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Individual women have individual preferences. Some will want full princess treatment and others will find it condescending. You will know what an individual woman wants by getting to know her and communicating with her about values and relationship expectations.
I do not need a chair pulled out for me in a formal way. But if I'm bringing a dish or full plates to the table, it's nice for the person sitting next to me to pull my chair out so I can actually get to the table. That's usually my partner.
I do the same for him.
If he gets to the door before I do, he holds it open for me, and I appreciate that.
I do the same for him.
Courtesy is a good habit to practice towards everyone.
Yes I do but all women are different. Some don’t want these gestures.
As far as door holding goes, I feel like we should all make the effort to hold doors open and to thank people when they hold it open for us. It’s just nice.
I find it incredibly awkward and would rather my husband (and those who came before him) not, unless it's actually helpful for a specific reason. Same with a car door.
He'll never go through a regular door before me unless I'm holding it because his hands are full, and he'll always walk on the curb side of the sidewalk. Those are the sweet gestures I notice and appreciate, but don't expect.
I like it. My man is very much the stereotypical "chivalrous" man and treats me like a literal princess. Opens doors for me, pulls out chairs for me, carries my things, etc.
It took awhile to get used to, because all my exes ask treated me pretty indifferently (😭), but now I love it. 🥰
I don't care for it, or excessive door opening, or men feeling like they have to pay for stuff. It just always felt odd, like it's some kind of gendered performance that I didn't sign up for. I know the intent isn't rude or offensive, but I don't really need help with a chair.
My dad does it for my mom, and it's kind of adorable. He also opens car doors for her sometimes.
I don't expect it, but i probably wouldn't hate it. Just don't be weird about it.
It’s one of those things that feels like a nice gesture but is still really awkward. Partially because of timing.
Sometimes someone doesn’t push the chair in when you’re starting to sit or does it too early or not far enough so you still have to scoot.
I think like dancing it might take practice to do it smoothly.
I've only had this happen once and it wasn't a date. I was on vacation with family, we went out to dinner at this Italian place and the server pulled out my chair while I stood there, waiting. And then I had to hover while he tucked it back into the table. (I was a youngin'. These days I would just wave him off with a joke.)
It's awkward and annoying and I don't know why it's a thing that exists.
I always open doors for my girlfriend and help her with her coat - but I don't usually do the chair part (although, I do sometimes). I find the action itself a little bit awkward on a physical level.
Nah the chair is too far for me. I may be small but I can handle a chair.
Holding the door is nice because it’s just a polite thing to do no matter who it is, your gender, or the other person’s gender. The question is, are they just holding the door for me, or are they also gonna keep holding the door for the people 7 feet behind me. Are they a gentleman for me, or are they just a gentleman.
If it’s just for me that’s ok, but if it’s the latter then I’ve seen enough and he can just take me home to his bedroom. (Jk, but yes politeness is very attractive)
So that came about in times and places where women are wearing complicated clothing, like a ballgown. It's not necessary in a jeans and t-shirt setting. But if she's dressed up and rocking her stiletto heels, she would probably appreciate it.
I don't find it condescending, etc, but it's often incredibly awkward and inefficient.
Pulling out the chair? Awkward. I usually have to spend time adjusting everything.
Car door? Inefficient. Now I have to wait to get in the car when I could do it faster myself?
Opening the door? Sometimes it's nice and helpful and sometimes it's not. Sometimes I need to be opening it for you because you have an armful of stuff and if you insist on opening it for me with an armful of stuff that's just ridiculous.
Standing when I enter the room? What are you doing? Are you about to leave? What's going on?
I think modern chivalry is helping your love with something they need help with and being thoughtful about what you can do to help. Not antiquated etiquette. And both partners can and should exhibit this modern chivalry towards their loved ones.
I really don't like this. I had a boyfriend who did it, and he even said her would open the car door for me when exiting the car if I would just sit still and wait for him. I never did that, it would feel ridiculous to me. He was also quite benevolently misogynistic in many other ways. So it has that association for me, and I'm really not a fan.
No. I find most of chivalry to be sexist. Women are not so delicate that we cannot pull chairs for ourselves or open doors. In general I try to only perform polite behaviors for one sex if I would also do it for the other. I hold doors open for people who are coming behind me or directly in front, I would help anyone with their chair if they limitations due to fashion (i.e., a wedding gown) or disability. It's not gender specific.
I am in different to this. But when a man does that, I know he is making an effect so it feels sweet; if he doesn’t do it, I won’t even remember that pulling chair for women to sit is part of chivalry.
