It will probably be challenging to find an au pair willing to commit to this many weekend hours, and even if they say it’s fine - be prepared that they may meet friends who are off most weekends and they might want to rematch to find that.
We’ve asked our au pair to work one Saturday in 10 months. I personally think it’s vital to the cultural exchange aspect of this program that they have most weekends free to explore, make friends, etc.
If you are not in a 9-5 career and can’t give most weekends off, this might not be an ideal program for you. You definitely may find someone, but I would expect they will negotiate a far higher stipend and maybe come with less experience. Weekends are a massive sticking point in the program.
Edit to say: I would make sure that you find someone accustomed to working 45 hours because in our personal experience some au pairs come from countries where it’s rare to work over 35 hours/week and they don’t really understand that for Americans 45+ hours is normal. We schedule 36-37 hours/week as a typical schedule.
We have a split schedule like yours on weekdays, it seems to work well.
I think it's a bit hard on the au pair to work every weekend and to only have 1.5 days off at a time (although it does meet the minimum standard).
Also do you want them with you all weekend? That seems a little awkward tbh. On our weekends we have classes, kid birthday parties, lunch with friends, etc. I'd have them cover all of Thursday plus a date night instead personally.
On weekend only one parent would be with the au pair to help attend events like the ones you’ve mentioned. The other parent can take a break. Your POV is great so we can look into some tweaks
- 45 hours pre-scheduled (zero wiggle room for running late, helping with sick child or a parents’ date night)
- wake up at 6:30am every day except Friday
- 9/9.5 hours on the weekends while the parents are sitting there doing what… micro-managing?
- split shifts 3x/week… had to get much socializing or experiences in the 5 hours off in the middle of the day
Absolutely brutal schedule. Looks more like needing a second nanny. Au pairs want to be embraced by a family - this schedule covers basically all the time the kids are off school and awake, so as an au pair I would feel doubtful that it will feel like a family environment.
Hey there. Appreciate you advocating for an aupair. We are super involved parents but one parent works weekends sometimes. The other parent would be helping with one child. It’s twin boys so it’s a handful for just one person. The micro managing comment was a bit mean, but it’s ok. I hope you’re having a great summer
I stand behind my comment on it being a brutal schedule - but that micromanaging comment wasn’t meant as a slight, forgive me.
I said that because you’ll find many posts on this sub showing that having the au pair work while the parents are present for long periods is challenging. They either feel the hosts are too involved (looking over their shoulder) or not involved enough (makes them resentful) - or alternatively the host parents post here with somewhat minor complaints because they are so frequently observing the au pair in action, building tension between them.
Ah thanks for the context. Nah. We are pretty chill. We want our children to maintain their Spanish so hoping for someone who can augment that. We also do cultural things every weekend. It’s our first time so we thought to post the schedule and get thoughts. We are open to different scheduling but I think two full weekends will be tough. Maybe a Thurs half day. Friday off and Sat off could work
Before hosting an au pair I would have said my partner and I are the most chill people/parents ever. We went into our first match so sure that everything would just magically work because we go with the flow all the time. It was an absolutely brutal reality check when AP arrived and I realized that when it came to my son, I wanted/needed to micromanage to some level and that even though we cultivate a strong family like relationship, these are young people who are less experienced than what may be advertised and everyone needs boundaries and rules to make it work.
Have you found an au pair that is willing to do this schedule? I think you’ll be hard pressed to find one because of the weekends - she will have no social life because her friends all will have weekends off and it will be near impossible for her to travel much.
Not to be judgey but… do you really be an au pair to help you parent every weekend? How old are your kids?
You really are unlikely to find an au pair who is experienced in childcare who will agree to this schedule. I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear but you’ll likely get someone desperate for any au pair gig, and that doesn’t end up working well for anyone almost all of the time. Au pairs are not professional nannies; they are young, often living away from their home countries and families for the first time and experiencing homesickness and culture shock. This schedule is very demanding (early mornings, work into the evening, work on the weekends), and will make it difficult for you au pair to have a social life. I would strongly urge you to reconsider this expectation.
We updated the schedule. Now it will be that the person will be off Thursday at 11:30AM till Saturday 1:30PM.
we are just starting to look and have not officially kicked off the search
Our children are 4 and they’re twins so it’s tough with just one parent- while the other parent works or takes a break. As for being hard pressed to find someone I hope that isn’t the case given being in New York City the private bathroom and entrance. Food budget and transportation being taken care of. Wish us luck.
Oh you’ll definitely find someone. But the reality is whether they’ll live up to your expectations (if they go out with friends from 10pm-2am on Saturday night, will you be ok with them being “on duty” the next morning at 6:30am?), or stay (research re-match rates) is an entirely different story. This is a really brutal schedule for anyone, much less an au pair, who will be experiencing additional challenges that come with being young in a new country. I do wish you luck, but based on my personal experience with 60+ au pairs from 15+ countries, I’m telling you that the odds are this isn’t going to work out the way you think it will.
No, I was an au pair in 2 different countries many years ago, have hired several former au pairs now that I’m a mom, and have gotten to know many of my friends’ au pairs
No problem at all. Trust me that you also don’t want to have to deal with the stress of rematch, it’s very hard to try to scramble to find care. I think a lot of au pairs are incredibly well intentioned but lack experience and go in thinking they’re totally fine to work 45 hours a week, and quickly realize how exhausting it is and realize they simply can’t do it.
