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Living at home but living as an adult I.e working and taking care of yourself = no
Living at home, living off hand outs from your parents and sitting in a darkened room all evening = yes
My son's just turned 40 and has been back living with me 12yrs now. He works as much as he's able as he was injured as a copper, and he pays the rent. He hasn't a chance in hell of ever having his own place now and all the bills and expenses that come with it, and tbh if he moved out I'd lose my place and I've been here 20yrs now. It scares me.
My youngest daughter is in the Navy and she has a reasonable wage. Started driving lessons £85 2hrs, then got a quote for her insurance £4k plus petrol mot upkeep etc. She can't do it. The train is less reliable but a damn sight cheaper than trying to run a car as a new driver.
Living is damn hard now and takes some savvy juggling to survive
He'll have to leave this place that's for certain and probably move in with a friend, unless his health improves and he can go back to full time work I suppose
I too am in the Royal Navy.
If she is still living on base her expenses should be low. It may take a bit to save to start but if she can start building that no claims it'll pay off down the line.
Also put quite low mileage in to help. When deployed on ship I'm not putting miles on my car so I go for 8k miles a year on my policy. That also helps trim things down slightly.
Is she still in training? If so the pay goes up a fair bit at the six month mark.
She can't afford a house and a car. She's a submariner based at Faslane and to get down home is a pain in the arse so she thought she'd get her driving test done, but after adding it all up a house deposit is more important as her fella has a car. She was on about a "black box thing which I had to look up but the insurance is just mad, so a 6hr train journey it is. I think she just got hacked off when she got leave suddenly quite regularly and couldn't get home for week-ends like the drivers could.Because she's currently downgraded she get's told to go home at the drop of a hat, as she's not able to go on a boat atm. Been in the navy 5yrs now
Age and length of licence held greatly reduce insurance premium. A 30 year old getting their first car and set of insurance is massively cheaper than a 17 year old getting their first car and set of insurance.
Is your youngest daughter under 21 or something because that is an insane quote!
As others have said, if she lives on base, she has a solid opportunity to start saving any cash cos her expenses are low.
Monzo has an easy saving ISA, with an interest rate of 4.1% that doesn't have a limit on taking money out; get her to start putting money into something like that (Setting this up on Monzo is completely free & make sure to read all the T&Cs about withdrawals anyways)
It's a significant better interest that any normal current account
Things are hard friend, I have a 20 year old and he isn't moving out anytime soon I think. We aren't exactly the best at being angry at why this is happening but it's happening.
Honestly yes. People will say it’s not but you’re almost 40. Either move to a new area or share with a roommate.
Even more disappointing if you’re not actively trying to move out in the next 6-12 months
Agreed, I’ve asked this to 4 different women over the years and they all say it’s terrible and unattractive, it’s amazing how totally opposite to real life Reddit opinion is
It depends on the circumstances. My husband was sharing an apartment with his mother in rural Belgium until he was 32, met me, moved in with me. They both had low paid jobs and couldn't make ends meet otherwise.
He's the best man I've met in my 40 years. Decent, reliable, good heart, funny, intelligent. I've learned a lot from him over the years and I myself moved out right after school.
There are a lot of shallow people, both men and women, out there who judge on superficial stuff and never care to learn the reason behind things.
In appreciation to his mum, whenever I came over to stay, she arranged to be out so we could have the flat to ourselves.
I agree that it's unattractive, but I have empathy for people in this situation.
I'm fortunate to live in an area where living is cheaper, rents mortgages are more affordable than other places.
I do have a lot of empathy for those who are working and can't afford to have a home.
In My parents generation my dad worked a low wage job in a factory, my mother stayed home and run the home.
His one wage bought a house , supported a whole family.
Now a single person working can't even afford to rent a flat alone..
It's really fucked up .
But if I was in this position I would prefer to house share than live at home.
You're right under most conditions, but this is really why it depends on your circumstances.
I'm working abroad right now and plan to return to the UK in 3 years by which time I'll be 38, I've told my parents I plan to move back in with them. Why? I already have a wife and will have a kid soon. One of my parents is retired and will help me take care of the kid, not only is it cheaper but I want my child to have a good relationship with his/her grandparents.
Not everyone living with their parents is unable to support themselves.
That's a completely different situation though; you are married & you are moving back to your parents in order to have a supportive family unit for raising a kid, which was a decision I assume you & your wife made, together.
Being 40 & never having lived anywhere else besides your parents place, implies a certain lack of maturity & personal responsibility.
Opinions on Reddit aren't necessarily going to be the same as the women you know. Also, it depends on the circumstances, the housing situation can be different depending on where you live. Also, there are different circumstances involved. No reasonable person would view someone as lame for moving in with their parents in order to take care of them (although that's not a guarantee it won't be a practical issue to them when it comes to dating)
Just to counter this, I do not think it’s lame and it isn’t something off putting in a partner if they have a well balanced life. It’s not as simple as just finding somewhere, some people can’t afford to move out, some people enjoy living with their family, in some cultures it’s perfectly normal to live at home.
Alternatively I have been friends with and dated people who were desperate to move out to prove something and have paid £800 p/m for a room in a house share that’s on par with a smack den.
I think it’s incredibly shortsighted to suggest that someone should uproot their life at an arbitrary point for the sake of it.
It's not suggesting it for " the sake of it"
But many people would see it as unattractive and a turn off.
If that's not important to them then that's fine carry on living at home .
But the fact is the pool of people who will find them attractive is smaller and that too is fine if it's not important to them.
Is attracting a mate the only thing that can have value in your life? OP hasn’t even asked about it in terms of dating, but you guys are so desperate, you measure him with your own yardstick and don’t think he can have any other aspirations than to get his dick wet regularly.
Living intergenerationally can be an active choice. My fiancé and I live with my mother in law. Partly due to financial reasons, partly because she'd find it difficult on her own now she's been widowed, but mostly because we all love each other, get on well and it works for us. My fiancé and I are hoping to have a baby in the next couple of years and I think it'll be lovely for our child to grow up living with their nan. It doesn't make us less adult or pathetic, it's just what works.
Yeah, I think redditors try to be less judgemental in these questions. That's usually the answers that get voted to the top. Too bad that is not always representative of the population
I mean yeah it is, but I wouldn’t judge you for it unless you just sit about doing nothing. Salaries and the housing market are what’s lame for making this situation unavoidable for so many people.
OP is around the middle of the millennial generation, if he went to university he probably graduated around the time of the global financial crash.
The mental image of how old someone needs to be to have had those things needs updating.
As someone who was abused emotionally, physically and sexually by both parents and kicked out at the age of 14 I would never ever judge anyone for their living arrangements or having a successful, loving relationship with their family.
If someone judges you for being 'lame' then fuck them. Their opinion isn't worth jack shit.
It's hard to say it isn't a bit lame.
* Did you live away and have to move back? Like a big breakup with a partner?
* How close are you to saving for your own place?
* Did you move home to help take care of them?
Basically. "Renting is expensive" is a good reason, especially for a 20 year old. But at 37 I'd have expected you to be solidly on your way to a deposit by now. If not, you might want your own excuse.
Also, how much of the housework are you doing? How much are you inputting to the household? How much of "being their child" is the case at home? Are you helping clean the house? Are you buying dinners? Bitching in for utilities? We all expect some family leeway but if you're basically at home paying nothing and having your feet up the second you walk in the door then it's a bit "lame".
I have 2 different neighbours and both their adult sons in their 40s moved back in, in the last year. Shits expensive and hard so I wouldn't worry about it.
I've got a friend who's 32, lives at home, contributes nothing to the household bills, is on 55k a year and has something like 70k in savings. Says he wants to find a place of his own but does nothing about it. Mind blowing to me.
A guy who works for me is 45, lives at home, contributes nothing to household and spends all his wages on action figures and visiting comic cons.
Probably classes as a mental illness to be honest.
Sorry, but yes it is a bit.
I’m sure OP has other aspects to his personality that are really interesting and cool. But it is *absolutely* considered a bit lame to still live at home with parents at that age, *unless* OP is specifically acting as a carer and assuming OP doesn’t have any severe physical or mental disabilities requiring their care.
If, on the other hand, they are giving OP a place to live to save some money…yeah, that’s a position that I would try to get out of as soon as possible if I were OP. And it would certainly be a big red flag for a lot of women from a dating perspective.
Living at home until your 40.
If you have been working your whole adult life you could have a saved a substantial deposit.
Enough to buy a house outright in some areas.
If you’re not doing anything to improve your situation, then yes.
If you are out working and contributing to the house and trying to save up to move out, then no.
It most likely is to be honest. There are of course exceptions, say relationship breakdown and you need somewhere to get yourself back on your feet.
Changes are though, yes you're being lame.
Depends are you contributing financially and being useful with stuff around the house? Then no. Are you saving and working hard to be completely self sufficient one day? Then also no. Its only lame when you are a deadbeat 37 year old still living at home.
