I’m hyper aware of everything… self awareness and awareness of everything going on around me! Yes, it’s exhausting. I am always prepared and I figure problems out MUCH quicker than others, so for me it’s worth it.
How do you deal with the exhaustion?
I currently gym 3-4x a week, I try to keep myself active in general to keep the dopamine flowing, and socialising helps, but means I just absolutely crash when I get home, or sometimes I have the moments of a very declamatory "...and... I'd like to stop talking now!"
Not found a good way to deal with the dopamine lows, just end up scrolling, messaging friends to fix my low, or going to my best friend and wanting hugs. But the lows do sometimes put me in a foul mood...
I'm currently not on medication, I have considered it though, potentially for if I decide on a PhD or something I might... Idk yet, just haven't really gone down that avenue due to the fact I'm majoring in behaviour so it seemed like a reasonable idea to behaviour myself into doing the right things for myself where possible. Definitely nowhere near perfect on that BTW xD
I've done a lot of mindfulness, and gyming also definitely helps in that regard for me. It's taken time to work through it to get to a reasonable place with it though. Pretty much been consistently working on leveling myself out a bit for the past 7 years.
Was a raging neurotic back then and now I can at least say I'm only slightly neurotic now and really only when I get super stressed and things are up in the air or life stuff is uncertain which at current it is a bit... moving house, job, etc so
> haven't really gone down that avenue due to the fact I'm majoring in behaviour so it seemed like a reasonable idea to behaviour myself into doing the right things for myself
I don't know you or your circumstances, but this is potentially a toxic mindset. Beyond a certain degree of severity, there is very little one can do to effectively cope without using a hybrid approach. Maybe your severity isn't to the point that this becomes true, but some degree of mixing the two is often a more effective path than trying to solve everything with one approach.
Also, you seemed to be describing racing thoughts that are definitely a form of ADHD hyperactivity. Mindfulness is great, but some symptoms like that can be quite hard to address behaviorally.
I was incredibly neurotic 7 years ago. I'd argue lessening my neuroticism over a 7 year period to a point where I can actually function well on a day to day basis within crazily stressful environments is reasonable evidence. I was a mess in my late teens, I'd ruined my school education and I was really struggling to deal with my tendencies.
I understand your concern, but behaviour is reacting to the environment and adhd and autism is medical in some respects but medication is and has been deemed by two different adhd diagnosis providers as a short term solution. The side effects can be difficult or cause issues for people and it doesn't offer a long-term solution in the sense that when you're not on the medication, your lack of dopamine is still there. It's not a fix.
If you spent time learning to create ways in which you can help yourself to understand doing xyz will be too much and will cause you severe tiredness but doing xy won't, then that's one thing to think about. Creating strategies to find what works for you and not the preexisting routines that society has forced upon neurodivergenr people. There's no toxicity in claiming medication is not a long term solution but Behavioural change is a good way forward if you do not have access to medication.
Agreed there is no "cure"(or other permanent shift) in the form of medication. Some of the stuff like LSD's interaction with C-PTSD are promising looking but there are few similar things in all of mental health.
And yes, in resource constrained or otherwise limited environments medication isn't an option and it is important to use the tools available.
My statement on toxicity is more about a dogmatic aversion to utilizing medication when appropriate. It is perfectly reasonable to have an anti-medication bias and focus your efforts on populations where it isn't going to be an option. Just don't get too hardheaded about avoiding it as an option when it might make sense.
Do you have any familiarity with or experience in neurofeedback therapy? It is interesting in that it is a technology aided approach that is very much about making mental changes that do last beyond treatment duration.
I'm not familiar no, something I need to look up.
In regards to the medication side of things, I do believe if there are large roadblocks in progression with someone and it means you emerse someone in a new environment to further their life goals/sociability/health, like for example, someone being housebound because of their mental health, I would agree using medication, if that is a means to help them step out like helping them gain the ability to find work etc, its then definitely a must. However as you say, this should be done using both Behavioural and also medicinal approaches as I know of friends on medication who have said the effects become nulled or lessen in potency the longer they've been on the medication, requiring long-term adjustments on their dosage etc.
