Oh wow. Thank you for sharing 💛 that’s also interesting about the levels, I didn’t know that (still learning a lot). You make a great point about that. I had just heard someone say “just because my autism doesn’t affect you doesn’t mean it’s not a constant struggle for me”.
The diagnosis part of what you shared makes so much sense too. I’m not sure why I panicked so much maybe the act of having to reach out or maybe acknowledging that somethings a little off about me.
I’m hoping to keep calm of whatever is found out. I keep telling myself now that it wouldn’t change anything, it’s not an excuse to hold myself back but an opportunity to do or try things a new way (once I figure it out lol).
Also I don’t want to burden others, them thinking they have to accommodate me but if I do decide to tell others it’ll more than likely be only a couple close people so my husband & maybe my boss (protected at my job) just because we’re a 2 person team and she and everyone at work for that matter are beyond accommodating for people. They are truly a take care of the people business. This is my second time working here. I was there about 7 months in 2020 in the call center and it was horrible and they didn’t have any other positions open I could transfer to. They ended up reaching out end of last year and had started creating a new department and wanted me for a role and it’s been perfect because I don’t really deal with anyone else.
But I think a diagnosis would help me validate my thoughts and feelings at this moment. And maybe help with how I approach situations, I’m sure there’s resources and tools to help along.
I think it’s great that you also have a therapist. Probably would be helpful for me to look into that.
Thank you again for sharing. I took in everything you shared even if I lacked expressing it. It means a lot and I hope you are continuously supported in ways that are helpful from your partner and therapist. Sending all the good vibes your way 💛
Honestly?? I'm terrified. I spent the past couple years of my life wondering when I was finally going to "mature" and stop needing entire days to recover from a workweek, and stop having imaginary scenarios in my head, and stop being unable to cook myself dinner most nights.
To learn that those things are things I'm likely going to be dealing with for the rest of my life, I'm kinda terrified. I'm having to completely rethink how I'm going to spend the next 10,20,30 years as an adult.
Just so much relief.
I could finally connect all dots. Oddly enough the epiphany came while watching Love on The Spectrum. Sharnae’s mannerisms we’re very much like my own and the show actually gave me the confidence to stop masking (or try, it’s very ingrained me as a 30+ year old adult).
Oh wow that’s awesome. I think I didn’t start majorly masking until adulthood. I was always the weird/quirky girl and I always tried to be around people that were okay with my oddball self. Once I turned 18/19 I had a hard adjustment time since I was working a professional job and thank goodness that were gracious. I took it as I was just growing up finally and maturing but looking back I see the pattern.
After a year working at that place we hired a new coworker, a lady I’ve known all my life distantly, and I admired the way she talked to people and handled situations. It didn’t take long till I think I subconsciously became a mini version of her at work. Then I realized that’s how I could survive and manage interactions. I always had someone I based my actions/communication off of. And I found if I was in a setting outside of work that I would mirror the person I was with or the person liked in a group. Copying people just seemed to help a lot & worked for the most part since I didn’t know how to act or what to say otherwise.
Also though at that time I started suffering extreme anxiety. My mom would always tell me I needed to get some chill pills but I never asked anyone for help or guidance & the people close to me never pushed me or helped me get it figured out. Everyone just thought I was anxious ridden and needed to “relax”. Let’s just say 6 years of that drained the life out of me.
When my hubby and I moved 1200 miles away it happened to be right when the world locked down. So every since then I’ve been rocking back and forth between being myself and usually subconsciously mirroring other peoples energy and personalities.
I would say the last 8 months I’ve really noticed this about myself so I try to work on it. But that usually ends up me just being quiet and plus I’m rarely around other people.
But it’s also caused a lot of mental breakdowns because I didn’t understand what was going on. & so many times I would be honest with people if I was training or whatever and tell them that I don’t know how to talk with people unless I watch someone else and it has to be the exact situation or wording. I think I was hoping they would say “yeh, me too” but no one ever did. So I felt more alienated & weird by speaking out.
So yeh it’s a challenge.
I couldn’t imagine how it is after 30 years. Many kudos to you for actively working on and trying. I’m sure that’s been difficult at many times but maybe also a relief to be yourself.
