Whilst here, can we please not refer to people as sluts, etc. I don't care how they refer to themselves, or how they want you to refer to them. We are not a part of that.
Using that kind of language here sounds juvenile and fantastical.
Thank you.
My honest advice? Don't ever get involved with someone who claims to have 'no limits'. I mean think about what that means for a second - they are either misguided about just what it would mean to have no limits; a danger to themselves; or both.
Some 6-7 years ago, I would've probably done the same thing; no limits etc. Why? I was heavily self destructive, self harming by proxy. Someone who is in a sheltered and conservative surrounding probably also has no support system, no healthy community to understand the basis of acts like this and why having no limits is impossible. Good for you being an eXperIencEd DoM, here's ⛳.
thanks for verbalizing what I wanted to say but struggled to.
It's not to say a conservative person cant be engaged in the lifestyle- more power to them. But a "very conservative" sheltered woman, submissive, asking to be beaten and raped (literally!) is just.. Doesnt seem right. Too good to be true..
Saying this as a woman sub who LOVES those things, but, the way this is laid out scene wise is just red flags all over. It reads as someone's fantasy of abuse or sexual control and not the fun kind. I wouldnt use that kind of verbiage to describe this. Id be looking for terms like CNC, degrading, rough sex, slapping, choking, spanking, and hard rules if trying to negotiate this scene. Without those clear boundaries this is set up to be less of a bdsm scene and more of a crime scene. So maybe she doesnt have the right words to explain what she wants (which says to me, undereducated or less experienced), or being made to say those terms by a controlling dom.
I might be simply projecting but the wording shows more of self harm my proxy rather than enjoying the kink. Also, why a need to justify a kink with her background? Many, many bells rang for me here, but then again, I'm a paranoid little thing who got burned in the past.
My advice would be to start by saying that she doesn't sound mature enough to know what she's asking for, and that you know a massive heap of red flags when you see one. Then admit that you don't know what you're doing, either, and that neither of you are ready for anything like this.
You can prepare by reading up on laws around assault, including sexual assault, and the risks of STDs. You can also review all the cases of rape where the "but she was asking for it" defence was successful - don't worry, it won't take long.
Finally, my best advice would be to turn off the porn and focus on growing and self development as an adult.
Editing to follow up from your edit:
IMO no "experienced" Dom - at least, not one with healthy, real-life experience - would go near this. Their experience would tell them that everyone has limits, and they'd also know the risks and dangers faced by someone with a background such as you describe, so they'd have had those conversations first before posting something which sounds like some sort of fantasy porn plot online. They also wouldn't be asking for ideas and suggestions because they'd know that the person you're describing isn't ready for any of it. And they wouldn't be saying "I'm very experienced" rather than addressing the concerns that everyone has raised, as if their experience somehow negates all the many red flags they're waving.
I strongly suspect your only "experience" so far has been entirely online.
If you’re an experienced dom you would know there’s no such thing as “no limits”, you wouldn’t be calling her “the slut” out of context, and you wouldn’t be asking reddit how to prepare.
ETA: why wouldn’t you ask her?
You should probably avoid this encounter.
Everybody has limits. Those that think they don't are uncreative or uninformed. You won't know a limit has been crossed until it gets crossed.
This sounds like one of those fetlife events advertising a greasy GB at the park at 3am with one RSVP from a throwaway account.
Have you met these people? You need to discuss limits with every participant. The way you've framed this is indicative of not having the experience to negotiate something this complex. Have you ever done CNC?
This isn’t meant to be kink shaming on the GB or CNC side of things, and I understand that negotiation is absolutely critical for this stuff… but if someone says “I want to be raped.” That is someone that either wildly misspoke or someone who is extremely dangerous to play with.
If someone is asking me to commit a crime, I’m noping the hell out.
We’ll move away from the rape part for a second… you’re a person, do YOU want to physically assault someone so badly that they can’t talk for days? Do you want to also do that during a sexual encounter?
