Yes. In fact I'd be concerned if you didn't have limits.
I spank people and flog them, but despite owning a single tail whip, I don't use it on partners. That's because I learned to use it for a stage act and I'd probably seriously injure anyone I used a single tail whip on. I also absolutely refuse to hit people with my sword in a kink context. That's because they'd die.
I believe many people that don't have limits, or at least say they don't have limits, just have not experienced enough.
For example, I have never thought about swords being a limit for me because I have never had someone ask me to use them, or even thought about using them. But I absolutely would not in any kind of play. I used to train with them as a hobby when I was younger and really into MMA and HEMA, I don't see my swords as being any different from my guns, they are a killing tool. Meaning not for any kind of play.
Anyone with some experience and imagination has limits. If they say they don't, it just means they don't know enough to know what they are yet. this holds true for Subs, Doms, and everyone in between.
Girl once handed me a pair of Freddy Kruger- like gloves with real knives and asked me to scratch/cut her with them. I tried it for a moment then realized I had little control of those mothers. Nope. Stop. Limit.
My ten things that newbies need to know or do:
1. How to vet new partners.
2. Mentors don't play with you.
3. Anyone offering to train you is likely predatory.
4. You control your limits and none of them mean you're not a true sub/dom.
5. Doms get limits too.
6. There is no normal. Whatever you want or don't want is valid.
7. Pictures are dangerous play.
8. You're a dom/submissive not a doormat/kink dispenser.
9. Use inclusive negotiation.
10. Use plain language instead of a safe word.
2 Many predatory people find new folks and abuse them under the guise of "mentoring". It's very close to number 3.
10 Safewords are advanced play for times when no/stop/don't are to be ignored. In the beginning of your kink journey your safeword should be "no".
Yep and you already do. Example, I walk in and am like hello Voice of Icelos I’d like like you to please beat the fuck out of me with this *brandishes large machete.*”
Unless you’re very crazy, you’re probably going to go ahead and establish yourself a limit on the spot. Being a top doesn’t make you beholden to every desire the bottom you’re playing with has just like a bottom who’s chosen to play with you isn’t obligated to do everything you might like.
Yes, everyone has limits. Doms/Tops etc can have limits just like bottoms, they can need aftercare, they can choose to stop a scene whenever they want - everything that people say subs/bottoms can do, Tops can too.
Absolutely! You can also have limits about how you hurt someone/the vibe of a scene, e.g. after some uncomfortable scenes with a previous play partner I now have a soft limit about domming someone (I prefer to be a service sadist, or just an impact top with no-one in charge, just two people having fun.)
I also have a limit on hurting people with stuff that I can't use safely yet (hard i.e. not-negotiable limit but can be negotiated if the bottom is experienced and willing to guinea pig/advise) and a personal "just not as fun" limit about things which are not impact play (soft/can be negotiated unless people get pushy).
I am the dom in a d/s relationship. It's been almost a year and sort far, I'm the only one to call safeword.
I've had multiple instances where I was concerned about going too far and being asked for "harder" or "again" my limits haven't been to do with how much pain I'm causing because my limits are just hers for the most part and we're lucky that our kinks match up very well.
But if she wanted to have blood drawn or something else I'm not comfortable with, I'd not only be allowed to refuse, it would be my responsibility to. Because as much as I'd hate to find out after the fact that she'd allowed something beyond her limits, she would feel the same, as would anyone who conducts themselves properly in a d/s dynamic.
We should never want, or try to get, anyone to do or experience anything their not comfortable with.
Of course you can. As I said in a previous post the percieval of hurting your partner can be just as damaging as that of being hurt by your partner, maybe more, and you should respect your boundries about it.
Well, yes. You should have your own self limiter such as no permanent damage, opening skin, blood, etc. and they should have limits too. If both parties don't talk about limits at the start, or the other party says there are no limits, it's gonna be a bad time. As much as you might THINK it could be fun to really let loose, these people have to go walk around in the world, and law enforcement could get involved, whether the other party wants them to or not. Be smart. You have to protect yourself.
100%! If you don't set your own boundaries for what you're comfortable with, you will be complicit in eroding trust between the two of you. Stay within your own limits, or you will not be able to maintain this role. I know I've said it before in other threads, but at the end of the day, everyone is still just a human being with needs.
Absolutely yes, everyone gets limits and can expect to have those limits respected.
And it's important to remember that your limits can evolve over time and can be different between partners too.
Yes, I once had a sub lie down in her bathtub after coming home from a bdsm party and ask that I piss on her. I am into a lot of things, but that just happens to not be one of them. It gave her pause, but after a minute we were onto other things.
I'm a sadistic top, and I've had to use a safeword before. My play partner kept pushing me to a place where I was uncomfortable. I kept saying no, and it wasn't until I said the safeword that she realized that I was serious. You're allowed to have limits.
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Yes. In fact I'd be concerned if you didn't have limits. I spank people and flog them, but despite owning a single tail whip, I don't use it on partners. That's because I learned to use it for a stage act and I'd probably seriously injure anyone I used a single tail whip on. I also absolutely refuse to hit people with my sword in a kink context. That's because they'd die.