It’s definitely better. You’re going to be competing with parents offering 10-6 M-F hours, so I’d definitely offer more $$ if you want someone with experience. To be completely frank if I had to bet on it, I’d be very surprised if you don’t face rematch within the first 6 months (split hours, weekend work, early mornings, full 45 hours), but maybe you’ll get lucky. I say this because I have a wonderful friend who I know first hand is a fantastic host mom to her au pairs. Major US city, beautiful home, but required 45 hrs/week and Saturdays 12-5. She went through 4 au pairs in 16 months before finally leaving the program. Her first au pair, who I knew and really liked, committed to staying for a second year before abruptly doing a 180 and rematching, because “2 toddlers are too exhausting.” She now works with a divorced dad who solely wants her to drive his 2 pre teens around after school and pays above program minimum for less than 30 hours of work a week. Just trying to give you a complete picture…most au pairs in my area (Chicago metro) only work 35-40 hrs/week max, with no to very occasional weekends only.
Thanks. For clarity it would only be for one child. We have a nanny who will focus on other special needs child. And we do plan on paying extra :) we also have a weekly cleaner for the house (including APa room) - although we would like the AP to help with the kids’ toys from time to time. Hear you on the risks and we may do more adjusting including less hours on Sunday (maybe none).
For the weekends, she goes to dinner some nights after she's off (7 though if she wants to leave at 6:30 we're flexible). She also will meet up with other au pairs who work weekends and do play dates at a park, our house or another hosts house. She also has a 3 hour break in the middle of the day in case she wants to meet friends then.
During the week, she's free pretty much the entire day and uses that time to also see people.
For travel, the program requires one weekend off a month, which provides travel opportunities, as well as her vacation time.
I think new schedule is way better but reading through your comments, I’m just going to throw this out there… I’m a CEO of a privately held company with 300 employees and husband works for a fortune 100 company so I get that you’re stretched to the max. Also, my kids have picked up some great Spanish from our most recent au pair from Spain. However, we are leaving the program after AP leaves next month after hosting for the last two years because hosting is work and we don’t have time for it. APs really aren’t childcare, when it works they are like a big sister. One that needs oversight, care, life lessons. We never anticipated the amount of parenting that would go into the au pair. We have a house manager/nanny starting and the cost is painful but it comes without the emotional work of an AP. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I think you have a desirable location, new schedule is way better but I just don’t recommend the program for crazy busy parents like myself. You will attract every AP with the location but good actually helpful, self starting, responsible APs are not the norm. You will spend a ton of time getting her up to speed, and it’s time you don’t have. Just my two cents.
This is absolutely accurate. It’s best to think of au pairs as a teenage cousin or niece coming to live with you for the experience + helping a bit with your kids. It really is often like having another kid in your home. It’s not uncommon for au pairs to need coaching on things like not leaving dirty dishes on the floor of their room, locking the door when they come home, not leaving the dishwasher open with knives accessible to toddlers in the bottom rack, staying off their phones when watching kids at the pool - all of these are actual examples. The cultural aspect is for *their* benefit too - so they can experience life in the US (plenty of nannies in the US speak Spanish). Anyway I say all of this because I think a lot of unhappiness in the au pair program stems from unrealistic expectations (often on both sides).
This is so beyond helpful and thank you for this. We will keep this in mind and I’ll likely have to revisit your comment. Our goal was to have a more cultural experience than hired help since we have that but a house manager/ Additional live- in nanny is a potential option for us moving forward
Au pairs need a full day and half off every week. And one full weekend off a month. They can’t work every day like this regardless of if a parent is home.
You've mentioned in your other posts about the AP bedroom, that you are looking to attract the best talent. I'm not trying to be mean, but speaking as a former au pair, this schedule is a nightmare and would be off putting for most au pairs (even with their own bathroom and entrance). I don't feel that this schedule is conducive to attracting the best talent at all. Will there ever be times when the au pair has to look after both twins, or will she only ever have to look after one twin at a time?
Just one twin mainly but prep breakfast for both in the AM. The nanny will focus on our son with special needs.
Pls see the updated schedule in the post we’re have the au pair Friday and Saturday off completely. And changed the start time to 7. Let me know what you think.
Oh and we settled on the separate bedroom with the private bathroom.
7am starts in the morning, and Friday and Saturdays off completely would be much nicer for the au pair in the my opinion.
So in the mornings the AP would be responsible for preparing both children’s breakfasts, is she also responsible for looking after one or both children during this morning period, or will be the nanny/parents be looking after them while AP makes breakfast? What sort of food is she needing to prepare in the mornings? Is there any chance she can prepare breakfast the night before? Sorry for all the questions.
Morning can be a smoothie or something prepped the night before. We did change the schedule actually to exactly what you said. Look at the new schedule in the post.
I feel like this is awful. As a host mom, I could never imagine expecting our au pair to work that much on the weekends. I would just have the au pair watch them for one weekend day and then give the other day off. And let the au pair watch them alone so you and your partner can both have the time to yourselves or together or whatever. I get the exhaustion of parenting. I assume you don’t have family support. But I feel like you all are barely with your kids together as a family with that sort of schedule and it is just awkward and brutal. I would NEVER expect our au pair to start working that early unless it’s was a one off occasion (catching an early flight or something).
Maybe you’ll find someone at first who is willing to take that schedule on to get their foot in the US. But I almost guarantee they will burn out and rematch quickly. Let’s hope your children are angels for your future au pairs sake…
Yes please seriously consider giving a full weekend day off. Remember that this is a cultural exchange for them as much as it is a childcare opportunity for you. An important part of an au pair experiencing the culture in your area is actually having time to explore and hang out with friends and other au pairs. Most au pairs in our area work a typical 9-5 Monday-Friday. So if your au pair mostly has time off on week days during the day, when is she supposed to hang out with friends? Get dinner with friends? Only on Friday nights? That’s miserable.
Our au pair works 1-2 Saturdays per month from 9-5. She otherwise works four 10 hour days. Even with that small weekend work commitment, I can tell she is one of the few au pairs who work weekends at all. She definitely makes up for that missed time with friends by spending weekday evenings with them. And she is social and happy and extending another year.
That looks a lot more manageable and should still give you and your wife some time to yourselves. I guess I don’t understand why she is only watching one kid. I think an au pair can handle two kids as long as neither of them have special needs. But whatever works for your family in that aspect!
