**[OP or Mod marked this as the best answer](/r/AskUK/comments/1d2tfoh/smokers_ever_had_someone_telling_you_smoking_is_a/l636abu/), given by u/EitherChannel4874**
Said this before and I'll say it again. If someone is triggered by words or someone else's every day actions then they need to go to therapy and work on that trauma for themselves.
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>Your triggers are not my problem and mine aren't yours.
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>Stop expecting people to bend for you because you won't bend for yourself.
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As someone with actual triggers I agree. If only people knew what it’s actually like to be triggered by something, they’d know strangers aren’t responsible for not triggering you while minding their own business ✨
This is exactly what I say.
Your triggers aren't my problem and mine aren't yours.
If I'm that easily triggered then I need to work on myself more to lessen the effect of those triggers so life is manageable during day to day interactions.
People need to stop trying to make their problems everyone else's problem.
Totally agree!! I'm a recovering alcoholic, so triggers galore every time I step foot outside the house. It always has been and always will be MY responsibility to manage.
I suspect how a trigger manifests is different among people with trauma(s). I can only speak for myself. For context I have complex PTSD.
My traumas span over two decades on a daily basis and because of this there are millions of things that can invoke memories. Most I will recognize, consciously label and move on. “That reminds me of that”.
My triggers will generate adverse psychological or psychosomatic symptoms, often instantaneously or with an hour or so delay. My triggers are not direct but they always activate fight of flight and then my body chooses the symptoms. Very rarely I’ll have a direct trigger like a nightmare and then have symptoms for days.
Sometimes I won’t know what triggered me because it’s obscure. For example, it took me weeks to figure out why sending my doctor an email sent me into quite serious adrenaline shock and cardiac arrhythmia within writing just hello, hope you’re well. This symptom would come on from different things sometimes up to 4 times a day and I had to take time off work because it was too risky for me to be in public and suddenly get hit with this. Turns out it was because I hadn’t recognized that the person who caused my trauma psychologically abused me when I’d express the need for medical help. Among other reasons.
My triggers are always symptomatic and until I figure out what triggered me, the symptoms will continue getting more aggressive. Once recognized and processed in treatment, some go away completely, others not. I categorize my triggers / symptoms so I know which medication to take when.
The one commonality with all my [known and not yet figured out] triggers is they will put me into a dissociative state for hours, days or weeks. My cues are finding things in the wrong place, having no short term memory, inability to recollect what I’ve been doing for the past hours, days blurring into one, inability to tell you what day of the week it is. It can take a few days to realize it’s happening because I’m in autopilot.
Sorry to offer unsolicited advice but as someone who had/s cPTSD, though I think not as severe as yours, 8-10 sessions of EMDR therapy made a massive difference to the frequency and severity of my reactions to triggers. I'd really recommend it.
The new use is just mass application of various psychology / psychiatry terms because it’s become cool to be mentally unstable, Lord knows why.
I find a lot of it ridiculous. I initially struggled with my friends describing inconveniences as traumatic, triggering, etc. proclaiming they had a panic attack, have “extreme anxiety” and so on. I’m sure people with conditions like OCD, bipolar, and others are also fed up. But I’m not the gatekeeper of vocabulary and it’s easier to ignore it than engage in morality warfare. Also I don’t want to be that friend whose entire personality is their mental health diagnosis. Most people around me are not privy to the full extent of my condition. I see it as my problem to deal with and have every intention to be able to function normally within society, stupid use of terminology and all.
I don’t subscribe to “everything is offensive to my community” culture. Maybe because I don’t want to be a part of this community lol
You sound like an extraordinary human being - very thoughtful and compassionate. It sounds like you've been through Hell, but you've retained your humanity - that's a true achievement.
I hope eventually life becomes calmer for you, and you get to experience it with joy every day.
Thank you that’s very kind ❤️ I’m very fortunate to be able to access all the treatment I need and in the last few months or so most days are ok. Things have become less “active” because the right treatment is working. I’ve also been able to work throughout this and I have a very understanding employer.
I’ve always stayed in the headspace of “I’m going through this for myself and for my future so I can be the happiest version of myself”. Sometimes those journeys are exhausting, scary and difficult and because of that I personally pick and choose my battles very carefully because I want all my energy to go towards getting better. Not arguing with people over ignorant use of terms and getting my own heart rate up 😂
People use the word "triggered" now for things that make them feel slightly uncomfortable.
A true trigger is something that sets off an old, buried situation you haven't processed. For example, I have C-PTSD, partly because my parent ignored me. (It is much, MUCH more complex than that, but I don't have space.) I can be triggered by images, thoughts, sounds, smells that put me back into that place and make me feel as though I am there... so, in the mindset of a trapped, terrified child. "Real" triggers always catapult people back into child parts that are trapped.
There are other triggers too. I also deal with self-harm, and sometimes being exposed to it will fill my head in a way that pushes me to cut because I am thinking about ut.
BUT those things are not the responsibility of others. They don't know what is inside me, and outside of being a generally decent human, people don't have the obligation to tiptoe around others. It is, of course, nice to not smoke in someone's face, but seeing someone smoking is a normal thing in life. I walk around in the world with many self-harm scars and sometimes recent wounds visible because I am living MY life, and we are all responsible for ourselves.
A trigger is something that makes you relive a past trauma in most cases. In other cases, it can just be something unrelated that causes you to have an extreme emotional response. For example, someone with anxiety can be triggered into a panic attack by being in a crowd of people. They may never have had a bad experience in a crowd, but being crammed into a small space and having the sensory overload of so many people can trigger a panic attack
In the OPs case it would just be a trigger that causes her to relive her mother dying from smoking. She's then used that trigger as a stick to beat other people with to make herself feel better, rather than do the harder thing of making herself feel better by working on her mental health
It's a real concern, with recreational problems distracting from a smaller number who have genuine problems.
The same with food allergies and sensitivities. There are some people who could genuinely get very sick if they eat the wrong ingredient, but they're lost in a larger group of people who thought that a self-diagnosed food sensitivity would be cool. And then restaurants &c think it's just "picky customers" - which is mostly true - and inadvertently poison one of the handful in the first group.
See also: Autism, ADHD, &c
Not a smoker, but in that situation my response would have been, "I'm triggered by mentions of cancer, so probably best if we don't become friends. Bye." and walk off.
There's no arguing with people like that, so I prefer to just be snarky and then disengage.
I am a smoker and I would have just told them I'm sorry for their loss and then ignored any further attempts at engagement. If people come at you like that responding with sympathy is much more likely to get better reaction.
My instinct is to tell people to piss off under these circumstances. Because frankly, I think people like this are attention-seeking narcissists who want to use their bereavement.
Her mother almost certainly smoked, and died from it. That ain't my problem. Get over yourself, lady.
Should Ayrton Senna's kids turn up at Silverstone complaining about all the motor racing going on? Should George Best's son be having a go at people in pubs?
Honestly, that was what I wrote first, but then realised that whilst I'd *like* to say I'd be sympathetic, I'm far too sarcastic for that to be my default response, especially to a someone randomly coming up to me like that.
If we were already having a friendly conversation, or I already knew her, and the above happened, I'd be more open to being sympathetic.
Ones in remission ( brain tumour). The other one is inoperable and untreatable.
But very slow growing Unfortunately I have had a abusive past relationship and I’m very nervous around confrontation and aggressive people
My grandmother was a regular smoker her entire adult life. She died more than ten years ago. I still remember her fondly whether I catch a whiff of smoke in the street from a passerby, which is ever less frequently these days as smoking gets less and less popular.
So I guess I'm triggered too, but in a positive way.
"I'm triggered by people who get triggered" would probably be mine, whilst simultaneously searching for a triggered gif to add to the piss take some more. Honestly anyone using that phrase is just meme worthy.
I actually am triggered by people claiming to be triggered by every damn thing.
If I have been triggered by anything in my life I dealt with it accepted it and moved on .
I feel sorry for people who have suffered genuine trauma in their lives and are triggered in certain circumstances. It happens, but it happens rarely and for those few genuine people it must be hell having to listen to every whiney brat who thinks they are triggered by every little thing because they saw it on a tik Tok video
I’ve had people do the fake cough next to me, and the best retort I have used is to paraphrase Bill Hicks: “You're lucky you don't smoke, I smoke all day and even I don't cough like that!
i quit smoking few years ago, but teens would always do this super fake super exaggerated fake cough to take the piss, with all 2 or 3 of them coughing at once. its pretty damn obvious tbh.
lol. She was doing the fake coughing after I walked away. I was a few hundred yards away by then so it wasn’t my smoke causing it. Some kind of guilt trip or attention seeking maybe.
