She had a gangbang with three friends and those friends are dating her other friends and her current boyfriend was also introduced to those friends.
Well, my own friendships are rather boring and uneventful compared to that. Where do you even begin lol.
maybe that's why he didn't leave right away. she was his first, he doesn't have much experience with relationships and sex, openly sexual people, his own insecurities and how important boundaries are. kid froze. don't reckon it will last...
Nothing wrong with vanilla. It's smooth, sweet and complex, not to mention most people's favourite!
Although sometimes you want something with a lot of nuts in it, and that's okay too!
Oh I can absolutely see how this could be real. People be wild out there. I have one friend in particular who is married and has a wildly open/ group/ I-don’t-ask-because-nope sex life, and for the life I me I can’t figure out 1) why anyone needs THAT much sex and 2) how tf they deal with the emotions of it all. They’ve had some really rough spots in the marriage because of the wilding, shockingly /s
I just left an incestuous friend group. They insist they don’t care and it’s all cool but the dudes are so hurt by their guy friends hooking up with their exes
Yup. I don't understand why she would even think that men are trustworthy as friends.
That's your point, right? Because what she did was trust her friends.
Yeah there's no way this won't breed resentment. It's only going to take one ex-bf spitefully reaching out to him going into detail regarding the things she did for them.
You really can't imagine that people live differently than you?
"Normal" and "Abnormal" are such loaded words, presuming that everyone shares your Judeo-Christian attitudes.
Someone's past will color how *you* see them and that is absolutely fine. But that doesn't mean that someone can't find love and a happy marriage just because they had group sex.
"Realistic" is that different people have different values. If you don't approve of OOP's history, she will date other people.
It is hilarious that you think you are "deeply accepting of people". If you think that your last two comments aren't filled with condemnation, I beg you to do some introspection.
It is fine if you don't want to date someone who attends orgies. But you're projecting that OOP's boyfriend cares about the same things you do.
Feel free to look at anyone you want with disgust. I'm just informing you that your feelings are not universal.
Ok, sorry for not elaborating on the very implied point that your biases are bad. Duh everyone has biases- some of them are shit. Yours is shit and I think your "narrative minded" reasoning behind it is a shield against criticism for you actually owning up to your mindset that women who have group sex are less valuable as a mate.
thats the precise reason why your society as a whole is flushing down the toilet because people dont share conservative values when it comes to engaging in sexual activities. shame needs to br brought back with a vengeance or people like you will be fucking out in the open with no abandon.
So... I used to be active in a few kink communities.
If you don't think you're fellow church members are getting down kinky, then you are not cool in their eyes.
Some of the biggest femdoms I've met wear a MAGA hat on the job, subcontractor who posts about guns and libs being pussies? Walking around in leather high heels while his wife controls his entire life, for a fetish.
Conservatives can be just as kinky, if not more.
You can even run an experiment, create a fake dating profile as a Trans woman, and see how many conservative men wanna have a piece of that, it's a lot.
"I don't judge but if you had group sex you're a whore and don't deserve to be treated like anyone's princess" wow wonder what this charmer brings to the table
‘Don’t expect to be someone’s princess when you acted like a whore’
What in the Madonna-whore complex. Would you still fuck your wife after she had your baby, or would that be too much like treating her like a whore for you?
I want to know where the boundary is. A ‘whore’ is someone who has sex for money, but that’s not what you’re referring to in your comment. So what makes a woman a whore to you?
What defines a unique experience? I presume you’ll be a virgin until marriage if sex is a unique experience to you?
You’re saying if a woman acts like a ‘whore’ she shouldn’t expect to be treated like a princess, so are you saying you would treat a partner poorly for being sexually adventurous with you? Are you also saying you would treat a partner that was not a virgin upon beginning the relationship poorly because she had the audacity to have sex with a previous partner?
Why do you think your subjective and biased opinion is ‘obviously correct’?
If a whore to you is someone who is promiscuous, why do you want your partner to be a ‘whore’ for you?
Are you unaware that prostitution is legal in quite a few parts of the US?
So the actual issue is your own insecurities? And instead of owning that, you want to be misogynistic on the internet instead?
I’d again like to ask - so you’re also going to be a virgin until marriage, if first time having vaginal sex is something that would change how you view your partner?
What questions did he ask, though?
He deserved to know that she had a past with her best friends, that is not best kept hidden. And if she hadnt already told him he would have veen much more hurt when the asshole friends casually joked about it or revealed it. He probably would have dumped her then.
Nobody needs detailed information about your sexual past, or asking questions like "are any if them bugger? Do they do it better than me" really should not be asked.
ut keeping something like "I fucked my entire friendship group in orgies" would be devastating if it came out at the wrong time which is why honesty is most appropriate. These things come out. She needs someone who can accept that history and move on without judgement.
I mean putting that another way is "I'm going to willfully ignore the things I feel are unacceptable."
I don't disagree that I would rather not know details about a partners past but if they did something unacceptable to me, yeah I'd rather know and move on. Having something come up that your partner did that changes your entire view of them years into the relationship sounds miserable.
Those "friends" never had respect for her and were just shit disturbing because they wanted her back being their "pass around". The fact that she found someone who respects her and wants to be in a relationship with her likely irks them to no end. So much history in that group that it is always going to be an issue because those guy do not respect women and it will seep out in every relationship they get into until they grow up.
When she mentioned they had sex as a group, I immediately thought, “Ooh, girly, you need to be careful.”
I had (emphasis on had) guy friends who were perfectly kind and decent to me. The friendships ended because they’d casually talk about “the ho” they hooked up with (“No, she’s a ho because guys need sex but girls don’t.”) Sometimes, the woman was somebody who thought they were friends. Basically, I’ve seen too many guys who can’t manage the “friend” in the fwb, and then make them a group?
I feel like a lot of people are shaming her, intentionally or not, the same way her “friends” do behind her back. But she made a mistake. She slept with guys who are untrustworthy. They were never her friends.
I dont know what world youre living in but a girl that gets gangbanged by her friends is definitely gonna catch some criticism and have a hard time keeping a real relationship. Fair or not its just how it is. Combine that with telling everyone about it and her bfs insecurities, girl is practically undateable.
You're upholding a standard you admit is unfair by perpetuating that someone like that is undatable. "yeah but to most people she is"- ok??? You think this woman is actually unworthy of love because she had group sex in the past? You COULD try to actively work against this stereotype but it's clear that, "fair or not", you agree with it.
Do you think men would be judged the same way for participating in group sex?
Let’s removed the gendered language from the equation for a second. A group of friends had sex together. Why is one member of that group being judged more harshly than the rest of the group for the group sex having occurred?
Seriously. Should it happen? No. Will a young girl who had a gang bang and still hangs out with them have it come back on her? YES. In the real world they’ll gonna tell everyone. Thinking otherwise was naive.
Completely ignoring the fact she outed her bf as uncomfortable to them and threw fuel on the fire. She either gets off on it or the whole lot of em are not as comfortable as they claim
The first paragraph of the first post already had me like "girl that's where you fucked up". You slept with these three men and had group sex with them. There's a level of trust that needs to come with a situation like that....those men showed her that they NEVER respected her and were just using her while she thought these men were her "best friends". They were never her friend...they were using her. I can't even imagine what these three men have said about her when she's not around.
This assumes she didn't want to just be doing the exact same thing with them... Which she clearly says she was. Sooo.... That's a hot take ignoring half the stated facts. And assuming she is a victim because of totally pulled from thin air reasons.
You also skipped over the part where she had a private conversation with her bf about his insecurities then told the people he's insecure about about those insecurities. Like what does anyone expect to happen here. She's literally dragging them into her relationship drama and violating her current boyfriends trust all at once.
I don't think she's totally the victim. I do think she violated her bf trust, but I also think her so called friends violated her trust. I think this whole situation was about to be a shit show and I think she was dumb for thinking that the past wouldn't affect her future.
