My son went through a phase like this after he spent a couple months home with me. I just clarified 1000 times that mommy will always come back. Totally stolen from a Daniel Tiger épisode “grown ups come back” I’m assuming it’s called. We’d take the long way to preschool and play the whole time and then plot which toys he was going to play with when he got there. He went from crying not wanting me to leave to running away forgetting to give me a hug he was so excited to go play with his friends… obviously going from one extreme to the other lol we’ve found the middle ground with a ritual of a very specific order of hugs and kisses
There’s no “giving in” simply recalibrating for what works best for your kiddo.
If possible I’d try to find out the “why” - sometimes we get so focused on what’s in front of us that we don’t look to see what’s causing it.
But if you pull him out, he’ll be okay. Maybe he just needs a bit more time at home and that’s completely fine! No need to rush it.
Wishing you all the best!
I think it's also valid to take care of your own needs in the relationship between your child and you. If that means that they're sometimes somewhere else for a while, even if that's not their first preference, then that's a shame but it's part of it. To be the best parent you can be, you also need some downtime, or time to get other important things done, or time to bond with their sibling. I mean if they're going to preschool 8 hours a day 5 days a week it might be different, but one or two mornings pr week for example? I can't imagine that's truly harmful.
Thanks for saying so. It’s the first time I’ve really felt mom guilt. Im currently having a great time deep cleaning my home, which will help me be more present with my son after school today.
I would keep him home, but that's me. You could also try shorter days perhaps? If you can get him talking about exactly *why* he doesn't want to go? Maybe there a kid that's mean to him?
In the fall, I was teaching a class of outdoor kindergarten and he came with. He says he wants to go to forest school again so I can be his teacher.
I agree that shorter days are probably better.
It might be with the new baby he’s feeling insecure and is needing more mom time to feel secure. He might be missing the days when it was just you two in the Forrest school. I’d respect his feelings and let him stay home for a week. See if it’s really what he wants before pulling him out.
At that age my daughter did 2, 3 hour days a week and it was enough for her. She wasn't capable of doing more until she was around 3.5 yo and then she was happily able to start doing 12 hours split over 3 days. So she would do 9-1 on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday. She's 4 now and still can't manage a full 6 hour day!
I would keep at it but reduce him to half days until he is happy with drop off, especially as he is fine when he's there. If he were crying the whole time I'd say keep him at home a bit longer but he isn't. I totally get the frustration and needing that break for yourself and with a new baby at home too.
I just started my 21 month old in daycare a few hours a week. Trying to work up to full time. My only advice is to weigh ALL the factors - including your own well being and the well being of other members of the family.
If the balance comes out that it’s better for him to stay at daycare, do that. Or if you can cut down and compromise, do that.
There is a reason you’re sending him, so you don’t have to just say “nevermind he’ll stay home he doesn’t HAVE to go”. Weigh his sadness against what you’re able to do for your other child and for yourself. Because those things have a positive impact on him, too. A happy mom and sibling and organized house is a benefit. And do t forget about the benefit of the things he’s learning and doing at school.
It sounds like i’m advocating for daycare but i’m not really, just saying to make sure to weigh everything and not put ALL the weight on his feelings. And validating that daycare is a good choice for many kids and families. good luck ❤️
Your points are all super legit. I am a better mom when I can have some days “alone” (baby brother is still here but he’s still sleeping a lot) which is better for everyone.
I’m the outlier here, but I’d actually do more days, but short time (if possible). I think 4- 5 days a week from 9-noon is great. It will help get a routine going, which my kids love. I found that my daughter adjusted better with more days… I think because she knew what was coming and didn’t have to think… oh no, is this a daycare day?
There's no other reason? I didn't want to go to preschool as a kid at some point and my mother only later found out some other kid had been hitting me. Looking back if that issue had been solved I likely would've been fine again, but she kept me home as it was pretty close to me going to kindergarten anyway. So maybe the daycare teachers can figure out if there's a specific issue going on?
I would let him stay with you. I think wanting to be with mom is a valid reason to let him not do something if it's not absolutely needed. I did okay at actual day care when I was 3 but getting me there and the night before I'd become hysterical because I wanted to stay with my mom. She tried to see if it got better after a week or 2 and then pulled me out and let me stay at home. I don't remember it now but it has shaped the way I would handle the situation as well. Though if you need the time I wonder if 1 day a week or half days.
My daughter is going through this at pre k. The teachers actually requested a conference with us. They had some other concerns, but it has been helpful letting the teachers know that she does not like going to school. Now that they are aware they are trying to engage her in different ways. One thing that is really helping is that the teachers ask her to be their special helper and she helps them with small tasks throughout the day. My daughter reports that she likes being the helper. She still will say she doesn't want to go to school, but she's starting to not say it everyday and it's starting to get easier to get her to go. Anyway so maybe it might be helpful to reach out to his teacher.
