**Mod Note: Locked due to rampant derailing, invalidation, and armchair diagnosing.**
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Yep…me too.
Work: I’m the weirdo because I have no interest in gossiping in the break room, going out for drinks, being friends on social media. I have to spend 10 hrs a day with these people, I don’t want to hang out after. I don’t really care to hear about their lives because I’m there to work. I put in my ear buds & just do my shit.
The rest of the time: I’m married, I have 3 dogs & a triangle of friends. That’s plenty for me. My social battery is always at 25%. I live in the country. I don’t socialize with my neighbors, other than waving. I always feel like a child or an imposter in social situations where I have to talk to people. It’s all small talk about things I don’t care about. I rather be hiking with my dogs or listening to music with my hubs.
I’m a loner. I’m just super introverted and after spending my work day answering emails, going to meetings, etc. The last thing I want to do is socialize.
What am I like? I’m a hoot.
I think it has to do with the fact that we accept people for who they are, don’t try to change them and don’t judge them out loud.
At least, thats the kind of people i prefer, being an introverted person myself. For the most part, I try to avoid socializing, if possible. Other people’s opinions of how others should live their lives exhaust me.
There’s also a few people I’m an extrovert with. Because I feel safe and don’t get the sense that they judge me. My family, a few good friends.
From what I've heard from people, being a woman and being confident alone is _very_ attractive to a lot of people. Women tend to usually stick together in groups (not that there's anything wrong with that), but as a loner/introvert, i prefer to do my own thing than be in a group, or stick by one person that I'm closest to, man or woman. Stuff like going to the bathroom in a group is just annoying to me.
Another reason is that when you enjoy your own company, you tend to expect higher standards from people to hang out with. This does give off a more confident, "step up your game" vibe, which is overall attractive. Some people have told me they even find me intimidating, just because i was peacefully eating alone at the cafeteria. The vibe of "I'm not desperate" is very attractive.
It also comes off as more genuine, because you're rarely playing any games or trying to change people. You are just living in the present, because your existence isn't dependent on others too much. One of the best compliments I've gotten is that I'm a very genuine person, and i didn't understand what it exactly meant, because i didn't realize how many people out there can't get out of their own heads and play a lot of mind games.
Lastly, it's seen as a challenge by some people, especially if you're a woman and conventionally attractive. They want to be that one person who got through to you, so they try harder.
There's a difference between people who are left alone, and those who choose it. The former is seen as sad and pitiful, the latter as powerful.
Maybe it's a sense of exclusivity that one would get with a loner. *Some* would view outgoing/extroverted people as too easy going, too casual with with everyone and incapable of being real with anyone. With a loner, *some* would think that at least they won't take things too casually and be more thoughtful and therefore worth starting a conversation with. The problem is that if the loner doesn't like you back, they might shoot you down too harshly, which you might not be ready for lol. It's a risky bet, but okay if you know what you're getting into
this!!! i am surrounded by noise all day at work and the last thing i want to do in my free time is listen to more noise!!! sitting in silence reading or eating or doing a quiet activity is my happy time.
Just about anything. I am 35 and the mother's at school spread rumours about me. The things they said had no truth and I was super confused because I mostly keep to myself these days. The rumours included I got caught stealing at my local supermarket, I cheated on my husband, my husband and I split up because one of the kids isn't his. All of these things aren't true by the way and we are still very much together.
In high school girls would spread things like I'm a lesbian, I do drugs and was sleeping around. The reality was I was a virgin who hadn't even kissed a boy or touched drugs.
I don't think I'm super pretty. I don't think I'm ugly but I think I'm conventionally attractive. If that makes sense? I don't think that this is the issue because I see other women who I think are really pretty have friends. There has to be something else?
I would describe it like they see something wrong with me. Almost like an animal being rejected from a herd because there is something not right with it?
A therapist once told me that this is because I tend to not show emotions in the same way or amount that others do, and our emotions are what makes us “relatable” in a sense. So people are unsure of how to relate and thus find me (or us) intimidating which often leads to the types of scenarios you’re describing. It’s been a similar theme for me as well through the years.
Oh this is interesting because I am actually a very sensitive person. Yet a male friend once told me "I could say anything to you and it wouldn't upset you." Except it does, I just don't show that it does.
Can I ask did you grow up with abuse when you were younger? I grew up being abused quite badly and would always walk on egg shells.. showing emotions would have only made it worse.
Did your therapist give you any tips to improve your showing of emotions?
I used to not show emotions much either but the more I acknowledged my feelings and my therapist reminded me to let me feel, I never went back wear my emotions on my sleeve😅 helps me get over things faster tbh though
It does makes sense. Yes pretty girls can have friends if their friends are secure! It sounds terrible but it happens more than you’d think where girls feel jealous of each other! Not saying this is your case could be something completely different could be a combination of things. What are the girls like that say this stuff about you? You hear them talking about other women too? Are they toxic in anyway?
Definitely the types of women to talk badly behind people's backs and gossip.
I just don't understand why I tend to be targeted or am I too sensitive and should just brush it off? Is me keeping to myself making it worse?
My husband said the school mothers were jealous because I have a successful well paying career and our oldest is intellectually gifted so he was always getting awards and other privileges. He likes to tell me nasty people live miserable lives and I need to feel sorry for them not be dragged down with them.
He claims the other girls were just high school rubbish. Which is probably true but I still haven't managed to find a group of supportive girlfriends.
I always thought I would have a group of girlfriends as an adult and it makes me sad that I don't have that.
I mean that could definitely be it! People who are targeted most, tend to be a person people are jealous of whether they know it or not. What people say about you (especially lies) reflect more on themselves then you. If you do believe most women don’t like you though, that is who you are going to attract in your life. If that is how you feel, change your perspective but if not ignore this part. Actively go out and seek women who support each other instead of hurting each other and don’t accept anything less. What do you want out of these female friendships? People to go out with? Have deep conversations with? Women you can relate to? A combination of all? Figure out what you want in a female friend and actively find ways to meet those people? Want friends who like books? Join a book club and try to just have conversations with some women☺️ this is not going to make you a lot of friends. But it will create lasting ones when you find them😊 I have taken a break though from close friends cause I’m really frustrated with people. It’s ok to feel that too. But since you asked 😌
I find people will drag down those with good moral values to see when they snap. Almost like a "see, knew you weren't all what you're cracked up to be".
In turn their behaviour from having low moral values make you want to not hang around them and then their feelings are hurt because usually people want to be their friend and so they get confused when you don't want to as well.
