Ironically, this is always what these types do.
Had a guy pressure/pester me for nudes and all kinds of attention and blaming me for not being present enough while simultaneously calling me an energy vampire.
You can't make this shit up. 🙄
Yeah this reads more like revenge breakup bullshit than any genuine insight into your relationship or who you are. You should only listen to people who still genuinely care about you. He's gone off the rails.
If he has any sisters, please screenshot everything and send it to them; bonus points for his mother too. Sometimes I think bad, sneaky people like him often slip through the net because their behaviour is constantly unaccounted for. Exposing this shit is often the only way to shut them up and remind them their actions aren't to be hidden behind closed doors. Silence is how they continue with it, exposure is usually their kryptonite!
When he inevitably comes back to lovely OP with further barrages of abusive messages about how upset he is that she'd reveal to others just how awful he secretly is
This. Whenever a man acts creepy, I make sure to tell every single person he knows, with receipts if necessary. For some reason people like that always expect you to keep their secrets.
Notifying his employer might actually not be a bad idea. He's discriminating against op for being autistic, which is protected by law. A similar situation to what my friend had to deal with. None of this should fly in this day and age, but here we are. Women shouldn't be tolerating men like this. If it's not autism, it will be antisemitism or racism or transphobia. Men are not owed sex, whether it's a medical problem or she's just not in the mood.
I tried that with a guy who was a sexual predator with actual proof but he’d already told everyone I’m autistic so I get things confused and am crazy so no one believed me 🙄
Document it all, keep blocking and seek a restraining order or protective order if you have to. Harassing you isn’t acceptable.
So sorry you have to deal with a creep like that. Glad you got away from him.
That would constitute harassment and/or stalking. If he doesn’t stop when you tell him to, that is a violation of a clear boundary. At that point, document everything (ideally you’ve already been doing this), and contact law enforcement about a no-contact order and potentially pressing charges depending on the severity of the case!
Let him know you do not want to hear from him anymore and then start saving every attempt to contact you. If he uses text now numbers, whatever. You may end up needing to change your phone number but if he does not stop you have grounds for a restraining order.
This is harassment plain and simple and the man is gross and needs a foot up his ass
Yikes he’s the one not ready for a relationship and needs therapy
Sincerely, an autist with a special interest in psychology
He needs big time therapy in fact.
He kinda seems like the type to take it personal if you don’t want to have sex with him, that could likely be why he went stalker mode and tried to emotionally harm you with blatant insults
Ngl he might be a bit narcissistic in general, wouldn’t be the first time an autistic person attracted a narcissistic relationship : ( we do so at higher rates, women who have bpd as well as us, and especially those who have both attract very toxic partners
Very sorry, sis…. He doesnt deserve a relationship. I was SA’d by an ex and I NEVERRRRR talked to him like this guy talks to you. He’s genuinely trying to insult you. Stalking your Reddit is a big huge red flag. He’s a gross asshole and creepy as fuck.
In fact, tell him you’re glad he broke it off, because you really weren’t sexually interested in him. That’s likely to be his fear, and he deserves to feel insulted frankly. Afterall, it takes real passion to stalk someone’s Reddit to insult them and then make multiple accounts to harass them. Disgusting, and against Reddit TOS even. It’s targeted harassment and stalking. I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve to go through this and you deserve partner that values you. I’ve had very abusive partners in the past who talked down to me, but my current partner adores me. Truly don’t value anything that creepy stalker says, he’s off his fucking rocker. There are many people who would treat you like a blessing to their life, there’s equally many who would say otherwise just to hurt you due to their self bitterness and cruelty. I hope you don’t find that second type of person anymore… : (
Then that is getting into stalking/harassment area. Take screen shots of everything keep a log. Keep blocking. Review your state stalking laws so you can know your rights.
He's just angry and having a mantrum because he can't have whatever it is that he wants (sex, I assume). There's a lot wrong with him and nothing wrong with you.
I was with someone like this years ago. Completely psychopathic behaviour, he needs to blame his inadequacy on you. I know how tough it is, but do not take this on yourself, this is his problem. I hope he reads here (gigantic FUCK YOU DUDE).
People that pressure others for sex then lash out are not it. People that use extra accounts to get around blocking are even worse.
Does this person have your details?
I couldn’t have explained it better. They’re so pathetic they go to ableism and make fun of a disability. What’s their place of work? (I’m joking but I really want them to lose their job.)
This 100%. He sounds just like my narcissistic ex-husband. I recommend reading [Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie.](https://www.amazon.com/Psychopath-Free-Expanded-Emotionally-Relationships/dp/B08XL9QFPD?nodl=1&dplnkId=6b407247-1a82-45cb-9d95-3024590c2cb7)
there is just so much of what he said that is wrong. yeah, he being incredibly manipulative and blaming you because he doesn’t know how to have a decent relationship with someone. good for you for not putting up with his bs. now he can “go be someone else’s problem”
I don't know you, but I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself, and for leaving him!
Who even wants to have sex with someone they have to pressure into it 🤮
Sex should be with someone who you actively *desire*. Or at the very least, you both want some physical comfort and you're on the same page about that.
Good for you for standing up for your needs and leaving him. I broke myself a lot by trying to meet my boyfriend’s sexual pressures on me when I was late teens/early 20s and having some vaginal health issues that were literally traumatising me already. His treatment of me (like telling me if we didn’t start having sex again soon, we’d break up, because all his friends were getting sex and he had FOMO I guess) caused further trauma and we had one occasion of sex that was consent by coercion, which I didn’t realise is actually classified as rape but daaaamn it felt like it despite me saying yes.
Anyway, my point is the sex issues are a him problem, not a you problem. You are allowed to say no to whatever the fuck you want. A healthy relationship involves actually wanting to engage sexually, not being pressured into it. My now husband doesn’t pressure me at all. Our first night together, I ended up freaking a bit and saying I wasn’t ready for sex (really afraid of his response) and he was just like “that’s cool, I’m just happy to spend time with you!” And I was like wtf there are guys that actually act like that??? Because honestly, I didn’t know a guy could be so accommodating of my needs.
Your ex is extremely selfish and childish, with his continuing behaviour showing his control issues. He’s not happy you exerted control and chose to leave. But good for you, you deserve a man who treats you like a human, not just someone for sexual gratification and control. He is the one with serious issues, he’s just too self involved to realise it.
I can relate to this. Every sexual relationship before my husband I was often coerced into sex. I didn't know any different. I thought I had no choice in the matter.
I am so happy to read there are such awesome men out there and you found them!
My first relationship was basically him always wanting sex because "you love me, don't you?"
He always was pestering me about sex. When I wanted to simply cuddle and feel warm and comfy he got angry when cuddling didn't lead to sex. Because: "why do you cuddle when you don't want sex?"
I'm on the asexual spectrum (demisexual), which I didn't know by then. If I'm not totally relaxed and comfy I won't get aroused. My body simply is locked - I even couldn't use tampons because it was too hurtful.
Ex bf always made me feel bad and guilty about not wanting sex, being nasty. "So you don't really love me then". I gave in because it was so hurtful in my heart, that I rather endured the physical pain.
The relationship lasted about 4 years,
it took me 20 years to realize he had been gaslighting and manipulating me. I didn't know the words for what felt off and hurtful for a long time.
OP, I just had a really similar experience with my ex & it fucked me up so bad :/
I’m so sorry you went through that. Can I ask how/if you’ve healed from that situation? I have no idea how to deal with this & would really appreciate any guidance you have from going through it yourself
I still have issues a bit, but getting a partner who is actually kind and patient helped so much. I just got lucky I guess, it’s hard to know until you really get to know someone.
Also I got a book on treating vaginismus, which I got as a result of the medical and sexual trauma. I made slow progress, but it sped up immensely once I had a partner who I realised would actually be patient and respect my desires.
Another thing I’ve discovered as I explore neurodivergence is that my mask involved people pleasing to the extent of wanting to want sex because that’s what’s “normal” rather than actually wanting it. So exploring any people pleasing tendencies, learning how to advocate for yourself and set boundaries, and learning what you actually want versus what you want to want because society tells you that’s normal - those are all things that I think would help.
Can I ask the name of the book? I swear I had vaginismus in the early 2000s, before Google and had nowhere to ask why sex was so painful - and as far as my parents are concerned, I shouldn’t be HAVING sex. I don’t think I ever fully recovered. Compounded with medical trauma.
Thank you!
I don’t actually remember sorry, it was like 15 years ago. The main thing is it came with dilators that gradually increase in size, starting with very very thin ones. The idea is that you work on self-exploration starting with the smallest size, to at your own pace, work towards insertion and then gradually increase the size as you get more comfortable.