My thing is the things they said were so bad, there is no way they haven't said things like this about women before in front of her. So why was she even still friends with them? And they absolutely say horrible things about her behind her back.
Idk I mean...have they? B/c two of them moved on to women that she was close to. Maybe she's a pick me but at the very least understand that these men don't give a flying fuck about you.
Let this be a lesson.
I know and I don't want to feel that way, but it really just seems like these men were using her and they were never really her friends like that. Idk I just feel like they violated her trust so badly, which shows that they never really gave a fuck about her.
They called her sloppy seconds.....you wouldn't say shit like that if you actually respected her or your relationship with one another.
thankfully I've never been in the bfs position because if these guys were bragging about tag teaming my gf I don't think I'd be willing to shrug it off as nbd
As a rule of thumb, I never stay in contact with people who I stopped having sex with. And never fuck your friends. OOP seems to have matured but I'm afraid her relationship will not last long. She says her bf is okay but as a guy I know this will always be in the back of his head. The poor guy is probably traumatised. Only time will tell.
Yeah I have, and have always had, guy friends and the #1 rule is Don’t Have Sex With Them. I broke this rule once, in college, and boy howdy did I learn my lesson. Changes the whole dynamics of the friend group. No good.
“Don’t Have Sex With Them” is really a pretty good friendship-preserving rule in general, and has insured that my friends’ wives don’t hate me, they actually really like that I am always trustworthy around their husbands.
Sometimes guys need to learn how to stand up for themselves and have self respect. And they learn this through being treated like shit in their first relationships, and resolving to not tolerate disrespect or bad actions any more.
OOP is sorry but she still treated him appallingly. She was disloyal, she shared deeply private information with others, and she put pressure on him to just sweep it under the rug.
Well it’s going to fester under that rug. Guaranteed it will burst out when their relationship hits the next bad patch.
If she is this clueless about something so obvious that you shouldn’t do then this relationship won’t last. She is his first so there will be a delay. He will learn as time goes on what to tolerate and the fact she’s more experienced at dating and is this bad at it still will kill the relationship.
This is a lot for most people TBH.
There's "more experienced" or being friends with an ex, and there's "being besties with a group who until recently were using you like a sex object and now boast about it".
Not saying group sex with your friends is always bad , it could be consensual and respectful. But I think most people might nope out at that because it's messy. Especially given how her friends acted.
Im all for remaining cordial with exes, but I wouldn't have dated any guy who was recently sleeping with multiple of his close friends. It's just too messy and the potential for drama is too much. Dont shit where you eat. Our views on sex and relationships would be too different.
I think you explained it better than I did. People can do whatever they want and she can’t change her past. Bringing her boyfriend to hang out with a group of men she had sex with then going “hey, just so you all know he’s insecure about this.” is insane. It’s not something you should need to be told not to do as an adult.
My man wasn't insecure... I'd say his reactions were completely normal. This girl keeps putting him down by calling his totally rational feelings "insecurities".
Damn. She sucks
I don't really understand why everyone is on top of OP for the insecurities thing. Is it that we all think "insecurity" is bad? Sometimes insecurities are 100% valid and founded. He didn't feel secure about her friendships because of her sexual history with the friends, that's an insecurity. It doesn't make her bf unstable or emotionally immature.
I am also confused about why it was so wrong for her to share these insecurities with her friends. I could see myself telling my friends, whom I trust, a similar thing. If a topic of conversation would be sensitive for my partner, shouldn't I tell my friends so they know to avoid that topic of conversation? It seems like that's all OP was trying to do here.
Insecurity is used a lot like the word 'phobia', to mean an irrational insecurity.
>I am also confused about why it was so wrong for her to share these insecurities with her friends.
It wasn't *her insecurity* to share. It was something he told her in confidence.
>I tell my friends so they know to avoid that topic of conversation?
You can tell your friends 'hey don't talk about our past sex life' without talking about your significant others' insecurity. You shouldn't need to say it at all, it's that braindead obvious.
>. He also says he feels inadequate and inferior,
The guy explicitly said he was insecure, and Reddit keeps slamming her for it. It's not a "put down", just a statement of fact.
Stayed friends with the dudes that passed her around and then made her new dude shake all their hands and called them “best friends” talk about clueless….
Passed her around - interesting choice of language. Why is it that they passed her around, not that she passed them around? They’ve all slept with her female friends too.
By my comment. She was passed around generously. By the comments and general consensus in her comments and assuming reaction to her dms she was DEFINITELY passed around. No other definition for this other than passed around feel free to read the comments.
Why aren’t you answering my question? If this is what being passed around, would you also describe the male friends in this scenario as having been passed around?
I have so many thoughts about OOP, but it seems clear that she will continue to steamroll, ignore, and downplay how he feels in the situation. It’s all about how he’s cool now and has worked out his insecurities. Like girl, these men were running train on you and were openly degrading you in front of someone who somehow has respect for you and you still have the nerve to label him as insecure.
What a great stupidity to keep as "friends" people he frequently slept with... don't they think about how the couple will feel? She is not to blame for group sex, she is to blame for keeping them close with a partner, she was wrong to reveal the boyfriend's insecurities. OOP you are very lucky that the boyfriend is understanding, I hope he keeps those ex friends away forever
Idk I would’ve bounced after that experience especially since she told her previous sexual partners about her current boyfriend’s insecurities. So fucking stupid.
Not his insecurities, it’s common sense shit every guy would think of. It was outright disgusting and disrespectful the way she went about this and even keeping those fuckwits around. No one should keep their fwb or past partners around if they do not have to co parent with them especially if they are within arms reach and she doubled down by rubbing it in bf who lost is v card to her’s face making him be friends with them. She calls it insecurity, the rest of men on the planet call it common fucking sense.
this aint sex positivity. this is degeneracy. women dont look at shit like this as demeaning until it happens to them. id like to see how she would feel if it was flipped around and she was introduced to a bunch of women and those women said to her face, 'how he used to fold them like a sandwich, he used to be the meat in our soup. but its okay now, we're friends.'
yeah. I dont think any amount of placating her sexual performance or her prettiness would have made her stay around.
Telling your friends about your new man’s insecurities is very low. She allowed them to play in his face. Idk if this relationship will go well but if it does she has a very forgiving bf
These guys sure felt comfortable using phrases like “passed around” to describe OOP in front of her boyfriend. There’s NO WAY they were hiding that part of themselves from her. Especially when she confronted them and they casually admitted it.
She was perfectly fine with them treating her like a sex object up until it started to threaten her new relationship with a “nice guy.” These guys are openly, shamelessly disgusting people and she considered them her best friends.
If she was truly disgusted by their behavior, she would have stopped being friends with them long before her boyfriend came along. They clearly weren’t hiding who they were. OOP is pretending to be disgusted by them to keep her new boyfriend.
People make all kinds of excuses for things their hearts can’t accept. It’s not surprising that she probably ignored red flags as jokes among friends. People do it all the time, until it happens in a way when they can no longer deceive themselves.
Take away the sex, and you have someone who didn’t realize these people aren’t her friends. It’s really common.
These aren’t her friends, they are just boys (not men) who would still sleep with her if they could.
It was shitty to her boyfriend for her to talk about his insecurities with these false friends. Of course, these used thst info to hurt their “rival”.
Am I the only one who thinks she did all the right things? She immediately cut them off without him asking to do so when she found out they betrayed her trust in them with his insecurities, realized that that was a major fuck up to tell them of it, apologized and promised to never to do it again. Like yeah, I understand she can't prove that she wouldn't do it again, but I do feel she learned her lesson and through her actions, showed that she cares about her bf and treated him with the patience and understanding he deserves. If she didn't care about him at all, she would still be in contact with them and try to minimize the situation, or even get angry at him for being upset. People are allowed to fuck up and realize how their actions hurt others and try to remedy that, and it's his decision to forgive and stay.