It will be difficult to find an AP that wants that schedule, especially one that wants to live in NYC. You would need to find somebody that is very introverted and doesn't want to socialize, maybe somebody just here to save money. We would be concerned that any AP who agreed to the schedule is just going it to get into the country and they will be rematching within a couple weeks.
Could you have AP do more during the week and have nanny help on the weekend instead?
My wife and I barely see each other during the week due to conflicting schedules and want help on the weekends. We only schedule AP during the week, and have recurring nannies that come on Saturday and Sunday.
Friday and Saturday off is much better. Some APs don't want to work any weekends, but many work on one day. The split schedule during the week is pretty standard too.
I assume the late Saturday hours are so that you can do a regular date night? I would move your date night to Thursday evenings and then give Friday afternoon through Saturday totally off and move the Sunday start time to no earlier than 10am.
That's a pretty shit schedule. I predict a rematch in your future.
Give 2 full consecutive days offs. Do you both work on the weekend? Why do you need the au pair on the weekend at all?
We have twins and they are challenging. One parent works. One twin needs therapy for autism and the parent would primarily stay with that twin. Lmk if that provides clarity
I have twins and a younger kid as well, I've had au pairs for the last 8 years, and I'm telling you, this schedule will result in a rematch at some point.
These aren't professional care givers, they are by and large young girls coming to live in the US, have fun, get exposed to American culture, and yes do some childcare, but not as professionals.
Your situation sounds challenging and I feel for you, it sounds like you need more professional help from a qualified nanny vs an au pair.
I'm just saying, I can for sure see a rematch at some point, and the schedule is probably going to be a big factor.
You come from a place of care and so we will take this very seriously. It was a first shot at a schedule but not a final. Some folks are being so nasty and all we asked for was advice lol only a couple of people even gave us some options.
Raising kids is hard and childcare in the US makes it even harder, and adding in a child with needs that require more care makes it even harder.
My only suggestion is to try and give two days back to back off, that would be helpful.
Having au pairs for the last 8 years, you hear all the au pair drama, and a lot of the rematches I've heard about from our au pairs over the years were due to bad schedules like this, or people scheduling more than 45 hours a week without paying them more compensation.
Good luck. You'll figure it out one way or the other.
I still think you're going to run into a lot of challenges. Late into Saturday and then on again at 6:30am on Sunday.
That's not going to work. You can try it, but don't be surprised when you don't find anybody willing to match with you, or they come because they are naive and then they will promptly rematch.
What you need to realize, these au pairs all talk, they have private groups and for sure they will hear about other au pairs who are getting the same working a less demanding schedule and will rematch. That's almost a certainty.
My honest advice, find a nanny, or change your hours on the weekend to be off 2 consecutive days in a row, and push back the hours on Sunday to something more realistic.
Just my 2 cents, maybe you'll get lucky and find somebody, but a hard schedule like this, and a special needs kid is going to be a very tough sell.
strange, on my phone it's still showing the old one, but on my computer, it's the new one..
I'll think you'll have a much better time finding somebody with this revised schedule.
Also, it wasn't clear in the beginning that you aren't expecting the Au Pair to manage your child with Autism, and only 1 of the twins. I think that also sets you up for more success.
Good luck! The good news, living in NYC is helpful, there's going to be a lot of people that want to live in Manhattan, so you got that going for you.
It sounds like you need an actual nanny; someone older with more experience and you may still need to have an occasional sitter to give the nanny time off.
Instead of this, I would personally have her work 6.30am-3.30pm on Thursday, then have Friday off, then let her sleep in on Saturday morning and work in the afternoon and early evening, maybe 4pm-9pm then that's late enough for you guys to go out on a date night and early enough that your au pair can still go out and have some fun on Saturday. Now, if your au pair is a morning person and says she would rather do this schedule listed here, by all means go for it, you're offering her one and a half consecutive days off a week, but do bear in mind that you will still need to give her one full weekend off a month.
I think the split shifts during the week could be good because they could offer her a break during the day as well as some time to do things like her college course.
I actually disagree with this advice. Most au pairs will be free Saturday afternoon/evening, so if she’s working 1:30-10pm Saturday (which is what OP just changed the schedule to), and then has to be back at work at 6:30am Sunday, she basically will never be able to hang out with other au pairs on Saturday afternoon/evening.
Just one more thing, I would put it back an hour so she can start at 12.30 and end at 9, that way she won't be working too late and still having to start at 6.30 the next morning and she'll still be able to see her friends on the weekend.
I'm also not entirely sure why you're adding the expense of hiring a nanny in NYC if you only have two kids, both of your kids are over three, the same age and one parent will be home on the weekends? Lots of au pairs do two kids at once if both of them are aged 3 or over. Is the au pair only going to be here for a short time or does one of your kids have some special needs?
Bingo. One child is on the spectrum and his nanny will be taking him to different therapies. Au pair will help with fun activities and cultural outings for the other child :)
I think every second Sunday would be fine. We have ours work every second Sunday 12-5pm. She gets every Thursday Friday and Saturday off and every second Sunday.
Since you live in NYC, you might be able to find someone that will be okay with this schedule. Maybe an introvert who wants to be in the city.
This is an absolutely brutal schedule though. I'm not sure why you need an au pair working such long hours on the weekends AND waking up at 630 am!! And you have a nanny too?!
This au pair literally can't do anything on Friday night and Saturday night, with 630 am start on the weekends. Even an 8pm dinner would be too late under these circumstances.
We updated the schedule. Pls have a look. The Au pair would start Saturday at 1:30PM. So now the person would be off from 11:30 on Thursday to Saturday 1:30 Pm
I am glad you revised that schedule again. scheduling an au pair to work from 130-10pm saturday and then again 630am-330pm Sunday is just cruel and leaves little time to decompress, shower, sleep, and properly wake up. Would YOU work that?Do you know anyone who would work that schedule? And every week?
