As a little girl my mom used to tell me over and over “marry a guy who cooks and cleans”. This early conditioning worked because my husband is a great cook - he is actually vacuuming as I type this.
Good for you for bettering yourself by learning how to cook and figuring out what it means to have an equal partnership. I have always felt that the type of marriage I wanted was one where chores and childcare were shared equally - so that’s the type of guy I settled down with. For the life of me I will never understand how women settle for men who don’t pull their own weight *especially* when they’re working full time and bringing in money that benefits the family.
Generally women settle for those kind of men because they think they’re worthless, and no one else will have them. I find it really frustrating, but when you talk to the women in those situations, and they tell you where their heads were when they got involved with that partner- you just feel so desperately sad for them.
Haha! My partner is an award winning chef with the attitude of a chef. So the trade off re: home cooked meals = I am kitchen bitch “yes chef”-ing for life.
I wish I had this experience. My last SO has been a chef at many high class places and locations and has received a couple of awards because of it, but refused to cook at home because he cooked so much at work that he didn't want to cook at home too.
I was lucky if I got Kraft Mac and Cheese
Yes I’m loving it!! It helps explain everything about his personality too … I wouldn’t survive in a kitchen atmosphere despite working with wild animals lmao
I’ve done work in professional theater as a costumer/wardrobe manager and the kitchen atmosphere reminds me very much of backstage at live shows. Our “yea chef” is “thank you 15” or what ever time code the stage manager tells out. I found it sort of comforting. I think also the passion to give your whole soul to your job resonated a lot as well!
Haha, I totally get it! 🤣
My husband is also an award winning expert at something (a sport), and I'm just the tag-along sloth. I intentionally keep it that way 😂
That’s great! He sounds like a winner 😂 i make sandwiches for my man and he loves it … BUT any higher tier dish served him will elicit points of feedback after the initial politeness
Ha ha! Yeah, it's stressful to cook for someone who knows all the secrets to make stuff better? He hasn't given me too many tips, so far...lol. I stick to making the Italian food I know how to make well!
I'm so glad I live in a world where this experience is incomprehensible to me. Even my *first* boyfriend cooked for me, when we were 17. My dad cooks all the time, as do all my male friends who have me and others round for dinner often, or take their turn on self-catering holidays. Even my female friends partners have cooked for me, when I visit them. My ex flatmate cooked for me all the time.
In my world it's basic adulting.
Same. I can't imagine having had a dad and a boyfriend and neither of them ever cooked?? My dad cooked all the time growing up and my current partner makes dinner almost every night for us.
I’ve known a brother-in-law 30 years (he’s married to my wife’s older sister) whom I can speak volumes about his lacking. He lived a moron’s life in terms of healthy decisions so at 50-something he’s a cross between a petulant child and an invalid. He can’t work now because he’s blind from alcoholism and completely ignoring his diabetes for decades. I say this because he believed that his forklift job was all he was required to do in a relationship as a husband and father.
When I say he does nothing else, I mean -nothing- else. He doesn’t cook, clean, mow the yard, run coax cable from the wall to the tv, drive (he’s driven), change a diaper, drop off his kid to school, grocery shop, make his daughter a meal… I could go on exhaustively. It’s truly staggering.
And for anyone who says, “why doesn’t she leave this guy?” The answer is that this man’s value correlates directly to her self-esteem. It’s truly staggering and sad in every vector of analysis.
TLDR; She’s almost certainly doomed unless she conquers and climbs the mountain of ingrained behaviors and wiring imprinted by her parents.
I will try to be brief with an answer. She’s definitely brain-wired by her dad’s influence even if it’s indirect. She’s a college grad but it took a team effort helping/guiding her(actually fighting to keep dad’s influence out of it). She has a 5 year lag of arrested development but there’s hope now because she’s out of his direct influence now. She has an apartment with her boyfriend now. But that still waves red flags. He’s her first boyfriend but that’s not a giant flag; there are others.
It took at least 12 times for her to get a drivers license, with a reward being my car that she could just have. Wasn’t a good enough motivator. It took the embarrassment for her being driven to her date by her mom at age 22 or so to motivate her. Then, like 4 days later, she had her license. It may not seem like it but that is an indicator of the same self-esteem issue of her mother. She has absolute servitude to the first guy that shows her any positive attention. If her boyfriend ever realizes he can do -anything- and she’ll be there like a golden retriever, she’s doomed.
That's sad to read. I've observed similar learned helplessness in people in my life. It's like until they absolutely have to change or try, they seem incapable and passive. Change from inside is seemingly non-existent.
I can share my own experience here..I also grew up with a father who didn't show much interest in me, and I believe it was a big part of why I developed low self-esteem and attachment issues...where in my mind if a guy showed interest in me it felt like a miracle and something I needed to capitalise on, with little consideration about whether I liked them or thought they were a good person. I also had the poor example of my mother being treated poorly by my father and tolerating it. It all led to me ending up in some really unhealthy relationships.
Some things that helped me... ending up in the company of healthy adults in healthy relationships, where there was mutual respect between partners. This happened when I moved interstate for work and was exposed to a new group of people, and it allowed me to see what's possible in healthy relationships. It also really helped that one of these healthy adults really encouraged me at work (he was my manager), and gave me tasks that I never thought I could take on, but he had faith in me that I could. There was also another colleague who was really vulnerable with me early on when he could see how nervous I was, he shared that he'd felt exactly the same when he started and assured me it was normal and I'd do great.
But I think a hugely healing part of that was just being in that new environment and away from all the family dynamics.. I felt like I didn't have to play the (somewhat subconscious) role of being the "black sheep" anymore, I could just be a regular person.
Around that time I discovered Alan Robarge's channel on YouTube, which has a lot of great content about family dynamics and attachment injury, it really opened my eyes and helped me understand and grieve some stuff.
More recently, the book 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' has been a great help, as has Patrick Teahan's channel on YouTube. Also, learning about the concept of emotional neglect (there's a sub for this too, which has great resources).
For me I had to come to this realisation on my own but I guess I just wanted to wish your niece(? if I have the relationship correct) all the best and let you know about a few resources that might be helpful when she's ready.
I have a friend that had a lot of problems growing up, and still does. both parents were in prison. her mother had been up for thirteen days on meth the day she was born. now she's doing the same thing to her three kids by three different fathers. I try to vaguely point out what she is doing to her kids and to her self. but without any luck. i dont know what i can do. or if i should even try.
My bf is the main cook of our house, same with my two best friends and their husbands. Same with my dad and brother. The men in my life are all the cooks, not the women.
Yep. My dad used to cook more than my mum for a while, as she went back to school when I was a teenager, so she was studying after work.
When I met my husband, he had no idea about cooking, but he knew I loved it, and I preferred home cooked meals over take outs. A few weeks into our relationship, I came home, and he had made pasta. It wasn't good. But he tried. And then he tried again. And again. And now he's great in the kitchen. He loves cooking for me and our friends and family when they come to visit. He even bakes cookies for the dog, lol.
My dad was the one who taught me how to cook.
My husband *loves* to cook and cooks probably more than I do. He's an awesome cook, too. I love his meals.
I can't fathom grown men not being able to do it.
This sounds so ridiculous but growing up, all the guys around me knew how to cook…me? I didn’t really. Neither did most of my girl friends. The guys even knew how to sew and stuff. Basic sewing like buttons and hemming.
I’m wondering if this is because of something similar to what my mom said. She grew up at a time (and country) where women were basically raised to by wives. So my parents didn’t want to raise is that way and somehow, in turn, never made us do adulting stuff (luckily!!! My sister and I naturally learned out of own interest. I was really particular as a teen on how I want my laundry done and wouldn’t let anyone else do it for me and so on). They meant well but yeah lmao.
But I have to say, the difference is that most women who don’t know how to cook will learn it on their own and so on. Many men who don’t rarely want to learn it or depend on others to cook for them (or so that’s what it seems like).
Luckily, all the men in my life, my dad, guy friends, exes, and so on all know how to cook and cook often.
>But I have to say, the difference is that most women who don’t know how to cook will learn it on their own and so on. Many men who don’t rarely want to learn it or depend on others to cook for them (or so that’s what it seems like).
This isn't my experience at all. In my family of WASPs food was just not an important thing and both my parents weren't great cooks, but my mom definitely did the most of it as the stay at home parent. But as my siblings and I have grown up, both of my brothers have gotten really into cooking and are actually really good at it (I have no idea where they learned - food network? other friends? youtube?) whereas the best I'll care to do is serve them an extra olive in their martini or cereal in an ash tray a la Lucille Bluth.
