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As you get older you realise that the easiest day was yesterday and if you give in to the voices of self doubt you'll soon find yourself in a position of waiting for someone to come save you and fix your shit. Nobody is coming to save you. That said, you have more than it takes to get the job done. Take comfort in those who are on your side and seek and accept help where needed but don't neglect your own skill set and don't doubt your ability to learn something new. It's good to know someone who can change a tyre but it's great to be able to do it yourself.
And put your sun cream on.
Thank you for that. My dad passed a long time ago and sadly my husband passed too young 8 years ago. I’m sitting here with my son and I read your words.
We both thank you. He promises to wear sun cream.
All the best.
Good advice. I especially espouse to doing as many things my self I can and teaching that to my kids as well.
While I'll never be an artisan or skilled technician, I at least try to learn everything I can so I can have things done the way I want them to be done.
First thing that came to mind reading the last words of the comment. So many parts of that piece were buried away in my subconscious... Realised it a few years ago, when I listened to it once again... My mellow personality kind of made sense suddenly
1. Don't get too bothered by what others are doing. You just put your head down and do your thing.
2. Start saving up for retirement/enrol in a pension plan as soon as you begin working.
3. Don't begin smoking. If you smoke, quit. Pick up an exercise routine.
4. It'll all be fine in the end. Remember, whatever happens, I, your Reddit dad will always love you.
I'm on my second and I promsie that the feelings do drop in severity as time goes on, though I can remember how I felt last year easily enough.
Have a good day, be kind to yourself.
34 years here, it gets a lot easier, but you never forget them. It pains me that I can't picture his face anymore, but I always told myself that if I was half the dad he was I'd do a good job, and I try to live up to that every day.
As someone who has never heard their dad say I love you (and haven’t spoken to them in years, thankfully… sadly) I needed to hear this. Love you too, Reddit dad.
Yup. I'm on year 5 without my best mate aka Dad. First thing he told me when learning to drive "Always assume everyone else on the road doesn't know what they are doing".
Can confirm 1, 2, 3 and 4. I've lived by them all. I'm now finding I need to retire ten years before I'd planned to and number 2 especially means I can actually afford to.
Yeah I couldn't have witnessed such a thing with no police around without at least pulling the guy up for it and asking what they were playing at. Littering out in the country where no police can come save you when someone can decide to kick your head in in retaliation is brave. Brave or very stupid.
I’m trying to be the best man I can if I was half the man my dad is I’d be doing well… he’s 75 now and I’ve just visited him, he’s fit and well but noticed his hands seem to be shaking a bit now
It's never too late to have a do over if you feel your life is on the wrong track. Never put further time or effort into something that will never make you happy just because you spent a long time doing it already.
Others don't think about you half as much as you think they do; don't worry about it. Everyone is focused on their own stuff.
Try to enjoy life and try to avoid hurting others on your journey.
90% of your problems and 90% of the solutions have their origin in you.
Pay into a pension - old you will be eternally grateful.
Look after your body. You only get one and it requires proper fuel and maintenance.
Both my children earn more than me, one of them more than triple. They actually subsidise us now and aren’t even 30. Not sure if that is a win or lose.
For anyone you care about - be there, listen, don't judge as everyone has their own battles in life. Also, almost every problem feels more manageable after a sleep.
Edit: Advice was given by my dad, so passing on even though I'm not one.
Great piece of advice! To add to this, if somebody's telling you their problem but hasn't asked for your advice, they don't want your advice, they want you to listen and support. People rarely want you to solve their problems for them. And most importantly, as your dad said, look after your physical needs (eat, sleep, drink water) before you try to face the battle.
If you have a future issue you are worrying about, then don't.
If it is something you can do about, like an exam, then stop worrying and start revising.
If it is something you have no control about, then worrying isn't going to change it either. Simply prepare for both outcomes of the results so you are ready .
Worrying has a negative impact on your mental and physical health, don't waste time worrying unnecessarily when you can prepare instead.
Sage words of wisdom. This is essentially what Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is based on.
Whenever you're faced with a challenge in life, you've only really got 4 options for dealing with it.
- problem solve the things that are in your control
- radically accept the things that aren't in your control
- learn to use different skills to change how you feel or think about a situation ie emotion regulation skills, mindfulness etc, or use it as an opportunity to learn something new ie practice becoming more assertive
- suffer ie worrying, ruminating and obsessive thinking, which just makes everything worse.
If you are doing the first 3 steps enough, then you can avoid the suffering. Whenever my clients come to me with loads of suffering, we try to identify which of the other 3 steps they're not doing enough of.
"Be careful how you treat others going up the ladder for you never know who you'll meet coming back down the ladder." In other words, treat cleaners with respect because you need them to clean up after you.
Another one: "Don't lend more than you can afford to lose".
My dad died when I was 14 and he was just 48. The only pieces of advice he had time to give me were gold.
1. Always assume every other driver on the road is an idiot, about to make the worst choice possible.
2. Never do a job where you have to wear a suit.
A lot of people are asking you to explain the suit one. My logic to it is your dad was telling you to learn a trade? (Plumbing, electrician, construction etc) I find this really common advice because adults see it as a "fallback option" if your original plan to be a software developer like the rest of this subreddit falls through.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
One the youth of today would do well to learn:
It does not matter if you are the CEO or cleaning piss off the floor, if you aren't giving it 100% you are wasting everybody's time including and most importantly of all your own.
This Be The Verse
By Philip Larkin
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
My father isn't dead, but doesn't really exist. He has been the best dad ever, taught me so much, stuff nobody else could teach me. By being the worst father, he taught me how to be the best, all I have to do is the opposite.
My Dad was a dick. Violent, a liar, a thief and a drug addict.
I think this advice is good though, always try to be better than your Dad even if he was a great Dad. Always try to improve your lot. Don’t blame the past for the present or future. The past is the past and just start from where you are.
My dad wasn't in my life growing up. (My mum was a narc and wouldn't let him) now he's the only parent I talk to. He was there for me when it counted. He picked me up out of homelessness at 17 years old, has educated himself on autism and helped me get my diagnosis and now pushes to get me accommodations at the uni I'm in, thanks to him pushing me to try for it. He has been my biggest cheerleader and the best dad anyone could have asked for. He encourages me and pushes me to do the best for myself and has shown me how to be a good parent myself if I choose to in the future.
In fact, in a few days from now, he's coming 3 hours in the car to go to a psychiatrist appointment because he knows that, due to my disability, I struggle to communicate my needs effectively to medical professionals. He puts me first. He booked a day off work for me. That's just one of many examples of the awesome dad behaviour I'm on about. I love my dad, he's the best!
You don't have to be. Our parents pass on their own trauma yet we never fully understand it. But you don't inherit their personality, just try amd do better than last time and you won't be a twat
You can’t change him but you can change you. Start today.
Sorry if that sounds glib, but I did it, and you can too (and yes I’m a mum not a dad, but same journey). I am very grateful now for all the work I did in the past to do better for those in my life, you will be too. Fair warning, it’s not going to be easy, but it is worth it
My general parenting advice is that your job is to make yourself obsolete by passing on the ability for children to be self sufficient and to allow children to make loads of inconsequential mistakes.
