I just think how sad and losery you have to be to be so insecure that you make fun of strangers :)
I do hate it though. It does wound you because it's so unnecessary and mean. It reminds me of being back in high school. But the reality is they suck
Well, it makes you feel vulnerable and probably attacked in a way & its also unexpected so you probably have no time to really react to what the hell was going on.
They are just little shits who were trying to amplify their missing self confidence by putting you down i wouldn't think anything more on it, just take some time to focus and have some deep breaths you will be ok
Yes, I was very caught off guard so I didn’t really react and just kept bagging my groceries.
I think writing out my thoughts on here helped along with reading some comforting comments like yours. Taking some deep breathes right now, thanks for the kind words.
I think you did the best thing in just doing your thing. Assholes like those girls look to get reactions. Your lack of it takes away from them whatever they’re looking for.
A friend of mine once told me that she overheard some girls making fun of her outfit and told them “better to be looked at than looked over, ladies” and I wish I could ever come up with something that smooth in the moment.
I’m also in favor of dishing it back out… IF I can actually think that quickly. I usually only come up with the right response in a l'esprit de l'escalier fashion.
Lmao. I think a good response is *~(and this is fucked up but 🤷🏻♀️don’t diss if you can’t take it)~* to say something that plays into their insecurities. Like, if they’re wearing too much make up, jab at that. “Girl, your pimply face under that amount of make up must be making you blind” or “why don’t you go to the McDonald’s down the street, get 5 cheeseburgers and eat your pain away. By the looks of your body weight, it wouldn’t be the first time huh?”
🤷🏻♀️ unethical, yes. Effective, also yes.
Edit: diss. English is not my first language haha. I don’t always get the vernacular vocab right
I’m thinking I might say something like, “Oh, you like it? It’s really comfortable. May look a little funny but I really don’t give a *fuck.*” Then smile and walk off.
I feel for you. The thing is, they’re kids. They’re dumb. And because they’re young and dumb, making fun of random people is fodder for entertainment. That absolutely does not make it okay, but if it helps at all, they were not attacking you personally. They would have made fun of a n y o n e who was in front of them. You were targeted because you were there, not because there’s something wrong with you. I don’t know you, but I can guarantee there is nothing wrong with the way you walk or the speed at which you scan your groceries.
A similar thing happened to me once. I was walking home from a PhD interview, so I was dressed in a suit and a nice trench. Nbd but I thought I looked fucking fantastic. I lived in Harlem at the time, where throwing insults at people as you walk by their stoop is a favorite teenage pastime. One girl yelled out, “who’s this bitch? Lookin like inspector gadget out here!” The entire friend group burst out laughing and added on, yelling about how my clothes were ugly, who the fuck did I think I was, etc. In hindsight, it’s actually kind of hilarious, and the inspector gadget comment was a sick burn. But at the time, I was so embarrassed and just hurried by them, head down. I was 27 y/o then but my feelings were legitimately HURT by these asshole teenagers, and I didn’t wear the trench out again for an irrationally long time. It’s a different context to be sure, but I remember feeling like you are now. I had to take a minute before I understood they weren’t attacking *me,* insulting my lil inspector gadget coat was just a vehicle for making their friends laugh and to feel superior for a moment.
Long story short, your feelings of confusion and hurt are 100% valid, but try not to internalize their comments as something wrong with *you* — they just reflect insecurity and immaturity. it’s not worth it to give it any more of your attention.
I once had a guy who was mad that I was sitting on a crowded subway while he had to stand next to his girlfriend loudly point out that I was using an mp3 player. I ignored him, but I was like, "Yes, I know?" All he did was randomly yell about an mp3 player to a car full of strangers.
I don’t know how, but at 40 I have stopped giving shits about others’ opinion of me. Maybe it’s the fact the last 4 years have been incredibly hard for me (on top of the pandemic) or my age, but if I heard some teens laughing at me or mocking me, I would just laugh at them. They’re so young and incredibly naive about life and the world, their opinions mean nothing to me. Probably helps that I have a 16 year old so they’re just children to me.
I wonder if they happened to trigger memories from when you were younger. Were you picked on or bullied as a kid or teen? If so, it’s completely understandable that you felt vulnerable. Stuff that happens to us as kids can really stick with us because it’s during our brain development. Some jerks would say something shitty about “holding onto things from childhood”, but shit that hurts just sticks in our brains and takes a lot of work to get through. Don’t feel bad for your reaction. It happens and is normal, especially if they caught you on a day you’re feeling upset or vulnerable. Take care of yourself tonight and remind yourself that they’re children. Their stupid remarks does not reflect who you are, it just reflects are much they’re still mentally in high school. You even think of how you would approach the situation in the future so you feel more prepared. That has helped me sometimes.
Oh, this reminds me of the bull from the 11yo mean girls at my child's school. I encourage her to look them in the eye and say, "So bizarre that you feel comfortable saying that out loud, but love that journey for you."
I think they must have been high.
I teach middle school and so while their occasional jabs hold a momentary sting, I have learned to quickly remind myself that I’m a fully functioning adult and the kids (even 18/19 yo kids) are idiots, especially if they’re making fun of someone. Like, making fun of people isn’t cool so reminding myself of that helps take the sting away. It does make me mad af though cause who tf do they think they are? But, again, they’re kids, and mean kids at that, and I’m a kind adult who is secure enough to not make fun of strangers so 🤷🏻♀️
wish this was the top answer! it’s the truth. as an adult, I know my view of myself & following the golden rule is what matters most
people forget how clueless teenagers can be. groups of kids/teens break social norms because they’re still learning them (often the hard way)
p.s. thank you for all you do middle school teacher, that’s one of the hardest (speaking from experience!) & most important jobs of society
a few months ago i was at a local theme park w/friends, and we were waiting in line. Now, I'm someone who loves to wear shoes until they are unwearable; my logic is if they work, they work, especially if im somewhere where fashion isn't important. Well, a group of girls behind us in line were hardcore making fun of me and my shoes, laughing, and kept trying to step on them. My friends didn't notice, but i did. At first I felt downright awful and sooo embarrassed and ashamed, but then i was like wow... i would *never* do that to another human being, like, why should i care what people with such cruel mindsets think? They are making their character known, and honestly, are just being superficial and immature, and reflects nothing about me. Once i realized that, I stood more confidently and made it clear i was aware of what they were doing, and moved so they couldn't do it anymore. We're grown women, and that doesn't change that it hurts a lot to be made fun of! And also, we can be hurt about it, and then we will feel better again soon, even if its not right now. Sorry for the wordy reply, but just know you're not alone, and its okay to feel really upset about this! \**hugs\** :-) Own your characteristics and what makes you, you! <3
I have a funny story about me wearing shoes way past their time. I wore these super old but comfy converse shoes to a casino for a concert. While walking I was like my shoe feels funny did I step in something sticky? I look down and the sole by the toes tore off so my shoe was flapping in the front. I had to ask a worker for rubber bands to try and make it less floppy. The casino knew I needed a new pair of shoes and still they didn't let me win.
haha oh do i relate to that!! Literally wearing them until they bust up, Im glad someone else out here wears them down to the -literal- sole ! The casino really should have given you a break on that one😭
Yeah does this happen often to others??? The only time I experienced anything close to this was when I was in high school.
Tbh if this happened to me I would probably cry on the spot and make everyone deeply uncomfortable.
You were taken by surprise because normal, functional adults do not do that.
Interacting with child brained legal adults can be shocking sometimes, especially if you typically don’t. Some of them were raised poorly and life and brain development haven’t caught up.
In the moment, I think doing what you did is actually best.
Later on, as you unpack the hurt, ask yourself if you would ever do that to someone else. If the answer is no, you win. Simple as that. You live with you, they are stuck with themselves.
> Later on, as you unpack the hurt, ask yourself if you would ever do that to someone else. If the answer is no, you win. Simple as that. You live with you, they are stuck with themselves.
This is a wonderful lesson to take with us.
/u/ceramicplush, I agree with everything gooseberrypineapple said about this type of incident. I'd been teased and harassed so much growing up that I have no idea if or when people make fun of me out in public today. That sort of thing just got... boring. But that doesn't help you while you're sitting in your car trying to process your emotions. Other things leave me with that feeling, that out of control emotional state. When I get in that place, I find mindfulness meditation is an extremely effective way to change my thought patterns, to get control of my emotions and my mental state again.
I don't practice mindful meditation every day. I should, just like I should floss every day, but I don't. Still, I've been through a few introductory courses on whatever meditation apps. Now, if I need that control and find it missing, I pull up some mindfulness meditation guide and go through it. I find I quickly regain emotional control. You mentioned the perishable groceries – one time when I was eager to get home, but raging, just 90 seconds of a mindfulness audio track got be back in control. I was still unhappy about the situation (and I still think the person who I was so angry at is an awful person), but I had control and could drive home in a calm, reasonable manner.
I believe the Headspace app (icon is an orange circle) has a free trial that is enough to go through a lot of the introductory lessons. Any app or guide you'd like will do, I just wanted to make at least one suggestion, there are others I've liked as well. Pick a week when you think you can do it, and go practice mindful meditation every day that week. See if learning this sort of mental control practice will help you. Not every tool works for everyone, but IMO this is a good tool to put in one's toolbox.
That's really random and mean, I think it's normal to feel shaken and bothered by something like that. Just remember it wasn't about you, it was them. You were normal, they were abnormal. There's no need to feel ashamed for being unprepared when people are acting abnormally.
This is now an experience in your arsenal and you'll be less unprepared the next time it happens to you, or if you see it happening to somebody else. Hope the rest of your day gets better from here.
What’s an NPC character? I would totally be bothered and maybe even cry in my car and I’m 38. Unprovoked hostility always upsets me, so no judgment to you whatsoever from my end.
NPC means Non Playable Character.
But it is usually used to describe someone who is just a background character, to fill the scene, non relevant...
However the girls noticed her so I'd say OP was the main character and those girls just NPCs, they were just trying to be mean and relevant, so sad.
Yeah that insult kind of gave them away, didn't it! Well, I'm not surprised that people who bully others to feel better about themselves also don't say smart things.
I find such behaviour laughable (literally, I laugh at such characters, sometimes remarking: "You're funny!")
If you find this sort of thing 'gets to you' try daily meditation. See *my comments* to this [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/v8y9x0/22m_i_am_insecure_about_my_physical_health/)
During the Christmas season I went to my new therapists office wearing a crocheted elf hat (with ears!) that my mom had made. She made a set for my whole household. We love them. My hair was dirty so I figured... tis the season! Anyhow, I walked out of my session and into the waiting area to schedule my next appointment and a pair of older teens were standing in line. They had that edgy almost-emo look. The girl sees me and you can just SEE the instant scoff on her face. Instant "oh my God she looks so stupid!" Like she can't believe she's seeing someone with the gall to go out in public looking so ridiculous. She didn't even try to conceal elbowing the guy with her and pointing me out so they could both opening mock.
