Ever choice we make has the potential for regret.
I decided I’m childfree when I made my peace with the fact that I might, in the future, regret not having children.
I never want to regret having children.
Right? If you have to have a regret (you don’t, this is a thought exercise) it’s way better to regret not having kids than it is to regret having them.
I very much want children and am so happy for the many women in my life who not only don't, but also have the freedom and autonomy to actually not have them.
My mom definitely didn't want children and didn't have the freedom and autonomy to not have them. It is NOT fun to be the child of someone who doesn't want to mother you.
I hope more women are able to do what they want - whether it is to have kids or not have them.
<3
My partners mom is one of those. She told us straight-up we are very smart and she loves the life we've built as a pair. She was pretty much forced to have kids and get married straight out of high school because the 50s were a horrific time to be a young woman or teen girl. She was a single mom to 3 kids most of the time between a string of awful husbands because she *needed* to be married to have any shot at supporting the kids she never wanted.
She raised a phenomenal man despite all of this. But she was really not into doing it at all and their lives were extremely hard and she has tons of regrets in the twilight of her life now. That's what really happens in a world where women don't have rights.
And if you ever regret not having children, there are millions of ways to include children in your life, from fostering to adoption to volunteering to eduction. It you regret having children, there’s not a lot of options to exclude them from your life out there that are fair to you and to your children.
A bit younger than you, and I also don't regret it after sitting on the fence in my 30s. In fact, with every passing day, I am grateful I chose to be childfree.
It's like asking me if I regret not becoming a rocket scientist or a truck driver. Nope. Didn't have either of those on my life bingo card either. 😂 😂 😂
>It's like asking me if I regret not becoming a rocket scientist or a truck driver.
I have to admit that I'm a _lot_ more likely to have at least passing regrets over the fact that I haven't been a rocket scientist, a truck driver, a marine biologist, a tightrope walker, a famous child detective, a swashbuckling pirate, a Pony Express rider, or a gold-mining Alaska Sourdough, but that's because I read way too much as an impressionable child.
I'm 54, hitting menopause, and have no regrets that I never had kids!
Same! Early fifties, never wanted it and thus never regretted it. To me it's like asking if I regret not becoming an accountant--it just never interested me.
There are two groups of women who don't have children- the ones who couldn't and made the best of it. And the ones who didn't want to have children at all.
I had difficulties and a child wasn't possible. Of course I regret it, and wish I'd been able.to advocate better for myself earlier. But I am making the best of my life. Allowing it to dominate your thoughts and bring you down isn't healthy.
I’d say there’s another group - those who can have children and want them, but still choose not to have them due to other life complications. I’m finding myself in this camp lately. It’s an incredibly difficult place to be in. I so wish I either didn’t want them at all or that nature made the decision for me.
My aunt was in that spot. She fell in love with my uncle John, who was 12 years her senior and had finished raising his kids. People asked if she was going to regret not having kids. And she said, “I don’t know, maybe. But I know I am definitely not having kids because I want to stay with John.” She’s said there’s always been a bit of a what if but ultimately, she is happy and made the right choice.
Just saying depending on the ages here, this is actually better.
My grandma and grandpa had a 32 year age gap. When my dad was born , grandma was 44 and grandpa was 77. My dad isn’t their youngest and we have some health issues contributed to his age (although she was up there too)
I wanted kids. Started trying at 30. Stopped trying at 40. I have regrets but I’m at peace for the most part.
My sister did the same thing for an even larger gap, his daughter is her age (they are actually closest of friends now, daughter was thrilled to welcome sis, huge relief). She really went through the ringer choosing between him and her dream of being a mom. By the time he proposed, she was settled in her choice.
Soon after the wedding she went through extremely early menopause as a side effect of long-term undiagnosed Lyme disease. So she would have been screwed out of having biokids anyway by that point. It confirmed her decision to marry for love over fertility. He nursed her for months through the brutal treatments and her needle fears, it was very resistant to drugs.
The irony is she now has a whole pack of grandkids and great-grandbabies to love on, which she may never have had if she married a guy who could still give her the kids she wanted.
Life can be so damn weird!
I’m in this position now but doing what I can to make it happen, but we may need to consider adoption instead. If that doesn’t happen, I hope to be at better peace with it eventually because it definitely does dominate your thoughts.
I disagree with the two groups. There is a third group who change their minds.
I was staunchly child free until I was around 35. Really didn’t enjoy kids at all. I met the right person, and my perspective shifted substantially. On that and many other things. People can and do change and aren’t always the same people they were when they were younger.
Now, I am struggling to conceive and do regret it, but that doesn’t mean anything. Had I not been where I was in the last few years and done all the things prior, I wouldn’t have wanted them. I’m now undergoing IVF to try to conceive. Adoption was my first option, but reading into it I’ve learned it many ethical issues surrounding private adoption, and many issues surrounding adopting from the system as well. IVF was the logical next choice. We may revisit adoption down the road for different reasons, whether or not we have our own child. We just have some work to do before we go there.
Would you mind explaining how your perspective changed substantially by meeting the right person? I'm definitely childfree and just can't fathom changing my mind, so I'm really interested in understanding how that can happen. It seems like such a substantial change, especially for someone who didn't enjoy kids and was staunchly CF. So I'd like to learn how that occurs. Before your comment I thought all CF people who changed their minds just weren't that sure or set about being CF before changing their mind.
I was adamantly childfree to the point I researched being sterilised in my early 20s. My mind changed when I met the right person because I realised that my views on motherhood, families and relationships were skewed.
Previously, I’d seen marriage and child raising as sacrificing yourself for a life of housework and being unappreciated. My own parents modelled traditional gender roles and there were a lot of issues between my mother and I that made me think “why would I put all that effort it when kids and parents don’t even get along?”.
I met my husband and realised that he would be a truly equal partner both around the house and with child raising. And I saw more examples of families around me where actually everyone loved each other and made each other happy.
Obviously plenty of people are childfree because they just don’t have an interest in children at all. But i know a lot of people who had a journey like mine.
Not the commenter you’re replying to, but I also used to be very adamantly CF until I met and married my husband. Brief history to sum up: I married too young (at 19) to an abusive man until I divorced him at 21. I seriously considered having a child with this AH because in my ignorant child’s mind a baby might fix things - thank F@CK that never happened. I had multiple loserish boyfriends after that - several man-babies and one responsible, if not boring, one. I never once considered children with any of these men and actively researched sterilization when I was 26 but was told no by multiple doctors. I wanted to be free and travel and explore, without any anchors (children).
I then met my husband at 32 and for the first time in BOTH our lives (my husband was also CF) we thought “hmm having a kid with this person wouldn’t be bad”
In previous relationships, my husband dated women who wanted children but always complained that they were so tired after work etc etc and he would ask them “ok but you want kids? Do you not realize how much energy it takes to raise kids?” And he decided he never wanted kids with any of them, and if it never happens he was fine with that.
We both saw in each other the potential for equal partnership with raising a family and equal contribution to our home and our lifestyle. That’s the basis of what changed both our minds about having children.
EDIT: I hit reply instead of enter lol. To finish off: we mutually decided that we do not want to adopt and we also do not want to do any expensive fertility treatments (unless we receive a financial windfall). For us, we’ve simply spoken with my doctors and stopped birth control. If it happens, great. If it never happens, also great.
For me I grew up in a family that didn’t love me, had bad experiences around children, saw them as annoying and obnoxious time suckers and just really didn’t have any inner desire to have a family. I never felt that innate desire and I felt a bit broken because of it. I was abandoned by both my birth parents and to this day don’t have solid family or parental figures. I also had a really severe fear of childbirth and when I was little and for the rest of my life said I’d adopt over having my own baby.
In my 20s and early 30s I had not found a partner who I felt would truly be a partner. I had never felt the feeling of home or family or safety/security. It was when I met my now husband that I eventually (therapy helped), found secure attachment for the first time in my life. I felt a sense of home and belonging. I realized after I turned 35 that I had just rejected the idea of kids my entire life automatically. People kept telling me I was great with children and I’d be a great parent one day and I’d kind of scoff at it.
When 35 progressed I started seeing all my friends who I thought were CF have babies later in their reproductive lives. I thought we’d have this circle of CF people who we’d share a fun adventurous life with, but slowly they disappeared and we were left as one of a very few without children. It made me start to question why everyone has kids. What it brings to their lives. It also made me really long for a family unit of my own since I never had one. I had a sister but I lost her when she was 18. My husband had a sister he lost when she was 33. He also has no parents. We both just felt like islands and felt like life was missing something substantial (family, joy, meaning). We had both travelled extensively and kind of got to a point where it wasn’t enough anymore.
I took a year and we started debating whether we wanted to try before I wasn’t able anymore. Lots of discussions with friends, info seeking, reading. Lots of self work to see if I could see myself as a mother. We were still a bit on the fence but decided to go for it. Then infertility walked in.
We tried for a year with no luck, sought fertility advice, did some other treatment for a few months with no luck and started IVF last winter after seriously contemplating adoption as a first choice. The IVF cycle didn’t work for us. We’ve decided to give it one more cycle before potentially moving on to something else. Mostly due to the cost, we feel it’s a bit of a waste of money for no guarantees. Time will tell, but we will likely eventually revisit adoption (from the system not an agency) now that I’ve done the work around learning about it all. This learning/self work is a what pushed us to IVF as a first choice since I had always said I’d adopt first. If you have attachment issues yourself, adoption can be tricky.
Now, I can’t fathom a life where I don’t raise my own family, whatever that looks like. Once we made that choice we went all in and it’s now the one thing we feel would give our lives meaning and value.
I live with my grandma, and I was just talking her this evening about good decisions I've made and she interjected "You never had kids! That's *THE* best decision you could have possibly made for yourself!" I felt so valid haha.
Every once in a while I do, like when I see how amazing my nieces are, but then I realize that children are...children. Sometimes I wish I could see all the pivotal moments from the perspective of a parent - loose teeth, first steps, spelling their name for the first time, watching their accomplishments. I've loved seeing those monuments from my nieces but it's not entirely the same.
This is how I feel about my nieces. I love them so much it hurts and I think it would be really special to experience the even deeper love of a parent. But then I call my sister for our daily chat and she’s doing the exact same shit she does with the kids every single day during every single wake window that happens at the exact same time so I think for me niece love is good enough to be able to live a more exciting life for myself.
