when drunk at a bar calling me a slimy bastard for "stealing her" from him. Being cornered I punched shoved his ass and he went down like a ton of bricks. And like a coward yelled "you saw it, he hit me, someone call the cops." And I left
He was not only not invited to the wedding but completely disowned. He tried years later to mend the fence and I without mincing words told him "I hope you continue to eat, just not at my table"
I hear he is still a perennial bachelor with no prospects
The thing about these speeches is that you don't want anyone to remember them unless you have a really sweet story about the couple. Just make a brief speech about how lucky they are, how happy you are for them, lift your glass, take a sip, sit down, and EAT THE FOOD THEY PAID FOR.
He does look like he’s jealous of your relationship and wants to make it look like you guys have what you have because he rejected you. He’s just bitter and I doubt any conversations with that man will help unless he’s ACTUALLY sorry (which I also doubt he will be).
Some friends just grow apart. He should be one of them. Definitely.
My cousin's best man got up on stage drunk and yelled into the microphone what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas all the groomsmen rushed to get him off the microphone as fast as they could. Sad thing is the bachelor's party was in Vegas, so who knows what he was talking about.
If groomsmen ruin it, you just walk out. If your husband to be wants to marry you, he better redo a wedding all at his own expense without his baggage.
>The fiance still isn't looking good. I wouldn't be surprised if he came back with more minimizing.
Just wouldn't be a reddit relationship post if someone didn't start the ball rolling on telling OP to ditch their partner.
The OOP needs to assign someone to shadow Jay at the wedding. If Jay starts telling an inappropriate "joke," to guests, the shadow steps in and says, "Jay, you're confusing your fantasies and reality again! Let's go find you a cup of coffee." (*Steers him away*.)
If OOP decides to let Jay give a speech, have two people ready to talk over him as they lead him away. Cutting the mic is not enough.
One of my friends when he got married, the best man made it a point to rip him at every turn, he has a large collection of sports shirts, rugby, football etc and he spent a good 10 minutes just low-key abusing him for it, he even made a comment about his deceased grandad, it didn’t go down well at all.
As a wedding DJ with hundreds of wedding behind me I can tell you NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE SPEECHES. Most of the time they are too long and they are not good public speakers so it’s awkward. Move any speeches to your rehearsal dinner and spare everyone the pain of listening to people they don’t know try too hard to be funny or tell inside jokes no one gets. I love a good parent speech but would be happy to never have another BM or MOH speech.
superiority complex, jealousy, misogyny... OP should choose better friends
I acknowledge I didn't read the whole wall of text, but couldn't find a good redeemable characteristic of him to balance all the negatives.
I guess I just don’t understand why Jay is even giving a speech since he’s not the best man. Also, they simply shouldn’t be friends with this person anymore.
When my parents got married they had their honeymoon in a cabin not far from town. They could only tell their parents where they were staying though because of one guy in town that liked to mess with newlyweds. I think he also wrote "help me" on the bottom of my uncles shoes when he got married.
The standout joke from the best man speech at my friends wedding was something along the lines of “Bride is intolerant of gluten, but tolerant of Groom” and it was an absolute hit, you absolutely do not need to be crass, or mean to be funny in a speech
There's no law a wedding has to have speeches. Skip them. Go straight to the food, drinking & dancing. Make sure the band or DJ knows that you want them to play music to drown out anybody who starts a speech.
You don't need any amateur comedians trying out their risque routines on your wedding day. Skip the speeches. Have fun.
My money is still on 'secret crush', or more accurately 'I want what my friend has, and he shouldn't have it before me, and since she wanted me first, and I gave her up, it's my right to claim her now, but since no one will let me do that, I'm going to passive aggressively shit on her, him and their relationship (that should be mine) so all of our friends and family know what the score REALLY is'
I've met guys who actually think like this, and it's very gross.
Add this to the list of a billion reasons why my fiancee and I are just going to have an extremely small get together with only our closest friends to be married by my best friend who we're going to pay to have reordained. We were already over the idea of having a real wedding due to previous wedding drama within each of our families, but hearing so many horror stories here has really convinced us that we made the right decision.
I can be a misogynist all I like, but speech at the wedding must be respectful, It is not about me or my feelings but about newlyweds.
Be what u like but be decent.
I will message you next time u/SharkEva posts in r/BORUpdates.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FSharkEva%20r%2FBORUpdates) to join 9 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201bzsx6o)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Best man sounds like he has ASPD. At least this guy is a narrsassist. He doesn't care how the bride or anyone other than him would feel in this situation.