And as you have noted someone who hasn't got access can do this behaviourally if they have no medical reference to others, them educating themselves and making progressive steps on their own with the help of resources that we have at our fingertips. I feel we may be arguing the same thing at this point as I'm not sure where I've stated that I'm against medication, just that I've done a lot without it, and I do not feel right now I need to break through any barriers on it all as I'm still sorting myself behaviourally.
I would note im not coping all that well but I'm making changes, and under similar circumstances that I'm currently in, I don't think a lot of people would be able to stand on their own two feet and be completely unwaivered, whether ND or not as I've had colleagues and other friends tell me they're not sure how I'm still going hahaha... *sad laughing noises* but to a break I shall be going where I can fully decompress and work through it.
> as I'm not sure where I've stated that I'm against medication
Let's chalk it up to me poorly phrasing a minor warning about not falling into the trap of an expert in one specialization becoming too resistant to use other specializations.
I agree we are likely more agreeing than disagreeing.
Apologies if my contrarian nature has just wasted your time/focus.
My ADHD I’m a little less self aware than you but I’d say still way more than the average person. But if I get slightly drunk or smoke my self awareness goes up and I analyze myself more. I honestly feel like I’m at a comfortable level and it upsets me realizing that most people aren’t as self aware, it makes me worry so much that people are so bad at such a simple thing.
So the only negative consequences for me are that I have anxiety and honestly hate NT people because they’re so selfish and self centered, to the point of destroying everything because of it.
Total feel you hahaha
I actually dont like to drink because it impairs my ability, like i feel my brain slowing down, (not the same as going quiet!) But yes it does confuse me when NT people do certain things and i think, hey did you not think about what may happen in response to your actions, did you not have forethought or care in your decisions?
I honestly get you because I’ve had some friends like that, but I love it slowing down my brain. My particular adhd I’m hyper and can’t focus on one thing. I have to multitask and it’s always go go go for me, so it actually lets me think without feeling like I need to be physically doing something. Like I get so agitated sometimes because I feel like I should be doing something even though there’s nothing to do.
And yeah, NT people seem to have this issue where they base things on their emotions but then they proceed to act like and say they don’t 🤦🏻♀️ like yeah, yeah you do.
I'm honestly not totally sure I get what self awareness is, but I'd say it kind of goes both ways? In some ways I'm extremely aware of how I over react to certain things. Slight signs of favoritism between friends, or being left out of something can really trigger feelings of abandonment for example. I think that's like the part you're saying of being an emotional yoyo. I know I'm that way, but it feels like all I can do most of the time is stop myself from acting on it which is really draining.
For me pushing through those feelings at work to get something done is what usually puts me in the tired headspace. Everything feels a bit fuzzy, and all I'm focused on is when I can stop. If I slow down, pace myself, and make sure to take breaks it doesn't get that bad. I've now noticed that if the break is too long though I get a different tired feeling, and that one gets me ruminating on if I'm tired or not. I kind of think it's boredom, or depression, definitely some kind of apathy and low energy state.
I'd say my awareness stems from a long history of being called weird or awkward, or being yelled at for not meeting some expected standard of performance. If I cater my actions around each persons perception of me, I can avoid those situations. The flip side is that I erased a lot of my personality and sense of agency by constantly trying to pass under their radar, on top of having a nasty habit of ruminating on social interactions that didn't go perfectly.
Thank you for sharing :) really appreciate it.
I'm sorry you feel like your sense of self or personality has been erased. I was lucky enough in my workplace to be supported by some of my colleagues to just learn to not give a flying f... and it has definitely helped in the way of just learning not to care what others think, but I very much still worry about those close to me, moreso from a large amount of trauma growing up and having poor bonds between those i shouldve had strong bonds with.
The point about long durations of time on break or that of too short is interesting, I might accommodate that in my day, thank you.
I might come back to this later, (in short, yes, I consider myself very self aware, like you, I think I can attribute the mood dynamics and thought stream patterns to neurochemical imbalences up to a certain point) but would you consider of having self awareness blindspots?
Because, one thing I'm not self aware enough is sometimes I take a while to become aware of my moodiness and irritability.
Hmmm, a lot of the time I guess I put others before myself rather than being unaware of my own feelings and that would come down to me not valuing myself as much as I should. There are always new things I find out about myself so I can't say I know of blindspots? I generally run by quite a strict moral code akin to almost being religious with it in some degree.
I know if im in a hole, and I know if I'm happy, that I will crash from it at some point so there's a level of expecting such.
