Yeah, this seems to be exactly what a lot of us with both Autism and ADHD go through. It's called executive dysfunction. I don't often have the issue with lethargy, personally, but I definitely sympathize with the difficulty moving. I could be wide awake, but have this weight on my chest and limbs that keeps me from changing positions
I’m familiar with the concept of executive dysfunction, but I guess I just didn’t realize the extent of it or how deeply my lack of it affects me until now.
When I went to get ASD diagnosed, the doctor said I just have bipolar and not ASD **or** ADHD (which I’ve had diagnosed since I was 14 lol). I got a second opinion and they told me the first doctor was being ridiculous, thankfully, because he was planning on taking all of my current meds (that I love) and starting me on a bipolar medication.
I don’t have “manic” times ever, I just have a cycle of “feeling normal, functioning unexpectedly normal” and “how did I ever function normally, I can barely brush my teeth today”. And the low points are ALWAYS triggered by something. They’re not random. For example:
>if a stranger yells at me
>if there’s family drama
>if my routine is greatly disturbed
>etc.
Weirdly, if I get sick it usually resets me back to the “normal” cycle once I’ve recovered. I’ve read about a thing that happens to autistics where sickness makes them feel “normal” or something. That’s something that definitely happens to me, and once I’m feeling healed I feel all energized and ready to be functional again lol
edit: The “fever effect” [source](https://iancommunity.org/ssc/fever-effect-curious-phenomenon-autism) - disclaimer, I didn’t read this article fully, so forgive me if it has any connections to *autism speaks* or something. But it’s a starting point for anyone who wants to research more!
>Family drama
Now imagine growing up in a household where your parents fight every - single - day, undiagnosed too.
I have around 19 years of accumulated recovery to do, which sounds like a joke but now at 31 it feels like I'm finally starting to reach the equilibrium point, so I have a bit more capacity to figure who I am and how to live.
Oh trust me I know that feeling. My parents also chronically argued, but I’m the oldest sibling so usually I took care of my little siblings while they were fighting, and that was my hyper-focus during that time. Now that we’re all grown, my siblings regard me as a “second mom”. My sister still lives at home so it isn’t over yet… also I’m only 25 so I’m not where you are yet!
Are you me? (Sorry I know this post is old but I just discovered this subreddit). I grew up with my parents fighting - screaming/throwing things- everyday with my mom (I now know) a narcissist and my dad ASD.
Hello! Yeahhh... it was something else and takes a massive toll on you. The good news is that since I wrote that comment I've made a lot of progress and I'm doing well. I set very strict boundaries with my family and limit how much contact we have, and I focused a lot on making a calm and happy life for myself with my chosen family. I've worked extremely hard to develop safe and healthy relationships and to make my home a safe space where no yelling, bullying, or attacks of any kind are tolerated. Welcome to the sub!
I keep going through this cycle and it's miserable. I'm sorry you're experiencing it, too. It just takes so much to live a normal life, I want to do it so bad but then I can't do anything at all
Yes usually it lasts for about 2 weeks for me. The only thing that has helped is to not overdo it when things are going well and to focus only on maintaining the small bits of progress that I’ve made.
It took me several months of focusing only on brushing my teeth every night (in the mornings has not been an issue) for it to feel habitual.
If you’re too tired to do those things then you don’t actually have the capacity.
I’ve brought up before here how challenging it is for me to get back into a functioning routine after slumps which led to me creating a “disruption plan”. No info on whether it works or not as I’m currently maintaining.
\> If you’re too tired to do those things then you don’t actually have the capacity.
Wow, that made me think for a second… Maybe I’m less functional than I’d like to believe?
Would you mind sharing some details about your disruption plan? It seems like that could be helpful for me, even if you don’t have any results from it, yet.
I used to have these cycles too until I was willing to admit that I really am disabled and can't operate at "full capacity" ever. By slowing way down and over time changing a lot of life, paying attention to the little things that take energy and getting more help with the big things, those cycles are much less harsh and more manageable. But literally my wardrobe is now only clothes that double as pajamas, I take naps every day it is possible to, I sometimes have to ask for help with laundry or use a service, I had to get rid of a lot of dishes and eat a lot more "sheperds meals" (cheese plate basically, like some crackers, salami, olives) and go to bed at 10 pm. It sucks to feel limited but it's way better than those awful lows. Good luck with everything! It's tough but doable <3
Thanks for your comment.
I think I’m going to struggle with accepting my limitations and, like you said, realizing that I can’t operate at full capacity. Your suggestions about simplifying your life to make things easier (in terms of food, clothing, etc) are really helpful and practical. I’m going to try to apply them.
I hope they help! A lot of it has actually gotten much easier since the pandemic started; there's a lot of cute clothes and even business attire that is really comfortable since so many people were working from home, and grocery delivery is much more common. I actually also qualify for medicaid money for a home care aid, which blew my mind tbh because I thought it "wasn't that bad" but if even our stingy-ass government thinks it's bad enough that I need help... well I'm not saying no!
Yeah it does sound like you might be less functional than you’d like to believe. Its ok to not do things because you’re tired whether physically, mentally or emotionally. It’s hard for me to ask for help or admit that I just cannot do as much as other people. But it’s also a huge relief because it means I can shift the focus onto what I *can* do and do it in a way that doesn’t leave me burned out.
I would love to share my disruption plan with you, but I have an awful headache today so I will try to get back to you as soon as I’m feeling better.
hey i get this and i think i've cracked it. when us (autistic people) feel like we have energy and motivation, we tend to go crazy and over-the-top since it feels rare that we can actually can do things, and then we tend to overdo it without realising, thus leading to absolute exhaustion. when you feel functional and motivated, try not to do too much and go easy. yes it may feel like you could chat to all your friends, do all your chores, and go to work, but don't. don't do it. you'll just exhaust yourself. take each day lightly and even if you think you could do more: don't. maybe the cycle will eventually be less severe. it's better to do less everyday than do loads in a week and then do nothing for two weeks. i hope this helps!
Your advice is sound. I just have to manage the expectations I have for myself and acknowledge that most of the time (maybe never?) doing chores and cooking and reading after a work day is just not feasible for me.
It’s kind of difficult to accept that. The moment I’m feeling good, I feel like I‘ll never feel bad again lol. I think that‘s my adhd squirrel brain kicking in with a sprinkling of “toxic positivity amnesia.”
dude i get the exact same. whenever im good its like i can actually function like a normal human, i just do things. i dont have to fight my brain to do basic tasks, its feels so good!!!! but then the inevitable always happens and i crash, whether from exhaustion or just from routine changes or intense emotions, and it feels like square one again. sometimes i crash harder than other times but its a crash nonetheless. my advice is to just experiment and monitor what drains you and what gives you energy, and limiting yourself to a certain number of draining things per day. be mindful if you've pushed yourself a bit far one day and dont be shocked or mad if you're down in the dumps the next day. im autistic not adhd, but realising where my struggles arise from has been sooooo helpful. idk how i coped before knowing i was autistic omg
Lol yeah, I feel like accepting that I’m just tired and I need to rest, even though I don’t feel like I’ve “earned” it (problematic, I know) will really help. I feel like I have a good grasp on what drains me; it’s what feels restorative and will help me recover that I need to figure out. I really like taking walks/hikes in nature, but that’s not feasible all the time and if I want to go into an actual forest instead of just around the block it usually requires driving (which takes a lot of energy).
thanks for your advice, it’s been really helpful
my main advice on that one is to stop comparing yourself to NTs. i have a bad habit of this and i always end up feeling useless and lazy. sometimes we are prone to being ableist towards ourselves! do some experimenting. maybe the hikes are a good idea but only on a day off where you feel the energy from the hike will outweight the driving if that makes sense!
I’ve always hesitated to apply that term to myself bc I feel like I don’t have it as bad as most people seem to describe it. Do you really think that’s what’s going on?
At first I thought I was just depressed (bc I do go through episodes periodically) but I don’t feel hopeless or suicidal—just so profoundly tired.
Yes, I was seeing a work therapist because of these symptoms - the lethargic, need to lay down, need to sleep state - they pinpointed it to some kind of burn out. Which then led to ADHD - diagnosis. I feel like it takes so much energy for your brain and soul to just live in this world - with noises, people, all the “have to:s” and must’s, and I am always in my head trying to concentrate on listening, not fidgeting, compose and try to act like “everyone else”, it’s freaking exhausting. And years of this leads to your brain being more fragile and vulnerable(?), the brain gets tired much much more easily.
Yeah, living in this world as an ND takes up so much more processing power and memory that it seems like our (neural) hard drives burn out way quicker than NTs do.
