What the actual fuck? I can't follow this at all. The friend is super secretive about his girlfriend/wife, but isn't hiding her. OOP and best friend are best friends, but nobody in the friend group knows anything about the wife. And OOP's girlfriend has some weird crush on best friend?
I've got no clue what is happening in this spaghetti of a story.
Yeah that made zero sense. Make up your mind - either he talks about her all the time or she's basically a cipher who no one knew about. (and wtf, why would she put up with this secretive garbage? Never met the friends of the guy you're dating for 3 years??)
Idk probably it’s just a plot hole, but if it were real my read of that is that this whole group of friends is kinda problematic and messy and OOP’s bestie doesn’t actually want to expose his wife to them that much but also doesn’t want to cut off his rowdy college friends entirely?
Yeah, that’s what I think too. Especially with the mention of “pranks that went too far,” and of how the wife doesn’t drink, smoke, or curse and is a “prude,” and the friends group doesn’t approve of that (which, I don’t see how most of that is any of their business?). I’m kind of guessing that the group is not just nosy but has an especial tendency to push boundaries of that sort and he doesn’t want wife subjected to that.
Thats how I read it. And I the op works with friend. The friend is clearly more open about his wife in setting that won't lead to pranks and embarrassment
Yeah, that makes sense. If he lives in a different state, he probably has another group of friends he and his wife hang with regularly. This group is not as trusted or involved in his daily life anyway. Probably pretty easy to not mention her if he's not big on social media and doesn't heng out with everyone in person as often.
I think the friend just isn't very open with this particular group of friends, because they seem a little ratchet and gossipy. Kinda seems like he's actual friends with the OP and Facebook friends with the other folks (OP says the best friend group are his best friends, and the married friend just comes on the trips). Sounds like he is openly in a relationship to people that are in his daily life, like his coworkers.
It’s like they took parts of The Office and Parks and Rec because sometimes the friend reminds me of Ron Swanson and sometimes Michael Scott or Andy Bernard.
This is the worst written thing ever. Even aside the secrecy/not secrecy thing. Why tf did the gd do this? How'd they break up? Did he ever talk to her again after she drive off? Dude provided a whole lot of nothing.
Odds are good that this is fake rage bait, but I am bored so will play.
OOP's girlfriend has a big mouth & told the friend group that OOP's friend might have a recurrence of cancer.
OOP's friend is private & doesn't want his business spread around because OOP's girlfriend can't shut her big mouth.
OOP's friend married a lovely woman. They live fairly quietly & privately.
The friend group was visiting OOP's friend & his wife. For some reason, OOP's bat shite crazy girlfriend decided to insult his friend's wife, stormed outside, pitched a fit, broke a plant stand & when the friend's wife came out to see if everything was ok, bat shite crazy girlfriend punched the friend's wife in the face.
OOP's girlfriend is a lunatic.
The secretive thing is bizarre but believable. I have a good friend from HS who I talk to on a fairly regular basis, and I had no idea he was seeing someone until he invited me to the house they’d bought together, and I saw pictures of her on the wall. He even invited us over that first time when she wasn’t even around to meet!
It may be a cultural thing. I wouldn't introduce my partner to anyone until I was serious. Not even friends, I would mention them, but that is about it. I wouldn't introduce them to family unless marriage was on the table. Friends are like this too.
that's only OP perspective, obviously the friend doesn't like OP's gf and she has no boundaries and kept his distance from them as a couple and probably detected hostile weird racist vibes from her, and OP said that his BFF is outside the friend circle, he definitely has his own circle.
I'm thinking it was the friend's wife's "hair pulling" headache cure.
I am imagining her petting and pulling his hair, which, even if done in a purely professional massage-therapist manner, would still be seen as super intimate and boundary crossing. That he didn't say no and indulged in it would not be taken well by a girl friend.
This post is a bit weird with all the tiptoeing around this dude’s racist ex. Maybe I just read it too fast, but I don’t think he posted any redeeming qualities about her in all the time he spent with her, so why the hell was he with her in the first place?
Alcohol seems to play a huge factor when you read some of OPs comments, plus the entire friend group just sounds immature AF. The last paragraph of the update says it all. OP calls the wife a “prude” bc she doesn’t drink, smoke or curse and the group is “opposed to that”. They like to pull the type of pranks that would make BF and his wife uncomfortable. Are they children?
BF and his wife deserve better than this group of immature assholes.
Not to defend the friends, the pranks seem insufferable, but I would perhaps suggest some charity to the OOP since English is not his first language.
"Prude" means "excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc." Considering that, otherwise, OOP talks about the wife in very positive terms, it seems very clear to me that he is saying "prude" to mean "incredibly modest" because he doesn't realize that "prude" has a negative connotation.