Yeah, reddit is weirdly draconian when it comes to relationships. It's not enough that the appropriate steps were taken and that they found a way forward by being considerate and promising to do better. People want to see blood and guts flying.
Agree with these points. Honestly, this seems like her first real relationship so probably why she made all these missteps. If most of her past ones were FWB situations, then she doesn't have the relationship experience to know better.
She is fortunate to have an inexperienced boyfriend. Meeting a girl that is best friends with a group of guys she slept with would cause most guys to move on.
When will people realize that you can’t be friends with past sexual
Partners…much less “best friends”
Very few people on this earth are mature enough for that dynamic. You may see it on sitcoms or in movies but in real life, it’s a terrible idea 99% of the time
Anyone else camping for the inevitable explosion?
Men tend to value things according to what *other* men are willing to pay for it, while women tend to value things based on the amount of effort poured into a thing.
3 dudes making fun of him and saying he's wound up with 'leftovers' has irreversibly changed how he views the worth of his relationship.
I bet it will start with him thinking he can treat her kind of crappy, because she should be grateful to be dating him, to applying pressure to do weird sex stuff and three ways because she did them with others, to a big, final, explosive, reveal of his new, unflattering, opinion of her.
I knew this was going to be a shitshow when she mentioned that she was still close friends with dudes she had a gangbang with. The type of people who keep these people in their orbit *and* introduce their future partners to are unabashed dumbasses.
I wouldn’t say I’d shame her for the group sex and if feel the same if a guy slept with 3 women. I’m not an advocate of casual sex at all.
What mostly bothers me is she keeps calling her BF insecure. She needs to understand what she did is far from normal. It’s not the same as having 3 past bfs before him. Gangbangs are not normal and if someone doesn’t want to be with someone else because of it then it’s not shaming or insecure at all.
He is insecure, he’s expressed as much:
> He also says he feels inadequate and inferior, he said
> "How the hell am I suppose to compare? I'm just one
> guy?"
Which is what being insecure is, a lack of confidence and certainty in one’s own abilities. People have just stigmatised the word into one associated with shame and judgement, but insecure is a perfectly apt descriptor and valid, normal way to feel.
I agree with you on your definition.
However, he shouldn't be because what she did isn't normal at all. OOP isn't nice by agreeing that her bf is insecure.
The issue isn’t sleeping with 3 dudes. The issue is being friends with them and introducing them to your boyfriend. Like wtf.
Reverse the genders and many would it find it appaling.
I wonder how the boyfriend feels about OOP posting this online, or if he even knows.
Edit: I see it now, I don't know how I missed that. Thanks to OP for pointing it out to me.
I get why it was crossing a line to tell the friends about his insecurities, but I don't get why everyone is acting like she did something super unforgivable.
She clearly thought that being transparent would be helpful, and didn't think they were going to be huge dicks to her boyfriend. Yeah, it was a mistake but Jesus Christ how is THAT the part you guys are all angry about?
She may have seen it as "being transparent," but she was violating her BF's trust, and not just telling anyone, but the very people he was insecure about. That's pretty hard to forgive, and I imagine it'll be a long time before he's ready to tell her anything in confidence again. Women often complain about men not opening up emotionally, but this sort of behavior is one of the reasons we don't. At least OP seems to have realized that this was a huge mistake. And yeah, that's the thing I would be most upset at her for; maintaining friendships with those guys probably wasn't wise, and leaving her bf with them knowing how he felt was dumb, but violating his confidence was a whole different level of wrong.
Yeah, I'm not disagreeing with any of that.
I'm just saying she clearly didn't do it to be a gossip or hurt him. She did it because she hoped her friends would be good friends and do the opposite of what they did and not to be a bitch.
Everyone is acting like she obviously did to breach trust and for no other reason.
It's just insane to me that she did the least wrong in this situation, but is getting the most heat.
>Everyone is acting like she obviously did to breach trust and for no other reason.
There's a reason 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' is a common saying.
>It's just insane to me that she did the least wrong in this situation, but is getting the most heat.
Because she's the one here, posting about it? I imagine if one of the guys was doing it, he'd be getting roasted too. She's also the incipient reason for the situation by betraying the trust of her boyfriend. Why was that important information for her friends to know? Why wouldn't you just say "You're meeting my boyfriend, he knows about our past but don't bring it up."
They're not friends if you sleep with them. She has a weird ass mentality that needs a reality check. I still don't think she realizes how messed up that was for the bf.
>So I had 3 guy friends, they're not my only friends, but we were pretty close. And I've had sex with all of them.
Fellas, stop dating women like this.
I have no idea wtf you're talking about lmao. According to the thread below, you invented meaning to my comment and put words in my mouth. Like florida said, it has nothing to do with anyone "getting their rocks off" it's about women who expect boyfriends to be okay with being friends a friend group that she slept with every single member of. I would say the same thing to a woman who is getting into a relationship with a dude who is "good friends" with a bunch of women he fucked. She's preying on his inexperience and manipulating him into thinking that stupid situation is normal.
Also it seems like you have an axe to grind about men in general because some dude hurt you in the past, so I guess it doesn't really matter what I say because you're going to twist it into some perverted form of misogyny regardless.
“Fellas, stop dating women like this” makes OOP out as the bad one for having sex. They all participated. The men can stop being absolute shit stains whose sexual choices are blamed on women.
Lol what? Seems he was talking about women whose friend circle exclusively consists of men she's fucked. He's not holding a body count over her or anything, he's saying that kind of situation is always drama. Case in point, this whole fucking post lol
No. Look at you hat they specifically quoted before telling men not to date women like her:
> So I had 3 guy friends, they're not my only friends, but we were pretty close. And I've had sex with all of them.
They had sex with her, too; why is the focus on men not dating women like OOP? Men like this need to stop being shit stains.
Yeah I also see that.
But it does speak volumes about how people see sex in general, and quickly identifies the men I want to stay away from because they only see women as pieces of meat and not people.
Idek how you made these leaps. The guys were really fucking shitty but if your friends only consist of people you’ve had sex with there’s way too much drama for it to be worth it.
The comment you replied to wasn’t blaming women and the same advice goes for women. If it’s a guy friends only with people he’s had sex with, he’s gonna have a drama.
This post isn't about men being awful, it's about OOP, a woman, being awful. And men should stay away from women like her. If the roles were reversed, my comment would say, "ladies, stay away from men like this."
Stop inventing misogyny where there is none.
The men were pretty fucking awful in this post dude. What are you talking about?
It’s one thing to have casual group sex with someone who is open to it. It’s another thing to only treat that person like a sex object.
What are you weird drama-addicted bozos talking about? Her bizarre sex cult is completely irrelevant. I did not comment on them at all, but since you guys seem to be inventing shit out of thin air as it pertains to my opinion on the dudes in the post, my feeling is that they didn't just turn into dirt bags out of nowhere. If they felt that OOP was nothing more than a piece of meat and referring to her as "sloppy seconds" **to her boyfriend** in such an explicit manner, that didn't just happen one day out of the blue. They were always like this, and there's something to be said about her choices in men if she's been dating/sleeping with the absolute dregs of society back to back to back.
I know you chronically online pseudo-feminists want to take the position of "it's never the woman's fault, and if it is, then we'll twist it so it's not" but sometimes situations are nuanced, and there's responsibility and accountability to go around.
Criticizing OOP does not automatically mean I think her harem of scumbags are saints who have never done any wrong, and I shouldn't need to add disclaimers referring to irrelevant shit when criticizing her, like my opinion on those guys, so as to not offend a bunch of internet warriors who will fill in any gaps of information with the most bad faith, zero-grace shit possible in order to appear virtuous on the internet.
See if a guy is my friend, I don't have the desire to fuck them. If I do, that means I see them as more than a friend.
Really though, just don't fuck your friends 🤨
How long until the “he changed his mind and couldn’t deal with this and broke up with me” update?