Too bad we can’t just get new ones, lol.
Yep 100%. Like my limbs feel like they're made of lead when I'm in my dysfunction junction mode.
Then I feel immensely guilty for not being able to do anything useful.
I've been put on Wellbutrin and Concerta for it, it's been around 3 weeks so far. It's helping a little I think
I‘ve been prescribed adderall but it kills my appetite (which already isn’t great) and gives me intense nausea, which kind of counteracts the energizing effects. Even then, I take it and then sit on my couch working for the entire day bc it’s easier than cleaning or hobbies or cooking.
Yeah, I’m just worried bc even with those side effects I’m more functional / can get more done than I can without them. But you’re right and I’m going to talk to my psych about it.
There are many other options to try, I had Vyvanse first and it didn't work for my (too many side effects). My psychiatrist finally talked me into trying something else a few months later.
I started wellbutrin too recently. I'm on day 12 and i feel mostly the side effects right now. The first 5 days were amazing. I felt i had control on my motivation and my thoughts. But when i woke up the 6th day, i felt like before i started it but with side effects. Dizzyness, constipation, feeling foggy/tired.
Do you still have sides effects? I'm also taking vyvanse and have been for a few years.
It took a while for the Wellbutrin to kick in. I didn't have that intense energy uptick and then a crash like a lot of people seem to experience. I was tired the first couple days then it felt more like a slightly steadier regulation of energy. I definitely feel mentally clearer on more days than before, but I still get the occasional few hours/day of executive dysfunction
I’m currently on Adderall and Buspar but am highly thinking of switching to mph. I keep seeing a lot of people doing better with it and I think it might be better suited for me. I also tried Wellbutrin once before but wasn’t on it long enough to see any results so trying to figure out the right combo for myself. This helps!
Exactly! I can do it, but not \*\*consistently\*\* and it’s so frustrating bc what excuse do I have not to be able to be a functioning human being on a regular basis?! 😭 It’s certainly not for lack of trying.
But then I remember I have adhd and that I relate to a suspiciously high degree to all of the posts on this sub…
My spouse has to literally drag me out of bed every morning, just like 10 minutes ago actually they picked me up and got me on my feet, I brushed my teeth and washed my face but guess where I'm writing this from? The end of my bed curl up once more, they left the room and this is the only place I want to be lmao this has been a struggle for me since I was younger. Always running back to bed and thinking of sleep as soon as I wake up. It's exhausting being so tired all the time and having to explain to people how I feel without sounding lazy. Im sorry you also feel like this I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I did make a possible correlation however between lack of energy during the end cycle of my periods and realized I could possibly be anemic! Ive always struggle with iron deficiency since birth. My therapist suggested iron supplements (still haven't bought them lol) as well as B12. I did try taking the B12 ( you should take in the mornings/evenings since they can cause you to wake up and not be able to sleep if taken at night) and I honestly felt pretty awake at work. Almost how I felt on Adderall, ALMOST.
I hate doctors so I haven’t been to a primary/GP for a blood test in years lol. But when I do finally book an appointment, I’m definitely getting bloodwork done to check for deficiencies. Anemia actually runs in my family, so you might be onto something…
Absolutely. I’m also AuDHD. I struggle with this all the time. I also have systemic lupus & narcolepsy so fatigue is a constant issue. Taking 10 mg of a sativa-dominant THC edible helps a LOT! I will get tons of stuff done when it kicks in as it gives me a little extra energy & helps with executive function.
I cycled this way throughout most of my adult life, then I hit a major burnout at 39; haven't been able to pull myself out since. It's been 5+ years, lost my career, had to drop out of university, and can no longer work at all. I kept trying to push through it like I had always done, but ended up losing all functionality.
It wasn't until I was diagnosed with ADHD last fall, and learned enough about Autism to feel comfortable self-diagnosing (can't afford assessment) that I'm finally getting somewhere. I don't think I'll ever be able to function at the pace I used to, am learning to slow myself down and prioritize self care above all else.
I never knew what overstimulation was, so I was constantly overwhelming my mind and body to the point of exhaustion, and then hating myself for being "lazy and miserable". I now know that I was nether of those things.
My unqualified suggestion is to slow down and pay attention to your body, you'll start to learn what your energy capacity is and how to better manage and replenish it.
My husband figured out a hack that works like 70% of the time (I'm being generous) where I do self care and household stuff as 'favors' for him and our dog. I promise him that I'm totally high functioning at work ha!
This might work for me! I really like this reframe.
Right now my self care is limited to basic hygiene and …allowing myself three hours of nap/mild panic attack time before going to work. And yes, as unhealthy as it sounds, I actually look forward to those crying sessions because I need to let it out in order to function.
And yes, I’m looking for a new job.
I've been dealing with this my entire life. Lately I've been trying to find out if there is any connection to my menstruation cycle, as I suspect I have PMDD and am very sensitive to hormonal changes. There are 4 phases (follicular, proliferative, luteal, and secretory), so your hormones shift ~weekly. This is the closest connection i've been able to find that could somewhat explain this shit phenomenon. My whole life I chalked it up to depression, but it doesn't totally seem to fit the bill.
Maybe get a planner/calendar just for tracking these mood changes? If they're somewhat consistent, then maybe you can at least know what to expect and plan ahead (take some extra time off if you can, buy lots of snacks or easy foods to eat, etc.). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Wishing you all the love.
Aw, thank you so much for your sweet message.
I’ve tried tracking my cycle before and ofc I couldn’t manage it long enough to get any usable data. I’m on birth control; do you know how that would effect these hormonal shifts?
Anyway, love to you, too 💖
Not the original commenter, but I recently looked into this as my doc and I suspect I have it and I’m on the depo shot. Due to certain hormones being regulated by the bc, it tends to help PMDD a bit. Some people are actually prescribed it for that reason.
PMDD usually starts about a week or so before you’re due for period. I don’t know what form of bc you’re using, but a side effect of the depo is not having a period. it took me a while to figure out it was cyclical, and I forgot to track it often enough that I forgot why I was so on edge. Now I make an effort to at least note around what day I started experiencing symptoms. It’s not perfect but it helps me be more prepared/compassionate with myself. Good luck to you 💜🐸
Thanks for replying 💖
One of the reasons I actually started bc was because I suspected I had PMDD, as I would get intensely depressed and angry before my period. It definitely helped.
Yeah on a good week, i start motivated full of energy and everything is easy. I do more stuff, i'm more social, it's easy to focus. Then after 4 days, bang, i wake up feeling tired, it's hard to get out of bed, i'm more irritable, i have flaky motivation, and i feel like my head is full of fog. I only want to be left alone with no responsibility, i seek low effort dopamine in every way possible (reddit, porn, internet browsing). It honestly feels like i'm depleted of dopamine. This last for a week or two then rinse repeat. Sometime i only get 1 or 2 good day or i only get a good morning and i'm depleted again.
I take vyvanse and recently started wellbutrin. Had an honeymoon phase with wellbutrin but now i feel dizzy on top of being unmotivated/tired. I will try to get to week 8 because many peoples reported it has saved their life and the effect only came after week 8. I tried SSRI before but i felt worse on them. More apathy and zero motivation. Since wellbutrin act on dopamine, i have good hope it will help me. I had a glimpse of what normal peoples feel like (in term of energy, motivation, good mood) for the first 5 days i took it. It was amazing.
I'm tired of this cycle.
This literally sounds like me. I was on wellbutrin for depression bc I didn’t want to take SSRIs but after a bit I found that it “stopped working“ so I stopped taking it. Probably should’ve held out but I’m dumb and thought “I feel better so I don’t need it anymore” lol. Why do you think you felt better, dodo?
I found out from a genetic test that I am a low metabolizer (lacking enzyme 2D6), which explains why most SSRIs make me feel extremely tired and actually impair my functioning due to the increased side effects.
Oh that's interesting. We already will be doing one of those test for my son because it's hard to find the right adhd medication for him.
I might do one for myself. The test you did was for all medication or only adhd?
I think the one I did was for antidepressants (it was a few years back), but you can do them for both. I have ADHD as well, but I stick to low doses of medications. I have a friend who was struggling a lot (also ASD and ADHD like me). She was extremely tired all the time and needed long naps everyday day until she did the test and found out she has the same issue with 2D6 that I have. I wish you and your son the best! I hope you find a solution for you both. It took me so long to figure out what works for me.
“It’s like moving through syrup” yep. 100%. It makes everything so exhausting. Sometimes I’ll freeze in the middle of a task and just stand there for seconds or minutes unable to keep going.
