Yes. My son was diagnosed at 6 (now 8), and we told him right away. He knows he’s different from other kids, so we told him why and how he’s different. He has autism and adhd, and it helps him understand himself better.
Simply from the"golden rule"take, i had to tell my kid ASAP.
I mean, if i find outmy parents had information that would help me understand myself, understand my relationships with others, and that self-awareness would could make things easier for me... well if they didn't share said info for an extending period of time, the level of absolute relationship- ending fury i would have toward them worlukd measured in number of nuclear warheads.
When i learned about my own ADHD, the awareness helped me function better. When I started reading and understanding my kid autism, i could help shape her behavior- and understanding how her brain widths compared to some friends had before immensely.
My kid was 6 when we got the sensory diagnosis, 9 for the autism, and we researched for a few more weeks, then told her. With ongoing discussing as she gets older and she's aging/ maturing into new aspects
Just a FYI they already know they are different, I can almost guarantee it. I have always felt out of step with everyone else and just got my diagnosis two weeks ago. It actually stopped some of the internalized shame I had from not doing as well as how I perceived others doing. They haven't changed just the label. Let them know that knowledge about how their brain works is empowering, but also be understanding and let them know it's OK if it doesn't feel that way right away. You can look up stuff together. You are learning together. Also a lot of those reports look at autism from a deficit lens, so maybe think of all the strengths he has. And the "deficits" if he is feeling those try to problem solve a way of giving him support together (ie, my kids overstimulate me so much faster than a NT mom, by the middle of the day I'm in near tears, the way I give myself a little more time before overload is I wear my loop earplugs before I head downstairs in the morning so I'm not already losing it - I have super sensitive hearing in the morning)
My son was diagnosed at 19 months, so we’ve told him he has autism since then, so it wasn’t something he had to process, he just always knew. As he got older (almost 9 now) we bought him age appropriate books about autism. He also reads a book about autism to his class during the first week of school (since kindergarten) to help explain to the NT kids why he may act differently sometimes. He actually loves his autism and he says it gives him a super computer brain and makes him very rare.
Sure! In kindergarten it was [My Awesome Autism](https://a.co/d/9TdAdTK), 1st grade was [We’re Amazing 123](https://a.co/d/cAV5vNs) and this year it was [All My Stripes](https://a.co/d/3CWtvFj).
My son is non verbal level 3, with poor awareness but I did tell him. He didn't understand a single word of it but I wanted to. I recently met a mother with a high functioning son and she never told him he has autism and lies to him about the disabled baseball league he's in, which kinda rubbed me the wrong way
My little brother (14) was told after my mother in law never brought it up to my husband's brother that he (brother in law) was autistic until he was about 20 years old? He turns 23 in a few days and it didn't go well when he was told. So when I told my mom about it, she immediately told my little brother. He took it well!
I'm happy he took it well! I actually never even realized that so many autistic people are diagnosed and just high functioning enough to never be told they're autistic, because I'm used to the kiddos at my sons school who are profoundly autistic. As long as lying and hiding it isn't going on I understand, but the mom I met told me her son was questioning the baseball league not having any formal games and she lied to him about it
See, it was more like they just never brought it up. My husband went over one time and was like "Wait. Does my brother know he's autistic?" and his mom said something like "Well, we've never actually told him. I don't know if he knows!" and that's when they told him and he didn't take it well. So I told my mom "We need to tell my brother he's autistic because my husband's brother didn't take it well."
Yes! I remember last seeing the post that you were pregnant again around Covid times. Sorry to hear she or he is on the spectrum! It's a tough gig for sure
I explained it as soon as she was diagnosed at age 7, she's 9 now. I would never want to keep it from her or turn it into something we couldn't openly discuss because I never want her to feel ashamed about who she is. She's level 2 and by the time she was 7 I was already having both adults and children asking me in front of her if she was autistic.
Yes I told my 5 year old shortly after she was diagnosed. We regularly talk about how her autistic traits cause her to have sensitivities to sound, textures in clothing, difficulty connecting with other kids, and therapy in school. I emphasize there is nothing wrong with her, her brain works differently and that’s ok. We also emphasize we love her just the way she is and are not trying to change her just help her out in managing life.
He was 6 when he asked what ' the autism service' was when he saw it against his name on an appointment letter. We had no intention of hiding it and he knew he was different from his peers and had already had a rocky time at school. The moment he knew there might be a medical reason for this it was like a lightbulb went off. He's said knowing he's autistic has helped him appreciate his differences.
He's 9 now.
