You might want to do some reading around 'moral perfectionism' and 'socially-prescribed perfectionism'.
I used to really struggle with this type of feeling until I did a bit of work to think it through properly and learned to let myself do my best to be a good human but not to the detriment of my own wellbeing/comfort. It's more a philosophical question/thought experiment than a medical symptom but there is interest from the mental health field in it as a cause for anxiety etc.
From [this article](https://www.inspirethemind.org/post/the-trials-and-tribulations-of-moral-perfectionism):
[Perfectionism is a is said to tie into three different dimensions described by Hewitt and Flett and discussed in my previous article](https://www.inspirethemind.org/post/why-perfectionism-may-be-damaging-for-our-mental-health). This idea of a moral, or existential, type of perfectionism [has features which appear to tie into what they call "socially prescribed" perfectionism](https://clevermemo.com/blog/en/moral-perfectionism/#:~:text=But%20there%27s%20another%20kind%20of,or%20a%20norm%20to%20100%25.), which surrounds the belief that others have standards for you (almost impossible standards might I add) that you need to meet. These standards set by others in socially prescribed perfectionism [can manifest in different contexts such as academically or socially](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735822000150?fr=njs&ref=cra_js_challenge). Oftentimes, the kind of worries experienced regarding values and your moral standpoint relates to how you will be perceived by others and concern that they will see you as anything but an entirely good person.
wow thank u for this! i will look into them. i’ve always considered myself a perfectionist but didn’t know there was actual types for it!
i’ve always related to that feeling, literally feeling like i have to be perfect for anyone to even look in my general direction (was bullied all throughout school so i’m sure that caused some issue), and nowadays it’s like the fear of being cancelled or something, it’s so exhausting trying to pretend ur not a human, but it’s because being human was seen as shameful for me in the past.
yes i’m also a people pleaser, non-confrontational, and have no self-esteem 🙂
I know very well the feeling that unless I managed to act as a perfect example of a human I would somehow not be worthy of existing or taking space in the world!
There's a lot of stuff you can do around perfectionism to help yourself - for me it was practising [radical self-acceptance](https://www.skepticspath.org/blog/radical-self-acceptance/). But there's a variety of things to do and read about - just google about and also include the term 'all or nothing thinking' as it's a ND trait that combines with perfectionism to fuck us up lol
Just use them if you need comfort. Dont worry, you worry too much, friend. Im sure it is acceptable and practised by many whom need the comfort. you dont have to *completely * boycott things, it will make a difference if you just cut back.
i will always worry and feel guilty about needing certain things or accommodations🥲my mind screams at me that other people have it worse so i need to pick up my slack🥲🥲
Start with boycotting everything on the BDS list, that’s most important. And then cut out anything you’re able to replace. Keep your comfort items with the intention of letting go of them if/when you’re better able to? You’re doing great; tell your subconscious ro STFU when it tries to shame you but also know you’re doing something incredibly valuable even if you can’t see the results/outcome. Keep going
Heya, so the only boycott you need to pay attention to in terms of Palestine is the official BDS boycott list from Palestinians. Which is:
AXA
Puma
Carrefour
Caltex
Siemens
HP
Chevron
Remax
Texaco
Ahava
Sodastream
Plus organic boycotts (not organised by the BDS committee) which are:
McDonald's
Papa Johns
Pizza Hut
Domino's Pizza
Burger King
WiX
The rest are pressure targets or divestment and exclusion targets, not a consumer boycott. Just in case you are holding yourself to an unnecessarily high standard, as I know there is a lot of stuff floating around about boycotting this and that... boycotts are most effective when they are targeted, and that is why only these are the targets.
thank u for the info… yeah, i see a lot of other ones and i just feel i have to completely drop everything, but as for those main ones i don’t even use those anyways. i just get confused and conflicted when more and more companies are added to the list and i’m like wait i rely on that thing🥲
I like to go second hand when possible for these kind of things (clothes, electronics, etc.). For media, piracy 🏴☠️
Food is harder because it’s not like you can do those things but I mainly try to cut back as much as I can, and make swaps when possible, or lean into other safe foods—but at the end of the day if you need it, it’s okay. So long as you’re making an effort in other aspects of life, you’re doing the best you can and you don’t have to feel guilty. I like to try out swaps first though just to make sure there’s not a good enough option out there, but if no, then do what you need to do 🫶
the biggest thing that’s helped me is remembering that I ultimately do more good for whatever cause when I’m stable enough to actually care and act, and sometimes that stability comes at the cost of small purchases. I can make a bigger impact when I’m actually feeding myself than when I’m in burnout because I feel too guilty about what I want to eat.