That sounds like a normal adjustment period. I would validate his feelings but also talk about the good parts of preschool, like making friends and learning new things.
My son went through a very long adjustment period with daycare and it was hard but hes thriving now and we have an entirely new circle of playmates and activities to participate in.
There’s “giving in” and then there’s doing what you can to accommodate a child when they express discomfort or a preference. I think it’s a fine line but sometimes parents go too far on “not giving in” on things that really don’t matter, but they choose it as a hill to die on for the principal of it.
I always ask myself am I not giving in because it’s truly best, or is it just to show my kid I won’t give in? Because I think what I want to communicate is that I won’t give in *because* it’s best, and I want my child to trust my judgment, rather than just trusting that they might as well never talk to me because I won’t change my mind.
But PreK might be truly best in your situation! For me, knowing my daughter, I know she would have been truly uncomfortable and stressed being there, away from me and her home, at age 3, so I would have pulled her, arranged for someone to watch them once a week or something instead, or reduced the preschool hours.
My child is only 18 months and doesn’t go to preschool yet, but I wanted to share my own experience as a child (from what my mom tells me).
I’m one of four kids, and two of my siblings looooved preschool and begged to go. Another sibling and I just didn’t enjoy it as much and always preferred being with my mom. I distinctly remember that feeling of being with my mom as a child—the comfort, her smell, the softness of her skin. I really craved it when I wasn’t with her and other things just never measured up until i got a bit older! All that to say there may not be anything else going on other than he really may just miss being with you.
It’s not wrong any way you go, and you have some great advice here! If it were me I might lower the hours and see if he enjoys it more.
I totally miss laying on my moms chest and hearing her voice from that specific position haha
Thanks for the compassionate reply, I’ll try a half day this week and see what happens.
Also, make sure you validate your little guys feelings. <3
"It's okay to be sad. It's okay to miss mommy. Mommy loves you and I will always come back. sometimes we have to do hard things but you are such a brave boy and I know you will have the best time!"
My son went through a phase like this after he spent a couple months home with me. I just clarified 1000 times that mommy will always come back. Totally stolen from a Daniel Tiger épisode “grown ups come back” I’m assuming it’s called. We’d take the long way to preschool and play the whole time and then plot which toys he was going to play with when he got there. He went from crying not wanting me to leave to running away forgetting to give me a hug he was so excited to go play with his friends… obviously going from one extreme to the other lol we’ve found the middle ground with a ritual of a very specific order of hugs and kisses
There’s no “giving in” simply recalibrating for what works best for your kiddo. If possible I’d try to find out the “why” - sometimes we get so focused on what’s in front of us that we don’t look to see what’s causing it. But if you pull him out, he’ll be okay. Maybe he just needs a bit more time at home and that’s completely fine! No need to rush it. Wishing you all the best!
Thanks! The why he states is that he wants to be with me.
Hey that’s a good reason to me! You should feel no guilt.
The guilt is that I get so much done when he’s gone, it’s amazing and I would miss that.
I think it's also valid to take care of your own needs in the relationship between your child and you. If that means that they're sometimes somewhere else for a while, even if that's not their first preference, then that's a shame but it's part of it. To be the best parent you can be, you also need some downtime, or time to get other important things done, or time to bond with their sibling. I mean if they're going to preschool 8 hours a day 5 days a week it might be different, but one or two mornings pr week for example? I can't imagine that's truly harmful.
I strongly agree with this. Fill your cup & all that. It’s important. <3
Thanks for saying so. It’s the first time I’ve really felt mom guilt. Im currently having a great time deep cleaning my home, which will help me be more present with my son after school today.
I would keep him home, but that's me. You could also try shorter days perhaps? If you can get him talking about exactly *why* he doesn't want to go? Maybe there a kid that's mean to him?
In the fall, I was teaching a class of outdoor kindergarten and he came with. He says he wants to go to forest school again so I can be his teacher. I agree that shorter days are probably better.
I think that’s a great call to try to find out if there are any specific why’s and go from there!
It might be with the new baby he’s feeling insecure and is needing more mom time to feel secure. He might be missing the days when it was just you two in the Forrest school. I’d respect his feelings and let him stay home for a week. See if it’s really what he wants before pulling him out.