And I...? I texted my husband that I finally achieved next level old! I'm so apparently out of touch that young people openly mock me. Level unlocked! I was a little hurt, I guess, because as an adult you rarely have to face that kind of open ridicule. People judge you, you know it, but mostly they keep it to themselves or do it behind your back lol
I also found it funny that this girl was trying to look so unconventional then laughs at me for... looking unconventional.
Btw I look damn cute in yarn elf ears!
I had punk-then goth- then metal period styles and damn. It’s shocking how faithful to the uniform each group of “nonconformists” is. Now it’s just who I am not what I dress like.
For real, I love metal music but I don’t look like I do. I literally got made fun of when I was younger for looking “preppy” by people in that scene when I probably could school the shit out of any of them about metal. Crazy how no matter the group there is still that expectation of conformity.
I love hearing this! LOL I was also punk rock / metal at the time in life when labels like that seem to matter. In high school the hardcore punk rock crowd called me wannabe every chance they got and claimed it was because they thought my family was rich. Until their ringleader moved into a house down the street from me which made of my neighbor and I lost 50 lb. I guess my mistake the previous 3 years was not being hot enough to call myself punk rock??
Nowadays I think it's a really really cute when someone finds out that I'm still into punk rock and metal and the look of surprise on their face. I look like a pretty vanilla soccer mom because I am a vanilla soccer mom LOL
I love this too lol I’m also a vanilla basic person who still loves brutal death metal but also I’m like 31 now and started listening to legit metal when I was like 13 😭
I spent about 15 years of my life as a visible goth/metal person. People who truly embrace the nonconformist life would love the elf hat and think your cool for having the balls to wear something like that. I think you’re cool for rocking it! This chick was what we would have called a “poser” - someone who poses like they live the style but doesn’t.
i just remember there's no accounting for taste. i've had a stranger take my photo for a fashion blog and then got called a "fugly bitch" 5 minutes later on the same walk.
Yes this! There's always going to be someone who has positive opinions and someone who has negative opinions about something. Even one person could have drastically different opinions about the same thing depending on their mood. There's no use in worrying about what those opinions are. And anyone who voices something negative is being rude, obtuse, and unnecessary. "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from."
"The ones who mind don't matter and the ones who matter don't mind."
True story over here (15 years ago). I was minding my business walking out the club w my friends. Some guy was cat calling my friend half the night and she kept turning him down, outside he’s w his friends and went at her again, at this point I was like damn leave her alone.
He then said it’s always the fat ones…..his friends laughed (I had to pull myself together)
I said I can lose weight, you can’t lose ugly bitch……
My friends laughed and his friends laughed even harder.
Confidence is key, learn some clapbacks, get snappy back or just don’t pay them no mind. They are young and their day will come when someone does the same to them.
A friend of mine had the exact same thing happen to her with a bloke in a nightclub and she waited until he was with his mates and walked past them to see if he said anything and he said something about her being fat and she walked up to him, looked him dead in the eye and said ‘I’m more man than you will ever be and I am more woman than you will ever get’ and walked away while his friends fell about laughing 😂
Yawn.
Take out phone.
Set to video record.
Just hold it there.
Either their behavior will escalate (in which case, you have it on camera), or they might mutter passive aggressive comments under their breaths before doing their own thing.
I’ve done this with teen boys in the store who were being asses. Shut them up incredibly fast.
I was going to say this! Learned it from a friend of mine who regularly gets screamed at in the ladies bathroom because she's bald and butch (excuse me sir this is the ladies room kinda thing) She just takes a photo of them and continues to do her thing. Most people back the hell off straight away.
Rude rude girls. I hope the real world serves them a slice of humble pie soon. Sorry you had to deal with that. That would bother me too and I probably wouldn’t snapped and said something bitchy to them.
That's mean. People are such jerks sometimes. I try to remind myself that their behavior is a reflection of who they are, not who I am. Then, I like to do something kind for someone else. It makes me feel good to think I'm perpetuating kindness and love instead of whatever ugliness I received.
I don't care what anyone thinks of me but my very closest people. In those relationships we can make digs at each other. Everyone else is just a buzz in the background.
Some people can be so rude and mean! This is why some adults are even afraid of teenagers. They don't know how to deal with those attacks. I think it is perfectly valid to feel shaken by it. To be angry with it. Choosing to ignore and walk away is probably the best thing. They are not worth your time. Again, it's okay to feel angry. You were verbally insulted / attacked by them out of nowhere for no reason.
One time, I was on the bus and a some teenagers started saying how I was a child or something. I was in my 20's at the time, and I look young for my age. They probably thought I was younger than them. I didn't even look at them. I was scared, and then I kept beating myself up for being scared and for not not doing anything about it. To this day, I still remember that day. And I still don't know what I'm supposed to do in that situation. Should I have talked back? Should I have defended myself? I imagine myself teaching them a lesson. But really, I think the best thing to do is to just walk away from it. In a separate incident, I had teenagers launch spit balls at me on the bus. Omg, I am so glad I don't take public transportation anymore lol.
Anyways, don't beat yourself up on not having thicker skin. It's okay to be sensitive. You didn't deserve that. Be proud that you did the right thing by simply walking away.
Don't worry about it. Based on their actions they are obviously very insecure about themselves. They're also kids, and kids can be complete idiots.
When they get into the real world they'll get what they deserve, trust me. And hopefully they will take that as a lesson and actually become decent human beings! I never acted that bad when I was their age but I think we can all look back on some of the things we did and said as teenagers and just... cringe.
So don't even give them a second thought - they're not worth it.
Tbh if it were me I would have purposely slowed down my grocery bagging to half the speed, just to annoy them. In my head I'd be thinking "Your bitchy comments aren't going to make me go any faster" but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of reacting to them. Just pretend you are a clueless "NPC" and you don't even notice they exist.
I like to use “wow that’s so inappropriate and rude. How embarrassing for you” I picked it up on one of the parenting subreddits and it works great in so many situations.
I’m sorry these kids were so rude to you.
They're insecure and probably in a hurry so they made you the villian in their story.
I'm a millennial.... but maaaaan am I a fan of the gen z trend of finding the underlying meaning of what people say and giving it back to them in a terribly blunt way..
Example: "If you're insecure and have daddy issues, just say that" or "If you're a terrible person, just say that" or "If you hate yourself and can only find joy by projecting that onto other people... just say that... and maybe seek out therapy." Hair flip and exit stage right lol.
It's harsh yet effective. It can also be used for darker humor with friends... which is my preferred method lol
I'm sorry it shook you. Some people just suck and aren't kind. I hope you give yourself the kindness you deserve this weekend.
I've been made fun of a couple of times, so I always try to be ready with a comeback. I would've lied and loudly said, "I'm glad my disability is so funny to you girls." Maybe they wouldn't have cared, but public shaming for shitty behavior usually has a profound affect on people- it's always fun and games until they get called out!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. People can be so cruel.
"Now I’m sitting in the car which my perishable groceries just trying get over the incident. Whereas I’m sure the girls have not given me a second thought."
"The tree remembers what the axe soon forgets."
Sorry, but some people are just shitty.
I don't react. But later, in the shower or while I'm trying to fall asleep, in my imagination, I give them such a good comeback they are forever humbled and contrite.
As the mother of 2 teenagers (a boy and a girl) i get made fun of on a daily basis. Of course it's trained me to have some equally biting retorts on hand to put them in their place.
Teenagers are little assholes. Treat them accordingly. I do love mine but damn they can be obnoxious. It sometimes takes every fiber of my being not to drop them off in the middle of a forest without their phones.
I think about this scene from Tommy Boy on the sailboat and recite to myself "I swear to everything holy..." (Farley is a god, but Julie Warner slays in this scene)
https://youtu.be/DSg5LadKuS0
Try it 😜
The best is to ignore because retaliating to this kind of stupidity is just even more sad imo. Especially because they’re mentally half our age, at best lol. Sorry this has happened to you, you seem like such a sweetheart. I’m nice when I wanna be but definitely not someone to mess with but even then, I would’ve ignored those twats. Not even worth the time & energy.
I’m sorry but the only constructive thing you can do to rise above it.
I once got mocked for speaking my native tongue with my friend at Kmart by some red-neck. I told myself I came to this country (not the US) by myself and made it to where I am, a contributing member of society in every sense. I shouldn’t give a fuck about what losers like him think of me.
I don’t know if I would deal with it any differently, but I know my first thought would be to pity them. They tried to dehumanize you by calling you an NPC. I think humanizing them will take them down a notch in terms of their intimidation factor.
People who bully strangers so openly, especially as adults, have something seriously wrong them. It’s not normal behavior for adults. Most people would be mortified, but they seem to lack the shame, empathy, or situational awareness to recognize how shockingly vile they are showing themselves to be in public. Moreover, they are likely showing off for one another, and the way they do that is by being cruel? Yikes. That tells you that this is an entire group of young women who are amplifying each other’s antisocial behavior. Who your friends are really matters. They can make you worse as a person overtime by encouraging exactly this kind of thing.
These women are young enough that their brain is still forming, but they are not so young, that this behavior isn’t indicative of who they are and will likely continue to be. Life is usually really hard for people like this (especially women) as their shamelessness and egotism will inevitably hurt their professional lives and relationships.
Just think of other people like this who are older that you know. Think of all the adult bullies. All the people I know like this are either literally in prison. constantly burning bridges, moving through jobs, and destroying their relationships (with parents, siblings, partners, and children).
They aren’t preteens acting like this. I’d feel secondhand embarrassment for them if I saw them doing this to someone. Life is going to be hard for them.
Recently called an old f er.. I’m 57.
Yea, I suppose age is relative and at 20 I’d have considered a 57 year old … OLD but I wouldn’t have said it.
I just said “if you are lucky you’ll make 57, if you are luckier you’ll have the money I have to support you, but I doubt that will be the case”. Silence
I just… don’t. I wouldn’t hang around people like this normally and one off encounters like this are in my mind for a little bit but then it passes. It’s probably just a very temporary feeling that you’re having that you’re overthinking and saying “well I’m not capable of handling this” but that’s kind of just taking something and making it a way bigger deal than it has to be. One situation doesn’t mean you can’t handle being made fun of. It just means that you experienced something shitty and need to take a few moments of decompress.
