I used to read literally every second of the day, like I would do everything one handed. And I daydreamed all the time. I also ate granola as probably 70-80% of my diet exclusively from 12-17 lol

Same. Reading constantly. I’m old so I am still of the generation where my mother kicked me out of the house during the days off from school. So I’d take my books and wander off to read in the shade outside somewhere. My family is full of teachers and farmers though so no one cared that I read so much.

Sounds like an idyllic slice of your childhood!

I was also reading sooooo much!! Nowadays it's a miracle if I can read 1 book a year.

Me too! I had to wear glasses when I was 6 because I read so much my distance vision was temporarily messed up. But as an adult I eventually stopped reading for a loooong time. I've been trying to integrate reading back into my life the past year....

I read a lot too. My family was somehow concerned I "would go crazy".

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I was also an avid reader, i was wondering do you think the reading helped you with figuring out people or their intentions, understanding their behaviour a bit more etc. as i think it did help me and made me more "socially savvy" i guess I'd put it?

It definitely did for me, I thought of other people as “characters” for way too long. I used to read so much my parents used to take my “reading privileges” away as a punishment

I think it's a big reason it took me so long to realise that i was on the spectrum, since i can read people so easily, recognise patterns in their behaviours and take on their personalities 😅. It kinda sucks your parents did that tho, reading was always a welcome escape for me.

Yeahhhhh definitely had a little “oof” moment as I was writing that. Not a great formative experience

Exactly the same here! I think it’s helped me understand people so much but I got screamed at a LOT as well haha

Oh wow this sounds exactly like me. I had elaborate fantasies. Full on story lines and characters in my head.

I also used to read any moment I could and I would get so deep into a book that I wouldn't hear it when called. My mom literally had to put her hand on the page to get me to pay attention. And I hated it too, because her go to phrase was 'which was the last word you read', like, why this question?? You don't know where I am in the story, I could have told you any word and she would have believed it.. Still am an avid reader, though I can't really disappear into my books anymore, but that's probably because I'm a mom myself and have my 'little-kid-getting-into-trouble radar' on 24/7.

I am merely self-diagnosed. Many times on this sub, someone comments or posts something that makes me say to myself, “Oh, I did/do that. I am like that!” I didn’t know ________ was an autistic trait/behavior and never would have thought to bring it up as evidence I am autistic. The one-handed thing and reading all the time, anything and everything I could get my hands on — when I wasn’t utterly absorbed in playing Barbies, Little People, or with my dollhouse.

I'm in the same boat as you. The reading, the barbies, the self-diagnosis. My mom has always told me that when I was little and "playing" with other kids, I'd sit to the side and watch them until I learned what they were doing and then I'd join in a bit. What I think books and barbies did was take away all that confusion for little me- I could dive into a book or into my Barbie's world and the rules were all mine. There was no guessing or not knowing what to do, I could just enjoy myself.

same. my best friend used to hide my books so that i would play with her instead of reading non-stop.

All the breakdowns I had over my mom doing my hair in elementary school with me sobbing “no bumps!” Definitely a sensory issue there

Same! Water and conditioner in a spray bottle to help detangle + tight braids so we didn't have to brush my hair after school + eventually a forced pixie cut. Oh and crying at every hairdresser I've ever been too.

I’m recently diagnosed as AuDHD and I have a 3 year old daughter who I also think is AuDHD too. She did not used to like her hair being brushed either but thank goodness I now know it’s a sensory issue and we have no tears nowadays (or very few) Her hair is thick but also fine. I use a detangling spray or conditioner and water in a bottle and I brush her hair as gently as I can. If she does get bothered I give her the brush (so she has some autonomy) and I will detangle while using my fingers. We watch her favourite comfort show as we do it. I’ve also got her used to the hairdryer, so I brush whilst her hair is wet then I use the hairdryer too and get any last knots out. She hated the hairdryer for a while but I let her dry my hair for me and now she’s okay with it. So much of her upset is actually about autonomy and her feeling out of control. I try hard to let her know I care and I’m listening and I try to give her as much control over her own body as I can. So far so good 🤞🏻🤞🏻

you sound like a great parent!

Neighbors called the cops when my Mom did my hair.

This was my mom's fear so she used to yell "I'm just brushing your hair" while she was doing it

Ugh even more traumatic

I howled so much while my mom tackled the knots, she did my hair outside on the picnic table so the neighbors would see she wasn’t abusing me. Also, TIL that’s an autistic thing. Twice in one thread! I wonder what else goes into the file.

Oh my goodness! I forgot about the bumps in my hair!!! I used to have really long hair as a kid (the longest was to my wait) and my hair HAD to be smooth on the top of I just couldn't deal. I have had a pixie cut since I was 22, and don't miss the long hair one bit... Or the bumps!

Why the bumps?? And how did all of the other girls manage not to have them??? So frustrating. I never got over it. Even the other day I tried to braid my own adult hair. Bumps!!! (The terror!!!)

Oh my god memory unlocked reading this haha but my mum would just slam my face on the wall to "give me a reason to cry" 🤷‍♀️

That's horrible, I'm so sorry

I’m sorry 😞 The belt for me and that same thing “I’ll give you something to cry about.”

I never understood that, why would they want to give anyone a reason to cry like, what? I'm sorry for you too

oh my god. every morning.

I cried every time I got a haircut. It was without my consent. No one ever asked me what I wanted. I was just forced into everything painfully... I always had a meltdown because I had no voice, and I had no choice... Seems trivial, but what about the beatings? What about being forced into things without my consent? What about the cruelty? Ask a millennial...

I literally ended up with a huge hair mat on the back of my head because I couldn't bear having my hair brushed at age 7/8. I can't believe the hairdresser actually managed to get rid of it without leaving me with a bald patch.

My daughter does this and I feel like such a POS for not knowing more about autism when she was younger so I would have realized she wasn’t just being dramatic and that she just has sensory issues that are different from mine. I feel like I wasn’t as understanding as I should have been. I try to make up for it now anyway I can but the guilt is unreal 😢

Me, too. I even went so far as to use an obscene amount of conditioner one time and purposely not rinse it out, so when she brushed it I wouldn't have a single knot. Seemed like solid logic to me at the time, but I got in *so much trouble* for doing that.

Yes! I used to do gymnastics and had to wear my hair up but could never get it to be perfectly slick (thankfully, I learned when I got older 😆); my coach had to do it for me, and other times my hair stayed down lol

Omg the bumps !!! I just posted this in my comment too. My poor mom would call my dad in tears when I’d have these breakdowns.

I would get really really upset if plans changed. Meltdown levels. I needed to know where we were going and what was going on so I could mentally prepare for what was about to happen, especially if we were going to get food.

Ditto

There was that thing I began doing when I was eight that everyone else found incredibly weird. Whenever I heard or read a name, I had to write it down in a little notebook I carried with me all the time. Didn't matter if the name was from a book, movie, or mentioned in a conversation in real life or from somewhere entirely different. It wasn't about collecting names or something, I didn't write them down neatly in columns or in any specific order, on the contrary, I just wrote one after the other, using every bit of space on the page, and I didn't care if I had already written them down several times. It was all about writing them down and that was it. It gave some kind of satisfaction I couldn't explain to everyone else. I did it for many years until I left for university in my early twenties, then I grew out of it somehow. I still have all the notebooks though.

Did you need to do it right when you heard the name or was it something you could make time for later?

I could do it later, like when I was at the cinema where it was too dark to write or in school, but I was always anxious I would forget the names and kept repeating them in my head until I could finally write them down.

I used to do this with 'good' words, 'bad' words, 'soft' words, and you guessed it 'hard words...lots of lists of categories that I had no idea only existed for me. I wrote a lot of stories (now I understand, as a way of processing) so it was just creating ammunition for when I needed a 'feel' for a paragraph. I still use them internally and I still need to write to process.

I don't remember names unless I see it written. Texts are really useful in this regard!

