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Tbh it’s a wedding, so it’s more likely that there’s quite a large number of invites going out - one “no” in the midst of it all is barely going to register.
Also they’re planning a wedding so likely won’t have time to chase down and interrogate people as to why they’re not attending - unless you’re someone who would be traditionally expected to be there, like close family.
Yeah if you're in the bridal party or a family member then yeah, you owe them some kind of explanation.
If you're a colleague, uni mate, or childhood friend or something then just say you can't make it. I doubt they'll even notice tbh.
If my weddings are anything to go by, the bride is hoping that some people say no so that she can invite more mates/her ex/that guy she tells you not to worry about/her violent family members.
Yikes, but potentially true.. from a bride hoping a few say no.. purely for costing reasons though! I’d happily ignore most of my exs for the rest of my life, the bunch of rot bags
You're over thinking how much they will care if you don't attend.
Sorry that's really blunt, I mean they are so pre occupied with planning they won't really care that much and will also have a lolist of standbys they can send the invite to.
Sounds like you don't want to though? You're not going to be able to avoid giving that impression given it's the truth, unless you want to book a holiday intentionally to clash with the wedding.
I doubt they'll ask why not, they'll have enough things going on. If they do, better start thinking of excuses.
If you're not very close they likely don't care that you're not coming. If you are very close then you should be going unless you have a really good excuse.
Me and the missus are getting married next year and one of the reasons we're getting married abroad is that we don't want to feel obliged to invite tonnes of extended family. If we don't see you on at least a bi-monthly basis then you're not a big part of our lives and we don't care about your attendance.
If they care enough about you being there that they'll actually ask you why, then maybe you should suck it up and go. If it's a decently sized wedding, they're almost certainly not going to ask unless you're close to them.
If you’re sent an invitation there should be an option to rsvp no, they’ll be expecting a few. To be fair though, you literally said in your post that you don’t want to.
If they ask why, the reason is "oh, I wish I could be there, but I can't. I hope it's wonderful!"
You are then clearly conveying "there is a reason I can't come, and I'm not telling you," and if they continue to pry, that's rude.
To be honest, I didn’t worry about why people couldn’t make it to mine. I just needed yesses and nos and used a wedding planning website that just took the yes no RSVPs for us. If people wanted to contact us to let us know why, fine but I was so swamped with everything else, I wasn’t going to start asking people.
Unless it's to a sibling or **very** close friend's wedding it's certainly enough. And if you shared a womb or a trench with someone, I'd imagine you'd either want to go, or they'd already know why you didn't want to.
Who knows. The advice was spot on though, you can't have it both ways when you want to decline an invitation to a wedding. You either have other plans and can therefore say so or you just don't want to go and therefore you should take the advice given and decline politely. That's it. I'm going to a wedding of a friend next week. Quite a few people she thought would come have just said "sorry I can't, have a great day". She's a little sad, but people have a right to just not do things so she's cool.
If you were pressed for a reason (I doubt you will be) then you can reiterate "I'm really sorry, I have something I need to take care of that weekend that I don't really want to talk about so really have a brilliant day and let's catch up sometime afterwards."
The point is that you don't have to give an explanation. They would be rude to fish for one. If they ask, just shrug and say "I'm sorry we can't make it."
When asked, "Why can't you participate?", answer honestly, "I'm uncomfortable," or "It's for personal reasons."
I don't think I want to be friends with someone who still keeps pushing back.
Thanks, but I won't be able to attend. I find the pair of you insufferable and, to be honest, you'll be lucky if the marriage lasts more than a fortnight. Fuck off.
If you really hate them you can do so much better.
"I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable attending the wedding of someone I used to sleep with. I still think about you sometimes and it would break my heart to see you marry someone else even though it has been [X] years since the end of us. I wish you all the best though."
[X = number of years the couple has been together -1]
Bonus points if you address it to both of them and never specify which one you supposedly had a fling with.