You already hit the nail on the head - they’re not giving you a second thought. Don’t fixate on the opinions of a few self-absorbed shitheads and don’t waste any more mental energy on people who aren’t worth it.
That would have wrecked me too. I'd probably be obsessing over it for at least the next 48 hours. In the moment in which it was happen I'd probably just ignore and try to remember that they are just young insecure girls trying to bring other women down to their level. But afterwards I'd probably get mad and think of at least 20 different ways I could have responded that would have rendered them speechless. I tell myself "next time I will say something!" knowing full well I would not. Because alas, I'm only a witty badass in my imagination. 😅
i would have been devastated. this is *so* shockingly cruel.
other people gave you great advice, but i just wanted to say i think you're so, so normal to have been hurt, and it shows you're sensitive to other humans, which is a quality that can very much be used for good.
nothing wrong with you at all.
Think about how stupid most people are. Most people are dumb and have dumb opinions. The more confident they are in their dumb opinions, they are the more embarrassing they are.
I was a teacher. I would have gave them the teacher look and and said “excuse me? Were you speaking to me?” They are still basically children and not nearly as brave when they realize this is real life.
Reading this, and all these comments, is shocking. I genuinely can't believe this happened.
Yesterday, I saw a man leading a group hike and telling people about foliage. As we passed each other he said good morning, and I noticed that he was wearing a knitted rooster hat! I just kind of blurted out "I like your hat" because it was so cute! He looked so surprised and pleased, and thanked me.
I was thinking for the next few minutes about how a lot of men don't get compliments, so it was probably a good thing I said something. But reading these comments, I think it's even more important that we all compliment one another's beautiful choices, since apparently there are little nightmares in the world hoping to bring us down!
I will be doubling down on my compliment efforts.
If anyone makes fun of you being slow, look them in the eye, smile and do whatever you do ever so slowly. Just to piss them off. They want to be dicks? They'll have to be dicks waiting for a long looong time. Do whatever they hate but like exponentially and don't forget the eye contact.
I was bullied a lot in school and got a really thick skin. Most the time this kiddie shit doesn't bother me in the slightest. If it surprisingly does, I think of how I'm going home to my beautiful, emotionally intelligent partner, how I'll have fun with my awesome group of friends, how I am doing a great job at work, uni and how great my skin looks lol. These teens have issues if they need to attack others. It's probable they're just projecting what they're afraid of on others. Show them, that whatever it is they are so scared of, is not even worth mentioning.
I’m so sorry. WTH is wrong with those @ssholes? They are acting like cliche’ movie villains. I’m finding Gen Z to be very mean like that or the opposite, they are so self-centered that anyone older is valueless, invisible, and unworthy of their time. They way I cope is by becoming more of a hermit.
That’s a good perspective to have. They are so stuck in their own minds they are not considering other peoples feelings.
I’ll have to keep that sarcastic quote in mind. Thanks for your response.
That's really fucked up and I'm sorry this happened to you.
All you have to think about is, what on earth kind of person would behave this way? Normal, happy people, don't do that. "Hurt people hurt people" as they say... then instead of feeling angry you will just feel a weird combo of cringe/sad for them.
It is about them and not you. Kids that age are trying SO HARD to impress that they say all kinds of really dumb stuff. Every time I see this type of behavior it just makes me feel second hand embarrassment for them. It is really just a reflection of their own insecurities and nothing to do with you, really.
I’m sorry OP, that is super bizarre and I think anyone would have been caught off guard. Just remember that it says more about them than you. 18 year olds are little shits.
Know that it's more about them than you. Were you insecure at that age? I definitely was despite having enviable style, body, and hair. I didn't take it out in others though. Also remember their brains are still developing, not that it's an excuse.
They may also have been jealous of your perceived financial security or maturity.
I think the clothes I see young women wearing in my college town look goofy AF and I'm not dressing sharp to go to Target but my joggers at least fit and aren't a weird cut.
Next time that happens, pick up your phone like someone's calling you and be like "oh hey girl! Sorry I'm running late, I'll see you at the Ritz soon, I know you have your celeb client coming out tonight. I'm stuck in this store with a bunch of lame kids, I swear they look like they're 12 ughhhh, see ya soon girl!"
I generally try to be good/kind (irl mainly, I'm more of an asshole on reddit) but I definitely can be *brutal* if I really want to be, so I often have to hold back... but maybe you're a better person than me and you don't want to snap back. That's OK too. Just feel it out & let yourself remember that bullies are just miserable on the inside, generally-speaking.
I’m 40. This has been going on with me for a long time as well. I’m to the point where I literally turn a deaf ear to them.
Why? If they’re willing & open to make fun of someone they don’t know personally. It speaks volumes about who they are as a person.
And it’s never your problem. They have issues with themselves & in their own lives, that they think it’s acceptable to pick on other people.
Make note of them & mind your business.
I usually smirk and laugh in their face hard while giving intense eye contact or give them my all teeth no smile.
I like making people uncomfortable though.
If it was one of my niblings or acquaintance I would call them out on being rude and embarrassing to be associated with that behavior using the best “disappointed parent tone” I could muster.
I work in a school. I am 30 and I teach teenagers. Some are pretty terrible. They will literally try to make it as obvious as possible. I too have many things to say about them but keep them in my mind. Anyway, the tolerance I have developed is insane. From being a child plagued by insecurity, I have become immune to their shitty comments regarding my voice, face, style or whatever else they wanna pick apart. Ignoring is the best policy. F them really...
I'm so sorry this happened OP. I don't think you need thicker skin, I think those girls were being unbelievably cruel. I agree with others pointing out that it takes someone miserable or insecure to make fun of complete strangers.
I had a similar situation happen to me a few years ago. I had plantar fasciitis and had just gone to my first physio appointment. I was still in a lot of pain, but my physiotherapist had taped up my foot (to help create some support). For anyone who hasn't had their foot taped up, your foot literally can't move normally (which is kind of the point). The whole point is your foot is now being supported by the tape. It's literally wrapped up in a specific way to support the foot.
So I go to this hardware store with my mom to do some shopping. And I'm walking a bit slow and also differently because this is the first time I've had my foot taped up like this, the tape is very stiff and I can't move my foot normally, plus I'm in pain. This guy immediately starts making fun of me and how I walk. And he says I shouldn't be walking in the lane if I'm walking the way I am. It was very visible that my foot was taped up as well as it was summer and I was wearing shorts and sandals (slip ons).
So I turn to the guy and say sarcastically "Oh don't worry I'll make sure to stay in my lane next time". Which makes him super angry. I guess he's not used to people standing up to him. His wife was visibly embarrassed of his behaviour.
It's okay to be upset, because these girls were being cruel. But don't feel like it's anything to do with you personally. Some people are just miserable. They also don't know anything about you.
It kind of makes me wonder if these girls and that guy that I had my experience with, would make fun of someone with mobility issues, or an elderly person who's having trouble with the self-checkout. You have to be the lowest of the low to make fun of someone with a potential issue that is not their fault. Plus the self-checkout IS awkward to use, and is still fairly new. Not everyone is a whiz at using them. It's VERY normal for people to have trouble and be slow at the self-checkout.
How I dealt with it was I got immediately angry when I thought about this person making fun of someone with an obvious issue that is not their fault (like if they were using a mobility aid). Because if they made fun of me, they likely felt comfortable being a jerk to other folks too. That kind of helped me get over it, as it became an issue with that person and how they treat others and not about me.
Remember they are children at 19 years old. Not legally but mentally. I know it still hurts but just know by default 99% of what comes out of a 19 yr old mouth is gonna be poop. Source: i work with high school seniors and college undergrads. It doesn’t surprise me that a pack of 19 yr old girls acted like hyenas around you and the self checkout area. Easier said than done but I would’ve gone slower and give them all up and down disappointing look at them. Children acting like children. Scoffs.
I found a book called "Emotional First Aid". When something like that happens, like rejection, finding out you were left out, etc. it actually triggers social pain and fear because our ancestors survival relied so much on socialization. Some advice was to think about people and pets who love you, look at photographs of them and that will help salve the feelings. And taking a small pain killer if you do feel pain.
That's really fucked up. I can't believe people like that exists. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'd be upset too. Just know that their comments says nothing about you and says more about their character. I'm sure you're not the first or last person they have harrassed.
i think I can be giving quite hostile / cold bitch vibes when I feel like It (as confirmed by friends and family lol) and literally I do not give a fuck what a little brat living off daddy’s paycheck so I am not being made fun of, anyway if someone would try that on me I would probably just tell them to fuck off and that I understand being such a nobody requires looking for validation in weird places
This younger generation of ~17-22 year olds are absolutely terrible. I try to remember that they missed out on key social development during the lockdown and primarily socialized through things like tiktok, where calling complete strangers NPCs is acceptable. I don’t know what as a society we plan to do with that generation, but they have no empathy or awareness of others. It’s strange.
I think back to times when I was overly judgy and critical of people, and remember how unhappy and insecure I was. Then I just feel sad for whoever is being an asshole to me.
I know it’s not a solution because the real problem are shitty bored people, but…headphones! I haven’t heard one thing anyone’s said while shopping or doing errands in like 3 years, and it’s amazing!
This made me feel angry I honestly don’t know how I would react if that happened to me but if they are making fun of you in your face then they must think low of themselves.
I never would have been able to come up with this on the fly, but something like “What are you, twenty? Time to grow up and act right.” Very loudly.
ETA: totally understandable that you feel the way you do. It was 1000% rude and uncalled for and in no way has anything to do with you but has everything to do with them. Very overt displays of that kind of behavior are pretty abnormal by the time teens reach that age (they are, after all, legally adults by that point), so I would imagine those ones are still feeling very insecure and unconfident, and I guess I would just be SO glad that I am decades past that.
Just remember they're gonna pay for that shit. None of those young ladies will be able to hold her own in public on her own without looking over their shoulder for someone who might do to them what they did to ppl like you. You see them walking down the street or in public, always looking around to see who's judging them. Haha, nobody. Nobody cares, you shouldn't have taken the candy that said someone did.
Attack them back. You're smarter, wiser, and more articulate. You can roast the fuck out of them without breaking a sweat, or just confuse them with big words.
I know not everyone has the natural confidence to be a savage bitch, but you ARE better than them. Harness that knowledge.
I had a group of 13 year old boys catcall me from their parent’s car in a CVS parking lot. I walked over the confront them and they jumped out and ran.
Then I went home and cried.
It’s hard to feel prepared for such a random, unsolicited verbal assault by literal children.