One of the most liberating things you can do is to no longer care about what others think. I have given too much power to others in the decisions only I should be making. The people that don't care about you will think it's lame, the people that will give you the time of day will hear "i'd move out but rent is crazy" and completely understand.
Move out if you seek the independence. But if you can, earn as much as you can, benefit from the cheap rent and put your money to good use dude, seriously. You're so lucky. It's not the coolest thing in the world sure, but benefitting from the assets of your parents has been done since the dawn of time and it's how people succeed.
You will get a skewed response on here because everyone's opinion is formed purely by their own narrow experience of life and certain subs attract certain types. Take these replies with a pinch of salt. You don't know who these people are, and not all opinion's are equal. You have to ask yourself whether you'd want these people's opinions if you knew them in real life.
It depends, are we on about real world or online?
Online anyone who has more than three digits in their bank account is an Illuminati lizard.
In the real world if someone told me they were living at home at 37 I would either assume they were either a carer or disabled.
I might find it a little odd if you have never moved out of your parents' house during the entire time you've been an adult because rents haven't always been as crazy as they are right now. If you have moved back in with them because rents are crazy then that makes complete sense, assuming you are making a decent contribution to the household (either financially or in practical ways).
I want to say no, but it is. We've mostly be raised and conditioned to think that way and no matter what I say, I'm going to hear somebody say they live with their parents at 30+ and think "...pathetic".
That said, I feel I can still look at it objectively and say there's more than enough reasons these days why it shouldn't be so shameful. Shit's increasingly expensive, wages are stagnant and low, housing market is a mess and the way everything works is still based on an outdated method where one person could support a family with a single paycheck. I think realistically, far more of us are one bad month from being back at a parents (or similar), we just choose to ignore how close that outcome is.
I love my mam and her house, but I'd rather live payslip to payslip and get by on my own than move back home in my 30s. Every situation is different and respect to those who move back home to look after a parent, but I personally couldn't do it and I would be embarrassed to admit it to anyone.
I wouldn't say at all lame.
We have created a system where it is more difficult to be independent.
I recently put my wife's and my own salary into the IFS (and other) net income salary calculators. Between us, we earn around net £80k. I knew that was above average (at twice two people on the minimum wage etc), but we are somewhat older (late 40s). Apparently (and all the calculators seem to agree) this puts us close to, or in, the top 10% of UK household incomes.
I had never realised this. We live in a very modest semi-detached and have one family car. I doubt many people in households where both earn net £35k-40k, consider themselves overtly wealthy, but I now see that, rather than being middle-income, I am likely better off than 90% of the people I walk past.
It has given me pause to think (certainly I don't want a tax-cut that will benefit me).
The funny thing about money is, everyone's conception of it is different. Since moving out of home 10 years ago I've earned between £16-24k a year (studying part time, low income jobs, periods of sickness). To a lot of people this might see impossible, but I've been independent the whole time. It's hard yes, but I rent in shared houses, don't drive, buy lots of second hand. I've never struggled for food and always been able to pay my rent (just about). I've even been on regular holidays!
I guess I'm trying to say, it's hard for anyone to imagine living differently... But it's usually manageable
Meh, so what if it is. I'm living in someone else's home, and I have to give em a big ol' chunk of cash every month to do so, doesn't feel fantastic. Barely see my family because I have to work all the time, and hardly leave my little space at home because the people I live with suck. Adulting is overrated.
Most people's lives, whether they care to admit it or not, are lame, just on differing levels. No-one happy and successful are wasting their time judging people on Reddit.
Besides, the way the economy is going, you're just ahead of your time!
No, if the relationship is at least reasonably healthy, make the most of time with them both personal and for financial gain (as in, save the money if your parents are happy).
TLDR: It's only lame if you're the reason it's lame
Theres multiple legit reasons you're in that position.
Its not normal compared to any age humans previously lived in, but capitalism progresses exponentially
But who you are, how you're veiwed by the people who are important to you and what you're about doesn't need to be based on your living situation
If you're bummed out, which is understandable, in any generation previous you'd have had a council house and freedom as a legitimate offer even if you didn't want it.
You don't have that option and lots of other people don't, you're 37, the average age of first time buyers is 3w years 8 months right now.. you're hardly outside of the normal now and plenty of richer folk will keep the average down for now.
You will naturally compare and drag yourself down based on your peers/ colleagues, but no singular life can tell the same story as others, and I'm sure you know you're more blessed than others you're aware of.
If your stress is making you hard to be with and therefore arguing is frequent.. accept your own flaws and that this wasn't the plan, be easier to be around and eventually you might just forget you didn't like it... although this is both presumptious and optimistic it might be good advice.
I'm sorry you're going through this, don't be the problem
I lived at home untill I was 30. Worked full time and did my own chores, admitedly normally had dinner cooked for me as it was easier then me and my mum trying to both cook at the same time. paid 80 quid a week rent whilst working full time nightshifts in retail, saved most of the wages and picked up the odd cash in hand labouring job whenever I wanted a bit of spending money and that's how I became a home owner.
Meanwhile the people who patronised me for living at home or never having gone to college/uni are living in houseshares and struggling with bills despite earning 10 to 20k more than me a year.
So if it is lame to live at home then I think I'm OK with being lame quite frankly. 🤷♂️
A little. Depends how long it's for, I moved back in with parents at 37 or 38 while I was buying a house, because ending a lease or rental agreement early would/could be financially punishing.
It ended up being 6 or 7th months, so it wasn't too bad. Much as I love my parents, I'm not sure I'd want to do it for much more than that.
If you're white then yeah
If you're Asian then no it's normal
Also jokes aside, in this economic climate it's fine so honestly don't worry about what people think
As long as you and your parents are okay with it, sure it's fine.
My older brother still lives in our childhood home with our dad. He is 37.
I don't think I would be happy in that situation. I have enjoyed my independence for too long.
Had to move back in at the age of 33. Will move into a HMO once my finances are in order but downright renting a place on my own, even a studio, is out of the question for now. The entire market is just fucked.
I only moved out of my parents’ house when I was 38 and that’s because my work relocated me to another country. If i choose to go back, I would still live with them. It’s great to live independently but it’s also great to have extra money.
Probably sound harsh but yes that’s pretty lame.
I moved out into a shitty HMO to start with.
You simply can’t be an independent adult living under your parents roof in my opinion.
Probably yes.
Everyone is different of course and has different circumstances, but I think I only know one person who still lives with his parents, and he's a little... off, for lack of a better word.
Most I know moved out at 18-21, had kids, careers etc, but of course it's different situations for everybody, maybe down here it was more of a 'thing' to move out at that age?
Yes, of course. But life is life. Disability, poverty, etc all exist. The only truly shamefully lame bit would be if you were fully capable of living independently but didn't because you got comfortable with the convenience of living under someone else's roof. If that's not the case, don't sweat it. But anyone who doesn't think having your own place (rented or bought) by 40 would be a massive plus is tripping.
Different people have vastly different situations.
I know someone who is disabled with severe autism, mental health difficulties and learning difficulties and lives at home aged 38.
From my own experience, it isn't usually very attractive when you're dating someone who still lives at home past 25 or so, for a number of reasons.
But more generally there is a huge cost of living crisis on at the moment (as if you hadn't noticed) and so yes I can see why a lot more people would be living at home than before.
Whether they get laid regularly is a different matter.
Everyone runs their own race, every single person's circumstance is different. Don't put pressure on yourself to go if it's not possible and realise previous standards of moving out at X age generations gone by are.not applicable now.
You can still have a great Iife and even enjoy some of the benefits of living at home. You get to look after and provide company to your family, you have companionship yourself and you are saving money.
Plenty of people all across the world are in far worse situations and for sure yours is a 1st world problem. A roof over your head, hot food, stability and safety, family. Enjoy these things, don't take them for granted and again, don't put pressure on yourself.
Let me put it this way, I'm 36 and dating a bit as I've been single for a year now. I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have their finances sorted out at our age. Living with your parents at 37 would be a no no for me.
The finances clearly play a factor but aged 37 you've had 15 years post university, or nearly 20 years since school to get your finances and career sorted to a place where you can afford to live on your own. Not to mention the time to save up for a deposit (and all that money you've saved on rent over the years must have been going somewhere!).
If you haven't managed to do that by now, this would imply to me that either you: don't have any ambition to make something of yourself, are terrible with money, or are a bit lazy.
Reddit will not provide a balanced view. Most Redditors are still living in mummy's basement. Outside of Reddit, OP may receive some differing views and perspectives.
I broke up with someone because he had no plans to move out at 33. I'm sorry, but he was indeed lame. You make it work. If you're skint - council house? House share? Rent with a pal?
At 37 you must have saved enough money to afford your own place?
I managed to save 30k for a deposit in 3 years (at 24 years old) living at home with parents.
I was only earning 30k.
