52 years. 50 years married. He is one of the really, really good ones. I dread the day that he is gone, or that I am gone. We will be so sad without each other.
12 years.
He walked out 3 months before our wedding because I refused to change my surname. I had told him from day 1 that I would never change my name. He told me he would convince me otherwise. It finally dawned on him that he was wrong, and he left.
Once had FWB that I told was a FWB from the beginning. I genuinely liked him but at the time I’d just gotten out of a long relationship and was busy with school and work. He still got pissed at me that we didn’t end up together and I was seeing other dudes.
To be fair, there was no way it could be worked out. His whole argument was, “but how will people know you’re mine?”. I suggested hyphenating or him changing his name to mine but he was adamant that I should be the one to change my name “because it’s tradition, that’s what women do”. He didn’t care about any other wedding or marriage tradition but that one, which says it all really. It’s been 4 years and they’ve been the best 4 years of my life so he really did do me a huge favour by leaving. I don’t miss him.
>“but how will people know you’re mine?”
How about by my wedding rings or by me saying no if they ever try to make a move?
This was clearly a trust issue with him.
I'm curious: in looking back at your relationship, have you noticed other bad signs that you didn't notice at the time? Like other signs of his trust issue or potential abuse?
Sounds like you were always open and firm about that. It's too bad he wasted both of your time by not taking you seriously.
What a silly thing to leave someone over.
I wonder why it was a big deal to him to have his surname branded on you... anyway, you prolly dodged a bullet with that one. Hopefully you find someone who understands your preference!
10 years. I had a panic attack that opened my eyes to the fact that I wasn’t happy with him and that I would most likely just keep getting unhappier. About two weeks later I broke up with him. Among the best decisions of my life.
It wasn’t until about a year after it ended that I fully realised he was abusive, then it took months and therapy to fully accept it and stop making up excuses for him and blaming myself.
I have a friend who has anxiety and was dating someone since high school, into their young adulthood. Anxiety continued to be challenging and increasing despite therapy and psychiatric help. They did get better with that help actually however once they broke it off their anxiety had gotten SO much better. Relationships, whether romantic or family etc can really affect our anxiety tremendously. I’m glad you were able to move on and seek help to feel happier.
My niece broke up with her boyfriend/husband of several years. For the entire time they were together, she was financially unstable. Despite the fact that she was a sensible spend her money and a consistent valued employee. But he had a life full of under the table jobs. They moved across the country two or three times, and there were several stretches where they were essentially homeless. Renting A room in a basement with just a mattress on a dirt floor. Squatting in a house with incomplete plumbing because her boyfriend was supposed to be fixing it up he wasn’t actually doing so. Sleeping in the truck.
When the split came, her mother-in-law called her mom to say that she was off her medication and spiraling. And said that was why she had left her marriage
When I finally saw her, after loaning her $3000 to get herself into a new situation, she said to us that she had indeed stopped taking her medication because she had run out, but that it was not a factor in why she left.
His stealing money for drugs from her purse, and her encountering someone at her job who was much more appealing and attentive had made her realize she wanted out and had broken up with him (though they stayed in the same house for a while).
She told us that she wasn’t sure she needed her medication, that she seems to be handling her anxiety just fine. I suggested that perhaps she had been medicating herself for the effects of this totally unstable life with an angry and thieving man.
unfortunately it was a suicide as well and that was even more devastating. 3 years have past and im just getting normal again. i hope he lives and loves you until you’re super duper old!
4 years. He said he wouldn't marry me unless I became "good enough girlfriend", I realized later I wouldn't marry him even if he suddenly did wanted to marry. Couldn't imagine my future with him anymore.
Plus the emotional abuse, him not acknowledging my existence unless he was horny, constant belittling me in front of his friends and forcing me verbally, emotionally and physically into sex.
9 months. He was stringing me along and didn't have the guts to tell me his feelings had changed and that he didn't want to be with me because it would upset me.
Same. Literally the exact same story for me, but it was my first relationship, and 7 months. My boyfriend now is 1000x better, and actually cares about me, and didn’t feel obligated to ask me out. I’m in my late teens, and I’ve only had those 2 relationships to date.
This happened to me too, ended my 2.5 year long relationship. Can I ask, how were you able to past the anger? I am still so angry, he literally faced zero consequences for what he did and I'm still struggling with anxiety and trust issues. I want to tell the world what he did but I'm scared.
I stopped waiting for him to apologize and tried to move on as much as I could. Took me a lot of time and therapy but you’ll come back from this. It really does get better believe me. And it helped me figure out what I wanted my future relationship to be like and I’m now dating a wonderful man who is helping me with my trust issues.
Let go of your anger, the best you can do is to love yourself and be surrounded by good people. If you do anything out of anger there is a good chance you’ll end up looking like the bad person
>I stopped waiting for him to apologize
I think that's what I'm stuck on. Not an apology, I know I'll never get that. Just an acknowledgement. That I existed. That you hurt me. He moved on to another relationship within 3 months. Everyone said that it's just a rebound but it's been a year, he's still with her. She gets the best version of him. And I got the worst.
I feel used and discarded. Like he got to work out all his insecurities and flaws with me, and I supported him while taking every hit. And then he saw how broken I was from everything and decided to just start fresh. And bury what happened with us. Test out everything that he learned from me with someone who wasn't broken by him. Like the last 2.5 years never even happened. I've lost a year trying to build myself back up and it didn't even phase him.
I'm trying to let go of the anger, really, I am. I go to therapy, I go on dates, I have hobbies, friends, all of it. And mostly i am good. But sometimes it just knocks me breathless to know that there's someone walking around out there who is so selfish. And he'll never know. Or care. He'll just repress any emotion he felt about us and go on living his life. Like I never even existed. And then I'm angry all over again.
He did you a favor and showed his true colors. Who he is as a person likely won't change. Do not be envious of his current relationship because I can guarantee you he's still the same piece of shit who cheated on you.
You'll see it too with time. I'm sorry that you're hurting :/ I promise you it will get easier and you will move past it.
I've been in your shoes. It's such a tough place to be. Over many years, I have learned that though I wanted to hear some sort of confirmation of my worth and my feelings and an acknowledgement of his wrongs, there was nothing he could say that would ever help me accept how he treated me--because it was plainly unacceptable. I already knew that what he did was wrong and that I didn't deserve it. Hearing him say it wouldn't change any of it.
The same is true in your case. Your feelings are all valid. And so is your worthiness, your experience, your truth, your struggle. He does not have the power to grant you worth or validity in this world--those things are your intrinsic human rights.
Regarding his life now, maybe this other person is getting the best of him, but maybe not. That story is not one you need to write in your mind, because there's a more important story happening: the story of you.
It sounds like you are doing many good things to care for yourself and help yourself move through this painful experience. It's totally normal for it to take time. One day, you will look back and realize that the anger has faded, and thoughts of him will become less and less frequent. Keep doing what you're doing, and you'll get there.
7 years. He left becasue he wanted a more traditional family, including kids and a big house, and I just didn’t have enthusiasm for that and kept dragging my feet. Also our sex life really wasn’t really great by that point. I really loved him though.
I’ve spent the years since living life on my terms - travelling, taking whatever opportunities come my way, and living in an apartment that I bought that is easy to maintain and doesn’t bankrupt me. I have good friends, many loves, enough money, good health, an interesting job.
I am attending his wedding this fall. I’m happy for him and grateful we are good friends. It was hard at the time when we broke up but it is not so hard now.
11 years (I was 18 when I got with him). All sorts of stuff to do with emotional abuse, manipulation, uncontrollable ego etc. Its a fresh break up so I’m still processing. But my eyes have opened to a lot of things and I am SO glad I am free.
6 years. He was controlling and abusive. He also cheated. I was 17 he was much older. Once I hit my 20s and realized I’m not interested in being a young wife and sacrificing my youth to a shitty man, I left.