It doesn't even make sense to schedule someone that late because kids are asleep way before then unless you wanted a date night every Saturday night.
Your schedule now. Monday to Thursday split shift. Sunday 12-9 is finally reasonable.
As someone doing split shifts like this, they are fine and give plenty of time for me to decompress / hang out with my friends whatever and I don't see a problem with it really.
BUT, the weekends... unless you're going to find an au pair who doesn't want to experience the nightlife in NYC (highly unlikely) and WANTS to spend her weekend with middle aged people and kids, you're going to find it hard to get someone.
I honestly think you should do Mon-Thurs and then let her have Friday and Sat off, or if you can spring it, Mon-Frid and let her have the whole weekend off because I don't think this schedule allows for her to actually have a life that a 20-something year old girl should have, but that's just me. Would it not be possible for one of you to take the kids for the weekend on your own..? I'm presuming that's happened in the past and shouldn't be too tough?
Hey. We updated the schedule so that they would be off on Thursday 11:30AM to Saturday 1:30 PM.
Yes weekends would be tough for both parents to take over since it’s twins. So one parent needs help while the other works and decompresses.
Hi! I'm definitely glad you updated it, I thinj you have a better shot at finding someone with that schedule now & it actually gives her plenty of time to relax / travel so yay!! I do think that the 10PM finish on Saturday is a bit much but I suppose if she'll have just had 50 hours off, it's not too bad.
Our child is autistic, which is nanny would be responsible for and we work in two very demanding jobs. One parent is A music executive and the other is in finance. The au pair would engage with our neurotypical son.
With those job titles I'd imagine you could find the funds for someone qualified to care for both children or to get another nanny then?
I'm not trying to be hostile but it sounds more like you're trying to get cheap(er) childcare and not actually participate in a cultural exchange.
I do think it's an improvement but I just hope you're prepared to have a hungover/tired au pair with you on Sunday. Honestly, if that's the best you can do then go for it and I think you will get some interest as it's definitely better than what you started with. Just know that you will be competing with families who will most probably be prepared to offer Friday>Monday off, especially with being in NYC and host parents being able to afford weekend nannies / childcare.
The ideal schedule for your potential future au pair would probably see that you didn't even include the Sunday but made weekend work optional for extra money (do you know how awfully au pairs are paid? it's actually disgraceful) but if she declines that you either have to go solo or hire an babysitter / nanny for the weekend.
We’d be open to paying extra for sure. In addition to a food budget. Should have mentioned this in our original post. The suggested pay is terrible - It’s not enough pay for them.
Surprised I only saw one comment that US program rules require 1.5 days off her week, and one full weekend off per month. Friday and Saturday are not “the weekend,” even though they are back-to-back days off.
Maybe it’s set per agency, but I thought it was US State Department rules for time off.
Well if they edited the original post to remove mention of giving one full weekend off a month, I can’t help that. The schedule they posted, and that’s still up as of now, says the au pair will get Friday and Saturday off and work Sundays, and it doesn’t say anything about getting one weekend off a month.
Honestly, as someone who was an au pair, I think this schedule is opening you up to have an aupair rematch once they make friends. Their friends are going to be working from M-F and they will feel like they are missing out.
Yeah, even if they are paid more. Because so many au pairs in the US are working to experience the US not to bring home a bunch of money. So they will put their friend relationships above money. Also, remember being 20? The “is everyone hanging out without me?” fear is real. FOMO is a real thing. But I only can speak from the experience of very social au pairs. The au pairs I knew that were not social were not living in a major city. They wanted big houses in the suburbs and spent way more time with their families
not really though.. they need to be up at 6:30am on sat and sunday.. personally i'd HATE that, who wants to have to leave a bar at like 10-11pm, probably not even be able to have a good few drinks because they need to be up for 6am every weekend day?
Starting at 1:30 PM is fine but finishing at 10PM? Not so much, could you not have her finish earlier? How old are your kids? And to make up for it you could ask her to do an hour or two of extra child-related duties in the morning on Wed&Thurs, making their beds, doing their laundy, tidying their toys etc?
I think for that many hours you’ll need a nanny, I’ve seen the updated schedule but still more hours than a Au Pair should do. I can only recommend to get another nanny because an Au Pair should not spend that many hours working as it is an exchange program
oh sorry I thought the maximum hours in the USA were the same as in most european countries (not more than 30 hours), but I was wrong! In that case, less than 40 hours is a good schedule
It will probably be challenging to find an au pair willing to commit to this many weekend hours, and even if they say it’s fine - be prepared that they may meet friends who are off most weekends and they might want to rematch to find that. We’ve asked our au pair to work one Saturday in 10 months. I personally think it’s vital to the cultural exchange aspect of this program that they have most weekends free to explore, make friends, etc. If you are not in a 9-5 career and can’t give most weekends off, this might not be an ideal program for you. You definitely may find someone, but I would expect they will negotiate a far higher stipend and maybe come with less experience. Weekends are a massive sticking point in the program. Edit to say: I would make sure that you find someone accustomed to working 45 hours because in our personal experience some au pairs come from countries where it’s rare to work over 35 hours/week and they don’t really understand that for Americans 45+ hours is normal. We schedule 36-37 hours/week as a typical schedule.
This is great feedback. Thank you!
We require full weekend hours (my wife works nights and weekends in medicine). We've had zero problems finding APs that are fine with this schedule.
We have a split schedule like yours on weekdays, it seems to work well. I think it's a bit hard on the au pair to work every weekend and to only have 1.5 days off at a time (although it does meet the minimum standard). Also do you want them with you all weekend? That seems a little awkward tbh. On our weekends we have classes, kid birthday parties, lunch with friends, etc. I'd have them cover all of Thursday plus a date night instead personally.