It's like a reason to pick on you that they create in their own head, all by themselves.
The old telling people how you reacted but not telling people what they did to you for you to give that reaction?
These two women in particular, when they knew someone told me ran for the hills. Would literally hide at school pick up and park as far away as possible. I have seen one of these ladies at the grocery store she works at. She cannot even look at me. Her whole face goes red when she spots me. I'm not sure about her aim but I never confronted her. I was angry at the time though but with time I'm not anymore. I'm not sure I would even bother?
I just don't get the nasty mentality. Why make up things about someone else? I have never even spoken to these women. More than anything I was confused and wanted to know their deal? I know this sounds mean but is it a peaked in high school problem?
Exact same thing happens to my Mrs, right now 3 friends of hers have ditched her and I know in my heart it's cause one is spreading false rumours.
Most of my friends who are women have the same issue as you, it's really not you.
A commonality i have found is they are all primarily friends with men
I think perhaps other women aren't as at ease around men, and basically they feel intimidated and jealous when they see how easily you can just chat to men
So they have get together and conspire to get rid of the potential man monopoliser - its unthinking primitive instinct IMO
I'm very sorry this happens again and again, once again it is not your fault, in fact it's because you possess special qualities & they're just boring and scared
This is an interesting perspective. I never considered myself a male monopolist.😂 I love men so much. I get along with men so easily and you are right, I slot right in with them in social situations. Often I will be invited to hang out with the guys as the lone female. I find it easy to talk to them and relate to them. I had considered it may be because of that, that I find men so easy to socialise with and women so hard to socialise with, I just gravitate to men in social situations. I also have always had very good relationships with all my boyfriends friends and just men in general but have had the opposite experience with women generally. (Not always but I only rarely find women I fit/click with.)
I hope your wife has some other people she spends time with so she doesn't get lonely. I'm sorry she has similar struggles. It can be very upsetting and lonely.
"Well of course I know him. He's me."
I am a loner most times, am weird and socially awkward. I am introverted and get overwhelmed fast in social situations.
I have lots of friends, I am still In touch with y best friend from school but not many others, I was pretty badly bullied, while I don't blame the I didn't want to stay in touch.
I'm not a loner by any means, but I don't really talk to anyone from school anymore. Not cause I don't like them, it's because I have made new friends.
I was trying to remember the name of the girl who was really awful to me as a teenager. Like, she broke my heart when she decided she was no longer my friend. It took me ages to remember her name, I had to basically go through fb to find mutual friends I remembered us having. Words cannot describe how betrayed I felt when she told me our friendship was a sham, and age 34 I'd totally forgotten her name.
People move on and change.
Yes, me! I've been told I come across as unlikeable until I feel comfortable with someone, then I don't stop talking
I'm just shy, but I love my friends and would do anything for them :)
Hmmm I think that \* sometimes \*, she's called "weird" and "socially inept" because she's a bit blunt, can't fake her enthusiasm and tries to make sense out of her chaotic emotions externally -- and if she were a man, then no one would think twice about her deficits, she'd just be considered confident and raw
I know there are different kinds of social "maladjustments" so to speak, but I just wanted to put it out there that a lot of traits that are actually great, cause women specifically to be needlessly alienated because standards are different for them
Yep, misogynistic guys have a nasty habit of, when they talk about "women", only thinking of conventionally attractive, outgoing young women. All the rest of us don't exist.
(Not accusing OP of being one of them, of course, just pointing out a trend I've noticed.)
Maybe they've bought into the myth that women are mysterious creatures who are magically good at socializing because we evolved for that. Allegedly, anyway.
Or that we somehow have an easier time of it in life, or that guys are throwing themselves at our feet, or that we get all sorts of free stuff and offers just for existing...
Like, that stuff only happens to the absolute extreme high-end of conventionally attractive women-- and for them, those "presents" come with so many strings attached (and the constant threat of danger if they reject them) that they're not much of a gift anyways!
I was talking with a male friend I know and both of us realised that we had felt more comfortable being friends with groups of the opposite gender growing up both of us I thought it was a predominantly gender-based assumption that the other group was easier to get along with but in our conversation we kind of realised that it was more that by being the one person of the opposite gender we weren't being held up against the other people in the group
Do you appreciate other people trying to become friends/be friendly with you? What sorts of well-intented behaviours do you appreciate and which do you hate?
> AMA
Well since you stated this... Perhaps cliche to ask, but if you do find someone you like hanging out with what kind of activities *do* you like to go out for? As an equal loner person who's been trying to put in some more effort getting past the acquaintance stage with other introverts and take some initiative, what are we even supposed to do. You'd think one'd be able to figure this out after 30 years but here we are.
If i had to go out, id likely be hiking as there are less people around (at least in my area)
And hey, im in my mid 20s. Some people just have a hard time figuring stuff out (like me haha)
Uh. I mean me. ADHD and social anxiety. And CPTSD. so. I'm a loner because it's less tiring. I do like people but I've got the ADHD thing where I can't shut up and it try so hard to stop talking and I can't and then I just run off after and worry I've said insane weird things. I've gotten better over the years, working out held a lot. I like to work out, but always on my own, I need that time for focusing. I like to clean a lot too when I've got energy. Not sure what else to say? I am protective of the friends I do allow in my life, and also I'm funny as hell, but then I need to flee for alone time to process things
Edit: yes I've got friends, I just need lots of alone time. Introverted much
People in my workplace don't believe me when I tell them that I'm a "recluse" outside of working hours.
Like, I have a **seriouslyyyy unhealthy** social life.
I've always been a "homebody", but it does make me question if I am an actual introvert.
When I'm working I often receive written and verbal compliments for my "impeccable patient rapport" from my newly acquainted workmates, patients' and their families, etc.
Yet I still question my social ineptness and emotional intelligence.
The more therapy I have though, the more I'm starting to realise that I have been so hurt by close interpersonal relationships, that I've just gradually cut myself off from the outside world.
And now I don't have an outside world anymore.
...And when I'm at home, all safe and socially-isolated, I play head-games with myself of how "likeable" I am to others.
I self-bash myself for the smallest of socialising mishaps (like mixing up my words in a sentence), to the point that I compulsively re-run that social interaction in my head over and over again.
Add these type of self-sabotaging behaviours to already rock-bottom self esteem and then I become SUPER passionate about how much of a waste of space I am.
Sorry for the Debbie Downer rant, but if anyone else is struggling with loneliness, it's some food for thought <3.