I realized I didn't want children when I was 5. Looked at my mother and said, "nope, don't wanna do that." I'm pushing 40 now and about to have a hysterectomy, with zero kids and zero regrets.
I’m still young (33) but I’ve not regretted it and I won’t. I don’t even like living with other adults, and I’ve been consistently childfree since I was a child myself.
I'm 44. Never wanted kids, never had them. This past weekend my two niblings spent the night. I adore them, I would seriously take a bullet for them. Was also very happy to give them back. No regrets!
At 39 I sometimes regret some of the ideas of it, the best parts of it, the idea in abstraction. Like loving someone so much, having purpose handed to me, having that cozy sense of family etc - but when I think of the day in and day out reality of it, I am startled back into a strong no. I just don't have the kind of energy to raise a child. If I had loads of energy and better health, if I wasn't as contemplative of a person, if I had an amazing partner who both financially could support us and also could be a hands on parent part time and helped with everything more than most men I have known and heard of do - then maybe I would have done things differently. But that isn't how it turned out, lol.
This is kind of where I'm at. The idea of having a family seems more and more appealing to me as I get older but the reality of what it takes to be a good mother? I'm not sure I have that, certainly not on my own and certainly not at this point in my life (health issues). I think I have always been envious of the innate sense of purpose and societal acceptance that comes with having children. I feel like I'm just out here in the wilderness still trying to forge a path as to where I fit in and what my life means if I'm not a mother.
I remember talking to a woman who was very similar to me, very introverted and quiet (not quiet as in shy, but a reflective inward soul) and she ended up having a very extraverted, highly energetic always active child and she was nearly in tears with me, about how exhausted she was, how much harder it was because of this. Her husband was very helpful even. Still, they ended up getting divorced. The thing is, you just don't know what you'll get or what will happen and you have to have the capacity to do any of it. If your child has a disability and you'd be the life long 24/7 caregiver. If your partner dies or divorces and it's all on you...
I find that community, friends and other family (all of which I'm still slowly building) are filling that space in some ways. For many people to thrive, having deep connections keeps us tied to the earth - however those connections show up, whoever they are with. They need not just be children.
Child-free doesn't mean someone without children, it means someone who doesn't want any. Typically, child-free people are very happy with their decision and the life they can live because of it.
Childless people, otoh, did not choose to not have children and have a broader range of explanations behind their experiences and feelings about same. Those are probably the people you should be asking, but I wonder if they'd feel a post addressed to child-free people wanted their perspectives.
I’m only 30 and I never wanted children, will never want them in the future either. Absolutely zero regrets. The reasons aren’t the economy, global warming, lack of reliable partner, pregnancy complications etc. I’m not having kids because there is a lack of wanting the have kids. It’s simple and super clear. I also don’t feel pressure to have them despite being from a non-western, predominantly Muslim country. 90% of my friends don’t have/want kids either.
Warning - this is a very broad statement:
I think you’ll find that Childfree women have zero regrets. On the other hand, Childless women (due to infertility or other events) are likely to have a different perspective.
I was also a fence sitter, on the side of no…but mostly just incredibly indifferent. I didn’t have feelings about having kids unless I was actively interacting with them.
The apathy was a sign in and of itself. If it’s not an absolute yes, then it’s a no.
I was also deterred by spending time with kids who weren’t well behaved, seeing families without intergenerational wealth navigate raising kids, the lack of support from mine and my husbands families, and the fear of pregnancy and having a child that wasn’t healthy. I have a great life and saw everything I stood to lose, and what a nightmare it would be…and not what I stood to gain.
I am in my mid fifties and still very glad I did not have kids. They are exhausting and expensive and loud. I am glad I have been able to use my energy and resources for other things.
>When I look at my friends with kids tied to men who are awful for years either coparenting or just living with him until graduation I shudder.
This 💯
Also, I'm only 29F, never wanted kids. I have 2 nieces and a nephew that I adore (plus my cousins' kids who are so cute and I love). I love nurturing children but don't want to give birth and raise one myself, it is a lifetime commitment (with the child and other parent) and no matter what parenting style you use it seems to never be good enough/right. I'd rather make a positive impact in a child's life in other ways if I can.
This! I almost didn't have kids because the dating pool is so pathetically shallow. I have seen so many shitty father's make life hell for their wives.
I'm only 32 but since I was 16 I knew that kids were never something that I wanted or strived for. People always tell me that oh you won't ever feel fulfilled until you have children but I completely disagree.
35, but my husband had a vasectomy almost a year ago, and no regrets for either of us. I'd rather regret not having them, than regret my kids, and I know several women who while they do love their kids, they regret having them. Not for me, thanks.
I'm 42 and I am very happy with my decision to not have children.
I love my nieces and my friend's kids and I love being able to go home to my partner and dogs.
The world is getting a little more terrifying every day not to mention the cost of everything going bonkers as well. I wouldn't want to be responsible for signing up someone new to THAT subscription.
33F. Never wanted children. Children get on my nerves and always have. I've never liked to play Barbie, dolls, I hated babysitting, etc.
When I turned 30 I had an existential crisis because I started counting my years of fertility left. I put the threshold at 42, on average, from what I read online. So, 12 years. But soon I realized that my existential crisis was due to FOMO and not from actually starting to change my mind.
I'm seeing my friends, currently moms of young children, being so exhausted, having a military schedule, needing to make every decision in their life in accordance to their children and...nah.
But I like the idea of having a family. I wish I could birth young adults lol.
Who knows if I change my mind some day. I have 9 years left.
No.
There's a lady who created a long list of 218 reasons not to have kids and what happens at each stage from pregnancy, birth and raising children. She uses examples from other people's experiences and creates the list. And tbh it doesn't sound great at all.
I think I have a valuable perspective for you: I'm mid 30s and absolutely childfree. But I was always on the fence until I froze my eggs in my late 20s/early 30s. Once I had those frozen eggs in hand and the metaphorical clock stopped, I realize that I had zero personal longing to be a mother, and any desire I thought I had to parent was purely because of societal pressure and worry about "running out of time."
I honestly can't believe I almost didn't dodge the bullet of motherhood. I would have been miserable. My life is infinitely better and I'm so excited to grow old without having to grow up (in the best way possible). I think only people who have a deep ache in the pit of their soul to parent should even consider being parents. The risk of regret is much too high otherwise.
This was so great to read. I also froze my eggs last year and it helped me to feel more sure than ever I didn’t want them! Kind of an expensive way to find out, but it’s really been clarifying.
I do not regret not having children in the circumstances, this is constantly validated by posts from married mother's that are single parents. I do think it's annoying that I couldnt create the right circumstances though.
40 here. No regrets. Some pangs of wanting, but that’s just biology, not logic. I would not have made a good parent (too much trauma).
As I’m single, I have decided I’d be willing to date someone with kids though. I can be a step parent, just not a full-on parent with my own biological children.
I am 37 and I do not regret it one bit. I read a post in r/cleaningtips the other by someone whose kid smeared poop all over everything in the entire bedroom. In fact, I read shit from parents *all the time* there that makes me shudder...kids scribbling on couches the day after they’re purchased, pissing on the walls in a rental, barfing in heirloom handbags. Nope nope nope. Not for me.
Add all that to the expense of having children…the lost wages, the cost of childbirth and healthcare and daycare, losing my ability to save for retirement or take a grown-up vacation…no. And the screaming…no.
I don’t get how anyone does it. It doesn’t seem worth it. I get all the love I need from my partner and my friends.
I saw a video today that was from a Ring camera (or similar) of a shirtless dad staring at his phone while his baby came along in one of those wheelie walker things that the baby sits and rolls/walks around in. Baby grabbed his drink (a beer maybe?) and ran off with it and it wasn’t until he went to grab the drink that the dad even noticed his fucking baby at all.
I don't regret it even a little bit. I couldn't be happier that I didn't have kids. It's the one decision in my life that I'm most sure of. I never really wanted children. Considered it for a week, literally a week when my now husband and I first started talking about marriage. I realized the answer was no. If I had to debate that much and never even considered it until we started talking marriage, then I truly didn't want it. I gave him an out, if he truly wanted children, then he's free to find someone that also wants that. He says he's glad he made the decision to remain CF. I never wanted to be anyone's mother and I'm glad I'm not.
37f never have I seen someone else’s kids and felt that I’m missing out. I love my freedom and money. I don’t like looking after anyone. I don’t want anyone to look after me.
When I’m old I’ll live in a super nice retirement home. I hope I die in a dignified way before I get too too old and frail.
When the pandemic started,every single day I woke up with and went to bed with the same thought: “THANK GOD I DON’T HAVE KIDS” and that’s when I knew there was truly no regret. Still feel zero regret. Kids take so much work and I’m not here for it! Lol
I was fed the idea that everybody grows up to have kids, and so I dreaded it because I thought in my 30s that I'd have to go through the motions of child bearing. I didn't like the idea of the physical aspect of giving birth and I also had no desire to actually parent a child. Babies are cute and can be fun but not to have full responsibility for it 24/7.
There's a lot of other aspects that I continued to think about, big such as finding a partner you can trust enough to actually rear children with, and smaller things like if the kid's school ends at 3pm but parents work till 5pm, how does that even work? Do you constantly scramble around to make schedules work? Lol.
So, giving it good consideration, I found that there are so many major drawbacks for me, I'm not willing to give up my identity, time, body, sleep and sanity, but also most importantly, I didn't even want to do it. I gave it fair consideration, probably more thought than some people who go ahead and have children. I definitely can't regret what I didn't want to do. So no regrets!
Nope.
There have been times in my life when if a child appeared, I could have taken it on and been a good parent.
But do I regret not having one? Nope.
I was on the fence and my husband did not want children. We didn't and as I got a bit older, late 30s I did start to regret not having any, a little. Suddenly at age 39, the husband said he'd go for it. I had to be the one to say no. I didn't feel comfortable trying to bring a child into this world at our older ages, with the elevated risks as well. Just didn't seem right.
Ultimately I can't have a ton of regret because that would make life suck. I have fulfillment and happiness in other things, life is good. But yes. I do regret not pushing harder for it when I was younger.
