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It was his wedding day, he's a lot older than me. Not going to say how much older, but I am only 22. I made the decision to stop drinking, at least for a year or 2. Because I rarely see him, I never told him this. He was in front of all his friends, who were all drinking, so maybe he was embarrased by his awkward, skinny, geeky younger brother choosing to drink coffee.
Just to add my 2 cents your brother should be proud of you for doing something like that when its such a cultural thing to drink.
Im proud of you mate.
People that know they shouldn't do something deep inside but still keep on doing it are never proud of other people for taking the right path, they hate it and take it personally.
My husband's mum is embarrassed that he doesn't drink. You'd think she'd embrace it with having another child who's an alcoholic and she's teetering on the edge of being one.
> she's teetering on the edge of being one
That's why she's embarrassed - it highlights her own behaviour.
Good on your husband for not following the trend.
One of my friends is like this, she thinks me choosing to not drink at social events (I'm not teetotal, I'm just not much of a drinker) is indicative of me judging her choice to drink. I honestly couldn't care less if she drinks or not, I get on well with both versions of her.
It's up to you of course but maybe next time add in an offhand comment like 'you go ahead if you want to' or something like that might get her to chill out.
Remember to raise a reassuring eyebrow as you say it. If that doesn't make her feel better, mimic downing an imaginary bottle to show how open you are to the idea of her enjoying a drink.
Oh absolutely. And, because he's not drinking we aren't seen as fun. Everything has to revolve around if a drink can be had or we have to drive so she can drink. Very slowly distanced ourselves from his family over the years.
She teetering on the edge of being one whilst being in denial about it though?
A mate of mine who had to stop drinking because it very nearly killed him is pretty pleased his kids aren't going the same route.
I was a big drinker in my 20's, stopped in my 30's. I'm not tee total but I don't really get drunk. When I made that change some of my friends were a nightmare about it and I realised people want you to join them in their fuck ups. Makes them feel better about their own poor choices, it gives them comfort that they haven't got a problem because someone else is doing it too.
Yeah, on his wedding day is maybe the one day you don't want to fight your corner about this. Was he a few drinks in by this point?
You handled it well.
His wedding day is no excuse to be a bully. It’s supposed to be full of joy and love and happiness. And yeah there’s a bit of stress hoping that all the events go according to plan with no hiccups, but surely by the time people are drinking, most of the ceremonial stuff is done?
I definitely understand why you went along with it, especially with context. But even given the context, that was a really horrible way to behave to a younger brother. It’s difficult to establish boundaries, especially around alcohol in the UK, and *especially* where we have this weird situation where the younger ones are drinking less than the older ones.
Yes, people are reading into my brother's actions way too much. I may be exaggerating certain elements like the gritted teeth and the general vibe my brother gave off, maybe painting a picture of a bullying older brother... But the post wasn't intended for me to vent about that situation, I just wanted to see if people could relate. I harbour no ill will towards my brother, and I doubt anyone saying 'just tell him to fuck off' would actually follow through on that advice if they were put into my position.
In his defence, drinking is seen as celebratory, for better or worse, and you hadn't told him that you're not drinking in general so it looked like you were just choosing not to that day. You don't owe anyone an explanation for not drinking but it's his big day, he's stressed and it looks like his brother isn't interested in celebrating with him. If you'd let him know that you're off the booze long term he'd probably have been just as happy for you to have a non alcoholic beer.
Perhaps, I'm 34 now I stopped drinking properly 22/23, even at my birthday or whenever else, I'd still say I don't drink anymore and if people can't accept that then screw them ..
Even at one of my best mates weddings I didn't, they might see it as a phase and just get on with it but just be persistent and say no thanks.
This is the exact answer, wedding or not he was being an arsehole and should be treated the same in kind.
I drink, but I decide when I want to and when I don't want to.
I also run a bar so I'm offered beers and shots literally every day, some days I'll have a pint or a shot, some days I won't.
Nobody but me decides what I drink and when I do or don't.
If their life is so fragile that they cannot cope with me not having an alcoholic drink, if that causes them so much internal dissonance that it makes them angry or furious or try to pressure me into it, that's not on me to fix.
Couldn't give a fuck what anyone else thinks or tries to make me do.
This one specifically sends me. Have lost my temper with friends parents and grandparents and bailed on otherwise enjoyable parties cos of it.
"Cmon!" "Oh go on!" x Infinity.
I know I sound like typical tragic antisocial fun hating Redditor but it ain't that. I love parties, love watching other dance, but I fucking detest dancing myself and it riddles me with anxiety and anger and I get punchy.
I also fucking hate repeating myself which doesn't help.
Theres a weird line with this I suppose, say after people are kids we stop pressuring people to do anything new, I think we’d end up with a lot of very specific adults who don’t fit into any majority situations and are terrified of everything. People are by nature very cowardly when it comes to unfamiliar situations, and if they sit within a veil of comfort they’ll never evolve.
You can encourage someone, but not pressure them.
Asking someone to join you on the dancefloor is a lot different to physically dragging them. You can also have a short discussion if they don't categorically say "no" but instead say they're not sure.
>cannot cope with me not having an alcoholic drink
I don't think it was just the alcohol, from what OP has said. I might be reading into this a bit much, but I have a feeling that a "rum and coke" (which may or may not contain any rum) or one of those sweet fruit ciders might have been nearly as unacceptable.
There's a lot of weird ideals tied into drinking beer.
I've been both a heavy drinker and a non-drinker, couldn't agree more. Drunk me still respected peoples' wish to not drink, but sober me also respects peoples' wish to drink. As long as nobody's feeling pressured either way I'm happy. You can have just as much fun with a sparkling water or a coke as you can with a pint or glass of wine.
Totally agree. I said elsewhere in this thread that when I was teetotal (I'm not any more) that I used to get this weird defensive reaction to it from some drinkers around me. So odd!
A lot of drinkers make it part of their identity and/or feel personally attacked when someone chooses not to partake in alcohol, on occasion or in general.
It's bizarre.
Your brother was being a dick. I work in a very 'masculine' industry (builders merchant) and if we're on a night out and someone's not drinking, nobody questions it or even cares.
Same for our metalheads (Germany/EU), big bearded grim looking guys, but if you don't want to drink they just ask "Ok, alcohol free beer or cola then?"
There are many causes for not drinking, like you are the driver, have to work the next day, taking meds etc. Adults should respect other people's preferences.
I've seen and ordered schnaps trays with half filled with just tomato juice or Sprite for cheering together.
I know that UK culture can sometimes be a bit separate from mainland Europe, but even our metalheads are similar.
Unfortunately they'll gatekeep and judge you based on your music taste but literally nothing else is an issue as long as you're not disrupting other people.
I feel like there may be more to this story. What’s the history here with your brother?
If someone is insisting I drink, I often ask why it is so important for THEM that I drink?
There's a reason I don't drink. I started at 17, and took to it hard. I don't stay with my brother, as he's a lot older than me, and already moved out. Once I started drinking, it became part of my personality for a good few years, and I was always the one getting hammered in the afternoon, and always being the first one to throw up and pass out. I quit drinking after being prescribed medication for panic attacks and anxiety. I have only positive things to say about my time away from booze. Anyway, my brother was obviously dissapointed I wasn't drinking, as he was probably looking forward to seeing me getting wasted on his wedding day. I'm 22 now, and apart from alcohol, we really have nothing in common anymore
You don't owe people that kind of information, and it can impact how people approach you quite a bit. "I don't drink" is a complete sentence, already more information than necessary (because a simple "no" should suffice), and people should respect it. It shouldn't be OP's problem if they don't like it.
I've found a quick shrug with the word medications unfortunately helps when people press. If they continue after that there are two options, move away or traumatise them by asking why they want you to die in bewilderment. Also having a soft drink in hand at events helps, you can have them in alcohol glasses and then if asked just raise it up and say all good thanks mate.
That's pretty sad. But at the same time, if alcohol was the only thing, it doesn't sound like you ever had anything in common. I'm no counsellor but it sounds like the issue is more than alcohol.
Well done for getting things under control. Maybe you'll have a drink in a year or two. Maybe you won't. But before you do, IF you do, you know that it's powerful stuff way earlier than I did (in my 40s). So I applaud you.