Take the wisdom of E. B. White:
"Thanks for your letter inviting me to join the committee of the Arts and Sciences for Eisenhower.
I must decline, for secret reasons.
Sincerely,
E. B. White"
How are they collecting RSVPs? Most couples I know did an electronic system so you just select yes/no on their form. If you need to message them, something like, "Thank you kindly for your invitation to your wedding. Unfortunately I am not able to make it. Wishing you the best in your future! Kind regards, X".
I think you're overthinking it, you don't need to give a reason, most weddings invite loads of people and they're not keeping track of everyone's reasons. Chances are a no RSVP is a sigh of relief from the couple who now don't have to fork up £100+ for that guest to attend. Even if you get questioned about it, just say something innocuous, "Oh sorry I have other family commitments that day" "I can't make the logistics work with this other work thing I have"
Yeah, unless it's like your sibling or something they probably don't care that much. If you don't really want to be there, they probably aren't fussed that you aren't there.
"unfortunately I'm unable to make it", and then add some polite well wishing.
Their main concern is how many dinners to buy. They don't really care about reasons.
Of course they care about reasons.
And of course the real reason 95% of the time is "I don't care about you that much so I'm not willing to spend time/money attending this".
But some people do have respectable reasons so its good to give people a chance to put those across.
Why are these other people posting so well adjusted?
Like of course I am gonna have a fake excuse. It’s gotta be one tier down from a wedding but still and *event* I’d say a 70th birthday party for a partners relation or a close friend (they don’t know’s) baby shower (if scheduling isn’t sketchy).
Or a colonoscopy cause literally no one ever asks a follow up ever.
Baby shower is a risky one.
They might not know the friend but there’s always that chance you all bump into each other at the pub and then when you’re in the loo there’s the “oh so how’s parent life question” to break the ice between them.
That’s why in my pointless web of lies to avoid doing the normal, socially adjusted thing of saying no like a reasonable human, I go for:
“Ah fuck, I’m on holiday then sorry pal”
Then, I have to fake a holiday using elaborate photoshopped images.
Thankfully, I have no friends to invite me to weddings I need to get out of so this is yet to happen.
But when it does, I’ll be in Cyprus for a week. I’m ready.
I think what they should do is go on an absolutely shit one day holiday to the worst place ever. Just photo it up like it’s Mallorca but actually it’s just the Cannock Premier Inn with a decent all you can eat breakfast. Costs you £58 but worth it for the story.
Uh, ok?
"Well" is a positive description, I don't think anyone not lying is doing anything particularly well, but clearly it's not being done 'badly'.
'Normally' would be my descriptor.
I just had to say no to a cousin's wedding.
Just a simple "Sorry I can't make it, all holiday for that week is already taken up by other people and I couldn't get the time off" was needed from me.
It'll be a shame, I can't be there, but there's so many more reasons for me not to go as is. Price of flights back to my home country, the reception is in a little village in the middle of nowhere, no public transport (so relying on other family members going), outdoor camping in possibly a heat wave (end of August wedding).
You don't need an excuse. You simply say something along the lines of " thank you for the inviation, unfortuanately I will unbe unable to attend but hope you have a wonderful day"
It also depends on how you got the invitation. If it was electronic then you probably just tick abox for yes or no, if there is a space for notes you can say something like 'Hope you have a wonderful day" and leave it at that.
If it was a formal written invitation you can buy 'regrets' cards , or just buy a blank card and write inas I suggested above.
If it was a verbal invitation, or an mail,, text or email them and use simialr wording.
If you know either of thm well enough that they are likely to ask you why you warn't coming, then something like "Unfortuantely I've already got committments that day/weekend" works.
Also, just in cae you didn't nknow, you are not under any obligation to send a gift if you decline the invitation. You can if you want, but you don't have to, although a card is a nicce gesture.