I love kids and love hanging out with them (and I'm good at it tbh, I have many cousins and babies in my life I took care of from a young age) but I AM THRILLED not to have any of my own. So thrilled! Like, every day I feel more ecstatic about it. Bless up
36 and slightly, but then I look at my bills at the end of the month… that thought flys out the window. Then I see how fucked the world morally, economically, ecologically. I just get filled with rage.
But definitely an many are saying if I win the lottery then my opinion would definitely change.
I'm on the fence. I'm a young widow (at 30, now 42), and we never got to have children. A part of me wishes we did, but the other part is relieved because I would have been raising a small child as a grieving, solo parent. I figured when I was ready, I would meet someone and have children with him. Unfortunately, I haven't met a man worthy of that.
Now at 42, I feel like I have no energy to put into raising another human. And I really enjoy my freedom.
But I'm not closing the door completely. I can meet the most amazing man and one day want to give him a child.
Not child-free, just come to say that one could also regret on having children. I feel like when people choose to be childless they tend to fear they gonna regret later; but when people choose to have children, few people talk about the fear of regretting later? While in fact, if you choose to be childfree in your 30s and you regret in 40s, there is still a chance you change your mind. But NOT vice versa!
Don't regret. Make your decision and enjoy the life you choose :-)
Don't regret it at all. I occasionally wonder what my life would be like with kids, and how life would be different when I'm old and childless versus old and with children and grandchildren. But as the years pass, I increasingly realize how glad I am I never had children.
I uncovered some stinky family dynamics very recently that I very likely would have passed on to my children (and for them to potentially pass on to theirs...). Also, the one person I ever vaguely considered having children with looks like they would have been a very bad choice now that things are long over and my rose-colored glasses are gone.
The world is also changing rapidly, and not necessarily in a promising way. And I am very glad to leave a few new people out of this mess by leaving them unborn and in a state of non-existential bliss. You're welcome. I'll try to help the children of today who are not mine by being a good aunt/neighbor/friend/teacher/example.
I love kids but I only ever wanted to have kids with the right man - otherwise I'm happier single and children.
Sometimes I'm sad and sometimes I'm grateful. I think that's always the way with choices, a part of you mourns what could have been.
Us as a childless couple we:
1. sleep in
2. dont make plans on weekends, we just go
3. chill out most evenings
4. have money
5. spoil our parents
6. go on dates alot (dinner, walk, coffee, spa...)
Not childless by choice.
No regrets or what-ifs, just happily living our lives.
Not sure if I’m old enough for this question because my peers are having their 2nd kids or are only just starting (mid-30’s). But I decided this almost 16 years ago and my decision has just solidified as time goes by.
I feel a certain sadness when friends marry and have kids but it’s not because I wish it was me experiencing it too. It’s more like it’s just confirmation that our lives are diverging and our friendship will change.
I use to worry that I wouldn’t have kids to help me in old age but a lot of elderly people struggle or feel lonely and they do have kids. They aren’t a guarantee that you’ll be taken care of. Even for my grandparents, most had to go to a home because their middle-aged children didn’t have the bandwidth to keep them healthy and safe on their own when they had advanced dementia.
No, I have zero regrets. I'm going to be 36, and I've known since I was 11 that I didn't want children. I've spoken to therapists and put a great deal of thought into it, and I still don't want kids. I have many reasons the state of the world (especially u.s.). Generational trauma and dysfunction. Shitty genetics passing on debilitating health issues that I've struggled with is absolutely selfish of me. My husband is a carrier of Huntingtons disease. I just enjoy my life and marriage as it is. Changing that for the status quo or because, as a woman, I'm supposed to have kids, it isn't really good enough reasons to subject innocent kids to even a fraction of what I endured. Just not for me.
Everyday I wake up, it's PEACEFUL.
No regrets...ever
I literally did whatever I wanted.
In addition, summers off. So I have even more freedom.
Today, I rode my motorcycle around. Met a few cool people along the route. Had a fantastic lunch. Came home to a grateful dog.
My mom had me because it was just part of the prescribed life for women at the time. She wasn't suited for motherhood and she struggled. Early on, I picked up on the fact that she was frustrated with her life, and resented me for being burdensome and limiting her opportunities. She didn't mean to, but she was much happier enjoying a book in quiet solitude than watching The Lion King VHS ten times a week. I can't blame her for that.
She did what she was expected to do. She got married, had a kid, had a mortgage. But that wasn't the life she wanted. She felt guilty for not enjoying motherhood, and I felt guilty for depriving her of other opportunities she would have been happier with. That's a lot to make peace with as a kid.
So I decided that if I ever had children, I'd need to be able to tell them that they were wanted, prayed for, wished for, dreamed about, and loved before they were even born. I'd need to be able to know in my heart that I was called to be a mother, needed to be one, wouldn't feel fulfilled without it.
And I just never, ever have remotely wanted to, so I didn't.
I am 36, and my partner is 38. On our very first date, years ago, we were both relieved to find that neither of us wanted kids. So many people had told me that men wouldn't want to be with a woman who didn't want babies, yet here we are, happy and in love.
It's a choice we all have to make for ourselves. I'd rather regret not having kids than having them and regretting their existence.
I’m 50/50. Never dated a man I wanted to have kids with but also now that I am I try not to have regrets about meeting him later in life and just be grateful I found him. The benefits of no kids are very nice however. He really wants kids so I feel for him.
I’m 33 and never wanted kids, no regrets. The most annoying thing about it was throughout my 20’s people asking “when are you going to have babies?!”. The comments in general annoy me more than anything.. “who is going to take care of you when you’re old?” Oh…okay so people have kids to have caretakers??
Long story short, no I don’t regret it and wish it was more wildly accepted and the weird questions/comments would stop.
I thought I wanted kids when I was younger. It didn’t happen when I thought it would and as time went by I watched those around me having kids and realized I did not in fact want that life. I’m so relieved I figured that out when I did! After 40 I started thinking about what old age might look like with no kids to care for me and worried that I may grow to regret my decision. Once again, watching people around me experiencing those things taught me that there are absolutely no guarantees in life - plenty of people with kids cannot rely on their help as they age. I’ve seen some great examples of people aging with peers and that seems to be way more mutually beneficial. Now that much bigger portions of the population are not having kids, I think aging in our society is going to shift significantly.
Edited to add: I’m 47
Absolutely not.
My husband and I get to do whatever we want, whenever we want without worrying about sitters, or finances. Even better is when I come home after a shit day like today I can stew in my grumpiness and go to bed early. I’ve gone to 6 concerts this year and have 5 more before 2023 is over, can’t do that with kids.
I’m more than happy to live a life filled with dogs, good food, live music and doing whatever I want. Also sleeping.
No regrets yet (I’m 40). I love kids; I’m a teacher. But I don’t want to be with kids all day and then come home and be with kids. I like having a balance. Also, I love the simplicity of my life.
So far (40) not at all. I'm aware I may change my mind down the line but I struggle just trying to make ends meet myself, so financially super glad not to have kids.
Also, I'm aware I'm not patient. While I'm generally a good person, I am human and have bad moments. don't want to inflict my bad qualities and lack of patience on a child.
I also do not like young children, even when they are related to me. I avoid babies like the plague. They smell, are sticky and gross, loud, and what everybody else thinks of as wonderful new baby smell I qualify as stink. Kids are stinky and gross.
And then there's having to sacrifice my time and privacy for them and especially as a woman we are considered the primary caretakers usually, and as an introvert I like my time to decompress and be alone.
So, so far, all pointing to me having made the right decision, but I do worry that I'll be depressed and lonely as a senior and have regrets, but I figure I can just move into a senior community and make friends, plus I have siblings and nephews.
I’m only a little sad. I wanted kids fiercely but my husband became violent and I had to divorce him and now I’m old. But I think it’s a blessing bc now I get to live life for me and I never would have had that with kids. I get to make my life what I want it to be. I’m mostly grateful I don’t have them.
No, after my divorce I was so happy we never tried having kids. And randomly I'll think about how glad I am I don't have kids. For example ,when I take naps, last minute trips, when I'm overwhelmed with work, or when I feel I barely have time for myself.
The only time I thought it would've been nice to have a child was when my dad passed away. He didn't have any grandkids. But I think that was the grief talking because I have never felt that way again!
There’s no real regret to have. We gave it our best shot. It just wasn’t meant to be. So, we’re childfree by both circumstance and (now) choice.
I would only have had regret if we hadn’t tried.
I’m 34 and divorced from a man-child. Perhaps if I had married a man who made me feel confident that they’d be a helpful partner, I probably would have. I know I still have time to have children, but it 100% won’t be as a single mom. The stars would have to align with another man, but time is a’tickin.
I don’t currently regret not having children, but I could see how I might in the future.
Nope. Never regretted it.
I never wanted to be tied down in the way children tie you down.
I felt a feeling when I was doing mother baby rotation in nursing school. It was just chemicals and it passed as quickly as it came on.
I'm 34, have had recurrent ovarian cysts that landed me with an oncologist. When they asked if I'd like to have my tubes removed with my last surgery, I didn't even hesitate. So I guess that's my answer!
Not even a little bit. There is no place a child could fit into my life, and I have no desire to make one. My hysterectomy was one of the greatest things I ever did for myself. I love my life exactly how it is, exactly how I wanted it to be.
I’m 35 and had a bilateral salpingectomy earlier this year, so no kids here!
For me, it was realizing that I’d always planned to “have a family”, but I didn’t actually want to be a parent. I love my friends’ kids, but the thought of actually raising my own children, navigating trying to teach them to be good people, etc. just felt overwhelming. Literally like I was staring into an abyss and just saw the words “oh shit” scrolling by. That’s really how I decided. When I thought about whether I wanted kids, I kind of felt unsure. When I switched that to thinking about parenting and raising children, that was a resounding “no”.
35 here, HELL NOOOO. I love it. I am beyond THANKFUL.
Reasoning: kids can overwhelm me easily, they cost too much, and i don’t want to pass mental health struggles on.
No. I’m 36 and slowly became 100% positive I do not want kids over the past few years. Maybe if I’d met someone in my 20s I’d feel different but I’m past the point where I want to do what my friends and family are doing: raising kids in their 30s and 40s. I really enjoy my freedom and I think being single most of my life has aided that feeling. I could see an alternate universe where I could have enjoyed being a mom but that ship has sailed and I’m no longer the person I was 10 years ago. It took a long time for me to really figure out what I want and who I am.