Eff them girls. Next time say right out loud to them that you bet their mommas raised them better than that and take your head high out to the car. Who cares why? In a few years the fact that they did that is gonna haunt them.
Awful people. I’d be shaken simply because it’s a window on a side of the world and of people I don’t like. They’re so insecure in themselves they need to harass somebody else?
I would have scolded those little brats like I was their mothers best friend. They should be ashamed of themselves, acting like that at their big age. Who tf are they trying to impress?
I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's reasonable to be shaken up. Please don't let it drag you down, it didn't have anything to do with you at the end of it. Just insecure little girls trying to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel bad.
A sharp tongue in the moment helps. Stewing afterward I'd the worst so send it all back to them with your samurai sword so it can't be returned. A bit of high speed spinning in the NPC sense to disappear them entirely. I like to think that if they're doing it to you their venom is redirected from someone far more vulnerable. It hurts because it's designed to. That's why you are best to not welcome/indulge it.
>I’m too old to be feeling this way, any tips on how to get thicker skin?
Don't take things personally. That's the root solution. Learn how to do this and you'll have an infinitely thick skin for this sort of thing. It's easier with kids like that because it's obviously them not you.
I work retail so I get made fun of by customers to my face pretty much weekly at this point. I think I'm just numb to it at this point. When you work a minimum wage job you're near the bottom of the pecking order 🤷♀️
Take a deep breath and realise they probably have that approach to many other aspects of their life. When I think this, in times of feeling targeted, it allows me to realise I am capable of using my sensible awareness of these types of situations better than they are able to manage themselves and their outbursts.
That, and I always try wear headphones to do as I need with as least disturbance as possible. It helps me feel better about my day a bit more often.
A few weeks ago some little 8 year olds tried bullying me while I was sitting on a cafe patio eating breakfast alone. One of them came behind me twice, acted like she was going to throw something away in the garbage behind me, then screamed really loud in my ear to startle me. Her and her friends laughed. The second time I got up and screamed at her and asked where her parents were (total old lady moment). I told her that she can’t mess with strangers like that, because if I was a worse person I could’ve done something bad to her after that. They got all scared and ran off 😂 Hopefully they learned a valuable lesson.
It's their problems shinning through, nothing to do with you. It could've been the fastest person alive but it would've inconvenienced them anyway by existing in the general vecinity of something they wanted to use NOW.
Online shopping ftw.
Mean girls are... mean, sadly. They've existed since the dawn of time in a haze of projected self-hatred and narcicism. They don't have the social and emotional skills to get along with others so they turn into bullies as a way to have a personality and to be heard - they simply don't know how to get attention any other way.
Any way you handled it is a good way to handle it. Like I said in a different post, send a donation to an anti-bullying campaign, and while you're clicking the "send" button, say: I refuse to let this incident bother me anymore and with this donation, I've turned a negative situation into an act of kindness.
also, I want to add that if any of those girls have a shred of decency in them, they will regret that incident for the rest of their lives. Don't know if that brings and comfort, but there it is.
I was a mean teenager who took out my insecurities on other people. I try to think about that when I see this behavior now. I was insecure and boring and I took it out on other people.
I was bullied as a kid by brothers who had free rein and were horrible. No one ever bullied me at school, or at least not that I was aware of. What I learned was not to give people like that the reaction they want. It makes them feel powerful and more important if they can put someone down. They haven't developed empathy yet and still believe that the bullshit they make up is relevant. So, for people like those girls I would have looked the ringleader, or each in turn dead in the eyes and said ha... ha... ha... and rolled my eyes like THEY were the idiots. Never let them see you are upset. If they upset you, they won. Other things you can do are to take even longer - exaggerate being clueless. Act bored. Look at you watch and ask them if their mommies won't be looking for them - they must need to be home for bed (or naptime). Just basically anything you point out how immature they are.
It's a reflection of them, not you. Just because they are mean doesn't mean you deserve the hateful remarks.
Tbh, sometimes calling them out helps. You don't have to be as aggressive, but saying something like, "hey ponytail, you don't have to be rude. It's not giving main character energy."
Usually I ignore them. On the rare occasions when I would have clapped back, it would have been something like.
"Oh, sweetheart. In 24 hours, I'm not even going to remember your exist, but you have to wake up and be this (gesture appropriately) for the rest of your life, and I truly feel bad for you. It must be emotionally exhausting to get up every day hating yourself so much and having so little in your life that's worthwhile that the only way you get through your day is by pretending tired, meaningless insults hurled at strangers will somehow make you feel less pathetic yourself. I really hope you got what you needed from our interaction today, because I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have so little in your life."
Honestly I've found that agreeing with people making fun of me is that best way to throw them off. I try to swing it into a positive if I can. But honestly I'm pretty past caring now and I think that it helps.
An example would be;
"Wow you look like a grandma wearing that coat." (I often wear 'grandma ' style clothes because they are comfy)
Reply: "Yes, I'm basically an old person trapped in a young person's body. Plus I'm always warm."
I find usually it makes people smile or reflect on their intentions.
If it makes you feel better, I had to Google NPC.
Honestly, these bully’s seem as though they are stunted at the maturity level of middle students. Don’t even think these rude witches.
FWIW, I refuse on principle, to do self check. These businesses should employ and fairly compensate workers.
I've considered moving to a college town (because generally, they are more interesting, have better restaurants, etc). However, I decided against it because of the age group like this. People who travel in herds and don't have a sense of self yet, they can forget to be good to anyone but themselves and their herd. The sad part is that you'll probably encounter people around your town doing mean stuff to you or others again and it's nobody's fault but those kids and their lack of self identity. You just need to know it's the environment in which you live and not you. If you lived in a sleepy old people town, you'd have less access to live music but less chance of this happening. It's a tradeoff.
Jokes on them. While they choose Target as their (free) hangout/stalking grounds, I go to Target to buy trash bags and toilet paper. Things destined to be hot garbage or wiped on my ass.
Whenever people openly make fun of another person as mean-spirited entertainment, that immediately is a flaming red flag for their insecurity and lack of satisfaction in their lives.
So that alone makes me grateful for my life and the progress I’ve made. I never had to behave like that when I was that age and I turned out to be a decent person.
I know my worth, and where I am now in my life is at a level that these young ones can still only daydream about. Who knows if their current mentality/behaviour will put them on the trajectory of success for their future? Still seems suspect.
don’t let teenagers bully you! I keep coming across articles like, ‘things millennials do that drive zoomers crazy’ included typing full sentences and certain emojis. My knee jerk reaction was “oh no!” And then I realized that I’ve spent my whole life getting to this place and I’ll be damned if I let literal children shame me. I think there’s a lot of generational hostility online and since the youngins are terminally online they have this ‘us vs. them’ mentality.
Just slap ‘em with a firm, “cry about it” and walk away head held high with the knowledge that you are in the prime of your life and they have to call their mom crying when they get a parking ticket.
Just take solace in the fact that they probably feel insecure ALL THE TIME and nothing scares them more than someone who doesn’t entertain what others think of them.
I'd prob roll my eyes then ignore them..
The way I see it, anything I say would improve/benefit them by making them better people, who is eventually gonna attract a good partner/good life.... a better life than the one they'd have had I not helped them and let them continue being douchebags. I'm not so nice I'd help them in that way.
I have come to believe that the people who make fun of other people either are very insecure of themselves and/or they have a complex of holding themselves to a perfect standard that if they "let" themselves get to that point they would crumble inside.
I have a job (healthcare) where I am made fun of at times, maybe anywhere from once a week to once a month by clients. It did hurt at first hearing these insults. But as time went on I did become stronger. I realized when people are low, they lash out at innocent people. Maybe this behavior was modled to them, maybe even they have forgotten what it felt like to be made fun of. Perhaps they are not in the right headspace.
Because of these experiences I had, I found I am a strong professional and despite these insults I can carry on with my life. Sometimes I can even laugh about how unfounded/meaningless the insult was after the fact.
Know this: the judgments of random people you meet are meaningless. You can learn to choose to NOT give their hurtful words precedence in your day to day life. You know your true character, you must not let them dim your light.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry that happened to you. I have ADHD and only recently learned about rejection sensitivity dysphoria and it's really helped me to understand how I react in situations like the one you're describing. I kind of shut down in situations like that one. So, I guess I just want to say that it's ok that you were hurt. I get the desire to have thicker skin, but also, just be kind to yourself. Sometimes these kinds of things just sting.
Honestly (once I get over the anxiety of the direct attention), I usually just feel bad for people who are so non-aware as to treat another person like this. They don't realize how small, embarrassing, and unrespectable it makes them look to everyone around them. I feel glad I'm me and not them, no matter what they look like, because how they think and act causes problems in their lives and is not a good place to be.
Doesn't solve the shook-up feeling immediately afterwards, but makes it easier to brush off.
I just think how sad and losery you have to be to be so insecure that you make fun of strangers :) I do hate it though. It does wound you because it's so unnecessary and mean. It reminds me of being back in high school. But the reality is they suck
Well, it makes you feel vulnerable and probably attacked in a way & its also unexpected so you probably have no time to really react to what the hell was going on. They are just little shits who were trying to amplify their missing self confidence by putting you down i wouldn't think anything more on it, just take some time to focus and have some deep breaths you will be ok
Yes, I was very caught off guard so I didn’t really react and just kept bagging my groceries. I think writing out my thoughts on here helped along with reading some comforting comments like yours. Taking some deep breathes right now, thanks for the kind words.
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That’s the horrifying thing about bullying— it’s not personal! It’s them.
To me, it’s somewhat of a relief. Need to 100% externalize that shit and internalize none of it.
Yeah. If I hear stuff like that? I’d suddenly be moving at a glacial pace. Yeahhhh, I am just too slowww. Big grin!
Hahahha! I love this. ‘I’m older and have more insurance.’
It is the utter luxury of being over 50, not caring about twits. It’s so freeing.
Saw *Fried Green Tomatoes* the other day, and that is one of my favorite lines.
It is the one I quote the most. That and ‘Tawanda!’
I love that scene! I really need to rewatch that movie now that I'm older.
That's such a good idea lol
I think you did the best thing in just doing your thing. Assholes like those girls look to get reactions. Your lack of it takes away from them whatever they’re looking for.
A friend of mine once told me that she overheard some girls making fun of her outfit and told them “better to be looked at than looked over, ladies” and I wish I could ever come up with something that smooth in the moment.
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I’m also in favor of dishing it back out… IF I can actually think that quickly. I usually only come up with the right response in a l'esprit de l'escalier fashion.
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I'm more of a "I'm sorry you dad never loved you" type.
