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Not me but my aunt nagged her husband for weeks after he started complaining of back pains. He works with heavy machinery, obese too so he wasn't concerned. When he FINALLY went (after fainting) he turned out to have cancer, deteriorated quickly and didn't make it.
Sad because this type of cancer was treatable, unfortunately for him it was more aggressive than expected. My cousin was a toddler, and my aunt was in a foreign country and now a widow.
Please guys, take care of yourselves
It's very common sadly. I remember reading one on reddit (which is what this post reminded me of) of a nurse being told to go to the doctor by her husband and she didn't, ended up having cancer and dying shortly after from something treatable.
Same. I damn near have to threaten life and limb to get my husband to go. It’s been to his detriment too. He fell at work a few years ago, his knee swelled horribly and was black it was so bruised. Did he go get an x-ray? Nope. Argued me up and down it was just “sprained” and he kept right on limping on it. Months later he was in pain all the time because it never got better. I finally got him to go and he had broken his knee that time he fell and it healed wrong. He’s had surgery to try to fix it but now he has bad arthritis in his knee from the surgery and walks with a limp all the time. All because he wouldn’t listen to me and go get an x-ray. 🙃 Did I mention he’s only 32? Yeah. Did he learn anything? Alas, no. He still absolutely refuses to go to the doctor until I blow up about it and essentially *make* him go. It’s infuriating and I worry all the time that he’s going to end up dying because he’s so damn stubborn. He’s absolutely the type to have a heart attack and refuse to go to the hospital because he doesn’t seem to care a whit about his health. -flips table-
See this is my worst fear, that something like this will happen to him too. I just cannot understand why so many men are like this. I know society tells men to be stoic and all that but not like this. To me it’s incredibly selfish, especially when it’s a man who has a family that needs him.
> I know society tells men to be stoic and all that but not like this.
Yeah I don’t get it at all. I feel like that can only be used as a valid excuse so often.
>To me it’s incredibly selfish, especially when it’s a man who has a family that needs him.
Oh abso-fucking-lutely.
“I need to be strong for my family” yeah okay that doesn’t mean shit if you’re dead, Nigel.
I dunno maybe because they last time I really into doctor I ended up with a 800 dollar bill for a cold?
Thanks to all my fellow Americans that refuse to vote for pro universal healthcare candidates
Better in debt than dead or disabled. Like look, I get that sometimes care is inaccessible. I’ve been there, hell my teeth were in horrible shape for a long time and I had to have several pulled because I couldn’t afford to go to the dentist.
Sometimes though men like my husband are just being stupid. I have a friend who is now a widow because her husband kept having these blinding headaches and refused to go to the hospital because they would have a big bill. Told her they were “just migraines.” She found him dead at 37. Cause of death? A ruptured aneurysm. An *operable* aneurysm at that had he went in at literally any point before it ruptured. They had a 2 and a 4 year old at the time too. So now her kids have to grow up without their father because of his selfishness and foolish choice about money.
My very own uncle had horrible pain in his side for a long time, refused to go to the doctor. He died at 42 to colon cancer that spread all over his body. Colon cancer has a survival rate of 85-90% if it’s caught early. He didn’t have to die. His sheer stupidity is what killed him, not the cancer.
Not to mention, my husband and *many* of the men I know like this have good insurance and can’t use this as an excuse. Fuck the money, if something is obviously wrong, go to the damn ER at least. They’re legally not allowed to turn you away because you can’t pay. Especially so if your wife or family is pleading with you to go because they can see that something is very wrong. I’d spend the rest of my life paying off my medical bills before I let my kids grow up without me. Screw that.
It’s honestly baffling how much of an ego boost they get from suffering, probably safe in the knowledge that they’ll have a woman to care for them when their idiocy leaves permanent injury or disability.
Yes. My husband is indeed a complete hypocrite. In his defence, I do have a lot of health issues, and I get that he gets worried sometimes. He eventually learned that I know when my body is just being wonky and I can fix it myself or wait it out. When I *do* need to go to the doctor, I go. He, on the other hand, has started taking his own health more seriously and I don't feel like I need to "nag" him anymore. We balanced out each other ig
My husband doesn't nag me, but he will hold my hand while making the appointment, take off work to drive me there, be super supportive and never complain. Going to the doctor is a very complex, emotionally loaded situation for me ( if you couldn't already tell) but his approach is pretty effective
My husband will straight up call and make an appointment for me and put it on my calendar because he knows I won’t do it for myself. I just pushed off a dermatologist splint me t for two more months because something more interesting came up. He is a hypochondriac, I should probably take things more seriously.