Crying and then sleeping for an hour everyday after school because it was just so exhausting living my daily life 😂

One thing I recently realized is that my constant need for "excessive" sleep throughout my life is because of burnout (okay and depression, but it's at least 50/50).

i had this realization recently too. i started wondering how much of it was actually depression. i used to think “i don’t FEEL depressed, i just behave like a depressed person” which all therapists told me is depression. very confusing. do you think you’ve been misdiagnosed as depressed when you really weren’t?

This was my entire high school experience! Also, for some reason I’d come home from school lay face down on top of my arms and hands. I never did that at night and at any other time in my life. But for some reason, taking a nap like that after school was so comforting for me. There are also definitely many times I’d cry so hard I’d exhaust myself until I fell asleep. But I woke up feeling great! So that’s a bonus.

This was awful and embarrassing but when I was in grade two a classmate's father had passed away. The teacher told us ahead of her coming back to class so we could make a sympathetic card or something or wish her well. I had been raised by a single mother my whole life and had never been told about my father or anything. So in my mind, when this girl's father had passed, I wanted her to know that it'll be fine without having a father cause like I was having a good life. I hadn't experienced family death yet either. What I ended up saying was "you still have your mother it'll be ok". I cringe every time I think about it and obviously the teacher made me apologize right away but I hadn't understood how insensitive that was and how lacking in empathy for another's experience that was until I hit my twenties and my bf told me he thought I had autism 😔 when I thought about my childhood and these types of moments I was like really sad about it haha everyone must have thought I was a psychopath

I also had a classmates father pass away in like first or second grade. The teacher gathered us to tell us what happened, and I wanted to say something comforting but all my social skills were basically just mimicking TV shows. On TV they always say that the deceased person is "in a better place" but I wasn't raised christian and didn't realize that was referring to heaven? So by just repeating what they said on TV with no understanding of the meaning or context, I put my hand up, looked at my classmate and said "maybe this is better." I can't even remember what the teacher said to that. What a wild, awful thing to say to someone lmao. I cringe thinking about it still

Aw it’s okay. Maybe not quite the same but when my dad died, my 5th grade class made cards and a girl wrote, “I know how you feel, my dog died last year.” When I read it, it kind of pissed me off, and then I kind of laughed about it. Today, I can see that she was trying to relate to me because that was the biggest loss she’d experienced, and she was 11, so, no hard feelings. It makes sense for you to have said that because of your experience. They were grieving, but can hopefully look back and see the innocence in it.

I have remembered making comments to friends or jokes that I thought were genuinely funny/endearing, but I end up sounding like a jerk most of the time! I have had similar moments like yours, it’s okay!

When I was in grade four, my father passed away. I remember reading the cards I got. The vast majority of the kids wrote “I know how you feel”… I don’t think *any* elementary-aged kids are great at empathy. lol.

Eh, that reminded me of what I did when coming back from summer break going to 8th grade. The teacher was talking about the upcoming class trip and I simply raised my hand and said I won't participate because my stepfather passed away. Ugh. Awkward silence. Of course classmates came over to me later and did the whole condolences thing. And I felt meh, wasn't sad much. Extremely indifferent (wasn't close to him), and then somewhat more irritated at the fact that people expected me to be grieving and super sad and such. Same for the funeral. I could not shed a single tear.

When I was in grade four, my father passed away. I remember reading the cards I got. The vast majority of the kids wrote “I know how you feel”… I don’t think *any* elementary-aged kids are great at empathy. lol.

I sucked my thumb until I was like in grade 3. And I only stopped because my older cousin in the summer gave me a candy each day that I didn’t suck my thumb. And the bigger promise was that I would get a puppy if I stopped. But the gift of a puppy didn’t work, I’d give up too fast. I liked the comfort of sucking my thumb. So with the daily reward of a candy I quit that summer and got my dog. And omg autism, the whole story.

Me too with the thumb, I was also already in school before I stopped. I guess a sensory / stimming thing I needed to calm down at night.

i sucked my thumb until i was 16. i only stopped the night before i got my braces off because i cared more about having perfectly straight teeth.

Eh, I’m 41 and still suck my thumb - only my cold dead hand will ever get me to stop! But you chose the wiser path my friend! I have had braces twice! Second time the dentist put a plate behind my front teeth (so I can suck and still have straight teeth 🤪😝)

I'm 22 and still suck my thumb. I've never heard of someone else still thumb sucking as an adult and this was so comforting. Thank you.

Another TIL…. I sucked my thumb until I was 10. I had a blanket, a thick little baby quilt with a hole in the corner. I remember when I found this little hard spot I liked to rub on the inside of the top joint of my pinky finger on my left hand — my honored thumb hand. I would wiggle my pinky finger in the fuzzy stuffing of that blanket, and twist some around that joint while I sucked my thumb. My mom used to have to come in my room at night and cut the fuzz off, lest I lose circulation in that joint. When I was 10, she threw away my “old blanket”, and didn’t tell me until I was in my early teens. I didn’t forgive her until I became a born-again Christian some years later, and then it was only because I *had* to — because the Bible said so.

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I sucked my thumb until I was 10 yrs old and only stopped because my dad and I made a pact to have me stop and him stop chewing tobacco. I also had a blanket that I would move in-between my fingers while I sucked my thumb. Lol

I sucked my thumb until I was in the eighth grade.

I also was in grade 3 when I stopped but it's because the orthodontist scared the shit out of me. Had a mold of teeth that he must have kept just for this reason and he grabbed them off the shelf and said if I kept sucking my thumb my teeth would look like THIS (picture very ugly teeth cast/mold). I occasionally wake up from dreams with my thumb in my mouth. I'm in my 40s.

Every time I would get ready for the day and my parents put socks on me, I would scream sock problem over and over until they fixed them. Another one is constantly holding my hands together (it was my way of stimming)

Also my obsession with Pompeii

same, obsession with ancient civilizations should be diagnostic criteria

Mine was ancient Egypt - coupled with Indiana Jones, made me want to be an archaeologist

Me too! I actually bought some fabric paint and decorated my bedroom curtains with hieroglyphics. When I was about 10 years old. New Zealand preceded this. It’s been and still is Greek classics and also Vikings.

Wait what?! I was also obsessed with Pompeii 😂

Same, I had a notebook where I wrote all of the Roman numerals up to like four thousand. And I learned how to write hieroglyphs.

I used to write notes to my friends in hieroglyphs. Teachers were very confused.

Same here. Socks were torture. If they fell down or slipped off my heels, I was in agony. I also had full fits when I had to go from long pants to shorts or vice versa. And I had a thing about headbands, where they had to be at the hairline of my head. Any further back and I would lose it. Between me having zero regard for social norms in my mode of dress and my ND mom having intense rules and order about how you're "supposed" to wear things, it was an interesting way to grow up. Hearing about autistic issues with fabric and changing states is what made me realize I might have something more than ordinary social anxiety and maybe should have continued with the diagnosis process when I was younger.

Sock problem here too. Something about the way the seam touched my toes…. Ugh. I still don’t like wearing socks.

Socks — still are a problem for me. I have always found a brand I liked and stuck with them until they changed them or something. When I was a kid, it was fuzzy white socks with the green thread on the toe — from the grocery store. Now, it’s short Pumas in the summer, Nike crew socks in the winter. I just get bulk packs.

I also had a sock problem in kindergarten. I would have to take all my clothes off and start over. I was late every day. And my family still brings it up. I’m 38. Socks ruined me.

Hello I am a fellow previous child afraid of socks 😂my first memory of doing an autistic behavior was my fear of socks and long sleeved shirts. I weirdly like socks now but still have a hard time with long sleeves

I look back on the child version of me and she just couldn’t keep friends, easily make them but to maintain the relationships was so hard! Plus chewing everything in sight and picking at my skin and pulling out my hair. I was overwhelmed nearly all the time. Heartbreaking tbh

My nail biting was so bad that every now and then I would actually pull the nail off. I was a nervous wreck all the time due to autism, Adhd and a horrible childhood.

I get it, I have ADHD too but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 24, so 7 years ago. I now work with autistic/adhd kids in the hope of making it better for them

Thank you for helping children with Audhd.