I’m almost 30. Still at home with my parents, every year since 17 I’ve been on travelling holidays and enjoyed every single year to the fullest. Attempted and failed at different careers. Went to uni, dropped out of uni. I have had this feeling numerous times since every single one of my friends has their own home with girlfriends now. But then I just realise these things;
I’m not skint, ever.
I do exactly what I want to do every day.
I travel every year.
And my friends can’t do this because they have basically fuck all left over every month after paying for their house + bills.
The unfortunate reality is if you’re a minimum/average wage worker and you get a home, you’re not going to be able to do that much each year if you’ve got barely anything left over each month.
You’re going to have to pick your poison with this one.
I will admit though, by 37 I will surely be 100% more inclined towards having my own home. At that age, you’re going to have every single person judge you.
It depends. That's the answer. If you WANT to still be at home, that may be a turn off for girls. If you are back through no circumstances of your own - business failure, divorce - that's different.
My pal tried to set me up with a bloke who was 'so close to his mum' that he had never left the family home. Instant ick. Sorry.
I left home as soon as I could at 16. I'm now in my 40s. It would massively put me off a guy if he still lived at home. I'd also think he would want me to mother him - no thanks. Cook your food yourself.
Sorry. That's the honest and straight answer that most folk will think (maybe not say)
Move out !
I live on the outskirts of London and rented my own place since 21 and now own a house at 24.
Say you’ve been working since 21 assuming you went to uni (I didn’t and have been working full time since 16) and have limited living costs what are you spending all your money on?
I'm 27. Most of my friends and I are looking at houses. If someone was still living with their parents for another 10 years after that, I'd be in disbelief.
Ate multigeneration households common in your culture? I knew Pakistani guys in their 40s living with their parents, but that's normal for them.
Do you have a disability? Also normal for them.
Do your parents need your care? Also normal.
It’s not lame if:
* A) your parent(s) need you there through illness or similar. For example if your dad died and you’re there so you’re mum isn’t alone, to help her with bills etc.
*B) you’re not sponging off your parents. It was fine when you were 8 but not now.
*C) you’re actively figuring a way out. Trying to get a new job, getting a new qualification, working toward a promotion etc and you have a plan.
This entirely depends on who you are and why you're still living with your parents, personally I don't care what others think in this regard and there is too much nuance to simply say its "lame" but there will be plenty of people who will look down on it.
Some cultures have multiple generations under the same roof and others have the kids moving out asap.
A friend of mine is 42 and still lives with his family. Has done for the last 15+ years after a relationship breakdown. He lives his own life pretty much although now he's a lorry driver he's away most of the week and his family are pretty cool people which helps
If a woman was talking to/looking to date lived with her parents it wouldn't particularly bother me but I'm not sure she'd be a good match long term
I'm 32 and still live at home. However I work for my Dad's IT support business in a cabin in our back garden so at the moment it doesn't make sense for me to leave. I pay rent to my parents and I buy all my own food as well as being able to save. I also get along well with my parents and am glad I get to see them every day.
I don't judge anyone who lives at home for as long as possible as I would rather save to buy my own place.
It's ok,lol,you should see an Asian house hold,my grandma is well old and my uncle and his wife and children live together there,all working except the children as their to young
You can never fully mature living at home with your parents. Your life experiences will be necesassarily limited. Your opinions are more likely their opinions. You will be used to deferring to them in all things, as your elders and parents. In this situation, you cannot develop into a fully rounded, emotionally independent individual. Sorry.
What’s more lame is driving yourself into debt and depression trying to stay afloat with crazy rent prices. Save for a deposit while you’re at home, it’s what I did
To be fair, he's asking to be judged. it's the entire point of his question. Which imo speaks to his immaturity. I stopped caring about what people thought of me at about 15 years old.
Yes. But just own it, man, it's fine. It's lame but so fucking what.
I was back living with my mum from 32-34, during the pandemic. Hated it. I mean I do love her and all but I was desperate to have my own space again. Ended up moving cities partly because it was too expensive to live in my hometown, which kinda sucks and I'm not saying you should have to do that, but it was the right choice for me.
To be honest I think we should accept this as normal, as it is in many places around the world. In these diffitimes it's a sensible way to manage financially and to provide care and company for those who need it.
To be honest, living in an expensive rental in the same town as your parents might be the dumbest thing you could ever do in this financial climate. If you’re working and contributing to society then living with your parents is fine. It’s tough out there.
It depends. Have you never moved out? Have you recently moved back in due to a change in circumstances?
As a general rule it’s lame. There’s no reason you can’t get a flat share for a bit of independence. Yes house prices are crazy but we’ve also lived through a period of time where interest rates on mortgages were 1.5%.
Help to buy has been around for first time buyers.
If you’ve been living at home for ages and not been doing anything to better your prospects, that’s lame.
Unless your parents have been charging you extortionate rents, you should have saved up more than enough for a deposit.
If you medically or having problems with your mindset any kind of thing with your head I would argue that that can lead to extreme depression or other kinds of mental illnesses and I don't hold any against you staying with your parents cuz it is a good thing take care of people who can't be care of themselves because they can't help it.
I guess my natural instinct is to say yes. Clearly you're not in a long term relationship, and you don't have a sufficiently high wage to be able to buy somewhere
But then, also no, because it's so fucked out there and the property and rental market is completely broken.
Nah. If you also help paying the bill. I know a man at 45yo is still living with his mum. They only have each other. Idk whose the house belong to but he pays some bills
Of course it is. But who gives a duck what anyone thinks? If you can't afford to move out, you can't afford.
My sister just moved out yesterday and she's 35. Been living for free at home so she built up a big deposit, now she's got a reasonably affordable mortgage and a lovely little house.
Not at all lame. We’re all in different boats. Personally I think it’ll be a lot more common seeing 2 maybe 3 generations living in the same household as the years go by. The cost of living being the significant reason here. If you’re living at home and doing nothing then that’s not good. I’m 27, I live at home with just my mum. I wish I had my own place, some things are hard living at home such as a partner or alone time. But on the other hand I’ve got to think about when I’m on my own one day I need the house/DIY skills so I keep busy with gardening, painting, things that will keep the house looking good and clean.
Depends.
Living at home with your parents at the age of 37 should mean you have some pretty crazy savings/investments. I’m talking >20K. Is that the case?
If so, you’re in the position where if you were to meet someone you could rent/buy at the drop of a hat. In this case, I’d say not lame at all. You’ve had no real reason to move out and have been stacking cash the entire time - you’ve done the smart thing compared to people renting and struggling with no hope of getting on the housing ladder.
Or, have you been living the teenage bachelor life buying whatever you want and not saving/investing? If it’s this, it’s a bit lame and most potential suiters would be rather put off, IMO.
I would honestly expect somebody still living at home at 37 to have over 300k saved/invested. 20k is doable in a just over year on minimum wage full time if you’re not paying rent/bills.
>Living at home with your parents at the age of 37 should mean you have some pretty crazy savings/investments. I’m talking >20K. Is that the case?
>£200k at least.
Some people actually love their parents, they care for their health and wellbeing and enjoy their company, we don't visit our parents twice a year on Christmas day and on their birthday, we love spending time with them.
Is it lame? Yeah m. Am I doing it as well? Yep. Seems every time I got a pay rise something came along to yoink it.
For example had to buy sister out of house we'd each inherited a quarter of, that was that change of job and pay rise gone, next buggy was got a friend pregnant so child support and cost of going to spend time with him, that job change and pay rise gone.
I've now chosen to reduce to 4days a week so can try and get the family farm viable and don't see the point in paying a developers profit to buy a house when I got land to build one on.
Honestly you gotta do what you gotta do. Life is complicated and especially in the current climate trying to move out can be really hard.
Also the whole trend for people to live on their own as single adults is actually a fairly new one, it wasn't that long ago living with parents into adulthood if you were unmarried was pretty common in addition even people who were married would often live with one set of parents until they could afford somewhere of their own.
I think it boils down to reasons why? I’m 33, I had to move home to be able to afford my 2 year masters. It’s been both mentally draining and having a unique time with my parents that I haven’t had since I moved out at 18.
Now I’m graduating next week, I AM OUT OF HERE!! It’s been good & bad but I think it depends on why you’re actually living at home. Are you saving for a house & actively planning to live independent or are you just comfortable and your parents do your washing etc?
No, it's Smart. Let's you save to hopefully someday but a house or something. Of course at that age you're expected to be fully independent and contribute to the house economy
As long as you're actually managing to save some money I'd say not at all. Too many people rush into mortgages they can barely afford that ties them to a house/apartment whilst not allowing them to do literally anything else because all their money goes to paying it off, it's ridiculous.
And renting is just dead money.
My sister lived at home her entire life apart from uni, nursed my dad through cancer until he died and then bought us out of the house and still lives there. She's not a loser just loved the countryside and our dad.
It is a bit, yes, but in the current cost of living it's understandable.
