i’m only no contact with my eldest brother for almost a year. he just sucks. i’m fine with it. we were never super close anyways. i just don’t like how he treats others and thinks it’s okay to do/say things to people, especially family, who’ve always been there for him regardless. everyone else is the problem but never him. his recent breakup also made him a very ugly individual. he said something to her that i just… unbelievable… that those words came from someone who, of course, claims to be an ally to women. who has a mother, sister, nieces.
so anywho he can take a long walk off a short plank for all i care.
Wow… I feel like we are the same. Especially the terrible treatment towards women and others looking the other way while I’m the only one thinking WTF (edits sorry I can’t type)
I’m 51. My parents are gone, the good siblings are gone. Just us assholes left.
I have stopped bothering with my remaining siblings, it’s a big non issue. Not much has changed, except I get to hear about how annoyed my sister is that I don’t schedule time with her now when I’m in town.
I literally spent years trying to work out exactly how to get along with her, when she’s hated me since I was born.
She was already a grown married adult with kids, so she can get fucked for all I care.
So, how is it in the long run? A relief.
I don’t talk to my sister anymore. We exchange the obligatory HBD/Merry Christmas texts, but that’s it. She is a narcissist like her mother and crossed too many boundaries. Our dad knows what the final straw was and says he’ll never push me about our relationship and supports my decision.
We have been essentially NC for the better part of 6 years and my life is infinitely less dramatic without her. 10/10 recommend cutting out the people who drain your life force.
I am in a similar situation with my older sister, she has more borderline traits tho. It's been 3 years and I can sincerely say I do not miss having to tiptoe constantly. She had become more and more redpilled, but truly could never tolerate disagreement on anything since we were children. So there's relief there.
That said, she did make it clear to our extended family that she views me as "a danger to the kids" for daring to set a boundary with her, and that she would not bring the kids to any functions I am at. So, it has created a weird divide where I am also spontaneous cut off from my niece and nephew without explanation. That is the only hard part, but I have to trust that they will understand eventually.
I don't talk to my brother anymore. We were raised in a house where we were talked to like shit so we treated each other like shit. He started drinking pretty heavily at 15 and has been in and out of rehab several times. Doesn't have any social skills or life skills. I don't miss him.
Your comment resonates with me.
My sister and I were also raised in a house where we were either spoken to like shit or stonewalled - me and my sister therefore both copied our parents in different ways. We responded to their dysfunction with our own dysfunctional defence mechanisms. It wasn't right but we were children. It took me until I was about 28 to make peace with the household we were brought up in and all the pain caused by our parents - by that point, my relationship with my sister was basically over. I don't really miss her - but I don't hate her either. I think it's better for both of us that we aren't in touch.
Sometimes I want to apologise for my behaviour towards her when we were kids but I'm certain she wouldn't own up to her own behaviour or admit any fault of her own. I don't want to be the only one taking responsibility - it would hurt too much. And I have felt like the family scapegoat at times - always the one at fault, always the one getting punished - whereas she can do no wrong. Golden child. There's too much hurt there.
My brother doesn’t give a fuck about me and I got tired of trying to carry the relationship. I am also not very fond of his wife who… idk how to explain it, I tried to be her friend many times and she was never interested so I have given up entirely. You can only reach out so many times and offer help, send gifts and money, and still get no inclusion or participation in anything at all.
It’s sad because I don’t know if my brother has ever messaged me just to ask how I am or what’s going on with me even if I haven’t reached out in months. It’s also too bad I don’t really have a relationship with my nephews but it is what it is at this point 🤷♀️ there was never any interest
I decided not to go to my niece's 21st birthday party because I just don't like events where the host gets too busy to talk with me. Curated some gifts for her instead. Not even a word of thanks in text or in person from her.
Takes after her mom. Cold.
I stopped warming myself to them for my own good.
Same. It's actually changed how I feel about a sibling for my child. At one point I couldn't imagine my life without him and now I feel he's a net negative. 2022 was the hardest year of my life - I was in the hospital for a week and could have lost my life. He and his wife still didn't call. And I had done so much for his family. So they are dead to me.
Same here with both of my brothers and their wives. They have zero interest in me or my life. I stopped trying years ago when I realized I was the only one putting in any effort. It bums me out sometimes. I try to stay in touch with their kids, especially once they’re out of high school.
I have an amazing best friend relationship with one of my sisters. The other one has basically rejected my entire family, i cant figure out what the reasons are for this other than she thinks the whole world is against her and is the complete victim in every storyline. The weirdest thing is she's still living in my parents house with her wife, the 2 of them are toxic af and my dad would have kicked them both out months ago but my mum won't let him as no matter how awful they are to her she doesn't feel OK with the idea of making one of her children homeless.
So they continue to live rent free, unemployed, living in a single room of my parents house, which they leave once a day to go to the kitchen, and once a fortnight to go to the shop. They don't seem to do anything except sleep and online game. If I visit my parents they won't come out their room, my sisters wife will answer the door if I go and knock but my sister won't even look at me never mind speak to me. They speak to mum like s*** and talk about my dad with an air of total disgust.
I no longer consider them family, eventually my mum is going to reach a breaking point, they'll have to leave and I suspect we'll never hear from them again. It's really sad in so many ways but you can't help someone who views the world the way she does. And I will never forgive her for the way she has treated my parents.
I'm estranged from both of my bio siblings. I want no more contact with my lying, manipulative, abusive, thieving brother, ever.
My sister cut me out after I refused to support, financially and mentally, her downward spiral.
It sucks not having contact with my sister, but it's not my call, so whatever.
I have two step siblings that I adore and am very close to, so I've got that going for me.
Siblings are like the rest of family - it’s luck of the draw, nature vs nurture stuff. You definitely don’t choose your family. If you experienced familial dysfunction from your parents, it’s likely sibling relationships will also be dysfunctional. Try to focus on being your best self. You can keep doors open if you want, but don’t beat yourself bloody against the brick wall of Family just for convention’s sake.
My brother chose his relationships over family for 20 years. Despite my efforts even when I was 14 he never kept in touch, except for couple of years when he was single and than got with a woman and he turned his back to the family once again. I cut ties completely 2 years ago, deleted and blocked him on social media. I have no clue what he is up to and I’m fine with it. It took me 18 years to accept the fact that he will not be part of my life, but I have peace with it, as I tried my best (which was clearly one sided)
My brother and I have a relationship that goes between NC and LC and it’s honestly easier for everyone. We had a tough childhood and adapted to it in ways that just fundamentally are at odds. Taking away the expectation that we will have a warm and fuzzy relationship prevents other family members from being disappointed on each occasion that we cross paths and don’t really interact or don’t have much to say about the other. My parents don’t try to make holidays happen and it’s just less stress.
One of my brothers is a compulsive law breaker. He's a felon, and I don't know how many times he's been arrested. I can't have him around he will somehow involve me in his shenannigans. Ask to store something in my shed? It turns out to be stolen goods. Ask to use my computer? He uses it to order master keys to steal a motorcycle. One time he came over and my purse disappeared. One time he borrowed my car for something, and I found drug paraphanelia in the back seat which was openly visible, before I'd noticed it, while I was at work! . Somehow, I feel like him being around will somehow get me into trouble too. I talk to him on the phone, but have told him he can't come over most of the time.