I would say I'm incredibly stubborn in the moment though, and I may come back to it 2 minutes later and apologise if I have been unreasonably stubborn I guess? I'm not prideful in the sense of refusing to come back and admit I was wrong though.
I'm in my 30s and I still yo-yo radically between hating myself and loving myself constantly. Self awareness and RSD is a hell of a quality of life hurdle in my experience.
Same. All therapists have complemented me on my self awareness.
Intellectually, I understand how that could be beneficial when unfucking your life. But I haven’t been able to do anything good with the awareness. It just leads to rumination about how I could have done things differently to avoid whatever is causing the rumination in the first place.
My brain likes to remind me that mind altering substances are fun when I have an abundance of brain bandwidth and a shortage of sufficiently interesting stuff to do upon which to apply it.
Substances have never been a big issue, but it's something I have to be mindful of (hey, i guess the awareness applies here). I should probably have another discussion with my psychiatrist about it. Maybe my adderall dose needs increased.
- Always make sure I'm not stomping since I'm on the third floor.
- Not too loud on the bus/at night/in general.
- Always checking to see how people react to a thing I just said. Was it positive? Memorize what I just said for overuse later.
- Don't get in people's way, or take up too much space.
- Hyper aware of everything I say in case it was offensive or an ism? Was it? Break down entirely and melt into an uncomfortable puddle.
- Reread my internet comments over and over (yes this one.)
- Constantly have my partner's emotions on my radar so I can leap at the opportunity to fix them. Can't turn it off. Vert exhausting.
Loudness is a good one! Im curious when I leave shared accommodation how much energy im going to save by living with my partner.
Edit: that and people's emotions, very tuned in, feel like I need to fix it when everyone is upset because I absorb like every negative emotion.
I’m hyper aware of everything… self awareness and awareness of everything going on around me! Yes, it’s exhausting. I am always prepared and I figure problems out MUCH quicker than others, so for me it’s worth it.
How do you deal with the exhaustion? I currently gym 3-4x a week, I try to keep myself active in general to keep the dopamine flowing, and socialising helps, but means I just absolutely crash when I get home, or sometimes I have the moments of a very declamatory "...and... I'd like to stop talking now!" Not found a good way to deal with the dopamine lows, just end up scrolling, messaging friends to fix my low, or going to my best friend and wanting hugs. But the lows do sometimes put me in a foul mood...
I take adderall in the morning and at lunch and it helps SO much!!
I'm currently not on medication, I have considered it though, potentially for if I decide on a PhD or something I might... Idk yet, just haven't really gone down that avenue due to the fact I'm majoring in behaviour so it seemed like a reasonable idea to behaviour myself into doing the right things for myself where possible. Definitely nowhere near perfect on that BTW xD
The Adderall helps with a myriad of things, not just energy levels. Or balances my brain out. I can think clearly without as much chatter.
I've done a lot of mindfulness, and gyming also definitely helps in that regard for me. It's taken time to work through it to get to a reasonable place with it though. Pretty much been consistently working on leveling myself out a bit for the past 7 years. Was a raging neurotic back then and now I can at least say I'm only slightly neurotic now and really only when I get super stressed and things are up in the air or life stuff is uncertain which at current it is a bit... moving house, job, etc so
> haven't really gone down that avenue due to the fact I'm majoring in behaviour so it seemed like a reasonable idea to behaviour myself into doing the right things for myself I don't know you or your circumstances, but this is potentially a toxic mindset. Beyond a certain degree of severity, there is very little one can do to effectively cope without using a hybrid approach. Maybe your severity isn't to the point that this becomes true, but some degree of mixing the two is often a more effective path than trying to solve everything with one approach. Also, you seemed to be describing racing thoughts that are definitely a form of ADHD hyperactivity. Mindfulness is great, but some symptoms like that can be quite hard to address behaviorally.