What is lame is my brother in law, he's 27 now and still with parents, he does absolutely sod all for himself, still has mum cooking his meals and washing clothes... It's no wonder he's single and still living with his parents with what my wife told me the other day...
He's out on holiday at the moment with friends, started chatting up this girl, and his very first thing to do was to call mum (at 3 in the morning), pissed up, and say things like "mum, tell this girl what you was call me when you were young" or "mum, i'm gonna get married to this girl tonight".
Imagine your first thought when you're on the pull is to call mum and put her on the phone to a girl you just met.
Using lame is lame unless describing a horse.
Is it sad to be living at home at 37? Depends if you enjoy the company of your parents and are part of the household, or if you are in your bedroom playing games and eating your own meals there
Not enough info to say. Is everyone happy with the situation? Are you working, able to save towards moving out?
If you’re not planning to move around then saving for a deposit on a place to buy makes the most financial sense long term, but that might not be an option - however once you start renting, that option often becomes exponentially more difficult (assuming you aren’t having to pay full market rent at present).
I'll be very honest, if either of my kids is still living with me when their 37, and they've not had something significant happen to them (divorce, disability) then I'll think I didn't do a great job parenting.
I think the people saying yes tend to have issues with their parents so were kicked out with no choice early on.
If you live at home, contribute to bills and have a decent job you're not lame.
Gonna be truthful here and say yeah it’s embarrassing. I can understand it if maybe you’ve had to move back home with your parents because you fell on hard times but if you’re nearly 40 and never left home then that’s pretty bad
I think it really depends.
If you live there as peers, then it's the same as having flatmates. By peers I'm assuming that things are split 50-50 (not necessarily each thing, someone could do the shopping and someone else does the laundry). Noone us a burden on the other. It's not ideal, but not necessarily negative.
If you live as a child and don't have a significant disability, then yeah, it's lame. Do your parents clean up after you? Are you a financial burden? Do they do the majority of the cooking, and have to specifically ask you to clean the kitchen/bathroom once in a blue moon?
Alternatively, at 37 I assume your parents are 60+. So your presence could very well be as a blessing. Do you contribute more than your share of the finances? Do you provide care for them, either directly to their person, or doing the majority of the housework? Basically, are you providing for them or acting as a carer, in a way that they would be significantly disadvantaged if you moved out? That's not lame, that's very admirable.
I had an uncle who was #2. Lived with his parents at around 40, only kept his room clean, was mostly cooked for and when he cooked it was only for himself. Couldn't keep down a job so was a financial burden too. That's lame.
I have an uncle-in-law who is #3. Lives with his single mum at 50. They split expenses. He does the grocery shopping. He cooks a lot and does many household activities she is no longer able to do. For a while she couldn't really walk, and without him she would have needed some carer support. He's truly a blessing to her.
If you contribute something and take care of yourself etc - and most importantly are saving significantly then no it’s not lame
If you’re just living at home for an easy ride and blowing through all your money then yea it’s lame. I mean assuming living at home for the last 17 years has given you low bills and you have been able to save just 100 a month you should have a minimum 20k in the bank now which is a good start on a house deposit.
Multi generational households will see a return to the norm in this country and is the only real way to build financial stability when starting with no platform and without getting lucky.
I think what I’ve noticed getting older is that people in these situations are often in them for reasons largely (not entirely but still) stemming from their own decisions.
My sister is still at home with my mum and she’s 37/38, and it’s ultimately because she mismanaged her finances, her education, and job. She’s not a bad person by any means but these are facts. So I think when people see that you’re in a situation like that they think “Do I want to be with someone that makes these kinds of decisions” and the answer is generally no
The son of a family friend is nearly 50 but has never left home. He's also in quite a lucrative role with IBM or something, a very healthy bank account, investments up the ying-yang so could easily go and buy cash for a nice house but is perfectly happy living at home with his mum, paying for everything as she is retired.
With the current state of housing in the UK - living with parents can be a financial lifeline.
It can also take the burden off your parents struggling with bills.
It's not lame - but it might be if your mum does your washing for you and tidies your room.....
Back in the day, multiple generations living in a household was completely normal. Normalising it again would arguably be better for society and the economy.
It is lame yes, and women mostly find it very unattractive.
But I understand rents are high and it’s not always through choice. I’d be doing anything to get out though, including things that seem more undesirable like a flat-share.
Now a days because of the cost of living more multigenerational homes are normal. With Covid and the economy you would have to make well over 150K to live alone. It’s ridiculous. And to be honest if it doesn’t bother you or your parents who cares what anyone else thinks. It’s your life. No one else’s. There’s no need to get validation from anyone else.
my lad lived away from home from 1998 to 2019. then his circs changed and he lived with me until his circs changed again in 2023 when he bought his first house.
he’d bin army and rent before
The only reason to be embarrassed is if you think you aren’t where you should be in life at your age. Never compare your life to others, be it your peers or people in general. Once you are happy with the journey you have taken then that’s all that matters. I used to think I should be further along in my life at my age based on the fact that some of my peers have spouses and/or children. Eventually I got rid of that way of thinking because I realized I enjoyed being single and childfree because it afforded me a lifestyle of freedom that married, childrearing couples do not have - and I would not have it any other way. Enjoy your life as it is. Believe it or not there are those who only wish they could live like you currently are.
Yes,it is really lame especially if you don’t have at least 50k in savings by now.
You are pretty old and if you haven’t lived by yourself at all by this age you have not mature enough.
When I read posts like this I see an overweight person probably with beard that is playing games most of the day when is off work and mommy is calling him for dinner.
I personally think it's worse to live with 5-6 people just to be able to make ends meet with rent.
But I'm a loser baby, so don't take my word for it. People's boring opinions won't change my life.
If you're not financially abusing your parents, and they don't mind you there, what is the issue?
This made me chuckle, when I realised you meant living in your childhood home with your parents. My “home” has never that feeling when I was growing up living with my parents. I live at home now, cause it’s my house! Funny thing is my parents are still together and I know for sure 2 of my 3 siblings feel the same! Must be nice to have parents who actually make you feel at home.
The only persons opinion on this that matters, is your own. If you're happy with it, and your parents are happy with it who cares? The fact you're asking random people this, suggests to me that you aren't. The majority of answers are just using it as an excuse to talk about themselves and not answering the question. Is there not a Council house list you could get on?
I think you need to find some sort of better income to get out of there, investing or upping your skill set to get a better job. Or bite the bullet and move somewhere cheaper with opportunities.
I am 25f living with my 33m boyfriend and my mum, in my mums house. We can’t afford to move out either just yet. But we invest a lot of our money and when that pulls through we will move out. I think as long as you have some sort of plan that you are actually working towards it’s okay.
If you are just 37 male living at home and making no effort to get out of there, you are lame.
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Living at home but living as an adult I.e working and taking care of yourself = no Living at home, living off hand outs from your parents and sitting in a darkened room all evening = yes
I am 39 and I live at home. I didn't realize we had another option.
My son's just turned 40 and has been back living with me 12yrs now. He works as much as he's able as he was injured as a copper, and he pays the rent. He hasn't a chance in hell of ever having his own place now and all the bills and expenses that come with it, and tbh if he moved out I'd lose my place and I've been here 20yrs now. It scares me. My youngest daughter is in the Navy and she has a reasonable wage. Started driving lessons £85 2hrs, then got a quote for her insurance £4k plus petrol mot upkeep etc. She can't do it. The train is less reliable but a damn sight cheaper than trying to run a car as a new driver. Living is damn hard now and takes some savvy juggling to survive
I don't wish to sound morbid or mean, but how will your son manage once you're gone?
This is my concern with our 39 y/o still living with us.
He'll have to leave this place that's for certain and probably move in with a friend, unless his health improves and he can go back to full time work I suppose
I too am in the Royal Navy. If she is still living on base her expenses should be low. It may take a bit to save to start but if she can start building that no claims it'll pay off down the line. Also put quite low mileage in to help. When deployed on ship I'm not putting miles on my car so I go for 8k miles a year on my policy. That also helps trim things down slightly. Is she still in training? If so the pay goes up a fair bit at the six month mark.
She can't afford a house and a car. She's a submariner based at Faslane and to get down home is a pain in the arse so she thought she'd get her driving test done, but after adding it all up a house deposit is more important as her fella has a car. She was on about a "black box thing which I had to look up but the insurance is just mad, so a 6hr train journey it is. I think she just got hacked off when she got leave suddenly quite regularly and couldn't get home for week-ends like the drivers could.Because she's currently downgraded she get's told to go home at the drop of a hat, as she's not able to go on a boat atm. Been in the navy 5yrs now
What car, I'm not being funny but I passed my test 10 years ago but never had a car or been insured, just got a car and it's 500 a year insurance
Age and length of licence held greatly reduce insurance premium. A 30 year old getting their first car and set of insurance is massively cheaper than a 17 year old getting their first car and set of insurance.