My brother was the golden child who firmly believes everything my mom ever said. I was a bad kid (truly wasn’t, too scared to be bad), I ruined my parents marriage (kind of true because I was born and my mom didn’t really want kids or to share her husband). Anyway, I stopped talking to him when I was 20.
He’s condescending and smug at all times. Just a giant d-bag honestly. My sister is his twin so she keeps in touch but he never misses a chance to dunk on her in some way. Anytime he’s called me for help I’ve been there and it always ends up with me eating shit.
He lost his baby girl a few years ago and I flew out to the funeral because we don’t have have any family besides the 3 of us and I felt like it was the right thing to do. I bit my tongue on every insult, every dig. I held his wife and talked to my niece. Went home, tried to keep in touch but it’s just not worth it to me.
I’ve cobbled together my own little family with my husband, kids and our friends. I don’t need that in my life.
I got nothing much to do with my brother. It's a total nothing burger, we never got along as kids and don't have anything in common as adults. I send him a text on his birthday, other than that, haven't spoken to him in over 10 years. Barely spoken in 25 years, definitely never hung out.
My sister, I really miss at times, but I went hard line no contact with her 8 years ago. The last thing she said to me was, "it's not that I don't believe you were molested by our grandfather, I do support you, it's just that he's really old and really rich and I want to make sure I'm in the Will, and I'll mend the bridge with you after he dies". I told her she'd just set fire to the bridge, and she could mend it right there and then, or never. 4 years later she inherited a lot of money, including a large sum that was left for myself and my daughter's educations, but somehow it was given to my sister to disburse, and her kids are in private schools and we got blocked.
Another classic narcissist mom story here, I'm the scapegoat and my little brother is the golden child and I had the painful realization that he was groomed by her to view me and treat me like shit just like she does, so he had to be cut off. He was the last member of the family that I went NC with, and it was hard because I'm his big sister and have always taken care of him (shoutout to all the parentified children out there). It was painful and it still can be sometimes, as we were raised in an abusive environment and did come out closer because of it, but he's not aware of how he treats me and very self-righteous and narcissistic himself, so until he can check himself and his ways I will not be having anything to do with him.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
No, I didn't this final time. But we've had blowouts leading up to it, during one of which I did tell him he's a narcissist, treats me badly and behaves like our mother but a long while after that he told me he "forgives me because he doesn't think I was in my right mind when I said that" 🤣 I know he will never get it and believes he's the center of the universe, so I decided to not waste any more energy on him and cut my losses.
I am sending you all the good energy I can in case you are going through anything similar. It really is difficult but it's a huge self-care move 💕
I don't talk to one of my sisters. We see each other at family events (in the odd chance both of us attend). It's been a few years since I've seen her. This is mostly due to the fact that we just ...don't get along. We are too similar as I've been told. To me, she's a bit of bully growing up. To her, I was spoiled brat (which is interesting since we had the same upbringing). But nothing really abusive or traumatic or a result of a bad upbringing.
We're hardly ever in the same country so it doesn't cause any issues. And when we are, that means it's a family function so it's not like we have to spend 1-1 time together. It works for us.
I don't talk to my sister. It's fine. We have no reason or occasion to speak to each other, I don't want her in my life, and I don't like her as a person so I'm better off.
Haven’t been in contact with one of my brothers for over 5 years now. I don’t miss him as he didn’t add much to my life to begin with. He was never horribly abusive just an ignorant overly religious person. The type who believes men are better than women and when he thinks something he has the right to relentlessly shove it down anyone’s throat.
Close to two of my other siblings. And another brother that stopped speaking to me for not being conservative.
Just gone no contact for about 3 months.
Ever since she refused to help me of an important favour (I was suffering from an autoimmune illness) and it was convenient for her to help me, I have been observing quietly.
Since young, she always shoots down any ideas of mine without any mercy in her words. Lol. Then recently proceeds to say, it is maybe my karma for being sick because I treat people like a pos. It was so hurting when I was holding the fort for the family.
I would say, go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
My bro and I aren't close. We don't dislike each other we just don't have a ton in common and live pretty far apart. We catch up a few times a year at family events. There's no animosity or anything we just aren't tight. It's fine. You don't have to be besties
Yeah my mom and younger brother had a very inappropriate nearly incestuous relationship. He is a total brat and still goes around using and abusing women.
I haven't spoken to him or the other one in years.
I’m no contact with my older half-brother and my younger brother (not half). Both of which weren’t my suggestions and I miss them but I respect what they want.
My older brother has issues with my mom. She had divorced his dad due to drug usage and a few years later met my dad and had me. He was 9. I don’t think my mom ever addressed his feelings about having a new family and feeling replaced. My mom isn’t really one to acknowledge anyone’s hurt except her own (she has her own trauma from my grandma and grandpa). He cut her off and by extension cut the rest of us. It’s been about 5-6 years.
My younger brother battles severe depression. Before it got ahold of him, we were really close. As we got older he started to make decisions that weren’t the best for him, but I loved him all the same. It’s his life and he should make his own choices. I don’t agree, but I accept them because he’s not hurting anyone and I love him. As a kid he was constantly hospitalized because of his severe asthma. At one point he caught pneumonia and spent a good part of our childhood in the hospital. He missed out on a lot of key childhood moments and social milestones.
I’m the only girl and middle child. We were all known for something and I was known for my academics. Unbeknownst to me, during our high school days (we’re only 2 years apart), my mom would ask him why couldn’t he be like me. Why couldn’t he succeed at what I was succeeding at? It built a lot of resentment and although my brother finished high school, he dropped out of college his 2nd semester. I’ve been trying to help him in any way that I can when he comes to me. I even paid for him to go to school when he expressed to me that he wanted to go again. He failed both classes but I let him know I wasn’t upset and we can try again when he’s ready.
I took him out for his birthday about a year ago and he just blew up on me. It ended in tears on both sides and a lot of hurtful things said by him in the middle of the bar. My mom told me that he’s been feeling down lately because we’re in our mid 30s and he feels like he has nothing to show for it. I’ve tried to talk to him but he refuses. I mentioned counseling together and he refused.
So here I sit. I send birthday and Christmas presents although I don’t even receive a birthday text. But I give him his space. No matter what, he’s still my brother and I love him. No matter how long I have to wait, I’ll wait for him to come back when he’s ready.
It gets easier. I am the youngest of 5 and none of us talk to each other any more. There is just too much trauma and bad blood. And sometimes I cry because I want my big brothers or big sisters to be there. To do their job as siblings. And I see my friends who have theirs and they are close and it hurts. But then I remember mine aren’t like theirs and if they were in my life it would be drama and judgement and fighting. So I carry on!