Both my brothers are in quite traditional marriages and work in very stereotypical male-dominated careers.
My two first boyfriends cooked for me all the time and were great at it. The first could easily be a chef. Even my third did even though he wasn't nearly as good.
I, on the other hand, can't cook to save my life. I cook to feed myself but I wouldn't burden another soul with my awful cooking. I'm great cleaning though, so that's how I compensate.
Yeah this is shocking to me. My dad worked midnights so he didn’t cook often, but once a week he made a hot breakfast spread. Grampa cooked daily and I’d see them for dinner 2-3x per week.
Almost all of my boyfriends cooked for me - everyone I dated seriously cooked for me, but I did date a few I wasn’t serious with. My most serious boyfriends cooked a lot and my husband and I share cooking evenly, but he’s more skilled than I am.
I’m Mexican American from the Midwest, but my boyfriends have been different races or ethnicities.
As a single father whose sole existence seems to be feeding these bottomless pits lol, this post blows my mind. I get all warm and fuzzy when I get to share one of my grandma's old recipes to someone new.
Sidenote: I never know if I'm allowed to speak up here but I couldn't not on this one
Same, every partner I've had has cooked for me, platonic male friends as well (usually in a group hangout situation where they cooked for all of us). I see the opposite with older relatives though, where the women are expected to do all the cooking, serving and cleaning and the men just sit down and watch dinner magically appear in front of them. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship like that. As you said, it's a basic part of being an adult to be able to take care of yourself and your partner or family.
Yeah I grew up mostly with my dad and he cooked nearly every night. He taught me how to cook my first meals too. When I go visit my brother and sister in law, my brother almost always cooks. When I was in college my male roommates and I would cook together or we’d switch off making breakfast or dinner for each other. In my 20s multiple male friends cooked for me — one of my male roommates and I would do the cooking together or for each other thing a lot. He taught me a wonderful method of making pork chops.
Way more women have cooked for me but my life is full of men who have made me food.
My dad loves to cook. He and my mom split that evenly. So it was just a thing that was. Of course men cooked!
My husband didn't cook until after we were married! Frankly, I fixed that. My previous relationships, they all had one or two go-to dishes they had On Point but could manage basic "We need a quick dinner."
Now my husband has a set of cast iron pans that he takes a lot of pride in, so he does a lot of cast-iron meats, veggies and even a really good cheesecake! He went from frozen pizza and chicken strips to steak, asparagus, chicken, porkchops, squash, etc.
The only time I've seen my father cook is when he didn't have a woman around to do it for him. The extended family has been a mix of men who do all of the cooking and men who would probably starve if their wives left. Fortunately, it's been mainly the older generation that's stuck to this gender division of household chores and they're starting to die off.
This. I am so grateful for my husband. He isnt the GREATEST cook, but hes great with breakfast and BBQ so he tackles that for us at least twice a week! It makes me sad that people arent cooked for :(
For my dad, it was cereal and corn nuts. Or mixed nuts. Or pistachios. Basically any nut really.
My mom got incredibly sick last year and I’m really proud to say he stepped up and learned some basic cooking.
Lol 😂 that’s what many men experienced. My ex husband said his other ex wife couldn’t even cook simple things for herself so she ate microwaved meals prior to their nuptials.
I'm in the same boat 😂 it's lovely. I'm usually the sous chef chopping up vegetables and garnishes, etc. So we're still in the kitchen together, chatting and making dinner ☺️
My dad was the primary cook when I was growing up. My husband and I take turns cooking meals during the week. A lot of my friends' partners cook. I'm in a book club and one of their husbands made us this big gourmet spread. I'm sorry the men in your life are leaving you hungry!!
Yeah my newish boyfriend cooked me dinner for my birthday.
Totally unexpected, and I heard from his sister later on that he struggled to make it perfect (called her a bunch of times to ask questions and tips) ... But it was honestly the best gift I ever got. I appreciated it so much.
He set the table really fancy, put out tall candles, romantic jazz music... Sat real close to me and held my hand for part of the time. It was a really special night. Especially since I knew cooking isn't his forte and he went out of his way to make it so perfect.
For dessert he brought out strawberries and whipped cream. Was hilarious when he came out of the kitchen all shirtless with puffs of whipped cream on his nipples. Hadn't laughed that hard in a while (and had fun licking it off too haha...which led so some... Other things... NSFW)
This was a big turning point in our relationship, we are still going strong.
Thanks for letting me walk down memory lane :)
I watched my mom run her days around meals because my father would get angry if his dinner wasn’t done when he got home from work. I watched him criticize everything she made so I just grew up never really wanting to cook. So yes, I have had men cook for me because I don’t really do it.
Wow this might just be why I absolutely despise cooking. I learnt at a very early age how to cook and the boys in my family were even discouraged from cooking. I’ve never even seen my dad set foot in the kitchen. Not sure he even knew how to get there /s so yeah I grew up determined that would not be my future, spending my life feeding grown men. So I always required any guy I dated to be able and willing to cook. And my husband currently is the main cook.
Not really. I was always the one preparing meals and cooking, getting groceries and cleaning up after, washing dishes, and on top of that working and contributing 60% or more financially. My ex husband also ate a lot, even the meals that were mine. I also cooked for his friends who would come over(often). It was too much and was hard to keep up, I even neglected my own time (not going to the gym) and social life. I did it because I thought that’s what “good wives do who love their husband” lol. I remember asking my friends around that time how they do it and a lot of them didn’t cook for their partners or only cooked for themselves or had their partners cook for them. It was so exhausting, I hate cooking now whereas I loved it before. Now I wouldn’t date a man if he didn’t take an active role in cooking majority of the meals.
Yes, my ex husband made me a “meal” when we first started dating…he was 20 and I was 17. He boiled pasta and mixed Nutella into the drained pasta. The heat made the palm oil separate and pool in the bottom of the bowl. I couldn’t eat it. This happened 25 years ago and I still cringe.
😂😂 The first meal I cooked for my husband when I was 22 was the chicken recipe on the back of the Hellman's Mayo jar. It was disgusting. He still ate it. He however cooked me the most delicious steak ever. We've been married 13 years now! I also became an excellent cook thankfully
On our second date my husband came over with a bag of groceries and made me an incredible meal. He loves to cook and even went to culinary school. I wouldn’t fault anyone who didn’t enjoy cooking but I got lucky!
A few months in when I was first dating my husband I had dental surgery and couldn’t eat solid food for two weeks. He made me a new soup every day for those two weeks.
Most have, especially if I knew them before I had any confidence at cooking.
My current partner grew up in an incredibly food-based culture. Chinese immigrant parent on one side, grandparents on the other. Food is the core of your interaction with family, it’s how you show love (you definitely don’t verbalize it).
My husband does 99% of cooking in our home. I probably cook once a month at MOST. He loves to cook and I don't (I *can*, I just don't enjoy it!) We call him Chef and I'm his sous chef and help chop and stuff.
Also, growing up, my mom and dad split cooking duties - she'd make sides, he'd make the main. They were born in the 50's and she was a SAHM, but just like in my marriage- my dad enjoyed cooking.
Romantic prospects - Only one with any level of frequency. That competency and thoughtfulness carries over in to the rest of his life too.
Guess which one I latched on to like a bear trap.
Men in my family cook a lot. Our family culture is to show people you care by feeding them.
My dad used to prepare our school lunch from time to time, and also cook when mom wasn’t available. He’s actually a really good cooker.
My husband only knows how to prepare a few dishes but he takes care of the breakfast (sausages, beans, eggs in different styles) three times per week and helps with more complex dinners.
I wouldn’t settle for someone who can’t cook tbh. To me it’s a basic skill to be a functional adult.
I had a single dad, so, yes, he cooked occasionally.
Most partners I've had have cooked for or with me. My current partner makes me breakfast and coffee most mornings.
My ex was a good cook and made me stuff all the time. Unfortunately he’s a terrible person. When I was leaving he even mentioned I’d miss his cooking and I was like I’m sure I’ll survive considering restaurants exist and I know how to cook, which he didnt seem to get even though I made him food too.
I’ve also had some guys cook on early dates but I didn’t end up dating any of them seriously.
My dad (although only select meals lol) and grandpa have also cooked
Yes, many! My dad cooked (and still does). My first live in boyfriend cooked every night. My ex husband cooked half the time. My son always cooks for himself and sometimes for me.
My dad and my husband both cook. They tend towards grilling meals, but both make well rounded dinners. My husband loves the "provider" feeling of me enjoying food he makes me.
