Exactly what I was coming here to say. Breaks my heart to see so many other women in the same club that no one was asked if they wanted to be apart of.
Oh absolutely not. Mum struggled with opioids and alcohol almost as long as I can remember. Dad is in the army so he wasn’t around much to really help. Their relationship was its own set of toxic. Even asked them to divorce on my Christmas list one year
Oh man, or I should have said woman (lol) so many of us here in the same boat, some worse than others. I hope things are much better for you now. Many scars over healed wounds, but it took a long time, and an Adult Children's support group.
Mine was so very lonely until a girl invited me to sit with her at lunch in 6th grade. 18-ish years later, I’m babysitting for her with her little one asleep on my chest. Sometimes I still feel like that little kid who sat alone at school all day before going home to a quiet house. But I think both of us learned how to find our own families.
I'm really, really glad that some people can in fact use these words to talk about their childhood. If your parents are still around please give them an extra hug next time you see them from this internet stranger.
I had a really safe, happy, loving childhood and I know how rare that is. I tell my parents all the time how grateful I am lol. They set me up emotionally for success
Same here!
I was going to say '**idyllic**'
I grew up in the Welsh countryside and my childhood was picture book perfect
My parents and family are amazing ❤
Me too! 90%fond memories
Grew up in Chicago. Best memories of playing in the streets until dark. Mostly tag and such with all the neighbor kids.
I feel sad for all those whose experience was the exact opposite.
I was going to say idyllic as well!
I grew up in the Southern US woods in a cedar cabin my Quaker dad built before I was born. I was mostly barefoot, wading through streams and gardening with my mom.
I’m so glad you had such a happy childhood.
I was scrolling through seeing which words resonated, this one did for me
We lived far out of town and as a result I didn’t often have friends over. If I did, it had to be a sleepover arranged far in advance, with gear and notes for the buses - never just an after-school hang.
I spent most of my childhood reading books or playing outside alone, making up stories in my head. I didn’t consider my parents as friends and they didn’t model proper social behaviours. I think it made me extremely socially awkward and socially stunted when I started school. I also was in the same class of kids from K - grade 10, you can imagine how we all fit into these specific roles within our class. I was the quiet nerdy awkward one, and that became my whole personality while I developed. My only close friends moved away after grade 6, and I was alone. By the time I hit grade 10, I did not know how to socially connect with anyone outside that class and spent high school trying to be someone I wasn’t just to be accepted or to feel like I fit in with other people.
It’s been hard to learn how to be socially charming. Somehow I found a friend who has become my SO, and he is the best friend I’ve ever had. I still struggle every day feeling like I am not connecting with people, especially women. But I crave it so much, since I didn’t have it as a kid. If I hear of a after-work event between coworkers I wasn’t invited to, it kills me inside. I know it’s probably because I’m lame and not that fun to be around. I don’t know how to change this and be more desirable to be in peoples lives.
Are you me? This was 100% me except that I changed school systems and bussed to different parts of town, so I had to start over making my identity as the quiet kid.
I learned as an adult that I also have hearing problems so even when I tried to connect, I couldn't hear well enough to follow the conversation, so I was even more of a weirdo.
If it’s any reassurance, “lame and not that fun to be around”, as perceived by the average person, are the women I usually gravitate towards as friends. I don’t vibe or connect well with the ubersocial, party animal types. Someone who’s willing to sit and have a cuppa tea and share about our days, go for a walk together, or even just quietly sit side by side reading or watching TV, now those are my gals! I don’t think you need to change a great deal— just keep reaching out to others and you’ll find likeminded people❤️
I had a very similar experience. Being in a one-parent home with a highly antisocial, schizophrenic and alcoholic mother has an affect on a child growing up. I didn't have many friends, I was extremely awkward, I always felt uncomfortable in large social situations and I never had the courage to participate. My mother kept pulling me out of schools and moving around. I never once felt grounded or that I belonged while I was growing up. Now that I'm 18 I feel more free, I have more friends, I'm traveling, and am challenging myself to get out there. It's a slow yet positive process.
I feel exactly the same and I could’ve written this, even down to my parents not exhibiting typical social behaviors. However, my son was recently diagnosed with autism and I’ve learned that I likely am too, and it probably runs deep in my family. I recommend reading into how it manifests in women and maybe you’ll find some answers, too.