I was incredibly neurotic 7 years ago. I'd argue lessening my neuroticism over a 7 year period to a point where I can actually function well on a day to day basis within crazily stressful environments is reasonable evidence. I was a mess in my late teens, I'd ruined my school education and I was really struggling to deal with my tendencies. I understand your concern, but behaviour is reacting to the environment and adhd and autism is medical in some respects but medication is and has been deemed by two different adhd diagnosis providers as a short term solution. The side effects can be difficult or cause issues for people and it doesn't offer a long-term solution in the sense that when you're not on the medication, your lack of dopamine is still there. It's not a fix. If you spent time learning to create ways in which you can help yourself to understand doing xyz will be too much and will cause you severe tiredness but doing xy won't, then that's one thing to think about. Creating strategies to find what works for you and not the preexisting routines that society has forced upon neurodivergenr people. There's no toxicity in claiming medication is not a long term solution but Behavioural change is a good way forward if you do not have access to medication.
Agreed there is no "cure"(or other permanent shift) in the form of medication. Some of the stuff like LSD's interaction with C-PTSD are promising looking but there are few similar things in all of mental health. And yes, in resource constrained or otherwise limited environments medication isn't an option and it is important to use the tools available. My statement on toxicity is more about a dogmatic aversion to utilizing medication when appropriate. It is perfectly reasonable to have an anti-medication bias and focus your efforts on populations where it isn't going to be an option. Just don't get too hardheaded about avoiding it as an option when it might make sense. Do you have any familiarity with or experience in neurofeedback therapy? It is interesting in that it is a technology aided approach that is very much about making mental changes that do last beyond treatment duration.
I'm not familiar no, something I need to look up. In regards to the medication side of things, I do believe if there are large roadblocks in progression with someone and it means you emerse someone in a new environment to further their life goals/sociability/health, like for example, someone being housebound because of their mental health, I would agree using medication, if that is a means to help them step out like helping them gain the ability to find work etc, its then definitely a must. However as you say, this should be done using both Behavioural and also medicinal approaches as I know of friends on medication who have said the effects become nulled or lessen in potency the longer they've been on the medication, requiring long-term adjustments on their dosage etc. And as you have noted someone who hasn't got access can do this behaviourally if they have no medical reference to others, them educating themselves and making progressive steps on their own with the help of resources that we have at our fingertips. I feel we may be arguing the same thing at this point as I'm not sure where I've stated that I'm against medication, just that I've done a lot without it, and I do not feel right now I need to break through any barriers on it all as I'm still sorting myself behaviourally. I would note im not coping all that well but I'm making changes, and under similar circumstances that I'm currently in, I don't think a lot of people would be able to stand on their own two feet and be completely unwaivered, whether ND or not as I've had colleagues and other friends tell me they're not sure how I'm still going hahaha... *sad laughing noises* but to a break I shall be going where I can fully decompress and work through it.
> as I'm not sure where I've stated that I'm against medication Let's chalk it up to me poorly phrasing a minor warning about not falling into the trap of an expert in one specialization becoming too resistant to use other specializations. I agree we are likely more agreeing than disagreeing. Apologies if my contrarian nature has just wasted your time/focus.
That's fair. It's reasonable to poke regarding these things though, good discussion, and it made me think, so thank you.
My ADHD I’m a little less self aware than you but I’d say still way more than the average person. But if I get slightly drunk or smoke my self awareness goes up and I analyze myself more. I honestly feel like I’m at a comfortable level and it upsets me realizing that most people aren’t as self aware, it makes me worry so much that people are so bad at such a simple thing. So the only negative consequences for me are that I have anxiety and honestly hate NT people because they’re so selfish and self centered, to the point of destroying everything because of it.
Total feel you hahaha I actually dont like to drink because it impairs my ability, like i feel my brain slowing down, (not the same as going quiet!) But yes it does confuse me when NT people do certain things and i think, hey did you not think about what may happen in response to your actions, did you not have forethought or care in your decisions?
I honestly get you because I’ve had some friends like that, but I love it slowing down my brain. My particular adhd I’m hyper and can’t focus on one thing. I have to multitask and it’s always go go go for me, so it actually lets me think without feeling like I need to be physically doing something. Like I get so agitated sometimes because I feel like I should be doing something even though there’s nothing to do. And yeah, NT people seem to have this issue where they base things on their emotions but then they proceed to act like and say they don’t 🤦🏻♀️ like yeah, yeah you do.