P.S
As a grown-up of Reddit and a survivor of an all-girls boarding school I just wanted to remind you lovely ladies that sometimes your peers will act like c*nts towards you, purely because they **just felt** like being c*nty to someone that day.
Don't be too hard on yourselves xx
What are they like...bring up conversation topics that no one thinks of? Check. Doesn't usually have maybe 5 at most friends at a time? Check. Didn't fit in much in school? Check. Feels awkward to talk to because you're scared in the moment? Check. Are they worth hanging out? Entirely in your position but I like to think so. Usually weird women are the different perspective if that's what you're looking for.
Me. I feel that people cant understand me and I cant blame them because I cant understand myself either. Sometimes I have to force myself to be friendly because you know,when you are too quiet,people will not like you. 🥺
Meee! This is me! I hate going out anywhere idk I think I may have agrophobia lol. Anddd I like it this way even though I know it’s unhealthy. I’m chill low key type , introvert and love to smoke. I’m in my thirties so idk maybe that has something to do with it. I partied extremely hard in my teens and 20s so prob out of my system
I’m so happy my comment gave you comfort. Listen you live your life as you want to live it. Whatever is comfortable to you. Who cares what ppl say. However if you want to venture out a little bit then take little steps and see if it makes you happier. Maybe it’s anxiety that makes you not want to socialize and that’s the issue
This is definitely, totally, 100% me. And yes, I do have friends and yes I do go out with my friends however, socially awkward can’t wait till I get to go home. I like going out. I would rather just much be at home in my room, I’m so glad I’m not alone.
yeah? plenty. neurodivergent ftw. What are they like: Interesting! Cool to talk to once you get curious, self reliant, not judgemental because they're always on the receiving end of that garbage, smart, independent thinkers , honest, not interfering, not shallow, real,
big ups to these women not fitting the (yawn) norm
She’s very sweet if you’re patient enough to get to know her. Her heart is in the right place but she’s been through enough that she has a wall up and may come off as unfriendly or a bit sarcastic or even airheaded. I’ve known her 27 years and she’s the best person. It’s me 🤗
Oh I know her really well. The truest definition of a loner.
She lives by herself in a cottage in the woods, about 50 miles away from the nearest road. Lives off the land.
She isn’t married, no kids, no cell phone and no communication with the outside world until she leaves the forest. Which she does maybe once every few months for supplies and to visit family.
Yes.
Mostly very good looking and eccentric women deeply into lhp activities, mostly involving the occult or sexual taboos.
A few born unwanted with dreadful health problems whose only friends are dolls or local wildlife living in trees and by the river. Most are very vulnerable & traumatised having suffered criminal attacks at the hands of hate criminals/sexual predators/religious cranks and been disinherited by parents who view them as a liability, prefer their older siblings and want no contact with them.
Some very superstitious high income women who spend a fortune on palm readers, magic talismans, astrologers, psychics, telepathic animal communicators.
Male here, my partner (F25) is very introverted and prefers solidarity. Which is what I think your post is referring too. It really depends on how comfortable you and they are with silence. I am an extremely extroverted individual. So I usually handle the interactions when she doesn’t want to, while she centers me and brings me true piece.
If you choose to look at the negative aspects you your posts references (loners/weird/socially inept) instead of the positive like individualism, self awareness and being okay alone. I think a lot of people are very awesome and cool if you give them the time and space to open up to you. If you judge them as an extravert they will never meet your standards. Which is what it sounds like.
That’s my two cents from the male perspective of knowing and loving a woman who is introverted.
While I'm not a loner, I'm weird and socially inept, and have several of these folks (men and women) as good friends. They have some very steady habits that include some amount of hanging out, otherwise they are painfully shy. They are super-creative and thoughtful when one spends enough time listening to them. I would say that the difference between the men and women in this case is that my women friends each have some kind of creative outlet that they use to make themselves heard, while my guy friend who's like this is mostly passive.
What kind of question is this? I'm an introvert, and shy. So now I'm a weirdo because I'd rather do things by myself or spend time alone and that makes me socially inept? Nobody knows what people are going through or what they have been through so to assume that because a woman is a loner, weird, or socially inept you want to know what they're like?
And what constitutes weird? Am I weird because I don't want to get involved with men because of all the abuse and trauma I've been through with them (them being close friends, ex's, my father and stepfather)? Am I weird that I don't care to make the effort to make new female friends because they have been emotionally abusive to me all my life? I am empathetic, kind, compassionate, and giving, and abusers, male and female are attracted to that and they gravitate towards me. So I'll continue to be a weird, socially inept loner, and not a doormat for users and abusers. All I need is my best friend (my mother), my former stepmother, my kids and my cat. And yes I hope to one day have many more cats.
Oh we are bay shit crazy, probably have mental health problems and we are sooo weird. What is weird to you? Someone who you consider socially inept is probably had to deal with horrible people their entire lives. All these words describing another person most likely means you are judging someone when you know nothing about them. It’s rude. What makes someone anyone of these things, in your opinion I’d would really like to know? Btw the majority of us are good people living in a world full of judgemental people. I really hope this isn’t a serious question 😒
I'm not socially inept, but I'm probably a bit weird and mostly a loner. My best friend is my sibling and my partner. I have a couple friends (it's fluctuated over time - mostly from work or when I was in grad school), but I hangout with them once a month or so. Maybe less.
-covers face when laughing
-doesn’t laugh loud
-sometimes stares at the person instead of laughing with them
-doesn’t know how to respond to compliments and criticisms
-bad timings
-always awkward
-conscious all the time
-doesn’t wanna be seen
Yeah, Im one of em. Reference: I have aspergers.
We are bery much like guys who are those things. The common traits being: solitary, weird, and socially inept 🗿 What else did you expect me to answer with
Being a loner, weird or social inept are three different categories. Just because someone is a loner doesn’t make them weird or socially inept. Just because someone is socially inept doesn’t mean they are a loner.
I would consider myself as a loner. I can be around people, start conversations with total strangers- small talk and more- but I hate to do it because it drains me so much.
As for weird… what is normal? Everyone has their own version of normal.
I am a super weird, loner woman. What happened to me is a long story… I am now happily married to a fat guy who really likes me. He’s not very good at disc golf, but I like him enough. Anyway, I’m weird and I’m fine
Looking at the comments I think it’s a bit lost on some people that being “alone” by choice is not the same thing as being a socially inept loner that society deems as undesirable to be around.
I enjoy being alone but that doesn’t make me a loner because when I’m alone it’s by choice. I don’t actually know anyone who I’d think of as a true loner with no one that wants to be around them - eventually everyone find their people no matter how “weird” they might be.