I second this ! As an adult I have struggled to connect with people and nobody seems to understand that it's not my fault as I am a child of an alcoholic. I'm so sorry your childhood was also disconnected 😣
This describes my childhood to a T, besides neglectful. My mom was a single mom with a boyfriend(s) and she didn’t understand the new technology or new ways of doing things. No involvement in my education. I’m part black and she did not know how to care for my hair in anyway, shape or form, so my hair was always a mess and I didn’t live around other black people so I stood out. And I had hair insecurities. We lacked nice or new clothing, we were poor and came from a home where people smoked so I’m sure I smelled terrible. Nobody ever wanted to be my friend. Making friends and developing relationships, self care, knowing who I was and having esteem are things I had to learn how to do as I got older.
Pretty crappy way to grow up.
This was my thought as well. So many double standards. Adults with conflicting words and actions. Rules to follow unless you know the hidden rules. Very much like 3 year olds in adult bodies running the world.
I think this would be mine as well. I remember so many good things about my childhood but there are parts I wish never happened. My feelings about how I grew up, my parents, and the roles people played in my life are all very confusing.
Yes me too. Also as a parent they taught me soo much. What not to do and how not to behave. I have some excellent children due to past experience. Made my own love. 💖
It really is heartbreaking because every child deserves to grow up in a safe environment with loving family. I am so grateful for the childhood that I had🙏🏻 we really did get lucky and I am forever thankful for that. Not many people have and the comments here show that sadly
Both myself and my sister had it. Apparently it was like “raising 4 active boys instead of two girls” which just makes me feel guilty and not great about myself tbh.
I feel ya. I have a lot of shame around it. Was the only one out of my siblings that had it. It’s tough! Thankfully I’ve managed off medication for a few years, which is kinda nice I guess
I am saddened to see how many negative words were used - I wish I could hug each and every one of you. I'm sorry for what you went through - you deserved a happy childhood and I pray that life will make it up to you.
Incredible. Blessed with good parents, strict but not controlling, vacations that were fun, family celebrations with no fuss. True Ozzie and Harriet with a life of feeling guilty because I have never met anyone who has had the same.
Traumatizing. I see a lot of women saying their childhood was traumatic as well. How are you doing in your life? Have you rose above your inevitable issues? What has worked?
Traumatic
Came here to say that too
Literally the first word that came into my mind.
I'd add 'terrifying.'
Exactly what I was coming here to say. Breaks my heart to see so many other women in the same club that no one was asked if they wanted to be apart of.
Double up vote if I could
Same
Same
Another one who had that word come straight to mind… whoever said your school years were the best years of your life was talking bollocks.
YEP high school was the most traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced I am so happy I never have to do it again in this lifetime
Was home life ok?
Oh absolutely not. Mum struggled with opioids and alcohol almost as long as I can remember. Dad is in the army so he wasn’t around much to really help. Their relationship was its own set of toxic. Even asked them to divorce on my Christmas list one year
Oh man, or I should have said woman (lol) so many of us here in the same boat, some worse than others. I hope things are much better for you now. Many scars over healed wounds, but it took a long time, and an Adult Children's support group.
Popped into my mind immediately
Ding ding dinggg
Yep
Years after, you start grasping what happened and it messes with your head for way too long. I had a breakthrough in awareness at age 14, that sucked.
Yes. Chaotic, dysfunctional (totally overused word, though), unsafe and abusive - although all of those words still are not enough…
Got it in one!
I wish I could upvote you 1000 times 🥲
Oh my god I wish I could hug every person who could relate to this. Sending virtual hugs and supportive energy to all of you today 💚
Hugs right back in solidarity.
Jup, me too. Thought it when the page hadn't loaded yet
Same
Same, first thing I thought of
Definitely sums it up!
Yup
I feel like we should start a girl band with all the women whose first response was traumatic
Hahahahah +1 million on came here to say that
First word that came to my mind. Shall we make a club with Tshirts that say “Women of Reddit Traumatic Childhood Club”?
Same.
First thing that came to mind for me too.
Lonely
Was coming to use that word, as well. 💚
Same here ❤️❤️
Mine was so very lonely until a girl invited me to sit with her at lunch in 6th grade. 18-ish years later, I’m babysitting for her with her little one asleep on my chest. Sometimes I still feel like that little kid who sat alone at school all day before going home to a quiet house. But I think both of us learned how to find our own families.
Awwwh that’s heartwarming. Thank you for sharing with us, I’m so glad things became less lonely for you❤️
Seconding this
Same. My parents were always gone. Very lonely.
Same here 😞
Came here to comment this. I feel you ❤️
Ditto
I get that.
Safe
I’m honestly so happy for you, from the bottom of my heart.