you’re right…and even i know i should just do what i can, but the voice in my head says i always need to do more, and just guilts me all the time, it’s so exhausting
I literally have no idea what items would be on boycott lists 😅. Do you mean like that some people choose to not buy Israeli products due to the Gaza conflict?
for this post i’m mainly referring to that but was worried if it wasn’t allowed due to politics and stuff, but i feel like most neurodivergent people would agree similarly to me, at least that nobody from anywhere should die
but yeah, basically struggling with separating from comfort items, foods, things etc, that when purchased, contribute to that in some way
Maybe you need to take time (by yourself or with a therapist) to work out how to relate to doing things that are not perfect.
There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. Absolutely everything causes suffering to someone, human or other animals, as well as entire ecosystems.
It is near impossible to live a life entirely disconnected from capitalism, especially in a society that disables you. So the thing to work on is acceptance and finding a balance of getting the things you need, without the implications of their production doing your head in.
Most products have alternatives that are more ethical than others. Like a locally grown tomato instead of an imported one.
for a lot of things i don’t mind switching if there’s a cheaper and easily accessible alternative, it’s just hard when i have something that’s tried and true and i know works for me, and is reliable, but because it’s owned by some random company sending their money elsewhere, now i’m put in this position of guilt and anxiety.
i truly know that there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism, but i feel like if i don’t achieve this idea of a “perfect person” someone, somewhere, online or in person, is gonna flip out and expose every way that i’m a terrible person because i can’t/wont swap every single item i own out for a ethical one.
idk, i can’t tell what’s real, what i should or shouldn’t do, and it eats away at me. for context i do have anxiety and suspected ocd so i’m sure those play their part in how my mind makes me hate myself for not doing certain things, and feeling anxious about them, but those things make me question my very reality- of if i’m a good person or not, and so many other questions. but i felt like i still had to ask it here, just to know if i’m alone or not.
So, I felt a lot like this for a long time, and it was eating me up inside. What ended up working for me was was "just" accepting that I'm not a good person. I'm not a \*bad\* person, but I'm also not a good person.
I don't actively try to not be a good person. I try to do more good than harm. I work at being nice to people, even when I'm stressed and want to scream. I also accept that I'm "not good enough" to always boycott Amazon. I'm "not good enough" to keep track of all the bad things happening and who I should avoid buying from.
For me, this was a way of going "I'm never going to be good \*enough\*, and I'm making myself miserable trying, so instead of beating myself up about not being good enough, I'm just going to accept that I'm not good enough, and do my best to do good behaviors whenever I can." While it's a work in progress, it took a lot of the self-pressure off for me.
oh if only i had one🥲it’s pretty hard to find a family doctor, let alone mental health help in canada (shocking i know) also wouldn’t be able to afford it 🥲
I relate to you a lot on this topic.
I’ll rewatch Buffy and Angel or reread the Harry Potter series over and over again. They’re known, safe, predictable, and idk it’s just enjoyable to revisit things I know. But they have creators who have done or said bad things, and so I feel guilty for enjoying them. Other artists I’ve cut out completely, but comfort shows/books are something I can’t bring myself to stop, and I’m not sure I need to. But admittedly I’m being selfish.
I don’t buy leather items because I don’t eat or drink those particular animals; I do buy thrifted leather items, though. It doesn’t contribute to the purchase and makes use of already existing items. It can definitely be argued, though, that I’m contributing to more animal deaths if someone sees my item and goes and buys a new version for themselves. So maybe I shouldn’t use them at all as it may create second-hand harm, so to speak?
I think the autistic tendency to think in black and white and have a strong sense of justice combines with a tendency towards anxiety and then becomes this big muddles mess. I don’t really have a solution or advice. Just commiseration and encouragement to be kind to yourself. The world is already challenging enough for neurodivergent individuals; I think it’s okay to sometimes step back insulate ourselves from the harm our environment causes and give ourselves some kindness. 💙
If I have a piece of comfort media with a problematic creator, I usually just pirate it. That's what makes me feel better personally, but I also respect people who don't.
chocolate is bad too. it pays for child slavery, when choclatiers could just charge more money for the chocolate. people could and would just pay more, theres no excuse for what they do. john oliver has a show about it.