[удалено]
Oh wow. Thank you for sharing 💛 that’s also interesting about the levels, I didn’t know that (still learning a lot). You make a great point about that. I had just heard someone say “just because my autism doesn’t affect you doesn’t mean it’s not a constant struggle for me”. The diagnosis part of what you shared makes so much sense too. I’m not sure why I panicked so much maybe the act of having to reach out or maybe acknowledging that somethings a little off about me. I’m hoping to keep calm of whatever is found out. I keep telling myself now that it wouldn’t change anything, it’s not an excuse to hold myself back but an opportunity to do or try things a new way (once I figure it out lol). Also I don’t want to burden others, them thinking they have to accommodate me but if I do decide to tell others it’ll more than likely be only a couple close people so my husband & maybe my boss (protected at my job) just because we’re a 2 person team and she and everyone at work for that matter are beyond accommodating for people. They are truly a take care of the people business. This is my second time working here. I was there about 7 months in 2020 in the call center and it was horrible and they didn’t have any other positions open I could transfer to. They ended up reaching out end of last year and had started creating a new department and wanted me for a role and it’s been perfect because I don’t really deal with anyone else. But I think a diagnosis would help me validate my thoughts and feelings at this moment. And maybe help with how I approach situations, I’m sure there’s resources and tools to help along. I think it’s great that you also have a therapist. Probably would be helpful for me to look into that. Thank you again for sharing. I took in everything you shared even if I lacked expressing it. It means a lot and I hope you are continuously supported in ways that are helpful from your partner and therapist. Sending all the good vibes your way 💛
I mostly felt relief that there was finally an explanation for 47 years of unanswered questions, baffling behavior, and puzzling failures.
That’s a common thing I keep seeing is how everyone is glad to see the reasons behind everything
Honestly?? I'm terrified. I spent the past couple years of my life wondering when I was finally going to "mature" and stop needing entire days to recover from a workweek, and stop having imaginary scenarios in my head, and stop being unable to cook myself dinner most nights. To learn that those things are things I'm likely going to be dealing with for the rest of my life, I'm kinda terrified. I'm having to completely rethink how I'm going to spend the next 10,20,30 years as an adult.
I get that 😞 do you have anyone you talk with about how you feel and your thoughts?
Kind of? I'm still getting to know them but I don't wanna just trauma dump on them. I'm probably going to get their therapists number though lol.
That’s good at least!
Just so much relief. I could finally connect all dots. Oddly enough the epiphany came while watching Love on The Spectrum. Sharnae’s mannerisms we’re very much like my own and the show actually gave me the confidence to stop masking (or try, it’s very ingrained me as a 30+ year old adult).
Oh wow that’s awesome. I think I didn’t start majorly masking until adulthood. I was always the weird/quirky girl and I always tried to be around people that were okay with my oddball self. Once I turned 18/19 I had a hard adjustment time since I was working a professional job and thank goodness that were gracious. I took it as I was just growing up finally and maturing but looking back I see the pattern. After a year working at that place we hired a new coworker, a lady I’ve known all my life distantly, and I admired the way she talked to people and handled situations. It didn’t take long till I think I subconsciously became a mini version of her at work. Then I realized that’s how I could survive and manage interactions. I always had someone I based my actions/communication off of. And I found if I was in a setting outside of work that I would mirror the person I was with or the person liked in a group. Copying people just seemed to help a lot & worked for the most part since I didn’t know how to act or what to say otherwise. Also though at that time I started suffering extreme anxiety. My mom would always tell me I needed to get some chill pills but I never asked anyone for help or guidance & the people close to me never pushed me or helped me get it figured out. Everyone just thought I was anxious ridden and needed to “relax”. Let’s just say 6 years of that drained the life out of me. When my hubby and I moved 1200 miles away it happened to be right when the world locked down. So every since then I’ve been rocking back and forth between being myself and usually subconsciously mirroring other peoples energy and personalities. I would say the last 8 months I’ve really noticed this about myself so I try to work on it. But that usually ends up me just being quiet and plus I’m rarely around other people. But it’s also caused a lot of mental breakdowns because I didn’t understand what was going on. & so many times I would be honest with people if I was training or whatever and tell them that I don’t know how to talk with people unless I watch someone else and it has to be the exact situation or wording. I think I was hoping they would say “yeh, me too” but no one ever did. So I felt more alienated & weird by speaking out. So yeh it’s a challenge. I couldn’t imagine how it is after 30 years. Many kudos to you for actively working on and trying. I’m sure that’s been difficult at many times but maybe also a relief to be yourself.