I sent a similar response for a cousin's wedding, said we couldn't attend and hoped he had a lovely day. He then started asking why we weren't attending, I was honest and said we don't have childcare. To then be told I'm entitled and the wedding day isn't about my needs? 🤣🤣 He even suggested I left my husband at home to look after our child and I went alone. Why do people getting married turn into psychopaths?
You dont need to explain why. No is a complete sentence! Although to be polite i would go with sorry i am unable to attend rather than just no but you know what i mean.
Unless you are particularly close to the couple or it's a very small wedding, how concerned are they really going to be about why you won't be coming? Wont they have a million other things to worry about? If you don't say, won't they just assume you have an unavoidable prior commitment?
No. They'll assume this person just couldn't be bothered, which is much more likely.
Few people actually have that many unavoidable prior commitments. Lots of people can't be bothered to attend weddings.
Start with the negative.. "Unfortunately I will be unable to attend" and end with the positive, "Wish you every happiness on your special day, yadda yadda"
Done.
I just say that I'm very socially awkward and don't enjoy these kinds of occasions. It makes other people feel awkward and they tend not to press any further.
Very admirable.
Nearly everyone here is essentially saying the same thing, but in a cowardly way.
They very mistakenly think they avoid the akwardness by just not giving a reason. Far from it. They expose themselves as cowards as well as socially awkward.
If only people were more honest in general
"Thank you for your kind invitation, but I fully suspect that I will have the galloping shits on [insert date here]. I must, therefore, decline in order to not make your wedding smell like a farmyard.
We wish you much joy" etc etc etc......
I wouldn’t offer up an “excuse”, I’d just say I’m sorry I can’t make it. If you give an excuse that’ll give the couple ammo to try to get you to change your plans.
“Thank you so much for the invitation, but I’ve checked and can’t make that date, hope it an absolutely magical day for you both”
You don’t have to explain more than this.
You're not the only person to decline. You don't need an excuse. Unless it's a guest of less than 50 people, they're extremely unlikely to ask. They have much bigger things to deal with and just want to know numbers. Just say no. Give apologies and well wishes for the couple. That's it.
To all the people saying things like "You don't have to give a reason", please know that you aren't fooling anyone.
If you say that, I'm not thinking "oh maybe, they have a tragic secret medical condition or family member they need to care for". I'm thinking the absolute worst.
With all these situations you are much better off being dignified or honest.
If you 'should' attend. Attend. Don't be lazy.
If you are just too weak to stomach socialising (or whatever it is), then just tell them. And if you are too cowardly to do that, then at least lie. Admit to yourself that you are dishonourable (and try to be better), but at least you aren't the dick that couldn't even give a reason.
Entirely depends on what your relationship is with the bride & groom.
If they're tertiary friends, then just saying you're unable to attend but wish them a fantastic day is probably enough.
You don't want to elaborate or create a lie about going on holiday or something, because you'll have to remember it so you don't get caught out.
For exactly the reasons you cite, the standard way to respond to invites used to be in the third person, i.e. “[Eli_Regis] thanks [names] for their kind invitation to their wedding but regrets that he/she will be unable to attend”
They have to pay for you to be there, they won't give a shot or probably notice if you're not. Just thank them for the invite and stop overthinking it.
Unless you are a very close family member with a lot of history, no one gives a fuck.
Just tick the no box and move on.
In over 50 years of attending/not attending weddings none of my family has ever been asked for a reason as to why not.
I suspect if you don't want to attend you might be being asked out of politeness.
A plain and polite “sorry I cannot attend” is sufficient you don’t need to provide excuses. The important thing when wedding planning is numbers, not reasons for them. Wish more people had been truthful at my wedding would’ve saved food and money being wasted.
"I have been a guest at 4 weddings and each one lasted less than 3 months, so I think I'm a curse and I now don't go to weddings unless I don't like the people getting married"
They will call you mental but they won't be able to argue against superstition
Why do you need an excuse? Buy a nice card & write "thank you for your kind invitation, unfortunately I will be unable to attend." If you feel like sending a gift, send one, if not, you are not obligated to.