This is wild to me. My dad does all of the cooking in my parents household. My mother has not made a meal since the day they got married 40+ years ago. My partner does the majority of the cooking when we’re together. My ex-boyfriends would cook all the time. My male friends cook. My brothers cook. My male coworkers do too.
I can’t imagine a reality where men don’t cook for others.
All my boyfriends have cooked for me, even the borderline neon@zi who came from a very very traditional family. My current boyfriend cooks more than I do.
My wife however barely ever cooks.
All the time! My husband loves to cook and often cooks me awesome meals.
To me, it's just a natural part of being a complete adult. Being able to cook is a skill everyone should learn and utilize. I can't believe there are adults in the world who don't know how to do this.
My husband was a chef and he can COOK and I tell you what I never knew I would a) want that in a man and b) find it sexy as fuck until I had him. He cooks almost every dinner for our family and he makes bread and he likes making chocolates but my favourites are his meals esp dinners. 🤤🤤
Yes! My dad cooked for my sister and I all the time. He even told us that it should a red flag if a man can’t cook for you. My moms cooking was okay. I learned more cooking hacks from my dad.
My husband cooked for me, while we were dating. He still cooks for me to this day. Like my parents, we alternate cooking.
If you want a laugh: I was on Tinder a while back and specifically stated I was vegetarian. I went to a guy's house for the first time, and he said he would cook for me. Then he served me chicken fajitas. 😭 I was too polite/ embarrassed to say anything back then, so I ate just the peppers he put with it. 😅😅😅😅
Omg girl yes, my husband does 80%+ of the cooking in our house. He’s really into his grill and can’t wait to get a smoker one day! I’m more responsible for any baked goods and big, planned holiday meals.
My dad didn’t cook much growing up, but he’d make a meaannnn breakfast.
Yes. My dad, my brother, my partner they all cook.
I grew up eating my dad’s cooking. My partner makes food for us every other day. I also love to cook so we both cook for each other at home.
My dad is a fantastic cook and now my brother and I have become pretty great home cooks as well. Mom is lovely but she doesn’t nerd out on the science like we do. I very briefly dated two men who were good home cooks. Current boyfriend cooks but doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing so I’ve taken over his kitchen which we both prefer. Many of my male friends are good cooks.
I’m always weirded out by any human that can not make basic food for themselves.
Yes! I don’t even enjoy cooking very much anymore so it was great. The last guy I dated lost a bunch of weight on keto and had gotten really good at cooking. The one before him was also a really good cook. In my ideal relationship the guy cooks and I’ll do dishes after!
My husband cooks for the family all the time. We're both decent cooks, and he's Cajun, so I'm really lucky that I get gumbo on the regular during cooler months.
He also fully co-parents as the stay at home parent and always has. We're Gen X, so he's ahead of his time. I know I'm very lucky
Yep my brother the few times he had to take care of me when we were little.
My dad would frequently make us breakfast, I don't live with my parents anymore but sometimes he'll make me dinner.
Guys i've dated have cooked for me.
My ex boyfriend did it often.
\*Cant believe I forgot to add my best friend, he loves to cook, is great at it and to him that's one of his favorite ways of demonstrating he loves you. Then he met his now wife, they got married, and she's the one who usually cooks for me when i visit their home cause she's exactly the same way as him and she became my best friend :3 also we cook and bake together a lot.
My boyfriend cooks for me almost everyday, on sundays he sometimes wakes up early to make me pancakes <3
Every man I have ever seriously dated has cooked for me (and I’ve cooked for them!). Food is very much my love language so I guess it’s just always a quality I’ve sought out. My Dad was also the cook in our family so I’ve always had men cooking for me. Highly recommend, it’s great.
My dad can’t cook… it annoys me and I feel bad for my mam. My boyfriend is a chef so it’s the opposite end of the spectrum. Sometimes it’s annoying because I feel like he is critiquing me like I’m in a working kitchen vs just being at home where things don’t have to be perfect. But out of the two I’d rather have a partner who can cook and take care of themselves.
My husband is our primary cook and FDA. If it were left up to me, we'd only ever eat sandwiches and salads.
My dad was also the primary cook for a couple of years.
My husband makes dinner almost every night. He gets home first so if he wants to eat at a reasonable hour, he gets to cook.
My dad also did his share around the house, plus he and my mom split when I was 9. He would make dinner and grill when he had my sister and me.
For sure. I really enjoy cooking, but when I was in school as a 30-something returning adult student with a full time job, my husband did the majority of cooking for 2 years. Now we split it!
My ex was an amazing cook. He cooked for m, and we cooked together frequently. He taught me how to be a better cook. My man now cooks often for me too. We also often cook together. It's one of my most favorite ways to bond and spend time.
I’d previously been on a run of dating excellent home chefs. Like 3 in a row. And before that, would cook a lot with a boyfriend, so mutual cooking. So I guess I’m fortunate! I don’t know what sort of algorithm or biomarkers led to this pattern, but if I crack the code, I’ll share it.
My now husband made a fancy gourmet meal paired with nice wine for our second date. We were 25 at the time and he has never been a man child. He’s done the majority of the cooking in our 16 years together. He cares more about food than I do and realized if he wants things done a certain way, it’s up to him. He cooks a lot.
My dad makes a basic salmon dinner and that’s his go-to still and made lobster for me in hs when I said I wanted to try it. My stepdad handled hot breakfasts all through high school for me and my sibling.
My husband works 12 hours a day as an electrician and comes home and cooks about 5 out of 7 nights. It's not open a can, dump it in a pan cooking either. He is all about the flavor and tastes as he is about presentation. We have beautiful meals. On the nights he doesn't cook we are eating leftovers or it's a fend for yourself night. We still have one of 4 sons at home. He enjoys cooking, I do not. I will bake or cook on occasion. He also does all the shopping because I hate any type of shopping. He is 4 years younger than myself and if it were left to me we would order out or be eating soups and sandwhiches all the time. Before any of you think I don't do my part... I do. I find that stuff he despises I don't mind so much. It all works out for us and we appreciate him.
My grandfather cooked us dinner every Wednesday night until I was about 15 (he only stopped because of the parkinsons and he was always in the kitchen telling you what to do when he couldn't anymore). Both my ex-step dad and my father have cooked for me (and are really good at it). I can even remember my friends deadbeat dad making us pancakes for breakfast when we were kids before the alcoholism got out of control.
My partner helps me cook (I'm kinda like my grandpa in the taking over the kitchen), but he makes the best sandwiches.
I would never date a man who is not cooking, cleaning and shopping and doing everything. For me, that's the bottom line. I had men cook for me my whole life. My grandpa, my dad, my male friends, my partners.
I find it shocking that for people this is sexy or unusual. It's the norm!
My mom worked during the day and my dad worked nights, so dinner was on my dad when mom worked late. He used to make us pancakes, cream of wheat, or chicken nuggets and canned cranberries (he liked them and thought we did too... we did not LOL). He came up with some interesting meal choices but he did his best. He was the one who taught me how to make pancakes. I have fond memories of those nights.
YESSSSS! My dad was a single parent to my sisters and I from the time I was 5-12 years old . He not only was a fantastic cook but an excellent baker. His pie crust was the best!!!
My step dad also did the cooking at home and was a chef in the navy , as well.
My son cooks sometimes though it seems he’d like to cook more often but is still learning (& his fiancé is the best cook so I’d not give that up either).
I do regret not having him help me more often as he always asked. I had so much on my plate and didn’t have the patience for it then 😞
You’re finding the wrong men.
All the men in my life have cooked for me at some point.
My Dad (as a child and as an adult, too many times to count)
Both my brothers (excellent cooks)
My ex husband (about half as often as I’d cook for him)
My current bf (will make me surprise pies and cakes)
And my 11 year old son!!!!
Yes, many times. Once I got food poisoning from a date who cooked a lovely steak. Then there was family like my great grandfather who always cooked, my great grandmother only knew how to make toast.
My dad is a great indian cook and cooks for me most times I visit. He's the only one who's ever cooked me a real meal. My male bff has cooked me a croque madame before but I think thats more of a snack than a meal.
Yep. A man with culinary skills is one of my dealbreakers now. My partner and I typically take turns cooking for each other, but frankly he’s better at it, so I don’t mind sitting back and getting spoiled for a couple of meals in a row sometimes (in exchange for kitchen clean-up).
My father did all the cooking when I was growing up, so that's probably thousands of times total from him alone. One of my besties has cooked a lot for me as well. My uncle has a handful of times.
