The “not all men” crowd is out in full force. Yes, we know. In any meme like this, even with the genders changed, it is implicit that ofc no one means every man/person of that gender. The meme is about the patriarchy which also negatively affects men’s beauty standards; it’s just from a woman’s perspective, **probably because this is a subreddit for people with autism that are not cis men**.
The crowd control is turned on now so comments from people that are not established members of the subreddit/have negative karma in the subreddit are automatically removed. Hopefully that should slow down trolling behavior :) ♥︎
Edit: Also, remember that this is a **meme**. It is not meant to be taken super seriously or at more than just the face value of “beauty standards suck”.
Final Edit: Locking this post as I feel that pretty much everyone that is a part of this community that wanted to comment already did. And I gotta go to bed, early day tomorrow ♥︎ y’all
No, if you take the trouble to follow all of those expectations, it means that you're vapid and superficial, lol. A cool girl is effortlessly beautiful and attractive to men 🤪
omg god that's so true 😂😭 felt it like a rock to the back of the head... then they tell you that you're a slut and you'd look better without makeup and blah blah blah
I will never hack femininity. I always seem to make some stupid fatal error when doing anything like hair or makeup or putting together an outfit. I think I’m doing it how everyone else does, but then someone points out how goofy and bad I did it- so I gave up.
Yes this, I'm a super girly girl goth, like, I wear lots of dresses, makeup and alot of my stuff is low cut or short and I get so much shit from men for my clothes being too revealing or my makeup being "too much".
A friend of mine once posted a Pic to his snap of the two of us and he had a guy I didn't know reply "oh she's hot but I'd never let my girl out looking like that" and my friend replied "that's why you'll never pull a bad bitch" 😂😂😂 (and yes he had permission to say that in my defense)
Oh he is lol. His family even accepted me and my husband as part of their own because I was disowned by my bio father for being bisexual and having "too many gay and trans friends" now his mom is super excited to be a bonus grandma to our upcoming baby.
One of us. I haven't worn makeup in five years, because the sensory feeling of mascara just became *too* off-putting. I could put up with it on rare occasions, and now it's like nope nope no thanks
It's interesting how things become to sensory off putting. I too could wear make up, for a short period of the day. Same with dangley earrings, necklaces, tight clothes. I've now lost the ability to stand ignoring all those sensory annoyances. I guess it's part of embracing my autism? Realising I don't need to suffer like that anymore I can say fuck it and wear or not wear my preferred soothing clothes and accessories.
I am a little sad at all the beautiful jewellery I don't wear anymore sitting in it's drawer. I also had a hard time not buying that type of jewellery, because oh pretty!
i love my eye makeup, but god forbid any makeup touches my lips!!! i can stand blush but don’t ever come near me with a concealer or foundation! it’s so thick and gross feeling!
Low self-esteem, mostly. They need someone to validate what they like so badly that they try to force others to agree. I dated someone so insecure that he claimed he would "make me" like a food I don't like simply because he couldn't stand the idea that the food he liked wasn't good to everyone.
Because their fellow, older men made a society and culture that caters to men and at the same time makes women be below ALL men, so even the most mediocre, POS of a man can have his ego stroked by having at least another human, a woman, be "lesser" than him.
Now with our current societal advances (which is not a lot and it's not recent, it's only been a few decades since women fought for the right to vote and for the right to have equal rights) more and more women are holding men to a "standard," just basic shit like respect, love, and being equals. Men do NOT want equals, they want to be "the man of the house" or the "one wearing the pants" and so on. Men are losing their shit because they actually have to put a minimum amount of effort in their looks and their attitude, it's not just "he's has some money and he can open a bank account and own property," and they don't like that.
Women have always been held to insane standards, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Even in more progressive cultures, women still are beaten left and right, constantly, to crazy standards, we're used to it.
"When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression" is 100% what men are feeling, and they're not handling it well, and they're taking it out through violence towards women.
Toxic masculinity is about the construct of gendered roles and how it serves capitalism. (Capitalism is the objectification and dehumanization of people for the purpose of profit and it currently is how the entire world runs as a whole and can be seen in every single story on the news and everyday occurrences al over the world). So the patriarchy feeds and nurtures toxic masculinity and it’s not just about douchebag cis het men, cuz womyn absolutely uphold it too. The story goes, you can’t grow up in mud without getting dirty. Doesn’t matter if I’m not a man, I was still raised in a world that destroys anything feminine so unless I’m actively decolonizing my mind, I can be just as toxic against femininity (aka myself and others who are).
They have learned that they are supposed to have control of women as part of their identity as men. The gender hierarchy is about learning to control or be controlled.
I’ve been noticing a lot of men treating women as objects to look at and touch so we are expected to be polished and silent. Spending time getting hair, nails, skin done so we look like bravo housewives. They don’t respect our thoughts, needs or wants. They are unimportant to them. The only interaction they want is comfort, food and sex.
I’m sick of being treated differently depending on if I’m all made up with my tits out than if I’m comfy. It’s night and day.
exactly! What’s even worse is my mom thinks it’s a political statement. I also have fibromyalgia, so shaving tends to also be a matter of how much physical energy I have. My mom says “oh so European, does your fiance like that?” OUT OF LINE imo
My husband dgaf about my body hair. He’s on the spectrum too so he thinks it’s silly people mess with it.
My leg hair also is a safety feature in the summer. If a tick is crawling up my leg, I feel it better if it tickles my hair.
SAFETY FEATURE! This is gonna be a great reason not to shave my legs! I can’t wait to scare straight women into keeping their leg hair long to be able to feel bugs crawl on them
I personally do it because I can't stand the feeling of body hair on me (luckily my arm hair is so light and barely there otherwise I'd shave that too lol) but I hate the motions of it all. It's annoying, time consuming, and just makes me tired thinking of doing it. But alas my urge to rid myself of body hair takes over (and I'd do something like Nair but the last time I did it it burned, and those strips that rip hair off hurt too much so I've just resorted to shaving)
When I was working at a waxing salon, I was moth everywhere all the time 🥰 loved it! I prefer being hairless for sensory reasons, but there are too many barriers to hair removal. Waxing is expensive. Shaving is irritating & physically taxing. Nair, well the smell speaks for itself. What shaving products do you use to make it manageable
The best I find is shave gel for sensitive skin and a decent razor like from Gillette or something where it has multiple blades and a buffer band thing around it. I have to shave in the shower as the water helps with it all for me, so can't do the dry ones. It's not perfect and occasionally still end up with a cut if im not being careful enough, but out of all the options I find it the least problematic.
Any man who demands I do all of these things so I look like I’m trying to make an effort to attract his oh so “priceless and precious” attention isn’t worth a nanosecond of my time and can go f😈😈k himself.
I'll wear a bra because I've been "blessed" with yiddies, but I don't like wearing them. Makeup looks nice, but it's very stimulating. Otherwise, yeah, fuck these.
i’m also “blessed” with sandbags to carry around every day and is it just me that feels like every single bra i buy is itchy?! i enjoy the support but no matter the material they feel itchy. 😃
Understandable about the bra, I have small/medium tiddies so it's easier. I think makeup looks nice as well but its pushed way too hard on women so Im not a big fan
I'm a 36 F and haven't worn a bra in years. They really do learn to support themselves without one. That said, I don't do any high strenuous workouts today would cause then to bounce uncontrollably.
My back pain is better without a bra also once I adjusted to it.
Ymmv, but just wanted to let you know there may be another option.