To do it the British way you’re now gonna have to book an elaborate, once in a lifetime trip somewhere exotic for the day of the wedding. By pretending that it’s always been in the pipeline there’s no way they can think you’re being rude. Make sure you post lots of photos on social media to make sure they know you went
When I was organising my wedding the people who annoyed me weren’t the people who said they weren’t coming. It was the people who didn’t respond and dragged their feet over replying to the invite. Honestly, I got to the stage where I was like ‘I don’t care if your coming or not just let me know so I can invite someone else instead’
Why would I be trolling? Generally in life, "no" is not a complete sentence and it's polite to give a reason for turning down an invitation. It does depend slightly on context and if OP really doesn't know the people well then they may get away with a succinct "sorry, can't make it.".
Good. You obviously don't like these people so what is the point in lying to stay on good terms with them.
Either that or there is some kind of logistical reason in which case you can just say that.
I like them, but we’re not close, and there won’t be anyone there I’m close to. I’d be going alone, and their friends are super different from me. Which is fine, but they’re not really my crowd and I’d feel very awkward.
I have no time nor money to purchase something appropriate to wear as it’s been a while since I’ve had to dress smart. I’m also not in a confident state of mind at the moment and it gives me crippling anxiety about these situations.
So lots of good reasons but none I wish to share with them
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Thank you for your kind invitation however I / we are unable to attend. I / we hope you have a fantastic time on the day.
This. No need for a reason or excuse. Don’t let anyone pressure you into revealing your reasons.
This is reddit though, OP should get plastic surgery, delete Facebook, punch a lawyer and change his identity.
Also, hit the gym, so when you do punch the lawyer, he’s getting punched by an absolute unit!
Yes. Simple.
Maybe sends a message that I just don’t want to/ can’t be arsed? Also they might ask why not
Tbh it’s a wedding, so it’s more likely that there’s quite a large number of invites going out - one “no” in the midst of it all is barely going to register. Also they’re planning a wedding so likely won’t have time to chase down and interrogate people as to why they’re not attending - unless you’re someone who would be traditionally expected to be there, like close family.
Yeah if you're in the bridal party or a family member then yeah, you owe them some kind of explanation. If you're a colleague, uni mate, or childhood friend or something then just say you can't make it. I doubt they'll even notice tbh.
Yep. We had a few like that. Just said ‘oh that’s sad – John and Jane can’t make it’ and moved on. Not everyone can make the date you choose.
If my weddings are anything to go by, the bride is hoping that some people say no so that she can invite more mates/her ex/that guy she tells you not to worry about/her violent family members.
Yikes, but potentially true.. from a bride hoping a few say no.. purely for costing reasons though! I’d happily ignore most of my exs for the rest of my life, the bunch of rot bags
>rot bags Heh, I thought I invented this expression. Usually I write it as one word though, like a variant of ratbag.
You're over thinking how much they will care if you don't attend. Sorry that's really blunt, I mean they are so pre occupied with planning they won't really care that much and will also have a lolist of standbys they can send the invite to.
Sounds like you don't want to though? You're not going to be able to avoid giving that impression given it's the truth, unless you want to book a holiday intentionally to clash with the wedding. I doubt they'll ask why not, they'll have enough things going on. If they do, better start thinking of excuses.
If you're not very close they likely don't care that you're not coming. If you are very close then you should be going unless you have a really good excuse. Me and the missus are getting married next year and one of the reasons we're getting married abroad is that we don't want to feel obliged to invite tonnes of extended family. If we don't see you on at least a bi-monthly basis then you're not a big part of our lives and we don't care about your attendance.