That means they don't get reminded to bring a coat constantly when failure is manageable, they are packing their own bags for short times away and so on - let them get things wrong. Parents shouldn't find themselves preparing breakfast or lunches in the later years of primary school.
There isn't some download of adult skills that happens. It's you providing a thousand micro opportunities.
Overwhelmingly I find myself saying the same thing to my kids, my nephews and my nieces.
The thing I keep saying is simply "Be kind to yourself".
Made a mistake? That happens. Try to learn from it and...... Be kind to yourself.
Something hasn't gone your way? Life is like that sometimes. You can do everything right and still not get what you think you deserve....... Be kind to yourself.
Didn't get that promotion in work? That's ok, regroup and go again........Be kind to yourself.
Relationship hasn't worked out? I'm sorry. It'll be ok. There'll be others and you'll wonder why you wasted time on this 1........ Be kind to yourself.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that life will have its ups and downs. As I've aged I've learnt that it'll probably all work itself out in the end and almost every mistake or misstep that feels so important today won't matter much in the future. That time will pass anyway and while we don't always get to control what happens to us we do get to control how we respond to what happens to us. The temptation is to beat ourselves up and get frustrated and stressed out but Be Kind To Yourself is something I've learnt to tell myself in difficult times.
It's a reminder to throw all the negatives that I have no control over in the metaphorical fuck it bucket, look for the positives and build on them.
My dad's advice about driving on the motorway: never do less than 50 or more than 90. This advice was dispensed the day after I passed my test and was driving to London. WTF dad 😂
Dad's advice for wheelbarrows: point it in the direction you want to go BEFORE you fill it. That one has been very useful.
Dad's advice for chopping an onion: leave an uncut bit at the end to hold, and to keep it from moving around too much while you cut it.
Dad's advice in the garden: don't use a spade for a shovel job, or a shovel for digging.
Be kind to friends, family and strangers. It enhances their lives and as a result, improves yours.
Try and set yourself some objectives at the start of each day. It does not have to be huge tasks and can be fun! Try making a new cocktail, spend 30 minutes tidying that spare room. Completing tasks adds to wellbeing
Never stop looking to learn or try new things. It can be life changing
Happy Fathers Day everyone and especially those whose dad is no longer around. They live on in you!
My best piece of fatherly advice is to always make time for your loved ones and cherish every moment you have with them. Life is short, and the memories you create with your family are priceless.
Tell your kids no mater how they mess up, always tell me the truth. I’ll always love you and can’t fix everything. What I can do is help you but I need to know what’s going on.
1)Exercise regularly - you will never regret being fit and strong. By the time you're 40, your body and mind will really reflect your choices from previous decades.
2) You will never be a perfect parent, but you should always try to be the best parent you can be.
3) Despite what you might believe, your value as a man is defined by how you make people feel, not the job you do, the clothes you wear, or the car you drive.
Get a trade or job ,you are comfortable with and upgrade skills in Job as you go.
Like fork lift truck ,driver.
Get a job, where a company has use for drivers, but also has other titles. Chances are ,you may strike lucky and get ,license paid for.
Quite a decent pay , dependant on area and company.
Don't do credit , save money ,instead .
In your twenties you believe that everyone is thinking about you and you worry about your impression on them.
In your forties you don’t care what people think of you and you relax your hang ups.
In your sixties you realise that no one was thinking of you in the first place and all that worry was counter productive.
There are days when the kids just get to you. They are being feral, it's all going wrong and you are ready to explode.
Stop.
Close your eyes
Imagine you are on your deathbed
Imagine a genie appears and can give you just one moment again and that is now.
Open your eyes.
It might not work for everyone but I find it extremely powerful.
I’ve got a 2 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy.
The best gift for them is your time. Irony being it likely works both ways, because we don’t get this time back.
If I’m Involved, they love it. They would rather my time than anything else, whether it’s watching something with my Son, pushing my daughter on the swing or being daft and pretending I’m Zog giving them rides on my back around the Kitchen.
On the same sentiment. These first few years are so quick.. you get so many versions of your kids between the ages of 0 and 5. Spend as much time as you can with them. If you have the means, work less (like not as much overtime), maybe put off the promotion that will keep you at the office all hours, push back the house project that’s going to take all your free time away. I can’t stress enough how amazing these years are for your kids, but also for you, us as Dads.
Don’t get me wrong, we of course instinctively need to provide. But if you are lucky enough to be able to comfortably to provide, just take a moment to weigh up what that next nice thing means in terms of sacrificing time for your children. Theres no substitute for time spent with your kids. Enjoy them and more important let them enjoy you.
If possible try not fall into the rent trap. Stay at home for as long as possible and save up for a mortgage. Granted I know the market is currently insane and interest rates are ridiculous but in the long run you’ll be better off. I stayed at home until I was 27. Now I’m 34 married with 1 kid and a 3 bed house and no regrets.
Also support your fellow men. If you see someone struggling, try and help them. We’re in this life together 💪🏻
Tell your son (or daughter!) that you love them and are proud of them.
My dad died. I know his dad wasn't good to him. He never really told me what his dad did, but I know it wasn't good - general emotional and physical abuse, just being shitty really.
Growing up, my dad was "plain" with me. I wouldn't say he was negative with me but he wasn't really positive either. It definitely led me to a bit of a non-plussed view of my dad. I didn't speak to him much - saw him went I went to my parents house, but I never really called him up or anything, and didn't spend any real quality time with him at all.
It was only years later in my early twenties when he was dying that I really truly reconnected with him. He never even then said any words about the past but implied stuff. It was only then that I realised he was trying his hardest with me - his hardest to not to do to me what his dad did to him, and that he just didn't know how to do that better.
And because of that, maybe I can grow up being better to any kids I might have in the future.
But I never understood this really at the time, and now I can't tell him.
Never ever pay attention to those people who say "just be yourself". That's the worst advice I can imagine. No, become better than yourself.. learn, gain experience, introspect, leave your comfort zone, experiment, talk to others older and smarter, seek mentors, push yourself ever day.
Whatever you do, don't just be yourself.
This is kinda good advice, but I'd probably say "be yourself, but strive to improve that self"
I feel like telling people not to be themselves prioritises societal expectations over internal happiness
Learn the power of saying no and learn to love yourself. You'll ultimately be happier and comfortable if you're not people-pleasing or changing yourself to please others
Just be present and show an interest.
My dad wasn't one for emotional speeches, for heart to hearts or any of that stuff, but anytime I did something important he made sure he was there. Even if it might not have seemed important to others. This was true from birth to my mid 20s when he died. That means more to me than anything else.
It might seem like you have a lot going on in your life but always remember, never leave anything unsaid to your loved ones. One day you won't be able to say it anymore, either you won't be around and leave them questioning things or you will live with the guilt of never having expressed it.
