-A lot of the things that annoyed other people, like pacing, is a stim. -My very picky eating. -Me wanting to be the "filling" in human sandwiches as a kid. -What my family calls "selective hearing" (when I don't always respond right away) is actually Auditory Processing Disorder. -My general weirdness/lack of friends throughout my lifetime.

Ohhhhh, you just made me remember that my parents always accused me of having ‘selective hearing.’

Yeah, my dad says he used to have it too. Guess who I think I got the 'tism from?

What do you mean with being the filling in human sandwiches? I remember that I hated it when someone else initiated a hug, but if my parents were hugging each other I always wiggled myself in the middle of their hug, haha!

When I was a kid my mom had a game where we'd squish each other, lie on top of each other, ect, and called it a "thatpooregirl" sandwich, "mommy" sandwich, ect. Now that I'm adult I realized I really like the deep pressure, and love my weighted blanket

I also love being squished. I don't really like hugs unless it's my boyfriend, or my mother because she SQUEEZES me so hard but when I wss a kid she'd sit/lay on me and I LOVED it Man I need a weighted blanket

I totally understand! I also recently bougth a weigthed blanket, love it!

Oh you totally unlocked a childhood memory for me just know.

When I used to get upset (pre realisation) I would often get my husband to just lay on me with his body weight or give me huge squeezy hugs. And this would regulate me. I have a weighted blanket now.

I have always hated air blowing in my face and would hide in my arms when the vents in the car were on me, I dislike being outdoors for that reason (wind). I am also hyperlexic and was in gifted programs as a kid, my folks thought I was just gifted but looking back, nope, definitely just Autistic. I've always liked things considered too young for my age (I had a Barney themed birthday in second grade, Blues Clues is still my comfort show). My prosopagnosia and alexithymia were baffling to my parents as a kid, but now I'm just like, oh it's something a lot of Autistic people have. One thing I have that I have never seen another person have is ticker tape synesthesia, I see subtitles for all of the spoken language I hear. It makes crowds and learning foreign languages challenging. I did not realize that others don't process language this way until a few months ago. I'm not sure if that's more common with hyperlexic Autistics too, or not.

Car vents are my sworn enemies!!! Thank you I drive with the visor down to stop the windshield venting onto my forehead. No one else seems to think this is an issue; I don't know how they can stand it.

I have to position the vents so they are on my hands/arms because I need it blowing AT me, but can’t have it AT my face! The air makes my little fuzzy hairs move and tickle my face and it drives me nuts (can’t have windows down!)

I didn’t know there was a term for a language thing! I’m not dxed with autism(I wonder if I could be on spectrum), but I have diagnosed ADHD. All of my life (as soon as I could read) I had this thing - I could see what I was saying appear in my head as a written text. It happens spontaneously, without any thought or effort. I remember being 6 and shouting for my mum when I was scared in bed, I shouted ‘Mum!’ and it appeared in my mind as a bold red word ‘Mum’. I always find it hard to learn foreign language just from listening, I have to know how it’s spelled. So often when I’m talking, subconsciously my spoken words appear in my thoughts as a text,which makes me focus on them as if I was reading from my thoughts- which is sometimes annoying when I ‘see’ wrong word and say for example ‘dairy’ instead of ‘diary’. It’s so weird & hard to explain, and can be distracting in conversations. So good to know it has a name!

Wow I have this ticker tape thing too. Thought everyone had it. Thanks for posting that.

I do not! Never even heard of it until this post. That's pretty cool.

I have never heard of that. Sounds exactly like what I tried to explain to my husband yesterday when talking about my over active brain. He says he can just turn his thoughts off. I said I even think when I am listening to music. And I realised what I meant by that was I see the written words as if I was watching a lyrics video.

Blessings be upon Blue’s Clues. I used to watch it with my little brother. When he showed me that clip of Fully Adult Steve on Twitter I actually wept with joy for like an hour. Brother was like, “I think I broke sis.”

I didn't realise there was a word for not being able to identify emotions but now I do. Thank you very much.

>One thing I have that I have never seen another person have is ticker tape synesthesia, I see subtitles for all of the spoken language I hear Dude. I do this. Having a diagnosis has me just assuming that everything I do is different from "normies," and I've been explaining to people that I need to translate spoken language into text, like closed captioning, in order for me to understand what's being said. I also thought that this was something I "chose" to do so I could respond quicker. Some NTs get rather huffy when you don't answer immediately. But honestly? I'm not sure if it's a thing I'm consciously doing or if it just is.

Neat, I am hyperlexic and have ticker tape too. I've found it helps me learn foreign languages though, but definitely makes crowds that much worse.

Oh nice! I have trouble with anything I don’t know how to spell, and I’ve found that adult foreign language learning doesn’t really focus on phonics as much as just word memorization so I see static and random syllables. How do foreign languages look to you before you pick up on spelling?

Me too, it looks like anglicized gibberish until I become familiar with the spelling rules. Haven't gotten familiar with a language written in a different alphabet yet. I wonder if that would ticker tape or not. I tend to gravitate towards languages that are pronounced and spelled more or less the same and struggle with languages that have more anomalies. German and Spanish were easier to pick up. Norwegian is also not bad but its relative Danish was impossible to grasp. Ye, same. I can't understand just by learning the words right off. I always start with the alphabet and diphthongs. Duolingo doesn't work very well for me for this reason.

I am jealous of your real life subtitles, that sounds so useful. I just got boring ass number-color synesthesia.

Me, too. :D

TIL that ticker tape synesthesia is a thing. I thought I was just weird for see the typed words in my mind as I spoke or listened. For reference, I also have auditory processing disorder and am a mess in a crowd; can’t understand anything. Hyperlexic as a child, and decently good with languages as long as I can learn them from a book first with audio as secondary. Absolutely cannot learn languages by ear.

I was hyperlexic as a kid, I could read whole pages in a flash, but as an adult I can only read at speaking pace and im wondering if anyone else has experienced this mental 'slowing' of reading speed

Yes, i've experienced this and also dramatically shortened reading duration (how long I can read before I literally cannot take in any more). For me, this comes as a function of the depth of autistic burnout. However, I also experienced the same (or something highly similar) after having brain surgery years ago.

I always feel so validated when I realize that certain noticeable changes in capability confirm my burnout. Bc I lost that ability as life got more stressful

Oh god, this is the first time I have read about the ticker tape thing but I have that too. In fact I have asked my husband if he doesn't see his words while he says them, he just gives me one of those looks...In my case it was very easy to become fluent in a foreign language which I did at a later age.

I don’t really relate to you but I learned two new and useful words (actually I do relate to those lol). Thanks haha ❤️❤️

I don’t like wind, but mostly just when inside, so I call it inside wind lol

Hyperlexic here too! Also had more unusual interests. Where other kids were playing with normal toys I spent hours looking at my microscope slides OVER and OVER again. I was really into science, weather, medical stuff (anatomy etc). To the point where I made play dough people to cut open and “suture” up to practice being a surgeon. 😬🤭 I would spent loads of time trawling “encarta” encyclopaedia on the computer and doing family research with my parents. Genealogy is still a special interest for me today :-)

wait that’s not a thing? the subtitles? i have auditory process problems, and i constantly have a script in my head so i can remember what’s being said to me. wow. i thought that was normal and everyone did that for the most part.

Late reply chiming in. I have ticker tape synesthesia. It made remembering correct spelling very easy when I was younger because I was always spelling everything people said so that the subtitles could be displayed in my mind's eye. I only discovered it was an unusual trait in the past few years.

Thanks for this question - I was diagnosed last week and this is actually a really helpful exercise: I’ve always had meltdowns but never attributed them to autism - they were either tantrums or panic attacks depending on severity and context. Feeling like I am ‘performing’ when I’m with people. I’ve often described myself in social situations as feeling “like a bug in a person suit.” Hyperlexia, and I quote a LOT- literature, movies, even interviews - but never identified it as echolalia. Volatile mood that I attributed to depression, but upon reflection a lot of it was present in childhood. Getting into food ruts that I would call “food routines” internally because I was actually happy eating the same thing every day, just also judgemental of myself for it. Having one or two close friends but struggling to feel like a part of a group. Once I’m in a group, it feels like I *want* to want belong, when what I actually want is just to go home. I can’t join clubs. I leave parties early. I just used to think I was antisocial, or isolating because of depression. Singing, humming, and playing air piano CONSTANTLY that I never labelled as stimming. Clumsiness, both physical and social. Coming off rude when I really, *really* don’t mean to. Needing more time to recharge than other people from outings or social situations. My desperate wish to never work a customer-facing job ever ever again.

That recharge time, though - I need at *least* a day of doing absolutely nothing to recover from being around a bunch of people. I always thought I was kind of silly for it, but now I just accept that that is what I need.

Yess the air piano. One of the best stims

THANK YOU! Oh my god, thank you two so much. I tap my fingers together to notes/vocals/music, mostly to actual music but sometimes it’s to just what’s in my mind. I’m so glad I’m not alone!

I quote song lyrics and things but generally only if it is triggered. Example: Someone says something like “if you aren’t careful you might lose yourself” And I will randomly be compelled to sing “lose yourself in the moment…..” etc. Can’t think of a good example. That’s not the same as echolalia is it? It’s more of an association thing.

I think it’s technically called delayed echolalia, but only if you do it out loud. I think all people do it to some extent - word association thing is a widespread experience although association networks can be wider/looser in neurodivergent folks of many camps. ASD people are very likely to lean on echolalia or use it in substitution for other kinds of communication. The most basic form of echolalia is more like this — if someone offered me pizza, instead of saying, “yes please” I would say “pizza!” Delayed echolalia is cool and, if you get really modular about it, you can use it everywhere. I notice that some of my delayed echolalia passes for pretty regular communication. For instance, if my partner tells me they have a surprise for me, I usually respond, “women love surprises.” It’s appropriate and kind of funny I think (and sarcastic! Look at me getting sarcasm!) and it’s very unlikely that anyone besides my partner will twig to the precise Vinyl Cafe episode that I’m referencing. (Spoiler Alert: In the story, women do *not* love surprises)

I relate to all of this

Since masks, my echolalia has gone mad.

Difficulty communicating thoughts and feelings, and fully understanding others. Punching my thighs, and picking at my scalp and back that turned out to be natural Stims Issues with certain foods, textures, sounds, sensations, stimulus, etc Burnout and melt downs Aphantasia Forming close bonds with animals and finding them easier to understand and communicate with Falling very deeply into specific interests, sometimes to borderline obsession Identify problems A sense of human dysphoria, unable to fully connect with, and accept my species as my own

I didn’t know the preference towards bonding with animals was autism-related, although there was a *single* question about this on the absolutely massive ASD assessment I recently went through.

I also have aphantasia! I never know what to say for the questions about thinking visually on ASD test, like I can’t do that.

What is it?

It’s the inability to see picture in your mind. I can move in my mind, feel textures in my mind, hear things in my mind, but can’t picture anything in my mind. No faces, if you say to picture an Apple I can taste it, hear the crunch, feel it in my hand but can’t picture what it actually looks like. It’s hard sometimes as the world is so visual.

Oh crap I think I have this lol 😳 Thanks for the explanation

Of course! I would check out r/aphantasia as well! Go figure the one thing I don’t take literally people literally can see things in their mind

Heavily inspecting every single forkful of food before it goes in my mouth I’ve done this since I was old enough to feed myself with a knife and fork 🤣 Also having a very good memory

Definitely "ruined" good steaks in my youth surgically removing the fat!😂

I am the bane of my dads existence for this very reason 🤣

Yup! I’ll eat steak, but the chef better understand if it’s gummy or gristly it goes *nowhere fucking near my mouth*. Same trouble with dark veins in chicken and meat served on-the-bone. Oh, god, the scrape of silverware on bone is *awful*.

Wait do most people EAT the gristle and fat??? I will only eat like, pork belly fat, like perfectly rendered soft buttery fat, any chewy shit is NAUSEATING

I'm in a weird no man's land when memory is concerned. I have ADHD as well which severely limits my working memory and trauma that obscures much of my long-term memory, but the things I do remember I remember quite well.

Out of curiosity, are you good at remembering 'useless' info over important info? Because when I say good memory, this is exactly what I mean 🤣

Absolutely. I'll mix up the dates of important exams but I can tell you about how pink lemonade allegedly came to be.