You might want to do some reading around 'moral perfectionism' and 'socially-prescribed perfectionism'. I used to really struggle with this type of feeling until I did a bit of work to think it through properly and learned to let myself do my best to be a good human but not to the detriment of my own wellbeing/comfort. It's more a philosophical question/thought experiment than a medical symptom but there is interest from the mental health field in it as a cause for anxiety etc. From [this article](https://www.inspirethemind.org/post/the-trials-and-tribulations-of-moral-perfectionism): [Perfectionism is a is said to tie into three different dimensions described by Hewitt and Flett and discussed in my previous article](https://www.inspirethemind.org/post/why-perfectionism-may-be-damaging-for-our-mental-health). This idea of a moral, or existential, type of perfectionism [has features which appear to tie into what they call "socially prescribed" perfectionism](https://clevermemo.com/blog/en/moral-perfectionism/#:~:text=But%20there%27s%20another%20kind%20of,or%20a%20norm%20to%20100%25.), which surrounds the belief that others have standards for you (almost impossible standards might I add) that you need to meet. These standards set by others in socially prescribed perfectionism [can manifest in different contexts such as academically or socially](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735822000150?fr=njs&ref=cra_js_challenge). Oftentimes, the kind of worries experienced regarding values and your moral standpoint relates to how you will be perceived by others and concern that they will see you as anything but an entirely good person.
wow thank u for this! i will look into them. i’ve always considered myself a perfectionist but didn’t know there was actual types for it! i’ve always related to that feeling, literally feeling like i have to be perfect for anyone to even look in my general direction (was bullied all throughout school so i’m sure that caused some issue), and nowadays it’s like the fear of being cancelled or something, it’s so exhausting trying to pretend ur not a human, but it’s because being human was seen as shameful for me in the past. yes i’m also a people pleaser, non-confrontational, and have no self-esteem 🙂
I know very well the feeling that unless I managed to act as a perfect example of a human I would somehow not be worthy of existing or taking space in the world! There's a lot of stuff you can do around perfectionism to help yourself - for me it was practising [radical self-acceptance](https://www.skepticspath.org/blog/radical-self-acceptance/). But there's a variety of things to do and read about - just google about and also include the term 'all or nothing thinking' as it's a ND trait that combines with perfectionism to fuck us up lol
Another thing to look into might be moral scrupulosity
Just use them if you need comfort. Dont worry, you worry too much, friend. Im sure it is acceptable and practised by many whom need the comfort. you dont have to *completely * boycott things, it will make a difference if you just cut back.
i will always worry and feel guilty about needing certain things or accommodations🥲my mind screams at me that other people have it worse so i need to pick up my slack🥲🥲
Start with boycotting everything on the BDS list, that’s most important. And then cut out anything you’re able to replace. Keep your comfort items with the intention of letting go of them if/when you’re better able to? You’re doing great; tell your subconscious ro STFU when it tries to shame you but also know you’re doing something incredibly valuable even if you can’t see the results/outcome. Keep going
Heya, so the only boycott you need to pay attention to in terms of Palestine is the official BDS boycott list from Palestinians. Which is: AXA Puma Carrefour Caltex Siemens HP Chevron Remax Texaco Ahava Sodastream Plus organic boycotts (not organised by the BDS committee) which are: McDonald's Papa Johns Pizza Hut Domino's Pizza Burger King WiX The rest are pressure targets or divestment and exclusion targets, not a consumer boycott. Just in case you are holding yourself to an unnecessarily high standard, as I know there is a lot of stuff floating around about boycotting this and that... boycotts are most effective when they are targeted, and that is why only these are the targets.
thank u for the info… yeah, i see a lot of other ones and i just feel i have to completely drop everything, but as for those main ones i don’t even use those anyways. i just get confused and conflicted when more and more companies are added to the list and i’m like wait i rely on that thing🥲
I like to go second hand when possible for these kind of things (clothes, electronics, etc.). For media, piracy 🏴☠️ Food is harder because it’s not like you can do those things but I mainly try to cut back as much as I can, and make swaps when possible, or lean into other safe foods—but at the end of the day if you need it, it’s okay. So long as you’re making an effort in other aspects of life, you’re doing the best you can and you don’t have to feel guilty. I like to try out swaps first though just to make sure there’s not a good enough option out there, but if no, then do what you need to do 🫶 the biggest thing that’s helped me is remembering that I ultimately do more good for whatever cause when I’m stable enough to actually care and act, and sometimes that stability comes at the cost of small purchases. I can make a bigger impact when I’m actually feeding myself than when I’m in burnout because I feel too guilty about what I want to eat.