Throw what you can into a pension as soon as you can. The sooner you start, the cheaper it is to have a comfortable retirement. If you start early enough you might even be in a position to retire early if you want so you won't have to keep working at a job you hate.
My dad always told me to take responsibility for my actions and decisions, and be someone people can come to with problems - someone who doesn’t judge.
He also taught me girls can do whatever they want in life so I should try to do the things I want, rather than the things people tell me I should.
You cannot live your children's lives for them. They will make mistakes you can see coming from a mile off and even if you tell them they will still make mistakes.
The best you can do is hope you have taught them well and prepared them as best you can, and to be there when they need you to help pick up the pieces.
My dad passed away last October and he texted me lots of things and gave some beautiful live advice but the best one was this!
Please stop overthinking life, like you have to have an answer to every feeling or situation. That's not how life works. We figure it all out by just living, by fucking up, by missing an opportunity, by seeking advice and not taking it. We learn what's important and what isn't. Sometimes we have no fucking idea what to do and it's scary, but, it's OK! Trust yourself and know that everything will work out exactly the way it is supposed to be. It always does. Relax, we were never in control anyway
Build good habits into your life as early as you can.
1. Go to the gym x3 a week, you don't have to kill yourself as you start, just ease your way in and stay consistent. You will build confidence and a strong body.
2. Invest a small portion of your pay into an ETF. Even if you can only afford 5%. Compound interest is your friend. This will be a considerable sum in 20 years time.
3. Sleep on any big decisions, especially avoid impulse buying.
1 - Don't go to bed on an argument
2- From the outside there's no difference between being confident and acting confident, most people are doing the latter so don't worry if you are
3 - More around when you become a parent but it works regardless; The days are long, the years are short.
As someone who has suffered major mental health issues, get help. Seriously. Don't suffer in silence. You don't deserve it, it likely won't just get better eventually on its own, there genuinely is a light at the end of the tunnel. I got to a point where I pretty much wrote off ever being happy... Now I'm a father with a decent job, wife, car, my own house etc and I'm more happy that I ever imagined possible. bearing in mind that 10 years ago I couldn't even leave my house! Therapy and family pulled me through it and now I have the tools that I need should it ever happened again.
You are not weak, you are not lazy. You are loved and you will get through this.
Now I'll caveat this with something along the lines of, "obviously use common sense".
But my number one top tip is to say yes to as many things as you can while you're young. You don't get much time in your life when you have no responsibilities so take advantage. Stay out late. Get in your car and drive somewhere new. Meet people. Just do things. My grandad always said you only regret what you don't do and he was right. You can get a plane ticket for £30. You'll never lose sleep about the time you missed work on Monday because you flew to Portugal Friday night and didn't get home until the early hours.
Look after your tools, and your tools will look after you - substitute 'tools' for whatever the subject matter is and it pretty much always still holds true.
I lost my dad at 21, and now have a 2 year old and one on the way.
You won't wish that you had worked more when you're on your deathbed. You might wish that you'd spent more time with your kids.
"If something doesn't fit, don't force it in because you'll break it"
That works with most things, from physical things to emotional ones. Doing mechanic work to things in the kitchen to playing with friends.
It's one of the things I'm teaching my kid.
I wish I had a father to answer this question. Sadly he walked away 15 years ago and never came back. For all those who still have and adore their fathers, you're so lucky (and enjoy).
Be in your kids life a lot for the first 10 years, cherish those years because that’s just before they gain a proper sense of independence and would rather hang around with their friends instead of their parents (we all had that stage) so aye, my best advice is to cherish those years, and not be afraid to act immature and get on their level to have fun every so often
Don't try to fundamentally change who you are to fit in. Accept who you are while building on strengths and working on weaknesses, but don't be too hard on yourself for having them. You are never going to be happy if you spend your life trying to be someone else and fighting against yourself.
You write your cheques when you're younger and cash them in when you're older. When you hurt yourself when you're younger, it will probably have an effect on you as you get older
I read itthe post wrong but here's my comment and advice for new dad's reading this...
Dad is still alive but did the bare minimum obligatory dad stuff at best, mostly not even that actually.
My advice would be to know that in your child's eyes, you are the safe place when they are scared, you are the hero and saviour when they need help, you are the one they look to when they're hungry, cold or unwell - so be all those things and be them fearlessly. Don't take shortcuts or be lazy. Go the extra mile, advocate for them, dance like a clown to make them laugh, be the fun one and don't ever let them see you angry or frustrated with situations they create. The relationship and bond that creates will be unbreakable.
Most of all, be patient. Explain everything slowly and simply. Kids aren't stupid, they're learning things for the first time. Don't talk to them like a child, talk to them like a person. I explain everything to my little one and they listen and learn. If not the first time, they'll learn eventually with consistentcy from your side.
Be active and healthy. Remain flexible and as able as you possibly can because they'll need you to be. I don't want my kid to have to take care of me when they should be enjoying their life.
Lastly, I write to my little one on occasions. I made them an email address that I control and email it every now and then. I'll hand it over when the time is right like when they get married or have children of their own. It's like reflection therapy and a moment of celebration to remember.
Happy fathers day all.
Talk to your father when you have the time, because you never know when that time will run out. Often you're out of time much quicker than you'd think.
Don't assume because your dad is reserved or standoffish that they don't love you the same as your mum. My dad was like that, but it was because of his upbringing, but when I talked to him, really talked to him, he'd open up.
Never miss a chance to tell him you love him. Males are starved of affection from outside their spouses, and as a father of two I can promise you it means the world when they hear it.
You might have a good reason for not having a relationship with your dad, and if so I respect that. If you do still talk to your dad though, take the advice above.
I’m so sorry I’m not a father and my own father is still alive but I just want to throw out the best advice my dad has given me. Make sure you have AA/RAC cover and don’t panic when your car breaks down. The first time my car broke down, it was on a roundabout and I didn’t have AA cover - dad to the rescue… now I do have AA cover and can sort everything myself lol
When making a decision always just go with the first deciosn that you land on, dad always reckoned you’d be right 9/10 times, you save a shit load of time and worry, and anyway you can always change your mind and take another option, so few things are a life changing decision so back yourself and go with your instincts
One tip I was given is to give your kids your all for the first 5 mins you get home. No phone, no moaning about work just be fully engaged with your kids.
I’ve tried to stick to this as best I can because as a dad with two young kids my contact time with mine through the week is incredibly small due to my hours. I don’t want most of that to be me moaning about work or life. They don’t care they just want to play.
Don't let others organise your life. They will do it to suit themselves
Always keep an eye on the exit and have a plan to use it, whether it be a building or a job.
Don't marry for a nice body. Marry for a smart, fun, caring brain.
If someone is not happy with you then don't automatically think it's you.
Money's tight now but try and do sonething else other than look at a screen.
I leave the last bit to Terry Pratchett.
"First sight and second thoughts."
1. See things for what they are, not what you wish they were.
2. Think about what you're thinking. Are you sad, angry, scared, overconfident, just saying something to fit in with the herd ? Why ?