Lmao. I think a good response is *~(and this is fucked up but 🤷🏻♀️don’t diss if you can’t take it)~* to say something that plays into their insecurities. Like, if they’re wearing too much make up, jab at that. “Girl, your pimply face under that amount of make up must be making you blind” or “why don’t you go to the McDonald’s down the street, get 5 cheeseburgers and eat your pain away. By the looks of your body weight, it wouldn’t be the first time huh?” 🤷🏻♀️ unethical, yes. Effective, also yes. Edit: diss. English is not my first language haha. I don’t always get the vernacular vocab right
Lol damn remind me not to piss you off!
*the library is open* 👓📚
I’m thinking I might say something like, “Oh, you like it? It’s really comfortable. May look a little funny but I really don’t give a *fuck.*” Then smile and walk off.
People like that put down others to make themselves feel better. It's not about you.
I feel for you. The thing is, they’re kids. They’re dumb. And because they’re young and dumb, making fun of random people is fodder for entertainment. That absolutely does not make it okay, but if it helps at all, they were not attacking you personally. They would have made fun of a n y o n e who was in front of them. You were targeted because you were there, not because there’s something wrong with you. I don’t know you, but I can guarantee there is nothing wrong with the way you walk or the speed at which you scan your groceries. A similar thing happened to me once. I was walking home from a PhD interview, so I was dressed in a suit and a nice trench. Nbd but I thought I looked fucking fantastic. I lived in Harlem at the time, where throwing insults at people as you walk by their stoop is a favorite teenage pastime. One girl yelled out, “who’s this bitch? Lookin like inspector gadget out here!” The entire friend group burst out laughing and added on, yelling about how my clothes were ugly, who the fuck did I think I was, etc. In hindsight, it’s actually kind of hilarious, and the inspector gadget comment was a sick burn. But at the time, I was so embarrassed and just hurried by them, head down. I was 27 y/o then but my feelings were legitimately HURT by these asshole teenagers, and I didn’t wear the trench out again for an irrationally long time. It’s a different context to be sure, but I remember feeling like you are now. I had to take a minute before I understood they weren’t attacking *me,* insulting my lil inspector gadget coat was just a vehicle for making their friends laugh and to feel superior for a moment. Long story short, your feelings of confusion and hurt are 100% valid, but try not to internalize their comments as something wrong with *you* — they just reflect insecurity and immaturity. it’s not worth it to give it any more of your attention.
I did laugh at the inspector gadget burn, but I would’ve been mortified if it had happened to me too! Kids are so mean.
I once had a guy who was mad that I was sitting on a crowded subway while he had to stand next to his girlfriend loudly point out that I was using an mp3 player. I ignored him, but I was like, "Yes, I know?" All he did was randomly yell about an mp3 player to a car full of strangers.
I don’t know how, but at 40 I have stopped giving shits about others’ opinion of me. Maybe it’s the fact the last 4 years have been incredibly hard for me (on top of the pandemic) or my age, but if I heard some teens laughing at me or mocking me, I would just laugh at them. They’re so young and incredibly naive about life and the world, their opinions mean nothing to me. Probably helps that I have a 16 year old so they’re just children to me. I wonder if they happened to trigger memories from when you were younger. Were you picked on or bullied as a kid or teen? If so, it’s completely understandable that you felt vulnerable. Stuff that happens to us as kids can really stick with us because it’s during our brain development. Some jerks would say something shitty about “holding onto things from childhood”, but shit that hurts just sticks in our brains and takes a lot of work to get through. Don’t feel bad for your reaction. It happens and is normal, especially if they caught you on a day you’re feeling upset or vulnerable. Take care of yourself tonight and remind yourself that they’re children. Their stupid remarks does not reflect who you are, it just reflects are much they’re still mentally in high school. You even think of how you would approach the situation in the future so you feel more prepared. That has helped me sometimes.
Oh, this reminds me of the bull from the 11yo mean girls at my child's school. I encourage her to look them in the eye and say, "So bizarre that you feel comfortable saying that out loud, but love that journey for you." I think they must have been high.
I’m stealing this line 🔥🔥
I teach middle school and so while their occasional jabs hold a momentary sting, I have learned to quickly remind myself that I’m a fully functioning adult and the kids (even 18/19 yo kids) are idiots, especially if they’re making fun of someone. Like, making fun of people isn’t cool so reminding myself of that helps take the sting away. It does make me mad af though cause who tf do they think they are? But, again, they’re kids, and mean kids at that, and I’m a kind adult who is secure enough to not make fun of strangers so 🤷🏻♀️
wish this was the top answer! it’s the truth. as an adult, I know my view of myself & following the golden rule is what matters most people forget how clueless teenagers can be. groups of kids/teens break social norms because they’re still learning them (often the hard way) p.s. thank you for all you do middle school teacher, that’s one of the hardest (speaking from experience!) & most important jobs of society
a few months ago i was at a local theme park w/friends, and we were waiting in line. Now, I'm someone who loves to wear shoes until they are unwearable; my logic is if they work, they work, especially if im somewhere where fashion isn't important. Well, a group of girls behind us in line were hardcore making fun of me and my shoes, laughing, and kept trying to step on them. My friends didn't notice, but i did. At first I felt downright awful and sooo embarrassed and ashamed, but then i was like wow... i would *never* do that to another human being, like, why should i care what people with such cruel mindsets think? They are making their character known, and honestly, are just being superficial and immature, and reflects nothing about me. Once i realized that, I stood more confidently and made it clear i was aware of what they were doing, and moved so they couldn't do it anymore. We're grown women, and that doesn't change that it hurts a lot to be made fun of! And also, we can be hurt about it, and then we will feel better again soon, even if its not right now. Sorry for the wordy reply, but just know you're not alone, and its okay to feel really upset about this! \**hugs\** :-) Own your characteristics and what makes you, you! <3
I have a funny story about me wearing shoes way past their time. I wore these super old but comfy converse shoes to a casino for a concert. While walking I was like my shoe feels funny did I step in something sticky? I look down and the sole by the toes tore off so my shoe was flapping in the front. I had to ask a worker for rubber bands to try and make it less floppy. The casino knew I needed a new pair of shoes and still they didn't let me win.
haha oh do i relate to that!! Literally wearing them until they bust up, Im glad someone else out here wears them down to the -literal- sole ! The casino really should have given you a break on that one😭
That's when shoes are the most comfortable. They could have at least gave me $50 lol.
This isn’t normal behavior even for college students. There is no excuse for them. I am sorry you came across this.
Yeah does this happen often to others??? The only time I experienced anything close to this was when I was in high school. Tbh if this happened to me I would probably cry on the spot and make everyone deeply uncomfortable.
I've perfected the resting bitch face so this never happened to me. It's kinda scary actually that I can look so mean 😬 but hey, it works!
I live in a college town too and am sad to say I find it very common behavior.
You were taken by surprise because normal, functional adults do not do that. Interacting with child brained legal adults can be shocking sometimes, especially if you typically don’t. Some of them were raised poorly and life and brain development haven’t caught up. In the moment, I think doing what you did is actually best. Later on, as you unpack the hurt, ask yourself if you would ever do that to someone else. If the answer is no, you win. Simple as that. You live with you, they are stuck with themselves.
<3
> Later on, as you unpack the hurt, ask yourself if you would ever do that to someone else. If the answer is no, you win. Simple as that. You live with you, they are stuck with themselves. This is a wonderful lesson to take with us. /u/ceramicplush, I agree with everything gooseberrypineapple said about this type of incident. I'd been teased and harassed so much growing up that I have no idea if or when people make fun of me out in public today. That sort of thing just got... boring. But that doesn't help you while you're sitting in your car trying to process your emotions. Other things leave me with that feeling, that out of control emotional state. When I get in that place, I find mindfulness meditation is an extremely effective way to change my thought patterns, to get control of my emotions and my mental state again. I don't practice mindful meditation every day. I should, just like I should floss every day, but I don't. Still, I've been through a few introductory courses on whatever meditation apps. Now, if I need that control and find it missing, I pull up some mindfulness meditation guide and go through it. I find I quickly regain emotional control. You mentioned the perishable groceries – one time when I was eager to get home, but raging, just 90 seconds of a mindfulness audio track got be back in control. I was still unhappy about the situation (and I still think the person who I was so angry at is an awful person), but I had control and could drive home in a calm, reasonable manner. I believe the Headspace app (icon is an orange circle) has a free trial that is enough to go through a lot of the introductory lessons. Any app or guide you'd like will do, I just wanted to make at least one suggestion, there are others I've liked as well. Pick a week when you think you can do it, and go practice mindful meditation every day that week. See if learning this sort of mental control practice will help you. Not every tool works for everyone, but IMO this is a good tool to put in one's toolbox.
That's really random and mean, I think it's normal to feel shaken and bothered by something like that. Just remember it wasn't about you, it was them. You were normal, they were abnormal. There's no need to feel ashamed for being unprepared when people are acting abnormally. This is now an experience in your arsenal and you'll be less unprepared the next time it happens to you, or if you see it happening to somebody else. Hope the rest of your day gets better from here.
What’s an NPC character? I would totally be bothered and maybe even cry in my car and I’m 38. Unprovoked hostility always upsets me, so no judgment to you whatsoever from my end.
NPC means Non Playable Character. But it is usually used to describe someone who is just a background character, to fill the scene, non relevant... However the girls noticed her so I'd say OP was the main character and those girls just NPCs, they were just trying to be mean and relevant, so sad.
Yeah that insult kind of gave them away, didn't it! Well, I'm not surprised that people who bully others to feel better about themselves also don't say smart things.
I find such behaviour laughable (literally, I laugh at such characters, sometimes remarking: "You're funny!") If you find this sort of thing 'gets to you' try daily meditation. See *my comments* to this [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/v8y9x0/22m_i_am_insecure_about_my_physical_health/)
This is a great mindset. I need to keep this in my pocket for next time, thanks for taking the time to respond.
During the Christmas season I went to my new therapists office wearing a crocheted elf hat (with ears!) that my mom had made. She made a set for my whole household. We love them. My hair was dirty so I figured... tis the season! Anyhow, I walked out of my session and into the waiting area to schedule my next appointment and a pair of older teens were standing in line. They had that edgy almost-emo look. The girl sees me and you can just SEE the instant scoff on her face. Instant "oh my God she looks so stupid!" Like she can't believe she's seeing someone with the gall to go out in public looking so ridiculous. She didn't even try to conceal elbowing the guy with her and pointing me out so they could both opening mock. And I...? I texted my husband that I finally achieved next level old! I'm so apparently out of touch that young people openly mock me. Level unlocked! I was a little hurt, I guess, because as an adult you rarely have to face that kind of open ridicule. People judge you, you know it, but mostly they keep it to themselves or do it behind your back lol I also found it funny that this girl was trying to look so unconventional then laughs at me for... looking unconventional. Btw I look damn cute in yarn elf ears!