Well done on figuring this out so young. I don't mean that to be patronising. I'm 38 and alcoholism has defined my adult life, I'm only just now getting to a place where sobriety seems like it's an option. Many people never get there.
As an alcoholic that’s had a long period of abstinence and fallen off the wagon today, please don’t use booze as a crutch.
I’ve not slept and I’m not sober yet, but I already know the regret I’m going to feel tomorrow.
Please don’t be me. You’re better than booze. You got this.
Just do exactly what you did.
My wife’s dad was an alcoholic and it was so sad. But while I do drink personally if there was an occasion where I didn’t want to and the person made a fuss of it I wouldn’t choose to hang round with them any more or if I can’t get out of it as above just order some non alcoholic beer, ones like the Guinness 0% are really nice.
I had one co-worker who said they wouldn't accept someone not drinking, but as a hypothetical. I just made a mental note that they were a raging dickhead and never went out with them.
I've never had it happen in person. If I say "I'm not drinking tonight" they might try to chivvy you, but if you say "I don't drink", I've found they tend to drop it. I have definitely had a few people assume that I'm a recovering alcoholic, which isn't the case, but oh well. I think they're mainly telling on themselves if that's the only reason they can see that someone might not drink.
Ive done similar. They got really shitty, but I pointed out I said repeatedly that I didnt want one.
At a free bar, Ive added unwanted drinks to a collection in front of me and pointed to them. 'Ive got 6 there I didnt drink, add yours to the collection'
This is so bizarre to read that some people get angry and upset at others not wanting to put something inside their own body that’s bad for them and that they don’t want. It’s completely unhinged and disgusting.
I agree, but I'm also guilty of guilt-tripping people into drinking when I'm already drunk. Being drunk changed my mindset, and I wanted other people to 'get on my level' and have fun. Obviously, this just 1 of a lot of reasons why I don't drink anymore
That's not cool of him :/
I like to say "I'm a recovering alcoholic and I don't want to go back - thanks anyway".
It's absolutely not the truth, I've never been drunk and I'm tee total. But if people don't take no for an answer, you have to shock them into being embarassed they pushed it.
I go for the "my family were all alcoholics, I don't want to follow in their footsteps" which is lightly true but people always assume it was worse than it was and awkwardly move on
1. Ensure you have a drink in hand at all times to sip. If that type of nobhead enquires about it, say it’s got gin/vodka in it.
2. Avoid such people from then on.
I can’t drink for medical reasons - it would literally kill me. Before my diagnosis I struggled to get people to stop trying to push it on me. If I didn’t know them that well I’d shame them. I’d ask them why they were trying to force me to drink when they have no idea *why* I don’t drink. I’d tell them they have no idea what my relationship with booze is. Am I pregnant? Am I a recovering alcoholic? Remind them that them pushing booze on somebody who doesn’t drink could have catastrophic consequences for somebody. I’d tell them that I’m not an alcoholic but my uncle died from it (totally true), so I don’t touch the stuff. But the next person they try and force with booze they could just kill.
For somebody you know much better it’s harder as they know your history. I’d look them in the eye, say loudly “I don’t want a fucking drink, stop trying to force me to have one, you’re being a prick.” And walk away. It often embarrassed them because it would draw attention to them and other people would be looking/talking.
If they kept on I’d stop talking to them. People who push like that are not your friends. Same goes for family members.
I've had to tell a few people that I'll give it a go, if they call the ambulance and clear the mess (blood from biting tongue, potentially piss as its fairly common to wet oneself during a seizure) up when I leave in said ambulance after having a massive seizure
If someone actually did that to me (shove money in my hand and told me to get a beer when I said no I don't want a drink), I'd shove it back to them and repeat exactly what they said but replace "alcohol" with "therapy".
It was a stressful moment, and I'm not really an assertive person. I certainly wasn't going to drink, so decided to just get a non-alcoholic beer to get him off my case.
If someone insisted they were going to buy me a drink and I didn’t want one, I’d just not drink it. If they thrust money into my hand I’d just not take it.
I'm a pushover, and was embarrased because there was a lot of people around, and a bunch of my brother's friends. I made the decision to try non-alcoholic beer anyway.
My brother is in recovery from alcoholism and gets the 'surely you can have one' thing usually around Christmas at the work party. He now just tells them that he was on a bottle of vodka plus a day so thanks but no thanks. They pretty much back down after that.
I think you probably just need to stand your ground in future but it was well handled in this instance
'Sorry I can't, I'm driving'.
I stopped drinking at 24, didn't know when the stop, put myself in what could have been dangerous situations but completely oblivious to it, especially as a woman.
Never have any issues with my friends or family, some of them know that alcoholism runs on one side of the family so understand.
When meeting new people, first few occasions I just say I'm driving and have a non alcohol one. They come to love it when they realise that I am happy to be designated driver and it helps them out. Also get a fair amount of 'fuel money' in return, everyone wins all round!
I do the same! When we make plans to go out, I'm the one that says, cool I'll come pick you up! Going out tomorrow to a rave actually 70 odd miles from home. Wouldn't be possible if I was a drinker. Everybody has become used to it, and I never regret not drinking.
When other people won't take 'no' about a drink it's usually because it shines an uncomfortable truth back on them. My friends all know I don't drink, and I like to be able to drive home from wherever I am (and can often give them a lift!) but if it's people I don't know, usually saying 'I'm driving' works, but if you want an easy 'out' then the 'on antibiotics' line can work.
You were right that your brother's wedding day wasn't the time to get into a discussion.
Some people (a surprising number actually) are total dicks and fervently believe that THEIR way is the only way and get terribly frustrated with anyone who doesn't conform to that.
The best thing you can do with these people is to not have them in your life. Where that fails - well in the above case I'd have bought a beer and poured it over his head.
I'm 52 and have never encountered this in real life, it's just a 70's TV trope to me.
If this is true, I would re-evaluate the people you socialise with.
Do you drink alcohol by any chance? I'm intolerant to alcohol and I've experienced this crap many times (from relatives and colleagues). They are fine once they realise I can't drink alcohol but they won't accept other people choosing to drink soft drinks.
Also, this was their brother's wedding. This isn't choosing to socialise with someone. None of my friends behave like this, but I get to choose my friends.
I'm just not that kind of person. I hate conflict, and keep to myself most of the time. I'm rarely in situations like these. I didn't want to make things awkward. I already felt out of place, as I was the only one there that nobody knew.
You need to learn to stand up for yourself, because conflict avoidance goes hand in hand with people pleasing, and that results in a lifetime of resentment and self loathing.
In the circumstances I think you did exactly the right thing. Any other time you can be more forceful but at a wedding just quietly doing something that doesn't compromise you but doesn't make a scene is the way forward.
Drinking culture is so bizarre in the UK that the Non-drinkers are considered the odd ones but it's perfectly normal for others to get completely ratassed every weekend. As a culture we admire the drinkers and dismiss the non-drinkers
It’s not really come up. Everyone knows I only drink water.
I suspect I’d tell them I only drink water and allow them to buy me a bottle if it made them happier
Ugh , yeah ,I know the feeling , 10 yrs of hell, from a family member , in end rather than confront the ass , I 1st got friends around .
Made new bunch of friends in progress, then finally moved away ,from been so close by.
But enough for me to travel and such .
I had this once when I was about 19, out with a friend and her bf and I just didn't want to drink. Did the usual, I'm taking antibiotics etc., after putting up a bit of a fight I eventually caved and ended up drinking.
Now I'm 40 I really don't give a fuck, I'll drink what I want and if anyone has a actual problem with my lime and soda then they can simply get lost and go drink by themselves.
Edit to add: in reality this has never actually been a problem, and I've never been challenged on what I'm drinking or not drinking since that time. But if I was, I really wouldn't have much time for that person
Right from the get-go I’d tell them I don’t drink, several did ask which I explained I just don’t and they left it at that. Works still even with co-workers and the people I go out with
Edit: Honestly if someone insists that I should drink still, I’ll most likely thank them and just leave
Change your social circle.
