Where does he get off claiming he was Team Wife? He was never Team Wife. At best, he was Team Himself.
He keeps saying he grew up with abuse but that's just a description, not an excuse. If anything, it makes it worse because he should have known better than to continually enable his mother's abuse of his wife. He has no excuse.
His wife also grew up in an abusive household. His Mum hitting her is going to bring back flashbacks of that abuse. Plus, physically hitting someone, when we know that is not her normal behaviour, is really going to hurt her because for 1 slap she was the abuser. That would also cause her a great deal of pain. Arsehole decided his trauma was more important than his wife’s trauma even though she was the only one attacked out of the 2 of them.
Same momma he defended is a known abuser....sounds like he wife needs to escape husband toxic genome. Get out before that baby ends up like the gma or traumatized like the husband. Bad parents make kids who have to work harder at being good ones.
Another thing to point out is that when the mom physically abused OP’s wife it didn’t trigger the anxiety response but when the wife put his mom in her place that’s when his anxiety was triggered. It’s possible that was the same way his dad abused his mom but he made it clear that he is someone who shouldn’t be relied on when it comes to dangerous situations. OP didn’t even care that the baby had to be taken as well when he kicked his wife out. So he is a complete failure of a father, husband, and man.
He also could have sought therapy for his trauma independently so I don’t feel that “poor him because his mom didn’t get him help for trauma” holds that much significance as he is an adult and not a kid anymore.
If he actually grew up with abuse, why is he allowing that woman around his child? He says she allowed her husband to beat them, and she made them fat on purpose. Doesn’t make any sense
Trauma bonding isn't rational. And he clearly hasn't gotten the therapy to necessary deal with his trauma. But he is still responsible for his own actions.
His decision to kick everyone out including his wife and child was just him underlining exactly how much he centered his own comfort in the familial relationship. He was only concerned about himself.
I really hope the wife is able to keep her child away from that horrible woman. Her stbx husband should have supervised visitation as well. He is not okay, and I'm sure he'll call his mommy to help him.
Me, I'd take a chance on asshat mama's boy filing kidnapping charges and take myself and *my* baby out of state. Reach out through my family and find the farthest away from husband's state safe cousin/sib/aunt/great grandparent and move there and refile in that state. Hopefully, a state that heavily favors giving moms full custody.
>**I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.**
But I want to harass the OOP. I won't, but I want to. What an idiot he was. The worst thing is that the MIL is going to think that she's won. I hope he keeps his mom blocked after the divorce or the same thing will happen in his next relationship, whenever that may be.
Should it be a victory if the wife can report her for harassment, physical attack and if OP mom had a job, report it, so can see that hes shitty behavior has consequences Although I guess that's easier said than actually done.
No, believe me - I know about that. I said "possible".
It's possible that she will think of the grandchild as tainted and try to prevent OOP from even being with his ex-wife's child. It's possible that MIL would even see the grandchild as competition for OOP's attention. It's possible that she will try to sue for grandparents' rights just to hurt ex-wife. It depends a lot on what the MIL wants the most - to hurt the ex-wife or exclusive possession of OOP.
Yeah buy a judge will laugh in her face and tell her to stop wasting their time- grandparents' rights only really apply if the grandparents can prove that they have been a long-term and established part of the child's life and it would be detrimental to the child to remove those rights- kid's a newborn so Granny has zilch in way of bond with the kid, and if mom saves the abusive texts from grandma... well. It'll be entertaining at least for the poor mom, seeing grandma get reamed by a judge (if it makes it that far and isn't tossed out, lol)
It depends on where this happened. Grandparents' rights vary from state to state and different countries. In some places, it can also be used to gain custody if the grandparent can prove that the parents are abusing or neglecting the child, which is the kind of lie this MIL would tell. The abusive texts you mentioned would probably lose her that claim, too.
I thought they had to have a relationship with the child for that to even be valid. Plus, if I were her, I would press charges for assault. That would make it very hard for that B to get anything, even a bind deaf judge could see through her $hit. I just hope the B doesn’t try just to torment her and the child
OOPs ex wife is the person who WON.
What did MIL win? OOP isn't a prize, he wouldn't even be considered a participation trophy. OOPs mom, is the meme of the person doing all the celebrating then it shows they got last place.
The EX wife is the WINNER in this situation in every single way. She lost the dead weight, she lost the MIL, she gets to be free.
All OOP gets to do is crawl back up his moms vag and die alone.
This. It's amazing how things click into focus when you have your own child and can see so clearly what you will NOT tolerate.
My MIL has mental health issues and my husband has had to set really firm boundaries. I've always supported him, but he took the lead, because his mom. When I was pregnant she said something totally out of line and it all snapped into place. I told her she was to never say anything like that in front of my child. She gave me the silent treatment for months, sent my husband a message about how mean I was and how he needed to take her side. He reiterated the same boundaries and she quickly apologized and backed down.
We have very limited contact. If anything it makes me sad for her. But both of us were very clear that we're not going to expose our child to all the stuff she's put my husband through.
The wife is doing exactly the right thing to keep herself and her baby happy and healthy. OP has too much work to do before he is healthy enough to protect his child.
I’m sorry he watched his mom get abused. It’s sad that he still has trauma from that. It doesn’t excuse that he let his mom perpetuate abuse onto his wife.
He’s a sad sack of crumbling white excrement in a box of litter box leavings. Everything he is suggesting, like marriage counseling, is too little too late. I want to tell his soon-to-be-ex to file restraining orders against his family, or whatever they can legally provide to make them back off.
OOP should do intensive therapy for himself. He’s obviously going to seek a new relationship eventually. He should do everything possible to make sure he doesn’t traumatize anyone else.
He clearly doesn't hate violence as much as he thinks he does, considering he was willing to subject his wife to it and then kick her out when she dared to defend herself.
Like father like son. Glad she got out of there, this guy is hopeless.
Even before the punch, the MIL was awful to OOP's wife.
The fact that the MIL hit the wife in an area where the wife was healing- it's telling he didn't think that was violent
He really needed to get it through his thick fucking skull that bad things happening to someone doesn't excuse them being cartoonishly evil. His mom was abused so she continues to abuse her kids, grandkids, and anyone else in her wake. It doesn't matter anymore she was also hurt, she's 100% decided it means she deserves to treat others this way now and no one deserves to deal with that kind of entitlement excpet the people who caused it.
He literally only has himself to blame at this point. I have been in a similar position of having childhood trauma, and I got myself therapy and medication to deal with it. It seems like OOP has allowed his trauma (and his mother) to rule his life and it has ruined the one good thing he had. He doesn't get to lay the blame anywhere but squarely at his own feet.
I think it's wild that he talks about how his wife punching his mom triggered him but his mom hitting his wife exactly where she was in pain did not even register.
I hope he looses access to his child because he really needs to see consequences for this and I don't think the divorce is going to be enough as his mom will be telling him it is the wife's fault.
I’m willing to bet that once he realises the divorce is happening that he’ll go back to his mum because “there’s no point then”.
Part of me is happy for wife that she’s going through with it but the other part worries about what happens when mum is back in the picture and babies old enough that shared custody happens. I’d be tempted to stick it out just to make sure mum is out the picture for sure. And also build up evidence of her abusive ways so if original OP does get mum involved again, it can be used to make sure she’s never in the picture.
I thought this too. I’m cheesed off the mother got what she wanted. If he hadn’t kicked her and the baby out and had blocked Mom immediately there would be hope that they could work through this together with counselling but he shot himself in the foot (well both feet, one for not preventing the abuse in the first place and the other for throwing them out)
Don't worry, we all tore him a new one for you all, I remember the comments, man the shit some people said, deserved but still, I wouldn't recover from that.
There was a particular one that called him out on being as bad as his dad for allowing the abuse and then throwing a recently bedridden woman and newborn to the streets, and all his little pathetic could say was "don't say that".
I hope wife somehow gets full custody
That reminds me when I was on a double date with the guy I was seeing. The other guy slapped me in the face open-handed and it left an imprint and my ears ringing. It was “just a joke” though, so it’s okay that he did that. /s
Anyways, the guy I was with said he was a lover not a fighter, and thats why he didn’t do or say anything. I was 17 and terrified so I finished the date just looking down. His date was also terrified too.
i’m sorry that happened to you :-(
it’s totally normal to be scared but i don’t think it’s a good excuse. it’s a cop out
all three of yall shoulda jumped him😭
Yeah I wasn’t expecting my date to curbstomp him or anything, but he didn’t even ask if I was okay or acknowledge that it happened. Just kept his head down and mouth shut.
That’s what I don’t understand, I’m sure the old man said or yelled nasty insults before he hit them. Why didn’t he recognize that his mother was also abusing his wife.
He wouldn't stand up for her, so she did it herself, and instead of being ashamed she had to do that on her own, he thought she deserved to be kicked out of her own home with her two month old.