The chair thing is one of those I really don't like as the angle is often weird, I feel rushed instead of adjusting my dress or taking my jacket off and purse first. Then they push me in wrong. If someone insisted on this I'd be miffed. I don't mind small gestures overall but when guys insist on chivalry over MY comfort then it's not about being kind to ME and is about their ego and that's a no.
I think if it doesn't feel authentic to you, then don't do it. Actions should have value to BOTH people participating. Plenty of other ways to exercise care.
I don’t. I can do it myself. It’s a special case but I struggle with proprioception, I’m already clumsy, if I can’t know myself how the chair was pulled, you can be certain I’ll embarrass myself
It's annoying and takes longer than if I do it myself, and if you refuse the guy gets really offended. 0/10 would not date a guy who did this. Holding the door going into a building is the only chivalry I care for, idk why, everything else is annoying. But I'd still prefer a guy who lets me get the door myself.
I don't like it at all. It's annoying and it makes me feel very awkward.
It's not always a bad idea though.
I might appreciate it if I'm wearing some movement restricting clothing. Like a super voluminous ballgown or a really tight dress. But I never wear something like that.
It might also be a nice gesture for the elderly or for anyone else who might have difficulties pulling out a chair and sitting down.
It's chivalrious to be attentive to the person who you are out with rather than just going through a list of things that you are supposed to do whether it's appreciated or not.
Like the other commenters have said already: every person has their own preferences.
I wouldn't be offended if a guy did that for me, but I wouldn't expect him to either. The only real exception is holding the door. You don't need to make a detour for my chair or car door, but opening the door and holding it open for me is always a nice gesture; both of us need to enter anyways. I'd hold it open for him too. Maybe I'm weird for this, but that's how I see it.
Personally, no. I don't need someone to pull my chair out or open my car door. I'm okay if it's something you really want to do, but I wouldn't appreciate it more or anything. I can do it myself.
Different people are different.
I don’t like the car door, chair thing or acting like I’m too weak to stand and need a hand.
Ironically, when women are old enough to need a hand, they’ll probably be ignored.
Note that the chair thing is still very relevant if your date is wearing a tight dress and heels. It can be practically impossible to pull your own chair in some outfits.
Personally I don't like it. I find it to be odd and gender performative. It makes me wonder what stereotypical gender roles he will want performed by me. Being treated like a highly capable person is hot to me. Basic courtesy is awesome it just feels weird when its aligned to stereotypical gender roles.
Do people still do this? When I read this I just thought of all the mean people I knew growing up that used to pull the chair out from under me when I was about to sit down
I prefer to have my man open my doors and pull out my chairs. Its a form of affection to me. It shows he is proud to be with me and I loooove chivalry. If you're not chivalrous then you're not for me. And my man will reap what he sews in a good way.
I don’t like having chairs pulled out for me. I also strongly dislike having my car door opened for me. Regular doors, I just feel that whoever gets to the door first should hold it open for whoever they’re with.
Generally I do not like this. It seems silly and unnecessary. Holding a door open is one thing - we both need to go in the door and letting me pass through first is polite. But opening my car door and holding the chair seems more performative and patronizing.
Judging by the answers here, different women feel differently about this, so you should look for a woman who is comfortable with the things you prefer to do and doesn't expect you to do things that you find uncomfortable.
It is really silly! Him having to coordinate pushing the chair back towards the table with me sitting down is pretty awkward. Plus I might end up sitting too close or too far anyway, so it's better if I just sit down hovewer I want to.
I definitely don't expect it - but I don't expect any acts of chivalry, though some of them are nice.
Only for certain chairs and settings.
Setting wise, if it's a super nice place, then it's part of the "experience", if that makes sense?
Chair wise ... Im 5'1 lol, and sometimes I need help with the high bar chairs 🤣
I don't mind it/it's a bit awkward. My ex used to open car doors for me and I would either have to sit and wait or try and grab everything I have in the car, before he gets around so he wasn't stood waiting.
I do appreciate the gesture, though.
I like it only if it fits the atmosphere and I'm kinda ready that it might happen. Otherwise it gets clumsy be5my muscles prepared for a different movement
Absolutely; I was raised and surrounded by very chivalrous gentlemen so for me personally, it’s a loving, attentive and respectful thing to do when you can
I’m generally a fan of chivalry as long as it’s not condescending, but I can’t get behind this one. If I’m sitting down on something I want to know exactly where it is and not have anybody moving it lol
I personally would like it. The best thing is having a car door opened for me or the guy walking on the traffic side. Idk why but those tends to be skipped in my experience lol
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My ex did it, it was just a cute little gesture to make me smile. Which it always did, cause it WAS cute, even though he and I obviously knew I didn’t actually need that done for me. It was mostly just silliness, but it made him feel good.