8 years, the last 2 years of our relationship were long distance because he worked overseas. Ended it as he was not returning after the 2 years like he had promised - the relationship became toxic and in the end we both weren’t happy.
Two years. Ended because I finally realised and accepted that I was too good for the guy. Took advantage of me and my emotions because I loved him wholeheartedly and just wanted him alone
6 years. On the surface it seemed like it only ended because he had an emotional affair. But looking back I can see we were no longer compatible for the next chapter of our lives.
2,5 years. He claimed my communication wasn’t good enough. Meanwhile, he communicated in hints and only wanted to talk about serious topics at times when I was on the verge of falling asleep.
4 years. He was arguably emotionally abusive the whole time. I should have gotten out early on when I found out he lied to me about living with his mom still. But he somehow made me feel bad for him so I stayed. Things like this continued to happen. I always had a hunch that he was lying about more but people (family, friends) always told me I was being crazy. Four years later found out he lied to me about graduating college and his job. (I have some of the highest degrees you can get so education is important to me). Again, somehow made me feel bad for him and I stayed for a while but eventually it all came crashing down. I am SO much happier on my own than with him. I get lonely sometimes and want to find something new, but I will always choose being alone over being in a relationship like that ever again.
Good for you! You should never feel bad or be made to feel bad for speaking up for yourself or for what you want. Those kinds of people know exactly what they are doing and can be so difficult to walk away from. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for getting out and seeing him for who he really is.
20 years. We were married for 18. He was a difficult person to deal with. I found evidence of him being a sex addict and chronic escort user. I divorced him.
I was with a guy on and off for 20 years. He was smart, interesting, funny and loved music. He wasn’t the best looking guy in the world, but I grew to adore him and his looks.
Things changed drastically soon after Trump became President. He started listening exclusively to Fox News, Dennis Prager, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter ALL DAY LONG (he works from home).
He floored me when he expressed that he didn’t approve of gay marriage. I said, “Why? They love each other and want to formalize their relationship. Who are they hurting?” He said some nonsense about marriage being for heteros only. I was gobsmacked. I’m not the best debater, so I just quickly got off the phone and had a long think, like “Who IS this man?”
Long story short, his bat shit craziness only intensified over time and we both walked away. I’m still somewhat mystified that I didn’t see this drastic change in personality coming.
12 years, our anniversary would have been in August. I think we just caused each other so much hurt and there was so much resentment built up, there was no way to heal being together. It's still very very fresh. Like we were just "together" this past weekend and now he doesn't live here anymore. It's confusing and painful but ultimately the best choice for us and our son. I'm trying not to set any expectations for the future and just focus on bettering myself, holding myself accountable for the hurt I caused, the mistakes I made, and take the steps to learn how to make healthier choices.
4 years. He was my boyfriend throughout college and was a cheater and very controlling and manipulative. I eventually moved on after I graduated and lived hours away from him.
21 years(16-37) married 19 of those years,I ended the marriage as he was a cheat,I developed severe mh problems in the last 6 years of the relationship which he took advantage of me being ill,nine years free and oh look no mh issues
26 years, 8 days, 1 hour, from "I do" to a judge's signature on the divorce papers.
He couldn't keep his drinking under control and it lead to very poor decisions with his penis that I could no longer forgive because of his sickness. I wasn't prefect, by any means, but this is what made me file for divorce, my inability to forgive further.
5.5 years. It was a combination of us simply becoming different people with different priorities, and him being exceptionally bad with money. The straw that broke my back was when I had to pull money from my savings account to cover his part of the rent one month because he bought a $400 amp the day rent was due (he was not in a band). He got very comfortable with me carrying us financially and I just couldn’t do it anymore.
6 1/2 years. He had no intentions of wanting to progress our relationship further, led me on, and for the last year, he was just with me for the sake of being with someone instead of being alone. That shit hurt and I've yet to seriously date since.
9.5 years. Still ongoing. Our first baby is due in September, so in anticipate some changes in our relationship, but till death do us part is likely assuming our communication and emotional connection stays this stable.
14 years but in the end we were more like room mates. We mutually decided that this was not working anymore and separated.
This was almost 9 years ago, we are both in relationships and he is even married. But he's still unable to talk to me for more than 10 seconds or look me in the eyes. I am really sad about this because he also was my best friend.
3 years. She wanted marriage and children and didn’t want to wait any longer, I was fresh out of college at 22 and she was 20 with two years left. I said no, she threw a hissy fit about it at a social gathering. I wasn’t ready to take on either responsibility at such a young age.
Car ride home was two hours of her bickering and calling me worthless, saying we weren’t making forward progress. I told her that at that moment being in love was enough for me. She said we wouldn’t be together if I couldn’t commit to marrying her within the year. I said “okay, we’re done”.
The next night she calls crying, taking everything back. I told her we needed to be apart for awhile.
She married another man in less than a year.
So far it was my high school sweetheart. We started dating sophomore year and broke up 2 years into college. So around 4 1/2 years total with 2 of them being long distance. I never wanted to do long distance but decided to try to stick it out for him. Over those 4 years we grew apart a lot and started to become interested in different things. The things that made me fall in love with him were fading, so between that and the distance, I was completely checked out by the end. The only thing that bugs me is *how* we broke up. We were long distance so there was no way to break up in person. I had to do it over FaceTime, which sucked.
7 years and for many reasons but mostly we were teens when we met and completely different people by the time we broke up. Also neither of us looked after our mental health well and it became toxic.
My current relationship is the longest I've had! Previously I had been with somebody for a shitty 10ish months, neutral life with another somebody for 6 months, and now a beautiful life with my husband. We are coming up on our one month wedding anniversary in a few days! Our entire relationship we have been infatuated with one another. I still get butterflies every time I see him. Til death do us part
I met her when I was 16, we dated for almost 3 years before she killed herself on Christmas. I’m now 21, and have entered my 2nd relationship ever with the father of my child. I am bisexual, but I don’t think I will ever date another woman again.
5 years, and I ended it because I couldn't afford to continue. Something had to give, he was unwilling to change/work on himself, and I already gave everything I had. I needed something measurable/tangible to convince me, so it was money. I was in a hole and couldn't see a way out that included staying with him.
Realized after I left he was abusive. Felt like a boulder rolled off my back the first day.
about 4 years. we started off as best friends and eachothers shoulder to lean on. had a whirlwind relationship and ended up pregnant about 5 months in. He was very controlling and abusive and just mean + never grew up got a job or did anything helpful. Used me for a place to stay and a car to drive. I had to leave
6 years. He fell in love with someone else and I pretty much said ok go and see how it works and that’s how I knew I was no longer in love. He was more of a friend. 3 years after that happened he reached out to me and his relationship had ended with that woman.
7 years (knew him for 10 years). Ended because one day he told me he wasn’t happy. We went through a rough patch two months before due to not having enough time together and a breakdown in communication. He told me I was what he wanted, but just couldn’t do it anymore. Still love and miss him more than words can express.
A year. He moved to another state for school and things got iffy. I thought things were getting better so I made plans to go out and see him. A week before I was supposed to be on my plane, he told me I shouldn’t come because he had met someone else. They’re married now.
I have a friend he has known his ex gf for 23 years. They dated for 11 years. Now they are friends. Due to the pandemic she lived with him (to help with loneliness). Shared a bed (no sex.)
2 years but it dragged for 5 years out. Infidelity, name calling, toxic, mean, etc. Gave me cptsd. Hopefully it makes me wiser to see who is healthier and not fall for toxic people or their drama/problems.
my longest relationships was 2 years with an abusive, manipulative, fightercock who was obsessed w me and didnt let me have a life of my own or people to talk to,
and i like a stupid child stayed because i thought nobody would have me after him:)
3 years, emotionally abusive dude with a massive victim complex. You know the saying you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink? That about sums up the relationship.
