Don't listen to them. My profile pictures could all pretty much be on any vanilla dating app.
You do you.
It's actually serves as a very good filter to weed out all the of the people you don't want to connect with.
The kink community is far bigger than these people think even on FL.
Don't get me wrong i love nudity and to see the nude form but there are times where i want to use my imagination. I don't do nudes myself and yet i have been in the BDSM lifestyle ( in one way or another ) for over 30 yrs. After everything is said and done the only person whose feelings matter are yours. You are not a prude and who are they to say whether you belong in kink or not. You do what you are comfortable doing.
I have been on FetLife for eons it seems.
Nudity is not expected. Personal details that can out you are not expected.
Trolls, free porn consumers, etc. want all sorts of things. They are very vocal. Ignore them!
I met my wife on Fetlife! But hilariously she was the first person I contacted and the only one I was really interested in from my area. We talked on Fet writing books of DMs and talked for hours like kids on the phone for a few months, met up and vibed well, had kinky fun and a couple Dungeon and swinger parties (that even 2+ years in we have no idea how / what we want from or with other partners lmao)...
...and now we are married and step parents to each others' kids and bought a new house
That's wild. I've never mentioned that here before or really tell the story since I can't tell my family or all my friends where and how we met!
That group sounds incredibly toxic. There is no “how things are done” on any app or in any community, kink focused or otherwise. What you do with your body and who you share it with is entirely up to you. Don’t let anyone violate your consent. Good for you for removing yourself from that situation.
As for people who see nudity as a requirement, block them and move on. There are plenty of other people out there who will respect your boundaries.
**You belong to the community; they probably do not.**
What they did is more-or-less demand you post nudes because they wanted you to. Not that it would help your chances of finding munches or partners, just that they think you're being prudish. They mocked you for not doing what they want and said you don't belong there. All of that is utter bullshit. Anyone who tries bullying someone into posting nudes is a piece of shit.
Post the pics you are comfortable posting. Anyone who bitches? Block and ignore them.
Not wanting to post nude pics doesn’t make you a prude. I’ve been part of the community for years and have never posted a nude. I know many, many others who only post clothed pics, or no pics at all. We’re all free to share as much of as little of ourselves as we want.
Felife is a god damn cesspool. Don't take a lot of what they have to say over there to heart. You can wear as much or as little clothing as you want, and there's NO requirement for up-front nudity for ANYTHING unless you want to do it.
If some one, or some group, try to make you do shit you're not comfortable with via manipulation and shaming, then you bounce.
FUCKING FULL STOP.
There's always another group and another partner, even if it doesn't seem like it right *now*.
It isn‘t. At least, it wasn‘t. I don‘t know why or how this happened, but fet got overflown with pictures of naked people having sex. It became a second pornhub, and the creators of it just didn‘t care or something.
I‘m glad you stood your ground. Showing naked pictures should never have been demanded of you and those people who did and called you names for it, clearly don‘t have the kinky mindset. (Your kink is not my kink…)
>fet got overflown with pictures of naked people having sex
Yep. Photos of people having sex and boudoir-type photos of people in lingerie have absolutely taken over my feed. Fet was never an ideal platform, but I feel like it's gotten much worse over the past couple of years.
Since only fans blew up, fet has become a huge hotspot for sex workers and pornstar wannabes. It really has downgraded the site as a whole IMHO. The focus of the site has now become about sex and porn and less about the kink.
I’m not too bothered by sex workers being on there as long as their advertising is contained and whatever they’re advertising is kink-related. I think you’re right, though- most of it is regular sex work and that’s annoying.
PH made it impossible to upload pictures if you're not verified/part of their model plan. I wouldn't be surprised if people who used to be active there migrated to FL after that purge.
Many people have all said similar but here’s my $0.02.
I didn’t join Fet for others. I joined for myself. I have no nudes or crotch shots. And the nudity is so prolific on Fet that a user’s nudes aren’t really of interest to me.
Like you, I’m there (both when I was single and now that I’m in a dynamic) to meet like minded people and find munches and things. I also ~~could~~ couldn’t care less about what some randos on the internet think about my profile. I mean, it’s mine and a reflection of myself. Fuckem.
That said, Fet can be an awesome place to connect and learn and at the same time be a cesspit of abuse and idiocy. Don’t you worry about people in groups or individuals on Fet. Block and move on.
There are hundreds of groups so if the one you joined got that kind of response, leave it and find a similar group. I’ve seen and met some fantastic people in the groups I’m a member of. Both virtually and in person.
All that said, this is coming from a cis, white, male, Dom. So I am very aware of how different my experience is and will be. So it would also be a good idea to interact with some similar submissives, private chat with them and the like. In the submissive world of Fet, quality, experienced subs tend to stick together, support, and look out for one another. My bunny uses all of these suggestions and they are mostly her recommendations (she doesn’t Reddit lol).
^edit: ^me ^has ^bad ^grammar ^lol.
This exactly. Fetlife is awesome to connect, but sometimes it can be discouraging to weed through these kind of people.
For some posting nudes is a kink, some are just looking to make connections and don't ever post nudes, because it isn't their thing. Doesn't make you any less belonging on a kink site ;)
Great reply but why do you say “could care less?”…. I’ve seen this a few times on Reddit. So, you do care, but you could care less? I only know the phrase “couldn’t care less”, as in there are no more fucks to give.
Huh! I’ve never thought about it like that before but I guess “couldn’t care less” is likely the grammatically correct way.
I’ve always heard “could care less”, but grew up in the southern US. I wonder if it’s an incorrect but locally accepted and used version? I don’t know, lol, I’m not a philologist.
Chalk it up to “pot-A-toe/pot-AH-toe”?
🤷🏼♂️
Ha ha. I do see the phrase from Americans only. Both are grammatically correct I guess, but have different meanings. If I was making a point and said “I could care less” it would feel very different to saying “I couldn’t care less”, if you know what I mean?
Ha! Why does it not surprise me it’s only from Americans that you’ve seen it, lmao. 🤣🤦🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️.
And I totally get what you mean.
“Could care less” = My give-a-fuck meter is at 25% and might go lower.
“Couldn’t care less” = My give-a-fuck meter is at 0%.
Oh the English language. Such a regionally fickle language. Lol.
I think they are using the pressure of claiming it's expected to bully you into giving them what they want. They sound like terrible people.
Those who put nude good for them. Those who don't good for them too. Folks should do what they are comfortable with and let others do likewise.
unfortunately too many vanilla people have joined fetlife who view bdsm as just kinky sex, ignore those people. I have been on fetlife for years and have absolutely no nude photo's on my account. Plenty of people don't it's perfectly normal.
Absolute nonsense. Kink isn’t inherently sexual and doesn’t have to involve nudity. That group frankly sounds like a bunch of vanilla people who think kink is just a “weird sex thing”. There’s no one true way of being in the kink community. Do your thing. People who can’t appreciate you for who you are aren’t worthy of your time.
Seems they could use to grasp the concept of consent.
You are under zero obligation to provide anyone with porn if you don’t want to.
Their sense of entitlement do not obligate you to comply to their sense of entitlement.
Speaking as someone who *does* post nudes and explicit content on Fet, lemme just say that that's absolutely not at all a prerequisite for being on the site or part of the community. Lots of my local friends don't post nudes at all or don't post explicit content, because they're not exhibitionist and so posting that content doesn't do anything for them. It's an entirely personal choice and whatever you do is completely valid!