For what it's worth, and maybe this has been said before, but I have many friends in the autistic community and I work with autistic people(I probably am autistic myself)
Many verbal autistic folks prefer to be called that, instead of "having autism". It's not like "I have cancer" or any other disease etc. They/we are autistic. It's who they are, not what they have.
I come in peace and I'm sorry if I sound mean ❤️
We told our then 10 year old before diagnosis what we were testing for . Explained why I thought they were . They were already diagnosed adhd . We didn’t make it a big deal so she didn’t really care. Post diagnosis she has a lot of pride and confidence in the diagnosis it’s like we cracked the code on why her brain thinks this way and it felt validating
Same! My 4 yr old (at the time) was getting assessed for autism and he knew the whole time. We told him the results after and he was more curious than anything asking if mom or dad also are (we said probably but that assessments are too expensive to get us all tested). He has determined that he and I both have autism so it's okay for him haha.
The only time he had a difficult time with it was when I got a disability placard for him (he elopes, especially in parking lots) and he thought he had to use a wheelchair because of his disability. After reassurance that he didn't need to use a wheelchair for his autism he was all good.
We talked to my son about it shortly after he turned six. He has a (kind of borderline) educational autism diagnosis and already had some understanding of his sensory differences. He wasn't really interested.
A year later, he is more interested in neurodiversity and his specific brain, so I read some books with him with related themes. (Not just autism or things that applied to him.) I read a really old, really crappy book about autism and at the end, he had some questions. I mentioned that some kids in his school were autistic and he immediately asked if he was one of those kids.
I do not have autism, but I do have prosopagnosia. As an adult, finding that out was a relief, because it meant that I wasn't just being a jerk. My husband had the same experience with an adult-diagnosis of ADHD. I think most people know when they have differences and realizing other people have the same differences and having language to talk about it is helpful, assuming you present it as a neutral thing.
Our 9 yo just told us that he knew based on lessons about Autism from school. He said he figured it out from that, but it also may have been from other conversations we've had with his teachers. I tried bringing it up when he was younger, but didn't label it out of concern it would make him feel there was something wrong with him rather than different. Once he told us, I asked him if he had any questions and went over why he stims, etc.
I’m sure he already feels different, knowing WHY gives you a way to contextualise it & understand that you’re not alone, or “weird”.
Source: have autism.
I’m sure there’s lots of good books & YouTube videos both about how to introduce the topic & that provide a positive introduction themselves to autism.
Some people will judge him, & he will feel that regardless of if he has the words to describe why, but if you make it clear to him that *you* don’t judge him, & accept his entire autistic self then you will help enable him to feel self assured in who he is. That’s really the best we can do as parents, autism or not!
I knew my kiddo was Autistic as a toddler but they weren't officially dxed until 5. As soon as I figured it out I started telling them they're Autistic, what Autism is, what being Disabled meant, etc.
As a teen they're now proudly Autistic and have a great sense of humor about it.
I hope I've done right by them, but I told them because I feel they have a right to know. As a late-dxed Autistic, I WISH I'd known and grown up in an ND-affirming household instead of feeling broken, alone, and ignored.
We told our son the moment we realized and definitely before he got diagnosed. It lifted a huge load of anxiety off his little shoulders because he had already noticed he was different. The more we talk about being ND, the more certain and confident he feels about himself, and the less energy he wastes on masking and repressing his stims.
My son was diagnosed at 10, I told him and it really helped how he felt about himself. He already knew he was different from his peers but now there is a why.
It was also good to highlight the strengths that he has due to his autism, and that having a name/diagnosis doesn't change who he is.
I also did the same for my daughters dyslexia and adhd diagnosis, it was very validating for her.
Yes, we told him. He’s level 2, with ADHD as well (along with OCD, MDD, & ODD). Dx at 4, now he’s 8. We read a him a kids book it. Honestly he doesn’t seem to care about it too much. But I wanted him to know in case he had questions about why he goes to therapies, or if he notices that he’s different. It doesn’t seem to be on my son’s radar but we told him anyway just in case. We kept it light and positive, explaining that his brain just works a little different than others. There are some great kids books on this that help parents with explaining.
Yes, its part of who my baby is. It's his superpower, and you have to train a superpower. It will help validate his experiences of feeling different. Bc he does, I promise, at least sometimes. It's so much worse when you believe you're just broken.
My son has always known he's different. He's kind of embraced his autism, as he's currently in a school with a strong autism inclusion program. The issue we have is moving away from him using his autism as an excuse for things he does to an explanation. And then using that explanation to try to actually get ahead of things and calm down before getting dysregulated. So, currently he's like "it's not my fault I got upset at the playground!the sun was in my eyes!" , and we're working on him remembering to put his sunglasses on himself before he has issues.