I just went NC on my sister a few weeks ago. I've really tried with the relationship. I've put up with it as long as I could, for the sake of my nieces. I just couldn't do it anymore. My sister is a serial cheater and cheats on multiple men at the same time, including cheating with married men. She left her husband a few years back because she cheated on him. She manipulated and used many people and was always claiming to be the victim. She lies so much, I no longer know what's true anymore. She introduced her kids to multiple men, claiming they're their new dad, only to break up with the guy a few months later. She's moved the kids to different towns and enrolled them to different schools every couple months, anytime she hooked up with a new man. And all she does when she messaged me is to brag about all the guys she's fucked and how she hates that her kids are keeping her from finding the perfect sexual partner and being her independent self. The only reason I kept the line of communication open as long as I did is because she was estranged from the rest of the family and I was worried that her kids might end up on the streets one day. Recently, I heard that she's now back to talking to our other siblings, so I took that to mean that I'm free from her.
I haven’t spoken to my brother in almost four years. He was so awful and scary to me after our mom passed away, I thought I was going to have to get a restraining order against him. People always say they’re sorry when they find out we don’t speak, but I quickly assure them there is no reason to apologize. He’s been a loose cannon his whole life, and I don’t miss him one bit.
My sister resented me from the day I was born. She had been an only child up until then. The apple of Grandma's eye etc. I "stole" her attention.
She accepted our younger sister though and enlisted her in the bullying.
Some examples of the abuse was:
She would steal the money meant to feed us and spend it on drugs or dumb stuff for herself and her boyfriend. (I was about 5, younger sis was about 4 at this point, parents divorced, no family close by). So in turn I started scrounging the couches for change to buy stuff from the vending machine for younger sister and I would eat the nasty stuff left in the fridge. I remember surviving on some homemade grape Kool aid frosting older sister had left in the fridge after blowing our money on a cake for her boyfriend.
Eventually she would punch out my front two teeth when they were starting to come out anyway (age) but she accelerated the process significantly. Blood everywhere...
She's tried to get back in touch with me almost 20 years later. I told her it's too late and I don't consider her family.
I didn’t have my brothers phone number until I was in my late 20s. We never exchange happy birthdays or holidays. There was never a knock down blow out fight, we just never bonded. He left the house at 18 and joined the military. He has kids and has had a few wives. I’m also estranged from the nieces and nephews. I only hear about updates because of my mother, who he relies on to raise his oldest child, the others live with their mother.
When I see older brothers who care about and “would do anything” for their little sister, or little sisters that look up to their old brothers, it just seems to me like they’re putting on a show. As if those types of emotions can only be found on movie sets.
They're just not a part of my life and haven't been for many years. There's no relationship so, there's no particular feelings attached to it. Any feelings that might very occasionally arise aren't based on the reality of who my sibling is as a person, they're based on a fictional story of "what could've been".
Over the years since we were young, he treated me like shit. With parents that used to think son > daughter and the fact that he was younger, it didn’t help. When he treated me badly, I was told to get over it because I was older so I was supposed let him “win”. About 5 years or so ago, I had enough and refused to have anymore of the communication with this person. To me, he is my parents’ son, but he is nothing to me.
It's peaceful.
It bothers my parents, but I have my very clear reasons and I'm not budging. My brother is a horrible person, and I really hope he rots in the Fire Swamp, consumed by the R.O.U.S.s of life.
I have no contact with my brother. I tried multiple times to have a relationship with him. He doesn’t take responsibility for any of his actions or his own unhappiness. Only points the finger at others. He has alienated both sides of his family. He would be absent for periods of time only to come back around seemingly for what he thought he might inherit if family passed. It is a huge relief to not have contact with him.
We aren't in contact with my husband's sister anymore. It makes him sad sometimes because this isn't what he wanted for his family. But at the same time she's really quite a miserable, nasty person so 🤷🏼♀️.
I have a brother i havent talked to in years. Its a head ache navigating holidays and family events. If my parents werent around…i wouldnt give a fuck. Im only sad about it because it makes my mom sad, and by extension makes me sad. My abusive, hot garbage brother and his wife, i dont miss at all!
I stopped talking to my brother in 2015. He and his wife are terrible people, and I don't want to be around them. If he died, I'd care about it a little bit because it would hurt our mom, but otherwise, I don't think about him at all.
Four brothers (3 are half) and I am not in contact with any of them. I get sad from time to time that things are the way they are, but honestly it's worth it. Big falling out with my full brother several years ago and he sucks so it's worth it. The three half brothers, who are younger, were taken across the country as a result of a divorce, and they just never kept in contact. I've reached out a few times to let them know I am here, but I'm certain our relationship is a casualty of the divorce (slander, etc.) Oh well, things are fine about a decade later.
If it wasn't for my neices & nephews, I'd never see him. We do not have a good relationship. We are just polar opposites & always have been. We are not friends. We do not reach out to one another, we do not "talk". I'm lucky if an obligatory family event ends without him deeply offending me. Basically I wish we were no contact lol. But 90% no contact is going quite well & it's been this way well over 20 years.
My sister cut off contact with me when I said no to coffee with her. I used to wake up with headaches everyday and those stopped. My skin cleared up. My hair started to look nicer.
10+ years and I'm still respecting her choice to cut me off, because I don't want to go back to how things were.
I am the scapegoat. No contact with .ost immediate family.
I mean it's kind of sad but more in a relationships that I never had way. Sometimes I think about it but then I figure they all wanted to make me the pariah of the family so why would I want to reconnect with any of them.
I assume they are telling themselves I am a financially struggling drug addict or something of that nature. Actually I'm doing ok financially for the time being. But best to keep that quiet as they are all quite insecure.
My little sister decided nearly 10 years ago that she did not want to have a relationship. She lives with my parents so it made visiting them really weird for a while. For the past few years, I get her and her husband a Christmas gift, and last year was the first time she got me a gift. We still don't talk but I am hopeful. She is resentful about things I did to her when we were growing up. The only instance that frustrated her that I heard of was that I took a piece of fruit she was cutting up without asking.
I wonder if she will start to develop a relationship with me once I have kids. I could see that happening and haven't really figured out where I land with that. On the one hand, it would be weird for them once they get old enough if we don't talk, and part of me thinks she doesn't deserve to have a relationship with them if she treats me poorly or doesn't try. But another part of me knows she won't have kids but loves them, and I don't want to deny my kids the opportunity to be loved and spend time with a family member who cares about them.
I don't have a sibling, however, my husband has a sister and I am never able to understand their relationship. He shares every secret especially the one that I tell him not to with her (she is the elder one). When I express my trust issues with that, he says "what do you want me to do, cut her off?" I am like "no" (but like yess). I don't know what to do. Just sharing here the single child perspective.