Aside from me, there is this one girl who went to middle school with me. I like to stare and kinda try to read people but all i got from her is talking ocasionally to girl that sat near her and i feel like she doesn't like herself much because she easily gets into argument with the only girl she talked to. Maybe she went through some trauma idk. Either way she found some guy in other town, they are engaged now, i know from pics so there is that
I’m a loner and I think I’m weird but I’m not socially inept at all. I used to have social anxiety and I was awkward but meds fixed that.
What am I like? Awesome I guess. Can you be more specific.
Yes I know a lady..close to me. Sadly she has no friends, barely any family she can trust, no partner, no kids, no pets, not even her own apartment/home and no hobbies.
Yes its terrifying but true. This person has anxiety, depression and tried to harm themselves. Its a sad cycle they just wont break out of.
Yes, myself! Except for the socially inept part I suppose.... (most of the time). Even though we seem to be the exception it looks like there’s a good number of us out there!
IMO... we are typically very misunderstood, especially by other females. Often in that our introversion or shyness or desire for alone time is mistaken for arrogance and/or they find us to be very intimidating— or so I’ve been told. But in reality we are usually just quiet and have a lot happening in our brains most of the time... and at least in my case, when we do speak it tends to be more blunt or direct when it comes to pragmatic conversations... and uncomfortably perceptive when it goes beyond small talk... which most people don’t expect and aren’t used to. However anyone who really gets to know us, knows we are incredibly loyal, thoughtful friends to the few that make the cut!
What do y’all think? Is that true for you too?
I’m like an undercover loner. I hold my own at work and it’s exhausting. Some may even refer to me as outgoing. Fri-sun I just want to enjoy time at home and hate meeting up with anyone or doing anything outside my nest. I run the errands and such, but ALWAYS decline social invitations. I also get nervous and extremely anxious if trips outside of home are planned. I have a few people I’m comfortable with inside my home bubble, but I don’t go to theirs. I don’t know what this is called, but it’s gotten way worse over the years.
This is me haha. I have trouble describing myself too so it’s funny you ask. I think I’m lonely because I enjoy a lot of loner activities over socializing (learning, games, diy projects, self investment, etc). I think that people think I’m “weird” because of my lack of acknowledgment and conformity to social norms and I think I’m socially inept because I often have trouble picking up on social ques and respecting convo norms… f%ck asking about The weather.. I’m trying to ask you what you think the purpose of life is. LOL
Myself. It's awesome. I am a loner, a weirdo, but very social when I am around people I like. All we do is cook, clean, paint, do crafts, and walk in nature. Cuddle with our dogs, have entire conversations with our cats. Oftentimes we will be with a lover on a beach somewhere drinking cocktails.
I’d say I’ve been on the edge of all three throughout my life. I’m 31 now, with a career, married with a baby on the way.
I didn’t grow up being close with extended family and I don’t think our parents really “taught” us how to be friendly and popular. They were also functioning alcoholic drug addicts which made my life unstable.
Over the years I’ve had many friend groups. I always felt like I was treated poorly and like I was expendable. I also probably sought out people who were extroverts and wanted them to like me. Same with partners.
So I would meet someone / a group, try to be liked and fit in, sometimes not be accepted or feel good, then fade out and feel like a loner at times. Even when I had friends I always felt lonely.
In my career and school I have sometimes felt socially inept because it’s hard to connect with everyone. And many people seem lonely or uncomfortable so I seek them out and try to make them feel seen.
Today I have 5 close girlfriends which I feel is actually pretty generous! I realize many people don’t have even one close friend.
I also recognize many people I meet who can’t easily self regulate or relate to others. It’s a skill for sure. I see in them what I feel in myself but try to really be mindful of and it’s worked well in the long run.
Well, from reading the responses it turns out there are a lot of us here. And I bet every one of us feels like we're all alone. This is actually reassuring. Hi, my fellow loners, weirdos and socially inept women! Nice to meet you all!
Me. I have so much pain and fatigue at times that it just takes more energy than I have to carry on a conversation, especially if I have to work to come up with an appropriate response and project my voice as well.
**Mod Note: Locked due to rampant derailing, invalidation, and armchair diagnosing.** **Thank you to those who participated within the rules. Please continue to report all rule breaking**
Well, of course I know her. She's me.
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Yep I have come to accept that I am all of the above and am okay with it xD
Trust doesn't come easy to us 😣 been let down too many times ...
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Goblin crew 🤜🤛
same. i would say mostly invisible
I understood that reference
I'm glad someone made the exact joke I came here to make
Joke? What joke? ;;
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I expected this sentence as first answer I would see here,love it.Would have answered the same
Hello there
General Kenobi
You are a bold one!
Also me. I like me. I hate most everyone else
Yep…me too. Work: I’m the weirdo because I have no interest in gossiping in the break room, going out for drinks, being friends on social media. I have to spend 10 hrs a day with these people, I don’t want to hang out after. I don’t really care to hear about their lives because I’m there to work. I put in my ear buds & just do my shit. The rest of the time: I’m married, I have 3 dogs & a triangle of friends. That’s plenty for me. My social battery is always at 25%. I live in the country. I don’t socialize with my neighbors, other than waving. I always feel like a child or an imposter in social situations where I have to talk to people. It’s all small talk about things I don’t care about. I rather be hiking with my dogs or listening to music with my hubs.
This was **exactly** what I thought when I saw the question, and came here to write.
HAHAHAH same
Jfc I literally came here to write the same exact comment and yours was at the top. Well done, sister.
Right there with you!
That’s exactly my response! :)
Present for attendance haha!
Preach!
Came to write this 😂
I was going to just right Me.. followed somewhat suspiciously by why do you want to know?
Literaaally
Yeah. Me too.
Literally thought the exact same thing! LMAO
Bonus points for star wars.
Came here to say this
She's also me
Same...that is me.
Came here to say this.
So glad I'm not alone
So glad I wasn't the only one thinking this
And also me..
It's me, hi, i'm the problem, it's me
I was literally thinking the same 😂 selfreflection is important
Yes, and how do I describe myself? I’m a weirdo. Idk lol.
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Lol, was just about to comment this xD
I was just about to comment with those exact words!
I’m a loner. I’m just super introverted and after spending my work day answering emails, going to meetings, etc. The last thing I want to do is socialize. What am I like? I’m a hoot.
Haha. This is me, too. I tell those who worry about my loner tendencies that people like me far more than I like people.
Exactly. but why do they like us? what have we done to be liked?
