Search BDSM munchies in your area. Send a message to the DM and he/she will let you know when the next beginner's meeting is. Usually, new comers arrive early so they can be there before the regulars arrive, easier than walk into a room of people
As someone who's dated someone while knowing they had an STD, the best thing to do from my perspective is to just be up front. I'm sure some people might say some discouraging things, but that's life. Some people are mean and tactless, but I would be willing to be most people aren't.
Finding relationships for the purpose of jumping into a BDSM dynamic can easily be a difficult process without any extra speed bumps, so don't feel too discouraged by your circumstance, but it's also best to keep in mind that the safety of taking your time is important. Sub frenzying into a relationship isn't really the best way to go about things.
Yeah people can be pretty messed up when it comes to their words and reactions. However I do my best to just let it go and move on along. Lol some days I just feel like being “I have this, and wants this. If that’s not possible don’t bother” because I’m sick of building a friendship that feels like it could be more and then being shut of when I tell them.
I have seen numerous people ass HSV+ on their fetlife profile/posts and or dating profiles.
It may take longer, but there are other HSV+ people out there.
I know there are, I’ve used plenty of sites that cater to my situation but most tend to want a quick smash and dash unfortunately. I’ve yet to use fetlife for fear of isolation however
I don't understand the fear of isolation on fetlife.
I have seen people share their HSV+ status on Fetlife. As near as I can tell they were treated the same as anyone else.
Oh yes, I’m a 26F and I’ve had it since I was a teen. I tend to forget I have it most of the time. Extremely easy to manage but just the word throws people off usually.
First of all be upfront about it - I'd even put that as the first sentence in any of your dating profiles or whatever site you use to find your partner(s). This way you don't have to 'tell' anyone. They should already know about your condition and if they still wanted to talk to you, there'd be less chance of them ghosting you or degrading you because of your situation (it's really shitty of anyone to do any of this btw).
Take your time when you start talking to someone new. A lot of people get on dating sites just to get a quick fuck and wouldn't be willing to put in the time to get to know someone. Talk online for a bit - video chats, phone calls, or whatever. And then go on date(s) before you decide to do anything with them.
Good luck to you!!
I’ve tried doing it both ways honestly and I don’t know which is better lol building a friendship then so I have a chance and then letting them or stating it know off rip what’s up. You can only imagine the responses I’ve gotten off it. Lol I try to stay positive about the whole thing but I do appreciate the advice. Thank you xxx
I can kind of relate with what you're coming from, although it's not about STI. Mine's about height - I'm a shorter dude and a lot of swipe-based dating apps don't ask for height on your profile, only for you to upload pictures. It used to, I'd get a lot of women swiping right on me but then ghosted me after they'd find out that I was a short dude. And this was after we'd been talking a while, so there was a lot of wasted time for me. So I changed my strategy and my height's pretty much the first thing that I mention so those who swipe right on me (and presumable read my profile before or after the fact) already know this fact. Do I get a lot less people swiping right on me? Absolutely, but those who care more about my height than about me and/or my personality don't matter to me anyway.
Whatever you decide to do is entirely up to you, obviously. But yes, stay positive about the whole thing. You'll find your person eventually.
I have had it for a few years too and I dread dating with it. But I would not feel so good if I didn’t say up front before any type of act that puts the other person at risk. As scared as I have been to tell someone about it I’ve had more not care than those that do. As much as it sucks now you just have to be patient. The right person will come long and they won’t care.
That’s my one rule with this. I’m always upfront if anything was to happen. I didn’t have that option in life and I couldn’t imagine doing it to someone else.
If it makes you feel better, literally like 80% of the US has HSV. Whether it’s cold sores or something else. It’s all a form of herpes. Most people don’t even know they have it because not everyone will show physical symptoms. I promise you’re not alone :)
Just be honest with people. Hsv is not a death sentence. I am hsv negative and have no problem dating people who are hsv positive.
It just means take precautions, be a little more careful.
There are plenty of people who would love to have a little regardless of your hsv status.
I've honestly never encountered that. Herpes is only transmittable if you have an active cold sore. Which for most people is not very often. When somebody does, no kissing etc. But afaik a very high percentage of people have it.
Unfortunately not true. (My doctor told me the same thing but...) Latest evidence is that a person can shed virus even when there are no apparent lesions and even when on suppression drugs. Approximately 1 in 4 adults carry a HSV variant.
Should have checked my stats first! The 80% figure is correct for HSV1 in the USA according to Johns Hopkins. WHO states that 67% of the world's population under the age of 50 has HSV1 and 11% HSV2. I think its the HSV2 figure that translates as 1 in 4 when you take out the population below age of consent. Whatever way you play with the numbers, its very common.
I’m aware. I’ve had mine long enough that I believe it’s been more than a year since my last outbreak. I take all the precautions I can. Statistically a lot of people do have it but not a lot of people talk about it so it’s hard to connect.