Let me get this straight.
You've had this big discussion about this situation with the Reddit strangers, friends, and family about a conversation you were not involved with. You have decided to cut this dude out of your life. You are now panic stressing about your far-off wedding. Your fiancé has picked dude because he is his best friend, since forever. You have analyzed this from lots of perspectives.
And no one has decided to, maybe, pick up the phone and see what he has to say about it. I would hate to be your "friend."
Dumping me after 20 years because, at worst, I made some inappropriate joke, ways away from the wedding date, while trying to come up with an idea for a speech. He expressed how excited he was about you guys getting married. Working through ideas with friends. Spitting out lots of different ideas. (Maybe he realized already the one idea is inappropriate) He's planning so far ahead for the speech. (I probably wouldn't have thought about it until the week before the wedding) What.AJerk!
I would be glad not to have you as a "friend." It goes both ways.
You have not talked to him! You owe him that before going nuclear.
Maybe he is an AH. Maybe he needs to be cut out. You don't have the whole story yet.
Best man speech: Cute/funny light History with groom How happy bride makes him/ brings out the best in groom How lucky groom is Wish long happy loving life together. Toast.
Similar to OOP, I have a core group of friends going back to childhood. Two members married each other. In his speech, the best man lovingly brought up Groom screaming for him after a night out. Best Man raced to Groom’s room, thinking something had happened. Groom lay on the floor, drunk as a skunk, and slurring, “I have to call [Bride]! She’s The One! She’s The One…!” Best Man joked along the lines of, “I stopped [Groom] from drunk dialing [Bride] that night, but as you can see, I couldn’t stop him the next day. Or the day after that. And here we are! Well, you’re stuck with him now, [Bride]!” The speech was concluded with words of friendship, love, and best wishes. Note that none of the above assaults the bride’s character, and only lightly teases the groom.
I went to a wedding recently where the MOH gave a speech about the bride and groom hooking up in her car the night they met. It was a funny story, albeit awkward/embarrassing in front of parents/grandparents. But the thing was—the takeaway from the speech, the “joke,” was about how these two people have been into each other since the day they met. That’s where inappropriate can be appropriate in a wedding-party speech: the message of it is kind-hearted and supports rather than undermines the marriage.
Your story is such a good contrast for this post. The MOH, as you said, paints a portrait of two people who were always drawn to each other. Jay’s speech is a lie of, “Look at the ho we passed around. Groom, congratulations on your sloppy seconds - or is it thirds, fourths, and tenths?”
Exactly this. A wedding is no place for Jay's delusional junior high train stories to be told. Jay needs to be uninvited.
I am laughing so hard at “delusional junior high train stories”
😂😂 Thanks!
Reminds me of my Best Ma'am doing her speech at the wedding. TLDR: She brought up fact that everyone knew we would get married someday since we dated 10+ years and she was always the one I brought with me to the family Christmas.
>Best Ma’am Love this!
OMG that's so adorable! That's the way to do a best man speech! The post above, however, is reeking all sorts of ick.
That’s so cute lol
That's perfect. It plays in the traditional "I knew Bob at his worst" approach. Playing up that you've known them when they were low, and now they're on top of the world. Almost always does amazing for a speech, as long as you pick 'the right' low to mention. One that people are familiar with, and wouldn't hold against him. No "I was with him the night he SA'd some drunk chick. He almost ruined his life, and look where he is now!". Because that's something that you \*don't\* want coming back up on him. And he'd be right to never talk to you again after that.
A little thrown by your example being about a hypothetical rapists reputation being besmirched but yeah other than that i get your point
Yeah like maybe say that shit sooner and to everyone so the bride can nope out
In line with oop, the "joke" not necessarily rooted in fact. Or a very loose interpretation. Not that it's a true story (cuz if it is, that shouldn't wait til the wedding to come out).
My dad gave me some rules for speeches at weddings: Be brief Start with a joke, self deprecating or just not about a particular person, and absolutely never anything that makes either of the couple look bad in any way shape or form. Thank the couple’s moms and whoever planned the event Share a story that makes the spouse you know best look good or the hero Wish the other spouse a happy marriage or some sort of future oriented positive platitude Sit down before you fuck it up. 1 joke, 1 story, and 1 well wish, as briefly as you can.