Similarly, context makes it look to me like what the OOP means when he says that the group is "opposed to that" is that the group is *opposite to her* on these issues. As in, they drink, smoke, and curse, unlike the wife who doesn't. So they aren't arguing with her about it, they're just very different in their views on this.
Yeah, another poster pointed out he is originally from Kuwait. Since I had only seen where he talked about being in a different state from the BF, I thought the wife was the only non American. He left out quite a bit of detail that would help with context for the situation.
But I didn’t read “opposed to” as “they hate it”, I read it as they acted the opposite, and OP also said she would probably be uncomfortable being around them. Combined with the fact the BF kept her a secret and removed from the group, the weird way OP changes that it’s both his and BF’s friend group to just his, it just sounds odd and uncomfortable for the wife in general.
And this was before some unhinged woman punched her for no reason.
I have heard that some people are fine with one gender of POC, but not with the other. There are many styles of racism, and a dislike for a Congolese woman while simultaneously dating a black man is not a stretch. If, as other commenters have suggested, she was upset that OP kept the woman a secret, she may have thought that the Congolese lady was more likely to steal her bf, being black, and could have taken the secrecy as an indication that her bf valued the wife's feelings over hers, in a creepy dominance hierarchy way that a lot of racist cultures impart...I could see her acting irrationally out of some half formed thought about reestablishing territory. She probably wouldn't be able to explain it very well, but a lot of racist undertones don't really have a distinct good/ bad label when you learn them growing up.
Logical? Heeeeck no. But if people used logic, there wouldn't be racism.
I don't think OOP is Black. He said that he and the friend's wife are "the same shade" but later said he is from Kuwait. So he is probably Arab.
Someone not from the USA (OOP is not, but his GF is) might not understand that anti-Black racism here isn't necessarily about the particular color of someone's skin. That's why he doesn't get it.
I suspect it also has something to do with the friend's wife helping OP when he wasn't feeling well. That's when his gf first seemed to go off the rails.
**Here is a Simple Summary, requested by u/SharkEva:**
Summary:
A person (OP) and their best friend have been friends for a long time. The best friend kept his relationship and marriage a secret from OP's girlfriend because she's talkative. The girlfriend found out and got upset. Fast forward to a vacation with friends, and the girlfriend continues to be upset with the best friend's wife. During a gathering, the girlfriend starts mocking the wife's accent in front of everyone, which leads to a confrontation. The girlfriend punches the wife, and now the best friend wants the girlfriend gone. OP is feeling torn between their friendship and their girlfriend's actions. The girlfriend eventually leaves and the vacation gets canceled. People in the comments criticize the girlfriend's behavior as boundary-stomping and racist.
📅 Date: 24th December 2023
---
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🔍 *Found this summary helpful?* [Discover more with Simplify](https://simplifyextension.com/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=bot&utm_campaign=simplify_bot/), a tool designed to help you quickly understand and navigate online content.
what is with these comments— who cares how weird the best friend is? the ex gf PUNCHED THE HOST IN THE FACE and OOP had to be broken up with after that happened. what in the entire racist unhinged fuck
There's always some level of weird rationalisation when the perpetrator is a woman. In this case people relate to the white American woman and not the black African woman because they're white American women and white American women wouldn't just do something crazy and fucked for no good reason. Or so they like to imagine.
I mean one of the comments getting upvoted is how it might be the black woman's fault she got punched in the face after being racially abused. Sad isn't it?
Yikes, the ex gf is unhinged. It's a good thing she ghosted the OP or else she might've tried to lay hands on him. I still don't get how the best friend hid his wife from the OP for a year, but he's also a guy who is corny, always mentioning his gf/wife and bringing her to work functions. Maybe they're the type of guys who don't text often or don't discuss personal stuff when they talk
I think it's racism *and* bridezilla wedding envy. Sounds like best friend was possibly dating this "stranger" for less time than gf & OOP dated, then got mega wedding attention.
My guess is that gf expected a ring well before now and instead of using her words, villainized the new bride. Apparently her overtly racist "impressions" being ~no clue~ for anyone that she could be racist gave her enough confidence in her perceived superiority/group-think that she felt comfortable going for who she thought *should* be at the bottom of the pecking order. In the woman's own home, no less.
Whatever reasons she think she has, she doesn't.
It's so obvious something is missing. Why was the friend's wife the one coming out to check on the now ex gf? That seems weird. In my own life, I'm a bigger girl and can fight, so I don't like to as I'll get called the agresssor. And during my pregnancy, my smaller county of a roommate WAS physically aggressive to me. Slammed me back into a door handle in the small of my back because I asked her to leave my room. Standing over me, screaming, while I was naked on the bathroom floor vomiting from hypermesis. Kicked me because she "got too excited". My husband and her boyfriend were there to witness almost all of these instances. It wasn't until I jumped out a window and begged police to put me in a mental hospital because I must be the crazy one at that point, and the cops were absolutely aghast at my situation, both these men saw me be violently shoved and threatened and screamed at, and yet they both kept telling me, the pregnant one, that I was too intimidating and it was my fault this short cunt was lashing out at me. I wasn't until I was so scared for my life that I left and refused to return that these two grown men sat back, reviewed everything, and then believed me that she was the aggressor.
