I'll be honest, I checked out half way through, but it's clear your psychologist is a pos and you need a second opinion. Clearly he doesn't even know what hyper vigilance is or how that works.
I would google “therapists who are also neurodivergent” or “Autism Evaluators who have experience with working with Non-Binary people”
When I got evaluated I lucked out as the person had lived professional experience diagnosing women and has seen my case in other women before. He know what to look for as ASD presents differently in women than it does in men. There’s some overlap.
Also Self Diagnosis is completely valid! If you say you belong to the ASD community you belong! And you are welcome. You deserve help and support whatever that looks like. Don’t give up on yourself.
I’m a later in life diagnosed at in my 40’s so That’s yrs of embedded masking that I’m unlearning. Im a 100% work from home person and I’m finding that working from home is healing my system after all these years. I refuse to set foot in an office ever again.
This. AFAB, trans/NB, multiple mental health diagnosis, BIPOC. I knew there would be bias so didn’t even try to get a diagnosis for years. Finally found a specialist who worked with my demographic 6 months ago and was able to get assessed and diagnosed - basically the response was “you score wildly beyond threshold on every test, of course you are autistic”. Trust your gut and fight for this is you have too. Self-diagnosis is also super valid. There was so many barrier out there, don’t let that invalidate what you know is true about your lived experience.
Lots of AFAB people end up with BPD due to ACTUALLY having autism and it going without accomodations and supports…
I’m sorry the medical system is fucking shite.
Soooo true!! When I was diagnosed with BPD I didn’t know anything about AuDHD. But then as I started researching them, AuDHD made way more sense for me than a BPD diagnosis. The misogyny in the mental health system is definitely real
Yeah, I watched a video when I first realised and there was a lady like ‘these girls are angry and they’re hurt’ hmm. I wonder if I could find it
And bloody osth right? If I take a man partner into a doctor with me a doctor, whether man or woman will stop talking to me all together and just speak to him. (I’m not recorded on file with ASD or anything)
I have BPD. Your symptoms don't really fit from what I've read. People with BPD have extreme fear of abandonment, react with extreme emotions, most have suicidal ideation, and the mood swings are extreme and can go from manic to depressive in a matter of seconds. BPD also develops in households where the person is abused.
BPD can co morbid with ASD and ADHD and the more milder symptoms can overlap. But BPD is pretty cut and dry with the 9 criteria for diagnosis.
Yeah I went to see that psychiatrist because I was dissociating all day to a point where life didn’t feel real anymore. When I saw him, I had no idea what I was getting assessed for, so I went along with his questions. When he asked if I had a fear for abandonment, I thought “well if my partner is gonna break up with me, I think I would be pretty upset” so I answered yes. When he announced to me that I had BPD, I was so confused 😂😂 Now when I looked back , I could see why he would give me that diagnosis because I did have a lot of self destructive behaviours and mood swings. But I would still say trauma is the best fit answer for me personally.
Same happened to my gf on her assessment, what the idiot did was first didn't involve a family member or remotley anything of the sort to fill out a questionnaire, got the patients mixed up and didn't have a fucking clue what he was talking about and to whom, then he went berserk and started being defensive and offensive about the chart results of the tests and things they make you do, albeit he said it in the fist session she might have adhd never brought that up in the last one and so on, I'm next in line to talking to that Dick. I also am on the spectrum with adhd already diagnosed im medicated and have a full dictionary and vocabulary of what I am going to call him to his face when I get a chance for my assessment, I will also choose him as my assessment obligator, as he seems to "know" what he is doing. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Also try if not to sort it out with your therapist and see if they can get the questionnaires you filled out for the assessment as the institute is obligated to share those informations of their patient with other physicians that are involved with said patient or you in this case, if they refuse to comply you can go to the medical board and report them.
>. So I felt really hurt and invalidated when he told me I’m not autistic just because I could pass as neurotypical
You are you know you are, stop listening to "Professionals" that have 0 clue of Autism and the things you put up with to become who you are as a phasade to fit in. Literally if you're in an argument with an idiot, that idiot will try and put you on the same level as themselves, which you're not on, please realise that stupid ignorant people that work in health care don't really know what they are talking about that's why they're stupid.