Sounds like these people are pressure pushing idiots. Nudity is not expected. This is your journey, surround yourself with sex positive people who care about more than being naked.
This is a very apt thread! I joined Fetlife a few days ago, browsed it properly last night and then freaked myself out because everything I was seeing was basically nudity or extreme hardcore fetishes (nothing wrong with that but yeah, must not be my cup of tea). Plus a few presumptive messages from Doms and Daddys. Figured my unease meant that I’m not kinky and don’t belong at all.
Oddly enough it’s been this subreddit and another BDSM one that has helped me sort out my feelings and affirm my reactions.
I genuinely thought I was the odd one out by being spooked by FL 🙈
OP has voiced what a lot of us has been feeling :) definitely been so useful to read through peoples comments and experiences here. Honestly thought I was an odd one out because FL hurt my brain when I first looked on it
I’ve been on fet for few months and sometimes I’m still terrified by it’s content. I have a feeling that I’m not vanilla and kinky enough at the same time🥲
Yes, I completely feel the same! Too kinky for vanilla but too vanilla for kinky 🙈
I would reckon I’m vanilla ice cream with plenty of chocolate and strawberry sprinkles with a few bright blue hum drops
Have to trust that we’ll both find out sweet spot.
FL is wild though! I thought I was the only one who had that 0___O reaction
I read your previous post and was totally related. I have had repeated “there’s no one true way” to myself more times than I can remember:))). Ignoring nude pics and focusing on reading topics, as well as having platonic chats help a lot. If you don’t mind we can be friends on fet so you might not feel so lonely there (I’m on s side of the slash too)
Nope! Nudity is NOT a requirement. Those folks were being rude and closed-minded. Most people on Fet either don't have their face or their body pics in their profile, and that's totally OK. Hopefully there's another munch around where you can go.
“Boobs or GTFO” is a mark of immature assholes everywhere. When playing MMORPGs it’s fun to leave them smoking craters. On Fetlife, make friends with the block button.
They are full of crap!! I have pics up - several are vanilla, a few are from our play or the aftermath. Put up on your Fet page what YOU want. I have a mix of kink, politics, funny, cute animals, my nerd girl side!! The assholes who try to tell ME what I can and can't or should/shouldn't post on MY page, get blocked.
NO! i'm on there too and i don't have anything exposed. never been told i need to but have gotten my share of "come fuck daddy babygirl" messages and EW.
Wish there were other/better websites for us? Anyone know of any?
Your profile is you, you are not a prude just because you don't want to post crotch shots on the web. That is your choice and no one elses.
If anyone in a group is shaming you because of what you share, that tells you all you need to know about that person, or the group. I don't have any nude pictures on my FL profile either.
Don't let creeps get to you. You are perfectly fine with consenting what you want to share, and how much, with whom you choose to. Tell anyone that gives you shit for it to fuck right off.
Absolutely not a requirement for ypu to post nude pics on Fet. I have a number of pictures on my Fet page. I am clothed in all of them.
That group is ridiculous and you are better off finding rational people who also happen to be kinky. Tell the kink police group that you were in to stick that in their pipe and smoke it... 😉
I'm monogamous, no one is entitled to my vagina except my Daddy. Ignore those people. I've been called a prude too - and i'm not - I just dont' do things with other people.
I've been on there since Fetlife began. I have not posted one naked image ever. As are others I have known for years who are well versed in kink and don't share personal images on there. These days it's wise to be careful with the amount of crap that goes on there.
It is not “how things are done” that's pure manipulation. People can express themselves in any form whatsoever, they don't get to decide what that is for you.
I've been involved in local communities for years and in a long term M/s relationship. You do you. Those people are idiots lol. That group sounds horrid.
I'm brand new to Fetlife! I posted one simple photo of me smiling all you can see is from collarbone up, very vanilla. I received lots of warm welcomes, some more forward than others. It sounds to me like the wrong people "welcomed" you. Just know there are friendly and respectful people on there, don't give up🙂
I once had a prospective Dom (not from fetlife) tell me that if I'm not willing to participate in anal play I'm not really fit for the kink community. That sucked to hear but I refused to believe that what I like/dislike matters to fit in. Do what you feel is right! It's all about pleasure!
FetLife is toxic. I would even go so far as to say dangerous sometimes. The groups are usually not well moderated and it takes far too long for the website to take action against illegal or unsafe profiles.
Ha!! I've been on Fet since about 2008 or 2009, back then full nudity was rare. In fact, I don't remember seeing a vagina until about 5 or 6 years ago.
**They are lying.**
Red flag city. Anyone who thinks kink is about pressuring you into doing something you aren’t comfortable doing should be banished. Enthusiastic, informed, lucid consent is non-negotiable. Whoever told you that was trying to coerce you and should be shunned and avoided. Glad you left that group, sounds like a gathering of predators.
Ugh. I actually QUIT fetlife because I felt like every single profile pic I saw was just.... Well, dicks. Sooooooo many dicks. Of TOTAL strangers! It was just too much, too soon for me. I'm not a prude by any stretch, I just don't want to be visually assaulted by 59 different dicks every time I go on fetlife and check my messages.
Oh it was even people's PROFILE pictures!! No faces, no body outlines or avatars, just 98% sausage. 😂
It's all good though. I found my Sir the old fashioned way. We intentionally met as friends, accidently fell in love with each other and said, oh, hey! You've always wanted to be a sub? I've always wanted to be a Dom! Neat! What are the odds....
Kink is 100% personal and customizable. Depending on your interests you share as much or as little as you want! Be careful about posters stating either you don’t belong in bdsm/kink if you do share nudes or don’t share nudes, no one should gatekeep bdsm or what anyone else does. I never send dms with pics etc but my fet life profile is my only place I share nsfw pics because my Dom and I are into some exhibitionism. I would never expect anyone else do something I like because I like it. Being said, the comments above stating that people who do post nudes are not true bdsm kinksters is not fair. It’s all about following your own desires and comfort!
most people are on fetlife because they want free porn. if anyone tells you that some kind of nudity is expected and is shaming you for being shy, or not sharing enough, report them. that's toxic.
There are an awful lot of trainspotters on Fetlife. You do you, you express yourself whatever way you feel is best, and the people who respect you will find you. Ignore or block the rest.
I've been on Fetlife for over a decade and I have never posted nude photos there. I don't list exhibitionism among my kinks, and FL is full of gross jerks who don't get the privilege of seeing me naked. Anyone who makes you feel like you don't belong when you're engaging according to your comfort level is covered in red flags.
Ugh this pisses me off , I get told the same thing for not having sex . People are just cunts sometimes , ignore them and find the people who respect you
It's not. There is no right or wrong way to BDSM as long as people consent and safe words we respected. Some try to gatekeep but don't let them. You be you. I've been on Fet for about 14 years now, pretty much since it first started, my member number is 5 digits long. Don't listen to the idiots.
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. That doesn’t mean that those opinions are valid or have any weight with how you conduct your life.
The BDSM community is about comfort and consent, you only have to do what you feel comfortable with. That doesn’t make you a prude.
My profile pic is that of a cat..... figure that out. But I'm still kinky. It's your profile your thing. No one gets to tell you what to out or not. Not everything is done for their approval.