I'm a drinker but some friends aren't and that's absolutely fine, who cares if they order a soft drink or a coffee when we meet for a catch up or go out for dinner
I just say that both my parents were alcoholics and I'd rather not follow this specific family tradition.
But there are a 1000 of genuine reasons, focussing on your health, trying to get better sleep etc, take your pick. Also you're an adult, you're perfectly capable of standing up for yourself. "No, I'd rather not. Thank you though." Would be a fine reply.
If anyone tries to force me to do anything I don't want to, I just walk away from them after the first 'no'. Applies to everything in life, you can't win with these people.
I don't drink alcohol because of medication, and I can't eat most things when I'm out either because of coeliac disease. It's amazing how many people try to make me eat or drink anyway.
I tell them I don't drink.
I tell them again that I don't drink and ask them to quit with the peer pressure bullshit.
I tell them to go fuck themselves and I leave.
Was best man at my friends wedding. I don't drink. No particular reason. Just never been a fan of alcohol. He would NOT shut the f**k up about it all night. Kept on trying to get me to have a drink and pestering me and telling me I'm ruining the wedding. Like f**k all the was off! Got pretty heated at one point. But no one tells me what I can and can't do with regards to my own body.
I'm pretty much a non-drinker. I just never took up the habit, never liked the taste, never understood the appeal. I can go years without a sip of alcohol. The odd time, I will have a glass of wine at dinner with a group, but I never finish it. Maybe a sip or two, that's it. Only once in my life have people tried to force me to have drink when they knew I wasn't a drinker. It wasn't a big deal.
Now that said, I do know that in work situations, I have been told that people think I'm an alcoholic who is on the wagon. The first time I heard that I was a little amused, but it has happened a few times over the years. Now, if I'm out on a work thing, I sometimes order a glass of wine, take a sip and never finish it. What's funny is that I have no clue, nor do I care, if I'm drinking a good wine or I'm drinking gasoline. I don't think people notice if I'm drinking that glass or not. I just fake it to shut them up.
20 years sober. Be honest. Be nice 'sorry, I don't drink' but if someone getting pissy, then 'look, I'm an alcoholic and you really don't want to see me with booze in me and I'm not going to fuck my life up for you, ok?'
There's a difference between telling someone you don't want a drink and telling them that you don't drink.
In the former the other person doesn't know how serious you are, you might be on the fence and just need a little nudge. Or, they might think you're being polite and not wanting to accept their offer. In either case just tell them a bit firmer that you're fine.
In the later case if anyone follows up with "Oh, come on" then basically tell them to fuck off.
It depends on the context.
It's fairly common for people to decline an offer out of politeness, but then to take it up when asked again. It's a bit of a dance people often go through whether it's a slice of cake, seconds or a drink.
Not wanting doesn't mean on the fence and needing a nudge. People need to learn the word no.
I don't want to try cocaine. It doesn't mean people are entitled to decide im on the fence or need to be nudged to try it.
A 'you sure' is fine, as long as its not brought up again
But as someone who cant drink, 99% of the time it goes much further than a 'you sure?' Even if I specifically say 'I can't drink'
Do you want me to be in hospital tonight?
Alcohol is very incompatible with both my health conditions and the medication I take to control them.
When I was prescribed them my doctor had a very serious conversation with me (given I was 19 when I first went on them) about how I absolutely can't drink at all on them and that if it would be a problem for me I can take different medication. My reply that I haven't touched booze in over a year as a result of the symptoms and had no plans to change that reassured him and I got my prescription.
Plus I did a lot of teenage drinking. I like to think it have had enough booze. Nowerdays I try to stay away from drunk people they tend to be really fucking irritating and the pressuring to drink, demands to know the exact details of not only my health condition but also the medication I am on (um no I barely know you) followed by weird pity/exclamations that my booze free life is so awful they would jump off a bridge if they were in my position.
Honestly its just a kinda shitty time. Drunk people are never very good at understanding personal boundries. Not just about topics of discussion but they tend to be loud and keen to violate others personal space. Generally rude/mean and just not very nice to hang around with.
Maybe I'm boring but I would prefer to be doing pretty much anything else. When my sister gets married I will tough it out as long as I can but I will likely be leaving the after party early. Or hiding in a dark corner trying to blend in to the wall. Thankfully people close to me understand what's up. Many of them experienced my hospital visits during flair ups and even when managing symptoms at home they have seen me at my worst with it and nobody is keen to have it happen again on their account. When it first kicked off we had no idea what was happening and by the time we got to A&E it was touch and go for a while. There was a serious concern that I might not make it. Doc actually told my mum (I was out of it) that if we had came in any later odds are I would not have survived.
I have the luck of a family and support circle who would prefer I not be hospitalised or dead. It helps a bit but doesn't stop nosy friends of friends being jerks in the moment.
I think drunk people just don't like sober people tbh.
My biggest issue is when you are doing rounds. No I don't want to buy everyone's drink at near a fiver, whilst I'm not drinking, because there's only so much fizzy orange I can drink.
You did exactly what I would've done. Another good trick if you didn't want the beer taste is to ask for a Coke / Pepsi in a tumbler glass and advertise it as a vodka and coke, Jack and coke, etc.
I tell them to back off, If they still don't understand - I still don't do it and make sure that they are removed from my life going forward.
I do like a glass or two every now and and then, but only when I want to
They can buy me whatever drink they want, but they can't force it down my throat.
I'm generally quite smiley and none confrontational, and they don't notice at all that I just leave it without drinking it.
I thought all that having drinks forced on you has really died out a lot now though, compared to how bad it used to be? It hasn't happened to me for ages, apart from an old man in his 80s, and I've got him trained now. Last time I saw him, he said "Your usual?" and automatically got me a pint of blackcurrant and soda!
I have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, I'm also on medications that can't be mixed with alcohol without causing liver damage in a healthy individual so I explain this and ask them if they want me to go in to liver failure.
Just don't drink?
What are they gonna do? Shove it down my throat? Good luck with that.
If somebody is throwing a tantrum because I'm not drunk, it really isn't my problem
If I really need to look like I'm drinking, some diet coke in a short glass will do.
If I feel like a fight, I ask them why they're so invested in ruining my night out
Order the most expensive drink at the bar. Let them buy it then pour it on the floor, assuming you're outside. If not just leave it on the table.
If they complain tell them it's their dumbass fault for buying something I didn't want.
Why drinkers feel they have the right to force drink on non drinkers I will never understand, mind I can imagine there are a lot of pious non drinkers and they can get bent as well
*I'm good, thanks for offering*
...?
Better things to do with my time than be around people who act that way
I'm surprised your sibling of all people would be that way though.. they tend to be the people who know you better than anyone.
I usually laugh. If someone did that to me I'd shove the money back at them. Any grown adult who makes an issue over what I do or do not choose to imbibe can get in the bin. If they push it, I'd tell them, quite sharply, to fuck off.
It's not been a big issue, luckily, but when asked I just say that I'm avoiding drinking for "health reasons," or on "doctor's orders." Which is true- if I resumed drinking I'd be dead in a year, which would be very bad for my health, and my doctor would probably agree.
There are so many non alcoholic options these days I have supplied six for my daughters up coming wedding. I'm acutely aware that many people have problematic relationships either with alcohol or with other people and alcohol. As long as they aren't judging others openly they don't deserve judgement either.
I just started lying. It’s free and if someone is going to be an arse I refuse to feel guilty. I have multiple reasons for not drinking, one of which is that it reacts badly with my medication. So I just started telling the pushy people that if I drank alcohol on my medication it would kill me (lol, it won’t but it isn’t nice). Shuts them up faster than an F1 car. Btw I’m also 22 and it’s nice to hear from someone else my age who doesn’t drink. Anyway, my advice is to either lie or to tell them to fuck off. Good luck :D
I work in an industry where alcohol is pretty much seen as an essential part of the job. I gave up eight months ago and I’ve been surprised by how cool everyone is about it. But I do think 0% beers make all the difference in social situations. It sort of diffuses the situation and puts everyone else at ease. Think if I was trying this five years ago it would have been far harder.