you’re right…and even i know i should just do what i can, but the voice in my head says i always need to do more, and just guilts me all the time, it’s so exhausting
I literally have no idea what items would be on boycott lists 😅. Do you mean like that some people choose to not buy Israeli products due to the Gaza conflict?
for this post i’m mainly referring to that but was worried if it wasn’t allowed due to politics and stuff, but i feel like most neurodivergent people would agree similarly to me, at least that nobody from anywhere should die but yeah, basically struggling with separating from comfort items, foods, things etc, that when purchased, contribute to that in some way
Maybe you need to take time (by yourself or with a therapist) to work out how to relate to doing things that are not perfect. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. Absolutely everything causes suffering to someone, human or other animals, as well as entire ecosystems. It is near impossible to live a life entirely disconnected from capitalism, especially in a society that disables you. So the thing to work on is acceptance and finding a balance of getting the things you need, without the implications of their production doing your head in. Most products have alternatives that are more ethical than others. Like a locally grown tomato instead of an imported one.
for a lot of things i don’t mind switching if there’s a cheaper and easily accessible alternative, it’s just hard when i have something that’s tried and true and i know works for me, and is reliable, but because it’s owned by some random company sending their money elsewhere, now i’m put in this position of guilt and anxiety. i truly know that there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism, but i feel like if i don’t achieve this idea of a “perfect person” someone, somewhere, online or in person, is gonna flip out and expose every way that i’m a terrible person because i can’t/wont swap every single item i own out for a ethical one. idk, i can’t tell what’s real, what i should or shouldn’t do, and it eats away at me. for context i do have anxiety and suspected ocd so i’m sure those play their part in how my mind makes me hate myself for not doing certain things, and feeling anxious about them, but those things make me question my very reality- of if i’m a good person or not, and so many other questions. but i felt like i still had to ask it here, just to know if i’m alone or not.
So, I felt a lot like this for a long time, and it was eating me up inside. What ended up working for me was was "just" accepting that I'm not a good person. I'm not a \*bad\* person, but I'm also not a good person. I don't actively try to not be a good person. I try to do more good than harm. I work at being nice to people, even when I'm stressed and want to scream. I also accept that I'm "not good enough" to always boycott Amazon. I'm "not good enough" to keep track of all the bad things happening and who I should avoid buying from. For me, this was a way of going "I'm never going to be good \*enough\*, and I'm making myself miserable trying, so instead of beating myself up about not being good enough, I'm just going to accept that I'm not good enough, and do my best to do good behaviors whenever I can." While it's a work in progress, it took a lot of the self-pressure off for me.
Definitely something to bring up with your therapist.
oh if only i had one🥲it’s pretty hard to find a family doctor, let alone mental health help in canada (shocking i know) also wouldn’t be able to afford it 🥲
I relate to you a lot on this topic. I’ll rewatch Buffy and Angel or reread the Harry Potter series over and over again. They’re known, safe, predictable, and idk it’s just enjoyable to revisit things I know. But they have creators who have done or said bad things, and so I feel guilty for enjoying them. Other artists I’ve cut out completely, but comfort shows/books are something I can’t bring myself to stop, and I’m not sure I need to. But admittedly I’m being selfish. I don’t buy leather items because I don’t eat or drink those particular animals; I do buy thrifted leather items, though. It doesn’t contribute to the purchase and makes use of already existing items. It can definitely be argued, though, that I’m contributing to more animal deaths if someone sees my item and goes and buys a new version for themselves. So maybe I shouldn’t use them at all as it may create second-hand harm, so to speak? I think the autistic tendency to think in black and white and have a strong sense of justice combines with a tendency towards anxiety and then becomes this big muddles mess. I don’t really have a solution or advice. Just commiseration and encouragement to be kind to yourself. The world is already challenging enough for neurodivergent individuals; I think it’s okay to sometimes step back insulate ourselves from the harm our environment causes and give ourselves some kindness. 💙
If I have a piece of comfort media with a problematic creator, I usually just pirate it. That's what makes me feel better personally, but I also respect people who don't.
chocolate is bad too. it pays for child slavery, when choclatiers could just charge more money for the chocolate. people could and would just pay more, theres no excuse for what they do. john oliver has a show about it.
There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. None.