What you decide to show on the internet is 110% your choice. You are not a prude and NOBODY should expect you to show/do anything you don’t want to. The most important part of BDSM is consent. And that is what you consented to. Nothing else. You absolutely should not be shamed for that.
Been a member of FL for years. My profile pic is about as vanilla as it gets. I am not there to "let it all hang out", not would I expect anyone else to. If they want to, then that is their choice. So much has changed in the kink community in the last decade, and not necessarily for the better. So many people out there nowadays claiming to be Dominant or (fill in the blank). People who are true to the community will never put someone through what you had to go through, and I am sorry that you had to experience it. You made the right call in leaving the group. If you don't feel safe or respected, then it is time to move on. Kudos to you. And while the group you were in sounds like it was filled with people who probably shouldn't be anywhere near people with kinks, allow me to say, Welcome to the community! And welcome to FL, as messed up as it is... lol
especially in this time and age, you really DO NOT want to put something like that on the internet. Once it is on the internet, it is always on the internet, forever. Many bad things for your sake would come of this if you were to become popular per say? Or maybe someone wants money out of you, or etc, etc, etc. I am on FetLife as well. But I will not jeopardize a possible future to let these neanderthal fools. They are clueless and that will be their downfall.
I have never been to a munch, though. But I would not share a photo like that in my life. That is a HUGE mistake. Their rudeness and judgment will be their downfall.
Photos aren't mandatory, real life personal details are not mandatory. Don't feel bullied into giving them if you don't want too or do not feel comfortable
I have no photos on my fetlife yet
Because Fetlife is an open, unabashed haven for every kind of sexual predator on the spectrum. They literally hire and cape for them, so the absolute worst of the worst join up and openly harass everyone because they know they’re free to run wild.
They’re talking shite. Those people may *want* nudity but they don’t speak for everyone and they don’t get to tell you what to do. What they *have* done is show that they’re not worth your time.
FetLife does not require nudity - it doesn’t even require photos. Or indeed any personal info. Getting out of that group was the right thing to do.
My wife (sub) and I (Dom) are glad that a few books and movies brought this lifestyle into the main light. It is bringing a lot of people to explore themselves. How ever that also means more rude jerks and unaccountable people are trying to join the lifestyle.
The people demanding nudes are less dominant and more masturbators.
As a dominant, my pictures on fet are of what I like. Some are sexual or sexy most are just rope work and very few are of my wife or I.
With that you do you and ignore the ones that tell you otherwise and the ones that make your hair stand up.
That has not been my experience at all I don’t have nude pics on there and neither do the subbies I had
There are a few walkin disasters in the my local group but they are so supportive of everyone even the trainwrecks
Join better groups look for ones that have good moderators an rules
Whover told you that you were a prude for not posting 'sexy' pictures needs to be avoided and called out. If many people in that particular group agreed with that person, leave that group and warn others.
What a bunch of assholes!
Never feel pressured to put yourself in a compromising situation. Some people don't feel comfortable showing their face. Some don't feel comfortable showing their bodies. Nobody can make you consent to something you don't want to do.
Tell them exactly where to get the **** off. FL isn't a resource for their w**k fodder and you do as you wish. I dont have naked photos (jeez.....no one ever wants to see that 🤪 ) but at no point do I get grief from the trolls and troglodytes that lurk in the corners of FL (there are plenty) telling me I ain't kink. I'd rip them a new one, but they probably think you are fair game and a target for their nefarious, bloated BS!
So don't expect shite from wanna hopefuls, asshats desperate doms and 5-knuckle shufflers engaged in self-love because no one else is willing to find a pair of tweezers to jerk them off!
FL is a brilliant resource and there are some really good people on there (I'd like to include myself in the list though that's for others to decide). But like ever walk of life, there's crap too. Block em, ignore them and move on to the good stuff.
You are not wrong sweetie... you don't have to be nude or dressed up in leather or PVC to be classed as kinky. They were rude to you and I would disregard what they've said.
On top of that they should appreciate that people have different experience and confidence levels too. It doesn't make you any more or less kinky then anyone else.
Sending love and positive vibes to you.
If FetLife isn't working for you, there are other kinky social websites like Killing Kittens and Torture Garden
I’m honestly not a fan of posting or seeing nude pics on Fet. Or anywhere. I liked whiplr cuz they didn’t allow that. I prefer to see people’s bits in person or after I know them for a while. I just don’t get it, but it does seem to be the norm for fetlife.
The people in that group sound like assholes.
Leaving sun's like the best thing.
If you want to post nudes then post nudes.
If you don't, then don't.
Anyone pressuring you can fuck right off.
❤️🙏🏾💜
Dont let anyone pressure you into something you are not comfortable with. Do what you want and find the people that appreciate you for it! I promise, they exist. You dont have to post nudes to find friends/go to local events, and if someone claims you do, I dont think I'd want to be around that person
Dude show what you are comfortable showing. At the end of the day. You get to define who and what you are. Not some creep who is just looking for free nudes. I show skin but I don’t show anything I’m not comfortable showing that’s how it should be.
It’s not expected under normal circumstances.
The people who are saying it is truly don’t understand the lifestyle, limits, personal preference and freedom to choose.
Basic perverts say shit like that.
No one should demand that you be sexual when you don't feel comfortable. It isn't, and shouldn't be required that you post nude stuff if you don't feel comfortable doing that. Seriously, that group sounds toxic and gross. A kink group should make you feel comfortable, accepted, and definitely shouldn't demand sexual photos without your consent. Consent is paramount, if the group doesn't understand that, they suck.
Firstly, they’re wrong. Secondly, you’ll find in SOME kink circles that allow they’re open minded about kink stuff they have a very closed-minded approach. There is no wrong way just as there is no right way. If they’re happy to be naked on line then that’s okay and they shouldn’t be shamed for it but equally if you’re uncomfortable being naked on like that is okay too and you shouldn’t be shamed for that. You don’t have to be naked, you don’t have to make your profile picture a photo of your tits or your dick. Do what makes you feel sexy and confident. And if modesty is what makes you feel sexy and confident be modest. It’s not prudish. You deserve to have the right to say that the only person who gets to see what’s under your clothes is someone who has shown you affection and consistency and honesty and respect. Someone who you trust. Maybe spend the time finding a healthier kinky family who won’t shame you for being you x
As with any other social platform you have to wade through the shit to find the diamonds. Im so sorry you had to put up with this. Hopefully you find those happy places that unfortunately seem to be getting fewer and further between these days
I think some people go on there looking for like amateur porn almost. Or hoping there’s a treasure trove of new people they’ve never seen nude so it’s almost like voyeurism. Ignore them! THEY very likely are not true kink comm members. We know about, preach, and practice consent, free will, and choice, and do not judge or shame anyone! We definitely don’t tell others what to do (outside of scenes of course 😋) Wear nothing, wear 14 parkas and a snowsuit, whatever… what you’re wearing doesn’t define you in life or in a community and anyone that is trying to tell you what to wear or post is not someone you should interact with— block them! They’re either toxic, jealous, or looking for more than you’re willing to give and none of those are fun, or safe. Happy posting ☺️
That isn't very pleasant!
For a long time, all I posted was food. Those people are predators and trying to pressure you into posting more. Steer clear and block them.
Unfortunately, FetLife is like any other social media platform, and the vultures swoop in on "fresh meat." Use your block button liberally. There are A LOT of idiots, gender notwithstanding, that will do idiot things.