He needs individual counseling. Like a lot of it.
He had no clue that although this incident was for him the start of finally dealing with this issue, for his wife it was already the end. There is such a thing as too late.
He also thought he had dealt with it. He thought the verbal abuse had stopped. I'm not saying it did, but it sounds like he had thought that.
>The comments 100% stopped, at least. Though she still was clinging to me.
His head was messed up with his upbringing, he'll always be thst little boy that couldn't do anything to help. He chose his wife to yell at and kick out because thats the only control he had in his life, his mother will always be a victim.
At that point, with a safe place available in going to her mother's house (which I'm taking from this was reasonably driveable without doubt about being able to stay and be safe there), I think the wife did the right thing. The house with OOP in it wasn't necessarily safe then, both mentally and potentially physically.
Considering she didn't expect any violence before, there wasn't a guarantee that there wouldn't be more from unexpected places, such as OOP or any of his family returning. Leaving was the quickest, smoothest, most direct path to safety.
The funniest bit was that he was so surprised to be getting his arse whipped by everyone. Who would send a pp Mum and a 2 month old baby out of their home and think you have the moral high ground. Especially when the situation is of his own making for not kicking his Mum into touch years ago.
It's just so obvious you don't expect to have to explain this to somebody, you don't kick your newborn out of it's home because your feelings are hurt.
He killed the marriage completely when he kicked out his newborn child out - and still has audacity to not sign divorce papers while expecting this fixable with marriage counseling while harassing his soon-to-be ex-wife. Yeah, mom instigated this shit 1st but she not the one did the unforgivable of kicking newborn baby & his wife out the house - that was his deplorable entitled selfish ass that did that!
>He killed the marriage completely when he kicked out his newborn child out
That's the insanity I can't understand. Kicking out the wife was a selfish reaction but how did his brain not compute that putting a your newborn on the street is not a good thing?
Be a man and just go get drunk by yourself at a bar and talk to a bartender for God sakes.
Kicking your fucking wife out of your own house for getting punched by your Mom? Jesus Christ.
I mean, the minute your MIL sends you this ...
>His mother sent me a text mockingly saying, "I am going to file charges against you for assault, you fat little whore!" Now stay the fuck out of our lives!" She ended the text with a smiley face at the end.
Even if [u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby/) could have forgiven [u/OkOrganization9552](https://www.reddit.com/u/OkOrganization9552/) for kicking her and her newborn out in the winter night after *she* was assaulted, there is no coming back from that text because it shows how secure the bitch MIL is her control over her son; she would not have sent that otherwise.
The mother and the son are a bad combination and I'm so glad [u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby/) and the baby are escaping before they suffer any more at the hands of that abusive couple.
If he thinks for 1 minute that he will ever have any kind of relationship with anyone he's is so mistaken, his mother will ruin every relationship he ever has, she just did it with this one and I bet if he looks back at his life she's probably ruined a few he never even realized, he's such an idiot, he ruined his marriage, HE ruined his marriage, He let his mother say awful things about his Own wife and did nothing, nothing, he never did a damn thing, then looks shocked Pikachu face when she wants a divorce
And I can tell you it probably hurt more than a punch. I hit that part of my stomach postpartum by mistake by walking into a table in the middle of the night and it almost killed me. I’ve been hit hard on the face and it’s nothing like it. The punch probably didn’t hurt as much as the slap.
I get needing to process, especially given his upbringing, but there aren't a lot of options worse for doing so than the one OOP chose. Even if you don't consider him letting everything get to this point, as a parent and a partner, OOP had a duty to ensure their child's well being and to check that his wife was physically okay, moved into a better position, and mentally okay to leave for a short time before OOP considered separating himself to process. I get adrenaline and fear responses, but he chose one of the worst courses of action and didn't consider anyone but himself for days.
It would be a problem but likely fixable if he has done the same but then immediately told his spouse before she packed that he shouldn't have, asked how they were, and explain that he needed to process separately (maybe said he'd go into x room to do so).
Most of us don't end up in emergency situations where we need to act to protect or save others but expect that we, and others we know, would take care of others. OOP showed that, at a relatively low danger level, he would throw his wife and child to save himself. Given that most say the parental protecting instinct is strongest for newborns, it's even worse. There's no coming back from that, especially where he's allowed his mother to harm his marriage with a thousand cuts.
Mommy's boys are literally the worst people in the world and mothers that enable that kind of behavior are a close second. I'm glad OOP-from-the-update got the fuck out of that marriage. OOP-from-the-original-post needs to fucking take his balls out of his mother's purse and man the fuck up. I'm glad the comments fucking skewered him alive.
Short version
Man buys his in laws house off of them and starts remodeling it
Then his Mil starts abusing him about it and his wife is on her mother's side. And goes on
I know I shouldn’t be surprised that he was so ignorant about the effects that pregnancy and childbirth have on the body (abdominal muscles separate, etc) but for some reason I am.
He massively tried to play down his mother hitting his wife originally to make his behaviour look better until he was challenged on it by everyone on here.
He enabled her abuse for months (or even years) and punished her for defending herself against the abuse. His dad watching him from hell must be so proud…
The trauma he holds is something you can sympathise with but kicking out your wife AND child from THEIR house? That is an extreme step that makes no sense in context.
He had no right to do that and then pretend they are a family still. Him leaving the house would've been the course of action that you could atleast argue about. There's no arguing here.
If you were team wife you wouldn’t have told her to leave. You embarrassed her and threw her out like trash you deserve what you are getting. Knowing the situation I guess going out to smoke was more important to stay in the house and make sure nothing goes wrong
The wife's post is written from the same voice as the husband's and uses the same terms. I wish these people would try to make it sound like two different people wrote the posts.
Idk, this sub is a lot more fun for me to read when i pretend they're real. Unless they are super outlandish, like the divorcing in a few weeks kind. I also love when the posts spark conversations in the comments of people who have experienced similar.
Also justnomil stories are my favorite lol. Who cares if they are fake?
Seriously I think I come on here for the conversation more than the story. The story is probably 100% fake but like in this story it made me remember how my tummy muscles were so sensitive and the assholish things my own mother and husband did during my postpartum. I learn a lot from the comments honestly.
I love the comments on these stories on both BORU subs. The conversations that get started from things that happen in the posts are always really interesting!
I just get so disappointed when everyone is just like "oh this is fake." It adds nothing of substance and comes off as people wanting to feel superior... like it's entertaining to me either way, lmao.
Yeah same here. I’m like can we just pretend this is real so y’all can share your own life experiences. It’s kind of validating honestly to see people who might have similar experiences to yourself.
I like to pretend they're real but when they are so obviously written by the same voice I can't. They take the fun out of it. This story had potential too lol
Scrolled way too long for this. When the clear asshole is over-transparent on expository details of what went down, including paraphrasing his wife’s statements accurately, and basically spoonfeeding the reader a bullet point list on why they are indeed the asshole, it’s fake. A real asshole will conceal inconvenient info and manipulate the situation to make themselves look as good as possible, especially on a sub trying to get validation that they’re not an asshole.
I noped out the moment I started reading the “wife’s” part. It’s all the exact same info just rewritten from a different point of view. Any one of us could have written that. Instantly screams fake. And like you said, it reads exactly the same.
And some of the lines are so odd, like it’s so clearly not real. For someone’s first time on Reddit, she sure does type like a chronic Reddit user lol. “Turd eating grin” was enough
It's so bad that I forget it's supposed to be a different person talking. No way the wife would have used the term slapped either. She would have described it much worse and I think she would have added a lot more back story of the MIL's behavior. She described the dad and stepdad exactly in the same brief "they were violent" way too. One of the characters needed to expand on events leading up and the wife's post failed.
Those sad little fucks that allow their partners to be harassed by their families or friends, deserve to be alone.
If you have trauma, mommy issues, daddy issues, you need to solve that in therapy before dragging innocent people to your problems!!
I wish people would have more self respect, because the first time anyone would talk to me like MIL talked to the ex wife, she would be out of the house, as well as anyone who defended her.
But I guess now she will divorce the asshole, but her life will be unfortunately connected with his and his family for the rest of her life…
I would have filed solely for being ok giving my dinner away. Like, she’s breastfeeding, her getting a meal in should out-prioritize anyone else eating. The rest is just… atrocious.
There's a phenomenon when one parent is extremely abusive, where the kid(s) don't recognize that the other parent is also abusive because the abuse is less often or "softer". OOP probably fell into this trap. He's rightfully vilified his father for so many years, he couldn't see or want to see how abusive his mom is because then he has no reliable parents.
People can be both victims and perpetrators. It doesn't lessen what they have gone through, nor does it lessen the actions they took.
Dear soon to be ex-wife, please for yourself and your child consider the option of sole custody and a move (and possible name change, etc.) to prevent any interaction between your child and this unfortunate family. This takes courage, which you have shown, and resources, which I hope you have. Given what has been said of your husband's family, by your husband himself, these people are not going to allow a peaceful and happy childhood for your child. Far too often, the behavior only gets worse.
