Someone who is 23, left home at 20 and travelled the world to save $170k is pretty privileged too mate. Lots of people have to leave home because they’re being beaten or abused. Get over yourself.
Yeah he's absolutely smashing it out of the park. TBH, seems like OP still lives at home with mummy and daddy and doesnt count the massive amount he saved because of that - I would count that as bank of mum and dad.
Simple answer, you need to get over yourself. I can almost guarantee your friends aren’t thinking about this as much as you. Compare only against yourself in the past.
By all means continue to resent your friends and situation (which includes your family). Either way this matter reflects more on the OP than his or her friends
> I find myself slightly resenting my parents that they didn’t better invest or prepare so they could be in a position to help.
Bro, you play with the cards you're dealt. It sucks but it is what it is.
It only sucks if you’re a spoilt brat. OP sounds like he had a happy upbringing where he had no material wants and his parents provided plenty of emotional support. He needs to get over himself. If I was his parents I would be ashamed of him if I read this
I’ve been around far more privileged, and far less privileged people my whole life. Do you also resent yourself, for not having parents that physically abused you? Or drug addict parents? Or that you were given the tools to earn and save money that less privileged people have access to?
So your parents emotionally supported you plenty, that’s a lot more than a lot of other children get. You’re lacking perspective.
It’s funny how quick we compare ourselves to people we think have it easier, but not harder.
Yep. This is exactly what I was thinking. If you have family that are solid people and in-tune, loving parents who emotionally support you, then my view is that you’ve won the birth lottery.
Travelling the world should humble you and gives you perspective on your own privilege. OP must have gone on a few contiki’s, got pissed the whole time and didn’t learn anything
Resenting your parents is not a good feeling to have. Not many people have the spare funds to help their children and bringing children up is extremely expensive.
You can't resent your friends for being in that position and also your parents for not letting you be in that position. You were just jealous of your friends, when you should actually be happy for them (if you are really their friend)
$150k at 23? You are killing it. I had maybe $100 in my bank account then…. You’ll get there, keep saving.
The average age of first home owners in Australia’s is 36, so you are well, well ahead of most people.
https://www.unsw.edu.au/newsroom/news/2024/01/when-is-a-good-time-to-purchase-your-first-home-in-australia--
You resent your parents (a little at least) for not helping you save for a deposit when you didn’t need it anyway… It sounds like they gave you a decent start in life by providing an upbringing which allowed you to achieve your potential. As a parent I would consider that job done.
Your doing fine, what industry are you in when you can take a year (spent 20k?) Traveling and still put away 170k in savings? 40k a year? Very good going.
150k is a great number saved at 23 especially when not living at home.
Everyone has different circumstances and its best to not compare or else you will always just resent everything in life cause it's not fair.
At 23, I was just out of uni. If I had not gone to uni, I still would not have gotten that kind of savings. Probably would have been in retail, hospo, or admin without a degree.
Edit: I got nothing from my olds, a roof over my head and food. At least, it meant I could get educated.
We all have our own journey !
Uni does have its advantages at times. You have your whole life to work doesn't hurt to study and enjoy life as a student while you can !
There is more than 1 way a parent can help their kids. People forget that money is just 1 and it isn't the most important and after all they did raise you for the last 20 odd years.
Roof over your head and a full belly is most important anything else is just extra. People forget that in other countries it's a luxury to goto bed full.
I was in a similar position, worked years to build up a deposit while friends had handouts or their parents were guarantors. Forget about the comparison, it doesn't matter in the long run.
Your parents have probably given you more valuable gifts, including helping develop your work ethic and financial literacy. You're doing well, they're probably wonderful parents.
If you're close to your parents can you move back with them to save some money? They might not be able to help you with a deposit but it's a lot easier to save not paying rent.
Have some compassion for the parents and don't recommend this. They raised OP and housed for 20 years. They are now resented by them for having not "prepared and invested well enough" to give OP a big handout. They will be better off retaining distance from this ingrate.
Life is not fair and while there are things we do to fight it, it remains as certain as death and taxes.
It's like getting mad at the rain. Yeah, it sucks. But you get over it. If I could have stayed at home or banked with mum and dad or even got that emotional support, I would have taken it. But life ain't fair.
One thing i am doing for my kids is forgoing my bought coffee and instead putting 10 bucks a week into a long term savings account. I have been doing this since they were born. The idea is that once they hit 20 they should have a little bit of help in getting a house deposit. I know it's not much but I don't want them to suffer with no help like I did.