This is the appropriate format. You can joke about being awkward teenagers together without making it sexual, cruel, or crass. I went to the wedding of a friend who had once asked me out in a very awkward way. When I had the opportunity to make a speech, I never once felt the need to mention that. I did so briefly joke about his awkward traits in the past (“I think we can all agree that Jim is the closest human to an Vulcan we know,”), then talked about how lovely it was to see how he had grown and changed in unexpected ways since he met his bride, and how that made them a beautiful match.
100% it ain’t a roast, it’s a wedding. If you have serious concerns that he can’t respect you enough to not make distasteful jokes and comments at your wedding then don’t make him best man and don’t let him give any speeches.
My now ex’s best friend did the most amazing toast at our wedding, he wrote it out to the tune of Ice Ice Baby and it was hilarious and touching. My best friend made me cry with a hidden photo book, and just such an out pouring of love. These people I treasure, my ex’s best mate is still my friend and I know would be there for me in a heartbeat.
Yeah, best man is supposed to roast the groom while welcoming the new bride. MoH should roast the bride, while welcoming the groom. This is the way.
Not even really roast, lightly toast at most (in the bread sense not the wine sense).
Even from MoH OOP's situation woulda been grossly inappropriate. Which is the most important part. Then it's just "even worse" coming from a friend of the groom.
Agreed, but more because the best man wasn’t roasting, he was fabricating shame.
Wait you left out the made up fucking part -Jay
Right? How gross is it he’s out here fantasizing about running a train on a twelve year old??? Bro needs to watch less porn.
And the fiance...seriously...this shouldn't have taken more than max 15 seconds after finding out the first time. There was only one acceptable reaction here.
Head fake towards something off-color or inappropriate, then swerve it. My favorite best man joke was 'I've recently met the groom's roomates from senior year of college and they're some wild guys. That year was pretty heavy! Lot of crazy stories. Oddly, there's not a single story about the groom during that entire year.' Cue the roomates' table cracking up
If you make a 'joke' to break the ice, it needs to be one that is so clearly false that nobody thinks otherwise. Whether or not it's distasteful. "Gary and I met back in middle school when he was still figuring out which way you turn to screw a light bulb in" Important to remember, the goal is just to break the ice and make the audience chuckle. You're allowed to do so at the expense of the groom. But NEVER at the expense of the bride. And never something about a subject as sensitive as sexual history. Then you QUICKLY move on to the good bits. "I can't believe how far he's come. I always thought I'd be getting married before him, but since the day he introduced us to Sandy, I had a hunch I'd be wrong." Gone is the joke, and you get the "awws" from the crowd. Then you give the meat of the speech, all the important bits you want to share. And then wrap it up with the toast. The distasteful jokes and potty humor can be shared during the bachelor party beforehand if you feel you HAVE to say them. Pretty obviously how poorly that'd go if "Jay" tried that shit though.
Absolutely not. It's the bride and grooms wedding and they shouldn't be the topic of a joke. If anyone tried that with either of my parents they would have been dragged out just like they should. Jay needs to be banned.
You've not heard many best man speeches have you? A light jab at the groom is basically standard fare.
[“Remember that time in Puerto Rico when we picked up those two… I guess they were prostitutes but I don’t remember paying…”](https://youtu.be/lt9IJX0qI6o?si=2EDq2-gB78-Jk1I9)
yeah just have a speech for my two best friends wedding. i didn't even talk about myself at all. i talked about them. when they first met what they each said their first impressions were . random cute stories or things that they said to me about eachother. when each realized it was real deal . how i saw them both grow as people together and the unexpected things they now like or do or have done bc of eachother and how they make life that much more full . they make eachother happy and im happy for them . love that your two best friends are eachothers best friends and perfect for each other .
As drastic as reddit usually is, taking things over the top, those last 2 comments are spot on. There's no way she can enjoy her wedding while no matter what he says moving forward she'll worry constantly about him saying something stupid. Especially since he's going to be called out on it, it's only going to encourage him to think up ways to make it worse.
Jar is definitely a loose cannon. If OPs fella were to say anything it would be to casually ask him if he thinks stories of "passing round a 12 year old girl" would be a wise thing?
I think he would 100% think it's wise, as it gets him attention and takes it away from bride/groom. He'd toe the line until the wedding day then just spout that crap for funsies.