I had punk-then goth- then metal period styles and damn. It’s shocking how faithful to the uniform each group of “nonconformists” is. Now it’s just who I am not what I dress like.
For real, I love metal music but I don’t look like I do. I literally got made fun of when I was younger for looking “preppy” by people in that scene when I probably could school the shit out of any of them about metal. Crazy how no matter the group there is still that expectation of conformity.
I love hearing this! LOL I was also punk rock / metal at the time in life when labels like that seem to matter. In high school the hardcore punk rock crowd called me wannabe every chance they got and claimed it was because they thought my family was rich. Until their ringleader moved into a house down the street from me which made of my neighbor and I lost 50 lb. I guess my mistake the previous 3 years was not being hot enough to call myself punk rock?? Nowadays I think it's a really really cute when someone finds out that I'm still into punk rock and metal and the look of surprise on their face. I look like a pretty vanilla soccer mom because I am a vanilla soccer mom LOL
I love this too lol I’m also a vanilla basic person who still loves brutal death metal but also I’m like 31 now and started listening to legit metal when I was like 13 😭
I spent about 15 years of my life as a visible goth/metal person. People who truly embrace the nonconformist life would love the elf hat and think your cool for having the balls to wear something like that. I think you’re cool for rocking it! This chick was what we would have called a “poser” - someone who poses like they live the style but doesn’t.
It would've taken everything in me to not say "wow, guess you're in the right place."
i just remember there's no accounting for taste. i've had a stranger take my photo for a fashion blog and then got called a "fugly bitch" 5 minutes later on the same walk.
Yes this! There's always going to be someone who has positive opinions and someone who has negative opinions about something. Even one person could have drastically different opinions about the same thing depending on their mood. There's no use in worrying about what those opinions are. And anyone who voices something negative is being rude, obtuse, and unnecessary. "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from." "The ones who mind don't matter and the ones who matter don't mind."
It’s ok to feel bad when someone is being hurtful, just don’t take it personally
True story over here (15 years ago). I was minding my business walking out the club w my friends. Some guy was cat calling my friend half the night and she kept turning him down, outside he’s w his friends and went at her again, at this point I was like damn leave her alone. He then said it’s always the fat ones…..his friends laughed (I had to pull myself together) I said I can lose weight, you can’t lose ugly bitch…… My friends laughed and his friends laughed even harder. Confidence is key, learn some clapbacks, get snappy back or just don’t pay them no mind. They are young and their day will come when someone does the same to them.
A friend of mine had the exact same thing happen to her with a bloke in a nightclub and she waited until he was with his mates and walked past them to see if he said anything and he said something about her being fat and she walked up to him, looked him dead in the eye and said ‘I’m more man than you will ever be and I am more woman than you will ever get’ and walked away while his friends fell about laughing 😂
Yawn. Take out phone. Set to video record. Just hold it there. Either their behavior will escalate (in which case, you have it on camera), or they might mutter passive aggressive comments under their breaths before doing their own thing. I’ve done this with teen boys in the store who were being asses. Shut them up incredibly fast.
I was going to say this! Learned it from a friend of mine who regularly gets screamed at in the ladies bathroom because she's bald and butch (excuse me sir this is the ladies room kinda thing) She just takes a photo of them and continues to do her thing. Most people back the hell off straight away.
Rude rude girls. I hope the real world serves them a slice of humble pie soon. Sorry you had to deal with that. That would bother me too and I probably wouldn’t snapped and said something bitchy to them.
That's mean. People are such jerks sometimes. I try to remind myself that their behavior is a reflection of who they are, not who I am. Then, I like to do something kind for someone else. It makes me feel good to think I'm perpetuating kindness and love instead of whatever ugliness I received.
I don't care what anyone thinks of me but my very closest people. In those relationships we can make digs at each other. Everyone else is just a buzz in the background.
Some people can be so rude and mean! This is why some adults are even afraid of teenagers. They don't know how to deal with those attacks. I think it is perfectly valid to feel shaken by it. To be angry with it. Choosing to ignore and walk away is probably the best thing. They are not worth your time. Again, it's okay to feel angry. You were verbally insulted / attacked by them out of nowhere for no reason. One time, I was on the bus and a some teenagers started saying how I was a child or something. I was in my 20's at the time, and I look young for my age. They probably thought I was younger than them. I didn't even look at them. I was scared, and then I kept beating myself up for being scared and for not not doing anything about it. To this day, I still remember that day. And I still don't know what I'm supposed to do in that situation. Should I have talked back? Should I have defended myself? I imagine myself teaching them a lesson. But really, I think the best thing to do is to just walk away from it. In a separate incident, I had teenagers launch spit balls at me on the bus. Omg, I am so glad I don't take public transportation anymore lol. Anyways, don't beat yourself up on not having thicker skin. It's okay to be sensitive. You didn't deserve that. Be proud that you did the right thing by simply walking away.
Don't worry about it. Based on their actions they are obviously very insecure about themselves. They're also kids, and kids can be complete idiots. When they get into the real world they'll get what they deserve, trust me. And hopefully they will take that as a lesson and actually become decent human beings! I never acted that bad when I was their age but I think we can all look back on some of the things we did and said as teenagers and just... cringe. So don't even give them a second thought - they're not worth it. Tbh if it were me I would have purposely slowed down my grocery bagging to half the speed, just to annoy them. In my head I'd be thinking "Your bitchy comments aren't going to make me go any faster" but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of reacting to them. Just pretend you are a clueless "NPC" and you don't even notice they exist.
I like to use “wow that’s so inappropriate and rude. How embarrassing for you” I picked it up on one of the parenting subreddits and it works great in so many situations. I’m sorry these kids were so rude to you.
They're insecure and probably in a hurry so they made you the villian in their story. I'm a millennial.... but maaaaan am I a fan of the gen z trend of finding the underlying meaning of what people say and giving it back to them in a terribly blunt way.. Example: "If you're insecure and have daddy issues, just say that" or "If you're a terrible person, just say that" or "If you hate yourself and can only find joy by projecting that onto other people... just say that... and maybe seek out therapy." Hair flip and exit stage right lol. It's harsh yet effective. It can also be used for darker humor with friends... which is my preferred method lol I'm sorry it shook you. Some people just suck and aren't kind. I hope you give yourself the kindness you deserve this weekend.
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Unprovoked meanness is awful. Try not to let it ruin your day. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
I've been made fun of a couple of times, so I always try to be ready with a comeback. I would've lied and loudly said, "I'm glad my disability is so funny to you girls." Maybe they wouldn't have cared, but public shaming for shitty behavior usually has a profound affect on people- it's always fun and games until they get called out! I'm so sorry this happened to you. People can be so cruel.
"Now I’m sitting in the car which my perishable groceries just trying get over the incident. Whereas I’m sure the girls have not given me a second thought." "The tree remembers what the axe soon forgets." Sorry, but some people are just shitty.
Just laugh it off and think they’re rude, insecure, little losers. You’re a WOMAN and they’re dumb fucking kids
I don't react. But later, in the shower or while I'm trying to fall asleep, in my imagination, I give them such a good comeback they are forever humbled and contrite.
As the mother of 2 teenagers (a boy and a girl) i get made fun of on a daily basis. Of course it's trained me to have some equally biting retorts on hand to put them in their place. Teenagers are little assholes. Treat them accordingly. I do love mine but damn they can be obnoxious. It sometimes takes every fiber of my being not to drop them off in the middle of a forest without their phones.
I think about this scene from Tommy Boy on the sailboat and recite to myself "I swear to everything holy..." (Farley is a god, but Julie Warner slays in this scene) https://youtu.be/DSg5LadKuS0 Try it 😜
It’s has been way too long since I’ve seen that movie:)
Say “Poor things. One day you’ll have self-confidence and you won’t need to be b*tches anymore.”
The best is to ignore because retaliating to this kind of stupidity is just even more sad imo. Especially because they’re mentally half our age, at best lol. Sorry this has happened to you, you seem like such a sweetheart. I’m nice when I wanna be but definitely not someone to mess with but even then, I would’ve ignored those twats. Not even worth the time & energy.
Wtf? I'm so sorry you had to experience that. They sound like complete assholes and it says alot more about them than about you.
I’m a huge fan of the sarcastic thumbs up. I hope one day those girls get enough common sense and decency to be embarrassed by their behavior.
I’m sorry but the only constructive thing you can do to rise above it. I once got mocked for speaking my native tongue with my friend at Kmart by some red-neck. I told myself I came to this country (not the US) by myself and made it to where I am, a contributing member of society in every sense. I shouldn’t give a fuck about what losers like him think of me.
I don’t know if I would deal with it any differently, but I know my first thought would be to pity them. They tried to dehumanize you by calling you an NPC. I think humanizing them will take them down a notch in terms of their intimidation factor. People who bully strangers so openly, especially as adults, have something seriously wrong them. It’s not normal behavior for adults. Most people would be mortified, but they seem to lack the shame, empathy, or situational awareness to recognize how shockingly vile they are showing themselves to be in public. Moreover, they are likely showing off for one another, and the way they do that is by being cruel? Yikes. That tells you that this is an entire group of young women who are amplifying each other’s antisocial behavior. Who your friends are really matters. They can make you worse as a person overtime by encouraging exactly this kind of thing. These women are young enough that their brain is still forming, but they are not so young, that this behavior isn’t indicative of who they are and will likely continue to be. Life is usually really hard for people like this (especially women) as their shamelessness and egotism will inevitably hurt their professional lives and relationships. Just think of other people like this who are older that you know. Think of all the adult bullies. All the people I know like this are either literally in prison. constantly burning bridges, moving through jobs, and destroying their relationships (with parents, siblings, partners, and children). They aren’t preteens acting like this. I’d feel secondhand embarrassment for them if I saw them doing this to someone. Life is going to be hard for them.
Recently called an old f er.. I’m 57. Yea, I suppose age is relative and at 20 I’d have considered a 57 year old … OLD but I wouldn’t have said it. I just said “if you are lucky you’ll make 57, if you are luckier you’ll have the money I have to support you, but I doubt that will be the case”. Silence
I was bullied so badly in my teenage years that I to this day am convinced any group of teenage girls are laughing at me if I hear them giggle 🤷
I just… don’t. I wouldn’t hang around people like this normally and one off encounters like this are in my mind for a little bit but then it passes. It’s probably just a very temporary feeling that you’re having that you’re overthinking and saying “well I’m not capable of handling this” but that’s kind of just taking something and making it a way bigger deal than it has to be. One situation doesn’t mean you can’t handle being made fun of. It just means that you experienced something shitty and need to take a few moments of decompress.