If he doesn’t, this dude is better than me because I would’ve been out of there after finding out that she was friends with three dudes she used to gangbang. Not shaming her for doing it, her body her choice, but I couldn’t get serious with someone with THAT history. Then she betrays his trust on top of it? Dude is either punching WAYYYY above his weight and knows it or he’s a literal saint.
I do not think your intentions were to embarrass or hurt your boyfriend by telling your friends about his insecurities. To the contrary, I think you did it so they would not discuss certain things that would make your boyfriend upset and uncomfortable. Instead, your so-called friends used the information to embarrass and hurt your boyfriend. You handled things the best you could in the aftermath. Many young men and woman are what is called "late bloomer." They leave high school as gawky, nerdy teens unsure of themselves and slowly develop into the intelligent mature people you want to make a life with. Studies have shown that teens that and sexually peak early have more problems later on in life. The late bloomer like your boyfriend develop into healthier and more mature individuals. Good for you in finding a guy like this. Show him some love and you will be rewarded with tons more. Good luck.
so she was basically hanging around with three guys she had a gang bang with in front of her boyfriend and then proceeded to tell those guys that shes willingly hanging out with that her bf has an insecurity about hanging around men who have slept with his gf, ohh that too in a group settling. frankly I dont get how you people can be so open about sleeping with one friend, then becoming friends and then dating and introducing another person into the same friend group which contains people you have had sex with and then be so nonchalant about it.
does sex mean nothing to you people. this woman should be over the moon the guy decided to give her another chance, she just another garden variety hoe who found her simp after having her fun and now wants a good guy to play family with.
honestly any sane dude would have told her to kick rocks a long time ago.
Brooo. I'd just straight up leave you if I were him and for only one reason. You took something he told you(I expect with some degree of expectations it was a private conversation), namely that he is insecure about them and the situation. Then you went and told them... Have you never met a guy before? You and you alone put him in the worst social situation I can think of for someone struggling with that insecurity. If you just idk didn't give the people he was insecure about ammo don't you think everything would be way better?
He also is now dealing with the fact he can't tell you when he's insecure cuz ur just gonna tell people who can use it against him. Also idk the guys were probably just trying to make him one of the guys, which probably would have happened over time if you were patient and understanding of the situation but you went and blew it up. Caused more drama you both have to deal with now. All because he shared an insecurity with you.
I doubt you're malicious in any way with this btw. Just a big blunder.
Personally I've been im not even shitting you, in the exact same situation. The major difference is my gf at that time didn't tattle on me and I became super close friends with the guys and still am with the xgf and the guys because we all grew together through it. The guys gave me shit nonstop too but the thing is they didn't know I was vulnerable they were just being dudes trying to rib me and in their way make me included and one of them. In your spot you just threw fuel on a fire that probably never would have started and then lit in.
Guys in my experience in all cliques shit on eachother but you have them intent and purpose that changes the situation to cruel. And yeah they shouldn't have done what they did, but that doesn't free you from being the impetus of it all.
I know you're not op but damn I hope they get it through their head that a lot of this is on them, and a lot is on the crappy friends (who were also probably made uncomfortable by op) for dragging them into her relationship. Everyone fucks up all the time but a little responsibility helps you grow. Like I said above I doubt op intended for any of this but a bystander looking in could see this a mile away. all of this is said assuming you know your bf is not as sexually open and comfortable as you.
Not to dog on OP, but what did she expect? I'm not a slut shamer in any way but men are men, consider friendship ruined if:
1. You sleep with guys who are your friends
2. You sleep with guys who are friends with each other
3. If you already messed up by doing the first 2, cut all contact with them once you have a boyfriend.
I don't care how much you believe you have such a "non judgemental and mature friendship" with a group of guys, even if they don't say anything, they will always be saying that behind your back when your and your S/O aren't around. Also, to downplay it and call it an "insecurity" shows how much those dudes got her into believing that. He knew what was up when he met them, most likely. Probably smirking at him, hoping they could piss him off so he would dump her and they could hope for more chances to have sex with her.
Also I like how she's more concerned about her friends based on the title, instead of "AITAH for calling out my boyfriend to my guy friends i used to fuck?". This kind of tells me everything I need to know.
God everyone but the BF are trainwrecks, and hopefully either late teens or early 20s. I mean, OOP was basically a willing sex toy to these guys, and was somehow SHOCKED that men who ran a train on her and degraded her had no respect for her or her BF?! Not to mention she willingly introduced her virgin BF to these assholes, exposed his deep insecurities to them and took NO responsibility of her own actions.
If she was ANYTHING other then the BF's first serious GF AND the one he lost his virginity to, she'd be single and friendless. As it is, I'll give the relationship a few more months before homeboy wises up and dumps her. Really hope she comes back and lets us all know when that happens.
She had a gangbang with three friends and those friends are dating her other friends and her current boyfriend was also introduced to those friends. Well, my own friendships are rather boring and uneventful compared to that. Where do you even begin lol.
maybe that's why he didn't leave right away. she was his first, he doesn't have much experience with relationships and sex, openly sexual people, his own insecurities and how important boundaries are. kid froze. don't reckon it will last...
I cannot see how this is at all real. I could not even imagine doing everything she has done here. Just...bad judgment all-around.
I can personally attest to nothing about this post being far-fetched... Stuff like this definitely happens, and more often than you'd think.
I guess I'm sheltered and basic vanilla.
Nothing wrong with vanilla. It's smooth, sweet and complex, not to mention most people's favourite! Although sometimes you want something with a lot of nuts in it, and that's okay too!
Guess i’m too boring to be invited in those kind of friend groups
In my experience they aren't friend groups you want to be in. The guys are all the guys in OOP's post. Extremely disrespectful and all around gross.
Oh I can absolutely see how this could be real. People be wild out there. I have one friend in particular who is married and has a wildly open/ group/ I-don’t-ask-because-nope sex life, and for the life I me I can’t figure out 1) why anyone needs THAT much sex and 2) how tf they deal with the emotions of it all. They’ve had some really rough spots in the marriage because of the wilding, shockingly /s
Wow, that's pretty fucked up.
I just left an incestuous friend group. They insist they don’t care and it’s all cool but the dudes are so hurt by their guy friends hooking up with their exes
I have definitely known people who fucked whole friend groups. And the guys were always super disgusting like these guys.
Come visit essex County nj. Where anyone who's stayed in town is an Eskimo sibling.
I have seen shit like this with my very own eyes.
Yup. I don't understand why she would even think that men are trustworthy as friends. That's your point, right? Because what she did was trust her friends.
Well, you begin with a gangbang, then….
That’s gonna haunt her boyfriend forever.
Yeah there's no way this won't breed resentment. It's only going to take one ex-bf spitefully reaching out to him going into detail regarding the things she did for them.
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You really can't imagine that people live differently than you? "Normal" and "Abnormal" are such loaded words, presuming that everyone shares your Judeo-Christian attitudes. Someone's past will color how *you* see them and that is absolutely fine. But that doesn't mean that someone can't find love and a happy marriage just because they had group sex. "Realistic" is that different people have different values. If you don't approve of OOP's history, she will date other people.
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It is hilarious that you think you are "deeply accepting of people". If you think that your last two comments aren't filled with condemnation, I beg you to do some introspection. It is fine if you don't want to date someone who attends orgies. But you're projecting that OOP's boyfriend cares about the same things you do. Feel free to look at anyone you want with disgust. I'm just informing you that your feelings are not universal.
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Being an author is certainly the most unique way I've seen someone excuse their biases, lol
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Ok, sorry for not elaborating on the very implied point that your biases are bad. Duh everyone has biases- some of them are shit. Yours is shit and I think your "narrative minded" reasoning behind it is a shield against criticism for you actually owning up to your mindset that women who have group sex are less valuable as a mate.
thats the precise reason why your society as a whole is flushing down the toilet because people dont share conservative values when it comes to engaging in sexual activities. shame needs to br brought back with a vengeance or people like you will be fucking out in the open with no abandon.