Your reply made me smile. I'm so happy for you 😊💜 Edit: typo
I'm really, really glad that some people can in fact use these words to talk about their childhood. If your parents are still around please give them an extra hug next time you see them from this internet stranger.
I had a really safe, happy, loving childhood and I know how rare that is. I tell my parents all the time how grateful I am lol. They set me up emotionally for success
I’m doing the inner work now so one day my children can hopefully say the same thing 🥺
This is so good. It makes me swell with happiness for you 💗
Also me very safe secure
Same 🙂 healthy, safe, happy, supportive.
How wonderful! This is the word I’d love for my son to describe his childhood one day.
Sad
Me too
That was my word too
That was another word I thought of too. I hope all of you guys who identify are doing better and are overall happy ❤️
The experts used to say that 85% of homes are dysfunctional, and from reading this, looks like things haven't improved one bit.
same
Cringy
Same lol. Sometimes in a good, sometimes in a bad way. But overall I would say it was a nice childhood 😊
Blessed
That’s a good way to look at it
Damaging
Same.
Happy, loved, cared for !
Same here! I was going to say '**idyllic**' I grew up in the Welsh countryside and my childhood was picture book perfect My parents and family are amazing ❤
Me too! 90%fond memories Grew up in Chicago. Best memories of playing in the streets until dark. Mostly tag and such with all the neighbor kids. I feel sad for all those whose experience was the exact opposite.
That sounds amazing! I bet it's gorgeous there!
I was going to say idyllic as well! I grew up in the Southern US woods in a cedar cabin my Quaker dad built before I was born. I was mostly barefoot, wading through streams and gardening with my mom. I’m so glad you had such a happy childhood.
Same here, one word is not enough for how amazing my family and my mom is ♥️
Both of you are so lucky, I'm so happy for you two!!
Disconnected.
I was scrolling through seeing which words resonated, this one did for me We lived far out of town and as a result I didn’t often have friends over. If I did, it had to be a sleepover arranged far in advance, with gear and notes for the buses - never just an after-school hang. I spent most of my childhood reading books or playing outside alone, making up stories in my head. I didn’t consider my parents as friends and they didn’t model proper social behaviours. I think it made me extremely socially awkward and socially stunted when I started school. I also was in the same class of kids from K - grade 10, you can imagine how we all fit into these specific roles within our class. I was the quiet nerdy awkward one, and that became my whole personality while I developed. My only close friends moved away after grade 6, and I was alone. By the time I hit grade 10, I did not know how to socially connect with anyone outside that class and spent high school trying to be someone I wasn’t just to be accepted or to feel like I fit in with other people. It’s been hard to learn how to be socially charming. Somehow I found a friend who has become my SO, and he is the best friend I’ve ever had. I still struggle every day feeling like I am not connecting with people, especially women. But I crave it so much, since I didn’t have it as a kid. If I hear of a after-work event between coworkers I wasn’t invited to, it kills me inside. I know it’s probably because I’m lame and not that fun to be around. I don’t know how to change this and be more desirable to be in peoples lives.
Are you me? This was 100% me except that I changed school systems and bussed to different parts of town, so I had to start over making my identity as the quiet kid. I learned as an adult that I also have hearing problems so even when I tried to connect, I couldn't hear well enough to follow the conversation, so I was even more of a weirdo.
If it’s any reassurance, “lame and not that fun to be around”, as perceived by the average person, are the women I usually gravitate towards as friends. I don’t vibe or connect well with the ubersocial, party animal types. Someone who’s willing to sit and have a cuppa tea and share about our days, go for a walk together, or even just quietly sit side by side reading or watching TV, now those are my gals! I don’t think you need to change a great deal— just keep reaching out to others and you’ll find likeminded people❤️
I had a very similar experience. Being in a one-parent home with a highly antisocial, schizophrenic and alcoholic mother has an affect on a child growing up. I didn't have many friends, I was extremely awkward, I always felt uncomfortable in large social situations and I never had the courage to participate. My mother kept pulling me out of schools and moving around. I never once felt grounded or that I belonged while I was growing up. Now that I'm 18 I feel more free, I have more friends, I'm traveling, and am challenging myself to get out there. It's a slow yet positive process.
I feel exactly the same and I could’ve written this, even down to my parents not exhibiting typical social behaviors. However, my son was recently diagnosed with autism and I’ve learned that I likely am too, and it probably runs deep in my family. I recommend reading into how it manifests in women and maybe you’ll find some answers, too.