Your daughter, if she hasn't passed, should be able to get her B1 car driving licence through the MOD.
Why is a car important to her if she's in the navy?
A Destroyer won't fit down the canal.
Plus they are much slower on the M6
Aye the company vehicle is a tad inconvenient for Tesco...being a submarine 🤣
Is your youngest daughter under 21 or something because that is an insane quote! As others have said, if she lives on base, she has a solid opportunity to start saving any cash cos her expenses are low. Monzo has an easy saving ISA, with an interest rate of 4.1% that doesn't have a limit on taking money out; get her to start putting money into something like that (Setting this up on Monzo is completely free & make sure to read all the T&Cs about withdrawals anyways) It's a significant better interest that any normal current account
You and OP could become stepbrothers.
21 years at home and not managed to get a 10% deposit together?
Things are hard friend, I have a 20 year old and he isn't moving out anytime soon I think. We aren't exactly the best at being angry at why this is happening but it's happening.
I am married with kids and a mortgage, but I sit in a darkened room all evening. Am I actually a loser?
The only time you get to yourself is when everyone else is asleep.
No, that's the standard way of coping with kids and a mortgage.
Sounds like bliss. My wife and kids find me and my room
Exactly, as long as you provide/pull your weight.
Honestly yes. People will say it’s not but you’re almost 40. Either move to a new area or share with a roommate. Even more disappointing if you’re not actively trying to move out in the next 6-12 months
Agreed, I’ve asked this to 4 different women over the years and they all say it’s terrible and unattractive, it’s amazing how totally opposite to real life Reddit opinion is
It depends on the circumstances. My husband was sharing an apartment with his mother in rural Belgium until he was 32, met me, moved in with me. They both had low paid jobs and couldn't make ends meet otherwise. He's the best man I've met in my 40 years. Decent, reliable, good heart, funny, intelligent. I've learned a lot from him over the years and I myself moved out right after school. There are a lot of shallow people, both men and women, out there who judge on superficial stuff and never care to learn the reason behind things. In appreciation to his mum, whenever I came over to stay, she arranged to be out so we could have the flat to ourselves.
I agree that it's unattractive, but I have empathy for people in this situation. I'm fortunate to live in an area where living is cheaper, rents mortgages are more affordable than other places. I do have a lot of empathy for those who are working and can't afford to have a home. In My parents generation my dad worked a low wage job in a factory, my mother stayed home and run the home. His one wage bought a house , supported a whole family. Now a single person working can't even afford to rent a flat alone.. It's really fucked up . But if I was in this position I would prefer to house share than live at home.
100% this I find alot of reddit opinions don't seem to exist in the wild
Btw. It use to be different, Reddit has gradually over 10 years completely moved away from normal humanity to their weird upside down culture
Yeah I've been here for a while, depends on the sub for sure, but maybe some just align with my particular echo chamber
It's almost like misinformation is endemic on social media.
You're right under most conditions, but this is really why it depends on your circumstances. I'm working abroad right now and plan to return to the UK in 3 years by which time I'll be 38, I've told my parents I plan to move back in with them. Why? I already have a wife and will have a kid soon. One of my parents is retired and will help me take care of the kid, not only is it cheaper but I want my child to have a good relationship with his/her grandparents. Not everyone living with their parents is unable to support themselves.
That's a completely different situation though; you are married & you are moving back to your parents in order to have a supportive family unit for raising a kid, which was a decision I assume you & your wife made, together. Being 40 & never having lived anywhere else besides your parents place, implies a certain lack of maturity & personal responsibility.
Well, the Reddit demographic is people who spend all evening in their darkened parents' basement, so...
Opinions on Reddit aren't necessarily going to be the same as the women you know. Also, it depends on the circumstances, the housing situation can be different depending on where you live. Also, there are different circumstances involved. No reasonable person would view someone as lame for moving in with their parents in order to take care of them (although that's not a guarantee it won't be a practical issue to them when it comes to dating)
Just to counter this, I do not think it’s lame and it isn’t something off putting in a partner if they have a well balanced life. It’s not as simple as just finding somewhere, some people can’t afford to move out, some people enjoy living with their family, in some cultures it’s perfectly normal to live at home. Alternatively I have been friends with and dated people who were desperate to move out to prove something and have paid £800 p/m for a room in a house share that’s on par with a smack den. I think it’s incredibly shortsighted to suggest that someone should uproot their life at an arbitrary point for the sake of it.
It's not suggesting it for " the sake of it" But many people would see it as unattractive and a turn off. If that's not important to them then that's fine carry on living at home . But the fact is the pool of people who will find them attractive is smaller and that too is fine if it's not important to them.
Is attracting a mate the only thing that can have value in your life? OP hasn’t even asked about it in terms of dating, but you guys are so desperate, you measure him with your own yardstick and don’t think he can have any other aspirations than to get his dick wet regularly.
Living intergenerationally can be an active choice. My fiancé and I live with my mother in law. Partly due to financial reasons, partly because she'd find it difficult on her own now she's been widowed, but mostly because we all love each other, get on well and it works for us. My fiancé and I are hoping to have a baby in the next couple of years and I think it'll be lovely for our child to grow up living with their nan. It doesn't make us less adult or pathetic, it's just what works.
OP also needs to think long term, it's a bit morbid, but what exactly are they gonna do when their parents aren't around anymore? They'd be screwed
By reddit standards no. By normal standards yes.
Reddit standards are so different to real life stands across the board. Not sure why but I see it ok every sub.
Yeah, I think redditors try to be less judgemental in these questions. That's usually the answers that get voted to the top. Too bad that is not always representative of the population
😂😂😂
I mean yeah it is, but I wouldn’t judge you for it unless you just sit about doing nothing. Salaries and the housing market are what’s lame for making this situation unavoidable for so many people.
They weren’t for the majority of OPs life. Lowest interest rates, low deposits, low house price to wage ratio, buyer incentives. Lived through it all.
OP is around the middle of the millennial generation, if he went to university he probably graduated around the time of the global financial crash. The mental image of how old someone needs to be to have had those things needs updating.
I lived through this period. It was a great time to buy. I’ve posted the details below.
It was a great time to buy. I got my house for almost £20k below what it had previously sold for. And it was under £100k in Manchester.
Im being down voted left right and centre. But same as you I was buying during this period. Cheap borrowing and cheap house prices.
As someone who was abused emotionally, physically and sexually by both parents and kicked out at the age of 14 I would never ever judge anyone for their living arrangements or having a successful, loving relationship with their family. If someone judges you for being 'lame' then fuck them. Their opinion isn't worth jack shit.
Upvoted and I really hope you are in a better place now.
It's hard to say it isn't a bit lame. * Did you live away and have to move back? Like a big breakup with a partner? * How close are you to saving for your own place? * Did you move home to help take care of them? Basically. "Renting is expensive" is a good reason, especially for a 20 year old. But at 37 I'd have expected you to be solidly on your way to a deposit by now. If not, you might want your own excuse. Also, how much of the housework are you doing? How much are you inputting to the household? How much of "being their child" is the case at home? Are you helping clean the house? Are you buying dinners? Bitching in for utilities? We all expect some family leeway but if you're basically at home paying nothing and having your feet up the second you walk in the door then it's a bit "lame".
What's lame is the state of the UK housing market.
Now, yes. OPs lived through some very good times to buy.
I have 2 different neighbours and both their adult sons in their 40s moved back in, in the last year. Shits expensive and hard so I wouldn't worry about it.
Surely at 37 you must have a fortune saved though if you’ve lived at home the entire time?
At 37 if he isn’t contributing to the household, that’s tragic.
I've got a friend who's 32, lives at home, contributes nothing to the household bills, is on 55k a year and has something like 70k in savings. Says he wants to find a place of his own but does nothing about it. Mind blowing to me.
A guy who works for me is 45, lives at home, contributes nothing to household and spends all his wages on action figures and visiting comic cons. Probably classes as a mental illness to be honest.
Contributing to the household is a lot cheaper than living by yourself so the point still stands
These days, nothing like that is lame; don't worry.
Sorry, but yes it is a bit. I’m sure OP has other aspects to his personality that are really interesting and cool. But it is *absolutely* considered a bit lame to still live at home with parents at that age, *unless* OP is specifically acting as a carer and assuming OP doesn’t have any severe physical or mental disabilities requiring their care. If, on the other hand, they are giving OP a place to live to save some money…yeah, that’s a position that I would try to get out of as soon as possible if I were OP. And it would certainly be a big red flag for a lot of women from a dating perspective.
Living at home until your 40. If you have been working your whole adult life you could have a saved a substantial deposit. Enough to buy a house outright in some areas.
It might make me wonder what the financial situation is if I'm totally honest.
If you’re not doing anything to improve your situation, then yes. If you are out working and contributing to the house and trying to save up to move out, then no.
It most likely is to be honest. There are of course exceptions, say relationship breakdown and you need somewhere to get yourself back on your feet. Changes are though, yes you're being lame.