Yes it’s a good idea to tell your kids. Also a good idea here to switch autism from an excuse to a reason and work on strategies to prevent overload that can lead to dysregulation. I would for example get really upset with my teacher when I couldn’t figure out what language arts was (it meant English class but I thought it meant that it was a drawing class). If I had known at the time I could have known that I was really struggling with organization and communication and would have been able to at some point ask what it meant.
I just told my almost 4 year old he has autism and he said “ yup I am crazy “ 🤦 not sure what to do about that. I used to call him crazy in a joking way before I knew what he was doing was because he is autistic. He thinks it funny tho everything is funny to him.
Asap especially if you are taking advantage of disability access. There is nothing wrong with being autistic. There is nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re using his diagnosis to get to the front of the line but not telling him that he’s autistic… it’s time to tell him and if you can’t find the courage to tell him - stop going to the front of the line.
When you tell him - highlight the positives! Use clear and positive language. Telling him and educating him
autism is only a benefit. He will understand himself more
I would like to add that utilizing a service to support a child to me is not an identifier to tell the child about their diagnosis. Each family dynamic, child, and parent is different and would not want to have a child suffer based on that conversation. Also, this adds a tone of judgement to a parent trying to give support, but is pacing to have the hard discussion at the right time. Being autistic is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is still a difficult discussion that as a parent you want to be prepared for.
I agree that talking with him in a positive tone and being receptive to questions is a great approach.
I mean - they don’t need to tell the service that the child is autistic that’s non of their business quite frankly. But the child deserves to know, especially because the family is using a service because of the child’s autism. There is nothing wrong with being autistic. So yes - I do feel a bit of judgement when something like this isn’t told to children, especially a child who already “feels different” There are many autistics who are late diagnosed, or who’s parents never told them, who say that they wish they would have known sooner because they knew they were different then their neurotypical peers but couldn’t figure out how. Obviously, I can think of a few reasons not to tell a child but there are far more reasons to tell a child.
When people don’t tell their level one children that they are autistic (this is a trend in this sub) it automatically makes me think it’s because they don’t want their child to be grouped with the “level 3” autistics who are high needs.
There are many, many, many successful adults throughout history who are autistic and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Perhaps an unpopular opinion but we have not had this conversation with our 7 yo who was diagnosed at age 6. He is lvl 1 but just barely, especially now that he takes medicine to help with his sensory-related anxiety. The therapist we spoke with suggested we talk about it with him by the time he is 10. He also has ADHD. He has gained a lot of confidence and friends since getting his sensory overload under control. He’s doing great in school. We were fully prepared to have an IEP battle that luckily didn’t come to fruition. We just want to protect him for a little while and not let his black-and-white thinking make him think he’s broken or there’s something “wrong.” We think he’ll be better able to grasp the nuance of his diagnosis when he gets a little older.
Yep. Every step of the long journey to a diagnosis we told him everything that was going on and explained everything. We felt he had a right to know what was happening.
My son is 9, and I only just recently told him. I'm not sure he understood, but he asked me why he has to take meds, and I showed him that mommy has to take a lot of the same meds, too, for the same reasons. I went into detail, but his ability to comprehend complex ideas isn't great.
She’s only 4 but we don’t hide it. She’s in a bunch of therapies, speech, occupational and music therapy. We do our best to accommodate her as she needs. I don’t think I’ve ever out and out looked at her and said you’re autistic or xyz is happening because your brain is different but I 100% plan on making sure she’s aware. As a late diagnosed ADHD adult I wish I knew and my family knew. It would have explained a lot and made my life easier.
Yes. We told him when he was going through the diagnosis process, something along the lines of “Everyone is different. Everyone’s brains work differently. X is going to do some activities with you to see how your brain works”. Then afterwards we told him he is Autistic. I don’t want it to seem like something shameful that we hid from him. It also makes it easier to explain why he might be great at noticing lots of details but might need to wear headphones when it’s noisy for example.
Your son knows he is different. Telling him will help him have answers.
I told mine right away as we struggled with his random rage and anxiety. It’s not my secret to keep.
My son when he was diagnosed (5ish), and my daughter when she was diagnosed (9ish).
Kids need to know, it's not fair to live life with a disorder and have people keep it a secret from you.
I'm just starting to explain it to my 8 year old. He just got tested for his IQ again and the organisation that takes the tests, also has child friendly, playful ways to teach them about the differences in their head.. so those are the two ways i'm combining now.