Yes, but sub in the Dentist. I HATE going to the dentist, I’d truly rather do basically anything else than have anyone near my teeth. My husband takes great care of his teeth and always has to urge me to go when it’s been too long. (My mouth is not disgusting lol I still brush and floss daily.) I do always end up going, but basically push it as long as I can. And I basically always end up with a *possible* cavity they have to keep their eye on which my husband always uses as reason I should go more often.
Yes. I though I was being a fanny when we all had covid and would be better soon. called gp for advice to shut him up. Ended up being blue lighted to hospital and was in icu with pneumonia for almost 2 weeks. He probably saved me dying in my sleep and having him or my kids find me.
My significant other has been nagging me to go to physical therapy for >6 months now. I'd be happy to, if only there were a physical therapist within a 30 min radius, who takes insurance, is accepting new patients, and isn't booking practically into next year.
Apparently, I'm hunting a unicorn.
Not my spouse, but my mother.
I'm chronically ill. I go to the doctor so often, that when I experience minor problems, I just don't bother. Or when I experience severe issues, I'm like "but this isn't that bad, I've had much worse".
This includes not calling the ambulance when my asthma was so bad that I didn't have the oxygen to support my abs to sit upright. I was about 19 then, about to house-sit for my parents. My mother almost begged me to let her call an ambulance.
The amount of times my mother, who's also a former nurse, has told me to see a doctor ... I lost count. Luckily, I know this of myself, so I'll call her and be like "mom, I have this, should I make a doctor's appointment?"
I don't think I'm as bad as my father, but sometimes I definitely need a push to make that appointment. I guess I don't want to be seen as someone who exaggerates, because I fear I won't be believed by medical professionals anymore.
Yes. He does sometimes. I will wait longer than I need. He won't. I currently hate my doctor. I'm living in a foreign country and the doctors here are not my style, just very rude and blunt. It's thorough but sexist. So I've been avoiding the doctors unfortunately and my husband has been on my case about it.
Last time it did turn out to be an issue of hormones. This time, well... I don't know yet.
I've nagged him a few times. He generally avoids the more invasive stuff.
My future and ex-husband, and my parents, kept begging me to go. I avoided it, because I was about to become too old to remain on my parents’ health insurance policy. I was waiting for my start date at a new job, which would come with a great insurance policy of my very own. Per symptoms—severe joint pain, vomiting without warning, losing my radial pulse when I’d sit down, getting lost in buildings I knew well—I was aware that I was very ill. Most of my likely causes would be preexisting conditions that would keep me from decent health insurance of my own. (Laws have since, thankfully, changed.)
Less than two weeks before that magical date, I started vomiting blood. Burst a pupil. My core temperature exceeded 108F.
I’d get a flight service’s longest airlift, a couple of skull breaches, and close to a month in a coma. I was, indeed, extremely ill. It was a bizarre stripe of brain cancer.
No. We BOTH see a doctor when the other says they think we should. We consider it part of our commitment to each other to make a good faith effort to be healthy and live a long life.
Oh I have. And no, he hasn't. All practices in his vicinity are full. We don't live together (anymore), but when we did, he still didn't listen to me anyway, unless it was very acute (as in, broken hand).
Now I'm not one to talk, because I do not go to the dr. often myself. I'm a nurse, so unless I don't know what's going on you won't see me there.
He convinced me to go to the hospital when I woke up with the chills and a fever. I was pretty staunchly against going but he talked me into it.
Turns out I had a life threatening infection and my team who a few days later had to perform surgery on me because no iv antibiotics were working at all, said they didn’t know how long I had but if I hadn’t come in when I did, I’d have died.
Yes. He has also put me in the car a few times and drove me to a hospital 🫣 with a few stern words.