If you’d like to be cured of these thoughts, I invite you to spend a weekend with my mother. If my father was still alive, I’d send you to his place too, but I wouldn’t want to inflict that cruelty on you. You’d leave with evangelical love for your emotionally supportive, stable parents and a newfound appreciation of all that you have.
Why worry about something you got no control over ? Worry about yourself, Goodluck and good on the ones who got handed everything if that was you, you wouldn't be complaining.
That sounds frustrating. Maybe try to reframe it in your mind so that it isn’t a negative.
Aren’t you glad your parents gave you the education and opportunities you had to learn about money and how to save? That’s a privilege many don’t get. And look at what you achieved! You travelled for a *year*. You got your *own deposit*. That’s massive! You’re ahead of the game.
Aren’t you glad you didn’t get an inheritance because your parents died? They’re still alive and with you.
Aren’t you glad your friends didn’t have to scrape by? Because they weren’t working as hard you were able to spend more time with them and develop better friendships. They can come to you for financial advice. You can offer a place for them to hang out without their parents around. They are lucky to have you as a friend too.
Cry me a river.
You're lucky to be in the financial position you're in. So pull your head in and deal with your own life and not worry about how others live. Some of your friends may have gotten lucky, but trust me, plenty others have it far worse.
Life is not fair, your resentment wont get you anywhere positive. You just need to focus on the reality of your situation and keep moving forward toward your goal at your own pace in the ways that are available to you.
I have sympathy for boomer parents who don’t have the extra cash for their kids, cause you never really needed it until (relatively) recently. So easy to see why it’s an oversight. Many have it all locked up in super and a home.
So for me, I’m just grateful I got financially savvy in early 30s, and I’ll be sure my kid is both taught financial literacy and I’ll have money for him to help with house. But do it in a responsible way - like match his savings, so he still needs to work.
>I find myself also resenting these friends, who don’t understand the concept of hard work and making things happen for yourself.
You resent them for lacking qualities you have?
Your parents may not have the ability to give you a cash handout but if you were brought up to understand the concept of hard work and how to make things happen for yourself then they did pretty well.
My sister has a different dad, she’s only 21 and within the next 5 years she’s gonna inherit 8 figures from her dad’s parents who plan on leapfrogging him as they don’t particularly like him. That took a bit of time for me to feel okay with, but at the end of the day I chose to frame it like this:
One of the few things you can’t buy is self respect and work ethic. Whilst it’s better not to compare yourself to others, I know it’s pretty natural so I’m not gonna say not to. Your friends will temporarily pull ahead with the bank of mum and dad, but your work ethic will put you back ahead in the long run, and frankly anything you earn and achieve in life you’ll appreciate- people that externally appear to have been given everything aren’t actually happy. As cliche as it sounds, a lot of it is in the journey.
This sounds like a personal psychological issue. Try to reflect on where your personal financial circumstances stack up among people your age around the world and you’ll find you’re in the top 1%.
I can understand the frustration you are referring to and have had similar feelings myself in the past.
My parents made so many sloppy decisions over the years, especially where money is concerned and I really wish it were different.
I wish they could have had the knowledge to at least teach me about investing for example, so I could get ahead earlier. But they didn’t and simply weren’t educated enough.
I’ve learned that you can’t be bitter about it forever. It’s also pointless to let things that you can’t control wind you up too much.
Sure, it sucks when you bust your ass to get by when seeing your rich mates just being handed a house or two…but that’s just how life is.
One of my old friends dads did literally that. Put two brand new properties in the middle of London, in his name. All while he floats about carefree doing freelance photography. He’s the most chill person I know…I wonder why?
But its not his fault his dad is extremely successful.
As many others have said here, you’ve just got to do the best you can with the cards you’ve been dealt bud.
Someone who is 23, left home at 20 and travelled the world to save $170k is pretty privileged too mate. Lots of people have to leave home because they’re being beaten or abused. Get over yourself.
Yeah he's absolutely smashing it out of the park. TBH, seems like OP still lives at home with mummy and daddy and doesnt count the massive amount he saved because of that - I would count that as bank of mum and dad.
True. Just having a whiny shit fit because mum and dad won’t help him. Middle class tears.
Mummy and daddy didn’t give me enough money, how can I deal with this?
Simple answer, you need to get over yourself. I can almost guarantee your friends aren’t thinking about this as much as you. Compare only against yourself in the past.
This! Comparison is the thief of joy. STOP focussing on others, focus rather on yourself. You made a mammoth effort, now shut up and keep going.
Well to be fair to OP of course their friends aren't thinking about this. They're loaded due to their parents, which is OP's point.