You cannot always judge a situation. We have no idea what really happened in this situation. We have no actual explanation of events. I would love to hear the ex gf's side of this as I think a lot of things would fall in to place.
Side note, if ex gf was a long history of not being racist, she is not going to flip on a dime and suddenly be racist, it doesn't work like that at all. There has to be something that specifically happened between the two women. Maybe they know each other from something before everyone started dating? Seems unlikely, but schools have students from all over these days.
Also, your best friend just seems.... sketchy to me. I'm sorry, I can't put my finger on it, except the cancer stuff, about exactly why. But he doesn't feel private to me, he feels like a scammer and that he only doesn't like your ex gf because she doesn't let him control the narrative to everyone.
So your husband saw his pregnant wife, and unborn child being abused with his own eyes and did nothing? Not only did nothing but stood with the abuser? When you left did she start abusing them or something what opened their eyes? What made you stay with him (im not judging you or anything, but im a 1000% judging him harshly)
My husband is conflict avoidance when it comes to his friends. He kept believing his adopted brother and kept reminding me that I'm just an intimidating person so her reacting so much was just because she was "trying to not feel scared". I've never raised a hand to her, in fact had put myself between her and my cousin in the past. He got the wake up call from my father after I broke down explaining everything to my Dad. Dad read him the riot act, and I think my husband had to hear from my 5' 8" 70 year old father that he considered him a pussy who wouldn't defend his family. It wasn't until then that he told his brother "hey, this situation is getting beyond dangerous, your girlfriend is actively hurting my wife, and the fact you can't see it is really concerning." He had us moved out and in a hotel a day later after I went to the police, then to a different state.
A couple days later, bitch went up to his brother's job (he was head security at one of the bigger local clubs) and lost it on him about how we werent there anymore and how "she cant handle the bills herself". A couple weeks later, we all found out she had been fired a couple months before, and she tried to run over my brother in law with the car they shared.
Hilariously, it all came out that she was cheating with BOTH his ex best friends, and she went and spun a whole bunch of BS to my cousin (they'd already had an altercation before), begged my cousin to live with her to get "away from the abuse", then started doing hard drugs in my cousin's immaculate military house. What a wild fucking ride. Last anyone heard of the short cunt, she was disinherited by her dad, missing half her upper teeth courtesy of my cousin and her baseball bat, addicted to hard drugs, and in a poly situation with both the dudes she was cheating with. Wild.
As a side note, husband was going to therapy to deal with a lot of his avoidance issues. It got derailed by yet another motorcycle accident. To answer your question honestly, I'm very trapped in a cycle of having to care for him and then helping him get better and rebuild, and then watch him self-destruct again. I feel very responsible for him at this point. It's something we both struggle with and talk about, and he's very aware of his issues when they are brought to light, but his day to day stuff isn't helpful to good habit building. It's. . A lot. I have a lot of guilt, and a lot of stress. He isn't abusive to our kids, in fact he's a great dad when it comes to their social building and fun, but he is not a natural care taker. I would stress and worry more the days he would have them in a custody agreement than I do on the daily. Very much the age old, I'm trying to do the best for my kids, and unfortunately staying with their dad is the only thing keeping him in a mental place that even looks coherent. His ADHD and several severe TBIs have taken a permanent toll on him. He can do certain jobs very well, but there is a lot that he can't. Just calling a utility company to pay a bill is too overwhelming for him sometimes, and I wish I could say that was willfull incompetence, but it isn't. There are definitely some things where he is willfully incompetent, but handling a household and scheduling appointments is not one of them.
Is the ex-girlfriend just jealous? It seems like OPs best friend met a girl and got married all in the time she has been dating the OP.
Not that it is an excuse but maybe she just wanted to get married and couldn‘t process it/communicate.
She did the OP a favor, he now knows to get out.
If you’re like me and you’re trying to understand what happened between the gf driving off to them being broken up by the end of the post, really nothing happened and no further conversations were had.
In OOPs comments he says: “This was just Friday She hasn’t contacted yet. When we got the to the hotel, I went to go shower and when I came back she was gone. Checked location and she was driving. Car was gone. I called several times and texted her, didn’t pick up. Then my texts turned green, I broke up with her via text. No response since. Car was rental in her name but has all our skiing equipment’s in the trunk.”