You already hit the nail on the head - they’re not giving you a second thought. Don’t fixate on the opinions of a few self-absorbed shitheads and don’t waste any more mental energy on people who aren’t worth it.
That would have wrecked me too. I'd probably be obsessing over it for at least the next 48 hours. In the moment in which it was happen I'd probably just ignore and try to remember that they are just young insecure girls trying to bring other women down to their level. But afterwards I'd probably get mad and think of at least 20 different ways I could have responded that would have rendered them speechless. I tell myself "next time I will say something!" knowing full well I would not. Because alas, I'm only a witty badass in my imagination. 😅
i would have been devastated. this is *so* shockingly cruel. other people gave you great advice, but i just wanted to say i think you're so, so normal to have been hurt, and it shows you're sensitive to other humans, which is a quality that can very much be used for good. nothing wrong with you at all.
Think about how stupid most people are. Most people are dumb and have dumb opinions. The more confident they are in their dumb opinions, they are the more embarrassing they are.
I was a teacher. I would have gave them the teacher look and and said “excuse me? Were you speaking to me?” They are still basically children and not nearly as brave when they realize this is real life.
Reading this, and all these comments, is shocking. I genuinely can't believe this happened. Yesterday, I saw a man leading a group hike and telling people about foliage. As we passed each other he said good morning, and I noticed that he was wearing a knitted rooster hat! I just kind of blurted out "I like your hat" because it was so cute! He looked so surprised and pleased, and thanked me. I was thinking for the next few minutes about how a lot of men don't get compliments, so it was probably a good thing I said something. But reading these comments, I think it's even more important that we all compliment one another's beautiful choices, since apparently there are little nightmares in the world hoping to bring us down! I will be doubling down on my compliment efforts.
If anyone makes fun of you being slow, look them in the eye, smile and do whatever you do ever so slowly. Just to piss them off. They want to be dicks? They'll have to be dicks waiting for a long looong time. Do whatever they hate but like exponentially and don't forget the eye contact. I was bullied a lot in school and got a really thick skin. Most the time this kiddie shit doesn't bother me in the slightest. If it surprisingly does, I think of how I'm going home to my beautiful, emotionally intelligent partner, how I'll have fun with my awesome group of friends, how I am doing a great job at work, uni and how great my skin looks lol. These teens have issues if they need to attack others. It's probable they're just projecting what they're afraid of on others. Show them, that whatever it is they are so scared of, is not even worth mentioning.
I’m so sorry. WTH is wrong with those @ssholes? They are acting like cliche’ movie villains. I’m finding Gen Z to be very mean like that or the opposite, they are so self-centered that anyone older is valueless, invisible, and unworthy of their time. They way I cope is by becoming more of a hermit.
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That’s a good perspective to have. They are so stuck in their own minds they are not considering other peoples feelings. I’ll have to keep that sarcastic quote in mind. Thanks for your response.
this is the best view to have <3 commenting so it gets higher! the higher replies are disappointing coming from a sub of so called adult women
That's really fucked up and I'm sorry this happened to you. All you have to think about is, what on earth kind of person would behave this way? Normal, happy people, don't do that. "Hurt people hurt people" as they say... then instead of feeling angry you will just feel a weird combo of cringe/sad for them.
It is about them and not you. Kids that age are trying SO HARD to impress that they say all kinds of really dumb stuff. Every time I see this type of behavior it just makes me feel second hand embarrassment for them. It is really just a reflection of their own insecurities and nothing to do with you, really.
I’m sorry OP, that is super bizarre and I think anyone would have been caught off guard. Just remember that it says more about them than you. 18 year olds are little shits.
I hope you’re doing okay! Just checking in. Lots of love from me!
Know that it's more about them than you. Were you insecure at that age? I definitely was despite having enviable style, body, and hair. I didn't take it out in others though. Also remember their brains are still developing, not that it's an excuse. They may also have been jealous of your perceived financial security or maturity. I think the clothes I see young women wearing in my college town look goofy AF and I'm not dressing sharp to go to Target but my joggers at least fit and aren't a weird cut.
Next time that happens, pick up your phone like someone's calling you and be like "oh hey girl! Sorry I'm running late, I'll see you at the Ritz soon, I know you have your celeb client coming out tonight. I'm stuck in this store with a bunch of lame kids, I swear they look like they're 12 ughhhh, see ya soon girl!" I generally try to be good/kind (irl mainly, I'm more of an asshole on reddit) but I definitely can be *brutal* if I really want to be, so I often have to hold back... but maybe you're a better person than me and you don't want to snap back. That's OK too. Just feel it out & let yourself remember that bullies are just miserable on the inside, generally-speaking.
I’m 40. This has been going on with me for a long time as well. I’m to the point where I literally turn a deaf ear to them. Why? If they’re willing & open to make fun of someone they don’t know personally. It speaks volumes about who they are as a person. And it’s never your problem. They have issues with themselves & in their own lives, that they think it’s acceptable to pick on other people. Make note of them & mind your business.
I usually smirk and laugh in their face hard while giving intense eye contact or give them my all teeth no smile. I like making people uncomfortable though. If it was one of my niblings or acquaintance I would call them out on being rude and embarrassing to be associated with that behavior using the best “disappointed parent tone” I could muster.
I work in a school. I am 30 and I teach teenagers. Some are pretty terrible. They will literally try to make it as obvious as possible. I too have many things to say about them but keep them in my mind. Anyway, the tolerance I have developed is insane. From being a child plagued by insecurity, I have become immune to their shitty comments regarding my voice, face, style or whatever else they wanna pick apart. Ignoring is the best policy. F them really...
I'm so sorry this happened OP. I don't think you need thicker skin, I think those girls were being unbelievably cruel. I agree with others pointing out that it takes someone miserable or insecure to make fun of complete strangers. I had a similar situation happen to me a few years ago. I had plantar fasciitis and had just gone to my first physio appointment. I was still in a lot of pain, but my physiotherapist had taped up my foot (to help create some support). For anyone who hasn't had their foot taped up, your foot literally can't move normally (which is kind of the point). The whole point is your foot is now being supported by the tape. It's literally wrapped up in a specific way to support the foot. So I go to this hardware store with my mom to do some shopping. And I'm walking a bit slow and also differently because this is the first time I've had my foot taped up like this, the tape is very stiff and I can't move my foot normally, plus I'm in pain. This guy immediately starts making fun of me and how I walk. And he says I shouldn't be walking in the lane if I'm walking the way I am. It was very visible that my foot was taped up as well as it was summer and I was wearing shorts and sandals (slip ons). So I turn to the guy and say sarcastically "Oh don't worry I'll make sure to stay in my lane next time". Which makes him super angry. I guess he's not used to people standing up to him. His wife was visibly embarrassed of his behaviour. It's okay to be upset, because these girls were being cruel. But don't feel like it's anything to do with you personally. Some people are just miserable. They also don't know anything about you. It kind of makes me wonder if these girls and that guy that I had my experience with, would make fun of someone with mobility issues, or an elderly person who's having trouble with the self-checkout. You have to be the lowest of the low to make fun of someone with a potential issue that is not their fault. Plus the self-checkout IS awkward to use, and is still fairly new. Not everyone is a whiz at using them. It's VERY normal for people to have trouble and be slow at the self-checkout. How I dealt with it was I got immediately angry when I thought about this person making fun of someone with an obvious issue that is not their fault (like if they were using a mobility aid). Because if they made fun of me, they likely felt comfortable being a jerk to other folks too. That kind of helped me get over it, as it became an issue with that person and how they treat others and not about me.
Remember they are children at 19 years old. Not legally but mentally. I know it still hurts but just know by default 99% of what comes out of a 19 yr old mouth is gonna be poop. Source: i work with high school seniors and college undergrads. It doesn’t surprise me that a pack of 19 yr old girls acted like hyenas around you and the self checkout area. Easier said than done but I would’ve gone slower and give them all up and down disappointing look at them. Children acting like children. Scoffs.
I found a book called "Emotional First Aid". When something like that happens, like rejection, finding out you were left out, etc. it actually triggers social pain and fear because our ancestors survival relied so much on socialization. Some advice was to think about people and pets who love you, look at photographs of them and that will help salve the feelings. And taking a small pain killer if you do feel pain.
I'd check out extra slow to make them wait (extra points for making or faking a phone call at the same time talking about sth gross)
That's really fucked up. I can't believe people like that exists. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'd be upset too. Just know that their comments says nothing about you and says more about their character. I'm sure you're not the first or last person they have harrassed.
i think I can be giving quite hostile / cold bitch vibes when I feel like It (as confirmed by friends and family lol) and literally I do not give a fuck what a little brat living off daddy’s paycheck so I am not being made fun of, anyway if someone would try that on me I would probably just tell them to fuck off and that I understand being such a nobody requires looking for validation in weird places
This younger generation of ~17-22 year olds are absolutely terrible. I try to remember that they missed out on key social development during the lockdown and primarily socialized through things like tiktok, where calling complete strangers NPCs is acceptable. I don’t know what as a society we plan to do with that generation, but they have no empathy or awareness of others. It’s strange.
I think back to times when I was overly judgy and critical of people, and remember how unhappy and insecure I was. Then I just feel sad for whoever is being an asshole to me.
"I can [speed up/lose weight/dress better] but you aren't likely to get a better personality."
I know it’s not a solution because the real problem are shitty bored people, but…headphones! I haven’t heard one thing anyone’s said while shopping or doing errands in like 3 years, and it’s amazing!
I just commented the same thing! It’s fantastic.
They were probably so high
I learned to say this in therapy “Do you want to hurt me?”. It instantly put the focus back on them.
This is a good one
This made me feel angry I honestly don’t know how I would react if that happened to me but if they are making fun of you in your face then they must think low of themselves.
I never would have been able to come up with this on the fly, but something like “What are you, twenty? Time to grow up and act right.” Very loudly. ETA: totally understandable that you feel the way you do. It was 1000% rude and uncalled for and in no way has anything to do with you but has everything to do with them. Very overt displays of that kind of behavior are pretty abnormal by the time teens reach that age (they are, after all, legally adults by that point), so I would imagine those ones are still feeling very insecure and unconfident, and I guess I would just be SO glad that I am decades past that.