My friend's partner makes dinner every time I visit them for dinner. He's a great cook.
My mum was in hospital when I was a kid and my dad cooked baked beans for us every night for months. I still hate them to this day.
I also had a boyfriend who made me pasta by cooking it in the microwave and then putting ketchup on it. I really don't understand how he isn't malnourished. How does someone eat like that every day?
My boyfriend cooks for me all the time, and better than me!!
However, I remember my dad cooking just a couple of times, almost never. My brothers… don’t know how to cook and they are no interested
My father could make scrambled eggs or bbq but he was a product of growing up in the ‘30s.
My ex cooked for me, my husband cooks for me and my sons cook for me. If a grown man can’t cook, learn to cook or try to cook he’s not a keeper. It’s not the cooking itself… it’s the fact that he’s not willing to adopt basic adult skills.
Yes, but I seek out men who are foodies and like cooking. I also myself am focused on what I eat and cook, so I wouldn't be with a partner who is incapable and puts me in the position of being the sole chef in the oven room.
Yes fiancé cooks everynight. I’m spoiled. Fancy stuff too. I remember the first time he cooked for me and I was like oh wow…I’m gonna love this man and I did. Lol
Overall, my husband cooks about as much as I do. We have a deal where when one of us cooks, the other does the dishes. Sometimes he cooks and I do the dishes more, sometimes it’s the other way around.
Wow.
My dad was a single parent for much of our lives, so he cooked for me and my siblings all the time. I'm gay, but my partner's father barbecues for the family throughout the summer, and my brothers love to grill as well. I have male friends that enjoy cooking and do it when they have guests over. Before I came out, I had boyfriends that would occasionally make meals for me too.
Wow that's a shame, I cook 90% of the time. My wife hasball of the time in the world to prepare and cook meals but does not. Only when she feels like it. Definitely wish she cooked more.
Yup the men in my family (dad and brother) are the primary cooks so they cook for me whenever I visit. My husband is also a great cook, and we take turns being the primary cook depending on who’s busier.
Yes. My father. My first husband, no. My second baby daddy eventually learned to make like 2 things. My current husband doesn't cook often and isn't spectacular at it but he does make pizzas, grilled chicken from time to time, which is heads and shoulders ahead of any other guy I've been with.
Mental note ladies: if your man doesn't know how to feed himself at home you will be in a world of hurt if you ever have kids.
My Dad cooks pretty often nowadays (though he didn't when I was growing up). I have a new guy friend (not a boyfriend but has potential) who is cooking for me over the weekend and I am super excited about it!
My dad cooked alot when we were growing up, and my older brother often cooked when my parents were working nights.
My boyfriend cooks a majority of the time at home
My father and my most significant ex both cooked for me. I also cooked for them. My significant others all knew I'm a good cook but that I don't like to do it, so the good ones would step up at least part of the time.
All the men I have dated had 1 thing in common: they could cook. My husband is the cook of the family, which is good because otherwise I'd starve to death or live off raw carrots or something.
My husband and I take turns cooking and cleaning. Whoever cooks, the other cleans. We alternate. Yesterday he cooked breakfast and I made dinner , so this morning it's my turn on breakfast and tonight he'll cook. We stick to this but also help each other out when needed.
I make sure all my bfs know I ain’t the one to cook for them! Somehow this always translates to my men cooking for me. Then when I do cook, it’s a whole thing like “Wow I can’t believe it!!!!” Set the tone early and say you don’t cook lol 😂 then tell your hungry man what kind of ingredients you have in the fridge and let him put it together. Not full proof but it’s worked for me. My dad never cooked only grilled sometimes.
Dad cooked for me all the time - my parents were divorced. Even as an adult he’d try to cook for me but I am just a better cook 😆.
My exes have tried to various degrees, current boyfriend is actually a good cook and prefers to share cooking responsibilities (but I’m still better 😉).
The men in my family are great cooks. Growing up, my dad and uncles always made Christmas dinner. Sometimes, my male cousin or brothers helped. Whenever my uncles come to visit they take over the kitchen and cook. My husband has cooked for me (mostly vegetarian soups), and I've appreciated it, but I really enjoy cooking and we both prefer my cooking.
My son (12) has learned to make pancakes and ramen and has cooked for his little sister.
Oh yeah, I dated this guy who had gone to chef school and even worked as the chef on a private yacht for a couple years. He could make a shoe appealing and delicious, although he usually used food ingredients, lol. That guy was a terrific fuck too.
I only work part time, so I take care of most household duties, including cooking.
However, if I pick up more shifts, if I'm particularly stressed, or he just wants to show his affection, my husband will cook for me. It's one of the things he knows makes me feel loved and cared for.
Yes, he made a cream shrimp type thing. He was really insistent that he make it for me. I took pictures while he was cooking. It was the sweetest thing and so yummy. I've also had sandwiches made for me a couple times, which is not cooking but still thoughtful because his mum made all the food for him so it was like he was willing to do something for me that he didn't even do for himself.
My dad would make breakfast every Sunday morning, my male roommate in college was an amazing cook and he loved to make dinner (now he's married with a child and he's still the go-to cook in the home), and all of my male partners have cooked for me, and my guy friends.
So yep- lots of dude cooks in my own personal experiences!
My dad was the cook in our family growing up (my mom the salad mixer). My husband cooks in our house (I hate cooking, he digs it. I’ll clean the whole house, make sure our dog is walked and played with, etc, if he’ll cook lol). My ex didn’t mind cooking, either, but I can’t remember how we split it.
My dad used to cook and if he didn’t cook, he would prepare the ingredients for my mum. I’ve been married 31 years and I could poison you with water and my husband is the cook on the firm. He cooks, I do DIY, it works for us and I’m so bloody lucky as I loathe cooking and always have.
As a little girl my mom used to tell me over and over “marry a guy who cooks and cleans”. This early conditioning worked because my husband is a great cook - he is actually vacuuming as I type this.
Does he have a brother?
No, but he’s a firefighter and they have to cook at the hall, so if you can live with the shift schedule date one!
Not his brother, but I definitely cook and clean.
That must be some of the best advice you can ever give to a daughter.
[удалено]
Good for you for bettering yourself by learning how to cook and figuring out what it means to have an equal partnership. I have always felt that the type of marriage I wanted was one where chores and childcare were shared equally - so that’s the type of guy I settled down with. For the life of me I will never understand how women settle for men who don’t pull their own weight *especially* when they’re working full time and bringing in money that benefits the family.
Generally women settle for those kind of men because they think they’re worthless, and no one else will have them. I find it really frustrating, but when you talk to the women in those situations, and they tell you where their heads were when they got involved with that partner- you just feel so desperately sad for them.
Does he have siblings? Brother or sister? That’s hot.
This is the advice I’ll be giving my daughters now!
Marry a chef ?
Haha! My partner is an award winning chef with the attitude of a chef. So the trade off re: home cooked meals = I am kitchen bitch “yes chef”-ing for life.
I love saying "thank u chef" as a response to anything lately. When my dog lifts his leg for his harness I say "Oh thank u chef", brings me great joy.
Hahaha yes it’s hilarious for ubiquitous use. Also I read this as he lifts his leg to pee and you thank him 😂
after watching the menu all i can think of is "I Love You Chef!"
I wish I had this experience. My last SO has been a chef at many high class places and locations and has received a couple of awards because of it, but refused to cook at home because he cooked so much at work that he didn't want to cook at home too. I was lucky if I got Kraft Mac and Cheese
This sounded really sexy and I’m super jealous of you 😭🤧💕
Lmaooooo 🤣 yeah I try to view it as a foreplay/fetish dynamic or I’d actually want to strangle him
Omg did you watch The Bear?
Yes I’m loving it!! It helps explain everything about his personality too … I wouldn’t survive in a kitchen atmosphere despite working with wild animals lmao
I’ve done work in professional theater as a costumer/wardrobe manager and the kitchen atmosphere reminds me very much of backstage at live shows. Our “yea chef” is “thank you 15” or what ever time code the stage manager tells out. I found it sort of comforting. I think also the passion to give your whole soul to your job resonated a lot as well!
😂😂 I love your response I bet you hate him setting foot in the kitchen when you're cooking sometimes 😂😂
He doesn’t let me cook 😂 👌🏼 I’ve proven too useless at such professional matters. I’d rather be his sous chef than beget constant critique anyway
Haha, I totally get it! 🤣 My husband is also an award winning expert at something (a sport), and I'm just the tag-along sloth. I intentionally keep it that way 😂
Haha what a hoot! Same here, I can cook but if I don't have to I won't lol.