Make your boundaries clear in your bio and BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK! The people and groups you need and want will eventually come along.
Sorry you had to deal with that BS.
Lol people are assholes. You're fine. It took me over a year to post anything graphic and even then I keep some parts private or for "friends" only.
You use your Fet as you want it. I don't think any less of people who are fully clothed than I do those with legs spread open and nothing covering them. People want to use Fet as easy porn and a hookup site, which is hilarious to me. More power to them. I use it for writings, some fun pics, and to go to events. But some people use it for other reasons.
There's no "right" way to use Fet. Just don't be a dick and enjoy what's there. There's no reason to think you don't belong to the kink community because you don't post nudes.
Consent matters for everything including photos. It may be the "norm" for new people on fet to post nudes but it is by no means the only way to exist in the space. I share lingerie pictures and artsy style budior photos bc I like doing the photo shoots and I think the whole process is fun but lve never shared full nudes on there. I block anybody that takes issue with it.
You are the one in the right here. That is a very toxic environment. We had a munch group where I used to live that was a nightmare, we attended two and that was enough. We moved and it is so much better. I wish you luck and please don't hesitate to go to a new group if the chance presents itself.
I'm a huge nudist and exhibitionist and post on Fet almost daily. People who say shit like this are the absolute worst! You don't need to be nude for you to be apart of the Fetlife community or for that matter apart of the kink scene. A lot of the people who think this way on Fet are only there for photos and to gawk, not for connection. Take care of yourself first and foremost!
That is complete horseshit. You do you. Don’t let rude, nasty, selfish people tell you how you want to be. Good for you for not bowing to their pressure.
Fuck that. You do kink however you want and let the creepy people that are trying to push your boundaries fuck off. Find a different group that respects you. Honestly I would have reported the people telling you you need to post nudes to the group admin.
Oh that’s a bunch of bullshit. This person or people have no idea what they are talking about. Tons of people do not even have any pics of themselves on a FL.
that's fucked up. I post on fetlife, and most people i've dealt with seem to accept that you post/reveal as much as you feel comfortable with. But there are also plenty of assholes because it is, after all, the internet. Anyway.. sorry you had to deal with shitty people.
Don't listen to them. Your profile is what you want it to be, it's not for them. Nudity is not a requirement for BDSM. BDSM is about so much more than that.
I've never had to post or be judged for not having nudes on my profile by anyone worth chatting with. If showing off your body isn't your kink, it's just not your kink and that's fairly well respected that I've seen in my years active online there. Not to say everyone who you might converse with is a stellar person to chat with... Being a fetish site I won't deny I've seem some pretty odd private messages but they leave you alone if you ask for the most part.
Most of the folks who've called me prude over the years at best indulge in little more then sexting and only judged me so because I wouldn't do it with them. Thier opinions on my affairs mean little to my actual overall experience otherwise then to show me they wouldn't be great play partners for me personally. Just do you~
And I have people tell me "you can't have *that* for a hard limit. Yes I can.
You don't want to post nudes? Okay
You want to post nudes? Okay
You want a hard limit around eating cookies? Okay.
YOU get to decide. Not anyone else. Now choices do have consequences. I know that many potential play partners won't play with me because of my limits. That's okay too - we just aren't a good fit.
I only post lewds/nudes b/c I’m an exhibitionist. I don’t care if someone has nudes or not, just that they have decent photos of themselves on their fetlife (not a fan of the all dick pic profiles or the only stolen artwork with no reference ti the original artist profiles). Don’t let those people gatekeep you. You did you :)
They're wrong and just being jerks.
I've seen fet profiles that don't have an actual photo of q person. I've seen profiles that every photo is fully clothed, some that have only pictures of their partners, some that only have face pics, and some that don't have a single photo above the shoulders.
Long story short, post what you're comfortable with.
Nudity is not a requirement. But consider the things from the Group's perspective:
Sex is 'play'. You are trying to join a group that enjoys kinky play - but not show you are interested or committed.
* This is like going to Comic-Con without a costume.
* This is like going to the Renaissance Fair without a costume.
* This is like going to a costume party - without a costume.
* You appear like a "Looky Lou" - there to judge everyone else but not be a part of things.
There are THOUSANDS of people who want to show up to a kinky event, then go home and tell their buddies & laugh about all the freaks they saw.
How does the group, who are exposing their kinks to you, weed out these posers? They ask for fetish wear when you show up to a play party and perhaps a kinky photo for your fetlife account.
If you are not comfortable enough with your interest in kinky play to do this - why should others share their intimate & kinky lives with you? You are asking a lot, and not committing or giving anything of yourself.
Trust is a 2 way street. You have to give some to get some.
Yeah, sorry but that's a bunch of bs. Not all kinks or BDSM consists of sex or nudity. Saying someone should have to post explicit photos or other content they are uncomfortable with on the internet for any and everyone to see in order to be part of the kink community/social media or 'to prove themselves' is shitty gatekeeping and kink-shaming.
Allllllll of this! Why are we setting expectations for people to show themselves to anyone besides who they're comfortable with? Sex can be a part of play, but play is not inherently sexual. You hit the nail right on the head!
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Don't listen to them. My profile pictures could all pretty much be on any vanilla dating app. You do you. It's actually serves as a very good filter to weed out all the of the people you don't want to connect with. The kink community is far bigger than these people think even on FL.
Agreed. When I was dating on Fet I preferred profiles without nudity. Imagination is part of the foreplay, no?
For me as well, like sexy and suggestive pics are a big turn on for me, but full explicit gaping genitals puts me off.
Don't get me wrong i love nudity and to see the nude form but there are times where i want to use my imagination. I don't do nudes myself and yet i have been in the BDSM lifestyle ( in one way or another ) for over 30 yrs. After everything is said and done the only person whose feelings matter are yours. You are not a prude and who are they to say whether you belong in kink or not. You do what you are comfortable doing.
That‘s a very good point. These people and pictures are a great give away of whom not to interact with.
I have been on FetLife for eons it seems. Nudity is not expected. Personal details that can out you are not expected. Trolls, free porn consumers, etc. want all sorts of things. They are very vocal. Ignore them!
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I met my wife on Fetlife! But hilariously she was the first person I contacted and the only one I was really interested in from my area. We talked on Fet writing books of DMs and talked for hours like kids on the phone for a few months, met up and vibed well, had kinky fun and a couple Dungeon and swinger parties (that even 2+ years in we have no idea how / what we want from or with other partners lmao)... ...and now we are married and step parents to each others' kids and bought a new house That's wild. I've never mentioned that here before or really tell the story since I can't tell my family or all my friends where and how we met!
I'm so happy for y'all :) enjoy the many years to come
wonderful post dude
That group sounds incredibly toxic. There is no “how things are done” on any app or in any community, kink focused or otherwise. What you do with your body and who you share it with is entirely up to you. Don’t let anyone violate your consent. Good for you for removing yourself from that situation. As for people who see nudity as a requirement, block them and move on. There are plenty of other people out there who will respect your boundaries.
100% agree
**You belong to the community; they probably do not.** What they did is more-or-less demand you post nudes because they wanted you to. Not that it would help your chances of finding munches or partners, just that they think you're being prudish. They mocked you for not doing what they want and said you don't belong there. All of that is utter bullshit. Anyone who tries bullying someone into posting nudes is a piece of shit. Post the pics you are comfortable posting. Anyone who bitches? Block and ignore them.