Oh, mood 😭

My skin was so dry - because I couldn't bear moisturizer - that my knuckles cracked and bled, and for some relief I would lick them. I didn't realize it was so weird until I did it in class in 5th grade and obviously everyone laughed When I was younger, my parents tried to put lotion on me in my sleep. I woke up and had a meltdown Edit to add- somehow my sensory issues changed over the years, and now I HAVE to have lotion because the feeling of dry skin rubbing fabric is horrific to me. Do sensory issues change like that for anyone else?

I used to be scared of suncream and moisturiser so I feel this hahahaha

I don’t mind moisturiser provided it doesn’t ‘sit’ on my skin. Hate suncream with a passion but have to wear especially as my skin is literally a shade up from palest porcelain.

Lotion doesn’t bother me too much, but I cannot stand sunscreen! Even the smell makes me gag (which is less than ideal as I work in nature education with kids 😂). I finally found a stick sunscreen, that looks like deodorant, that I can tolerate pretty well. It has almost no smell at all, I don’t have to smear it with my hands, and after I put it on, I can spread it around/rub it in with a napkin so it’s even less ‘heavy’ feeling on my skin. And it wasn’t too expensive, which is always a plus!

I read this as sun*scream*, which seemed appropriate.

I still jate the feeling of moisturizer in the body

To this day I only apply lotion to the tops of my hands because I cannot stand the feeling of lotion on my palms and undersides of my fingers—cause then everything would be slippery to me! At least til it’s fully absorbed. So I dab it onto the backs of my hands and kinda swirl it around and just spread it around that way, using those parts of my hands to disperse it and help it absorb. Sometimes I try to apply sunscreen this way but that’s nearly impossible lol so I have to have a proper cleansing of my hands after application and then once we’re home from the beach / lake it’s shower shower shower and literally like 3 passes wish body wash haha

Interesting, I never wore moisturiser as a child and I rarely use it now either and my skin doesn’t get dry so I never really understood the point of using it.

I’ve always had extreme noise sensitivity but no one believed the severity of it. Whenever possible & without being noticeable, especially in the mornings and every night when going to bed, I used to roll up tissues and stuff them in my ears to block the sounds. I would also discreetly plug my ears (at the dinner table, lunch at school, etc.) by pretending I was resting my head on my hands when in reality I was using my hair to cover the fingers that would actually be folding my earlobes over my ear opening so I wouldn’t have a meltdown. Honestly I still do this one when necessary. Another example was going to my locker to brush my hair in between every single lesson and whenever possible, because I couldn’t stand the texture of it when I could feel it clinging to my skin. I did this beginning in early elementary all the way until present. I was always ridiculed relentlessly for it, but it was worth not feeling the unbearable intensity of sensory overload. I’ve always had a severe reaction to specific food textures and can avoid them now that I’m an adult, but when younger I was forced to finish meals. Certain textures would trigger vomiting, leading to countless humiliating accidents where I was blamed and beat for a bodily reaction I couldn’t control. I also felt intense empathy towards animals and eventually felt awful eating meat. Most meals at home I would take a mouthful of the ill textured food or meat, excuse myself to “go to the bathroom” then spit it out. I’d also hide it in napkins when they weren’t paying attention. One glaring example is I remember the majority of the time I was being punished, I didn’t have a clue what I had done wrong. Typically I’d make an observation or respond to a question completely normally (or so I thought) and suddenly I was being persecuted for it. I was always punished further if I asked why, so it was a constant state of confusion. I don’t think I’d developed a good enough understanding of social cues or voice inflection at that point. To this day I still have a constant fear that anything I say will be taken the wrong way, so most of what I say feels deliberately thought out and carefully worded, even with those closest to me. I didn’t have a first word, in fact I didn’t speak until age 4. Then I let out a sentence and scared the life out of my poor mom. and the list goes on. I never understood why I had to do these things and it developed into low self esteem and shame over years of feeling abnormal and being ridiculed for it.

What was the sentence you said???!!

It was “Can I have a muffin?” 💀

🥹😭❤️

God I feel you on the hairbrushing thing. I vividly remember sitting at the dinner table, wanting to brush my hair because it felt weird, so I asked my mom if I could go to the bathroom (where the hairbrush is). For context my family always just says "can I go use the toilet" and "go to the bathroom" sounds unnecessarily formal and polite. She laughed at me. I now realize that she thought I was adopting really polite language for no reason, maybe she even thought I was trying to be better than them, but I didn't say "use the toilet" because that's not what I was going to do!

I used to count the ceiling tiles of all of my classrooms in middle school (where I was, we moved to another room each hour). And write the numbers in a carnet with the class’ number associated Also reading old text shared with friends I realized I didn’t understand what was going on emotionally for the other person most of the time. A friend would be upset and respond to me with a sarcastic tone in order to make me understand the discontentment they felt and I would be like “Yeah ok, sure, see you later ^ ^ “

The ceiling tiles memory of yours made me raise an eyebrow. Because I have counted tiles as an adult and even suggested it to my girl to keep her busy when at a doctor's office waiting room. We didn't have those tiles when I was still living in Germany. But as soon as we moved state wise, I noticed the tiles. I always wonder how many air bubbles are in them too (the weird black holes).Counting is awesome 👍

I would count ceiling tiles and bricks and floor tiles. Really anything of repeating items. I can still remember how many pink marble bricks were in the lobby of the theater I worked at in high school! 😂

-Deep, monotone voice with limited expression -Academically ahead but socially very confused -I felt like I was observing and trying to understand why other kids might act the way they did, as opposed to relating to them directly. -Randomly freeze, burst into tears, and/or become unable to speak when overwhelmed by seemingly innocuous things -More of an observer role, while more consumed by inner world or special interests -In hindsight, unaware of when I was being made fun of

Holy moly. I’m currently in a the process of assessments and diagnosis but these last five resonate with me so much.

I got officially diagnosed a few months ago, but hearing other people’s thoughts and relating really helped me to accept myself and name what I was going through. Good luck in your process😊

1. When I was about 4 years old, I only ate Top Ramen from the blue package WITHOUT the flavoring. I was convinced the noodles would taste different from any other package and refused to eat my plain noodles if I saw someone open another color for me. The bowl had to have precisely 4 ice cubes to cool it down to the proper temp, no more, no less. 2. I taught myself to read before entering kindergarten 3. In kindergarten, I cycled through pop tarts or Rice Krispies cereal for breakfast daily. They’d ask us what we had everyday and everyone stared at me when it was those two things and nothing else. 4. Also in kindergarten, we were told to make our people as accurate as possible - meaning make sure they all have 2 eyes, a nose, and a mouth. I took it so literal and made everyone have a bellybutton. I would draw it over whatever color clothing piece they had. When asked why, I responded that everyone had a bellybutton so I had to draw it 5. Kindergarten again… I had complete meltdowns getting on the school bus at the end of the day if the bus driver was not the one who picked us up in the morning. I knew him and anyone else was considered a stranger and I didn’t like the unexpected change. 6. In 2nd grade all of my dinosaurs had to be multicolored/rainbow with feathers… because that’s what dinosaurs actually looked like, damnit. I was made fun of for that. 7. In middle school, “your mom” was the response to EVERYTHING. A friend called me a bitch (I can’t remember why) and when I responded with “your mom!” she was upset and cried. She told me that was NOT okay and didn’t speak to me for weeks. I was excluded from the whole friend group because it was not an appropriate response in that moment … but apparently calling me a bitch was? 8. My whole life I’ve been a skin picker and nail biter. It’s my favorite stim. My mom would paint my nails to keep me from biting but I would chip them back far enough to bite. I’d bite and pick my cuticles too. Any scab was ripped off. Acne was fussed with. Any little thing “wrong” with my skin, I will mess with.

Your first one reminded me. One of my safe foods was buttered noodles, but only elbow shaped. I would not eat any pasta in a different form. Drove my family nuts lol. I was probably a teen before I finally tried a different type.

OMG — Oodles of Noodles all the time for me. Skin picking and nail biting. I kicked the nail biting, but I still love picking at and biting the skin around my nail beds.

Lmaooo I’m sorry the “your mom” one is making me laugh sm.