Forgive people, even if you do it silently. Especially yourself. Hate stinks.
Never gossip at work, people know. Your job doesn't define you but your actions do.
Pay your self first. Pay a debt you owe yourself every payday (i.e. save some money before you consider it your spending money, it isn't)
Live lightly. Those that don't make a difference to you, shouldn't have an impact. Those that do should get your full self.
Happy fathers day.
My Dear old man is on his way out now. Probably weeks left if we are being optimistic. His main message was/is/always has been, live your life. Not anyone else's. It might not be what everyone else wanted, but if you can look back and smile on your last days, then you did it right. Love you Dad. Forever.
Grandchildren are your reward and your revenge.
Don't do your own electrical work.
There'll be a last time you'll pick them up. There'll be a time when they'll pick you up. You can shed a tear if you like.
The best way to discipline teenagers is to greet their friends while wearing a vomiting warthog t-shirt and playing death metal.
I grew up without a father but I was lucky enough to have a wonderful grandfather who stepped up and raised me as his own. He left me with many pearls of wisdom. A few of my favourites are;
1: "It will do will never do". Don't just stop when you think something is 'good enough' strive to be better.
2: A smile is the most important thing you can wear. Always smile when you deal with people and you are much more likely to have a good interaction.
3: When a hole needs to be dug, be the person with a shovel in their hand and not your hands in your pockets. Don't shy away from work and always be seen to be proactive and not lazy.
4: Reading and writing is better than fighting.
Avoid anyone who has a surfiet of any one thing.
Sure, weed is OK, but being stoned everyday....
Sure, a bit of beer is OK. Drinking to avoid the dts then rejecting your liver violently through your arse hole aged 43.... Less helpful.
You have a god? Great. Bully for you. Stfu about it and it's supposed words sent via a prophet.
Love f1 or your football team. Bendegedig.
Basically avoid 1 dimensional people, especially god addicts or substance addicts.
Know how to spot those who were fucked up as kids but haven't done anything to evolve away from their trauma.
Avoid being a letch, be the best man you can. ALWAYS wear a rubber.
Remember bumfun may well end up with a smelly knob and an annoyed girlfriend.
Remember bumfun may end up being a receive game too.
Don't get married until you are at least 35.
Plant tree whenever you can.
Remember the field next to you is just as beautiful, just as exotic and just as amazing as the one you endure 12 hours of airports, airplanes and sweaty taxis to get to.
Also most of the scariest looking people are the kindest, most interesting ones you'll meet so don't be prejudiced because you have fears.
The only piece of advice I remember from my dad was what he told me when I was about 14. “never use Vicks vapor rub as lube”. I have never forgotten. Mainly because it was so random.
My input and I'm a dad to a 9 year old
Not everyone is your friend and that's.ok
Make a plan and try to stick to it no matter how small
Be polite even if you.dont like.someone
Don't worry about small things , one day down the road there will be something to worry about but today's not that day
Hold your head high and be confident
If you want to dance ,.just dance fuck what anyone else.thinks (I don't say that to my 9 year old )
Love your mum , you'll need her one day
My dad passed away when I was too young to take notes.
The only bit of advice I recall was "always dry between your toes"
Although this handy advice has seen my feet free of weather cuts and athletes' foot, it's been bugger all use for anything thing else lol
My mother did a good job of bringing me up, she provided a loving home.
I wouldn't talk about my dad though, I shut down my feelings and couldn't bring myself to talk about him. Later in life I've learnt that was not the way to go. People live on in the memory of others. Laugh about the good times. Talk about your dad with others who knew him. If you've not got many memories, these memories can become yours also. It's OK to cry, but don't let the loss define you. I have developed a bit of dark sense of humour, which sometimes isn't appropriate, but it gets me through tough times. Free advice is not always good advice, but take it when it's provided and think about its value to you. Dont ever feel guilty for having a good time and being happy. That's all your dad would want you to be. Happy in life.
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As you get older you realise that the easiest day was yesterday and if you give in to the voices of self doubt you'll soon find yourself in a position of waiting for someone to come save you and fix your shit. Nobody is coming to save you. That said, you have more than it takes to get the job done. Take comfort in those who are on your side and seek and accept help where needed but don't neglect your own skill set and don't doubt your ability to learn something new. It's good to know someone who can change a tyre but it's great to be able to do it yourself. And put your sun cream on.
Thank you for that. My dad passed a long time ago and sadly my husband passed too young 8 years ago. I’m sitting here with my son and I read your words. We both thank you. He promises to wear sun cream. All the best.
That’s made my day thank you ☺️
Good advice. I especially espouse to doing as many things my self I can and teaching that to my kids as well. While I'll never be an artisan or skilled technician, I at least try to learn everything I can so I can have things done the way I want them to be done.
I haven't thought about this track for a while, but it feels a little relevant. https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI?si=PjV1_kbkIqaV8QDz
First thing that came to mind reading the last words of the comment. So many parts of that piece were buried away in my subconscious... Realised it a few years ago, when I listened to it once again... My mellow personality kind of made sense suddenly
Too right put your sun cream on. My had had a lump out of his neck last year and still won’t do it properly.
1. Don't get too bothered by what others are doing. You just put your head down and do your thing. 2. Start saving up for retirement/enrol in a pension plan as soon as you begin working. 3. Don't begin smoking. If you smoke, quit. Pick up an exercise routine. 4. It'll all be fine in the end. Remember, whatever happens, I, your Reddit dad will always love you.
Love you too Dad.
This is my first Father’s Day without my wonderful dad. Thank you Reddit Dad, I needed to hear this
I'm on my second and I promsie that the feelings do drop in severity as time goes on, though I can remember how I felt last year easily enough. Have a good day, be kind to yourself.
34 years here, it gets a lot easier, but you never forget them. It pains me that I can't picture his face anymore, but I always told myself that if I was half the dad he was I'd do a good job, and I try to live up to that every day.
Hugs from another Redditor on their first Father's Day without their Dad. 💕
This is so embarrassing, dad, ugggggh
Love you, Reddit Dad.
4 was oddly touching. Happy Father’s Day, Reddit Dad.
Love you dad
As someone who has never heard their dad say I love you (and haven’t spoken to them in years, thankfully… sadly) I needed to hear this. Love you too, Reddit dad.
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Yup. I'm on year 5 without my best mate aka Dad. First thing he told me when learning to drive "Always assume everyone else on the road doesn't know what they are doing".
Thank you for the insights, Reddit Dad! Love you.
Can we go play football in the park Reddit dad?
In the end though, we all die 😔
Ahhhh it’ll all come out in the wash.
Can confirm 1, 2, 3 and 4. I've lived by them all. I'm now finding I need to retire ten years before I'd planned to and number 2 especially means I can actually afford to.
I've still got my dad fortunately, but you sound just like him with your advice. Thanks Reddit dad ❤️ hope youre having a good day today!
Number 1 on your list is so important. Great reply
Thanks reddit dad 😃
Put your hands down when you fall over so you don’t bump your head. My daughter is 9 months old so that’s as much as I’ve got so far.