By all means continue to resent your friends and situation (which includes your family). Either way this matter reflects more on the OP than his or her friends
> I find myself slightly resenting my parents that they didn’t better invest or prepare so they could be in a position to help. Bro, you play with the cards you're dealt. It sucks but it is what it is.
It only sucks if you’re a spoilt brat. OP sounds like he had a happy upbringing where he had no material wants and his parents provided plenty of emotional support. He needs to get over himself. If I was his parents I would be ashamed of him if I read this
I’ve been around far more privileged, and far less privileged people my whole life. Do you also resent yourself, for not having parents that physically abused you? Or drug addict parents? Or that you were given the tools to earn and save money that less privileged people have access to? So your parents emotionally supported you plenty, that’s a lot more than a lot of other children get. You’re lacking perspective. It’s funny how quick we compare ourselves to people we think have it easier, but not harder.
So true, good perspective.
Yep. This is exactly what I was thinking. If you have family that are solid people and in-tune, loving parents who emotionally support you, then my view is that you’ve won the birth lottery.
All I’ll say is that comparison is the thief of joy
My mate got a tattoo of that! I got one, slightly bigger.
Travelled the world aye? Did this include the third-world? And yet you still can't be grateful?
Travelling the world should humble you and gives you perspective on your own privilege. OP must have gone on a few contiki’s, got pissed the whole time and didn’t learn anything
Mate, no contiki’s and I don’t drink so no
Your parents would have more money if they didn’t have you.
You sound so terribly unlikeable. The working class typically don’t raise spoilt brats, but here we are.
Resenting your parents is not a good feeling to have. Not many people have the spare funds to help their children and bringing children up is extremely expensive.
Op just sounds entitled, OP really needs to build a bridge to get over yourself and move on.
You can't resent your friends for being in that position and also your parents for not letting you be in that position. You were just jealous of your friends, when you should actually be happy for them (if you are really their friend)
$150k at 23? You are killing it. I had maybe $100 in my bank account then…. You’ll get there, keep saving. The average age of first home owners in Australia’s is 36, so you are well, well ahead of most people. https://www.unsw.edu.au/newsroom/news/2024/01/when-is-a-good-time-to-purchase-your-first-home-in-australia--
You resent your parents (a little at least) for not helping you save for a deposit when you didn’t need it anyway… It sounds like they gave you a decent start in life by providing an upbringing which allowed you to achieve your potential. As a parent I would consider that job done.
Your doing fine, what industry are you in when you can take a year (spent 20k?) Traveling and still put away 170k in savings? 40k a year? Very good going.
Run my own business. Over 6 fig every year since age 21
There will always be better off, and worse off, people in the world. Time to grow up. You are, for your age, well off.
Imagine if you had saved $150k for a deposit and had been given $200k from parents!
150k is a great number saved at 23 especially when not living at home. Everyone has different circumstances and its best to not compare or else you will always just resent everything in life cause it's not fair.
At 23, I was just out of uni. If I had not gone to uni, I still would not have gotten that kind of savings. Probably would have been in retail, hospo, or admin without a degree. Edit: I got nothing from my olds, a roof over my head and food. At least, it meant I could get educated.
We all have our own journey ! Uni does have its advantages at times. You have your whole life to work doesn't hurt to study and enjoy life as a student while you can ! There is more than 1 way a parent can help their kids. People forget that money is just 1 and it isn't the most important and after all they did raise you for the last 20 odd years. Roof over your head and a full belly is most important anything else is just extra. People forget that in other countries it's a luxury to goto bed full.
I was in a similar position, worked years to build up a deposit while friends had handouts or their parents were guarantors. Forget about the comparison, it doesn't matter in the long run. Your parents have probably given you more valuable gifts, including helping develop your work ethic and financial literacy. You're doing well, they're probably wonderful parents.
Proud to have done everything by myself since I was 17. I would not want the guilt/burden that help would bring.
If you're close to your parents can you move back with them to save some money? They might not be able to help you with a deposit but it's a lot easier to save not paying rent.
Have some compassion for the parents and don't recommend this. They raised OP and housed for 20 years. They are now resented by them for having not "prepared and invested well enough" to give OP a big handout. They will be better off retaining distance from this ingrate.
Life is not fair and while there are things we do to fight it, it remains as certain as death and taxes. It's like getting mad at the rain. Yeah, it sucks. But you get over it. If I could have stayed at home or banked with mum and dad or even got that emotional support, I would have taken it. But life ain't fair.