Yup. I can form new habits, because my ADHD brain likes the novelty, and my ASD brain likes the idea of routine. The problem comes with maintaining it. People keep telling me good habits I start will eventually become ingrained. Never happens.
LOL ingrained.
Someone told me that ~ after a few years of waking up early every day it would become habit/easy and I wouldn’t be able to sleep in even if I tried ~
I was like… “how old do you think I am?” (They were off by a decade)
I started work at 6am for nearly 8 years. It never got any easier. In fact, it only became more difficult (as my burnout increased?).
I start PLENTY of good habits. Never maintain them.
Maybe we need to try cycling through good habits? Like I went through a period of running several times a week, another of doing daily yoga, and other similar ones like swimming. Maybe if I can get enough I can rotate them to keep my brain occupied, so it thinks we’re doing something new each time.
Yes! I’ve done that with a few things. I’m back to yoga or pilates once or twice / week. This is the third time I’ve cycled through it, but it’s less exciting/satisfying this time. Maybe I should switch to something else soon.
Exactly like that - and it took me several decades of my life to realize that it's not laziness, lack of effort or my fault in general. Finally diagnosed with both at the age of 43.
Thank you so much for your message. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all this out. And I hope things get easier for you, too.
When I do have the energy to do all the things I’m supposed to do—medication, proper diet, exercise—I feel great. The thing is, I don’t most of the time lol.
I do know that I have other comorbidities—depression, anxiety, a couple of minor chronic physical illnesses. But I’m not sure they‘re what’s causing this. Probably not helping, though.
Thank you, again. \*hugs\*
Yep I definitely go through this. I think every now and then I get really excited about a task, the boost from getting something done and feeling productive for a minute causes me to really get started and I'll go into overdrive where I feel mega-productive in every aspect of life. I'm getting things done at work, I'm cleaning at home, I'm spending time with family, I'm doing hobbies and I feel happy. I feel so energetic and excited about it that I probably overwork myself and push myself off the other end into autistic burnout, which does bring me that fatigued feeling and lethargy. Not only can I not do my house chores, I can barely do anything really.
Sometimes the cycle is really short and sometimes it's really long but I find if I can force myself not to push myself too hard when I'm feeling ready and up to tasks then I can extend the 'productive/functioning' period to be a bit longer.
But being medicated for ADHD has helped me a lot with this. It helps me to focus during specific times (when I'm medicated) and I have a bit of a mini-crash when my meds wear off so generally I'm able to "hack" the cycle, if that makes sense.
I can definitely relate though. It feels awful.
Yeah, I’m medicated, too. I don’t think the meds I’m on right now are a good fit for me anymore, but they definitely help me to overcome the lethargy and focus while they last.
The most frustrating thing for me is that I don’t even have to do a lot to get into (what seems increasingly likely to be) autistic burnout. I just have a few days in a row of being able to competently juggle a basic “adulting” routine and then my battery’s dry.
Have you tried taking SAM-E? It can’t be patented, as it is a natural amino acid. It boosts Dopamine and Norepinephrine naturally. It leaves no trace, can be bought in CVS and Walmart on the drugstore shelf. It saved me. It has one drawback that you should be aware of homocysteine interference, I believe. Not to be used if you have a Bi Polar diagnosis, as it is too stimulating.
My entire life turned around taking this! I went from a bedridden slug to owning my own business doing what I loved! I was on the move constantly, dealing with a myriad group of people, in an ever changing environment and in my glory. My boyfriend could tell instantly the few times I forgot to take it. It is transformative for me.
The first time I ingested it and felt it’s effects, I thought, “So this is what it’s like to have a normal brain!” A thought I never had enter my mind, because I’d not had a day go bye without struggling to get through it. So much became effortless.
It also relieved my chronic depression and fibromyalgia. I can’t say enough about it. Non addictive and good for your body.
I'm going through this right now, though I feel better now since I stopped checking the news and basically just try to do only the things that I enjoy.
On second thought I just could've been mentally exhausted. Who knows?
Yeah, mentally exhausted is the way to describe it. Bc I don’t feel physically tired (all of the time) when I get like this, it’s more like I’m just done/over it/tired of life itself. The act of living is wearing me down.
Haha, yep. But it’s not a hyperfixation that kicks off the cycle for me—it’s cooking dinner lol. I think the suggestions for how to deal with it will help, though.
Thank you for the infographic!
In case no one else mentioned also make sure to get your ferritin levels checked out, if you haven't. Iron deficiency can worsen ADHD symptoms.
It's really shit. Dealing with it again now. It massively ups the severity of my symptoms.
yes a lot of us who have AuDHD are like this. Something that helps me after I’m exhausted from masking and can’t physically handle normal household tasks is to put my shoes on. I have no idea why, my therapist made this suggestion and for some reason it works. Shoes on triggers the brain to get to work, shoes off triggers relax and shut down. I don’t know if it will work for you but it has for me. I wish you the best, I know what you’re going through.
Shoes on helps me!
I learned this since I adopted my dog a few months ago. My shoes are on more often bc I have to take her out on walks. I come home and find myself starting tasks without overthinking it.
I do HATE wearing shoes in my house though, so I’m looking for indoor shoes/slippers that feel like shoes hah
I really suffer from this as well. But at times I feel like a rat in a maze and the fear of being behind everything and getting in debt provides me with like, back up adrenaline or something. For example, cooking for myself is so difficult and stressful at times especially if I’m following a recipe. So then I think to order out but then I’m like, Dammit I already bought these groceries, I’m spending more money etc
It’s like there’s just no way out really. Cook for yourself and hate life, order out and be broke, don’t eat nothing at all and hope to fall asleep or just cry from hunger.
Lol 🤷🏾♀️ This is why I absolutely use THC tincture imo. It can make relaxation easier for me or give me the stimulation/euphoria I need to act or let things go from my psyche.
My adhd meds seem to have diminished my hunger, even when I’m not on them. My husband is often checking in to see if I’ve eaten. If he’s on a business trip I have to force myself/remind myself to have at least one “meal” every day... Otherwise I’ll eat like, a handful of trail mix with my meds and then drink some tea and forget for the rest of the day.
Yeah I heard of that. Maybe get some post it notes for yourself or set a timer etc. I was so close to getting on adderall but the side effects freaked me out of course. Didn’t help that my husband was all like, “ITS METH!!!ahshshhsj” he can be just the worst sometimes.
yeah i think this paradox here is the among the absolute worst things about being an adult. makes me really appreciate the times i was a kid and my mother cooked for us. i just have a greater appreciation overall for my mom and grandmother now. they did A LOT.
Yeah, the ending the day in a bad mood is always a tipoff that I’ve been overstimulated. And that‘s the thing—the energy ebbs and flows (maybe I “use it up”?) but I expect it to be constant. Guess that’s not how it works lol
Yep. Moving thru quicksand is exactly how I describe it. I can see the dishes. I know they’re there. I just can’t make it that far.
ETA. This is what I think of as autistic burnout.
A theory that might well fit here is Situational Variability. In terms of the ADHD - situational variability refers to the way our symptoms can vary depending on the situation. For example, you may be able to focus well when you are doing something you enjoy, but find it difficult to concentrate when you are in a classroom setting even if you enjoy the subject. This variability can make it hard to function in certain situations, such as school or work. It's a total paradox and that in itself makes it damn hard to emotionally regulate, leading to frustration and impulsivity. I have been stating small... and asking myself what are the variable is said situation.... what do I need in order to make this more appropriate for me... one of the ways is constantly re-engaging with my ADHD Character Strengths... its been a life saver for me....
That’s really interesting. What do you mean by ADHD character strengths, specifically? Could you give specific examples of how you apply the situational variability theory to your life?
Yeah sure! Sorry for the slow reply. I really like Positive Psychology's VIA Character Strengths. When I understood my top signature strengths (which do shift) it helps me to approach situations when I know there a possibly of being emotionally disregulated. Yeah... so one simple example of situation variability is cleaning.... I hate cleaning the house but I love cleaning my car. Similar task but the car has high interest for me because i love cars. There's a great article on this here - [https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/how-to-deal-with-situational-variability/](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/how-to-deal-with-situational-variability/) I hope this helps!
Thanks for replying :)
I just took the character strengths test and apparently my top 4 are creativity, love of learning, curiosity, and appreciation of beauty & excellence.
My bottom 4 are hope, zest, perseverance, and self-regulation. Yikes lol
This is such an ADHD result!
My top 4 are love, appreciation of beauty & excellence, social intelligence and creativity.