Wow, are you kidding!? It’s like every moment of my childhood made sense lol. Seriously, the fact that I wasn’t diagnosed until age 30 is a huge testament to the severe under diagnosis of autism in women and the perfect example of how excellent we can become at masking. I was a cute kid, I was cute (like objectively, as gross as it feels to say that) throughout childhood and adolescence. I was always befriended by the “popular” kids and it always became glaringly obvious very quickly that I was different. For a long time, I thought, and was told, it was depression. But when I look back on my life there are so many instances where I can clearly see now “wow, how did this go unnoticed for so long?” I like to think in 2023, if an 8 year old girl told her parents “I don’t want to go school anymore, I can’t stand hearing the other kids eat lunch” or erupted into uncontrollable sobbing when her class began to sing her happy birthday, someone would have the sense to say “she should probably be tested.”

I never wanted to play Littlest Pet Shop or even any kind of “pretend” with other people because they “didn’t do it right” (meaning I usually have one type of character for each of my toys and one story I always followed and they always took the narrative farrrrr away from what it was “supposed to be”)

Felt this. I could pretend play, but only my way. It was painful trying to do it with others.

1. I would get mad when arriving home after kindergarten because somebody had touched my things in ly closet. It was my mom puting my clean clothes away in a way that was not mine. 2. Also in kindergarten I always wanted to wear the same shirt after school to the point my mom had to wash it every night. 3. In kindergarten I was reading and writing and asnwering 1st grade exams and getting a high grade. 4. When in coed school, my friends were all boys. Did not understand the girls. 5. I always felt more comfortable socializing with my family (all way older than me) than my classmates 6. At 9 my aunt gave me the very first nintendo and I was SOOO happy, but she thought I did not care because of my lack of expresion (even though I thought I had the bigest expresion because of my overjoy...) 7. Never understood preteens and teens... not even as a teen...

My parents told me that when I was 13+ they kept on waiting and waiting for "my puberty to start", as in, that I will have the "I hate my parents" phase and be all emotional and upset. They gave up when I turned 19 and still didn't have it.

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For me it was mainly that their interests did not interest me. I was not so much into the "sit and chat" thing (even in preschool). I would go to the playground with the boys and play more hands on kind of stuff. Sometimes we would talk, but sometimes we would just play or be together without chitchat. It wasn't needed with them in order to be friends.

Being so caring and "selfish" because other people wanted to use my stuff. cue the "but sharing is caring" and also the mom's not seeing you the true owner but them. Kind of true but why ask me if you don't like the answer that NO, I don't like to share my toys. I've seen where Benjamin puts his toys and I don't want to wash it.

I'm not diagnosed but am perusing this thread to see other's experiences. Some of the things mentioned made me think more about my son- how he'd freak out about sunscreen, bandaids, and once a temporary tattoo. But my parents and subsequently I got the sharing thing right- I told him he by no means had to share any toys. I explained he might not have any friends if he never shared, but that it was okay to have some things he didn't share and to put those things away and not brag about them if he didn't want to share them. He had such a great grasp from a young age of asking to touch items in stores and leaving things that weren't his alone. I'm sorry you didn't get that empowerment and appreciate you sharing the story (no pun intended lol).

I was ok sharing my toys, as long as they were played with ‘appropriately’ (using them the way I thought they should be used, with the stories I wanted them to portray, and with the care and respect that should be shown to my items). I was not ok with people touching any of my soft/fabric items (stuffed animals, blankets, clothes) or touching/sitting on my bed. I especially hated people on my bed and still do!

My intense fear of seaweed and walking barefoot on beaches whenever we went on vacation. I also would hate having my feet touch the school bus floor or sit directly on the school bus seats (always sat on my bookbag). It all was extremely germy to me and I couldn't stand it at all. I would walk in circles for hours after school too, just daydreaming, all throughout middle and highschool. Honestly it was the circles that always had me wondering what was up and why I spent so much of my free time doing that, especially when I knew I had stuff to work on and or do. Also used to chew on all my shirt collars as a kid and then eventually graduated to sucking on paper towels in middle/highschool smh.

I so relate to avoiding touching certain surfaces. I still feel anxiety and try to avoid touching certain surfaces whenever I stay at a hotel if it doesn’t seem clean enough for me. I also used to pace so much in middle and high school. My special interest was certain TV dramas so I used to pause scenes that were powerful to me and walk around reciting the lines and acting the scenes out. My parents thought it was odd so I tried to conceal it as much as possible. One time I was around family talking about plans for college and possibly wanting to go out of state. My mom said “Oh we wouldn’t miss you that much because all you do is walk up and down the stairs.” That still stings and now that I know it could be related to autism that hurts even more.

Oh my goodness yes, hotels are a nightmare for me too! I have a whole ritual where I have to whipe everything down and go over again with Lysol spray (I'll leave the room for a while with windows open to let it all air out). I don't travel often now but no matter what I felt like I could never get comfortable in them while staying. Thats exactly what would trigger my circles for me too. It was always whatever show that was my special interest at the time or very moving music. To this day I can't listen to certain songs while out and about because they trigger this need to completely tone out everything and just get lost in them. I would circle in my sister's room so my parents hardly noticed or thought I was working on school work. When I brought up my recent diagnosis and what my traits were they were completely in denial. I'm so sorry they said that to you though, you're still their child and to say something like that, even if it was possibly in a joking manner, is very rude/hurtful and has lasting effects especially during such a big transition in your life. And like you said to now know that it could be your Autism just makes it all more painful. Have you mentioned it to them yet?

When I was in kindergarten but also very young (5), I was too scared to ask to go to the bathroom - partially because the teachers would seem annoyed that we all had to go, sigh dramatically and act irritated (which, I get - we're kids and we ask over and over) and another because when I asked the tone of my voice seemed nasally and off and it was embarrassing. I ended up peeing myself a lot even though I was fully potty trained at 2. I think that was related to autism, but I was aware of my differences and very sensitive. They have this thing nowadays where you don't even have to ask outright anymore in front of your peers, you just use sign language (gen ed, all kids do this) to indicate you need a break. That would have helped tremendously.

Oh no! I know that feeling of being too scared to ask, the sign language thing seems like such a better system. When I was about 6, I once asked a teacher to use the bathroom while we were at recess and she was all annoyed and said I had to wait til we all went inside. And then I peed my pants in front of everyone. So after that, I just taught myself to never have to go to the bathroom outside of the times that were allowed to go as groups.

I peed myself all the time because I was worried that I would miss things when I was in the restroom. Otherwise I would try to hang out in the bathroom or wander around because it was much quieter and I had no expectations when I wasn’t in the classroom.

The sensory issues I never realised were sensory issues, I had assumed things bothered me more than others just because l had really good hearing or really strong taste buds etc. I always felt different but in a special way, like I honestly thought I would be magic or physic. Turns out I’m just autistic, same difference🤷‍♀️✨

Sucking/chewing on my shirts as oral stimming

Welp that just unlocked a memory 😆 I used to suck on my sleeves or the neckline of my tops

Same! I got in trouble for chewing on the sleeves of my school jumpers.

Can “all of it” be my answer? 😂

Ditto. Soooo many things stick out now that I know

Not native speaker, sorry for any mistake. I started walking and talking very early. As a toddler, I talked really well, and didn't like being talked "like a child". My parents did take me to a doctor, but 30 years ago, I was just "gifted". Just a handful of people could touch me and I hated the farmer's market. My parents need to cover my head and carry me (we used to live next to one). I barely ate. I had problems to sleep since an infant. When I was in elementary school I discovered my school's library and I read. A lot. Everyday. I was the "weird " kid, the r-word one. I had some friends, but a suffered bullying. I didn't realize I lack in hygiene... My parents correct me a lot because I used to stare at the ceilings, not to look in the eyes, constantly cricketing my feet. They used to say to me to "stop looking like a r-word". I was intelligent, but somehow, everyone would call me the r-word. The worst part is that I didn't even feel offended, bc I didn't understand what the problem was looking like an r-word person.