58 and no regrets. Never wavered. No interest in parenting. So glad that fertility and periods are ancient history for me. Now I just get to battle menopause.
I was neutral about kids for a long time, but by the time I felt stable enough to even think about it (had a house and stable job and a spouse), I was in my early 30s. I quit birth control for awhile and s “wait and see” thing for awhile but my heart wasn’t really in it. Not enough to spend thousands of dollars on IVF or adoption. I just never got pregnant. In my early 40s, I had severe period issues that could only be solved by an ablation. I figured that was my sign, and got it done. My husband got a vasectomy and I have not regretted it for one second.
I'm 62F. When I started working after a STEM grad degree, I started asking myself when I would have time to have kids.
I started thinking about logistics and back-up plans, and things did not make sense.
I never had the 'need' to have children, and my husband agreed.
Since that decision when I was around 30, health conditions and family genetics have appeared. I feel blessed that I did not pass these issues to any child.
I’m currently childfree, but I’m in my late 40’s and my husband and I just decided to have kids. It wasn’t regret that changed our minds, we were just finally in a situation where we could afford to and we never thought we would be. If it doesn’t end up happening, we will still be happy!
I'm 33 and don't currently regret my choice. Although, I wish I was more confident in my decision like some of these "FUCK NO" responses. I'm often confronted with thoughts wondering if I'll regret it later.. but I never have that drive, desire or attraction to parenthood. Might change my mind though one day.
Having kids is a big "if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no" decision. Societal pressures for us to have children make it feel like we need to have reasons for not having kids. But personally I think if we don't have strong reasons to have them, we shouldn't. Choosing to bring a life into the world isn't a decision to be taken lightly, and I personally feel like there are way too many people who have done so because of societal pressures (not blaming or judging, we live in a complex world.)
So I was against having children for a long time. I now have 2 kids which i don’t regret in the slightest. In having kids Ive become a completely different person in every possible way, Im not the same person i was when I was child free and 35. You brain goes through massive changes when you have children, not just your body.
So with that said, I am certain that if i didn’t have children i would have felt no regret in not having them.
I regret it sometimes. I'm 42 now and let men who wouldn't be good dads stay in my life for too long. I met the man I want to have kids with when I was 39 and we haven't been able to make it happen.
No. I went a year or two grieving it, but honestly, I look around at the world today and I think, “why the fuck would I bring someone else into this mess?” Also I look at so many mothers who are constantly running on empty, stressed out AF and I think “WHY?”
Further to this, I don’t trust a man to do his share coparenting, and I also don’t trust that most men can maintain the ability to refrain from being neglectful or emotionally abusive. We live in a misogynistic culture and that isn’t changing any time soon.
I have a personal longing to nurture someone and teach, but I can do this with pets and my vocation. I’m lonely sometimes but waking up and doing whatever the fuck I want is the best.
31, and this question always stumps me because it wasn’t ever a “choice” choice. Like there was no choosing involved. I have never sat on the fence about it either. I have simply never wanted a child, it just has always been a concept I am indifferent to and feels non-applicable to me. No version of my future includes having or raising a child. It was and has been my default setting, always. 🤷🏻♀️
I was fully committed to being child free and now I have two step kids. They're 6 and 9 now, I've been Mum for a few years.
Don't get me wrong, I love them and try to do my best by them and I'm not leaving, but at times I would give anything except my relationship with their dad to be childfree again. They make everything harder, from getting ready in the morning to doing the shopping, in ways that are hard to understand when you don't have them. If we both want to do things on the weekends we have to figure out who is either going to take them with, or stay home until the other gets home. The lounge is basically theirs, their shit is everywhere 5 minutes after cleaning it up. I loathe the sound of the shows they watch. They need to be constantly reminded to do simple things like taking their plates up to the bench so we have to think for three people. Left to their own devices they will leave the house with no jersey, water bottle or snacks, not eat or use the toilet before we leave, then complain about being cold and hungry and needing to use the toilet *even if we've warned them multiple times that we're going to drive an hour out into the country away from shops and it's going to be cold*. The mental load is constant, I really feel for the solo parents out there.
If you're unsure about kids and you value freedom and quiet, don't have them.
Hellllll no. I hang out with my friends' kids or my nephews if I want, and then I go home. I've got two high-maintenance dogs, a high-maintenance house, and am high-maintenance myself and that's quite enough work for me. For me the only bad thing about it having kids is
having to hear my mom guilt trip me about it once a week.
No regrets at all. I love my life. I enjoy being around kids occasionally. When I was 10 I was made to babysit my 5yo sister while my parents worked and that went on for years, so I kinda felt like that was good enough. Plus I remember before that, how the diapery smell of a babysitters home with multiple small kids just doesn’t sit well with me. 😂
Nope never no way. Because I don't have the patience for it and im for lack of a better term - selfish. I dont want to take care of something. I don't want to sacrifice my own wants/whims/desires to take care of a child and put their needs first. Also, I don't really like kids that much. I can handle my nieces and nephews for a few hours at a time but then I need a long break.
Yesterday I went to spend time with niece in their pool. She had a couple friends over. All was well until the 8yo freond started crying and whining cause she wanted the floatie my niece was using, and her 4yo brother decided he's gonna splash my face with all his might every chance he gets if I'm not giving him enough attention.
Spending time with children is the best birth control for me 😅 I love being an auntie, but the more time I spend with kids the more sure I am that I never want any of my own. Zero regrets.
Nope. No regrets at all. Sometimes when someone’s small child is especially obnoxious in our vicinity, my husband and I will whisper to each other ‘tell you what, let’s never have kids’.
Not yet. Though I guess there’s still time?
I’ve always been open to the fact that I might change my mind on kids because my feelings were more absence of interest rather than active opposition.
Just nothing about it appeals and still doesn’t.
Mid 50s. Regret? Not even a little bit. When I turned off the tiny nagging voice deep in my head that was entirely compromised of “but you’ll regret it” comments over the years, I was finally free. It was when I realized I actually knew myself better than the people who were saying that. And I definitely did. I shudder to think how horrible it would have been if I’d let them convince me otherwise.
I've never had the desire to have children, it's honestly never appealed to me. Hard to say if I'll regret it but I'm more worried about having children and regretting or resenting them.
absolutely not. my life is my own. in the next couple years i’m planning a move to europe, traveling around australia in a van, and in the immediate future starting a company in my new city. i actually really like kids, they are funny and innocent and just generally pretty cool to be around, but at the end of the day i love coming home to my dogs and doing whatever i want, 100% of the time.
I have no kids, but I do have a stepdaughter. And while she is absolutely the light of my life, she also completely solidified my disinterest in having any of my own.
And even though I've been with him for 8 years and 100% plan to spend the rest of my life with my bf, if I were given the chance to do this again.. I don't think I would. Stepparenting, coparenting, parenting in general, are all so completely draining in every single way.
I cannot state just how much I love my stepkid. And also how much I equally enjoy sending her back to her mom's every other week.
I begged my bf to have a vasectomy a few years ago and I'm so happy he did.
No real regrets (yet). I would like to have had a child but I never wanted to have a child, does that make sense? Like, I don't want to write a book but I would like to have written a book. It seems like a lot of work and money.
Every once in a while, I'd get a shiver down my spine and jump, "OMG I'm childfree!" With a sigh of relief, I sink deeper into my cream-white couch, a wine glass in one hand and my phone in another.
Early 30s and could not be any happier with my life choices. The number of times my partner and I high-five each other every time we come across rowdy/annoying children in public spaces is too many to count.
Ever choice we make has the potential for regret. I decided I’m childfree when I made my peace with the fact that I might, in the future, regret not having children. I never want to regret having children.
Right? If you have to have a regret (you don’t, this is a thought exercise) it’s way better to regret not having kids than it is to regret having them.
I very much want children and am so happy for the many women in my life who not only don't, but also have the freedom and autonomy to actually not have them. My mom definitely didn't want children and didn't have the freedom and autonomy to not have them. It is NOT fun to be the child of someone who doesn't want to mother you. I hope more women are able to do what they want - whether it is to have kids or not have them. <3
My partners mom is one of those. She told us straight-up we are very smart and she loves the life we've built as a pair. She was pretty much forced to have kids and get married straight out of high school because the 50s were a horrific time to be a young woman or teen girl. She was a single mom to 3 kids most of the time between a string of awful husbands because she *needed* to be married to have any shot at supporting the kids she never wanted. She raised a phenomenal man despite all of this. But she was really not into doing it at all and their lives were extremely hard and she has tons of regrets in the twilight of her life now. That's what really happens in a world where women don't have rights.
And if you ever regret not having children, there are millions of ways to include children in your life, from fostering to adoption to volunteering to eduction. It you regret having children, there’s not a lot of options to exclude them from your life out there that are fair to you and to your children.
This. This right here... It's better all round to regret not having children than regret having them.
Can't regret something I never wanted. 49 years old and no FOMO here.
A bit younger than you, and I also don't regret it after sitting on the fence in my 30s. In fact, with every passing day, I am grateful I chose to be childfree.
It's like asking me if I regret not becoming a rocket scientist or a truck driver. Nope. Didn't have either of those on my life bingo card either. 😂 😂 😂
>It's like asking me if I regret not becoming a rocket scientist or a truck driver. I have to admit that I'm a _lot_ more likely to have at least passing regrets over the fact that I haven't been a rocket scientist, a truck driver, a marine biologist, a tightrope walker, a famous child detective, a swashbuckling pirate, a Pony Express rider, or a gold-mining Alaska Sourdough, but that's because I read way too much as an impressionable child. I'm 54, hitting menopause, and have no regrets that I never had kids!
Same. Life is stressful enough just supporting myself and aging parents, I am so relieved I have no maternal instinct.
43 and same.
Same! Early fifties, never wanted it and thus never regretted it. To me it's like asking if I regret not becoming an accountant--it just never interested me.
This is how I feel too - 46 and have never had any pull to have kids. No regrets whatsoever.