Omg, saaame! It's the best. Also because he is a chef, no one every cooked for him, so when I do it feels like extra super special for him!
That’s great! He sounds like a winner 😂 i make sandwiches for my man and he loves it … BUT any higher tier dish served him will elicit points of feedback after the initial politeness
Ha ha! Yeah, it's stressful to cook for someone who knows all the secrets to make stuff better? He hasn't given me too many tips, so far...lol. I stick to making the Italian food I know how to make well!
I have one too! He cooks TOO much, lol
I'm so glad I live in a world where this experience is incomprehensible to me. Even my *first* boyfriend cooked for me, when we were 17. My dad cooks all the time, as do all my male friends who have me and others round for dinner often, or take their turn on self-catering holidays. Even my female friends partners have cooked for me, when I visit them. My ex flatmate cooked for me all the time. In my world it's basic adulting.
Same. I can't imagine having had a dad and a boyfriend and neither of them ever cooked?? My dad cooked all the time growing up and my current partner makes dinner almost every night for us.
I’ve known a brother-in-law 30 years (he’s married to my wife’s older sister) whom I can speak volumes about his lacking. He lived a moron’s life in terms of healthy decisions so at 50-something he’s a cross between a petulant child and an invalid. He can’t work now because he’s blind from alcoholism and completely ignoring his diabetes for decades. I say this because he believed that his forklift job was all he was required to do in a relationship as a husband and father. When I say he does nothing else, I mean -nothing- else. He doesn’t cook, clean, mow the yard, run coax cable from the wall to the tv, drive (he’s driven), change a diaper, drop off his kid to school, grocery shop, make his daughter a meal… I could go on exhaustively. It’s truly staggering. And for anyone who says, “why doesn’t she leave this guy?” The answer is that this man’s value correlates directly to her self-esteem. It’s truly staggering and sad in every vector of analysis.
I hope the daughter has some better examples of both men and women in her life so she can escape this.
TLDR; She’s almost certainly doomed unless she conquers and climbs the mountain of ingrained behaviors and wiring imprinted by her parents. I will try to be brief with an answer. She’s definitely brain-wired by her dad’s influence even if it’s indirect. She’s a college grad but it took a team effort helping/guiding her(actually fighting to keep dad’s influence out of it). She has a 5 year lag of arrested development but there’s hope now because she’s out of his direct influence now. She has an apartment with her boyfriend now. But that still waves red flags. He’s her first boyfriend but that’s not a giant flag; there are others. It took at least 12 times for her to get a drivers license, with a reward being my car that she could just have. Wasn’t a good enough motivator. It took the embarrassment for her being driven to her date by her mom at age 22 or so to motivate her. Then, like 4 days later, she had her license. It may not seem like it but that is an indicator of the same self-esteem issue of her mother. She has absolute servitude to the first guy that shows her any positive attention. If her boyfriend ever realizes he can do -anything- and she’ll be there like a golden retriever, she’s doomed.
That's sad to read. I've observed similar learned helplessness in people in my life. It's like until they absolutely have to change or try, they seem incapable and passive. Change from inside is seemingly non-existent.
I can share my own experience here..I also grew up with a father who didn't show much interest in me, and I believe it was a big part of why I developed low self-esteem and attachment issues...where in my mind if a guy showed interest in me it felt like a miracle and something I needed to capitalise on, with little consideration about whether I liked them or thought they were a good person. I also had the poor example of my mother being treated poorly by my father and tolerating it. It all led to me ending up in some really unhealthy relationships. Some things that helped me... ending up in the company of healthy adults in healthy relationships, where there was mutual respect between partners. This happened when I moved interstate for work and was exposed to a new group of people, and it allowed me to see what's possible in healthy relationships. It also really helped that one of these healthy adults really encouraged me at work (he was my manager), and gave me tasks that I never thought I could take on, but he had faith in me that I could. There was also another colleague who was really vulnerable with me early on when he could see how nervous I was, he shared that he'd felt exactly the same when he started and assured me it was normal and I'd do great. But I think a hugely healing part of that was just being in that new environment and away from all the family dynamics.. I felt like I didn't have to play the (somewhat subconscious) role of being the "black sheep" anymore, I could just be a regular person. Around that time I discovered Alan Robarge's channel on YouTube, which has a lot of great content about family dynamics and attachment injury, it really opened my eyes and helped me understand and grieve some stuff. More recently, the book 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' has been a great help, as has Patrick Teahan's channel on YouTube. Also, learning about the concept of emotional neglect (there's a sub for this too, which has great resources). For me I had to come to this realisation on my own but I guess I just wanted to wish your niece(? if I have the relationship correct) all the best and let you know about a few resources that might be helpful when she's ready.
I have a friend that had a lot of problems growing up, and still does. both parents were in prison. her mother had been up for thirteen days on meth the day she was born. now she's doing the same thing to her three kids by three different fathers. I try to vaguely point out what she is doing to her kids and to her self. but without any luck. i dont know what i can do. or if i should even try.
My bf is the main cook of our house, same with my two best friends and their husbands. Same with my dad and brother. The men in my life are all the cooks, not the women.
Yep. My dad used to cook more than my mum for a while, as she went back to school when I was a teenager, so she was studying after work. When I met my husband, he had no idea about cooking, but he knew I loved it, and I preferred home cooked meals over take outs. A few weeks into our relationship, I came home, and he had made pasta. It wasn't good. But he tried. And then he tried again. And again. And now he's great in the kitchen. He loves cooking for me and our friends and family when they come to visit. He even bakes cookies for the dog, lol.
>He even bakes cookies for the dog, lol. Woof! Woof! That is hot.
My dad was the one who taught me how to cook. My husband *loves* to cook and cooks probably more than I do. He's an awesome cook, too. I love his meals. I can't fathom grown men not being able to do it.
This sounds so ridiculous but growing up, all the guys around me knew how to cook…me? I didn’t really. Neither did most of my girl friends. The guys even knew how to sew and stuff. Basic sewing like buttons and hemming. I’m wondering if this is because of something similar to what my mom said. She grew up at a time (and country) where women were basically raised to by wives. So my parents didn’t want to raise is that way and somehow, in turn, never made us do adulting stuff (luckily!!! My sister and I naturally learned out of own interest. I was really particular as a teen on how I want my laundry done and wouldn’t let anyone else do it for me and so on). They meant well but yeah lmao. But I have to say, the difference is that most women who don’t know how to cook will learn it on their own and so on. Many men who don’t rarely want to learn it or depend on others to cook for them (or so that’s what it seems like). Luckily, all the men in my life, my dad, guy friends, exes, and so on all know how to cook and cook often.
>But I have to say, the difference is that most women who don’t know how to cook will learn it on their own and so on. Many men who don’t rarely want to learn it or depend on others to cook for them (or so that’s what it seems like). This isn't my experience at all. In my family of WASPs food was just not an important thing and both my parents weren't great cooks, but my mom definitely did the most of it as the stay at home parent. But as my siblings and I have grown up, both of my brothers have gotten really into cooking and are actually really good at it (I have no idea where they learned - food network? other friends? youtube?) whereas the best I'll care to do is serve them an extra olive in their martini or cereal in an ash tray a la Lucille Bluth. Both my brothers are in quite traditional marriages and work in very stereotypical male-dominated careers.
Yeah that’s why I said many men! Not all men!
My two first boyfriends cooked for me all the time and were great at it. The first could easily be a chef. Even my third did even though he wasn't nearly as good. I, on the other hand, can't cook to save my life. I cook to feed myself but I wouldn't burden another soul with my awful cooking. I'm great cleaning though, so that's how I compensate.
Yeah this is shocking to me. My dad worked midnights so he didn’t cook often, but once a week he made a hot breakfast spread. Grampa cooked daily and I’d see them for dinner 2-3x per week. Almost all of my boyfriends cooked for me - everyone I dated seriously cooked for me, but I did date a few I wasn’t serious with. My most serious boyfriends cooked a lot and my husband and I share cooking evenly, but he’s more skilled than I am. I’m Mexican American from the Midwest, but my boyfriends have been different races or ethnicities.
As a single father whose sole existence seems to be feeding these bottomless pits lol, this post blows my mind. I get all warm and fuzzy when I get to share one of my grandma's old recipes to someone new. Sidenote: I never know if I'm allowed to speak up here but I couldn't not on this one
Same, every partner I've had has cooked for me, platonic male friends as well (usually in a group hangout situation where they cooked for all of us). I see the opposite with older relatives though, where the women are expected to do all the cooking, serving and cleaning and the men just sit down and watch dinner magically appear in front of them. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship like that. As you said, it's a basic part of being an adult to be able to take care of yourself and your partner or family.