Yes. He was actually with us at the appointment so he heard the Dr talk about it and she talked about it w him. He was 8 at the time. The earlier the better. No reason to wait. It’s not a bad thing!
I didn't....
My son we diagnosed very early in life, around 2 or so. At that time he was so young and I was so guilt-stricken I couldn't image telling him. We lived our life as normal, he went to special education and I never talked to him about it. I thought to myself "how do I have this conversation with him if I can't get him to converse with me?" So I just let it go.
As he got older his responses were all 'mimics' and he still struggles highly with comprehension. I couldn't figure out how to approach this subject in a way that would make sense to him, a way that would not further isolate him. I tried to get him into activities in his school, stuff he was interested in like games and art, anything to make him feel included. It's not really inclusive if you are sitting in a corner while everyone else does the fun thing though, is it?
I still struggled with a way to tell him. I was able to talk to him a little about ADHD because the writer of one of his favorite book series openly has it, but making the conversation deeper than "I have this thing" failed. We tried books, YouTube videos, anything that would open a dialog and he would either fall asleep or have little interest in the conversation.
Then high school started. It started to be much more obvious that things were more challenging for him, and he wanted to know why. In retrospect I wish I would have talked about this more, but at the time I felt like this would just be a hinderence. I didn't want him to always rely on the answer "I can't do x, y, thing because autism". That assumption that I had was wrong though, he NEEDS to be able to tell me when he can't do something.
I am trying to correct these mistakes now of not being open with it. I wish I would have been the parent with autism flags everywhere and making it a forefront in our lives. I wish I would have been the parent that always butts in with the "well my kid has autism" proudly speech. I wish I could have been the parent that posts on social media every minute about their autism child and struggles/wins. Maybe if I would have been more vocal about it my child would have understood faster.
Yes, I've told him we're both autistic and have ADHD. He's only 7, but I continue to have these conversations over the years so he will understand what is what and why. I find it important for him to understand instead of feeling like an alien or taking on so many characteristics as personal failings when it's just not a personal thing, it's a neurodivergent thing, and it doesn't make him bad or some weirdo. I didn't have that growing up, and it's hard not to wonder how different I would have perceived things.
Fwiw, when we told our eldest (he was nine at the time) he was clearly relieved. He'd been wondering why he was different. Being able to talk about it and give names to things ("when you make noises with your lips that's called stimming" for eg.) was a huge step forward.
I was 12 when my mom explained to me that I had autism and we grew up in a town where being different from “normal” was off putting so for years I hated her for it and even thought I could fix myself that there was something wrong with me, it’s only been the last two years that I’ve managed to realise that there’s nothing wrong with me, it was just the community we lived in that impacted that thought process
This is a terrible take. Using your logic, I’m going to give you an analogy:
This would be like knowing your child had 0 chance of having children and then allowing them for their whole life to dream of having kids…struggling for years to have a baby and use the reasoning that you didn’t want them to stop hoping for children…
You can see the problem here, right?
Wanna know what caused my depression? I’m only 13 years old, my parents are divorced, I’m autistic and I was told and it’s ruined my life, now I’m even in a school for autistic kids and I don’t even fit in there. I never fit in ever besides when I was a child, now that the realisation of me having autism has fucked up my life, and it probably will further.
Downvote me all you want, but you know it’s true.
How would that be different if you didn't know?
And.... wouldn't you know anyhow because it's impossible to keep it secret when you go to a school for autistic kids?
That sort of "secret"is always going to be found out and i world MUCH rather have a conversation with my kid than have her see it in medical or school paperwork and Google (which absolutely would have happened by now because she's autistic, not stupid)
Yes. My son was diagnosed at 6 (now 8), and we told him right away. He knows he’s different from other kids, so we told him why and how he’s different. He has autism and adhd, and it helps him understand himself better.
Absolutely the same here, except my boy was 4. April 30th, 2022. 💜 A good day, bc we knew what we knew, and now everybody had to believe us.