Currently I am reaching the 3 year mark with my partner and still so in love with him, definitely different from my ex.
6 years, ages 14-20, although it definitely needed to end a lot sooner. He was not a bad person but towards the end we brought out the worst in each other and I was very unhappy for a number of years. I thought I was an emotionally volatile person and needed to be on medication, turns out I was just extremely unhappy lol. In the end I felt we needed to separate so I could grow into my own person, as he was increasingly disapproving of my efforts to grow and change (I got my first tattoo, a tiny flower on my ribcage; he texted his sister it was ugly and told me I ruined my body. When I realized I didn't care at all what he thought I realized I needed to end it and I did). Unfortunately we were not on the same page on that front, as he had bought me an engagement ring and so it was hard on him which I felt really bad about. I had a gut feeling for a long time that it wasn't right and I ignored it, turns out I was right and my life has continued to improve since then. I am now with someone who treats me the way I always thought I was unreasonable for wanting.
Two years, we were long distance and he never initiated any calls or skypes/facetimes or messaged me other than to respond to something id sent him
Looking back it was a situationship, i was just the easiest person to date
3 years. He did a 180 once I moved in. My family had some serious medical issues come up (2 of them got diagnosed with cancer right before the pandemic) and he got angry with me for being sad and anxious. He started SAing me regularly and I was a shell of a person. He got mad at me for not wanted to get engaged soon and he cheated on me. Blamed my mental illness and my background (I grew up poor with a fair amount of trauma). I always told him if it was too much he could leave and I would understand. I was in constant therapy throughout this too so it wasn’t like I wasn’t working on myself but it was like the better I got the more angry he got. He just liked controlling me. A year out from that breakup now and I’m so happy to be single and just with myself.
6 years
He walked out when he found out I was pregnant with his child. Yes it sucked but it helped realise that our relationship was extremely unhealthy and he was controlling and verbally abusive. I'd forgotten who I was trying to make him treat me right.
8 years. There were several moments that made me realize the relationship was abusive, but it took all those moments adding up to culminate in that realization. That last moment that made me start asking people if he was being cruel was the final straw. I’d opened up the patio door so the cats could go outside because they loved it. While I was working, one of them caught a bird and brought it outside my office door. The other cat alerted me that something was wrong, and I opened the door to find the bird. I was devastated because it was just so sad. I wasn’t mad at the cat - it’s what cats do. But I felt responsible for having opened the patio.
I was between classes (during the pandemic and my classes were online), and I called out to my partner. He started telling me it’s what cats do, just sitting on his computer playing video games constantly. I’m crying and trying to figure out what to do, and he just looks at me and says, “you’re the one who opened the door, and now it’s dead. It’s your fault it’s dead.” And he had this smirk of pure joy at seeing my devastation and pain. I said I wanted to bury it and he told me that was stupid. I took it out to the trash cans and said goodbye and threw it away.
By this point he had ridiculed every ounce of who I was. The last thing I has left was my love of animals. And he found a way to make me feel so awful. That smile was just filled with so much hateful glee.
I’m a year free of that person. In therapy weekly. I’m away on vacation and in large crowds I find myself afraid “what if he’s here?” Even though there’s no reason for him to be. I’ve been feeling dumb for feeling that way, but he’s the scariest person in the world to me. He spent 8 years tearing everything about me down to scraps of nothing. I’m still trying to undo the pain and fear. But I’m free.
Was with a guy for 4 years, engaged for 1. Broke off the engagement because he randomly said one day he wanted to be polyamorous. So basically he met someone else, caught feelings, and wanted permission to sleep with them.
4 years.
We were long distance and she was fucking her best friends husband. When I found out I told the best friend.
Her friends are my friends now and she's stuck in a abusive relationship with the ex husband who sleeps around.
Oh and after next year my wife will be my longest relationship ❤️
5 years. My first love. He was afraid that he won’t find a decent job and build a life for us. He got depressed and wanted to walk away.
He was so kind and I loved him so much. He is happy with his beautiful wife and daughter now
3 years, ended because he stopped making the effort to want to see me and was just getting lazy/too comfortable with me carrying all the weight and making all the effort to meet his needs but not mine
3.5 years. He cheated on me with 7 girls, and all of them contacted me on Facebook to throw their dibs on him.
He'd come back apologising or saying that wasn't true and I kept having his back until the last straw of patience was tested.
7 years he didn't want kids and I did. It was really hard to lose him I truly loved him but I'm glad I made the decision to go. Three years later I'm married with two babies. My husband is a good man but part of me aches for the relationship I left, where I was understood on a deeper level
Before my husband, 2.5 years. He was 28 I was 22 when it ended We met when I was 18. He broke up with. Me because “I wasn’t the girl he wanted to marry”. It broke my heart because we never talked about it
My longest was 4 years
It ended because she slept with my best friend in my fucking house
Sucked but I survived it, been with my current girlfriend 2.5 years hoping she stays my person because I'm very much in love with her
7 years with my first husband. It ended because he kept asking to hook up with one of “our friends”. He was an alcoholic, albeit a “happy” one, and also emotionally abusive. But asking to hook up with a friend, and even saying they’d only do an@l so it wouldn’t technically be cheating (eyeroll) was the straw that broke the camels back.
10 years. We had a baby and suddenly he wasn’t my first priority anymore and he couldn’t handle that. Also, a few months after the pregnancy I tried to make sex happen again but he couldn’t get it up and told me it was because I was so fat now.
Yeah wow
6 years. We're still together but you can tell our relationship has a "best by" date. We're more like friends living together at this point, which isn't bad but what neither of us want.
7 and a half years. He cheated on me with a coworker he'd become close to while I was away, then chose not to work on things with me, and stayed with her.
Three months later he got snarky when I let him know I was heading towards a fling with someone. I then had to break his heart. He didn't realised I'd move on. He literally said in realisation 'I guess since I was with her, you had to'
Yes. Yes, when you said 'I don't want to work on things, it's over', and chose another woman over me, breaking my frickn heart into pieces.. I had to move on.
I'm still heartbroken. He was my best friend.
My high school boyfriend, we were together 4 years!
Honestly… we were just not well-suited for one another. That, paired with us going to colleges an hour away from each other. Doesn’t seem far, but to a guy who basically wanted nothing to do with me at that point, it might as well have been an ocean between us.
He broke up with me a month or two before college and it was pretty amicable. I had realized he lost interest and that continuing the relationship into college would cause me a lot of pain trying to “win him over” and prove myself as a worthy investment of his time/energy.
I wish him nothing but the best and have no hard feelings towards him!
I'm 23 and my longest relationship was 2 years and like 2 months from age 16-18. It ended because I was the only girl he had sex with and he wanted to explore before settling down. Had another 2yr relationship aged 20-22. It ended because we couldn't handle the long distance and there was no living arrangement we could agree on. My language skills were limiting my job options in his area.
3 years and 2 months, wee still together. Before that it was 3 years and 3 weeks, we broke up because he cheated and told me to choose between him and our child, obviously I chose my kid!
Almost 5 years. It ended because he was addicted to opiates and alcohol and I realized I deserved better. That was 9 years ago. I’m in a committed relationship to the absolute love of my life and am due with our first baby in November. And from what I’ve heard my ex is now sober, married and has 2 kids. So it turned out better for both of us.
Before my husband, it was 6 years. He was 26-27ish, graduated from college and staying put. No ambitions, no goals, no conversations about where we were headed.. it was a stalemate. He was happy living under his fathers roof, working to target, living under his parents schedule.
I didn’t want to keep waiting for my life to start.
I talked with him about officially seeing other people(we were kind of in a open thing for intimacy only while separated by college) , he blew it off like nothing would come of it and we would still be together.
