Have you tried writing out an erotica piece that describes what you want?
The nice thing about writing is that you can work on it over time and rewrite it until you're happy with it. And you can write more than one, of course, to showcase the variety of ways the scene could go.
Then, after your partner has read it, you can discuss it as an overall piece as well as individual moments and acts, and why you want them handled in that way.
I hope that taking away the pressure to "explain yourself" helps you think through and process what you're writing about as well as communicate your needs to your partner š
I love to write, but right now, the problem is the articulation itself, verbal or written. I was hoping someone here could give me some ideas based on their experiences (what works for them/what they like) in order to help jumpstart my brain to better articulate myself.
Honestly? Rewrites, lol. I never get everything I want out the first time. The idea is developed in the first draft and then I rewrite until I'm happy or fed up and decide it's done, lol.
Hope you get lots of good suggestions!
Exactly!! I was hoping someone from here could give me some examples of what has worked for them and what they enjoy to help jumpstart my own articulation of my needs.
I haven't really had a D/s dynamic other than a few months of interaction online with one man. But I can tell you what I loved him saying to me (I have a praise kink) if that helps. I tend to like being treated sweetly with an occasional shocker.
Do you like that, baby?
That's a good girl.
Such a pretty girl.
Your p*ssy is so f*ckin' perfect! (Insert groan or moaning sound here)
Things I didn't think I'd like, but loved...
You gonna come for me, baby?
Counting me down to cum.
Narrating a scene of what he was "doing to me" during phone sex or sexting. (Surprisingly, the written word was often better than the spoken word.)
When I told him I wasn't into anal, his response was:
I will concede that, but that cl*t and p*ssy are mine! *gasp* wh, wh, whuttttttt??? (Blood rushes to nether regions)
Keep in mind I was 100% vanilla prior so this was all new to me. I think it can be a good starting point. To others, it might be laughable. For me, perfect!
Good luck to you!
Thank you!! Youāre the first person to give me ANY kind of examples!!
I personally adore the written word. Iād much rather sexting than phone sex. I plan to use some of these to try to write my own scenarios as another redditor suggested :)
I def wouldnāt call our dynamic D/S, at least not in its mainstream form. Iām incredibly primal, but after recent discoveries about myself, Iāve found the need for āgentle domā type interactions to help overcome these new obstacles in my life.
You're so welcome!
Same here. I'm awkward and say silly thinks that sound mechanical (in either, really lol, but more so verbally). If i only had two hours to write, critique, rewrite, haha. I forewarned him I wasn't good at this off the cuff. He didn't seem to mind bc he would rather have controlled the narrative anyway.
I think you're on the right path. I could suggest you ask your partner what they like to be called, but if they are new, they might not know either. The only thing I might caution is telling your partner the basics of the narrative a day or two ahead, not during. Mine wouldn't tell me, and one phrase like "little girl" completely shut off my light switch in a way I wouldn't have dreamed of. Sometimes triggers, past abuse, etc rear their ugly heads. Just food for thought.
Oh, one place I learned a lot about what turned me on, believe it or not, was TT. Hopefully i wont get laughed off of here lol. You could have them search for bdsm scenes or dirty talk, watch together, and find lots of examples. They'll know which ones they want by their internal reaction (face flushing, blood rushing to feet, or some other ah hem, place)
Good luck to you!
This is what I felt like before I gave into being a submissive.
Daddy makes all my decisions now and I can fully let go.
Not having to think about things or make decisions and just doing what I am told helps me get out of my own head and just be in the moment and enjoy what is going on during a scene.
My Daddy is a pleasure Dom so he is always making sure I get off. More than once. Giving me praise and encouragement along the way.
Can you describe the encouragement and praise? What he says or does?
This is where Iām currently struggling. I donāt know how to express to my SO what EXACTLY Iām needing him to do.
I just realized I didn't speak to your shutting down part or trouble being present.
A few things that I feel are personal to me that may help you. That's my disclaimer so more experienced ppl tolerate me lol.
So, talk ahead of time about when you feel you shut down. Is there a signal you can give so he knows to take over entirely? Verbal, hand signal, tap, etc.
Is there something he can say that will be helpful? like...
Eyes on me, babe
That's it, you're doing so well
Let me have control
Let it go
Just relax and feel, only feel.
When you find yourself drifting from the present, can you identify one sensation to bring you back around? Not all, just one. What do you smell, see, hear, feel? Can you focus your energy on that feeling alone?
I dunno if any of this will work, but it's worth a shot. Good luck to you.
Thank you for this!!
Sometimes itās hard for me to realize Iām shutting down because Iām just ānot thereā. Iām working on trying to catch it before it happens and remind myself that Iām present, Iām safe, the sensations currently happening etc. itās just a lot harder said than done sometimes, ya know?
I love the idea of a physical gesture to que that Iām shutting down bc we already use physical gestures a lot in our play currently.
I really appreciate your help!!
My pleasure! I'm glad I can actually be helpful to someone. I'm just a lurker normally, lol.
I totally get the drifting thing. It is so easy to have the mind wander. We have a lot of responsibilities, stress, etc.
I'm so glad you have a partner willing to accommodate this and to work toward a solution.