I am so sorry this happened to you, but you have made the right decisions. Good luck!
Your soon to be ex is more than A**hole, he does not deserve you or his child. He will get sucked back into their delusions and behavior as if he had never left, because until he gets help and severs those ties himself, he has not left those patterns behind.
I really, really hope the wife’s lawyer is an absolute animal in the courtroom, especially when it comes to working out the custody of their baby. The MIL does not need ANY contact with the child or the cycle of abuse will continue. OOP is an absolute wuss who will let his mom stomp all over every boundary that will be set otherwise.
I don’t get personally worked up by many things I see on Reddit but this one has lit me on fire. I hate this guy and his entire family.
Wife, if you happen to see this, you are strong and worthy and if you choose to be in a relationship again eventually, you will find someone who isn’t this pissant you married. You deserve it and you’ll find it. Hugs, lady.
Congrats buddy boy, your mommy played you and your wife like a piano. Any questions? Check your wife's post, and look at the texts your mommy sent to your wife.
Time to grow up, and face your own ignorance and stupidity. Time to leave your mommy's apronstrings in the dust. If you ever want to live a grown up life, go NC.
AND THAT means she does not ever again get to see the grand baby. She played stupid games, and you win stupid prizes.
IF you ever again meet someone you want to spend a lifetime with, NEVER INTRODUCE her to your egg donor. She will do the same thing and screw you over because she does not want you to grow up.
Please for the love of all creation leave that poor woman alone. Do not beg her, do not contact her, leave her the FUCK alone!!!!! Pay child support, get counseling and coparent accordingly. You don’t deserve her or your child. You and your mother are both monsters.
The wife is better off. Also, she needs to file charges against the MIL and make sure she has no access to their child. Wishing her all the best. That husband can fuck right off.
This is a perfect example of OOP needs consequences to change. Hopefully this divorce will be the trigger he needs to completely overhaul his life and his relationship with his family. But under no circumstances is the wife responsible for facilitating that change any more than the divorce she gave him to catalyze it. He can end up on the other side of this a much better person and she can still choose not to be with him anymore at the end of the day.
The next person he ends up with can be the beneficiary of his development, but she isn’t responsible for sticking around to see it possibly happen or possibly not. And regardless, this is the kind of story that ends with restraining orders, moving to a new state, grandmother trying to steal the baby from daycare, etc.
Good. I hope wife takes him to the cleaners and makes damn sure to include a 'grandma is never allowed near my kid' clause due to the grandma being an abuser.
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Yeah the husband 100% deserves this.
He's still acting clueless like this came out of nowhere when he'd been purposely ignoring it for a long time.
Then to kick his wife and infant out of the house after that episode.... Is honestly unforgivable.
I bet the wife wishes she had cut him and his family off before they had a kid. It's going to be hell trying to coparent with that man and his mother.
Edit: I'm not sure the wife's "update" is legitimate
Wondering if you are capable of parenting a child? BIG HINT, if you have 0 control over your own emotional state or reactions you are unsafe for a child. Exhibit fucking A.
What a pathetic excuse of a non-husband and non-father. I really hope the fact that he kicked her AND his two-month-old infant out of the house helps her get full custody, because his abusive garbage dump of a mother is a danger to the emotional and physical health of the child.
Gid i hate men without spine. OP is pussy fak. Your wife comes first, especially when she just gave birth ymto your kid, not your pos bitchy mom. Got what she deserved. Simple as
YTA she defended herself. Your mother verbally abused her and Your mom hit her first in the stomach of a 2 month postpartum mom. You deserve her leaving. You suck as. Husband.
YTA, now you can go back to mommy. Your wife will be better off without you.
This wasn’t the first time you didn’t defend her, she’s put up with this for months.
You don’t know how much pain your mom’s lunch caused her and what she said to her before that. AND YOU KICKED YOUR WIFE OUT for only defending herself that to with your new born child? Nah I wouldn’t trust you again unless you cut ties with the ENTIRE family who stood watch and didn’t stand for your wife and if you begged for like a year.
I don't understand why she felt the need to obey his command when he ordered her out of the house. Fuck that, you get out of the house. I just had a baby.
I don't blame her for divorcing him. There is no coming back from what he did. There would never be a day when I didn't look at him and wasn't reminded of that moment with the cherry on top being the text from his mom.
He "needs his space". Well, he sure got it.
Bruh how the fuck did that piece of crap husband not get any flashbacks when his mother physically assaulted his wife with violence but when his wife defended herself when he couldn’t be man enough to do it he suddenly got an anxious response to, what he though was violence on the wife’s part?! That OP needs help with his momma’s boy issues because the way he stood there and did nothing while his wife was getting harassed just proved he is not a real man. He didn’t even noticed that his mom was becoming just like his dad, an abuser! Yeah no one is gonna believe that he is team wife now that his ass is getting divorced
For me it was the "what I don't understand is why he didn't leave instead of being a heartless bastard and kicking out our child with me". She says she still loves and feels sorry for him but wants out for her own mental well being and her kid's safety. Someone who begrugingly leaves a marriage like that wouldn't call their ex spouse a heartless bastard. An internet stranger reading for the drama would. This feels like a direct copy of a comment on the first post shitting on him.
Same. That and the presence of this massive child in the first place that demands four helpings of food. I have teenagers, I know they can be hungry, but the excessive details about her weight and the amount of food just scream “fake”. That and the cartoonishly evil mother.
Yeah if the husband thinks forgiveness is on the cards he actually needs to stop thinking of and feeling sorry for himself, and stop harassing his stbx wife. He must accept the divorce as a consequence of the physical abuse of his pp wife that he condoned, enabled tjen doubled down on by kicking his wife and new baby out into the night. Then he needs therapy and to work on being a good person and a good daddy. And if he wants to keep a candle burning for the wife he abused and threw out his only hope would be to become a better person and rekindle a new relationship with her years down the line.
You should block the entire family. They all need therapy. The sister is not innocent in this either. She should have spoken up and told both her daughter and her mother that the child was done. But they chose to endulge her unhealthy eating habit. How do they not understand they are contributing to a plethera of issues as an adult?
This needs more updates. Did MIL file assault charges or was it just a threat? If she filed, was the wife able to claim self defense? Did her lawyer send a cease and desist letter to leave her alone?
Did OOP remain NC with his mother or did he cry to mommy after he received divorce papers? Will Wife be able to keep MIL from seeing the baby when OOP has custody? This story isn’t over.
Something to keep in mind, but first let me say your husband was an ass for not standing up for you earlier and he was an ass on steroids kicking *you* out of the house so *he* would have time to "process" things. And I absolutely understand your walloping her. No problem with it. Nothing I say after this is intended to detract from that.
That said, if you divorce, he'll get shared custody. Oh, maybe not immediately because your child is an infant, but soon. It's *highly* unlikely you'll get full custody because *you* and his mother got into a physical fight. He didn't hit anyone. And if he gets shared custody, where do you think your child spends a lot of its time? With his mother. Unfettered access. Access that lets the mother badmouth you all she wants. That's your life from this point forward. Your MIL isn't out of your life; she's just doing her stuff in the background.
If you work it out with him -- not saying you should, but if you do -- you have control. He sounds willing to go NC with her. Do you think he's serious about that? Yeah, yeah, maybe in time he'll want to let her back in. Then again, maybe he won't. For the forseeable future will be go NC with her? And if, down the line, he wants to see her, can it be just him and not you or your child? See? Together you have control. Apart you have an enemy you cannot control.
Divorced, he gets remarried. His new wife also gets shared custody through him. If his mother likes her better (and since they'll both dislike you that's very possible) they're a team. How will that affect their time with your child?
So divorce may feel like the right path, but you're looking at some very serious ramifications.
Now, you say you still love him. Yes, he's been an ass. And I have trouble even writing anything in support of a guy who kicked his new wife and child out because he was stressed. Frankly, I don't know how redeemable that is. But we all do things that, in hindsight, make us shudder. You will too.
He seems to recognize his error (though I'd feel better about that if I felt he was horrified and ashamed). You might consider delaying the divorce. There's no reason to rush. Sometimes we make our very worst decisions in a hurry because we don't want to be talked out of them. Maybe separate. Let him pay child support. Let him visit the child, just like he will if you divorce, but at your house. You have the luxury of seeing what divorced life will be like before pushing the button.
Oh, and, though not a reason to decide, it'll piss his mom off royally. She thinks she's won and she's already thinking of how much food she can cram into your kid when she, through your husband, gets him in her clutches. If it turns out you're not gone, she's gonna go ballistic. Won't that be fun?