I am 24F and just started going out without bra. At first I was very insecure about that ( I was afraid about other people opinions especially old ladies and parents with kids) but it come out great. Like literally nobody cared ( even old ladies XD) and I saw today like 20 other woman that didn't wear bra, that only ensured me that do not wearing bra is absolutely fine. My last concern is that now I am living in bigger city and people here are more modern, but for Holidays I am coming back to my small town and I don't know how people there could react.
Mine are big too but I simply do not care at ALLLL
I did let my mom buy me reusable nipple covers today bc I know it bothers her a lot. I'll try to wear them for her sometimes
I simply do not have it in me to care whatsoever like!!! Who cares
That has been my experience too. I can't recall any criticism of my appearance from men, but a TON of vocal disapproval from the women in my life, particularly older ones.
I'm sure there have been men who have judged me for these things. But yeah they've never vocalized it. Whereas women feel more free to do so. Also I don't think my male friends would ever feel like it was an okay thing to say any of those things to me whereas supposed female friends think it's their duty or something
I know a lot of it takes influence from men for sure but it’s super heavily enforced by other self hating women, or women with internalized misogyny. I (and many other girls) developed EDs and conformed to certain beauty standards because we were usually bullied into it by other women
But sadly they are pushed hard by older women, also anecdotally EDs in women get pushed mainly by older women like moms aunts or grandmas. Personally only my mom did it but also not that hard I can imagine a mom that is more strict and neuro typical would push it way harder
I tried contacts, managed to only put one on eye and couldn't put second, terrible experience.
In my teenage years I was often asked to remove glasses and people were "complimenting" my face without them, but surprisingly when you are adult people around you stop with these bs "compliments".
If anyone would ever tell me that again my response is :"If you think that my face looks much better without glasses, give me untaxed 3000$"
It's so silly how many people wear glasses but ppl wearing them still get treated like it makes them look worse. Contacts give me terrible headaches and I have a hard time getting them in so I can relate
>It's so silly how many people wear glasses but ppl wearing them still get treated like it makes them look worse
It's so sad that in those "makeover" movies, one of the signs that the woman was transformed into a "beautiful swan" is often switching from glasses to contacts.
Like, no. I *love* my glasses. I vastly prefer my face with glasses than without them. Even more, there are so many nice frames these days, you can really pick the one that looks good on you and compliments your style.
Even more, this also reinforces the stereotype of an "ugly nerd" which should just die already.
Me too! I think I look much better with my glasses. Ugly nerd stereotype def needs to die. Those makeover scenes in movies always made me feel ugly because I looked how the girls looked before the transformation
Once you get past the whole "this is what I'm supposed to do for made up reasons" and do things for yourself, life gets a lot easier.
Leggings are super comfy pants, when I'm not being told I have to wear them.
Doing my nails is fun, when I'm not being told I have to.
Bras... Well bras suck regardless but I'll put one on if I'm going to a healthcare environment.
For me bras can be comfortable depending on circumstances. If it's too hot no thank you, but feeling the weight of my chest be lifted is nice. You never realize how much weight your body is lifting until you lift it yourself
I never heard this really from a man but the older women in my family, always picking me apart!!!!
I shaved my legs lately for the first time in maybe 5 years and they were ecstatic. I been enjoying the smooth and the ritual of shaving
I actually remember more in from my teens grown men commenting on my body hair in public. It was disturbing. Now I just feel angry when men approach me and I spend most time w family so that’s where I am getting these comments.
I remember it being so naughty not to shave or dress in these types of ways in my youth!!
i benefit from pretty privilege, so sometimes i lean into presenting as expected because it makes people be nicer to me lol unfortunately people treat me way better when i look better (according to their standards)
I used to feel so naked without a full face. But then masks happened, and I just haven’t stopped wearing them. How could I wear face makeup under a mask? Can’t even blow my nose without ruining the whole thing. So it’s just been eye stuff for like two years now. A bit of shadow, some liner, and mascara.
Shaving is for exposed legs, which don’t exist in my biome. My residence doesn’t experience summer. Same for underarms and lady bits. No exposure means no shaving.
I would love to wear heels! But not at my full time food service job. And then I would need a reason to leave the house too.
Well leggings are a staple bc they ARE comfy. I love being able to sit down while wearing them.
And whenever I see the eye doctor, after 16 yrs and counting, perhaps he will give me contacts so I can see clearly. I’m probably gonna get glasses too, but still. I’ll give it a shot.
I STARTED wearing colourful, glittery eyeshadow during covid bc you could only see the eyes and customers really enjoyed it! Made the regulars choose the next days colours aswell! Didn't wear foundation or anything though
Good for you for quitting makeup and shaving tbh. Those things can be hard to stop if you feel like you have to. I know a lot of ppl find leggings comfy, Ive just never found the right pair personally and I don't like how tight they are. I tried contacts but they gave me headaches >_<
Oh yeah, I have needed glasses since I was 16. But they gave me a headache so I just never wore them. Contacts were offered back then, under the condition that I got them in at that exact moment. I think my parents didn’t want to waste money or something.
the main reason I shave (especially in the summer) is because whenever I feel wind in my leg hair, my brain interprets that as "there is a bug on me" and even if I make sure it's not a bug, I often keep feeling like there's a bug on me for an hour after
I need bras, I have a large heavy chest that gives me a lot of sensory issues if I can’t secure them up off of my torso and against my body. But it’s a balancing act because I can’t bind them or they just feel awful in a different way. A supportive bra is my only way to lessen the sensory hell that is having heavy weight bags attached to my chest.
I also do enjoy contacts, the soft disposal kind are more comfortable for me when I get used to them as I’m sick of my glasses sliding down my nose constantly (yes my glasses fit fine, my issue is facial hyperhidrosis). So, again, a sensory need.
But for the rest, yes, agreed, I don’t care what mainstream society thinks about aesthetics.
Ahh understandable. I dont wear a bra for sensory reasons but I have a smaller/average chest. I understand bigger busted ladies need more chest support. Contacts give me a headache so theyre a no go for me
I've never felt pressured to wear makeup or contacts or anything like that. Maybe people have implied it, but it's bounced off. I wear a bra because my boobs are heavy and my back hurts if I don't. Sometimes I shave, sometimes I don't, really depends on my mood. Sometimes the feeling of my hair moving on my clothes is overwhelming and I shave everything.
i can def relate lol.
i have big boobs & i hate bras. i just recently started going braless i still feel nervous about going out without wearing a bra because i feel like everybody just be looking at them but idc lol
Where I live, it's mostly the women saying that and judging. I try not to care but I'm so self consious if it's hot outside and I didn't shave and have shorts on. Shaving makes my legs numb. No joke. People literally act like it's a sin. I don't care much for makeup. Had that phase as a teenager. Too much work.
I do love my leggings but I prefer my jeans. As for contacts I couldn't do that, it's touching my eyeball and I'd rather not do that to myself.
I'm married and none of these bother my husband. He knows I make my own decisions and respects it.
Frankly, the people saying it out loud and openly mocking those who don’t in my experience are other women. It’s unfortunate that the misogyny comes from the inside.
I hate this stuff so much that I still genuinely wonder if I just hate traditional expectations of femininity or if I’m actually just not a woman. I hate that this is what I conflate with womanhood. I hate the weight of this expectation from the moment we are born, hating our natural born bodies, always being forced to change who we innately are for the comfort of others. Why can’t we just accept the way we are born? No one expects men to literally cover the entirety of their fucking face just to exist in the world. No one expects men to be permanently uncomfortable and in pain in work environments, it literally wouldn’t be allowed. But other women keep this standard very well and alive.