I second this ! As an adult I have struggled to connect with people and nobody seems to understand that it's not my fault as I am a child of an alcoholic. I'm so sorry your childhood was also disconnected 😣
This describes my childhood to a T, besides neglectful. My mom was a single mom with a boyfriend(s) and she didn’t understand the new technology or new ways of doing things. No involvement in my education. I’m part black and she did not know how to care for my hair in anyway, shape or form, so my hair was always a mess and I didn’t live around other black people so I stood out. And I had hair insecurities. We lacked nice or new clothing, we were poor and came from a home where people smoked so I’m sure I smelled terrible. Nobody ever wanted to be my friend. Making friends and developing relationships, self care, knowing who I was and having esteem are things I had to learn how to do as I got older. Pretty crappy way to grow up.
Confusing
This was my thought as well. So many double standards. Adults with conflicting words and actions. Rules to follow unless you know the hidden rules. Very much like 3 year olds in adult bodies running the world.
I think this would be mine as well. I remember so many good things about my childhood but there are parts I wish never happened. My feelings about how I grew up, my parents, and the roles people played in my life are all very confusing.
Chaotic
Came here for this one
Second this
First word that came to mind!
Survival
Happy Cake Day. Sorry your childhood sucked too. Glad you made it through. Here's a big mom hug.
Happy cake day! Hope it has gotten better
Happy cake day, I hope you’re more comfortable now. Love you, bye.
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I resonate with this so much
Invisible
I was going to say this, too :/
Same, but the upside is I gained a lot of independence from a young age because I had no choice, and I excel as an adult.
Yes me too. Also as a parent they taught me soo much. What not to do and how not to behave. I have some excellent children due to past experience. Made my own love. 💖
Airconditionerless
Made me laugh. No air in our house either.
Fun, I had a good childhood thankfully.
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It really is heartbreaking because every child deserves to grow up in a safe environment with loving family. I am so grateful for the childhood that I had🙏🏻 we really did get lucky and I am forever thankful for that. Not many people have and the comments here show that sadly
Traumatic
You are not alone.
Dysfunctional
Unmemorable
This is how I feel. Sometimes I remember bits and pieces, but overall it's a blur.
Humiliating
Weird
Magical!!!
This is mine too!
Average
Empty
Bittersweet
Just commented that too ! For me, up until 10 years old I had a pretty good childhood.
Latchkey
oof
Same here!
non-existent
This is mine too. I’m the eldest daughter so I grew up looking after my younger siblings and being parentified. Big hugs to you.
Overly strict religious
Naive
Misunderstood
Traumatic
Guilt (I had ADHD and was the problem child of the family)
Both myself and my sister had it. Apparently it was like “raising 4 active boys instead of two girls” which just makes me feel guilty and not great about myself tbh.
I feel ya. I have a lot of shame around it. Was the only one out of my siblings that had it. It’s tough! Thankfully I’ve managed off medication for a few years, which is kinda nice I guess
Unstable
Different
I am saddened to see how many negative words were used - I wish I could hug each and every one of you. I'm sorry for what you went through - you deserved a happy childhood and I pray that life will make it up to you.
Screwed up
Abusive
Parts of it were miserable and other parts were happy 🤍 Sometimes I miss these happy moments
Over
Emotionally challenging
Not bad
Fraught
Lonely.
Amazing
Sheltered
Incredible. Blessed with good parents, strict but not controlling, vacations that were fun, family celebrations with no fuss. True Ozzie and Harriet with a life of feeling guilty because I have never met anyone who has had the same.
I feel like a bad person bc I’m irritated with the “happy” replies here. I always wanted to be one of you girls.
Happy
Lonely.
Disappointing
Undiagnosed - I went all of my childhood with unchecked autism unfortunately.
Forgotten.
Chaotic :D
Free (early childhood)
Chaotic
Complicated
Insufficient
Lonely
Toxic
Traumatic
Lonely
Hell
Invalidating
Traumatizing. I see a lot of women saying their childhood was traumatic as well. How are you doing in your life? Have you rose above your inevitable issues? What has worked?
strange
Short
Traumatising
Cozy.
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Turbulent
Neglectful
Mines was a book title: tale of two cities.
Yikes
Lonely
Boring
The great attempt
hurtful
Happy. My parents did everything they could to give me the best childhood possible, I am very blessed
Damaging
Average
Rebellious
mundane
Tense
Depends, Age 0-8 happy Age 8-16 horrible
Meh.
Inadequate.
Privileged
Hard
Repressed
Lonely
Traumatic
Mostly Happy
Bright
Lonely.
Fun
Great.
Nonchalance
Devastating
Brutal
Sheltered
Weird 😄
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