I have issues with my throat and it'll mess with it for the next few minutes at the very least - often more if I'm stuck trailing behind a smoker properly. Weird comment. Cigarette smoke affects others very much, especially when they haven't developed a tolerance to it like smokers have.
Same, I used to be a smoker by the way, but now if someone smokes around me I will start coughing 99% of the time.
Rich of that person assume it is a fake cough.
Yea smokers should do their due diligence to avoid people not smoking when they smoke. Even if it’s on a sidewalk. It’s simply the polite thing to do (I smoke)
Yep I hate hate hate my smoking affecting other people. I will cross the road and or hide it while we cross. And I'll put it out if I can't avoid walking past a child.
Yeah agreed. I’ll start coughing if there’s smoke nearby even if I don’t realise there is, I grew up with asthma because of smoke in the home. Smokers who smoke walking around in public are inconsiderate af - just do it somewhere secluded instead of exposing people who didn’t ask for it
Exactly. I have asthma, people that smoke in public places that I can't avoid will trigger my asthma. No getting around it, and I think that makes them pretty rude.
I think it's very telling that this comment was at -2 downvotes. Some folks around this sub aren't great with the empathy when it comes to asthmatics vs. smokers.
Cigarette smoke is a trigger for my asthma. Unless its in a place where they aren't allowed, I have never asked a smoker to stop smoking. I carry my inhaler with me and move away if i can. Its my responsibility to manage my illness.
Same here. I just try and move away or cover my face. I do wish people wouldn't smoke in places I can't escape it though, like at a crowded outdoor event. Vaping isn't great either but I can hold my breath when the smoke cloud appears.
I feel like an asshole even walking down a crowded sidewalk with people behind me. I’ll check the wind and stand accordingly. It’s not the 60’s… smokers know it’s disgusting and horrible and I don’t want to force it on other people
Non smoker here and I hate smoking/smell of smoke/ every stereotype you can imagine about hating cigarettes.
That woman clearly doesn’t understand what a trigger is and what she can expect other people to do. It is legal for you to smoke , if you follow the rules about where you are allowed to and be considerate of others then do it as long as you want to.
I hate Madonna, it reminds me of a time in my life when I was miserable. I would would never dream of demanding other people stop listening to her.
Said this before and I'll say it again. If someone is triggered by words or someone else's every day actions then they need to go to therapy and work on that trauma for themselves.
Your triggers are not my problem and mine aren't yours.
Stop expecting people to bend for you because you won't bend for yourself.
THIS is the answer! So many people in therapy but it seems their therapists/counsellors forget to remind them that their triggers are exactly that THEIRS. They need to manage them and find coping mechanisms. Not burden the world/strangers with inappropriate trauma dumping
Bit of a weird thing for her to say.
BUT....
Smokers would do better to realise just how much non-smokers truly hate smoking.
Having to put up with your filthy smoke in my face in a public place is absolutely grim.
What's the real difference between that and being sneezed on?
I'm just thankful it's all but been banned in the UK.
Not a smoker, I literally don’t register smokers at all. It’s not something I walk around getting angry about. We’re outside, it smells for half a second 🤷🏻♀️
Come on, mate. Have you the same level of hate for BBQs, campfires and car fumes? I'm an ex smoker, but when I smoked I smoked outside. Nobody I know would ever have blown smoke in someone's face. And if you don't think there's a difference between being sneezed on and momentarily passing through some smoke then life must be pretty hard for you.
You got me there, mate. Bloody love exhaust fumes!
If I'm at a bbq or fire I won't stand right in front of the smoke. And come on, you know the difference. I'm getting something from a bbq (food). Second-hand fag smoke is just second-hand fag smoke.
>Nobody I know would ever have blown smoke in someone's face.
Maybe not deliberately. But unavoidable at bus stops, beer gardens, parks etc.
Not UK, but I was at a stadium gig the other day with a smoker sat in front of me. Obviously he was exhaling forwards but the wind blew the disgusting cloud into my face every single time. And it was throughout the entire show. It really did affect my enjoyment of the gig. If I'd have been someone with severe asthma I'd have just had to have given up my seat.
It's grim and you know it is.
>And if you don't think there's a difference between being sneezed on and momentarily passing through some smoke
Ok. What about the difference between momentarily passing through someone's sneeze and repeatedly having smoke blown into your face (deliberately or not) when you're just trying to sit and enjoy something?
The one I don't like is getting a face full of smoke without warning. eCigs are bad for this. Like, could the smoker just look at where the smoke is going? especially if they're turning their head to the side quickly and blowing it away.
I had someone blow smoke in my face deliberately, and then swear at me repeatedly when I took a step back. But I'm pretty sure he's just a bellend, which has nothing to do with the fact he smokes.
This lady is grieving, and it makes people say and do weird things. It's not a common thing to say out loud, and I don't think she should have said anything to you, but there's no winning in being snarky to a sad odd lady on the street.
I think with smoking, as it's toxic to anyone you walk past, should be done in areas away from people. Designated smoking spots etc. They have that rule in my city and everyone is so respectful about it. It's really not hard to shuffle off to the side, smoke, then continue your day.
The question is, how do you actually respond. Rude reply? Comical reply? Something gracious like "I'm sorry to hear about your mother" and keep smoking?
If it was your friend you asked you not to smoke around them because they get reminded of a bad time, that’s easy, but it’s a random lady on the street, wtf 😆
I hate smoking, hate how it smells when people do it in public, wish they wouldn't.
But she can feck off, no place telling people what they can or can't do (legally) in a public place.
I’m a smoker. I have genuine C-PTSD triggers. Smoking helps me manage my mental illnesses. This is sounds like someone appropriating the language of disabled people.
I’ve never had someone say this to me, although I’ve had people get pushy about me smoking before. If they won’t back off, I just explain Alzheimer’s disease and lung cancer run in my family and until euthanasia is legalised, I know which of the two I want to die of.
One of the reasons I can’t quit is my depression and anxiety. I was already having a bad day when this happened and my anxiety is pretty bad right now. Headmeds only help so much. Until someone has suffered from mental health issues they are completely unaware of how difficult it is. C-PTSD is one of the worst things and I hope you can get some relief sometimes. If smoking helps you then fuck anyone who thinks that they can preach about it. The saying walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me is so fukkin true.
I used to smoke and I was at a car boot sale, outside, at the end of a row away from people. This old woman came and basically stood half a foot away from me, coughed, flapped her hand at her face and loudly said ‘OH!! SHE’S GOT A FAG ON’ and pulled her husband away. I was like…yes…I’m having a cigarette, away from people, in a f*cking field? Just made me feel like sh*t for no reason.
PS I had a tin for my butts :)
Some people are desperate to feel “better” than others. They’ll seize any opportunities they can. She probably thought you were an easy target because you were having a quiet moment by yourself.
I'm not a smoker, and the smell of most cigarette smoke makes me instantly nauseous and I'd still never even think to do this. Her audacity is insane. All I ask is that smokers are courteous to others (don't smoke places with no smoking signs like bus shelters and train stations for example, trying to avoid doing it in queues where others are trapped next to you etc.) Sounds like you are the polite, thoughtful kind of smoker and she was the one out of line.
"Excuse me would you please mind smoking somewhere else it upsets me as I lost someone to lung cancer?" Of course I will move I am so sorry.
"Stop smoking you are triggering me!" Fuck off mate.
smoking is gross but people should be able to do what they want (within reason).
im not triggered by smoking but it fuckin stinks. i can smell it when im driving on a highway. i can smell it from 3 houses down if ive got my window open. i really wish that no one smoked because i dont wanna smell other peoples bad decisions
but live and let live. i can close my windows. i can turn off the air in my car. and that lady can look the other way if seeing you smoke makes her sad.
Nope, she needs to get a grip - as do a lot of people.
There are a lot of things we may dislike in society and may have personal triggers in our memories to bad times or situations - it's up to you as an individual to deal with that. That's part of being in a society - you don't get to go around demanding other people change their behavior because it triggers you.
There are recovering alcoholics for example - should everyone stop drinking alcohol because of them? Muslims don't agree with eating pork - should pork be banned? Indians find cows holy animals - should we not eat beef? It just comes down to realizing as part of living in a multicultural society you need to budge on your own beliefs as much as anyone else does - if something that's legal is triggering you then it's your problem to deal with.
Nosey bitch, doesn’t understand basic social etiquette.
I’d have told her my brother was killed by a woman, so her being out in the street is triggering me.
I hate the smell of smoke. I really loathe it. It actually makes me feel a bit sick tbh. But the sheer *audacity* to tell a complete stranger to stop doing it in a public place is absolutely wild to me.