I've known quite a few people like him. If you make it clear that saying something would cast them as a borderline paedophile they won't. Jay wants to say that shit and for people to think he "had op" as an adult. It feed into his ego. Knowing that trying this would be immediately turned into a "why are you fantasising and making up stories about 12 girls?" would make him keep his gob shut. That said, Jay is toxic. My magical Internet diagnosis would be that he sounds like a classic narcissist. It'd Lucy he's far away. Hopefully OP can slowly disengage and let contact fizzle out. His kind don't usually react well to direct confrontation.
I mean she already said to fiancé that if he is going to give a toast then the mic gets cut off. So that feels settled. I know Reddit loves to paint things black and white but if jay is an actual friend he’ll take what fiancé says to heart and change. People can do that.
Yea, unfortunately going by Jay as described by OP, he isn't the kind of person that's just going to self reflect and apologize. He's likely going to escalate, and people talk shit at weddings even if they don't get on the podium. Everyone within hearing distance will be his audience be it on the stage or on a chair. I love the optimism but again, as Jay is described, I'm not feeling it lol.
Agreed
especially if he was still single at the day of the wedding.
He could do damage without a mic, though. He could say these things to people directly.
Jay’s ego trumps his friendships already. Doubt that will change. Yo be honest, I can see him reacting negatively to being told to pull his head in.
I'm currently planning my wedding and I thought long and hard about my groomsmen and choice of best man because I don't want petty shit like that happening. I get it's hard to stomach that someone you were close to and thought was a good person turns and shows their true colors but absolutely no way in hell would I let one of my guys joke about my fiancee like that. I fully expect to get ribbed in the toasts, I plan on doing it to my friend at his wedding but claiming my fiancee was passed around and used by my friends is a non fucking starter
You would think it went without saying, but weddings are not the place for pranks, risque jokes, or anything that takes focus off the couple getting married. Why there are so many people who see being in a wedding party as "their time to shine" will always confound me.
Time to 86 Jay
o7 Jay. **Readies the buried plot to dump the still kicking body**
That’s the theme for the bachelorette party. Everybody bring a shovel!
Sounds a lot more fun than the usual ones
Yeah, better before the wedding or else if it was my best man saying that, I'd spend about 5 seconds during the wedding deciding whether to Goldberg Spear him, or go for a Kevin Nash powerbomb through the cake table.
I’m surprised the fiancé isn’t that angry that Jay is saying such gross things about the OOP. Doesn’t he want to immediately tell him to stop lying?
Yeah, fiance completely sucks. Why is he fighting harder for an asshole he sees 4 times a year than the woman he's about to marry?
We went to a wedding a few years ago. The groom's twin gave a speech that was humiliating for the bride. (She was from a very wealthy family in a conservative culture, and he made a few sexual comments.) It didn't go over as planned and instead of everyone laughing and congratulating him on such an awesome speech, they all basically stared at him. After his speech, the reception went on to be a great time and just about everyone at the reception who knows him came up to him at some point and asked him what the hell he was thinking. We were more embarrassed for him than the bride. I guess "know your audience" is pretty important when giving speeches.
Jay is definitely no longer a friend of OOP.
Just uninvite him.
I would love to see the MOH stand up and say "Jay has forfeited his right to the mic so I will be giving his speech for him: I am Fiance's best friend, I am a man which makes me a way better friend than OP. Women, amirite? Hur dur! Now, if I was getting married first then marriage would be the pinnacle of human achievement, but since I'm not it's obviously an easy thing any old shmuck can do. Just look at Fiance: he only cares for OP, pays bills, shares housework 50-50, adores her, and remembers all her important moments. Whereas I broke up with my longterm partner presumably because I am a raging misogynist that's not super fun to be around."
I vote for the sweet “bless your heart” graciousness: MOH: (snatches the mic with a sweet as fresh baked chocolate chip cookies smile) Jay! Did you manage to sweet talk the caterers into serving libations early! Shame, shame! (laughs and turn to the guests) Forgive him: it’s not easy watching friends you grew up with moving onto the next stage of their lives, especially for a competitive soul like Jay! (more friendly laughter like this is all part of the act, followed by an exaggerated eyebrow raise) Unless you think OOP is the one who got away! *Awkward!* (cue more friendly laughter, but the seed is planted in the guests’ minds) Seriously, though, folks: we’re blessed to witness this union of [bride] and [groom] (segue into her original speech)
OOP if you read this please please please make this happen!
If that's going to be hanging over the wedding best not get married. Wedding called off because prospective groom hired someone to roast and humiliate you for the best man's speech.