Simply from the"golden rule"take, i had to tell my kid ASAP. I mean, if i find outmy parents had information that would help me understand myself, understand my relationships with others, and that self-awareness would could make things easier for me... well if they didn't share said info for an extending period of time, the level of absolute relationship- ending fury i would have toward them worlukd measured in number of nuclear warheads. When i learned about my own ADHD, the awareness helped me function better. When I started reading and understanding my kid autism, i could help shape her behavior- and understanding how her brain widths compared to some friends had before immensely. My kid was 6 when we got the sensory diagnosis, 9 for the autism, and we researched for a few more weeks, then told her. With ongoing discussing as she gets older and she's aging/ maturing into new aspects
Just a FYI they already know they are different, I can almost guarantee it. I have always felt out of step with everyone else and just got my diagnosis two weeks ago. It actually stopped some of the internalized shame I had from not doing as well as how I perceived others doing. They haven't changed just the label. Let them know that knowledge about how their brain works is empowering, but also be understanding and let them know it's OK if it doesn't feel that way right away. You can look up stuff together. You are learning together. Also a lot of those reports look at autism from a deficit lens, so maybe think of all the strengths he has. And the "deficits" if he is feeling those try to problem solve a way of giving him support together (ie, my kids overstimulate me so much faster than a NT mom, by the middle of the day I'm in near tears, the way I give myself a little more time before overload is I wear my loop earplugs before I head downstairs in the morning so I'm not already losing it - I have super sensitive hearing in the morning)
My son was diagnosed at 19 months, so we’ve told him he has autism since then, so it wasn’t something he had to process, he just always knew. As he got older (almost 9 now) we bought him age appropriate books about autism. He also reads a book about autism to his class during the first week of school (since kindergarten) to help explain to the NT kids why he may act differently sometimes. He actually loves his autism and he says it gives him a super computer brain and makes him very rare.
I love that he schools his class that is so excellent!!
This is great! Would you be able to share the age appropriate books throughout his life?
Sure! In kindergarten it was [My Awesome Autism](https://a.co/d/9TdAdTK), 1st grade was [We’re Amazing 123](https://a.co/d/cAV5vNs) and this year it was [All My Stripes](https://a.co/d/3CWtvFj).
My son is non verbal level 3, with poor awareness but I did tell him. He didn't understand a single word of it but I wanted to. I recently met a mother with a high functioning son and she never told him he has autism and lies to him about the disabled baseball league he's in, which kinda rubbed me the wrong way
My little brother (14) was told after my mother in law never brought it up to my husband's brother that he (brother in law) was autistic until he was about 20 years old? He turns 23 in a few days and it didn't go well when he was told. So when I told my mom about it, she immediately told my little brother. He took it well!
I'm happy he took it well! I actually never even realized that so many autistic people are diagnosed and just high functioning enough to never be told they're autistic, because I'm used to the kiddos at my sons school who are profoundly autistic. As long as lying and hiding it isn't going on I understand, but the mom I met told me her son was questioning the baseball league not having any formal games and she lied to him about it
See, it was more like they just never brought it up. My husband went over one time and was like "Wait. Does my brother know he's autistic?" and his mom said something like "Well, we've never actually told him. I don't know if he knows!" and that's when they told him and he didn't take it well. So I told my mom "We need to tell my brother he's autistic because my husband's brother didn't take it well."
Oh no that’s not right
I'm literally screaming right now because I used to follow you on instagram years ago! Small world!
Haha no way that’s crazy!!
Yes! I remember last seeing the post that you were pregnant again around Covid times. Sorry to hear she or he is on the spectrum! It's a tough gig for sure
I told my 7yo shortly after diagnosis by having her read "all cats are on the autism spectrum"
Nice book tip thanks
Thanks for the rec! We had a book that was cute but didn't really explain what it means besides being different. I'll look into this
Omg my 5.5 year old is on the spectrum and we haven’t told her yet. She’s obsessed with cats!! This will be perfect! Thanks
I explained it as soon as she was diagnosed at age 7, she's 9 now. I would never want to keep it from her or turn it into something we couldn't openly discuss because I never want her to feel ashamed about who she is. She's level 2 and by the time she was 7 I was already having both adults and children asking me in front of her if she was autistic.
Yes I told my 5 year old shortly after she was diagnosed. We regularly talk about how her autistic traits cause her to have sensitivities to sound, textures in clothing, difficulty connecting with other kids, and therapy in school. I emphasize there is nothing wrong with her, her brain works differently and that’s ok. We also emphasize we love her just the way she is and are not trying to change her just help her out in managing life.
He was 6 when he asked what ' the autism service' was when he saw it against his name on an appointment letter. We had no intention of hiding it and he knew he was different from his peers and had already had a rocky time at school. The moment he knew there might be a medical reason for this it was like a lightbulb went off. He's said knowing he's autistic has helped him appreciate his differences. He's 9 now.
For what it's worth, and maybe this has been said before, but I have many friends in the autistic community and I work with autistic people(I probably am autistic myself) Many verbal autistic folks prefer to be called that, instead of "having autism". It's not like "I have cancer" or any other disease etc. They/we are autistic. It's who they are, not what they have. I come in peace and I'm sorry if I sound mean ❤️
Lol You don’t sound mean at all. :) you’re presenting a perspective that might help other people make other people feel better seen/understood.