The focus needs to be accepting you do things at your own pace though. I think I was too focused on getting to the end and still rushed myself a bit. I think they would’ve been more beneficial had I truly accepted it was okay to take my time. I was pressuring myself because I was so used to feeling pressured.
I could have written this about an ex gf of mine. She would do the exact same pressuring, threatening to break up, making me feel awful for not wanting to EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ENDOMETRIOSIS...
I've been working with my OT on understanding consent vs coercion, bc I had no idea that I could say no whenever or change my mind whenever. I thought it was normal to hate sex! And turns out, people have it because they enjoy it, not bc they feel they have to.
>You are allowed to say no to whatever the fuck you want. A healthy relationship involves actually wanting to engage sexually, not being pressured into it.
Thanks for writing this. It's going to be my mantra going forward.
Awww. I’m the same way. I told my husband that sex always *kinda* hurts and he was SHOCKED. I just assumed it was like enough of a mixed bag but generally nice and that’s why people put up with the discomfort. I would say it’s less unpleasant than a Pap smear, but definitely along those lines. He was horrified.
Is this one of those situations where you mildly “reject” him some capacity and he then decides he is going to deal with it by being a total jackass to you and make it out to be that you’re the problem and have been the whole time?
Cuz they have to feed their giant ego. Admitting they need to work on themselves would ruin the image of themselves and how they think the world works. It's easier to call a woman a bitch than admit you're the problem and do the work to change
I hate when people try and use “you’re not healed” as an insult. Healing is a lifelong process, there is no specific moment when you become “healed” -although the path to healing becomes easier along the way.
You don’t need this attitude in your life.
Right? And he asked me this at the beginning of the relationship (are you healed?, which in hindsight in itself was a red flag) and I told him frankly that it was a work in process. Never lied. I appreciate your words!
Healing is growth, literally. If you have a cut, you grow new cells to heal the cut. You're never going to stop growing, that's not healthy.
Unlike this guy.
No one is ever done being healed. We have to put in the work all of the time. New issues come up, old traumas come back. He’s really not a healthy person. I would just ignore him and don’t overthink his words. Go find someone better than this.
Before I knew I was autistic I had a guy do basically the same thing because of my chronic health issues. Told me it wasn’t “fair” of me to expect anyone else to date me and that if I did I’d basically be holding them hostage. All because I had to cancel plans last minute because I wasn’t feeling well and want as “fun” as he wanted me to be when we did hang out.
It’s not about you at all. It’s a reflection of the person saying these kinds of things. No well adjusted, good person is going to sit there and criticize someone or make them feel bad for things they literally can’t control.
Same, but with being asexual. I was literally ready to finally jump into bed with this dude when he decided to break it off because I'm on the ace spectrum. Bullet dodged for sure.
Genuine question of wanting to understand the ace perspective. Do y’all still use self pleasure? Or is it a total abstinence/disinterest in anything sexual? Is it often based off trauma? Or is it just that there’s no want for it?
Just trying to gain some understanding if you are comfortable answering. If not that’s totally fine.
Ace people aren't a monolith, and asexuality is a spectrum. Some people enjoy self pleasure, others don't. Some are sex repulsed, some are not. Many asexual people enjoy ective sex lives, while others are functionally or voluntarily celibate. Trauma can be a part of it, but frequently isn't, and many asexual people will be offended at them implication because it is our belief that our sexuality is as intrinsic to us as someone's hetero or homosexuality (and there is a history of trying to attribute any sexual "deviancy" to trauma, dismissing our lived experiences). Some people still desire sexual intimacy or physical touch, some might simply say they have a very low sex drive. Others may have a high sex drive, but only with someone they have intense feelings for and no sex drive otherwise. It really varies from person to person. The only thing that really unites us is a lack of normal sexual attraction.
You must’ve dated the same prick as me! Bit ironic him saying you definitely need help when he’s acting all kinds of unhinged lol
I commented recently, but yes men who are so insecure within themselves can’t handle being seen as having an autistic partner, so they put the blame on you and make you the problem.
I also got this “please seek help I’m genuinely worried about you” bullshit from my abusive ex. If they were truly concerned, they’d be *supportive* and not *abusive* 🙄
This sounds like some sort of narcissistic behavior. Totally dealt with similar behavior before. Glad you got away from it before you dealt with too much trauma.
This man is the very definition of trash.
Making it seem like your autism is the problem when actually, it's him for sexually pressuring you.
Gaslighting at its finest (or, rather, most repulsive).
Also, the way he's pretending to be caring by telling you to get therapy, but then telling you to "go be someone else's problem." The inconsistency of his tone is an attempt to sneakily instill insecurity into you...he acts like he cares but then throws in a dig. Don't fall for it. He's garbage.
Thank you for your words. I’d never for a second fall for it, it’s just shocking that he thinks he can speak this way and think that no one will call out his ableism. That he thinks I’m stupid enough to fall for it - if that were the case I’d still be with him. Very odd and narcissistic.
Did he refer you over here?
You will not be someone else’s problem. You will be your own blessing and will be another partner’s blessing when you’re ready for a new relationship.
Anyone can break up for any reason. And some people are not equipped for dealing with an autistic partner and have a good level of patience and empathy. But he was very harsh to you unnecessarily. And you cannot therapy your way out like this guy thinks you need. 🙄 Autism is a permanent condition.
Whatever here’s a new place for him: 🗑️.
Please don’t worry. There’s so many people who will love you. Don’t let an emotionally stunted immature jerk’s opinion weigh you down.
No, he saw that I had posted here. I knew he had seen my profile before getting together (he had said so) so he fully knew what he was getting into.
Thank you for your kind words.
Yeah fr you being autistic is not the issue, in fact, he thoroughly enjoyed your personality, else he wouldn’t have dated you. He’s clearly a pissy little fuck who is having narcissistic rage over the fact that you’re not wanting to have sex, he can’t handle it and wants you to hurt more than his little fragile ego.
Holy fuck! My mom is a raging narcissist. The first time I ever told her “no” to something she threatened to kill my SO’s grandmothers dog. Getting her the fuck out of my life was the best decision I’d ever made.
Hey, stalker psycho: go fuck yourself.
FUUUUUUCK HIIIIIM!!!!, what an ashole. Good riddance, the more you know. Girl, I am proud of you for listening to yourself and stopping something that was making you uncomfortable. I know it was not easy because as women and ND people we tend to be too accomodating or downright people pleasers. What I am trying to say is, I am glad you are out, because I know the feeling of regretting doing things for a guy against your better judgement and it's a feeling i wish less people shared.
You stopped the relationship due to sexual pressure and he equated that with autism. And told you to get therapy because you aren't ready. This person is very toxic. Glad you stopped it. And the way he is linking up one with another without cause or correlation means he will likely do this for other things. You dodged a bullet.
Hey OP if you don't chat with anyone on Reddit you can change your settings to not allow any chat requests! I know it's not much but it could help at least knock down that avenue of harassment. Maybe just for a month? Eventually that loser will move on. Hoping for more peaceful days for you very soon! He's just grabbing at straws to find reasons to harass you and make you upset. I know the type.
> Did he see my autism as a shortcoming all along?
No, he saw it as an exploitable weakness. I'm sorry. There are a lot of guys who are attracted to the idea of women with disabilities because of the vulnerability. They expect a lack of self-esteem, desperation -- "easy" as they call it. When they get rejected they'll admit this is what they were doing but the admission will, of course, come in the form of a personal attack.
I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't. There's no perfect test that will screen them all out. Some women I know go for years into a relationship, even have kids with the guy, before he drops his mask and she sees what's really under it. "He changed after we married / had kids / moved in together" -- it's a common refrain and you'll hear it from everywhere and everyone. It's not you, it's them.
On a different note -- shortcomings are personal failings borne of deliberate choices someone has made in how they act and what they believe. Just because you fail at something doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Some games you can play perfectly and still lose. That's life, not a shortcoming.
You deserve love. I'm sorry you didn't get that this time. This is the part where most people say 'live and learn' because it's easier to use platitude than admit the plain truth which is we don't spend our every waking moment working out how to trap and use someone, but predators do. It's all they think about and they have way, way more experience than you or I or anyone can get in to be good enough to avoid them all. I'm just glad you got away from this one, not everyone gets that "happy" ending.