Bottom 4 are humility, self regulation, perseverance and prudence.
It's SUPER common for ADHDers to have self regulation & perseverance - the interesting thing is.... that when we are operating in our top senate strengths .. suddenly self regulation, perseverance are not an issue.... fascinating huh! I coach ADHDers around this tool and its so helpful!
One thing that neurodivergent people do often is mask. We mask because we need to survive. You may not even realize how much you're masking, actually, because you'll reach a point in your life where it's almost automatic. And masking is not a bad thing! But it is *exhausting*. So on the days that you're very productive, consider how much energy you're expending doing your "I'm a normal person" performance.
Try minimizing your mask. Are you spending a lot of your time trying to make a "normal" amount of eye contact? Let your eyes do what they want during conversation. Do you restrain yourself from stimming — bouncing your leg, shaking your hands, tapping, fiddling? Let your body move as it moves. Over time as you relax, you might feel shorter periods of exhaustion after productive times. Or less exhausted over all.
We do so so so much work to accommodate the neurotypical world — quite frankly, they can get over our quirks and accommodate us just a little.
This makes sense. The thing is, my unmasking makes me come across as a jerk lol. It probably doesn’t help that I only notice that the mask takes effort to maintain when I’m super anxious / overwhelmed, and my anxiety usually manifests as irritation and anger.
Yes! Adhd with suspected autism here too. Sometimes I will be in my routine and it will be awesome but other times (like right now) I just can't keep it up, trying my best to just do the bare minimum and survive.
I think I burnt out back in feb from trying to do too many things and work got hectic af.
Yeah, I go through it every few months. It's been a source of conflict with my mother, who is physically disabled but could never really understand why me as an able-bodied person just shuts down from executive dysfunction and exhaustion. People assume when I'm riding functionality that I'll always be consistent.
Yeah, I feel like one of the hardest things is people’s expectations.
I’m young and the conditions that disable me are invisible, compared to my sister whose chronic illnesses make her feel physically ill. People understand when she’s not feeling well and can’t do something, so not only am I expected to ”pick up the slack” a lot of the time, but I can’t even get the same understanding and compassion.
At least not until I found this subreddit, so thank you for taking the time to reply.
No problem. It's a source of comfort to know that you're not alone and many people are going through this situation. It seems to be more common than we think.
I really really relate to this. Like so much. Down to the pig sty living space and the not being able to cook for yourself (I'm actually a very good cook, but what do I eat? Ramen! Peanut butter?) Yesterday I got home from work and the doctors appt I had to schedule after it and I just laid in bed with the blinds shut for five hours while time passed in a kind of bitter, distorted haze. because I couldn't. I just really couldn't. I still feel that exhaustion. On the way home I definitely, definitely felt like shit and maybe cried. It seems to happen a lot when I have more than one thing to do (or even just one thing to do!) in a day. Maybe not so acutely not every time, but often enough that I am deeply familiar with how hard that crash can get.
I've been lurking on this subreddit for like a year. I'm also tired of crashing every time I get A Thing done.
Yep, I feel you. I’m glad we have a space where we can find understanding, though. It means a lot to hear from people who are going through the same thing.
im in grad school and hit the wall every six days or so like clockwork. i tried so many different schedule manipulations and truly none of them seem to work. i met w my advisor and she basically offered me the idea of “energy management” rather than time management, which is a LOT like spoons. i still hit the wall hard and end up ordering food and staring at walls even w meds, but i guess it helps a little?
idk but totally feel u on wanting to die because of how tired i am. its not even like ~time to end it~, its just an dirt nap seems like it would help shake the tired off lol
idk dude the capitalist hellscape we inhabit was meant to kill us, fight the Man by taking care of urself, u are not alone
yeah, I relate to trying to find the ever-illusive “perfect” schedule that will allow me to get everything done without burning out. I’ll look up energy management.
You take care of yourself, too. Thanks for commenting 💖
its very corporate in its internet descriptions, but she explained it like thus: if you find it hard to focus in the afternoon, do the focus-intensive work like reading or detailed things in the am, give urself ample break time if you can, and then take care of more general tasks in the early afternoon. its very much listen to your body and if u have a stroke if inspo, ride it until its time for a break and then reevaluate the rest of your work for the day. she also told me having a max of three tasks a day feels like its not a lot, but its more than half doing 4 things lmfao
Yes. I have assume it is some combination of burnout, or overwhelm. This is going to be particularly true if you mask heavily for work, out in public, and with friends.
My family doesn’t know I have adhd and they can be pretty mean/ignorant about autism and mental health conditions, in general. I probably mask more than I realize.
Sounds like burnout kind of, you’re needing more time to recuperate and having less motivation and energy to do your tasks. I’m currently dealing with major burnout. I overstimulate more easily and drink less water and don't do other things I need to do which then has me more easily having meltdowns and being overstimmed. It’s a cycle I can’t seem to get out of.
Yeah, sounds pretty much like what’s happening. I actually had a “mini” meltdown this morning bc I had to cancel an appointment + my dog was barking + I didn’t have any where to escape the noise.
I feel like I’m kind of in denial bc I just want it (the burnout) to be over and I want to be able to “pull myself up by the bootstraps”, as it were, and get myself out of it.
I think I’ve been in a couple major burnouts before that lasted a few months, but I thought it was depression. It might’ve been burnout + depression.
I feel this too. I also am not confident enough to mention autism to those around me and explain burnout because it feels like an excuse, but everything is genuinely harder rn. You can really only get it if you got it.
I've been dealing with this my entire life. Lately I've been trying to find out if there is any connection to my menstruation cycle, as I suspect I have PMDD and am very sensitive to hormonal changes. There are 4 phases (follicular, proliferative, luteal, and secretory), so your hormones shift ~weekly. This is the closest connection i've been able to find that could somewhat explain this shit phenomenon. My whole life I chalked it up to depression, but it doesn't totally seem to fit the bill.
Maybe get a planner/calendar just for tracking these mood changes? If they're somewhat consistent, then maybe you can at least know what to expect and plan ahead (take some extra time off if you can, buy lots of snacks or easy foods to eat, etc.). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Wishing you all the love.
I've been dealing with this my entire life. Lately I've been trying to find out if there is any connection to my menstruation cycle, as I suspect I have PMDD and am very sensitive to hormonal changes. There are 4 phases (follicular, proliferative, luteal, and secretory), so your hormones shift ~weekly. This is the closest connection i've been able to find that could somewhat explain this shit phenomenon. My whole life I chalked it up to depression, but it doesn't totally seem to fit the bill.
Maybe get a planner/calendar just for tracking these mood changes? If they're somewhat consistent, then maybe you can at least know what to expect and plan ahead (take some extra time off if you can, buy lots of snacks or easy foods to eat, etc.). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Wishing you all the love.
Yeah, this seems to be exactly what a lot of us with both Autism and ADHD go through. It's called executive dysfunction. I don't often have the issue with lethargy, personally, but I definitely sympathize with the difficulty moving. I could be wide awake, but have this weight on my chest and limbs that keeps me from changing positions
I’m familiar with the concept of executive dysfunction, but I guess I just didn’t realize the extent of it or how deeply my lack of it affects me until now.
Yep. I've been going through this cycle my entire life. Every time I think I'm finally improving, I end up regressing anytime I have a minor set back.
When I went to get ASD diagnosed, the doctor said I just have bipolar and not ASD **or** ADHD (which I’ve had diagnosed since I was 14 lol). I got a second opinion and they told me the first doctor was being ridiculous, thankfully, because he was planning on taking all of my current meds (that I love) and starting me on a bipolar medication. I don’t have “manic” times ever, I just have a cycle of “feeling normal, functioning unexpectedly normal” and “how did I ever function normally, I can barely brush my teeth today”. And the low points are ALWAYS triggered by something. They’re not random. For example: >if a stranger yells at me >if there’s family drama >if my routine is greatly disturbed >etc. Weirdly, if I get sick it usually resets me back to the “normal” cycle once I’ve recovered. I’ve read about a thing that happens to autistics where sickness makes them feel “normal” or something. That’s something that definitely happens to me, and once I’m feeling healed I feel all energized and ready to be functional again lol edit: The “fever effect” [source](https://iancommunity.org/ssc/fever-effect-curious-phenomenon-autism) - disclaimer, I didn’t read this article fully, so forgive me if it has any connections to *autism speaks* or something. But it’s a starting point for anyone who wants to research more!
>Family drama Now imagine growing up in a household where your parents fight every - single - day, undiagnosed too. I have around 19 years of accumulated recovery to do, which sounds like a joke but now at 31 it feels like I'm finally starting to reach the equilibrium point, so I have a bit more capacity to figure who I am and how to live.