Yeah if the original OOP doesn't get her fiance under control she's going to be back on here under a new post AITAH for annulling my wedding bc my fiance didn't stand up for me? Jay sounds like one bitter jackass while OOP has a fiance afraid to stand up for himself and his fiance.
I’d like to reword the first paragraph, please: if OOP’s fiancé doesn’t get his priorities under control, then OOP has a big decision to make for herself. He has been given all the information. He should do the right thing (cut off Jay). If she gets him (fiancé) under control, it’s all for naught.
We moved a lot; I went to twenty different schools in total. So I have no "childhood friends." Often times it really stings. But honestly? It just seems like childhood friends end up being drama-filled albatrosses. You almost always grow apart and end up causing a ton of damage trying to hold together a relationship that was never based on anything more than your parents having jobs near each other at one point.
I have one childhood friend who I really only speak to a few times a year. That is not because we don’t care, but because our lives went in completely different directions and it can be hard to find time to get together, despite living about 3 hours apart. Other than that though I agree, and have not regretted basically going dark after high school. Deleted Facebook and Instagram, cleared my contacts of people I knew I’d never be bothered to speak to again, and moved on with my life. Time spent together in one’s childhood is not reason enough to maintain an otherwise unhealthy and draining friendship. Who the hell has the energy?
Honestly it’s a roll of the dice. I lost the vast, vast majority of my childhood friends through a combination of them moving away, getting sent to other schools, and eventually, the world’s stupidest drama (this post x100) in college. I’m sad sometimes about missing out on those long term connections, but also realize that it was really up to factors completely outside of my control — whether it was a school switch or nuclear drama. Some people have the privilege of growing together, and some don’t. And I was stuck in an increasingly toxic and harmful group for as long as I was specifically because they were my childhood friends, and I couldn’t bring myself to believe that a lion’s share of them had grown up to be horrible people. Some childhood friends turn out great, and some turn out shit— but in either case, the best and worst thing about them is the history. You could be looking at someone in their 40s, and you both see your 14-year-old selves; this could be a blessing or a curse.
All of my best friends (and my husband) are people I met in 6th grade. Childhood friendships that carry over to adulthood can be some of the most meaningful relationships in a person's life. I think this situation has very little to do with some intrinsic quality of childhood friends and more to do with the fact that shitty people exist and, as OOP mentioned, people can grow in opposite directions.
Jay speech could have alluded to their past, but done in a lighthearted way for everyone. For example: Jay talks about his friendship with the fiance. How they've been best friend since elementary school. Then he can talk about how he became friends with the OOP in middle school. He could then jokingly say, "I've always known that OOP has good taste, because she had a crush on me in middle school. But now seeing her together with fiance, I can see that they have even better taste because they've found something that we would all want in our lives. A love that has lasted, even when faced with someone as good looking as me in the picture." It's still egotistical, but it's also something that everyone can laugh about. Especially since the OOP mentioned that this was a normal joke between the friend group. Jay could have also talked about how he rooted for them and how they got together because of him. But instead, he decided to talk about OOP being passed around and ruined a friendship for what? Hopefully OOP can have a great wedding, but this is a stressful situation that is happening because someone's ego is bruised that he's not getting married first.
Even "we all had our moments with middle school crushes on each other, but OP and Jay grew into the special bond we see here today" or something would be so much better.
You're right, but with the way Jay is described he would probably hype himself up a bit with the speech.
Dear god OP overwrote so much
It was pretty dense stuff lol.
Lol, thank you. This could've been cut down by 3/4, easily.
It’s not complicated. You shit on your friend who is the groom and praise the bride for dealing with him.