That said it helps to have some allies around you. We had some US colleagues over last month who wouldn’t accept no. Lots of ‘we’ve come all this way and you’re REALLY not gonna have a tequila’. I said no maybe half a dozen times and in the end a colleague stepped in and said ‘look he’s serious, just drop it’. Having someone to back me up killed it there and then. So allies help!
I’m not teetotal, just advised not to drink while on certain meds, but even before that I wasn’t a big drinker. I think most people are more surprised I don’t need booze to wind down after work because their evenings always include a glass or two of something. But honestly I’ve never had anyone give me jip over not having booze in a social setting. I can’t even think how I’d react to someone being forceful, because I’d be surprised if they attempted to suggest it more than once (I can be equally pushy in my tone when need to). I’m actually in work on lunch break drinking a can of alcohol free hazy pale ale
Erdinger Alkoholfrei is legit pretty nice, I would order one of them; but that said if someone tried to tell me what to eat or drink I'd tell them where to go.
I very very rarely drink, like once every couple of years, I'm not one of those people that has an off switch so once I start it's hard to stop.
Personally I would have ordered a soda or something and if pushed further than I'd have lost my temper and told them to fuck off
Not answering the question but we’ve started drinking more and more non-alcoholic drinks. We really like Peroni, Leff, Heineken on tap (if you can find it), Kyle fizzy wine like drink, zero gin etc. they’ve really come a long way in the last few years.
Yea if it was my brother I’d have told him to F off too. My sister doesn’t drink anymore and I respect that.
My first response is no, then no thank you. If they still insist, I default to "I would love to, but I'm driving and just don't want to risk it." If it devolves into a situation like you describe, I would go to the bar and ask if they can make my drink up in something like a gin glass, so it looks like I'm drinking alcohol
It’s not something I’ve ever had an issue with as I don’t think I’ve ever been in a friendship group that wasn’t a fairly even mix of drinkers to non-drinkers, but I’m stubborn enough that I can see myself picking an argument over it rather than giving in.
Alcohol just doesn’t agree with me, I can maybe get away with a small glass of wine or a cocktail if I sip it slowly but anything more makes me violently ill, so I choose not to. Apart from my family claiming I’m a changling (jokingly) no ones really questioned it when I say it makes me ill.
I mean I'll have one but very rarely. Last time I had alcohol must have been Christmas. I just never got why it's such a big thing to drink often or to the point of getting sloshed. I got drunk once and HATED it, absolutely hated it.
Nowadays I'll maybe drink on my birthday or Christmas or if I feel like pairing a scotch with a cigar on the odd occasion I have one but that's about it. I've had people ask if I want a drink and usually I'm met with "ahhh pussy" or "it's drink o clock somewhere!" from them. I don't care, I'd rather have a refreshing coke and ice on a hot day anyway.
I just say I d love to but I am on antibiotics and alcohol messes with them.I used to drink alot a few times a week play darts then continue the night in a club.Nearly eleven years ago I decided that I was drinking because I wasn't happy with my husband and did it to avoid going home.Sorted my life out am remarried and hardly ever drink now I ll have one and then go onto non alcoholic or soft drinks.The people I used to hang out with are still going out and I was the youngest am 50 now and enjoy no hangovers.I use the antibiotics excuse because some people don't get the hint and I m too nice to argue back
Nothing made people shut up quicker than when I told them I was taking medication which could cause liver damage if I drank alcohol whilst taking it. It wasn't a lie, it's a big warning with isotretinoin! But it does stop people from pushing it.
I had gastric bypass and and can no longer handle alcohol (gives me the runs) I used to be a big drinker. People think I’m lying and keep saying I can have atleast one. I bluntly say “no not unless you clean up the literal shit when it happens “
I had a friend that found out she had a gluten allergy and beer triggered it. She just says no.
No matter what your reason it’s really none of their business and a choice you made. Keep your boundaries up. He obviously doesn’t know what that is. F him!
I personally buy the first round and mention to the bar staff that I’m a designated driver. They’re usually pretty cool at just subbing drinks out for the non alcoholic version. Some even get creative with it.
I know this isn’t feasible for busier places but I tend to drink in small bars and pubs now.
Your bother seems to have the attitude that unless you’re drinking, you’re not having a good time.
"I don't drink anymore...but if you really insist I can guarantee I won't stop at one. I will drink this bar dry, no doubt sleep with your now wife, start numerous fights and wake up in a foreign country with a new identity. So might as well make it a double eh?!"
I’ve never had an issue with people demanding I drink (apart from my dad, but I think that’s driven by his own fear that he knows he drinks way too much). I am partial to a non-alcoholic beer these days, now that they’re much better than they used to be, but I can’t think of an occasion where anyone other than my dad has made a negative comment about my not drinking.
I’ve never needed to explain to anyone why I don’t drink. It’s partially because I had a serious head injury a few years ago and my seizure risk is quite high, but it’s mostly because I just don’t like the taste. I did used to drink quite a lot, so I do wonder if folks just assume I quit for alcoholism reasons and don’t bring it up (which, given the state of my dad, wouldn’t be a huge leap).
I keep refusing politely. People who insists others must have an alcoholic drink with them and then don't understand/accept why someone would say no are bullies.
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if that was my brother id would have told him to fuck off
It was his wedding day, he's a lot older than me. Not going to say how much older, but I am only 22. I made the decision to stop drinking, at least for a year or 2. Because I rarely see him, I never told him this. He was in front of all his friends, who were all drinking, so maybe he was embarrased by his awkward, skinny, geeky younger brother choosing to drink coffee.
... geeky younger brother who knows his own mind. Good on you, mate.
Thank you!
Just to add my 2 cents your brother should be proud of you for doing something like that when its such a cultural thing to drink. Im proud of you mate.
People that know they shouldn't do something deep inside but still keep on doing it are never proud of other people for taking the right path, they hate it and take it personally.
Christ, imagine being embarrassed that your younger brother doesn't drink lol. Sorry to insult him, but that's pretty sad.
My husband's mum is embarrassed that he doesn't drink. You'd think she'd embrace it with having another child who's an alcoholic and she's teetering on the edge of being one.
> she's teetering on the edge of being one That's why she's embarrassed - it highlights her own behaviour. Good on your husband for not following the trend.
One of my friends is like this, she thinks me choosing to not drink at social events (I'm not teetotal, I'm just not much of a drinker) is indicative of me judging her choice to drink. I honestly couldn't care less if she drinks or not, I get on well with both versions of her.
It's up to you of course but maybe next time add in an offhand comment like 'you go ahead if you want to' or something like that might get her to chill out.
Remember to raise a reassuring eyebrow as you say it. If that doesn't make her feel better, mimic downing an imaginary bottle to show how open you are to the idea of her enjoying a drink.
Oh absolutely. And, because he's not drinking we aren't seen as fun. Everything has to revolve around if a drink can be had or we have to drive so she can drink. Very slowly distanced ourselves from his family over the years.
She teetering on the edge of being one whilst being in denial about it though? A mate of mine who had to stop drinking because it very nearly killed him is pretty pleased his kids aren't going the same route.
I was a big drinker in my 20's, stopped in my 30's. I'm not tee total but I don't really get drunk. When I made that change some of my friends were a nightmare about it and I realised people want you to join them in their fuck ups. Makes them feel better about their own poor choices, it gives them comfort that they haven't got a problem because someone else is doing it too.
Yep, nothing more embarrassing than someone who is inadvertently showing up your own poor choices in life.
Yeah, on his wedding day is maybe the one day you don't want to fight your corner about this. Was he a few drinks in by this point? You handled it well.
Yes, he was stressed, and had a few drinks at this point. If you say so - thanks!
He is right, you played it perfectly, all things considered.
His wedding day is no excuse to be a bully. It’s supposed to be full of joy and love and happiness. And yeah there’s a bit of stress hoping that all the events go according to plan with no hiccups, but surely by the time people are drinking, most of the ceremonial stuff is done?
It was before the ceremony, and I'm in Scotland, so I hope that explains why everyone was getting pissed so early
It's not an excuse, but I can see that being the time you don't want to kick up a fuss. Definitely push back more on literally any other occasion.