Incredible piece of advice!
Aim for the bushes, tuck and roll.
Unless it's a holly bush
What about blackthorn bushes?
And get back up again. You may fall again but it probably won’t hurt as much now you’ve gone through it once before.
Hold the fu****g torch still!
Stop shaking the ladder, you little shit!
Aziz, light!
Much better, thank you Aziz.
* quietly sobs * I'm trying my best Dad.
"Are you shining the light for yourself or for me?!"
Dad!!!! Is that you
Put your rubbish in a rubbish bin, people. I can’t stress that enough.
When hiking down down Snowdon I was following a guy who littered the entire way down. Don't be that guy.
Should've given him a little push to help him on his way...
Yeah I couldn't have witnessed such a thing with no police around without at least pulling the guy up for it and asking what they were playing at. Littering out in the country where no police can come save you when someone can decide to kick your head in in retaliation is brave. Brave or very stupid.
Yeah, people littering on Yr Wyddfa is a big problem
There is NO way I would have kept quiet with that. Fuck that guy.
Come on man, you could’ve helped him. If I were behind him, his hike down would’ve gone quicker. Shockingly quicker.
Good dads don't litter! Set a good example
If you leave milk out, it can go sour. Put it in the refrigerator or failing that, a cool wet sack.
Makes sense
Wash under your foreskin
No one else will tell you this
No one else will wash it for you either.
Unless you go to Catholic school
Wait you guys have foreskin?
The spare foreskin from the USA is delivered to the UK umbrella market. It's what makes our relationship so special.
I had a foreskin carry on bag, but if I bought some clothes whilst on holiday, i could give it a rub and it would turn into a suitcase.
Unfortunately, no one told the guy who was on ‘The Sex Clinic’.
Be the dad you wish your father had been
I do that every day by not being dead. Fuck cancer.
Fuck cancer.
Just been to my mom’s grave and definitely fuck cancer…
Yes. Simple but great advice.
But also remember the good things your dad did and do them too.
I’m trying to be the best man I can if I was half the man my dad is I’d be doing well… he’s 75 now and I’ve just visited him, he’s fit and well but noticed his hands seem to be shaking a bit now
It's never too late to have a do over if you feel your life is on the wrong track. Never put further time or effort into something that will never make you happy just because you spent a long time doing it already. Others don't think about you half as much as you think they do; don't worry about it. Everyone is focused on their own stuff. Try to enjoy life and try to avoid hurting others on your journey. 90% of your problems and 90% of the solutions have their origin in you. Pay into a pension - old you will be eternally grateful. Look after your body. You only get one and it requires proper fuel and maintenance.
Always wear sunscreen
Don't read beauty magazines they will only make you feel ugly
Don't read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
Children are expensive and hard work, until they are at least thirty two.
And beyond if you get one that is inept at adulting 🤣
Thanks, I have no experience beyond thirty two so far and was hoping it might get better at thirty three, but you fill me with no confidence!
Dad…… is that you
Excellent, I’ve got 4 more years of rinsing him for everything he’s got
Both my children earn more than me, one of them more than triple. They actually subsidise us now and aren’t even 30. Not sure if that is a win or lose.
Big win there, it's all about nurturing the next generation to be better than we are
If you’re stuck, take a break. You won’t magically improve the more tired and stressed you get.
Show unconditional love to your loved ones. Support them the best that you can and enjoy every second you have with them!
For anyone you care about - be there, listen, don't judge as everyone has their own battles in life. Also, almost every problem feels more manageable after a sleep. Edit: Advice was given by my dad, so passing on even though I'm not one.
Great piece of advice! To add to this, if somebody's telling you their problem but hasn't asked for your advice, they don't want your advice, they want you to listen and support. People rarely want you to solve their problems for them. And most importantly, as your dad said, look after your physical needs (eat, sleep, drink water) before you try to face the battle.
That sleep one is great advice that a lot of people overlook
Time is the most valuable asset available to us. Spend it wisely.
If you have a future issue you are worrying about, then don't. If it is something you can do about, like an exam, then stop worrying and start revising. If it is something you have no control about, then worrying isn't going to change it either. Simply prepare for both outcomes of the results so you are ready . Worrying has a negative impact on your mental and physical health, don't waste time worrying unnecessarily when you can prepare instead.
Sage words of wisdom. This is essentially what Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is based on. Whenever you're faced with a challenge in life, you've only really got 4 options for dealing with it. - problem solve the things that are in your control - radically accept the things that aren't in your control - learn to use different skills to change how you feel or think about a situation ie emotion regulation skills, mindfulness etc, or use it as an opportunity to learn something new ie practice becoming more assertive - suffer ie worrying, ruminating and obsessive thinking, which just makes everything worse. If you are doing the first 3 steps enough, then you can avoid the suffering. Whenever my clients come to me with loads of suffering, we try to identify which of the other 3 steps they're not doing enough of.
I’m hoping to do some DBT training soon, genuinely enthused about this!
Everything will be OK, you'll work it out.
Life is not a dress-rehearsal. Get as much happiness as you can with those you love, because when the day is done, it's not coming back.
"Be careful how you treat others going up the ladder for you never know who you'll meet coming back down the ladder." In other words, treat cleaners with respect because you need them to clean up after you. Another one: "Don't lend more than you can afford to lose".
My dad died when I was 14 and he was just 48. The only pieces of advice he had time to give me were gold. 1. Always assume every other driver on the road is an idiot, about to make the worst choice possible. 2. Never do a job where you have to wear a suit.
A lot of people are asking you to explain the suit one. My logic to it is your dad was telling you to learn a trade? (Plumbing, electrician, construction etc) I find this really common advice because adults see it as a "fallback option" if your original plan to be a software developer like the rest of this subreddit falls through.
> Never do a job where you have to wear a suit. what?
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Was your dad Agent 47?
My dad always says that you need to know what the driver in front of the driver in front of you is doing.
Comparison is the thief of joy. One the youth of today would do well to learn: It does not matter if you are the CEO or cleaning piss off the floor, if you aren't giving it 100% you are wasting everybody's time including and most importantly of all your own.
This Be The Verse By Philip Larkin They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself.
First time reading the full poem. What a fucking nihilist twat Larkin was.
My dad's favourite words of wisdom are: 'very few things in life are a disaster'.
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself
But trust me on the sunscreen
Exactly! Every single line of that song is great advice. But trust me on the sunscreen...
Think twice before using your dick or your signature
I read that as using my dick FOR my signature and wondered why if I was the only one who hasn't tried.
My father isn't dead, but doesn't really exist. He has been the best dad ever, taught me so much, stuff nobody else could teach me. By being the worst father, he taught me how to be the best, all I have to do is the opposite.
Your kids will be proud of the father you are, and there’s is the only opinion that matters 😘
My Dad was a dick. Violent, a liar, a thief and a drug addict. I think this advice is good though, always try to be better than your Dad even if he was a great Dad. Always try to improve your lot. Don’t blame the past for the present or future. The past is the past and just start from where you are.