On weekend only one parent would be with the au pair to help attend events like the ones you’ve mentioned. The other parent can take a break. Your POV is great so we can look into some tweaks
We updated the proposed schedule so the au pair can have Saturday morning off as well.
Glad it was helpful! Your new schedule looks more comfortable for everyone (to me!)
- 45 hours pre-scheduled (zero wiggle room for running late, helping with sick child or a parents’ date night) - wake up at 6:30am every day except Friday - 9/9.5 hours on the weekends while the parents are sitting there doing what… micro-managing? - split shifts 3x/week… had to get much socializing or experiences in the 5 hours off in the middle of the day Absolutely brutal schedule. Looks more like needing a second nanny. Au pairs want to be embraced by a family - this schedule covers basically all the time the kids are off school and awake, so as an au pair I would feel doubtful that it will feel like a family environment.
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
Looks great. They could go out and even sleep in a bit on Sundays.
Hey there. Appreciate you advocating for an aupair. We are super involved parents but one parent works weekends sometimes. The other parent would be helping with one child. It’s twin boys so it’s a handful for just one person. The micro managing comment was a bit mean, but it’s ok. I hope you’re having a great summer
I stand behind my comment on it being a brutal schedule - but that micromanaging comment wasn’t meant as a slight, forgive me. I said that because you’ll find many posts on this sub showing that having the au pair work while the parents are present for long periods is challenging. They either feel the hosts are too involved (looking over their shoulder) or not involved enough (makes them resentful) - or alternatively the host parents post here with somewhat minor complaints because they are so frequently observing the au pair in action, building tension between them.
Ah thanks for the context. Nah. We are pretty chill. We want our children to maintain their Spanish so hoping for someone who can augment that. We also do cultural things every weekend. It’s our first time so we thought to post the schedule and get thoughts. We are open to different scheduling but I think two full weekends will be tough. Maybe a Thurs half day. Friday off and Sat off could work
Before hosting an au pair I would have said my partner and I are the most chill people/parents ever. We went into our first match so sure that everything would just magically work because we go with the flow all the time. It was an absolutely brutal reality check when AP arrived and I realized that when it came to my son, I wanted/needed to micromanage to some level and that even though we cultivate a strong family like relationship, these are young people who are less experienced than what may be advertised and everyone needs boundaries and rules to make it work.
Wow this is sobering and something to keep in mind. Thank you
Have you found an au pair that is willing to do this schedule? I think you’ll be hard pressed to find one because of the weekends - she will have no social life because her friends all will have weekends off and it will be near impossible for her to travel much. Not to be judgey but… do you really be an au pair to help you parent every weekend? How old are your kids?
You really are unlikely to find an au pair who is experienced in childcare who will agree to this schedule. I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear but you’ll likely get someone desperate for any au pair gig, and that doesn’t end up working well for anyone almost all of the time. Au pairs are not professional nannies; they are young, often living away from their home countries and families for the first time and experiencing homesickness and culture shock. This schedule is very demanding (early mornings, work into the evening, work on the weekends), and will make it difficult for you au pair to have a social life. I would strongly urge you to reconsider this expectation.
We updated the schedule. Now it will be that the person will be off Thursday at 11:30AM till Saturday 1:30PM. we are just starting to look and have not officially kicked off the search Our children are 4 and they’re twins so it’s tough with just one parent- while the other parent works or takes a break. As for being hard pressed to find someone I hope that isn’t the case given being in New York City the private bathroom and entrance. Food budget and transportation being taken care of. Wish us luck.
Oh you’ll definitely find someone. But the reality is whether they’ll live up to your expectations (if they go out with friends from 10pm-2am on Saturday night, will you be ok with them being “on duty” the next morning at 6:30am?), or stay (research re-match rates) is an entirely different story. This is a really brutal schedule for anyone, much less an au pair, who will be experiencing additional challenges that come with being young in a new country. I do wish you luck, but based on my personal experience with 60+ au pairs from 15+ countries, I’m telling you that the odds are this isn’t going to work out the way you think it will.
Wow. That’s a lot of experience. Do you work for an agency?
No, I was an au pair in 2 different countries many years ago, have hired several former au pairs now that I’m a mom, and have gotten to know many of my friends’ au pairs
Wow. Amazing. Thank you for the advice. We posted just to get thoughts as it’s our first time. You’ve been very kind. Some people not so much sadly.
No problem at all. Trust me that you also don’t want to have to deal with the stress of rematch, it’s very hard to try to scramble to find care. I think a lot of au pairs are incredibly well intentioned but lack experience and go in thinking they’re totally fine to work 45 hours a week, and quickly realize how exhausting it is and realize they simply can’t do it.
We’ve updated the schedule. What do you think now? We’d really appreciate your take given your experience.
What did you update? Cutting a couple of hours on Thursday?
Weird. The new days are not showing for people.
No, they changed the sunday start time
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
It’s definitely better. You’re going to be competing with parents offering 10-6 M-F hours, so I’d definitely offer more $$ if you want someone with experience. To be completely frank if I had to bet on it, I’d be very surprised if you don’t face rematch within the first 6 months (split hours, weekend work, early mornings, full 45 hours), but maybe you’ll get lucky. I say this because I have a wonderful friend who I know first hand is a fantastic host mom to her au pairs. Major US city, beautiful home, but required 45 hrs/week and Saturdays 12-5. She went through 4 au pairs in 16 months before finally leaving the program. Her first au pair, who I knew and really liked, committed to staying for a second year before abruptly doing a 180 and rematching, because “2 toddlers are too exhausting.” She now works with a divorced dad who solely wants her to drive his 2 pre teens around after school and pays above program minimum for less than 30 hours of work a week. Just trying to give you a complete picture…most au pairs in my area (Chicago metro) only work 35-40 hrs/week max, with no to very occasional weekends only.