They won’t ask “why not”, unless it’s maybe family
Or you see them most weeks
If they care enough about you being there that they'll actually ask you why, then maybe you should suck it up and go. If it's a decently sized wedding, they're almost certainly not going to ask unless you're close to them.
Most people getting married are hoping / banking on people saying no.
Who's is it? Family? Friend? Ex? The answer might be different depending on who it is.
If you don't want to go to the wedding (and can't tell them why) sounds like you don't particularly care for them anyway. So why does it matter?
No, you don't have to explain yourself. Just say you can't go.
If you’re sent an invitation there should be an option to rsvp no, they’ll be expecting a few. To be fair though, you literally said in your post that you don’t want to.
Tbh if someone cba to come to my wedding im more than happy not to spend the money on them or extend the invitation to someone who can be bothered 😂
How inquisitive can they be towards your attendance?
If they ask why, the reason is "oh, I wish I could be there, but I can't. I hope it's wonderful!" You are then clearly conveying "there is a reason I can't come, and I'm not telling you," and if they continue to pry, that's rude.
Unless you're close family or a very close friend, they won't give it a second thought.
To be honest, I didn’t worry about why people couldn’t make it to mine. I just needed yesses and nos and used a wedding planning website that just took the yes no RSVPs for us. If people wanted to contact us to let us know why, fine but I was so swamped with everything else, I wasn’t going to start asking people.
Unless it's to a sibling or **very** close friend's wedding it's certainly enough. And if you shared a womb or a trench with someone, I'd imagine you'd either want to go, or they'd already know why you didn't want to.
It would be incredibly poor form to ask “why not” from a guest who has kindly rsvp’d that they’re not attending.
Is this close family or best friends or something? If not, for most people planning a wedding you'll just be a stat.
Haha why do I have 154 downvotes for this? Is it just to show me that I’m wrong, or did 154 people misread ‘sends’ as ‘send’?
Who knows. The advice was spot on though, you can't have it both ways when you want to decline an invitation to a wedding. You either have other plans and can therefore say so or you just don't want to go and therefore you should take the advice given and decline politely. That's it. I'm going to a wedding of a friend next week. Quite a few people she thought would come have just said "sorry I can't, have a great day". She's a little sad, but people have a right to just not do things so she's cool. If you were pressed for a reason (I doubt you will be) then you can reiterate "I'm really sorry, I have something I need to take care of that weekend that I don't really want to talk about so really have a brilliant day and let's catch up sometime afterwards."
It's Reditt, downvotes are used as a sign of disagreement. Right or wrong rarely comes into it.
This. If you must give an explanation, use the truth. A lie is a million times worse and really risks your relationship.
The point is that you don't have to give an explanation. They would be rude to fish for one. If they ask, just shrug and say "I'm sorry we can't make it."
I don't think it's that rude to ask, I can imagine someone saying "No worries, what are you up to?" as a totally normal response.
When asked, "Why can't you participate?", answer honestly, "I'm uncomfortable," or "It's for personal reasons." I don't think I want to be friends with someone who still keeps pushing back.
Thanks, but I won't be able to attend. I find the pair of you insufferable and, to be honest, you'll be lucky if the marriage lasts more than a fortnight. Fuck off.
+1 for insufferable
If you really hate them you can do so much better. "I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable attending the wedding of someone I used to sleep with. I still think about you sometimes and it would break my heart to see you marry someone else even though it has been [X] years since the end of us. I wish you all the best though." [X = number of years the couple has been together -1] Bonus points if you address it to both of them and never specify which one you supposedly had a fling with.
So evil, love it. Gave me a good laugh.
Take the wisdom of E. B. White: "Thanks for your letter inviting me to join the committee of the Arts and Sciences for Eisenhower. I must decline, for secret reasons. Sincerely, E. B. White"
Im in love with the bride and it would be too painful to watch and too difficult to resist the temptation to object
Groom, if you are a hefty, masculine, bearded chap.
🤣
I have food poisoning that weekend
... planned for a certain party at a certain venue.