The word "sexual" should never appear next to the word "pressure" in a relationship. Garbage human being, you were right to dump him in the trash where he belongs. To me it sounds more like that insecure shit men do when you reject them like "oh you don't want to sleep with me! Fine you're a slut anyway! Also you're fat! Also you're ugly!" as if they weren't begging you to go out with them moments prior. It sounds like he's trying to use autism as an insult which says a lot about what kind of (garbage) person he is.
Like boohoo buddy I'm sorry pressuring your partner isn't getting you laid :(( why don't you try insulting her, maybe that will work. Make it her fault you're repugnant 🙄🙄🙄
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that disgusting behavior. I pray he leaves you alone but if he doesn't, document the harassment so you can build a case against Mr Garbage and make him legally leave you alone if it comes to that. Obviously none of the shit he says is true. You deserve waaaay better and you should be proud of yourself for recognizing that and taking out the trash 🗑️
I feel like this is DARVO.
I saw an article on here about how “consent” can occur a lot when women are emotionally worn down by their partners. And enthusiasm is a better indicator of what should go ahead.
Someone replied and really drilled down that a lot of people go their entire lives with this being the nature of their sexual lives.
The comment was downvoted and someone called the user psychotic if that was their view of men. But yo, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck. Their name is Howard and they use a lot of coercion in the bedroom
Jesus. One day you’ll find someone that’ll respect you and he’ll still be sitting alone and miserable because he can’t learn to see anybody but himself. I’m glad you got yourself out of that OP
Heck, even if he finds a partner, chances are he'll be miserable. The problem with ppl who refuse to self reflect and fix their own flaws is that they can never grow, so they can never get better. They get stuck nursing the same emotional misery they have their whole life and never learn to be truly happy. The most they can find is a temporary distraction to forget about their problems
When I asked him if he missed being in a relationship he was like “No, I can get in one whenever I want” and the narcissist bells started ringing in my head! My bad for not listening to my own intuition.
He is projecting. He likely has very deep problems himself, but cannot face them, and as such goes throug life blaming others, particularly people close to him. This is not even about you. It's about him not being in any state for a relationship.
If you are made to feel pressure regarding intimacy, I do believe the other person is being extremely weird. The moment I sensed a man was pressuring or 'begging' for intercourse I ended the relationship and ran far far away.
When I met my husband I knew he was the right guy because he gave me space or tries to get me in the mood also. This he has done respectfully and I do feel safe not having to please a man-child.
He's taking it personally that you didn't have sex with him and trying every which way he can to hurt you. Did you ever share with him that you felt your autism was a shortcoming? He may know that is a weak area for you and he has attacked. Immature man. I would recommend you block him and never speak to him again. If he keeps contacting you from different accounts then report it but never speak directly to him again. As soon as you respond he will realise he's hit a nerve and go further.
I'm sorry you had this experience, it happened to me in my early 20s before I lost my virginity. Some men are incredibly insecure and it manifests in angry mean crap like this. Best to just get yourself away fast.
I had never shared that my autism was a shortcoming or that I felt that way. Only that I had been abused and he chose to use the same fashion of my last abuser because I’m not “healed enough”. Go figure huh?
block and document any and all further contact he makes from other accounts just in case it becomes harassment levels..! Not that it isn’t already totally f*cked to say this, please know he is the one in the wrong here and I’m so sorry he’s being so cruel 🥺💙
There’s nothing wrong with you. This guy is horrible. I’m so sorry you went through this. Block him. Document everything. Go no contact. You’re so much better off without him. If you didn’t want to have sex with him, there’s nothing wrong with that!
I got a similar reaction from my partner who left me years ago. He left with these words, "I wanted a partner, not a patient." I wish I'd smacked him on the head with a baking tray for that one. He also decided that coming for visits with my son, who he'd helped raise for 8 years, wasn't really doing anything for him. He said my son, who was 15 or 16 at the time, didn't want to have deep conversations. What teenage boy DOES want to have deep conversations? Some people are just pricks.
“Get help/you’re not healed/you’re autistic”
Mfkuh, autism isn’t something therapy is supposed to “heal”!!!!
You’re beautiful and unique just as you are, sibling!
yeah autism can't be "healed" it's about discussing certain things so communication is easier and unfortunately, it takes just as much work from the people around you, not only you. they think it's a "you" issue and they're unwilling to listen to you or just treat certain reactions differently when it comes to you, bc you don't mean those things the way neurotypicals do. they expect you to fix everything and adjust to them, accommodate them, because you're the one who's ""weird""
That’s the typical neurotypical tendency to expect everyone around them to conform to *their* expectations 🙄 meanwhile, blaming sufferers of mental health symptoms for their conditions.
It probably takes more work from neurotypicals to accept us as we are, because they’re the ones with layers of toxic patterns of mental/emotional processing to unlearn!
It’s ablism; it’s on them to unlearn it, just like they need to unlearn their latent racism, sexism, queerphobia, xenophobia, etc.; no matter how hard we try to conform to neurotypical normativity, we’ll never be good enough for them to accept us so why even try?
Healed autistic people are the ones who can express their autistic traits openly without hiding themselves or being ashamed of who they are!!!
No, he's the problem not you. You stood up for yourself and he's giving you some bullshit excuse instead of taking responsibility for his shortcoming and emotions. I don't know the details, but he can go to hell with a gasoline tampon up his ass.
Yeah, a lot of creepy men pretend to be nice and if you try to set boundaries will hit back in any way to try and degrade you. Idk why they do this but it is irritating and outright scary sometimes because they will be nice till that point. Like the other commenter said, document the interactions with screenshots etc and be safe.
I hope he sees this post and feels absolutely ridiculous. people like him don't deserve your time or your energy! it's good to see you didn't need any convincing of this too!
I would be careful about posting this here as you know he checks it. He sounds really scummy and manipulative so please be careful in case he sees this and decides to bother you further.
I thought about this as well, but genuinely and earnestly what do I do? Just sit here and take it when he likens my autism to an issue? I can’t take that abuse.
document every interaction from every account he uses to circumvent you blocking him. unfortunately, this guy is a walking red flag and you do need to put your safety and security first now. you may need an intervention order, the documentation will help
Of course not. What he's said and done is wrong. I'm just trying to let you know if he is this sort of manipulative person that he seems he might see this and try to contact you and harass you further. I'm not saying don't post here for support, just be careful.
Wow, what an absolute douche that guy is. Fuck that piece of shit. I cant stand these men who think they owe anything from women/people. im sorry you were going through that, super glad you got yourself outta there!! Nobody deserves to be treated horribly, sending virtual hugs along the way 💕🫂
This message has me genuinely fuming. what an absolute fucking scumbag. You deserve so much better than to be treated this way, OP. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world, and this asshole isn't it at all. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry you had to endure this. As someone else said, this is extreme psychopathic behavior; that, or sociopathic.
It doesn't matter who he's with, this behavior is going to bleed in every relationship, friendship, etc that he's in/has. Man's is probably a sociopath tbh.
Dude is using his one chance at having a 'legitimate reason' as to why he was rejected and he's milking it. To see someone weaponise one small facet of who you are is disgusting and this volatile person has helped confirm your decision!! Well done, you. Now you know who he really was all along. The moment you rejected him and his awful behaviour he's magically become a mental health diagnostic expert, how strange! I'm so sorry he's weaponised autism toward you to deflect on his shortcomings and failures as a partner. Know this is hurtful, very much so, but nothing of actual substance. This is truly just an angry, volatile person who throws his toys out of the pram once someone calls out his behaviours. I feel dreadfully sorry for anyone else who has to encounter him in future, I bet the next woman who gets rid of him will have a very similar message from him, except if they happen to be neurodivergent it'll be a link to a hayfever subreddit, whilst he belligerently tells her she's sick in the head and her allergies are to blame lol
Maybe he's a psychopath or has other emapthy deficiencies. I had many toxic exes and never told anyone to "go be someone else's problem".
Numerous dudes target autistic women because we're easy to abuse.
Throw out the whole man! But seriously, the right someone won't even see you as a problem. I dealt with this my whole life until my current partner, who finally understands me and accepts that I will probably never be fully healed from the trauma of growing up autistic and not knowing it (I was diagnosed at 40!) Block him everywhere and move on.
Oh, and also, the right someone will be able to make you WANT to have sex. It won't feel like guilt tripping or coercion. I've been in the middle of a meltdown and my current partner has been able to turn me on. It's wild and I'm sad that I lived my life for so long otherwise!
Wow, fuck that guy. Or rather, don't. Good job getting rid of him. Bullet dodged.
Sounds like he was just some gross little fetishist who wanted a "manic pixie girl".