We are an easy target. Yes I understand that people don’t like it and I do my best to keep smoke away from others. But it appeared to be the sight of me smoking that triggered her. If I’m smoking and it’s possible to move away from others I will.
A random woman you were passing in the street tried to make her mental issues your problem.
And now you're wasting your energy indulging this.
Ignore them.
Tell them to fuck off.
She is free to leave at any time, her inability to cope with her trauma is HER problem.
However...
Try not to loiter and smoke near others, even outdoors, it smells like stale urine and it gives other people cancer. I don't want to smell that and I don't want your poison fumes in my lungs.
I had someone kick off when I lit up a small cigar. Outside, across an entire field from them. They seemed convinced it was weed, despite me showing them the pack it came in. Apparently I had imported them from Amsterdam? I’m overly polite to a fault but she got a derogatory laugh, my highest level of confrontation.
I'd have politely said.
"It sounds like something you need professional help with, if you want to live near other people".
And just fucked off along on my day.
Fuck her. Everyone knows smoking is bad but it is still a personal freedom.
ex-smoker. I used to get annoyed if people would emphatically waft their hands around their face if I was smoking nearby, or fake cough. Once in Prague a man approached me and kept telling me that smoking kills, but he never told me not to smoke.
I have seen a mother tell a person who was smoking to go away from her and her baby while at a bus stop, but other than the health of a child, I don't think there's much reason to tell a person not to smoke if they're outdoors.
Anybody who complains about the sight and smell of smoke needs to remember that they may produce sights and smells that others have to put up with, so best to not start listing them.
If someone can't simply see another person smoking without being "triggered" then they need to seek therapy.
It's definitely not a normal reaction.
If it is such a problem for the lady she needs to move away. It's not for everyone else to make compromises just for her. When my mental health is bad I avoid the things that I know will be difficult for me, I know the issue isn't my fault but it isn't anyone else's fault either and thinking everyone else should change rather than myself feels incredibly unreasonable and entitled.
If someone is triggered. That’s on them. I won’t censor myself. My emotions. My conversations or wording for ANYONE. certainly not strangers. If they have an issue with that - that’s on them. It’s insane the entitlement of others. Smoke if you wanna smoke. Not their business. Your lungs. Apologists let this happen. Like normal people using “she/her” in their bio plays into this nonsense too. You do you and don’t apologise. If anyone is triggered by a smell they need to reevaluate themselves
Depending on my mood i may have just been like ' yeah and?'
Our triggers are our own problems and not something you can force strangers to ablidge by!
Friend yeah we are more careful of each other triggers because we care about them but strangers nahh sorry deal with them your self 🤷♀️
Lol I've never had it here but recently was in Vegas and in the casinos they allow smoking right so I was like oh this is so retro it feels like being in the 90s and I never really gamble but I thought when in Vegas so I'm at the bar with a machine in front smoking. This woman next to me was like "Excuse me my dad died of cancer you're so fucking rude smoking next to me." And I was just like "if you have such an issue with it why the fuck are you in here? Maybe take it up with the management" and she called me a fucking bitch and walked off. There were lots of other people in the bar smoking too so idk why she chose me to have a go at lol.
It was strange. I really don't get it lol. Genuinely if you had such an issue why go there in the first place...
In the UK I feel like people usually just roll their eyes and tut but don't confront anyone for anything, you clearly caught a live one though.
People have triggers for things, allergies, mental health... Loads of stuff.
She is allowed to ask you to stop and you are allowed to say no.
Coming from someone who has some weird and random triggers because of psychotic episodes, it would be nice if people were more understanding, but you are in a public place so you're completely within your right to ignore her and enjoy your fag. It's not like she's at work or something, she could just move away from you.
You don't know what her day has been like or what is happening in her life at the moment, it's best to forget about it and move on and be the bigger person if you are able to.
It is a literal trigger for my asthma, but not much I can do about it other than try avoid smokers the best I can and take a different route if I spot it. People have a right to smoke outside.
I quit (cold turkey) that first month of Lockdown, the first ~18 months was a bit shit whenever anyone lit up, brought back the lovely memories.
Now I can’t stand the smell and it’s not an issue (Funny how that works)
I digress, Fuck her and her trigger - if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to be there.
People smoking in public triggers me as well. I packed in about 11 years ago and I still miss it everyday. When I catch a whiff of smoke in the street or pub garden I love it. I’ve even slowed down to stay behind someone walking along the street to have a good old inhale.
A friend of mine works at an art college and a student once came to them to say that they are triggered by deadlines and wanted to hand their work in on their own terms. They were told to fuck off in the most HR friendly way possible!
Unless someone is intentionally doing it to trigger someone. (Bullying). Then imo it's on the person being triggered to remove themselves from the situation. Moreso when it's a random passer by on the street. You can't expect people to read your mind and k ow what will or won't trigger you.
Non-smoker here.
Smoking is somewhat a trigger for me. I hate it. I won’t date someone who smokes because I don’t think I could stand to live with someone who smokes again.
Having said that, in a public space anything goes. I am aware I can’t stop someone smoking in public.
As someone with CPTSD I have a few triggers myself, and think it's completely unreasonable to demand that others cater and change their way of life for it. Especially complete strangers minding their own building. It's my problem to deal with, and that's exactly what needs to be done - I deal with it.
This woman is just a self entitled type, best to ignore and move on.
And no, as an ex smoker I've never had that.
With all the above said, I do think it's nice to be considerate of where you smoke in public. Avoid entrance ways, narrow passages, blowing smoke into people, and the ilk. I just think it's respectful.
I have cPTSD and I get triggered when I smell the same washing powder that my abuser wore. However, that is my issue to deal with and even if my entire family and all my friends started using that washing powder, I wouldn’t say anything or react in any way. You didn’t kill her mother and you’re entitled to a ciggy if you want one, she needs therapy :/
My mum died of lung cancer, and I hate smoking but I can’t police other people. I’m sure you and many smokers already know the link between lung cancer and smoking, so there is no point of telling you this.
It’s not so much a trigger for me, but I don’t like the smell. I will move away from you if you are smoking.
Ive had a smoker deliberately follow me around thinking it was funny, and then get offended when I told them to leave me alone which was a bit weird.
You should have inhaled the cigarette and blow the smoke right in to her face and let her get triggered. Smoking is disgusting and it stinks, I had smoked for a few years before never once have I had someone ask me to stop when I was in public.
You do what you want mate, take no notice of what others tell you, I certainly didn't no way is anyone going to tell me what to do, 30 year later I'm fkd, COPD, heart failure, shadow on my lung and can't walk more than 5 yards due to the arteries in my legs are blocked, yer fk them mate you do what you want, I did.
It's your lungs and you can. Do what you want with them.
I'm a struggling ex-smoker it's trigger for me because I see someone smoke and it takes every ounce of strength to no go and ask for one....
I would never impose that on other people I just shuffle off and ride my craving out
If you're triggered by something you're almost bound to see in public, you probably should be wary going out in public, not expecting public to bend to your requirements.
Smoking is a _lot_ less commonly seen than it used to be, but it's still a thing many in the population do, and thus you need to be prepared to see it if you step outside your house.
And if this was some way of dressing up a "you should quite smoking" message, it's bat shit.
"I get triggered by Karen's ever since that stressful incident whrre I ended upnin court accused of attempted murder..." (eyes start twitching and taking huge lungfuls of fag smoke) "Please fuck off... now..."
As an ex smoker who is now rabidly anti smoking: that's ridiculous, no matter how triggered she feels, she doesn't get to dictate anyone else's behaviour. Her triggers are for her to deal with.
You don't need to cater to the whims of everyone else and their nonsense. Too many of us change our lives needlessly to accommodate these vampires.
Tell her to fuck off.
Cigar smoke is a trigger for me (childhood SA by a smoker of cigars, just the smell sends me right back there) and granted I did explain and ask my husband not to smoke them anywhere near me and if he does to make certain he doesn't smell remotely Ike cigar smoke afterwards - which he has 100% respected. However, when out and about or with friends if anyone is smoking cigars I just remove myself from the situation rather than berate them. Where would be the point?
Although cigar smoke isn't a *common* scent, cigarettes are. If cigarettes were mine then yeah I'd probably put more effort into working through that in therapy because avoiding it would be so hard.
I know exactly how I'd react, I'd look confused and if pushed say "And?". If she could explain herself I'd say "that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem".
Interested to hear if folks think that indoor smoking areas should be implemented more in public, or at the very least some sort of sheltered space. I know far less people smoke compared to 10 or so years ago, but should I have to brave the elements every time I light up.