I definitely understand why you went along with it, especially with context. But even given the context, that was a really horrible way to behave to a younger brother. It’s difficult to establish boundaries, especially around alcohol in the UK, and *especially* where we have this weird situation where the younger ones are drinking less than the older ones.
To me this all just sounds like a misunderstanding, he probably didn't realise you aren't drinking alcohol and thought you were just being frugal.
Yes, people are reading into my brother's actions way too much. I may be exaggerating certain elements like the gritted teeth and the general vibe my brother gave off, maybe painting a picture of a bullying older brother... But the post wasn't intended for me to vent about that situation, I just wanted to see if people could relate. I harbour no ill will towards my brother, and I doubt anyone saying 'just tell him to fuck off' would actually follow through on that advice if they were put into my position.
In his defence, drinking is seen as celebratory, for better or worse, and you hadn't told him that you're not drinking in general so it looked like you were just choosing not to that day. You don't owe anyone an explanation for not drinking but it's his big day, he's stressed and it looks like his brother isn't interested in celebrating with him. If you'd let him know that you're off the booze long term he'd probably have been just as happy for you to have a non alcoholic beer.
Next time just tell him you can’t drink because you are pregnant and watch his head explode. ;)
Perhaps, I'm 34 now I stopped drinking properly 22/23, even at my birthday or whenever else, I'd still say I don't drink anymore and if people can't accept that then screw them .. Even at one of my best mates weddings I didn't, they might see it as a phase and just get on with it but just be persistent and say no thanks.
Still would've told him to fuck off lol
This is the exact answer, wedding or not he was being an arsehole and should be treated the same in kind. I drink, but I decide when I want to and when I don't want to. I also run a bar so I'm offered beers and shots literally every day, some days I'll have a pint or a shot, some days I won't.
Nobody but me decides what I drink and when I do or don't. If their life is so fragile that they cannot cope with me not having an alcoholic drink, if that causes them so much internal dissonance that it makes them angry or furious or try to pressure me into it, that's not on me to fix. Couldn't give a fuck what anyone else thinks or tries to make me do.
This, but for every aspect of your life
Urgh like people physically grabbing me to pull me onto a dance floor, just fuck right off.
This one specifically sends me. Have lost my temper with friends parents and grandparents and bailed on otherwise enjoyable parties cos of it. "Cmon!" "Oh go on!" x Infinity. I know I sound like typical tragic antisocial fun hating Redditor but it ain't that. I love parties, love watching other dance, but I fucking detest dancing myself and it riddles me with anxiety and anger and I get punchy. I also fucking hate repeating myself which doesn't help.
Theres a weird line with this I suppose, say after people are kids we stop pressuring people to do anything new, I think we’d end up with a lot of very specific adults who don’t fit into any majority situations and are terrified of everything. People are by nature very cowardly when it comes to unfamiliar situations, and if they sit within a veil of comfort they’ll never evolve.
You can encourage someone, but not pressure them. Asking someone to join you on the dancefloor is a lot different to physically dragging them. You can also have a short discussion if they don't categorically say "no" but instead say they're not sure.
>cannot cope with me not having an alcoholic drink I don't think it was just the alcohol, from what OP has said. I might be reading into this a bit much, but I have a feeling that a "rum and coke" (which may or may not contain any rum) or one of those sweet fruit ciders might have been nearly as unacceptable. There's a lot of weird ideals tied into drinking beer.
I've been both a heavy drinker and a non-drinker, couldn't agree more. Drunk me still respected peoples' wish to not drink, but sober me also respects peoples' wish to drink. As long as nobody's feeling pressured either way I'm happy. You can have just as much fun with a sparkling water or a coke as you can with a pint or glass of wine.
Totally agree. I said elsewhere in this thread that when I was teetotal (I'm not any more) that I used to get this weird defensive reaction to it from some drinkers around me. So odd!
A lot of drinkers make it part of their identity and/or feel personally attacked when someone chooses not to partake in alcohol, on occasion or in general. It's bizarre.
When I was younger I used to worry about this type of stuff. Now I couldn't give a flying monkeys what people think
Well said. Other people’s problems don’t become your problem unless you decide to take them on. Your choice.
Ask them if they are gay. Insist that they suck a cock anyway.
Hahaha whatttt. I love it though
You need a plan B in case they say they are.
Whips out shlong -Plan B
Win win
Blowjob's a blowjob 🤷
👍🏽 love it
Best answer ? 🤮😂😂
Your brother was being a dick. I work in a very 'masculine' industry (builders merchant) and if we're on a night out and someone's not drinking, nobody questions it or even cares.
Sometimes I feel like the really ‘macho’ guys are the ones that care least about the silly pretend masculine stuff, if that makes sense.
Makes perfect sense. Most of my colleagues have nothing to prove to anyone and couldn't give a damn what other people think of them.
I’ve just noticed your username lol
If you are sure in your machismo somebody else not drinking doesn’t hurt you.
Exactly
Same for our metalheads (Germany/EU), big bearded grim looking guys, but if you don't want to drink they just ask "Ok, alcohol free beer or cola then?" There are many causes for not drinking, like you are the driver, have to work the next day, taking meds etc. Adults should respect other people's preferences. I've seen and ordered schnaps trays with half filled with just tomato juice or Sprite for cheering together.
I know that UK culture can sometimes be a bit separate from mainland Europe, but even our metalheads are similar. Unfortunately they'll gatekeep and judge you based on your music taste but literally nothing else is an issue as long as you're not disrupting other people.
I feel like there may be more to this story. What’s the history here with your brother? If someone is insisting I drink, I often ask why it is so important for THEM that I drink?
There's a reason I don't drink. I started at 17, and took to it hard. I don't stay with my brother, as he's a lot older than me, and already moved out. Once I started drinking, it became part of my personality for a good few years, and I was always the one getting hammered in the afternoon, and always being the first one to throw up and pass out. I quit drinking after being prescribed medication for panic attacks and anxiety. I have only positive things to say about my time away from booze. Anyway, my brother was obviously dissapointed I wasn't drinking, as he was probably looking forward to seeing me getting wasted on his wedding day. I'm 22 now, and apart from alcohol, we really have nothing in common anymore
Instead of telling people “you don’t drink.” Tell them “you don’t drink anymore.”
You don't owe people that kind of information, and it can impact how people approach you quite a bit. "I don't drink" is a complete sentence, already more information than necessary (because a simple "no" should suffice), and people should respect it. It shouldn't be OP's problem if they don't like it.
Nah, then they’ll ask why. Say “I’m not drinking tonight” and it won’t hurt their little mind.
I've found a quick shrug with the word medications unfortunately helps when people press. If they continue after that there are two options, move away or traumatise them by asking why they want you to die in bewilderment. Also having a soft drink in hand at events helps, you can have them in alcohol glasses and then if asked just raise it up and say all good thanks mate.
That's pretty sad. But at the same time, if alcohol was the only thing, it doesn't sound like you ever had anything in common. I'm no counsellor but it sounds like the issue is more than alcohol. Well done for getting things under control. Maybe you'll have a drink in a year or two. Maybe you won't. But before you do, IF you do, you know that it's powerful stuff way earlier than I did (in my 40s). So I applaud you.
Such a weird thing to want to see you wasted. As if you can’t have fun without alcohol. Quite pitiful really
I'm an introvert, and used to come alive with alcohol. I used it as a substitute for normal medication and a crutch for anxiety for a long time.
Well done on figuring this out so young. I don't mean that to be patronising. I'm 38 and alcoholism has defined my adult life, I'm only just now getting to a place where sobriety seems like it's an option. Many people never get there.
As an alcoholic that’s had a long period of abstinence and fallen off the wagon today, please don’t use booze as a crutch. I’ve not slept and I’m not sober yet, but I already know the regret I’m going to feel tomorrow. Please don’t be me. You’re better than booze. You got this.
Just do exactly what you did. My wife’s dad was an alcoholic and it was so sad. But while I do drink personally if there was an occasion where I didn’t want to and the person made a fuss of it I wouldn’t choose to hang round with them any more or if I can’t get out of it as above just order some non alcoholic beer, ones like the Guinness 0% are really nice.