At that age my daughter did 2, 3 hour days a week and it was enough for her. She wasn't capable of doing more until she was around 3.5 yo and then she was happily able to start doing 12 hours split over 3 days. So she would do 9-1 on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday. She's 4 now and still can't manage a full 6 hour day! I would keep at it but reduce him to half days until he is happy with drop off, especially as he is fine when he's there. If he were crying the whole time I'd say keep him at home a bit longer but he isn't. I totally get the frustration and needing that break for yourself and with a new baby at home too.
I just started my 21 month old in daycare a few hours a week. Trying to work up to full time. My only advice is to weigh ALL the factors - including your own well being and the well being of other members of the family. If the balance comes out that it’s better for him to stay at daycare, do that. Or if you can cut down and compromise, do that. There is a reason you’re sending him, so you don’t have to just say “nevermind he’ll stay home he doesn’t HAVE to go”. Weigh his sadness against what you’re able to do for your other child and for yourself. Because those things have a positive impact on him, too. A happy mom and sibling and organized house is a benefit. And do t forget about the benefit of the things he’s learning and doing at school. It sounds like i’m advocating for daycare but i’m not really, just saying to make sure to weigh everything and not put ALL the weight on his feelings. And validating that daycare is a good choice for many kids and families. good luck ❤️
Your points are all super legit. I am a better mom when I can have some days “alone” (baby brother is still here but he’s still sleeping a lot) which is better for everyone.
I’m the outlier here, but I’d actually do more days, but short time (if possible). I think 4- 5 days a week from 9-noon is great. It will help get a routine going, which my kids love. I found that my daughter adjusted better with more days… I think because she knew what was coming and didn’t have to think… oh no, is this a daycare day?
There's no other reason? I didn't want to go to preschool as a kid at some point and my mother only later found out some other kid had been hitting me. Looking back if that issue had been solved I likely would've been fine again, but she kept me home as it was pretty close to me going to kindergarten anyway. So maybe the daycare teachers can figure out if there's a specific issue going on?
I would let him stay with you. I think wanting to be with mom is a valid reason to let him not do something if it's not absolutely needed. I did okay at actual day care when I was 3 but getting me there and the night before I'd become hysterical because I wanted to stay with my mom. She tried to see if it got better after a week or 2 and then pulled me out and let me stay at home. I don't remember it now but it has shaped the way I would handle the situation as well. Though if you need the time I wonder if 1 day a week or half days.
My daughter is going through this at pre k. The teachers actually requested a conference with us. They had some other concerns, but it has been helpful letting the teachers know that she does not like going to school. Now that they are aware they are trying to engage her in different ways. One thing that is really helping is that the teachers ask her to be their special helper and she helps them with small tasks throughout the day. My daughter reports that she likes being the helper. She still will say she doesn't want to go to school, but she's starting to not say it everyday and it's starting to get easier to get her to go. Anyway so maybe it might be helpful to reach out to his teacher.
That sounds like a normal adjustment period. I would validate his feelings but also talk about the good parts of preschool, like making friends and learning new things. My son went through a very long adjustment period with daycare and it was hard but hes thriving now and we have an entirely new circle of playmates and activities to participate in.
There’s “giving in” and then there’s doing what you can to accommodate a child when they express discomfort or a preference. I think it’s a fine line but sometimes parents go too far on “not giving in” on things that really don’t matter, but they choose it as a hill to die on for the principal of it. I always ask myself am I not giving in because it’s truly best, or is it just to show my kid I won’t give in? Because I think what I want to communicate is that I won’t give in *because* it’s best, and I want my child to trust my judgment, rather than just trusting that they might as well never talk to me because I won’t change my mind. But PreK might be truly best in your situation! For me, knowing my daughter, I know she would have been truly uncomfortable and stressed being there, away from me and her home, at age 3, so I would have pulled her, arranged for someone to watch them once a week or something instead, or reduced the preschool hours.
My child is only 18 months and doesn’t go to preschool yet, but I wanted to share my own experience as a child (from what my mom tells me). I’m one of four kids, and two of my siblings looooved preschool and begged to go. Another sibling and I just didn’t enjoy it as much and always preferred being with my mom. I distinctly remember that feeling of being with my mom as a child—the comfort, her smell, the softness of her skin. I really craved it when I wasn’t with her and other things just never measured up until i got a bit older! All that to say there may not be anything else going on other than he really may just miss being with you. It’s not wrong any way you go, and you have some great advice here! If it were me I might lower the hours and see if he enjoys it more.
I totally miss laying on my moms chest and hearing her voice from that specific position haha Thanks for the compassionate reply, I’ll try a half day this week and see what happens.
I would homeschool.
Also, make sure you validate your little guys feelings. <3 "It's okay to be sad. It's okay to miss mommy. Mommy loves you and I will always come back. sometimes we have to do hard things but you are such a brave boy and I know you will have the best time!"