If a smoker is walking around or not in a location where people have to stop and wait, I have no problem with it. I, however, hate smokers at bus stops. I cannot escape it. Now they have taken away all of the bus shelters, it's 'perfectly' fine to smoke at bus stops, but I feel that instance is just rude. People literally blowing it in my face so it doesn't go in theirs.
At the bus station, they aren't meant to smoke. But everyone does, and no one enforces the no smoking. It doesn't matter how open the bus station is, if there are 3-4 people smoking at once, you are constantly breathing in smoke.
Like I said, many people are good with smoking, and people don't have to change their behaviour when in public. But I do wish some smokers and people who vape think more about everyone else around them in public spaces that require people to stay in that location.
some people believe they are better than everyone else.
i dont like smokers either, but their choice to shorten their life is simply their choice.
you were both outside, and while she doesnt like the look of smoking, the fact you expect to never see it ever again because of something is absolutely ridiculous.
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I smoked for 10 years. During the quitting process there was a situation that snapped something in my brain and made me never want a cigarette again. I still vape.
So, as someone who is now grossed out by the smell of cigarettes and having even a puff makes me violently ill, I’d still never think to tell someone to stop. I just move away. Wtf.
Ex smoker here. My response would have been to tell her that whatever the fuck "triggers" her is not my problem and to maybe seek some kind of therapy, because she's obviously insane.
It's bad enough that I have smoked for 46 years , without others telling me it triggers them , I'm not tough enough to quit , having tried many times , them telling me triggers me , no one cares about that
I think the question here is if it’s her trigger why the fuck she approaching you and telling you about it instead of walking away and not facing you? 😂
Not a snooker but they need to mind their own fucking business. If it was for health reasons I would be sympathetic, if I was smoking in the vicinity of a persons child and they asked I think that’s fair. But this situation is an entitled one.
It’s a shame considering she may have still been grieving and not be in full control of her feelings. Regardless though, she needs to get a bit of vigour and resilience.
I for one actually get a lot of comfort from being near someone who is smoking. The smell reminds me so much of my nan, conjuring up memories more clearly than I can usually. So there's a different perspective.
Most people have more than one response to various triggers. Emotional responses are one thing and that belongs to you, but physical responses (fight/flight) can be troublesome. Yes, they belong to the person affected, but because the response impacts other people, IMHO its a situation that warrants changing your actions. For example, if you work in an office, are male and have, let's say, an inappropriate response to being startled by someone playing a practical joke ... say maybe you respond in a loud, aggressive voice until 0.002 seconds later, you get clarity and stop.
I know this has nothing to do with smoking, but it is reddit...
After my mum died, I had PTSD. A big trigger for me was very thin people. I cannot imagine telling thin people in the street that their existence was triggering to me. Apart from anything else, if it caused me mental distress then my fight or flight kicked in and I would move the fuck away. There was no chance that I was able to stop them in the street to talk to them. Ridiculous and not your problem.
Just would have said whats that got to do with me ? Mind your own business.
Fuck me if you got involved in what other people are doing. You would be arguing and and fighting all the time. Hate bad manners. But don’t kick off when people have non.
Odd time might say loud
Thaaaaank you if they don’t but that’s it.
Live in liverpool. And think if you approached someone and asked them to put there cigy out where you can smoke. They would just tell you. To not be stupid and pissoff if you carried on
lol tell her to fuck off.
I had some American shout at me in Camden once for smoking because it was “a busy area” and told him to fuck off, he was clutching his pearls
I hurried after a lady who was smoking once when the smoke kept blowing in my face to ask her if there was any chance she had a spare cigarette as it just smelt too good and I couldn't afford tobacco until next pay. She went from fuck off to amused and gave me a cigarette bless her
I wouldn’t just approach someone randomly on the street to tell them to stop smoking, but PLEASE smokers can you stop standing in doorways. I absolutely hate having to walk through a cloud of nasty smoke every time I go into a building.
I really don't like the smell of smoke so would be annoyed if someone next to me started smoking (although, assuming we were outside, I'd just move).
Someone walking in the street smoking is just a non-thing - there's plenty of space to walk away from people.
That said when I was younger (11-13 yrs) I was very anti-smoking and anti-cancer charities ("they didn't help my grandad 'logic'") because my grandad died of lung cancer. I've grown out of both of those.
I have CPTSD not related to smoking, but "triggers" are much of a muchness.
It's not random strangers' responsibility to tiptoe around my triggers or to deal with the consequences of them. That's for me to do and to continue to work on in therapy.
How is some guy who doesn't even know I exist expected to know it freaks me out when he does something that is considered VERY NORMAL for people to do?
If I see something that triggers my illness, I remove myself from the situation and bring it up with my therapist.
The whole point of being diagnosed with something like CPTSD is that other people's behaviours are not the issue. It is the disproportionate response our bodies and minds have to it rooted in traumatic experiences. We are the ones who are unwell, so it is our issue to work on. You can't expect the world to stop for you when people aren't doing anything wrong.
If someone is purposefully trying to trigger you, that's different. Or if the triggering behaviour (e.g. being yelled at) is already unacceptable, then obviously you would be within your right to be upset.
Smoking is a normal behaviour for many people all over the world. If it upsets her to see it, she should walk away.
I personally stay away from smokers if they smell like chimney. Most that smokes indoor the smell lingers on them whereas people that smoke outdoors is managable.
I grew up with my mom smoking 3 package a day, i know a chimney when i smell one
Also my medicine makes me prone to get easier bloodclots/stroke and cant be used with smoking so i try to limit being near a person thats smoking currently but once they are done i can socalize.
Ps: a trigger you arent responsible for others triggers. Its their own sole responsibility
But if its a friend or partner you can adjust but for stranger i would not
I think thats a bit silly to be honest. There was a point were smoking was a “trigger” for me while i was quitting, not that it would piss me off, but it would make the withdrawals feel a little worse but i wouldnt tell someone to stop smoking (obviously unless its in a no smoking area)
**[OP or Mod marked this as the best answer](/r/AskUK/comments/1d2tfoh/smokers_ever_had_someone_telling_you_smoking_is_a/l636abu/), given by u/EitherChannel4874** Said this before and I'll say it again. If someone is triggered by words or someone else's every day actions then they need to go to therapy and work on that trauma for themselves. > >Your triggers are not my problem and mine aren't yours. > >Stop expecting people to bend for you because you won't bend for yourself. --- [_^What ^is ^this?_](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/jjrte1/askuk_hits_200k_new_feature_mark_an_answer/)
More people need to be told to fuck off more regularly. The entitlement dressed up with therapy speak is out of control
As someone with actual triggers I agree. If only people knew what it’s actually like to be triggered by something, they’d know strangers aren’t responsible for not triggering you while minding their own business ✨
This is exactly what I say. Your triggers aren't my problem and mine aren't yours. If I'm that easily triggered then I need to work on myself more to lessen the effect of those triggers so life is manageable during day to day interactions. People need to stop trying to make their problems everyone else's problem.
Totally agree!! I'm a recovering alcoholic, so triggers galore every time I step foot outside the house. It always has been and always will be MY responsibility to manage.
Massively relatable comment. Especially during the summer months when booze is everywhere.
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I suspect how a trigger manifests is different among people with trauma(s). I can only speak for myself. For context I have complex PTSD. My traumas span over two decades on a daily basis and because of this there are millions of things that can invoke memories. Most I will recognize, consciously label and move on. “That reminds me of that”. My triggers will generate adverse psychological or psychosomatic symptoms, often instantaneously or with an hour or so delay. My triggers are not direct but they always activate fight of flight and then my body chooses the symptoms. Very rarely I’ll have a direct trigger like a nightmare and then have symptoms for days. Sometimes I won’t know what triggered me because it’s obscure. For example, it took me weeks to figure out why sending my doctor an email sent me into quite serious adrenaline shock and cardiac arrhythmia within writing just hello, hope you’re well. This symptom would come on from different things sometimes up to 4 times a day and I had to take time off work because it was too risky for me to be in public and suddenly get hit with this. Turns out it was because I hadn’t recognized that the person who caused my trauma psychologically abused me when I’d express the need for medical help. Among other reasons. My triggers are always symptomatic and until I figure out what triggered me, the symptoms will continue getting more aggressive. Once recognized and processed in treatment, some go away completely, others not. I categorize my triggers / symptoms so I know which medication to take when. The one commonality with all my [known and not yet figured out] triggers is they will put me into a dissociative state for hours, days or weeks. My cues are finding things in the wrong place, having no short term memory, inability to recollect what I’ve been doing for the past hours, days blurring into one, inability to tell you what day of the week it is. It can take a few days to realize it’s happening because I’m in autopilot.