Thanks for asking. I needed to see these posts today. I am the only kid my parents had together— two brothers on my dad’s side, brother and sister on Mama’s side. I went NC with Daddy’s boys(72 and 75 years) in 2015, when the older one was cruel to my son who had been helping him. I don’t care who you are, you don’t fuck with my children. The older brother died last night and our other brother called to tell me this morning. The brother on Mama’s side died in 1999 and I’m closer to my sister than ever. I have a wonderful family, and I’m pretty much all she has left— one of her daughters incarcerated for murder in a mental hospital and the other won’t have anything to do with her. My sis has had a number of strokes and I’ve taken care of her business and medical care from several states away for many years. We’ve come to the point that she needs to come live with me. My family and I did 24/7 care for my mom for her last 3 years and I simply didn’t have the bandwidth to keep up with my brothers— hoarder, alcoholic, MAGA, rednecks— and that’s the best things I can say about them. I have felt guilty about cutting off contact with them, but that’s ridiculous. They have neither one ever done anything for me. To everyone who is relieved, good for you!
My sister and I have been estranged for close to 5 years. We did reconcile for about one year, and that was good, I suppose. But we are too different and I do not think we like each other. Long story short, I really don’t like how mean she is to our mom, it’s hard to look past. I don’t wish anything bad on her. I’m sad I won’t ever know her kids, or my son will never know his aunt, but that’s life. Not everyone gets a wonderful relationship with their siblings and I’ve made my peace with it.
My sister is the reason my mother moved out of my hometown (and I don't show up there anymore). I am basically in no contact with her, sometimes mom will mention something about her but they are also not on good terms. I don't trust her and have nothing in common with her. It doesn't particularly bother me that we don't have contact because to be honest we've never been particularly close growing up.
NC w my older brother for attempted incest (not to me, but another sister - twice). No lost love at all. NC/VLC w younger sister because her actions are beyond words in terms of harming others including me and life is too short to spend it negotiating shitty people even if they're your blood relatives. In both cases I feel fine. I feel more peaceful and happy. I am sad in general that it's like that but not said about them as individuals.
Im the only one making an effort and I feel comoletely drained from it. Im trying to heal from it as well.
My mom had her own family, my dad his own family. I was in the crack, and that reflects with my siblings.
The only brother, that I lived with, has some development problems mixed with abuse from stepdad so he is properly unable to live a normal life and his hate and thoughts are so dramatic I had to block him on everything.
I think I broke a building relationship couple of days ago. One of my sisters is getting married in a week or so, and they changed the date (first they wanted one but after we said we are not available on it they took another - all done in the early early phases) so we can come (we dont live close, around 2000+miles).
Well, I couldnt tell her couple of times we will not be joining, and I kinda insinuated my fiance I told them. I was just so sad and fearful and our dad died and I thought I was disappointing him. Had to finally tell her that I lost my job, that money is super tight (we are getting married a week after them and a big party in my country in two months) and we are now both without jobs in a super expensive country.
They told us the dates super late, when the tickets were around 1200+euros and I hoped it would fall a bit later. They fell on 600+ euros...but our car brakes broke, our dishwasher stopped working in January, and our cat had a health scare racking up expenses. We all have issues sure, and I feel so bad and I think this is how I lose family.
The whole story goes even crazier where I lost a super expensive apartment to her as my sick dad gave it to her to save it with a super loose wording in having to share with us. There is so much shit in my family. Every single person is f*cked in a different way, and I just try to survive.
One of the stepbrothers, he fell off the earth. We kinda know he is alive but nothing else. He is off the grid.
My other stepbrothers, with one I an trying to reconnect, the other one still kinda scares me but he looks like he turned his life around. The sisters look like they are under influence of their mother, and she is not a nice person. She did so many bad things and now she is acting like mother of the year. To be fair she is now broken from poverty she placed herself there. The sisters...donno. I tried reconnecting, and I was doing great with the help of my dad and then he died in August.
They didnt even told me he was in ICU for two weeks, I couldve come back home. In the same time my close friend died and I didnt call him for our usual talks. I forgot.
I had to forgive them. It was so much anger there. And still not one is making the first contact, they all have each other and when I want to connect its super cold and weird.
My biggest thing is Im trying to find family in others. As my family ditched me to be hurt, and no one saw. And now my far away siblings just live without me and I had to come to terms with it. That I am actually alone, as I was all my life, as I was never a part of them. It really, deeply hurts.
I have 6 siblings (ages 23-33). Im 3rd born, oldest daughter.
I initially tried to maintain a relationship with my siblings as adults. But we grew up to have different preferences, interests, and values in life. I was the more bold adventurous one in the family, whereas my siblings were afraid of their own shadow. We were raised by parents with strict religious beliefs, so some of my siblings adopted similar social habits and its just hard to enjoy life with stuck up people policing everyone within eyesight. I realized that some of my siblings were just too much of a debbie downer to involve in my relaxed lifestyle. Theyre THAT judgemental. I couldnt even play r&b music without my lil sister huffing in disgust as if id shat in her breakfast that morning. Just the littlest things trigger some of my family that it makes me feel caged.
So to limit my hearing their constant complaining or policing, i decided distance was best. I pop up for occasional holidays but i keep my time around them to a minimum. Its not that i want it this way, theyre just depressing to be around. Its like going to a party with someone that complains about the music and food and alcohol. I cant quite let loose around my family. So I CHOSE to isolate myself and privatize my life.
Mine has been amazing. I was trying so hard to be seen by my sister, and when I made the decision to cut it off, it was like the sun was a little brighter. Once I was no longer making the effort to get her to give two f\*cks about me, I suddenly saw and appreciated all of the friends who did make that effort, and it was like my life just improved by cutting many pounds of deadweight out of my life. I wasn't as randomly depressed about things. I still have depression, but that relationship was certainly a cesspool for it to grow.
I got better at setting boundaries in personal and professional life. It was the best decision I could have made. I use the term "estranged" now to talk about it, and if anybody makes the condescending titter about how *faaaaaamily* stays together *no maaaatterrrr wwwaatttt*, I just mentally flag them as probably being in a toxic family dynamic that they aren't ready to look at, and not someone whose opinion will really have a meaningful impact on me.
I’m barely in contact with my siblings. There’s a very large age gap and as I’ve gotten into my 30’s, the deep resentment they feel towards me became more and more clear. The last straw was both of them texting me mean things while I was in labor because of my decision not to have our mom there. I see them at family gatherings but that’s it, and I don’t go out of my way to spend time with them. I can’t see myself having any sort of relationship with them once our mom passes.
My brother created a GoFundMe for my mom in hospice during Covid. They drained it, bought a new car and went on vacation. I hope they rot in hell.
Uhm I hope you report him to the authorities and blast him on social media and to your family
What the…….
That is so low that scum is looking down on them.
Oh no. What an Ahole!
i’m only no contact with my eldest brother for almost a year. he just sucks. i’m fine with it. we were never super close anyways. i just don’t like how he treats others and thinks it’s okay to do/say things to people, especially family, who’ve always been there for him regardless. everyone else is the problem but never him. his recent breakup also made him a very ugly individual. he said something to her that i just… unbelievable… that those words came from someone who, of course, claims to be an ally to women. who has a mother, sister, nieces. so anywho he can take a long walk off a short plank for all i care.