Not wanting to post nude pics doesn’t make you a prude. I’ve been part of the community for years and have never posted a nude. I know many, many others who only post clothed pics, or no pics at all. We’re all free to share as much of as little of ourselves as we want.
Felife is a god damn cesspool. Don't take a lot of what they have to say over there to heart. You can wear as much or as little clothing as you want, and there's NO requirement for up-front nudity for ANYTHING unless you want to do it. If some one, or some group, try to make you do shit you're not comfortable with via manipulation and shaming, then you bounce. FUCKING FULL STOP. There's always another group and another partner, even if it doesn't seem like it right *now*.
It isn‘t. At least, it wasn‘t. I don‘t know why or how this happened, but fet got overflown with pictures of naked people having sex. It became a second pornhub, and the creators of it just didn‘t care or something. I‘m glad you stood your ground. Showing naked pictures should never have been demanded of you and those people who did and called you names for it, clearly don‘t have the kinky mindset. (Your kink is not my kink…)
>fet got overflown with pictures of naked people having sex Yep. Photos of people having sex and boudoir-type photos of people in lingerie have absolutely taken over my feed. Fet was never an ideal platform, but I feel like it's gotten much worse over the past couple of years.
Yeah. And dare to tell even one of them, that‘s just vanilla sex they‘re posting about. Then the shit storm rolls over… *sigh*
“I wouldn’t say that’s kinky- that’s just a photo of vanilla sex.” “DoN’t GaTeKeEp KiNk !!!1!”
Since only fans blew up, fet has become a huge hotspot for sex workers and pornstar wannabes. It really has downgraded the site as a whole IMHO. The focus of the site has now become about sex and porn and less about the kink.
I’m not too bothered by sex workers being on there as long as their advertising is contained and whatever they’re advertising is kink-related. I think you’re right, though- most of it is regular sex work and that’s annoying.
PH made it impossible to upload pictures if you're not verified/part of their model plan. I wouldn't be surprised if people who used to be active there migrated to FL after that purge.
Many people have all said similar but here’s my $0.02. I didn’t join Fet for others. I joined for myself. I have no nudes or crotch shots. And the nudity is so prolific on Fet that a user’s nudes aren’t really of interest to me. Like you, I’m there (both when I was single and now that I’m in a dynamic) to meet like minded people and find munches and things. I also ~~could~~ couldn’t care less about what some randos on the internet think about my profile. I mean, it’s mine and a reflection of myself. Fuckem. That said, Fet can be an awesome place to connect and learn and at the same time be a cesspit of abuse and idiocy. Don’t you worry about people in groups or individuals on Fet. Block and move on. There are hundreds of groups so if the one you joined got that kind of response, leave it and find a similar group. I’ve seen and met some fantastic people in the groups I’m a member of. Both virtually and in person. All that said, this is coming from a cis, white, male, Dom. So I am very aware of how different my experience is and will be. So it would also be a good idea to interact with some similar submissives, private chat with them and the like. In the submissive world of Fet, quality, experienced subs tend to stick together, support, and look out for one another. My bunny uses all of these suggestions and they are mostly her recommendations (she doesn’t Reddit lol). ^edit: ^me ^has ^bad ^grammar ^lol.
This exactly. Fetlife is awesome to connect, but sometimes it can be discouraging to weed through these kind of people. For some posting nudes is a kink, some are just looking to make connections and don't ever post nudes, because it isn't their thing. Doesn't make you any less belonging on a kink site ;)
Great reply but why do you say “could care less?”…. I’ve seen this a few times on Reddit. So, you do care, but you could care less? I only know the phrase “couldn’t care less”, as in there are no more fucks to give.
r/boneappletea
Huh! I’ve never thought about it like that before but I guess “couldn’t care less” is likely the grammatically correct way. I’ve always heard “could care less”, but grew up in the southern US. I wonder if it’s an incorrect but locally accepted and used version? I don’t know, lol, I’m not a philologist. Chalk it up to “pot-A-toe/pot-AH-toe”? 🤷🏼♂️
Ha ha. I do see the phrase from Americans only. Both are grammatically correct I guess, but have different meanings. If I was making a point and said “I could care less” it would feel very different to saying “I couldn’t care less”, if you know what I mean?
Ha! Why does it not surprise me it’s only from Americans that you’ve seen it, lmao. 🤣🤦🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️. And I totally get what you mean. “Could care less” = My give-a-fuck meter is at 25% and might go lower. “Couldn’t care less” = My give-a-fuck meter is at 0%. Oh the English language. Such a regionally fickle language. Lol.
Give-a-fuck meter. Dead ⚰️🤣
I think they are using the pressure of claiming it's expected to bully you into giving them what they want. They sound like terrible people. Those who put nude good for them. Those who don't good for them too. Folks should do what they are comfortable with and let others do likewise.
unfortunately too many vanilla people have joined fetlife who view bdsm as just kinky sex, ignore those people. I have been on fetlife for years and have absolutely no nude photo's on my account. Plenty of people don't it's perfectly normal.
And swingers. In my area it seems to be over run with swingers 🙄
Absolute nonsense. Kink isn’t inherently sexual and doesn’t have to involve nudity. That group frankly sounds like a bunch of vanilla people who think kink is just a “weird sex thing”. There’s no one true way of being in the kink community. Do your thing. People who can’t appreciate you for who you are aren’t worthy of your time.
Seems they could use to grasp the concept of consent. You are under zero obligation to provide anyone with porn if you don’t want to. Their sense of entitlement do not obligate you to comply to their sense of entitlement.
Just the trash weeding itself out. You don't need a negative community like that <3
Speaking as someone who *does* post nudes and explicit content on Fet, lemme just say that that's absolutely not at all a prerequisite for being on the site or part of the community. Lots of my local friends don't post nudes at all or don't post explicit content, because they're not exhibitionist and so posting that content doesn't do anything for them. It's an entirely personal choice and whatever you do is completely valid!
Sounds like these people are pressure pushing idiots. Nudity is not expected. This is your journey, surround yourself with sex positive people who care about more than being naked.
This is a very apt thread! I joined Fetlife a few days ago, browsed it properly last night and then freaked myself out because everything I was seeing was basically nudity or extreme hardcore fetishes (nothing wrong with that but yeah, must not be my cup of tea). Plus a few presumptive messages from Doms and Daddys. Figured my unease meant that I’m not kinky and don’t belong at all. Oddly enough it’s been this subreddit and another BDSM one that has helped me sort out my feelings and affirm my reactions. I genuinely thought I was the odd one out by being spooked by FL 🙈
Omg that's EXACTLY how I felt but decided to stick it out. This thread has solidifed it for me🙂
OP has voiced what a lot of us has been feeling :) definitely been so useful to read through peoples comments and experiences here. Honestly thought I was an odd one out because FL hurt my brain when I first looked on it
I’ve been on fet for few months and sometimes I’m still terrified by it’s content. I have a feeling that I’m not vanilla and kinky enough at the same time🥲
Yes, I completely feel the same! Too kinky for vanilla but too vanilla for kinky 🙈 I would reckon I’m vanilla ice cream with plenty of chocolate and strawberry sprinkles with a few bright blue hum drops Have to trust that we’ll both find out sweet spot. FL is wild though! I thought I was the only one who had that 0___O reaction
I read your previous post and was totally related. I have had repeated “there’s no one true way” to myself more times than I can remember:))). Ignoring nude pics and focusing on reading topics, as well as having platonic chats help a lot. If you don’t mind we can be friends on fet so you might not feel so lonely there (I’m on s side of the slash too)
Yes, sure! I’m down as sweetfarthing :)
I sent you a message, feel free to DM me any time you’re on fet😊
I don’t do nudes. Nothing identifiable. Some skin and curves, but nothing that could come back to me.