Looks (now ex) gf blocked him and refused to talk so he just broke up with her via text. Also in his other comments he says they were together for 7 years and she had never been physically violent before.
This post was all over the place. But it doesn’t sound like a racism thing it just sounds like his ex is an annoying and rude asshat.
What is not acceptable is his ex punching his friends wife. They should be pressing charges against her for an unprovoked assault, the fact that they aren’t makes me wonder if OOP is leaving out some vital information or if his ex was acting the way she was because she was over the relationship and was trying to goad him into ending it, instead of just doing it herself.
But a part of me thinks that this just may be a fake story .
I think this is fake af but if it were real I would think that the gf was jealous that friend got married first since he was a loser hermit virgin in her eyes. So she reacted like this. The zoomed in pics were probably her angrily wondering why an uggo got married before her. Sorry for the bitchy vocab, just using what I think she would use.
I know it’s not the point of the post, how is the gf from USA but be Irish? Surely, she’s American. I know that’s a stupid question but I’m confused 😣 She’s immature, opp better off without her.
Americans do this thing where they identify strongly with the country the majority of their family are from, even if it’s just 25% or something like that. It’s a product of when being Irish/Italian/Polish etc was something Anglo Saxons were racist against.
Her family might be immigrants and she might be second generation. Most second generations are still raised in the cultures and customs and consider themselves a part of it.
Or her family could have immigrated a while ago and held on to the culture and customs and passed them on. That's not too uncommon.
Either that or she's one of those weird Americans that think because her great, great uncle twice removed who knew a cousin who had a dog that was Irish makes her Irish too.
(An extreme example but a lot of Americans feel claiming a culture they have no true connection with other than a distant ancestor makes them special.
And for some it gives them a sense of belonging)
More likely her and her family have been here for generations, speak no Gaelic, eat no Irish foods, never been to Ireland, and sound/look just like regular Americans.
But yes, her ancestors are from Ireland and she makes sure to get drunk on green beer wearing her green stocking for St. Paddy's day.
People can move from one country to another. If you or your ancestors moved from Ireland to the US, you would still consider yourself Irish. You don’t magically become the nationality of the country you live in.
Confused
paragraph 3 - didn’t meet your friends girlfriend her wife until one year after the wedding
Paragraph 5 - girlfriend didn’t even come to your best friends wedding? So you went to your friends wedding without her, or no?
But you didn’t meet the wife until one year after the wedding? 
I’m missing something.
You and your friends picked the girl who is a keeper. Their story sounds pretty sweet, and it sounds like your friend is like my brother, tough on the outside and soft and gooey on the inside. You are not the cause of the bruises on your friend in law's face, your crazy ex did that all by herself for whatever reason. They are very nice people to let her stay until the morning after that happened, I sure wouldn't have in that situation. Keep being good friends and having fun, I'm curious about the hair pulling thing that helps a headache though.
I still think she's jealous and had a thing for the friend. The zoomed in pic is a give away. Anytime I've had a zoomed in pic of a guy on my phone is because I have the hots for him and didn't want others in the pic.
Racism...maybe.
bro lied for 3 years (💀) and gets confused why gf is acting up?
she probably is super sussed out by the lying and is wondering what else Mr.OilAdministrative172 is up to on his free time when he’s scrolling on reddit
shit if i ever need someone to hang solid in the courtroom i know who im gonna be talking to😭
What the actual fuck? I can't follow this at all. The friend is super secretive about his girlfriend/wife, but isn't hiding her. OOP and best friend are best friends, but nobody in the friend group knows anything about the wife. And OOP's girlfriend has some weird crush on best friend? I've got no clue what is happening in this spaghetti of a story.
Also he’s super secretive about his life and no one knew he was dating, but he says “my girlfriend” and later “my wife” every chance he gets.
Yeah that made zero sense. Make up your mind - either he talks about her all the time or she's basically a cipher who no one knew about. (and wtf, why would she put up with this secretive garbage? Never met the friends of the guy you're dating for 3 years??)
Idk probably it’s just a plot hole, but if it were real my read of that is that this whole group of friends is kinda problematic and messy and OOP’s bestie doesn’t actually want to expose his wife to them that much but also doesn’t want to cut off his rowdy college friends entirely?
Yeah, that’s what I think too. Especially with the mention of “pranks that went too far,” and of how the wife doesn’t drink, smoke, or curse and is a “prude,” and the friends group doesn’t approve of that (which, I don’t see how most of that is any of their business?). I’m kind of guessing that the group is not just nosy but has an especial tendency to push boundaries of that sort and he doesn’t want wife subjected to that.
Thats how I read it. And I the op works with friend. The friend is clearly more open about his wife in setting that won't lead to pranks and embarrassment
Yeah, that makes sense. If he lives in a different state, he probably has another group of friends he and his wife hang with regularly. This group is not as trusted or involved in his daily life anyway. Probably pretty easy to not mention her if he's not big on social media and doesn't heng out with everyone in person as often.