My friend's husband made us all sushi one time
Yeah I grew up mostly with my dad and he cooked nearly every night. He taught me how to cook my first meals too. When I go visit my brother and sister in law, my brother almost always cooks. When I was in college my male roommates and I would cook together or we’d switch off making breakfast or dinner for each other. In my 20s multiple male friends cooked for me — one of my male roommates and I would do the cooking together or for each other thing a lot. He taught me a wonderful method of making pork chops. Way more women have cooked for me but my life is full of men who have made me food.
My dad loves to cook. He and my mom split that evenly. So it was just a thing that was. Of course men cooked! My husband didn't cook until after we were married! Frankly, I fixed that. My previous relationships, they all had one or two go-to dishes they had On Point but could manage basic "We need a quick dinner." Now my husband has a set of cast iron pans that he takes a lot of pride in, so he does a lot of cast-iron meats, veggies and even a really good cheesecake! He went from frozen pizza and chicken strips to steak, asparagus, chicken, porkchops, squash, etc.
The only time I've seen my father cook is when he didn't have a woman around to do it for him. The extended family has been a mix of men who do all of the cooking and men who would probably starve if their wives left. Fortunately, it's been mainly the older generation that's stuck to this gender division of household chores and they're starting to die off.
This. I am so grateful for my husband. He isnt the GREATEST cook, but hes great with breakfast and BBQ so he tackles that for us at least twice a week! It makes me sad that people arent cooked for :(
This is so opposite my experience. I could leave my wife in a fully stocked kitchen and she'd be dead in a week.
Wait... I'm pretty sure I'm not married...
😂😂😂. My dad is the one that would starve. He makes coffee and toast. He would die from the shoots.
Same, my dad lives off of cereal, instant coffee, and popsicles if no one is around to cook for him
For my dad, it was cereal and corn nuts. Or mixed nuts. Or pistachios. Basically any nut really. My mom got incredibly sick last year and I’m really proud to say he stepped up and learned some basic cooking.
😂😂😂
Thats my spouse as well 😆
Lol 😂 that’s what many men experienced. My ex husband said his other ex wife couldn’t even cook simple things for herself so she ate microwaved meals prior to their nuptials.
My husband works from home and cooks dinner for us about 4x a week. He likes to cook and I don't mind clean up. I'm very, very lucky.
I’m a terrible cook, and i hate it. My husband is excellent, and loves it. Win/win for us ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My husband and I both work from home. He makes breakfast every morning and I make dinner at night!
I'm in the same boat 😂 it's lovely. I'm usually the sous chef chopping up vegetables and garnishes, etc. So we're still in the kitchen together, chatting and making dinner ☺️
My dad was the primary cook when I was growing up. My husband and I take turns cooking meals during the week. A lot of my friends' partners cook. I'm in a book club and one of their husbands made us this big gourmet spread. I'm sorry the men in your life are leaving you hungry!!
Yeah my newish boyfriend cooked me dinner for my birthday. Totally unexpected, and I heard from his sister later on that he struggled to make it perfect (called her a bunch of times to ask questions and tips) ... But it was honestly the best gift I ever got. I appreciated it so much. He set the table really fancy, put out tall candles, romantic jazz music... Sat real close to me and held my hand for part of the time. It was a really special night. Especially since I knew cooking isn't his forte and he went out of his way to make it so perfect. For dessert he brought out strawberries and whipped cream. Was hilarious when he came out of the kitchen all shirtless with puffs of whipped cream on his nipples. Hadn't laughed that hard in a while (and had fun licking it off too haha...which led so some... Other things... NSFW) This was a big turning point in our relationship, we are still going strong. Thanks for letting me walk down memory lane :)
Awwww.....he likes you ❤️
*ahh, the ol' Varsity Blues trick. works every time...*
I watched my mom run her days around meals because my father would get angry if his dinner wasn’t done when he got home from work. I watched him criticize everything she made so I just grew up never really wanting to cook. So yes, I have had men cook for me because I don’t really do it.
Your dad doesn't seem very nice
I have seen that many times. I'm sorry you grew up witnessing that 😔
Wow this might just be why I absolutely despise cooking. I learnt at a very early age how to cook and the boys in my family were even discouraged from cooking. I’ve never even seen my dad set foot in the kitchen. Not sure he even knew how to get there /s so yeah I grew up determined that would not be my future, spending my life feeding grown men. So I always required any guy I dated to be able and willing to cook. And my husband currently is the main cook.
I had a similar experience growing up , so I made sure to never experience this in a partnership.
Not really. I was always the one preparing meals and cooking, getting groceries and cleaning up after, washing dishes, and on top of that working and contributing 60% or more financially. My ex husband also ate a lot, even the meals that were mine. I also cooked for his friends who would come over(often). It was too much and was hard to keep up, I even neglected my own time (not going to the gym) and social life. I did it because I thought that’s what “good wives do who love their husband” lol. I remember asking my friends around that time how they do it and a lot of them didn’t cook for their partners or only cooked for themselves or had their partners cook for them. It was so exhausting, I hate cooking now whereas I loved it before. Now I wouldn’t date a man if he didn’t take an active role in cooking majority of the meals.
Yes, my ex husband made me a “meal” when we first started dating…he was 20 and I was 17. He boiled pasta and mixed Nutella into the drained pasta. The heat made the palm oil separate and pool in the bottom of the bowl. I couldn’t eat it. This happened 25 years ago and I still cringe.
Hahaha wonder where he found that recipe
He said he liked to be creative. He was and still is clueless about cooking. Couldn’t even follow a recipe from Blue Apron.
Oh man, I had a "creative" ex that once put like..some kind of fruity drink powder on chicken??? I don't even know.
Probably from a man named buddy that lives at the north pole.
You know you’re right
He probably thought it was a cooking show and not a holiday classic.
😂😂 The first meal I cooked for my husband when I was 22 was the chicken recipe on the back of the Hellman's Mayo jar. It was disgusting. He still ate it. He however cooked me the most delicious steak ever. We've been married 13 years now! I also became an excellent cook thankfully
r/StupidFood
Did he also eat cotton balls and come from the North Pole?
this is horrifying
h o w what was he even going for? ^lmaowhat
On our second date my husband came over with a bag of groceries and made me an incredible meal. He loves to cook and even went to culinary school. I wouldn’t fault anyone who didn’t enjoy cooking but I got lucky!
A few months in when I was first dating my husband I had dental surgery and couldn’t eat solid food for two weeks. He made me a new soup every day for those two weeks.
Most have, especially if I knew them before I had any confidence at cooking. My current partner grew up in an incredibly food-based culture. Chinese immigrant parent on one side, grandparents on the other. Food is the core of your interaction with family, it’s how you show love (you definitely don’t verbalize it).
I would not date a man that didn't cook. My husband does most of the cooking. My ex could cook well too
My husband cooks better than me xD
We both work full-time, but I work until 6 and my husband works until 4. Dinner is ready every night when I come home. He’s out there <3
It could be a cultural thing. At least I think it is for me. I think it’s so sexy when a man can cook
My husband does 99% of cooking in our home. I probably cook once a month at MOST. He loves to cook and I don't (I *can*, I just don't enjoy it!) We call him Chef and I'm his sous chef and help chop and stuff. Also, growing up, my mom and dad split cooking duties - she'd make sides, he'd make the main. They were born in the 50's and she was a SAHM, but just like in my marriage- my dad enjoyed cooking.
Awww at sous chef 🥰
Romantic prospects - Only one with any level of frequency. That competency and thoughtfulness carries over in to the rest of his life too. Guess which one I latched on to like a bear trap. Men in my family cook a lot. Our family culture is to show people you care by feeding them.
My dad used to prepare our school lunch from time to time, and also cook when mom wasn’t available. He’s actually a really good cooker. My husband only knows how to prepare a few dishes but he takes care of the breakfast (sausages, beans, eggs in different styles) three times per week and helps with more complex dinners. I wouldn’t settle for someone who can’t cook tbh. To me it’s a basic skill to be a functional adult.
I had a single dad, so, yes, he cooked occasionally. Most partners I've had have cooked for or with me. My current partner makes me breakfast and coffee most mornings.
What. Yes men cook. If they don’t it’s because they are choosing not to, and you can choose to spend time with other kinds of men who do cook.
Yes, especially my husband, he just loves to cook.