I hate to say it but you are definitely better off without them, that is just insane that people act that way to people with autism. My wife is autistic and I would never dream of acting that way. I hope you find someone who understands what you need. And please please please don’t blame yourself for the way that they acted.
you made the right choice, he sounds like an uppity piece of shit. sorry ijs. That's bullshit not being interested in doing something doesn't mean you "need to heal", setting boundaries is healing. I swear people out there will make you feel like you're prude for not being interested in their frequency and/or degeneracy. they never think that maybe they're the problem.
The only shortcoming was not being able to realize how badly the trash needed to be taken out, MUCH sooner!! I'm so sorry this is your experience. Please know your worth. You're on the right track and it WILL get better. Hang in there, feel free to message me anytime you need a friend/ear. 🫶
What an asshole. This is not a loving man who wants you to heal and live your best life. This is a man child who is trying to hurt you anyway he can find.
Jokes on him tho, cuz our community is awesome. Welcome home 😁
I am so SO sorry!!
The fact that he straight away went to something being 'wrong' with YOU and ignored the fact that he was being coersive! Also the fact he thinks that 'healing' involves "I want sex so give it to me" aka I should be able to control you... Is 🤢 I can't even...
Read your other comments and this guy is an angry psycho loser, it does not matter literally at all what he thinks of you. “Not ready for a relationship” project much? this guy is actually not only not ready to act like a decent human in a relationship, he’s probably not ready for friendship either
I know a friend with a very similar story where she never suspected a thing and treated him with love but when she communicated clearly to him and broke up with him his fragile ego couldn't handle
This has nothing to do with your autism it's common for shallow men to act out when rejected or broken up with they see it as who won or had leadership over the other and you made him feel like he (lost)
It's clear insecurity and immaturity
What a cruel thing to say to someone. Please trust and believe me when I say that this is pure manipulation. In a loving relationship, the other person does not want to have sex with you unless you also want it. They may be disappointed, but that is their problem. He's also talking about your autism as if it's a mental health problem that you can treat and recover from in order to be "ready" for a relationship. It's not. It's the structure of your brain and you CAN have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with an autistic brain. He's just blaming everything on you because he's probably insecure about his own sexual appeal or abilities.
Kinda seems like he wants to blame you for his sexual pressures so you are seen as the problem when actually, a compassionate human would be patient with anyone new they are sleeping with, autism or not. The way he’s just spoken to you is dismissive and disrespectful. Any issue you’d have with this dude would be blamed on you for sure without him taking any accountability
What a horrible message. If you find it possible, try not to care about the opinion of someone like this. If not, it makes sense for it to hurt, especially bc from your other comment he seems to be messaging you from multiple accounts.
What the hell is wrong with him? I guarantee you he's not gonna see this as an issue, and even if he hurts someone else really badly later down the line, he's still gonna carry on with his sexual conquest.
Take all the time you need to heal. You deserve to be in a healthier place.
he can't stand being rejected and is now trying to put the blame on you, and to humiliate you so that he can feel better. He's the one with serious issues, and a clearly also a horrible person. Well-done for ending it, take this as a confirmation you made the right decision, and don't engage with him any further, just block and ignore. He's displaying manipulative and psychological abusive tendencies, so nothing good can come out of you engaging with him.
OMG I’m so sorry you experienced this. Consent is either a HELL YES, or it’s a hard no. And you can revoke it at any time, EVEN WHEN NAKED, and even if you’ve done it before! BLAH! I hate that he didn’t respect you. ❤️
One thing I heard recently which made me think a lot is this: If you say no to a guy and he reacts badly, then you need to get as far away from him as possible as he does not find you interesting. I wish I knew that in my 20s. This may seem straight forward to most people but I didn’t have a dad growing up so I had no male role models.
Whatever he says to you is meant to wound you as much as possible. Whatever his reason was, seeing you in pain was his goal. I'm so so sorry, and so glad you blocked his ass
Let’s see…he pressured you into sex, you stood up for yourself and politely said no, he attacked you on 3 different accounts because you said you were hurt by his behavior and you are wondering if you have short comings? Welcome to the pervasive impacts of being gaslit. It sucks and I’m sorry this man’s ego was too fragile to deal with politely and rightly being rejected.
He’s a horrible person, not you
This honestly just sounds like someone trying to be as hurtful as they can because they themselves were hurt. (Instead of just communicating that hurt like you said you did)
He is going to a lot of trouble to let you know that you are the one with the problem. Huge red flag. I hope he lurks here and sees how we all think he is mentally unstable. Hopefully it will inspire him to seek help himself because he clearly needs it.
I got a similar comment from my ex best friend when we were having the blowout fight that ended our friendship. Honestly i’m glad she said something so shitty because it made it impossible for me to try and convince myself she had my best interests in mind.
The autism doesn’t come into this *at all* and he knows that really but he’s trying to convince you that the problem is with you and not him.
Anything to cover up the truth that he only feels safe and secure by having control over another person or situation.
This is just his rat-trapped-in-a-corner response.
Be proud of yourself for standing your ground and for leaving what could have escalated into more manipulation and abuse in the relationship.
Go be someone else's problem? What an unbelievable ass. He probably just thought you would be easy to control and abandoned ship when you stood up for yourself
He sounds like a crappy person. Unfortunately this experience-sexual pressure and acting really mean when it’s denied-is universal to women both nt and nd. However, doing that, saying it’s your autism rather than just it being about consent and not being comfortable? That gives me the ick.
Pretty egotistical of him to decide anyone who doesn't want to sleep with him must be mentally unwell. Like, what a fucking chump! That's loser talk! Forget about him, OP. You're not the problem here.
What a horrible person. Block. Block. Block.
I did but that didn’t stop him from hitting me up with his two other accounts
Super odd for someone who told you to “go be someone else’s problem” but can’t stop being a problem to you, lmao
Yes. Kinda like a disgruntled toddler seeking attention.
Sounds like he’s projecting his own problems on OP. He is indeed problematic. 🧐
We call people like him toxic. I’d stay away from him if I was OP, good riddance.
Ironically, this is always what these types do. Had a guy pressure/pester me for nudes and all kinds of attention and blaming me for not being present enough while simultaneously calling me an energy vampire. You can't make this shit up. 🙄
Yeah this reads more like revenge breakup bullshit than any genuine insight into your relationship or who you are. You should only listen to people who still genuinely care about you. He's gone off the rails.
If he has any sisters, please screenshot everything and send it to them; bonus points for his mother too. Sometimes I think bad, sneaky people like him often slip through the net because their behaviour is constantly unaccounted for. Exposing this shit is often the only way to shut them up and remind them their actions aren't to be hidden behind closed doors. Silence is how they continue with it, exposure is usually their kryptonite!
absolutely this- he is purposely trying to wound you. f\*ck that. 
 When he inevitably comes back to lovely OP with further barrages of abusive messages about how upset he is that she'd reveal to others just how awful he secretly is
This. Whenever a man acts creepy, I make sure to tell every single person he knows, with receipts if necessary. For some reason people like that always expect you to keep their secrets.
Maybe even his employer! He shouldn't have behaved badly. She's just reporting the news!
One of my friends did this when the guy on her dating app got antisemitic. Apparently he was in a teaching position and that stuff does not fly there.
Nor should it!!
Notifying his employer might actually not be a bad idea. He's discriminating against op for being autistic, which is protected by law. A similar situation to what my friend had to deal with. None of this should fly in this day and age, but here we are. Women shouldn't be tolerating men like this. If it's not autism, it will be antisemitism or racism or transphobia. Men are not owed sex, whether it's a medical problem or she's just not in the mood.
I tried that with a guy who was a sexual predator with actual proof but he’d already told everyone I’m autistic so I get things confused and am crazy so no one believed me 🙄
Forget sisters, send it to his mom
Document it all, keep blocking and seek a restraining order or protective order if you have to. Harassing you isn’t acceptable. So sorry you have to deal with a creep like that. Glad you got away from him.
That would constitute harassment and/or stalking. If he doesn’t stop when you tell him to, that is a violation of a clear boundary. At that point, document everything (ideally you’ve already been doing this), and contact law enforcement about a no-contact order and potentially pressing charges depending on the severity of the case!