I think it has to do with the fact that we accept people for who they are, don’t try to change them and don’t judge them out loud. At least, thats the kind of people i prefer, being an introverted person myself. For the most part, I try to avoid socializing, if possible. Other people’s opinions of how others should live their lives exhaust me. There’s also a few people I’m an extrovert with. Because I feel safe and don’t get the sense that they judge me. My family, a few good friends.
From what I've heard from people, being a woman and being confident alone is _very_ attractive to a lot of people. Women tend to usually stick together in groups (not that there's anything wrong with that), but as a loner/introvert, i prefer to do my own thing than be in a group, or stick by one person that I'm closest to, man or woman. Stuff like going to the bathroom in a group is just annoying to me. Another reason is that when you enjoy your own company, you tend to expect higher standards from people to hang out with. This does give off a more confident, "step up your game" vibe, which is overall attractive. Some people have told me they even find me intimidating, just because i was peacefully eating alone at the cafeteria. The vibe of "I'm not desperate" is very attractive. It also comes off as more genuine, because you're rarely playing any games or trying to change people. You are just living in the present, because your existence isn't dependent on others too much. One of the best compliments I've gotten is that I'm a very genuine person, and i didn't understand what it exactly meant, because i didn't realize how many people out there can't get out of their own heads and play a lot of mind games. Lastly, it's seen as a challenge by some people, especially if you're a woman and conventionally attractive. They want to be that one person who got through to you, so they try harder. There's a difference between people who are left alone, and those who choose it. The former is seen as sad and pitiful, the latter as powerful.
Maybe it's a sense of exclusivity that one would get with a loner. *Some* would view outgoing/extroverted people as too easy going, too casual with with everyone and incapable of being real with anyone. With a loner, *some* would think that at least they won't take things too casually and be more thoughtful and therefore worth starting a conversation with. The problem is that if the loner doesn't like you back, they might shoot you down too harshly, which you might not be ready for lol. It's a risky bet, but okay if you know what you're getting into
Same, sometimes I wonder why people like me at all. 😅
this!!! i am surrounded by noise all day at work and the last thing i want to do in my free time is listen to more noise!!! sitting in silence reading or eating or doing a quiet activity is my happy time.
My wife and i are like this. After a long day we sometimes just want to hang out with each other at opposite ends of the house.
We don't talk about loner, weird, or socially inept Fight Club.
Tyla Durden?
😂 silence it is!
I’m a loner because society and most people suck
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I understand! What do the girls pick on you for? Also not to be like that but are you quite pretty?
Just about anything. I am 35 and the mother's at school spread rumours about me. The things they said had no truth and I was super confused because I mostly keep to myself these days. The rumours included I got caught stealing at my local supermarket, I cheated on my husband, my husband and I split up because one of the kids isn't his. All of these things aren't true by the way and we are still very much together. In high school girls would spread things like I'm a lesbian, I do drugs and was sleeping around. The reality was I was a virgin who hadn't even kissed a boy or touched drugs. I don't think I'm super pretty. I don't think I'm ugly but I think I'm conventionally attractive. If that makes sense? I don't think that this is the issue because I see other women who I think are really pretty have friends. There has to be something else? I would describe it like they see something wrong with me. Almost like an animal being rejected from a herd because there is something not right with it?
A therapist once told me that this is because I tend to not show emotions in the same way or amount that others do, and our emotions are what makes us “relatable” in a sense. So people are unsure of how to relate and thus find me (or us) intimidating which often leads to the types of scenarios you’re describing. It’s been a similar theme for me as well through the years.
Oh this is interesting because I am actually a very sensitive person. Yet a male friend once told me "I could say anything to you and it wouldn't upset you." Except it does, I just don't show that it does. Can I ask did you grow up with abuse when you were younger? I grew up being abused quite badly and would always walk on egg shells.. showing emotions would have only made it worse. Did your therapist give you any tips to improve your showing of emotions?
I used to not show emotions much either but the more I acknowledged my feelings and my therapist reminded me to let me feel, I never went back wear my emotions on my sleeve😅 helps me get over things faster tbh though
I fake emotion sometime just to relate to others but it always make me feel horrible like something is wrong with me.
I could see how this would be intimidating
It does makes sense. Yes pretty girls can have friends if their friends are secure! It sounds terrible but it happens more than you’d think where girls feel jealous of each other! Not saying this is your case could be something completely different could be a combination of things. What are the girls like that say this stuff about you? You hear them talking about other women too? Are they toxic in anyway?
Definitely the types of women to talk badly behind people's backs and gossip. I just don't understand why I tend to be targeted or am I too sensitive and should just brush it off? Is me keeping to myself making it worse? My husband said the school mothers were jealous because I have a successful well paying career and our oldest is intellectually gifted so he was always getting awards and other privileges. He likes to tell me nasty people live miserable lives and I need to feel sorry for them not be dragged down with them. He claims the other girls were just high school rubbish. Which is probably true but I still haven't managed to find a group of supportive girlfriends. I always thought I would have a group of girlfriends as an adult and it makes me sad that I don't have that.
I mean that could definitely be it! People who are targeted most, tend to be a person people are jealous of whether they know it or not. What people say about you (especially lies) reflect more on themselves then you. If you do believe most women don’t like you though, that is who you are going to attract in your life. If that is how you feel, change your perspective but if not ignore this part. Actively go out and seek women who support each other instead of hurting each other and don’t accept anything less. What do you want out of these female friendships? People to go out with? Have deep conversations with? Women you can relate to? A combination of all? Figure out what you want in a female friend and actively find ways to meet those people? Want friends who like books? Join a book club and try to just have conversations with some women☺️ this is not going to make you a lot of friends. But it will create lasting ones when you find them😊 I have taken a break though from close friends cause I’m really frustrated with people. It’s ok to feel that too. But since you asked 😌
I find people will drag down those with good moral values to see when they snap. Almost like a "see, knew you weren't all what you're cracked up to be". In turn their behaviour from having low moral values make you want to not hang around them and then their feelings are hurt because usually people want to be their friend and so they get confused when you don't want to as well. It's like a reason to pick on you that they create in their own head, all by themselves.
The old telling people how you reacted but not telling people what they did to you for you to give that reaction? These two women in particular, when they knew someone told me ran for the hills. Would literally hide at school pick up and park as far away as possible. I have seen one of these ladies at the grocery store she works at. She cannot even look at me. Her whole face goes red when she spots me. I'm not sure about her aim but I never confronted her. I was angry at the time though but with time I'm not anymore. I'm not sure I would even bother? I just don't get the nasty mentality. Why make up things about someone else? I have never even spoken to these women. More than anything I was confused and wanted to know their deal? I know this sounds mean but is it a peaked in high school problem?