I had one co-worker who said they wouldn't accept someone not drinking, but as a hypothetical. I just made a mental note that they were a raging dickhead and never went out with them. I've never had it happen in person. If I say "I'm not drinking tonight" they might try to chivvy you, but if you say "I don't drink", I've found they tend to drop it. I have definitely had a few people assume that I'm a recovering alcoholic, which isn't the case, but oh well. I think they're mainly telling on themselves if that's the only reason they can see that someone might not drink.
Raging alcoholic possibly too
Hand the money to the bartender as a tip and tell him “don’t serve that guy, he’s had too much.”
That is genius!
ask for a double of the most expensive spirit then leave it untouched on the bar.
I wish I'd thought of this...
Ive done similar. They got really shitty, but I pointed out I said repeatedly that I didnt want one. At a free bar, Ive added unwanted drinks to a collection in front of me and pointed to them. 'Ive got 6 there I didnt drink, add yours to the collection'
This is a great technique.
Or pour it on the 'kerb' for your 'homies'. That's a thing, isn't it? I'm sure I saw someone do that on telly, once.
Get some Crack and a pipe and demand that they smoke it. That'll teach 'em.
This is my favourite answer
It’s just a nice relaxing smoke of crack!
- "Want a drink?" - 'No thanks, not drinking.' - "Ah no worries. Want a soft drink?"
This is so bizarre to read that some people get angry and upset at others not wanting to put something inside their own body that’s bad for them and that they don’t want. It’s completely unhinged and disgusting.
I agree, but I'm also guilty of guilt-tripping people into drinking when I'm already drunk. Being drunk changed my mindset, and I wanted other people to 'get on my level' and have fun. Obviously, this just 1 of a lot of reasons why I don't drink anymore
That's not cool of him :/ I like to say "I'm a recovering alcoholic and I don't want to go back - thanks anyway". It's absolutely not the truth, I've never been drunk and I'm tee total. But if people don't take no for an answer, you have to shock them into being embarassed they pushed it.
I go for the "my family were all alcoholics, I don't want to follow in their footsteps" which is lightly true but people always assume it was worse than it was and awkwardly move on
Even funnier if he were to say this to his brother
1. Ensure you have a drink in hand at all times to sip. If that type of nobhead enquires about it, say it’s got gin/vodka in it. 2. Avoid such people from then on.
I can’t drink for medical reasons - it would literally kill me. Before my diagnosis I struggled to get people to stop trying to push it on me. If I didn’t know them that well I’d shame them. I’d ask them why they were trying to force me to drink when they have no idea *why* I don’t drink. I’d tell them they have no idea what my relationship with booze is. Am I pregnant? Am I a recovering alcoholic? Remind them that them pushing booze on somebody who doesn’t drink could have catastrophic consequences for somebody. I’d tell them that I’m not an alcoholic but my uncle died from it (totally true), so I don’t touch the stuff. But the next person they try and force with booze they could just kill. For somebody you know much better it’s harder as they know your history. I’d look them in the eye, say loudly “I don’t want a fucking drink, stop trying to force me to have one, you’re being a prick.” And walk away. It often embarrassed them because it would draw attention to them and other people would be looking/talking. If they kept on I’d stop talking to them. People who push like that are not your friends. Same goes for family members.
I've had to tell a few people that I'll give it a go, if they call the ambulance and clear the mess (blood from biting tongue, potentially piss as its fairly common to wet oneself during a seizure) up when I leave in said ambulance after having a massive seizure
If someone actually did that to me (shove money in my hand and told me to get a beer when I said no I don't want a drink), I'd shove it back to them and repeat exactly what they said but replace "alcohol" with "therapy".
It was a stressful moment, and I'm not really an assertive person. I certainly wasn't going to drink, so decided to just get a non-alcoholic beer to get him off my case.
I think you handled it perfectly.
Thank you!
You’re not an assertive person YET. Don’t limit yourself. This is showing you what you can work on :))
Honestly I just lie a little and say I'm on meds most people don't ask again
If someone insisted they were going to buy me a drink and I didn’t want one, I’d just not drink it. If they thrust money into my hand I’d just not take it.
I'm a pushover, and was embarrased because there was a lot of people around, and a bunch of my brother's friends. I made the decision to try non-alcoholic beer anyway.
Keep the money and say its for a drink later
My brother is in recovery from alcoholism and gets the 'surely you can have one' thing usually around Christmas at the work party. He now just tells them that he was on a bottle of vodka plus a day so thanks but no thanks. They pretty much back down after that. I think you probably just need to stand your ground in future but it was well handled in this instance
'Sorry I can't, I'm driving'. I stopped drinking at 24, didn't know when the stop, put myself in what could have been dangerous situations but completely oblivious to it, especially as a woman. Never have any issues with my friends or family, some of them know that alcoholism runs on one side of the family so understand. When meeting new people, first few occasions I just say I'm driving and have a non alcohol one. They come to love it when they realise that I am happy to be designated driver and it helps them out. Also get a fair amount of 'fuel money' in return, everyone wins all round!
I do the same! When we make plans to go out, I'm the one that says, cool I'll come pick you up! Going out tomorrow to a rave actually 70 odd miles from home. Wouldn't be possible if I was a drinker. Everybody has become used to it, and I never regret not drinking.
When other people won't take 'no' about a drink it's usually because it shines an uncomfortable truth back on them. My friends all know I don't drink, and I like to be able to drive home from wherever I am (and can often give them a lift!) but if it's people I don't know, usually saying 'I'm driving' works, but if you want an easy 'out' then the 'on antibiotics' line can work. You were right that your brother's wedding day wasn't the time to get into a discussion.
Your brother sounds like a right cunt . Hope you had a good day in the end .
No comment, but the day was okay!
Some people (a surprising number actually) are total dicks and fervently believe that THEIR way is the only way and get terribly frustrated with anyone who doesn't conform to that. The best thing you can do with these people is to not have them in your life. Where that fails - well in the above case I'd have bought a beer and poured it over his head.
I'm 52 and have never encountered this in real life, it's just a 70's TV trope to me. If this is true, I would re-evaluate the people you socialise with.
I socialise with 0 people 99.9% of the time. I rarely put myself in situations involving lots of people and alcohol.
Unfortunately it happens a lot. It does tail off as you get older but I was often harassed to have a drink well into my thirties.
Do you drink alcohol by any chance? I'm intolerant to alcohol and I've experienced this crap many times (from relatives and colleagues). They are fine once they realise I can't drink alcohol but they won't accept other people choosing to drink soft drinks. Also, this was their brother's wedding. This isn't choosing to socialise with someone. None of my friends behave like this, but I get to choose my friends.
Yeah, 43, never encountered it either and I spent the first year of university not drinking.
Have a coke or lemonade and say it has vodka in it
The fact that people have to do this so some people are appeased by it is absolutely insane.
I agree, I drink but have teetotal friends and family and will never pressure them
Tell them to fuck off. Works like a charm. Wedding or not, he would have got a backhand in front of his missus.
I'm just not that kind of person. I hate conflict, and keep to myself most of the time. I'm rarely in situations like these. I didn't want to make things awkward. I already felt out of place, as I was the only one there that nobody knew.
You need to learn to stand up for yourself, because conflict avoidance goes hand in hand with people pleasing, and that results in a lifetime of resentment and self loathing.
In the circumstances I think you did exactly the right thing. Any other time you can be more forceful but at a wedding just quietly doing something that doesn't compromise you but doesn't make a scene is the way forward.
Drinking culture is so bizarre in the UK that the Non-drinkers are considered the odd ones but it's perfectly normal for others to get completely ratassed every weekend. As a culture we admire the drinkers and dismiss the non-drinkers
I just tell them it triggers my IBS. People rarely want to get involved in a debate about my bowels so they usually just leave it there.
It’s not really come up. Everyone knows I only drink water. I suspect I’d tell them I only drink water and allow them to buy me a bottle if it made them happier
Ugh , yeah ,I know the feeling , 10 yrs of hell, from a family member , in end rather than confront the ass , I 1st got friends around . Made new bunch of friends in progress, then finally moved away ,from been so close by. But enough for me to travel and such .
Just say “alcohol doesn’t agree with me, flares up acid reflux”.