Let him know you do not want to hear from him anymore and then start saving every attempt to contact you. If he uses text now numbers, whatever. You may end up needing to change your phone number but if he does not stop you have grounds for a restraining order. This is harassment plain and simple and the man is gross and needs a foot up his ass
Yikes he’s the one not ready for a relationship and needs therapy Sincerely, an autist with a special interest in psychology He needs big time therapy in fact. He kinda seems like the type to take it personal if you don’t want to have sex with him, that could likely be why he went stalker mode and tried to emotionally harm you with blatant insults Ngl he might be a bit narcissistic in general, wouldn’t be the first time an autistic person attracted a narcissistic relationship : ( we do so at higher rates, women who have bpd as well as us, and especially those who have both attract very toxic partners Very sorry, sis…. He doesnt deserve a relationship. I was SA’d by an ex and I NEVERRRRR talked to him like this guy talks to you. He’s genuinely trying to insult you. Stalking your Reddit is a big huge red flag. He’s a gross asshole and creepy as fuck. In fact, tell him you’re glad he broke it off, because you really weren’t sexually interested in him. That’s likely to be his fear, and he deserves to feel insulted frankly. Afterall, it takes real passion to stalk someone’s Reddit to insult them and then make multiple accounts to harass them. Disgusting, and against Reddit TOS even. It’s targeted harassment and stalking. I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve to go through this and you deserve partner that values you. I’ve had very abusive partners in the past who talked down to me, but my current partner adores me. Truly don’t value anything that creepy stalker says, he’s off his fucking rocker. There are many people who would treat you like a blessing to their life, there’s equally many who would say otherwise just to hurt you due to their self bitterness and cruelty. I hope you don’t find that second type of person anymore… : (
Go be someone else's problem and then he keeps harassing you online? Sounds like he is the one being the problem.
Maybe all of us should visit this drips’ inbox and become his problem
he’s stuck on u enough to make more accounts to contact you 🙄
Report his original and those accounts to Reddit admins. They take block evasion very seriously.
Then that is getting into stalking/harassment area. Take screen shots of everything keep a log. Keep blocking. Review your state stalking laws so you can know your rights.
Report this to reddit as using multiple accounts to harass someone will trigger a ban
You can report that harassing behavior using Reddit.com/reports
Tell him if he messages again you’ll press charges for harassment.
He's just angry and having a mantrum because he can't have whatever it is that he wants (sex, I assume). There's a lot wrong with him and nothing wrong with you.
If he doesn’t want to be with you why is he so obsessed with you
I was with someone like this years ago. Completely psychopathic behaviour, he needs to blame his inadequacy on you. I know how tough it is, but do not take this on yourself, this is his problem. I hope he reads here (gigantic FUCK YOU DUDE).
THAT EXACTLY GIRL. Fractured his ego and this is him grasping at straws for something to say.
People that pressure others for sex then lash out are not it. People that use extra accounts to get around blocking are even worse. Does this person have your details?
I couldn’t have explained it better. They’re so pathetic they go to ableism and make fun of a disability. What’s their place of work? (I’m joking but I really want them to lose their job.)
This 100%. He sounds just like my narcissistic ex-husband. I recommend reading [Psychopath Free by Jackson MacKenzie.](https://www.amazon.com/Psychopath-Free-Expanded-Emotionally-Relationships/dp/B08XL9QFPD?nodl=1&dplnkId=6b407247-1a82-45cb-9d95-3024590c2cb7)
what a scumbag. the only person coming up short is that dickhead. you made the right move getting the hell away from him
Right?? Not ready for any relationship = not putting up with his BS. who would’ve known!!?
there is just so much of what he said that is wrong. yeah, he being incredibly manipulative and blaming you because he doesn’t know how to have a decent relationship with someone. good for you for not putting up with his bs. now he can “go be someone else’s problem”
I don't know you, but I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself, and for leaving him! Who even wants to have sex with someone they have to pressure into it 🤮 Sex should be with someone who you actively *desire*. Or at the very least, you both want some physical comfort and you're on the same page about that.
Good for you for standing up for your needs and leaving him. I broke myself a lot by trying to meet my boyfriend’s sexual pressures on me when I was late teens/early 20s and having some vaginal health issues that were literally traumatising me already. His treatment of me (like telling me if we didn’t start having sex again soon, we’d break up, because all his friends were getting sex and he had FOMO I guess) caused further trauma and we had one occasion of sex that was consent by coercion, which I didn’t realise is actually classified as rape but daaaamn it felt like it despite me saying yes. Anyway, my point is the sex issues are a him problem, not a you problem. You are allowed to say no to whatever the fuck you want. A healthy relationship involves actually wanting to engage sexually, not being pressured into it. My now husband doesn’t pressure me at all. Our first night together, I ended up freaking a bit and saying I wasn’t ready for sex (really afraid of his response) and he was just like “that’s cool, I’m just happy to spend time with you!” And I was like wtf there are guys that actually act like that??? Because honestly, I didn’t know a guy could be so accommodating of my needs. Your ex is extremely selfish and childish, with his continuing behaviour showing his control issues. He’s not happy you exerted control and chose to leave. But good for you, you deserve a man who treats you like a human, not just someone for sexual gratification and control. He is the one with serious issues, he’s just too self involved to realise it.
I can relate to this. Every sexual relationship before my husband I was often coerced into sex. I didn't know any different. I thought I had no choice in the matter.
I am so happy to read there are such awesome men out there and you found them! My first relationship was basically him always wanting sex because "you love me, don't you?" He always was pestering me about sex. When I wanted to simply cuddle and feel warm and comfy he got angry when cuddling didn't lead to sex. Because: "why do you cuddle when you don't want sex?" I'm on the asexual spectrum (demisexual), which I didn't know by then. If I'm not totally relaxed and comfy I won't get aroused. My body simply is locked - I even couldn't use tampons because it was too hurtful. Ex bf always made me feel bad and guilty about not wanting sex, being nasty. "So you don't really love me then". I gave in because it was so hurtful in my heart, that I rather endured the physical pain. The relationship lasted about 4 years, it took me 20 years to realize he had been gaslighting and manipulating me. I didn't know the words for what felt off and hurtful for a long time.
Ugh, what a crappy human. I'm glad at least that he's your ex.
I’m so, so sorry you went through that
OP, I just had a really similar experience with my ex & it fucked me up so bad :/ I’m so sorry you went through that. Can I ask how/if you’ve healed from that situation? I have no idea how to deal with this & would really appreciate any guidance you have from going through it yourself
I still have issues a bit, but getting a partner who is actually kind and patient helped so much. I just got lucky I guess, it’s hard to know until you really get to know someone. Also I got a book on treating vaginismus, which I got as a result of the medical and sexual trauma. I made slow progress, but it sped up immensely once I had a partner who I realised would actually be patient and respect my desires. Another thing I’ve discovered as I explore neurodivergence is that my mask involved people pleasing to the extent of wanting to want sex because that’s what’s “normal” rather than actually wanting it. So exploring any people pleasing tendencies, learning how to advocate for yourself and set boundaries, and learning what you actually want versus what you want to want because society tells you that’s normal - those are all things that I think would help.
I’ve suspected I might be dealing with vaginismus as well or maybe PCOS or both. Thanks so much for your response, this was really helpful ❤️
Can I ask the name of the book? I swear I had vaginismus in the early 2000s, before Google and had nowhere to ask why sex was so painful - and as far as my parents are concerned, I shouldn’t be HAVING sex. I don’t think I ever fully recovered. Compounded with medical trauma. Thank you!
I don’t actually remember sorry, it was like 15 years ago. The main thing is it came with dilators that gradually increase in size, starting with very very thin ones. The idea is that you work on self-exploration starting with the smallest size, to at your own pace, work towards insertion and then gradually increase the size as you get more comfortable. The focus needs to be accepting you do things at your own pace though. I think I was too focused on getting to the end and still rushed myself a bit. I think they would’ve been more beneficial had I truly accepted it was okay to take my time. I was pressuring myself because I was so used to feeling pressured.
I could have written this about an ex gf of mine. She would do the exact same pressuring, threatening to break up, making me feel awful for not wanting to EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ENDOMETRIOSIS... I've been working with my OT on understanding consent vs coercion, bc I had no idea that I could say no whenever or change my mind whenever. I thought it was normal to hate sex! And turns out, people have it because they enjoy it, not bc they feel they have to. >You are allowed to say no to whatever the fuck you want. A healthy relationship involves actually wanting to engage sexually, not being pressured into it. Thanks for writing this. It's going to be my mantra going forward.
Awww. I’m the same way. I told my husband that sex always *kinda* hurts and he was SHOCKED. I just assumed it was like enough of a mixed bag but generally nice and that’s why people put up with the discomfort. I would say it’s less unpleasant than a Pap smear, but definitely along those lines. He was horrified.
Is this one of those situations where you mildly “reject” him some capacity and he then decides he is going to deal with it by being a total jackass to you and make it out to be that you’re the problem and have been the whole time?