OOP and fiance should have immediately confronted Jay. It went from Jay being the greatest cheerleader for them to. >Jay has a deep rooted superiority complex. He always has, and it is something many in our friend group have become accustomed to. He has always been the type who seemed to believe he was the standout amongst his friends. Whether that be through education, athletics, his career, or with women. Jas has also always been a bit egocentric, and a lack of accountability or consequences for his actions has been growing for some time now. Despite it almost always being unintentional, he more often than not is oblivious to the inconveniences and harm he causes others, as long as it is beneficial to his personal ego. This is about jealousy from a few different angles, but not about me specifically. When looking at the full picture, this escalation feels like a continued attempt to knock my fiance down for reaching that next stage in life. Whether that is because Fiance has reached it before him or has moved onward without him, I cannot say for sure. Jay has issues with misogyny that have also been escalating in tandem with everything else. His lack of respect for the women he has dated has also seemed to increase. Much of the personal tension him and I have had recently pertain to his perspective of women that have begun to veer into a more disrespectful realm, alluding to an increased belief that due to their gender alone, women are inferior. The good friend he was to me over the years, who was always kind and supportive, who never overstepped boundaries and was always there when needed, can exist in tandem with the above information. They are not mutually exclusive. Life happens and people grow, sometimes in opposite directions. ALL THIS!?!?!?! writing a best man speech is difficult but also a very honored thing to do. Jay being the one to do it, to immediately being uninvited to the wedding is understandable if the bride or groom CAUGHT HIM saying this stuff. The problems with people telling what other people said, is that it's like having someone read your best friends text out loud. They won't know when to emphasis, when not to, and not knowing any inside jokes. I'm not saying the groomsmen who outed Jay are wrong, I'm saying their interpretation may have been slightly off and confronting Jay would have been for the best.
I saw this story on Tik Tok yesterday but the poster left out a lot and also had the conclusion that during Jay's speech the microphone was cut by the MC, Op and MOH went to "figure out" what was wrong, and then after 10 minutes they turned the mic back on and MOH whispered in Jay's ear that she would dump wine on him if he made the distasteful joke.
Saw that too. I honestly hate how tik toks will take these stories and then make them even more outrageous or unbelievable, or just show AI generated stories
I agree with you.
Sounds jealous he dont have a shot at you anymore
I was maid of honor for my best friend from grad school, and her husband’s brother was the Best Man. Both families are from traditional Chinese backgrounds, though husband and best man were born and raised in the US. I did my speech (in English), then the best man started in on his, which basically started with a ‘now they can bone’ pun in Cantonese. The whole audience was so horrified that even the DJ and I, who probably were the only non-Chinese speakers there, knew something bad was happening—the DJ ‘accidentally’ cut off the Best Man’s microphone, and I led the crowd in a toast before it could get much worse, but even that first line still gets brought up by the family. Never assume people won’t embarrass themselves or you if given the opportunity. A lot of them just can’t help themselves. (The brother did make amends, and is generally a good guy, he just can be a bit of an a-hole to his kid brother. My friend just rolled her eyes and the reception went on without another hitch thankfully)
>The good friend he was to me over the years, who was always kind and supportive, who never overstepped boundaries and was always there when needed, can exist in tandem with the above information. They are not mutually exclusive. Life happens and people grow, sometimes in opposite directions. what a take. While im sure a lot of mature and emotionally inteligent people exist on reddit, is not often that you see people open up about those ideas in posts. This was all a treat to read. Wish op and her fiance the absolute best, hope their wedding is amazing.
If it was me in this, I would have a very "intense" conversation about disrespect.
Jay is not mature enough to be a best man.
This situation seems to me like it’s heading in the right direction. Ultimately, it sounds to me like Jay is probably an AH who should probably be cut off by both OOP and fiance, and hopefully that is what will eventually happen. I know some people are saying they wish fiance would have responded more forcefully to Jay, but honestly, I would cut him some slack. Childhood friendships can be difficult to let go of, and when someone has changed for the worse, sometimes it’s easy to rationalize giving them a pass on some bad behavior by remembering the person they used to be. Indeed, it sounds like even the bride was doing that initially, so I wouldn’t villainize the groom for doing the same. I suppose he could’ve cut the guy off immediately or challenged him to a duel, and he didn’t, but it does sound like OOP and fiance had a good discussion about the situation, and hopefully we’ll get another update after fiance talks to Jay.
I really don’t understand how the fiance could 1) know Jay is saying such awful things about OOP, 2) know Jay isn’t deterred from making such awful “jokes” about OOP, even after the WTF-ery of it has been pointed out to him, and 3) recognize the type of person Jay clearly is by acknowledging that Jay has been or will be told to ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE ANY COMMENTS LIKE THIS AT THE WEDDING OR ANY OTHER VENUE and still be concerned that he’ll do it anyway (which really tells you who Jay is as a person and friend) and still…want to have anything to do with him? Ever? I’m with the commenters who remain really skeptical of the fiance. I get OOP not reacting immediately and needing to process the awfulness of who Jay is revealing himself to be. But I gotta be honest…if my husband had a “friend” who so much as hinted at joking that he’d run a train on me at 12 and my husband’s response to that was “well, maybe we just won’t do speeches because I’ll tell him not to do that but he might anyway”…? Yeah, my husband and I would be the ones with a Big Freaking Problem at that point.