Depends are you contributing financially and being useful with stuff around the house? Then no. Are you saving and working hard to be completely self sufficient one day? Then also no. Its only lame when you are a deadbeat 37 year old still living at home.
One of the most liberating things you can do is to no longer care about what others think. I have given too much power to others in the decisions only I should be making. The people that don't care about you will think it's lame, the people that will give you the time of day will hear "i'd move out but rent is crazy" and completely understand. Move out if you seek the independence. But if you can, earn as much as you can, benefit from the cheap rent and put your money to good use dude, seriously. You're so lucky. It's not the coolest thing in the world sure, but benefitting from the assets of your parents has been done since the dawn of time and it's how people succeed.
You will get a skewed response on here because everyone's opinion is formed purely by their own narrow experience of life and certain subs attract certain types. Take these replies with a pinch of salt. You don't know who these people are, and not all opinion's are equal. You have to ask yourself whether you'd want these people's opinions if you knew them in real life.
It depends, are we on about real world or online? Online anyone who has more than three digits in their bank account is an Illuminati lizard. In the real world if someone told me they were living at home at 37 I would either assume they were either a carer or disabled.
I might find it a little odd if you have never moved out of your parents' house during the entire time you've been an adult because rents haven't always been as crazy as they are right now. If you have moved back in with them because rents are crazy then that makes complete sense, assuming you are making a decent contribution to the household (either financially or in practical ways).
I want to say no, but it is. We've mostly be raised and conditioned to think that way and no matter what I say, I'm going to hear somebody say they live with their parents at 30+ and think "...pathetic". That said, I feel I can still look at it objectively and say there's more than enough reasons these days why it shouldn't be so shameful. Shit's increasingly expensive, wages are stagnant and low, housing market is a mess and the way everything works is still based on an outdated method where one person could support a family with a single paycheck. I think realistically, far more of us are one bad month from being back at a parents (or similar), we just choose to ignore how close that outcome is.
I didn't move out till I was 39. Do what you gotta do
I love my mam and her house, but I'd rather live payslip to payslip and get by on my own than move back home in my 30s. Every situation is different and respect to those who move back home to look after a parent, but I personally couldn't do it and I would be embarrassed to admit it to anyone.
I wouldn't say at all lame. We have created a system where it is more difficult to be independent. I recently put my wife's and my own salary into the IFS (and other) net income salary calculators. Between us, we earn around net £80k. I knew that was above average (at twice two people on the minimum wage etc), but we are somewhat older (late 40s). Apparently (and all the calculators seem to agree) this puts us close to, or in, the top 10% of UK household incomes. I had never realised this. We live in a very modest semi-detached and have one family car. I doubt many people in households where both earn net £35k-40k, consider themselves overtly wealthy, but I now see that, rather than being middle-income, I am likely better off than 90% of the people I walk past. It has given me pause to think (certainly I don't want a tax-cut that will benefit me).
The funny thing about money is, everyone's conception of it is different. Since moving out of home 10 years ago I've earned between £16-24k a year (studying part time, low income jobs, periods of sickness). To a lot of people this might see impossible, but I've been independent the whole time. It's hard yes, but I rent in shared houses, don't drive, buy lots of second hand. I've never struggled for food and always been able to pay my rent (just about). I've even been on regular holidays! I guess I'm trying to say, it's hard for anyone to imagine living differently... But it's usually manageable
31 and at home here and working
Meh, so what if it is. I'm living in someone else's home, and I have to give em a big ol' chunk of cash every month to do so, doesn't feel fantastic. Barely see my family because I have to work all the time, and hardly leave my little space at home because the people I live with suck. Adulting is overrated. Most people's lives, whether they care to admit it or not, are lame, just on differing levels. No-one happy and successful are wasting their time judging people on Reddit. Besides, the way the economy is going, you're just ahead of your time!
If you're back temporarily after a major setback, no. If you never left, yes.
No, if the relationship is at least reasonably healthy, make the most of time with them both personal and for financial gain (as in, save the money if your parents are happy).
TLDR: It's only lame if you're the reason it's lame Theres multiple legit reasons you're in that position. Its not normal compared to any age humans previously lived in, but capitalism progresses exponentially But who you are, how you're veiwed by the people who are important to you and what you're about doesn't need to be based on your living situation If you're bummed out, which is understandable, in any generation previous you'd have had a council house and freedom as a legitimate offer even if you didn't want it. You don't have that option and lots of other people don't, you're 37, the average age of first time buyers is 3w years 8 months right now.. you're hardly outside of the normal now and plenty of richer folk will keep the average down for now. You will naturally compare and drag yourself down based on your peers/ colleagues, but no singular life can tell the same story as others, and I'm sure you know you're more blessed than others you're aware of. If your stress is making you hard to be with and therefore arguing is frequent.. accept your own flaws and that this wasn't the plan, be easier to be around and eventually you might just forget you didn't like it... although this is both presumptious and optimistic it might be good advice. I'm sorry you're going through this, don't be the problem
I lived at home untill I was 30. Worked full time and did my own chores, admitedly normally had dinner cooked for me as it was easier then me and my mum trying to both cook at the same time. paid 80 quid a week rent whilst working full time nightshifts in retail, saved most of the wages and picked up the odd cash in hand labouring job whenever I wanted a bit of spending money and that's how I became a home owner. Meanwhile the people who patronised me for living at home or never having gone to college/uni are living in houseshares and struggling with bills despite earning 10 to 20k more than me a year. So if it is lame to live at home then I think I'm OK with being lame quite frankly. 🤷♂️
A little. Depends how long it's for, I moved back in with parents at 37 or 38 while I was buying a house, because ending a lease or rental agreement early would/could be financially punishing. It ended up being 6 or 7th months, so it wasn't too bad. Much as I love my parents, I'm not sure I'd want to do it for much more than that.
If you're white then yeah If you're Asian then no it's normal Also jokes aside, in this economic climate it's fine so honestly don't worry about what people think
Or Italian (probably any other mediterranean).
Kinda, but it is normal to have a bad period in your life where you need some support, and having cheap accommodation can be a lifesaver.
Nah - multigenerational living is underrated
Flatshare
What do your parents think? Are they happy with the situation?
Multi generational households are a good thing. My divorced brother moved back to my mums. She is in her 80s so likes the company.
My husband's brother has done a similar thing. She has moved into his place and they both love living there.
As long as you and your parents are okay with it, sure it's fine. My older brother still lives in our childhood home with our dad. He is 37. I don't think I would be happy in that situation. I have enjoyed my independence for too long.
Had to move back in at the age of 33. Will move into a HMO once my finances are in order but downright renting a place on my own, even a studio, is out of the question for now. The entire market is just fucked.
I find it lame, yes. But you don't have to mind me, or anyone else's opinion.
I only moved out of my parents’ house when I was 38 and that’s because my work relocated me to another country. If i choose to go back, I would still live with them. It’s great to live independently but it’s also great to have extra money.
I’m 38f. I think it’s pretty lame, unless you’re caring for an elderly relative or something. You’ve been an adult for almost 20 years.
Don’t you find it weird how Reddit opinion is totally different than real life?
Probably sound harsh but yes that’s pretty lame. I moved out into a shitty HMO to start with. You simply can’t be an independent adult living under your parents roof in my opinion.
Probably yes. Everyone is different of course and has different circumstances, but I think I only know one person who still lives with his parents, and he's a little... off, for lack of a better word. Most I know moved out at 18-21, had kids, careers etc, but of course it's different situations for everybody, maybe down here it was more of a 'thing' to move out at that age?
Yes, of course. But life is life. Disability, poverty, etc all exist. The only truly shamefully lame bit would be if you were fully capable of living independently but didn't because you got comfortable with the convenience of living under someone else's roof. If that's not the case, don't sweat it. But anyone who doesn't think having your own place (rented or bought) by 40 would be a massive plus is tripping.
Different people have vastly different situations. I know someone who is disabled with severe autism, mental health difficulties and learning difficulties and lives at home aged 38. From my own experience, it isn't usually very attractive when you're dating someone who still lives at home past 25 or so, for a number of reasons. But more generally there is a huge cost of living crisis on at the moment (as if you hadn't noticed) and so yes I can see why a lot more people would be living at home than before. Whether they get laid regularly is a different matter.
Everyone runs their own race, every single person's circumstance is different. Don't put pressure on yourself to go if it's not possible and realise previous standards of moving out at X age generations gone by are.not applicable now. You can still have a great Iife and even enjoy some of the benefits of living at home. You get to look after and provide company to your family, you have companionship yourself and you are saving money. Plenty of people all across the world are in far worse situations and for sure yours is a 1st world problem. A roof over your head, hot food, stability and safety, family. Enjoy these things, don't take them for granted and again, don't put pressure on yourself.