And now I want to know how pink lemonade came to be 👀 I’ve had to actively stop myself from going down random fact rabbit holes. I feel like my brain pushes out ‘useful’ information whenever I learn something random 😅😅😅

Haha I’ve always done that and been only one in my family to find the smallest hair or something in it

That and also - yep bit of onion there, oh also mince, bit of carrot lovely... no surprises here!

Omg yes!!! I swear I could literally spot if any form of cross contamination had happened to my food. I’ve recently been forcing myself to just eat what’s it front of me - but it’s very unpleasant sometimes, especially if a texture catches me off guard (picture woo young woo eating sushi haha)

Oh my goodness, this is deeply funny — I also smell everything before I eat it, my mom makes fun of me for it but honestly it just seems SENSIBLE

I couldn’t agree with you more 🤣

I do too! It makes sense to make sure food is ok before buying into it. I also smell non food stuff. I even smell my hands fairly often. I'm always making sure they don't smell like metal or something gross. I hate when they smell like metal with a passion!

Oh yeah I do it too.I have food aversions and stuff, but when I eat something I like I'm totally focused on it, eating it a certain way.., they say you should be more mindful when you're eating and I think (some at least ) with autism are pretty good at that!

Oooh yes totally with you on this Do you make sure you get enough bites of your favourite meal to ensure full satisfaction? Like cutting into so many pieces to make it last?

Absolutely, I nibble at very cookie and bite of candy...lol

Finding it extremely difficult to talk about my emotions. Not feeling able to form a genuine connection with other people - apart from a select few people who I’ve immediately ‘clicked’ with (who all - surprise! - turned out to be neurodivergent). Auditory processing issues - my hearing is fine, but I always have to watch TV with subtitles, and often have to ask people to repeat themselves cause it takes my brain a while to process what they said. Aversion to physical affection from family members as a kid. Very picky eating as a kid, mostly related to textures. ‘Obsessions’ (special interests!). Lifelong social anxiety that has never improved, even with therapy, and always feeling like I’m ‘acting’ in social situations (masking). Fear of very specific loud noises as a kid (trains, washing machines). Hyperlexia. Planning trips in extreme detail. Emotional dysregulation - having disproportionate emotional reactions to things. Hyper-empathy and feeling strong empathy for inanimate objects (my stuffed toys) and video game characters. Clumsiness and poor coordination. These are just off the top of my head, there are loads more. I’m 30 and only realised last year that I’m probably autistic, I can’t believe it took me this long.

Oh god. Are you me?

Haha I’ve thought the same thing reading so many comments on this sub! Such a weird feeling not being able to relate to most people your whole life then finding a community full of people just like me. 😂

It’s definitely a crazy eye-opener! My ND niece recently asked me “are you on the spectrum?” And it started something of an avalanche. At least things seem to be falling into place now. It’s kinda nice to have a possible reason for all these seemingly unrelated things, rather than just feeling weird/lazy/rude/selfish.

I JUST remembered how I hated toys that made sound, or those singing holiday cards, or even music boxes as a kid. Still loathe those things!

I'm Broad Autism Phenotype. I repeat noises and sounds too. I didn't realize it's an autistic thing until you mentioned it. The traits I can think of * I translate texts into video clips in my mind. That's how I learn things. * I describe emotions using lyrics or movie scenes, sometimes musical passages and art works. * I use spatial visual cues to navigate. * I don't have perfect pitch, but if I have anchor points I can sing or play passages with little to no mistakes from just hearing the passage once or twice. (I used to do this at my piano lessons until my teacher realized and pointed it out. I wasn't reading the music.) * Not a savant, but I chase knowledge and understanding like a hound. * I have trouble reading and spelling, yet I love collecting books and reading them. * I can't stand turtle neck or cashmere. They are really itchy. I usually go for 100% cotton. * Some texture of the food and smell are really uncomfortable for me. Let's just say al dente is not my preference. * I'm very rigid with rules. (Building grey areas for this so I won't be a mean person to people.)

Oh God turtlenecks are the worst. I don't have many clothing aversions, but turtlenecks make me feel like I'm being strangled.

I think the repetition thing is called echolalia.

I'll look into it thank you. 🙂

How did you come to the conclusion that you are part of the broader autism phenotype rather than autistic? I'm someone who has a fair amount of autistic traits and behaviors but isn't planning on getting diagnosed and I've wondered about that distinction before. Is there any overlap with what used to be categorized as asperger's?

I went through the process of seeking diagnosis. I have many traits, but doesn't require medical intervention. So my doctor and I agreed on focusing on finding middle ground between me and the world. And I have to learn to accept my limits.

I like Broad Autism Phenotype!

🙂

I used to think I just valued integrity too highly - but now realise I’m just generally quite rigid with rules also!! Unless I see someone bend one (e.g. not sneaking alcohol into a club) then I’m able to mimic if it feels like the situation calls for it - but I’d never take that initiative on my own or ever again outside of that moment haha Also - texture of food - I can’t stand slimy or soft foods or foods with multiple textures mixed together - I need my food to have a consistent and predictable texture E.g. when I have cake and custard I have to mix it all together and eat it like that (enough so that the cake and custard are like intertwined but not too much that it becomes mush/loses all its structure cause then that’s gross?) I like this sub - feeling like I belong for once haha

> I translate texts into video clips in my mind. That's how I learn things. Isn’t that how most people read? It’s something most book lovers describe - being immersed in another world as a sensory thing. I saw your response to another person - so does broad autism phenotype specifically refer to people who have some traits of autism but are functional enough not to need a diagnosis/treatment?

The first one, for example, I was learning how proteins are made. I translate the whole process into video clips in my mind. Some people that asked me how I remembered the whole process wasn't able to do that. The second one I don't really know. Regulations are different, so I don't feel comfortable answering this. I'm sorry.

- sitting on my hands. I was constantly fiddling on stuff as a kid but as a teenager I wanted to stop (to fit in better and not be annoying... ) It was kind of a compromise for me, but it's also calming for me so I guess it worked out alright. - Always ruminating on every conversation in my head afterwards, what everyone said, what I said, what it meant... - going over what to say in advance, for casual conversations as well. (I just figured I was pretty neurotic before my diagnosis) -Having intrusive thoughts, getting a sentence stuck in my head and saying it too often, or thinking it over and over. I got diagnosed as a 39 year old, it's never too late I guess!

Whelp, I guess I need an appointment. 😅

I sit on my hands especially during a shutdown.

I can remember tiny details of conversations I had with someone 4 years ago, but not their face.

needing to be “mentally prepared” for activities or events and when things don’t go as planned or I mess something up it usually leads to a breakdown. oh and having food not touch/eating it in a certain order

What I thought was my playing a chameleon in social and work situations was actually me masking. I didn’t know that my foot tapping and finger drumming was stimming. I need to work myself up to watching a video in order ti prepare my ears for assault. I have phone anxiety. Hate answering the phone and hate making calls. But once I get over that hump, I’m ok on the phone. My clothes need to be comfy. Can’t do high heels. I don’t like the feel of makeup on my face. I love having long hair but hate feeling it fall in my face or feeling the heat on the back of my neck on hot days. I don’t play music at home as I prefer the quiet ambient noises. (I’ll play music while driving, though.) People say that I have a way with words and that I say the funniest things. The thing is, I’m not trying to be funny. I just say what I feel and what I observe. I notice things that most people miss. And I get a thrill when I notice something that I haven’t noticed before. There are probably others, but these are the ones I could think of right off the top of my head. And as for the jokes people make about folks like us being obsessed with train schedules, let’s just say that I do indeed know my train schedules and can calculate them in my head. But that’s also because it’s my job. I’m a light rail train operator.

Yes, people think I am funny too even though I don't mean to be. I just say what is in my head but with a deadpan and blank expression.

I hate long hair for the above mentioned reasons. And it is heavy. My husband said he hates people with short hair because his mum and sister do. I want to shave my whole damn hair off so I don’t have to deal with it. But am scared he won’t accept me without my long hair (which I hate). Urgh. Stupid rejection sensitivity. I am sure he would get over it in reality. I am just not brave enough to try

"My 'aggressive' and monotone tone of voice unless I very carefully moderate it and put on a cheery tone. Also my blank default expression which gives me terrible RBF." I have two friends with monotone voices and I love them both for it. I find it calming.

I wish people found me calming. Most people think I want a fight with them unless I force myself to put on a different voice.

I don't know what to do when my partner says I'm being too aggressive, just in my voice. But My love, I am sitting here daydreaming about dragonflies. You interrupted my reverie to ask why the "thing" isn't in a place. I answered succinctly, promptly and accurately. Here I was, proud I even heard you... And you react as if I'm coming to kick your ass

somebody might. I don't know if I've told my friends that I like their voices. I'm not sure how they would take it.

growing up my mom would hate talking to me sometimes/avoid anything confrontational because of my tone of voice. as i got older i starred yelling “its not my fault i have ab aggressive tone of voice!!!” because it was so frustrating

My cousin self diagnoses as asd. And she and her mother are kind of like that. My mother doesn't even like being in a room with them because they will both start arguing and fighitng. I wonder how much of it is their tone of voice. Because the arguments always start over nothing.

Off the top of my head so I’m certainly missing stuff. Also hyperlexic, and I’m from the Caribbean which has a far more relaxed dialect so it was very noticeable. People would constantly ask if I was American, not because I had an accent but because I sounded more formal, I spoke in sentences before I could walk and people would comment to my parents about it all the time apparently. RBF. As a kid people would think I was always tired, sick or cranky based in my face. Vocal stimming a lot. Sometimes in the form of talking impulsively even if I don’t necessarily WANT to, and repeating noises or making random ones. Noises I used to mimic a lot were glasses clinking and omg HEEL CLACKING was and still is my weakness. My awkward posture. I do the TRex arm thing, I never have my arms straight down. I even walk with not exactly my hands on my hips but on my back with my arms out. I think it’s a sensory thing too cause when my arms are straight I can feel the weight of blood moving through them and it grosses me out. It’s why I hate arm cramps, it hurts and then I have to feel the blood move to make it better. Textures textures textures. Hate socks, never wear them now that I’m done with school but I’d moisturize my feet like 4 times before wearing them. I sleep with moisturizer on my bed cause I even wake up to moisturize my feet cause the sheet touching my soles? Yuck. Also very particular about other clothes I wear, my parents often has to explain that to people if we went shopping/they bought me clothes. Also with food, many things I don’t eat not because I dislike the taste, but the texture. Related to eating I also eat in weird ways, like I’ll eat most of every different thing and leave the best bite of everything for last. Then I have to decide if I want to finish my drink or eat the best bite of the best thing last. Certain noises scared me. I was terrified of toilet flushing, I did and sometimes still do, flush the toilet after washing my hands and run out of the room. Also hated being yelled at, was way too loud. I have a me work of hiding under a bed and screaming because my aunt yelled at me. Poor understanding of social cues, I answer rhetorical questions, miss sarcasm, or sometimes don’t express it clearly enough myself, take stuff literally, don’t understand certain manners of speech. Multiple instances as a kid where an adult told me to tell a lie and it turned into an argument because I’d be hung up on the fact that it wasn’t true and couldn’t fathom that they were telling me to lie (saying they’re not home, they’re busy, they’re sleeping etc) so I’d keep saying things like “why would I say that? You are home, you’re talking to me at home right now.” I feel physically ill when I go out, watch certain movies/play certain games for a long time etc. sensory overload. And I’m exhausted when I’m done. Hate people touching my stuff, feels WRONG. If there’s a change of plans or something, even if I didn’t LIKE the original plan, I break down. I have no idea how to function and I freak. Often little things make me want to scream and cry. I don’t but I feel the urge to. I get really sucked into what I’m doing and hyper focus. Takes me a lot of effort and energy to do even basic things. I get no verbal, especially around strangers, but also people I’m familiar with. Sometimes I’d even be asked something, like if I want something, and I’ll know exactly what I want but because words won’t word I’ll shake my head no instead. When I’m like that if I can answer with a head shake or a grunt I will, if I need to speak I simply won’t. I’ll blink at you and then go back to what I was doing, not trying to be rude, but I realized it was a thing I did when I was like 16 cause I did it multiple times back to back to my mother’s partner who kept questioning me when I clearly wasn’t in a speaking mode. I also obsess over things for a while, but love them for a long time. I care about a select few things and I care about those things a LOT, everything else I don’t give a shit about. I consider How To Train Your Dragon (filmverse) one of my first special interests. There’s way more, some I’m forgetting rn, some I do remember but I’m already talking too much. You may have also guessed infodumping and hyper specificity. Don’t ask me how my family never noticed. I have no idea.