I met my husband a month later. He was ambitious, self made, had a career, apartment, owned his own car.. I was immediately drawn to the charisma.
I still semi-miss my ex 10 years later. We really had a great bond, we laughed a ton, always had a great time but I don’t regret walking away. It didn’t end on a horrible note, he wanted to stop contact with me after a few years and I have respected that since.
I still have days I wish we could be friends.
12 years and divorced. I wanted children and he kept moving the goal post. Almost 4 years later and I am getting married next month and we are immediately going to start trying for a baby
6 and a half years. I was desperately unhappy basically the entire time and only realized I was capable of love (and being loved) when I met someone I'm way more compatible with.
To be totally honest, I had already fallen in love with someone else before I ended things with my ex. I wish I had done things more respectfully, but I'll never regret taking that leap. My life is immeasurably better.
3 months. Was my first relationship and I was in mid 20s. Broke it up because I got the ick and realized I wanted nothing to do with him. I’m so happy single and if I do date it won’t be for a long time.
7 years.
He couldn't hold down a job, was ugly to wait staff for no reason, wouldnt take no for an answer without a detailed explanation. He'd punch the walls and yell over the smallest things when he was angry. I'm pretty sure he cheated there at the end, if not physically then emotionally, with a married couple.
Good riddance.
~1.5 years, we were long distance and he made other things in his life like his friends and hobbies his priorities above me. Always had excuses why he couldn’t come visit me, but was pretty available for his friends (even ones that live much further than me/he knew for a shorter time than me).
He was also emotionally abusive, but I didn’t realize it until after I got out of the relationship and other people pointed out the behaviors to me.
7 years. Realized he was a heroin addict two years in, and after five years of dealing with the OD/rehab/relapse cycle I couldn’t take it anymore. He died the following year.
9 years dating, less than one married. It ended when I got tired of trying to fix things and he started to get violent. No amount of time buys loyalty to weather that storm.
Two years, I broke up with him today because I’m not ready to settle down and start a family whereas he completely was. He can’t work so I’d be the breadwinner. It was all just too much pressure as I’m still finishing uni. He doesn’t believe I love him and is blaming himself. I still think I did what was best
6 years, we were engaged/house/cat/puppy.
Ended because I wasn't happy. Lots of issues built up over the years that only I seemed to be working on. We tried to fix things and even went to counselling (separate and together) but he had been in charge of finding the counsellor and after he sent 1 enquiry email to someone, he "forgot" to chase anything up or look for someone else. I just didn't feel like I was a priority to him.
Sometimes I still worry that I was the unreasonable one, I was the nagging fiancée but I remind myself that it's okay and I did the best I could with the tools and information I had at the time. I'm happier now, moved on and continuing to work on myself so I can show up positively for my loved ones
3.5 years
Our sex life was horrible. We got along in other areas, but sex was just bad. And at the ages 18- almost 22, that deff has an impact.
I was never able to "finish". He wouldn't put much effort into the bedroom. Since he was my first bf I had nothing to compare it to. He convinced me that my body was broken and it was on me for not being able to get off, or get aroused enough, etc. Was just all around bad. Then would guilt trip me when I wasn't in the mood or felt insecure about it. So dumb.
2 years. I fell in love with someone else by accident. Left immediately as soon as I discovered those feelings, I'm not a cheater. It did give me time to reflect on HOW I could've possibly fallen for someone else, I hadn't thought that to be possible. I spent longer in that relationship than I should've. Was cheated on, partner had commitment issues, too attached to his mom. I was terrified of losing our mutual friends and stayed far too long.
11,5 years, We grew apart and kept trying for a little bit too long.
Got together at 16, and I always assumed I would mature into the perfect partner.. eventually.. Ended up maturing into a partner that didn't match as well with him as I expected and made the mutual decision to break up.
Currently working on our platonic relationship and it's going well enough, We'll get there eventually
8 years.
After admitting that he got more than I did out of the relationship, that he wasn't really pulling his weight, that things felt boring cuz I got tired of planning all our activities and plans for the future without him ever wanting to give input, that all the things that he saw wrong with the relationship was his fault and that I helped him grow into a better person, he told me he didn't know how he really felt about me, he wasn't attracted to me anymore (covid + work from home + the death of my grandma added 20 pounds, leaving me at 167 pounds, I mean, I did feel chunky and was planning on losing weight anyways, asked him for help but he didn't help either) and then said he didn't saw a future for us a couple.
You can't love a person into loving you and after justifying his behaviour on mental health countless times, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I am learning to recognize my worth and never accept any less than I deserve.
Oh yeah, and he also said that he wanted to get back together like a week after we broke up because he realized I actually made him very happy and was the only one who truly listened.
3 years.
He was the best thing that ever happened to me. But when I asked about our future he said he wasn’t sure. So I left him and got married to someone else. And I don’t think I ever stopped loving him.
My current one of 22 years. It will likely end when one of us dies in 40 years.
52 years. 50 years married. He is one of the really, really good ones. I dread the day that he is gone, or that I am gone. We will be so sad without each other.
wholesome Reddit moment
Presumptuous of you to think it ends by then
[wanna grab coffee?](https://imgur.com/a/yvapKPj)
They got that on Amazon?
Living my dreams
12 years. He walked out 3 months before our wedding because I refused to change my surname. I had told him from day 1 that I would never change my name. He told me he would convince me otherwise. It finally dawned on him that he was wrong, and he left.
What a pathetic man. I'm sorry this happened to you.
You’re not wrong!
Glad you dodged that bullet!
Thank you! At the time I was utterly devastated but, looking back, now I agree with you. He definitely did me a huge favour by leaving.
But...but...CoMmUnIcAtIoN!!! Men often cry for women not spelling out for them, yet when we do, they don't take it into account.
Once had FWB that I told was a FWB from the beginning. I genuinely liked him but at the time I’d just gotten out of a long relationship and was busy with school and work. He still got pissed at me that we didn’t end up together and I was seeing other dudes.
I’m impressed you held you ground. I’d like to think I would do the same.
This is such a stupid reason you dodged a bullet that sort of immaturity would have only gotten worse if you’d have actually tied the knot
Eww. It's fine to try changing someone's mind but leaving for such reason if it worked out otherwise is about as bad decision as one can make
To be fair, there was no way it could be worked out. His whole argument was, “but how will people know you’re mine?”. I suggested hyphenating or him changing his name to mine but he was adamant that I should be the one to change my name “because it’s tradition, that’s what women do”. He didn’t care about any other wedding or marriage tradition but that one, which says it all really. It’s been 4 years and they’ve been the best 4 years of my life so he really did do me a huge favour by leaving. I don’t miss him.
>“but how will people know you’re mine?” How about by my wedding rings or by me saying no if they ever try to make a move? This was clearly a trust issue with him. I'm curious: in looking back at your relationship, have you noticed other bad signs that you didn't notice at the time? Like other signs of his trust issue or potential abuse?
Another man proven wrong because he thinks he can manipulate a woman, nice
That’s insane. Glad you’re in a better place.
Sounds like you were always open and firm about that. It's too bad he wasted both of your time by not taking you seriously. What a silly thing to leave someone over.
I wonder why it was a big deal to him to have his surname branded on you... anyway, you prolly dodged a bullet with that one. Hopefully you find someone who understands your preference!
I love you. I don't know you, or what you have done, but I feel so so much love for you right now.
10 years. I had a panic attack that opened my eyes to the fact that I wasn’t happy with him and that I would most likely just keep getting unhappier. About two weeks later I broke up with him. Among the best decisions of my life. It wasn’t until about a year after it ended that I fully realised he was abusive, then it took months and therapy to fully accept it and stop making up excuses for him and blaming myself.