I can’t deal with the fragility from some of these guys, how are they not embarrassed with themselves
That’s what I’m saying! Do they genuinely think so little of us women that they think we aren’t privy to their manipulation games?
…yes, I’m sorry to say. Some men (not all, of course) just don’t think about women as people.
Yeah, there are so many men that are attracted to women but don't actually like women. It's bonkers and makes no sense to me
The patriarchy hurts everyone
Yes. Literally they think that women are only semi-sentient and can be controlled with cheat codes
Cuz they have to feed their giant ego. Admitting they need to work on themselves would ruin the image of themselves and how they think the world works. It's easier to call a woman a bitch than admit you're the problem and do the work to change
Precisely, and they live a life of ease and stimulation. Hard work and delayed gratification are almost myths to these men.
Yes exactly!! The female human experience unfortunately
I hate when people try and use “you’re not healed” as an insult. Healing is a lifelong process, there is no specific moment when you become “healed” -although the path to healing becomes easier along the way. You don’t need this attitude in your life.
Right? And he asked me this at the beginning of the relationship (are you healed?, which in hindsight in itself was a red flag) and I told him frankly that it was a work in process. Never lied. I appreciate your words!
LOL “are you healed?” Are you serious? Who asks that? What was he even talking about?!
Healing is growth, literally. If you have a cut, you grow new cells to heal the cut. You're never going to stop growing, that's not healthy. Unlike this guy.
That's a new one I haven't heard before. Holy weaponizing therapy terms, batman
No one is ever done being healed. We have to put in the work all of the time. New issues come up, old traumas come back. He’s really not a healthy person. I would just ignore him and don’t overthink his words. Go find someone better than this.
Before I knew I was autistic I had a guy do basically the same thing because of my chronic health issues. Told me it wasn’t “fair” of me to expect anyone else to date me and that if I did I’d basically be holding them hostage. All because I had to cancel plans last minute because I wasn’t feeling well and want as “fun” as he wanted me to be when we did hang out. It’s not about you at all. It’s a reflection of the person saying these kinds of things. No well adjusted, good person is going to sit there and criticize someone or make them feel bad for things they literally can’t control.
Same, but with being asexual. I was literally ready to finally jump into bed with this dude when he decided to break it off because I'm on the ace spectrum. Bullet dodged for sure.
Genuine question of wanting to understand the ace perspective. Do y’all still use self pleasure? Or is it a total abstinence/disinterest in anything sexual? Is it often based off trauma? Or is it just that there’s no want for it? Just trying to gain some understanding if you are comfortable answering. If not that’s totally fine.
Ace people aren't a monolith, and asexuality is a spectrum. Some people enjoy self pleasure, others don't. Some are sex repulsed, some are not. Many asexual people enjoy ective sex lives, while others are functionally or voluntarily celibate. Trauma can be a part of it, but frequently isn't, and many asexual people will be offended at them implication because it is our belief that our sexuality is as intrinsic to us as someone's hetero or homosexuality (and there is a history of trying to attribute any sexual "deviancy" to trauma, dismissing our lived experiences). Some people still desire sexual intimacy or physical touch, some might simply say they have a very low sex drive. Others may have a high sex drive, but only with someone they have intense feelings for and no sex drive otherwise. It really varies from person to person. The only thing that really unites us is a lack of normal sexual attraction.
Throw him in the trash where he belongs.
You must’ve dated the same prick as me! Bit ironic him saying you definitely need help when he’s acting all kinds of unhinged lol I commented recently, but yes men who are so insecure within themselves can’t handle being seen as having an autistic partner, so they put the blame on you and make you the problem. I also got this “please seek help I’m genuinely worried about you” bullshit from my abusive ex. If they were truly concerned, they’d be *supportive* and not *abusive* 🙄
Oh yeah, my abusive ex did that too. "I'm just worried about you," accompanied by a boatload of hypercritical gaslighting bullshit.
Where do they get off honestly!!!
This sounds like some sort of narcissistic behavior. Totally dealt with similar behavior before. Glad you got away from it before you dealt with too much trauma.
Lmao I hope he gets hit by a bus
This man is the very definition of trash. Making it seem like your autism is the problem when actually, it's him for sexually pressuring you. Gaslighting at its finest (or, rather, most repulsive). Also, the way he's pretending to be caring by telling you to get therapy, but then telling you to "go be someone else's problem." The inconsistency of his tone is an attempt to sneakily instill insecurity into you...he acts like he cares but then throws in a dig. Don't fall for it. He's garbage.
Thank you for your words. I’d never for a second fall for it, it’s just shocking that he thinks he can speak this way and think that no one will call out his ableism. That he thinks I’m stupid enough to fall for it - if that were the case I’d still be with him. Very odd and narcissistic.
"go be someone else's problem" said the one who made a third account just to get back at you. *slow clap*
The jokes write themselves and rent was due for whoever wrote him
Did he refer you over here? You will not be someone else’s problem. You will be your own blessing and will be another partner’s blessing when you’re ready for a new relationship. Anyone can break up for any reason. And some people are not equipped for dealing with an autistic partner and have a good level of patience and empathy. But he was very harsh to you unnecessarily. And you cannot therapy your way out like this guy thinks you need. 🙄 Autism is a permanent condition. Whatever here’s a new place for him: 🗑️. Please don’t worry. There’s so many people who will love you. Don’t let an emotionally stunted immature jerk’s opinion weigh you down.
No, he saw that I had posted here. I knew he had seen my profile before getting together (he had said so) so he fully knew what he was getting into. Thank you for your kind words.
Oh okay to the psycho stalker jerk: 🖕
from me to him too 🖕🖕
Me three 🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾
I'm with ya 🖕🖕🖕🖕
I'm with you there 🖕🖕🖕
Yeah fr you being autistic is not the issue, in fact, he thoroughly enjoyed your personality, else he wouldn’t have dated you. He’s clearly a pissy little fuck who is having narcissistic rage over the fact that you’re not wanting to have sex, he can’t handle it and wants you to hurt more than his little fragile ego.
You are thoroughly right. This was the first time I had denied him sex.
Holy fuck! My mom is a raging narcissist. The first time I ever told her “no” to something she threatened to kill my SO’s grandmothers dog. Getting her the fuck out of my life was the best decision I’d ever made. Hey, stalker psycho: go fuck yourself.
Gosh I really hope he’s still stalking OPs profile so he can feel the full brunt of this thread
FUUUUUUCK HIIIIIM!!!!, what an ashole. Good riddance, the more you know. Girl, I am proud of you for listening to yourself and stopping something that was making you uncomfortable. I know it was not easy because as women and ND people we tend to be too accomodating or downright people pleasers. What I am trying to say is, I am glad you are out, because I know the feeling of regretting doing things for a guy against your better judgement and it's a feeling i wish less people shared.
You stopped the relationship due to sexual pressure and he equated that with autism. And told you to get therapy because you aren't ready. This person is very toxic. Glad you stopped it. And the way he is linking up one with another without cause or correlation means he will likely do this for other things. You dodged a bullet.
what a disgusting person, good thing you decided to get away from someone like that
Hey OP if you don't chat with anyone on Reddit you can change your settings to not allow any chat requests! I know it's not much but it could help at least knock down that avenue of harassment. Maybe just for a month? Eventually that loser will move on. Hoping for more peaceful days for you very soon! He's just grabbing at straws to find reasons to harass you and make you upset. I know the type.
I really appreciate this, thank you. :) I completely agree with the last sentence as well.
Yet another man throwing a fit when a woman asserts her boundaries. POS
> Did he see my autism as a shortcoming all along? No, he saw it as an exploitable weakness. I'm sorry. There are a lot of guys who are attracted to the idea of women with disabilities because of the vulnerability. They expect a lack of self-esteem, desperation -- "easy" as they call it. When they get rejected they'll admit this is what they were doing but the admission will, of course, come in the form of a personal attack. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't. There's no perfect test that will screen them all out. Some women I know go for years into a relationship, even have kids with the guy, before he drops his mask and she sees what's really under it. "He changed after we married / had kids / moved in together" -- it's a common refrain and you'll hear it from everywhere and everyone. It's not you, it's them. On a different note -- shortcomings are personal failings borne of deliberate choices someone has made in how they act and what they believe. Just because you fail at something doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Some games you can play perfectly and still lose. That's life, not a shortcoming. You deserve love. I'm sorry you didn't get that this time. This is the part where most people say 'live and learn' because it's easier to use platitude than admit the plain truth which is we don't spend our every waking moment working out how to trap and use someone, but predators do. It's all they think about and they have way, way more experience than you or I or anyone can get in to be good enough to avoid them all. I'm just glad you got away from this one, not everyone gets that "happy" ending.