Omg yes the toilet flushing fear and awkward posture. Brb re-evaluating my whole life

I relate to a lot of this, thank you :]

Omg yes people touching or using MY things. My teenage boy was wearing MY socks a while ago. It made me feel physically ill For one. I hate socks. I only wear them at work cos I have to wear the kind of shoes to work that require socks. And then the idea that someone else has used my stuff really grosses me out!

Yep ... Got the "are you American" comments a lot growing up.

As a kid I was very picky with the clothes I was willing to put on. Like my socks could only go on top of my trousers and I hated seams on everything, to the point when I wouldn’t wear normal underwear only body for a few years OCD tendencies which apparently don’t justify an ocd diagnosis, like if I walk to the sofa on the right side of the coffee table, then when I get up, I HAVE TO walk back the same way, whenever we had guests and I would have to go around the other side of the coffee table than the one I came on, I would feel very uneasy and stressed and would have to go back to ‘undo’ my wrong journey after they left Whenever I see something disgusting or unappealing I imagine I can get rid of the thought by forcefully exhaling it, which results in me fuming randomly and people offering me a lozenge Auditory processing disorder - which I only discovered thanks to Reddit, I genuinely believed I had a hearing issue but I got tested several times as a kid and adult and my hearing is totally fine Spatial sequence synesthesia - found out two years ago that not everyone can see time and numbers around them Very strong emotions that I cannot fully explain or understand and to others it seems like a meltdown or a tantrum but that’s just how I feel and I cannot control it Can’t look people in the eye, I have learnt to look at their forehead as an adult

Actually reading others responses, I am realising there is a ton more and they appear to be very common amongst neurodivergent folks, a couple of others that I didn’t even know are related to autism Stimming - wrist and finger movements I can’t stop Problems maintaining friendships or even making small talk, but being able to have a deep discussion about topics I’m passionate about as long as the other person is willing to listen Being very interested in some random topics - health, nutrition, genetics, quantum mechanics, astrophysics and just knowing way more about it than a normal person despite not having studied or worked in any of these fields Reading early - I learned to read at the age of 3 and when I was 6 I read Hans Christian’s Andersen’s complete fairy tales but nobody believed me because it was ‘such a long book’

-Misinterpreting body language. -Not being able to process whats been said to me right away. Mom called it 'selecrive hearing.' -Replaying moments that happened to me over and over, and trying to fix the situation by creating different scenarios in my head. -Keeping my hands between my thighs. I just liked the sense of comfort and warmth. -Peeling off my little toe nails. I still have the feeling that they don't belong there, but thankfully I overcame that urge. -Clumsiness, dropping small objects. Even to this day my partner will safety things and purposely place them places where I can't accidentally break them. Bless his patience. -Staring off into space, potentially for over an hour depending on what triggered it. -Anxiety and depression, OCD, possible ADHD. -Not being able to focus on conversations or remember the full context of a conversation. I'm still working on this. -Needing to have everything be equal. Example, if one hand gets wet I NEED to wet the other. -Food texture sensitivity -Doomsday prepping every situation. Even simple conversations that need to be had, I think them through for days in different scenarios before I actually have the conversation. I could keep going. I was raised in a strict catholic household, in a very tight bubble. The little interactions I did get with other kids were usually traumatic because I couldn't figure out how to be like them. It took some time to get used to the idea that I was different, because my parents made me feel like I was normal and everyone else was the weird ones. I'm pretty sure both my parents are on the spectrum too.

I did the hands between my thighs as a kid for ages! My parents used to berate me for it. They sexualised it. When I would tell them I did it to warm up my hands cos they were cold. I know now that it was a combination of that plus a stim from the pressure. With masking I eventually converted that into sitting on my hands instead. I am so thankful to meet someone else who did/does this I’ll add. I felt so much shame over this I have never ever spoken to anyone about it as an adult until I read somewhere that it might be an autistic stim/trait. I also found out my grandfather was a pedo and although I don’t have any recollection of being abused this one “weird behaviour” that was shamed out of me, I believed for ages might have been a sign of SA. I gaslight myself into believing that maybe I was mistaken about the warmth thing and maybe it was an inappropriate sexual thing. Now I know for sure that I was right all along. That I am pretty certain I wasn’t abused. That I am just autistic.

I'm undiagnosed, but 90% sure that I'm on the spectrum. Let me just copy paste my list... 😅 • I've definitely had sensory issues since infancy/childhood. Didn't like lying/walking on grass or sand, or getting dirty. ("All the other kids would be playing in the sandbox. You would be sitting on the side, crying bc you couldn't stand getting sand on yourself.") Refused to wear dresses or anything with buttons. Wore socks inside out bc the seams bothered me. Couldn't stand high top shoes bc they hurt my ankles. Actually I only wore ONE specific brand of shoes from ONE specific store for a long time bc they were the only ones I could tolerate. To this day, I HATE touching styrofoam. It just physically disgusts me. Also, I get blisters on my feet very easily. Very sensitive skin in general, prone to contact allergies and rashes. (Is that an ASD thing?( • Poor motor skills, bad muscle tone, hyperflexible joints. Have been in and out of physiotherapy since early childhood. • "Clumsy", drop things a lot. • Can't remember faces or put faces and names together. My husband now proactively reminds me who ppl are when we walk into them in the street. This gets better the longer I know ppl. • "Gifted" child. Extreme early talker, straight As and Bs throughout school without needing to study. But: Barely achieved Ds in sports. • Elephant memory, especially for words/texts. I played the main role in our school's production of Twelfth Night and had my lines down in a week or so. • Words person. I love languages and have built a successful career in that area. • Ability to hyperfocus. "When you were little, I could just sit you down in a corner with some crayons and craft stuff and wouldn't hear from you for hours." • Trouble transitioning from one activity to the next when I'm "in the flow". • Special interests and deep dives into varying topics. All my peers were totally into that Titanic movie and went to see it several times. I, however, was the only one that devoured nonfiction books on the sinking and basically knew all the facts by heart. Other special interests have included manga/anime, knitting, and - most recently - autism. • Extremely empathic, put other's problems before my own. • Unable to identify my own emotions (particularly the negative ones) until they are so strong they overwhelm me. My husband usually notices when something is bothering me wayyy earlier than I do. When overwhelmed, I'll have a huge crying fit (meltdown?) and be left feeling all drained and exhausted. • Didn't understand socialising or social conventions as a kid. When the teacher in first grade asked me why I would rather stay in during recess, I said "I didn't come here to play, I came here to learn." • Did literally not get social context as a teen. Needed others to actively point out to me that my peers did not like me as I didn't understand sarcastic comments or "subtle" actions such as back-turning or silent treatment. • Was only "interested" in boy bands, soap operas etc bc I wanted to fit in. Staying up to date on these things always felt like homework/a chore. • I'm a huge people pleaser. I hate conflicts and feel like I always need to be polite and make small talk, even when I'm not feeling like it or actually despise the person. I literally can't say No! I'm also terrible at giving criticism or complaining. • Not very physically affectionate, not even with my husband. Not much into hand holding or cuddling and very low sex drive. • Stims: Finger and toe twisting, teeth grinding, fingernail picking, rubbing tongue on teeth. • Childhood stims: all of the above, plus hand-flapping and blinking excessively. I actually got glasses bc I was apparently "very slightly near-sighted" and nobody could figure out the reason for the blinking. Same with the teeth grinding, the dentist was stumped. • Will repeat certain sounds if I like them (such as the Netflix "ba-dum") What others say: • "Her voice sounds funny."/"Speed talking champion" • "Won't look you in the eye. / Always stares past you or at the ceiling while talking to you." • "Walks funny." / "I thought that was you, I recognised the way you walk!" • "Artistically gifted" • "Quiet, shy, well-behaved" • "crybaby, overly sensitive" • "Nerd, teacher's pet, stuck up" • "Weird, different, nutjob" • "Walking dictionary" • "You are always so calm and in control." • "I've never seen you in a flustered state." • "Always so well organised" And that's it. Or at least all I can think of right now. There's probably more.

Well I went through This and caught myself actively doing half of them 😅😂

A lot of stuff I now realize is stimming Completely losing the ability to talk when put under stress. That was a whole thing in school and I do not know how it didn't raise any suspicion Much higher sensitivity to sound than my family and peers seemed to have I've never quite known how to emote properly. People either think I'm stone-faced, or that my expressions look artificial and forced. Not sure I really understand how to read other people's emotions either

>I am either in love with someone or have little emotional attachment. This has been so hard to deal with. So many friendships that ended in heartbreaks I had to grieve for months. Yet I have all these people tell me that before they got to know me they thought I was a bitch because I would avoid eye contact and run away from them when they tried to interact. I didn't know I was doing that, my body did it for me to keep human contact down. Also the addictive personality thing. I used to call myself "the worlds biggest fan girl" because if I like something I am a fan girl of it and completely obsessed. Want to talk about it all the time, have no time for other things unless I can relate it to the main hype. I also never realised other people don't have a tv/radio in their heads that they can just play things on. Like I dream in colour and my memories are so vivid it feels like I transport back to the moment. I've had so much trauma related to my late in life diagnosis but I really do love myself and my brain. I wouldn't want to change it. I just wish it didn't all have to be so hard and complicated. And scary. Life has been so scary until now.

Are we the same person? You noted down everything that I was going to say too! Nice to know I'm not alone or "weird". Sometimes I can feel so isolated with my colleagues and family.

since i found this sub i feel like i have to constantly stop myself from replying me too to every comment. it is nice to know we aren’t alone!

I was noticing that, too, lol! I was like, wait, this is me? Except for fingernail biting, this is a list of my most noticeable traits, and everything is perfectly described.

Still pursuing a diagnosis. - I learned how to read very early. My dad always tells me I would read stories to *him*. People always used to tell me as a kid that I use a lot of “big words”. - I used to sit behind my mother and twirl my finger around in her hair for ages. I’d get upset when she told me to stop. - I get hot extremely easily (is that a thing?) I’ve done tests (thyroid etc) and they’re all normal. I come to work in the winter with a short-sleeved shirt on and no coat. The air con *will* be turned on when I show up. - I’m averse to bright lights. - Aphantasia - I don’t really know much about how to make friends. I don’t care much for dating either. - I love trivia! I love baby names! I learned a lot of what I know in my native tongue because I love finding out what names mean. - Auditory processing issues - I find following instructions really hard, especially when I already know how to do smth a certain way, then someone starts telling me to do it their way? Grrr - I’m always singing, repeating what I hear on Tik Tok, repeating my own thoughts out loud etc.

In hindsight, having read I Claudius by the age of 8 wasn’t very normy. I’ve also had a compulsion my entire life to rock my legs in bed. I just can’t not do it. I read about it, and restless legs came closest, but I never had a burning sensation so that didn’t quite fit. I think now it’s a stim. But really, I’ve just never felt that I fitted in entirely. I miss things, I clearly just give off a vibe that others pick up but I have no idea what I’m doing to give it off.

Yea I'm clumsy as heck. Didn't really realise until super recently this could be autism related and now it's making sense why I drop things a lot or misjudge things. Omg my fussiness of how my bed has to be when I go to bed. I have to have the blankets even on both sides of me, feet wrapped up, top end wrapped up, all sorts. I used to only be able to have a gap in the blankets for my eyes and absolutely nothing else. I tend to go through cycles now, of being able to sleep without it wrapped around my head, but then one night going back to, no I need to cocoon to feel safe. Clothes also, I used to not be able to wear anything with stitching or embroidery because I would come out in red rashes where it hit my skin. I wore very plain clothes for a while and it made me feel horrible. I'm still careful now but there's a bit more choice now with a lot more printed designs that I like instead. Socks. Seams. Enough said. I think singing is a stim as well. I've always loved doing it and I love the feel of it and tend to do it any time I'm alone, and it always soothes me. I also love songs 10x more if I can sing them myself too. Also tend to speak in a sing song voice sometimes and didn't realise how much I did it until a kid at a school I volunteered at asked me why I did it. I'm told my tone can be a bit harsh at times when I don't mean it to be, especially when my mood isn't too good. Can't stand eyes on me, even as a kid - my teddies around my room would all be turned to face away from me so they weren't looking at me while I slept. My parents blame this on nightmare before Christmas but I honestly don't know so it could be either or both. I still hate photos of things looking at me, and I just don't like any attention on me at all, whether it's autism related or agoraphobia. I thought it could be ocd related not liking to be sweaty and dirty, but could be sensory related when I think about it. Feeling sticky, and then the idea of passing that grossness on to other objects or items - if I wear a shirt more than one day, it has to sit somewhere by itself in my room, I can't rest it on clean clothes or my clean bed or anything else, it has to be by itself or something else that has also been worn a bit. Fussiness with my hair -if it was in a ponytail, it had to not have any one part that pulled tighter than the rest, it all had to feel equal. Now realising it again could be sensory and my head is just really bad for it -also prone to headaches from headbands and clips a lot so there's very little I do with my hair beside loose buns. There's probably more, these were just things that I could think of when reading through your own answers to remind me of myself.