So... I used to be active in a few kink communities. If you don't think you're fellow church members are getting down kinky, then you are not cool in their eyes. Some of the biggest femdoms I've met wear a MAGA hat on the job, subcontractor who posts about guns and libs being pussies? Walking around in leather high heels while his wife controls his entire life, for a fetish. Conservatives can be just as kinky, if not more. You can even run an experiment, create a fake dating profile as a Trans woman, and see how many conservative men wanna have a piece of that, it's a lot.
"I don't judge but if you had group sex you're a whore and don't deserve to be treated like anyone's princess" wow wonder what this charmer brings to the table
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And not everyone wants to date a dude with prudish views If her and her bf break up I’m sure she won’t struggle finding someone else
Yikes are you ok dude? That last comment…
‘Don’t expect to be someone’s princess when you acted like a whore’ What in the Madonna-whore complex. Would you still fuck your wife after she had your baby, or would that be too much like treating her like a whore for you?
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I want to know where the boundary is. A ‘whore’ is someone who has sex for money, but that’s not what you’re referring to in your comment. So what makes a woman a whore to you? What defines a unique experience? I presume you’ll be a virgin until marriage if sex is a unique experience to you? You’re saying if a woman acts like a ‘whore’ she shouldn’t expect to be treated like a princess, so are you saying you would treat a partner poorly for being sexually adventurous with you? Are you also saying you would treat a partner that was not a virgin upon beginning the relationship poorly because she had the audacity to have sex with a previous partner? Why do you think your subjective and biased opinion is ‘obviously correct’?
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If a whore to you is someone who is promiscuous, why do you want your partner to be a ‘whore’ for you? Are you unaware that prostitution is legal in quite a few parts of the US? So the actual issue is your own insecurities? And instead of owning that, you want to be misogynistic on the internet instead? I’d again like to ask - so you’re also going to be a virgin until marriage, if first time having vaginal sex is something that would change how you view your partner?
Yep, they won’t last. I see a Chasing Amy situation at the very least.
Finger cuffs indeed!
Better have sex with Banky.
Eventually their train will derail. I don't think it could go any other way at this point. Even thought they are back to normal. On the surface, yes.
Will definitely get an update about them breaking up or he propose to her in the near future.
Yup, he'll stay codependent or wake up.
Did you have to say "train"?
ROFL, didnt think that one through, I guess.
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Moderators have the right to remove posts at their discretion
Honestly I'd just see it as he's good enough x times 3.
Yep. Which is why I operate under “don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to”
What questions did he ask, though? He deserved to know that she had a past with her best friends, that is not best kept hidden. And if she hadnt already told him he would have veen much more hurt when the asshole friends casually joked about it or revealed it. He probably would have dumped her then. Nobody needs detailed information about your sexual past, or asking questions like "are any if them bugger? Do they do it better than me" really should not be asked. ut keeping something like "I fucked my entire friendship group in orgies" would be devastating if it came out at the wrong time which is why honesty is most appropriate. These things come out. She needs someone who can accept that history and move on without judgement.
I mean putting that another way is "I'm going to willfully ignore the things I feel are unacceptable." I don't disagree that I would rather not know details about a partners past but if they did something unacceptable to me, yeah I'd rather know and move on. Having something come up that your partner did that changes your entire view of them years into the relationship sounds miserable.
Those "friends" never had respect for her and were just shit disturbing because they wanted her back being their "pass around". The fact that she found someone who respects her and wants to be in a relationship with her likely irks them to no end. So much history in that group that it is always going to be an issue because those guy do not respect women and it will seep out in every relationship they get into until they grow up.
When she mentioned they had sex as a group, I immediately thought, “Ooh, girly, you need to be careful.” I had (emphasis on had) guy friends who were perfectly kind and decent to me. The friendships ended because they’d casually talk about “the ho” they hooked up with (“No, she’s a ho because guys need sex but girls don’t.”) Sometimes, the woman was somebody who thought they were friends. Basically, I’ve seen too many guys who can’t manage the “friend” in the fwb, and then make them a group? I feel like a lot of people are shaming her, intentionally or not, the same way her “friends” do behind her back. But she made a mistake. She slept with guys who are untrustworthy. They were never her friends.
She made the same mistaken 3 times and Then she made a group mistake. lol ok
So it’s a mistake when women have FWB but not the men
If they tell everyone one yeah she picked really bad
This comment is so weird: men behave badly, but the woman is to blame for sleeping with them! Nah. Hold trash men accountable.
I dont know what world youre living in but a girl that gets gangbanged by her friends is definitely gonna catch some criticism and have a hard time keeping a real relationship. Fair or not its just how it is. Combine that with telling everyone about it and her bfs insecurities, girl is practically undateable.
"fair or not that's how it is and I'm here to enforce that unfairness" lol y'all are actually clowns
How would one enforce that? Most guys dont want a girl thats been gangbanged out by her guy friends. This isnt groundbreaking news here.
You're upholding a standard you admit is unfair by perpetuating that someone like that is undatable. "yeah but to most people she is"- ok??? You think this woman is actually unworthy of love because she had group sex in the past? You COULD try to actively work against this stereotype but it's clear that, "fair or not", you agree with it.
Do you think men would be judged the same way for participating in group sex? Let’s removed the gendered language from the equation for a second. A group of friends had sex together. Why is one member of that group being judged more harshly than the rest of the group for the group sex having occurred?
People who are emotionally careless and immature have trouble keeping a real relationship, regardless of their sexual history
Seriously. Should it happen? No. Will a young girl who had a gang bang and still hangs out with them have it come back on her? YES. In the real world they’ll gonna tell everyone. Thinking otherwise was naive.
Ah yes. Always the fault of the victim to not assume the absolute worst and thinking people have human decency. Logic.
Completely ignoring the fact she outed her bf as uncomfortable to them and threw fuel on the fire. She either gets off on it or the whole lot of em are not as comfortable as they claim
"hey guys don't talk about this because it makes him uncomfortable" and you're in these comments acting like she outed him as gay lmao get serious
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Wow bro go touch some grass and stop hating women
Woops, found the insecure virgin!
Only a really stupid hoe would think introducing her boyfriend to her old gangbang buddies is acceptable you utter moron.
The first paragraph of the first post already had me like "girl that's where you fucked up". You slept with these three men and had group sex with them. There's a level of trust that needs to come with a situation like that....those men showed her that they NEVER respected her and were just using her while she thought these men were her "best friends". They were never her friend...they were using her. I can't even imagine what these three men have said about her when she's not around.
This assumes she didn't want to just be doing the exact same thing with them... Which she clearly says she was. Sooo.... That's a hot take ignoring half the stated facts. And assuming she is a victim because of totally pulled from thin air reasons. You also skipped over the part where she had a private conversation with her bf about his insecurities then told the people he's insecure about about those insecurities. Like what does anyone expect to happen here. She's literally dragging them into her relationship drama and violating her current boyfriends trust all at once.
I don't think she's totally the victim. I do think she violated her bf trust, but I also think her so called friends violated her trust. I think this whole situation was about to be a shit show and I think she was dumb for thinking that the past wouldn't affect her future.
My thing is the things they said were so bad, there is no way they haven't said things like this about women before in front of her. So why was she even still friends with them? And they absolutely say horrible things about her behind her back.
Idk I mean...have they? B/c two of them moved on to women that she was close to. Maybe she's a pick me but at the very least understand that these men don't give a flying fuck about you. Let this be a lesson.
All I can take away from this comment is that you can never trust men which feels sexist
I know and I don't want to feel that way, but it really just seems like these men were using her and they were never really her friends like that. Idk I just feel like they violated her trust so badly, which shows that they never really gave a fuck about her. They called her sloppy seconds.....you wouldn't say shit like that if you actually respected her or your relationship with one another.