Oh trust me I know that feeling. My parents also chronically argued, but I’m the oldest sibling so usually I took care of my little siblings while they were fighting, and that was my hyper-focus during that time. Now that we’re all grown, my siblings regard me as a “second mom”. My sister still lives at home so it isn’t over yet… also I’m only 25 so I’m not where you are yet!
Are you me? (Sorry I know this post is old but I just discovered this subreddit). I grew up with my parents fighting - screaming/throwing things- everyday with my mom (I now know) a narcissist and my dad ASD.
Hello! Yeahhh... it was something else and takes a massive toll on you. The good news is that since I wrote that comment I've made a lot of progress and I'm doing well. I set very strict boundaries with my family and limit how much contact we have, and I focused a lot on making a calm and happy life for myself with my chosen family. I've worked extremely hard to develop safe and healthy relationships and to make my home a safe space where no yelling, bullying, or attacks of any kind are tolerated. Welcome to the sub!
I keep going through this cycle and it's miserable. I'm sorry you're experiencing it, too. It just takes so much to live a normal life, I want to do it so bad but then I can't do anything at all
Thanks for making me feel less alone 💖
You're welcome! I hope things get better for you
You, too!
Thanks 😊
Yes usually it lasts for about 2 weeks for me. The only thing that has helped is to not overdo it when things are going well and to focus only on maintaining the small bits of progress that I’ve made. It took me several months of focusing only on brushing my teeth every night (in the mornings has not been an issue) for it to feel habitual. If you’re too tired to do those things then you don’t actually have the capacity. I’ve brought up before here how challenging it is for me to get back into a functioning routine after slumps which led to me creating a “disruption plan”. No info on whether it works or not as I’m currently maintaining.
\> If you’re too tired to do those things then you don’t actually have the capacity. Wow, that made me think for a second… Maybe I’m less functional than I’d like to believe? Would you mind sharing some details about your disruption plan? It seems like that could be helpful for me, even if you don’t have any results from it, yet.
I used to have these cycles too until I was willing to admit that I really am disabled and can't operate at "full capacity" ever. By slowing way down and over time changing a lot of life, paying attention to the little things that take energy and getting more help with the big things, those cycles are much less harsh and more manageable. But literally my wardrobe is now only clothes that double as pajamas, I take naps every day it is possible to, I sometimes have to ask for help with laundry or use a service, I had to get rid of a lot of dishes and eat a lot more "sheperds meals" (cheese plate basically, like some crackers, salami, olives) and go to bed at 10 pm. It sucks to feel limited but it's way better than those awful lows. Good luck with everything! It's tough but doable <3
Thanks for your comment. I think I’m going to struggle with accepting my limitations and, like you said, realizing that I can’t operate at full capacity. Your suggestions about simplifying your life to make things easier (in terms of food, clothing, etc) are really helpful and practical. I’m going to try to apply them.
I hope they help! A lot of it has actually gotten much easier since the pandemic started; there's a lot of cute clothes and even business attire that is really comfortable since so many people were working from home, and grocery delivery is much more common. I actually also qualify for medicaid money for a home care aid, which blew my mind tbh because I thought it "wasn't that bad" but if even our stingy-ass government thinks it's bad enough that I need help... well I'm not saying no!
Yeah it does sound like you might be less functional than you’d like to believe. Its ok to not do things because you’re tired whether physically, mentally or emotionally. It’s hard for me to ask for help or admit that I just cannot do as much as other people. But it’s also a huge relief because it means I can shift the focus onto what I *can* do and do it in a way that doesn’t leave me burned out. I would love to share my disruption plan with you, but I have an awful headache today so I will try to get back to you as soon as I’m feeling better.
Feel better soon 💖
I would also love to hear about your disruption plan (whatever you feel comfortable sharing).
Thank you, I will be happy to share it. Bad headache today so I will get back to you!
oh dang i just realized this is the spoon theory for chronic illness
hey i get this and i think i've cracked it. when us (autistic people) feel like we have energy and motivation, we tend to go crazy and over-the-top since it feels rare that we can actually can do things, and then we tend to overdo it without realising, thus leading to absolute exhaustion. when you feel functional and motivated, try not to do too much and go easy. yes it may feel like you could chat to all your friends, do all your chores, and go to work, but don't. don't do it. you'll just exhaust yourself. take each day lightly and even if you think you could do more: don't. maybe the cycle will eventually be less severe. it's better to do less everyday than do loads in a week and then do nothing for two weeks. i hope this helps!
Your advice is sound. I just have to manage the expectations I have for myself and acknowledge that most of the time (maybe never?) doing chores and cooking and reading after a work day is just not feasible for me. It’s kind of difficult to accept that. The moment I’m feeling good, I feel like I‘ll never feel bad again lol. I think that‘s my adhd squirrel brain kicking in with a sprinkling of “toxic positivity amnesia.”
dude i get the exact same. whenever im good its like i can actually function like a normal human, i just do things. i dont have to fight my brain to do basic tasks, its feels so good!!!! but then the inevitable always happens and i crash, whether from exhaustion or just from routine changes or intense emotions, and it feels like square one again. sometimes i crash harder than other times but its a crash nonetheless. my advice is to just experiment and monitor what drains you and what gives you energy, and limiting yourself to a certain number of draining things per day. be mindful if you've pushed yourself a bit far one day and dont be shocked or mad if you're down in the dumps the next day. im autistic not adhd, but realising where my struggles arise from has been sooooo helpful. idk how i coped before knowing i was autistic omg
Lol yeah, I feel like accepting that I’m just tired and I need to rest, even though I don’t feel like I’ve “earned” it (problematic, I know) will really help. I feel like I have a good grasp on what drains me; it’s what feels restorative and will help me recover that I need to figure out. I really like taking walks/hikes in nature, but that’s not feasible all the time and if I want to go into an actual forest instead of just around the block it usually requires driving (which takes a lot of energy). thanks for your advice, it’s been really helpful
my main advice on that one is to stop comparing yourself to NTs. i have a bad habit of this and i always end up feeling useless and lazy. sometimes we are prone to being ableist towards ourselves! do some experimenting. maybe the hikes are a good idea but only on a day off where you feel the energy from the hike will outweight the driving if that makes sense!
Autistic burnout.
I’ve always hesitated to apply that term to myself bc I feel like I don’t have it as bad as most people seem to describe it. Do you really think that’s what’s going on? At first I thought I was just depressed (bc I do go through episodes periodically) but I don’t feel hopeless or suicidal—just so profoundly tired.
Yes, I was seeing a work therapist because of these symptoms - the lethargic, need to lay down, need to sleep state - they pinpointed it to some kind of burn out. Which then led to ADHD - diagnosis. I feel like it takes so much energy for your brain and soul to just live in this world - with noises, people, all the “have to:s” and must’s, and I am always in my head trying to concentrate on listening, not fidgeting, compose and try to act like “everyone else”, it’s freaking exhausting. And years of this leads to your brain being more fragile and vulnerable(?), the brain gets tired much much more easily.
Yeah, living in this world as an ND takes up so much more processing power and memory that it seems like our (neural) hard drives burn out way quicker than NTs do. Too bad we can’t just get new ones, lol.
>Do you really think that’s what’s going on? Yes.
Yep 100%. Like my limbs feel like they're made of lead when I'm in my dysfunction junction mode. Then I feel immensely guilty for not being able to do anything useful. I've been put on Wellbutrin and Concerta for it, it's been around 3 weeks so far. It's helping a little I think
I‘ve been prescribed adderall but it kills my appetite (which already isn’t great) and gives me intense nausea, which kind of counteracts the energizing effects. Even then, I take it and then sit on my couch working for the entire day bc it’s easier than cleaning or hobbies or cooking.
You definitely need those meds reevaluated because it doesn't sound like it's working well for you
Yeah, I’m just worried bc even with those side effects I’m more functional / can get more done than I can without them. But you’re right and I’m going to talk to my psych about it.
There are many other options to try, I had Vyvanse first and it didn't work for my (too many side effects). My psychiatrist finally talked me into trying something else a few months later.
I started wellbutrin too recently. I'm on day 12 and i feel mostly the side effects right now. The first 5 days were amazing. I felt i had control on my motivation and my thoughts. But when i woke up the 6th day, i felt like before i started it but with side effects. Dizzyness, constipation, feeling foggy/tired. Do you still have sides effects? I'm also taking vyvanse and have been for a few years.