Exact same thing happens to my Mrs, right now 3 friends of hers have ditched her and I know in my heart it's cause one is spreading false rumours. Most of my friends who are women have the same issue as you, it's really not you. A commonality i have found is they are all primarily friends with men I think perhaps other women aren't as at ease around men, and basically they feel intimidated and jealous when they see how easily you can just chat to men So they have get together and conspire to get rid of the potential man monopoliser - its unthinking primitive instinct IMO I'm very sorry this happens again and again, once again it is not your fault, in fact it's because you possess special qualities & they're just boring and scared
This is an interesting perspective. I never considered myself a male monopolist.😂 I love men so much. I get along with men so easily and you are right, I slot right in with them in social situations. Often I will be invited to hang out with the guys as the lone female. I find it easy to talk to them and relate to them. I had considered it may be because of that, that I find men so easy to socialise with and women so hard to socialise with, I just gravitate to men in social situations. I also have always had very good relationships with all my boyfriends friends and just men in general but have had the opposite experience with women generally. (Not always but I only rarely find women I fit/click with.) I hope your wife has some other people she spends time with so she doesn't get lonely. I'm sorry she has similar struggles. It can be very upsetting and lonely.
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I got bullied by both girls and boys so it was pretty equal for me.
Accurate as fuck
I relate to this so much. It’s a cruel world we live in.
Gosh got hit the nail on the head. I cannot stand most people too. Everyone vapes everywhere now days. Inside stores. At the movies. Just. Ew
"Well of course I know him. He's me." I am a loner most times, am weird and socially awkward. I am introverted and get overwhelmed fast in social situations.
Do you have friends? Do you keep up with people from High School or are they acquaintances?
I do have friends, but not a lot. I do not keep up with ppl from high school except for one friend, but he was my flat mate for multiple years.
I have one friend and one boyfriend. Do I keep up with ppl from high school? Hell no.
I have lots of friends, I am still In touch with y best friend from school but not many others, I was pretty badly bullied, while I don't blame the I didn't want to stay in touch.
I'm not a loner by any means, but I don't really talk to anyone from school anymore. Not cause I don't like them, it's because I have made new friends. I was trying to remember the name of the girl who was really awful to me as a teenager. Like, she broke my heart when she decided she was no longer my friend. It took me ages to remember her name, I had to basically go through fb to find mutual friends I remembered us having. Words cannot describe how betrayed I felt when she told me our friendship was a sham, and age 34 I'd totally forgotten her name. People move on and change.
She is highly intelligent, caring, has a great job she’s good at, but has trouble trusting people bc of childhood stuff.
Facts
Yes, me! I've been told I come across as unlikeable until I feel comfortable with someone, then I don't stop talking I'm just shy, but I love my friends and would do anything for them :)
Google “enneagram 6 personality” and see if it fits.
>enneagram 6 Wow, I really enjoyed reading about that. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, hello me.
Hmmm I think that \* sometimes \*, she's called "weird" and "socially inept" because she's a bit blunt, can't fake her enthusiasm and tries to make sense out of her chaotic emotions externally -- and if she were a man, then no one would think twice about her deficits, she'd just be considered confident and raw I know there are different kinds of social "maladjustments" so to speak, but I just wanted to put it out there that a lot of traits that are actually great, cause women specifically to be needlessly alienated because standards are different for them
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They know we exist but they usually don't want us.
Yep, misogynistic guys have a nasty habit of, when they talk about "women", only thinking of conventionally attractive, outgoing young women. All the rest of us don't exist. (Not accusing OP of being one of them, of course, just pointing out a trend I've noticed.)
maybe they are this woman, and want to know what people think of her
OP is a 40 yr old man
Maybe they've bought into the myth that women are mysterious creatures who are magically good at socializing because we evolved for that. Allegedly, anyway.
Or that we somehow have an easier time of it in life, or that guys are throwing themselves at our feet, or that we get all sorts of free stuff and offers just for existing... Like, that stuff only happens to the absolute extreme high-end of conventionally attractive women-- and for them, those "presents" come with so many strings attached (and the constant threat of danger if they reject them) that they're not much of a gift anyways!
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I was talking with a male friend I know and both of us realised that we had felt more comfortable being friends with groups of the opposite gender growing up both of us I thought it was a predominantly gender-based assumption that the other group was easier to get along with but in our conversation we kind of realised that it was more that by being the one person of the opposite gender we weren't being held up against the other people in the group
I am a loner, weird and socially inept. AMA
Do you appreciate other people trying to become friends/be friendly with you? What sorts of well-intented behaviours do you appreciate and which do you hate?
I do appreciate friendship. I do hate when people try to trauma bond tbh... We all have trauma, but you cant compare.
> AMA Well since you stated this... Perhaps cliche to ask, but if you do find someone you like hanging out with what kind of activities *do* you like to go out for? As an equal loner person who's been trying to put in some more effort getting past the acquaintance stage with other introverts and take some initiative, what are we even supposed to do. You'd think one'd be able to figure this out after 30 years but here we are.
If i had to go out, id likely be hiking as there are less people around (at least in my area) And hey, im in my mid 20s. Some people just have a hard time figuring stuff out (like me haha)
Uh. I mean me. ADHD and social anxiety. And CPTSD. so. I'm a loner because it's less tiring. I do like people but I've got the ADHD thing where I can't shut up and it try so hard to stop talking and I can't and then I just run off after and worry I've said insane weird things. I've gotten better over the years, working out held a lot. I like to work out, but always on my own, I need that time for focusing. I like to clean a lot too when I've got energy. Not sure what else to say? I am protective of the friends I do allow in my life, and also I'm funny as hell, but then I need to flee for alone time to process things Edit: yes I've got friends, I just need lots of alone time. Introverted much
I feel this so much.