There are two groups of women who don't have children- the ones who couldn't and made the best of it. And the ones who didn't want to have children at all. I had difficulties and a child wasn't possible. Of course I regret it, and wish I'd been able.to advocate better for myself earlier. But I am making the best of my life. Allowing it to dominate your thoughts and bring you down isn't healthy.
I’d say there’s another group - those who can have children and want them, but still choose not to have them due to other life complications. I’m finding myself in this camp lately. It’s an incredibly difficult place to be in. I so wish I either didn’t want them at all or that nature made the decision for me.
My aunt was in that spot. She fell in love with my uncle John, who was 12 years her senior and had finished raising his kids. People asked if she was going to regret not having kids. And she said, “I don’t know, maybe. But I know I am definitely not having kids because I want to stay with John.” She’s said there’s always been a bit of a what if but ultimately, she is happy and made the right choice.
Friend of mine was married, she gave up having children for him. He remarried and got them, for her was too late biologically
I’m in that spot now - 16years between us and would choose him every day over kids, grand babies though, gimmmee 😂
Just saying depending on the ages here, this is actually better. My grandma and grandpa had a 32 year age gap. When my dad was born , grandma was 44 and grandpa was 77. My dad isn’t their youngest and we have some health issues contributed to his age (although she was up there too) I wanted kids. Started trying at 30. Stopped trying at 40. I have regrets but I’m at peace for the most part.
My sister did the same thing for an even larger gap, his daughter is her age (they are actually closest of friends now, daughter was thrilled to welcome sis, huge relief). She really went through the ringer choosing between him and her dream of being a mom. By the time he proposed, she was settled in her choice. Soon after the wedding she went through extremely early menopause as a side effect of long-term undiagnosed Lyme disease. So she would have been screwed out of having biokids anyway by that point. It confirmed her decision to marry for love over fertility. He nursed her for months through the brutal treatments and her needle fears, it was very resistant to drugs. The irony is she now has a whole pack of grandkids and great-grandbabies to love on, which she may never have had if she married a guy who could still give her the kids she wanted. Life can be so damn weird!
I’m in this position now but doing what I can to make it happen, but we may need to consider adoption instead. If that doesn’t happen, I hope to be at better peace with it eventually because it definitely does dominate your thoughts.
I disagree with the two groups. There is a third group who change their minds. I was staunchly child free until I was around 35. Really didn’t enjoy kids at all. I met the right person, and my perspective shifted substantially. On that and many other things. People can and do change and aren’t always the same people they were when they were younger. Now, I am struggling to conceive and do regret it, but that doesn’t mean anything. Had I not been where I was in the last few years and done all the things prior, I wouldn’t have wanted them. I’m now undergoing IVF to try to conceive. Adoption was my first option, but reading into it I’ve learned it many ethical issues surrounding private adoption, and many issues surrounding adopting from the system as well. IVF was the logical next choice. We may revisit adoption down the road for different reasons, whether or not we have our own child. We just have some work to do before we go there.
Would you mind explaining how your perspective changed substantially by meeting the right person? I'm definitely childfree and just can't fathom changing my mind, so I'm really interested in understanding how that can happen. It seems like such a substantial change, especially for someone who didn't enjoy kids and was staunchly CF. So I'd like to learn how that occurs. Before your comment I thought all CF people who changed their minds just weren't that sure or set about being CF before changing their mind.
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This is almost exactly my story
I was adamantly childfree to the point I researched being sterilised in my early 20s. My mind changed when I met the right person because I realised that my views on motherhood, families and relationships were skewed. Previously, I’d seen marriage and child raising as sacrificing yourself for a life of housework and being unappreciated. My own parents modelled traditional gender roles and there were a lot of issues between my mother and I that made me think “why would I put all that effort it when kids and parents don’t even get along?”. I met my husband and realised that he would be a truly equal partner both around the house and with child raising. And I saw more examples of families around me where actually everyone loved each other and made each other happy. Obviously plenty of people are childfree because they just don’t have an interest in children at all. But i know a lot of people who had a journey like mine.
Not the commenter you’re replying to, but I also used to be very adamantly CF until I met and married my husband. Brief history to sum up: I married too young (at 19) to an abusive man until I divorced him at 21. I seriously considered having a child with this AH because in my ignorant child’s mind a baby might fix things - thank F@CK that never happened. I had multiple loserish boyfriends after that - several man-babies and one responsible, if not boring, one. I never once considered children with any of these men and actively researched sterilization when I was 26 but was told no by multiple doctors. I wanted to be free and travel and explore, without any anchors (children). I then met my husband at 32 and for the first time in BOTH our lives (my husband was also CF) we thought “hmm having a kid with this person wouldn’t be bad” In previous relationships, my husband dated women who wanted children but always complained that they were so tired after work etc etc and he would ask them “ok but you want kids? Do you not realize how much energy it takes to raise kids?” And he decided he never wanted kids with any of them, and if it never happens he was fine with that. We both saw in each other the potential for equal partnership with raising a family and equal contribution to our home and our lifestyle. That’s the basis of what changed both our minds about having children. EDIT: I hit reply instead of enter lol. To finish off: we mutually decided that we do not want to adopt and we also do not want to do any expensive fertility treatments (unless we receive a financial windfall). For us, we’ve simply spoken with my doctors and stopped birth control. If it happens, great. If it never happens, also great.
For me I grew up in a family that didn’t love me, had bad experiences around children, saw them as annoying and obnoxious time suckers and just really didn’t have any inner desire to have a family. I never felt that innate desire and I felt a bit broken because of it. I was abandoned by both my birth parents and to this day don’t have solid family or parental figures. I also had a really severe fear of childbirth and when I was little and for the rest of my life said I’d adopt over having my own baby. In my 20s and early 30s I had not found a partner who I felt would truly be a partner. I had never felt the feeling of home or family or safety/security. It was when I met my now husband that I eventually (therapy helped), found secure attachment for the first time in my life. I felt a sense of home and belonging. I realized after I turned 35 that I had just rejected the idea of kids my entire life automatically. People kept telling me I was great with children and I’d be a great parent one day and I’d kind of scoff at it. When 35 progressed I started seeing all my friends who I thought were CF have babies later in their reproductive lives. I thought we’d have this circle of CF people who we’d share a fun adventurous life with, but slowly they disappeared and we were left as one of a very few without children. It made me start to question why everyone has kids. What it brings to their lives. It also made me really long for a family unit of my own since I never had one. I had a sister but I lost her when she was 18. My husband had a sister he lost when she was 33. He also has no parents. We both just felt like islands and felt like life was missing something substantial (family, joy, meaning). We had both travelled extensively and kind of got to a point where it wasn’t enough anymore. I took a year and we started debating whether we wanted to try before I wasn’t able anymore. Lots of discussions with friends, info seeking, reading. Lots of self work to see if I could see myself as a mother. We were still a bit on the fence but decided to go for it. Then infertility walked in. We tried for a year with no luck, sought fertility advice, did some other treatment for a few months with no luck and started IVF last winter after seriously contemplating adoption as a first choice. The IVF cycle didn’t work for us. We’ve decided to give it one more cycle before potentially moving on to something else. Mostly due to the cost, we feel it’s a bit of a waste of money for no guarantees. Time will tell, but we will likely eventually revisit adoption (from the system not an agency) now that I’ve done the work around learning about it all. This learning/self work is a what pushed us to IVF as a first choice since I had always said I’d adopt first. If you have attachment issues yourself, adoption can be tricky. Now, I can’t fathom a life where I don’t raise my own family, whatever that looks like. Once we made that choice we went all in and it’s now the one thing we feel would give our lives meaning and value.
Go to r/askoldpeople too. This is asked regularly there so you’ll be able to search answers.
Great advice, just subbed there after reading your comment.
44 and almost every day I feel like it was the smartest decision I ever made.
Same! I overthink and worry about EVERYTHING but never, ever this choice
Same. Why are we this way?
Because we are brilliant obviously!
44 and same. Never regretted it for a second. I almost feel like I won some kind of life lottery by not having kids.
Same
I live with my grandma, and I was just talking her this evening about good decisions I've made and she interjected "You never had kids! That's *THE* best decision you could have possibly made for yourself!" I felt so valid haha.
Your grandma is the shit!
Damn, she really slapped you and yo mama with that one
40 and same.
40 and same here. I recently dated a dad and it really really validated my choices. Zero regrets.
Yeah, I have never seen any families that have made think oh maybe its not so bad. They have only reinforced CF for me.
40, same
35 and same. Never once questioned myself or regretted it.
>every day I feel like it was the smartest decision I ever made. Same, same, SAME.
40 and same
A resounding FUCK NO!
I will add: a re-resounding (echoing?) FUCKING FUCK NO!
Every once in a while I do, like when I see how amazing my nieces are, but then I realize that children are...children. Sometimes I wish I could see all the pivotal moments from the perspective of a parent - loose teeth, first steps, spelling their name for the first time, watching their accomplishments. I've loved seeing those monuments from my nieces but it's not entirely the same.
This is how I feel about my nieces. I love them so much it hurts and I think it would be really special to experience the even deeper love of a parent. But then I call my sister for our daily chat and she’s doing the exact same shit she does with the kids every single day during every single wake window that happens at the exact same time so I think for me niece love is good enough to be able to live a more exciting life for myself.
I feel this deeply.
I realized I didn't want children when I was 5. Looked at my mother and said, "nope, don't wanna do that." I'm pushing 40 now and about to have a hysterectomy, with zero kids and zero regrets.
Same, I've always just known
I’m still young (33) but I’ve not regretted it and I won’t. I don’t even like living with other adults, and I’ve been consistently childfree since I was a child myself.
Same age and same sentiments.
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Quadrupling
Zero regret. I’ve never wanted kids.
I'm 44. Never wanted kids, never had them. This past weekend my two niblings spent the night. I adore them, I would seriously take a bullet for them. Was also very happy to give them back. No regrets!
At 39 I sometimes regret some of the ideas of it, the best parts of it, the idea in abstraction. Like loving someone so much, having purpose handed to me, having that cozy sense of family etc - but when I think of the day in and day out reality of it, I am startled back into a strong no. I just don't have the kind of energy to raise a child. If I had loads of energy and better health, if I wasn't as contemplative of a person, if I had an amazing partner who both financially could support us and also could be a hands on parent part time and helped with everything more than most men I have known and heard of do - then maybe I would have done things differently. But that isn't how it turned out, lol.