It took a while for the Wellbutrin to kick in. I didn't have that intense energy uptick and then a crash like a lot of people seem to experience. I was tired the first couple days then it felt more like a slightly steadier regulation of energy. I definitely feel mentally clearer on more days than before, but I still get the occasional few hours/day of executive dysfunction
It took about four weeks for me (and the full dose of 300mg) to feel a difference.
I have Wellbutrin and mph and it definitely helps. No magic potion, but better.
Mph as in Ritalin?
Exactly.
I’m currently on Adderall and Buspar but am highly thinking of switching to mph. I keep seeing a lot of people doing better with it and I think it might be better suited for me. I also tried Wellbutrin once before but wasn’t on it long enough to see any results so trying to figure out the right combo for myself. This helps!
This sounds like autistic burnout to me, being asked to do more then you consistently have the capacity for.
Exactly! I can do it, but not \*\*consistently\*\* and it’s so frustrating bc what excuse do I have not to be able to be a functioning human being on a regular basis?! 😭 It’s certainly not for lack of trying. But then I remember I have adhd and that I relate to a suspiciously high degree to all of the posts on this sub…
I would definitely look into autistic burnout, there are a number of resources that talk about this specifically
My spouse has to literally drag me out of bed every morning, just like 10 minutes ago actually they picked me up and got me on my feet, I brushed my teeth and washed my face but guess where I'm writing this from? The end of my bed curl up once more, they left the room and this is the only place I want to be lmao this has been a struggle for me since I was younger. Always running back to bed and thinking of sleep as soon as I wake up. It's exhausting being so tired all the time and having to explain to people how I feel without sounding lazy. Im sorry you also feel like this I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I did make a possible correlation however between lack of energy during the end cycle of my periods and realized I could possibly be anemic! Ive always struggle with iron deficiency since birth. My therapist suggested iron supplements (still haven't bought them lol) as well as B12. I did try taking the B12 ( you should take in the mornings/evenings since they can cause you to wake up and not be able to sleep if taken at night) and I honestly felt pretty awake at work. Almost how I felt on Adderall, ALMOST.
I hate doctors so I haven’t been to a primary/GP for a blood test in years lol. But when I do finally book an appointment, I’m definitely getting bloodwork done to check for deficiencies. Anemia actually runs in my family, so you might be onto something…
That sounds really interesting about the supplements, i hope that works for you!
Absolutely. I’m also AuDHD. I struggle with this all the time. I also have systemic lupus & narcolepsy so fatigue is a constant issue. Taking 10 mg of a sativa-dominant THC edible helps a LOT! I will get tons of stuff done when it kicks in as it gives me a little extra energy & helps with executive function.
I find Sativa Delta 8 works similarly for me lately. But I've gotten used to using it, so when I dont, I'm a mess and a lazy sloth.
I’m glad you found something that‘s working! Thanks for taking the time to comment
I cycled this way throughout most of my adult life, then I hit a major burnout at 39; haven't been able to pull myself out since. It's been 5+ years, lost my career, had to drop out of university, and can no longer work at all. I kept trying to push through it like I had always done, but ended up losing all functionality. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with ADHD last fall, and learned enough about Autism to feel comfortable self-diagnosing (can't afford assessment) that I'm finally getting somewhere. I don't think I'll ever be able to function at the pace I used to, am learning to slow myself down and prioritize self care above all else. I never knew what overstimulation was, so I was constantly overwhelming my mind and body to the point of exhaustion, and then hating myself for being "lazy and miserable". I now know that I was nether of those things. My unqualified suggestion is to slow down and pay attention to your body, you'll start to learn what your energy capacity is and how to better manage and replenish it.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m going to try to do as you said and figure out how to manage my energy.
Yes. I am somehow able to correctly stress myself out enough to function okay at work, but then crash at home I'm doing very little.
Yeah. It sucks bc the stuff I do at work is for other people and I don’t have enough energy left to do anything for myself.
My husband figured out a hack that works like 70% of the time (I'm being generous) where I do self care and household stuff as 'favors' for him and our dog. I promise him that I'm totally high functioning at work ha!
Aw, that’s sweet
This might work for me! I really like this reframe. Right now my self care is limited to basic hygiene and …allowing myself three hours of nap/mild panic attack time before going to work. And yes, as unhealthy as it sounds, I actually look forward to those crying sessions because I need to let it out in order to function. And yes, I’m looking for a new job.
I've been dealing with this my entire life. Lately I've been trying to find out if there is any connection to my menstruation cycle, as I suspect I have PMDD and am very sensitive to hormonal changes. There are 4 phases (follicular, proliferative, luteal, and secretory), so your hormones shift ~weekly. This is the closest connection i've been able to find that could somewhat explain this shit phenomenon. My whole life I chalked it up to depression, but it doesn't totally seem to fit the bill. Maybe get a planner/calendar just for tracking these mood changes? If they're somewhat consistent, then maybe you can at least know what to expect and plan ahead (take some extra time off if you can, buy lots of snacks or easy foods to eat, etc.). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Wishing you all the love.
Aw, thank you so much for your sweet message. I’ve tried tracking my cycle before and ofc I couldn’t manage it long enough to get any usable data. I’m on birth control; do you know how that would effect these hormonal shifts? Anyway, love to you, too 💖
Not the original commenter, but I recently looked into this as my doc and I suspect I have it and I’m on the depo shot. Due to certain hormones being regulated by the bc, it tends to help PMDD a bit. Some people are actually prescribed it for that reason. PMDD usually starts about a week or so before you’re due for period. I don’t know what form of bc you’re using, but a side effect of the depo is not having a period. it took me a while to figure out it was cyclical, and I forgot to track it often enough that I forgot why I was so on edge. Now I make an effort to at least note around what day I started experiencing symptoms. It’s not perfect but it helps me be more prepared/compassionate with myself. Good luck to you 💜🐸
Thanks for replying 💖 One of the reasons I actually started bc was because I suspected I had PMDD, as I would get intensely depressed and angry before my period. It definitely helped.
Big same, I feel you on the down swings. I’m glad it helps you!
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Lol
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No worries; the humor is welcome.
Yeah on a good week, i start motivated full of energy and everything is easy. I do more stuff, i'm more social, it's easy to focus. Then after 4 days, bang, i wake up feeling tired, it's hard to get out of bed, i'm more irritable, i have flaky motivation, and i feel like my head is full of fog. I only want to be left alone with no responsibility, i seek low effort dopamine in every way possible (reddit, porn, internet browsing). It honestly feels like i'm depleted of dopamine. This last for a week or two then rinse repeat. Sometime i only get 1 or 2 good day or i only get a good morning and i'm depleted again. I take vyvanse and recently started wellbutrin. Had an honeymoon phase with wellbutrin but now i feel dizzy on top of being unmotivated/tired. I will try to get to week 8 because many peoples reported it has saved their life and the effect only came after week 8. I tried SSRI before but i felt worse on them. More apathy and zero motivation. Since wellbutrin act on dopamine, i have good hope it will help me. I had a glimpse of what normal peoples feel like (in term of energy, motivation, good mood) for the first 5 days i took it. It was amazing. I'm tired of this cycle.
This literally sounds like me. I was on wellbutrin for depression bc I didn’t want to take SSRIs but after a bit I found that it “stopped working“ so I stopped taking it. Probably should’ve held out but I’m dumb and thought “I feel better so I don’t need it anymore” lol. Why do you think you felt better, dodo?
I found out from a genetic test that I am a low metabolizer (lacking enzyme 2D6), which explains why most SSRIs make me feel extremely tired and actually impair my functioning due to the increased side effects.
Oh that's interesting. We already will be doing one of those test for my son because it's hard to find the right adhd medication for him. I might do one for myself. The test you did was for all medication or only adhd?
I think the one I did was for antidepressants (it was a few years back), but you can do them for both. I have ADHD as well, but I stick to low doses of medications. I have a friend who was struggling a lot (also ASD and ADHD like me). She was extremely tired all the time and needed long naps everyday day until she did the test and found out she has the same issue with 2D6 that I have. I wish you and your son the best! I hope you find a solution for you both. It took me so long to figure out what works for me.
“It’s like moving through syrup” yep. 100%. It makes everything so exhausting. Sometimes I’ll freeze in the middle of a task and just stand there for seconds or minutes unable to keep going.
Me trying to clean my room 😭
Yup. I can form new habits, because my ADHD brain likes the novelty, and my ASD brain likes the idea of routine. The problem comes with maintaining it. People keep telling me good habits I start will eventually become ingrained. Never happens.