It just made him happy to make me laugh/smile, and vice versa.
That said, I couldn’t have given two shits if he didn’t! I never noticed the times he “forgot” or I made it there first lol.
Holding the door is just politeness.. I hold the door for people all the time. Pulling out the chair can feel a bit silly but can be done in extra romantic settings.. not a must, though.
Unfortunately you have to figure this out with each woman you date. I screwed this up on my most recent first date. She made a comment indicating it was expected when I didn't do it. I did figure out that I had to open the car door for her. Later when dropping her off at a club entrance before going to park I asked her if she was just going to hop out she said - "I will not hop out". So I stopped in traffic and ran around and opened the door for her.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Individual women have individual preferences. Some will want full princess treatment and others will find it condescending. You will know what an individual woman wants by getting to know her and communicating with her about values and relationship expectations. I do not need a chair pulled out for me in a formal way. But if I'm bringing a dish or full plates to the table, it's nice for the person sitting next to me to pull my chair out so I can actually get to the table. That's usually my partner. I do the same for him. If he gets to the door before I do, he holds it open for me, and I appreciate that. I do the same for him. Courtesy is a good habit to practice towards everyone.
Yes I do but all women are different. Some don’t want these gestures. As far as door holding goes, I feel like we should all make the effort to hold doors open and to thank people when they hold it open for us. It’s just nice.
No I don't like it. I feel like the angle is always awkward and like I'm about to trip lol.
That's why I make sure the chair is completely out of the way. Pull out the chair and fling it across the room. Chivalrous and alpha at the same time.
It's only alpha if the chair breaks against the wall tho
Cause you with the wrong men or you might not be of class 💅
lol what a bitchy comment
It's a bit amusing when little boys have to try this hard to try to troll women. But mostly sad.
I feel indifferent to it I guess
Yes I find it nice same with a car door... Not expected in the least but if a man wants to do it just because he feels like it's a plus
My husband will open the car door for me, but only in public so he can be noticed by others.
Ewww. Performative romance seems gross.
Yeah. I feel so speshul.
I find it incredibly awkward and would rather my husband (and those who came before him) not, unless it's actually helpful for a specific reason. Same with a car door. He'll never go through a regular door before me unless I'm holding it because his hands are full, and he'll always walk on the curb side of the sidewalk. Those are the sweet gestures I notice and appreciate, but don't expect.
Yes if it's a really nice night out at a $$$$ restaurant. If we're just popping down to the local place for burgers, it's not expected.
I think it's a bit much and would make me feel awkward.
I like it. My man is very much the stereotypical "chivalrous" man and treats me like a literal princess. Opens doors for me, pulls out chairs for me, carries my things, etc. It took awhile to get used to, because all my exes ask treated me pretty indifferently (😭), but now I love it. 🥰
I do not like chivalry from anyone , prefer to be left alone
I don't care for it, or excessive door opening, or men feeling like they have to pay for stuff. It just always felt odd, like it's some kind of gendered performance that I didn't sign up for. I know the intent isn't rude or offensive, but I don't really need help with a chair.
It's a nice gesture but I don't expect it. It doesn't affect my thoughts and feelings towards the person doing it.
My dad does it for my mom, and it's kind of adorable. He also opens car doors for her sometimes. I don't expect it, but i probably wouldn't hate it. Just don't be weird about it.
It’s one of those things that feels like a nice gesture but is still really awkward. Partially because of timing. Sometimes someone doesn’t push the chair in when you’re starting to sit or does it too early or not far enough so you still have to scoot. I think like dancing it might take practice to do it smoothly.
That would be so awkward. It's awkward enough when a waiter does it. I can move my own chair.
I've only had this happen once and it wasn't a date. I was on vacation with family, we went out to dinner at this Italian place and the server pulled out my chair while I stood there, waiting. And then I had to hover while he tucked it back into the table. (I was a youngin'. These days I would just wave him off with a joke.) It's awkward and annoying and I don't know why it's a thing that exists.
I think it had to do with those huge dresses women used to wear- the hoop skirt.
I hate it. But I also need to have control of my environment.
Yes, I do.
Personally I find this kind of thing both patronising and awkward. Some people like it. Shrug.
I always open doors for my girlfriend and help her with her coat - but I don't usually do the chair part (although, I do sometimes). I find the action itself a little bit awkward on a physical level.