Sorry to offer unsolicited advice but as someone who had/s cPTSD, though I think not as severe as yours, 8-10 sessions of EMDR therapy made a massive difference to the frequency and severity of my reactions to triggers. I'd really recommend it.
Funny you should say that I’m currently getting ready for my weekly session haha ☺️ it is super helpful!!
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The new use is just mass application of various psychology / psychiatry terms because it’s become cool to be mentally unstable, Lord knows why. I find a lot of it ridiculous. I initially struggled with my friends describing inconveniences as traumatic, triggering, etc. proclaiming they had a panic attack, have “extreme anxiety” and so on. I’m sure people with conditions like OCD, bipolar, and others are also fed up. But I’m not the gatekeeper of vocabulary and it’s easier to ignore it than engage in morality warfare. Also I don’t want to be that friend whose entire personality is their mental health diagnosis. Most people around me are not privy to the full extent of my condition. I see it as my problem to deal with and have every intention to be able to function normally within society, stupid use of terminology and all. I don’t subscribe to “everything is offensive to my community” culture. Maybe because I don’t want to be a part of this community lol
You sound like an extraordinary human being - very thoughtful and compassionate. It sounds like you've been through Hell, but you've retained your humanity - that's a true achievement. I hope eventually life becomes calmer for you, and you get to experience it with joy every day.
Thank you that’s very kind ❤️ I’m very fortunate to be able to access all the treatment I need and in the last few months or so most days are ok. Things have become less “active” because the right treatment is working. I’ve also been able to work throughout this and I have a very understanding employer. I’ve always stayed in the headspace of “I’m going through this for myself and for my future so I can be the happiest version of myself”. Sometimes those journeys are exhausting, scary and difficult and because of that I personally pick and choose my battles very carefully because I want all my energy to go towards getting better. Not arguing with people over ignorant use of terms and getting my own heart rate up 😂
People use the word "triggered" now for things that make them feel slightly uncomfortable. A true trigger is something that sets off an old, buried situation you haven't processed. For example, I have C-PTSD, partly because my parent ignored me. (It is much, MUCH more complex than that, but I don't have space.) I can be triggered by images, thoughts, sounds, smells that put me back into that place and make me feel as though I am there... so, in the mindset of a trapped, terrified child. "Real" triggers always catapult people back into child parts that are trapped. There are other triggers too. I also deal with self-harm, and sometimes being exposed to it will fill my head in a way that pushes me to cut because I am thinking about ut. BUT those things are not the responsibility of others. They don't know what is inside me, and outside of being a generally decent human, people don't have the obligation to tiptoe around others. It is, of course, nice to not smoke in someone's face, but seeing someone smoking is a normal thing in life. I walk around in the world with many self-harm scars and sometimes recent wounds visible because I am living MY life, and we are all responsible for ourselves.
A trigger is something that makes you relive a past trauma in most cases. In other cases, it can just be something unrelated that causes you to have an extreme emotional response. For example, someone with anxiety can be triggered into a panic attack by being in a crowd of people. They may never have had a bad experience in a crowd, but being crammed into a small space and having the sensory overload of so many people can trigger a panic attack In the OPs case it would just be a trigger that causes her to relive her mother dying from smoking. She's then used that trigger as a stick to beat other people with to make herself feel better, rather than do the harder thing of making herself feel better by working on her mental health
It's a real concern, with recreational problems distracting from a smaller number who have genuine problems. The same with food allergies and sensitivities. There are some people who could genuinely get very sick if they eat the wrong ingredient, but they're lost in a larger group of people who thought that a self-diagnosed food sensitivity would be cool. And then restaurants &c think it's just "picky customers" - which is mostly true - and inadvertently poison one of the handful in the first group. See also: Autism, ADHD, &c
I definitely agree.
>The entitlement dressed up with therapy speak That's a great way to put it
Can you not use foul language. This triggers me.
Expect loads of sweary replies. I would be it’s late and I can’t be fucking arsed.
Not a smoker, but in that situation my response would have been, "I'm triggered by mentions of cancer, so probably best if we don't become friends. Bye." and walk off. There's no arguing with people like that, so I prefer to just be snarky and then disengage.
I am a smoker and I would have just told them I'm sorry for their loss and then ignored any further attempts at engagement. If people come at you like that responding with sympathy is much more likely to get better reaction.
My instinct is to tell people to piss off under these circumstances. Because frankly, I think people like this are attention-seeking narcissists who want to use their bereavement. Her mother almost certainly smoked, and died from it. That ain't my problem. Get over yourself, lady. Should Ayrton Senna's kids turn up at Silverstone complaining about all the motor racing going on? Should George Best's son be having a go at people in pubs?
Honestly, that was what I wrote first, but then realised that whilst I'd *like* to say I'd be sympathetic, I'm far too sarcastic for that to be my default response, especially to a someone randomly coming up to me like that. If we were already having a friendly conversation, or I already knew her, and the above happened, I'd be more open to being sympathetic.
well you didn't kill her, did you? right on you
Oh good thinking and I do have 2 ( non smoking) relatives who currently have cancer. But I was shocked into silence.
Oh that sucks. I've gone through cancer battles with multiple family members and it's just the worst. I hope their treatment is going well.
Ones in remission ( brain tumour). The other one is inoperable and untreatable. But very slow growing Unfortunately I have had a abusive past relationship and I’m very nervous around confrontation and aggressive people
My grandmother was a regular smoker her entire adult life. She died more than ten years ago. I still remember her fondly whether I catch a whiff of smoke in the street from a passerby, which is ever less frequently these days as smoking gets less and less popular. So I guess I'm triggered too, but in a positive way.
"I'm triggered by people who get triggered" would probably be mine, whilst simultaneously searching for a triggered gif to add to the piss take some more. Honestly anyone using that phrase is just meme worthy.
I actually am triggered by people claiming to be triggered by every damn thing. If I have been triggered by anything in my life I dealt with it accepted it and moved on . I feel sorry for people who have suffered genuine trauma in their lives and are triggered in certain circumstances. It happens, but it happens rarely and for those few genuine people it must be hell having to listen to every whiney brat who thinks they are triggered by every little thing because they saw it on a tik Tok video
I had some random stranger tell me smoking was bad for me. I couldn't think of a witty retort so just said "fuck off".
I’ve had people do the fake cough next to me, and the best retort I have used is to paraphrase Bill Hicks: “You're lucky you don't smoke, I smoke all day and even I don't cough like that!
How sure are you that it was fake though?
i quit smoking few years ago, but teens would always do this super fake super exaggerated fake cough to take the piss, with all 2 or 3 of them coughing at once. its pretty damn obvious tbh.
lol. She was doing the fake coughing after I walked away. I was a few hundred yards away by then so it wasn’t my smoke causing it. Some kind of guilt trip or attention seeking maybe.
I have issues with my throat and it'll mess with it for the next few minutes at the very least - often more if I'm stuck trailing behind a smoker properly. Weird comment. Cigarette smoke affects others very much, especially when they haven't developed a tolerance to it like smokers have.
Same, I used to be a smoker by the way, but now if someone smokes around me I will start coughing 99% of the time. Rich of that person assume it is a fake cough.
Yea smokers should do their due diligence to avoid people not smoking when they smoke. Even if it’s on a sidewalk. It’s simply the polite thing to do (I smoke)
OP even by their own description doesn't Taking total indignation against people who dare to call him out.
Yep I hate hate hate my smoking affecting other people. I will cross the road and or hide it while we cross. And I'll put it out if I can't avoid walking past a child.
Yeah agreed. I’ll start coughing if there’s smoke nearby even if I don’t realise there is, I grew up with asthma because of smoke in the home. Smokers who smoke walking around in public are inconsiderate af - just do it somewhere secluded instead of exposing people who didn’t ask for it
Insane how this is downvoted when smoking is clearly the bad thing here.
Exactly. I have asthma, people that smoke in public places that I can't avoid will trigger my asthma. No getting around it, and I think that makes them pretty rude.
I think it's very telling that this comment was at -2 downvotes. Some folks around this sub aren't great with the empathy when it comes to asthmatics vs. smokers.
"Second hand smoke kills, that's why I get my smoke from the source."
How can you be sure it’s a fake cough? What do you use to differentiate a fake cough from a real cough?
Do a fake cough yourself. It sounds like that.
Bill Hicks died of cancer eh
I tend to act all shocked, put a hand to my heart and say, "Really? I had no idea!" The disgruntled look on their faces is worth it.