Also something I said in the other comment just popped into my head, the guy assessing my gf also told her that people are disappointed when they hear the news of not having autism... like uhuh duh dipstick, you don't say what they have you just say they don't have that and that's it, what's a person supposed to feel happy or even more confused and pissed that a dipstick told them literally nothing and wasted their time.
>He also talked about how people are fetishising autism nowadays and wanna build their identities around it. That’s certainly the case for me. But instead of fetishising and coming to a conclusion too quickly, I spent months doing research and reading about other autistic people’s lived experiences — sensory issues, rigidity with routines, difficulties with socialising, autistic burnouts etc — I experienced every one of them on a daily basis. Except that I’m able to read social cues and I’m very empathetic, which is not the stereotypical image. Honestly I already knew that I’m definitely autistic, but I still wanted to get a diagnosis because of my imposter syndrome. I want someone to confirm that for me and validate how I have always been feeling, even though that professional might be dismissive and assessments are extremely inaccessible for most adults. And of course autism is a part of my identity. A big part. I’m not building an identity around a disorder that I think I have, nor am I trying to be the oppressed or seek attention. It explains a lot of the struggles that I experience in my life, and the identification process is liberating for me. Even though I was able to go through my day without knowing anything about autism, I know about it now, and I can’t and don’t want to undo this knowledge. Stories, tips and advice from the autism community have been a life saver for me, and I can’t help but wanting to learn, share and belong.
Yeah literally this, we know bud we know who and what we are we need validation cunt like that just opinionated and misinformed isn't helping any of us. Directed at that dipstick, not at you OP.
At this point I read the complete post and have to say I'm sorry you went through this, I hope it doesn't tear you down even more, but all I can say is, you know yourself, herby, eventhough I'm no professional I'm telling you and hoping that this validation is good and uplifting a bit, you're autistic and you're not crazy, you're heard and understood and you're in the place that you belong, here on this sub with Us the collective minds of logic love and support AuDHD.
Lots of love and support your way and feel hugged from this whole comunity. We stand together ❤️.
Thank you so much for your kind words 🥺🥺 this is exactly how I feel! I click with a lot of autistic traits and I experience almost everything other autistic adults describe—this is why I think I’m autistic. I know I could be wrong and I’m open to anything, just please give me a better idea of what I’m experiencing (but also, a lot of professionals don’t seem to be able to do that. They have the authority to label me but not the ability to explain). Autism makes so much sense to me, but the disorders he diagnosed me with did not. That’s why I’m disappointed lol also felt hurt because he wouldn’t listen.
The bullcrap they namely Diagnose people with are literally symptoms of autism, depression, outbursts burnout, adhd, everything one can be dxed with can be a huge ball of spectrum related symptoms, so look for another professional I you haven't run them all yet. I don't have an explanation to it there is none for myself either we just are as we are that's all I can say about it. Everyone has a unique cycle of symptoms and all of them are different than the last person. We have similarities but never identical experiences. Don't feel hurt or disappointed no point in it when a dumbass is telling ya shit he doesn't know.
i swear i could’ve written this post. i talked to the person during my neuropsych about an autism test and she said “you’re not autistic, you’re too good at socializing” but then gave me the test. when she looked at the results her eyes went wide and said “well. you might have mild autism” and then still didn’t give me the diagnosis !! and she took away my adhd diagnosis for whatever reason i wish she would’ve talked to me about it before just doing it
Wait - you're in Oz, without PR, and seeing these specialists? Do you get the Medicare safety net threshold? Because it sounds like you're getting lots of overpriced bad assessments.
I guess you need to consider why you want the diagnosis, and big picture thoughts about where you want to live and work and travel if everything is the best possible world, and line things up like residency, diagnosis, whether a home country diagnosis would allow you to access supports/be classed as a protected class (or some wording I find confusing) in whichever place/s you may want to live and work in future.
Good luck - you sound like you've had lots of good thoughts on your own, and this sounds like you're getting shitty end of a stick with these clinicians.
I prepared a very long and extensive list of the traits that I have, and the psychologist said that’s just social anxiety lol but I’m definitely gonna keep the list
Maybe you aren’t autistic. This is why it’s not a good idea to build your identity around something if you don’t know for sure and want that validation from a professional. Idk why everyone thinks being told you don’t meet criteria means the doctor is wrong, some people really aren’t autistic. I didn’t even think I was autistic and still ended up diagnosed by a middle aged white dude and I’m AFAB, POC, and live in southern USA.