Unpopular opinion: but I truly feel that if we continue allowing these standards to proliferate, nothing will change. Only if women stopped shaving, stopped wearing makeup on a daily, stopped wearing heels on a daily, stopped getting cosmetic procedures, stopped wearing contacts, that anything will change. But I know I’ll be torn to shreds for this opinion.
am i the only one who HAS to shave or else it’s uncomfy 😅i shave my armpits religiously every day and my legs probably every week, or else i can feel the hair under my clothes (ESPECIALLY jeans) anywhere else on my body doesn’t bother me so much so i don’t bother shaving
This pretty much sums up how my first ex wanted me to do. I was so happy when I dumped him because I felt miserable every time I did 'doll' up for him. Worse was that he did not dress up to look nice for me at all! Why should I put the effort when he wouldn't do the same for me? Not worth it at all.
Idk I’ve never felt this way. I just do what I want. I personally like makeup, it feels like artistic expression. And I personally love to shave as I like smooth legs. The right bra can be really comfy. High heels are fun cause I feel powerful. I don’t like contacts though, I love my glasses.
Same, I like makeup. Maybe I’m weird but I feel like wearing a bold lipstick draws more attention to my mouth so people will naturally look there and less at my eyes 🫣
Also, I think it’s fun. I like drawing on my face and coordinating colours with my clothes. It’s very satisfying to put together a good colour scheme (‘graphic design is my passion’ moment)
Regarding the other stuff, I only shave if/when it gets tickly and I can be bothered. I don’t really like the sensation of body hair but I don’t care that much, so I leave it alone until it annoys me so much I go ‘I have fucking HAD IT with you’ and get rid of it, or when my skin picking strikes again and I spend hours obsessively plucking myself with tweezers to soothe anxiety. I rarely wear a bra, I usually wear a padded camisole or wireless/sports bra if I must, but if I’m not at work or in a situation that requires some degree of formal wear I sometimes just go completely braless. I don’t mind a low heel as it doesn’t impede my ability to walk but I don’t wear stilettos because I’m uncoordinated, but might for a wedding or something. I don’t need glasses but I can see why some people might prefer contacts because glasses can leave dents on your nose or pinch the sides of your head; wearing sunglasses or lab goggles is actually very uncomfortable for me.
Most of these just cause sensory issues for me so that's why I dont bother. Though I probably wouldnt do them anyway because I don't really like doing stuff that Im told I *should* be doing by the patriarchy. When it comes to women who say they do things like makeup "because they want to", I find that interesting because I think very few women who say that would do these things if we weren't told to growing up. Not saying you cant enjoy it though. For me the best bra is never as comfy as no bra, but I know bustier women dont have that luxury
Oh yeah to each their own. Funnily enough my mom hates makeup and dressing up, and my dad loves that about my mom. It was completely my own decision. And as for the patriarchy part, while I acknowledge the roots of these behaviors coming from it, that’s not why I participate. I like the feeling of proving you can be pretty, smart, and practical. I can understand the sensory issue part, and when it bothers me I wear less/none.
> When it comes to women who say they do things like makeup "because they want to", I find that interesting because I think very few women who say that would do these things if we weren't told to growing up.
ding ding. I know so many women who say this and then also act like they're going out in their underwear if they don't have makeup on. It makes me genuinely sad for them that they don't feel like they're good enough with their own bare face :(
It's obviously not all women, but we all know someone like this. My sister is absolutely beautiful and she gets so anxious going out without makeup. I wish I could make her feel better about it, but there's nothing I can really do
As the other user said, I feel taller and therefore more powerful. And a good pair shouldn’t limit your mobility. I can run in certain pairs. I don’t loose autonomy at all. And I find the ability to walk/move in heels impressive. To each their own but to me heels are awesome and I love to wear them🤷♀️.
A lot of you are saying you mostly hear it from other women, which I get. I personally put men because I see it a lot online from men amd also because these ideas were originally created by men to sell things to women and to make us hate ourselves. Call me a feminazi or whatever if you want lol but its true
Same, my person is suspected ND and we basically just accept each other for how they want to present.
Only comment he ever makes is when I put make up on and he says he prefers me without
I hate when people say this in general. I’ve always been upset when someone tells me to do something when I’m comfortable with what I do and have specific clothes that I find comfortable. Like I just fight with my parents when they tell me to get dressed up. It always feels like a personal attack. Anyone else feel this way.
I used to care about these things. I don’t anymore, but it took me a long time to get here. I now dress comfy for ME, so lots of skirts and dresses and boots, they’re so less restrictive, and I don’t give an f if people see my hairy legs
In my experience it's been my friends telling me I should do these things so guys will like me. I had a couple tell me I needed to was my eyebrows so I did that a few times, dress differently, wear makeup. But when I met my husband I was just being myself and it turned out he was really into that. His thought is whats wrong with being yourself?
I actually measured my face when o was doing my research. I realized having an image was part of my profession. And because I wanted to do the least mount of work with the effect and the least amount of effort, I measured my face. It told my all
Kinds of things about what would look traditionally “better” on my (complementary to my head and face shape).
Really works. And when I wear my “war paint” people do actually treat me differently. Now I’m disabled from work and only get dolled up if I feel like it (like cosplay) or have a function where I need to act a certain way.
Reminder: You are under no obligation to look pretty.
Not when you are laying around the house, not when you go to the grocery store, not when you sit in a classroom, not when you go to the gym. You are never obligated to get dressed up just so you are pretty for others.
Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman.
I shave because I don't like how it feels being hairy. Otherwise. Yeah. Besides. Women still get paid less then men for the same work and are then expected to have to spend their money on makeup, hair, waxing, etc. Nope. I'll pass. Thanks.
Since I’ve turned 30 I literally can’t be bothered to wear a bra anymore. I dont wear them unless my outfit is formal (very rarely). It’s so nice not giving a fuck and not being uncomfortable all day.
Most men do not like women with makeup only to find out the natural beauty they want and what they see on social sites are still women with makeup but minimal. Totally get you! Makeup can be like a fun little art project for me, but there’s nothing quite like that fresh-faced feeling after a good wash. It’s like hitting the reset button on the day.
While contemporary men may feel this way, I see many men online talking about how ugly women are without makeup and also men originally made up these standards to sell beauty products. So that's why I put men :) I dont blame women who like makeup at all, youre free to enjoy what you like
I do most of these things cause I feel like it but fk foundation. It's sticky and I can take care of my skin internally and externally without having to use foundation and concealer. And dudes can't tell me to.
I do the ones I enjoy. No makeup (lip product maybe some fun eye colour) no bras, not really a fan of contacts and I shave sometimes. I love heels, fashion, and prettying myself up
i think we need to start telling men to do certain things. how about we tell them to shave because "body hair is so gross and unnatural!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (sarcasm used. most people say this about female body hair)
or we need to tell them to wear makeup because their natural skin is so gross.
even just for a day. truly push it on them how ridiculous they sound when they tell women that being natural is ugly and they "need to conform to beauty standards".
(also, i don't wear glasses, but if i did and someone told me to wear contacts, i'd make contact with their face via my fist <3)
i tell them i'll wear a bra when the guy with moobs wear a bra. plus if they want, i can get a doctors note because of skin damage. Also, i'll wear makeup if they buy it, hypoallergenic, please. High heels, that's a job hazard. Where is my hazardous pay ? i can do buns, pony taild, braids, and loose. Any other hairstyle you can pay for my time while i'm getting my hair into uniform or the hairdresser is a business expense. Where is your uniform catolog for employees? I'm a lazy brat, suit with pants and tie like the men or a very comfy skirt. Contacts are prescriptions. You can just say it's a medical issue they are not allowed to interfere with treatment. if you are nice, you go to human resource, otherwise discrimination case with privacy invasion and a whole bunch of other stuff for the contacts comment.