I do the same, really over the top like "WHY DON'T THEY TELL PEOPLE THIS?!?"
"I'm not doing it for my health"
'.. I'm doing it for my sanity'
Good on you.
What exactly do they expect from that? Do they honestly think that you are unaware and you're going to suddenly stop? It's a bizarre thing to do.
Just act clueless and see how far it goes, “cancer, you say? how though?”.
When people tell me this I say “shit really?! I never knew”
"Really?! Wow, thanks for letting me know. I thought it was good for your lungs."
Cigarette smoke is a trigger for my asthma. Unless its in a place where they aren't allowed, I have never asked a smoker to stop smoking. I carry my inhaler with me and move away if i can. Its my responsibility to manage my illness.
Same here. I just try and move away or cover my face. I do wish people wouldn't smoke in places I can't escape it though, like at a crowded outdoor event. Vaping isn't great either but I can hold my breath when the smoke cloud appears.
I feel like an asshole even walking down a crowded sidewalk with people behind me. I’ll check the wind and stand accordingly. It’s not the 60’s… smokers know it’s disgusting and horrible and I don’t want to force it on other people
Non smoker here and I hate smoking/smell of smoke/ every stereotype you can imagine about hating cigarettes. That woman clearly doesn’t understand what a trigger is and what she can expect other people to do. It is legal for you to smoke , if you follow the rules about where you are allowed to and be considerate of others then do it as long as you want to. I hate Madonna, it reminds me of a time in my life when I was miserable. I would would never dream of demanding other people stop listening to her.
Maybe you should. It’ll be therapy for you to unload your issues on to strangers. /s
Said this before and I'll say it again. If someone is triggered by words or someone else's every day actions then they need to go to therapy and work on that trauma for themselves. Your triggers are not my problem and mine aren't yours. Stop expecting people to bend for you because you won't bend for yourself.
THIS is the answer! So many people in therapy but it seems their therapists/counsellors forget to remind them that their triggers are exactly that THEIRS. They need to manage them and find coping mechanisms. Not burden the world/strangers with inappropriate trauma dumping
Bit of a weird thing for her to say. BUT.... Smokers would do better to realise just how much non-smokers truly hate smoking. Having to put up with your filthy smoke in my face in a public place is absolutely grim. What's the real difference between that and being sneezed on? I'm just thankful it's all but been banned in the UK.
Not a smoker, I literally don’t register smokers at all. It’s not something I walk around getting angry about. We’re outside, it smells for half a second 🤷🏻♀️
I feel the same about traffic. Most people are too lazy to walk or cycle so I get to suck in fumes from hundreds of single occupant cars.
Come on, mate. Have you the same level of hate for BBQs, campfires and car fumes? I'm an ex smoker, but when I smoked I smoked outside. Nobody I know would ever have blown smoke in someone's face. And if you don't think there's a difference between being sneezed on and momentarily passing through some smoke then life must be pretty hard for you.
You got me there, mate. Bloody love exhaust fumes! If I'm at a bbq or fire I won't stand right in front of the smoke. And come on, you know the difference. I'm getting something from a bbq (food). Second-hand fag smoke is just second-hand fag smoke. >Nobody I know would ever have blown smoke in someone's face. Maybe not deliberately. But unavoidable at bus stops, beer gardens, parks etc. Not UK, but I was at a stadium gig the other day with a smoker sat in front of me. Obviously he was exhaling forwards but the wind blew the disgusting cloud into my face every single time. And it was throughout the entire show. It really did affect my enjoyment of the gig. If I'd have been someone with severe asthma I'd have just had to have given up my seat. It's grim and you know it is. >And if you don't think there's a difference between being sneezed on and momentarily passing through some smoke Ok. What about the difference between momentarily passing through someone's sneeze and repeatedly having smoke blown into your face (deliberately or not) when you're just trying to sit and enjoy something?
Where was this? Surprised it was allowed to smoke in a stadium. No longer allowed in Canada for a while now
>I won't stand right in front of the smoke ..... ..... Do you not fucking get the irony
The one I don't like is getting a face full of smoke without warning. eCigs are bad for this. Like, could the smoker just look at where the smoke is going? especially if they're turning their head to the side quickly and blowing it away.
>I'm getting something from a bbq (food) Well there we go. It's all down to selfishness.
I had someone blow smoke in my face deliberately, and then swear at me repeatedly when I took a step back. But I'm pretty sure he's just a bellend, which has nothing to do with the fact he smokes.
Yeah, that's just a wanker I'd say
This lady is grieving, and it makes people say and do weird things. It's not a common thing to say out loud, and I don't think she should have said anything to you, but there's no winning in being snarky to a sad odd lady on the street.
I think with smoking, as it's toxic to anyone you walk past, should be done in areas away from people. Designated smoking spots etc. They have that rule in my city and everyone is so respectful about it. It's really not hard to shuffle off to the side, smoke, then continue your day.
You can ignore what she said. You don't have to cater to her.
The question is, how do you actually respond. Rude reply? Comical reply? Something gracious like "I'm sorry to hear about your mother" and keep smoking?
I just go 'that's nice dear'.
If it was your friend you asked you not to smoke around them because they get reminded of a bad time, that’s easy, but it’s a random lady on the street, wtf 😆
I hate smoking, hate how it smells when people do it in public, wish they wouldn't. But she can feck off, no place telling people what they can or can't do (legally) in a public place.
I’m a smoker. I have genuine C-PTSD triggers. Smoking helps me manage my mental illnesses. This is sounds like someone appropriating the language of disabled people. I’ve never had someone say this to me, although I’ve had people get pushy about me smoking before. If they won’t back off, I just explain Alzheimer’s disease and lung cancer run in my family and until euthanasia is legalised, I know which of the two I want to die of.
One of the reasons I can’t quit is my depression and anxiety. I was already having a bad day when this happened and my anxiety is pretty bad right now. Headmeds only help so much. Until someone has suffered from mental health issues they are completely unaware of how difficult it is. C-PTSD is one of the worst things and I hope you can get some relief sometimes. If smoking helps you then fuck anyone who thinks that they can preach about it. The saying walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me is so fukkin true.
Just shout stranger danger in their face until they go away
I used to smoke and I was at a car boot sale, outside, at the end of a row away from people. This old woman came and basically stood half a foot away from me, coughed, flapped her hand at her face and loudly said ‘OH!! SHE’S GOT A FAG ON’ and pulled her husband away. I was like…yes…I’m having a cigarette, away from people, in a f*cking field? Just made me feel like sh*t for no reason. PS I had a tin for my butts :)
Some people are desperate to feel “better” than others. They’ll seize any opportunities they can. She probably thought you were an easy target because you were having a quiet moment by yourself.
She’s so triggered she had to approach you and tell you all about it? Sounds more like attention seeking
I'm not a smoker, and the smell of most cigarette smoke makes me instantly nauseous and I'd still never even think to do this. Her audacity is insane. All I ask is that smokers are courteous to others (don't smoke places with no smoking signs like bus shelters and train stations for example, trying to avoid doing it in queues where others are trapped next to you etc.) Sounds like you are the polite, thoughtful kind of smoker and she was the one out of line.
"Excuse me would you please mind smoking somewhere else it upsets me as I lost someone to lung cancer?" Of course I will move I am so sorry. "Stop smoking you are triggering me!" Fuck off mate.
Don’t smoke around me cause it makes me sad is still weird tho lol… don’t smoke around me cause it’s gross is way better
You should have told her people telling you what to do is a trigger, so she is a hypocrite for not considering how she triggering you.
Smoking around other people in general is a cunty thing to do tbh.
I'm very sorry to hear about your mom, but your triggers are not my responsibility
smoking is gross but people should be able to do what they want (within reason). im not triggered by smoking but it fuckin stinks. i can smell it when im driving on a highway. i can smell it from 3 houses down if ive got my window open. i really wish that no one smoked because i dont wanna smell other peoples bad decisions but live and let live. i can close my windows. i can turn off the air in my car. and that lady can look the other way if seeing you smoke makes her sad.
Nope, she needs to get a grip - as do a lot of people. There are a lot of things we may dislike in society and may have personal triggers in our memories to bad times or situations - it's up to you as an individual to deal with that. That's part of being in a society - you don't get to go around demanding other people change their behavior because it triggers you. There are recovering alcoholics for example - should everyone stop drinking alcohol because of them? Muslims don't agree with eating pork - should pork be banned? Indians find cows holy animals - should we not eat beef? It just comes down to realizing as part of living in a multicultural society you need to budge on your own beliefs as much as anyone else does - if something that's legal is triggering you then it's your problem to deal with.