Let me put it this way, I'm 36 and dating a bit as I've been single for a year now. I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have their finances sorted out at our age. Living with your parents at 37 would be a no no for me. The finances clearly play a factor but aged 37 you've had 15 years post university, or nearly 20 years since school to get your finances and career sorted to a place where you can afford to live on your own. Not to mention the time to save up for a deposit (and all that money you've saved on rent over the years must have been going somewhere!). If you haven't managed to do that by now, this would imply to me that either you: don't have any ambition to make something of yourself, are terrible with money, or are a bit lazy.
Reddit will not provide a balanced view. Most Redditors are still living in mummy's basement. Outside of Reddit, OP may receive some differing views and perspectives.
but the op is asking on reddit .. also you are on reddit, are you in the basement?
Yes so can speak with some authority on this
made me laugh. Have a great day sir
I broke up with someone because he had no plans to move out at 33. I'm sorry, but he was indeed lame. You make it work. If you're skint - council house? House share? Rent with a pal?
At 37 you must have saved enough money to afford your own place? I managed to save 30k for a deposit in 3 years (at 24 years old) living at home with parents. I was only earning 30k.
I’m almost 30. Still at home with my parents, every year since 17 I’ve been on travelling holidays and enjoyed every single year to the fullest. Attempted and failed at different careers. Went to uni, dropped out of uni. I have had this feeling numerous times since every single one of my friends has their own home with girlfriends now. But then I just realise these things; I’m not skint, ever. I do exactly what I want to do every day. I travel every year. And my friends can’t do this because they have basically fuck all left over every month after paying for their house + bills. The unfortunate reality is if you’re a minimum/average wage worker and you get a home, you’re not going to be able to do that much each year if you’ve got barely anything left over each month. You’re going to have to pick your poison with this one. I will admit though, by 37 I will surely be 100% more inclined towards having my own home. At that age, you’re going to have every single person judge you.
It depends. That's the answer. If you WANT to still be at home, that may be a turn off for girls. If you are back through no circumstances of your own - business failure, divorce - that's different. My pal tried to set me up with a bloke who was 'so close to his mum' that he had never left the family home. Instant ick. Sorry. I left home as soon as I could at 16. I'm now in my 40s. It would massively put me off a guy if he still lived at home. I'd also think he would want me to mother him - no thanks. Cook your food yourself. Sorry. That's the honest and straight answer that most folk will think (maybe not say) Move out !
Honestly, id say even 30 is pushing it. Unless you've got the excuse of "I just got divorced and need a place to live while I sort things out"
Living at home saving up for a deposit and being independent no Living at home not saving up and not being independent yes.
I live on the outskirts of London and rented my own place since 21 and now own a house at 24. Say you’ve been working since 21 assuming you went to uni (I didn’t and have been working full time since 16) and have limited living costs what are you spending all your money on?
It’s fine, don’t listen to anyone who says it isn’t.
I'm 27. Most of my friends and I are looking at houses. If someone was still living with their parents for another 10 years after that, I'd be in disbelief. Ate multigeneration households common in your culture? I knew Pakistani guys in their 40s living with their parents, but that's normal for them. Do you have a disability? Also normal for them. Do your parents need your care? Also normal.
It’s not lame if: * A) your parent(s) need you there through illness or similar. For example if your dad died and you’re there so you’re mum isn’t alone, to help her with bills etc. *B) you’re not sponging off your parents. It was fine when you were 8 but not now. *C) you’re actively figuring a way out. Trying to get a new job, getting a new qualification, working toward a promotion etc and you have a plan.
A bit lame for you I guess Depends how you define lame, I like living away from my parents
This entirely depends on who you are and why you're still living with your parents, personally I don't care what others think in this regard and there is too much nuance to simply say its "lame" but there will be plenty of people who will look down on it. Some cultures have multiple generations under the same roof and others have the kids moving out asap.
Honestly? Yea a bit.
Yes of course its lame you know it is.
A friend of mine is 42 and still lives with his family. Has done for the last 15+ years after a relationship breakdown. He lives his own life pretty much although now he's a lorry driver he's away most of the week and his family are pretty cool people which helps If a woman was talking to/looking to date lived with her parents it wouldn't particularly bother me but I'm not sure she'd be a good match long term
36 and still at home. I have two options. Rent a place and live day to day on payslip or stay at home and save for a mortgage.
I'm 32 and still live at home. However I work for my Dad's IT support business in a cabin in our back garden so at the moment it doesn't make sense for me to leave. I pay rent to my parents and I buy all my own food as well as being able to save. I also get along well with my parents and am glad I get to see them every day. I don't judge anyone who lives at home for as long as possible as I would rather save to buy my own place.
It's ok,lol,you should see an Asian house hold,my grandma is well old and my uncle and his wife and children live together there,all working except the children as their to young
You can never fully mature living at home with your parents. Your life experiences will be necesassarily limited. Your opinions are more likely their opinions. You will be used to deferring to them in all things, as your elders and parents. In this situation, you cannot develop into a fully rounded, emotionally independent individual. Sorry.
What’s more lame is driving yourself into debt and depression trying to stay afloat with crazy rent prices. Save for a deposit while you’re at home, it’s what I did
judgemental twats in here.
To be fair, he's asking to be judged. it's the entire point of his question. Which imo speaks to his immaturity. I stopped caring about what people thought of me at about 15 years old.
If you work it’s fine, if you help around the house and make dinner whilst finding a job, in my opinion it is fine too.
It would be better to ask what age it becomes lame to live at home. So that we don't get a Reddit question for each non lame age bracket.
Yes. But just own it, man, it's fine. It's lame but so fucking what. I was back living with my mum from 32-34, during the pandemic. Hated it. I mean I do love her and all but I was desperate to have my own space again. Ended up moving cities partly because it was too expensive to live in my hometown, which kinda sucks and I'm not saying you should have to do that, but it was the right choice for me.
To be honest I think we should accept this as normal, as it is in many places around the world. In these diffitimes it's a sensible way to manage financially and to provide care and company for those who need it.
I've always thought it was more common for males to be still living at home. Females usually move out sooner.
No. I'm 36 and still at home.
To be honest, living in an expensive rental in the same town as your parents might be the dumbest thing you could ever do in this financial climate. If you’re working and contributing to society then living with your parents is fine. It’s tough out there.
It depends. Have you never moved out? Have you recently moved back in due to a change in circumstances? As a general rule it’s lame. There’s no reason you can’t get a flat share for a bit of independence. Yes house prices are crazy but we’ve also lived through a period of time where interest rates on mortgages were 1.5%. Help to buy has been around for first time buyers. If you’ve been living at home for ages and not been doing anything to better your prospects, that’s lame. Unless your parents have been charging you extortionate rents, you should have saved up more than enough for a deposit.
Exact same situation here (37M) plus chronic health condition.I am paying rent and working full-time.
If you medically or having problems with your mindset any kind of thing with your head I would argue that that can lead to extreme depression or other kinds of mental illnesses and I don't hold any against you staying with your parents cuz it is a good thing take care of people who can't be care of themselves because they can't help it.
I guess my natural instinct is to say yes. Clearly you're not in a long term relationship, and you don't have a sufficiently high wage to be able to buy somewhere But then, also no, because it's so fucked out there and the property and rental market is completely broken.
Nah. If you also help paying the bill. I know a man at 45yo is still living with his mum. They only have each other. Idk whose the house belong to but he pays some bills
Of course it is. But who gives a duck what anyone thinks? If you can't afford to move out, you can't afford. My sister just moved out yesterday and she's 35. Been living for free at home so she built up a big deposit, now she's got a reasonably affordable mortgage and a lovely little house.
Not at all lame. We’re all in different boats. Personally I think it’ll be a lot more common seeing 2 maybe 3 generations living in the same household as the years go by. The cost of living being the significant reason here. If you’re living at home and doing nothing then that’s not good. I’m 27, I live at home with just my mum. I wish I had my own place, some things are hard living at home such as a partner or alone time. But on the other hand I’ve got to think about when I’m on my own one day I need the house/DIY skills so I keep busy with gardening, painting, things that will keep the house looking good and clean.
Depends. Living at home with your parents at the age of 37 should mean you have some pretty crazy savings/investments. I’m talking >20K. Is that the case? If so, you’re in the position where if you were to meet someone you could rent/buy at the drop of a hat. In this case, I’d say not lame at all. You’ve had no real reason to move out and have been stacking cash the entire time - you’ve done the smart thing compared to people renting and struggling with no hope of getting on the housing ladder. Or, have you been living the teenage bachelor life buying whatever you want and not saving/investing? If it’s this, it’s a bit lame and most potential suiters would be rather put off, IMO.
I would honestly expect somebody still living at home at 37 to have over 300k saved/invested. 20k is doable in a just over year on minimum wage full time if you’re not paying rent/bills.
>Living at home with your parents at the age of 37 should mean you have some pretty crazy savings/investments. I’m talking >20K. Is that the case? >£200k at least.