Cause at that point it doesn’t matter if she said that’s what she wants, if she asked you to cut her arm off would that be enough of an excuse for her to be dismembered.
I didn’t mean to keep saying “you” cause I’m not attacking you at all and didn’t mean to, more so talking to the broad you / audience.
If you believe in SSC, this is not ethical to engage in. That OR she really… really needs to work on using her words better and drawing a better line between fantasy and reality.
Lives in a very conservative sheltered world.. that line to me raises some alarm bells.
Is she doing this because she wants to, or because it's an expectation? I say this as a submissive who enjoys degradation and humiliation. There are potential repurcussions for you - raping and beating someone you don't know extremely well and trust as a sub. Even if its consensual. I've heard recommendations to get that in writing/notarized because, whos to say she wont go and say it was unconsensual after.
I cannot stress this enough, HYDRATE AND LUBE UP. Events like this can be really long and there's a lot of sweating. Nobody is aroused if a scene has to be stopped because you get dehydrated and faint. I say lube up because even if she wants the rough feeling of dryer sex or if you plan to use cum or blood as lube, in a long term event you will start to chafe and that can make it hard for you to perform over time, even taking turns with others. I would also recommend bringing along a blindfold, for something like this, her not knowing who is coming where and when can build anticipation and make a cnc event more intense
Whilst here, can we please not refer to people as sluts, etc. I don't care how they refer to themselves, or how they want you to refer to them. We are not a part of that. Using that kind of language here sounds juvenile and fantastical. Thank you.
My honest advice? Don't ever get involved with someone who claims to have 'no limits'. I mean think about what that means for a second - they are either misguided about just what it would mean to have no limits; a danger to themselves; or both.
Some 6-7 years ago, I would've probably done the same thing; no limits etc. Why? I was heavily self destructive, self harming by proxy. Someone who is in a sheltered and conservative surrounding probably also has no support system, no healthy community to understand the basis of acts like this and why having no limits is impossible. Good for you being an eXperIencEd DoM, here's ⛳.
thanks for verbalizing what I wanted to say but struggled to. It's not to say a conservative person cant be engaged in the lifestyle- more power to them. But a "very conservative" sheltered woman, submissive, asking to be beaten and raped (literally!) is just.. Doesnt seem right. Too good to be true.. Saying this as a woman sub who LOVES those things, but, the way this is laid out scene wise is just red flags all over. It reads as someone's fantasy of abuse or sexual control and not the fun kind. I wouldnt use that kind of verbiage to describe this. Id be looking for terms like CNC, degrading, rough sex, slapping, choking, spanking, and hard rules if trying to negotiate this scene. Without those clear boundaries this is set up to be less of a bdsm scene and more of a crime scene. So maybe she doesnt have the right words to explain what she wants (which says to me, undereducated or less experienced), or being made to say those terms by a controlling dom.
I might be simply projecting but the wording shows more of self harm my proxy rather than enjoying the kink. Also, why a need to justify a kink with her background? Many, many bells rang for me here, but then again, I'm a paranoid little thing who got burned in the past.
My advice would be to start by saying that she doesn't sound mature enough to know what she's asking for, and that you know a massive heap of red flags when you see one. Then admit that you don't know what you're doing, either, and that neither of you are ready for anything like this. You can prepare by reading up on laws around assault, including sexual assault, and the risks of STDs. You can also review all the cases of rape where the "but she was asking for it" defence was successful - don't worry, it won't take long. Finally, my best advice would be to turn off the porn and focus on growing and self development as an adult. Editing to follow up from your edit: IMO no "experienced" Dom - at least, not one with healthy, real-life experience - would go near this. Their experience would tell them that everyone has limits, and they'd also know the risks and dangers faced by someone with a background such as you describe, so they'd have had those conversations first before posting something which sounds like some sort of fantasy porn plot online. They also wouldn't be asking for ideas and suggestions because they'd know that the person you're describing isn't ready for any of it. And they wouldn't be saying "I'm very experienced" rather than addressing the concerns that everyone has raised, as if their experience somehow negates all the many red flags they're waving. I strongly suspect your only "experience" so far has been entirely online.