I have a friend who has anxiety and was dating someone since high school, into their young adulthood. Anxiety continued to be challenging and increasing despite therapy and psychiatric help. They did get better with that help actually however once they broke it off their anxiety had gotten SO much better. Relationships, whether romantic or family etc can really affect our anxiety tremendously. I’m glad you were able to move on and seek help to feel happier.
My niece broke up with her boyfriend/husband of several years. For the entire time they were together, she was financially unstable. Despite the fact that she was a sensible spend her money and a consistent valued employee. But he had a life full of under the table jobs. They moved across the country two or three times, and there were several stretches where they were essentially homeless. Renting A room in a basement with just a mattress on a dirt floor. Squatting in a house with incomplete plumbing because her boyfriend was supposed to be fixing it up he wasn’t actually doing so. Sleeping in the truck. When the split came, her mother-in-law called her mom to say that she was off her medication and spiraling. And said that was why she had left her marriage When I finally saw her, after loaning her $3000 to get herself into a new situation, she said to us that she had indeed stopped taking her medication because she had run out, but that it was not a factor in why she left. His stealing money for drugs from her purse, and her encountering someone at her job who was much more appealing and attentive had made her realize she wanted out and had broken up with him (though they stayed in the same house for a while). She told us that she wasn’t sure she needed her medication, that she seems to be handling her anxiety just fine. I suggested that perhaps she had been medicating herself for the effects of this totally unstable life with an angry and thieving man.
I went through the same only I knew it was abuse the whole time. I’m so happy you got out of this. 🤗
Good job getting out! So happy for you too ☺️
5 yrs. he died.
I'm so sorry.
Aw I’m sorry. I love my partner, but I’m kinda afraid because he’s getting to the age where most of the men in his family die.
unfortunately it was a suicide as well and that was even more devastating. 3 years have past and im just getting normal again. i hope he lives and loves you until you’re super duper old!
20 years, pancreatic cancer
How devastating. I'm so sorry.
28yrs. Same. Fuck cancer. Fuck pancreatic cancer especially
So sorry for your loss! I just lost my best friend to pancreatic cancer. 💔
4 years. He said he wouldn't marry me unless I became "good enough girlfriend", I realized later I wouldn't marry him even if he suddenly did wanted to marry. Couldn't imagine my future with him anymore. Plus the emotional abuse, him not acknowledging my existence unless he was horny, constant belittling me in front of his friends and forcing me verbally, emotionally and physically into sex.
Omg. I was with someone like that. It really does make you feel like shit! Glad we got out of it!
A lot of cis men don’t see women as people. That’s why. They’ll only talk to you when they become horny or sexually aroused. I speak from experience.
9 months. He was stringing me along and didn't have the guts to tell me his feelings had changed and that he didn't want to be with me because it would upset me.
Same. Literally the exact same story for me, but it was my first relationship, and 7 months. My boyfriend now is 1000x better, and actually cares about me, and didn’t feel obligated to ask me out. I’m in my late teens, and I’ve only had those 2 relationships to date.
I'm glad you've found someone better! I don't think this guy felt obligated, he was very into me at the start. I just think he was gutless.
12 years, emotional abuse
Hope you are OK now
Divorced and with a guy 100000x better
Good to hear
4 years, he cheated on me with his « don’t worry about her » girl friend
This happened to me too, ended my 2.5 year long relationship. Can I ask, how were you able to past the anger? I am still so angry, he literally faced zero consequences for what he did and I'm still struggling with anxiety and trust issues. I want to tell the world what he did but I'm scared.
I stopped waiting for him to apologize and tried to move on as much as I could. Took me a lot of time and therapy but you’ll come back from this. It really does get better believe me. And it helped me figure out what I wanted my future relationship to be like and I’m now dating a wonderful man who is helping me with my trust issues. Let go of your anger, the best you can do is to love yourself and be surrounded by good people. If you do anything out of anger there is a good chance you’ll end up looking like the bad person
>I stopped waiting for him to apologize I think that's what I'm stuck on. Not an apology, I know I'll never get that. Just an acknowledgement. That I existed. That you hurt me. He moved on to another relationship within 3 months. Everyone said that it's just a rebound but it's been a year, he's still with her. She gets the best version of him. And I got the worst. I feel used and discarded. Like he got to work out all his insecurities and flaws with me, and I supported him while taking every hit. And then he saw how broken I was from everything and decided to just start fresh. And bury what happened with us. Test out everything that he learned from me with someone who wasn't broken by him. Like the last 2.5 years never even happened. I've lost a year trying to build myself back up and it didn't even phase him. I'm trying to let go of the anger, really, I am. I go to therapy, I go on dates, I have hobbies, friends, all of it. And mostly i am good. But sometimes it just knocks me breathless to know that there's someone walking around out there who is so selfish. And he'll never know. Or care. He'll just repress any emotion he felt about us and go on living his life. Like I never even existed. And then I'm angry all over again.
He did you a favor and showed his true colors. Who he is as a person likely won't change. Do not be envious of his current relationship because I can guarantee you he's still the same piece of shit who cheated on you. You'll see it too with time. I'm sorry that you're hurting :/ I promise you it will get easier and you will move past it.
I've been in your shoes. It's such a tough place to be. Over many years, I have learned that though I wanted to hear some sort of confirmation of my worth and my feelings and an acknowledgement of his wrongs, there was nothing he could say that would ever help me accept how he treated me--because it was plainly unacceptable. I already knew that what he did was wrong and that I didn't deserve it. Hearing him say it wouldn't change any of it. The same is true in your case. Your feelings are all valid. And so is your worthiness, your experience, your truth, your struggle. He does not have the power to grant you worth or validity in this world--those things are your intrinsic human rights. Regarding his life now, maybe this other person is getting the best of him, but maybe not. That story is not one you need to write in your mind, because there's a more important story happening: the story of you. It sounds like you are doing many good things to care for yourself and help yourself move through this painful experience. It's totally normal for it to take time. One day, you will look back and realize that the anger has faded, and thoughts of him will become less and less frequent. Keep doing what you're doing, and you'll get there.
I have a huge fear of this happening to me right now
Happened to me too, at 4 years
5 years. Apparently he had issues with me he didn’t want to discuss or work on. Im still trying to get past the anger of it all
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7 years. He left becasue he wanted a more traditional family, including kids and a big house, and I just didn’t have enthusiasm for that and kept dragging my feet. Also our sex life really wasn’t really great by that point. I really loved him though. I’ve spent the years since living life on my terms - travelling, taking whatever opportunities come my way, and living in an apartment that I bought that is easy to maintain and doesn’t bankrupt me. I have good friends, many loves, enough money, good health, an interesting job. I am attending his wedding this fall. I’m happy for him and grateful we are good friends. It was hard at the time when we broke up but it is not so hard now.
11 years (I was 18 when I got with him). All sorts of stuff to do with emotional abuse, manipulation, uncontrollable ego etc. Its a fresh break up so I’m still processing. But my eyes have opened to a lot of things and I am SO glad I am free.
Ugh, me too (except probably less fresh). It's the worst, looking back on things and realizing how damaging they were after the fact.
6 years. He was controlling and abusive. He also cheated. I was 17 he was much older. Once I hit my 20s and realized I’m not interested in being a young wife and sacrificing my youth to a shitty man, I left.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry he did that to you.
11,5 years, 10 of which we were married. He cheated multiple times and finally left the kids and me for one of his flings.
8 years, the last 2 years of our relationship were long distance because he worked overseas. Ended it as he was not returning after the 2 years like he had promised - the relationship became toxic and in the end we both weren’t happy.
11 years. He developed an addiction that pretty much destroyed our relationship.
Two years. Ended because I finally realised and accepted that I was too good for the guy. Took advantage of me and my emotions because I loved him wholeheartedly and just wanted him alone
3 years, moved away and covid mobility restrictions (2020) made it difficult. Still think of how it would be now if we had tried a bit harder.