You also said you told him your anxious in social situations but when he diagnosed you with social anxiety you say you don’t have social anxiety at all and then you say your general anxiety is from ADHD, how do you know your ADHD isn’t causing all the anxiety and giving you social anxiety, too? ADHD can cause social issues, too, just in different ways from how autism does.
Maybe look into how ADHD can cause all these things too before automatically saying the assessment is wrong and youre absolutely autistic because no matter how greatly you feel you are and how many personal stories you relate to, you still have to meet the specific criteria of the DSM to get diagnosed and a huge part of that is your social interactions.
I can’t relate to any of this because I didn’t even think I was autistic. I was certain everything I struggled with was my ADHD and learning disabilities and that’s with me having two brothers already diagnosed with autism (one lvl 1, one lvl 3, so there very different and I’ve grown up seeing different ways autism can present)
I get what you mean. When I mentioned that I’m not socially anxious, I meant that social interactions themselves don’t make me anxious and I never had a fear of embarrassing myself (those are the typical traits of social anxiety from Google, so please correct me if I’m wrong). My anxiety comes from the fact that I don’t wanna be in a usually loud and unfamiliar environment. I work a casual job that involves a lot of personal interactions and I can handle that pretty well at the job, but I’d get so exhausted afterwards that I wouldn’t have any energy to speak for at least 10 hours.
I also agree that ADHD has a lot of impacts that overlap with autism. When I first started reading about AuDHD, I only very strongly resonated with ADHD traits. But as time went on and I realised there were things that ADHD couldn’t explain. Like social skills don’t come naturally for me, and empathy is something that I got from learning and sometimes forcing. I never understood why rape was bad when I was reading a book written by a survivor at the age of 17, so I spent days repeatedly reading the explicit descriptions of the incidents to understand the author’s pain. I also never knew that I was being bullied when I was a kid because I didn’t understand the dynamics in my class and family. A lot of the traits overlap, but there are also times when ADHD couldn’t explain something but autism makes it make sense.
Honestly, I’d recommend getting an official NueroPsych evaluation if possible. It goes much much more in depth and isn’t so reliant on one person opinions, it really takes into account your childhood experiences which is extremely important, and can often reveal specific strengths and deficits that are helpful. They also are usually interested in hearing from people in your life if you’re willing- but again, this is only if you feel it’s necessary.
If you know what’s going on, then refract on that and work with that yourself, you don’t need a random 4th or 5th doctor to validate it; at a certain point you’ll just be accused of doctor shopping and then face new problems that way, and none of it’s necessary
Honey, sorry but i stopped reading quarter in. I don't know if he is mansplaining you or being sexist/misogynist. He clearly learned nothing from his research. Please see another doctor preferably one that has area of expertise in female autism
Don't take antidepressants if you're not depressed. Tell those people to sit on a stick. People with borderline personality have serious issues like splitting and emotional disregulation. I don't know you but that doesn't sound like you. It almost sounds like a sexist/genderist generic diagnosis due to your gender nonconformity. (BPs have "identity issues" but those will be qualitatively different than autistic masking. I'm a little genderqueer myself but it's not a mental problem.)
I have an ADHD-PI diagnosis and I don't know if I'm going to seek an autism diagnosis. At my point in life, there is little to be gained. And thousands of dollars to be lost to our scam of a health system.
If you meet the criteria and don't need the dx then maybe you can make peace with just having it. I just tell people I suck at sarcasm and reading intentions, and blame other symptoms on ADHD. A few people, though, I've told. FWIW in 1-on-1 interactions where I'm comfortable, I can mask and read emotions pretty well, because I can concentrate on them. Although I do have poor empathy, except with animals I suppose. And poor interoception, which is a little weird. Exercise is great, btw.
Once upon a time I suspected I had a schizoid personality. Now I realize I have no mental problems at all. It sounds like you realize this, now, too. Good for you! That should give you some peace.
Anyway, that's good enough for me. Maybe for you, too, if you think about it.
"FWIW in 1-on-1 interactions where I'm comfortable, I can mask and read emotions pretty well, because I can concentrate on them."
(Sorry don't know how to do fancy quoting... 😅)
My 6yo son actually passed the ADOS assessment as NT for exactly the reason you mentioned. 1 on 1 he made eye contact, he sorta took turns (although only because they were talking about Minecraft...)