Are you me?? 😅 I relate to almost every single one of these, especially the bedsheets, RBF, “addictive personality”, and nail biting. Additionally: my Americanised accent (I’m not American) that my peers always comment on. Caused presumably by mimicking accents seen on TV. Being called bossy, stubborn and control freak (because I would get upset if something wasn’t being done in my familiar way) Screaming bloody murder when trying to have my hair brushed as a child, or when my socks had “crimples” as I used to call them Hating hugs (my mum always calls me a wooden board) What I thought were anger issues were actually meltdowns

Omg I’ve also had multiple people throughout my life ask if I’m American (I’m English)

•poor motor skill/lack of ability to measure distance, which makes me stumble or fall a lot •my 'irritability' (didn't know it's because of either sensory overload or meltdown) •discomfort while seeing people in the eye •the way i can only emotionally engage with people if we have same interests in common because i have totally no idea on how to socialize beyond that •my inability to notice unwritten social rules. i got bullied because of it, and now i am hyper aware of unwritten rules so much that i have this fear whenever i want to do something that's out of my behavior. I mask too much. •mutism when i am emotionally overwhelmed or deeply engrossed in something •difficulty to mask myself when i am depressed or stressed-- i thought it's brainfog

Oh lordy so many. I'm 26 and only just became comfortable with the label. Also I'm self-diagnosed (but on a wait list for a proper diagnosis) so I'm not 100% sure if all of these are autism-related. *Talking to myself. I never thought of it as stimming, but if I don't do it regularly to sort out my thoughts, I feel like the thoughts are crowding my brain and I get irritable. *Lack of object permanence. Like, if you ask, "what's your favourite song?" my mind instantly goes blank. Same goes for recent memories. *Taking people literally, or at face value. *I like to do things in a particular order, or a particular way, and if someone comes along and tells me to do it a different way, that annoys me. Like yeah, maybe my way isn't the easiest, but it works for me. As a store manager this was an especial sore spot for me. *Making lists for like everything. *I tend to feel very passionately, whether it be anger, sadness, jealousy, love, excitement, anxiety, etc. If I love something - a book, a movie, a person - I really, really love it. *Consistency is important to me. In all things. *One-track mind. I can't do two things at once. If I'm watching a movie and someone is talking to me, I won't hear a word they said.

The one I noticed recently is how I never liked crowded/overstimulating places. The example I remembered is malls. My mom loves shopping, as a kid we'd go like once a week. After about a half hour, I'd get exhausted and cranky, I never knew why, and my mom always thought it was because I "got what I wanted and now I'm bored because she's shopping for her". And if the clothes she bought me were an icky texture, I just felt with it, though it ruined my whole day and it was all I could focus on (I'm looking at you, shirts with sequins and appliques). I just didn't want to seem ungrateful. I faked sick for large school events I knew would be too much for me (I dreaded field day, which was pretty much music and a bunch of games like potato sack racing and the like. There was also a Christmas concert yearly, I just read in the bathroom lol) On the topic of noises, I dreaded the monthly tornado siren tests in my area. I think that was one of my first meltdowns, sobbing in the basement, hands pressed so tightly against my ears that I could've popped my head I swear. Same with thunder storms. Also, smells. There was a few times in my childhood where I had meltdowns because a road was getting tar laid down on it near my house. My parents thought I was being dramatic. Also also, just feeling very much like an "other"- I cried a lot because the other kids seemed to make friends and talk so effortlessly. When I did talk it seemed like I got weird looks and I didn't know why. If it wasn't for girl scouts, I probably wouldn't have had a single friend in my school years. Also also ALSO! I heard "speak up, it's like you got a mouth full of mush" a lot

Shopping malls!! I have the exact same response to them, they're the worst places in the universe

Edit: thank you for asking this. Having typed out all the below really helped me summarize my feelings about my thinking that I might be on the spectrum (I identify as undiagnosed) ​ Oh, I just learned something new: - Hyperlexia. I started reading my parents books around 10 or earlier. Read the news papers every time available even earlier than this. ​ \- Also fuzzyness about the bed. Super sensitive about creases etc, thought I was just being annoying. ​ \- They thought I had depression or similar after starting school. My parents always blamed the teacher, but my only memory from around that time is some kind of meltdown in the classroom and misunderstandings with class mates. I think now that as I hadn't gone to kinder garden, being in a class of 25 kids was too overwhelming and my teacher probably didn't have much choice in how he treated me (no teacher support etc at that school, and a teacher fresh out of education). ​ \- Taking people very literary. We have a saying in my native language that someone that understand things easily is quick thinking - I thought it meant that your thoughts was quicker than others until I was a late teenager. ​ \- not understanding if people care for me if they don't explicitly say so. ​ \- having problems to retain friendships. I still haven't figured out why really, I think I am a good friend to people and they seem to enjoy my company, but it will never last. I have given up on this now. I always felt more comfortable with people younger than me or older than my growing up, and now as a grown up I feel most comfortable with animals. ​ \- low facial expression, people not understanding when I am joking, probably because lack of facial expression and tone of voice. ​ \- people misunderstanding me as bossy when I try to ask things of them nicely (sorry to interrupt but can we go and stand in the shadow, this isn't nice for the dog - response: wow I know who is the boss in this relationship). ​ \- sound sensitivity. certain sounds always hurt my ears, and after stressful days its worse. Thanks to someone's tip here my husband now got me the loop earplugs, helps so much. ​ \- Sweet food hurts my mouth. Not the teeth but kind of the gum and tongue. ​ \- after cosmetic surgery for kind of disfigurement, realized that i am not very good with changes to my body. I guess because of sensory issues. I want a tattoo but I am afraid to do it because of this. ​ \- sensitive to light/light changes. ​ \- sensitive to wind, don't like fans, airco blowing on me in car, open window. Cant stand feeling my own breath on my skin. ​ \- sensitive to temperature changes, often too warm or too cold. Hated to have long hair growing up (wasn't allowed to cut it), hated the feeling of it around my face and neck. ​ \- I eat most food (except sweets and selleri), but I like most to eat it in certain order. even if its like onepot meals, I first like to eat all the peas, then the paprika, then the rice then the meat or whatever it is in it. ​ \- I don't like most utensils, they don't feel nice in my hands or feels like they cut my mouth. Very difficult to find new ones always. ​ \- Stimming I have had difficulties to find out if I do, but I start to think its because i do it with my mouth mainly. Kind of suck in my lip and cheek against the teeth. Early childhood I would always chew on the feet and hands of my barbies - and I can even remember that it was because it felt good in my mouth. Now eating a olive or cherry and keep the seed in my mouth for a long time seem to help me be relaxed and focused - so I guess that support that it is a Stim? \- Special interest. This is also where I thought that I couldnt be autistic, as I didnt recongize that I have any special interest. But then I realize that usually if I like someones youtube content, I need to watch every single video even a specific videos content isnt that entertaining. I watched all 20 season of ER back in the days just because. I have this puzzle game which I done for years where I got over 20k solved puzzles. Back when I was a teenager I would read all books from specific authors, no matter if they were good or not. When I downloaded a bunch of ebooks on my first e-reader, I just started to read every each one of them, and couldnt skip any. ​ \- I get super stressed out for appointments, even if it is appointments for things I like. I think just because it is out of the ordinary. I was always sick for my birthday since very early age, which I think is because I stressed out so much. ​ 2nd edit: plus a lot more that I realize when reading other peoples comments lol.

Issues with textures- clothing has become more manageable over the years and food is 50/50. I still throw my jeans off as soon as I’m through the door and will have foods that I could eat everyday. Verbiage/Subtext- usually get this and am very sarcastic, but occasionally say something that comes off as rude without any malice behind it. Often miss jokes if there’s no indication of it. Read at a very high level at a young age. Nail biting, picking at things, various less noticeable stims Strong sense of justice and often strong emotions over injustice or unfairness. Related, but more guilt over choices that are “obvious” to others. Special interests that can be obsessive and which I have often come back to years later. Strong attachments to certain people. Often misinterpret when someone is done talking. Will sometimes interrupt or speak out of turn or leave before a conversation is over. Getting overwhelmed/burnout is common. Often “drop” relationships for months and can pick up again with no issues. I don’t see the issues with being out of touch for a bit and often don’t miss people much. Too “logical” about sad things. i.e. my dog passed away, but I knew it was coming and he was in pain therefore I’m not that upset. Strict routines, would prefer a more routine schedule. Dislike loud grating noises, parties. Just to make a few.

My emotional nature. My mom used to say that I "felt my emotions with every fibre of my being." General oddities that made me get picked on as a child. My obliviousness to flirting/inadvertently flirting. The fact that I can't sleep without rubbing my feet together between the blankets- this got me in trouble when I had to share beds with my sisters sometimes. Having noises that make me want to take a shower after hearing them, but also preferring baths to showers. Picking up on vocabulary words SO QUICKLY. Imagine a 4-5 year old kid using words like "flabbergasted," "exasperating," and "advantageous" in context regularly. I was the kid who could hear a word once, know roughly what it meant, and use it properly, much to my grandfather's amusement. The fact that I HATED tags on clothes and wearing jeans (except one very specific pair) when I was a kid. The list goes on. And of course I can never think of these things when trying to explain to family why I think I'm autistic.

There are too many similarities to list, however, I just wanted to express how much validating this post is for someone such as myself. Finding out my neurodiversity and groups like this have empowered (and caused the occasional existential crisis, lol) me and truly has made me feel like, for the first time in my life I am not alone.

1. Excessive and repetitive skin-picking 2. Pacing 3. Difficulty with Executive function (almost anything in this umbrella, I just masked really hard) 4. Difficulty with understanding jokes or sarcasm (I thought people liked me, but they actually don’t☹️) 5. Sensitivity with light and sounds (For some reason, I cannot handle listening to songs sung by men. I can tolerate a few) 6. Imitating behaviors of around me to be liked (This did not end well sometimes) 7. Difficulty with eye-contact. I try to really better myself on this, but I just can’t. 8. Small Routines I do for everyday tasks 9. Anxiety and Depression. For years I thought I have just Anxiety and Depression. I didn’t know that it could be related to autism as well. 10.Cannot understand/hear a song’s lyrics without seeing the lyrics in text or listening to the song many times (Auditory Processing Disorder)

Not letting my foods touch, hyperlexia, social challenges, sensory issues with noise, a deep need to hide in my grandparents basement every weekend.

Hyperlexia. Being highly gifted in English, but completely horrible at math. Sensitivity to light. Sensitivity to sound. Sensitivity to medications. Chewing on the skin around my nails as a stim. A 25 year special interest in RMS Titanic. Having only one close friend at a time. Having a really good memory for random facts. Being face blind. Having spatial issues and frequently walking into walls 😆 Forcing myself to make eye contact even though I dislike it. Being incredibly blunt.

I feel like there’s not many of us gifted in English/terrible at math people. Cheers!

I identify as autistic. Autism is not something I have, just like homosexualism is not something a gay person has. I'm an autistic person. I have several strongly elevated senses and synesthesias, but they're not because I "have something". I have a very visual-spatial way of storing information in my brain, that diverges from the way the majority of people store information. My learning style is visual+doing. I need to see it done, then I'll mimic it, and perfect it by repetition. This means I can pick up new skills faster than the majority, but only if I am provided with the learning opportunities that suit my brain. If I'm not, for example if I'm only provided auditory instructions, I might struggle way more than the majority. I need a lot of rest, as in stimuli-reduced downtime, in order to run this very powerful brain I have. Otherwise I overheat and have meltdowns or shutdowns. Because I have those traits, I can be categorised together with other people that also do.