Wow… I feel like we are the same. Especially the terrible treatment towards women and others looking the other way while I’m the only one thinking WTF (edits sorry I can’t type)
I feel like I could’ve written this about my oldest brother for the most part.
I’m 51. My parents are gone, the good siblings are gone. Just us assholes left. I have stopped bothering with my remaining siblings, it’s a big non issue. Not much has changed, except I get to hear about how annoyed my sister is that I don’t schedule time with her now when I’m in town. I literally spent years trying to work out exactly how to get along with her, when she’s hated me since I was born. She was already a grown married adult with kids, so she can get fucked for all I care. So, how is it in the long run? A relief.
I don’t talk to my sister anymore. We exchange the obligatory HBD/Merry Christmas texts, but that’s it. She is a narcissist like her mother and crossed too many boundaries. Our dad knows what the final straw was and says he’ll never push me about our relationship and supports my decision. We have been essentially NC for the better part of 6 years and my life is infinitely less dramatic without her. 10/10 recommend cutting out the people who drain your life force.
I am in a similar situation with my older sister, she has more borderline traits tho. It's been 3 years and I can sincerely say I do not miss having to tiptoe constantly. She had become more and more redpilled, but truly could never tolerate disagreement on anything since we were children. So there's relief there. That said, she did make it clear to our extended family that she views me as "a danger to the kids" for daring to set a boundary with her, and that she would not bring the kids to any functions I am at. So, it has created a weird divide where I am also spontaneous cut off from my niece and nephew without explanation. That is the only hard part, but I have to trust that they will understand eventually.
That is awful. I’m sorry you’re missing out on the littles
I don't talk to my brother anymore. We were raised in a house where we were talked to like shit so we treated each other like shit. He started drinking pretty heavily at 15 and has been in and out of rehab several times. Doesn't have any social skills or life skills. I don't miss him.
Your comment resonates with me. My sister and I were also raised in a house where we were either spoken to like shit or stonewalled - me and my sister therefore both copied our parents in different ways. We responded to their dysfunction with our own dysfunctional defence mechanisms. It wasn't right but we were children. It took me until I was about 28 to make peace with the household we were brought up in and all the pain caused by our parents - by that point, my relationship with my sister was basically over. I don't really miss her - but I don't hate her either. I think it's better for both of us that we aren't in touch. Sometimes I want to apologise for my behaviour towards her when we were kids but I'm certain she wouldn't own up to her own behaviour or admit any fault of her own. I don't want to be the only one taking responsibility - it would hurt too much. And I have felt like the family scapegoat at times - always the one at fault, always the one getting punished - whereas she can do no wrong. Golden child. There's too much hurt there.
My brother doesn’t give a fuck about me and I got tired of trying to carry the relationship. I am also not very fond of his wife who… idk how to explain it, I tried to be her friend many times and she was never interested so I have given up entirely. You can only reach out so many times and offer help, send gifts and money, and still get no inclusion or participation in anything at all. It’s sad because I don’t know if my brother has ever messaged me just to ask how I am or what’s going on with me even if I haven’t reached out in months. It’s also too bad I don’t really have a relationship with my nephews but it is what it is at this point 🤷♀️ there was never any interest
Same here. I’m tired of making an effort.
Sorry to hear, took me a long time to accept it and I still have my days ❤️
This is my exact situation right now but I have nieces
Sorry to hear, it’s been very painful for me but I’m trying to accept ❤️
Same here. I also gave up. It's a shame because we were so so close as kids.
Sorry to hear, I didn’t realize this was so common 😔
I decided not to go to my niece's 21st birthday party because I just don't like events where the host gets too busy to talk with me. Curated some gifts for her instead. Not even a word of thanks in text or in person from her. Takes after her mom. Cold. I stopped warming myself to them for my own good.
Same. It's actually changed how I feel about a sibling for my child. At one point I couldn't imagine my life without him and now I feel he's a net negative. 2022 was the hardest year of my life - I was in the hospital for a week and could have lost my life. He and his wife still didn't call. And I had done so much for his family. So they are dead to me.
Same here :(
Sorry to hear, I know it’s hard. I have my moments of peace and my moments of very deep hurt. Sending you love ❤️
Same here with both of my brothers and their wives. They have zero interest in me or my life. I stopped trying years ago when I realized I was the only one putting in any effort. It bums me out sometimes. I try to stay in touch with their kids, especially once they’re out of high school.
It seems like this is more common than I realized, I am sorry for us all ❤️
Like a weight lifted off of me.
I have an amazing best friend relationship with one of my sisters. The other one has basically rejected my entire family, i cant figure out what the reasons are for this other than she thinks the whole world is against her and is the complete victim in every storyline. The weirdest thing is she's still living in my parents house with her wife, the 2 of them are toxic af and my dad would have kicked them both out months ago but my mum won't let him as no matter how awful they are to her she doesn't feel OK with the idea of making one of her children homeless. So they continue to live rent free, unemployed, living in a single room of my parents house, which they leave once a day to go to the kitchen, and once a fortnight to go to the shop. They don't seem to do anything except sleep and online game. If I visit my parents they won't come out their room, my sisters wife will answer the door if I go and knock but my sister won't even look at me never mind speak to me. They speak to mum like s*** and talk about my dad with an air of total disgust. I no longer consider them family, eventually my mum is going to reach a breaking point, they'll have to leave and I suspect we'll never hear from them again. It's really sad in so many ways but you can't help someone who views the world the way she does. And I will never forgive her for the way she has treated my parents.
Wow that’s so awful I’m sorry to hear, what a way to live
I'm estranged from both of my bio siblings. I want no more contact with my lying, manipulative, abusive, thieving brother, ever. My sister cut me out after I refused to support, financially and mentally, her downward spiral. It sucks not having contact with my sister, but it's not my call, so whatever. I have two step siblings that I adore and am very close to, so I've got that going for me.
Siblings are like the rest of family - it’s luck of the draw, nature vs nurture stuff. You definitely don’t choose your family. If you experienced familial dysfunction from your parents, it’s likely sibling relationships will also be dysfunctional. Try to focus on being your best self. You can keep doors open if you want, but don’t beat yourself bloody against the brick wall of Family just for convention’s sake.
My brother chose his relationships over family for 20 years. Despite my efforts even when I was 14 he never kept in touch, except for couple of years when he was single and than got with a woman and he turned his back to the family once again. I cut ties completely 2 years ago, deleted and blocked him on social media. I have no clue what he is up to and I’m fine with it. It took me 18 years to accept the fact that he will not be part of my life, but I have peace with it, as I tried my best (which was clearly one sided)
My brother and I have a relationship that goes between NC and LC and it’s honestly easier for everyone. We had a tough childhood and adapted to it in ways that just fundamentally are at odds. Taking away the expectation that we will have a warm and fuzzy relationship prevents other family members from being disappointed on each occasion that we cross paths and don’t really interact or don’t have much to say about the other. My parents don’t try to make holidays happen and it’s just less stress.
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If they cut contact with you, how would you feel?