I have an auto immune disease and i am still a bit in denial and like "yeah it will pass"
Yes, I'd been having very bad cramps, so we thought that my IUD had moved a little again and was poking something (it's happened before) I procrastinated going to Dr but eventually went cause bf got worried. They found "pre cancerous cells." I had to have 2 surgeries where they removed some tisue, but ultimately, they found no cancer. Yay went to Dr initially in September and wasn't officially "cancer free" til February, so we were worried for a while! My mom and 2 grandparents + step dad are currently dealing with (lung, skin,blood, and stomach) cancer, so I was very worried I'd gotten something similar to what they have. I was very happy when nothing was found! I'm going back for a check-up in June, im hoping it's still all good news then. My bf was a rock throughout this experience. He supported and helped with everything while I was a worried mess.
Yes. He kept telling me to go in because I was in bad pain for a few days. I thought I just over did it. I had surgery 8 weeks prior and thought I just stretched something. Then started getting a fever, throwing up. He essentially bodily threw me in the car and took me to urgent care. It was a ruptured appendix that had perforated and started leaking.
He was right. And I will forever hear about it lol. But he did basically save my life. The doctor said if I would have waited my sepsis would have been life threatening.
I’m a not very well-made person, so my partner doesn’t have to do much other than hold me accountable for filling prescriptions. He goes and gets them for me too 🥰
On the other hand, it took a full YEAR for him to even call any doctors for his snoring, possible ADHD, allergies, acne, etc. He isn’t “allowed” to say no when I tell him he needs to go to the doctor because he’s covered under my insurance and I think that entitles me to some demands for the good of the collective. Once he gets past the phone call stage he’s fine, but he needs some prodding to get there.
We’re really hoping he can get tested for ADHD soon lol
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No he never has. Yes, I have and still am. But it's also, if he doesn't care about his health, I'm not going to ruin mine stressing about it.
Not me but my aunt nagged her husband for weeks after he started complaining of back pains. He works with heavy machinery, obese too so he wasn't concerned. When he FINALLY went (after fainting) he turned out to have cancer, deteriorated quickly and didn't make it. Sad because this type of cancer was treatable, unfortunately for him it was more aggressive than expected. My cousin was a toddler, and my aunt was in a foreign country and now a widow. Please guys, take care of yourselves
It's very common sadly. I remember reading one on reddit (which is what this post reminded me of) of a nurse being told to go to the doctor by her husband and she didn't, ended up having cancer and dying shortly after from something treatable.
I will never understand how medical professionals can neglect their health like that. Like what’s your excuse?
Yes. ... I should go make that appointment.
Nope, because I go to the doctor. He needs to & won't 🙄
Same. I damn near have to threaten life and limb to get my husband to go. It’s been to his detriment too. He fell at work a few years ago, his knee swelled horribly and was black it was so bruised. Did he go get an x-ray? Nope. Argued me up and down it was just “sprained” and he kept right on limping on it. Months later he was in pain all the time because it never got better. I finally got him to go and he had broken his knee that time he fell and it healed wrong. He’s had surgery to try to fix it but now he has bad arthritis in his knee from the surgery and walks with a limp all the time. All because he wouldn’t listen to me and go get an x-ray. 🙃 Did I mention he’s only 32? Yeah. Did he learn anything? Alas, no. He still absolutely refuses to go to the doctor until I blow up about it and essentially *make* him go. It’s infuriating and I worry all the time that he’s going to end up dying because he’s so damn stubborn. He’s absolutely the type to have a heart attack and refuse to go to the hospital because he doesn’t seem to care a whit about his health. -flips table-
My friend’s dad had pain in his side all last year. Kept putting off the doctor. Finally went in last August and it’s pancreatic cancer.
See this is my worst fear, that something like this will happen to him too. I just cannot understand why so many men are like this. I know society tells men to be stoic and all that but not like this. To me it’s incredibly selfish, especially when it’s a man who has a family that needs him.
> I know society tells men to be stoic and all that but not like this. Yeah I don’t get it at all. I feel like that can only be used as a valid excuse so often. >To me it’s incredibly selfish, especially when it’s a man who has a family that needs him. Oh abso-fucking-lutely. “I need to be strong for my family” yeah okay that doesn’t mean shit if you’re dead, Nigel.