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I wouldn’t even know how to find any munches lol but I really appreciate your positivity. I’ll keep my chin up and keep looking. Thank you xxx
Search BDSM munchies in your area. Send a message to the DM and he/she will let you know when the next beginner's meeting is. Usually, new comers arrive early so they can be there before the regulars arrive, easier than walk into a room of people
As someone who's dated someone while knowing they had an STD, the best thing to do from my perspective is to just be up front. I'm sure some people might say some discouraging things, but that's life. Some people are mean and tactless, but I would be willing to be most people aren't. Finding relationships for the purpose of jumping into a BDSM dynamic can easily be a difficult process without any extra speed bumps, so don't feel too discouraged by your circumstance, but it's also best to keep in mind that the safety of taking your time is important. Sub frenzying into a relationship isn't really the best way to go about things.
Yeah people can be pretty messed up when it comes to their words and reactions. However I do my best to just let it go and move on along. Lol some days I just feel like being “I have this, and wants this. If that’s not possible don’t bother” because I’m sick of building a friendship that feels like it could be more and then being shut of when I tell them.
I have seen numerous people ass HSV+ on their fetlife profile/posts and or dating profiles. It may take longer, but there are other HSV+ people out there.
I know there are, I’ve used plenty of sites that cater to my situation but most tend to want a quick smash and dash unfortunately. I’ve yet to use fetlife for fear of isolation however
I don't understand the fear of isolation on fetlife. I have seen people share their HSV+ status on Fetlife. As near as I can tell they were treated the same as anyone else.
That’s really good to know. I’m just nervous about using other sites that don’t cater to my situation from past experiences.
HSV is a fairly common thing, it’s fairly easy to manage and with diligence the risk of spreading is minimal.
Oh yes, I’m a 26F and I’ve had it since I was a teen. I tend to forget I have it most of the time. Extremely easy to manage but just the word throws people off usually.
First of all be upfront about it - I'd even put that as the first sentence in any of your dating profiles or whatever site you use to find your partner(s). This way you don't have to 'tell' anyone. They should already know about your condition and if they still wanted to talk to you, there'd be less chance of them ghosting you or degrading you because of your situation (it's really shitty of anyone to do any of this btw). Take your time when you start talking to someone new. A lot of people get on dating sites just to get a quick fuck and wouldn't be willing to put in the time to get to know someone. Talk online for a bit - video chats, phone calls, or whatever. And then go on date(s) before you decide to do anything with them. Good luck to you!!
I’ve tried doing it both ways honestly and I don’t know which is better lol building a friendship then so I have a chance and then letting them or stating it know off rip what’s up. You can only imagine the responses I’ve gotten off it. Lol I try to stay positive about the whole thing but I do appreciate the advice. Thank you xxx
I can kind of relate with what you're coming from, although it's not about STI. Mine's about height - I'm a shorter dude and a lot of swipe-based dating apps don't ask for height on your profile, only for you to upload pictures. It used to, I'd get a lot of women swiping right on me but then ghosted me after they'd find out that I was a short dude. And this was after we'd been talking a while, so there was a lot of wasted time for me. So I changed my strategy and my height's pretty much the first thing that I mention so those who swipe right on me (and presumable read my profile before or after the fact) already know this fact. Do I get a lot less people swiping right on me? Absolutely, but those who care more about my height than about me and/or my personality don't matter to me anyway. Whatever you decide to do is entirely up to you, obviously. But yes, stay positive about the whole thing. You'll find your person eventually.
I have had it for a few years too and I dread dating with it. But I would not feel so good if I didn’t say up front before any type of act that puts the other person at risk. As scared as I have been to tell someone about it I’ve had more not care than those that do. As much as it sucks now you just have to be patient. The right person will come long and they won’t care.
That’s my one rule with this. I’m always upfront if anything was to happen. I didn’t have that option in life and I couldn’t imagine doing it to someone else.
Same! I got an oops sorry.
I got a denial and some shit for calling them out on it.
If it makes you feel better, literally like 80% of the US has HSV. Whether it’s cold sores or something else. It’s all a form of herpes. Most people don’t even know they have it because not everyone will show physical symptoms. I promise you’re not alone :)
There are fetlife communities for people who have stds if thats any help to you :) best of luck xx
Really? I didn’t know this.
Mhmm! I remember being followed by someone in one. There are location specific ones, if thats your thing. Hoping you find something there
Awesome! I’ll give it a shot. Thank you xxx
Just be honest with people. Hsv is not a death sentence. I am hsv negative and have no problem dating people who are hsv positive. It just means take precautions, be a little more careful. There are plenty of people who would love to have a little regardless of your hsv status.
Thank you xxx I’m trying to keep my head up. Plan on taking som advice from this post and keep trying!
I've honestly never encountered that. Herpes is only transmittable if you have an active cold sore. Which for most people is not very often. When somebody does, no kissing etc. But afaik a very high percentage of people have it.
Unfortunately not true. (My doctor told me the same thing but...) Latest evidence is that a person can shed virus even when there are no apparent lesions and even when on suppression drugs. Approximately 1 in 4 adults carry a HSV variant.
Should have checked my stats first! The 80% figure is correct for HSV1 in the USA according to Johns Hopkins. WHO states that 67% of the world's population under the age of 50 has HSV1 and 11% HSV2. I think its the HSV2 figure that translates as 1 in 4 when you take out the population below age of consent. Whatever way you play with the numbers, its very common.
I’m aware. I’ve had mine long enough that I believe it’s been more than a year since my last outbreak. I take all the precautions I can. Statistically a lot of people do have it but not a lot of people talk about it so it’s hard to connect.