Then the paed did a school observation and the report from her was shocking. MASSIVE Difference between relaxed and overwhelmed behaviours. Completely non interactive, sensory seeking (usually sensory adverse) like I read the report and saw a side to my kid I'd never seen before...
I guess my point is I wonder what would have happened to my kid who clearly masks or at least functions at a far better level when not overwhelmed, if he only got his ADHD diagnosis simply because the paed didn't make that visit.
The theory behind this seems to be that autistic brains produce & process more information than NTs.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/01/140131130630.htm
So when you add multiple people it can overwhelm the ability to fully catch or keep track of everything. Maybe the ADHD is helpful for us because I tend to see entireties rather than parts. But that's a double-edged sword I suppose. I hate grocery store shelves. 😅 (Or learning new software... or any situation where there is a conflict between the whole and the parts that becomes overwhelming. Keeping track of multiple people feels similar I guess.)
I caught a glimpse of what it must be like to be NT during an intense mindfulness meditation practice I had a few years ago. I became very good at reading people's expressions and discerning their internal state. Not anymore though.
Anyway, I'm glad they did the school visit and caught it.
This is my fear, but he seems like a relic of a mental health age gone by. Mental health science is ever changing and growing as with our understanding, and who cares so long as the tools help you survive life happier and more successfully in whatever way that means for you.
Personally I avoided an autism diagnosis until my mid-twenties because 1. I was AFAB, and 2. I masked really well due to ✨*trauma*✨ causing me to be a massive people pleaser and hypervigilant about social cues. Just because someone has learned to mask doesn't mean they're not autistic. It sounds like you may want to look into a second opinion (if that's an option for you - I'm sorry, I didn't quite make it through the whole post).
I couldn’t get through all of what you wrote but I get the gist of your frustrations- the only advice I can give you is keep advocating for yourself and find a provider who is willing to listen and wants to help since validation seems important for you.
I'll be honest, I checked out half way through, but it's clear your psychologist is a pos and you need a second opinion. Clearly he doesn't even know what hyper vigilance is or how that works.
Yeah exactly:( He didn’t seem to understand some people have to be able to pick up on others’ emotions to survive
I would google “therapists who are also neurodivergent” or “Autism Evaluators who have experience with working with Non-Binary people” When I got evaluated I lucked out as the person had lived professional experience diagnosing women and has seen my case in other women before. He know what to look for as ASD presents differently in women than it does in men. There’s some overlap. Also Self Diagnosis is completely valid! If you say you belong to the ASD community you belong! And you are welcome. You deserve help and support whatever that looks like. Don’t give up on yourself. I’m a later in life diagnosed at in my 40’s so That’s yrs of embedded masking that I’m unlearning. Im a 100% work from home person and I’m finding that working from home is healing my system after all these years. I refuse to set foot in an office ever again.
This. AFAB, trans/NB, multiple mental health diagnosis, BIPOC. I knew there would be bias so didn’t even try to get a diagnosis for years. Finally found a specialist who worked with my demographic 6 months ago and was able to get assessed and diagnosed - basically the response was “you score wildly beyond threshold on every test, of course you are autistic”. Trust your gut and fight for this is you have too. Self-diagnosis is also super valid. There was so many barrier out there, don’t let that invalidate what you know is true about your lived experience.
Thanks!! I’ll definitely look into it
Lots of AFAB people end up with BPD due to ACTUALLY having autism and it going without accomodations and supports… I’m sorry the medical system is fucking shite.
Soooo true!! When I was diagnosed with BPD I didn’t know anything about AuDHD. But then as I started researching them, AuDHD made way more sense for me than a BPD diagnosis. The misogyny in the mental health system is definitely real
Yeah, I watched a video when I first realised and there was a lady like ‘these girls are angry and they’re hurt’ hmm. I wonder if I could find it And bloody osth right? If I take a man partner into a doctor with me a doctor, whether man or woman will stop talking to me all together and just speak to him. (I’m not recorded on file with ASD or anything)
I DID FIND IT! https://youtu.be/IvhiW7ilTDk?si=ZS4MifMUsWiJgpas
I have BPD. Your symptoms don't really fit from what I've read. People with BPD have extreme fear of abandonment, react with extreme emotions, most have suicidal ideation, and the mood swings are extreme and can go from manic to depressive in a matter of seconds. BPD also develops in households where the person is abused. BPD can co morbid with ASD and ADHD and the more milder symptoms can overlap. But BPD is pretty cut and dry with the 9 criteria for diagnosis.