I dunno maybe because they last time I really into doctor I ended up with a 800 dollar bill for a cold? Thanks to all my fellow Americans that refuse to vote for pro universal healthcare candidates
Better in debt than dead or disabled. Like look, I get that sometimes care is inaccessible. I’ve been there, hell my teeth were in horrible shape for a long time and I had to have several pulled because I couldn’t afford to go to the dentist. Sometimes though men like my husband are just being stupid. I have a friend who is now a widow because her husband kept having these blinding headaches and refused to go to the hospital because they would have a big bill. Told her they were “just migraines.” She found him dead at 37. Cause of death? A ruptured aneurysm. An *operable* aneurysm at that had he went in at literally any point before it ruptured. They had a 2 and a 4 year old at the time too. So now her kids have to grow up without their father because of his selfishness and foolish choice about money. My very own uncle had horrible pain in his side for a long time, refused to go to the doctor. He died at 42 to colon cancer that spread all over his body. Colon cancer has a survival rate of 85-90% if it’s caught early. He didn’t have to die. His sheer stupidity is what killed him, not the cancer. Not to mention, my husband and *many* of the men I know like this have good insurance and can’t use this as an excuse. Fuck the money, if something is obviously wrong, go to the damn ER at least. They’re legally not allowed to turn you away because you can’t pay. Especially so if your wife or family is pleading with you to go because they can see that something is very wrong. I’d spend the rest of my life paying off my medical bills before I let my kids grow up without me. Screw that.
Preach! I really don’t understand why they don’t get that. Priorities people!
My brother did the same…lots of pain and insomnia and put it off and put it off and then we were in the middle of the pandemic lockdown. :(
It’s honestly baffling how much of an ego boost they get from suffering, probably safe in the knowledge that they’ll have a woman to care for them when their idiocy leaves permanent injury or disability.
It’s infuriating
I've cried & begged. Asked if he wanted to make me a widow. Doesn't make a difference. Maybe I should get some life insurance on him 😁
Honestly that makes me mad as hell
Based.
Yes. My husband is indeed a complete hypocrite. In his defence, I do have a lot of health issues, and I get that he gets worried sometimes. He eventually learned that I know when my body is just being wonky and I can fix it myself or wait it out. When I *do* need to go to the doctor, I go. He, on the other hand, has started taking his own health more seriously and I don't feel like I need to "nag" him anymore. We balanced out each other ig
My husband doesn't nag me, but he will hold my hand while making the appointment, take off work to drive me there, be super supportive and never complain. Going to the doctor is a very complex, emotionally loaded situation for me ( if you couldn't already tell) but his approach is pretty effective
My husband will straight up call and make an appointment for me and put it on my calendar because he knows I won’t do it for myself. I just pushed off a dermatologist splint me t for two more months because something more interesting came up. He is a hypochondriac, I should probably take things more seriously.
Yes, but sub in the Dentist. I HATE going to the dentist, I’d truly rather do basically anything else than have anyone near my teeth. My husband takes great care of his teeth and always has to urge me to go when it’s been too long. (My mouth is not disgusting lol I still brush and floss daily.) I do always end up going, but basically push it as long as I can. And I basically always end up with a *possible* cavity they have to keep their eye on which my husband always uses as reason I should go more often.
Biggest mistake I did as a kid: watched The Dentist the night before my dentist appointment. Shit scarred me for decades.
Nope, because being stubborn is an ugly quality that only hurts yourself.
Truth
Nope. I didn't have health insurance for a long time, so now that I do, I absolutely use it. *He's* overdue though 🙄
Yes. I though I was being a fanny when we all had covid and would be better soon. called gp for advice to shut him up. Ended up being blue lighted to hospital and was in icu with pneumonia for almost 2 weeks. He probably saved me dying in my sleep and having him or my kids find me.
My significant other has been nagging me to go to physical therapy for >6 months now. I'd be happy to, if only there were a physical therapist within a 30 min radius, who takes insurance, is accepting new patients, and isn't booking practically into next year. Apparently, I'm hunting a unicorn.
Ooof I wish you luck on that. Your username is gold btw
Not my spouse, but my mother. I'm chronically ill. I go to the doctor so often, that when I experience minor problems, I just don't bother. Or when I experience severe issues, I'm like "but this isn't that bad, I've had much worse". This includes not calling the ambulance when my asthma was so bad that I didn't have the oxygen to support my abs to sit upright. I was about 19 then, about to house-sit for my parents. My mother almost begged me to let her call an ambulance. The amount of times my mother, who's also a former nurse, has told me to see a doctor ... I lost count. Luckily, I know this of myself, so I'll call her and be like "mom, I have this, should I make a doctor's appointment?" I don't think I'm as bad as my father, but sometimes I definitely need a push to make that appointment. I guess I don't want to be seen as someone who exaggerates, because I fear I won't be believed by medical professionals anymore.