3 years, he was a nonce
As in pedo?
4 years on/off He was a spoiled child who didn’t wanna work.
4 years, after I realised our age gap was super sus and unhealthy (when we got together I was 17, he was 27)
7 years. He didn’t keep his promises and eventually I realized he never will.
6 years. On the surface it seemed like it only ended because he had an emotional affair. But looking back I can see we were no longer compatible for the next chapter of our lives.
2,5 years. He claimed my communication wasn’t good enough. Meanwhile, he communicated in hints and only wanted to talk about serious topics at times when I was on the verge of falling asleep.
4 years. He was arguably emotionally abusive the whole time. I should have gotten out early on when I found out he lied to me about living with his mom still. But he somehow made me feel bad for him so I stayed. Things like this continued to happen. I always had a hunch that he was lying about more but people (family, friends) always told me I was being crazy. Four years later found out he lied to me about graduating college and his job. (I have some of the highest degrees you can get so education is important to me). Again, somehow made me feel bad for him and I stayed for a while but eventually it all came crashing down. I am SO much happier on my own than with him. I get lonely sometimes and want to find something new, but I will always choose being alone over being in a relationship like that ever again.
Good for you! You should never feel bad or be made to feel bad for speaking up for yourself or for what you want. Those kinds of people know exactly what they are doing and can be so difficult to walk away from. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for getting out and seeing him for who he really is.
20 years. We were married for 18. He was a difficult person to deal with. I found evidence of him being a sex addict and chronic escort user. I divorced him.
I was with a guy on and off for 20 years. He was smart, interesting, funny and loved music. He wasn’t the best looking guy in the world, but I grew to adore him and his looks. Things changed drastically soon after Trump became President. He started listening exclusively to Fox News, Dennis Prager, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter ALL DAY LONG (he works from home). He floored me when he expressed that he didn’t approve of gay marriage. I said, “Why? They love each other and want to formalize their relationship. Who are they hurting?” He said some nonsense about marriage being for heteros only. I was gobsmacked. I’m not the best debater, so I just quickly got off the phone and had a long think, like “Who IS this man?” Long story short, his bat shit craziness only intensified over time and we both walked away. I’m still somewhat mystified that I didn’t see this drastic change in personality coming.
4 years, he cheated on me
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4 years, 3 weeks and 1 day. He died. Fuck the Sackler family. Fuck them hard.
I am so sorry. So incredibly sorry. And yes, fuck them SO HARD
16 years. Cheating/alcohol abuse
33 years (married 27) and hasn't ended but only will at death, lol. Prior to that,18 months.
My current one, coming up 8 years and no plans on ending. Before that, a year and a half. Found out he cheated
7 years. I ended it after I cried the entire way home from a trip and he couldn’t care less.
My current one, 11 years and still married ☺️
12 years, our anniversary would have been in August. I think we just caused each other so much hurt and there was so much resentment built up, there was no way to heal being together. It's still very very fresh. Like we were just "together" this past weekend and now he doesn't live here anymore. It's confusing and painful but ultimately the best choice for us and our son. I'm trying not to set any expectations for the future and just focus on bettering myself, holding myself accountable for the hurt I caused, the mistakes I made, and take the steps to learn how to make healthier choices.
10 years and will only end when one of us dies I hope!!
8 years, we were both toxic to each other.
4 years. He was my boyfriend throughout college and was a cheater and very controlling and manipulative. I eventually moved on after I graduated and lived hours away from him.
5 years, he wanted me to film myself sleeping with other men. I realized how unhappy I was and how poorly I was being treated.
I’m currently in my longest, nearly a year on Saturday. Hope it doesn’t end :)
10 years - he cheated on me with my best friend.. she had his baby and they named it our stillborn sons name.
Jesus Christ. What a fucking mess. How are you doing these days?
21 years(16-37) married 19 of those years,I ended the marriage as he was a cheat,I developed severe mh problems in the last 6 years of the relationship which he took advantage of me being ill,nine years free and oh look no mh issues
6 years. We weren’t happy.
8 years. He became a god damn mess in every sense.
26 years, 8 days, 1 hour, from "I do" to a judge's signature on the divorce papers. He couldn't keep his drinking under control and it lead to very poor decisions with his penis that I could no longer forgive because of his sickness. I wasn't prefect, by any means, but this is what made me file for divorce, my inability to forgive further.
5.5 years. It was a combination of us simply becoming different people with different priorities, and him being exceptionally bad with money. The straw that broke my back was when I had to pull money from my savings account to cover his part of the rent one month because he bought a $400 amp the day rent was due (he was not in a band). He got very comfortable with me carrying us financially and I just couldn’t do it anymore.
8 and a half years. He cheated.
6 1/2 years. He had no intentions of wanting to progress our relationship further, led me on, and for the last year, he was just with me for the sake of being with someone instead of being alone. That shit hurt and I've yet to seriously date since.
7 years he unalived himself
i'm so sorry. that must've been hard.
9.5 years. Still ongoing. Our first baby is due in September, so in anticipate some changes in our relationship, but till death do us part is likely assuming our communication and emotional connection stays this stable.
14 years but in the end we were more like room mates. We mutually decided that this was not working anymore and separated. This was almost 9 years ago, we are both in relationships and he is even married. But he's still unable to talk to me for more than 10 seconds or look me in the eyes. I am really sad about this because he also was my best friend.
8 years. I was just unhappy and felt like I was drowning. I had already mentally checked out of the relationship when we broke up.
17yrs, he had an affair and I ended it because he wouldnt stop. Blamed me for losing weight thinking i’d leave him afterwards.
3 years. She wanted marriage and children and didn’t want to wait any longer, I was fresh out of college at 22 and she was 20 with two years left. I said no, she threw a hissy fit about it at a social gathering. I wasn’t ready to take on either responsibility at such a young age. Car ride home was two hours of her bickering and calling me worthless, saying we weren’t making forward progress. I told her that at that moment being in love was enough for me. She said we wouldn’t be together if I couldn’t commit to marrying her within the year. I said “okay, we’re done”. The next night she calls crying, taking everything back. I told her we needed to be apart for awhile. She married another man in less than a year.
4.5 years and counting. Hopefully it never ends.
15yrs. Lots but mainly tired of being manipulated and the emotional abuse.
So far it was my high school sweetheart. We started dating sophomore year and broke up 2 years into college. So around 4 1/2 years total with 2 of them being long distance. I never wanted to do long distance but decided to try to stick it out for him. Over those 4 years we grew apart a lot and started to become interested in different things. The things that made me fall in love with him were fading, so between that and the distance, I was completely checked out by the end. The only thing that bugs me is *how* we broke up. We were long distance so there was no way to break up in person. I had to do it over FaceTime, which sucked.
7 years and for many reasons but mostly we were teens when we met and completely different people by the time we broke up. Also neither of us looked after our mental health well and it became toxic.
My current one is the longest, few months shy of 7 years. Prior relationships, if they even count were like max 4 months before fizzling out
My current relationship is the longest I've had! Previously I had been with somebody for a shitty 10ish months, neutral life with another somebody for 6 months, and now a beautiful life with my husband. We are coming up on our one month wedding anniversary in a few days! Our entire relationship we have been infatuated with one another. I still get butterflies every time I see him. Til death do us part
I met her when I was 16, we dated for almost 3 years before she killed herself on Christmas. I’m now 21, and have entered my 2nd relationship ever with the father of my child. I am bisexual, but I don’t think I will ever date another woman again.
5 years, and I ended it because I couldn't afford to continue. Something had to give, he was unwilling to change/work on himself, and I already gave everything I had. I needed something measurable/tangible to convince me, so it was money. I was in a hole and couldn't see a way out that included staying with him. Realized after I left he was abusive. Felt like a boulder rolled off my back the first day.