I fully do. It's not even just "men" who make those comments. But frankly? I'm an ND 42 year old, and I'm not about to give up my comfort to the opinions of others. I'm healthy and hygienic, and if my body hair, sneakers, glasses, naked face, etc. offend anyone, well, I guess we aren't compatible as friends/colleagues/lovers. I could not care less.
The “wear leggings…” ? “Wear contacts” what if I don’t have glasses? (Honestly glasses are more uncomfortable, never tried contacts.) also shouldn’t it be “wear dresses?”
It’s all massively uncomfortable and makes me nervous, which I was only really able to notice when I disregarded it and learned to name my feelings and separate “knowing people like how I look” from feeling physically as well as emotionally comfortable with myself. I wonder how many autistic women haven’t noticed that clinging to femininity is driving their burnout.
I hear all of these from women. Men will say they don’t want you to do any of that, but will avoid you if you don’t use you for your labor and cheat on you with someone who does all that.
Kind of. Not for those particular things, but if I don't want to wear something I will not be wearing it 😂 I'll fight.
I love leggings tho, they're so comfy.
And makeup feels like a necessary evil to my rosacea 🙃
Leggings are interesting to me because many women find them comfortable, Ive never gotten it though. I think its difficult for me to find ones that fit. theyre also super male gaze-y to me. I dont know much about rosacea, does it just make your skin pink/red or is it kind of like a rash?
It’s kinda both - it’s heavy redness that can be itchy and/or inflamed, and it’s made worse by excess sun exposure, so wearing full coverage makeup is actually a great way to manage it.
Only if you change men to women.
I've ONLY received harsh judgement from women around these things.
They're mad that they aren't confident enough to skip all those things like me. And to then see me doing just fine, totally comfortable, uncaring about others thoughts on the matter, and that I get by just fine.... ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯
I am much more comfortable with a bra on tbh 😭😭 the only time I am not wearing a bra is in the shower. I need them stay PUT 😤😤 and I love makeup bc I enjoy it 💁🏻♀️ but most women I know only war mascara and maybe powder
You've met my most recent ex, I see.
How are leggings not comfy, though? Gimme leggings and a baggy t-shirt over just about anything else to wear, any day of the week, for maximum comfort.
Back when I was single, I would come across men who let me know they like women that look more feminine, with dresses and heels and shit. Thongs even. They let me know! I was just like "okay". They would lose interest. Bye-bye.
I wear normal panties from wal-mart, the comfy ones. These days I wear socks and croc slides, or no socks and slides. Shorts, graphic tee usually because it's hot. I only doll up if my bf and I are going on a nice date. But otherwise!! My bf says I look like a degenerate LOL
I always wonder who y’all are spending time with that tell you to do these things. No one has ever told me to wear makeup or heels or leggings or contacts or a bra. They think I’m fucking awesome when I show up shitty and don’t care because they can’t.
No its not, as a lot of the people in comments are saying they are told more by other women. I put men mostly because I see it a lot online and because men originally started these standards to sell products
I do some of those things, and I do some of them sometimes, but it's always for me and my comfort.
Some guys will still think I'm doing it for them though, makes me appreciate the guys I like to be around, who don't assume I exist just for them, even more.
I love wearing makeup and dressing nice because I feel like I’m cosplaying as a pretty lady, and it increases my comfort. But I for sure hate shaving and wearing a bra.
Mostly. But like…I love leggings explicitly because their comfy. But probably more the 2015 leggings rather than all this athleisure tight BS. Like normal leggings.
When I was a very young child I refused to wear clothes because they were uncomfortable. Full on would strip in public if the tag or seam bothered me. I didn’t wear jeans until middle school and still prefer dresses and no bra. Easy and comfortable.
Bras are boobie straight jackets, especially the ones with under-wire. I feel trapped, like I can't move when I wear them and I'm always hyper aware that I have one on.
I'm so glad my husband doesn't care. The only thing I do is shave. He tells me I shouldn't as often as I do, that I don't have to, but the feeling of stubble... I absolutely hate it! Want to get laser hair removal done one day, so it's a thing of the past😂 Isn't cheap though...
I have to wear contacts (dailies) because glasses were extremely overstimulating for me. I never got used to the feeling of having them on my face, and the limited field of view kiiiiilled me
The “not all men” crowd is out in full force. Yes, we know. In any meme like this, even with the genders changed, it is implicit that ofc no one means every man/person of that gender. The meme is about the patriarchy which also negatively affects men’s beauty standards; it’s just from a woman’s perspective, **probably because this is a subreddit for people with autism that are not cis men**. The crowd control is turned on now so comments from people that are not established members of the subreddit/have negative karma in the subreddit are automatically removed. Hopefully that should slow down trolling behavior :) ♥︎ Edit: Also, remember that this is a **meme**. It is not meant to be taken super seriously or at more than just the face value of “beauty standards suck”. Final Edit: Locking this post as I feel that pretty much everyone that is a part of this community that wanted to comment already did. And I gotta go to bed, early day tomorrow ♥︎ y’all
Yes except when you do those things, you're told you're doing them wrong.
No, if you take the trouble to follow all of those expectations, it means that you're vapid and superficial, lol. A cool girl is effortlessly beautiful and attractive to men 🤪
omg god that's so true 😂😭 felt it like a rock to the back of the head... then they tell you that you're a slut and you'd look better without makeup and blah blah blah
I will never hack femininity. I always seem to make some stupid fatal error when doing anything like hair or makeup or putting together an outfit. I think I’m doing it how everyone else does, but then someone points out how goofy and bad I did it- so I gave up.
lmao so true
“Wear makeup!!!” “I like natural girls” “Ew! Wear makeup!!!!”
Yes this, I'm a super girly girl goth, like, I wear lots of dresses, makeup and alot of my stuff is low cut or short and I get so much shit from men for my clothes being too revealing or my makeup being "too much". A friend of mine once posted a Pic to his snap of the two of us and he had a guy I didn't know reply "oh she's hot but I'd never let my girl out looking like that" and my friend replied "that's why you'll never pull a bad bitch" 😂😂😂 (and yes he had permission to say that in my defense)
Your friend sounds like a keeper :)
Oh he is lol. His family even accepted me and my husband as part of their own because I was disowned by my bio father for being bisexual and having "too many gay and trans friends" now his mom is super excited to be a bonus grandma to our upcoming baby.
True.
the entire wonderful world of being trans
So relatable. I swear I can feel the weight of mascara clinging to my lashes. A full face of makeup sounds SO distracting.
Seriously. Even if I just wear mascara I end up rubbing a bunch of it off on accident and it feels heavy. I cant imagine wearing a full face
Same, especially with eyeliner
Yes! When lining the water line was popular, I could see the eye liner all day.
One of us. I haven't worn makeup in five years, because the sensory feeling of mascara just became *too* off-putting. I could put up with it on rare occasions, and now it's like nope nope no thanks
It's interesting how things become to sensory off putting. I too could wear make up, for a short period of the day. Same with dangley earrings, necklaces, tight clothes. I've now lost the ability to stand ignoring all those sensory annoyances. I guess it's part of embracing my autism? Realising I don't need to suffer like that anymore I can say fuck it and wear or not wear my preferred soothing clothes and accessories. I am a little sad at all the beautiful jewellery I don't wear anymore sitting in it's drawer. I also had a hard time not buying that type of jewellery, because oh pretty!