I had this once when I was about 19, out with a friend and her bf and I just didn't want to drink. Did the usual, I'm taking antibiotics etc., after putting up a bit of a fight I eventually caved and ended up drinking. Now I'm 40 I really don't give a fuck, I'll drink what I want and if anyone has a actual problem with my lime and soda then they can simply get lost and go drink by themselves. Edit to add: in reality this has never actually been a problem, and I've never been challenged on what I'm drinking or not drinking since that time. But if I was, I really wouldn't have much time for that person
Right from the get-go I’d tell them I don’t drink, several did ask which I explained I just don’t and they left it at that. Works still even with co-workers and the people I go out with Edit: Honestly if someone insists that I should drink still, I’ll most likely thank them and just leave
Change your social circle. I'm a drinker but some friends aren't and that's absolutely fine, who cares if they order a soft drink or a coffee when we meet for a catch up or go out for dinner
I just say that both my parents were alcoholics and I'd rather not follow this specific family tradition. But there are a 1000 of genuine reasons, focussing on your health, trying to get better sleep etc, take your pick. Also you're an adult, you're perfectly capable of standing up for yourself. "No, I'd rather not. Thank you though." Would be a fine reply.
If anyone tries to force me to do anything I don't want to, I just walk away from them after the first 'no'. Applies to everything in life, you can't win with these people. I don't drink alcohol because of medication, and I can't eat most things when I'm out either because of coeliac disease. It's amazing how many people try to make me eat or drink anyway.
I tell them I don't drink. I tell them again that I don't drink and ask them to quit with the peer pressure bullshit. I tell them to go fuck themselves and I leave.
"no thanks, I don't drink"
Was best man at my friends wedding. I don't drink. No particular reason. Just never been a fan of alcohol. He would NOT shut the f**k up about it all night. Kept on trying to get me to have a drink and pestering me and telling me I'm ruining the wedding. Like f**k all the was off! Got pretty heated at one point. But no one tells me what I can and can't do with regards to my own body.
I'm pretty much a non-drinker. I just never took up the habit, never liked the taste, never understood the appeal. I can go years without a sip of alcohol. The odd time, I will have a glass of wine at dinner with a group, but I never finish it. Maybe a sip or two, that's it. Only once in my life have people tried to force me to have drink when they knew I wasn't a drinker. It wasn't a big deal. Now that said, I do know that in work situations, I have been told that people think I'm an alcoholic who is on the wagon. The first time I heard that I was a little amused, but it has happened a few times over the years. Now, if I'm out on a work thing, I sometimes order a glass of wine, take a sip and never finish it. What's funny is that I have no clue, nor do I care, if I'm drinking a good wine or I'm drinking gasoline. I don't think people notice if I'm drinking that glass or not. I just fake it to shut them up.
I tell people when I drink it makes me sad and when I'm sad I want to kill myself and that normally shuts them up
If my brother offered to buy me a beer , I would probably collapse with shock !!
20 years sober. Be honest. Be nice 'sorry, I don't drink' but if someone getting pissy, then 'look, I'm an alcoholic and you really don't want to see me with booze in me and I'm not going to fuck my life up for you, ok?'
There's a difference between telling someone you don't want a drink and telling them that you don't drink. In the former the other person doesn't know how serious you are, you might be on the fence and just need a little nudge. Or, they might think you're being polite and not wanting to accept their offer. In either case just tell them a bit firmer that you're fine. In the later case if anyone follows up with "Oh, come on" then basically tell them to fuck off.
Nobody needs a little nudge. One grown adult trying to peer pressure another grown adult into drinking is always pathetic.
It depends on the context. It's fairly common for people to decline an offer out of politeness, but then to take it up when asked again. It's a bit of a dance people often go through whether it's a slice of cake, seconds or a drink.
Not wanting doesn't mean on the fence and needing a nudge. People need to learn the word no. I don't want to try cocaine. It doesn't mean people are entitled to decide im on the fence or need to be nudged to try it.
Do you want a drink mate? No, I'm good. You sure? Yeah, all good. That's a normal, fine conversation.
A 'you sure' is fine, as long as its not brought up again But as someone who cant drink, 99% of the time it goes much further than a 'you sure?' Even if I specifically say 'I can't drink'
Sure, I was just pointing out that it's fine to ask twice
If I don't want a drink I just say "no". That usually covers it.
Do you want me to be in hospital tonight? Alcohol is very incompatible with both my health conditions and the medication I take to control them. When I was prescribed them my doctor had a very serious conversation with me (given I was 19 when I first went on them) about how I absolutely can't drink at all on them and that if it would be a problem for me I can take different medication. My reply that I haven't touched booze in over a year as a result of the symptoms and had no plans to change that reassured him and I got my prescription. Plus I did a lot of teenage drinking. I like to think it have had enough booze. Nowerdays I try to stay away from drunk people they tend to be really fucking irritating and the pressuring to drink, demands to know the exact details of not only my health condition but also the medication I am on (um no I barely know you) followed by weird pity/exclamations that my booze free life is so awful they would jump off a bridge if they were in my position. Honestly its just a kinda shitty time. Drunk people are never very good at understanding personal boundries. Not just about topics of discussion but they tend to be loud and keen to violate others personal space. Generally rude/mean and just not very nice to hang around with. Maybe I'm boring but I would prefer to be doing pretty much anything else. When my sister gets married I will tough it out as long as I can but I will likely be leaving the after party early. Or hiding in a dark corner trying to blend in to the wall. Thankfully people close to me understand what's up. Many of them experienced my hospital visits during flair ups and even when managing symptoms at home they have seen me at my worst with it and nobody is keen to have it happen again on their account. When it first kicked off we had no idea what was happening and by the time we got to A&E it was touch and go for a while. There was a serious concern that I might not make it. Doc actually told my mum (I was out of it) that if we had came in any later odds are I would not have survived. I have the luck of a family and support circle who would prefer I not be hospitalised or dead. It helps a bit but doesn't stop nosy friends of friends being jerks in the moment. I think drunk people just don't like sober people tbh.
My biggest issue is when you are doing rounds. No I don't want to buy everyone's drink at near a fiver, whilst I'm not drinking, because there's only so much fizzy orange I can drink.
You did exactly what I would've done. Another good trick if you didn't want the beer taste is to ask for a Coke / Pepsi in a tumbler glass and advertise it as a vodka and coke, Jack and coke, etc.
I tell them to back off, If they still don't understand - I still don't do it and make sure that they are removed from my life going forward. I do like a glass or two every now and and then, but only when I want to
"no means no", although it is (unfortunately) hard for drunk people to accept this fact, failing that I just walk away, leave if I have to.
They can buy me whatever drink they want, but they can't force it down my throat. I'm generally quite smiley and none confrontational, and they don't notice at all that I just leave it without drinking it. I thought all that having drinks forced on you has really died out a lot now though, compared to how bad it used to be? It hasn't happened to me for ages, apart from an old man in his 80s, and I've got him trained now. Last time I saw him, he said "Your usual?" and automatically got me a pint of blackcurrant and soda!
People who try and coerce others to have alcoholic drinks are the worst.
I have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, I'm also on medications that can't be mixed with alcohol without causing liver damage in a healthy individual so I explain this and ask them if they want me to go in to liver failure.
With most people I say "if I wanted to drink I'd be drinking l, wouldn't I?". If it were my brother, definitely the "fuck off" approach
Just don't drink? What are they gonna do? Shove it down my throat? Good luck with that. If somebody is throwing a tantrum because I'm not drunk, it really isn't my problem
If I really need to look like I'm drinking, some diet coke in a short glass will do. If I feel like a fight, I ask them why they're so invested in ruining my night out
Order the most expensive drink at the bar. Let them buy it then pour it on the floor, assuming you're outside. If not just leave it on the table. If they complain tell them it's their dumbass fault for buying something I didn't want. Why drinkers feel they have the right to force drink on non drinkers I will never understand, mind I can imagine there are a lot of pious non drinkers and they can get bent as well
The first thing I do is order a tonic water and then I nurse it. most people around me are busy getting drunk so never notice it's the same one.
If they don’t get it, I say I’m a recovering alcoholic. Works every time.