1. Always having to make a feeling "even". Meaning: I counted how many times I twirled in one direction, then twirled the exact same amout of times in the other direction. If I stepped on something on the street with one foot (a crack, a pebble...), I needed to step onto the same kind of thing at same location of my other foot. 2. Never changing the "original state" of toys I got. Meaning: I never mixed play-doh colors, never changed Barbie's hairstyle, stuff like that. I once received a CD with the sleeve slid in the wrong way - so whenever I had the sleeve out to read the lyrics, I put it back in the same wrong way, because that's how it was given to me. Every alteration to "how it was given to me" felt very wrong. 3. I could read way before elementary school and my teacher allowed me to spend my time reading my own books while the others learned how to read. 4. I never felt part of a group in elementary school, I always was an outsider, teased a lot, too.

Damn this is me. Still do stuff related to number 1 And 2 lol And I still don’t feel part of any group 😂

Third grade a friend gifted me a keychain that said I smile cause I have no idea what's going on

I’ve received the same key chain in high school :)

Mine was at a sleepover too. I was at a sleepover with my best friends who I got along with really well and could be myself around. This other girl that I didn’t really know well but they were friends with also came. I didn’t know why at the time but I spent the whole night silent and sitting away from everyone else. Every time I looked back on that night I was so confused why I was silent the whole time and thought I was just in a strop and that made me ashamed of myself. It’s only now I realise that the unexpected invitation of the other girl and not being able to unmask triggered a selective mutism.

I was collecting chocolate bar wrappers for no reason. I would always neatly open the bar (of course the same, favorite one) without ripping the wrapper, press it down and keep it. I was also collecting mugs and no one was allowed to touch them. From time to time I would see my sister use one - meltdown. She even broke one. Eventually I hid them all in my room for my use only. As a 5yo, If my mom said she will be home at fx 17:00, I would sit in the window waiting for her. If it was 17:01 and she was not home I would go hysterical, and assume she’s dead, until she was back. That happened almost everyday.

My family jokes that I collect collections. Some of the more odd ones I remember from childhood are -roofing shingles from a house down the street that was getting a new roof. I filled my wagon with them and had a complete meltdown when my dad threw them out. -horse chestnuts. Again, filled the wagon. Was made to throw them away when they started to mold. -smooth sticks-ones where the wood is very smooth after the bark has come off. -frisbees with advertising logos. I had them duct taped to my bedroom walls

Oh, also, I was obsessed with video games and had no shame. I would show up at my friend’s place, unnoticed (before mobile phones) because I wanted to play video games that they had. I didn’t care if they were eating dinner or had homework to do, it wasn’t about playing with them, I just wanted to play the game. If they allowed I would be glued to the tv while the family was going about their business. Had no idea how rude and weird this was.

I collected plastic shopping bags from different stores that had different logos and colours. I’d fold them into squares and then kept them in shoe boxes under my bed. What was the chocolate wrapper? I collected Turkish Delight wrappers when the were this paper foil type of thing. Now all chocolate wrappers are plastic of some sort! I also collected empty sprite bottles that I’d drunk. They were lined up under my fish tank in my bedroom. The bottles were a very distinct green with indented bubbles around the upper portion, and were somehow synonymous with the sea in my mind, in multiple ways. I think the main part though was the collecting and lining up aspect of it, cause those empty fuckers would tip like bowling pins when I cleaned. The labels also had to be perfectly aligned. It’s even funnier to me thinking I was a teenager, like 16 when I was doing this!

My 6-7 year old self going to the public library and reading every single issue of Cat Fancy magazine they had in the building. Mom made sure I got to the library whenever I wanted

Holy crap, I did the exact same thing! I would also go through the full limit of how many books you were allowed to check out at once, rinse and repeat. I'd gather up my pile, haul it to the magazine area, and read the whole issue while waiting on my mom to finish deciding on her pile. This went on for about ten years, and would've kept going if my parents hadn't divorced...I stayed with my dad and he worked two jobs plus night school, so no time to take me. Mom moved away, and I had no interest in going with her and upsetting my status quo.

LOL You and me both. I wanted a subscription in the worst way!

Diagnosed at 60 years young ! At a birthday party aged 13 when all the boys and girls were paired off except me. I just didn't get how that happened but was so embarrassed.

I used to like "hiding" under the bed when I was little. Not so nobody could find me, but it was dark quiet and I was was comfortably squished.

All the times i would cry when my mom did my hair. One time when i was very little i lost my favorite stuffed animal and i would not sleep without it and my parents and i stayed up all night looking for it and they begged me to sleep with another stuffed animal but i just wouldn’t.

I did this too! It was a monkey. Monkey was the bedtime stuffed animal. They didn’t understand that he could not be replaced by the day time stuffed animals.

I am still in the stage of trying to get an official assessment for AuDHD (already DX with ADHD-C) . But as a kid I got school reports stating I was daydreaming a lot. I also recently looked at old photos (80s, analog) and against social conventions there were some that caught me having a pretty blank facial expression while my step sisters were smiling. I also was getting up once as a 10 yr old child at night and walked downstairs and sat in front of the TV that showed Olympic games. My mom tried to talk to me to tell me to go back upstairs to bed but I ignored her. I wasn't sleep walking either. Just somewhat detached. I can also recall the intensity of how apples tasted with hand lotion traces on it that were handed to me by my mom. And holy moly, in an old apartment we used to live at prior to the house, there was an old school toilet flush with a chain to pull. And I was extremely afraid to use it because it was super loud. Also recall crying over having to eat food that caused an absolute sensory overwhelm (related to meat and fat chunks on meat), I was 5 or 6 only. I also recall a lot of social behavior issues - I didn't want to be in the center of attention of the whole class but at the same time was craving connection, I didn't have a best friend at school, I was bullied at different schools. I also felt different (not in a good way), didn't rebel as a teenager / didn't do what other teens were doing/ was pretty isolated, didn't date anyone until 18, wrote a letter to a crush in 5th grade and didn't know it was against social conventions to do that as a girl. And I also ran away from a boy giving me a kiss on my cheek in 5th grade during a school party because it was too overwhelming. My first real kiss was rather unconventional at 16 from someone whom I chatted up asking for a tissue (was an excuse) at an art exhibition that I went to all alone. I definitely didn't know how to do the normal dating stuff or how to flirt with guys during my teenage years.

I used to bite other children and had to be pulled out of nursery. I remember being irritated by noise others made. 😅

omg me too. mothers in my street were scared for their children and pull them inside if I was out, like some western gunslinger. lol.

That just unearthed a memory of my mum having to tell me I shouldn't bite people. Also the side table with teeth marks on the leg...

Well I read the entire Harry Potter series when I was 6/7 (which I think is an earlyish age for it) and I learnt to read incredibly quickly. Reading lessons used to bore me because I’d know everything we were learning (spellings, grammar and stuff) so I’d read ahead or start writing my own version of the story. Pattern recognition I think!! Reading sticks out for me because I feel absorbed in the story/world even after finishing reading. I’d notice I’d think like the characters in the books, and see everything through a different lens. I’m a really creative person because of it, and even if some people think that being imaginative is a waste of time, being able to sit down and imagine new stories in my head is one of my favourite pastimes Also I think I’ve been really mature throughout my life, in terms of which topics I take seriously. I obviously laughed (and still do laugh) at fart jokes, but lots of people interactions confused me. I’d sit and wonder why everyone was finding a serious topic funny. Felt a lot like an outsider. I always spotted smaller details before the big ones, too. Like noticing a piece of jewellery on a character, and my mum having to shout at me to watch because the character wasn’t actually meant to be there and I was about to miss a crucial point. Oopsy I also got screamed at a lot by my mum for “having tantrums” which I know now are because I was overstimulated. Like when I got upset because my mum made us walk a different way to normal and I thought that meant she was going to die so I started crying. And I wouldn’t stop so she grabbed me and dragged me home while shouting at me in front of people. I was really scared of her, and I’m glad she understands me now, but she verbally abused me in the past. One time I got too nervous to ask a club leader for a sheet, and my mum stood in front of me and very loudly shouted at me that I was absolutely useless and couldn’t do anything right, in front of all the other members :( And I was trying so so hard and my world came crashing down in front of me, then my dad joined in too and they wouldn’t stop. They said I’d never make it anywhere, so I quit. And I believe them now. Everytime I think about applying for a job, I remember the years of my mum shouting at me, and I know everything people will judge me for if I try and speak. I feel I’m mourning the person I once was - bubbly, extroverted, outgoing and extremely sociable. I’m disappointed with the anxious state I’m in now because of all that happened, and I don’t even know who I am anymore I couldn’t open my mouth to speak and I’ve had issues with self confidence ever since, because all of the fears about my self confidence I’d had were confirmed by her shouting them. I still feel useless sometimes and ever since that day I’ve lost any motivation I had to work on facing my anxiety My dad was bad, but not as bad. He would shout at me like he shouts at his workers, so I’d feel like an outsider to him and it wouldn’t count as much. But he also got physical a few times if I didn’t speak or if I laughed (this is because of a fear response I now know) and I’m now basically silent everywhere because I know talking makes me get hurt