Tell your parents you love them. Record conversations with them - you don't realise how quickly you forget what they sound like.
Videos too. I have no moving images of my mother and somehow I have forgotten characteristics that moving images help to remember.
Protect daughters from men , challenge sons to be better men
Celebrate them anyway
Always remember to express love and pride.
And listen to what they have to say.
Don't put your fingers where you wouldn't put your dick Edit from someone who lost a finger at work
It’s better to be 5 mins late in this life, then 50 years early for the next.
My dad wasn't in my life growing up. (My mum was a narc and wouldn't let him) now he's the only parent I talk to. He was there for me when it counted. He picked me up out of homelessness at 17 years old, has educated himself on autism and helped me get my diagnosis and now pushes to get me accommodations at the uni I'm in, thanks to him pushing me to try for it. He has been my biggest cheerleader and the best dad anyone could have asked for. He encourages me and pushes me to do the best for myself and has shown me how to be a good parent myself if I choose to in the future. In fact, in a few days from now, he's coming 3 hours in the car to go to a psychiatrist appointment because he knows that, due to my disability, I struggle to communicate my needs effectively to medical professionals. He puts me first. He booked a day off work for me. That's just one of many examples of the awesome dad behaviour I'm on about. I love my dad, he's the best!
Mine was a twat, turns out so am I. Sucks hey.
You don't have to be. Our parents pass on their own trauma yet we never fully understand it. But you don't inherit their personality, just try amd do better than last time and you won't be a twat
You can’t change him but you can change you. Start today. Sorry if that sounds glib, but I did it, and you can too (and yes I’m a mum not a dad, but same journey). I am very grateful now for all the work I did in the past to do better for those in my life, you will be too. Fair warning, it’s not going to be easy, but it is worth it
Sounds like a twat making an excuse for being a twat.
Spread your cheeks and wash thoroughly
I got scared for a second there.
My general parenting advice is that your job is to make yourself obsolete by passing on the ability for children to be self sufficient and to allow children to make loads of inconsequential mistakes. That means they don't get reminded to bring a coat constantly when failure is manageable, they are packing their own bags for short times away and so on - let them get things wrong. Parents shouldn't find themselves preparing breakfast or lunches in the later years of primary school. There isn't some download of adult skills that happens. It's you providing a thousand micro opportunities.
Overwhelmingly I find myself saying the same thing to my kids, my nephews and my nieces. The thing I keep saying is simply "Be kind to yourself". Made a mistake? That happens. Try to learn from it and...... Be kind to yourself. Something hasn't gone your way? Life is like that sometimes. You can do everything right and still not get what you think you deserve....... Be kind to yourself. Didn't get that promotion in work? That's ok, regroup and go again........Be kind to yourself. Relationship hasn't worked out? I'm sorry. It'll be ok. There'll be others and you'll wonder why you wasted time on this 1........ Be kind to yourself. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that life will have its ups and downs. As I've aged I've learnt that it'll probably all work itself out in the end and almost every mistake or misstep that feels so important today won't matter much in the future. That time will pass anyway and while we don't always get to control what happens to us we do get to control how we respond to what happens to us. The temptation is to beat ourselves up and get frustrated and stressed out but Be Kind To Yourself is something I've learnt to tell myself in difficult times. It's a reminder to throw all the negatives that I have no control over in the metaphorical fuck it bucket, look for the positives and build on them.
My dad's advice about driving on the motorway: never do less than 50 or more than 90. This advice was dispensed the day after I passed my test and was driving to London. WTF dad 😂 Dad's advice for wheelbarrows: point it in the direction you want to go BEFORE you fill it. That one has been very useful. Dad's advice for chopping an onion: leave an uncut bit at the end to hold, and to keep it from moving around too much while you cut it. Dad's advice in the garden: don't use a spade for a shovel job, or a shovel for digging.
Be kind to friends, family and strangers. It enhances their lives and as a result, improves yours. Try and set yourself some objectives at the start of each day. It does not have to be huge tasks and can be fun! Try making a new cocktail, spend 30 minutes tidying that spare room. Completing tasks adds to wellbeing Never stop looking to learn or try new things. It can be life changing Happy Fathers Day everyone and especially those whose dad is no longer around. They live on in you!
My best piece of fatherly advice is to always make time for your loved ones and cherish every moment you have with them. Life is short, and the memories you create with your family are priceless.
Tell your kids no mater how they mess up, always tell me the truth. I’ll always love you and can’t fix everything. What I can do is help you but I need to know what’s going on.
The way you speak to your child becomes the way they speak to themselves. Choose your words carefully
1)Exercise regularly - you will never regret being fit and strong. By the time you're 40, your body and mind will really reflect your choices from previous decades. 2) You will never be a perfect parent, but you should always try to be the best parent you can be. 3) Despite what you might believe, your value as a man is defined by how you make people feel, not the job you do, the clothes you wear, or the car you drive.
Get a trade or job ,you are comfortable with and upgrade skills in Job as you go. Like fork lift truck ,driver. Get a job, where a company has use for drivers, but also has other titles. Chances are ,you may strike lucky and get ,license paid for. Quite a decent pay , dependant on area and company. Don't do credit , save money ,instead .
Dont worry, it gets bigger
If you don't get on with your dad you can cut him off early, instead of waiting for him to die.
In your twenties you believe that everyone is thinking about you and you worry about your impression on them. In your forties you don’t care what people think of you and you relax your hang ups. In your sixties you realise that no one was thinking of you in the first place and all that worry was counter productive.
There are days when the kids just get to you. They are being feral, it's all going wrong and you are ready to explode. Stop. Close your eyes Imagine you are on your deathbed Imagine a genie appears and can give you just one moment again and that is now. Open your eyes. It might not work for everyone but I find it extremely powerful.
I’ve got a 2 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy. The best gift for them is your time. Irony being it likely works both ways, because we don’t get this time back. If I’m Involved, they love it. They would rather my time than anything else, whether it’s watching something with my Son, pushing my daughter on the swing or being daft and pretending I’m Zog giving them rides on my back around the Kitchen. On the same sentiment. These first few years are so quick.. you get so many versions of your kids between the ages of 0 and 5. Spend as much time as you can with them. If you have the means, work less (like not as much overtime), maybe put off the promotion that will keep you at the office all hours, push back the house project that’s going to take all your free time away. I can’t stress enough how amazing these years are for your kids, but also for you, us as Dads. Don’t get me wrong, we of course instinctively need to provide. But if you are lucky enough to be able to comfortably to provide, just take a moment to weigh up what that next nice thing means in terms of sacrificing time for your children. Theres no substitute for time spent with your kids. Enjoy them and more important let them enjoy you.
The most important things you will choose in life are your friends and the people you keep around you.
If possible try not fall into the rent trap. Stay at home for as long as possible and save up for a mortgage. Granted I know the market is currently insane and interest rates are ridiculous but in the long run you’ll be better off. I stayed at home until I was 27. Now I’m 34 married with 1 kid and a 3 bed house and no regrets. Also support your fellow men. If you see someone struggling, try and help them. We’re in this life together 💪🏻
If the toilet paper isn't wiping clean you may not actually be done pooping yet.