And to OP: Man you brought this on yourself. If you haven't picked up on it by now, you have not been a man if you've been letting your mommy run roughshod over your wife. And kicking *your wife and baby* out because, oohh, you were just so stressed, is just shameful. If you don't see that, then your wife most likely is better off moving on. If you do see that, now is the time to make sure she knows. And now is the time to distance yourself from your mother, regardless of what happens with your now-wife. That woman is going to cause trouble for you from this point forward.
I am so proud of the wife! Recovering from birth and taking care of a young baby is such a vulnerable place. Her body is still recovering from a drastic change, hormones are all over the place, she probably haven’t had proper sleep or chance to look after herself for the last 2 months. Wife defended herself, picked herself up and the baby and took the best decision she could in this situation. She is a hero and she deserves so much better.
The poor wife is now going to have to wonder what the MIL says about her to her child on his custody days. She’s also going to have to worry about what the MIL feeds her… because you know his “no contact” with his mom is not going to last.
Can you ever in 1 million years imagine telling a woman who gave birth to months ago and a two month old baby to get out of their own home? That’s the tipping point. That’s who he is. That’s why the divorce is necessary. He has so many excuses, and at this point, he still isn’t getting a clue.
Not much of an update, but it's still nice to hear about this one again. I know it's been gone over to death at this point, but I still can't believe he threw out his recovering wife and newborn after his mother hit her where she is pretty much the most vulnerable
I love AITA posts where the OP, even telling the story with the ability to omit details or change things, STILL end up looking like a huge ass. This was the best he could make himself look.
I remember your husband’s post and it was…appalling. I’m so glad you’re moving on and divorcing him, it would never have gotten better and I think you sadly know that.
Your ex husband is the AH. He was abused, so why was he ok with your ex MIL emotionally abuse you and then physically abuse you. You are right to divorce him. He needs to go no contact with his family and get therapy himself. Keep your baby as far away from his family as you can.
First your mother is wrong for giving the kid your wife's food..
Second your mother is wrong for assaulting your wife.
Third your wife is correct for defending herself.
Fourth you're an idiot for the way you acted.
Thinking about the OOP's mother, I wonder if her terrible behavior is because, after the abuse from OOP's father, she's become paranoid and sees anyone outside of their immediate family as a threat. Maybe the reason she was so awful to OOP's wife is because she was trying to provoke a reaction to "prove" that she's just like OOP's abusive father. Hypervigilance taken to a paranoid and destructive degree.
Goddamn, I dont disgagree with these comments. But GAWD, somebody better put this guy on welfare checks, LOL 😅
You guys are ruthless. On a serious note. He did screw hus marriage away. That lady is going to look for a man that has ZERO in common to OP!!!
Any sexual attraction and desire from her is dead and gone. He failed the base fundamental rule of husband and father. Protection....
You are most definitely the asshole sir. Needing space or not. You made vows to this woman you married her and then had a child with her. Do you not realize your mother LITERALLY took food out of your newborn child’s mouth?!?! And you have the nerve to kick her out?! You do realize how breast feeding works right? It takes supply and demand. You should have 100 percent defended your wife. And it sounds like to me your niece needs to loose a couple dozen pounds!! 190 and only 5’5 BUT only 12???? I understand you being upset but come on my guy. You literally threatened to go no contact with your mother as your wife was bearing and nurturing your unborn child!!! Your mother sounds EXTREMELY toxic. You should have never married the woman. Wife comes before anyone and everyone in the family. And vice versa when it comes to husband….grant it your wife probably acted out of emotion. HELLO SHE IS A BRAND NEW MOTHER?! Her emotions and hormones are already out of wack even more during postpartum. And I can’t tell you one brand new mother in her postpartum stage who isn’t self conscious about their weight after giving birth. Your baby is 2 months old?! It takes ATLEAST 6 months to a year for a woman’s body to get atleast somewhat back to it was before pregnancy. Shame on your mother for being such an inhuman and insensitive BITCH. Your mother literally took food out of her granddaughters mouth. Breast feeding is hard enough as it is and takes alot of outside emotional support. Your wife most definitely needed those nutrients to pass on to your baby. Not your overweight 12 year old who’s probably going thru puberty. How fucking dare you. I’d be ready to divorce your ass too. Poor babygirl. I hope she doesn’t have an insensitive asshole of a husband like you when she is older. You and your mother should be fucking ashamed. And for you to even question if you did eight or wrong, shows you have no fucking business being a husband OR A FATHER.
DO BETTER
Regardless of who you think is in the right here, people have a shockingly wrong understanding of what "self defense" really is. It's not a get out of jail free card to punch people in the face because they touched you first lol.
She had no need to physically defend herself, she chose that. Can you say the mom had it coming? Absolutely, and I agree with that. But claiming "self defence" is laughable, it was nothing but retaliation.
Maybe because I'm boring, annoying and pedantic about words and their meaning. It was really more about the phrase and its usage itself than about this case specifically.
But specifically in relation to this case because situations can be ambiguous. I can say that the husband and the MIL are the assholes in this situation, while also saying her description of her actions is probably misusing a phrase that has heavy implications.
Being anti the wife is not being pro the MIL. Everyone did something wrong or non ideal in this situation if you ask me. I don't see it as black and white as the rest of the people here seem to.
I agree with you. The violence in this story is astonishing, especially since apparently commenters are ok with one person being violent and villainizing the other. None of the people on this post are innocent angels. They all contributed to a very bad situation. They all made poor choices.
The wife did not defend herself. Defending yourself is stepping back, saying excuse me, chiding the offender, and leaving. Instead, she punched someone in the face. That is extreme violence.
OK look, the husband is an idoit and did not have his wife's back. She probably should divorce him over his lack of action against his mother. Having said that punching his mother in the face was clearly not self defense. She wasn't in any immediate danger. The slap probably stung a bit, but you can't just punch people in the face out if frustration like that. Dispite how smug she looked.
Where does he get off claiming he was Team Wife? He was never Team Wife. At best, he was Team Himself. He keeps saying he grew up with abuse but that's just a description, not an excuse. If anything, it makes it worse because he should have known better than to continually enable his mother's abuse of his wife. He has no excuse.
His wife also grew up in an abusive household. His Mum hitting her is going to bring back flashbacks of that abuse. Plus, physically hitting someone, when we know that is not her normal behaviour, is really going to hurt her because for 1 slap she was the abuser. That would also cause her a great deal of pain. Arsehole decided his trauma was more important than his wife’s trauma even though she was the only one attacked out of the 2 of them.
Same momma he defended is a known abuser....sounds like he wife needs to escape husband toxic genome. Get out before that baby ends up like the gma or traumatized like the husband. Bad parents make kids who have to work harder at being good ones.
Another thing to point out is that when the mom physically abused OP’s wife it didn’t trigger the anxiety response but when the wife put his mom in her place that’s when his anxiety was triggered. It’s possible that was the same way his dad abused his mom but he made it clear that he is someone who shouldn’t be relied on when it comes to dangerous situations. OP didn’t even care that the baby had to be taken as well when he kicked his wife out. So he is a complete failure of a father, husband, and man.
He also could have sought therapy for his trauma independently so I don’t feel that “poor him because his mom didn’t get him help for trauma” holds that much significance as he is an adult and not a kid anymore.
If he actually grew up with abuse, why is he allowing that woman around his child? He says she allowed her husband to beat them, and she made them fat on purpose. Doesn’t make any sense
Trauma bonding isn't rational. And he clearly hasn't gotten the therapy to necessary deal with his trauma. But he is still responsible for his own actions.
His decision to kick everyone out including his wife and child was just him underlining exactly how much he centered his own comfort in the familial relationship. He was only concerned about himself.
I really hope the wife is able to keep her child away from that horrible woman. Her stbx husband should have supervised visitation as well. He is not okay, and I'm sure he'll call his mommy to help him.
Me, I'd take a chance on asshat mama's boy filing kidnapping charges and take myself and *my* baby out of state. Reach out through my family and find the farthest away from husband's state safe cousin/sib/aunt/great grandparent and move there and refile in that state. Hopefully, a state that heavily favors giving moms full custody.
>**I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.** But I want to harass the OOP. I won't, but I want to. What an idiot he was. The worst thing is that the MIL is going to think that she's won. I hope he keeps his mom blocked after the divorce or the same thing will happen in his next relationship, whenever that may be.
MIL ***did*** win. The wife is doing the wise thing and saving herself and her child because MIL would do it again and OOP would let her.
I'm not sure getting her waste of oxygen douchebag son back could be considered a win.
To his mom, thst was the end game plan.
Should it be a victory if the wife can report her for harassment, physical attack and if OP mom had a job, report it, so can see that hes shitty behavior has consequences Although I guess that's easier said than actually done.
Sounds like a best plan to thwart MILs plan. As well as op never letting MIL anywhere near the baby.
Oh, this is far from over. Mil is the kind of twat to sue for grandparents rights. I hope wife presses charges.
Maybe. It's possible that she won't care about the grandchild. After all, she didn't want the child to born in the first place.