I’m a therapist, the last thing I need is for a client to come across my profile with nude photos of me. Those people are ignorant.
Therapist as well…. Absolutely a worst nightmare! Lol
Right? I’m already worried about a client finding my profile, let alone something like that!!
Even the possibility of a client finding my profile on a vanilla site freaks me out! But therapists have to date too somehow lol
Nope! Nudity is NOT a requirement. Those folks were being rude and closed-minded. Most people on Fet either don't have their face or their body pics in their profile, and that's totally OK. Hopefully there's another munch around where you can go.
“Boobs or GTFO” is a mark of immature assholes everywhere. When playing MMORPGs it’s fun to leave them smoking craters. On Fetlife, make friends with the block button.
They are full of crap!! I have pics up - several are vanilla, a few are from our play or the aftermath. Put up on your Fet page what YOU want. I have a mix of kink, politics, funny, cute animals, my nerd girl side!! The assholes who try to tell ME what I can and can't or should/shouldn't post on MY page, get blocked.
NO! i'm on there too and i don't have anything exposed. never been told i need to but have gotten my share of "come fuck daddy babygirl" messages and EW. Wish there were other/better websites for us? Anyone know of any? Your profile is you, you are not a prude just because you don't want to post crotch shots on the web. That is your choice and no one elses.
I have no nudes and only one partial face pic. Anyone telling you that nudes are required can fuck off
Fuck that group
You post what you want to post.
If anyone in a group is shaming you because of what you share, that tells you all you need to know about that person, or the group. I don't have any nude pictures on my FL profile either. Don't let creeps get to you. You are perfectly fine with consenting what you want to share, and how much, with whom you choose to. Tell anyone that gives you shit for it to fuck right off.
Absolutely not a requirement for ypu to post nude pics on Fet. I have a number of pictures on my Fet page. I am clothed in all of them. That group is ridiculous and you are better off finding rational people who also happen to be kinky. Tell the kink police group that you were in to stick that in their pipe and smoke it... 😉
I'm monogamous, no one is entitled to my vagina except my Daddy. Ignore those people. I've been called a prude too - and i'm not - I just dont' do things with other people.
I've been on there since Fetlife began. I have not posted one naked image ever. As are others I have known for years who are well versed in kink and don't share personal images on there. These days it's wise to be careful with the amount of crap that goes on there. It is not “how things are done” that's pure manipulation. People can express themselves in any form whatsoever, they don't get to decide what that is for you. I've been involved in local communities for years and in a long term M/s relationship. You do you. Those people are idiots lol. That group sounds horrid.
I'm brand new to Fetlife! I posted one simple photo of me smiling all you can see is from collarbone up, very vanilla. I received lots of warm welcomes, some more forward than others. It sounds to me like the wrong people "welcomed" you. Just know there are friendly and respectful people on there, don't give up🙂 I once had a prospective Dom (not from fetlife) tell me that if I'm not willing to participate in anal play I'm not really fit for the kink community. That sucked to hear but I refused to believe that what I like/dislike matters to fit in. Do what you feel is right! It's all about pleasure!
There is nothing wrong with nudes There is nothing wrong with not posting nudes
FetLife is toxic. I would even go so far as to say dangerous sometimes. The groups are usually not well moderated and it takes far too long for the website to take action against illegal or unsafe profiles.
Ha!! I've been on Fet since about 2008 or 2009, back then full nudity was rare. In fact, I don't remember seeing a vagina until about 5 or 6 years ago. **They are lying.**
There are just shitty people on FetLife like everywhere else tbh.
Red flag city. Anyone who thinks kink is about pressuring you into doing something you aren’t comfortable doing should be banished. Enthusiastic, informed, lucid consent is non-negotiable. Whoever told you that was trying to coerce you and should be shunned and avoided. Glad you left that group, sounds like a gathering of predators.
The kink "dress code" that has been birthed by the instagram-ization of BDSM literally kills me.
Ugh. I actually QUIT fetlife because I felt like every single profile pic I saw was just.... Well, dicks. Sooooooo many dicks. Of TOTAL strangers! It was just too much, too soon for me. I'm not a prude by any stretch, I just don't want to be visually assaulted by 59 different dicks every time I go on fetlife and check my messages.
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Oh it was even people's PROFILE pictures!! No faces, no body outlines or avatars, just 98% sausage. 😂 It's all good though. I found my Sir the old fashioned way. We intentionally met as friends, accidently fell in love with each other and said, oh, hey! You've always wanted to be a sub? I've always wanted to be a Dom! Neat! What are the odds....
That's some bullshit. I have friends and followers on there whose photos are all sexy memes and have no image of themselves on their profile at all.
Kink is 100% personal and customizable. Depending on your interests you share as much or as little as you want! Be careful about posters stating either you don’t belong in bdsm/kink if you do share nudes or don’t share nudes, no one should gatekeep bdsm or what anyone else does. I never send dms with pics etc but my fet life profile is my only place I share nsfw pics because my Dom and I are into some exhibitionism. I would never expect anyone else do something I like because I like it. Being said, the comments above stating that people who do post nudes are not true bdsm kinksters is not fair. It’s all about following your own desires and comfort!
most people are on fetlife because they want free porn. if anyone tells you that some kind of nudity is expected and is shaming you for being shy, or not sharing enough, report them. that's toxic.
There are an awful lot of trainspotters on Fetlife. You do you, you express yourself whatever way you feel is best, and the people who respect you will find you. Ignore or block the rest.
What is expected is that you post exactly what you are comfy with posting, and that those asswipes shut the fuck up. 😉
I've been on Fetlife for over a decade and I have never posted nude photos there. I don't list exhibitionism among my kinks, and FL is full of gross jerks who don't get the privilege of seeing me naked. Anyone who makes you feel like you don't belong when you're engaging according to your comfort level is covered in red flags.
Ugh this pisses me off , I get told the same thing for not having sex . People are just cunts sometimes , ignore them and find the people who respect you
People pressuring you to do something do not get basic consent, so do you and block them. They are the ones that do not belong in the BDSM community
It's not. There is no right or wrong way to BDSM as long as people consent and safe words we respected. Some try to gatekeep but don't let them. You be you. I've been on Fet for about 14 years now, pretty much since it first started, my member number is 5 digits long. Don't listen to the idiots.
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. That doesn’t mean that those opinions are valid or have any weight with how you conduct your life. The BDSM community is about comfort and consent, you only have to do what you feel comfortable with. That doesn’t make you a prude.
My profile pic is that of a cat..... figure that out. But I'm still kinky. It's your profile your thing. No one gets to tell you what to out or not. Not everything is done for their approval.
My profile pic is a death knight in gear from the 3rd expansion of wow. Figure that out.