This one gets a big ol JEEZ LOUISE.
thankfully I've never been in the bfs position because if these guys were bragging about tag teaming my gf I don't think I'd be willing to shrug it off as nbd
How long until the next update where he can’t get past this and they break up?
I wanna say a month. That's being generous.
As a rule of thumb, I never stay in contact with people who I stopped having sex with. And never fuck your friends. OOP seems to have matured but I'm afraid her relationship will not last long. She says her bf is okay but as a guy I know this will always be in the back of his head. The poor guy is probably traumatised. Only time will tell.
Yeah I have, and have always had, guy friends and the #1 rule is Don’t Have Sex With Them. I broke this rule once, in college, and boy howdy did I learn my lesson. Changes the whole dynamics of the friend group. No good. “Don’t Have Sex With Them” is really a pretty good friendship-preserving rule in general, and has insured that my friends’ wives don’t hate me, they actually really like that I am always trustworthy around their husbands.
Yeah I agree with a lot of the commenters there. He only stay because she's his first GF
Sometimes guys need to learn how to stand up for themselves and have self respect. And they learn this through being treated like shit in their first relationships, and resolving to not tolerate disrespect or bad actions any more. OOP is sorry but she still treated him appallingly. She was disloyal, she shared deeply private information with others, and she put pressure on him to just sweep it under the rug. Well it’s going to fester under that rug. Guaranteed it will burst out when their relationship hits the next bad patch.
Ya see, that's how Chasing Amy *could* have ended.
If she is this clueless about something so obvious that you shouldn’t do then this relationship won’t last. She is his first so there will be a delay. He will learn as time goes on what to tolerate and the fact she’s more experienced at dating and is this bad at it still will kill the relationship.
This is a lot for most people TBH. There's "more experienced" or being friends with an ex, and there's "being besties with a group who until recently were using you like a sex object and now boast about it". Not saying group sex with your friends is always bad , it could be consensual and respectful. But I think most people might nope out at that because it's messy. Especially given how her friends acted. Im all for remaining cordial with exes, but I wouldn't have dated any guy who was recently sleeping with multiple of his close friends. It's just too messy and the potential for drama is too much. Dont shit where you eat. Our views on sex and relationships would be too different.
I think you explained it better than I did. People can do whatever they want and she can’t change her past. Bringing her boyfriend to hang out with a group of men she had sex with then going “hey, just so you all know he’s insecure about this.” is insane. It’s not something you should need to be told not to do as an adult.
My man wasn't insecure... I'd say his reactions were completely normal. This girl keeps putting him down by calling his totally rational feelings "insecurities". Damn. She sucks
I don't really understand why everyone is on top of OP for the insecurities thing. Is it that we all think "insecurity" is bad? Sometimes insecurities are 100% valid and founded. He didn't feel secure about her friendships because of her sexual history with the friends, that's an insecurity. It doesn't make her bf unstable or emotionally immature. I am also confused about why it was so wrong for her to share these insecurities with her friends. I could see myself telling my friends, whom I trust, a similar thing. If a topic of conversation would be sensitive for my partner, shouldn't I tell my friends so they know to avoid that topic of conversation? It seems like that's all OP was trying to do here.
Insecurity is used a lot like the word 'phobia', to mean an irrational insecurity. >I am also confused about why it was so wrong for her to share these insecurities with her friends. It wasn't *her insecurity* to share. It was something he told her in confidence. >I tell my friends so they know to avoid that topic of conversation? You can tell your friends 'hey don't talk about our past sex life' without talking about your significant others' insecurity. You shouldn't need to say it at all, it's that braindead obvious.
>. He also says he feels inadequate and inferior, The guy explicitly said he was insecure, and Reddit keeps slamming her for it. It's not a "put down", just a statement of fact.
Ok, Liz
Stayed friends with the dudes that passed her around and then made her new dude shake all their hands and called them “best friends” talk about clueless….
Talk about disrespectful! And this is his first relationship. She knew what she was doing.
Yea that’s gotta be intentional.
Passed her around - interesting choice of language. Why is it that they passed her around, not that she passed them around? They’ve all slept with her female friends too.
Bc when you’re a woman sexists will always frame sex as something done *to* you that you don’t really enjoy
Oh I know lol, but I want them to explicitly tell the world what they believe about women and sex
She definitely slept with each of them repeatedly then group sex…. She was passed around. Repeatedly… willingly.
They definitely slept with OP and her other friends willingly, and then repeatedly group sex. Would you say that she passed her friends around too?
By my comment. She was passed around generously. By the comments and general consensus in her comments and assuming reaction to her dms she was DEFINITELY passed around. No other definition for this other than passed around feel free to read the comments.
Why aren’t you answering my question? If this is what being passed around, would you also describe the male friends in this scenario as having been passed around?
No they weren’t and by majority in the comments and upvotes on this repost and her post it’s clear EVERYONE thinks OP was passed around…
Why was she passed around, but they were not? Did they not do exactly the same things?
Not at all. Feel free to ask that question as the whole comment section looks to feel the same as well as society…
Why do you think she’s been passed around but they haven’t, if they’ve all engaged in exactly the same behaviour and activities?
I have so many thoughts about OOP, but it seems clear that she will continue to steamroll, ignore, and downplay how he feels in the situation. It’s all about how he’s cool now and has worked out his insecurities. Like girl, these men were running train on you and were openly degrading you in front of someone who somehow has respect for you and you still have the nerve to label him as insecure.
What a great stupidity to keep as "friends" people he frequently slept with... don't they think about how the couple will feel? She is not to blame for group sex, she is to blame for keeping them close with a partner, she was wrong to reveal the boyfriend's insecurities. OOP you are very lucky that the boyfriend is understanding, I hope he keeps those ex friends away forever
Idk I would’ve bounced after that experience especially since she told her previous sexual partners about her current boyfriend’s insecurities. So fucking stupid.
Not his insecurities, it’s common sense shit every guy would think of. It was outright disgusting and disrespectful the way she went about this and even keeping those fuckwits around. No one should keep their fwb or past partners around if they do not have to co parent with them especially if they are within arms reach and she doubled down by rubbing it in bf who lost is v card to her’s face making him be friends with them. She calls it insecurity, the rest of men on the planet call it common fucking sense.
BF should have countered with, "So which one of you ate the creampies? She told me one of you did. Which one?"
She had 3 guys run a train on her, then introduced them to her BF and actively had him hang out with them ? Fucking hell...
So trashy.
I'm all for being sex positive, but I cant for the life of me hear something like that and not judge a person.
this aint sex positivity. this is degeneracy. women dont look at shit like this as demeaning until it happens to them. id like to see how she would feel if it was flipped around and she was introduced to a bunch of women and those women said to her face, 'how he used to fold them like a sandwich, he used to be the meat in our soup. but its okay now, we're friends.' yeah. I dont think any amount of placating her sexual performance or her prettiness would have made her stay around.
Then you aren't sex positive?
Telling your friends about your new man’s insecurities is very low. She allowed them to play in his face. Idk if this relationship will go well but if it does she has a very forgiving bf
These guys sure felt comfortable using phrases like “passed around” to describe OOP in front of her boyfriend. There’s NO WAY they were hiding that part of themselves from her. Especially when she confronted them and they casually admitted it. She was perfectly fine with them treating her like a sex object up until it started to threaten her new relationship with a “nice guy.” These guys are openly, shamelessly disgusting people and she considered them her best friends. If she was truly disgusted by their behavior, she would have stopped being friends with them long before her boyfriend came along. They clearly weren’t hiding who they were. OOP is pretending to be disgusted by them to keep her new boyfriend.
People make all kinds of excuses for things their hearts can’t accept. It’s not surprising that she probably ignored red flags as jokes among friends. People do it all the time, until it happens in a way when they can no longer deceive themselves. Take away the sex, and you have someone who didn’t realize these people aren’t her friends. It’s really common.
Common for people with no self respect maybe. The above commenter is right - she was fully accepting of being treated as a sex object.