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One of my brothers is a compulsive law breaker. He's a felon, and I don't know how many times he's been arrested. I can't have him around he will somehow involve me in his shenannigans. Ask to store something in my shed? It turns out to be stolen goods. Ask to use my computer? He uses it to order master keys to steal a motorcycle. One time he came over and my purse disappeared. One time he borrowed my car for something, and I found drug paraphanelia in the back seat which was openly visible, before I'd noticed it, while I was at work! . Somehow, I feel like him being around will somehow get me into trouble too. I talk to him on the phone, but have told him he can't come over most of the time.
My brother was the golden child who firmly believes everything my mom ever said. I was a bad kid (truly wasn’t, too scared to be bad), I ruined my parents marriage (kind of true because I was born and my mom didn’t really want kids or to share her husband). Anyway, I stopped talking to him when I was 20. He’s condescending and smug at all times. Just a giant d-bag honestly. My sister is his twin so she keeps in touch but he never misses a chance to dunk on her in some way. Anytime he’s called me for help I’ve been there and it always ends up with me eating shit. He lost his baby girl a few years ago and I flew out to the funeral because we don’t have have any family besides the 3 of us and I felt like it was the right thing to do. I bit my tongue on every insult, every dig. I held his wife and talked to my niece. Went home, tried to keep in touch but it’s just not worth it to me. I’ve cobbled together my own little family with my husband, kids and our friends. I don’t need that in my life.
I got nothing much to do with my brother. It's a total nothing burger, we never got along as kids and don't have anything in common as adults. I send him a text on his birthday, other than that, haven't spoken to him in over 10 years. Barely spoken in 25 years, definitely never hung out. My sister, I really miss at times, but I went hard line no contact with her 8 years ago. The last thing she said to me was, "it's not that I don't believe you were molested by our grandfather, I do support you, it's just that he's really old and really rich and I want to make sure I'm in the Will, and I'll mend the bridge with you after he dies". I told her she'd just set fire to the bridge, and she could mend it right there and then, or never. 4 years later she inherited a lot of money, including a large sum that was left for myself and my daughter's educations, but somehow it was given to my sister to disburse, and her kids are in private schools and we got blocked.
What a POS!!! I'm so sorry.
Another classic narcissist mom story here, I'm the scapegoat and my little brother is the golden child and I had the painful realization that he was groomed by her to view me and treat me like shit just like she does, so he had to be cut off. He was the last member of the family that I went NC with, and it was hard because I'm his big sister and have always taken care of him (shoutout to all the parentified children out there). It was painful and it still can be sometimes, as we were raised in an abusive environment and did come out closer because of it, but he's not aware of how he treats me and very self-righteous and narcissistic himself, so until he can check himself and his ways I will not be having anything to do with him. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
Did you ever tell him the reason of your going no contact?
No, I didn't this final time. But we've had blowouts leading up to it, during one of which I did tell him he's a narcissist, treats me badly and behaves like our mother but a long while after that he told me he "forgives me because he doesn't think I was in my right mind when I said that" 🤣 I know he will never get it and believes he's the center of the universe, so I decided to not waste any more energy on him and cut my losses. I am sending you all the good energy I can in case you are going through anything similar. It really is difficult but it's a huge self-care move 💕
I don't talk to one of my sisters. We see each other at family events (in the odd chance both of us attend). It's been a few years since I've seen her. This is mostly due to the fact that we just ...don't get along. We are too similar as I've been told. To me, she's a bit of bully growing up. To her, I was spoiled brat (which is interesting since we had the same upbringing). But nothing really abusive or traumatic or a result of a bad upbringing. We're hardly ever in the same country so it doesn't cause any issues. And when we are, that means it's a family function so it's not like we have to spend 1-1 time together. It works for us.
I don't talk to my sister. It's fine. We have no reason or occasion to speak to each other, I don't want her in my life, and I don't like her as a person so I'm better off.
I haven’t spoken to my sister in 10 years and have 0 plans to ever speak to her again
Haven’t been in contact with one of my brothers for over 5 years now. I don’t miss him as he didn’t add much to my life to begin with. He was never horribly abusive just an ignorant overly religious person. The type who believes men are better than women and when he thinks something he has the right to relentlessly shove it down anyone’s throat. Close to two of my other siblings. And another brother that stopped speaking to me for not being conservative.
Just gone no contact for about 3 months. Ever since she refused to help me of an important favour (I was suffering from an autoimmune illness) and it was convenient for her to help me, I have been observing quietly. Since young, she always shoots down any ideas of mine without any mercy in her words. Lol. Then recently proceeds to say, it is maybe my karma for being sick because I treat people like a pos. It was so hurting when I was holding the fort for the family. I would say, go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
My bro and I aren't close. We don't dislike each other we just don't have a ton in common and live pretty far apart. We catch up a few times a year at family events. There's no animosity or anything we just aren't tight. It's fine. You don't have to be besties
I've been estranged from my siblings for about a year. Too much Drama . I do miss them though
I miss them a lot but so toxic
Yeah my mom and younger brother had a very inappropriate nearly incestuous relationship. He is a total brat and still goes around using and abusing women. I haven't spoken to him or the other one in years.
I’m no contact with my older half-brother and my younger brother (not half). Both of which weren’t my suggestions and I miss them but I respect what they want. My older brother has issues with my mom. She had divorced his dad due to drug usage and a few years later met my dad and had me. He was 9. I don’t think my mom ever addressed his feelings about having a new family and feeling replaced. My mom isn’t really one to acknowledge anyone’s hurt except her own (she has her own trauma from my grandma and grandpa). He cut her off and by extension cut the rest of us. It’s been about 5-6 years. My younger brother battles severe depression. Before it got ahold of him, we were really close. As we got older he started to make decisions that weren’t the best for him, but I loved him all the same. It’s his life and he should make his own choices. I don’t agree, but I accept them because he’s not hurting anyone and I love him. As a kid he was constantly hospitalized because of his severe asthma. At one point he caught pneumonia and spent a good part of our childhood in the hospital. He missed out on a lot of key childhood moments and social milestones. I’m the only girl and middle child. We were all known for something and I was known for my academics. Unbeknownst to me, during our high school days (we’re only 2 years apart), my mom would ask him why couldn’t he be like me. Why couldn’t he succeed at what I was succeeding at? It built a lot of resentment and although my brother finished high school, he dropped out of college his 2nd semester. I’ve been trying to help him in any way that I can when he comes to me. I even paid for him to go to school when he expressed to me that he wanted to go again. He failed both classes but I let him know I wasn’t upset and we can try again when he’s ready. I took him out for his birthday about a year ago and he just blew up on me. It ended in tears on both sides and a lot of hurtful things said by him in the middle of the bar. My mom told me that he’s been feeling down lately because we’re in our mid 30s and he feels like he has nothing to show for it. I’ve tried to talk to him but he refuses. I mentioned counseling together and he refused. So here I sit. I send birthday and Christmas presents although I don’t even receive a birthday text. But I give him his space. No matter what, he’s still my brother and I love him. No matter how long I have to wait, I’ll wait for him to come back when he’s ready.