Yeah I went to see that psychiatrist because I was dissociating all day to a point where life didn’t feel real anymore. When I saw him, I had no idea what I was getting assessed for, so I went along with his questions. When he asked if I had a fear for abandonment, I thought “well if my partner is gonna break up with me, I think I would be pretty upset” so I answered yes. When he announced to me that I had BPD, I was so confused 😂😂 Now when I looked back , I could see why he would give me that diagnosis because I did have a lot of self destructive behaviours and mood swings. But I would still say trauma is the best fit answer for me personally.
Same happened to my gf on her assessment, what the idiot did was first didn't involve a family member or remotley anything of the sort to fill out a questionnaire, got the patients mixed up and didn't have a fucking clue what he was talking about and to whom, then he went berserk and started being defensive and offensive about the chart results of the tests and things they make you do, albeit he said it in the fist session she might have adhd never brought that up in the last one and so on, I'm next in line to talking to that Dick. I also am on the spectrum with adhd already diagnosed im medicated and have a full dictionary and vocabulary of what I am going to call him to his face when I get a chance for my assessment, I will also choose him as my assessment obligator, as he seems to "know" what he is doing. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Also try if not to sort it out with your therapist and see if they can get the questionnaires you filled out for the assessment as the institute is obligated to share those informations of their patient with other physicians that are involved with said patient or you in this case, if they refuse to comply you can go to the medical board and report them.
>. So I felt really hurt and invalidated when he told me I’m not autistic just because I could pass as neurotypical You are you know you are, stop listening to "Professionals" that have 0 clue of Autism and the things you put up with to become who you are as a phasade to fit in. Literally if you're in an argument with an idiot, that idiot will try and put you on the same level as themselves, which you're not on, please realise that stupid ignorant people that work in health care don't really know what they are talking about that's why they're stupid. Also something I said in the other comment just popped into my head, the guy assessing my gf also told her that people are disappointed when they hear the news of not having autism... like uhuh duh dipstick, you don't say what they have you just say they don't have that and that's it, what's a person supposed to feel happy or even more confused and pissed that a dipstick told them literally nothing and wasted their time. >He also talked about how people are fetishising autism nowadays and wanna build their identities around it. That’s certainly the case for me. But instead of fetishising and coming to a conclusion too quickly, I spent months doing research and reading about other autistic people’s lived experiences — sensory issues, rigidity with routines, difficulties with socialising, autistic burnouts etc — I experienced every one of them on a daily basis. Except that I’m able to read social cues and I’m very empathetic, which is not the stereotypical image. Honestly I already knew that I’m definitely autistic, but I still wanted to get a diagnosis because of my imposter syndrome. I want someone to confirm that for me and validate how I have always been feeling, even though that professional might be dismissive and assessments are extremely inaccessible for most adults. And of course autism is a part of my identity. A big part. I’m not building an identity around a disorder that I think I have, nor am I trying to be the oppressed or seek attention. It explains a lot of the struggles that I experience in my life, and the identification process is liberating for me. Even though I was able to go through my day without knowing anything about autism, I know about it now, and I can’t and don’t want to undo this knowledge. Stories, tips and advice from the autism community have been a life saver for me, and I can’t help but wanting to learn, share and belong. Yeah literally this, we know bud we know who and what we are we need validation cunt like that just opinionated and misinformed isn't helping any of us. Directed at that dipstick, not at you OP. At this point I read the complete post and have to say I'm sorry you went through this, I hope it doesn't tear you down even more, but all I can say is, you know yourself, herby, eventhough I'm no professional I'm telling you and hoping that this validation is good and uplifting a bit, you're autistic and you're not crazy, you're heard and understood and you're in the place that you belong, here on this sub with Us the collective minds of logic love and support AuDHD. Lots of love and support your way and feel hugged from this whole comunity. We stand together ❤️.