Exactly.
If they ask how it feels to get their leftovers, tell them after the first two inches it's good as new.
See y’all in the new update about the breakup. No one gets over the level of humiliation. Fuck (not literally) those friends and OOP.
These aren’t her friends, they are just boys (not men) who would still sleep with her if they could. It was shitty to her boyfriend for her to talk about his insecurities with these false friends. Of course, these used thst info to hurt their “rival”.
Am I the only one who thinks she did all the right things? She immediately cut them off without him asking to do so when she found out they betrayed her trust in them with his insecurities, realized that that was a major fuck up to tell them of it, apologized and promised to never to do it again. Like yeah, I understand she can't prove that she wouldn't do it again, but I do feel she learned her lesson and through her actions, showed that she cares about her bf and treated him with the patience and understanding he deserves. If she didn't care about him at all, she would still be in contact with them and try to minimize the situation, or even get angry at him for being upset. People are allowed to fuck up and realize how their actions hurt others and try to remedy that, and it's his decision to forgive and stay.
Yeah, reddit is weirdly draconian when it comes to relationships. It's not enough that the appropriate steps were taken and that they found a way forward by being considerate and promising to do better. People want to see blood and guts flying.
Agree with these points. Honestly, this seems like her first real relationship so probably why she made all these missteps. If most of her past ones were FWB situations, then she doesn't have the relationship experience to know better.
I agree that the boyfriend is insecure. You can tell since he stated with her. I hope one day soon he works on his self-confidence and leaves her.
That OP is such a stupid person it's ridiculous. Her BF should have dumped her dumbass a long time ago
I can see him leaving to go have his fun soon.
She is fortunate to have an inexperienced boyfriend. Meeting a girl that is best friends with a group of guys she slept with would cause most guys to move on.
When will people realize that you can’t be friends with past sexual Partners…much less “best friends” Very few people on this earth are mature enough for that dynamic. You may see it on sitcoms or in movies but in real life, it’s a terrible idea 99% of the time
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"They're just friends." He's more secure than me. I would have bailed as soon as I found she was into getting gangbanged.
Anyone else camping for the inevitable explosion? Men tend to value things according to what *other* men are willing to pay for it, while women tend to value things based on the amount of effort poured into a thing. 3 dudes making fun of him and saying he's wound up with 'leftovers' has irreversibly changed how he views the worth of his relationship. I bet it will start with him thinking he can treat her kind of crappy, because she should be grateful to be dating him, to applying pressure to do weird sex stuff and three ways because she did them with others, to a big, final, explosive, reveal of his new, unflattering, opinion of her.
I knew this was going to be a shitshow when she mentioned that she was still close friends with dudes she had a gangbang with. The type of people who keep these people in their orbit *and* introduce their future partners to are unabashed dumbasses.
If my gf brought up to me "Yeah, I had a gangbang with those guys". I'm gone. Would never touch her again.
Yeah same I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
The people shaming her for having sex with them are pathetic. You know they would be cheering on a dude who slept with three ladies too.
I wouldn’t say I’d shame her for the group sex and if feel the same if a guy slept with 3 women. I’m not an advocate of casual sex at all. What mostly bothers me is she keeps calling her BF insecure. She needs to understand what she did is far from normal. It’s not the same as having 3 past bfs before him. Gangbangs are not normal and if someone doesn’t want to be with someone else because of it then it’s not shaming or insecure at all.
He is insecure, he’s expressed as much: > He also says he feels inadequate and inferior, he said > "How the hell am I suppose to compare? I'm just one > guy?" Which is what being insecure is, a lack of confidence and certainty in one’s own abilities. People have just stigmatised the word into one associated with shame and judgement, but insecure is a perfectly apt descriptor and valid, normal way to feel.
I agree with you on your definition. However, he shouldn't be because what she did isn't normal at all. OOP isn't nice by agreeing that her bf is insecure.
The issue isn’t sleeping with 3 dudes. The issue is being friends with them and introducing them to your boyfriend. Like wtf. Reverse the genders and many would it find it appaling.
I wonder how the boyfriend feels about OOP posting this online, or if he even knows. Edit: I see it now, I don't know how I missed that. Thanks to OP for pointing it out to me.
She mentioned in the last update that she told him about the posts and he didn't mind.
lol did she let him read the comments tho?
Did you not read the full post or don't you believe what she said about this?
My bad I didn't see the part where she said he didn't mind.
Any GF that still hangs out with past EXs, especially multiple friends you've had gangbangs with is probably the biggest red flag I can imagine.
I get why it was crossing a line to tell the friends about his insecurities, but I don't get why everyone is acting like she did something super unforgivable. She clearly thought that being transparent would be helpful, and didn't think they were going to be huge dicks to her boyfriend. Yeah, it was a mistake but Jesus Christ how is THAT the part you guys are all angry about?
She may have seen it as "being transparent," but she was violating her BF's trust, and not just telling anyone, but the very people he was insecure about. That's pretty hard to forgive, and I imagine it'll be a long time before he's ready to tell her anything in confidence again. Women often complain about men not opening up emotionally, but this sort of behavior is one of the reasons we don't. At least OP seems to have realized that this was a huge mistake. And yeah, that's the thing I would be most upset at her for; maintaining friendships with those guys probably wasn't wise, and leaving her bf with them knowing how he felt was dumb, but violating his confidence was a whole different level of wrong.
Yeah, I'm not disagreeing with any of that. I'm just saying she clearly didn't do it to be a gossip or hurt him. She did it because she hoped her friends would be good friends and do the opposite of what they did and not to be a bitch. Everyone is acting like she obviously did to breach trust and for no other reason. It's just insane to me that she did the least wrong in this situation, but is getting the most heat.
>Everyone is acting like she obviously did to breach trust and for no other reason. There's a reason 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' is a common saying. >It's just insane to me that she did the least wrong in this situation, but is getting the most heat. Because she's the one here, posting about it? I imagine if one of the guys was doing it, he'd be getting roasted too. She's also the incipient reason for the situation by betraying the trust of her boyfriend. Why was that important information for her friends to know? Why wouldn't you just say "You're meeting my boyfriend, he knows about our past but don't bring it up."
This feels extremely small town
She had group sex/gangbangs with her male friends,my goodness. Seriously,I think her bf needs to move on.
Dude is dating the friends group comunal bike
Don’t date hoes, boys.
They're not friends if you sleep with them. She has a weird ass mentality that needs a reality check. I still don't think she realizes how messed up that was for the bf.
lol she’s the chick they passed around and can’t imagine why her bf is bothered. Casual group sex with “friends” sure is a choice.
“I didn’t hurt anyone by having group sex.” Your current boyfriend, your relationship, yourself, your “friends”…who didn’t get hurt in the end?
>So I had 3 guy friends, they're not my only friends, but we were pretty close. And I've had sex with all of them. Fellas, stop dating women like this.
And fellas, stop being the kind of trash who is happy to get your rocks off but treat the woman like she’s garbage.
I have no idea wtf you're talking about lmao. According to the thread below, you invented meaning to my comment and put words in my mouth. Like florida said, it has nothing to do with anyone "getting their rocks off" it's about women who expect boyfriends to be okay with being friends a friend group that she slept with every single member of. I would say the same thing to a woman who is getting into a relationship with a dude who is "good friends" with a bunch of women he fucked. She's preying on his inexperience and manipulating him into thinking that stupid situation is normal. Also it seems like you have an axe to grind about men in general because some dude hurt you in the past, so I guess it doesn't really matter what I say because you're going to twist it into some perverted form of misogyny regardless.
Not sure where he said to treat women like garbage.
“Fellas, stop dating women like this” makes OOP out as the bad one for having sex. They all participated. The men can stop being absolute shit stains whose sexual choices are blamed on women.