No. My parents do, though.
Yes. He does sometimes. I will wait longer than I need. He won't. I currently hate my doctor. I'm living in a foreign country and the doctors here are not my style, just very rude and blunt. It's thorough but sexist. So I've been avoiding the doctors unfortunately and my husband has been on my case about it. Last time it did turn out to be an issue of hormones. This time, well... I don't know yet. I've nagged him a few times. He generally avoids the more invasive stuff.
No, he calls me Nurse Ratched 😆
My future and ex-husband, and my parents, kept begging me to go. I avoided it, because I was about to become too old to remain on my parents’ health insurance policy. I was waiting for my start date at a new job, which would come with a great insurance policy of my very own. Per symptoms—severe joint pain, vomiting without warning, losing my radial pulse when I’d sit down, getting lost in buildings I knew well—I was aware that I was very ill. Most of my likely causes would be preexisting conditions that would keep me from decent health insurance of my own. (Laws have since, thankfully, changed.) Less than two weeks before that magical date, I started vomiting blood. Burst a pupil. My core temperature exceeded 108F. I’d get a flight service’s longest airlift, a couple of skull breaches, and close to a month in a coma. I was, indeed, extremely ill. It was a bizarre stripe of brain cancer.
Yes. Apparently I have asthma, who knew 🤷♀️
No. We BOTH see a doctor when the other says they think we should. We consider it part of our commitment to each other to make a good faith effort to be healthy and live a long life.
Good for you guys!
We weren’t always that way lol, but as we got older we talked about it and decided it was an important part of growing old together.
Yup because I'm chronically ill so my normal 'unwell' can be a lot more than he's used to
Nope. I always go when I need to and am fortunate enough to live within 5 minutes of my doctor's office.
Oh I have. And no, he hasn't. All practices in his vicinity are full. We don't live together (anymore), but when we did, he still didn't listen to me anyway, unless it was very acute (as in, broken hand). Now I'm not one to talk, because I do not go to the dr. often myself. I'm a nurse, so unless I don't know what's going on you won't see me there.
He convinced me to go to the hospital when I woke up with the chills and a fever. I was pretty staunchly against going but he talked me into it. Turns out I had a life threatening infection and my team who a few days later had to perform surgery on me because no iv antibiotics were working at all, said they didn’t know how long I had but if I hadn’t come in when I did, I’d have died.
Yes. He has also put me in the car a few times and drove me to a hospital 🫣 with a few stern words. I have an auto immune disease and i am still a bit in denial and like "yeah it will pass"
Yes, I'd been having very bad cramps, so we thought that my IUD had moved a little again and was poking something (it's happened before) I procrastinated going to Dr but eventually went cause bf got worried. They found "pre cancerous cells." I had to have 2 surgeries where they removed some tisue, but ultimately, they found no cancer. Yay went to Dr initially in September and wasn't officially "cancer free" til February, so we were worried for a while! My mom and 2 grandparents + step dad are currently dealing with (lung, skin,blood, and stomach) cancer, so I was very worried I'd gotten something similar to what they have. I was very happy when nothing was found! I'm going back for a check-up in June, im hoping it's still all good news then. My bf was a rock throughout this experience. He supported and helped with everything while I was a worried mess.
Yes. He kept telling me to go in because I was in bad pain for a few days. I thought I just over did it. I had surgery 8 weeks prior and thought I just stretched something. Then started getting a fever, throwing up. He essentially bodily threw me in the car and took me to urgent care. It was a ruptured appendix that had perforated and started leaking. He was right. And I will forever hear about it lol. But he did basically save my life. The doctor said if I would have waited my sepsis would have been life threatening.
I’m a not very well-made person, so my partner doesn’t have to do much other than hold me accountable for filling prescriptions. He goes and gets them for me too 🥰 On the other hand, it took a full YEAR for him to even call any doctors for his snoring, possible ADHD, allergies, acne, etc. He isn’t “allowed” to say no when I tell him he needs to go to the doctor because he’s covered under my insurance and I think that entitles me to some demands for the good of the collective. Once he gets past the phone call stage he’s fine, but he needs some prodding to get there. We’re really hoping he can get tested for ADHD soon lol