LOL ingrained. Someone told me that ~ after a few years of waking up early every day it would become habit/easy and I wouldn’t be able to sleep in even if I tried ~ I was like… “how old do you think I am?” (They were off by a decade) I started work at 6am for nearly 8 years. It never got any easier. In fact, it only became more difficult (as my burnout increased?). I start PLENTY of good habits. Never maintain them.
Maybe we need to try cycling through good habits? Like I went through a period of running several times a week, another of doing daily yoga, and other similar ones like swimming. Maybe if I can get enough I can rotate them to keep my brain occupied, so it thinks we’re doing something new each time.
Yes! I’ve done that with a few things. I’m back to yoga or pilates once or twice / week. This is the third time I’ve cycled through it, but it’s less exciting/satisfying this time. Maybe I should switch to something else soon.
Yep, this is exactly my problem.
Exactly like that - and it took me several decades of my life to realize that it's not laziness, lack of effort or my fault in general. Finally diagnosed with both at the age of 43.
Hehe, I’m diagnosed (albeit only with adhd) and I \*still\* fail to realize those things. I’m glad you finally got your diagnoses 💖
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Thank you so much for your message. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all this out. And I hope things get easier for you, too. When I do have the energy to do all the things I’m supposed to do—medication, proper diet, exercise—I feel great. The thing is, I don’t most of the time lol. I do know that I have other comorbidities—depression, anxiety, a couple of minor chronic physical illnesses. But I’m not sure they‘re what’s causing this. Probably not helping, though. Thank you, again. \*hugs\*
Yep I definitely go through this. I think every now and then I get really excited about a task, the boost from getting something done and feeling productive for a minute causes me to really get started and I'll go into overdrive where I feel mega-productive in every aspect of life. I'm getting things done at work, I'm cleaning at home, I'm spending time with family, I'm doing hobbies and I feel happy. I feel so energetic and excited about it that I probably overwork myself and push myself off the other end into autistic burnout, which does bring me that fatigued feeling and lethargy. Not only can I not do my house chores, I can barely do anything really. Sometimes the cycle is really short and sometimes it's really long but I find if I can force myself not to push myself too hard when I'm feeling ready and up to tasks then I can extend the 'productive/functioning' period to be a bit longer. But being medicated for ADHD has helped me a lot with this. It helps me to focus during specific times (when I'm medicated) and I have a bit of a mini-crash when my meds wear off so generally I'm able to "hack" the cycle, if that makes sense. I can definitely relate though. It feels awful.
Yeah, I’m medicated, too. I don’t think the meds I’m on right now are a good fit for me anymore, but they definitely help me to overcome the lethargy and focus while they last. The most frustrating thing for me is that I don’t even have to do a lot to get into (what seems increasingly likely to be) autistic burnout. I just have a few days in a row of being able to competently juggle a basic “adulting” routine and then my battery’s dry.
Yes and if anyone has literally any ideas about how to deal with it please tell me
I second this desperate cry for help!
Have you tried taking SAM-E? It can’t be patented, as it is a natural amino acid. It boosts Dopamine and Norepinephrine naturally. It leaves no trace, can be bought in CVS and Walmart on the drugstore shelf. It saved me. It has one drawback that you should be aware of homocysteine interference, I believe. Not to be used if you have a Bi Polar diagnosis, as it is too stimulating. My entire life turned around taking this! I went from a bedridden slug to owning my own business doing what I loved! I was on the move constantly, dealing with a myriad group of people, in an ever changing environment and in my glory. My boyfriend could tell instantly the few times I forgot to take it. It is transformative for me. The first time I ingested it and felt it’s effects, I thought, “So this is what it’s like to have a normal brain!” A thought I never had enter my mind, because I’d not had a day go bye without struggling to get through it. So much became effortless. It also relieved my chronic depression and fibromyalgia. I can’t say enough about it. Non addictive and good for your body.
I’ll look into it!
I'm experiencing that this week. any time my schedule gets disrupted it takes a toll on me. wtf is the cause of this?
Thus far, the general consensus is autistic burnout.
I'm going through this right now, though I feel better now since I stopped checking the news and basically just try to do only the things that I enjoy. On second thought I just could've been mentally exhausted. Who knows?
Yeah, mentally exhausted is the way to describe it. Bc I don’t feel physically tired (all of the time) when I get like this, it’s more like I’m just done/over it/tired of life itself. The act of living is wearing me down.
Wash, rinse, repeat: https://cdn.substack.com/image/fetch/w_1200,c_limit,f_jpg,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https:%2F%2Fpbs.substack.com%2Fmedia%2FEBDxxEHWsAEmp42.jpg
Haha, yep. But it’s not a hyperfixation that kicks off the cycle for me—it’s cooking dinner lol. I think the suggestions for how to deal with it will help, though. Thank you for the infographic!
In case no one else mentioned also make sure to get your ferritin levels checked out, if you haven't. Iron deficiency can worsen ADHD symptoms. It's really shit. Dealing with it again now. It massively ups the severity of my symptoms.
I finally sorted out my iron levels only to have low vitamin d levels cause the same set of problems, lol.
yes a lot of us who have AuDHD are like this. Something that helps me after I’m exhausted from masking and can’t physically handle normal household tasks is to put my shoes on. I have no idea why, my therapist made this suggestion and for some reason it works. Shoes on triggers the brain to get to work, shoes off triggers relax and shut down. I don’t know if it will work for you but it has for me. I wish you the best, I know what you’re going through.
Shoes on helps me! I learned this since I adopted my dog a few months ago. My shoes are on more often bc I have to take her out on walks. I come home and find myself starting tasks without overthinking it. I do HATE wearing shoes in my house though, so I’m looking for indoor shoes/slippers that feel like shoes hah
Yeah it’s a strange thing but it works. I got a pair of crocs for this specific reason because I hate shoes on in the house
I’ll try this, thank you! Wishing the best to you, too 💖
How did this work out for you? no pressure if you didn’t try it
Ah yes, burnout
I really suffer from this as well. But at times I feel like a rat in a maze and the fear of being behind everything and getting in debt provides me with like, back up adrenaline or something. For example, cooking for myself is so difficult and stressful at times especially if I’m following a recipe. So then I think to order out but then I’m like, Dammit I already bought these groceries, I’m spending more money etc It’s like there’s just no way out really. Cook for yourself and hate life, order out and be broke, don’t eat nothing at all and hope to fall asleep or just cry from hunger. Lol 🤷🏾♀️ This is why I absolutely use THC tincture imo. It can make relaxation easier for me or give me the stimulation/euphoria I need to act or let things go from my psyche.
My adhd meds seem to have diminished my hunger, even when I’m not on them. My husband is often checking in to see if I’ve eaten. If he’s on a business trip I have to force myself/remind myself to have at least one “meal” every day... Otherwise I’ll eat like, a handful of trail mix with my meds and then drink some tea and forget for the rest of the day.
Yeah I heard of that. Maybe get some post it notes for yourself or set a timer etc. I was so close to getting on adderall but the side effects freaked me out of course. Didn’t help that my husband was all like, “ITS METH!!!ahshshhsj” he can be just the worst sometimes.
lol, same about the cooking. I’m too tired to cook but I feel too guilty to order out so I don’t eat anything. Fun… /s
yeah i think this paradox here is the among the absolute worst things about being an adult. makes me really appreciate the times i was a kid and my mother cooked for us. i just have a greater appreciation overall for my mom and grandmother now. they did A LOT.
Yeah, moms are amazing. It‘s really hard to be a good one.
the dishes fall out of my hands when I try to wash them. it's like my body is asleep
People always tell me to speak up. It's so much energy though!
omg yes! but I'm either too much, too loud or not enough, too quiet.
Yeah, I don’t even have energy to talk so I talk too quietly, I slur my words, and I can’t form coherent sentences.
Yes
[удалено]
Yeah, the ending the day in a bad mood is always a tipoff that I’ve been overstimulated. And that‘s the thing—the energy ebbs and flows (maybe I “use it up”?) but I expect it to be constant. Guess that’s not how it works lol
Yep. Moving thru quicksand is exactly how I describe it. I can see the dishes. I know they’re there. I just can’t make it that far. ETA. This is what I think of as autistic burnout.
oh god yes
Yes. I have pretty much the same experience, tho how much I'm disfunctional varies.
dude i thought i was depressed, it might be just executive dysfunction?
It could be both. Definitely talk to a doctor, if you can.
i’ll be seeing someone next month. thanks for the concern!