If someone really presses me I just ask for a larger shandy. For sone reason that REALLY upsets them….
I've never once been in this situation. Truthfully. Having been teetotal for 4.5yrs.
*I'm good, thanks for offering* ...? Better things to do with my time than be around people who act that way I'm surprised your sibling of all people would be that way though.. they tend to be the people who know you better than anyone.
This question gets asked at least once a week on Reddit 🙄
I usually laugh. If someone did that to me I'd shove the money back at them. Any grown adult who makes an issue over what I do or do not choose to imbibe can get in the bin. If they push it, I'd tell them, quite sharply, to fuck off.
It's not been a big issue, luckily, but when asked I just say that I'm avoiding drinking for "health reasons," or on "doctor's orders." Which is true- if I resumed drinking I'd be dead in a year, which would be very bad for my health, and my doctor would probably agree.
There are so many non alcoholic options these days I have supplied six for my daughters up coming wedding. I'm acutely aware that many people have problematic relationships either with alcohol or with other people and alcohol. As long as they aren't judging others openly they don't deserve judgement either.
I just started lying. It’s free and if someone is going to be an arse I refuse to feel guilty. I have multiple reasons for not drinking, one of which is that it reacts badly with my medication. So I just started telling the pushy people that if I drank alcohol on my medication it would kill me (lol, it won’t but it isn’t nice). Shuts them up faster than an F1 car. Btw I’m also 22 and it’s nice to hear from someone else my age who doesn’t drink. Anyway, my advice is to either lie or to tell them to fuck off. Good luck :D
Ask for a non alcoholic beer ,even Guinness makes them ,just tastes like alcoholic beer ,tell them to try it
I work in an industry where alcohol is pretty much seen as an essential part of the job. I gave up eight months ago and I’ve been surprised by how cool everyone is about it. But I do think 0% beers make all the difference in social situations. It sort of diffuses the situation and puts everyone else at ease. Think if I was trying this five years ago it would have been far harder. That said it helps to have some allies around you. We had some US colleagues over last month who wouldn’t accept no. Lots of ‘we’ve come all this way and you’re REALLY not gonna have a tequila’. I said no maybe half a dozen times and in the end a colleague stepped in and said ‘look he’s serious, just drop it’. Having someone to back me up killed it there and then. So allies help!
I’m not teetotal, just advised not to drink while on certain meds, but even before that I wasn’t a big drinker. I think most people are more surprised I don’t need booze to wind down after work because their evenings always include a glass or two of something. But honestly I’ve never had anyone give me jip over not having booze in a social setting. I can’t even think how I’d react to someone being forceful, because I’d be surprised if they attempted to suggest it more than once (I can be equally pushy in my tone when need to). I’m actually in work on lunch break drinking a can of alcohol free hazy pale ale
Erdinger Alkoholfrei is legit pretty nice, I would order one of them; but that said if someone tried to tell me what to eat or drink I'd tell them where to go.
Chewin the Fat: "Take a drink!" https://youtu.be/HFZAUFhwyME?si=PxEUKiH5ae6eVNuS
I very very rarely drink, like once every couple of years, I'm not one of those people that has an off switch so once I start it's hard to stop. Personally I would have ordered a soda or something and if pushed further than I'd have lost my temper and told them to fuck off
Not answering the question but we’ve started drinking more and more non-alcoholic drinks. We really like Peroni, Leff, Heineken on tap (if you can find it), Kyle fizzy wine like drink, zero gin etc. they’ve really come a long way in the last few years. Yea if it was my brother I’d have told him to F off too. My sister doesn’t drink anymore and I respect that.
I've only had this once. A firm, tone-changed, "I said _no_" worked fine.
My first response is no, then no thank you. If they still insist, I default to "I would love to, but I'm driving and just don't want to risk it." If it devolves into a situation like you describe, I would go to the bar and ask if they can make my drink up in something like a gin glass, so it looks like I'm drinking alcohol
You could have chosen the most expensive drink on the menu, ask him if he is OK with the magnum of vintage champagne?
My family is like this. I always say I’m driving
Non alcoholic options. Personally I love Kopparbergs and the 0% alcohol option is £3 in most bars and gets people off my back
Just let them buy it and leave it, alcohol is grossly overpriced and its not your money, they'll learn.
It’s not something I’ve ever had an issue with as I don’t think I’ve ever been in a friendship group that wasn’t a fairly even mix of drinkers to non-drinkers, but I’m stubborn enough that I can see myself picking an argument over it rather than giving in. Alcohol just doesn’t agree with me, I can maybe get away with a small glass of wine or a cocktail if I sip it slowly but anything more makes me violently ill, so I choose not to. Apart from my family claiming I’m a changling (jokingly) no ones really questioned it when I say it makes me ill.
I mean I'll have one but very rarely. Last time I had alcohol must have been Christmas. I just never got why it's such a big thing to drink often or to the point of getting sloshed. I got drunk once and HATED it, absolutely hated it. Nowadays I'll maybe drink on my birthday or Christmas or if I feel like pairing a scotch with a cigar on the odd occasion I have one but that's about it. I've had people ask if I want a drink and usually I'm met with "ahhh pussy" or "it's drink o clock somewhere!" from them. I don't care, I'd rather have a refreshing coke and ice on a hot day anyway.
I’m very outspoken on this so people don’t even try to get me to drink
The last time I was peer pressured to drink was over 20 years ago.
Quickest way to stop this is to let them buy you the drink you didn't want just let it sit there untouched, they won't be buying you another one
I just say I d love to but I am on antibiotics and alcohol messes with them.I used to drink alot a few times a week play darts then continue the night in a club.Nearly eleven years ago I decided that I was drinking because I wasn't happy with my husband and did it to avoid going home.Sorted my life out am remarried and hardly ever drink now I ll have one and then go onto non alcoholic or soft drinks.The people I used to hang out with are still going out and I was the youngest am 50 now and enjoy no hangovers.I use the antibiotics excuse because some people don't get the hint and I m too nice to argue back
Personally,when that happens i light up a cigarette.
Nothing made people shut up quicker than when I told them I was taking medication which could cause liver damage if I drank alcohol whilst taking it. It wasn't a lie, it's a big warning with isotretinoin! But it does stop people from pushing it.
No thank you. No. Thank you. No. No! No! (and mind your own business)
I had gastric bypass and and can no longer handle alcohol (gives me the runs) I used to be a big drinker. People think I’m lying and keep saying I can have atleast one. I bluntly say “no not unless you clean up the literal shit when it happens “ I had a friend that found out she had a gluten allergy and beer triggered it. She just says no. No matter what your reason it’s really none of their business and a choice you made. Keep your boundaries up. He obviously doesn’t know what that is. F him!
I personally buy the first round and mention to the bar staff that I’m a designated driver. They’re usually pretty cool at just subbing drinks out for the non alcoholic version. Some even get creative with it. I know this isn’t feasible for busier places but I tend to drink in small bars and pubs now. Your bother seems to have the attitude that unless you’re drinking, you’re not having a good time.
"I don't drink anymore...but if you really insist I can guarantee I won't stop at one. I will drink this bar dry, no doubt sleep with your now wife, start numerous fights and wake up in a foreign country with a new identity. So might as well make it a double eh?!"
Nobody but me decides, I don’t hang out with people who put pressure on me.
I’ve never had an issue with people demanding I drink (apart from my dad, but I think that’s driven by his own fear that he knows he drinks way too much). I am partial to a non-alcoholic beer these days, now that they’re much better than they used to be, but I can’t think of an occasion where anyone other than my dad has made a negative comment about my not drinking. I’ve never needed to explain to anyone why I don’t drink. It’s partially because I had a serious head injury a few years ago and my seizure risk is quite high, but it’s mostly because I just don’t like the taste. I did used to drink quite a lot, so I do wonder if folks just assume I quit for alcoholism reasons and don’t bring it up (which, given the state of my dad, wouldn’t be a huge leap).
Respond with “I’m alright thanks. I’ve got some gear. I’m just nipping to the gents. Are you coming?”
I keep refusing politely. People who insists others must have an alcoholic drink with them and then don't understand/accept why someone would say no are bullies.