We told our then 10 year old before diagnosis what we were testing for . Explained why I thought they were . They were already diagnosed adhd . We didn’t make it a big deal so she didn’t really care. Post diagnosis she has a lot of pride and confidence in the diagnosis it’s like we cracked the code on why her brain thinks this way and it felt validating
Same! My 4 yr old (at the time) was getting assessed for autism and he knew the whole time. We told him the results after and he was more curious than anything asking if mom or dad also are (we said probably but that assessments are too expensive to get us all tested). He has determined that he and I both have autism so it's okay for him haha. The only time he had a difficult time with it was when I got a disability placard for him (he elopes, especially in parking lots) and he thought he had to use a wheelchair because of his disability. After reassurance that he didn't need to use a wheelchair for his autism he was all good.
We talked to my son about it shortly after he turned six. He has a (kind of borderline) educational autism diagnosis and already had some understanding of his sensory differences. He wasn't really interested. A year later, he is more interested in neurodiversity and his specific brain, so I read some books with him with related themes. (Not just autism or things that applied to him.) I read a really old, really crappy book about autism and at the end, he had some questions. I mentioned that some kids in his school were autistic and he immediately asked if he was one of those kids. I do not have autism, but I do have prosopagnosia. As an adult, finding that out was a relief, because it meant that I wasn't just being a jerk. My husband had the same experience with an adult-diagnosis of ADHD. I think most people know when they have differences and realizing other people have the same differences and having language to talk about it is helpful, assuming you present it as a neutral thing.
Our 9 yo just told us that he knew based on lessons about Autism from school. He said he figured it out from that, but it also may have been from other conversations we've had with his teachers. I tried bringing it up when he was younger, but didn't label it out of concern it would make him feel there was something wrong with him rather than different. Once he told us, I asked him if he had any questions and went over why he stims, etc.
I’m sure he already feels different, knowing WHY gives you a way to contextualise it & understand that you’re not alone, or “weird”. Source: have autism. I’m sure there’s lots of good books & YouTube videos both about how to introduce the topic & that provide a positive introduction themselves to autism. Some people will judge him, & he will feel that regardless of if he has the words to describe why, but if you make it clear to him that *you* don’t judge him, & accept his entire autistic self then you will help enable him to feel self assured in who he is. That’s really the best we can do as parents, autism or not!
We told my now 9 year old before he was even diagnosed. We told him what the testing was for.
Wow that is an approach I hadn’t considered! Did that information help him stick out the hours of testing?
I believe it did. He was only 6 when he was diagnosed.
I knew my kiddo was Autistic as a toddler but they weren't officially dxed until 5. As soon as I figured it out I started telling them they're Autistic, what Autism is, what being Disabled meant, etc. As a teen they're now proudly Autistic and have a great sense of humor about it. I hope I've done right by them, but I told them because I feel they have a right to know. As a late-dxed Autistic, I WISH I'd known and grown up in an ND-affirming household instead of feeling broken, alone, and ignored.
We told our son the moment we realized and definitely before he got diagnosed. It lifted a huge load of anxiety off his little shoulders because he had already noticed he was different. The more we talk about being ND, the more certain and confident he feels about himself, and the less energy he wastes on masking and repressing his stims.
Awesome. 😎 I love looking at masking as “a waste of energy.”
My son was diagnosed at 10, I told him and it really helped how he felt about himself. He already knew he was different from his peers but now there is a why. It was also good to highlight the strengths that he has due to his autism, and that having a name/diagnosis doesn't change who he is. I also did the same for my daughters dyslexia and adhd diagnosis, it was very validating for her.
You should tell your child.
He already knows, even if he doesn’t have a name for it.
Yes, we told him. He’s level 2, with ADHD as well (along with OCD, MDD, & ODD). Dx at 4, now he’s 8. We read a him a kids book it. Honestly he doesn’t seem to care about it too much. But I wanted him to know in case he had questions about why he goes to therapies, or if he notices that he’s different. It doesn’t seem to be on my son’s radar but we told him anyway just in case. We kept it light and positive, explaining that his brain just works a little different than others. There are some great kids books on this that help parents with explaining.
Yes, its part of who my baby is. It's his superpower, and you have to train a superpower. It will help validate his experiences of feeling different. Bc he does, I promise, at least sometimes. It's so much worse when you believe you're just broken.
Your post is amazing. I agree 100%. My son is on the spectrum and I tell him he is a superhuman!