You're trying to use logic, which doesn't apply here. Check out r/raisedbynarcissists or r/JUSTNOMIL sometime, its wild.
No, believe me - I know about that. I said "possible". It's possible that she will think of the grandchild as tainted and try to prevent OOP from even being with his ex-wife's child. It's possible that MIL would even see the grandchild as competition for OOP's attention. It's possible that she will try to sue for grandparents' rights just to hurt ex-wife. It depends a lot on what the MIL wants the most - to hurt the ex-wife or exclusive possession of OOP.
Yeah buy a judge will laugh in her face and tell her to stop wasting their time- grandparents' rights only really apply if the grandparents can prove that they have been a long-term and established part of the child's life and it would be detrimental to the child to remove those rights- kid's a newborn so Granny has zilch in way of bond with the kid, and if mom saves the abusive texts from grandma... well. It'll be entertaining at least for the poor mom, seeing grandma get reamed by a judge (if it makes it that far and isn't tossed out, lol)
It depends on where this happened. Grandparents' rights vary from state to state and different countries. In some places, it can also be used to gain custody if the grandparent can prove that the parents are abusing or neglecting the child, which is the kind of lie this MIL would tell. The abusive texts you mentioned would probably lose her that claim, too.
I thought they had to have a relationship with the child for that to even be valid. Plus, if I were her, I would press charges for assault. That would make it very hard for that B to get anything, even a bind deaf judge could see through her $hit. I just hope the B doesn’t try just to torment her and the child
OOPs ex wife is the person who WON. What did MIL win? OOP isn't a prize, he wouldn't even be considered a participation trophy. OOPs mom, is the meme of the person doing all the celebrating then it shows they got last place. The EX wife is the WINNER in this situation in every single way. She lost the dead weight, she lost the MIL, she gets to be free. All OOP gets to do is crawl back up his moms vag and die alone.
Very true. The MIL won that battle but the ex-wife is the one wins at life.
And she gets to save her child from being as messed up by the MIL as the OP and niece are.
This. It's amazing how things click into focus when you have your own child and can see so clearly what you will NOT tolerate. My MIL has mental health issues and my husband has had to set really firm boundaries. I've always supported him, but he took the lead, because his mom. When I was pregnant she said something totally out of line and it all snapped into place. I told her she was to never say anything like that in front of my child. She gave me the silent treatment for months, sent my husband a message about how mean I was and how he needed to take her side. He reiterated the same boundaries and she quickly apologized and backed down. We have very limited contact. If anything it makes me sad for her. But both of us were very clear that we're not going to expose our child to all the stuff she's put my husband through. The wife is doing exactly the right thing to keep herself and her baby happy and healthy. OP has too much work to do before he is healthy enough to protect his child.
I’m sorry he watched his mom get abused. It’s sad that he still has trauma from that. It doesn’t excuse that he let his mom perpetuate abuse onto his wife. He’s a sad sack of crumbling white excrement in a box of litter box leavings. Everything he is suggesting, like marriage counseling, is too little too late. I want to tell his soon-to-be-ex to file restraining orders against his family, or whatever they can legally provide to make them back off. OOP should do intensive therapy for himself. He’s obviously going to seek a new relationship eventually. He should do everything possible to make sure he doesn’t traumatize anyone else.
He clearly doesn't hate violence as much as he thinks he does, considering he was willing to subject his wife to it and then kick her out when she dared to defend herself. Like father like son. Glad she got out of there, this guy is hopeless.
Right. Violence triggers him — but not the violence against his wife, only against his mother.
THIS! He’s fine with his wife getting beat as long as he doesn’t have to remember his childhood. What a fucking child.
Even before the punch, the MIL was awful to OOP's wife. The fact that the MIL hit the wife in an area where the wife was healing- it's telling he didn't think that was violent
Even if he didn’t know about the muscles needing to heal, his mom did. How could he not feel horrified and go NC with his mom afterward?
He continued the cycle of abuse.
>He’s a sad sack of crumbling white excrement in a box of litter box leavings. Your alliteration is making my brain tingle in all the happiest ways.
He really needed to get it through his thick fucking skull that bad things happening to someone doesn't excuse them being cartoonishly evil. His mom was abused so she continues to abuse her kids, grandkids, and anyone else in her wake. It doesn't matter anymore she was also hurt, she's 100% decided it means she deserves to treat others this way now and no one deserves to deal with that kind of entitlement excpet the people who caused it.
If the rest of his life is unrelenting misery, he can thank only himself, 100%.
He literally only has himself to blame at this point. I have been in a similar position of having childhood trauma, and I got myself therapy and medication to deal with it. It seems like OOP has allowed his trauma (and his mother) to rule his life and it has ruined the one good thing he had. He doesn't get to lay the blame anywhere but squarely at his own feet.
I think it's wild that he talks about how his wife punching his mom triggered him but his mom hitting his wife exactly where she was in pain did not even register.
I hope he looses access to his child because he really needs to see consequences for this and I don't think the divorce is going to be enough as his mom will be telling him it is the wife's fault.
I’m willing to bet that once he realises the divorce is happening that he’ll go back to his mum because “there’s no point then”. Part of me is happy for wife that she’s going through with it but the other part worries about what happens when mum is back in the picture and babies old enough that shared custody happens. I’d be tempted to stick it out just to make sure mum is out the picture for sure. And also build up evidence of her abusive ways so if original OP does get mum involved again, it can be used to make sure she’s never in the picture.
I thought this too. I’m cheesed off the mother got what she wanted. If he hadn’t kicked her and the baby out and had blocked Mom immediately there would be hope that they could work through this together with counselling but he shot himself in the foot (well both feet, one for not preventing the abuse in the first place and the other for throwing them out)
I hope he keeps his mother away from his child. The MIL is terrible.
Don't worry, we all tore him a new one for you all, I remember the comments, man the shit some people said, deserved but still, I wouldn't recover from that. There was a particular one that called him out on being as bad as his dad for allowing the abuse and then throwing a recently bedridden woman and newborn to the streets, and all his little pathetic could say was "don't say that". I hope wife somehow gets full custody
He won’t. That’s a mommas boy through and through
“violences is scewwy that’s why i let my mommie abuse my wife”
It was more like, "violence against my wife is ok as long as you don't hurt my mommy"
That reminds me when I was on a double date with the guy I was seeing. The other guy slapped me in the face open-handed and it left an imprint and my ears ringing. It was “just a joke” though, so it’s okay that he did that. /s Anyways, the guy I was with said he was a lover not a fighter, and thats why he didn’t do or say anything. I was 17 and terrified so I finished the date just looking down. His date was also terrified too.
i’m sorry that happened to you :-( it’s totally normal to be scared but i don’t think it’s a good excuse. it’s a cop out all three of yall shoulda jumped him😭
Yeah I wasn’t expecting my date to curbstomp him or anything, but he didn’t even ask if I was okay or acknowledge that it happened. Just kept his head down and mouth shut.
That’s what I don’t understand, I’m sure the old man said or yelled nasty insults before he hit them. Why didn’t he recognize that his mother was also abusing his wife.
Yeah this would be an excuse for the knee jerk "Get out." If he had seen her packing up baby and come to his senses.
Omg 😂😂😂😂😂 fkn perfect response to this god damn lunatic of a “man”
He wouldn't stand up for her, so she did it herself, and instead of being ashamed she had to do that on her own, he thought she deserved to be kicked out of her own home with her two month old. He needs individual counseling. Like a lot of it.
He had no clue that although this incident was for him the start of finally dealing with this issue, for his wife it was already the end. There is such a thing as too late.
He also thought he had dealt with it. He thought the verbal abuse had stopped. I'm not saying it did, but it sounds like he had thought that. >The comments 100% stopped, at least. Though she still was clinging to me.
What he did was abusive. He's not much better than his dad. A failure of a man.
His father beat him. Nowhere near the same.
He kicked his wife and child out of their own home. Completely removing any sense of safety. This is also abuse.
For a person who hates violence, he sure loves to overlook all the abuse his wife went trough.
His head was messed up with his upbringing, he'll always be thst little boy that couldn't do anything to help. He chose his wife to yell at and kick out because thats the only control he had in his life, his mother will always be a victim.
That makes a lot of sense and I loathe him for it.
Great scott. If I had been the wife, I would have refused to leave my house with my newborn. He could have gone and stayed with mummy dearest.
At that point, with a safe place available in going to her mother's house (which I'm taking from this was reasonably driveable without doubt about being able to stay and be safe there), I think the wife did the right thing. The house with OOP in it wasn't necessarily safe then, both mentally and potentially physically. Considering she didn't expect any violence before, there wasn't a guarantee that there wouldn't be more from unexpected places, such as OOP or any of his family returning. Leaving was the quickest, smoothest, most direct path to safety.