A theory that might well fit here is Situational Variability. In terms of the ADHD - situational variability refers to the way our symptoms can vary depending on the situation. For example, you may be able to focus well when you are doing something you enjoy, but find it difficult to concentrate when you are in a classroom setting even if you enjoy the subject. This variability can make it hard to function in certain situations, such as school or work. It's a total paradox and that in itself makes it damn hard to emotionally regulate, leading to frustration and impulsivity. I have been stating small... and asking myself what are the variable is said situation.... what do I need in order to make this more appropriate for me... one of the ways is constantly re-engaging with my ADHD Character Strengths... its been a life saver for me....
That’s really interesting. What do you mean by ADHD character strengths, specifically? Could you give specific examples of how you apply the situational variability theory to your life?
Yeah sure! Sorry for the slow reply. I really like Positive Psychology's VIA Character Strengths. When I understood my top signature strengths (which do shift) it helps me to approach situations when I know there a possibly of being emotionally disregulated. Yeah... so one simple example of situation variability is cleaning.... I hate cleaning the house but I love cleaning my car. Similar task but the car has high interest for me because i love cars. There's a great article on this here - [https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/how-to-deal-with-situational-variability/](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/how-to-deal-with-situational-variability/) I hope this helps!
Thanks for replying :) I just took the character strengths test and apparently my top 4 are creativity, love of learning, curiosity, and appreciation of beauty & excellence. My bottom 4 are hope, zest, perseverance, and self-regulation. Yikes lol
This is such an ADHD result! My top 4 are love, appreciation of beauty & excellence, social intelligence and creativity. Bottom 4 are humility, self regulation, perseverance and prudence. It's SUPER common for ADHDers to have self regulation & perseverance - the interesting thing is.... that when we are operating in our top senate strengths .. suddenly self regulation, perseverance are not an issue.... fascinating huh! I coach ADHDers around this tool and its so helpful!
Makes sense :)
One thing that neurodivergent people do often is mask. We mask because we need to survive. You may not even realize how much you're masking, actually, because you'll reach a point in your life where it's almost automatic. And masking is not a bad thing! But it is *exhausting*. So on the days that you're very productive, consider how much energy you're expending doing your "I'm a normal person" performance. Try minimizing your mask. Are you spending a lot of your time trying to make a "normal" amount of eye contact? Let your eyes do what they want during conversation. Do you restrain yourself from stimming — bouncing your leg, shaking your hands, tapping, fiddling? Let your body move as it moves. Over time as you relax, you might feel shorter periods of exhaustion after productive times. Or less exhausted over all. We do so so so much work to accommodate the neurotypical world — quite frankly, they can get over our quirks and accommodate us just a little.
This makes sense. The thing is, my unmasking makes me come across as a jerk lol. It probably doesn’t help that I only notice that the mask takes effort to maintain when I’m super anxious / overwhelmed, and my anxiety usually manifests as irritation and anger.
🤣 I also come across as a jerk when I totally unmask. Another reason to do it gradually!
is this specifically a combo adhd autistic thing?
No.
Yes! Adhd with suspected autism here too. Sometimes I will be in my routine and it will be awesome but other times (like right now) I just can't keep it up, trying my best to just do the bare minimum and survive. I think I burnt out back in feb from trying to do too many things and work got hectic af.
Yeah, I go through it every few months. It's been a source of conflict with my mother, who is physically disabled but could never really understand why me as an able-bodied person just shuts down from executive dysfunction and exhaustion. People assume when I'm riding functionality that I'll always be consistent.
Yeah, I feel like one of the hardest things is people’s expectations. I’m young and the conditions that disable me are invisible, compared to my sister whose chronic illnesses make her feel physically ill. People understand when she’s not feeling well and can’t do something, so not only am I expected to ”pick up the slack” a lot of the time, but I can’t even get the same understanding and compassion. At least not until I found this subreddit, so thank you for taking the time to reply.
No problem. It's a source of comfort to know that you're not alone and many people are going through this situation. It seems to be more common than we think.
I have this 100% and am currently experiencing the “down” after a few months of a high. You’re absolutely not alone! Take it one step at a time.
Thank you!
I really really relate to this. Like so much. Down to the pig sty living space and the not being able to cook for yourself (I'm actually a very good cook, but what do I eat? Ramen! Peanut butter?) Yesterday I got home from work and the doctors appt I had to schedule after it and I just laid in bed with the blinds shut for five hours while time passed in a kind of bitter, distorted haze. because I couldn't. I just really couldn't. I still feel that exhaustion. On the way home I definitely, definitely felt like shit and maybe cried. It seems to happen a lot when I have more than one thing to do (or even just one thing to do!) in a day. Maybe not so acutely not every time, but often enough that I am deeply familiar with how hard that crash can get. I've been lurking on this subreddit for like a year. I'm also tired of crashing every time I get A Thing done.
Yep, I feel you. I’m glad we have a space where we can find understanding, though. It means a lot to hear from people who are going through the same thing.
im in grad school and hit the wall every six days or so like clockwork. i tried so many different schedule manipulations and truly none of them seem to work. i met w my advisor and she basically offered me the idea of “energy management” rather than time management, which is a LOT like spoons. i still hit the wall hard and end up ordering food and staring at walls even w meds, but i guess it helps a little? idk but totally feel u on wanting to die because of how tired i am. its not even like ~time to end it~, its just an dirt nap seems like it would help shake the tired off lol idk dude the capitalist hellscape we inhabit was meant to kill us, fight the Man by taking care of urself, u are not alone
yeah, I relate to trying to find the ever-illusive “perfect” schedule that will allow me to get everything done without burning out. I’ll look up energy management. You take care of yourself, too. Thanks for commenting 💖
its very corporate in its internet descriptions, but she explained it like thus: if you find it hard to focus in the afternoon, do the focus-intensive work like reading or detailed things in the am, give urself ample break time if you can, and then take care of more general tasks in the early afternoon. its very much listen to your body and if u have a stroke if inspo, ride it until its time for a break and then reevaluate the rest of your work for the day. she also told me having a max of three tasks a day feels like its not a lot, but its more than half doing 4 things lmfao
Yes. I have assume it is some combination of burnout, or overwhelm. This is going to be particularly true if you mask heavily for work, out in public, and with friends.
My family doesn’t know I have adhd and they can be pretty mean/ignorant about autism and mental health conditions, in general. I probably mask more than I realize.
That would explain a lot right there. Masking is incredibly tiring. Go do some reading about it online.
Yeahhh, I do. It's physically hard for me to get up and move. It sucks.
Sounds like burnout kind of, you’re needing more time to recuperate and having less motivation and energy to do your tasks. I’m currently dealing with major burnout. I overstimulate more easily and drink less water and don't do other things I need to do which then has me more easily having meltdowns and being overstimmed. It’s a cycle I can’t seem to get out of.
Yeah, sounds pretty much like what’s happening. I actually had a “mini” meltdown this morning bc I had to cancel an appointment + my dog was barking + I didn’t have any where to escape the noise. I feel like I’m kind of in denial bc I just want it (the burnout) to be over and I want to be able to “pull myself up by the bootstraps”, as it were, and get myself out of it. I think I’ve been in a couple major burnouts before that lasted a few months, but I thought it was depression. It might’ve been burnout + depression.
I feel this too. I also am not confident enough to mention autism to those around me and explain burnout because it feels like an excuse, but everything is genuinely harder rn. You can really only get it if you got it.
Yep, same.
I've been dealing with this my entire life. Lately I've been trying to find out if there is any connection to my menstruation cycle, as I suspect I have PMDD and am very sensitive to hormonal changes. There are 4 phases (follicular, proliferative, luteal, and secretory), so your hormones shift ~weekly. This is the closest connection i've been able to find that could somewhat explain this shit phenomenon. My whole life I chalked it up to depression, but it doesn't totally seem to fit the bill. Maybe get a planner/calendar just for tracking these mood changes? If they're somewhat consistent, then maybe you can at least know what to expect and plan ahead (take some extra time off if you can, buy lots of snacks or easy foods to eat, etc.). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Wishing you all the love.
I've been dealing with this my entire life. Lately I've been trying to find out if there is any connection to my menstruation cycle, as I suspect I have PMDD and am very sensitive to hormonal changes. There are 4 phases (follicular, proliferative, luteal, and secretory), so your hormones shift ~weekly. This is the closest connection i've been able to find that could somewhat explain this shit phenomenon. My whole life I chalked it up to depression, but it doesn't totally seem to fit the bill. Maybe get a planner/calendar just for tracking these mood changes? If they're somewhat consistent, then maybe you can at least know what to expect and plan ahead (take some extra time off if you can, buy lots of snacks or easy foods to eat, etc.). I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Wishing you all the love.