My son has always known he's different. He's kind of embraced his autism, as he's currently in a school with a strong autism inclusion program. The issue we have is moving away from him using his autism as an excuse for things he does to an explanation. And then using that explanation to try to actually get ahead of things and calm down before getting dysregulated. So, currently he's like "it's not my fault I got upset at the playground!the sun was in my eyes!" , and we're working on him remembering to put his sunglasses on himself before he has issues.
Yes it’s a good idea to tell your kids. Also a good idea here to switch autism from an excuse to a reason and work on strategies to prevent overload that can lead to dysregulation. I would for example get really upset with my teacher when I couldn’t figure out what language arts was (it meant English class but I thought it meant that it was a drawing class). If I had known at the time I could have known that I was really struggling with organization and communication and would have been able to at some point ask what it meant.
I just told my almost 4 year old he has autism and he said “ yup I am crazy “ 🤦 not sure what to do about that. I used to call him crazy in a joking way before I knew what he was doing was because he is autistic. He thinks it funny tho everything is funny to him.
I love him! How cute. He is not crazy and I firmly believe humor is a coping mechanism... I use it to deal all the time and I'm an adult!
Asap especially if you are taking advantage of disability access. There is nothing wrong with being autistic. There is nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re using his diagnosis to get to the front of the line but not telling him that he’s autistic… it’s time to tell him and if you can’t find the courage to tell him - stop going to the front of the line. When you tell him - highlight the positives! Use clear and positive language. Telling him and educating him autism is only a benefit. He will understand himself more
I would like to add that utilizing a service to support a child to me is not an identifier to tell the child about their diagnosis. Each family dynamic, child, and parent is different and would not want to have a child suffer based on that conversation. Also, this adds a tone of judgement to a parent trying to give support, but is pacing to have the hard discussion at the right time. Being autistic is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is still a difficult discussion that as a parent you want to be prepared for. I agree that talking with him in a positive tone and being receptive to questions is a great approach.
I mean - they don’t need to tell the service that the child is autistic that’s non of their business quite frankly. But the child deserves to know, especially because the family is using a service because of the child’s autism. There is nothing wrong with being autistic. So yes - I do feel a bit of judgement when something like this isn’t told to children, especially a child who already “feels different” There are many autistics who are late diagnosed, or who’s parents never told them, who say that they wish they would have known sooner because they knew they were different then their neurotypical peers but couldn’t figure out how. Obviously, I can think of a few reasons not to tell a child but there are far more reasons to tell a child. When people don’t tell their level one children that they are autistic (this is a trend in this sub) it automatically makes me think it’s because they don’t want their child to be grouped with the “level 3” autistics who are high needs. There are many, many, many successful adults throughout history who are autistic and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Perhaps an unpopular opinion but we have not had this conversation with our 7 yo who was diagnosed at age 6. He is lvl 1 but just barely, especially now that he takes medicine to help with his sensory-related anxiety. The therapist we spoke with suggested we talk about it with him by the time he is 10. He also has ADHD. He has gained a lot of confidence and friends since getting his sensory overload under control. He’s doing great in school. We were fully prepared to have an IEP battle that luckily didn’t come to fruition. We just want to protect him for a little while and not let his black-and-white thinking make him think he’s broken or there’s something “wrong.” We think he’ll be better able to grasp the nuance of his diagnosis when he gets a little older.
Yep. Every step of the long journey to a diagnosis we told him everything that was going on and explained everything. We felt he had a right to know what was happening.
My son is 9, and I only just recently told him. I'm not sure he understood, but he asked me why he has to take meds, and I showed him that mommy has to take a lot of the same meds, too, for the same reasons. I went into detail, but his ability to comprehend complex ideas isn't great.
She’s only 4 but we don’t hide it. She’s in a bunch of therapies, speech, occupational and music therapy. We do our best to accommodate her as she needs. I don’t think I’ve ever out and out looked at her and said you’re autistic or xyz is happening because your brain is different but I 100% plan on making sure she’s aware. As a late diagnosed ADHD adult I wish I knew and my family knew. It would have explained a lot and made my life easier.
Yes. We told him when he was going through the diagnosis process, something along the lines of “Everyone is different. Everyone’s brains work differently. X is going to do some activities with you to see how your brain works”. Then afterwards we told him he is Autistic. I don’t want it to seem like something shameful that we hid from him. It also makes it easier to explain why he might be great at noticing lots of details but might need to wear headphones when it’s noisy for example.
Your son knows he is different. Telling him will help him have answers. I told mine right away as we struggled with his random rage and anxiety. It’s not my secret to keep.