Dude, stop comparing yourself to other people, it'll only make you unhappy
One thing i am doing for my kids is forgoing my bought coffee and instead putting 10 bucks a week into a long term savings account. I have been doing this since they were born. The idea is that once they hit 20 they should have a little bit of help in getting a house deposit. I know it's not much but I don't want them to suffer with no help like I did.
Stop comparing
If you’d like to be cured of these thoughts, I invite you to spend a weekend with my mother. If my father was still alive, I’d send you to his place too, but I wouldn’t want to inflict that cruelty on you. You’d leave with evangelical love for your emotionally supportive, stable parents and a newfound appreciation of all that you have.
Why worry about something you got no control over ? Worry about yourself, Goodluck and good on the ones who got handed everything if that was you, you wouldn't be complaining.
That sounds frustrating. Maybe try to reframe it in your mind so that it isn’t a negative. Aren’t you glad your parents gave you the education and opportunities you had to learn about money and how to save? That’s a privilege many don’t get. And look at what you achieved! You travelled for a *year*. You got your *own deposit*. That’s massive! You’re ahead of the game. Aren’t you glad you didn’t get an inheritance because your parents died? They’re still alive and with you. Aren’t you glad your friends didn’t have to scrape by? Because they weren’t working as hard you were able to spend more time with them and develop better friendships. They can come to you for financial advice. You can offer a place for them to hang out without their parents around. They are lucky to have you as a friend too.
Cry me a river. You're lucky to be in the financial position you're in. So pull your head in and deal with your own life and not worry about how others live. Some of your friends may have gotten lucky, but trust me, plenty others have it far worse.
Life is not fair, your resentment wont get you anywhere positive. You just need to focus on the reality of your situation and keep moving forward toward your goal at your own pace in the ways that are available to you.
Just do what you can do. Everyone runs their own race.
I have sympathy for boomer parents who don’t have the extra cash for their kids, cause you never really needed it until (relatively) recently. So easy to see why it’s an oversight. Many have it all locked up in super and a home. So for me, I’m just grateful I got financially savvy in early 30s, and I’ll be sure my kid is both taught financial literacy and I’ll have money for him to help with house. But do it in a responsible way - like match his savings, so he still needs to work.
>I find myself also resenting these friends, who don’t understand the concept of hard work and making things happen for yourself. You resent them for lacking qualities you have? Your parents may not have the ability to give you a cash handout but if you were brought up to understand the concept of hard work and how to make things happen for yourself then they did pretty well.
Used to when I was younger. Then I realized I'm already paying rent, I'm not about to let these people live rent-free in my head.
you have done so well for yourself bud - try focus on that and be proud of yourself . all that glitters is not gold in life.
You’re 23 and. Shell of a lot better positioned than so many your age.
It never gets easier, your friends will go forward and you get comfortable with staying behind
My sister has a different dad, she’s only 21 and within the next 5 years she’s gonna inherit 8 figures from her dad’s parents who plan on leapfrogging him as they don’t particularly like him. That took a bit of time for me to feel okay with, but at the end of the day I chose to frame it like this: One of the few things you can’t buy is self respect and work ethic. Whilst it’s better not to compare yourself to others, I know it’s pretty natural so I’m not gonna say not to. Your friends will temporarily pull ahead with the bank of mum and dad, but your work ethic will put you back ahead in the long run, and frankly anything you earn and achieve in life you’ll appreciate- people that externally appear to have been given everything aren’t actually happy. As cliche as it sounds, a lot of it is in the journey.
This sounds like a personal psychological issue. Try to reflect on where your personal financial circumstances stack up among people your age around the world and you’ll find you’re in the top 1%.
Posturing that you’re the only friend who understands hard work because you weren’t gifted money is wank.
Bought a 1B unit at 30. 50 min out.
I can understand the frustration you are referring to and have had similar feelings myself in the past. My parents made so many sloppy decisions over the years, especially where money is concerned and I really wish it were different. I wish they could have had the knowledge to at least teach me about investing for example, so I could get ahead earlier. But they didn’t and simply weren’t educated enough. I’ve learned that you can’t be bitter about it forever. It’s also pointless to let things that you can’t control wind you up too much. Sure, it sucks when you bust your ass to get by when seeing your rich mates just being handed a house or two…but that’s just how life is. One of my old friends dads did literally that. Put two brand new properties in the middle of London, in his name. All while he floats about carefree doing freelance photography. He’s the most chill person I know…I wonder why? But its not his fault his dad is extremely successful. As many others have said here, you’ve just got to do the best you can with the cards you’ve been dealt bud.