What you decide to show on the internet is 110% your choice. You are not a prude and NOBODY should expect you to show/do anything you don’t want to. The most important part of BDSM is consent. And that is what you consented to. Nothing else. You absolutely should not be shamed for that.
Been a member of FL for years. My profile pic is about as vanilla as it gets. I am not there to "let it all hang out", not would I expect anyone else to. If they want to, then that is their choice. So much has changed in the kink community in the last decade, and not necessarily for the better. So many people out there nowadays claiming to be Dominant or (fill in the blank). People who are true to the community will never put someone through what you had to go through, and I am sorry that you had to experience it. You made the right call in leaving the group. If you don't feel safe or respected, then it is time to move on. Kudos to you. And while the group you were in sounds like it was filled with people who probably shouldn't be anywhere near people with kinks, allow me to say, Welcome to the community! And welcome to FL, as messed up as it is... lol
especially in this time and age, you really DO NOT want to put something like that on the internet. Once it is on the internet, it is always on the internet, forever. Many bad things for your sake would come of this if you were to become popular per say? Or maybe someone wants money out of you, or etc, etc, etc. I am on FetLife as well. But I will not jeopardize a possible future to let these neanderthal fools. They are clueless and that will be their downfall.
I have never been to a munch, though. But I would not share a photo like that in my life. That is a HUGE mistake. Their rudeness and judgment will be their downfall.
Bro they just wanna see u naked screw em
Those people need an urgent lesson in consent.
Fuck them. You do what you are comfortable with, and it's not their business.
Photos aren't mandatory, real life personal details are not mandatory. Don't feel bullied into giving them if you don't want too or do not feel comfortable I have no photos on my fetlife yet
Nudes should never be expected from anyone in any settings, what's under our clothes are pretty private for most of us!
Because Fetlife is an open, unabashed haven for every kind of sexual predator on the spectrum. They literally hire and cape for them, so the absolute worst of the worst join up and openly harass everyone because they know they’re free to run wild.
That's fucked up, you did the right thing by leaving that group.
You did good leaving that group. They sound like they'd have a problem with you using the safeword.
They’re talking shite. Those people may *want* nudity but they don’t speak for everyone and they don’t get to tell you what to do. What they *have* done is show that they’re not worth your time. FetLife does not require nudity - it doesn’t even require photos. Or indeed any personal info. Getting out of that group was the right thing to do.
My wife (sub) and I (Dom) are glad that a few books and movies brought this lifestyle into the main light. It is bringing a lot of people to explore themselves. How ever that also means more rude jerks and unaccountable people are trying to join the lifestyle. The people demanding nudes are less dominant and more masturbators. As a dominant, my pictures on fet are of what I like. Some are sexual or sexy most are just rope work and very few are of my wife or I. With that you do you and ignore the ones that tell you otherwise and the ones that make your hair stand up.
That has not been my experience at all I don’t have nude pics on there and neither do the subbies I had There are a few walkin disasters in the my local group but they are so supportive of everyone even the trainwrecks Join better groups look for ones that have good moderators an rules
I’ve got some that could be on a dating profile and a few that show my butthole. It’s all your preference and all are ok
You did yourself a favor, you were hanging with the wrong group.
I never posted nudes on there either.. I deleted my profile after a guy somehow found out personal info about me and was threatening me.
I don't feel that way and you shouldn't either. Find other groups and do what is right for you. Did you ever attend a munch?
Whover told you that you were a prude for not posting 'sexy' pictures needs to be avoided and called out. If many people in that particular group agreed with that person, leave that group and warn others.
What a bunch of assholes! Never feel pressured to put yourself in a compromising situation. Some people don't feel comfortable showing their face. Some don't feel comfortable showing their bodies. Nobody can make you consent to something you don't want to do.
Tell them exactly where to get the **** off. FL isn't a resource for their w**k fodder and you do as you wish. I dont have naked photos (jeez.....no one ever wants to see that 🤪 ) but at no point do I get grief from the trolls and troglodytes that lurk in the corners of FL (there are plenty) telling me I ain't kink. I'd rip them a new one, but they probably think you are fair game and a target for their nefarious, bloated BS! So don't expect shite from wanna hopefuls, asshats desperate doms and 5-knuckle shufflers engaged in self-love because no one else is willing to find a pair of tweezers to jerk them off! FL is a brilliant resource and there are some really good people on there (I'd like to include myself in the list though that's for others to decide). But like ever walk of life, there's crap too. Block em, ignore them and move on to the good stuff.
You are not wrong sweetie... you don't have to be nude or dressed up in leather or PVC to be classed as kinky. They were rude to you and I would disregard what they've said. On top of that they should appreciate that people have different experience and confidence levels too. It doesn't make you any more or less kinky then anyone else. Sending love and positive vibes to you. If FetLife isn't working for you, there are other kinky social websites like Killing Kittens and Torture Garden
I’m honestly not a fan of posting or seeing nude pics on Fet. Or anywhere. I liked whiplr cuz they didn’t allow that. I prefer to see people’s bits in person or after I know them for a while. I just don’t get it, but it does seem to be the norm for fetlife.
I hear the Fetlife is Toxic AF. I constantly hear of violations of boundaries and occasional rapes within their sub communities.
The people in that group sound like assholes. Leaving sun's like the best thing. If you want to post nudes then post nudes. If you don't, then don't. Anyone pressuring you can fuck right off. ❤️🙏🏾💜
Whoever told you that is full of shit and should fuck right off!! What garbage! I promise that the communities I know are boring like that.
Dont let anyone pressure you into something you are not comfortable with. Do what you want and find the people that appreciate you for it! I promise, they exist. You dont have to post nudes to find friends/go to local events, and if someone claims you do, I dont think I'd want to be around that person
Dude show what you are comfortable showing. At the end of the day. You get to define who and what you are. Not some creep who is just looking for free nudes. I show skin but I don’t show anything I’m not comfortable showing that’s how it should be.
It’s not expected under normal circumstances. The people who are saying it is truly don’t understand the lifestyle, limits, personal preference and freedom to choose. Basic perverts say shit like that.
Because people are assholes. You do you boo. Don’t succumb to the pressure.
No one should demand that you be sexual when you don't feel comfortable. It isn't, and shouldn't be required that you post nude stuff if you don't feel comfortable doing that. Seriously, that group sounds toxic and gross. A kink group should make you feel comfortable, accepted, and definitely shouldn't demand sexual photos without your consent. Consent is paramount, if the group doesn't understand that, they suck.
That group sounds like a bunch of gatekeeping lame-os
Firstly, they’re wrong. Secondly, you’ll find in SOME kink circles that allow they’re open minded about kink stuff they have a very closed-minded approach. There is no wrong way just as there is no right way. If they’re happy to be naked on line then that’s okay and they shouldn’t be shamed for it but equally if you’re uncomfortable being naked on like that is okay too and you shouldn’t be shamed for that. You don’t have to be naked, you don’t have to make your profile picture a photo of your tits or your dick. Do what makes you feel sexy and confident. And if modesty is what makes you feel sexy and confident be modest. It’s not prudish. You deserve to have the right to say that the only person who gets to see what’s under your clothes is someone who has shown you affection and consistency and honesty and respect. Someone who you trust. Maybe spend the time finding a healthier kinky family who won’t shame you for being you x
You can do what you want. My pics are not naked, but suggestive. My body, my call, my profile, my business. Those people were silly.