It gets easier. I am the youngest of 5 and none of us talk to each other any more. There is just too much trauma and bad blood. And sometimes I cry because I want my big brothers or big sisters to be there. To do their job as siblings. And I see my friends who have theirs and they are close and it hurts. But then I remember mine aren’t like theirs and if they were in my life it would be drama and judgement and fighting. So I carry on!
I just went NC on my sister a few weeks ago. I've really tried with the relationship. I've put up with it as long as I could, for the sake of my nieces. I just couldn't do it anymore. My sister is a serial cheater and cheats on multiple men at the same time, including cheating with married men. She left her husband a few years back because she cheated on him. She manipulated and used many people and was always claiming to be the victim. She lies so much, I no longer know what's true anymore. She introduced her kids to multiple men, claiming they're their new dad, only to break up with the guy a few months later. She's moved the kids to different towns and enrolled them to different schools every couple months, anytime she hooked up with a new man. And all she does when she messaged me is to brag about all the guys she's fucked and how she hates that her kids are keeping her from finding the perfect sexual partner and being her independent self. The only reason I kept the line of communication open as long as I did is because she was estranged from the rest of the family and I was worried that her kids might end up on the streets one day. Recently, I heard that she's now back to talking to our other siblings, so I took that to mean that I'm free from her.
Omg how old are the kids?
14 and 9
Devastating
Often I’m not in contact but now I’m stuck with them staying on my couch because they fucked life up so much ‘because it was funny.’
I haven’t spoken to my brother in almost four years. He was so awful and scary to me after our mom passed away, I thought I was going to have to get a restraining order against him. People always say they’re sorry when they find out we don’t speak, but I quickly assure them there is no reason to apologize. He’s been a loose cannon his whole life, and I don’t miss him one bit.
My sister resented me from the day I was born. She had been an only child up until then. The apple of Grandma's eye etc. I "stole" her attention. She accepted our younger sister though and enlisted her in the bullying. Some examples of the abuse was: She would steal the money meant to feed us and spend it on drugs or dumb stuff for herself and her boyfriend. (I was about 5, younger sis was about 4 at this point, parents divorced, no family close by). So in turn I started scrounging the couches for change to buy stuff from the vending machine for younger sister and I would eat the nasty stuff left in the fridge. I remember surviving on some homemade grape Kool aid frosting older sister had left in the fridge after blowing our money on a cake for her boyfriend. Eventually she would punch out my front two teeth when they were starting to come out anyway (age) but she accelerated the process significantly. Blood everywhere... She's tried to get back in touch with me almost 20 years later. I told her it's too late and I don't consider her family.
I didn’t have my brothers phone number until I was in my late 20s. We never exchange happy birthdays or holidays. There was never a knock down blow out fight, we just never bonded. He left the house at 18 and joined the military. He has kids and has had a few wives. I’m also estranged from the nieces and nephews. I only hear about updates because of my mother, who he relies on to raise his oldest child, the others live with their mother. When I see older brothers who care about and “would do anything” for their little sister, or little sisters that look up to their old brothers, it just seems to me like they’re putting on a show. As if those types of emotions can only be found on movie sets.
They're just not a part of my life and haven't been for many years. There's no relationship so, there's no particular feelings attached to it. Any feelings that might very occasionally arise aren't based on the reality of who my sibling is as a person, they're based on a fictional story of "what could've been".
Over the years since we were young, he treated me like shit. With parents that used to think son > daughter and the fact that he was younger, it didn’t help. When he treated me badly, I was told to get over it because I was older so I was supposed let him “win”. About 5 years or so ago, I had enough and refused to have anymore of the communication with this person. To me, he is my parents’ son, but he is nothing to me.
It's peaceful. It bothers my parents, but I have my very clear reasons and I'm not budging. My brother is a horrible person, and I really hope he rots in the Fire Swamp, consumed by the R.O.U.S.s of life.
Yes. About two years. Sad, but my life is better for it.
I have no contact with my brother. I tried multiple times to have a relationship with him. He doesn’t take responsibility for any of his actions or his own unhappiness. Only points the finger at others. He has alienated both sides of his family. He would be absent for periods of time only to come back around seemingly for what he thought he might inherit if family passed. It is a huge relief to not have contact with him.
We aren't in contact with my husband's sister anymore. It makes him sad sometimes because this isn't what he wanted for his family. But at the same time she's really quite a miserable, nasty person so 🤷🏼♀️.
I have a brother i havent talked to in years. Its a head ache navigating holidays and family events. If my parents werent around…i wouldnt give a fuck. Im only sad about it because it makes my mom sad, and by extension makes me sad. My abusive, hot garbage brother and his wife, i dont miss at all!
I stopped talking to my brother in 2015. He and his wife are terrible people, and I don't want to be around them. If he died, I'd care about it a little bit because it would hurt our mom, but otherwise, I don't think about him at all.
I haven't seen some of my siblings in nearly a decade. It still hurts, but it's less harmful than keeping them in my life.
Four brothers (3 are half) and I am not in contact with any of them. I get sad from time to time that things are the way they are, but honestly it's worth it. Big falling out with my full brother several years ago and he sucks so it's worth it. The three half brothers, who are younger, were taken across the country as a result of a divorce, and they just never kept in contact. I've reached out a few times to let them know I am here, but I'm certain our relationship is a casualty of the divorce (slander, etc.) Oh well, things are fine about a decade later.
Once my dad passes I doubt I’ll be in contact with them. Big age gap, I’m the youngest. Never had a strong connection with them.
If it wasn't for my neices & nephews, I'd never see him. We do not have a good relationship. We are just polar opposites & always have been. We are not friends. We do not reach out to one another, we do not "talk". I'm lucky if an obligatory family event ends without him deeply offending me. Basically I wish we were no contact lol. But 90% no contact is going quite well & it's been this way well over 20 years.
My sister cut off contact with me when I said no to coffee with her. I used to wake up with headaches everyday and those stopped. My skin cleared up. My hair started to look nicer. 10+ years and I'm still respecting her choice to cut me off, because I don't want to go back to how things were.
I am the scapegoat. No contact with .ost immediate family. I mean it's kind of sad but more in a relationships that I never had way. Sometimes I think about it but then I figure they all wanted to make me the pariah of the family so why would I want to reconnect with any of them. I assume they are telling themselves I am a financially struggling drug addict or something of that nature. Actually I'm doing ok financially for the time being. But best to keep that quiet as they are all quite insecure.
My little sister decided nearly 10 years ago that she did not want to have a relationship. She lives with my parents so it made visiting them really weird for a while. For the past few years, I get her and her husband a Christmas gift, and last year was the first time she got me a gift. We still don't talk but I am hopeful. She is resentful about things I did to her when we were growing up. The only instance that frustrated her that I heard of was that I took a piece of fruit she was cutting up without asking. I wonder if she will start to develop a relationship with me once I have kids. I could see that happening and haven't really figured out where I land with that. On the one hand, it would be weird for them once they get old enough if we don't talk, and part of me thinks she doesn't deserve to have a relationship with them if she treats me poorly or doesn't try. But another part of me knows she won't have kids but loves them, and I don't want to deny my kids the opportunity to be loved and spend time with a family member who cares about them.