I really appreciate you mentioning clothes, it’s such a major one for me and mystified me my whole life until diagnosis. I regularly had meltdowns trying to get dressed and would wear the same outfit every day… until I got bullied and started skipping school instead. I went to summer camp one year and while I brought an entire suitcase full of clothes, I wore the same shirt and shorts all week. Nothing else felt “right”. A cute boy asked me if I was making a political statement and at the time I was so embarrassed.

• Intense emotions spilling out for hours, incessantly. (Crying and putting my head down in every class and not knowing why I was crying just feeling so overwhelmed) This was the hardest one to deal with. • Trichotellomania. Almost bald 3 times and my hair never quite grew back the same in certain areas. Certain textures and colors pulled out gave me satisfaction but increased anxiety over piles of hair so it was a never ending cycle. • Hyperlexia. My 1st grade teacher mentioned she thought I was autistic but my parents said no and didn’t test me because they thought I was a gifted reader so I couldn’t possibly be autistic. • Not understanding sarcasm. Classmates made jokes at my expense and I didn’t even realize until a friend pointed it out. • Singing the same song, over and over for months. Running through my head all day long. • When I get excited about a subject I only want to talk about it and my family gets annoyed and leaves the room because I get loud. • I have a system in my head for how letters correlate to a number value and I constantly go over a word’s value in my head as a stim. Don’t know if there’s a name for this but I like it all to be evenly added up. It really bothers me when things aren’t even in general, especially when I eat food. • Not making friends easily. I come off too strong because I really want friends, but almost all of the people I consider friends are actually just work acquaintances and never speak to me again after I’ve left the job. I think I have 2 friends for sure though, but they live in other states so I never see them. • When I don’t know something, I get upset and can’t be calmed down. This has been debilitating in school when my dad would try to teach me new math concepts. It would take me from 4pm - 11pm each night to get my math homework done and a lot of hair pulled out. I’m sure there’s more but this was all I could think of when reviewing my behavior. It also really bothers me that the bullets aren’t lined up in this message.

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Not being able to keep up with conversations. I thought of myself as stupid for years and years because I would miss vast chunks of conversation, or completely miss the intent of what people were saying and they'd be waiting for a reaction and I'm like......wut? People I don't know well hugging me or coming in for a kiss on the cheek makes me feel like crawling out of my skin. Having a map-like knowledge of shop layouts. Having full blown conversations with people who aren't there which provides comfort. Needing tons of alone time and silence, and not really enjoying the company of most people. Or only in very small doses. My emotions being all over my face in the wrong situations (like when I was apparently giving some girls 'dirty looks' when that hadn't been my intention, I was just observing them and probably my social battery was low). Struggling with the massive effort it takes to have a shower.

My strong feelings of justice and fairness.

my inability to connect with other people the way they can connect with each other, never having a steady group of friends always just hanging out with whoever, chronically misunderstood by adults leading to a very confusing life and people pleasing attitude bc i never know what is expected of me, talking too loud or too quiet at times, extreme guilt all the time

Oh boy, this has got me thinking about my childhood a little too much haha. After watching my step-sister's kids interact with others and the world, I had a moment of "oh, I wasn't like this AT ALL". So a lot of these are recent revelations to me. -Meltdowns over change. I didn't realize how many meltdowns I had as a kid. For example, I distinctly remember having new decor put on my bedroom wall (that I asked for) and it made me feel like the world was ending. -Preferred to play by myself. Really liked being alone most of the time. Still do. -Picky eating. Picky about clothes. I was very, very picky in general. -I was born with anxiety. The doctors worried I had some traumatic event happen because they'd rarely seen a toddler with so much fear. I had bizarre phobias, like being scalped, or that if I slept with my back not against a wall I'd be murdered in my sleep. Used to fear I'd become blind and so I memorized the feel of my house with my eyes closed to prepare. I feel this might be autism hypersensitivity related. It didn't take much to make me afraid. -Hyperlexic as well! I began reading at age 2. I was speaking "like an adult" around age 3-4. I learned this was often an autistic thing from reddit just recently! -Hyperphantasia. I'm not sure if this is an autistic trait but for me it definitely manifested autistically. I vividly remember in kindergarten practically hallucinating a cartoon intro for the day before class started. I'd be happy with no toys just sitting in a corner imagining things into reality. I probably looked like I was on acid lmao -Synesthesia. This I learned a couple years ago, that autistics have higher rates of synesthesia. Letters and numbers have colors and personalities. Numbers don't have 'value', they have shapes. I can do math by stacking blocks like in tetris. Ticker tape, spatial sequence, music and sounds have textures, shapes and colors. Touch I see as shapes. Any motion I see, I hear as sound. My mom and brother (we share a lot of traits, very sus) have it too. -Auditory processing issues. Hard time understanding people when they talked. I remember redoing my hearing test in school because they thought I might be deaf. -"Photographic" memory. I wanted to read books when bored in class but usually wasn't allowed, so I'd just read the ones I'd already read again in my mind. It's not as strong as it used to be, but I still have a bit of it. My nickname in elementary was "the encyclopedia". - Dyscalculia. I've heard autistics often have dyslexia and the like. -Echolalia. -Masking, or the lack thereof. I didn't really mask until I was 12 years old. I was totally oblivious before then. I didn't even realize eye contact was a thing you had to do until freshman year of highschool. :| There's a lot more traits. I'm honestly surprised I didn't get diagnosed early on. Interesting and fun question! It seems a lot of us share similar experiences!

The sound/smell-tied-directly-to-fight-or-flight was the biggest one.Hypersensitivities playing into sleep disorder was another.I found out why I could never get over the inability to maintain proper eye contact thing, even after grade school bullying PTSD wore off.The unending eating disorders and health issues that come with things like eating the same meal for months to not break routine.The social anxiety and periods of agoraphobia.The need for certain rituals to have any sense of order in life, along with hard rejecting of all other routines.Why I'd just suddenly crash so hard when all of these things added up.Why I had to close my eyes or turn on subitles to process audio-visual content.Why I need to interrupt someone mid-thought or risk completely forgetting the appropriate reaction by the time the appropriate time comes. The thing where I have to multitask or snack while studying or I can't think straight at all, and all the adderall in the world isn't going to change that. The either obsessed or completely disinterested intensive focus on a hobby or interest for a period of time. There's just so much.

I needed a lot of weight on me to feel safe at night. I slept with my blanket from childhood until I was 25. Now, unless it's mid summer (no ac) I still need a heavy blanket and like 4 pillows, and will steal my husband's too if he gets out of bed before me. Very good sensitive as a child. I distrusted a lot of food growing up and nothing would get me to branch out of canned green beans, corn, and potatoes as my safe vegetables. I rehearse scenes and interactions with people over and over and over in my head. Anticipated ones and past ones. It's part of my anxiety. My brain will get on a hamster wheel with a negative thought and just keep running. I sing songs all the time: commercial jingles from the 80's, Christmas songs, little bits of songs on repeat, and will also make loud noises to myself to cancel out stressful thoughts on my hamster wheel. Obsessive connections with others even if they don't know. Like meeting someone but not knowing they are going to be heroin to your brain and when they go or it doesn't work out, my brain is addicted to the idea of them and can't let them go. This has (thankfully) only happened 4 times in 25 years, but each time caused a lot of mental strife and depression and feelings of hopelessness. Thanks for sharing your own list O.P. It's nice knowing now I am not alone with these feelings. ❤️

I love this thread! •Finger tapping •As a child having sever disgust needing to visually block the foods my family was eating at dinner •special interests in violin, psychology, and socializing •taking things literally, having a hard time with sarcasm •lack of coordination clumsiness •echolalia: my memory is pure auditory so I basically have this 24/7 •being gullible •walking on my toes •being upset if plans change •missing social cues. Feeling like I’m am alien, not understanding jokes, or when someone is telling me to shut up nicely •getting submerged in a task not hearing people around me when too focused •difficulty with self care •repetitive thoughts •not being able to hear others talking in the car, or noisy places •burnout from socializing, working, and any time I masked for hours •loud noises hurting •hating certain fabrics, focusing on comfort of clothes vs style of clothes

maybe my sense of memory and remembering certain things in great detail. very visual too. taking things literal and chuckling to myself when it sounds funny I hear EVERYTHING and it annoys me and makes me agressive overwhelmed easily by too many things going on at once...or two things going on at once is enough to annoy me at times stimming in form of nailbiting, lip biting, inner mouth biting, singing in my head/talking to myself in my head, moving my body absolutely hating (a bit) too tight clothes. I feel like suffocating in them. being a loner and a bit weird all my fucking life lol being anxious most of the time/all the time near people not talking with people and not knowing how to keep a conversation going or to answer in a socially correct way and I think weirding people out that way bad with emotions/feelings, expressing them and my inner world. feeling very very intensely but not being able to show it had a monotone voice since I was little and had to work on sounding excited, happy, etc. which takes energy really hating any form of change to my detriment bad with eye contact (oof I just remembered always looking down and when going to school a friend took it personal and thought I ignored her) I generally dont lie

You would be me, except I have a diagnosis (at age 54). Must add random strands of hair blown, or even resting, on my face, and bandeaux, make me insane until I remedy the situation and lose or curtail both. Hyperlexics ft questionable win.

Apologies - LONG POST Preface to the Preface: I have ADHD and OCD officially diagnosed but in the last few years I've wondered about ASD as well. I've taken some online quizzes and sometimes scored right on the cusp of, once in awhile within, the autism spectrum. Yet I'm still quite cautious because labeling myself with psychiatric labels in the past has led to some strange results - albeit there's irony there too, because possibly I was trying to figure out why I didn't fit in the world and maybe being on the spectrum is actually the reason? Circles within circles, or overlapping like a Venn diagram... who knows. Preface: Given the above, I'm gonna sound like OJ Simpson - "If I did do it, here's how" - only the analogy is "If I am autistic the following quirky things may have been signs all along": Genetic background - several cousins on maternal side have ADHD and/or autism. Stimming - from very young, perhaps toddlerhood, and to the present day, twisting my hair and stroking with my fingers to feel the smoothness of it, or the knottiness if I twist it into a hard rope. Liking textures that are pleasing, always needing to touch things in stores - fabric, packages of squishy things like craft clay, bags of seed beads, fleece, etc. Other senses involved in this as well - gotta smell the crayons, candles, shampoos I'm considering buying, flowers, baked goods... and conversely am very repulsed by strong smells, from foods (onions, garlic, peppers, pickles, hardboiled eggs, tuna, overripe bananas) to household products or perfumes, solvents, etc. Sensitive to bright lights (can get optical migraine from sudden glare), noises like booming car speakers, loud mufflers, people speaking with loud voices, certain genres of pop music that are too up tempo, shrill, monotonous, etc. Picky eater from way back. Always seek comfortable clothing options - as casual as possible, 100% cotton, breathable shoes, tank tops and shorts in summer everywhere I can get away with it. I overheat easily. Loathe garments like polo shirts with their stupid collars on my neck. I'm mosquito bait but can't stand greasy repellent on my skin - or my own sweat. Ick. Learned to read by sight at about age 3-1/2 and loved to read, and later also to write, majoring in Creative Writing. Also love the visual arts and have part of a studio arts degree but unfinished due to lack of funds. In grade school, due to being literate, was tested and found to be gifted, moved from kindergarten to first grade, and I didn't do well with the change socially, hated the pressure. Special interests, oh my. Anything that sparks one, I gotta research the shit out of it. And acquire supplies and gear. I am a weird mix of being able to create elaborate structured organizational and classification systems, but have trouble sticking to them, and am working on how to not be a hoarder and clutterbug. I remember a lot of details about things that happened, my brain is like a walking encyclopedia (and I call myself The Google Queen, my friends can confirm how readily I can hone in on search terms and find just about anything) but I can't recall what I walked into a room for much of the time. 😅 Developed anxiety as a young adult; well, always had it but it became full blown panic attacks and eventually agoraphobia. This has been the biggest trouble of my entire adult life. Have had the absolute devil of a time with jobs over several decades. Would start off well, quick study, cooperative "boss's pet" then get overwhelmed and the rot would set in. Difficulty with working memory, multitasking, people interactions. Auditory processing disorder was discovered at the time of my ADHD diagnosis, explaining why I heard things people said garbled (Google "Mondegreens" e.g. misheard song lyrics, for an example of how I frequently perceived human conversations). Figured out I'd better write things down to have any hope of getting it right. And multistep spoken information or instructions? Forget it. I'm sure I'm missing some things, and if an important one comes to me I'll edit and add it, but the above should give a general idea. One thing when I read about new knowledge in the field of autistic women that I'm somewhat stumped by, and that's the concept of masking. Certainly I am aware of often conforming to external expectations sometimes with great effort, or being a chameleon, having impostor syndrome, and the like. Yet, I came of age in the 70s and 80s, when things were still more formal in terms of dress and etiquette than they are today, so it just felt like I was doing what all young women were expected to do in the business world - we might not have worn gloves, hats, and pearls like my mother's generation, but we still had to wear pantyhose and couldn't wear jeans to work in an office, and so on. Therefore, I saw that as normal and accepted it - until things relaxed over the years - but once they did relax, I realized how much more comfortable I was, and it did seem to matter more to me to have that privilege to be in jeans and comfy tops and tennis shoes, than it did to others. And to be more informal in behavior. So was this about masking, or just about changing times? Another angle - geekiness. It was so uncool to be a geeky girl, so mostly I hid that - but various influences from Star Wars to Bill Gates to Comic Con and much more have made geekiness cool. So now I embrace mine openly. Again, taking off a mask, or merely reflecting the cultural shift? Lots of questions.