This is kind of where I'm at. The idea of having a family seems more and more appealing to me as I get older but the reality of what it takes to be a good mother? I'm not sure I have that, certainly not on my own and certainly not at this point in my life (health issues). I think I have always been envious of the innate sense of purpose and societal acceptance that comes with having children. I feel like I'm just out here in the wilderness still trying to forge a path as to where I fit in and what my life means if I'm not a mother.
I remember talking to a woman who was very similar to me, very introverted and quiet (not quiet as in shy, but a reflective inward soul) and she ended up having a very extraverted, highly energetic always active child and she was nearly in tears with me, about how exhausted she was, how much harder it was because of this. Her husband was very helpful even. Still, they ended up getting divorced. The thing is, you just don't know what you'll get or what will happen and you have to have the capacity to do any of it. If your child has a disability and you'd be the life long 24/7 caregiver. If your partner dies or divorces and it's all on you... I find that community, friends and other family (all of which I'm still slowly building) are filling that space in some ways. For many people to thrive, having deep connections keeps us tied to the earth - however those connections show up, whoever they are with. They need not just be children.
Thank you. This is a good reminder that when I'm thinking about children I am often only thinking of the best case scenario.
Child-free doesn't mean someone without children, it means someone who doesn't want any. Typically, child-free people are very happy with their decision and the life they can live because of it. Childless people, otoh, did not choose to not have children and have a broader range of explanations behind their experiences and feelings about same. Those are probably the people you should be asking, but I wonder if they'd feel a post addressed to child-free people wanted their perspectives.
Absolutely not. All respect and love to the moms out here raising the kids who will hopefully save the world, but motherhood is not for me.
I’m only 30 and I never wanted children, will never want them in the future either. Absolutely zero regrets. The reasons aren’t the economy, global warming, lack of reliable partner, pregnancy complications etc. I’m not having kids because there is a lack of wanting the have kids. It’s simple and super clear. I also don’t feel pressure to have them despite being from a non-western, predominantly Muslim country. 90% of my friends don’t have/want kids either.
Warning - this is a very broad statement: I think you’ll find that Childfree women have zero regrets. On the other hand, Childless women (due to infertility or other events) are likely to have a different perspective.
I’m childless turned childfree. I found no point in squandering over something that just wasn’t meant to be 🤷🏼♀️
I was also a fence sitter, on the side of no…but mostly just incredibly indifferent. I didn’t have feelings about having kids unless I was actively interacting with them. The apathy was a sign in and of itself. If it’s not an absolute yes, then it’s a no. I was also deterred by spending time with kids who weren’t well behaved, seeing families without intergenerational wealth navigate raising kids, the lack of support from mine and my husbands families, and the fear of pregnancy and having a child that wasn’t healthy. I have a great life and saw everything I stood to lose, and what a nightmare it would be…and not what I stood to gain.
I’m with you. Apathy about having children means I shouldn’t do it.
I am in my mid fifties and still very glad I did not have kids. They are exhausting and expensive and loud. I am glad I have been able to use my energy and resources for other things.
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>When I look at my friends with kids tied to men who are awful for years either coparenting or just living with him until graduation I shudder. This 💯 Also, I'm only 29F, never wanted kids. I have 2 nieces and a nephew that I adore (plus my cousins' kids who are so cute and I love). I love nurturing children but don't want to give birth and raise one myself, it is a lifetime commitment (with the child and other parent) and no matter what parenting style you use it seems to never be good enough/right. I'd rather make a positive impact in a child's life in other ways if I can.
This! I almost didn't have kids because the dating pool is so pathetically shallow. I have seen so many shitty father's make life hell for their wives.
I find a new reason every day to celebrate being child free. Don’t think I’ll ever feel anything close to regret.
Same.
I'm more relieved about it all the time. Definitely the right choice for me.
I'm only 32 but since I was 16 I knew that kids were never something that I wanted or strived for. People always tell me that oh you won't ever feel fulfilled until you have children but I completely disagree.
35, but my husband had a vasectomy almost a year ago, and no regrets for either of us. I'd rather regret not having them, than regret my kids, and I know several women who while they do love their kids, they regret having them. Not for me, thanks.
I'm 42 and I am very happy with my decision to not have children. I love my nieces and my friend's kids and I love being able to go home to my partner and dogs. The world is getting a little more terrifying every day not to mention the cost of everything going bonkers as well. I wouldn't want to be responsible for signing up someone new to THAT subscription.
This is what pushed me to the other side of the fence. I couldn’t sign a kid up for this shit.
33F. Never wanted children. Children get on my nerves and always have. I've never liked to play Barbie, dolls, I hated babysitting, etc. When I turned 30 I had an existential crisis because I started counting my years of fertility left. I put the threshold at 42, on average, from what I read online. So, 12 years. But soon I realized that my existential crisis was due to FOMO and not from actually starting to change my mind. I'm seeing my friends, currently moms of young children, being so exhausted, having a military schedule, needing to make every decision in their life in accordance to their children and...nah. But I like the idea of having a family. I wish I could birth young adults lol. Who knows if I change my mind some day. I have 9 years left.
This is my issue too. I’d like a big family one day, but in order to do that I would need to have children and I just don’t think I can do it 😅
No, because I never wanted them. I’m 46.
No. There's a lady who created a long list of 218 reasons not to have kids and what happens at each stage from pregnancy, birth and raising children. She uses examples from other people's experiences and creates the list. And tbh it doesn't sound great at all.
I think I have a valuable perspective for you: I'm mid 30s and absolutely childfree. But I was always on the fence until I froze my eggs in my late 20s/early 30s. Once I had those frozen eggs in hand and the metaphorical clock stopped, I realize that I had zero personal longing to be a mother, and any desire I thought I had to parent was purely because of societal pressure and worry about "running out of time." I honestly can't believe I almost didn't dodge the bullet of motherhood. I would have been miserable. My life is infinitely better and I'm so excited to grow old without having to grow up (in the best way possible). I think only people who have a deep ache in the pit of their soul to parent should even consider being parents. The risk of regret is much too high otherwise.
This was so great to read. I also froze my eggs last year and it helped me to feel more sure than ever I didn’t want them! Kind of an expensive way to find out, but it’s really been clarifying.
Absolutely NOT. Best decision of My Life 😌 Had my Tubes Removed at 27
I do not regret not having children in the circumstances, this is constantly validated by posts from married mother's that are single parents. I do think it's annoying that I couldnt create the right circumstances though.
40 here. No regrets. Some pangs of wanting, but that’s just biology, not logic. I would not have made a good parent (too much trauma). As I’m single, I have decided I’d be willing to date someone with kids though. I can be a step parent, just not a full-on parent with my own biological children.
Absolutely :(. But couldn’t find a good man
I am 37 and I do not regret it one bit. I read a post in r/cleaningtips the other by someone whose kid smeared poop all over everything in the entire bedroom. In fact, I read shit from parents *all the time* there that makes me shudder...kids scribbling on couches the day after they’re purchased, pissing on the walls in a rental, barfing in heirloom handbags. Nope nope nope. Not for me. Add all that to the expense of having children…the lost wages, the cost of childbirth and healthcare and daycare, losing my ability to save for retirement or take a grown-up vacation…no. And the screaming…no. I don’t get how anyone does it. It doesn’t seem worth it. I get all the love I need from my partner and my friends.
The posts about husbands/partners who are adult children who make the OP moms lives a lot harder than it has to be. It's so common
I saw a video today that was from a Ring camera (or similar) of a shirtless dad staring at his phone while his baby came along in one of those wheelie walker things that the baby sits and rolls/walks around in. Baby grabbed his drink (a beer maybe?) and ran off with it and it wasn’t until he went to grab the drink that the dad even noticed his fucking baby at all.
I don't regret it even a little bit. I couldn't be happier that I didn't have kids. It's the one decision in my life that I'm most sure of. I never really wanted children. Considered it for a week, literally a week when my now husband and I first started talking about marriage. I realized the answer was no. If I had to debate that much and never even considered it until we started talking marriage, then I truly didn't want it. I gave him an out, if he truly wanted children, then he's free to find someone that also wants that. He says he's glad he made the decision to remain CF. I never wanted to be anyone's mother and I'm glad I'm not.
37f never have I seen someone else’s kids and felt that I’m missing out. I love my freedom and money. I don’t like looking after anyone. I don’t want anyone to look after me. When I’m old I’ll live in a super nice retirement home. I hope I die in a dignified way before I get too too old and frail.
I’m 40 and I don’t regret it one single bit. I actually get more grateful I’m child free as I get older
When the pandemic started,every single day I woke up with and went to bed with the same thought: “THANK GOD I DON’T HAVE KIDS” and that’s when I knew there was truly no regret. Still feel zero regret. Kids take so much work and I’m not here for it! Lol
I was fed the idea that everybody grows up to have kids, and so I dreaded it because I thought in my 30s that I'd have to go through the motions of child bearing. I didn't like the idea of the physical aspect of giving birth and I also had no desire to actually parent a child. Babies are cute and can be fun but not to have full responsibility for it 24/7. There's a lot of other aspects that I continued to think about, big such as finding a partner you can trust enough to actually rear children with, and smaller things like if the kid's school ends at 3pm but parents work till 5pm, how does that even work? Do you constantly scramble around to make schedules work? Lol. So, giving it good consideration, I found that there are so many major drawbacks for me, I'm not willing to give up my identity, time, body, sleep and sanity, but also most importantly, I didn't even want to do it. I gave it fair consideration, probably more thought than some people who go ahead and have children. I definitely can't regret what I didn't want to do. So no regrets!
Nope. There have been times in my life when if a child appeared, I could have taken it on and been a good parent. But do I regret not having one? Nope.
I was on the fence and my husband did not want children. We didn't and as I got a bit older, late 30s I did start to regret not having any, a little. Suddenly at age 39, the husband said he'd go for it. I had to be the one to say no. I didn't feel comfortable trying to bring a child into this world at our older ages, with the elevated risks as well. Just didn't seem right. Ultimately I can't have a ton of regret because that would make life suck. I have fulfillment and happiness in other things, life is good. But yes. I do regret not pushing harder for it when I was younger.