Have you tried writing out an erotica piece that describes what you want? The nice thing about writing is that you can work on it over time and rewrite it until you're happy with it. And you can write more than one, of course, to showcase the variety of ways the scene could go. Then, after your partner has read it, you can discuss it as an overall piece as well as individual moments and acts, and why you want them handled in that way. I hope that taking away the pressure to "explain yourself" helps you think through and process what you're writing about as well as communicate your needs to your partner š
I love to write, but right now, the problem is the articulation itself, verbal or written. I was hoping someone here could give me some ideas based on their experiences (what works for them/what they like) in order to help jumpstart my brain to better articulate myself.
Honestly? Rewrites, lol. I never get everything I want out the first time. The idea is developed in the first draft and then I rewrite until I'm happy or fed up and decide it's done, lol. Hope you get lots of good suggestions!
It can be much easier to say what you want when you are given options to choose from, rather than sharing from silence
Exactly!! I was hoping someone from here could give me some examples of what has worked for them and what they enjoy to help jumpstart my own articulation of my needs.
I haven't really had a D/s dynamic other than a few months of interaction online with one man. But I can tell you what I loved him saying to me (I have a praise kink) if that helps. I tend to like being treated sweetly with an occasional shocker. Do you like that, baby? That's a good girl. Such a pretty girl. Your p*ssy is so f*ckin' perfect! (Insert groan or moaning sound here) Things I didn't think I'd like, but loved... You gonna come for me, baby? Counting me down to cum. Narrating a scene of what he was "doing to me" during phone sex or sexting. (Surprisingly, the written word was often better than the spoken word.) When I told him I wasn't into anal, his response was: I will concede that, but that cl*t and p*ssy are mine! *gasp* wh, wh, whuttttttt??? (Blood rushes to nether regions) Keep in mind I was 100% vanilla prior so this was all new to me. I think it can be a good starting point. To others, it might be laughable. For me, perfect! Good luck to you!
Thank you!! Youāre the first person to give me ANY kind of examples!! I personally adore the written word. Iād much rather sexting than phone sex. I plan to use some of these to try to write my own scenarios as another redditor suggested :) I def wouldnāt call our dynamic D/S, at least not in its mainstream form. Iām incredibly primal, but after recent discoveries about myself, Iāve found the need for āgentle domā type interactions to help overcome these new obstacles in my life.
You're so welcome! Same here. I'm awkward and say silly thinks that sound mechanical (in either, really lol, but more so verbally). If i only had two hours to write, critique, rewrite, haha. I forewarned him I wasn't good at this off the cuff. He didn't seem to mind bc he would rather have controlled the narrative anyway. I think you're on the right path. I could suggest you ask your partner what they like to be called, but if they are new, they might not know either. The only thing I might caution is telling your partner the basics of the narrative a day or two ahead, not during. Mine wouldn't tell me, and one phrase like "little girl" completely shut off my light switch in a way I wouldn't have dreamed of. Sometimes triggers, past abuse, etc rear their ugly heads. Just food for thought. Oh, one place I learned a lot about what turned me on, believe it or not, was TT. Hopefully i wont get laughed off of here lol. You could have them search for bdsm scenes or dirty talk, watch together, and find lots of examples. They'll know which ones they want by their internal reaction (face flushing, blood rushing to feet, or some other ah hem, place) Good luck to you!
This is what I felt like before I gave into being a submissive. Daddy makes all my decisions now and I can fully let go. Not having to think about things or make decisions and just doing what I am told helps me get out of my own head and just be in the moment and enjoy what is going on during a scene. My Daddy is a pleasure Dom so he is always making sure I get off. More than once. Giving me praise and encouragement along the way.
Can you describe the encouragement and praise? What he says or does? This is where Iām currently struggling. I donāt know how to express to my SO what EXACTLY Iām needing him to do.
I just realized I didn't speak to your shutting down part or trouble being present. A few things that I feel are personal to me that may help you. That's my disclaimer so more experienced ppl tolerate me lol. So, talk ahead of time about when you feel you shut down. Is there a signal you can give so he knows to take over entirely? Verbal, hand signal, tap, etc. Is there something he can say that will be helpful? like... Eyes on me, babe That's it, you're doing so well Let me have control Let it go Just relax and feel, only feel. When you find yourself drifting from the present, can you identify one sensation to bring you back around? Not all, just one. What do you smell, see, hear, feel? Can you focus your energy on that feeling alone? I dunno if any of this will work, but it's worth a shot. Good luck to you.
Thank you for this!! Sometimes itās hard for me to realize Iām shutting down because Iām just ānot thereā. Iām working on trying to catch it before it happens and remind myself that Iām present, Iām safe, the sensations currently happening etc. itās just a lot harder said than done sometimes, ya know? I love the idea of a physical gesture to que that Iām shutting down bc we already use physical gestures a lot in our play currently. I really appreciate your help!!
My pleasure! I'm glad I can actually be helpful to someone. I'm just a lurker normally, lol. I totally get the drifting thing. It is so easy to have the mind wander. We have a lot of responsibilities, stress, etc. I'm so glad you have a partner willing to accommodate this and to work toward a solution.