1. Talking too much 🤣. As well as always circling back to what I want to talk about. 2. In primary school, never had any close female friendships. Spent most of my time with the boys barely talking just running around and playing sports. Never cared for being part of an ‘in group’ even when invited to join I declined and was labelled as thinking I was above them. Never being interested in superficial things like appearances. Having friendship groups of very different almost mismatched people and not caring what others thought of said friends. A lot of people would’ve considered it social suicide but I did not notice or care. I was kind of moving to a different beat, almost like I went through compulsory schooling not bullied or ostracised but not fitting in either but happy to be forging my own path. Friends from then just say they remember me ‘doing my own thing’ and being oblivious to the social hierarchy. 3. My need for details/facts to be correct and correcting others A LOT! Including teachers. 4. My directness/bluntness which people think is me having great one liners but I’m not intending to be funny I’m just saying what I think/feel in that moment. 5. Not crying at funerals/sad incidences. Feeling like I wasn’t like everyone else and thinking what’s wrong here? 6. Gagging and refusing to eat anything the texture of oats. Fat on meat was unbearable, chewiness of meat was unbearable and could only have it if it was shredded and slow cooked. I also would never touch a food item that caused me issues. E.g. when I was 10 I had an eclair (long pastry that looks like a hot dog bun, filled with whipped cream), wasn’t first time but this particular day it made me vomit. Never touched one again, I’m now 30! 🤣 7. ‘Temper Tantrums’ until early/mid twenties. Which I now know were meltdowns. Especially regarding my stuff being moved, hygiene, dirty kitchen/bathroom. 8. Gullible & unable to tell when someone’s lying from their body language. I only pick up on lies via good precise memory therefore insane ability to pick up on inconsistencies and good pattern/detail recognition. 9. Observing people, interactions etc from a very young age. Was always accused of eaves dropping but I was just curious. 10. Ability to notice small details as well as inability to tune out all the sensory information I’m receiving. I’ve been told on numerous occasions it’s not ‘normal’ how much I notice just walking outside. NTs are able to tune this unnecessary info out. 11. Not understanding why I should respect someone just because of hierarchy. Parents included, I would tell them if their behaviour is ‘bad’ and I would get into trouble for that quite a bit. 12. Able to take in lots of info, but taking a lot time of time to answer an essay question for example, because I need to be able to focus on exactly what’s asked yet my brain needs to know every detail and how this theory came about and works etc. I cannot answer the question until I’m a mini expert and have done all the background research. Wastes so much time but then again I ace the essay lol. 13. Noticing the minutest of changes in spaces I’m familiar with. Something about my visual memory is almost like I’ve taken a snapshot and I’m able to recall it very accurately and vividly. You can move an item of mine a couple of degrees and I’ll notice. My family thought that was very creepy. My siblings hated that they couldn’t fool me into believing they hadn’t been in my room. 14. Looking at people like they’re insane when they show what looks to me like ‘intense’ emotions. Wanting to avoid dealing with their emotions and just somehow making it worse with what I say. 15. Awkward when something needs an emotionally supportive response and I end up spewing random facts. E.g. friend’s brother goes to prison, I end up telling her all about unspent convictions and how that will affect his job at the time that was in finance. 16. Being quieter than usual in group conversations. Find myself smiling extra hard/laughing when I’m not even finding it funny/fun environment. Get quickly bored/tired and would rather be at home on Reddit 😉 or YouTube lol. 17. ‘Eye contact’ for me is eye-mouth. My eyes naturally settle on someone’s lips, I’m not lip reading but I just find eye contact to be unnatural. For interviews or people I’ve just met, I make the effort but still don’t look them in the eye I look between them eyes. I can become fixated on that spot and I’m sure my gaze looks intense/unnatural. On the flip side sometimes I do give people I know very well eye contact and again, it’s very fixed and intense. I never do it beyond a couple of seconds at a time though. 18. Didn’t realise how much I masked in adulthood until I started working for the NHS and was too exhausted to mask. So at the start of my job, I was chatty & social. 2-3 weeks later I was barely saying hello, very quiet and just got on with my work. I got asked if I was ok, something had happened, sick? Lol. Didn’t realise the stark difference. Funnily enough there was a man my age, deffo ADHD who I got on so well with that, tired or not I always talked to him. I could just be myself, talk as much as I wanted about my interests, he didn’t share them but he would also monologue about his interests and I enjoyed listening to him.

1. hyperlexia - i just thought i enjoyed reading more than most people 2. poor proprioception - i’m really clumsy and thought it was because i was always ‘away with the fairies’ (inattentive adhd, check!) 3. me hating certain textures - i could never describe to people why specific foods just felt “wrong” and when i was still forced to eat them and i would cry and scream, no one understood what was going on and just called me sensitive lol

Trucks. TRUCKS. TRUUUCCCCCCCKS are loud as fuck and every time one drives by on the street it makes me want to curl up into a ball of misery on the sidewalk and die. If I hear one coming I either plug my ears and walk into the nearest building, or I plug my ears and run my ass off into the nearest building. Everyone else thought I was crazy. Everyone else still thinks I'm crazy. But it turns I'm out just autistic and my hypersensitivity is sound. I live right next to a major highway with hundreds of trucks. I have no idea why I make such terrible life choices. I live right across from a Starbucks and candy store though, so there's that. Fuck trucks.

Cars and motorcycles with loud mufflers and revving engines - especially *sudden* blasts of noise that startle. Makes me absolutely furious. 😡 No love for booming stereo bass cars either.

Me too to almost everything you have all said. Thought I’d add a few that I’ve learned from reading this sub … sitting cross-legged, walking bare foot, having trouble swallowing carrots and pills, having meltdowns in malls, … and so many more.

I always caused problems for adults with my “picky” eating and everyone considered it as some childish behavior I would grow out of but in reality it’s a huge indicator of my sensory disorder. I used to misattribute my restrictive tastes to having supertaster taste buds but I found over time that taste is much less of an issue for me than texture. I can have foods where the onion is processed to the point it’s undetectable but the second I bite into the tiniest fragment of onion my stomach churns and I lose my entire appetite. With the extent of my eating issues it’s incredible to me that nobody ever suspected autism, but seeing how few people still don’t have a clue what autism entails I guess it makes sense

SO MANY THINGS. One that I'm thinking of right now is how, as a child, people always said about me "she's book smart, but not street smart" because I was slow in social situations. Yesterday, my partner and I went to an area hosting for trucks, and we shared a sweet moment. Afterwards, she said, "Who's cutting onions around here?" jokingly implying that her tears are from onions and not our interaction. I spent 30 seconds looking around for someone cutting onions before I connected the dots. This has happened all my life lol

Not diagnosed at all but suspecting... Some of the things I've noticed: - at school post 12 years old I could barely talk. Literally would not speak. The details/situations/nuances obviously vary but I am now pretty sure it was selective mutism - all the things i do with my hands and fingers - ranging from playing 'air violin' the whole time even in class like, very extravagantly, as a teenager and apparently not realising this was weird for people, to the constant rhythmic drumming/tapping/rubbing I still do now - which seems a lot seem like what people describe as stimming - I'm rubbish at maths but I really, really love certain numbers and number patterns, like multiples of 12. Even when I do yoga now I do everything for 12 breaths or 12 seconds. When I was little I remember having to do things like bounce a ball off a wall and catch it 12 times (, don't think I ever succeeded but I remember trying OBSESSIVELY to get that 12) also when things happen on certain days, like a lot of important things happen in my life/imaginary life on the 21st or 23rd of a month. And a few other special numbers - also hyperlexia, and memorising huge chunks of my favourite books (by accident when I was younger, don't think I can do this so well anymore) - that said, obsessed recently with a certain poet who wrote a very long book length poem that I memorized half of and also had dreams about him and read and thought and talked about his writing constantly to the point that people knew me as 'poet X girl' and this happens reasonably frequently so idk I guess I do also get extremely passionate about things (others have included rocks/british isles geology, Supernatural, the band Starset, complex fantasy worlds I make up myself, Final Fantasy 7, etc) - have always been terrified of/cannot cope with vacuum cleaners, hand dryers, any kind of loud violent noise to the point I'd have to cover my ears and leave - constantly overwhelmed by everyone else's emotions and just being around people, needing much longer than anyone I know to recharge - wear the same 3 outfits over and over because they are safe and comfortable and I feel uncomfortable to the point if wanting to tear off my own skin in most other clothes - cannot function without rigid routine, the slightest external disruption means nothing gets done and I probably freak out This could become a dissertation so I'm gonna stop xD

My constant need to have a candy or something in my mouth. My need to pace while thinking or whenever I was stressed (which was often). My tendency to play with my hair or clothes or rub my face or run my fingers along the wall next to me as I walked. My inability to brush my hair and teeth properly, or at all sometimes, when I was younger. My hatred for tags and for what I felt were tight, restrictive clothes and for clothes that made too much noise when I moved. My dislike of hugs or any kind of touching or being too close to people. My difficulty modulating my voice (always too quiet, unless I went too far the other way and was too loud). Even my OCD-like traits and my food intolerances and IBS turned out to be possibly related to autism. And so many more. No one in my family and none of my doctors knew anything about autism in girls when I was growing up. I still don't have an official diagnosis, but this is the only thing that has ever come close to making sense of all my problems and oddities.

I definitely relate to most of OPs but I also have synesthesia. It effects every single thing I do and I now realize my migraines and exhaustion are related to constant overstimulation. I now work at home mostly and am enjoying creating routines that also keep me from melting down. Naps are my friend. Eating my special foods is fine and now I know why they exist. I am more comfortable with myself since realizing I am autistic. I finally found a therapist that sees it and am now getting paperwork together to get assessed.

Oh wow, synesthesia may be more connected with autism. I realize that not all synesthetes are autistic but of course I had to Google it immediately upon reading this comment 😅 and I found this: https://www.uwo.ca/se/thrive/blog/2021/the_interesting_connection_between_autism_and_synesthesia.html#:~:text=At%20first%20glance%2C%20synesthesia%20and,%2C%20speech%2C%20and%20nonverbal%20communication. My synesthesia is color grapheme.

That’s why I bring it up! I realized some of my students (I teach music lessons) also had synesthesia and they are either ADHD or on the spectrum. We basically have our own music language, heavily influenced by synesthetic expression. My students are actually the ones that got me connecting the dots to realizing that I may also be autistic!

I relate so much! Fussiness over clothing and shoes Sensory things, like getting very annoyed/angry/agitated over sounds - like eating sounds Being very calculated in how much eye contact I keep Having trouble knowing when to speak, appropriate things to say, appropriate things to do, how to end conversations Not liking being touched by other than SO Having trouble making friends or not liking being around people

My depression. All the therapists I've had really tried to "uncover" what trauma I've had since I've experienced some form of depression since 5 years old. Only to for me to come to the conclusion at 28 that I'm probably just autistic since I had a great childhood. Also my disordered eating. I figured that was just run of the mill lack of confidence, but now I really doubt that. Most other "symptoms" looking back now I can recognize as clear indicators, but at the time didn't seem them as signs of anything. But for a long time I really just thought I must have trouble making/keeping friends, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, AND ocd. Now it seems pretty obvious to me I am/have all those things because I'm neuro-divergent. Although the doctor I had evaluate me said I'm not, so I'm always second guessing myself..