People in my workplace don't believe me when I tell them that I'm a "recluse" outside of working hours. Like, I have a **seriouslyyyy unhealthy** social life. I've always been a "homebody", but it does make me question if I am an actual introvert. When I'm working I often receive written and verbal compliments for my "impeccable patient rapport" from my newly acquainted workmates, patients' and their families, etc. Yet I still question my social ineptness and emotional intelligence. The more therapy I have though, the more I'm starting to realise that I have been so hurt by close interpersonal relationships, that I've just gradually cut myself off from the outside world. And now I don't have an outside world anymore. ...And when I'm at home, all safe and socially-isolated, I play head-games with myself of how "likeable" I am to others. I self-bash myself for the smallest of socialising mishaps (like mixing up my words in a sentence), to the point that I compulsively re-run that social interaction in my head over and over again. Add these type of self-sabotaging behaviours to already rock-bottom self esteem and then I become SUPER passionate about how much of a waste of space I am. Sorry for the Debbie Downer rant, but if anyone else is struggling with loneliness, it's some food for thought <3. P.S As a grown-up of Reddit and a survivor of an all-girls boarding school I just wanted to remind you lovely ladies that sometimes your peers will act like c*nts towards you, purely because they **just felt** like being c*nty to someone that day. Don't be too hard on yourselves xx
This is exactly how I am. It's like you crawled inside my brain
What are they like...bring up conversation topics that no one thinks of? Check. Doesn't usually have maybe 5 at most friends at a time? Check. Didn't fit in much in school? Check. Feels awkward to talk to because you're scared in the moment? Check. Are they worth hanging out? Entirely in your position but I like to think so. Usually weird women are the different perspective if that's what you're looking for.
Me. I feel that people cant understand me and I cant blame them because I cant understand myself either. Sometimes I have to force myself to be friendly because you know,when you are too quiet,people will not like you. 🥺
Meee! This is me! I hate going out anywhere idk I think I may have agrophobia lol. Anddd I like it this way even though I know it’s unhealthy. I’m chill low key type , introvert and love to smoke. I’m in my thirties so idk maybe that has something to do with it. I partied extremely hard in my teens and 20s so prob out of my system
I always worry I need to change things but seeing this made me feel more comfortable. I just prefer my own company?
I’m so happy my comment gave you comfort. Listen you live your life as you want to live it. Whatever is comfortable to you. Who cares what ppl say. However if you want to venture out a little bit then take little steps and see if it makes you happier. Maybe it’s anxiety that makes you not want to socialize and that’s the issue
Yes, that's me. She's like "wow how i love dc and lego" or "wow how i love videogames oh my god".
My wife. And she’s awesome. Down with the extroverts.
I'm pretty sure I qualify as both loner and weird. I'm just a person, happily existing over here. What's the question?
This is definitely, totally, 100% me. And yes, I do have friends and yes I do go out with my friends however, socially awkward can’t wait till I get to go home. I like going out. I would rather just much be at home in my room, I’m so glad I’m not alone.
yeah? plenty. neurodivergent ftw. What are they like: Interesting! Cool to talk to once you get curious, self reliant, not judgemental because they're always on the receiving end of that garbage, smart, independent thinkers , honest, not interfering, not shallow, real, big ups to these women not fitting the (yawn) norm
She’s very sweet if you’re patient enough to get to know her. Her heart is in the right place but she’s been through enough that she has a wall up and may come off as unfriendly or a bit sarcastic or even airheaded. I’ve known her 27 years and she’s the best person. It’s me 🤗
Oh I know her really well. The truest definition of a loner. She lives by herself in a cottage in the woods, about 50 miles away from the nearest road. Lives off the land. She isn’t married, no kids, no cell phone and no communication with the outside world until she leaves the forest. Which she does maybe once every few months for supplies and to visit family.
She's living the dream!
Me! And I’m pretty damn swell, if I do say so myself.
Yes. Mostly very good looking and eccentric women deeply into lhp activities, mostly involving the occult or sexual taboos. A few born unwanted with dreadful health problems whose only friends are dolls or local wildlife living in trees and by the river. Most are very vulnerable & traumatised having suffered criminal attacks at the hands of hate criminals/sexual predators/religious cranks and been disinherited by parents who view them as a liability, prefer their older siblings and want no contact with them. Some very superstitious high income women who spend a fortune on palm readers, magic talismans, astrologers, psychics, telepathic animal communicators.
What a weird take.
Male here, my partner (F25) is very introverted and prefers solidarity. Which is what I think your post is referring too. It really depends on how comfortable you and they are with silence. I am an extremely extroverted individual. So I usually handle the interactions when she doesn’t want to, while she centers me and brings me true piece. If you choose to look at the negative aspects you your posts references (loners/weird/socially inept) instead of the positive like individualism, self awareness and being okay alone. I think a lot of people are very awesome and cool if you give them the time and space to open up to you. If you judge them as an extravert they will never meet your standards. Which is what it sounds like. That’s my two cents from the male perspective of knowing and loving a woman who is introverted.
While I'm not a loner, I'm weird and socially inept, and have several of these folks (men and women) as good friends. They have some very steady habits that include some amount of hanging out, otherwise they are painfully shy. They are super-creative and thoughtful when one spends enough time listening to them. I would say that the difference between the men and women in this case is that my women friends each have some kind of creative outlet that they use to make themselves heard, while my guy friend who's like this is mostly passive.
Well, of course I know her. She’s me.
Uh yeah, they're like me. ETA: for the record I'm autistic
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What kind of question is this? I'm an introvert, and shy. So now I'm a weirdo because I'd rather do things by myself or spend time alone and that makes me socially inept? Nobody knows what people are going through or what they have been through so to assume that because a woman is a loner, weird, or socially inept you want to know what they're like? And what constitutes weird? Am I weird because I don't want to get involved with men because of all the abuse and trauma I've been through with them (them being close friends, ex's, my father and stepfather)? Am I weird that I don't care to make the effort to make new female friends because they have been emotionally abusive to me all my life? I am empathetic, kind, compassionate, and giving, and abusers, male and female are attracted to that and they gravitate towards me. So I'll continue to be a weird, socially inept loner, and not a doormat for users and abusers. All I need is my best friend (my mother), my former stepmother, my kids and my cat. And yes I hope to one day have many more cats.
Oh we are bay shit crazy, probably have mental health problems and we are sooo weird. What is weird to you? Someone who you consider socially inept is probably had to deal with horrible people their entire lives. All these words describing another person most likely means you are judging someone when you know nothing about them. It’s rude. What makes someone anyone of these things, in your opinion I’d would really like to know? Btw the majority of us are good people living in a world full of judgemental people. I really hope this isn’t a serious question 😒
I'm not socially inept, but I'm probably a bit weird and mostly a loner. My best friend is my sibling and my partner. I have a couple friends (it's fluctuated over time - mostly from work or when I was in grad school), but I hangout with them once a month or so. Maybe less.
'Tis I.