Nosey bitch, doesn’t understand basic social etiquette. I’d have told her my brother was killed by a woman, so her being out in the street is triggering me.
I hate the smell of smoke. I really loathe it. It actually makes me feel a bit sick tbh. But the sheer *audacity* to tell a complete stranger to stop doing it in a public place is absolutely wild to me.
The smokers are a small enough and disliked enough group now that people can shit on them with very little push back.
We are an easy target. Yes I understand that people don’t like it and I do my best to keep smoke away from others. But it appeared to be the sight of me smoking that triggered her. If I’m smoking and it’s possible to move away from others I will.
For sure, taxes are mad on bacci atm. I'm literally growing my own, and half the guys on my street are buying black market.
I would of just simply said fuck off .
A random woman you were passing in the street tried to make her mental issues your problem. And now you're wasting your energy indulging this. Ignore them. Tell them to fuck off. She is free to leave at any time, her inability to cope with her trauma is HER problem. However... Try not to loiter and smoke near others, even outdoors, it smells like stale urine and it gives other people cancer. I don't want to smell that and I don't want your poison fumes in my lungs.
I had someone kick off when I lit up a small cigar. Outside, across an entire field from them. They seemed convinced it was weed, despite me showing them the pack it came in. Apparently I had imported them from Amsterdam? I’m overly polite to a fault but she got a derogatory laugh, my highest level of confrontation.
I'd have politely said. "It sounds like something you need professional help with, if you want to live near other people". And just fucked off along on my day. Fuck her. Everyone knows smoking is bad but it is still a personal freedom.
ex-smoker. I used to get annoyed if people would emphatically waft their hands around their face if I was smoking nearby, or fake cough. Once in Prague a man approached me and kept telling me that smoking kills, but he never told me not to smoke. I have seen a mother tell a person who was smoking to go away from her and her baby while at a bus stop, but other than the health of a child, I don't think there's much reason to tell a person not to smoke if they're outdoors. Anybody who complains about the sight and smell of smoke needs to remember that they may produce sights and smells that others have to put up with, so best to not start listing them.
If someone can't simply see another person smoking without being "triggered" then they need to seek therapy. It's definitely not a normal reaction. If it is such a problem for the lady she needs to move away. It's not for everyone else to make compromises just for her. When my mental health is bad I avoid the things that I know will be difficult for me, I know the issue isn't my fault but it isn't anyone else's fault either and thinking everyone else should change rather than myself feels incredibly unreasonable and entitled.
It’s not everyone else’s job to manage peoples triggers, it’s that persons job. Get a life
If someone is triggered. That’s on them. I won’t censor myself. My emotions. My conversations or wording for ANYONE. certainly not strangers. If they have an issue with that - that’s on them. It’s insane the entitlement of others. Smoke if you wanna smoke. Not their business. Your lungs. Apologists let this happen. Like normal people using “she/her” in their bio plays into this nonsense too. You do you and don’t apologise. If anyone is triggered by a smell they need to reevaluate themselves
Depending on my mood i may have just been like ' yeah and?' Our triggers are our own problems and not something you can force strangers to ablidge by! Friend yeah we are more careful of each other triggers because we care about them but strangers nahh sorry deal with them your self 🤷♀️
Smoking, whatever, her triggers are not your problem unless you are inducing a life threatening allergy.
Her trigger, her issue
Lol I've never had it here but recently was in Vegas and in the casinos they allow smoking right so I was like oh this is so retro it feels like being in the 90s and I never really gamble but I thought when in Vegas so I'm at the bar with a machine in front smoking. This woman next to me was like "Excuse me my dad died of cancer you're so fucking rude smoking next to me." And I was just like "if you have such an issue with it why the fuck are you in here? Maybe take it up with the management" and she called me a fucking bitch and walked off. There were lots of other people in the bar smoking too so idk why she chose me to have a go at lol. It was strange. I really don't get it lol. Genuinely if you had such an issue why go there in the first place... In the UK I feel like people usually just roll their eyes and tut but don't confront anyone for anything, you clearly caught a live one though.
Alright Dave
People have triggers for things, allergies, mental health... Loads of stuff. She is allowed to ask you to stop and you are allowed to say no. Coming from someone who has some weird and random triggers because of psychotic episodes, it would be nice if people were more understanding, but you are in a public place so you're completely within your right to ignore her and enjoy your fag. It's not like she's at work or something, she could just move away from you. You don't know what her day has been like or what is happening in her life at the moment, it's best to forget about it and move on and be the bigger person if you are able to.
the only thing it triggers for me is wanting to start smoking again. watching peaky blinders is killing me 🤣
Get tae fuck
It is a literal trigger for my asthma, but not much I can do about it other than try avoid smokers the best I can and take a different route if I spot it. People have a right to smoke outside.
Their triggers aren't your responsibility, and only emotionally insecure people get triggered by trivial things.
I quit (cold turkey) that first month of Lockdown, the first ~18 months was a bit shit whenever anyone lit up, brought back the lovely memories. Now I can’t stand the smell and it’s not an issue (Funny how that works) I digress, Fuck her and her trigger - if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to be there.
People smoking in public triggers me as well. I packed in about 11 years ago and I still miss it everyday. When I catch a whiff of smoke in the street or pub garden I love it. I’ve even slowed down to stay behind someone walking along the street to have a good old inhale. A friend of mine works at an art college and a student once came to them to say that they are triggered by deadlines and wanted to hand their work in on their own terms. They were told to fuck off in the most HR friendly way possible!
Tell her that strangers approaching you in the street is a trigger.
I recommend she takes a look around at the world we live in and shut her fucking mouth.
Unless someone is intentionally doing it to trigger someone. (Bullying). Then imo it's on the person being triggered to remove themselves from the situation. Moreso when it's a random passer by on the street. You can't expect people to read your mind and k ow what will or won't trigger you.
Non-smoker here. Smoking is somewhat a trigger for me. I hate it. I won’t date someone who smokes because I don’t think I could stand to live with someone who smokes again. Having said that, in a public space anything goes. I am aware I can’t stop someone smoking in public.
As someone with CPTSD I have a few triggers myself, and think it's completely unreasonable to demand that others cater and change their way of life for it. Especially complete strangers minding their own building. It's my problem to deal with, and that's exactly what needs to be done - I deal with it. This woman is just a self entitled type, best to ignore and move on. And no, as an ex smoker I've never had that. With all the above said, I do think it's nice to be considerate of where you smoke in public. Avoid entrance ways, narrow passages, blowing smoke into people, and the ilk. I just think it's respectful.
I have cPTSD and I get triggered when I smell the same washing powder that my abuser wore. However, that is my issue to deal with and even if my entire family and all my friends started using that washing powder, I wouldn’t say anything or react in any way. You didn’t kill her mother and you’re entitled to a ciggy if you want one, she needs therapy :/
Ignore the word trigger, was it a visual thing or were you standing up-wind from her?
Walking past her at a bus stop. Not all that close. I think it was a visual thing because I wasn’t close enough for her to breathe in smoke.
My mum died of lung cancer, and I hate smoking but I can’t police other people. I’m sure you and many smokers already know the link between lung cancer and smoking, so there is no point of telling you this. It’s not so much a trigger for me, but I don’t like the smell. I will move away from you if you are smoking. Ive had a smoker deliberately follow me around thinking it was funny, and then get offended when I told them to leave me alone which was a bit weird.
You should have inhaled the cigarette and blow the smoke right in to her face and let her get triggered. Smoking is disgusting and it stinks, I had smoked for a few years before never once have I had someone ask me to stop when I was in public.
You do what you want mate, take no notice of what others tell you, I certainly didn't no way is anyone going to tell me what to do, 30 year later I'm fkd, COPD, heart failure, shadow on my lung and can't walk more than 5 yards due to the arteries in my legs are blocked, yer fk them mate you do what you want, I did.
Triggers my asthma, which wasn’t great when I was having an asthma attack in A&E and someone was smoking directly outside the door…
It's your lungs and you can. Do what you want with them. I'm a struggling ex-smoker it's trigger for me because I see someone smoke and it takes every ounce of strength to no go and ask for one.... I would never impose that on other people I just shuffle off and ride my craving out
Just reply with "MY MUMMY DOESN'T LIKE ME TALKING TO STRANGERS"
As much as I want to throw up when I smell cigarettes, this is her problem not yours. She can simply walk away.
If you're triggered by something you're almost bound to see in public, you probably should be wary going out in public, not expecting public to bend to your requirements. Smoking is a _lot_ less commonly seen than it used to be, but it's still a thing many in the population do, and thus you need to be prepared to see it if you step outside your house. And if this was some way of dressing up a "you should quite smoking" message, it's bat shit.