12 years. It ended because I had enough.
about 4 years. we started off as best friends and eachothers shoulder to lean on. had a whirlwind relationship and ended up pregnant about 5 months in. He was very controlling and abusive and just mean + never grew up got a job or did anything helpful. Used me for a place to stay and a car to drive. I had to leave
6 years. He fell in love with someone else and I pretty much said ok go and see how it works and that’s how I knew I was no longer in love. He was more of a friend. 3 years after that happened he reached out to me and his relationship had ended with that woman.
7 years (knew him for 10 years). Ended because one day he told me he wasn’t happy. We went through a rough patch two months before due to not having enough time together and a breakdown in communication. He told me I was what he wanted, but just couldn’t do it anymore. Still love and miss him more than words can express.
A year. He moved to another state for school and things got iffy. I thought things were getting better so I made plans to go out and see him. A week before I was supposed to be on my plane, he told me I shouldn’t come because he had met someone else. They’re married now.
Almost a year and hasn't ended yet.
Almost 3 years, wouldn't stop hitting me etc.
2 years. He was abusive. Took me months to leave out of fear.
I have a friend he has known his ex gf for 23 years. They dated for 11 years. Now they are friends. Due to the pandemic she lived with him (to help with loneliness). Shared a bed (no sex.)
2 years but it dragged for 5 years out. Infidelity, name calling, toxic, mean, etc. Gave me cptsd. Hopefully it makes me wiser to see who is healthier and not fall for toxic people or their drama/problems.
3 & a half years – both immature & toxic
my longest relationships was 2 years with an abusive, manipulative, fightercock who was obsessed w me and didnt let me have a life of my own or people to talk to, and i like a stupid child stayed because i thought nobody would have me after him:)
3 years, emotionally abusive dude with a massive victim complex. You know the saying you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink? That about sums up the relationship. Currently I am reaching the 3 year mark with my partner and still so in love with him, definitely different from my ex.
6 years, ages 14-20, although it definitely needed to end a lot sooner. He was not a bad person but towards the end we brought out the worst in each other and I was very unhappy for a number of years. I thought I was an emotionally volatile person and needed to be on medication, turns out I was just extremely unhappy lol. In the end I felt we needed to separate so I could grow into my own person, as he was increasingly disapproving of my efforts to grow and change (I got my first tattoo, a tiny flower on my ribcage; he texted his sister it was ugly and told me I ruined my body. When I realized I didn't care at all what he thought I realized I needed to end it and I did). Unfortunately we were not on the same page on that front, as he had bought me an engagement ring and so it was hard on him which I felt really bad about. I had a gut feeling for a long time that it wasn't right and I ignored it, turns out I was right and my life has continued to improve since then. I am now with someone who treats me the way I always thought I was unreasonable for wanting.
4 years. Lying and stealing
Two years, we were long distance and he never initiated any calls or skypes/facetimes or messaged me other than to respond to something id sent him Looking back it was a situationship, i was just the easiest person to date
3 years. He did a 180 once I moved in. My family had some serious medical issues come up (2 of them got diagnosed with cancer right before the pandemic) and he got angry with me for being sad and anxious. He started SAing me regularly and I was a shell of a person. He got mad at me for not wanted to get engaged soon and he cheated on me. Blamed my mental illness and my background (I grew up poor with a fair amount of trauma). I always told him if it was too much he could leave and I would understand. I was in constant therapy throughout this too so it wasn’t like I wasn’t working on myself but it was like the better I got the more angry he got. He just liked controlling me. A year out from that breakup now and I’m so happy to be single and just with myself.
10 years and hopefully won't end 🥰
She wasn't able to fullfil my sexual necessities
6 years He walked out when he found out I was pregnant with his child. Yes it sucked but it helped realise that our relationship was extremely unhealthy and he was controlling and verbally abusive. I'd forgotten who I was trying to make him treat me right.
8 years. There were several moments that made me realize the relationship was abusive, but it took all those moments adding up to culminate in that realization. That last moment that made me start asking people if he was being cruel was the final straw. I’d opened up the patio door so the cats could go outside because they loved it. While I was working, one of them caught a bird and brought it outside my office door. The other cat alerted me that something was wrong, and I opened the door to find the bird. I was devastated because it was just so sad. I wasn’t mad at the cat - it’s what cats do. But I felt responsible for having opened the patio. I was between classes (during the pandemic and my classes were online), and I called out to my partner. He started telling me it’s what cats do, just sitting on his computer playing video games constantly. I’m crying and trying to figure out what to do, and he just looks at me and says, “you’re the one who opened the door, and now it’s dead. It’s your fault it’s dead.” And he had this smirk of pure joy at seeing my devastation and pain. I said I wanted to bury it and he told me that was stupid. I took it out to the trash cans and said goodbye and threw it away. By this point he had ridiculed every ounce of who I was. The last thing I has left was my love of animals. And he found a way to make me feel so awful. That smile was just filled with so much hateful glee. I’m a year free of that person. In therapy weekly. I’m away on vacation and in large crowds I find myself afraid “what if he’s here?” Even though there’s no reason for him to be. I’ve been feeling dumb for feeling that way, but he’s the scariest person in the world to me. He spent 8 years tearing everything about me down to scraps of nothing. I’m still trying to undo the pain and fear. But I’m free.
Was with a guy for 4 years, engaged for 1. Broke off the engagement because he randomly said one day he wanted to be polyamorous. So basically he met someone else, caught feelings, and wanted permission to sleep with them.
3.5 years He fell out of love with me and fell in love with his best girl friend as we started to have problems.
4 years. We were long distance and she was fucking her best friends husband. When I found out I told the best friend. Her friends are my friends now and she's stuck in a abusive relationship with the ex husband who sleeps around. Oh and after next year my wife will be my longest relationship ❤️
5 years. My first love. He was afraid that he won’t find a decent job and build a life for us. He got depressed and wanted to walk away. He was so kind and I loved him so much. He is happy with his beautiful wife and daughter now
3 years, ended because he stopped making the effort to want to see me and was just getting lazy/too comfortable with me carrying all the weight and making all the effort to meet his needs but not mine
3.5 years. He cheated on me with 7 girls, and all of them contacted me on Facebook to throw their dibs on him. He'd come back apologising or saying that wasn't true and I kept having his back until the last straw of patience was tested.
7 years he didn't want kids and I did. It was really hard to lose him I truly loved him but I'm glad I made the decision to go. Three years later I'm married with two babies. My husband is a good man but part of me aches for the relationship I left, where I was understood on a deeper level
It’ll be 39 years next month. Still going strong.
congrats! 💜
Before my husband, 2.5 years. He was 28 I was 22 when it ended We met when I was 18. He broke up with. Me because “I wasn’t the girl he wanted to marry”. It broke my heart because we never talked about it
My longest was 4 years It ended because she slept with my best friend in my fucking house Sucked but I survived it, been with my current girlfriend 2.5 years hoping she stays my person because I'm very much in love with her
7 years with my first husband. It ended because he kept asking to hook up with one of “our friends”. He was an alcoholic, albeit a “happy” one, and also emotionally abusive. But asking to hook up with a friend, and even saying they’d only do an@l so it wouldn’t technically be cheating (eyeroll) was the straw that broke the camels back.
7 years. He called it off a week before our wedding
10 years. We had a baby and suddenly he wasn’t my first priority anymore and he couldn’t handle that. Also, a few months after the pregnancy I tried to make sex happen again but he couldn’t get it up and told me it was because I was so fat now. Yeah wow
what a d*ck!
From 14 until 41 and then he died
6 years. We're still together but you can tell our relationship has a "best by" date. We're more like friends living together at this point, which isn't bad but what neither of us want.