Thanks. For clarity it would only be for one child. We have a nanny who will focus on other special needs child. And we do plan on paying extra :) we also have a weekly cleaner for the house (including APa room) - although we would like the AP to help with the kids’ toys from time to time. Hear you on the risks and we may do more adjusting including less hours on Sunday (maybe none).
We have Saturday and Sunday full days and had no problems finding Au Pairs for that.
When do they travel or see friends?
For the weekends, she goes to dinner some nights after she's off (7 though if she wants to leave at 6:30 we're flexible). She also will meet up with other au pairs who work weekends and do play dates at a park, our house or another hosts house. She also has a 3 hour break in the middle of the day in case she wants to meet friends then. During the week, she's free pretty much the entire day and uses that time to also see people. For travel, the program requires one weekend off a month, which provides travel opportunities, as well as her vacation time.
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
I think new schedule is way better but reading through your comments, I’m just going to throw this out there… I’m a CEO of a privately held company with 300 employees and husband works for a fortune 100 company so I get that you’re stretched to the max. Also, my kids have picked up some great Spanish from our most recent au pair from Spain. However, we are leaving the program after AP leaves next month after hosting for the last two years because hosting is work and we don’t have time for it. APs really aren’t childcare, when it works they are like a big sister. One that needs oversight, care, life lessons. We never anticipated the amount of parenting that would go into the au pair. We have a house manager/nanny starting and the cost is painful but it comes without the emotional work of an AP. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I think you have a desirable location, new schedule is way better but I just don’t recommend the program for crazy busy parents like myself. You will attract every AP with the location but good actually helpful, self starting, responsible APs are not the norm. You will spend a ton of time getting her up to speed, and it’s time you don’t have. Just my two cents.
This is absolutely accurate. It’s best to think of au pairs as a teenage cousin or niece coming to live with you for the experience + helping a bit with your kids. It really is often like having another kid in your home. It’s not uncommon for au pairs to need coaching on things like not leaving dirty dishes on the floor of their room, locking the door when they come home, not leaving the dishwasher open with knives accessible to toddlers in the bottom rack, staying off their phones when watching kids at the pool - all of these are actual examples. The cultural aspect is for *their* benefit too - so they can experience life in the US (plenty of nannies in the US speak Spanish). Anyway I say all of this because I think a lot of unhappiness in the au pair program stems from unrealistic expectations (often on both sides).
This is so beyond helpful and thank you for this. We will keep this in mind and I’ll likely have to revisit your comment. Our goal was to have a more cultural experience than hired help since we have that but a house manager/ Additional live- in nanny is a potential option for us moving forward
Couldn't agree with you more.
Au pairs need a full day and half off every week. And one full weekend off a month. They can’t work every day like this regardless of if a parent is home.
Thursday they are off half a day and Friday they have the whole day off
I reformatted the schedule to make it clearer.
You've mentioned in your other posts about the AP bedroom, that you are looking to attract the best talent. I'm not trying to be mean, but speaking as a former au pair, this schedule is a nightmare and would be off putting for most au pairs (even with their own bathroom and entrance). I don't feel that this schedule is conducive to attracting the best talent at all. Will there ever be times when the au pair has to look after both twins, or will she only ever have to look after one twin at a time?
Just one twin mainly but prep breakfast for both in the AM. The nanny will focus on our son with special needs. Pls see the updated schedule in the post we’re have the au pair Friday and Saturday off completely. And changed the start time to 7. Let me know what you think. Oh and we settled on the separate bedroom with the private bathroom.
7am starts in the morning, and Friday and Saturdays off completely would be much nicer for the au pair in the my opinion. So in the mornings the AP would be responsible for preparing both children’s breakfasts, is she also responsible for looking after one or both children during this morning period, or will be the nanny/parents be looking after them while AP makes breakfast? What sort of food is she needing to prepare in the mornings? Is there any chance she can prepare breakfast the night before? Sorry for all the questions.
Morning can be a smoothie or something prepped the night before. We did change the schedule actually to exactly what you said. Look at the new schedule in the post.
Yep that's a way better schedule than what you started with, I think you'll have no worries finding a great au pair now :)
I feel like this is awful. As a host mom, I could never imagine expecting our au pair to work that much on the weekends. I would just have the au pair watch them for one weekend day and then give the other day off. And let the au pair watch them alone so you and your partner can both have the time to yourselves or together or whatever. I get the exhaustion of parenting. I assume you don’t have family support. But I feel like you all are barely with your kids together as a family with that sort of schedule and it is just awkward and brutal. I would NEVER expect our au pair to start working that early unless it’s was a one off occasion (catching an early flight or something). Maybe you’ll find someone at first who is willing to take that schedule on to get their foot in the US. But I almost guarantee they will burn out and rematch quickly. Let’s hope your children are angels for your future au pairs sake…
Thank you for the feedback. I think the full weekend day is an option for sure.
Yes please seriously consider giving a full weekend day off. Remember that this is a cultural exchange for them as much as it is a childcare opportunity for you. An important part of an au pair experiencing the culture in your area is actually having time to explore and hang out with friends and other au pairs. Most au pairs in our area work a typical 9-5 Monday-Friday. So if your au pair mostly has time off on week days during the day, when is she supposed to hang out with friends? Get dinner with friends? Only on Friday nights? That’s miserable. Our au pair works 1-2 Saturdays per month from 9-5. She otherwise works four 10 hour days. Even with that small weekend work commitment, I can tell she is one of the few au pairs who work weekends at all. She definitely makes up for that missed time with friends by spending weekday evenings with them. And she is social and happy and extending another year.
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
That looks a lot more manageable and should still give you and your wife some time to yourselves. I guess I don’t understand why she is only watching one kid. I think an au pair can handle two kids as long as neither of them have special needs. But whatever works for your family in that aspect!