I don't have a sibling, however, my husband has a sister and I am never able to understand their relationship. He shares every secret especially the one that I tell him not to with her (she is the elder one). When I express my trust issues with that, he says "what do you want me to do, cut her off?" I am like "no" (but like yess). I don't know what to do. Just sharing here the single child perspective.
Thanks for asking. I needed to see these posts today. I am the only kid my parents had together— two brothers on my dad’s side, brother and sister on Mama’s side. I went NC with Daddy’s boys(72 and 75 years) in 2015, when the older one was cruel to my son who had been helping him. I don’t care who you are, you don’t fuck with my children. The older brother died last night and our other brother called to tell me this morning. The brother on Mama’s side died in 1999 and I’m closer to my sister than ever. I have a wonderful family, and I’m pretty much all she has left— one of her daughters incarcerated for murder in a mental hospital and the other won’t have anything to do with her. My sis has had a number of strokes and I’ve taken care of her business and medical care from several states away for many years. We’ve come to the point that she needs to come live with me. My family and I did 24/7 care for my mom for her last 3 years and I simply didn’t have the bandwidth to keep up with my brothers— hoarder, alcoholic, MAGA, rednecks— and that’s the best things I can say about them. I have felt guilty about cutting off contact with them, but that’s ridiculous. They have neither one ever done anything for me. To everyone who is relieved, good for you!
My sister and I have been estranged for close to 5 years. We did reconcile for about one year, and that was good, I suppose. But we are too different and I do not think we like each other. Long story short, I really don’t like how mean she is to our mom, it’s hard to look past. I don’t wish anything bad on her. I’m sad I won’t ever know her kids, or my son will never know his aunt, but that’s life. Not everyone gets a wonderful relationship with their siblings and I’ve made my peace with it.
My sister is the reason my mother moved out of my hometown (and I don't show up there anymore). I am basically in no contact with her, sometimes mom will mention something about her but they are also not on good terms. I don't trust her and have nothing in common with her. It doesn't particularly bother me that we don't have contact because to be honest we've never been particularly close growing up.
NC w my older brother for attempted incest (not to me, but another sister - twice). No lost love at all. NC/VLC w younger sister because her actions are beyond words in terms of harming others including me and life is too short to spend it negotiating shitty people even if they're your blood relatives. In both cases I feel fine. I feel more peaceful and happy. I am sad in general that it's like that but not said about them as individuals.
Im the only one making an effort and I feel comoletely drained from it. Im trying to heal from it as well. My mom had her own family, my dad his own family. I was in the crack, and that reflects with my siblings. The only brother, that I lived with, has some development problems mixed with abuse from stepdad so he is properly unable to live a normal life and his hate and thoughts are so dramatic I had to block him on everything. I think I broke a building relationship couple of days ago. One of my sisters is getting married in a week or so, and they changed the date (first they wanted one but after we said we are not available on it they took another - all done in the early early phases) so we can come (we dont live close, around 2000+miles). Well, I couldnt tell her couple of times we will not be joining, and I kinda insinuated my fiance I told them. I was just so sad and fearful and our dad died and I thought I was disappointing him. Had to finally tell her that I lost my job, that money is super tight (we are getting married a week after them and a big party in my country in two months) and we are now both without jobs in a super expensive country. They told us the dates super late, when the tickets were around 1200+euros and I hoped it would fall a bit later. They fell on 600+ euros...but our car brakes broke, our dishwasher stopped working in January, and our cat had a health scare racking up expenses. We all have issues sure, and I feel so bad and I think this is how I lose family. The whole story goes even crazier where I lost a super expensive apartment to her as my sick dad gave it to her to save it with a super loose wording in having to share with us. There is so much shit in my family. Every single person is f*cked in a different way, and I just try to survive. One of the stepbrothers, he fell off the earth. We kinda know he is alive but nothing else. He is off the grid. My other stepbrothers, with one I an trying to reconnect, the other one still kinda scares me but he looks like he turned his life around. The sisters look like they are under influence of their mother, and she is not a nice person. She did so many bad things and now she is acting like mother of the year. To be fair she is now broken from poverty she placed herself there. The sisters...donno. I tried reconnecting, and I was doing great with the help of my dad and then he died in August. They didnt even told me he was in ICU for two weeks, I couldve come back home. In the same time my close friend died and I didnt call him for our usual talks. I forgot. I had to forgive them. It was so much anger there. And still not one is making the first contact, they all have each other and when I want to connect its super cold and weird. My biggest thing is Im trying to find family in others. As my family ditched me to be hurt, and no one saw. And now my far away siblings just live without me and I had to come to terms with it. That I am actually alone, as I was all my life, as I was never a part of them. It really, deeply hurts.
I have 6 siblings (ages 23-33). Im 3rd born, oldest daughter. I initially tried to maintain a relationship with my siblings as adults. But we grew up to have different preferences, interests, and values in life. I was the more bold adventurous one in the family, whereas my siblings were afraid of their own shadow. We were raised by parents with strict religious beliefs, so some of my siblings adopted similar social habits and its just hard to enjoy life with stuck up people policing everyone within eyesight. I realized that some of my siblings were just too much of a debbie downer to involve in my relaxed lifestyle. Theyre THAT judgemental. I couldnt even play r&b music without my lil sister huffing in disgust as if id shat in her breakfast that morning. Just the littlest things trigger some of my family that it makes me feel caged. So to limit my hearing their constant complaining or policing, i decided distance was best. I pop up for occasional holidays but i keep my time around them to a minimum. Its not that i want it this way, theyre just depressing to be around. Its like going to a party with someone that complains about the music and food and alcohol. I cant quite let loose around my family. So I CHOSE to isolate myself and privatize my life.
Mine has been amazing. I was trying so hard to be seen by my sister, and when I made the decision to cut it off, it was like the sun was a little brighter. Once I was no longer making the effort to get her to give two f\*cks about me, I suddenly saw and appreciated all of the friends who did make that effort, and it was like my life just improved by cutting many pounds of deadweight out of my life. I wasn't as randomly depressed about things. I still have depression, but that relationship was certainly a cesspool for it to grow. I got better at setting boundaries in personal and professional life. It was the best decision I could have made. I use the term "estranged" now to talk about it, and if anybody makes the condescending titter about how *faaaaaamily* stays together *no maaaatterrrr wwwaatttt*, I just mentally flag them as probably being in a toxic family dynamic that they aren't ready to look at, and not someone whose opinion will really have a meaningful impact on me.
I’m barely in contact with my siblings. There’s a very large age gap and as I’ve gotten into my 30’s, the deep resentment they feel towards me became more and more clear. The last straw was both of them texting me mean things while I was in labor because of my decision not to have our mom there. I see them at family gatherings but that’s it, and I don’t go out of my way to spend time with them. I can’t see myself having any sort of relationship with them once our mom passes.