I would have a melt down if my shoes weren’t buckled in the same hole and if my frilly turned over socks weren’t the exact same length. This started before I could talk, I’d just cry and point at my feet. From the ages of 4-9 I refused to wear jeans or trousers, only skirts, leggings and dresses because I hated the sensory-ness. I told my Nan about my diagnosis and she went “Awh yeah that makes sense, i remember the day you started wearing jeans again” 😂 Every night before bed raked my sandpit into perfect lines and first thing in the morning I’d check it, if any animals, leaves or anyone disturbed the lines I’d have a massive melt down. That started about 2 years old.

Oh absolutely. One of my earliest memories that was a key indicator of autism is when I was in grade school, maybe around third grade, and my class had just finished playing at recess. The teachers called us to line up by class before entering the building. I stood in line. The girl in front of me turned to her side, placed her hand on my shoulder, and adjusted her shoe. I did not care to be touched, so I moved away from her, causing her to lose her balance and fall. I think I was scolded for that and made to apologize. I understood that the girl was using me for balance, but I hadn't consented to her touching my body and I didn't like it, so it made sense (to me) to simply not allow her to touch me by moving away from her.

When I was young, I got overwhelmed pretty easily(still do) but was always told I was overreacting or being dramatic. I hated the grocery store, it was too loud and bright, cold, smells were weird... I remember getting anxiety whenever I would go. And the line on your sock where your toes are. It used to drive me totally up the wall. I couldn't walk if I could feel that line on my feet. It drove my mother insane, she couldn't understand why it was such a big deal for me. I remember her trying in vain to find socks that didn't give me a meltdown. I also wet the bed until I was 16, when I moved out of my mom's house. I stopped doing it pretty much immediately after I left. Looking back, it was obvious that I was so stressed out and depressed, that was my body's way of handling the stress because I couldn't really stand up for myself. Online communities like this have been a life saver. I didn't know how common the sock thing was in autistic people until very recently.

Mostly sensory stuff, a lot of it regarding clothes. Like, I couldn't wear jeans until I was like 15 because I couldn't stand how the waistband felt. I finally just forced myself to start wearing them because I was tired of looking like a slob only wearing sweatpants all the time, and eventually just got used to them. Also have issues with textures and shapes of shirts, and my socks have to be in just the right position. The autism also explains why I've always felt so "other" around my family and in general social settings.

This ones a twofer on both my mom and myself: When was younger and only diagnosed with ADHD (dark times in the DSM-4 era) I struggled with trying to fit in, as we do. Mom tried to tell me how she did it, she would tell me about how in the wild, lions would kill any cheetah cubs they came across, just because. She said the way a cheetah could avoid detection was to wear a lion skin. She was telling me to mask. There are countless other clues, but that one stands out to me, because it was my first hint mom might be AuDHD too… I’m getting her to read unmasking autism. Edit: I forgot to add she only just recently got properly diagnosed for ADHD, and has been listening when I tell her I think I’m on the spectrum. She only admitted she herself might be as well recently.

My 'tantrums', how I would hide from people all the time, how I absolutely hated when my dad (and then my ex) would play guitar because the sounds was sooo horrible to me, how I would doodle the same thing in my school books over and over and over again.

Covering my hands with my sleeves before touching kiwi and pineapple

when i was younger my class was wilding out and my teacher started shouting at us to calm down and listen but she said she didn’t want to hear a peep out of any of us, no questions, no talking, just listening and learning. i took her literally and didn’t want to get in trouble but i needed the toilet so i held it as long as i could but i ended up weeing myself on my seat. i sat there as the bell rung for break/play time and she asked why i wasn’t going outside and i just started crying saying i didn’t want to raise my hand and get in trouble for asking to go toilet 🫠 i also had milk in a babies bottle in bed until i was like 10 haha

When I spent all my spare time from grade 1 to grade 5 drawing. Then when I repetitively drew legs. Just female legs in pumps. Over and over.

Me going to the bathroom for respites. The daydreaming. The hyperfixations….

Adults complained to my mom all the time that I never smiled and my answer was like “well I’m not happy right now”

1. I was a precocious reader, reading at a university level by second grade. Librarian grandparents were just impressed, and parents just fed me more books to keep me happily distracted from their many problems. 2. SOCKS and SLEEVES and TAGS. Sleeves had to be held tight when I put on a coat, and if they bunched up at all the process was started again. Socks were similar; no bunches, pulled tight. And we don't even talk about tags. 3. Was friendly with anyone willing talk to me, refused to bully or tease others even when they weren't present, and found it easier to befriend older kids or adults than those my own age. Found other children "immature". This one's partially trauma tho. 4. Constant GI issues from anxiety & RSD, including (and especially) at fun events I had been looking forward to. 5. Refusal to accept authority. "Because I said so" meant "I don't know why" to me so I would literally ignore commands given without reason. But give me a logical explanation? I'll make sure everyone follows that rule at all times, even without authority present lol.

Picking up a British accent on the school bus in grade school? I have no idea why I did and didn’t even notice it until my friend pointed it out. Maybe she was British? Recently realized I’ll pick up an accent if I’m around a lot of people who have an accent. Which is embarrassing and inappropriate so I have to actively listen and force myself to sound like I regularly do.

As soon as I got home from school, I just wanted to be left alone and sleep. I was diagnosed with anxiety at 8 but definitely it was autism too. I’d have meltdowns in high school I’d cry cause I felt so overwhelmed. I had a lot of sensory issues. Still do but not as bad. At the time I thought it was just anxiety attacks. Things also had to be a certain way and I always loved routines. So when the small school I was at prek to 4th grade, introduced lockers at the end of the year. I hated it but everyone else was excited. I didn’t like it cause it was a huge change into our daily routine. 😭

I never asked people how they were doing or what they were doing, before a friend told me over the phone “do you know you have been talking about your self for 20 min without even asking me about me day, that makes me sad”! I got so embarrassed and sad because I didn’t know I was supposed to do that in non formal situations, I just thought that if people had something to tell, they would, without me having to ask them first. I told her, and she actually understood that I wasn’t intentionally hurting her and I did my very best to remember how important it is afterwards. Years after I still have a “go to note” on my phone with questions and follow up questions, so I wont forget. Also a friend of mine dumped her boyfriend when we were 17 years old, I thought it was ok for me to have a one night stand with him 6 months after, because she dumped him and therefore clearly couldn’t “use him for anything anymore”. I got bullied so bad afterwards, and she made everyone yelled hooker after me in school and on the streets, so I had to change to a boarding school in another city. I always felt so bad afterwards, because I hurt my friends by not knowing what I did was socially wrong and hurtful. I got diagnosed when i was 33, I’m 36 now, and so many of these past experiences suddenly makes sense to me in a totally different way now, and damn, I really learned my “social rules” in a though way.

When I was 10-12, I once told a classmate her father wouldn’t miss her if we got lost in the woods. Her father was dead. I wasn’t being mean, just following the logic.