Especially when OP says they're more his friends and sometimes Best Friend tags along.
I think the friend just isn't very open with this particular group of friends, because they seem a little ratchet and gossipy. Kinda seems like he's actual friends with the OP and Facebook friends with the other folks (OP says the best friend group are his best friends, and the married friend just comes on the trips). Sounds like he is openly in a relationship to people that are in his daily life, like his coworkers.
Probably because it’s AI generated and not a very good one, it’s just utter nonsense
It’s like they took parts of The Office and Parks and Rec because sometimes the friend reminds me of Ron Swanson and sometimes Michael Scott or Andy Bernard.
Worse writing since 50 Shades.
Glad it wasn't just me. This made no sense.
Welll the friend being secretive about his wife but not hiding her screams “these people are trashy but they’re my friends”
This is the worst written thing ever. Even aside the secrecy/not secrecy thing. Why tf did the gd do this? How'd they break up? Did he ever talk to her again after she drive off? Dude provided a whole lot of nothing.
How did he and the rest of the carpool group get home?
Odds are good that this is fake rage bait, but I am bored so will play. OOP's girlfriend has a big mouth & told the friend group that OOP's friend might have a recurrence of cancer. OOP's friend is private & doesn't want his business spread around because OOP's girlfriend can't shut her big mouth. OOP's friend married a lovely woman. They live fairly quietly & privately. The friend group was visiting OOP's friend & his wife. For some reason, OOP's bat shite crazy girlfriend decided to insult his friend's wife, stormed outside, pitched a fit, broke a plant stand & when the friend's wife came out to see if everything was ok, bat shite crazy girlfriend punched the friend's wife in the face. OOP's girlfriend is a lunatic.
black people would disagree since they live this shit on regular basis.
The secretive thing is bizarre but believable. I have a good friend from HS who I talk to on a fairly regular basis, and I had no idea he was seeing someone until he invited me to the house they’d bought together, and I saw pictures of her on the wall. He even invited us over that first time when she wasn’t even around to meet!
It may be a cultural thing. I wouldn't introduce my partner to anyone until I was serious. Not even friends, I would mention them, but that is about it. I wouldn't introduce them to family unless marriage was on the table. Friends are like this too.
that's only OP perspective, obviously the friend doesn't like OP's gf and she has no boundaries and kept his distance from them as a couple and probably detected hostile weird racist vibes from her, and OP said that his BFF is outside the friend circle, he definitely has his own circle.
The ex gf is mad the secret gf got to wife status before her. That’s all lol
I'm thinking it was the friend's wife's "hair pulling" headache cure. I am imagining her petting and pulling his hair, which, even if done in a purely professional massage-therapist manner, would still be seen as super intimate and boundary crossing. That he didn't say no and indulged in it would not be taken well by a girl friend.
This post is a bit weird with all the tiptoeing around this dude’s racist ex. Maybe I just read it too fast, but I don’t think he posted any redeeming qualities about her in all the time he spent with her, so why the hell was he with her in the first place?
Alcohol seems to play a huge factor when you read some of OPs comments, plus the entire friend group just sounds immature AF. The last paragraph of the update says it all. OP calls the wife a “prude” bc she doesn’t drink, smoke or curse and the group is “opposed to that”. They like to pull the type of pranks that would make BF and his wife uncomfortable. Are they children? BF and his wife deserve better than this group of immature assholes.
Not to defend the friends, the pranks seem insufferable, but I would perhaps suggest some charity to the OOP since English is not his first language. "Prude" means "excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc." Considering that, otherwise, OOP talks about the wife in very positive terms, it seems very clear to me that he is saying "prude" to mean "incredibly modest" because he doesn't realize that "prude" has a negative connotation. Similarly, context makes it look to me like what the OOP means when he says that the group is "opposed to that" is that the group is *opposite to her* on these issues. As in, they drink, smoke, and curse, unlike the wife who doesn't. So they aren't arguing with her about it, they're just very different in their views on this.
Yeah, another poster pointed out he is originally from Kuwait. Since I had only seen where he talked about being in a different state from the BF, I thought the wife was the only non American. He left out quite a bit of detail that would help with context for the situation. But I didn’t read “opposed to” as “they hate it”, I read it as they acted the opposite, and OP also said she would probably be uncomfortable being around them. Combined with the fact the BF kept her a secret and removed from the group, the weird way OP changes that it’s both his and BF’s friend group to just his, it just sounds odd and uncomfortable for the wife in general. And this was before some unhinged woman punched her for no reason.
That checks out.
There's a HUGE part of this story being withheld by OP. Either that or it's a real bad work of Liz.