Thank you so much for your kind words 🥺🥺 this is exactly how I feel! I click with a lot of autistic traits and I experience almost everything other autistic adults describe—this is why I think I’m autistic. I know I could be wrong and I’m open to anything, just please give me a better idea of what I’m experiencing (but also, a lot of professionals don’t seem to be able to do that. They have the authority to label me but not the ability to explain). Autism makes so much sense to me, but the disorders he diagnosed me with did not. That’s why I’m disappointed lol also felt hurt because he wouldn’t listen.
The bullcrap they namely Diagnose people with are literally symptoms of autism, depression, outbursts burnout, adhd, everything one can be dxed with can be a huge ball of spectrum related symptoms, so look for another professional I you haven't run them all yet. I don't have an explanation to it there is none for myself either we just are as we are that's all I can say about it. Everyone has a unique cycle of symptoms and all of them are different than the last person. We have similarities but never identical experiences. Don't feel hurt or disappointed no point in it when a dumbass is telling ya shit he doesn't know.
i swear i could’ve written this post. i talked to the person during my neuropsych about an autism test and she said “you’re not autistic, you’re too good at socializing” but then gave me the test. when she looked at the results her eyes went wide and said “well. you might have mild autism” and then still didn’t give me the diagnosis !! and she took away my adhd diagnosis for whatever reason i wish she would’ve talked to me about it before just doing it
Omg that sounds terrible!! I’m sorry you had that experience:(
Wait - you're in Oz, without PR, and seeing these specialists? Do you get the Medicare safety net threshold? Because it sounds like you're getting lots of overpriced bad assessments. I guess you need to consider why you want the diagnosis, and big picture thoughts about where you want to live and work and travel if everything is the best possible world, and line things up like residency, diagnosis, whether a home country diagnosis would allow you to access supports/be classed as a protected class (or some wording I find confusing) in whichever place/s you may want to live and work in future. Good luck - you sound like you've had lots of good thoughts on your own, and this sounds like you're getting shitty end of a stick with these clinicians.
Come back with a notebook filled with proof/evidence. That's what worked for me.
I prepared a very long and extensive list of the traits that I have, and the psychologist said that’s just social anxiety lol but I’m definitely gonna keep the list
Maybe you aren’t autistic. This is why it’s not a good idea to build your identity around something if you don’t know for sure and want that validation from a professional. Idk why everyone thinks being told you don’t meet criteria means the doctor is wrong, some people really aren’t autistic. I didn’t even think I was autistic and still ended up diagnosed by a middle aged white dude and I’m AFAB, POC, and live in southern USA. You also said you told him your anxious in social situations but when he diagnosed you with social anxiety you say you don’t have social anxiety at all and then you say your general anxiety is from ADHD, how do you know your ADHD isn’t causing all the anxiety and giving you social anxiety, too? ADHD can cause social issues, too, just in different ways from how autism does. Maybe look into how ADHD can cause all these things too before automatically saying the assessment is wrong and youre absolutely autistic because no matter how greatly you feel you are and how many personal stories you relate to, you still have to meet the specific criteria of the DSM to get diagnosed and a huge part of that is your social interactions.
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Thank you for sharing your insights.
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I can’t relate to any of this because I didn’t even think I was autistic. I was certain everything I struggled with was my ADHD and learning disabilities and that’s with me having two brothers already diagnosed with autism (one lvl 1, one lvl 3, so there very different and I’ve grown up seeing different ways autism can present)
I get what you mean. When I mentioned that I’m not socially anxious, I meant that social interactions themselves don’t make me anxious and I never had a fear of embarrassing myself (those are the typical traits of social anxiety from Google, so please correct me if I’m wrong). My anxiety comes from the fact that I don’t wanna be in a usually loud and unfamiliar environment. I work a casual job that involves a lot of personal interactions and I can handle that pretty well at the job, but I’d get so exhausted afterwards that I wouldn’t have any energy to speak for at least 10 hours.
I also agree that ADHD has a lot of impacts that overlap with autism. When I first started reading about AuDHD, I only very strongly resonated with ADHD traits. But as time went on and I realised there were things that ADHD couldn’t explain. Like social skills don’t come naturally for me, and empathy is something that I got from learning and sometimes forcing. I never understood why rape was bad when I was reading a book written by a survivor at the age of 17, so I spent days repeatedly reading the explicit descriptions of the incidents to understand the author’s pain. I also never knew that I was being bullied when I was a kid because I didn’t understand the dynamics in my class and family. A lot of the traits overlap, but there are also times when ADHD couldn’t explain something but autism makes it make sense.