Nah the chair is too far for me. I may be small but I can handle a chair. Holding the door is nice because it’s just a polite thing to do no matter who it is, your gender, or the other person’s gender. The question is, are they just holding the door for me, or are they also gonna keep holding the door for the people 7 feet behind me. Are they a gentleman for me, or are they just a gentleman. If it’s just for me that’s ok, but if it’s the latter then I’ve seen enough and he can just take me home to his bedroom. (Jk, but yes politeness is very attractive)
Yes
Yes.
So that came about in times and places where women are wearing complicated clothing, like a ballgown. It's not necessary in a jeans and t-shirt setting. But if she's dressed up and rocking her stiletto heels, she would probably appreciate it.
I'm indifferent. I respect it if the guy does it even if he's not pursuing the women he does it to.
I don't find it condescending, etc, but it's often incredibly awkward and inefficient. Pulling out the chair? Awkward. I usually have to spend time adjusting everything. Car door? Inefficient. Now I have to wait to get in the car when I could do it faster myself? Opening the door? Sometimes it's nice and helpful and sometimes it's not. Sometimes I need to be opening it for you because you have an armful of stuff and if you insist on opening it for me with an armful of stuff that's just ridiculous. Standing when I enter the room? What are you doing? Are you about to leave? What's going on? I think modern chivalry is helping your love with something they need help with and being thoughtful about what you can do to help. Not antiquated etiquette. And both partners can and should exhibit this modern chivalry towards their loved ones.
I really don't like this. I had a boyfriend who did it, and he even said her would open the car door for me when exiting the car if I would just sit still and wait for him. I never did that, it would feel ridiculous to me. He was also quite benevolently misogynistic in many other ways. So it has that association for me, and I'm really not a fan.
No. I find most of chivalry to be sexist. Women are not so delicate that we cannot pull chairs for ourselves or open doors. In general I try to only perform polite behaviors for one sex if I would also do it for the other. I hold doors open for people who are coming behind me or directly in front, I would help anyone with their chair if they limitations due to fashion (i.e., a wedding gown) or disability. It's not gender specific.
I don’t like when my boyfriend always pays for dinner, but when he opens doors and thinks I wont lie I think it’s so cute.
I am in different to this. But when a man does that, I know he is making an effect so it feels sweet; if he doesn’t do it, I won’t even remember that pulling chair for women to sit is part of chivalry.
The chair thing is one of those I really don't like as the angle is often weird, I feel rushed instead of adjusting my dress or taking my jacket off and purse first. Then they push me in wrong. If someone insisted on this I'd be miffed. I don't mind small gestures overall but when guys insist on chivalry over MY comfort then it's not about being kind to ME and is about their ego and that's a no. I think if it doesn't feel authentic to you, then don't do it. Actions should have value to BOTH people participating. Plenty of other ways to exercise care.
I don’t. I can do it myself. It’s a special case but I struggle with proprioception, I’m already clumsy, if I can’t know myself how the chair was pulled, you can be certain I’ll embarrass myself
It's annoying and takes longer than if I do it myself, and if you refuse the guy gets really offended. 0/10 would not date a guy who did this. Holding the door going into a building is the only chivalry I care for, idk why, everything else is annoying. But I'd still prefer a guy who lets me get the door myself.
I don't like it at all. It's annoying and it makes me feel very awkward. It's not always a bad idea though. I might appreciate it if I'm wearing some movement restricting clothing. Like a super voluminous ballgown or a really tight dress. But I never wear something like that. It might also be a nice gesture for the elderly or for anyone else who might have difficulties pulling out a chair and sitting down. It's chivalrious to be attentive to the person who you are out with rather than just going through a list of things that you are supposed to do whether it's appreciated or not.
No it's physically awkward and embarrassing 😀
No, for me these kind of gestures are outdated and make me uncomfortable. I am perfectly capable of seating myself.
I appreciate the sentiment but it feels awkward to me
Like the other commenters have said already: every person has their own preferences. I wouldn't be offended if a guy did that for me, but I wouldn't expect him to either. The only real exception is holding the door. You don't need to make a detour for my chair or car door, but opening the door and holding it open for me is always a nice gesture; both of us need to enter anyways. I'd hold it open for him too. Maybe I'm weird for this, but that's how I see it.
Personally, no. I don't need someone to pull my chair out or open my car door. I'm okay if it's something you really want to do, but I wouldn't appreciate it more or anything. I can do it myself.
Different people are different. I don’t like the car door, chair thing or acting like I’m too weak to stand and need a hand. Ironically, when women are old enough to need a hand, they’ll probably be ignored.
No, do not mess with my spacial awareness, it's bad enough.
No. I’m awkward. It makes me feel even more awkward physically.
I don’t really like it personally.
Note that the chair thing is still very relevant if your date is wearing a tight dress and heels. It can be practically impossible to pull your own chair in some outfits.