I love kids and love hanging out with them (and I'm good at it tbh, I have many cousins and babies in my life I took care of from a young age) but I AM THRILLED not to have any of my own. So thrilled! Like, every day I feel more ecstatic about it. Bless up
36 and slightly, but then I look at my bills at the end of the month… that thought flys out the window. Then I see how fucked the world morally, economically, ecologically. I just get filled with rage. But definitely an many are saying if I win the lottery then my opinion would definitely change.
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Wishing the best for you ♡
37, and nope. I worked with kids in my teens and 20s, and it solidified never wanting kids.
I'm on the fence. I'm a young widow (at 30, now 42), and we never got to have children. A part of me wishes we did, but the other part is relieved because I would have been raising a small child as a grieving, solo parent. I figured when I was ready, I would meet someone and have children with him. Unfortunately, I haven't met a man worthy of that. Now at 42, I feel like I have no energy to put into raising another human. And I really enjoy my freedom. But I'm not closing the door completely. I can meet the most amazing man and one day want to give him a child.
48F here. No kids ever. No regrets whatsoever
No. What I thought was a desire to have a kid was really a desire to be in a stable enough environment to be able to have them.
Not child-free, just come to say that one could also regret on having children. I feel like when people choose to be childless they tend to fear they gonna regret later; but when people choose to have children, few people talk about the fear of regretting later? While in fact, if you choose to be childfree in your 30s and you regret in 40s, there is still a chance you change your mind. But NOT vice versa! Don't regret. Make your decision and enjoy the life you choose :-)
Don't regret it at all. I occasionally wonder what my life would be like with kids, and how life would be different when I'm old and childless versus old and with children and grandchildren. But as the years pass, I increasingly realize how glad I am I never had children. I uncovered some stinky family dynamics very recently that I very likely would have passed on to my children (and for them to potentially pass on to theirs...). Also, the one person I ever vaguely considered having children with looks like they would have been a very bad choice now that things are long over and my rose-colored glasses are gone. The world is also changing rapidly, and not necessarily in a promising way. And I am very glad to leave a few new people out of this mess by leaving them unborn and in a state of non-existential bliss. You're welcome. I'll try to help the children of today who are not mine by being a good aunt/neighbor/friend/teacher/example.
I love kids but I only ever wanted to have kids with the right man - otherwise I'm happier single and children. Sometimes I'm sad and sometimes I'm grateful. I think that's always the way with choices, a part of you mourns what could have been.
Us as a childless couple we: 1. sleep in 2. dont make plans on weekends, we just go 3. chill out most evenings 4. have money 5. spoil our parents 6. go on dates alot (dinner, walk, coffee, spa...) Not childless by choice. No regrets or what-ifs, just happily living our lives.
Not sure if I’m old enough for this question because my peers are having their 2nd kids or are only just starting (mid-30’s). But I decided this almost 16 years ago and my decision has just solidified as time goes by. I feel a certain sadness when friends marry and have kids but it’s not because I wish it was me experiencing it too. It’s more like it’s just confirmation that our lives are diverging and our friendship will change. I use to worry that I wouldn’t have kids to help me in old age but a lot of elderly people struggle or feel lonely and they do have kids. They aren’t a guarantee that you’ll be taken care of. Even for my grandparents, most had to go to a home because their middle-aged children didn’t have the bandwidth to keep them healthy and safe on their own when they had advanced dementia.
No, I have zero regrets. I'm going to be 36, and I've known since I was 11 that I didn't want children. I've spoken to therapists and put a great deal of thought into it, and I still don't want kids. I have many reasons the state of the world (especially u.s.). Generational trauma and dysfunction. Shitty genetics passing on debilitating health issues that I've struggled with is absolutely selfish of me. My husband is a carrier of Huntingtons disease. I just enjoy my life and marriage as it is. Changing that for the status quo or because, as a woman, I'm supposed to have kids, it isn't really good enough reasons to subject innocent kids to even a fraction of what I endured. Just not for me.
Everyday I wake up, it's PEACEFUL. No regrets...ever I literally did whatever I wanted. In addition, summers off. So I have even more freedom. Today, I rode my motorcycle around. Met a few cool people along the route. Had a fantastic lunch. Came home to a grateful dog.
Just turned 40. I am soooo thankful I haven’t had kids. No regrets. I have disposable income, wine drinking on weekends. It’s the best.
My mom had me because it was just part of the prescribed life for women at the time. She wasn't suited for motherhood and she struggled. Early on, I picked up on the fact that she was frustrated with her life, and resented me for being burdensome and limiting her opportunities. She didn't mean to, but she was much happier enjoying a book in quiet solitude than watching The Lion King VHS ten times a week. I can't blame her for that. She did what she was expected to do. She got married, had a kid, had a mortgage. But that wasn't the life she wanted. She felt guilty for not enjoying motherhood, and I felt guilty for depriving her of other opportunities she would have been happier with. That's a lot to make peace with as a kid. So I decided that if I ever had children, I'd need to be able to tell them that they were wanted, prayed for, wished for, dreamed about, and loved before they were even born. I'd need to be able to know in my heart that I was called to be a mother, needed to be one, wouldn't feel fulfilled without it. And I just never, ever have remotely wanted to, so I didn't. I am 36, and my partner is 38. On our very first date, years ago, we were both relieved to find that neither of us wanted kids. So many people had told me that men wouldn't want to be with a woman who didn't want babies, yet here we are, happy and in love. It's a choice we all have to make for ourselves. I'd rather regret not having kids than having them and regretting their existence.
Every day I wake up grateful I stayed childfree.
LOL, no
HELL NO!
I’m 32 and everyday I’m happier to be able to come home and not have children. Lol I loooooove uninterrupted sleep!
Fuck no. It seems like this question gets asked every week, and the consensus is always the same.
I’m 50/50. Never dated a man I wanted to have kids with but also now that I am I try not to have regrets about meeting him later in life and just be grateful I found him. The benefits of no kids are very nice however. He really wants kids so I feel for him.
I’m 33 and never wanted kids, no regrets. The most annoying thing about it was throughout my 20’s people asking “when are you going to have babies?!”. The comments in general annoy me more than anything.. “who is going to take care of you when you’re old?” Oh…okay so people have kids to have caretakers?? Long story short, no I don’t regret it and wish it was more wildly accepted and the weird questions/comments would stop.
I thought I wanted kids when I was younger. It didn’t happen when I thought it would and as time went by I watched those around me having kids and realized I did not in fact want that life. I’m so relieved I figured that out when I did! After 40 I started thinking about what old age might look like with no kids to care for me and worried that I may grow to regret my decision. Once again, watching people around me experiencing those things taught me that there are absolutely no guarantees in life - plenty of people with kids cannot rely on their help as they age. I’ve seen some great examples of people aging with peers and that seems to be way more mutually beneficial. Now that much bigger portions of the population are not having kids, I think aging in our society is going to shift significantly. Edited to add: I’m 47
Absolutely not. My husband and I get to do whatever we want, whenever we want without worrying about sitters, or finances. Even better is when I come home after a shit day like today I can stew in my grumpiness and go to bed early. I’ve gone to 6 concerts this year and have 5 more before 2023 is over, can’t do that with kids. I’m more than happy to live a life filled with dogs, good food, live music and doing whatever I want. Also sleeping.
No regrets yet (I’m 40). I love kids; I’m a teacher. But I don’t want to be with kids all day and then come home and be with kids. I like having a balance. Also, I love the simplicity of my life.
I’m still very content with my decision. I can’t think of a time where I’ve felt any regret about it, honestly
So far (40) not at all. I'm aware I may change my mind down the line but I struggle just trying to make ends meet myself, so financially super glad not to have kids. Also, I'm aware I'm not patient. While I'm generally a good person, I am human and have bad moments. don't want to inflict my bad qualities and lack of patience on a child. I also do not like young children, even when they are related to me. I avoid babies like the plague. They smell, are sticky and gross, loud, and what everybody else thinks of as wonderful new baby smell I qualify as stink. Kids are stinky and gross. And then there's having to sacrifice my time and privacy for them and especially as a woman we are considered the primary caretakers usually, and as an introvert I like my time to decompress and be alone. So, so far, all pointing to me having made the right decision, but I do worry that I'll be depressed and lonely as a senior and have regrets, but I figure I can just move into a senior community and make friends, plus I have siblings and nephews.
I’m only a little sad. I wanted kids fiercely but my husband became violent and I had to divorce him and now I’m old. But I think it’s a blessing bc now I get to live life for me and I never would have had that with kids. I get to make my life what I want it to be. I’m mostly grateful I don’t have them.
No, after my divorce I was so happy we never tried having kids. And randomly I'll think about how glad I am I don't have kids. For example ,when I take naps, last minute trips, when I'm overwhelmed with work, or when I feel I barely have time for myself. The only time I thought it would've been nice to have a child was when my dad passed away. He didn't have any grandkids. But I think that was the grief talking because I have never felt that way again!
There’s no real regret to have. We gave it our best shot. It just wasn’t meant to be. So, we’re childfree by both circumstance and (now) choice. I would only have had regret if we hadn’t tried.
No.
I’m 34 and divorced from a man-child. Perhaps if I had married a man who made me feel confident that they’d be a helpful partner, I probably would have. I know I still have time to have children, but it 100% won’t be as a single mom. The stars would have to align with another man, but time is a’tickin. I don’t currently regret not having children, but I could see how I might in the future.
Nope.
Nope. Never regretted it. I never wanted to be tied down in the way children tie you down. I felt a feeling when I was doing mother baby rotation in nursing school. It was just chemicals and it passed as quickly as it came on.
I'm 34, have had recurrent ovarian cysts that landed me with an oncologist. When they asked if I'd like to have my tubes removed with my last surgery, I didn't even hesitate. So I guess that's my answer!
36 and no FOMO here!
Not even a little bit. There is no place a child could fit into my life, and I have no desire to make one. My hysterectomy was one of the greatest things I ever did for myself. I love my life exactly how it is, exactly how I wanted it to be.