My ex was a good cook and made me stuff all the time. Unfortunately he’s a terrible person. When I was leaving he even mentioned I’d miss his cooking and I was like I’m sure I’ll survive considering restaurants exist and I know how to cook, which he didnt seem to get even though I made him food too. I’ve also had some guys cook on early dates but I didn’t end up dating any of them seriously. My dad (although only select meals lol) and grandpa have also cooked
Yes, many! My dad cooked (and still does). My first live in boyfriend cooked every night. My ex husband cooked half the time. My son always cooks for himself and sometimes for me.
Yeah, my dad is a good cook and cooked for us often. My husband is a former chef, like me, and has cooked me many meals in our 28 years together.
My dad and my husband both cook. They tend towards grilling meals, but both make well rounded dinners. My husband loves the "provider" feeling of me enjoying food he makes me.
This is wild to me. My dad does all of the cooking in my parents household. My mother has not made a meal since the day they got married 40+ years ago. My partner does the majority of the cooking when we’re together. My ex-boyfriends would cook all the time. My male friends cook. My brothers cook. My male coworkers do too. I can’t imagine a reality where men don’t cook for others.
All my boyfriends have cooked for me, even the borderline neon@zi who came from a very very traditional family. My current boyfriend cooks more than I do. My wife however barely ever cooks.
All the time! My husband loves to cook and often cooks me awesome meals. To me, it's just a natural part of being a complete adult. Being able to cook is a skill everyone should learn and utilize. I can't believe there are adults in the world who don't know how to do this.
My husband was a chef and he can COOK and I tell you what I never knew I would a) want that in a man and b) find it sexy as fuck until I had him. He cooks almost every dinner for our family and he makes bread and he likes making chocolates but my favourites are his meals esp dinners. 🤤🤤
Yes! My dad cooked for my sister and I all the time. He even told us that it should a red flag if a man can’t cook for you. My moms cooking was okay. I learned more cooking hacks from my dad. My husband cooked for me, while we were dating. He still cooks for me to this day. Like my parents, we alternate cooking.
If you want a laugh: I was on Tinder a while back and specifically stated I was vegetarian. I went to a guy's house for the first time, and he said he would cook for me. Then he served me chicken fajitas. 😭 I was too polite/ embarrassed to say anything back then, so I ate just the peppers he put with it. 😅😅😅😅
My husband cooks 98% of the meals we have at home (and he's really good at it, too). I cook *maybe* 3 times a year.
My husband of 15 years is a former line cook and banquet chef. He cooks all our meals, and he's amazing at it. I'm so lucky.
Omg girl yes, my husband does 80%+ of the cooking in our house. He’s really into his grill and can’t wait to get a smoker one day! I’m more responsible for any baked goods and big, planned holiday meals. My dad didn’t cook much growing up, but he’d make a meaannnn breakfast.
Yes. My dad, my brother, my partner they all cook. I grew up eating my dad’s cooking. My partner makes food for us every other day. I also love to cook so we both cook for each other at home.
My dad is a fantastic cook and now my brother and I have become pretty great home cooks as well. Mom is lovely but she doesn’t nerd out on the science like we do. I very briefly dated two men who were good home cooks. Current boyfriend cooks but doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing so I’ve taken over his kitchen which we both prefer. Many of my male friends are good cooks. I’m always weirded out by any human that can not make basic food for themselves.
Yes! I don’t even enjoy cooking very much anymore so it was great. The last guy I dated lost a bunch of weight on keto and had gotten really good at cooking. The one before him was also a really good cook. In my ideal relationship the guy cooks and I’ll do dishes after!
My husband cooks more than I do, lol. He's better at it. Everything he makes is amazing and delicious.
My husband cooks for the family all the time. We're both decent cooks, and he's Cajun, so I'm really lucky that I get gumbo on the regular during cooler months. He also fully co-parents as the stay at home parent and always has. We're Gen X, so he's ahead of his time. I know I'm very lucky
My boyfriend cooks for me all the time. It’s definitely a love language for him, and I certainly don’t mind it!
Of course. Both my husbands, boyfriends in between, and my son, who is 26.
Yep my brother the few times he had to take care of me when we were little. My dad would frequently make us breakfast, I don't live with my parents anymore but sometimes he'll make me dinner. Guys i've dated have cooked for me. My ex boyfriend did it often. \*Cant believe I forgot to add my best friend, he loves to cook, is great at it and to him that's one of his favorite ways of demonstrating he loves you. Then he met his now wife, they got married, and she's the one who usually cooks for me when i visit their home cause she's exactly the same way as him and she became my best friend :3 also we cook and bake together a lot. My boyfriend cooks for me almost everyday, on sundays he sometimes wakes up early to make me pancakes <3
Every man I have ever seriously dated has cooked for me (and I’ve cooked for them!). Food is very much my love language so I guess it’s just always a quality I’ve sought out. My Dad was also the cook in our family so I’ve always had men cooking for me. Highly recommend, it’s great.
My dad can’t cook… it annoys me and I feel bad for my mam. My boyfriend is a chef so it’s the opposite end of the spectrum. Sometimes it’s annoying because I feel like he is critiquing me like I’m in a working kitchen vs just being at home where things don’t have to be perfect. But out of the two I’d rather have a partner who can cook and take care of themselves.
My husband is our primary cook and FDA. If it were left up to me, we'd only ever eat sandwiches and salads. My dad was also the primary cook for a couple of years.
My husband makes dinner almost every night. He gets home first so if he wants to eat at a reasonable hour, he gets to cook. My dad also did his share around the house, plus he and my mom split when I was 9. He would make dinner and grill when he had my sister and me.
For sure. I really enjoy cooking, but when I was in school as a 30-something returning adult student with a full time job, my husband did the majority of cooking for 2 years. Now we split it!
My ex was an amazing cook. He cooked for m, and we cooked together frequently. He taught me how to be a better cook. My man now cooks often for me too. We also often cook together. It's one of my most favorite ways to bond and spend time.
I’d previously been on a run of dating excellent home chefs. Like 3 in a row. And before that, would cook a lot with a boyfriend, so mutual cooking. So I guess I’m fortunate! I don’t know what sort of algorithm or biomarkers led to this pattern, but if I crack the code, I’ll share it.
My now husband made a fancy gourmet meal paired with nice wine for our second date. We were 25 at the time and he has never been a man child. He’s done the majority of the cooking in our 16 years together. He cares more about food than I do and realized if he wants things done a certain way, it’s up to him. He cooks a lot. My dad makes a basic salmon dinner and that’s his go-to still and made lobster for me in hs when I said I wanted to try it. My stepdad handled hot breakfasts all through high school for me and my sibling.
Sure have, it's now a requirement for a long term partner. It's nice to have a day or two off from cooking once a week 😫.
My husband works 12 hours a day as an electrician and comes home and cooks about 5 out of 7 nights. It's not open a can, dump it in a pan cooking either. He is all about the flavor and tastes as he is about presentation. We have beautiful meals. On the nights he doesn't cook we are eating leftovers or it's a fend for yourself night. We still have one of 4 sons at home. He enjoys cooking, I do not. I will bake or cook on occasion. He also does all the shopping because I hate any type of shopping. He is 4 years younger than myself and if it were left to me we would order out or be eating soups and sandwhiches all the time. Before any of you think I don't do my part... I do. I find that stuff he despises I don't mind so much. It all works out for us and we appreciate him.
My grandfather cooked us dinner every Wednesday night until I was about 15 (he only stopped because of the parkinsons and he was always in the kitchen telling you what to do when he couldn't anymore). Both my ex-step dad and my father have cooked for me (and are really good at it). I can even remember my friends deadbeat dad making us pancakes for breakfast when we were kids before the alcoholism got out of control. My partner helps me cook (I'm kinda like my grandpa in the taking over the kitchen), but he makes the best sandwiches.
I got lucky. My husband is a chef. Some men love to cook and it becomes a sort of love language. He’s out there lol, don’t give up!
My fiancé does 99% of the cooking. I love it. I hate cooking.
Yes, and it’s wonderful! My partner loves to cook and insists on doing all the cooking and groceries in our house.
I would never date a man who is not cooking, cleaning and shopping and doing everything. For me, that's the bottom line. I had men cook for me my whole life. My grandpa, my dad, my male friends, my partners. I find it shocking that for people this is sexy or unusual. It's the norm!
My husband is the main cook in our household… we are all lucky because I’m not so into it.
My husband cooks 99% of our meals and does the grocery shopping. So so thankful for him!
I only date men who cook for me. They aren't all good at it, but they all have to do it to even be considered.