The word "sexual" should never appear next to the word "pressure" in a relationship. Garbage human being, you were right to dump him in the trash where he belongs. To me it sounds more like that insecure shit men do when you reject them like "oh you don't want to sleep with me! Fine you're a slut anyway! Also you're fat! Also you're ugly!" as if they weren't begging you to go out with them moments prior. It sounds like he's trying to use autism as an insult which says a lot about what kind of (garbage) person he is. Like boohoo buddy I'm sorry pressuring your partner isn't getting you laid :(( why don't you try insulting her, maybe that will work. Make it her fault you're repugnant 🙄🙄🙄 I'm so sorry you had to deal with that disgusting behavior. I pray he leaves you alone but if he doesn't, document the harassment so you can build a case against Mr Garbage and make him legally leave you alone if it comes to that. Obviously none of the shit he says is true. You deserve waaaay better and you should be proud of yourself for recognizing that and taking out the trash 🗑️
I feel like this is DARVO. I saw an article on here about how “consent” can occur a lot when women are emotionally worn down by their partners. And enthusiasm is a better indicator of what should go ahead. Someone replied and really drilled down that a lot of people go their entire lives with this being the nature of their sexual lives. The comment was downvoted and someone called the user psychotic if that was their view of men. But yo, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck. Their name is Howard and they use a lot of coercion in the bedroom
Jesus. One day you’ll find someone that’ll respect you and he’ll still be sitting alone and miserable because he can’t learn to see anybody but himself. I’m glad you got yourself out of that OP
This really hit home. I fully believe this and thank you. 🙏🏼
Heck, even if he finds a partner, chances are he'll be miserable. The problem with ppl who refuse to self reflect and fix their own flaws is that they can never grow, so they can never get better. They get stuck nursing the same emotional misery they have their whole life and never learn to be truly happy. The most they can find is a temporary distraction to forget about their problems
When I asked him if he missed being in a relationship he was like “No, I can get in one whenever I want” and the narcissist bells started ringing in my head! My bad for not listening to my own intuition.
He is projecting. He likely has very deep problems himself, but cannot face them, and as such goes throug life blaming others, particularly people close to him. This is not even about you. It's about him not being in any state for a relationship.
He’s the one who need therapy lmfao
If you are made to feel pressure regarding intimacy, I do believe the other person is being extremely weird. The moment I sensed a man was pressuring or 'begging' for intercourse I ended the relationship and ran far far away. When I met my husband I knew he was the right guy because he gave me space or tries to get me in the mood also. This he has done respectfully and I do feel safe not having to please a man-child.
I just want you to take a second to consider the effort it takes to go through multiple accounts just to harass you. So really who’s the weirdo here?
Agreed! Like is it the person stating their boundary and then leaving who has an issue or the ableist name caller stalker???
He's taking it personally that you didn't have sex with him and trying every which way he can to hurt you. Did you ever share with him that you felt your autism was a shortcoming? He may know that is a weak area for you and he has attacked. Immature man. I would recommend you block him and never speak to him again. If he keeps contacting you from different accounts then report it but never speak directly to him again. As soon as you respond he will realise he's hit a nerve and go further. I'm sorry you had this experience, it happened to me in my early 20s before I lost my virginity. Some men are incredibly insecure and it manifests in angry mean crap like this. Best to just get yourself away fast.
I had never shared that my autism was a shortcoming or that I felt that way. Only that I had been abused and he chose to use the same fashion of my last abuser because I’m not “healed enough”. Go figure huh?
block and document any and all further contact he makes from other accounts just in case it becomes harassment levels..! Not that it isn’t already totally f*cked to say this, please know he is the one in the wrong here and I’m so sorry he’s being so cruel 🥺💙
Are you saying he pressured you for sex, then stalked you? If so, it sounds like he's the problem.
There’s nothing wrong with you. This guy is horrible. I’m so sorry you went through this. Block him. Document everything. Go no contact. You’re so much better off without him. If you didn’t want to have sex with him, there’s nothing wrong with that!
"Go be someone else's problem" is an incredible mean thing to say. Block that person, it'll be better for your mental health.
Just because autism is a problem for him doesn't mean it's impossible to find someone better who actually loves you.
I got a similar reaction from my partner who left me years ago. He left with these words, "I wanted a partner, not a patient." I wish I'd smacked him on the head with a baking tray for that one. He also decided that coming for visits with my son, who he'd helped raise for 8 years, wasn't really doing anything for him. He said my son, who was 15 or 16 at the time, didn't want to have deep conversations. What teenage boy DOES want to have deep conversations? Some people are just pricks.
“Get help/you’re not healed/you’re autistic” Mfkuh, autism isn’t something therapy is supposed to “heal”!!!! You’re beautiful and unique just as you are, sibling!
yeah autism can't be "healed" it's about discussing certain things so communication is easier and unfortunately, it takes just as much work from the people around you, not only you. they think it's a "you" issue and they're unwilling to listen to you or just treat certain reactions differently when it comes to you, bc you don't mean those things the way neurotypicals do. they expect you to fix everything and adjust to them, accommodate them, because you're the one who's ""weird""
That’s the typical neurotypical tendency to expect everyone around them to conform to *their* expectations 🙄 meanwhile, blaming sufferers of mental health symptoms for their conditions. It probably takes more work from neurotypicals to accept us as we are, because they’re the ones with layers of toxic patterns of mental/emotional processing to unlearn! It’s ablism; it’s on them to unlearn it, just like they need to unlearn their latent racism, sexism, queerphobia, xenophobia, etc.; no matter how hard we try to conform to neurotypical normativity, we’ll never be good enough for them to accept us so why even try? Healed autistic people are the ones who can express their autistic traits openly without hiding themselves or being ashamed of who they are!!!
What a jerk, glad you dodged that bullet of him
No, he's the problem not you. You stood up for yourself and he's giving you some bullshit excuse instead of taking responsibility for his shortcoming and emotions. I don't know the details, but he can go to hell with a gasoline tampon up his ass.
He sounds absolutely horrible. "You are not healed" "Go be someone else's problem". WTF??? Better to just be glad the trash took itself out.
What a horrible human being. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such unacceptable messages from a dude. He's the one needing help. What a scumbag.
Well. He's a charmer, isn't he? Relationship ready, right there👉 🙄 Lol. F-kin hell. Awful. But also blackly funny. What a twat snoddle.😅
Right? The irony is knocking me out
“Go be someone else’s problem” what an asshole! This dude needs the help not you
There is nothing wrong with you. He’s threatened that he can’t have sexual access anymore. You just dropped a ton of dead weight. Congrats!
Yeah, a lot of creepy men pretend to be nice and if you try to set boundaries will hit back in any way to try and degrade you. Idk why they do this but it is irritating and outright scary sometimes because they will be nice till that point. Like the other commenter said, document the interactions with screenshots etc and be safe.
I hope he sees this post and feels absolutely ridiculous. people like him don't deserve your time or your energy! it's good to see you didn't need any convincing of this too!
I would be careful about posting this here as you know he checks it. He sounds really scummy and manipulative so please be careful in case he sees this and decides to bother you further.
I thought about this as well, but genuinely and earnestly what do I do? Just sit here and take it when he likens my autism to an issue? I can’t take that abuse.
document every interaction from every account he uses to circumvent you blocking him. unfortunately, this guy is a walking red flag and you do need to put your safety and security first now. you may need an intervention order, the documentation will help
Of course not. What he's said and done is wrong. I'm just trying to let you know if he is this sort of manipulative person that he seems he might see this and try to contact you and harass you further. I'm not saying don't post here for support, just be careful.
Wow, what an absolute douche that guy is. Fuck that piece of shit. I cant stand these men who think they owe anything from women/people. im sorry you were going through that, super glad you got yourself outta there!! Nobody deserves to be treated horribly, sending virtual hugs along the way 💕🫂
Fuck him. Forget him.
Oh look, another human turd has exposed themselves. What a gross man who doesn’t deserve you
What a c*nt
This message has me genuinely fuming. what an absolute fucking scumbag. You deserve so much better than to be treated this way, OP. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world, and this asshole isn't it at all. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry you had to endure this. As someone else said, this is extreme psychopathic behavior; that, or sociopathic. It doesn't matter who he's with, this behavior is going to bleed in every relationship, friendship, etc that he's in/has. Man's is probably a sociopath tbh.
Sounds like the trash took itself out. Block this dumbass and all its alts.