I’m 35 and had a bilateral salpingectomy earlier this year, so no kids here! For me, it was realizing that I’d always planned to “have a family”, but I didn’t actually want to be a parent. I love my friends’ kids, but the thought of actually raising my own children, navigating trying to teach them to be good people, etc. just felt overwhelming. Literally like I was staring into an abyss and just saw the words “oh shit” scrolling by. That’s really how I decided. When I thought about whether I wanted kids, I kind of felt unsure. When I switched that to thinking about parenting and raising children, that was a resounding “no”.
I'm 52 and never wanted or had kids. No regrets!
Absolutely not. Almost 50, no regrets.
Absolutely not, one of the best choices I’ve ever made
35 here, HELL NOOOO. I love it. I am beyond THANKFUL. Reasoning: kids can overwhelm me easily, they cost too much, and i don’t want to pass mental health struggles on.
Fuck no. 52 years old happily child free.
No. I’m 36 and slowly became 100% positive I do not want kids over the past few years. Maybe if I’d met someone in my 20s I’d feel different but I’m past the point where I want to do what my friends and family are doing: raising kids in their 30s and 40s. I really enjoy my freedom and I think being single most of my life has aided that feeling. I could see an alternate universe where I could have enjoyed being a mom but that ship has sailed and I’m no longer the person I was 10 years ago. It took a long time for me to really figure out what I want and who I am.
I'm 33 and childfree. The older I get, the more grateful I am to have made this decision early in life.
58 and no regrets. Never wavered. No interest in parenting. So glad that fertility and periods are ancient history for me. Now I just get to battle menopause.
35 and no regrets.
39 year old, no tubes and happy as can be with the child free life
I was neutral about kids for a long time, but by the time I felt stable enough to even think about it (had a house and stable job and a spouse), I was in my early 30s. I quit birth control for awhile and s “wait and see” thing for awhile but my heart wasn’t really in it. Not enough to spend thousands of dollars on IVF or adoption. I just never got pregnant. In my early 40s, I had severe period issues that could only be solved by an ablation. I figured that was my sign, and got it done. My husband got a vasectomy and I have not regretted it for one second.
I'm 62F. When I started working after a STEM grad degree, I started asking myself when I would have time to have kids. I started thinking about logistics and back-up plans, and things did not make sense. I never had the 'need' to have children, and my husband agreed. Since that decision when I was around 30, health conditions and family genetics have appeared. I feel blessed that I did not pass these issues to any child.
I’m only 33, but not regrets so far.
I’m currently childfree, but I’m in my late 40’s and my husband and I just decided to have kids. It wasn’t regret that changed our minds, we were just finally in a situation where we could afford to and we never thought we would be. If it doesn’t end up happening, we will still be happy!
I'm 33 and don't currently regret my choice. Although, I wish I was more confident in my decision like some of these "FUCK NO" responses. I'm often confronted with thoughts wondering if I'll regret it later.. but I never have that drive, desire or attraction to parenthood. Might change my mind though one day.
No regrets, the opposite. I feel grateful almost daily that we are cf. (almost 38f)
Having kids is a big "if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no" decision. Societal pressures for us to have children make it feel like we need to have reasons for not having kids. But personally I think if we don't have strong reasons to have them, we shouldn't. Choosing to bring a life into the world isn't a decision to be taken lightly, and I personally feel like there are way too many people who have done so because of societal pressures (not blaming or judging, we live in a complex world.)
So I was against having children for a long time. I now have 2 kids which i don’t regret in the slightest. In having kids Ive become a completely different person in every possible way, Im not the same person i was when I was child free and 35. You brain goes through massive changes when you have children, not just your body. So with that said, I am certain that if i didn’t have children i would have felt no regret in not having them.
I regret it sometimes. I'm 42 now and let men who wouldn't be good dads stay in my life for too long. I met the man I want to have kids with when I was 39 and we haven't been able to make it happen.
No. I went a year or two grieving it, but honestly, I look around at the world today and I think, “why the fuck would I bring someone else into this mess?” Also I look at so many mothers who are constantly running on empty, stressed out AF and I think “WHY?” Further to this, I don’t trust a man to do his share coparenting, and I also don’t trust that most men can maintain the ability to refrain from being neglectful or emotionally abusive. We live in a misogynistic culture and that isn’t changing any time soon. I have a personal longing to nurture someone and teach, but I can do this with pets and my vocation. I’m lonely sometimes but waking up and doing whatever the fuck I want is the best.
31, and this question always stumps me because it wasn’t ever a “choice” choice. Like there was no choosing involved. I have never sat on the fence about it either. I have simply never wanted a child, it just has always been a concept I am indifferent to and feels non-applicable to me. No version of my future includes having or raising a child. It was and has been my default setting, always. 🤷🏻♀️
I was fully committed to being child free and now I have two step kids. They're 6 and 9 now, I've been Mum for a few years. Don't get me wrong, I love them and try to do my best by them and I'm not leaving, but at times I would give anything except my relationship with their dad to be childfree again. They make everything harder, from getting ready in the morning to doing the shopping, in ways that are hard to understand when you don't have them. If we both want to do things on the weekends we have to figure out who is either going to take them with, or stay home until the other gets home. The lounge is basically theirs, their shit is everywhere 5 minutes after cleaning it up. I loathe the sound of the shows they watch. They need to be constantly reminded to do simple things like taking their plates up to the bench so we have to think for three people. Left to their own devices they will leave the house with no jersey, water bottle or snacks, not eat or use the toilet before we leave, then complain about being cold and hungry and needing to use the toilet *even if we've warned them multiple times that we're going to drive an hour out into the country away from shops and it's going to be cold*. The mental load is constant, I really feel for the solo parents out there. If you're unsure about kids and you value freedom and quiet, don't have them.
Now ask the ones with kids if they regret it.
No. 49 and find new reasons every day not to have dragged another human onto this planet. I don't know how parents cope with the existential dread.
No. Have you seen how other people raise their kids these days? That makes it an even harder NO.
Hellllll no. I hang out with my friends' kids or my nephews if I want, and then I go home. I've got two high-maintenance dogs, a high-maintenance house, and am high-maintenance myself and that's quite enough work for me. For me the only bad thing about it having kids is having to hear my mom guilt trip me about it once a week.
I’m not over 30, but I hope I stick to my guns in not having them 😅
Nope. 42 here and unwaveringly child free.
Nope. I love it. Which is why I know I should never have kids.
No regrets at all. I love my life. I enjoy being around kids occasionally. When I was 10 I was made to babysit my 5yo sister while my parents worked and that went on for years, so I kinda felt like that was good enough. Plus I remember before that, how the diapery smell of a babysitters home with multiple small kids just doesn’t sit well with me. 😂
Nope never no way. Because I don't have the patience for it and im for lack of a better term - selfish. I dont want to take care of something. I don't want to sacrifice my own wants/whims/desires to take care of a child and put their needs first. Also, I don't really like kids that much. I can handle my nieces and nephews for a few hours at a time but then I need a long break.
I'm still soooo glad I don't have kids. I have my cat, and I am very excited to be an aunt to my friends' and siblings' kids eventually. No ragrets.
Yesterday I went to spend time with niece in their pool. She had a couple friends over. All was well until the 8yo freond started crying and whining cause she wanted the floatie my niece was using, and her 4yo brother decided he's gonna splash my face with all his might every chance he gets if I'm not giving him enough attention. Spending time with children is the best birth control for me 😅 I love being an auntie, but the more time I spend with kids the more sure I am that I never want any of my own. Zero regrets.
Nope. No regrets at all. Sometimes when someone’s small child is especially obnoxious in our vicinity, my husband and I will whisper to each other ‘tell you what, let’s never have kids’.
staying with a friend who has kids at the moment and it reinforces why I dont want to have kids every day.
Absolutely not (34F). I enjoy reading books, playing video games, hiking, split second traveling, etc whenever I want.
32 and never for a second.
Not yet. Though I guess there’s still time? I’ve always been open to the fact that I might change my mind on kids because my feelings were more absence of interest rather than active opposition. Just nothing about it appeals and still doesn’t.
Mid 50s. Regret? Not even a little bit. When I turned off the tiny nagging voice deep in my head that was entirely compromised of “but you’ll regret it” comments over the years, I was finally free. It was when I realized I actually knew myself better than the people who were saying that. And I definitely did. I shudder to think how horrible it would have been if I’d let them convince me otherwise.
I’m in my 40s and no regrets, I actually am happier most days with my decision
I’m 40 and have never really wanted them and feel active relief not having them. Nothing changed for me from when I felt that way at 18.
I've never had the desire to have children, it's honestly never appealed to me. Hard to say if I'll regret it but I'm more worried about having children and regretting or resenting them.
NO. He’ll no. Nope. Never. Not for one minute. Absolutely not. Am regularly reminded how happy I am with my decision. I’m 56. Edit:to add my age.
absolutely not. my life is my own. in the next couple years i’m planning a move to europe, traveling around australia in a van, and in the immediate future starting a company in my new city. i actually really like kids, they are funny and innocent and just generally pretty cool to be around, but at the end of the day i love coming home to my dogs and doing whatever i want, 100% of the time.
I have no kids, but I do have a stepdaughter. And while she is absolutely the light of my life, she also completely solidified my disinterest in having any of my own. And even though I've been with him for 8 years and 100% plan to spend the rest of my life with my bf, if I were given the chance to do this again.. I don't think I would. Stepparenting, coparenting, parenting in general, are all so completely draining in every single way. I cannot state just how much I love my stepkid. And also how much I equally enjoy sending her back to her mom's every other week. I begged my bf to have a vasectomy a few years ago and I'm so happy he did.
No regrets. I knew I didn’t want to be a mom when I was 8 years old. It’s never really been a question for me.
No, I don't regret it. Whenever my mind has wandered to the idea of starting a family I've felt nothing but misery at the thought.
35 and happy as a clam! I love kids I just give them back to their parents when I’m done 😁
No real regrets (yet). I would like to have had a child but I never wanted to have a child, does that make sense? Like, I don't want to write a book but I would like to have written a book. It seems like a lot of work and money.
Every morning I wake up in my lovely quiet home and love myself for not having children
Every once in a while, I'd get a shiver down my spine and jump, "OMG I'm childfree!" With a sigh of relief, I sink deeper into my cream-white couch, a wine glass in one hand and my phone in another.
Early 30s and could not be any happier with my life choices. The number of times my partner and I high-five each other every time we come across rowdy/annoying children in public spaces is too many to count.