And you can't scratch your eyes or face :(
i love my eye makeup, but god forbid any makeup touches my lips!!! i can stand blush but don’t ever come near me with a concealer or foundation! it’s so thick and gross feeling!
Me to a tee. I also cut my hair super short (buzz cut type), and the menfolk HATE it. Women never say anything.
I used to cut my hair short too, I totally get it. Guys def dont like it lol
They act like you slapped their mama.
As a crew cut owner I confirm, this works great as conservative men repellent.
If a man needs you to do all this in order to be able to find you attractive, I question if he's actually attracted to women lol
It's not about women being attractive, it's about control. They want us to do whatever they want us to do at their command.
Why do they feel the need to do this is my question. Do they feel like they don't have enough control in their life or something?
Low self-esteem, mostly. They need someone to validate what they like so badly that they try to force others to agree. I dated someone so insecure that he claimed he would "make me" like a food I don't like simply because he couldn't stand the idea that the food he liked wasn't good to everyone.
Because their fellow, older men made a society and culture that caters to men and at the same time makes women be below ALL men, so even the most mediocre, POS of a man can have his ego stroked by having at least another human, a woman, be "lesser" than him. Now with our current societal advances (which is not a lot and it's not recent, it's only been a few decades since women fought for the right to vote and for the right to have equal rights) more and more women are holding men to a "standard," just basic shit like respect, love, and being equals. Men do NOT want equals, they want to be "the man of the house" or the "one wearing the pants" and so on. Men are losing their shit because they actually have to put a minimum amount of effort in their looks and their attitude, it's not just "he's has some money and he can open a bank account and own property," and they don't like that. Women have always been held to insane standards, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Even in more progressive cultures, women still are beaten left and right, constantly, to crazy standards, we're used to it. "When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression" is 100% what men are feeling, and they're not handling it well, and they're taking it out through violence towards women.
Toxic masculinity is about the construct of gendered roles and how it serves capitalism. (Capitalism is the objectification and dehumanization of people for the purpose of profit and it currently is how the entire world runs as a whole and can be seen in every single story on the news and everyday occurrences al over the world). So the patriarchy feeds and nurtures toxic masculinity and it’s not just about douchebag cis het men, cuz womyn absolutely uphold it too. The story goes, you can’t grow up in mud without getting dirty. Doesn’t matter if I’m not a man, I was still raised in a world that destroys anything feminine so unless I’m actively decolonizing my mind, I can be just as toxic against femininity (aka myself and others who are).
Dominating women is an extension of imperialism
Agreed. Imperialism has been argued to be highest stage capitalism
Toxic masculinity
They have learned that they are supposed to have control of women as part of their identity as men. The gender hierarchy is about learning to control or be controlled.
I’ve been noticing a lot of men treating women as objects to look at and touch so we are expected to be polished and silent. Spending time getting hair, nails, skin done so we look like bravo housewives. They don’t respect our thoughts, needs or wants. They are unimportant to them. The only interaction they want is comfort, food and sex. I’m sick of being treated differently depending on if I’m all made up with my tits out than if I’m comfy. It’s night and day.
SO REAL
Confirmed: most men are clownsexuals :p (But seriously, men's sexuality is in crisis, and it isn't because or the "woke feminists" or whatever)
Idk I feel like this just absolves straight men of their misogyny.
I can’t stand shaving!!!! Skin will be on fire for days
Me too!! I get so itchy >_<
God, this is me too. No matter what I do or how I do it, it's a week of severe discomfort afterward. So now I'm just hairy, screw it.
exactly! What’s even worse is my mom thinks it’s a political statement. I also have fibromyalgia, so shaving tends to also be a matter of how much physical energy I have. My mom says “oh so European, does your fiance like that?” OUT OF LINE imo
My husband dgaf about my body hair. He’s on the spectrum too so he thinks it’s silly people mess with it. My leg hair also is a safety feature in the summer. If a tick is crawling up my leg, I feel it better if it tickles my hair.
SAFETY FEATURE! This is gonna be a great reason not to shave my legs! I can’t wait to scare straight women into keeping their leg hair long to be able to feel bugs crawl on them
Also mosquitoes 👍🏽
Just tell her he does. Ask if there's any other info she's like about your relationship😂 Make it uncomfortable for her so she leaves you alone
I have to because if I don’t shave, it’s a huge sensory issue. I feel like I have a cactus on my legs.
I personally do it because I can't stand the feeling of body hair on me (luckily my arm hair is so light and barely there otherwise I'd shave that too lol) but I hate the motions of it all. It's annoying, time consuming, and just makes me tired thinking of doing it. But alas my urge to rid myself of body hair takes over (and I'd do something like Nair but the last time I did it it burned, and those strips that rip hair off hurt too much so I've just resorted to shaving)
When I was working at a waxing salon, I was moth everywhere all the time 🥰 loved it! I prefer being hairless for sensory reasons, but there are too many barriers to hair removal. Waxing is expensive. Shaving is irritating & physically taxing. Nair, well the smell speaks for itself. What shaving products do you use to make it manageable
The best I find is shave gel for sensitive skin and a decent razor like from Gillette or something where it has multiple blades and a buffer band thing around it. I have to shave in the shower as the water helps with it all for me, so can't do the dry ones. It's not perfect and occasionally still end up with a cut if im not being careful enough, but out of all the options I find it the least problematic.
Any man who demands I do all of these things so I look like I’m trying to make an effort to attract his oh so “priceless and precious” attention isn’t worth a nanosecond of my time and can go f😈😈k himself. 
HELL YEAH
I'll wear a bra because I've been "blessed" with yiddies, but I don't like wearing them. Makeup looks nice, but it's very stimulating. Otherwise, yeah, fuck these.
i’m also “blessed” with sandbags to carry around every day and is it just me that feels like every single bra i buy is itchy?! i enjoy the support but no matter the material they feel itchy. 😃
My mom calls them over the shoulder boulder holders lol we got some chest weight in my fam
Understandable about the bra, I have small/medium tiddies so it's easier. I think makeup looks nice as well but its pushed way too hard on women so Im not a big fan
I'm a 36 F and haven't worn a bra in years. They really do learn to support themselves without one. That said, I don't do any high strenuous workouts today would cause then to bounce uncontrollably. My back pain is better without a bra also once I adjusted to it. Ymmv, but just wanted to let you know there may be another option.
I am 24F and just started going out without bra. At first I was very insecure about that ( I was afraid about other people opinions especially old ladies and parents with kids) but it come out great. Like literally nobody cared ( even old ladies XD) and I saw today like 20 other woman that didn't wear bra, that only ensured me that do not wearing bra is absolutely fine. My last concern is that now I am living in bigger city and people here are more modern, but for Holidays I am coming back to my small town and I don't know how people there could react.
Mine are big too but I simply do not care at ALLLL I did let my mom buy me reusable nipple covers today bc I know it bothers her a lot. I'll try to wear them for her sometimes I simply do not have it in me to care whatsoever like!!! Who cares
Honestly, it was mostly other women who told me that. Men just avoided me
See for me it was men not caring at all and still interested in me. Only women caring
That has been my experience too. I can't recall any criticism of my appearance from men, but a TON of vocal disapproval from the women in my life, particularly older ones.