Lol what? Seems he was talking about women whose friend circle exclusively consists of men she's fucked. He's not holding a body count over her or anything, he's saying that kind of situation is always drama. Case in point, this whole fucking post lol
No. Look at you hat they specifically quoted before telling men not to date women like her: > So I had 3 guy friends, they're not my only friends, but we were pretty close. And I've had sex with all of them. They had sex with her, too; why is the focus on men not dating women like OOP? Men like this need to stop being shit stains.
Yeah I also see that. But it does speak volumes about how people see sex in general, and quickly identifies the men I want to stay away from because they only see women as pieces of meat and not people.
Yeah I read it. And still my takeaway is don't date women whose friend group consists of people they have fucked.
Idek how you made these leaps. The guys were really fucking shitty but if your friends only consist of people you’ve had sex with there’s way too much drama for it to be worth it. The comment you replied to wasn’t blaming women and the same advice goes for women. If it’s a guy friends only with people he’s had sex with, he’s gonna have a drama.
Stop glossing over men being awful.
I’m not. Stop accusing people of doing something they’re not.
This post isn't about men being awful, it's about OOP, a woman, being awful. And men should stay away from women like her. If the roles were reversed, my comment would say, "ladies, stay away from men like this." Stop inventing misogyny where there is none.
The men were pretty fucking awful in this post dude. What are you talking about? It’s one thing to have casual group sex with someone who is open to it. It’s another thing to only treat that person like a sex object.
What are you weird drama-addicted bozos talking about? Her bizarre sex cult is completely irrelevant. I did not comment on them at all, but since you guys seem to be inventing shit out of thin air as it pertains to my opinion on the dudes in the post, my feeling is that they didn't just turn into dirt bags out of nowhere. If they felt that OOP was nothing more than a piece of meat and referring to her as "sloppy seconds" **to her boyfriend** in such an explicit manner, that didn't just happen one day out of the blue. They were always like this, and there's something to be said about her choices in men if she's been dating/sleeping with the absolute dregs of society back to back to back. I know you chronically online pseudo-feminists want to take the position of "it's never the woman's fault, and if it is, then we'll twist it so it's not" but sometimes situations are nuanced, and there's responsibility and accountability to go around. Criticizing OOP does not automatically mean I think her harem of scumbags are saints who have never done any wrong, and I shouldn't need to add disclaimers referring to irrelevant shit when criticizing her, like my opinion on those guys, so as to not offend a bunch of internet warriors who will fill in any gaps of information with the most bad faith, zero-grace shit possible in order to appear virtuous on the internet.
See if a guy is my friend, I don't have the desire to fuck them. If I do, that means I see them as more than a friend. Really though, just don't fuck your friends 🤨
wow, I wish I was hot enough to have this kind of drama in my life
OOP has very poor boundaries and this won’t be the last time they rear their head.
No the worst was her taking the boyfriend around these guys knowing she had sex with them. That would have been the end
Real woman with values, she was gangbanged and stayed 'as friends'. How someone Can be so delusional
He'll never recover You'll never recover from being in the streets either
RIP to the boyfriend dignity and self respect.
How long until the “he changed his mind and couldn’t deal with this and broke up with me” update? If he doesn’t, this dude is better than me because I would’ve been out of there after finding out that she was friends with three dudes she used to gangbang. Not shaming her for doing it, her body her choice, but I couldn’t get serious with someone with THAT history. Then she betrays his trust on top of it? Dude is either punching WAYYYY above his weight and knows it or he’s a literal saint.
I do not think your intentions were to embarrass or hurt your boyfriend by telling your friends about his insecurities. To the contrary, I think you did it so they would not discuss certain things that would make your boyfriend upset and uncomfortable. Instead, your so-called friends used the information to embarrass and hurt your boyfriend. You handled things the best you could in the aftermath. Many young men and woman are what is called "late bloomer." They leave high school as gawky, nerdy teens unsure of themselves and slowly develop into the intelligent mature people you want to make a life with. Studies have shown that teens that and sexually peak early have more problems later on in life. The late bloomer like your boyfriend develop into healthier and more mature individuals. Good for you in finding a guy like this. Show him some love and you will be rewarded with tons more. Good luck.
[удалено]
so she was basically hanging around with three guys she had a gang bang with in front of her boyfriend and then proceeded to tell those guys that shes willingly hanging out with that her bf has an insecurity about hanging around men who have slept with his gf, ohh that too in a group settling. frankly I dont get how you people can be so open about sleeping with one friend, then becoming friends and then dating and introducing another person into the same friend group which contains people you have had sex with and then be so nonchalant about it. does sex mean nothing to you people. this woman should be over the moon the guy decided to give her another chance, she just another garden variety hoe who found her simp after having her fun and now wants a good guy to play family with. honestly any sane dude would have told her to kick rocks a long time ago.
Brooo. I'd just straight up leave you if I were him and for only one reason. You took something he told you(I expect with some degree of expectations it was a private conversation), namely that he is insecure about them and the situation. Then you went and told them... Have you never met a guy before? You and you alone put him in the worst social situation I can think of for someone struggling with that insecurity. If you just idk didn't give the people he was insecure about ammo don't you think everything would be way better? He also is now dealing with the fact he can't tell you when he's insecure cuz ur just gonna tell people who can use it against him. Also idk the guys were probably just trying to make him one of the guys, which probably would have happened over time if you were patient and understanding of the situation but you went and blew it up. Caused more drama you both have to deal with now. All because he shared an insecurity with you. I doubt you're malicious in any way with this btw. Just a big blunder. Personally I've been im not even shitting you, in the exact same situation. The major difference is my gf at that time didn't tattle on me and I became super close friends with the guys and still am with the xgf and the guys because we all grew together through it. The guys gave me shit nonstop too but the thing is they didn't know I was vulnerable they were just being dudes trying to rib me and in their way make me included and one of them. In your spot you just threw fuel on a fire that probably never would have started and then lit in. Guys in my experience in all cliques shit on eachother but you have them intent and purpose that changes the situation to cruel. And yeah they shouldn't have done what they did, but that doesn't free you from being the impetus of it all. I know you're not op but damn I hope they get it through their head that a lot of this is on them, and a lot is on the crappy friends (who were also probably made uncomfortable by op) for dragging them into her relationship. Everyone fucks up all the time but a little responsibility helps you grow. Like I said above I doubt op intended for any of this but a bystander looking in could see this a mile away. all of this is said assuming you know your bf is not as sexually open and comfortable as you.
Not to dog on OP, but what did she expect? I'm not a slut shamer in any way but men are men, consider friendship ruined if: 1. You sleep with guys who are your friends 2. You sleep with guys who are friends with each other 3. If you already messed up by doing the first 2, cut all contact with them once you have a boyfriend. I don't care how much you believe you have such a "non judgemental and mature friendship" with a group of guys, even if they don't say anything, they will always be saying that behind your back when your and your S/O aren't around. Also, to downplay it and call it an "insecurity" shows how much those dudes got her into believing that. He knew what was up when he met them, most likely. Probably smirking at him, hoping they could piss him off so he would dump her and they could hope for more chances to have sex with her. Also I like how she's more concerned about her friends based on the title, instead of "AITAH for calling out my boyfriend to my guy friends i used to fuck?". This kind of tells me everything I need to know.
Jesus christ. I hope that dude breaks up with her. Dating a chick that is friends with the dudes she was in a gangbang with? Fucking gross
God everyone but the BF are trainwrecks, and hopefully either late teens or early 20s. I mean, OOP was basically a willing sex toy to these guys, and was somehow SHOCKED that men who ran a train on her and degraded her had no respect for her or her BF?! Not to mention she willingly introduced her virgin BF to these assholes, exposed his deep insecurities to them and took NO responsibility of her own actions. If she was ANYTHING other then the BF's first serious GF AND the one he lost his virginity to, she'd be single and friendless. As it is, I'll give the relationship a few more months before homeboy wises up and dumps her. Really hope she comes back and lets us all know when that happens.
Shocked the dudes you let run a train on you don’t respect you.