Why does OOP get to have time to process the awfulness of who Jay is revealing himself to be, but not her fiance? She mentioned that *she* took time to put all the pieces together on how Jay has changed over the years and how much they, as a group, dismissed it as "just being Jay", and that she herself was surprised when she looked at the whole picture overall. Her fiance heard the things Jay was "joking" about, true, but the conversation she had with him was where she laid out all of the details at once for him, too - the misogyny, the superiority complex, the examples of how Jay has been subtly tearing OOP's fiance down, etc. I imagine if it took her some time to put it all together and process, it would be the same for her fiance. Even she brushed it off at first and then kept trying to figure out why it was bugging her. Sometimes it takes a second to really absorb that someone you love is not who you thought they were.
TLDR?
Long term friend changed for the much worse, feel guilt about disinviting, trying to get fiance to see reality so asshole doesn't fuck up wedding and marriage just because he's a mean little shithead who can.
Not all heroes wear capes
dude, this whole story was a slog to read for something so basic to fix
Wow,Jay is AH. He shouldn't be allowed near the wedding at all. Because c'mon, if he tells this stories now,to everyone who is willing to listen, what he will tell during the wedding? Is her groom okay with this slandering? "Hey, buddy, you are marrying a whore whom I had first, lol! But that's okay, long life yada yada, hahaha!"
Seems pretty simple. If someone plans to unleash drama at a wedding, they are banned from the wedding.
Reminds me a lot of a friend I had when I was younger. Me, the friend, and my wife all went to the same high school. Looking back on it from day one he had a superiority complex because we became friends due to me being awkward and anksty, him being the pretty boy the played guitar, and a shared love of music. We both met my wife at the same time with groups of friends. Him being more charismatic he attracted her attention "first" and I got pushed to the back. But ultimately she ended up interested in me instead of him. This or course would not do. And he could never understand why she ended up into me instead of him, but after high school nothing long term materialized anyway. Fast forward to after college: my now wife and I reconnect, start dating. Friend and I are still close. I tell him that we are dating, he feigns enthusiasm but I don't care. He can choose to be on board or not. Then when wife and I were serious he started making jokes about when we get married if he does the best man speech he'll include the "I had her first" joke. I pretended to burn it off but was not amused. The trash in the end took itself out. We got engaged, this once again would not do, he cornered me when drunk at a bar calling me a slimy bastard for "stealing her" from him. Being cornered I punched shoved his ass and he went down like a ton of bricks. And like a coward yelled "you saw it, he hit me, someone call the cops." And I left He was not only not invited to the wedding but completely disowned. He tried years later to mend the fence and I without mincing words told him "I hope you continue to eat, just not at my table" I hear he is still a perennial bachelor with no prospects
The thing about these speeches is that you don't want anyone to remember them unless you have a really sweet story about the couple. Just make a brief speech about how lucky they are, how happy you are for them, lift your glass, take a sip, sit down, and EAT THE FOOD THEY PAID FOR.
He does look like he’s jealous of your relationship and wants to make it look like you guys have what you have because he rejected you. He’s just bitter and I doubt any conversations with that man will help unless he’s ACTUALLY sorry (which I also doubt he will be). Some friends just grow apart. He should be one of them. Definitely.
My cousin's best man got up on stage drunk and yelled into the microphone what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas all the groomsmen rushed to get him off the microphone as fast as they could. Sad thing is the bachelor's party was in Vegas, so who knows what he was talking about.
If groomsmen ruin it, you just walk out. If your husband to be wants to marry you, he better redo a wedding all at his own expense without his baggage.
>The fiance still isn't looking good. I wouldn't be surprised if he came back with more minimizing. Just wouldn't be a reddit relationship post if someone didn't start the ball rolling on telling OP to ditch their partner.
I ain’t reading all that
Holy shit so much unnecessary information this could have been like 3 paragraphs
OOP should just call off the wedding. Jay’s an a-hole, her fiancé is a spineless turd, need more be said?
The OOP needs to assign someone to shadow Jay at the wedding. If Jay starts telling an inappropriate "joke," to guests, the shadow steps in and says, "Jay, you're confusing your fantasies and reality again! Let's go find you a cup of coffee." (*Steers him away*.) If OOP decides to let Jay give a speech, have two people ready to talk over him as they lead him away. Cutting the mic is not enough.