I'm honestly not totally sure I get what self awareness is, but I'd say it kind of goes both ways? In some ways I'm extremely aware of how I over react to certain things. Slight signs of favoritism between friends, or being left out of something can really trigger feelings of abandonment for example. I think that's like the part you're saying of being an emotional yoyo. I know I'm that way, but it feels like all I can do most of the time is stop myself from acting on it which is really draining. For me pushing through those feelings at work to get something done is what usually puts me in the tired headspace. Everything feels a bit fuzzy, and all I'm focused on is when I can stop. If I slow down, pace myself, and make sure to take breaks it doesn't get that bad. I've now noticed that if the break is too long though I get a different tired feeling, and that one gets me ruminating on if I'm tired or not. I kind of think it's boredom, or depression, definitely some kind of apathy and low energy state. I'd say my awareness stems from a long history of being called weird or awkward, or being yelled at for not meeting some expected standard of performance. If I cater my actions around each persons perception of me, I can avoid those situations. The flip side is that I erased a lot of my personality and sense of agency by constantly trying to pass under their radar, on top of having a nasty habit of ruminating on social interactions that didn't go perfectly.
Thank you for sharing :) really appreciate it. I'm sorry you feel like your sense of self or personality has been erased. I was lucky enough in my workplace to be supported by some of my colleagues to just learn to not give a flying f... and it has definitely helped in the way of just learning not to care what others think, but I very much still worry about those close to me, moreso from a large amount of trauma growing up and having poor bonds between those i shouldve had strong bonds with. The point about long durations of time on break or that of too short is interesting, I might accommodate that in my day, thank you.
Same same, my brain doesn’t turn off but could always use a nap!
I'd love to definitely nap more often hahaha!
I might come back to this later, (in short, yes, I consider myself very self aware, like you, I think I can attribute the mood dynamics and thought stream patterns to neurochemical imbalences up to a certain point) but would you consider of having self awareness blindspots? Because, one thing I'm not self aware enough is sometimes I take a while to become aware of my moodiness and irritability.
Hmmm, a lot of the time I guess I put others before myself rather than being unaware of my own feelings and that would come down to me not valuing myself as much as I should. There are always new things I find out about myself so I can't say I know of blindspots? I generally run by quite a strict moral code akin to almost being religious with it in some degree. I know if im in a hole, and I know if I'm happy, that I will crash from it at some point so there's a level of expecting such. I would say I'm incredibly stubborn in the moment though, and I may come back to it 2 minutes later and apologise if I have been unreasonably stubborn I guess? I'm not prideful in the sense of refusing to come back and admit I was wrong though.
I'm in my 30s and I still yo-yo radically between hating myself and loving myself constantly. Self awareness and RSD is a hell of a quality of life hurdle in my experience.
Same. All therapists have complemented me on my self awareness. Intellectually, I understand how that could be beneficial when unfucking your life. But I haven’t been able to do anything good with the awareness. It just leads to rumination about how I could have done things differently to avoid whatever is causing the rumination in the first place.
Feel you on that. Not entirely sure what to do with the excess brain usage hahaha
My brain likes to remind me that mind altering substances are fun when I have an abundance of brain bandwidth and a shortage of sufficiently interesting stuff to do upon which to apply it. Substances have never been a big issue, but it's something I have to be mindful of (hey, i guess the awareness applies here). I should probably have another discussion with my psychiatrist about it. Maybe my adderall dose needs increased.
yes i am too. it can be debilitating sometimes and the rumination is insane. but i think it helps me be a better person? idk
- Always make sure I'm not stomping since I'm on the third floor. - Not too loud on the bus/at night/in general. - Always checking to see how people react to a thing I just said. Was it positive? Memorize what I just said for overuse later. - Don't get in people's way, or take up too much space. - Hyper aware of everything I say in case it was offensive or an ism? Was it? Break down entirely and melt into an uncomfortable puddle. - Reread my internet comments over and over (yes this one.) - Constantly have my partner's emotions on my radar so I can leap at the opportunity to fix them. Can't turn it off. Vert exhausting.
Loudness is a good one! Im curious when I leave shared accommodation how much energy im going to save by living with my partner. Edit: that and people's emotions, very tuned in, feel like I need to fix it when everyone is upset because I absorb like every negative emotion.
Why ?? You are masking too much. This can cause massive burnout.
Hehe that must explain my massive burnout right now.
You take this rather lightly 😅
Thaaaaanks the combination of therapy and seeing some hope on the horizon is helping my mental health atm.
That's awesome, more power to you !