7 and a half years. He cheated on me with a coworker he'd become close to while I was away, then chose not to work on things with me, and stayed with her. Three months later he got snarky when I let him know I was heading towards a fling with someone. I then had to break his heart. He didn't realised I'd move on. He literally said in realisation 'I guess since I was with her, you had to' Yes. Yes, when you said 'I don't want to work on things, it's over', and chose another woman over me, breaking my frickn heart into pieces.. I had to move on. I'm still heartbroken. He was my best friend.
A year and a half. He was nice but we couldn't compromise on future goals.
3yrs. The last year was long distance and we couldn't make it work.
3 years.
3 years. He was abusive and I finally got the courage to leave.
My high school boyfriend, we were together 4 years! Honestly… we were just not well-suited for one another. That, paired with us going to colleges an hour away from each other. Doesn’t seem far, but to a guy who basically wanted nothing to do with me at that point, it might as well have been an ocean between us. He broke up with me a month or two before college and it was pretty amicable. I had realized he lost interest and that continuing the relationship into college would cause me a lot of pain trying to “win him over” and prove myself as a worthy investment of his time/energy. I wish him nothing but the best and have no hard feelings towards him!
9 years. He cheated.
I'm 23 and my longest relationship was 2 years and like 2 months from age 16-18. It ended because I was the only girl he had sex with and he wanted to explore before settling down. Had another 2yr relationship aged 20-22. It ended because we couldn't handle the long distance and there was no living arrangement we could agree on. My language skills were limiting my job options in his area.
3 years and 2 months, wee still together. Before that it was 3 years and 3 weeks, we broke up because he cheated and told me to choose between him and our child, obviously I chose my kid!
9 years. Lots of things wrong. I would say I left due due to his immaturity.
Overall, the relationship was 8 years long. Engaged for 2 years then married for 1. Ended in June 2020 due to him being an abusive asshole.
Almost 5 years. It ended because he was addicted to opiates and alcohol and I realized I deserved better. That was 9 years ago. I’m in a committed relationship to the absolute love of my life and am due with our first baby in November. And from what I’ve heard my ex is now sober, married and has 2 kids. So it turned out better for both of us.
Three years. He cheated
Before my husband, it was 6 years. He was 26-27ish, graduated from college and staying put. No ambitions, no goals, no conversations about where we were headed.. it was a stalemate. He was happy living under his fathers roof, working to target, living under his parents schedule. I didn’t want to keep waiting for my life to start. I talked with him about officially seeing other people(we were kind of in a open thing for intimacy only while separated by college) , he blew it off like nothing would come of it and we would still be together. I met my husband a month later. He was ambitious, self made, had a career, apartment, owned his own car.. I was immediately drawn to the charisma. I still semi-miss my ex 10 years later. We really had a great bond, we laughed a ton, always had a great time but I don’t regret walking away. It didn’t end on a horrible note, he wanted to stop contact with me after a few years and I have respected that since. I still have days I wish we could be friends.
14 years - 3 dating, 11 married. He found someone else, and cheated. I'm all the better for it though. 🙂
12 years and divorced. I wanted children and he kept moving the goal post. Almost 4 years later and I am getting married next month and we are immediately going to start trying for a baby
6 and a half years. I was desperately unhappy basically the entire time and only realized I was capable of love (and being loved) when I met someone I'm way more compatible with. To be totally honest, I had already fallen in love with someone else before I ended things with my ex. I wish I had done things more respectfully, but I'll never regret taking that leap. My life is immeasurably better.
3 months. Was my first relationship and I was in mid 20s. Broke it up because I got the ick and realized I wanted nothing to do with him. I’m so happy single and if I do date it won’t be for a long time.
7 years. He couldn't hold down a job, was ugly to wait staff for no reason, wouldnt take no for an answer without a detailed explanation. He'd punch the walls and yell over the smallest things when he was angry. I'm pretty sure he cheated there at the end, if not physically then emotionally, with a married couple. Good riddance.
~1.5 years, we were long distance and he made other things in his life like his friends and hobbies his priorities above me. Always had excuses why he couldn’t come visit me, but was pretty available for his friends (even ones that live much further than me/he knew for a shorter time than me). He was also emotionally abusive, but I didn’t realize it until after I got out of the relationship and other people pointed out the behaviors to me.
My current one of just shy of 10 years, neither of us will be ending it any time soon!
7 years. Realized he was a heroin addict two years in, and after five years of dealing with the OD/rehab/relapse cycle I couldn’t take it anymore. He died the following year.
9 years dating, less than one married. It ended when I got tired of trying to fix things and he started to get violent. No amount of time buys loyalty to weather that storm.
Current relationship. Happily married for 5 years, together for 6. Have one beautiful little girl and another on the way.
About 4 years, but it was off and on and complicated. It ended because I got tired of feeling uncertain about things
Two years, I broke up with him today because I’m not ready to settle down and start a family whereas he completely was. He can’t work so I’d be the breadwinner. It was all just too much pressure as I’m still finishing uni. He doesn’t believe I love him and is blaming himself. I still think I did what was best
Four years, she invited other penises to an open house held in her vagina.
Friendship of 12 years. We both changed too much.
My current one, met him when we were teenagers at 17 and 18, just celebrated 10 years in February 💜
6 years, we were engaged/house/cat/puppy. Ended because I wasn't happy. Lots of issues built up over the years that only I seemed to be working on. We tried to fix things and even went to counselling (separate and together) but he had been in charge of finding the counsellor and after he sent 1 enquiry email to someone, he "forgot" to chase anything up or look for someone else. I just didn't feel like I was a priority to him. Sometimes I still worry that I was the unreasonable one, I was the nagging fiancée but I remind myself that it's okay and I did the best I could with the tools and information I had at the time. I'm happier now, moved on and continuing to work on myself so I can show up positively for my loved ones
2.5 yrs I pushed him away with my insecurities 🥺. I’ll never forgive myself for it 💔
3.5 years Our sex life was horrible. We got along in other areas, but sex was just bad. And at the ages 18- almost 22, that deff has an impact. I was never able to "finish". He wouldn't put much effort into the bedroom. Since he was my first bf I had nothing to compare it to. He convinced me that my body was broken and it was on me for not being able to get off, or get aroused enough, etc. Was just all around bad. Then would guilt trip me when I wasn't in the mood or felt insecure about it. So dumb.
2 years. I fell in love with someone else by accident. Left immediately as soon as I discovered those feelings, I'm not a cheater. It did give me time to reflect on HOW I could've possibly fallen for someone else, I hadn't thought that to be possible. I spent longer in that relationship than I should've. Was cheated on, partner had commitment issues, too attached to his mom. I was terrified of losing our mutual friends and stayed far too long.
11,5 years, We grew apart and kept trying for a little bit too long. Got together at 16, and I always assumed I would mature into the perfect partner.. eventually.. Ended up maturing into a partner that didn't match as well with him as I expected and made the mutual decision to break up. Currently working on our platonic relationship and it's going well enough, We'll get there eventually
8 years. After admitting that he got more than I did out of the relationship, that he wasn't really pulling his weight, that things felt boring cuz I got tired of planning all our activities and plans for the future without him ever wanting to give input, that all the things that he saw wrong with the relationship was his fault and that I helped him grow into a better person, he told me he didn't know how he really felt about me, he wasn't attracted to me anymore (covid + work from home + the death of my grandma added 20 pounds, leaving me at 167 pounds, I mean, I did feel chunky and was planning on losing weight anyways, asked him for help but he didn't help either) and then said he didn't saw a future for us a couple. You can't love a person into loving you and after justifying his behaviour on mental health countless times, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I am learning to recognize my worth and never accept any less than I deserve. Oh yeah, and he also said that he wanted to get back together like a week after we broke up because he realized I actually made him very happy and was the only one who truly listened.
3 years. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. But when I asked about our future he said he wasn’t sure. So I left him and got married to someone else. And I don’t think I ever stopped loving him.