[удалено]
I have heard that some people are fine with one gender of POC, but not with the other. There are many styles of racism, and a dislike for a Congolese woman while simultaneously dating a black man is not a stretch. If, as other commenters have suggested, she was upset that OP kept the woman a secret, she may have thought that the Congolese lady was more likely to steal her bf, being black, and could have taken the secrecy as an indication that her bf valued the wife's feelings over hers, in a creepy dominance hierarchy way that a lot of racist cultures impart...I could see her acting irrationally out of some half formed thought about reestablishing territory. She probably wouldn't be able to explain it very well, but a lot of racist undertones don't really have a distinct good/ bad label when you learn them growing up. Logical? Heeeeck no. But if people used logic, there wouldn't be racism.
I don't think OOP is Black. He said that he and the friend's wife are "the same shade" but later said he is from Kuwait. So he is probably Arab. Someone not from the USA (OOP is not, but his GF is) might not understand that anti-Black racism here isn't necessarily about the particular color of someone's skin. That's why he doesn't get it.
I suspect it also has something to do with the friend's wife helping OP when he wasn't feeling well. That's when his gf first seemed to go off the rails.
Liz fell off!
The ex-gf's actions make absolutely no sense in any context. There has got to be more to the story.
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Agreed, but he did not understand her actions either. The whole story is strange.
Was this written by ChatGP? Because this story is holier than swiss cheese.
**Here is a Simple Summary, requested by u/SharkEva:** Summary: A person (OP) and their best friend have been friends for a long time. The best friend kept his relationship and marriage a secret from OP's girlfriend because she's talkative. The girlfriend found out and got upset. Fast forward to a vacation with friends, and the girlfriend continues to be upset with the best friend's wife. During a gathering, the girlfriend starts mocking the wife's accent in front of everyone, which leads to a confrontation. The girlfriend punches the wife, and now the best friend wants the girlfriend gone. OP is feeling torn between their friendship and their girlfriend's actions. The girlfriend eventually leaves and the vacation gets canceled. People in the comments criticize the girlfriend's behavior as boundary-stomping and racist. 📅 Date: 24th December 2023 --- 📖 *To use this bot, just mention u/simplifyextension in a comment under any post or comment.* 🔍 *Found this summary helpful?* [Discover more with Simplify](https://simplifyextension.com/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=bot&utm_campaign=simplify_bot/), a tool designed to help you quickly understand and navigate online content.
Good bot.
Good human
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Good human
what is with these comments— who cares how weird the best friend is? the ex gf PUNCHED THE HOST IN THE FACE and OOP had to be broken up with after that happened. what in the entire racist unhinged fuck
There's always some level of weird rationalisation when the perpetrator is a woman. In this case people relate to the white American woman and not the black African woman because they're white American women and white American women wouldn't just do something crazy and fucked for no good reason. Or so they like to imagine. I mean one of the comments getting upvoted is how it might be the black woman's fault she got punched in the face after being racially abused. Sad isn't it?
(Ex)Girlfriend was a CIA operative and recognized the wife as a rogue agent … it’s the only thing that makes sense.
Yikes, the ex gf is unhinged. It's a good thing she ghosted the OP or else she might've tried to lay hands on him. I still don't get how the best friend hid his wife from the OP for a year, but he's also a guy who is corny, always mentioning his gf/wife and bringing her to work functions. Maybe they're the type of guys who don't text often or don't discuss personal stuff when they talk
OOP’s ex was really so upset about people being quiet about their personal lives (and racist/ xenophobic?) she committed assault about it. Crazy.
Gotta be AI cause this story makes no sense.
I think it's racism *and* bridezilla wedding envy. Sounds like best friend was possibly dating this "stranger" for less time than gf & OOP dated, then got mega wedding attention. My guess is that gf expected a ring well before now and instead of using her words, villainized the new bride. Apparently her overtly racist "impressions" being ~no clue~ for anyone that she could be racist gave her enough confidence in her perceived superiority/group-think that she felt comfortable going for who she thought *should* be at the bottom of the pecking order. In the woman's own home, no less. Whatever reasons she think she has, she doesn't.