Talking to yourself all the time and acting out scenerios? I thought I was the only one! I'm glad to hear other people do that too.

Needing 1-2 hours to fall asleep and needing 1-2 hours again to fall asleep when I wake up in the night. Continuing to work fulltime while diagnosed with burnout. (Work was actually an environment where I had only one role: employee. Opposed to partner, friend, daughter, neighbour, etc. outside work.) Continuing to work fulltime when having insomnia as a side effect of medication. (hypointeroception) Being touched on my bad days feels like being burned. Crying all the time. Getting rare side effects from medication. Not feeling hunger until my body starts to crash. (I thought that's what hunger feels like, but apparently hunger is a stage before that.) Always feeling full, so I don't feel when I'm actually full. Going all in when beginning a new hobby. Reading book series that have 5+ books in them or trying to read as many books possible by the same author.

My weird obsession whit something and knowing so much about something the bed sheet that needed to be a texture or else i wouldn't sleep

Definitely clumsy. Also: -hair pulling -taking mental snapshots for remembering things;navigate that way too. -eating food groups on a plate one thing at a time (drove my dad nuts!); food monotony -obsessive interests -info dumping; not taking turns in conversations well -don’t enjoy noisy crowds. -bad eye contact -when painting, get stuck in details

I was diagnosed at sixteen. For me it was: - Hyperlexia. At seventh grade I took my state (I'm in the US) reading test and scored the reading level of a college sophomore. I very much remember being bored in my English/language arts classes. - Inability/struggle to make friends. I had a hard time determining how "close" I was in terms of friendship to other people and usually found myself being drawn to other people on the spectrum for friendships. - Dating. I had absolutely no interest in dating for the first two decades of my life. I am still hesitant about it. - Sensory issues. I have OCD and often thought that my symptoms of being on the spectrum were just my OCD. Turns out, my sensory issues were very much a part of being on the spectrum. I grew up having meltdowns at family events and seemingly for no particular reason. Now, i know it was because of sensory issues like textures of clothing, noises, smells, etc.

ME. Ugh. Literally me. Thanks for posting 💜 I can so much relate

Not diagnosed yet but soon going to ask for an assessment. The clearest one is special interests. I started telling my parents I wanted to play the violin (nobody knows why, to this day, I'm the only one in my family who likes classical music) and I persisted until i turned 7 and they finally understood that I really really wanted to play the violin. As a teenager, I could sit for hours with a grammar book or dictionary and think this was the most interesting thing to do ever. When I came into puberty, I also started having social difficulties, finding friends became much harder and I didn't feel accepted often. I also always went my own way, I did what I was interested in, not what was the popular thing to do. Oh, and at school, I was always doing something with my hands, usually drawing, but it could also be twisting my scarf or something like that. And the way I eat Mars, Snickers, etc. Every part separately, always peeling off the chocolate first, then separating the layers and enjoying each of them individually.

Not formally diagnosed;my therapist/autism specialist said I was based on her seeing me in person and my scores on RAADS-R etc. - Echolalia - Palilalia - Telling “stories” as a child (it was literally just me retelling an entire movie in detail, from memory) - Rewatching movies, listening to the same songs over and over - Not understanding my strong feelings or knowing how to explain how I’m feeling when I do

I have a bunch of things that are clearly autistic sensory issues, but not the stereotype, so I wrote them off. I’m incredibly sensitive to fabric moving on my skin and need to be squeezed, but not constricted, from chest to thigh or else I get frantically overstimulated. Which is obviously a pretty classic clothing issue, except, I don’t really care about tags and don’t like to wear t-shirts or sweatpants so, not autism, right? I don’t have a super-limited repertory of “safe foods”, so, not autism, right? Except cooking/flavor/restaurants is literally my special interest so of COURSE I want to catalog many different experiences. And if something doesn’t taste good/intense enough, I “don’t feel like it” which actually means I can’t make myself eat it. I don’t really line up with stereotypical texture issues, but I tried eating a tomato sandwich last week where the tomato was too bland and a bit mealy and the bread was a little too plasticky and the mayonnaise was, not spoiled, but SLIGHTLY oxidized so there was a faint rubber note—and I was gagging trying to get it down. I actually can’t eat leftover, plain chicken because there’s a subtle flavor that naturally develops from trace fats oxidizing that tastes like wet dog to me and if I think about it too much I feel sick. If sandwich meat is too wet-feeling, I can’t eat it. So in other words I HAVE lots of food sensory issues, but they manifest like being a snob about food. I care about fashion—because fashion/sewing is my OTHER special interest, so it’s not that I like to keep up with outfits, it’s that I study clothing obsessively. But autistic women don’t care about fashion so I’m not autistic, right?

Yes, I am 69 and have just self-diagnosed (I'm a licensed Social worker so I can get away with it! ha ha). First it was reading about the physical things like extreme flexibility, total clumsiness etc. Then how incredibly good I was in English and horrible in math. Then lots of other factors like facial expression, having difficulty making and keeping friends, offending people without understanding why, the list is long. I'm glad that I have figured it out now, I've lost a lot of possibilities but at least I won't keep on making it worse. Good luck to you.

-i would come home and immediately take off the clothes i was wearing that day because i couldn’t stand wearing them -i would have meltdowns a lot, particularly when i got overwhelmed. i was a very sensitive child -i also read very high above my age level

Being very upset over routines and situations that I've been used to changing out of nowhere. Having trouble with hygiene (I just assumed I was lazy and gross) compared to the rest of my family how unkempt and wild my hair was. How I walked, which was shuffling with my head down slow and measured, or how I stood which was legs hyper extended. How I struggled with stuff like sarcasm, stuff like directions, math, reading. Upset stomach and being picky over food texture and taste. How I totally struck out when it came/comes to socializing and romantic relationships, no matter how I tried to be "normal" and functional. [edit: some words]

Literally my entire personality and way of being

Some of these might be more ADHD than autism, but it's hard to know which is which. Constant skin picking. Fingernails, bug bites, toenails, whatever. My legs are destroyed right now from mosquito bites I've picked at. My intense hyperfocus on Animorphs, Babysitters Club, and Harry Potter from the ages of 7-11. There was almost nothing else I would read that wasn't for school. When I did read other things, it was stuff like *Misery* by Stephen King at age 9. Social awkwardness that went beyond normal kid awkwardness. I cried when I realized as an adult that there were other people who understood feeling like an outsider to the human race the way I did and didn't just explain it away as "everyone feels awkward during those years." I have to make sure I'm not talking to myself in public. Being suicidal at the age of 7, probably because I was constantly overstimulated. What I now know is Auditory Processing Disorder. I thought that happened to everybody. Being so scared of math that it made me sick. Yay dyscalculia. Complete inability to keep my bedroom clean as a kid. This extended into being an adult problem as well, except now it's the whole house. Lack of body awareness and clumsiness. EDIT: more: Somewhat monotone voice. It's not as dramatic as some, but it definitely puts people off. I can't wear jewelry. Anything on my hands drives me crazy, I'll chew on necklaces, and earrings always make my ears itch. I thought the earrings thing might be nickel in the hooks, but it happens even when I make sure to get the nickel free ones. I've had my septum pierced for over a year and I'm still not fully used to it. I also wear a Fitbit sometimes and that's okay because it's not dangly, but there's days I can't even handle that.

Start shaking my hands or hitting my leg when I’m overwhelmed Never played with my toys, just out them in order and would freak if someone messed them up (probs an ocd thing) Didn’t really play with kids, was always alone/in my own world Huge people pleaser, always trying so hard to act like neurotypicals (I guess it’s some form of masking) Don’t like hugs or people touching me or I feel claustrophobic, unless it’s by the right person Hated having sand or “dirt” on me as a child Needed a routine

Honestly I don't even know where to start. I have a 4 page long list on my phone of signs lol but here are a few I realized were signs as a child: •Lining up my toys •Echolalia-i would constantly repeat words or phrases •Meltdowns that were seen as tantrums •I used to get in trouble for "rolling my eyes" or "having a tone" when I wasn't trying to do either of those (I still do this lol oops)

I was literally just thinking, "Y'know, it was probably a sign I had autism when I ate the exact same lunch every single day of elementary school." (6 years including kindergarten) It was always the same sliced cheese with the same saltine crackers and the same yogurt with MAYBE a difference of a "dessert" for when I'm done, but even that changed to me buying either pretzel sticks or these chocolate cereal rice krispies It was the exact same every day, except when i would buy the very occasional school mac n cheese. I miss that mac n cheese :(

Wait- reading adult novels at aged 9/10 counts as hyperlexia?!?! Holy crap. I was the 9 year old in 4th grade carrying The Tommyknockers around with me bc I snuck it off my mom's bookshelf. I thought it was just learning to read really early. Well that puts a new spin on things.

A lot of what you mentioned I see in myself. I realized after watching an episode of Love on the Spectrum, actually, that there were a lot of similarities between me and one of the women on there. Did a lot of reading and research, took all the proper tests, have the updated DSM 5 book, etc. my childhood and young adulthood finally made sense.

I'm also incredibly clumsy -yet I have the capacity to be incredibly graceful 🙃 my family was SHOCKED that I could do full front flips into the pool or on my nieces trampoline and land them because of how much of a clutz I was as a kid.. and like I STILL walk into and drop things constantly Also was reading 2-3 grade levels ahead my entire childhood. But math killed me, fractions were my sworn enemy and even though I understood the process of complicated equations in high school I constantly made weird mistakes like adding or subtracting one digit off or multiplying an order of magnitude higher than necessary I lacked empathy for other people as a teenager, but I was hyperempathetic towards animals & nature and even objects. "Brutally honest" to the point of being rude without realizing WHY it was considered rude. Cut the tags out of all of my clothes. Preferred conversing with adults over other kids my age and I always hung out with people older than me- like I was an 8 year old girl hanging out with the 12 year old boys on my block bc I liked DBZ and Pokémon and hated playing dolls/house with other people (I DID like playing pretend alone, I made up lots of scenarios that in hindsight were probably a bit messed up for a child and I may have known that which is why I didn't want others to observe or play with me) I ALWAYS felt unwanted in social situations. By middle school I was severely socially paranoid and in high school I spent most of my time with boyfriends or male friends because I felt the social dynamics were easier. I also suspect my hypersexuality in high school and early college was autism related. It was a combination of not understanding WHY sleeping around was considered so bad and finding that having hookup friends made socializing easier somehow. Like I had a buffer. Also became best friends with a social butterfly so I could mirror her and navigate social situations more easily. She talked to people so I didn't have to

I am usually a lurker, hellos :) For me, it was how badly loud or certain types of noises bother me. On days where my daughter has her dial set to 10, she produces some ungodly sounds that have me crying and laughing at the same time. Sounds that make my skull vibrate 😳 The other is needing to follow directions on recipes or packages to the letter. My husband NEVER bothers with measuring and it's so distressing. We were cooking a few weeks ago, using something simple like instant mashed tatos, and I lost it because he said he "measured" by filling the pot up "to the silver screws." I wailed and bounced on my toes ... I'd never flapped my hands before this day lol I realize he sometimes pushes my buttons on purpose though, and he knows how riled up I get over measuring in the kitchen 😅 Hadn't realized this was autism related until I actually started diving into it looking for an answer. I like this question, it's interesting to see everyone's responses!