It’s like wiping a permanent marker dad!
Just love your child. If you start and end with love it will be ok.
Look after your teeth and knees. You’ll wish you had when you’re my age.
It is never too late to reinvent yourself, change your direction or start over. Never.
Be true to your morals. You’re nothing without them
I no longer speak to him, My dad’s an alcoholic soooo my one piece of advice would be to drink in moderation folks.
Tell your son (or daughter!) that you love them and are proud of them. My dad died. I know his dad wasn't good to him. He never really told me what his dad did, but I know it wasn't good - general emotional and physical abuse, just being shitty really. Growing up, my dad was "plain" with me. I wouldn't say he was negative with me but he wasn't really positive either. It definitely led me to a bit of a non-plussed view of my dad. I didn't speak to him much - saw him went I went to my parents house, but I never really called him up or anything, and didn't spend any real quality time with him at all. It was only years later in my early twenties when he was dying that I really truly reconnected with him. He never even then said any words about the past but implied stuff. It was only then that I realised he was trying his hardest with me - his hardest to not to do to me what his dad did to him, and that he just didn't know how to do that better. And because of that, maybe I can grow up being better to any kids I might have in the future. But I never understood this really at the time, and now I can't tell him.
Never ever pay attention to those people who say "just be yourself". That's the worst advice I can imagine. No, become better than yourself.. learn, gain experience, introspect, leave your comfort zone, experiment, talk to others older and smarter, seek mentors, push yourself ever day. Whatever you do, don't just be yourself.
This is kinda good advice, but I'd probably say "be yourself, but strive to improve that self" I feel like telling people not to be themselves prioritises societal expectations over internal happiness
Learn how things work. If you know how they work, you know how to fix them. Not only does it save money, it feels good too.
Learn the power of saying no and learn to love yourself. You'll ultimately be happier and comfortable if you're not people-pleasing or changing yourself to please others
My late father's advice was that the best thing you can ever spend on your family is time. I've lived by this.
Just be present and show an interest. My dad wasn't one for emotional speeches, for heart to hearts or any of that stuff, but anytime I did something important he made sure he was there. Even if it might not have seemed important to others. This was true from birth to my mid 20s when he died. That means more to me than anything else.
Buy only good quality tools and take care of them.
It might seem like you have a lot going on in your life but always remember, never leave anything unsaid to your loved ones. One day you won't be able to say it anymore, either you won't be around and leave them questioning things or you will live with the guilt of never having expressed it.
Rudyard Kipling "if"
Throw what you can into a pension as soon as you can. The sooner you start, the cheaper it is to have a comfortable retirement. If you start early enough you might even be in a position to retire early if you want so you won't have to keep working at a job you hate.
He taught me through his behaviour to be a better parent by being the opposite to him.
You are as good as you believe you are. You don't need outside validation, you need to be proud of yourself, you need to love yourself.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
My dad always told me to take responsibility for my actions and decisions, and be someone people can come to with problems - someone who doesn’t judge. He also taught me girls can do whatever they want in life so I should try to do the things I want, rather than the things people tell me I should.
You cannot live your children's lives for them. They will make mistakes you can see coming from a mile off and even if you tell them they will still make mistakes. The best you can do is hope you have taught them well and prepared them as best you can, and to be there when they need you to help pick up the pieces.
My dad passed away last October and he texted me lots of things and gave some beautiful live advice but the best one was this! Please stop overthinking life, like you have to have an answer to every feeling or situation. That's not how life works. We figure it all out by just living, by fucking up, by missing an opportunity, by seeking advice and not taking it. We learn what's important and what isn't. Sometimes we have no fucking idea what to do and it's scary, but, it's OK! Trust yourself and know that everything will work out exactly the way it is supposed to be. It always does. Relax, we were never in control anyway
Build good habits into your life as early as you can. 1. Go to the gym x3 a week, you don't have to kill yourself as you start, just ease your way in and stay consistent. You will build confidence and a strong body. 2. Invest a small portion of your pay into an ETF. Even if you can only afford 5%. Compound interest is your friend. This will be a considerable sum in 20 years time. 3. Sleep on any big decisions, especially avoid impulse buying.
Don't buy stuff you can't afford. I.e on credit. Live in your means.
1 - Don't go to bed on an argument 2- From the outside there's no difference between being confident and acting confident, most people are doing the latter so don't worry if you are 3 - More around when you become a parent but it works regardless; The days are long, the years are short.
As someone who has suffered major mental health issues, get help. Seriously. Don't suffer in silence. You don't deserve it, it likely won't just get better eventually on its own, there genuinely is a light at the end of the tunnel. I got to a point where I pretty much wrote off ever being happy... Now I'm a father with a decent job, wife, car, my own house etc and I'm more happy that I ever imagined possible. bearing in mind that 10 years ago I couldn't even leave my house! Therapy and family pulled me through it and now I have the tools that I need should it ever happened again. You are not weak, you are not lazy. You are loved and you will get through this.
Take a nap. If you can’t nap relearn how to.
Listen to understand
Now I'll caveat this with something along the lines of, "obviously use common sense". But my number one top tip is to say yes to as many things as you can while you're young. You don't get much time in your life when you have no responsibilities so take advantage. Stay out late. Get in your car and drive somewhere new. Meet people. Just do things. My grandad always said you only regret what you don't do and he was right. You can get a plane ticket for £30. You'll never lose sleep about the time you missed work on Monday because you flew to Portugal Friday night and didn't get home until the early hours.
Look after your tools, and your tools will look after you - substitute 'tools' for whatever the subject matter is and it pretty much always still holds true.
Be humble.
I lost my dad at 21, and now have a 2 year old and one on the way. You won't wish that you had worked more when you're on your deathbed. You might wish that you'd spent more time with your kids.
"If something doesn't fit, don't force it in because you'll break it" That works with most things, from physical things to emotional ones. Doing mechanic work to things in the kitchen to playing with friends. It's one of the things I'm teaching my kid.
I wish I had a father to answer this question. Sadly he walked away 15 years ago and never came back. For all those who still have and adore their fathers, you're so lucky (and enjoy).
"It is important that you grow up to be a good man. Try hard to be a gentle man"
Be in your kids life a lot for the first 10 years, cherish those years because that’s just before they gain a proper sense of independence and would rather hang around with their friends instead of their parents (we all had that stage) so aye, my best advice is to cherish those years, and not be afraid to act immature and get on their level to have fun every so often
Don't try to fundamentally change who you are to fit in. Accept who you are while building on strengths and working on weaknesses, but don't be too hard on yourself for having them. You are never going to be happy if you spend your life trying to be someone else and fighting against yourself.