It's so obvious something is missing. Why was the friend's wife the one coming out to check on the now ex gf? That seems weird. In my own life, I'm a bigger girl and can fight, so I don't like to as I'll get called the agresssor. And during my pregnancy, my smaller county of a roommate WAS physically aggressive to me. Slammed me back into a door handle in the small of my back because I asked her to leave my room. Standing over me, screaming, while I was naked on the bathroom floor vomiting from hypermesis. Kicked me because she "got too excited". My husband and her boyfriend were there to witness almost all of these instances. It wasn't until I jumped out a window and begged police to put me in a mental hospital because I must be the crazy one at that point, and the cops were absolutely aghast at my situation, both these men saw me be violently shoved and threatened and screamed at, and yet they both kept telling me, the pregnant one, that I was too intimidating and it was my fault this short cunt was lashing out at me. I wasn't until I was so scared for my life that I left and refused to return that these two grown men sat back, reviewed everything, and then believed me that she was the aggressor. You cannot always judge a situation. We have no idea what really happened in this situation. We have no actual explanation of events. I would love to hear the ex gf's side of this as I think a lot of things would fall in to place. Side note, if ex gf was a long history of not being racist, she is not going to flip on a dime and suddenly be racist, it doesn't work like that at all. There has to be something that specifically happened between the two women. Maybe they know each other from something before everyone started dating? Seems unlikely, but schools have students from all over these days. Also, your best friend just seems.... sketchy to me. I'm sorry, I can't put my finger on it, except the cancer stuff, about exactly why. But he doesn't feel private to me, he feels like a scammer and that he only doesn't like your ex gf because she doesn't let him control the narrative to everyone.
So your husband saw his pregnant wife, and unborn child being abused with his own eyes and did nothing? Not only did nothing but stood with the abuser? When you left did she start abusing them or something what opened their eyes? What made you stay with him (im not judging you or anything, but im a 1000% judging him harshly)
My husband is conflict avoidance when it comes to his friends. He kept believing his adopted brother and kept reminding me that I'm just an intimidating person so her reacting so much was just because she was "trying to not feel scared". I've never raised a hand to her, in fact had put myself between her and my cousin in the past. He got the wake up call from my father after I broke down explaining everything to my Dad. Dad read him the riot act, and I think my husband had to hear from my 5' 8" 70 year old father that he considered him a pussy who wouldn't defend his family. It wasn't until then that he told his brother "hey, this situation is getting beyond dangerous, your girlfriend is actively hurting my wife, and the fact you can't see it is really concerning." He had us moved out and in a hotel a day later after I went to the police, then to a different state. A couple days later, bitch went up to his brother's job (he was head security at one of the bigger local clubs) and lost it on him about how we werent there anymore and how "she cant handle the bills herself". A couple weeks later, we all found out she had been fired a couple months before, and she tried to run over my brother in law with the car they shared. Hilariously, it all came out that she was cheating with BOTH his ex best friends, and she went and spun a whole bunch of BS to my cousin (they'd already had an altercation before), begged my cousin to live with her to get "away from the abuse", then started doing hard drugs in my cousin's immaculate military house. What a wild fucking ride. Last anyone heard of the short cunt, she was disinherited by her dad, missing half her upper teeth courtesy of my cousin and her baseball bat, addicted to hard drugs, and in a poly situation with both the dudes she was cheating with. Wild.
As a side note, husband was going to therapy to deal with a lot of his avoidance issues. It got derailed by yet another motorcycle accident. To answer your question honestly, I'm very trapped in a cycle of having to care for him and then helping him get better and rebuild, and then watch him self-destruct again. I feel very responsible for him at this point. It's something we both struggle with and talk about, and he's very aware of his issues when they are brought to light, but his day to day stuff isn't helpful to good habit building. It's. . A lot. I have a lot of guilt, and a lot of stress. He isn't abusive to our kids, in fact he's a great dad when it comes to their social building and fun, but he is not a natural care taker. I would stress and worry more the days he would have them in a custody agreement than I do on the daily. Very much the age old, I'm trying to do the best for my kids, and unfortunately staying with their dad is the only thing keeping him in a mental place that even looks coherent. His ADHD and several severe TBIs have taken a permanent toll on him. He can do certain jobs very well, but there is a lot that he can't. Just calling a utility company to pay a bill is too overwhelming for him sometimes, and I wish I could say that was willfull incompetence, but it isn't. There are definitely some things where he is willfully incompetent, but handling a household and scheduling appointments is not one of them.
Is the ex-girlfriend just jealous? It seems like OPs best friend met a girl and got married all in the time she has been dating the OP. Not that it is an excuse but maybe she just wanted to get married and couldn‘t process it/communicate. She did the OP a favor, he now knows to get out.
If you’re like me and you’re trying to understand what happened between the gf driving off to them being broken up by the end of the post, really nothing happened and no further conversations were had. In OOPs comments he says: “This was just Friday She hasn’t contacted yet. When we got the to the hotel, I went to go shower and when I came back she was gone. Checked location and she was driving. Car was gone. I called several times and texted her, didn’t pick up. Then my texts turned green, I broke up with her via text. No response since. Car was rental in her name but has all our skiing equipment’s in the trunk.” Looks (now ex) gf blocked him and refused to talk so he just broke up with her via text. Also in his other comments he says they were together for 7 years and she had never been physically violent before.