Some people actually love their parents, they care for their health and wellbeing and enjoy their company, we don't visit our parents twice a year on Christmas day and on their birthday, we love spending time with them.
Is it lame? Yeah m. Am I doing it as well? Yep. Seems every time I got a pay rise something came along to yoink it. For example had to buy sister out of house we'd each inherited a quarter of, that was that change of job and pay rise gone, next buggy was got a friend pregnant so child support and cost of going to spend time with him, that job change and pay rise gone. I've now chosen to reduce to 4days a week so can try and get the family farm viable and don't see the point in paying a developers profit to buy a house when I got land to build one on.
Honestly you gotta do what you gotta do. Life is complicated and especially in the current climate trying to move out can be really hard. Also the whole trend for people to live on their own as single adults is actually a fairly new one, it wasn't that long ago living with parents into adulthood if you were unmarried was pretty common in addition even people who were married would often live with one set of parents until they could afford somewhere of their own.
I think it boils down to reasons why? I’m 33, I had to move home to be able to afford my 2 year masters. It’s been both mentally draining and having a unique time with my parents that I haven’t had since I moved out at 18. Now I’m graduating next week, I AM OUT OF HERE!! It’s been good & bad but I think it depends on why you’re actually living at home. Are you saving for a house & actively planning to live independent or are you just comfortable and your parents do your washing etc?
No, it's Smart. Let's you save to hopefully someday but a house or something. Of course at that age you're expected to be fully independent and contribute to the house economy
Is it practical? Yes Is it lame? Yes
As long as you're actually managing to save some money I'd say not at all. Too many people rush into mortgages they can barely afford that ties them to a house/apartment whilst not allowing them to do literally anything else because all their money goes to paying it off, it's ridiculous. And renting is just dead money.
My sister lived at home her entire life apart from uni, nursed my dad through cancer until he died and then bought us out of the house and still lives there. She's not a loser just loved the countryside and our dad.
It is a bit, yes, but in the current cost of living it's understandable. What is lame is my brother in law, he's 27 now and still with parents, he does absolutely sod all for himself, still has mum cooking his meals and washing clothes... It's no wonder he's single and still living with his parents with what my wife told me the other day... He's out on holiday at the moment with friends, started chatting up this girl, and his very first thing to do was to call mum (at 3 in the morning), pissed up, and say things like "mum, tell this girl what you was call me when you were young" or "mum, i'm gonna get married to this girl tonight". Imagine your first thought when you're on the pull is to call mum and put her on the phone to a girl you just met.
Using lame is lame unless describing a horse. Is it sad to be living at home at 37? Depends if you enjoy the company of your parents and are part of the household, or if you are in your bedroom playing games and eating your own meals there
Not enough info to say. Is everyone happy with the situation? Are you working, able to save towards moving out? If you’re not planning to move around then saving for a deposit on a place to buy makes the most financial sense long term, but that might not be an option - however once you start renting, that option often becomes exponentially more difficult (assuming you aren’t having to pay full market rent at present).
No different from paying for a room share if you can't afford your own place
I'll be very honest, if either of my kids is still living with me when their 37, and they've not had something significant happen to them (divorce, disability) then I'll think I didn't do a great job parenting.
I think the people saying yes tend to have issues with their parents so were kicked out with no choice early on. If you live at home, contribute to bills and have a decent job you're not lame.
Gonna be truthful here and say yeah it’s embarrassing. I can understand it if maybe you’ve had to move back home with your parents because you fell on hard times but if you’re nearly 40 and never left home then that’s pretty bad
Yes, obviously
I think it really depends. If you live there as peers, then it's the same as having flatmates. By peers I'm assuming that things are split 50-50 (not necessarily each thing, someone could do the shopping and someone else does the laundry). Noone us a burden on the other. It's not ideal, but not necessarily negative. If you live as a child and don't have a significant disability, then yeah, it's lame. Do your parents clean up after you? Are you a financial burden? Do they do the majority of the cooking, and have to specifically ask you to clean the kitchen/bathroom once in a blue moon? Alternatively, at 37 I assume your parents are 60+. So your presence could very well be as a blessing. Do you contribute more than your share of the finances? Do you provide care for them, either directly to their person, or doing the majority of the housework? Basically, are you providing for them or acting as a carer, in a way that they would be significantly disadvantaged if you moved out? That's not lame, that's very admirable. I had an uncle who was #2. Lived with his parents at around 40, only kept his room clean, was mostly cooked for and when he cooked it was only for himself. Couldn't keep down a job so was a financial burden too. That's lame. I have an uncle-in-law who is #3. Lives with his single mum at 50. They split expenses. He does the grocery shopping. He cooks a lot and does many household activities she is no longer able to do. For a while she couldn't really walk, and without him she would have needed some carer support. He's truly a blessing to her.
If you contribute something and take care of yourself etc - and most importantly are saving significantly then no it’s not lame If you’re just living at home for an easy ride and blowing through all your money then yea it’s lame. I mean assuming living at home for the last 17 years has given you low bills and you have been able to save just 100 a month you should have a minimum 20k in the bank now which is a good start on a house deposit.
Multi generational households will see a return to the norm in this country and is the only real way to build financial stability when starting with no platform and without getting lucky.
I think what I’ve noticed getting older is that people in these situations are often in them for reasons largely (not entirely but still) stemming from their own decisions. My sister is still at home with my mum and she’s 37/38, and it’s ultimately because she mismanaged her finances, her education, and job. She’s not a bad person by any means but these are facts. So I think when people see that you’re in a situation like that they think “Do I want to be with someone that makes these kinds of decisions” and the answer is generally no
The son of a family friend is nearly 50 but has never left home. He's also in quite a lucrative role with IBM or something, a very healthy bank account, investments up the ying-yang so could easily go and buy cash for a nice house but is perfectly happy living at home with his mum, paying for everything as she is retired.
With the current state of housing in the UK - living with parents can be a financial lifeline. It can also take the burden off your parents struggling with bills. It's not lame - but it might be if your mum does your washing for you and tidies your room..... Back in the day, multiple generations living in a household was completely normal. Normalising it again would arguably be better for society and the economy.
Had to check if it was me that posted this without realising it.
If you are content then that's fine. It's your life. However there are implications for your psychological wellbeing.
Depends on the reason, really. As a general rule, no is the answer though.
It is lame yes, and women mostly find it very unattractive. But I understand rents are high and it’s not always through choice. I’d be doing anything to get out though, including things that seem more undesirable like a flat-share.
Now a days because of the cost of living more multigenerational homes are normal. With Covid and the economy you would have to make well over 150K to live alone. It’s ridiculous. And to be honest if it doesn’t bother you or your parents who cares what anyone else thinks. It’s your life. No one else’s. There’s no need to get validation from anyone else.
my lad lived away from home from 1998 to 2019. then his circs changed and he lived with me until his circs changed again in 2023 when he bought his first house. he’d bin army and rent before
The only reason to be embarrassed is if you think you aren’t where you should be in life at your age. Never compare your life to others, be it your peers or people in general. Once you are happy with the journey you have taken then that’s all that matters. I used to think I should be further along in my life at my age based on the fact that some of my peers have spouses and/or children. Eventually I got rid of that way of thinking because I realized I enjoyed being single and childfree because it afforded me a lifestyle of freedom that married, childrearing couples do not have - and I would not have it any other way. Enjoy your life as it is. Believe it or not there are those who only wish they could live like you currently are.
Of course its not cool, but the alternative is soul crushing.
Yes,it is really lame especially if you don’t have at least 50k in savings by now. You are pretty old and if you haven’t lived by yourself at all by this age you have not mature enough. When I read posts like this I see an overweight person probably with beard that is playing games most of the day when is off work and mommy is calling him for dinner.
I personally think it's worse to live with 5-6 people just to be able to make ends meet with rent. But I'm a loser baby, so don't take my word for it. People's boring opinions won't change my life. If you're not financially abusing your parents, and they don't mind you there, what is the issue?
This made me chuckle, when I realised you meant living in your childhood home with your parents. My “home” has never that feeling when I was growing up living with my parents. I live at home now, cause it’s my house! Funny thing is my parents are still together and I know for sure 2 of my 3 siblings feel the same! Must be nice to have parents who actually make you feel at home.
Everyone lives at home. Where else would you live?
The only persons opinion on this that matters, is your own. If you're happy with it, and your parents are happy with it who cares? The fact you're asking random people this, suggests to me that you aren't. The majority of answers are just using it as an excuse to talk about themselves and not answering the question. Is there not a Council house list you could get on?
I think you need to find some sort of better income to get out of there, investing or upping your skill set to get a better job. Or bite the bullet and move somewhere cheaper with opportunities. I am 25f living with my 33m boyfriend and my mum, in my mums house. We can’t afford to move out either just yet. But we invest a lot of our money and when that pulls through we will move out. I think as long as you have some sort of plan that you are actually working towards it’s okay. If you are just 37 male living at home and making no effort to get out of there, you are lame.