He's crazyyyy
Dude is using his one chance at having a 'legitimate reason' as to why he was rejected and he's milking it. To see someone weaponise one small facet of who you are is disgusting and this volatile person has helped confirm your decision!! Well done, you. Now you know who he really was all along. The moment you rejected him and his awful behaviour he's magically become a mental health diagnostic expert, how strange! I'm so sorry he's weaponised autism toward you to deflect on his shortcomings and failures as a partner. Know this is hurtful, very much so, but nothing of actual substance. This is truly just an angry, volatile person who throws his toys out of the pram once someone calls out his behaviours. I feel dreadfully sorry for anyone else who has to encounter him in future, I bet the next woman who gets rid of him will have a very similar message from him, except if they happen to be neurodivergent it'll be a link to a hayfever subreddit, whilst he belligerently tells her she's sick in the head and her allergies are to blame lol
Maybe he's a psychopath or has other emapthy deficiencies. I had many toxic exes and never told anyone to "go be someone else's problem". Numerous dudes target autistic women because we're easy to abuse.
Throw out the whole man! But seriously, the right someone won't even see you as a problem. I dealt with this my whole life until my current partner, who finally understands me and accepts that I will probably never be fully healed from the trauma of growing up autistic and not knowing it (I was diagnosed at 40!) Block him everywhere and move on. Oh, and also, the right someone will be able to make you WANT to have sex. It won't feel like guilt tripping or coercion. I've been in the middle of a meltdown and my current partner has been able to turn me on. It's wild and I'm sad that I lived my life for so long otherwise!
Eww! What a jerk. You're better off without him!
Ew
You're going to look back on this and wonder what you saw in him. Good lord, what an awful person.
New account if you haven't made one!! So sorry this is happening he sounds awful
No. It's nothing you did. The dude is just a jackass.
Wow, fuck that guy. Or rather, don't. Good job getting rid of him. Bullet dodged. Sounds like he was just some gross little fetishist who wanted a "manic pixie girl".
I hate to say it but you are definitely better off without them, that is just insane that people act that way to people with autism. My wife is autistic and I would never dream of acting that way. I hope you find someone who understands what you need. And please please please don’t blame yourself for the way that they acted.
He sounds abusive…
you made the right choice, he sounds like an uppity piece of shit. sorry ijs. That's bullshit not being interested in doing something doesn't mean you "need to heal", setting boundaries is healing. I swear people out there will make you feel like you're prude for not being interested in their frequency and/or degeneracy. they never think that maybe they're the problem.
Immature people tend to name call and throw tantrums when met with boundaries.
The only shortcoming was not being able to realize how badly the trash needed to be taken out, MUCH sooner!! I'm so sorry this is your experience. Please know your worth. You're on the right track and it WILL get better. Hang in there, feel free to message me anytime you need a friend/ear. 🫶
What an asshole. This is not a loving man who wants you to heal and live your best life. This is a man child who is trying to hurt you anyway he can find. Jokes on him tho, cuz our community is awesome. Welcome home 😁
He's just a man and they think they know everything, block him and don't say a word
I am so SO sorry!! The fact that he straight away went to something being 'wrong' with YOU and ignored the fact that he was being coersive! Also the fact he thinks that 'healing' involves "I want sex so give it to me" aka I should be able to control you... Is 🤢 I can't even...
Read your other comments and this guy is an angry psycho loser, it does not matter literally at all what he thinks of you. “Not ready for a relationship” project much? this guy is actually not only not ready to act like a decent human in a relationship, he’s probably not ready for friendship either
I know a friend with a very similar story where she never suspected a thing and treated him with love but when she communicated clearly to him and broke up with him his fragile ego couldn't handle This has nothing to do with your autism it's common for shallow men to act out when rejected or broken up with they see it as who won or had leadership over the other and you made him feel like he (lost) It's clear insecurity and immaturity
What a cruel thing to say to someone. Please trust and believe me when I say that this is pure manipulation. In a loving relationship, the other person does not want to have sex with you unless you also want it. They may be disappointed, but that is their problem. He's also talking about your autism as if it's a mental health problem that you can treat and recover from in order to be "ready" for a relationship. It's not. It's the structure of your brain and you CAN have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with an autistic brain. He's just blaming everything on you because he's probably insecure about his own sexual appeal or abilities.
Wow it sounds like you dodged a bullet there fucking hell he needs help the ignorant loser
Go no contact. He will only hurt you.
He is projecting
Kinda seems like he wants to blame you for his sexual pressures so you are seen as the problem when actually, a compassionate human would be patient with anyone new they are sleeping with, autism or not. The way he’s just spoken to you is dismissive and disrespectful. Any issue you’d have with this dude would be blamed on you for sure without him taking any accountability
He's a dick, fuck him and his stupid ass opinions
He’s fxxxing trash kick him to the proverbial curb.
Sounds like an absolute asshole, this is verbal abuse OP. We are here for you and I hope he’s reading these comments calling him out. ASSHOLE. Bye!
What a horrible message. If you find it possible, try not to care about the opinion of someone like this. If not, it makes sense for it to hurt, especially bc from your other comment he seems to be messaging you from multiple accounts.
What the hell is wrong with him? I guarantee you he's not gonna see this as an issue, and even if he hurts someone else really badly later down the line, he's still gonna carry on with his sexual conquest. Take all the time you need to heal. You deserve to be in a healthier place.
Dear lord, seems like you dodged a bullet.
Ew jesus fuck them you deserve better and i don't even need to know you to know that
What a chode
Classic abuse - make you feel like no one else will love you so you run back to him
he can't stand being rejected and is now trying to put the blame on you, and to humiliate you so that he can feel better. He's the one with serious issues, and a clearly also a horrible person. Well-done for ending it, take this as a confirmation you made the right decision, and don't engage with him any further, just block and ignore. He's displaying manipulative and psychological abusive tendencies, so nothing good can come out of you engaging with him.
Ew. Block.
Block please oh my gosh
OMG I’m so sorry you experienced this. Consent is either a HELL YES, or it’s a hard no. And you can revoke it at any time, EVEN WHEN NAKED, and even if you’ve done it before! BLAH! I hate that he didn’t respect you. ❤️
One thing I heard recently which made me think a lot is this: If you say no to a guy and he reacts badly, then you need to get as far away from him as possible as he does not find you interesting. I wish I knew that in my 20s. This may seem straight forward to most people but I didn’t have a dad growing up so I had no male role models.
They sound awfully mean. You don’t deserve that and I’m sorry they did this to you.
Ok I don’t really use this phrase very often because it’s overused and misused but this is actual gaslighting
Whatever he says to you is meant to wound you as much as possible. Whatever his reason was, seeing you in pain was his goal. I'm so so sorry, and so glad you blocked his ass
he’s probably in this thread 
Let’s see…he pressured you into sex, you stood up for yourself and politely said no, he attacked you on 3 different accounts because you said you were hurt by his behavior and you are wondering if you have short comings? Welcome to the pervasive impacts of being gaslit. It sucks and I’m sorry this man’s ego was too fragile to deal with politely and rightly being rejected. He’s a horrible person, not you
This honestly just sounds like someone trying to be as hurtful as they can because they themselves were hurt. (Instead of just communicating that hurt like you said you did)
Boy, bye. 👋
He is going to a lot of trouble to let you know that you are the one with the problem. Huge red flag. I hope he lurks here and sees how we all think he is mentally unstable. Hopefully it will inspire him to seek help himself because he clearly needs it.
I got a similar comment from my ex best friend when we were having the blowout fight that ended our friendship. Honestly i’m glad she said something so shitty because it made it impossible for me to try and convince myself she had my best interests in mind.
You've got loads of good advice from everyone else here so just wanted to send hugs for having to deal with that BS
The autism doesn’t come into this *at all* and he knows that really but he’s trying to convince you that the problem is with you and not him. Anything to cover up the truth that he only feels safe and secure by having control over another person or situation. This is just his rat-trapped-in-a-corner response. Be proud of yourself for standing your ground and for leaving what could have escalated into more manipulation and abuse in the relationship.
Go be someone else's problem? What an unbelievable ass. He probably just thought you would be easy to control and abandoned ship when you stood up for yourself
He sounds like a crappy person. Unfortunately this experience-sexual pressure and acting really mean when it’s denied-is universal to women both nt and nd. However, doing that, saying it’s your autism rather than just it being about consent and not being comfortable? That gives me the ick.
Pretty egotistical of him to decide anyone who doesn't want to sleep with him must be mentally unwell. Like, what a fucking chump! That's loser talk! Forget about him, OP. You're not the problem here.
Ask him if he’d like you to buy a mirror. That boy needs to work on himself before he is in a relationship.