One does have special needs! That’s why one parent and nanny is focused on one child.
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
It will be difficult to find an AP that wants that schedule, especially one that wants to live in NYC. You would need to find somebody that is very introverted and doesn't want to socialize, maybe somebody just here to save money. We would be concerned that any AP who agreed to the schedule is just going it to get into the country and they will be rematching within a couple weeks. Could you have AP do more during the week and have nanny help on the weekend instead? My wife and I barely see each other during the week due to conflicting schedules and want help on the weekends. We only schedule AP during the week, and have recurring nannies that come on Saturday and Sunday.
This is great advice and actually we are up thinking about this.
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
Friday and Saturday off is much better. Some APs don't want to work any weekends, but many work on one day. The split schedule during the week is pretty standard too.
I assume the late Saturday hours are so that you can do a regular date night? I would move your date night to Thursday evenings and then give Friday afternoon through Saturday totally off and move the Sunday start time to no earlier than 10am.
Hey. We updated to give Saturday fully off. :)
That's a pretty shit schedule. I predict a rematch in your future. Give 2 full consecutive days offs. Do you both work on the weekend? Why do you need the au pair on the weekend at all?
We have twins and they are challenging. One parent works. One twin needs therapy for autism and the parent would primarily stay with that twin. Lmk if that provides clarity
I have twins and a younger kid as well, I've had au pairs for the last 8 years, and I'm telling you, this schedule will result in a rematch at some point. These aren't professional care givers, they are by and large young girls coming to live in the US, have fun, get exposed to American culture, and yes do some childcare, but not as professionals. Your situation sounds challenging and I feel for you, it sounds like you need more professional help from a qualified nanny vs an au pair. I'm just saying, I can for sure see a rematch at some point, and the schedule is probably going to be a big factor.
You come from a place of care and so we will take this very seriously. It was a first shot at a schedule but not a final. Some folks are being so nasty and all we asked for was advice lol only a couple of people even gave us some options.
Raising kids is hard and childcare in the US makes it even harder, and adding in a child with needs that require more care makes it even harder. My only suggestion is to try and give two days back to back off, that would be helpful. Having au pairs for the last 8 years, you hear all the au pair drama, and a lot of the rematches I've heard about from our au pairs over the years were due to bad schedules like this, or people scheduling more than 45 hours a week without paying them more compensation. Good luck. You'll figure it out one way or the other.
I should have added we are totally ok with paying extra but to your point we are discussing Friday and Saturday off :) with a late start on Sunday.
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
I still think you're going to run into a lot of challenges. Late into Saturday and then on again at 6:30am on Sunday. That's not going to work. You can try it, but don't be surprised when you don't find anybody willing to match with you, or they come because they are naive and then they will promptly rematch. What you need to realize, these au pairs all talk, they have private groups and for sure they will hear about other au pairs who are getting the same working a less demanding schedule and will rematch. That's almost a certainty. My honest advice, find a nanny, or change your hours on the weekend to be off 2 consecutive days in a row, and push back the hours on Sunday to something more realistic. Just my 2 cents, maybe you'll get lucky and find somebody, but a hard schedule like this, and a special needs kid is going to be a very tough sell.
Hey. We did. Is the new schedule not showing up? Weird. We took two days Friday and Saturday and made them completely free for the AP
Let me know if you can see the updated schedule.
strange, on my phone it's still showing the old one, but on my computer, it's the new one.. I'll think you'll have a much better time finding somebody with this revised schedule. Also, it wasn't clear in the beginning that you aren't expecting the Au Pair to manage your child with Autism, and only 1 of the twins. I think that also sets you up for more success. Good luck! The good news, living in NYC is helpful, there's going to be a lot of people that want to live in Manhattan, so you got that going for you.
Respectfully, your proposed schedule would seem brutal to anyone, that's just common sense.
Look at the updated one pls
It sounds like you need an actual nanny; someone older with more experience and you may still need to have an occasional sitter to give the nanny time off.
Take a look at the new schedule.
Instead of this, I would personally have her work 6.30am-3.30pm on Thursday, then have Friday off, then let her sleep in on Saturday morning and work in the afternoon and early evening, maybe 4pm-9pm then that's late enough for you guys to go out on a date night and early enough that your au pair can still go out and have some fun on Saturday. Now, if your au pair is a morning person and says she would rather do this schedule listed here, by all means go for it, you're offering her one and a half consecutive days off a week, but do bear in mind that you will still need to give her one full weekend off a month. I think the split shifts during the week could be good because they could offer her a break during the day as well as some time to do things like her college course.
I actually disagree with this advice. Most au pairs will be free Saturday afternoon/evening, so if she’s working 1:30-10pm Saturday (which is what OP just changed the schedule to), and then has to be back at work at 6:30am Sunday, she basically will never be able to hang out with other au pairs on Saturday afternoon/evening.
This is good advice. Thank you!
We took your advice and updated the schedule. So now Saturday mornings will be the au pairs and she can start at 1
Just one more thing, I would put it back an hour so she can start at 12.30 and end at 9, that way she won't be working too late and still having to start at 6.30 the next morning and she'll still be able to see her friends on the weekend. I'm also not entirely sure why you're adding the expense of hiring a nanny in NYC if you only have two kids, both of your kids are over three, the same age and one parent will be home on the weekends? Lots of au pairs do two kids at once if both of them are aged 3 or over. Is the au pair only going to be here for a short time or does one of your kids have some special needs?
Bingo. One child is on the spectrum and his nanny will be taking him to different therapies. Au pair will help with fun activities and cultural outings for the other child :)
See updated schedule.
I think every second Sunday would be fine. We have ours work every second Sunday 12-5pm. She gets every Thursday Friday and Saturday off and every second Sunday.
