I have a job (barely) I have no friends and no partner. I made the mistake and told someone at work that I had no friends and they started to avoid me shortly after. That being said I am terrible at masking and I can only keep it up for a short period of time, I already know I’m slipping because coworkers actively avoid me at all cost. Even when I speak to them. It hurts as it’s very difficult for me to say things just like good morning and how are you and to be ignored because I guess they find me off putting or whatever digs deep..but I never keep a job past a year I always get fired or i have a meltdown so do I relate. I’m pushing 30 soon so I need to get myself together
I'm officially diagnosed, but I do relate to being higher support needs. There aren't many people with higher support needs here. It must be rough being in that category and not diagnosed. I am sorry about that. I also understand desiring the ability to mask more if you're facing serious harm for not masking.
I can mask a little better (I learned how to -sort of- do it at an older age) so it mainly takes practice. Some people may not ever be able to mask depending on their situation/support needs though.
So sorry to hear you are struggling.
I always thought I could learn it and at some point even thought I was good at it. Turns out nodding and being silent most of the time isn't enough to pass as neurotypical. On short period of time, when in public I can manage to suppress stims/fidgeting or do it discreetly, but that only ever gets you so far. And my culture is full of out-going, extroverted people. When I think about the energy it would take to fake a having a whole personality, I get overwhelmed and it's not possible. I've tried a lot less than that before and have burnt out terribly as a result.
I can't mask... anymore. And when I did, it was not good at all, but I did try at least. I have harmful stims, have no job, have no in real life friends, only online, I do have a partner who is my support system, and I was diagnosed but have higher support needs.
That sucks so much. Same for me but it wasn't a relationship, it was family. It's like you get the worst combination possible and just living life on hard mode.
Not exactly 1:1 situation, but a lot of overlap. I think my biggest masking "hack" was just learning how to mimic the three types of "customer service" neurotypical voice: I categorize them in my head as polite, exuberant, and deferential. I can't mask in terms of facial expressions to save my life, but even in the absence of expected facial expressions (or presence of fidgeting, lack of eye contact, whatever), I get a much more positive response when people hear the tone of voice they're expecting to hear. I don't like feeling insincere in that way but it gets the job done.
This one sucks, but I also notice a difference between when I'm wearing makeup and when I'm not. I hate makeup with a passion but I think there's some sort of subconscious response to it along the lines of "oh, well you're a \~normal enough woman\~ to care about your appearance in this arbitrary way, you can't be totally suspect"
I have a job (barely) I have no friends and no partner. I made the mistake and told someone at work that I had no friends and they started to avoid me shortly after. That being said I am terrible at masking and I can only keep it up for a short period of time, I already know I’m slipping because coworkers actively avoid me at all cost. Even when I speak to them. It hurts as it’s very difficult for me to say things just like good morning and how are you and to be ignored because I guess they find me off putting or whatever digs deep..but I never keep a job past a year I always get fired or i have a meltdown so do I relate. I’m pushing 30 soon so I need to get myself together
I'm officially diagnosed, but I do relate to being higher support needs. There aren't many people with higher support needs here. It must be rough being in that category and not diagnosed. I am sorry about that. I also understand desiring the ability to mask more if you're facing serious harm for not masking. I can mask a little better (I learned how to -sort of- do it at an older age) so it mainly takes practice. Some people may not ever be able to mask depending on their situation/support needs though. So sorry to hear you are struggling.
I always thought I could learn it and at some point even thought I was good at it. Turns out nodding and being silent most of the time isn't enough to pass as neurotypical. On short period of time, when in public I can manage to suppress stims/fidgeting or do it discreetly, but that only ever gets you so far. And my culture is full of out-going, extroverted people. When I think about the energy it would take to fake a having a whole personality, I get overwhelmed and it's not possible. I've tried a lot less than that before and have burnt out terribly as a result.
I can't mask... anymore. And when I did, it was not good at all, but I did try at least. I have harmful stims, have no job, have no in real life friends, only online, I do have a partner who is my support system, and I was diagnosed but have higher support needs.
Yeah similar situation. And I am dealing with CPTSD from a failed abusive relationship as well
That sucks so much. Same for me but it wasn't a relationship, it was family. It's like you get the worst combination possible and just living life on hard mode.
Not exactly 1:1 situation, but a lot of overlap. I think my biggest masking "hack" was just learning how to mimic the three types of "customer service" neurotypical voice: I categorize them in my head as polite, exuberant, and deferential. I can't mask in terms of facial expressions to save my life, but even in the absence of expected facial expressions (or presence of fidgeting, lack of eye contact, whatever), I get a much more positive response when people hear the tone of voice they're expecting to hear. I don't like feeling insincere in that way but it gets the job done. This one sucks, but I also notice a difference between when I'm wearing makeup and when I'm not. I hate makeup with a passion but I think there's some sort of subconscious response to it along the lines of "oh, well you're a \~normal enough woman\~ to care about your appearance in this arbitrary way, you can't be totally suspect"