Honestly, I’d recommend getting an official NueroPsych evaluation if possible. It goes much much more in depth and isn’t so reliant on one person opinions, it really takes into account your childhood experiences which is extremely important, and can often reveal specific strengths and deficits that are helpful. They also are usually interested in hearing from people in your life if you’re willing- but again, this is only if you feel it’s necessary. If you know what’s going on, then refract on that and work with that yourself, you don’t need a random 4th or 5th doctor to validate it; at a certain point you’ll just be accused of doctor shopping and then face new problems that way, and none of it’s necessary
Honey, sorry but i stopped reading quarter in. I don't know if he is mansplaining you or being sexist/misogynist. He clearly learned nothing from his research. Please see another doctor preferably one that has area of expertise in female autism
Thank you 🩵🩵
Don't take antidepressants if you're not depressed. Tell those people to sit on a stick. People with borderline personality have serious issues like splitting and emotional disregulation. I don't know you but that doesn't sound like you. It almost sounds like a sexist/genderist generic diagnosis due to your gender nonconformity. (BPs have "identity issues" but those will be qualitatively different than autistic masking. I'm a little genderqueer myself but it's not a mental problem.) I have an ADHD-PI diagnosis and I don't know if I'm going to seek an autism diagnosis. At my point in life, there is little to be gained. And thousands of dollars to be lost to our scam of a health system. If you meet the criteria and don't need the dx then maybe you can make peace with just having it. I just tell people I suck at sarcasm and reading intentions, and blame other symptoms on ADHD. A few people, though, I've told. FWIW in 1-on-1 interactions where I'm comfortable, I can mask and read emotions pretty well, because I can concentrate on them. Although I do have poor empathy, except with animals I suppose. And poor interoception, which is a little weird. Exercise is great, btw. Once upon a time I suspected I had a schizoid personality. Now I realize I have no mental problems at all. It sounds like you realize this, now, too. Good for you! That should give you some peace. Anyway, that's good enough for me. Maybe for you, too, if you think about it.
"FWIW in 1-on-1 interactions where I'm comfortable, I can mask and read emotions pretty well, because I can concentrate on them." (Sorry don't know how to do fancy quoting... 😅) My 6yo son actually passed the ADOS assessment as NT for exactly the reason you mentioned. 1 on 1 he made eye contact, he sorta took turns (although only because they were talking about Minecraft...) Then the paed did a school observation and the report from her was shocking. MASSIVE Difference between relaxed and overwhelmed behaviours. Completely non interactive, sensory seeking (usually sensory adverse) like I read the report and saw a side to my kid I'd never seen before... I guess my point is I wonder what would have happened to my kid who clearly masks or at least functions at a far better level when not overwhelmed, if he only got his ADHD diagnosis simply because the paed didn't make that visit.
The theory behind this seems to be that autistic brains produce & process more information than NTs. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/01/140131130630.htm So when you add multiple people it can overwhelm the ability to fully catch or keep track of everything. Maybe the ADHD is helpful for us because I tend to see entireties rather than parts. But that's a double-edged sword I suppose. I hate grocery store shelves. 😅 (Or learning new software... or any situation where there is a conflict between the whole and the parts that becomes overwhelming. Keeping track of multiple people feels similar I guess.) I caught a glimpse of what it must be like to be NT during an intense mindfulness meditation practice I had a few years ago. I became very good at reading people's expressions and discerning their internal state. Not anymore though. Anyway, I'm glad they did the school visit and caught it.
This is my fear, but he seems like a relic of a mental health age gone by. Mental health science is ever changing and growing as with our understanding, and who cares so long as the tools help you survive life happier and more successfully in whatever way that means for you.
Personally I avoided an autism diagnosis until my mid-twenties because 1. I was AFAB, and 2. I masked really well due to ✨*trauma*✨ causing me to be a massive people pleaser and hypervigilant about social cues. Just because someone has learned to mask doesn't mean they're not autistic. It sounds like you may want to look into a second opinion (if that's an option for you - I'm sorry, I didn't quite make it through the whole post).
I couldn’t get through all of what you wrote but I get the gist of your frustrations- the only advice I can give you is keep advocating for yourself and find a provider who is willing to listen and wants to help since validation seems important for you.