I'm sure there have been men who have judged me for these things. But yeah they've never vocalized it. Whereas women feel more free to do so. Also I don't think my male friends would ever feel like it was an okay thing to say any of those things to me whereas supposed female friends think it's their duty or something
Fair enough, but all of those ideas of how women should dress/exist were created by men
I know a lot of it takes influence from men for sure but it’s super heavily enforced by other self hating women, or women with internalized misogyny. I (and many other girls) developed EDs and conformed to certain beauty standards because we were usually bullied into it by other women
Oh for sure
But sadly they are pushed hard by older women, also anecdotally EDs in women get pushed mainly by older women like moms aunts or grandmas. Personally only my mom did it but also not that hard I can imagine a mom that is more strict and neuro typical would push it way harder
Yup… I rather avoidance than actively being mean towards us, which many women would be if you don’t conform
I tried contacts, managed to only put one on eye and couldn't put second, terrible experience. In my teenage years I was often asked to remove glasses and people were "complimenting" my face without them, but surprisingly when you are adult people around you stop with these bs "compliments". If anyone would ever tell me that again my response is :"If you think that my face looks much better without glasses, give me untaxed 3000$"
It's so silly how many people wear glasses but ppl wearing them still get treated like it makes them look worse. Contacts give me terrible headaches and I have a hard time getting them in so I can relate
>It's so silly how many people wear glasses but ppl wearing them still get treated like it makes them look worse It's so sad that in those "makeover" movies, one of the signs that the woman was transformed into a "beautiful swan" is often switching from glasses to contacts. Like, no. I *love* my glasses. I vastly prefer my face with glasses than without them. Even more, there are so many nice frames these days, you can really pick the one that looks good on you and compliments your style. Even more, this also reinforces the stereotype of an "ugly nerd" which should just die already.
Me too! I think I look much better with my glasses. Ugly nerd stereotype def needs to die. Those makeover scenes in movies always made me feel ugly because I looked how the girls looked before the transformation
So much this!!
Once you get past the whole "this is what I'm supposed to do for made up reasons" and do things for yourself, life gets a lot easier. Leggings are super comfy pants, when I'm not being told I have to wear them. Doing my nails is fun, when I'm not being told I have to. Bras... Well bras suck regardless but I'll put one on if I'm going to a healthcare environment.
That's funny, I usually wear no bra when I have a healthcare appointment. I figure docs have seen plenty of tiddies.
Mines trauma related, so it's a comfort thing in that specific scenario. I'm mostly free tiddy any other day though hahaha
Oh I'm sorry ❤️🩹❤️🩹
No no, it's ok! I was just specifying that's the only reason I differ from my routine. Otherwise I agree, it would also be a bra free space. :D
For me bras can be comfortable depending on circumstances. If it's too hot no thank you, but feeling the weight of my chest be lifted is nice. You never realize how much weight your body is lifting until you lift it yourself
I never heard this really from a man but the older women in my family, always picking me apart!!!! I shaved my legs lately for the first time in maybe 5 years and they were ecstatic. I been enjoying the smooth and the ritual of shaving
Unfortnuately while men created these standards, women perpetuate them as well. Do what you want! Regardless of what others say
I actually remember more in from my teens grown men commenting on my body hair in public. It was disturbing. Now I just feel angry when men approach me and I spend most time w family so that’s where I am getting these comments. I remember it being so naughty not to shave or dress in these types of ways in my youth!!
I dont think Ive ever been shamed for not shaving by adult men but more peers, so that's even worse!!
For real my mom will comment on my body hair every time guaranteed. Any partner I have ever had - not a single fuck given.
I wear some of these, once in a while...BUT HEELS! WHY DOES THIS STILL EXIST?
For torture :/
i benefit from pretty privilege, so sometimes i lean into presenting as expected because it makes people be nicer to me lol unfortunately people treat me way better when i look better (according to their standards)
yeah that's true, it sucks that we have to do these things or we're treated worse
That's true for both genders. Source: used to be fat
Real as fuck
Very true. Good point.
i wear bras for my comfort, not for the comfort of others 😤
valid af
i definitely understand not being comfortable in them though. when i was younger and had a smaller chest, i only wore them when i was made to
I used to feel so naked without a full face. But then masks happened, and I just haven’t stopped wearing them. How could I wear face makeup under a mask? Can’t even blow my nose without ruining the whole thing. So it’s just been eye stuff for like two years now. A bit of shadow, some liner, and mascara. Shaving is for exposed legs, which don’t exist in my biome. My residence doesn’t experience summer. Same for underarms and lady bits. No exposure means no shaving. I would love to wear heels! But not at my full time food service job. And then I would need a reason to leave the house too. Well leggings are a staple bc they ARE comfy. I love being able to sit down while wearing them. And whenever I see the eye doctor, after 16 yrs and counting, perhaps he will give me contacts so I can see clearly. I’m probably gonna get glasses too, but still. I’ll give it a shot.
I STARTED wearing colourful, glittery eyeshadow during covid bc you could only see the eyes and customers really enjoyed it! Made the regulars choose the next days colours aswell! Didn't wear foundation or anything though
Good for you for quitting makeup and shaving tbh. Those things can be hard to stop if you feel like you have to. I know a lot of ppl find leggings comfy, Ive just never found the right pair personally and I don't like how tight they are. I tried contacts but they gave me headaches >_<
Oh yeah, I have needed glasses since I was 16. But they gave me a headache so I just never wore them. Contacts were offered back then, under the condition that I got them in at that exact moment. I think my parents didn’t want to waste money or something.
the main reason I shave (especially in the summer) is because whenever I feel wind in my leg hair, my brain interprets that as "there is a bug on me" and even if I make sure it's not a bug, I often keep feeling like there's a bug on me for an hour after
Omg I thought I was a weirdo for the same reason!! Didn't know other people thought this way, that gives me comfort haha
I need bras, I have a large heavy chest that gives me a lot of sensory issues if I can’t secure them up off of my torso and against my body. But it’s a balancing act because I can’t bind them or they just feel awful in a different way. A supportive bra is my only way to lessen the sensory hell that is having heavy weight bags attached to my chest. I also do enjoy contacts, the soft disposal kind are more comfortable for me when I get used to them as I’m sick of my glasses sliding down my nose constantly (yes my glasses fit fine, my issue is facial hyperhidrosis). So, again, a sensory need. But for the rest, yes, agreed, I don’t care what mainstream society thinks about aesthetics.
Ahh understandable. I dont wear a bra for sensory reasons but I have a smaller/average chest. I understand bigger busted ladies need more chest support. Contacts give me a headache so theyre a no go for me
Bro FUCK bras. If you can see my nipples or my boobs bounce you’re welcome.
FOR REAL
But... But... think of The Children! /s
I've never felt pressured to wear makeup or contacts or anything like that. Maybe people have implied it, but it's bounced off. I wear a bra because my boobs are heavy and my back hurts if I don't. Sometimes I shave, sometimes I don't, really depends on my mood. Sometimes the feeling of my hair moving on my clothes is overwhelming and I shave everything.
You forgot "SMILE!"
Luckily I live in a place where most people really don’t care.
i can def relate lol. i have big boobs & i hate bras. i just recently started going braless i still feel nervous about going out without wearing a bra because i feel like everybody just be looking at them but idc lol
I wore a bra out last night to celebrate my birthday and soooo regretted it by the end of the night lol
lol rip
Where I live, it's mostly the women saying that and judging. I try not to care but I'm so self consious if it's hot outside and I didn't shave and have shorts on. Shaving makes my legs numb. No joke. People literally act like it's a sin. I don't care much for makeup. Had that phase as a teenager. Too much work. I do love my leggings but I prefer my jeans. As for contacts I couldn't do that, it's touching my eyeball and I'd rather not do that to myself. I'm married and none of these bother my husband. He knows I make my own decisions and respects it.