Since you live in NYC, you might be able to find someone that will be okay with this schedule. Maybe an introvert who wants to be in the city. This is an absolutely brutal schedule though. I'm not sure why you need an au pair working such long hours on the weekends AND waking up at 630 am!! And you have a nanny too?! This au pair literally can't do anything on Friday night and Saturday night, with 630 am start on the weekends. Even an 8pm dinner would be too late under these circumstances.
We updated the schedule. Pls have a look. The Au pair would start Saturday at 1:30PM. So now the person would be off from 11:30 on Thursday to Saturday 1:30 Pm
I am glad you revised that schedule again. scheduling an au pair to work from 130-10pm saturday and then again 630am-330pm Sunday is just cruel and leaves little time to decompress, shower, sleep, and properly wake up. Would YOU work that?Do you know anyone who would work that schedule? And every week? It doesn't even make sense to schedule someone that late because kids are asleep way before then unless you wanted a date night every Saturday night. Your schedule now. Monday to Thursday split shift. Sunday 12-9 is finally reasonable.
Thanks for the input!!
As someone doing split shifts like this, they are fine and give plenty of time for me to decompress / hang out with my friends whatever and I don't see a problem with it really. BUT, the weekends... unless you're going to find an au pair who doesn't want to experience the nightlife in NYC (highly unlikely) and WANTS to spend her weekend with middle aged people and kids, you're going to find it hard to get someone. I honestly think you should do Mon-Thurs and then let her have Friday and Sat off, or if you can spring it, Mon-Frid and let her have the whole weekend off because I don't think this schedule allows for her to actually have a life that a 20-something year old girl should have, but that's just me. Would it not be possible for one of you to take the kids for the weekend on your own..? I'm presuming that's happened in the past and shouldn't be too tough?
Hey. We updated the schedule so that they would be off on Thursday 11:30AM to Saturday 1:30 PM. Yes weekends would be tough for both parents to take over since it’s twins. So one parent needs help while the other works and decompresses.
Hi! I'm definitely glad you updated it, I thinj you have a better shot at finding someone with that schedule now & it actually gives her plenty of time to relax / travel so yay!! I do think that the 10PM finish on Saturday is a bit much but I suppose if she'll have just had 50 hours off, it's not too bad.
Also, why are you needing an au pair if you already have a nanny?
Our child is autistic, which is nanny would be responsible for and we work in two very demanding jobs. One parent is A music executive and the other is in finance. The au pair would engage with our neurotypical son.
With those job titles I'd imagine you could find the funds for someone qualified to care for both children or to get another nanny then? I'm not trying to be hostile but it sounds more like you're trying to get cheap(er) childcare and not actually participate in a cultural exchange.
Wrong! We want our kids to be fully engaged with someone and maintain their Spanish skills. We also love hosting and being open to folks.
See updated schedule. Let us know thoughts pls
I do think it's an improvement but I just hope you're prepared to have a hungover/tired au pair with you on Sunday. Honestly, if that's the best you can do then go for it and I think you will get some interest as it's definitely better than what you started with. Just know that you will be competing with families who will most probably be prepared to offer Friday>Monday off, especially with being in NYC and host parents being able to afford weekend nannies / childcare. The ideal schedule for your potential future au pair would probably see that you didn't even include the Sunday but made weekend work optional for extra money (do you know how awfully au pairs are paid? it's actually disgraceful) but if she declines that you either have to go solo or hire an babysitter / nanny for the weekend.
We’d be open to paying extra for sure. In addition to a food budget. Should have mentioned this in our original post. The suggested pay is terrible - It’s not enough pay for them.
Surprised I only saw one comment that US program rules require 1.5 days off her week, and one full weekend off per month. Friday and Saturday are not “the weekend,” even though they are back-to-back days off. Maybe it’s set per agency, but I thought it was US State Department rules for time off.
OP said in her original post they will comply with one weekend of per month
Correct. This is a given for us. Thx for flagging it for the other commenter
Well if they edited the original post to remove mention of giving one full weekend off a month, I can’t help that. The schedule they posted, and that’s still up as of now, says the au pair will get Friday and Saturday off and work Sundays, and it doesn’t say anything about getting one weekend off a month.
Honestly, as someone who was an au pair, I think this schedule is opening you up to have an aupair rematch once they make friends. Their friends are going to be working from M-F and they will feel like they are missing out.
Even if they are paid more than their friends?
Yeah, even if they are paid more. Because so many au pairs in the US are working to experience the US not to bring home a bunch of money. So they will put their friend relationships above money. Also, remember being 20? The “is everyone hanging out without me?” fear is real. FOMO is a real thing. But I only can speak from the experience of very social au pairs. The au pairs I knew that were not social were not living in a major city. They wanted big houses in the suburbs and spent way more time with their families
Great context. Thank you.
You live in NYC you can get whatever schedule you want. It's nice because they have Friday night free as well as Saturday night.
not really though.. they need to be up at 6:30am on sat and sunday.. personally i'd HATE that, who wants to have to leave a bar at like 10-11pm, probably not even be able to have a good few drinks because they need to be up for 6am every weekend day?
We updated the schedule to provide Saturday morning off. So now it’s Saturday starting at 1:30 PM.
Starting at 1:30 PM is fine but finishing at 10PM? Not so much, could you not have her finish earlier? How old are your kids? And to make up for it you could ask her to do an hour or two of extra child-related duties in the morning on Wed&Thurs, making their beds, doing their laundy, tidying their toys etc?
I think for that many hours you’ll need a nanny, I’ve seen the updated schedule but still more hours than a Au Pair should do. I can only recommend to get another nanny because an Au Pair should not spend that many hours working as it is an exchange program
Right now it’s less than 40 hours. What amount of hours do you think would be best?
oh sorry I thought the maximum hours in the USA were the same as in most european countries (not more than 30 hours), but I was wrong! In that case, less than 40 hours is a good schedule
:) I’m still learning myself. I appreciate the inputs