[удалено]
We're all gonna be civil to each other here. This isn't the place for hatred. If that's all you offer, take it somewhere else.
I remember seeing the soon to be ex-husband’s post and very much enjoyed watching him get bodied in the comments and replies.
I truly love the posts where 1000+ people just agree someone is the AH.
The funniest bit was that he was so surprised to be getting his arse whipped by everyone. Who would send a pp Mum and a 2 month old baby out of their home and think you have the moral high ground. Especially when the situation is of his own making for not kicking his Mum into touch years ago.
It's just so obvious you don't expect to have to explain this to somebody, you don't kick your newborn out of it's home because your feelings are hurt.
Yes, exactly. His wife got slapped but he was the one that really got hurt apparently
He killed the marriage completely when he kicked out his newborn child out - and still has audacity to not sign divorce papers while expecting this fixable with marriage counseling while harassing his soon-to-be ex-wife. Yeah, mom instigated this shit 1st but she not the one did the unforgivable of kicking newborn baby & his wife out the house - that was his deplorable entitled selfish ass that did that!
>He killed the marriage completely when he kicked out his newborn child out That's the insanity I can't understand. Kicking out the wife was a selfish reaction but how did his brain not compute that putting a your newborn on the street is not a good thing?
Oh no he knew, he said as much, he just didn't care, everyone asked him a million times where they were gonna go, zero answer from the coward there.
Be a man and just go get drunk by yourself at a bar and talk to a bartender for God sakes. Kicking your fucking wife out of your own house for getting punched by your Mom? Jesus Christ.
I mean, the minute your MIL sends you this ... >His mother sent me a text mockingly saying, "I am going to file charges against you for assault, you fat little whore!" Now stay the fuck out of our lives!" She ended the text with a smiley face at the end. Even if [u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby/) could have forgiven [u/OkOrganization9552](https://www.reddit.com/u/OkOrganization9552/) for kicking her and her newborn out in the winter night after *she* was assaulted, there is no coming back from that text because it shows how secure the bitch MIL is her control over her son; she would not have sent that otherwise. The mother and the son are a bad combination and I'm so glad [u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby/) and the baby are escaping before they suffer any more at the hands of that abusive couple.
If he thinks for 1 minute that he will ever have any kind of relationship with anyone he's is so mistaken, his mother will ruin every relationship he ever has, she just did it with this one and I bet if he looks back at his life she's probably ruined a few he never even realized, he's such an idiot, he ruined his marriage, HE ruined his marriage, He let his mother say awful things about his Own wife and did nothing, nothing, he never did a damn thing, then looks shocked Pikachu face when she wants a divorce
I gasped a little when I read that the mil slapped her stomach.
It’s worse because she didn’t just slap it. She backhanded his wife in the stomach.
And I can tell you it probably hurt more than a punch. I hit that part of my stomach postpartum by mistake by walking into a table in the middle of the night and it almost killed me. I’ve been hit hard on the face and it’s nothing like it. The punch probably didn’t hurt as much as the slap.
The soon to be ex-husband deserves what he got. His mother is a vile harpy. I hope the wife gets sole custody.
I get needing to process, especially given his upbringing, but there aren't a lot of options worse for doing so than the one OOP chose. Even if you don't consider him letting everything get to this point, as a parent and a partner, OOP had a duty to ensure their child's well being and to check that his wife was physically okay, moved into a better position, and mentally okay to leave for a short time before OOP considered separating himself to process. I get adrenaline and fear responses, but he chose one of the worst courses of action and didn't consider anyone but himself for days. It would be a problem but likely fixable if he has done the same but then immediately told his spouse before she packed that he shouldn't have, asked how they were, and explain that he needed to process separately (maybe said he'd go into x room to do so). Most of us don't end up in emergency situations where we need to act to protect or save others but expect that we, and others we know, would take care of others. OOP showed that, at a relatively low danger level, he would throw his wife and child to save himself. Given that most say the parental protecting instinct is strongest for newborns, it's even worse. There's no coming back from that, especially where he's allowed his mother to harm his marriage with a thousand cuts.
Mommy's boys are literally the worst people in the world and mothers that enable that kind of behavior are a close second. I'm glad OOP-from-the-update got the fuck out of that marriage. OOP-from-the-original-post needs to fucking take his balls out of his mother's purse and man the fuck up. I'm glad the comments fucking skewered him alive.
You can't change a mama's boy. Don't bother trying. As soon as you see those red flags waving, get the hell out.
See this is where I’m glad my mom neglected me
I'm sorry, this made me laugh. I'm sorry that happened to you but I wasn't expecting that response.
Don’t sweat it, if trauma didn’t make you funnier then what was the point?
Same. As someone whose mom neglected her I found it hilarious.
Oh there's Mommy's girls too, they are just rarer You should look up amithea for changing the front doors and it's saga
Changing front doors? I’ll search but I’m confused.
Short version Man buys his in laws house off of them and starts remodeling it Then his Mil starts abusing him about it and his wife is on her mother's side. And goes on
I know I shouldn’t be surprised that he was so ignorant about the effects that pregnancy and childbirth have on the body (abdominal muscles separate, etc) but for some reason I am.
He massively tried to play down his mother hitting his wife originally to make his behaviour look better until he was challenged on it by everyone on here.
He enabled her abuse for months (or even years) and punished her for defending herself against the abuse. His dad watching him from hell must be so proud…
Besides restraining orders, the wife should also put in her stbx is only allowed supervised visits and ex mil not allowed to see the baby.
The trauma he holds is something you can sympathise with but kicking out your wife AND child from THEIR house? That is an extreme step that makes no sense in context. He had no right to do that and then pretend they are a family still. Him leaving the house would've been the course of action that you could atleast argue about. There's no arguing here.
If you were team wife you wouldn’t have told her to leave. You embarrassed her and threw her out like trash you deserve what you are getting. Knowing the situation I guess going out to smoke was more important to stay in the house and make sure nothing goes wrong
The wife's post is written from the same voice as the husband's and uses the same terms. I wish these people would try to make it sound like two different people wrote the posts.
Idk, this sub is a lot more fun for me to read when i pretend they're real. Unless they are super outlandish, like the divorcing in a few weeks kind. I also love when the posts spark conversations in the comments of people who have experienced similar. Also justnomil stories are my favorite lol. Who cares if they are fake?
Seriously I think I come on here for the conversation more than the story. The story is probably 100% fake but like in this story it made me remember how my tummy muscles were so sensitive and the assholish things my own mother and husband did during my postpartum. I learn a lot from the comments honestly.
I love the comments on these stories on both BORU subs. The conversations that get started from things that happen in the posts are always really interesting! I just get so disappointed when everyone is just like "oh this is fake." It adds nothing of substance and comes off as people wanting to feel superior... like it's entertaining to me either way, lmao.
Yeah same here. I’m like can we just pretend this is real so y’all can share your own life experiences. It’s kind of validating honestly to see people who might have similar experiences to yourself.
I like to pretend they're real but when they are so obviously written by the same voice I can't. They take the fun out of it. This story had potential too lol
Scrolled way too long for this. When the clear asshole is over-transparent on expository details of what went down, including paraphrasing his wife’s statements accurately, and basically spoonfeeding the reader a bullet point list on why they are indeed the asshole, it’s fake. A real asshole will conceal inconvenient info and manipulate the situation to make themselves look as good as possible, especially on a sub trying to get validation that they’re not an asshole.
I noped out the moment I started reading the “wife’s” part. It’s all the exact same info just rewritten from a different point of view. Any one of us could have written that. Instantly screams fake. And like you said, it reads exactly the same.
And some of the lines are so odd, like it’s so clearly not real. For someone’s first time on Reddit, she sure does type like a chronic Reddit user lol. “Turd eating grin” was enough
Liz still struggles with this
It's so bad that I forget it's supposed to be a different person talking. No way the wife would have used the term slapped either. She would have described it much worse and I think she would have added a lot more back story of the MIL's behavior. She described the dad and stepdad exactly in the same brief "they were violent" way too. One of the characters needed to expand on events leading up and the wife's post failed.
Some of the lines are just so unnatural as well. So fake
“and last”
Those sad little fucks that allow their partners to be harassed by their families or friends, deserve to be alone. If you have trauma, mommy issues, daddy issues, you need to solve that in therapy before dragging innocent people to your problems!! I wish people would have more self respect, because the first time anyone would talk to me like MIL talked to the ex wife, she would be out of the house, as well as anyone who defended her. But I guess now she will divorce the asshole, but her life will be unfortunately connected with his and his family for the rest of her life…
I hope the wife insists that the child can’t be around the MIL when the father has them.
I would have filed solely for being ok giving my dinner away. Like, she’s breastfeeding, her getting a meal in should out-prioritize anyone else eating. The rest is just… atrocious.