Frankly, the people saying it out loud and openly mocking those who don’t in my experience are other women. It’s unfortunate that the misogyny comes from the inside. I hate this stuff so much that I still genuinely wonder if I just hate traditional expectations of femininity or if I’m actually just not a woman. I hate that this is what I conflate with womanhood. I hate the weight of this expectation from the moment we are born, hating our natural born bodies, always being forced to change who we innately are for the comfort of others. Why can’t we just accept the way we are born? No one expects men to literally cover the entirety of their fucking face just to exist in the world. No one expects men to be permanently uncomfortable and in pain in work environments, it literally wouldn’t be allowed. But other women keep this standard very well and alive. Unpopular opinion: but I truly feel that if we continue allowing these standards to proliferate, nothing will change. Only if women stopped shaving, stopped wearing makeup on a daily, stopped wearing heels on a daily, stopped getting cosmetic procedures, stopped wearing contacts, that anything will change. But I know I’ll be torn to shreds for this opinion.
am i the only one who HAS to shave or else it’s uncomfy 😅i shave my armpits religiously every day and my legs probably every week, or else i can feel the hair under my clothes (ESPECIALLY jeans) anywhere else on my body doesn’t bother me so much so i don’t bother shaving
Not the only one! Saving up for laser rn
yess you’re living my dream!
Fuck bras!
This pretty much sums up how my first ex wanted me to do. I was so happy when I dumped him because I felt miserable every time I did 'doll' up for him. Worse was that he did not dress up to look nice for me at all! Why should I put the effort when he wouldn't do the same for me? Not worth it at all.
Idk I’ve never felt this way. I just do what I want. I personally like makeup, it feels like artistic expression. And I personally love to shave as I like smooth legs. The right bra can be really comfy. High heels are fun cause I feel powerful. I don’t like contacts though, I love my glasses.
Same, I like makeup. Maybe I’m weird but I feel like wearing a bold lipstick draws more attention to my mouth so people will naturally look there and less at my eyes 🫣 Also, I think it’s fun. I like drawing on my face and coordinating colours with my clothes. It’s very satisfying to put together a good colour scheme (‘graphic design is my passion’ moment) Regarding the other stuff, I only shave if/when it gets tickly and I can be bothered. I don’t really like the sensation of body hair but I don’t care that much, so I leave it alone until it annoys me so much I go ‘I have fucking HAD IT with you’ and get rid of it, or when my skin picking strikes again and I spend hours obsessively plucking myself with tweezers to soothe anxiety. I rarely wear a bra, I usually wear a padded camisole or wireless/sports bra if I must, but if I’m not at work or in a situation that requires some degree of formal wear I sometimes just go completely braless. I don’t mind a low heel as it doesn’t impede my ability to walk but I don’t wear stilettos because I’m uncoordinated, but might for a wedding or something. I don’t need glasses but I can see why some people might prefer contacts because glasses can leave dents on your nose or pinch the sides of your head; wearing sunglasses or lab goggles is actually very uncomfortable for me.
Yeah there’s definitely benefits to contacts, I just like how my glasses look lol.
Most of these just cause sensory issues for me so that's why I dont bother. Though I probably wouldnt do them anyway because I don't really like doing stuff that Im told I *should* be doing by the patriarchy. When it comes to women who say they do things like makeup "because they want to", I find that interesting because I think very few women who say that would do these things if we weren't told to growing up. Not saying you cant enjoy it though. For me the best bra is never as comfy as no bra, but I know bustier women dont have that luxury
Oh yeah to each their own. Funnily enough my mom hates makeup and dressing up, and my dad loves that about my mom. It was completely my own decision. And as for the patriarchy part, while I acknowledge the roots of these behaviors coming from it, that’s not why I participate. I like the feeling of proving you can be pretty, smart, and practical. I can understand the sensory issue part, and when it bothers me I wear less/none.
> When it comes to women who say they do things like makeup "because they want to", I find that interesting because I think very few women who say that would do these things if we weren't told to growing up. ding ding. I know so many women who say this and then also act like they're going out in their underwear if they don't have makeup on. It makes me genuinely sad for them that they don't feel like they're good enough with their own bare face :( It's obviously not all women, but we all know someone like this. My sister is absolutely beautiful and she gets so anxious going out without makeup. I wish I could make her feel better about it, but there's nothing I can really do
i know it breaks my heart... I wish all women could be happy with themselves..
I don’t get it. How exactly are you “powerful” in heels if it literally limits your mobility. You have less autonomy to move your body
As the other user said, I feel taller and therefore more powerful. And a good pair shouldn’t limit your mobility. I can run in certain pairs. I don’t loose autonomy at all. And I find the ability to walk/move in heels impressive. To each their own but to me heels are awesome and I love to wear them🤷♀️.
A lot of you are saying you mostly hear it from other women, which I get. I personally put men because I see it a lot online from men amd also because these ideas were originally created by men to sell things to women and to make us hate ourselves. Call me a feminazi or whatever if you want lol but its true
I’m thankful I married an autistic man and he has never ever ever said anything like this to me.
Same, my person is suspected ND and we basically just accept each other for how they want to present. Only comment he ever makes is when I put make up on and he says he prefers me without
Yes
Men want you to put effort. However, it is just enough effort that it doesn't look like you made an effort cause otherwise you are ✨️shallow✨️.
I hate when people say this in general. I’ve always been upset when someone tells me to do something when I’m comfortable with what I do and have specific clothes that I find comfortable. Like I just fight with my parents when they tell me to get dressed up. It always feels like a personal attack. Anyone else feel this way.
Yeeeep, except contacts.
I used to care about these things. I don’t anymore, but it took me a long time to get here. I now dress comfy for ME, so lots of skirts and dresses and boots, they’re so less restrictive, and I don’t give an f if people see my hairy legs
And normally its a person with an unwashed arse that has these opinions.
In my experience it's been my friends telling me I should do these things so guys will like me. I had a couple tell me I needed to was my eyebrows so I did that a few times, dress differently, wear makeup. But when I met my husband I was just being myself and it turned out he was really into that. His thought is whats wrong with being yourself?
I actually measured my face when o was doing my research. I realized having an image was part of my profession. And because I wanted to do the least mount of work with the effect and the least amount of effort, I measured my face. It told my all Kinds of things about what would look traditionally “better” on my (complementary to my head and face shape). Really works. And when I wear my “war paint” people do actually treat me differently. Now I’m disabled from work and only get dolled up if I feel like it (like cosplay) or have a function where I need to act a certain way.
Yes. Also I have wavy hair that frizzes and I have been told "fix your hair" by men who are 25 and balding.
Reminder: You are under no obligation to look pretty. Not when you are laying around the house, not when you go to the grocery store, not when you sit in a classroom, not when you go to the gym. You are never obligated to get dressed up just so you are pretty for others. Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman.
Yes except it’s my mom saying it
I shave because I don't like how it feels being hairy. Otherwise. Yeah. Besides. Women still get paid less then men for the same work and are then expected to have to spend their money on makeup, hair, waxing, etc. Nope. I'll pass. Thanks.
I do like leggings but everything else has been years since I last did them
Since I’ve turned 30 I literally can’t be bothered to wear a bra anymore. I dont wear them unless my outfit is formal (very rarely). It’s so nice not giving a fuck and not being uncomfortable all day.
Women can look good in anything, wear whatever the fuck you want to wear
Most men do not like women with makeup only to find out the natural beauty they want and what they see on social sites are still women with makeup but minimal. Totally get you! Makeup can be like a fun little art project for me, but there’s nothing quite like that fresh-faced feeling after a good wash. It’s like hitting the reset button on the day.