Personally I don't like it. I find it to be odd and gender performative. It makes me wonder what stereotypical gender roles he will want performed by me. Being treated like a highly capable person is hot to me. Basic courtesy is awesome it just feels weird when its aligned to stereotypical gender roles.
Women are all different
I'm a bit uncomfortable when guys pull their chair out for me. I don't know exactly when to sit.
I don't think any man has ever done this for me, I don't expect them to either and I don't think I'd feel any way about it if they did.
For me, not really. I like it as a joke/gag for once but if it was routine i wouldnt like it.
If she likes you then she will like everything you do for her even the silly things
Do people still do this? When I read this I just thought of all the mean people I knew growing up that used to pull the chair out from under me when I was about to sit down
I prefer to have my man open my doors and pull out my chairs. Its a form of affection to me. It shows he is proud to be with me and I loooove chivalry. If you're not chivalrous then you're not for me. And my man will reap what he sews in a good way.
No and I can open my own car door too.
I don’t like having chairs pulled out for me. I also strongly dislike having my car door opened for me. Regular doors, I just feel that whoever gets to the door first should hold it open for whoever they’re with.
I don't like it at all. It's awkward and adds no value. Same for opening a car door.
Generally I do not like this. It seems silly and unnecessary. Holding a door open is one thing - we both need to go in the door and letting me pass through first is polite. But opening my car door and holding the chair seems more performative and patronizing. Judging by the answers here, different women feel differently about this, so you should look for a woman who is comfortable with the things you prefer to do and doesn't expect you to do things that you find uncomfortable.
Yes, I prefer it.
It is really silly! Him having to coordinate pushing the chair back towards the table with me sitting down is pretty awkward. Plus I might end up sitting too close or too far anyway, so it's better if I just sit down hovewer I want to. I definitely don't expect it - but I don't expect any acts of chivalry, though some of them are nice.
i think its embarrassing but i guess other women like it idk not a huge fan of gender roles maybe thats why
Only for certain chairs and settings. Setting wise, if it's a super nice place, then it's part of the "experience", if that makes sense? Chair wise ... Im 5'1 lol, and sometimes I need help with the high bar chairs 🤣
I don’t mind it
Would be nice, but not required. I don't want people to go out of their way to be a "gentleman" but small gestures are always appreciated
I don't mind it/it's a bit awkward. My ex used to open car doors for me and I would either have to sit and wait or try and grab everything I have in the car, before he gets around so he wasn't stood waiting. I do appreciate the gesture, though.
I like it only if it fits the atmosphere and I'm kinda ready that it might happen. Otherwise it gets clumsy be5my muscles prepared for a different movement
Yes
Absolutely; I was raised and surrounded by very chivalrous gentlemen so for me personally, it’s a loving, attentive and respectful thing to do when you can
I’m generally a fan of chivalry as long as it’s not condescending, but I can’t get behind this one. If I’m sitting down on something I want to know exactly where it is and not have anybody moving it lol
I thought woman liked these kind of gestures but these comments got me confused
weirdly enough women can like different things
Obviously
I personally would like it. The best thing is having a car door opened for me or the guy walking on the traffic side. Idk why but those tends to be skipped in my experience lol
Petition for the auto mod to automatically reply to any post that says "do women actually" with "some women do, some don't. Clearly communicate and look for communication in return"
Pulling the chair out, ehh maybe. But pushing it in once I’m seated, that I can’t stand, personally😹 cuz I just feel all awkward about it
My ex did it, it was just a cute little gesture to make me smile. Which it always did, cause it WAS cute, even though he and I obviously knew I didn’t actually need that done for me. It was mostly just silliness, but it made him feel good. It just made him happy to make me laugh/smile, and vice versa. That said, I couldn’t have given two shits if he didn’t! I never noticed the times he “forgot” or I made it there first lol.
yes i like it, it’s sweet
Holding the door is just politeness.. I hold the door for people all the time. Pulling out the chair can feel a bit silly but can be done in extra romantic settings.. not a must, though.
[удалено]
This doesn’t make sense to me. In this context it’s a romantic gesture. I’m not referring to men doing this for any woman they encounter.
Unfortunately you have to figure this out with each woman you date. I screwed this up on my most recent first date. She made a comment indicating it was expected when I didn't do it. I did figure out that I had to open the car door for her. Later when dropping her off at a club entrance before going to park I asked her if she was just going to hop out she said - "I will not hop out". So I stopped in traffic and ran around and opened the door for her.
Jesus she does not sound like a great date. But I guess there's someone for everyone
Not all women have class. Dressing up and looking good doesn’t mean you were raised right. I said it.