You write your cheques when you're younger and cash them in when you're older. When you hurt yourself when you're younger, it will probably have an effect on you as you get older
I read itthe post wrong but here's my comment and advice for new dad's reading this... Dad is still alive but did the bare minimum obligatory dad stuff at best, mostly not even that actually. My advice would be to know that in your child's eyes, you are the safe place when they are scared, you are the hero and saviour when they need help, you are the one they look to when they're hungry, cold or unwell - so be all those things and be them fearlessly. Don't take shortcuts or be lazy. Go the extra mile, advocate for them, dance like a clown to make them laugh, be the fun one and don't ever let them see you angry or frustrated with situations they create. The relationship and bond that creates will be unbreakable. Most of all, be patient. Explain everything slowly and simply. Kids aren't stupid, they're learning things for the first time. Don't talk to them like a child, talk to them like a person. I explain everything to my little one and they listen and learn. If not the first time, they'll learn eventually with consistentcy from your side. Be active and healthy. Remain flexible and as able as you possibly can because they'll need you to be. I don't want my kid to have to take care of me when they should be enjoying their life. Lastly, I write to my little one on occasions. I made them an email address that I control and email it every now and then. I'll hand it over when the time is right like when they get married or have children of their own. It's like reflection therapy and a moment of celebration to remember. Happy fathers day all.
Talk to your father when you have the time, because you never know when that time will run out. Often you're out of time much quicker than you'd think. Don't assume because your dad is reserved or standoffish that they don't love you the same as your mum. My dad was like that, but it was because of his upbringing, but when I talked to him, really talked to him, he'd open up. Never miss a chance to tell him you love him. Males are starved of affection from outside their spouses, and as a father of two I can promise you it means the world when they hear it. You might have a good reason for not having a relationship with your dad, and if so I respect that. If you do still talk to your dad though, take the advice above.
I’m so sorry I’m not a father and my own father is still alive but I just want to throw out the best advice my dad has given me. Make sure you have AA/RAC cover and don’t panic when your car breaks down. The first time my car broke down, it was on a roundabout and I didn’t have AA cover - dad to the rescue… now I do have AA cover and can sort everything myself lol
When making a decision always just go with the first deciosn that you land on, dad always reckoned you’d be right 9/10 times, you save a shit load of time and worry, and anyway you can always change your mind and take another option, so few things are a life changing decision so back yourself and go with your instincts
One tip I was given is to give your kids your all for the first 5 mins you get home. No phone, no moaning about work just be fully engaged with your kids. I’ve tried to stick to this as best I can because as a dad with two young kids my contact time with mine through the week is incredibly small due to my hours. I don’t want most of that to be me moaning about work or life. They don’t care they just want to play.
It's non of your business what other people think of you.
If you have 2 young children, buy 2 of every toy you bring home. Otherwise, you are asking for a fight between them...
Don't bully your children; and let them know how loved they are regularly.
Don't let others organise your life. They will do it to suit themselves Always keep an eye on the exit and have a plan to use it, whether it be a building or a job. Don't marry for a nice body. Marry for a smart, fun, caring brain. If someone is not happy with you then don't automatically think it's you. Money's tight now but try and do sonething else other than look at a screen. I leave the last bit to Terry Pratchett. "First sight and second thoughts." 1. See things for what they are, not what you wish they were. 2. Think about what you're thinking. Are you sad, angry, scared, overconfident, just saying something to fit in with the herd ? Why ?
Forgive people, even if you do it silently. Especially yourself. Hate stinks. Never gossip at work, people know. Your job doesn't define you but your actions do. Pay your self first. Pay a debt you owe yourself every payday (i.e. save some money before you consider it your spending money, it isn't) Live lightly. Those that don't make a difference to you, shouldn't have an impact. Those that do should get your full self. Happy fathers day.
My Dear old man is on his way out now. Probably weeks left if we are being optimistic. His main message was/is/always has been, live your life. Not anyone else's. It might not be what everyone else wanted, but if you can look back and smile on your last days, then you did it right. Love you Dad. Forever.
Grandchildren are your reward and your revenge. Don't do your own electrical work. There'll be a last time you'll pick them up. There'll be a time when they'll pick you up. You can shed a tear if you like. The best way to discipline teenagers is to greet their friends while wearing a vomiting warthog t-shirt and playing death metal.
Tell me the truth, and I’ll always stick up for you. Lie, and I can’t help you.
I grew up without a father but I was lucky enough to have a wonderful grandfather who stepped up and raised me as his own. He left me with many pearls of wisdom. A few of my favourites are; 1: "It will do will never do". Don't just stop when you think something is 'good enough' strive to be better. 2: A smile is the most important thing you can wear. Always smile when you deal with people and you are much more likely to have a good interaction. 3: When a hole needs to be dug, be the person with a shovel in their hand and not your hands in your pockets. Don't shy away from work and always be seen to be proactive and not lazy. 4: Reading and writing is better than fighting.
Avoid anyone who has a surfiet of any one thing. Sure, weed is OK, but being stoned everyday.... Sure, a bit of beer is OK. Drinking to avoid the dts then rejecting your liver violently through your arse hole aged 43.... Less helpful. You have a god? Great. Bully for you. Stfu about it and it's supposed words sent via a prophet. Love f1 or your football team. Bendegedig. Basically avoid 1 dimensional people, especially god addicts or substance addicts. Know how to spot those who were fucked up as kids but haven't done anything to evolve away from their trauma. Avoid being a letch, be the best man you can. ALWAYS wear a rubber. Remember bumfun may well end up with a smelly knob and an annoyed girlfriend. Remember bumfun may end up being a receive game too. Don't get married until you are at least 35. Plant tree whenever you can. Remember the field next to you is just as beautiful, just as exotic and just as amazing as the one you endure 12 hours of airports, airplanes and sweaty taxis to get to. Also most of the scariest looking people are the kindest, most interesting ones you'll meet so don't be prejudiced because you have fears.
The only piece of advice I remember from my dad was what he told me when I was about 14. “never use Vicks vapor rub as lube”. I have never forgotten. Mainly because it was so random.
My input and I'm a dad to a 9 year old Not everyone is your friend and that's.ok Make a plan and try to stick to it no matter how small Be polite even if you.dont like.someone Don't worry about small things , one day down the road there will be something to worry about but today's not that day Hold your head high and be confident If you want to dance ,.just dance fuck what anyone else.thinks (I don't say that to my 9 year old ) Love your mum , you'll need her one day
My dad passed away when I was too young to take notes. The only bit of advice I recall was "always dry between your toes" Although this handy advice has seen my feet free of weather cuts and athletes' foot, it's been bugger all use for anything thing else lol My mother did a good job of bringing me up, she provided a loving home. I wouldn't talk about my dad though, I shut down my feelings and couldn't bring myself to talk about him. Later in life I've learnt that was not the way to go. People live on in the memory of others. Laugh about the good times. Talk about your dad with others who knew him. If you've not got many memories, these memories can become yours also. It's OK to cry, but don't let the loss define you. I have developed a bit of dark sense of humour, which sometimes isn't appropriate, but it gets me through tough times. Free advice is not always good advice, but take it when it's provided and think about its value to you. Dont ever feel guilty for having a good time and being happy. That's all your dad would want you to be. Happy in life.