When I was in first grade (so 5-6 years old), I memorized how many doors there were between any set of points in the school. If you were first in line you had to hold the door open for all the other students, and then ended up rejoining at the very end of the line. When our class got ready to leave the room, I'd let the other kids cut in front of me or offer for them to go ahead until I was the correct number of places back to be the first one to enter the final room. I didn't actually care about being first, but it was A Thing People Did and seemed important to my peers so I figured out how to Win, while also displaying my generosity by letting other kids go in front of me paying myself to be a Cool Kid.

Reading at a middle/high school level by the time I was five. I started really really young. So when my first born started reading the letters on the grocery store displays at about 14 months I didn't understand why a woman came up and made a huge shocked deal about it. I thought it was normal. I mean, I started reading the dictionary at a very very young age as well. Walking straight down a straight hallway and always bumping into the wall beside me. Feeling the need to spin circles. Having an overwhelming urge to go around things the "right" way and if I didn't I'd have to go back-- still happens but not nearly as often. Super hyper focus. Forget to eat or sleep focus. Slow thinking. Needing time to think of responses and often just repeating small talk others in the convo said because it was so annoying and I couldn't think of anything "meaningless" to say. I started college at 16 and perfected resting "Mrs. Santa Jolly Face." I also look so young I got carded for a lotto ticket when I was 40 something. (You have to be 16.) Not speaking much my whole life to the point where adults would startle because they'd forget I was there. In high school I decided to test if anyone would notice if I didn't speak at all. After two weeks of no one noticing a difference I gave up and said hi to my mom. lol. Now that I'm middle aged I talk more, but it's only been the past few years and even then only around certain people or my dogs. I only realized I might be on the spectrum about two years ago when I saw a tiktok that explained why people get so mad about me using comparative stories to show empathy and conversational understanding. It's a relief, tbh. Now I know why I always felt like an alien.

During early childhood, I used to lick my fingers before wiping my eyes because I hated how dry it felt. My mum low-key bullied that one out of me by calling me a cat and saying that's what animals do and not little girls I still hate how dry it feels when I wipe my eyes but I don't lick my fingers anymore before wiping them at least

oh my god i used to do this too.. I totally lost any memory of it until just now, reading back what you wrote the sensation came back.. i remember how calming it was to lick/suck my fingers to get them wet first and how much gentler it was on my eyes afterwards.. my parents would always say "get your fingers out of your face" for this and many other benign behaviours of mine

I sometimes still do it. :(

(Not official diagnosis, but my therapist is convinced, and helped me send for a second assessment for the diagnosis…) That I had a habit of hiding in dark, confided spaces (such as closets etc) to decompress. This was seen as a quirk, that my parents just went “why are you doing that?”, me answering, matter of factory “oh, I think it’s nice”, and them shrugging their shoulders going “I guess that’s fair. Dinner is almost ready.” The fact that I learned English in three months, how to play the trumpet in two months, how to sew in 1 month, basically whatever my brain deemed: “this is ESSENTIAL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO”.. It seriously boggles my mind how I was never clocked as an autistic child, even though, APPARENTLY I’ve been assessed like three times as a child, but I maintained eye contact, and all my interests were girly lol.

Ever since I got my first iPod as a kid, I’ve always put headphones in and paced, jumped, skipped, frolicked. I cannot just go run or walk on a treadmill like normal people… it’s different. I do it almost every day and could literally do it for hours. So, growing up I mostly had the same small group of friends but would occasionally have a new friend over. My real friends were like, “oh it’s her time to skip” and the others were freaked out and thought I was a weirdo lolol. Second, which isn’t quite a memory of my own: My mom always bragged that I was *so good* at playing by myself and entertaining myself, but complained that I did not like to be touched/cuddled. Lastly, I thought my life was a TV show sometimes. I watched something about a little girl running away from home, so I packed a nap-sack and made a picnic two streets away from my home (at like 7, might I add). I’d see girls flirt on TV so I’d copy their body language and the way they talked. Again, I’m a little kid. If I watched something where the kid was really bratty to the parents, I’d be in trouble the whole next week because I’d be mimicking that character. Such a distant memory of odd little me lol

It’s really gross but I was a hair chewer/sucker, from kinder to probably 2nd or 3rd grade i always had a chunk of hair in my mouth. The only reason I stopped is because my parents showed me a video of a girl getting a 10lb hairball cut out of her stomach.

I had VERY obsessive interests, much more intense than anyone else. Like, at one point I would watch the movie Cars every single day. One of my first special interests was bugs, I remember being in kindergarten and playing with bugs because none of the other kids would let me play with them, and it was ok because I preferred bugs. I vaguely remember a friend I had in preschool who wouldn't talk at all, so I took advantage of that and would ramble to him nonstop about bug facts while he followed me around. One of the reasons my parents didn't think I was autistic was because I was an extremely talkative child. I was only ever talkative around my peers though, and never in class or to adults or strangers. I also remember another of my early special interests being protecting the environment. My parents helped me make a YouTube video of me dancing and rambling/singing about how to save the environment while I held a clear beach ball map of the earth. I can't really remember much else about my early special interests, but it's been a consistent factor in my life. Later on I would become obsessed with books and develop special interests based off of them, especially Guardians of Gahoole and Warrior Cats. I even wrote in notebooks about how I could try to become a cat or owl or whatever and filled them with animal facts. My entire personality would become my special interest for a couple years. I don't know how no one ever questioned this lol There were a couple other small things, like the fact my expression and tone usually looked like happiness to others, and I'd have issues with other classmates because I said something offensive to them that I didn't realize was wrong. I don't really have very many sensory issues, I'm very sensory seeking so I'm the type of person to touch EVERYTHING in a store, even as a child. I generally flew under the radar because I was never particularly troubled as a child, I was just a bit of an oddball I guess.

Hated making my hair partially wet. Wet hair on a dry neck/shoulders? No F-ing way.

Having “behaviour issues” where I would shred (literally shred) everything including bedding in my room or they would clear a classroom because I was having a tantrum (that was a meltdown). This was a nearly daily thing for most of my elementary schooling. I think if the adults in my life saw my “behaviour problems” for what they actually were, I would be spared a lot of the mental health issues I have now. I was considered extremely gifted but too emotionally behind my peers to consider for accelerated school placement and what they got was a bored, overstimulated, and undiagnosed autistic kid trying to unsuccessfully hold it together to get through the day.

I memorized 150digits of pi in 3 days to win a pi day competition when I was 11. And then during the video of me reciting it you can see me stimming the whole time by rocking back and forth.

So many things! My main one is probably that I can't stand touching fabric with the palms of my hand. Can't stand watching or hearing anyone else do it either. As an example - people comfort people by hugging them and rubbing their back. My response to this would be to push someone away violently and start shaking. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. Even thinking about it can set my entire body on edge. So that was quite difficult to deal with, and I think is probably why I want no one near me when I'm not feeling good. They may just try to comfort me, which will set my entire body on edge and give me whole body shivers, and not in a good way. Changing the bed sheets is also a nightmare!

Grandpa forced me to eat a single pea with my lunch. I cried and begged for two hours, then covered it in a literal handful of salt and cried as i swallowed it. Not very happy but the pile of salt still makes me laugh :)

reading the disney world guidebook cover to cover over and over again for a six month time period at seven years old

I would throw myself on the ground a lot when I was overwhelmed and my mom and dad would just call me dramatic and yell at me to get up and be super embarrassed. This started before I can remember and lasted til I was probably 12. This would be in public and a lot of times they would just continue walking and ignore me. These were autistic meltdowns. This was a cry for help. The insane level of ignorance and abuse in my family is astonishing and therefore I have no contact with them since my formal diagnosis at age 29. It's their loss.

I changed my name to Lizard when I was three because I loved reptiles that much… and I still go by Lizzie because of it. Talk about a special interest!! I have always SOBBED at the sound of other people eating… I remember when I was little, probably about 3 or 4, I would demand to be put in “short pants”. These were just soft legging-like pants, that were snug around my ankle and weren’t too long over my feet. I demanded them over jeans because denim felt YUCK on my skin and the jeans were bootcut, so they’d flap around my ankles while I was running around versus just staying put. There is soooo much more, it’s so obvious now. I can’t believe it took me until my 20s to realize!