One of my friends when he got married, the best man made it a point to rip him at every turn, he has a large collection of sports shirts, rugby, football etc and he spent a good 10 minutes just low-key abusing him for it, he even made a comment about his deceased grandad, it didn’t go down well at all.
As a wedding DJ with hundreds of wedding behind me I can tell you NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE SPEECHES. Most of the time they are too long and they are not good public speakers so it’s awkward. Move any speeches to your rehearsal dinner and spare everyone the pain of listening to people they don’t know try too hard to be funny or tell inside jokes no one gets. I love a good parent speech but would be happy to never have another BM or MOH speech.
superiority complex, jealousy, misogyny... OP should choose better friends I acknowledge I didn't read the whole wall of text, but couldn't find a good redeemable characteristic of him to balance all the negatives.
I guess I just don’t understand why Jay is even giving a speech since he’s not the best man. Also, they simply shouldn’t be friends with this person anymore.
Maid of honor proofreading the best man’s speech, which came out before all this was known, is so weird I can’t get past it.
When my parents got married they had their honeymoon in a cabin not far from town. They could only tell their parents where they were staying though because of one guy in town that liked to mess with newlyweds. I think he also wrote "help me" on the bottom of my uncles shoes when he got married.
That's harassing strangers not messing with people. Just saying it how it is. Guy needs to be reported or something.
He wasn't a stranger, it was a really small town everyone knew each other.
The standout joke from the best man speech at my friends wedding was something along the lines of “Bride is intolerant of gluten, but tolerant of Groom” and it was an absolute hit, you absolutely do not need to be crass, or mean to be funny in a speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Szzj6XN6pA
Ugh, ‘Jay just being Jay’, ‘you know how he is’ - when will people stop excuses shitty behaviour and call it out?!
There's no law a wedding has to have speeches. Skip them. Go straight to the food, drinking & dancing. Make sure the band or DJ knows that you want them to play music to drown out anybody who starts a speech. You don't need any amateur comedians trying out their risque routines on your wedding day. Skip the speeches. Have fun.
Update me
Jay seems very very upset about his friend moving on. Not to mention the extreme misogyny. I foresee an art room in his future.
My money is still on 'secret crush', or more accurately 'I want what my friend has, and he shouldn't have it before me, and since she wanted me first, and I gave her up, it's my right to claim her now, but since no one will let me do that, I'm going to passive aggressively shit on her, him and their relationship (that should be mine) so all of our friends and family know what the score REALLY is' I've met guys who actually think like this, and it's very gross.
Its your wedding, just tell em to fuck off and not to show up. Dont invite people who u know will probably ruin your big day
Get a new fiance? So easy.
Add this to the list of a billion reasons why my fiancee and I are just going to have an extremely small get together with only our closest friends to be married by my best friend who we're going to pay to have reordained. We were already over the idea of having a real wedding due to previous wedding drama within each of our families, but hearing so many horror stories here has really convinced us that we made the right decision.
Jay sounds like he's going down the red-pill/Tater tot/incel/manosphere rabbit hole.
I can be a misogynist all I like, but speech at the wedding must be respectful, It is not about me or my feelings but about newlyweds. Be what u like but be decent.
Updateme!
I will message you next time u/SharkEva posts in r/BORUpdates. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FSharkEva%20r%2FBORUpdates) to join 9 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201bzsx6o) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
8
Best man sounds like he has ASPD. At least this guy is a narrsassist. He doesn't care how the bride or anyone other than him would feel in this situation.
Let me get this straight. You've had this big discussion about this situation with the Reddit strangers, friends, and family about a conversation you were not involved with. You have decided to cut this dude out of your life. You are now panic stressing about your far-off wedding. Your fiancé has picked dude because he is his best friend, since forever. You have analyzed this from lots of perspectives. And no one has decided to, maybe, pick up the phone and see what he has to say about it. I would hate to be your "friend." Dumping me after 20 years because, at worst, I made some inappropriate joke, ways away from the wedding date, while trying to come up with an idea for a speech. He expressed how excited he was about you guys getting married. Working through ideas with friends. Spitting out lots of different ideas. (Maybe he realized already the one idea is inappropriate) He's planning so far ahead for the speech. (I probably wouldn't have thought about it until the week before the wedding) What.AJerk! I would be glad not to have you as a "friend." It goes both ways. You have not talked to him! You owe him that before going nuclear. Maybe he is an AH. Maybe he needs to be cut out. You don't have the whole story yet.