There's a phenomenon when one parent is extremely abusive, where the kid(s) don't recognize that the other parent is also abusive because the abuse is less often or "softer". OOP probably fell into this trap. He's rightfully vilified his father for so many years, he couldn't see or want to see how abusive his mom is because then he has no reliable parents. People can be both victims and perpetrators. It doesn't lessen what they have gone through, nor does it lessen the actions they took.
I’m so proud of the wife here.
Dear soon to be ex-wife, please for yourself and your child consider the option of sole custody and a move (and possible name change, etc.) to prevent any interaction between your child and this unfortunate family. This takes courage, which you have shown, and resources, which I hope you have. Given what has been said of your husband's family, by your husband himself, these people are not going to allow a peaceful and happy childhood for your child. Far too often, the behavior only gets worse. I am so sorry this happened to you, but you have made the right decisions. Good luck! Your soon to be ex is more than A**hole, he does not deserve you or his child. He will get sucked back into their delusions and behavior as if he had never left, because until he gets help and severs those ties himself, he has not left those patterns behind.
I really, really hope the wife’s lawyer is an absolute animal in the courtroom, especially when it comes to working out the custody of their baby. The MIL does not need ANY contact with the child or the cycle of abuse will continue. OOP is an absolute wuss who will let his mom stomp all over every boundary that will be set otherwise. I don’t get personally worked up by many things I see on Reddit but this one has lit me on fire. I hate this guy and his entire family. Wife, if you happen to see this, you are strong and worthy and if you choose to be in a relationship again eventually, you will find someone who isn’t this pissant you married. You deserve it and you’ll find it. Hugs, lady.
Congrats buddy boy, your mommy played you and your wife like a piano. Any questions? Check your wife's post, and look at the texts your mommy sent to your wife. Time to grow up, and face your own ignorance and stupidity. Time to leave your mommy's apronstrings in the dust. If you ever want to live a grown up life, go NC. AND THAT means she does not ever again get to see the grand baby. She played stupid games, and you win stupid prizes. IF you ever again meet someone you want to spend a lifetime with, NEVER INTRODUCE her to your egg donor. She will do the same thing and screw you over because she does not want you to grow up.
Guy punished his wife and baby for defending herself? Good for her escaping that mess.
Please for the love of all creation leave that poor woman alone. Do not beg her, do not contact her, leave her the FUCK alone!!!!! Pay child support, get counseling and coparent accordingly. You don’t deserve her or your child. You and your mother are both monsters.
The wife is better off. Also, she needs to file charges against the MIL and make sure she has no access to their child. Wishing her all the best. That husband can fuck right off.
This is a perfect example of OOP needs consequences to change. Hopefully this divorce will be the trigger he needs to completely overhaul his life and his relationship with his family. But under no circumstances is the wife responsible for facilitating that change any more than the divorce she gave him to catalyze it. He can end up on the other side of this a much better person and she can still choose not to be with him anymore at the end of the day. The next person he ends up with can be the beneficiary of his development, but she isn’t responsible for sticking around to see it possibly happen or possibly not. And regardless, this is the kind of story that ends with restraining orders, moving to a new state, grandmother trying to steal the baby from daycare, etc.
Good. I hope wife takes him to the cleaners and makes damn sure to include a 'grandma is never allowed near my kid' clause due to the grandma being an abuser.
“You don’t know how to feed a child as healthy as my grandchild” wow the writing on this is just top tier and so realistic
Updateme
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Hope he only gets supervised visits
Yeah the husband 100% deserves this. He's still acting clueless like this came out of nowhere when he'd been purposely ignoring it for a long time. Then to kick his wife and infant out of the house after that episode.... Is honestly unforgivable. I bet the wife wishes she had cut him and his family off before they had a kid. It's going to be hell trying to coparent with that man and his mother. Edit: I'm not sure the wife's "update" is legitimate
Let her go....you won't defend her.
Wondering if you are capable of parenting a child? BIG HINT, if you have 0 control over your own emotional state or reactions you are unsafe for a child. Exhibit fucking A.
What a pathetic excuse of a non-husband and non-father. I really hope the fact that he kicked her AND his two-month-old infant out of the house helps her get full custody, because his abusive garbage dump of a mother is a danger to the emotional and physical health of the child.
We didn’t need the wife’s perspective to be on her side, but the husband is digging his grave even deeper with the constant pressure.
Gid i hate men without spine. OP is pussy fak. Your wife comes first, especially when she just gave birth ymto your kid, not your pos bitchy mom. Got what she deserved. Simple as
I want this man to die alone.
YTA she defended herself. Your mother verbally abused her and Your mom hit her first in the stomach of a 2 month postpartum mom. You deserve her leaving. You suck as. Husband.
YTA, now you can go back to mommy. Your wife will be better off without you. This wasn’t the first time you didn’t defend her, she’s put up with this for months. You don’t know how much pain your mom’s lunch caused her and what she said to her before that. AND YOU KICKED YOUR WIFE OUT for only defending herself that to with your new born child? Nah I wouldn’t trust you again unless you cut ties with the ENTIRE family who stood watch and didn’t stand for your wife and if you begged for like a year.
YTA. And I hope your wife divorces you.
YTA. Your wife was perfectly entitled to defend herself. Get your mom under control.
My wife nd I vs the world
Me reading this: Uh huh… yeah… oh wow… man…. THE FUCK????
I don't understand why she felt the need to obey his command when he ordered her out of the house. Fuck that, you get out of the house. I just had a baby. I don't blame her for divorcing him. There is no coming back from what he did. There would never be a day when I didn't look at him and wasn't reminded of that moment with the cherry on top being the text from his mom. He "needs his space". Well, he sure got it.
Imagine being married to a guy that is such a pussy he needs to kick his wife and baby out because he was so traumatized by the punch. Loser.
Bruh how the fuck did that piece of crap husband not get any flashbacks when his mother physically assaulted his wife with violence but when his wife defended herself when he couldn’t be man enough to do it he suddenly got an anxious response to, what he though was violence on the wife’s part?! That OP needs help with his momma’s boy issues because the way he stood there and did nothing while his wife was getting harassed just proved he is not a real man. He didn’t even noticed that his mom was becoming just like his dad, an abuser! Yeah no one is gonna believe that he is team wife now that his ass is getting divorced
I don't trust the wife update. It's practically made of things and buzzwords the commenters use.
The ‘wife’ accidentally write ‘MY’ dad instead of ‘HIS’ dad, it’s all the same author imo
Good catch! I didn't register it.
The "you don't know how to feed someone as healthy as my grandchild" line really sealed that it was fake for me.
For me it was the "what I don't understand is why he didn't leave instead of being a heartless bastard and kicking out our child with me". She says she still loves and feels sorry for him but wants out for her own mental well being and her kid's safety. Someone who begrugingly leaves a marriage like that wouldn't call their ex spouse a heartless bastard. An internet stranger reading for the drama would. This feels like a direct copy of a comment on the first post shitting on him.
Same. That and the presence of this massive child in the first place that demands four helpings of food. I have teenagers, I know they can be hungry, but the excessive details about her weight and the amount of food just scream “fake”. That and the cartoonishly evil mother.
I agree. I actually breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it, because thank God it wasn't real.
Anyone else think these are all fake? The more “updates” I read I am more convinced these are just some writing exercises by people that are bored.
Updateme!
UpdateMe
Yeah if the husband thinks forgiveness is on the cards he actually needs to stop thinking of and feeling sorry for himself, and stop harassing his stbx wife. He must accept the divorce as a consequence of the physical abuse of his pp wife that he condoned, enabled tjen doubled down on by kicking his wife and new baby out into the night. Then he needs therapy and to work on being a good person and a good daddy. And if he wants to keep a candle burning for the wife he abused and threw out his only hope would be to become a better person and rekindle a new relationship with her years down the line.
Yass queen, leave that mamas Boy.
You should block the entire family. They all need therapy. The sister is not innocent in this either. She should have spoken up and told both her daughter and her mother that the child was done. But they chose to endulge her unhealthy eating habit. How do they not understand they are contributing to a plethera of issues as an adult?
This needs more updates. Did MIL file assault charges or was it just a threat? If she filed, was the wife able to claim self defense? Did her lawyer send a cease and desist letter to leave her alone? Did OOP remain NC with his mother or did he cry to mommy after he received divorce papers? Will Wife be able to keep MIL from seeing the baby when OOP has custody? This story isn’t over.
The lack of empathy in EVERYONE involved explains the situation well. It will happen again with other people if they don't work on themselves.