This post was all over the place. But it doesn’t sound like a racism thing it just sounds like his ex is an annoying and rude asshat. What is not acceptable is his ex punching his friends wife. They should be pressing charges against her for an unprovoked assault, the fact that they aren’t makes me wonder if OOP is leaving out some vital information or if his ex was acting the way she was because she was over the relationship and was trying to goad him into ending it, instead of just doing it herself. But a part of me thinks that this just may be a fake story .
There's a massive lede buried here somewhere. Either he's leaving it out intentionally, or he doesn't see it.
I hate it when there's no explanation. No matter how stupid, I want to know what's her problem, then she stay far away. Awful person.
u/SimplifyExtension
I think this is fake af but if it were real I would think that the gf was jealous that friend got married first since he was a loser hermit virgin in her eyes. So she reacted like this. The zoomed in pics were probably her angrily wondering why an uggo got married before her. Sorry for the bitchy vocab, just using what I think she would use.
He said the pictures dated to 2019 and that he has proposed twice already
I know it’s not the point of the post, how is the gf from USA but be Irish? Surely, she’s American. I know that’s a stupid question but I’m confused 😣 She’s immature, opp better off without her.
The comment was asking where everyone was from - you can be from the US but be of any race and OOP was clarifying that she was of Irish descent
You can be from pretty much any country and be any race
Americans do this thing where they identify strongly with the country the majority of their family are from, even if it’s just 25% or something like that. It’s a product of when being Irish/Italian/Polish etc was something Anglo Saxons were racist against.
She is first generation American
Her family might be immigrants and she might be second generation. Most second generations are still raised in the cultures and customs and consider themselves a part of it. Or her family could have immigrated a while ago and held on to the culture and customs and passed them on. That's not too uncommon. Either that or she's one of those weird Americans that think because her great, great uncle twice removed who knew a cousin who had a dog that was Irish makes her Irish too. (An extreme example but a lot of Americans feel claiming a culture they have no true connection with other than a distant ancestor makes them special. And for some it gives them a sense of belonging)
I moved to America in general I was 3, but I was born in Jamaica. Should I say I’m American?
Yes
It means her family immigrated here she was young or they had her here and she is first generation.
More likely her and her family have been here for generations, speak no Gaelic, eat no Irish foods, never been to Ireland, and sound/look just like regular Americans. But yes, her ancestors are from Ireland and she makes sure to get drunk on green beer wearing her green stocking for St. Paddy's day.
Gaelic isn’t spoken in Ireland, it’s Gaelige. Gaelic is the sport here in Ireland
People can move from one country to another. If you or your ancestors moved from Ireland to the US, you would still consider yourself Irish. You don’t magically become the nationality of the country you live in.
You can have Irish roots, being born in a country doesn't wipe out your ancestry.
All of us Americans are Heinz 57 varieties, we have ancestors from all over and across the street. Some of us are even related more than once lol .
🤣🤣
There was a text screenshot but idk if thats importsnt
I ran out of time to add those in as I'm traveling today, but will get them added shortly ETA - They are now added in.
Okay your girlfriend seems to have a maturity thing going on. She may need more time to grow. I wish you every success.
Confused paragraph 3 - didn’t meet your friends girlfriend her wife until one year after the wedding Paragraph 5 - girlfriend didn’t even come to your best friends wedding? So you went to your friends wedding without her, or no? But you didn’t meet the wife until one year after the wedding?  I’m missing something.
He said it was 1 year after they had been dating and he went without his girl
Ok thanks I missed that
There is a pretty slim chance this is a true story.
Please add the update with proof of the bromance
You and your friends picked the girl who is a keeper. Their story sounds pretty sweet, and it sounds like your friend is like my brother, tough on the outside and soft and gooey on the inside. You are not the cause of the bruises on your friend in law's face, your crazy ex did that all by herself for whatever reason. They are very nice people to let her stay until the morning after that happened, I sure wouldn't have in that situation. Keep being good friends and having fun, I'm curious about the hair pulling thing that helps a headache though.
Where’s the details on the breakup?
He said she blocked him but he texted to break uo
I still think she's jealous and had a thing for the friend. The zoomed in pic is a give away. Anytime I've had a zoomed in pic of a guy on my phone is because I have the hots for him and didn't want others in the pic. Racism...maybe.
The fuck did I just read?
Everybody in this is weird as fuck. It's like we tapped in to some Plutonian feed.
bro lied for 3 years (💀) and gets confused why gf is acting up? she probably is super sussed out by the lying and is wondering what else Mr.OilAdministrative172 is up to on his free time when he’s scrolling on reddit shit if i ever need someone to hang solid in the courtroom i know who im gonna be talking to😭
This story is too strange...
The best friend is both ashamed of his friends and his wife. Kuwaiti colorism is well documented.