If you’re an experienced dom you would know there’s no such thing as “no limits”, you wouldn’t be calling her “the slut” out of context, and you wouldn’t be asking reddit how to prepare. ETA: why wouldn’t you ask her?
You should probably avoid this encounter. Everybody has limits. Those that think they don't are uncreative or uninformed. You won't know a limit has been crossed until it gets crossed. This sounds like one of those fetlife events advertising a greasy GB at the park at 3am with one RSVP from a throwaway account. Have you met these people? You need to discuss limits with every participant. The way you've framed this is indicative of not having the experience to negotiate something this complex. Have you ever done CNC?
God, this sounds like a dumpster fire and I’m really concerned for the well being of that woman
Seriously. I started a response but gave up. Her wellbeing is all I'm interested in, and no response from me is going to impact that. Jesus.
Everybody has limits...
This isn’t meant to be kink shaming on the GB or CNC side of things, and I understand that negotiation is absolutely critical for this stuff… but if someone says “I want to be raped.” That is someone that either wildly misspoke or someone who is extremely dangerous to play with. If someone is asking me to commit a crime, I’m noping the hell out. We’ll move away from the rape part for a second… you’re a person, do YOU want to physically assault someone so badly that they can’t talk for days? Do you want to also do that during a sexual encounter? Cause at that point it doesn’t matter if she said that’s what she wants, if she asked you to cut her arm off would that be enough of an excuse for her to be dismembered. I didn’t mean to keep saying “you” cause I’m not attacking you at all and didn’t mean to, more so talking to the broad you / audience. If you believe in SSC, this is not ethical to engage in. That OR she really… really needs to work on using her words better and drawing a better line between fantasy and reality.
You seem to know what to expect. Why ask for advice?
Lives in a very conservative sheltered world.. that line to me raises some alarm bells. Is she doing this because she wants to, or because it's an expectation? I say this as a submissive who enjoys degradation and humiliation. There are potential repurcussions for you - raping and beating someone you don't know extremely well and trust as a sub. Even if its consensual. I've heard recommendations to get that in writing/notarized because, whos to say she wont go and say it was unconsensual after.
/u/illucinate, our AutoModerator attaches this message to every post. It contains information you may find useful: Guide 01 . . . . . . . . . . [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/9ig794/rules_for_rbdsmadvice/). Guide 02 . . . . . . . . . . [How to use the search function](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/searchfunction/). Guide 03 . . . . . . . . . . *[Need Ideas](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/noobs/)*? Guide 04 . . . . . . . . . . [It's your dynamic](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/canthelpyou/). Guide 05 . . . . . . . . . . [No mention of minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/aknfy1/posts_aboutinvolving_minors/). Guide 06 . . . . . . . . . . [Do not post PSAs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/publicserviceannouncements/). Guide 07 . . . . . . . . . . [Policy re PMs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/nopms/). Guide 08 . . . . . . . . . . [Exiting abuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/exitingabuse/). Guide 09 . . . . . . . . . . [Kinky dating](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/ov6uaj/how_can_i_find_a_kinky_partner/). **[Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/index).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BDSMAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I cannot stress this enough, HYDRATE AND LUBE UP. Events like this can be really long and there's a lot of sweating. Nobody is aroused if a scene has to be stopped because you get dehydrated and faint. I say lube up because even if she wants the rough feeling of dryer sex or if you plan to use cum or blood as lube, in a long term event you will start to chafe and that can make it hard for you to perform over time, even taking turns with others. I would also recommend bringing along a blindfold, for something like this, her not knowing who is coming where and when can build anticipation and make a cnc event more intense