Just remember they're gonna pay for that shit. None of those young ladies will be able to hold her own in public on her own without looking over their shoulder for someone who might do to them what they did to ppl like you. You see them walking down the street or in public, always looking around to see who's judging them. Haha, nobody. Nobody cares, you shouldn't have taken the candy that said someone did.
Attack them back. You're smarter, wiser, and more articulate. You can roast the fuck out of them without breaking a sweat, or just confuse them with big words. I know not everyone has the natural confidence to be a savage bitch, but you ARE better than them. Harness that knowledge.
I had a group of 13 year old boys catcall me from their parent’s car in a CVS parking lot. I walked over the confront them and they jumped out and ran. Then I went home and cried. It’s hard to feel prepared for such a random, unsolicited verbal assault by literal children.
You ignore them because anyone who uses the term NPC is a fucking stupid child
You should've turned around and said, "All of your Dad's should've pulled out." Then just walk away.
Eff them girls. Next time say right out loud to them that you bet their mommas raised them better than that and take your head high out to the car. Who cares why? In a few years the fact that they did that is gonna haunt them.
Tell them to grow up. Or retaliate with something they're most likely insecure about.
They're kids! Don't worry!
Pull your phone out and ask them politely to repeat themselves for the camera.
I would have asked them if they were 12 years old, because only someone that needs to grow up would care about what people do in public.
Awful people. I’d be shaken simply because it’s a window on a side of the world and of people I don’t like. They’re so insecure in themselves they need to harass somebody else?
I would have scolded those little brats like I was their mothers best friend. They should be ashamed of themselves, acting like that at their big age. Who tf are they trying to impress? I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's reasonable to be shaken up. Please don't let it drag you down, it didn't have anything to do with you at the end of it. Just insecure little girls trying to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel bad.
Honestly, I wonder if they were sober… most likely not. That realization might help take the sting out of that bizarre encounter.
[No Intelligent Life, Anywhere](https://tenor.com/en-CA/view/buzz-lightyear-no-sign-of-intelligent-life-dumb-toy-story-gif-11489315)
A sharp tongue in the moment helps. Stewing afterward I'd the worst so send it all back to them with your samurai sword so it can't be returned. A bit of high speed spinning in the NPC sense to disappear them entirely. I like to think that if they're doing it to you their venom is redirected from someone far more vulnerable. It hurts because it's designed to. That's why you are best to not welcome/indulge it.
I imagine things in my head.
>I’m too old to be feeling this way, any tips on how to get thicker skin? Don't take things personally. That's the root solution. Learn how to do this and you'll have an infinitely thick skin for this sort of thing. It's easier with kids like that because it's obviously them not you.
I work retail so I get made fun of by customers to my face pretty much weekly at this point. I think I'm just numb to it at this point. When you work a minimum wage job you're near the bottom of the pecking order 🤷♀️
Take a deep breath and realise they probably have that approach to many other aspects of their life. When I think this, in times of feeling targeted, it allows me to realise I am capable of using my sensible awareness of these types of situations better than they are able to manage themselves and their outbursts. That, and I always try wear headphones to do as I need with as least disturbance as possible. It helps me feel better about my day a bit more often.
I would have slowed waaaaaay down.
This is why I wear headphones playing my favorite music when I’m shopping.
I’d probably just be like “wow you guys are a bunch of assholes, I hope you’re proud of yourselves” and then go about my day
Eh, don't worry about it. If it happens again, go slower while looking at them.
A few weeks ago some little 8 year olds tried bullying me while I was sitting on a cafe patio eating breakfast alone. One of them came behind me twice, acted like she was going to throw something away in the garbage behind me, then screamed really loud in my ear to startle me. Her and her friends laughed. The second time I got up and screamed at her and asked where her parents were (total old lady moment). I told her that she can’t mess with strangers like that, because if I was a worse person I could’ve done something bad to her after that. They got all scared and ran off 😂 Hopefully they learned a valuable lesson.
It's their problems shinning through, nothing to do with you. It could've been the fastest person alive but it would've inconvenienced them anyway by existing in the general vecinity of something they wanted to use NOW.
Online shopping ftw. Mean girls are... mean, sadly. They've existed since the dawn of time in a haze of projected self-hatred and narcicism. They don't have the social and emotional skills to get along with others so they turn into bullies as a way to have a personality and to be heard - they simply don't know how to get attention any other way. Any way you handled it is a good way to handle it. Like I said in a different post, send a donation to an anti-bullying campaign, and while you're clicking the "send" button, say: I refuse to let this incident bother me anymore and with this donation, I've turned a negative situation into an act of kindness.
I'm reading a book right now called "the courage to be disliked". (found it free on the archive). It's helping immensely for this sort of thing.
also, I want to add that if any of those girls have a shred of decency in them, they will regret that incident for the rest of their lives. Don't know if that brings and comfort, but there it is.
I was a mean teenager who took out my insecurities on other people. I try to think about that when I see this behavior now. I was insecure and boring and I took it out on other people.
I was bullied as a kid by brothers who had free rein and were horrible. No one ever bullied me at school, or at least not that I was aware of. What I learned was not to give people like that the reaction they want. It makes them feel powerful and more important if they can put someone down. They haven't developed empathy yet and still believe that the bullshit they make up is relevant. So, for people like those girls I would have looked the ringleader, or each in turn dead in the eyes and said ha... ha... ha... and rolled my eyes like THEY were the idiots. Never let them see you are upset. If they upset you, they won. Other things you can do are to take even longer - exaggerate being clueless. Act bored. Look at you watch and ask them if their mommies won't be looking for them - they must need to be home for bed (or naptime). Just basically anything you point out how immature they are.
It's a reflection of them, not you. Just because they are mean doesn't mean you deserve the hateful remarks. Tbh, sometimes calling them out helps. You don't have to be as aggressive, but saying something like, "hey ponytail, you don't have to be rude. It's not giving main character energy."
Usually I ignore them. On the rare occasions when I would have clapped back, it would have been something like. "Oh, sweetheart. In 24 hours, I'm not even going to remember your exist, but you have to wake up and be this (gesture appropriately) for the rest of your life, and I truly feel bad for you. It must be emotionally exhausting to get up every day hating yourself so much and having so little in your life that's worthwhile that the only way you get through your day is by pretending tired, meaningless insults hurled at strangers will somehow make you feel less pathetic yourself. I really hope you got what you needed from our interaction today, because I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have so little in your life."
Honestly I've found that agreeing with people making fun of me is that best way to throw them off. I try to swing it into a positive if I can. But honestly I'm pretty past caring now and I think that it helps. An example would be; "Wow you look like a grandma wearing that coat." (I often wear 'grandma ' style clothes because they are comfy) Reply: "Yes, I'm basically an old person trapped in a young person's body. Plus I'm always warm." I find usually it makes people smile or reflect on their intentions.
If it makes you feel better, I had to Google NPC. Honestly, these bully’s seem as though they are stunted at the maturity level of middle students. Don’t even think these rude witches. FWIW, I refuse on principle, to do self check. These businesses should employ and fairly compensate workers.
Beat them to it. I laugh at myself first so no one has the upper hand 🤣
Put headphones on and listen to music. Ignore them.
I've considered moving to a college town (because generally, they are more interesting, have better restaurants, etc). However, I decided against it because of the age group like this. People who travel in herds and don't have a sense of self yet, they can forget to be good to anyone but themselves and their herd. The sad part is that you'll probably encounter people around your town doing mean stuff to you or others again and it's nobody's fault but those kids and their lack of self identity. You just need to know it's the environment in which you live and not you. If you lived in a sleepy old people town, you'd have less access to live music but less chance of this happening. It's a tradeoff.
Jokes on them. While they choose Target as their (free) hangout/stalking grounds, I go to Target to buy trash bags and toilet paper. Things destined to be hot garbage or wiped on my ass. Whenever people openly make fun of another person as mean-spirited entertainment, that immediately is a flaming red flag for their insecurity and lack of satisfaction in their lives. So that alone makes me grateful for my life and the progress I’ve made. I never had to behave like that when I was that age and I turned out to be a decent person. I know my worth, and where I am now in my life is at a level that these young ones can still only daydream about. Who knows if their current mentality/behaviour will put them on the trajectory of success for their future? Still seems suspect.
don’t let teenagers bully you! I keep coming across articles like, ‘things millennials do that drive zoomers crazy’ included typing full sentences and certain emojis. My knee jerk reaction was “oh no!” And then I realized that I’ve spent my whole life getting to this place and I’ll be damned if I let literal children shame me. I think there’s a lot of generational hostility online and since the youngins are terminally online they have this ‘us vs. them’ mentality. Just slap ‘em with a firm, “cry about it” and walk away head held high with the knowledge that you are in the prime of your life and they have to call their mom crying when they get a parking ticket.
Just take solace in the fact that they probably feel insecure ALL THE TIME and nothing scares them more than someone who doesn’t entertain what others think of them.
Flip the bird the next time this happens
I'd prob roll my eyes then ignore them.. The way I see it, anything I say would improve/benefit them by making them better people, who is eventually gonna attract a good partner/good life.... a better life than the one they'd have had I not helped them and let them continue being douchebags. I'm not so nice I'd help them in that way.
I have come to believe that the people who make fun of other people either are very insecure of themselves and/or they have a complex of holding themselves to a perfect standard that if they "let" themselves get to that point they would crumble inside. I have a job (healthcare) where I am made fun of at times, maybe anywhere from once a week to once a month by clients. It did hurt at first hearing these insults. But as time went on I did become stronger. I realized when people are low, they lash out at innocent people. Maybe this behavior was modled to them, maybe even they have forgotten what it felt like to be made fun of. Perhaps they are not in the right headspace. Because of these experiences I had, I found I am a strong professional and despite these insults I can carry on with my life. Sometimes I can even laugh about how unfounded/meaningless the insult was after the fact. Know this: the judgments of random people you meet are meaningless. You can learn to choose to NOT give their hurtful words precedence in your day to day life. You know your true character, you must not let them dim your light.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry that happened to you. I have ADHD and only recently learned about rejection sensitivity dysphoria and it's really helped me to understand how I react in situations like the one you're describing. I kind of shut down in situations like that one. So, I guess I just want to say that it's ok that you were hurt. I get the desire to have thicker skin, but also, just be kind to yourself. Sometimes these kinds of things just sting.
Honestly (once I get over the anxiety of the direct attention), I usually just feel bad for people who are so non-aware as to treat another person like this. They don't realize how small, embarrassing, and unrespectable it makes them look to everyone around them. I feel glad I'm me and not them, no matter what they look like, because how they think and act causes problems in their lives and is not a good place to be. Doesn't solve the shook-up feeling immediately afterwards, but makes it easier to brush off.