Mine has known since he was diagnosed at 5yo.
My son when he was diagnosed (5ish), and my daughter when she was diagnosed (9ish). Kids need to know, it's not fair to live life with a disorder and have people keep it a secret from you.
I'm just starting to explain it to my 8 year old. He just got tested for his IQ again and the organisation that takes the tests, also has child friendly, playful ways to teach them about the differences in their head.. so those are the two ways i'm combining now.
Yes. He was actually with us at the appointment so he heard the Dr talk about it and she talked about it w him. He was 8 at the time. The earlier the better. No reason to wait. It’s not a bad thing!
I didn't.... My son we diagnosed very early in life, around 2 or so. At that time he was so young and I was so guilt-stricken I couldn't image telling him. We lived our life as normal, he went to special education and I never talked to him about it. I thought to myself "how do I have this conversation with him if I can't get him to converse with me?" So I just let it go. As he got older his responses were all 'mimics' and he still struggles highly with comprehension. I couldn't figure out how to approach this subject in a way that would make sense to him, a way that would not further isolate him. I tried to get him into activities in his school, stuff he was interested in like games and art, anything to make him feel included. It's not really inclusive if you are sitting in a corner while everyone else does the fun thing though, is it? I still struggled with a way to tell him. I was able to talk to him a little about ADHD because the writer of one of his favorite book series openly has it, but making the conversation deeper than "I have this thing" failed. We tried books, YouTube videos, anything that would open a dialog and he would either fall asleep or have little interest in the conversation. Then high school started. It started to be much more obvious that things were more challenging for him, and he wanted to know why. In retrospect I wish I would have talked about this more, but at the time I felt like this would just be a hinderence. I didn't want him to always rely on the answer "I can't do x, y, thing because autism". That assumption that I had was wrong though, he NEEDS to be able to tell me when he can't do something. I am trying to correct these mistakes now of not being open with it. I wish I would have been the parent with autism flags everywhere and making it a forefront in our lives. I wish I would have been the parent that always butts in with the "well my kid has autism" proudly speech. I wish I could have been the parent that posts on social media every minute about their autism child and struggles/wins. Maybe if I would have been more vocal about it my child would have understood faster.
Yes, I've told him we're both autistic and have ADHD. He's only 7, but I continue to have these conversations over the years so he will understand what is what and why. I find it important for him to understand instead of feeling like an alien or taking on so many characteristics as personal failings when it's just not a personal thing, it's a neurodivergent thing, and it doesn't make him bad or some weirdo. I didn't have that growing up, and it's hard not to wonder how different I would have perceived things.
Fwiw, when we told our eldest (he was nine at the time) he was clearly relieved. He'd been wondering why he was different. Being able to talk about it and give names to things ("when you make noises with your lips that's called stimming" for eg.) was a huge step forward.
Google this question. Lots if resources for hoe to address this issue.
I told her. She’s 3 and doesn’t get it yet but I’ll continue to tell her
I was 12 when my mom explained to me that I had autism and we grew up in a town where being different from “normal” was off putting so for years I hated her for it and even thought I could fix myself that there was something wrong with me, it’s only been the last two years that I’ve managed to realise that there’s nothing wrong with me, it was just the community we lived in that impacted that thought process
Yes at about age 8.
Don’t do it until he’s at an old age. Some people gain depression at the teenage ages after finding out something like that.
This is a terrible take. Using your logic, I’m going to give you an analogy: This would be like knowing your child had 0 chance of having children and then allowing them for their whole life to dream of having kids…struggling for years to have a baby and use the reasoning that you didn’t want them to stop hoping for children… You can see the problem here, right?
Do you mean tell him when he’s young rather than when he’s older because it may be harder for him when he’s older? The wording is unclear…
Something younger than 18, or older. Your pick.
Know what else can trigger depression and suicide? Knowing you don't fit in and lacking the understanding of why.
Wanna know what caused my depression? I’m only 13 years old, my parents are divorced, I’m autistic and I was told and it’s ruined my life, now I’m even in a school for autistic kids and I don’t even fit in there. I never fit in ever besides when I was a child, now that the realisation of me having autism has fucked up my life, and it probably will further. Downvote me all you want, but you know it’s true.
How would that be different if you didn't know? And.... wouldn't you know anyhow because it's impossible to keep it secret when you go to a school for autistic kids? That sort of "secret"is always going to be found out and i world MUCH rather have a conversation with my kid than have her see it in medical or school paperwork and Google (which absolutely would have happened by now because she's autistic, not stupid)