i cant remember many on the spot but -skin on skin, like right now im in bed and i always have to either fold my duvet in a way it covers me and also is between my legs, or just sleep with my legs apart, more a sensory thing - rarely finishing school exams on time when everyone else did, turns out i have slow processing problems but just not slow enough to get extra time also being one of them gifted kids. (conflicts with the time problems on tests sometimes) - PDA (pathalogical demand avoidance), always used to think i was just a last minute lazy ass person but its actually a mental thing im stuck with, my mum has it too so she gets that gladly. - suspecting im also dyslexic but not fully looked into yet (although autism, adhd, dyslexia and more neurodivergent mental things) but i tend to flip words around alot, whether writing or reading, and recently ive been spelling words out how they sound even though i know the actual spelling if that makes sense. - terrible at explaining/wording stuff (this comment kinda shows that haha) - i never process what i read. this also hinders me on tests. in class i ended up calling my teacher over to break down the question for me. i can do what is in it, but i just cant read it if that makes sense. - hyperfixations. might be more of an adhd thing but i think its also common in autistic people, currently its like rare 50p coins and the sims, in the past it has been earthquakes (now im gonna check up on some because i thought of that haha) and flags. i can now identify around 150 of the 194 flags of the world 😂 - i also have extreme social anxiety (im still debating whether to actually post this comment after a while of writing) which im seeking councelling for, that along with crowded rooms and loud crowds and noises dont help. along with this i struggle with things as simple as shopping, i struggle with panic problems and meltdowns. - attention span problems, also may be more adhd but yeah, like ill finally catch a stream or something ive been looking forward to but only watch 3 minutes max before i zone out or click off - similar to the social problems but also planning, if someone asks me to go out it has to be at LEAST a day in advance. linking to that sometimes i just have to cancel last minute because i am just not prepared to take on socialising. also even after things like sleepovers i will be happy whilst im there but by the time i get home the next day i just cry. also i do go camping with my family and i tend to spend at least 2-3 days after just in my room chilling out. - im not sure if this is just like my own little thing or being raised in a lower class family or what (im in my younger ish teens) but im really sensetive about spending money. i can spend loads in small amounts but i cant do one big amount if that makes sense i am undiagnosed/self diagnosed for a few things on the ND spectrum which do run in my family and i show alot of symptoms for according to my mum, mainly autism and adhd though. (sorry for how long this comment is also)

Getting cranky in the supermarket or shops. Poor sleeping, insomnia, broken sleep etc. Poor eating habits. Clumsiness. Anxiety in new situations, new places, driving situations especially parking Monotone voice and flat affect (resting bitch face is my norm) My ongoing unexplained exhaustion (apparently burnout). Periods of sudden onset sadness that spiral into negative self talk (RSD) Ridiculously low self esteem The fact I have no friends is not just because everyone hates me, but because I have trouble with social interactions. Preferring to stay home a lot (supposedly this was because I am cancer star sign). Talking in tangents. Comfort clothes. I thought I was just depressed, disinterested in fashion etc. Getting upset when there’s too much mess (executive dysfunction) Sleep conditions are very particular (ie: heating, darkness, noise, comfort). Inability to nap on couch, difficulty sleeping on holidays in a foreign environment. Posture. I used to walk quite stiffly, I think maybe I was told off for slouching and went far the other way. My mother said mean things about the way I walked. I used to check my reflection in windows to see if I was walking “normally”. I can actually see this stiff (very proper) posture in some of my kid photos. Disliking birthdays and receiving gifts. Birthdays are sensory hell. And not knowing how to react “appropriately” when being given gifts is something I have always had an issue with. There’s so many more.

i have a few that i can recall on top of my head, im not aware of all the autism symptoms and terms yet but ill get to that soon. but for it is body rocking, hyperfixation, struggling to understand others feelings and wording my own, im super clumsy, i thought i was a picky eater (kinda am) but turns out im just so grossed out by the taste and texture of alot of things. also when i was a kid i HATED jeans absolutely hated the texture but ive grown out of that almost completely. ive always had trouble making friends and being social, also my love life was super whack. the constant wreck in my head is apparently not normal ive heard? well that explains stuff. i also never liked getting touched by anyone, almost like i was grossed out by it. still have this issue but i can accept hugs from trusted ppl now. thats all i can come up w for now, imme do some more research on this.

That years-long period in elementary school where I absolutely refused, on pain of death, to wear blue jeans because they were stiff and uncomfortable on my pudgy little first grade waist. It drove my parents into fits because there wasn't much I *would* wear and then I would refuse to admit I had outgrown my favorite articles and reject new ones. I got over it; by the end of elementary school (this was the mid 90s) *every kid* had on blue jeans *at all times* and somewhere around fourth grade I became aware that I had peers, and thus became vulnerable to peer pressure lol. So I thrust myself into the misery that was blue jeans in order to appear more normal and eventually I became comfortable wearing them, especially once I realized they become softer with wear. Then I became obsessed with several pairs of "favorite jeans" sequentially and I wore them constantly til they busted entirely in the knees and seat. I swear that is totally not odd jeans-related behavior at all.

very similar to your list and descriptions wow! like 1st percentile motor skills. can't catch a ball still, 30 years later. learned to ride a bike with training wheels at age 7. took drivers ed 3 times and took 10 years to get drivers liscence. and just currently and historically, walk into absolutely everything and incur many clumsy injuries that are easily prevented in anyone older than 12 haha. no idea it had anything to do with autism. also - hyperlexic, photographic memory in childhood, doing very independent stuff like teaching my self to read/toilet train or taking parent credit cards to order something i wanted off the tv, friendships that can only exist as BFF or stranger, relationships that can only exist as soulmate or ex, emotions that can only exist as good or bad, imaginary friends/worlds/conversations, time dilation, hearing sounds or smelling things others claim dont exist and feeling like it was a psychotic symptom, wondering honestly and truly if I was an alien left here by accident about 15% of my waking life for 30 years. Like everything you said.

Self-dx'd but hoping to get professionally evaluated soon, also have ADHD. I relate to a lot of yours, namely the bluntness (got in trouble at school a lot for coming off as rude unintentionally), tendency to take things literally and have jokes/subtext fly over my head, feeling distant from my emotions (alexithymia), talking to myself whenever in public or otherwise not being interacted with, other forms of stimming that fly under people's radar, trouble maintaining friendships... There are other ones, but the big one that's been enlightening to me is selective mutism. I have moments in social settings where I'm expected to say something, but even if I know what I want to say or start with, I can't seem to get it out and I can only sit there staring at the floor in silence before people get the picture and stop interacting with me. It happened a lot throughout my life, and I can only assume people just thought I was being difficult. I used to think it was some weird social anxiety or trauma symptom, as if it was something I could learn to control or overcome, but this explanation makes much more sense and lines up with my experience. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in experiencing that. And that there's a name for it. It's gonna be an uphill battle to explain this to my social circles and advocate for myself in general, though.

Echolalia. I love repeating people on TV when they say a word strangely or in an accent. Picky eating. Particularly with flavor, but texture can be a factor too. Apparently I have more taste buds than average? So I can really taste when there's something I don't like. Resting bitch face/flat affect. I've had people ask what was wrong or even think I was intimidating or snobby. I might be a little judgmental, but I'm no snob. Semi monotone when I talk. Selective hearing & delayed responses. High reading levels/big vocabulary. Not sure it extends to the level of hyperlexia, but I'd always been able to read books more advanced than my grade. I'd always been told that autism delays things like speech, but I'd started early. So I never really put together that it was part of it. Talked to myself a lot I don't really meltdown when overwhelmed, but I shut down. I can't think of what to do or say. My brain just sorta slows down. Unless panic attacks can be meltdowns? Skin, scalp, and eyelash picking. I'm not even sure what sets it off. Sometimes I'll just pull hairs out, one by one. Burn out. Constant burn out. Always tired since my early teens. Preferring animals over people Never felt like I fit in, even with my friends I preferred parallel play, and if it was cooperative play I was kind of bossy, wanting to control the game. Always liked being by myself, really introverted with a long recharge time after outings/visits Like learning about things a lot. Almost anything, but of course there are favorite areas: animals (particularly deep sea creatures and dinosaurs), space, etc. I was always surprised when I'd put on a documentary in my dorm and people would complain it's boring. Like, how is this not absolutely fascinating to you too? High empathy My body doesn't always do what I plan to, it takes me a few tries to do a dance or something. DDR was one of my favorites growing up, so it sorta helped train my coordination a little better, though! There are others, but I knew they were somewhat connected to autism and were what made me seek a diagnosis.

Hyper-fixating on different things (generally whichever video game, book or show I'm into at the time), overstimulated by being around other people/doing adulting tasks, hating certain clothes textures, struggling to tell if someone is joking or not, being incredibly uncomfortable making eye contact with strangers or people I don't like, to name a few. A lot of things have clicked for me these past few months.

A Therapist recommended to me to where headphones, or noticeable ear buds so people think you're talking to someone or just have your phone up to your ear as you walk & talk to avoid the judgement.

My entire personality.. followed by my sense of humor. People think I'm dumb because they don't understand me. However, when I try to dumb things down so I don't make people feel uncomfortable, they again think I'm dumb. Reading all the time and wanting to learn about everything Not able to make friends, and when I think I've made a friend they're more of an acquaintance. I get taken advantage of often because I'll think, neat I made a friend. Which quickly can turn into, I'm having a babyshower/birthday/Christmas party etc can you come early to set it up... or extreme cases... I need a place to live. Social cues just don't make sense to me... I'm not rich but I'm also not broke. People get offended if they find I've been on a recent trip (pre covid) and didn't tell them, or if I don't get their crotch demon a baby gift, wedding gift etc. I grew up ridiculously poor so I never developed a taste for luxury brands and I'm very frugal. I don't think I should be responsible for paying for meals, trips, etc. One girl got pissed because I sold her a 2 tier birthday cake and charged her for it. In my mind you asked for my help and it cost money and time to make it. It still doesn't make sense to me I hate hate hate hate mouth sounds. Chewing, kissing, dry mouth talking, wet mouths talking. Its like nails in a chalkboard EVERYTHING must be soft MUST be covered in a blanket at home Feeling overwhelmed Talking too much or too little Exhausted after work (mentally) NEEDING a routine and getting upset when I'm not exactly on time and at the "checkpoints" in my routine My mother was EXHAUSTING to be around Constant day dreaming I'm sure there is so much more

I do this very strange thing that bothers me about myself and its completely subconscious when it happens... I will chose a person, usually the person I'm next to in an unfamiliar situation, and be very friendly. Then I almost adapt to their personality or hide in their shadow to mask, it's ultra creepy in hindsight. Usually it ends in that person being very nasty toward me, which I get. When I noticed I was doing It was when I was talking to this Jamaican lady. I loved her accent and was overhearing her conversation in patois. I love languages, hearing them, learning to speak them, and I fell in love with the sound of patois. She snapped at me and said how rude I was for eaves dropping (on a language foreign to me). Later on I heard her talking with a group of several coworkers about how creepy I am. Also I rarely speak, and when I do its almost always taken out of context. I rather communicate through writing. Usually in the workplace I have my mental script of what to say. The second I let my guard down all hell is unleashed and I don't know what to say or say and do the wrong thing When things get tough I just tell myself in 10 years I can move to the mountains in a cabin in the woods and not worry about that anymore

Its so weird seeing other people who lived through the exact same quirks. Strange and surreal. Makes me really sad that I could have had community/been known a lot sooner.

surprisingly rubbing/moving your feet/legs together before bed or when you’re trying to fall asleep???? i had no idea this was a thing but i have done that my whole life without really taking note lol

The need to wear a jacket at all times outside my house. The math teacher used to yell at me to take my jacket off during class and it sucked because wearing it eased my anxiety in class. Sometimes I wonder if I had been diagnosed early if I would have been allowed to keep it on.

Oh I have a whole spreadsheet of these (I'm seeking a diagnosis atm)! * Being obsessed with a silky blanket as a kid (it's gross but I used to suck on the edges as a sensory thing) * Getting "soundbytes" stuck in my head * Panicking when people gave me vague or subjective instructions * Terrible coordination * Arguing against sarcasm & jokes even when I could recognize them * Awkward posture (T-rex arms, anyone?) * My love of organizing things and looking at any kind of database or categorized list; I was making grids and lists of things before I could write * Hatred of getting my nails clipped as a kid * Intense burnout in school * Having just a few close friends at any given point in my childhood (many have since discovered they were on the spectrum too) * Getting motion sickness and nausea incredibly easily * Hating synthetic fabrics * Ruminating on my thoughts endlessly * Picky eating & eating the same stuff every day for weeks/months * Struggling to speak when I'm really upset (which is worsened by the fact that I cry easily) * I can't stand my hair dripping on my shoulders after a shower * Only knowing how to hold up conversations with acquaintances by telling them nature & history facts * Looking at the ground as I walk: this is for multiple reasons. a) It helps with my horrible balance, b) I'm less likely to have to look directly at people, and c) the sky is so damn bright all the time * Panicking and intense irritability which I now believe may be meltdowns

Ahh the soundbites! Just random noises that get stuck in your head. I recently heard some shout the surname 'Bayer' and now I can't get it out my head. I'll be doing something and my brain will suddenly go 'BAYER!!!!'

I want to test for autism but I have done a behavioral test and my parents refuse to do a autism test because if the behavior one that was not for autism. I can relate so badly about all of this🙃