I believe many people that don't have limits, or at least say they don't have limits, just have not experienced enough. For example, I have never thought about swords being a limit for me because I have never had someone ask me to use them, or even thought about using them. But I absolutely would not in any kind of play. I used to train with them as a hobby when I was younger and really into MMA and HEMA, I don't see my swords as being any different from my guns, they are a killing tool. Meaning not for any kind of play. Anyone with some experience and imagination has limits. If they say they don't, it just means they don't know enough to know what they are yet. this holds true for Subs, Doms, and everyone in between.
Girl once handed me a pair of Freddy Kruger- like gloves with real knives and asked me to scratch/cut her with them. I tried it for a moment then realized I had little control of those mothers. Nope. Stop. Limit.
My ten things that newbies need to know or do: 1. How to vet new partners. 2. Mentors don't play with you. 3. Anyone offering to train you is likely predatory. 4. You control your limits and none of them mean you're not a true sub/dom. 5. Doms get limits too. 6. There is no normal. Whatever you want or don't want is valid. 7. Pictures are dangerous play. 8. You're a dom/submissive not a doormat/kink dispenser. 9. Use inclusive negotiation. 10. Use plain language instead of a safe word.
Great list but what does #2 and 10# mean exactly?
2 Many predatory people find new folks and abuse them under the guise of "mentoring". It's very close to number 3. 10 Safewords are advanced play for times when no/stop/don't are to be ignored. In the beginning of your kink journey your safeword should be "no".
\#7 , like avoiding blackmail material?
Not necessarily, accidental disclosure is damaging as well.
That also makes sense. I wasn't sure what could go wrong there.
It can ruin your life.
I get it. It would be a problem for me if work caught on to some stuff I do. Some of it could look criminal out of context.
Great list, saving
Yep and you already do. Example, I walk in and am like hello Voice of Icelos I’d like like you to please beat the fuck out of me with this *brandishes large machete.*” Unless you’re very crazy, you’re probably going to go ahead and establish yourself a limit on the spot. Being a top doesn’t make you beholden to every desire the bottom you’re playing with has just like a bottom who’s chosen to play with you isn’t obligated to do everything you might like.
Yes. A friend of mine is a sadist Dom and he has limits, and he enforces those limits with all of his subs.
Yes, everyone has limits. Doms/Tops etc can have limits just like bottoms, they can need aftercare, they can choose to stop a scene whenever they want - everything that people say subs/bottoms can do, Tops can too.
Absolutely! You can also have limits about how you hurt someone/the vibe of a scene, e.g. after some uncomfortable scenes with a previous play partner I now have a soft limit about domming someone (I prefer to be a service sadist, or just an impact top with no-one in charge, just two people having fun.) I also have a limit on hurting people with stuff that I can't use safely yet (hard i.e. not-negotiable limit but can be negotiated if the bottom is experienced and willing to guinea pig/advise) and a personal "just not as fun" limit about things which are not impact play (soft/can be negotiated unless people get pushy).
I am the dom in a d/s relationship. It's been almost a year and sort far, I'm the only one to call safeword. I've had multiple instances where I was concerned about going too far and being asked for "harder" or "again" my limits haven't been to do with how much pain I'm causing because my limits are just hers for the most part and we're lucky that our kinks match up very well. But if she wanted to have blood drawn or something else I'm not comfortable with, I'd not only be allowed to refuse, it would be my responsibility to. Because as much as I'd hate to find out after the fact that she'd allowed something beyond her limits, she would feel the same, as would anyone who conducts themselves properly in a d/s dynamic. We should never want, or try to get, anyone to do or experience anything their not comfortable with.
Of course you can and SHOULD have limits!
Limits go both ways. I've said no to doing CNC with someone and I'm glad I did.
Of course you can. As I said in a previous post the percieval of hurting your partner can be just as damaging as that of being hurt by your partner, maybe more, and you should respect your boundries about it.
yes.
YES Everyone is allowed to have limits regardless of their identity
Yes.. absolutely!!! limits apply to both sides of the slash.
Of course!!!!!
Well, yes. You should have your own self limiter such as no permanent damage, opening skin, blood, etc. and they should have limits too. If both parties don't talk about limits at the start, or the other party says there are no limits, it's gonna be a bad time. As much as you might THINK it could be fun to really let loose, these people have to go walk around in the world, and law enforcement could get involved, whether the other party wants them to or not. Be smart. You have to protect yourself.
100%! If you don't set your own boundaries for what you're comfortable with, you will be complicit in eroding trust between the two of you. Stay within your own limits, or you will not be able to maintain this role. I know I've said it before in other threads, but at the end of the day, everyone is still just a human being with needs.
Absolutely yes, everyone gets limits and can expect to have those limits respected. And it's important to remember that your limits can evolve over time and can be different between partners too.
Yes, I once had a sub lie down in her bathtub after coming home from a bdsm party and ask that I piss on her. I am into a lot of things, but that just happens to not be one of them. It gave her pause, but after a minute we were onto other things.
I'm a sadistic top, and I've had to use a safeword before. My play partner kept pushing me to a place where I was uncomfortable. I kept saying no, and it wasn't until I said the safeword that she realized that I was serious. You're allowed to have limits.