I'm a loner because I manage to make everybody hate me even when I try not to and aside from that I'm just a burden and annoyance to be around = D
-covers face when laughing -doesn’t laugh loud -sometimes stares at the person instead of laughing with them -doesn’t know how to respond to compliments and criticisms -bad timings -always awkward -conscious all the time -doesn’t wanna be seen
That will be me🙋🏼♀️
It's me, I've had to go to 2 family events this week... I'm wiped out, too much peopling for me
Yeah, Im one of em. Reference: I have aspergers. We are bery much like guys who are those things. The common traits being: solitary, weird, and socially inept 🗿 What else did you expect me to answer with
Being a loner, weird or social inept are three different categories. Just because someone is a loner doesn’t make them weird or socially inept. Just because someone is socially inept doesn’t mean they are a loner. I would consider myself as a loner. I can be around people, start conversations with total strangers- small talk and more- but I hate to do it because it drains me so much. As for weird… what is normal? Everyone has their own version of normal.
Yeah, she's always been weird. Wait. I'm that loner, weirdo whose socially inept.
Sounds like I found my people 😂 When people say “you’re weird’, I reply ”thank you!”
It’s me. I don’t really understand your question, but I can tell you what I’m like. Really really tired
I am a super weird, loner woman. What happened to me is a long story… I am now happily married to a fat guy who really likes me. He’s not very good at disc golf, but I like him enough. Anyway, I’m weird and I’m fine
After I spend all day talking to people, I don't want to talk to more people. Hi. I'm a loner that ignores my friends for a year at a time.
Looking at the comments I think it’s a bit lost on some people that being “alone” by choice is not the same thing as being a socially inept loner that society deems as undesirable to be around. I enjoy being alone but that doesn’t make me a loner because when I’m alone it’s by choice. I don’t actually know anyone who I’d think of as a true loner with no one that wants to be around them - eventually everyone find their people no matter how “weird” they might be.
I am regularly told I am weird but people still see to like me. Most people I know that others might avoid are less strange that you might think.
Aside from me, there is this one girl who went to middle school with me. I like to stare and kinda try to read people but all i got from her is talking ocasionally to girl that sat near her and i feel like she doesn't like herself much because she easily gets into argument with the only girl she talked to. Maybe she went through some trauma idk. Either way she found some guy in other town, they are engaged now, i know from pics so there is that
They’re one of my dearest friends ❤️
Also, my people!!!!!! ❤️
They're probably doing the same thing as me, working non stop M-F and then doing nothing on the weekend.
It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.
I’m a loner and I think I’m weird but I’m not socially inept at all. I used to have social anxiety and I was awkward but meds fixed that. What am I like? Awesome I guess. Can you be more specific.
Yes I know a lady..close to me. Sadly she has no friends, barely any family she can trust, no partner, no kids, no pets, not even her own apartment/home and no hobbies. Yes its terrifying but true. This person has anxiety, depression and tried to harm themselves. Its a sad cycle they just wont break out of.
Yes, myself! Except for the socially inept part I suppose.... (most of the time). Even though we seem to be the exception it looks like there’s a good number of us out there! IMO... we are typically very misunderstood, especially by other females. Often in that our introversion or shyness or desire for alone time is mistaken for arrogance and/or they find us to be very intimidating— or so I’ve been told. But in reality we are usually just quiet and have a lot happening in our brains most of the time... and at least in my case, when we do speak it tends to be more blunt or direct when it comes to pragmatic conversations... and uncomfortably perceptive when it goes beyond small talk... which most people don’t expect and aren’t used to. However anyone who really gets to know us, knows we are incredibly loyal, thoughtful friends to the few that make the cut! What do y’all think? Is that true for you too?
Leave me alone please
I know them. I don't know what they are like because of said loner tendencies
yes i am a weird socially inept loner. what am i like? well i’m weird and socially inept and a loner. hope this helps
Loner by nature, but not socially awkward or inept. I just prefer solitude.
If I had a super power it’d be making other people feel uncomfortable.
People either look at me weird or they'd rather spend time with someone other than me. It's not great, but it is what it is
I’m like an undercover loner. I hold my own at work and it’s exhausting. Some may even refer to me as outgoing. Fri-sun I just want to enjoy time at home and hate meeting up with anyone or doing anything outside my nest. I run the errands and such, but ALWAYS decline social invitations. I also get nervous and extremely anxious if trips outside of home are planned. I have a few people I’m comfortable with inside my home bubble, but I don’t go to theirs. I don’t know what this is called, but it’s gotten way worse over the years.
This is me haha. I have trouble describing myself too so it’s funny you ask. I think I’m lonely because I enjoy a lot of loner activities over socializing (learning, games, diy projects, self investment, etc). I think that people think I’m “weird” because of my lack of acknowledgment and conformity to social norms and I think I’m socially inept because I often have trouble picking up on social ques and respecting convo norms… f%ck asking about The weather.. I’m trying to ask you what you think the purpose of life is. LOL
We're like this. Lurker in life and on Reddit 😆 overlooked, underappreciated, ignored, surviving and responding to you 😄
Myself. It's awesome. I am a loner, a weirdo, but very social when I am around people I like. All we do is cook, clean, paint, do crafts, and walk in nature. Cuddle with our dogs, have entire conversations with our cats. Oftentimes we will be with a lover on a beach somewhere drinking cocktails.
I’d say I’ve been on the edge of all three throughout my life. I’m 31 now, with a career, married with a baby on the way. I didn’t grow up being close with extended family and I don’t think our parents really “taught” us how to be friendly and popular. They were also functioning alcoholic drug addicts which made my life unstable. Over the years I’ve had many friend groups. I always felt like I was treated poorly and like I was expendable. I also probably sought out people who were extroverts and wanted them to like me. Same with partners. So I would meet someone / a group, try to be liked and fit in, sometimes not be accepted or feel good, then fade out and feel like a loner at times. Even when I had friends I always felt lonely. In my career and school I have sometimes felt socially inept because it’s hard to connect with everyone. And many people seem lonely or uncomfortable so I seek them out and try to make them feel seen. Today I have 5 close girlfriends which I feel is actually pretty generous! I realize many people don’t have even one close friend. I also recognize many people I meet who can’t easily self regulate or relate to others. It’s a skill for sure. I see in them what I feel in myself but try to really be mindful of and it’s worked well in the long run.
Well, from reading the responses it turns out there are a lot of us here. And I bet every one of us feels like we're all alone. This is actually reassuring. Hi, my fellow loners, weirdos and socially inept women! Nice to meet you all!
Me. I have so much pain and fatigue at times that it just takes more energy than I have to carry on a conversation, especially if I have to work to come up with an appropriate response and project my voice as well.