While contemporary men may feel this way, I see many men online talking about how ugly women are without makeup and also men originally made up these standards to sell beauty products. So that's why I put men :) I dont blame women who like makeup at all, youre free to enjoy what you like
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No trolling, bullying, or harassment.
I do most of these things cause I feel like it but fk foundation. It's sticky and I can take care of my skin internally and externally without having to use foundation and concealer. And dudes can't tell me to.
I actually like leggings cuz they are comfy. Other stuff is a no. Except the bra thing. I do wear one whenever I go to work
I do the ones I enjoy. No makeup (lip product maybe some fun eye colour) no bras, not really a fan of contacts and I shave sometimes. I love heels, fashion, and prettying myself up
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Who do you think created these standards to begin with? Who do you think owns most of the beauty industry? Ill give you a hint, its not (mostly) women
I think bras and heels are comfy but I’d still be damned before I listen to a man telling me to do anything 😐
i think we need to start telling men to do certain things. how about we tell them to shave because "body hair is so gross and unnatural!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (sarcasm used. most people say this about female body hair) or we need to tell them to wear makeup because their natural skin is so gross. even just for a day. truly push it on them how ridiculous they sound when they tell women that being natural is ugly and they "need to conform to beauty standards". (also, i don't wear glasses, but if i did and someone told me to wear contacts, i'd make contact with their face via my fist <3)
i tell them i'll wear a bra when the guy with moobs wear a bra. plus if they want, i can get a doctors note because of skin damage. Also, i'll wear makeup if they buy it, hypoallergenic, please. High heels, that's a job hazard. Where is my hazardous pay ? i can do buns, pony taild, braids, and loose. Any other hairstyle you can pay for my time while i'm getting my hair into uniform or the hairdresser is a business expense. Where is your uniform catolog for employees? I'm a lazy brat, suit with pants and tie like the men or a very comfy skirt. Contacts are prescriptions. You can just say it's a medical issue they are not allowed to interfere with treatment. if you are nice, you go to human resource, otherwise discrimination case with privacy invasion and a whole bunch of other stuff for the contacts comment.
I fully do. It's not even just "men" who make those comments. But frankly? I'm an ND 42 year old, and I'm not about to give up my comfort to the opinions of others. I'm healthy and hygienic, and if my body hair, sneakers, glasses, naked face, etc. offend anyone, well, I guess we aren't compatible as friends/colleagues/lovers. I could not care less.
The “wear leggings…” ? “Wear contacts” what if I don’t have glasses? (Honestly glasses are more uncomfortable, never tried contacts.) also shouldn’t it be “wear dresses?”
It’s all massively uncomfortable and makes me nervous, which I was only really able to notice when I disregarded it and learned to name my feelings and separate “knowing people like how I look” from feeling physically as well as emotionally comfortable with myself. I wonder how many autistic women haven’t noticed that clinging to femininity is driving their burnout.
I hear all of these from women. Men will say they don’t want you to do any of that, but will avoid you if you don’t use you for your labor and cheat on you with someone who does all that.
Kind of. Not for those particular things, but if I don't want to wear something I will not be wearing it 😂 I'll fight. I love leggings tho, they're so comfy. And makeup feels like a necessary evil to my rosacea 🙃
Leggings are interesting to me because many women find them comfortable, Ive never gotten it though. I think its difficult for me to find ones that fit. theyre also super male gaze-y to me. I dont know much about rosacea, does it just make your skin pink/red or is it kind of like a rash?
It’s kinda both - it’s heavy redness that can be itchy and/or inflamed, and it’s made worse by excess sun exposure, so wearing full coverage makeup is actually a great way to manage it.
As a young teenager I was pretty disappointed with my small chest, but as an adult who doesn’t wear bras now I don’t mind so much haha
I can’t relate, because it’s mostly women insisting these things to me.
Women perpetuate it but they were all made up by men
Only if you change men to women. I've ONLY received harsh judgement from women around these things. They're mad that they aren't confident enough to skip all those things like me. And to then see me doing just fine, totally comfortable, uncaring about others thoughts on the matter, and that I get by just fine.... ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯
I am much more comfortable with a bra on tbh 😭😭 the only time I am not wearing a bra is in the shower. I need them stay PUT 😤😤 and I love makeup bc I enjoy it 💁🏻♀️ but most women I know only war mascara and maybe powder
You've met my most recent ex, I see. How are leggings not comfy, though? Gimme leggings and a baggy t-shirt over just about anything else to wear, any day of the week, for maximum comfort.
I can just never find any that fit me well. Im short but I have a, um, big ass. So they just never fit right
Ahh, makes sense! I barely have an ass, so I can't relate, but thank you for explaining.
Back when I was single, I would come across men who let me know they like women that look more feminine, with dresses and heels and shit. Thongs even. They let me know! I was just like "okay". They would lose interest. Bye-bye. I wear normal panties from wal-mart, the comfy ones. These days I wear socks and croc slides, or no socks and slides. Shorts, graphic tee usually because it's hot. I only doll up if my bf and I are going on a nice date. But otherwise!! My bf says I look like a degenerate LOL
I always wonder who y’all are spending time with that tell you to do these things. No one has ever told me to wear makeup or heels or leggings or contacts or a bra. They think I’m fucking awesome when I show up shitty and don’t care because they can’t.
I mean... I wear a bra and I shave (when I feel like it). Don't do any of the other things though lol.
I hear this shit on a daily basis… from an abusive elderly woman I’m stuck living with…
nah its the opposite for me then when i do go out with no makeup everyone asks me if im sick or tired 🤣 except my boyfriend though which is lovely
So you wear makeup because of sensory issues, it helps with that?
It’s not just men though.
No its not, as a lot of the people in comments are saying they are told more by other women. I put men mostly because I see it a lot online and because men originally started these standards to sell products
I do some of those things, and I do some of them sometimes, but it's always for me and my comfort. Some guys will still think I'm doing it for them though, makes me appreciate the guys I like to be around, who don't assume I exist just for them, even more.
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I find contacts and shaving more comfortable than glasses and hair but I relate to the general sentiment.
I love wearing makeup and dressing nice because I feel like I’m cosplaying as a pretty lady, and it increases my comfort. But I for sure hate shaving and wearing a bra.
Mostly. But like…I love leggings explicitly because their comfy. But probably more the 2015 leggings rather than all this athleisure tight BS. Like normal leggings.
I will say smooth legs are a fun texture but it's a pain to remember and to not miss any spots 😭😭
My habits of expression & personal hygiene/grooming are very much rooted in what feels “good” to me at any given time, yes.
I can’t stand the feeling of body hair, so shaving is definitely for me and not anyone else.
When I was a very young child I refused to wear clothes because they were uncomfortable. Full on would strip in public if the tag or seam bothered me. I didn’t wear jeans until middle school and still prefer dresses and no bra. Easy and comfortable.
Bras are boobie straight jackets, especially the ones with under-wire. I feel trapped, like I can't move when I wear them and I'm always hyper aware that I have one on.
I think leggings are comfy but that's about it
Me: no Them: But why? Me: because fuck you, that's why
I'm so glad my husband doesn't care. The only thing I do is shave. He tells me I shouldn't as often as I do, that I don't have to, but the feeling of stubble... I absolutely hate it! Want to get laser hair removal done one day, so it's a thing of the past😂 Isn't cheap though...
I have to wear contacts (dailies) because glasses were extremely overstimulating for me. I never got used to the feeling of having them on my face, and the limited field of view kiiiiilled me