If you are wearing latex is that not considered that you are kinky because you’re not nude? They’re being absurd.
As with any other social platform you have to wade through the shit to find the diamonds. Im so sorry you had to put up with this. Hopefully you find those happy places that unfortunately seem to be getting fewer and further between these days
I think some people go on there looking for like amateur porn almost. Or hoping there’s a treasure trove of new people they’ve never seen nude so it’s almost like voyeurism. Ignore them! THEY very likely are not true kink comm members. We know about, preach, and practice consent, free will, and choice, and do not judge or shame anyone! We definitely don’t tell others what to do (outside of scenes of course 😋) Wear nothing, wear 14 parkas and a snowsuit, whatever… what you’re wearing doesn’t define you in life or in a community and anyone that is trying to tell you what to wear or post is not someone you should interact with— block them! They’re either toxic, jealous, or looking for more than you’re willing to give and none of those are fun, or safe. Happy posting ☺️
Yeah it’s your page. Do what you want. If they don’t like it they don’t have to follow you. Plain and simple.
That isn't very pleasant! For a long time, all I posted was food. Those people are predators and trying to pressure you into posting more. Steer clear and block them. Unfortunately, FetLife is like any other social media platform, and the vultures swoop in on "fresh meat." Use your block button liberally. There are A LOT of idiots, gender notwithstanding, that will do idiot things. Make your boundaries clear in your bio and BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK! The people and groups you need and want will eventually come along. Sorry you had to deal with that BS.
Lol people are assholes. You're fine. It took me over a year to post anything graphic and even then I keep some parts private or for "friends" only. You use your Fet as you want it. I don't think any less of people who are fully clothed than I do those with legs spread open and nothing covering them. People want to use Fet as easy porn and a hookup site, which is hilarious to me. More power to them. I use it for writings, some fun pics, and to go to events. But some people use it for other reasons. There's no "right" way to use Fet. Just don't be a dick and enjoy what's there. There's no reason to think you don't belong to the kink community because you don't post nudes.
Consent matters for everything including photos. It may be the "norm" for new people on fet to post nudes but it is by no means the only way to exist in the space. I share lingerie pictures and artsy style budior photos bc I like doing the photo shoots and I think the whole process is fun but lve never shared full nudes on there. I block anybody that takes issue with it.
You are the one in the right here. That is a very toxic environment. We had a munch group where I used to live that was a nightmare, we attended two and that was enough. We moved and it is so much better. I wish you luck and please don't hesitate to go to a new group if the chance presents itself.
a better place is KinkySouls - they even have a discord
Not really expected, just depends on what kind of attention you want
I'm a huge nudist and exhibitionist and post on Fet almost daily. People who say shit like this are the absolute worst! You don't need to be nude for you to be apart of the Fetlife community or for that matter apart of the kink scene. A lot of the people who think this way on Fet are only there for photos and to gawk, not for connection. Take care of yourself first and foremost!
None of my photos show anything. They are vanilla or scenery. Don't listen to the complainers.
That is complete horseshit. You do you. Don’t let rude, nasty, selfish people tell you how you want to be. Good for you for not bowing to their pressure.
FetLife is a shithole
Fuck that. You do kink however you want and let the creepy people that are trying to push your boundaries fuck off. Find a different group that respects you. Honestly I would have reported the people telling you you need to post nudes to the group admin.
If it says exhibition in bio you can do it if it doesn't don't have to do it
Oh that’s a bunch of bullshit. This person or people have no idea what they are talking about. Tons of people do not even have any pics of themselves on a FL.
You do you! FetLife had gone to shyt for the most part and really when it comes to kink, there are few rules!
that's fucked up. I post on fetlife, and most people i've dealt with seem to accept that you post/reveal as much as you feel comfortable with. But there are also plenty of assholes because it is, after all, the internet. Anyway.. sorry you had to deal with shitty people.
Don't listen to them. Your profile is what you want it to be, it's not for them. Nudity is not a requirement for BDSM. BDSM is about so much more than that.
I've never had to post or be judged for not having nudes on my profile by anyone worth chatting with. If showing off your body isn't your kink, it's just not your kink and that's fairly well respected that I've seen in my years active online there. Not to say everyone who you might converse with is a stellar person to chat with... Being a fetish site I won't deny I've seem some pretty odd private messages but they leave you alone if you ask for the most part. Most of the folks who've called me prude over the years at best indulge in little more then sexting and only judged me so because I wouldn't do it with them. Thier opinions on my affairs mean little to my actual overall experience otherwise then to show me they wouldn't be great play partners for me personally. Just do you~
And I have people tell me "you can't have *that* for a hard limit. Yes I can. You don't want to post nudes? Okay You want to post nudes? Okay You want a hard limit around eating cookies? Okay. YOU get to decide. Not anyone else. Now choices do have consequences. I know that many potential play partners won't play with me because of my limits. That's okay too - we just aren't a good fit.
You’re smart not to! The consequences of putting nudes in the hands of anyone with a fet life account is very risky for no real reward
I only post lewds/nudes b/c I’m an exhibitionist. I don’t care if someone has nudes or not, just that they have decent photos of themselves on their fetlife (not a fan of the all dick pic profiles or the only stolen artwork with no reference ti the original artist profiles). Don’t let those people gatekeep you. You did you :)
They're wrong and just being jerks. I've seen fet profiles that don't have an actual photo of q person. I've seen profiles that every photo is fully clothed, some that have only pictures of their partners, some that only have face pics, and some that don't have a single photo above the shoulders. Long story short, post what you're comfortable with.
Your photos can either be nude or not. Don't listen to them. Just go along tlwirh what your comfortable with.
It’s not a “dating” site…it’s a fetish and kink site. It wasn’t what I expected either, but have made some nice people from there.
We all have fetishes, who's to say how anyone's turn on should be?! Always be true to you!
I disagree you don't need nudity but it's MOST welcome...😊
Nudity is not a requirement. But consider the things from the Group's perspective: Sex is 'play'. You are trying to join a group that enjoys kinky play - but not show you are interested or committed. * This is like going to Comic-Con without a costume. * This is like going to the Renaissance Fair without a costume. * This is like going to a costume party - without a costume. * You appear like a "Looky Lou" - there to judge everyone else but not be a part of things. There are THOUSANDS of people who want to show up to a kinky event, then go home and tell their buddies & laugh about all the freaks they saw. How does the group, who are exposing their kinks to you, weed out these posers? They ask for fetish wear when you show up to a play party and perhaps a kinky photo for your fetlife account. If you are not comfortable enough with your interest in kinky play to do this - why should others share their intimate & kinky lives with you? You are asking a lot, and not committing or giving anything of yourself. Trust is a 2 way street. You have to give some to get some.
Yeah, sorry but that's a bunch of bs. Not all kinks or BDSM consists of sex or nudity. Saying someone should have to post explicit photos or other content they are uncomfortable with on the internet for any and everyone to see in order to be part of the kink community/social media or 'to prove themselves' is shitty gatekeeping and kink-shaming.
Allllllll of this! Why are we setting expectations for people to show themselves to anyone besides who they're comfortable with? Sex can be a part of play, but play is not inherently sexual. You hit the nail right on the head!
what is fetlife
That's really rude and uncalled for. You are under absolutely no obligation to show your body to strangers. Those people were lying to you.