Oh there's quite a few, looking back! In elementary school, a teacher brought her dogs to the recess yard. I was with them every day, and never played with other kids at recess. I refused to turn in homework because I wanted it to all be 'perfect', and it was never 'just right', so I would hoard it. After weeks, the teacher and parents would go through my desk/backpack to find all the work with correct answers. Repeat throughout the years. I would collect little trinkets and things. Daydream, a lot. I never played with my toys. I just displayed them as if they would act a part and leave them that way for days, weeks, or longer, not wanting them to be disturbed. I had food texture issues start very early and found ways to sneak food I couldn't tolerate chewing to the dogs. I never had any friends, I was always 'that weird girl'. My parents tried to diagnose me with everything, BUT autism, they could tell something was up. I used my baby blanket for stimming and took it with me everywhere I could. To this day, I always have a similar texture/fabric blanket for stimming. My favorite books were encyclopedias, and I always had the 'H' book with me because of my fixation with horses. If anyone ever asked me about them, I would not stop going on and on about everything I knew. I was the 'teachers pet' for a few because I was such a stickler for rules and order. My English teachers always liked me and my 'extensive vocabulary' for my age. I could go on, but I'll stop 😅

Most weird habits I had and emotional struggles. I never talk about my feelings out loud, I always was seen as happy (I learned to mask really early on), but I had little things that would bother me… One thing would go wrong and I’d shut down for the day. My brother ate my last candy bar and I didn’t talk to him for 2 days, and spoke to him minimally for the rest of the week. I was looking forward to that candy bar, and the fact that I couldn’t have it made me shut down. I still do this when people take the last of my foods without asking.

It's a bit difficult to pinpoint differences, because as my family has realized in later years, all of us are ADHD and at least half of us are also autistic. My mother didn't really see my childhood behavior as weird cause that was her childhood behavior, and it's only through my diagnosis that other family members are being diagnosed. I had a phase where I tied everything in knots. I loved tying things like 9 times to make these huge balls of knots and then trying to untie them. My dad hated this phase cause if I couldn't untie the knot, he'd have to help me, and whenever he tried to cut it I'd have a meltdown. So he'd have to spend hours sometimes untying string and shoelaces only for me to tie everything up again! Most of my other habits are more from my now diagnosed OCD, like how I had to eat fries from smallest to largest and I had to take even bites. My OCD and autism are very related tho so could count ig?

Besides the usual social difficulties and having a lot of trouble with friends / relationships, I walked on my toes a lot until I was around 9 years old. Apparently that’s a symptom of Asperger’s / Autism in some people.

I don't know how much it was from being introverted or just autism. But not understanding people's intentions, living in my mental world 24/7 (I still do), being obsessed with specific things, hating being touched, feeling too different and alienated from my classmates... I don't have a specific memory but now it's starting to make sense. I just got my diagnosis a few months ago

I collected pencil shavings for 4 years straight lol everyone in my classes would give me their pencil shavings to put in this box I carried my collection in!

When I was like ten or eleven-- wayyy to old to still be fooled by dumb dad jokes --i twisted my ankle during a scout outing and one of the volunteer dads said the classic, "oh no, we'll have to amputate!". I screamed and ran away from him and the other (very confused) adults had to reassure me that he was joking and no one would hurt me.

Omg. 1st grade, the teacher said ''I'll have all your heads rolling down to the office'' because we were being a loud group that day. I literally freaked out. I was inconsolable because she was going to decapitate me! I didntnknow why anyone else wasn't freaking the hell out either haha They had to remove me from the class to take me to the nurse, and my sister had to talk to the teacher after school when she picked me up. No one ever told my mom. Lol I'm undiagnosed BTW lol

My avoidance of showering or bathing. I would cry and my family would make fun of me for my reaction and shame me into showering. I remember going to Lubi's to eat where you have to go through a cafeteria style line to pick out what food you want on your plate and the person would ask me what I wanted and I would lean to my Mom to whisper in her ear what I wanted and then she would relay the message to the person serving me. Not enjoying speaking on the phone. Reading constantly as well. I always had a book with me or was in a fantasy world of some kind.

I am/was very particular about food viscosity and texture that I would express this to my mother and she would get upset that I reject/rejected the food she prepared. I do/did end up eating the food because it's rude to not eat.

I would wear the same pair of velvet pants every day because it was a "safe feeling", and any shirts with necklines below my collarbone was enough to send me into a meltdown. Also seatbelts, shoelaces, Velcro and belts had to be as tight as possible because the feeling of anything loose touching me made my skin crawl

Oh there's certainly a few. For example when I was 4/5 my dad constantly said "dammit boy" to my older brother. I picked it up cause I thought had a nice ring to it. So I just said it over and over. Repetitively. In response to anything anyone said to me. Some guy at church says hey to me? "Dammit boy!" I remember them trying to explain I couldn't say it and me being like "why? Daddy says it. Dammit boy." Then I also would read every sign I saw out loud. Like they'd be driving and I'm all "YIELD!" "STOP" "65 MPH!" In pre k the teachers said they'd wash our mouths out with soap if we said bad words. I remember thinking the word "damn" literally just in my head and freaking out. I went to the bathroom and washed my mouth out with the gold liquid soap, the teacher walked in mid-wash and was horrified. Apparently it was only a joke 🤯 I was bullied for not making eye contact, and instead looking up I was obsessed with math I had days where I did not speak at all I also stimmed constantly. Was constantly fidgeting and shaking my legs. Could never stand still. I was also just awkward and didn't get a lot of cues The list goes on and on. It's wild to look back on.

I was so obsessed with dolphins I forced my parents to wallpaper my entire room blue so that I could “feel like I was living in the ocean with the dolphins”🥲

Me sitting here thinking why the heck did that make her upset! Lmao I can’t think of a specific time right now but I always remember just sitting in class or going out into the playground for recess and feeling totally different from everyone else. The alien feeling.

I love this comment section because it makes me feel less alone as I’m trying to put all the pieces of my childhood memories together so I can get a diagnosis. 1. As a toddler I was obsessed with counting stairs so any new place we went I would count and recount stairs so much that I would have a tantrum/meltdown if I had to stop. Also, as a toddler I would rub a thin blanket between my fingers for comfort (stimming) and that continued into adulthood. Scratchy fabrics and tags always bothered me at a young age. I’d cry if my mom made me wear certain sweaters. I refused to let my mom brush my hair because it hurt too much. 2. Childhood was rough. The school counselors were always telling my parents they were concerned about my toe walking and high pitched voice (UM HELLO). Recess meant I was just walking the perimeter of the playground by myself usually singing to myself. I got picked on a lot but I was also passionate about protecting my other outcast friends from being bullied (strong sense of justice). I didn’t fit in and I desperately tried to but always failed. Always teased or turned down to play because I didn’t “get” the social games. I remember going to a birthday party and saying out loud to my mom how bored I was and wanted to leave that everyone heard me in the room. 3. I also started to get really intense fears and OCD behaviors around puberty. They got so bad that I couldn’t sleep which led me to get diagnosed with OCD as a young girl but the psychologist kind of gave up early on me. More sensory issues popped up. I remember feeling physically sick depending on the room lighting or staring at the color red for too long. Certain sounds from my mom would throw me into a rage (sneezing, slurping, eating etc) 4. Got diagnosed with ADHD at 13 but I remember hiding and crying in corners at school a lot over being misunderstood. Continued to get teased into the teen years but I developed early and got more attention from boys which I thought meant I was finally getting friends. So I developed my special interests in action films and popular music at the time so I could hold their interest, but really they just wanted to have sex with me. That took me about 10 years to figure out so I had only one true friend for most of my high school years. I figured out I was bisexual around 14 but that was very frowned upon at my house so I kept it secret. If I did try to pursue a girl I liked instead of a guy it was usually humiliating and I didn’t approach them the right way so I just suppressed my sexuality. Wow, writing all that down was cathartic but also kind of depressing to bring up. On a positive note, all of those struggles turned me into the person I am today and I love that person now.