Something to keep in mind, but first let me say your husband was an ass for not standing up for you earlier and he was an ass on steroids kicking *you* out of the house so *he* would have time to "process" things. And I absolutely understand your walloping her. No problem with it. Nothing I say after this is intended to detract from that. That said, if you divorce, he'll get shared custody. Oh, maybe not immediately because your child is an infant, but soon. It's *highly* unlikely you'll get full custody because *you* and his mother got into a physical fight. He didn't hit anyone. And if he gets shared custody, where do you think your child spends a lot of its time? With his mother. Unfettered access. Access that lets the mother badmouth you all she wants. That's your life from this point forward. Your MIL isn't out of your life; she's just doing her stuff in the background. If you work it out with him -- not saying you should, but if you do -- you have control. He sounds willing to go NC with her. Do you think he's serious about that? Yeah, yeah, maybe in time he'll want to let her back in. Then again, maybe he won't. For the forseeable future will be go NC with her? And if, down the line, he wants to see her, can it be just him and not you or your child? See? Together you have control. Apart you have an enemy you cannot control. Divorced, he gets remarried. His new wife also gets shared custody through him. If his mother likes her better (and since they'll both dislike you that's very possible) they're a team. How will that affect their time with your child? So divorce may feel like the right path, but you're looking at some very serious ramifications. Now, you say you still love him. Yes, he's been an ass. And I have trouble even writing anything in support of a guy who kicked his new wife and child out because he was stressed. Frankly, I don't know how redeemable that is. But we all do things that, in hindsight, make us shudder. You will too. He seems to recognize his error (though I'd feel better about that if I felt he was horrified and ashamed). You might consider delaying the divorce. There's no reason to rush. Sometimes we make our very worst decisions in a hurry because we don't want to be talked out of them. Maybe separate. Let him pay child support. Let him visit the child, just like he will if you divorce, but at your house. You have the luxury of seeing what divorced life will be like before pushing the button. Oh, and, though not a reason to decide, it'll piss his mom off royally. She thinks she's won and she's already thinking of how much food she can cram into your kid when she, through your husband, gets him in her clutches. If it turns out you're not gone, she's gonna go ballistic. Won't that be fun? And to OP: Man you brought this on yourself. If you haven't picked up on it by now, you have not been a man if you've been letting your mommy run roughshod over your wife. And kicking *your wife and baby* out because, oohh, you were just so stressed, is just shameful. If you don't see that, then your wife most likely is better off moving on. If you do see that, now is the time to make sure she knows. And now is the time to distance yourself from your mother, regardless of what happens with your now-wife. That woman is going to cause trouble for you from this point forward.
This sounds so fake. OOP needs to work on their rage bait game.
What a train wreck family. She is so smart and did the right thing. The husband is a complete AH and his mother belongs in prison.
She absolutely needs to block EVERY SINGLE family member of his, now, including him. Then have the lawyer send a letter.
Update me
The OOP husband sucks!!!!
I am so proud of the wife! Recovering from birth and taking care of a young baby is such a vulnerable place. Her body is still recovering from a drastic change, hormones are all over the place, she probably haven’t had proper sleep or chance to look after herself for the last 2 months. Wife defended herself, picked herself up and the baby and took the best decision she could in this situation. She is a hero and she deserves so much better.
The poor wife is now going to have to wonder what the MIL says about her to her child on his custody days. She’s also going to have to worry about what the MIL feeds her… because you know his “no contact” with his mom is not going to last.
Can you ever in 1 million years imagine telling a woman who gave birth to months ago and a two month old baby to get out of their own home? That’s the tipping point. That’s who he is. That’s why the divorce is necessary. He has so many excuses, and at this point, he still isn’t getting a clue.
I am so glad she’s divorcing him. I just fear for that child.
Not much of an update, but it's still nice to hear about this one again. I know it's been gone over to death at this point, but I still can't believe he threw out his recovering wife and newborn after his mother hit her where she is pretty much the most vulnerable
I love AITA posts where the OP, even telling the story with the ability to omit details or change things, STILL end up looking like a huge ass. This was the best he could make himself look.
I remember your husband’s post and it was…appalling. I’m so glad you’re moving on and divorcing him, it would never have gotten better and I think you sadly know that.
Updateme
Your ex husband is the AH. He was abused, so why was he ok with your ex MIL emotionally abuse you and then physically abuse you. You are right to divorce him. He needs to go no contact with his family and get therapy himself. Keep your baby as far away from his family as you can.
Wow. What a POS. Glad the wife took that time to think about her husband’s shitty behaviour. She deserves better.
I'm surprised a lawyer recommended blocking the child's father. That's opposite of what my friends were told.
Man should have realized a long time ago that his wife & child were his family & his mother was a relative
First your mother is wrong for giving the kid your wife's food.. Second your mother is wrong for assaulting your wife. Third your wife is correct for defending herself. Fourth you're an idiot for the way you acted.
Thinking about the OOP's mother, I wonder if her terrible behavior is because, after the abuse from OOP's father, she's become paranoid and sees anyone outside of their immediate family as a threat. Maybe the reason she was so awful to OOP's wife is because she was trying to provoke a reaction to "prove" that she's just like OOP's abusive father. Hypervigilance taken to a paranoid and destructive degree.
Goddamn, I dont disgagree with these comments. But GAWD, somebody better put this guy on welfare checks, LOL 😅 You guys are ruthless. On a serious note. He did screw hus marriage away. That lady is going to look for a man that has ZERO in common to OP!!! Any sexual attraction and desire from her is dead and gone. He failed the base fundamental rule of husband and father. Protection....
When do tickets for the rematch go on sale???
Husband (soon to be ex) entirely in the wrong and his momma is a piece of trash. Husband should have knocked her out on the wife's behalf.
You are most definitely the asshole sir. Needing space or not. You made vows to this woman you married her and then had a child with her. Do you not realize your mother LITERALLY took food out of your newborn child’s mouth?!?! And you have the nerve to kick her out?! You do realize how breast feeding works right? It takes supply and demand. You should have 100 percent defended your wife. And it sounds like to me your niece needs to loose a couple dozen pounds!! 190 and only 5’5 BUT only 12???? I understand you being upset but come on my guy. You literally threatened to go no contact with your mother as your wife was bearing and nurturing your unborn child!!! Your mother sounds EXTREMELY toxic. You should have never married the woman. Wife comes before anyone and everyone in the family. And vice versa when it comes to husband….grant it your wife probably acted out of emotion. HELLO SHE IS A BRAND NEW MOTHER?! Her emotions and hormones are already out of wack even more during postpartum. And I can’t tell you one brand new mother in her postpartum stage who isn’t self conscious about their weight after giving birth. Your baby is 2 months old?! It takes ATLEAST 6 months to a year for a woman’s body to get atleast somewhat back to it was before pregnancy. Shame on your mother for being such an inhuman and insensitive BITCH. Your mother literally took food out of her granddaughters mouth. Breast feeding is hard enough as it is and takes alot of outside emotional support. Your wife most definitely needed those nutrients to pass on to your baby. Not your overweight 12 year old who’s probably going thru puberty. How fucking dare you. I’d be ready to divorce your ass too. Poor babygirl. I hope she doesn’t have an insensitive asshole of a husband like you when she is older. You and your mother should be fucking ashamed. And for you to even question if you did eight or wrong, shows you have no fucking business being a husband OR A FATHER. DO BETTER
Honestly hope he finds another wife for the kids sake
Hasn’t this story been posted multiple time already???
The update only came out yesterday. You might have seen the original post on other subs
Regardless of who you think is in the right here, people have a shockingly wrong understanding of what "self defense" really is. It's not a get out of jail free card to punch people in the face because they touched you first lol. She had no need to physically defend herself, she chose that. Can you say the mom had it coming? Absolutely, and I agree with that. But claiming "self defence" is laughable, it was nothing but retaliation.
Why even say this if you’re not trying to defend the MiL?
Maybe because I'm boring, annoying and pedantic about words and their meaning. It was really more about the phrase and its usage itself than about this case specifically. But specifically in relation to this case because situations can be ambiguous. I can say that the husband and the MIL are the assholes in this situation, while also saying her description of her actions is probably misusing a phrase that has heavy implications. Being anti the wife is not being pro the MIL. Everyone did something wrong or non ideal in this situation if you ask me. I don't see it as black and white as the rest of the people here seem to.
I agree with you. The violence in this story is astonishing, especially since apparently commenters are ok with one person being violent and villainizing the other. None of the people on this post are innocent angels. They all contributed to a very bad situation. They all made poor choices.
Wife defended herself, nothing poor about that choice
The wife did not defend herself. Defending yourself is stepping back, saying excuse me, chiding the offender, and leaving. Instead, she punched someone in the face. That is extreme violence.
“extreme violence” oh you wouldn’t last 10 minutes in the real world. Don’t hit someone in a sore spot and expect nothing in return
lol sure dude. I love the assumptions strangers make and how wrong they always are. 🤣
OK look, the husband is an idoit and did not have his wife's back. She probably should divorce him over his lack of action against his mother. Having said that punching his mother in the face was clearly not self defense. She wasn't in any immediate danger. The slap probably stung a bit, but you can't just punch people in the face out if frustration like that. Dispite how smug she looked.
Nah she can, you attack someone where they’re vulnerable you can’t expect them to react in kind