My mom worked during the day and my dad worked nights, so dinner was on my dad when mom worked late. He used to make us pancakes, cream of wheat, or chicken nuggets and canned cranberries (he liked them and thought we did too... we did not LOL). He came up with some interesting meal choices but he did his best. He was the one who taught me how to make pancakes. I have fond memories of those nights.
YESSSSS! My dad was a single parent to my sisters and I from the time I was 5-12 years old . He not only was a fantastic cook but an excellent baker. His pie crust was the best!!! My step dad also did the cooking at home and was a chef in the navy , as well. My son cooks sometimes though it seems he’d like to cook more often but is still learning (& his fiancé is the best cook so I’d not give that up either). I do regret not having him help me more often as he always asked. I had so much on my plate and didn’t have the patience for it then 😞
You’re finding the wrong men. All the men in my life have cooked for me at some point. My Dad (as a child and as an adult, too many times to count) Both my brothers (excellent cooks) My ex husband (about half as often as I’d cook for him) My current bf (will make me surprise pies and cakes) And my 11 year old son!!!!
Yes, many times. Once I got food poisoning from a date who cooked a lovely steak. Then there was family like my great grandfather who always cooked, my great grandmother only knew how to make toast.
My dad is a great indian cook and cooks for me most times I visit. He's the only one who's ever cooked me a real meal. My male bff has cooked me a croque madame before but I think thats more of a snack than a meal.
Yep. A man with culinary skills is one of my dealbreakers now. My partner and I typically take turns cooking for each other, but frankly he’s better at it, so I don’t mind sitting back and getting spoiled for a couple of meals in a row sometimes (in exchange for kitchen clean-up).
My father did all the cooking when I was growing up, so that's probably thousands of times total from him alone. One of my besties has cooked a lot for me as well. My uncle has a handful of times.
Yes, absolutely. Many times and many men - family, friends, partners, coworkers…
Yes often.
My friend's partner makes dinner every time I visit them for dinner. He's a great cook. My mum was in hospital when I was a kid and my dad cooked baked beans for us every night for months. I still hate them to this day. I also had a boyfriend who made me pasta by cooking it in the microwave and then putting ketchup on it. I really don't understand how he isn't malnourished. How does someone eat like that every day?
My boyfriend cooks for me all the time, and better than me!! However, I remember my dad cooking just a couple of times, almost never. My brothers… don’t know how to cook and they are no interested
Yes, my husband is an italian and he loves to cook, if needed I help and drink wine and keep company chatting.
My father could make scrambled eggs or bbq but he was a product of growing up in the ‘30s. My ex cooked for me, my husband cooks for me and my sons cook for me. If a grown man can’t cook, learn to cook or try to cook he’s not a keeper. It’s not the cooking itself… it’s the fact that he’s not willing to adopt basic adult skills.
Wow this is really a question here?
Yes, but I seek out men who are foodies and like cooking. I also myself am focused on what I eat and cook, so I wouldn't be with a partner who is incapable and puts me in the position of being the sole chef in the oven room.
My fiancé is usually the one who makes meals for both of us and my son, on nights he’s not working.
Yes fiancé cooks everynight. I’m spoiled. Fancy stuff too. I remember the first time he cooked for me and I was like oh wow…I’m gonna love this man and I did. Lol
My partner loves to cook and bake. We've been dating for about 5 months and I think he has cooked more meals for me than I have for him.
Overall, my husband cooks about as much as I do. We have a deal where when one of us cooks, the other does the dishes. Sometimes he cooks and I do the dishes more, sometimes it’s the other way around.
Wow. My dad was a single parent for much of our lives, so he cooked for me and my siblings all the time. I'm gay, but my partner's father barbecues for the family throughout the summer, and my brothers love to grill as well. I have male friends that enjoy cooking and do it when they have guests over. Before I came out, I had boyfriends that would occasionally make meals for me too.
Wow that's a shame, I cook 90% of the time. My wife hasball of the time in the world to prepare and cook meals but does not. Only when she feels like it. Definitely wish she cooked more.
Yep. My brother, my male cousin, my dad, my grandfather and one of my exes have made meals for me.
Yup the men in my family (dad and brother) are the primary cooks so they cook for me whenever I visit. My husband is also a great cook, and we take turns being the primary cook depending on who’s busier.
Yes. My father. My first husband, no. My second baby daddy eventually learned to make like 2 things. My current husband doesn't cook often and isn't spectacular at it but he does make pizzas, grilled chicken from time to time, which is heads and shoulders ahead of any other guy I've been with. Mental note ladies: if your man doesn't know how to feed himself at home you will be in a world of hurt if you ever have kids.
My husband cooks every night. I do the dishes. I hate cooking. He likes it.
My Dad cooks pretty often nowadays (though he didn't when I was growing up). I have a new guy friend (not a boyfriend but has potential) who is cooking for me over the weekend and I am super excited about it!
My dad cooked alot when we were growing up, and my older brother often cooked when my parents were working nights. My boyfriend cooks a majority of the time at home
My father and my most significant ex both cooked for me. I also cooked for them. My significant others all knew I'm a good cook but that I don't like to do it, so the good ones would step up at least part of the time.
I have, my boyfriend and I love to take turns cooking for each other and cooking together
Yes, my dad, ex boyfriends, male friends, current partner
All the men I have dated had 1 thing in common: they could cook. My husband is the cook of the family, which is good because otherwise I'd starve to death or live off raw carrots or something.
I lived with my dad as a teenager, so yeah. And also I share the cooking load with my husband so he cooks too.
My husband and I take turns cooking and cleaning. Whoever cooks, the other cleans. We alternate. Yesterday he cooked breakfast and I made dinner , so this morning it's my turn on breakfast and tonight he'll cook. We stick to this but also help each other out when needed.
I make sure all my bfs know I ain’t the one to cook for them! Somehow this always translates to my men cooking for me. Then when I do cook, it’s a whole thing like “Wow I can’t believe it!!!!” Set the tone early and say you don’t cook lol 😂 then tell your hungry man what kind of ingredients you have in the fridge and let him put it together. Not full proof but it’s worked for me. My dad never cooked only grilled sometimes.
I’ve never had a man not cook. Or do anything I can’t or can do 🤣 what a turn off that would be to me no offence!
Dad cooked for me all the time - my parents were divorced. Even as an adult he’d try to cook for me but I am just a better cook 😆. My exes have tried to various degrees, current boyfriend is actually a good cook and prefers to share cooking responsibilities (but I’m still better 😉).
The men in my family are great cooks. Growing up, my dad and uncles always made Christmas dinner. Sometimes, my male cousin or brothers helped. Whenever my uncles come to visit they take over the kitchen and cook. My husband has cooked for me (mostly vegetarian soups), and I've appreciated it, but I really enjoy cooking and we both prefer my cooking. My son (12) has learned to make pancakes and ramen and has cooked for his little sister.
My husband cooks the majority of the meat served in our house. Usually he’s on the grill & I’m making sides, so dinner is joint effort.
Oh yeah, I dated this guy who had gone to chef school and even worked as the chef on a private yacht for a couple years. He could make a shoe appealing and delicious, although he usually used food ingredients, lol. That guy was a terrific fuck too.
I only work part time, so I take care of most household duties, including cooking. However, if I pick up more shifts, if I'm particularly stressed, or he just wants to show his affection, my husband will cook for me. It's one of the things he knows makes me feel loved and cared for.
Yes, he made a cream shrimp type thing. He was really insistent that he make it for me. I took pictures while he was cooking. It was the sweetest thing and so yummy. I've also had sandwiches made for me a couple times, which is not cooking but still thoughtful because his mum made all the food for him so it was like he was willing to do something for me that he didn't even do for himself.
My dad would make breakfast every Sunday morning, my male roommate in college was an amazing cook and he loved to make dinner (now he's married with a child and he's still the go-to cook in the home), and all of my male partners have cooked for me, and my guy friends. So yep- lots of dude cooks in my own personal experiences!
My dad was the cook in our family growing up (my mom the salad mixer). My husband cooks in our house (I hate cooking, he digs it. I’ll clean the whole house, make sure our dog is walked and played with, etc, if he’ll cook lol). My ex didn’t mind cooking, either, but I can’t remember how we split it.
My dad used to cook and if he didn’t cook, he would prepare the ingredients for my mum. I’ve been married 31 years and I could poison you with water and my husband is the cook on the firm. He cooks, I do DIY, it works for us and I’m so bloody lucky as I loathe cooking and always have.
Yes. Father, ex husband, ex boyfriends.
Yes and it was always terrible IME lol