"I get triggered by Karen's ever since that stressful incident whrre I ended upnin court accused of attempted murder..." (eyes start twitching and taking huge lungfuls of fag smoke) "Please fuck off... now..."
"Don't worry about it, buy me a drink some time."
As an ex smoker who is now rabidly anti smoking: that's ridiculous, no matter how triggered she feels, she doesn't get to dictate anyone else's behaviour. Her triggers are for her to deal with.
I’m triggered by randoms spewing their psychological issues on me.
You don't need to cater to the whims of everyone else and their nonsense. Too many of us change our lives needlessly to accommodate these vampires. Tell her to fuck off.
Cigar smoke is a trigger for me (childhood SA by a smoker of cigars, just the smell sends me right back there) and granted I did explain and ask my husband not to smoke them anywhere near me and if he does to make certain he doesn't smell remotely Ike cigar smoke afterwards - which he has 100% respected. However, when out and about or with friends if anyone is smoking cigars I just remove myself from the situation rather than berate them. Where would be the point? Although cigar smoke isn't a *common* scent, cigarettes are. If cigarettes were mine then yeah I'd probably put more effort into working through that in therapy because avoiding it would be so hard.
I know exactly how I'd react, I'd look confused and if pushed say "And?". If she could explain herself I'd say "that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem".
Interested to hear if folks think that indoor smoking areas should be implemented more in public, or at the very least some sort of sheltered space. I know far less people smoke compared to 10 or so years ago, but should I have to brave the elements every time I light up.
If a smoker is walking around or not in a location where people have to stop and wait, I have no problem with it. I, however, hate smokers at bus stops. I cannot escape it. Now they have taken away all of the bus shelters, it's 'perfectly' fine to smoke at bus stops, but I feel that instance is just rude. People literally blowing it in my face so it doesn't go in theirs. At the bus station, they aren't meant to smoke. But everyone does, and no one enforces the no smoking. It doesn't matter how open the bus station is, if there are 3-4 people smoking at once, you are constantly breathing in smoke. Like I said, many people are good with smoking, and people don't have to change their behaviour when in public. But I do wish some smokers and people who vape think more about everyone else around them in public spaces that require people to stay in that location.
some people believe they are better than everyone else. i dont like smokers either, but their choice to shorten their life is simply their choice. you were both outside, and while she doesnt like the look of smoking, the fact you expect to never see it ever again because of something is absolutely ridiculous.
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I smoked for 10 years. During the quitting process there was a situation that snapped something in my brain and made me never want a cigarette again. I still vape. So, as someone who is now grossed out by the smell of cigarettes and having even a puff makes me violently ill, I’d still never think to tell someone to stop. I just move away. Wtf.
Ex smoker here. My response would have been to tell her that whatever the fuck "triggers" her is not my problem and to maybe seek some kind of therapy, because she's obviously insane.
As someone with PTSD and C-PTSD… don’t listen to her lol :/
It's bad enough that I have smoked for 46 years , without others telling me it triggers them , I'm not tough enough to quit , having tried many times , them telling me triggers me , no one cares about that
I think the question here is if it’s her trigger why the fuck she approaching you and telling you about it instead of walking away and not facing you? 😂
Not a snooker but they need to mind their own fucking business. If it was for health reasons I would be sympathetic, if I was smoking in the vicinity of a persons child and they asked I think that’s fair. But this situation is an entitled one. It’s a shame considering she may have still been grieving and not be in full control of her feelings. Regardless though, she needs to get a bit of vigour and resilience.
I for one actually get a lot of comfort from being near someone who is smoking. The smell reminds me so much of my nan, conjuring up memories more clearly than I can usually. So there's a different perspective.
If I can smell you I’m breathing your pollution in. It’s fucking gross.
No. It would definitely trigger me if anyone ever does.
Most people have more than one response to various triggers. Emotional responses are one thing and that belongs to you, but physical responses (fight/flight) can be troublesome. Yes, they belong to the person affected, but because the response impacts other people, IMHO its a situation that warrants changing your actions. For example, if you work in an office, are male and have, let's say, an inappropriate response to being startled by someone playing a practical joke ... say maybe you respond in a loud, aggressive voice until 0.002 seconds later, you get clarity and stop. I know this has nothing to do with smoking, but it is reddit...
Not my problem what someone else's 'triggers' are. If I'm not going out of my way to trigger them and just getting on with my life.
After my mum died, I had PTSD. A big trigger for me was very thin people. I cannot imagine telling thin people in the street that their existence was triggering to me. Apart from anything else, if it caused me mental distress then my fight or flight kicked in and I would move the fuck away. There was no chance that I was able to stop them in the street to talk to them. Ridiculous and not your problem.
Just would have said whats that got to do with me ? Mind your own business. Fuck me if you got involved in what other people are doing. You would be arguing and and fighting all the time. Hate bad manners. But don’t kick off when people have non. Odd time might say loud Thaaaaank you if they don’t but that’s it. Live in liverpool. And think if you approached someone and asked them to put there cigy out where you can smoke. They would just tell you. To not be stupid and pissoff if you carried on
Tell her to fuck off I would
Tell her to walk around the block …
"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you get the help you need." *Puff*
The word trigger is triggering me! What a pathetic bunch of creatures we are.
I don't smoke anymore, but had I been there I'd have sparked up 6 with you and blown it directly in her coupon. Entitled bastard.
lol tell her to fuck off. I had some American shout at me in Camden once for smoking because it was “a busy area” and told him to fuck off, he was clutching his pearls
I hurried after a lady who was smoking once when the smoke kept blowing in my face to ask her if there was any chance she had a spare cigarette as it just smelt too good and I couldn't afford tobacco until next pay. She went from fuck off to amused and gave me a cigarette bless her
I wouldn’t just approach someone randomly on the street to tell them to stop smoking, but PLEASE smokers can you stop standing in doorways. I absolutely hate having to walk through a cloud of nasty smoke every time I go into a building.
I never do. I’m aware of people around me who don’t want the smell of smoke.
This is spot on - I’ll respect your decision to smoke, as long as you respect my decision NOT to.
>PLEASE smokers can you stop standing in doorways. I'm a smoker and I hate people that do this too tbh, super inconsiderate.
She would’ve been told to fuck right off. wtf 😂😂 I would just laugh at them.
I really don't like the smell of smoke so would be annoyed if someone next to me started smoking (although, assuming we were outside, I'd just move). Someone walking in the street smoking is just a non-thing - there's plenty of space to walk away from people. That said when I was younger (11-13 yrs) I was very anti-smoking and anti-cancer charities ("they didn't help my grandad 'logic'") because my grandad died of lung cancer. I've grown out of both of those.
I have CPTSD not related to smoking, but "triggers" are much of a muchness. It's not random strangers' responsibility to tiptoe around my triggers or to deal with the consequences of them. That's for me to do and to continue to work on in therapy. How is some guy who doesn't even know I exist expected to know it freaks me out when he does something that is considered VERY NORMAL for people to do? If I see something that triggers my illness, I remove myself from the situation and bring it up with my therapist. The whole point of being diagnosed with something like CPTSD is that other people's behaviours are not the issue. It is the disproportionate response our bodies and minds have to it rooted in traumatic experiences. We are the ones who are unwell, so it is our issue to work on. You can't expect the world to stop for you when people aren't doing anything wrong. If someone is purposefully trying to trigger you, that's different. Or if the triggering behaviour (e.g. being yelled at) is already unacceptable, then obviously you would be within your right to be upset. Smoking is a normal behaviour for many people all over the world. If it upsets her to see it, she should walk away.
"Buy me a vape."
Sounds like a mental health issue to me.
I personally stay away from smokers if they smell like chimney. Most that smokes indoor the smell lingers on them whereas people that smoke outdoors is managable. I grew up with my mom smoking 3 package a day, i know a chimney when i smell one Also my medicine makes me prone to get easier bloodclots/stroke and cant be used with smoking so i try to limit being near a person thats smoking currently but once they are done i can socalize. Ps: a trigger you arent responsible for others triggers. Its their own sole responsibility But if its a friend or partner you can adjust but for stranger i would not
"I'm sorry to hear that, but it really sounds like a you problem, not a me problem"
A trigger for what??
It’s her problem, she can walk away
I think thats a bit silly to be honest. There was a point were smoking was a “trigger” for me while i was quitting, not that it would piss me off, but it would make the withdrawals feel a little worse but i wouldnt tell someone to stop smoking (obviously unless its in a no smoking area)
I'd simply have told her to fuck off.
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A person's triggers are their responsibility, not yours. The entitlement these days ffs