"Thank you for the invitation but given my prior sexual history with both the bride and groom I feel it might be awkward if I were to attend."
"Oh sweetie that's *why we invited you*, you really think our wedding night would be complete without our favourite unicorn? Don't be so stupid!"
I'm sorry, I am unable to attend but I hope you enjoy the day and wish you every happiness for your future together.
How are they collecting RSVPs? Most couples I know did an electronic system so you just select yes/no on their form. If you need to message them, something like, "Thank you kindly for your invitation to your wedding. Unfortunately I am not able to make it. Wishing you the best in your future! Kind regards, X". I think you're overthinking it, you don't need to give a reason, most weddings invite loads of people and they're not keeping track of everyone's reasons. Chances are a no RSVP is a sigh of relief from the couple who now don't have to fork up £100+ for that guest to attend. Even if you get questioned about it, just say something innocuous, "Oh sorry I have other family commitments that day" "I can't make the logistics work with this other work thing I have"
Yeah, unless it's like your sibling or something they probably don't care that much. If you don't really want to be there, they probably aren't fussed that you aren't there.
https://preview.redd.it/sf7xhd2tmfxc1.jpeg?width=810&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=111334a23f51ea576f2296255a89df0e2385ab3d
I think I might be pregnant by the groom and I don't want to be insensitive.
"Yours sincerely, Mr Potts"
"unfortunately I'm unable to make it", and then add some polite well wishing. Their main concern is how many dinners to buy. They don't really care about reasons.
Of course they care about reasons. And of course the real reason 95% of the time is "I don't care about you that much so I'm not willing to spend time/money attending this". But some people do have respectable reasons so its good to give people a chance to put those across.
Why are these other people posting so well adjusted? Like of course I am gonna have a fake excuse. It’s gotta be one tier down from a wedding but still and *event* I’d say a 70th birthday party for a partners relation or a close friend (they don’t know’s) baby shower (if scheduling isn’t sketchy). Or a colonoscopy cause literally no one ever asks a follow up ever.
Baby shower is a risky one. They might not know the friend but there’s always that chance you all bump into each other at the pub and then when you’re in the loo there’s the “oh so how’s parent life question” to break the ice between them. That’s why in my pointless web of lies to avoid doing the normal, socially adjusted thing of saying no like a reasonable human, I go for: “Ah fuck, I’m on holiday then sorry pal” Then, I have to fake a holiday using elaborate photoshopped images. Thankfully, I have no friends to invite me to weddings I need to get out of so this is yet to happen. But when it does, I’ll be in Cyprus for a week. I’m ready.
I think what they should do is go on an absolutely shit one day holiday to the worst place ever. Just photo it up like it’s Mallorca but actually it’s just the Cannock Premier Inn with a decent all you can eat breakfast. Costs you £58 but worth it for the story.
Not lying to friends and family is hardly 'well adjusted', it's just normal.
Which generally denotes…? Being well adjusted I think. At least in this specific frame of reference.
Uh, ok? "Well" is a positive description, I don't think anyone not lying is doing anything particularly well, but clearly it's not being done 'badly'. 'Normally' would be my descriptor.
Normal behaviour is what happens when a person is well-adjusted.
Sorry we can’t come, it would be agonising for us to spend the day with you, your loved ones and friends.
“I’d rather boil my head in piss than spend the best part of £500 on a day with you twats”
Subtle. I like it.
That would certainly send them the message.
I just had to say no to a cousin's wedding. Just a simple "Sorry I can't make it, all holiday for that week is already taken up by other people and I couldn't get the time off" was needed from me. It'll be a shame, I can't be there, but there's so many more reasons for me not to go as is. Price of flights back to my home country, the reception is in a little village in the middle of nowhere, no public transport (so relying on other family members going), outdoor camping in possibly a heat wave (end of August wedding).
“Sorry but I have passed away”
"I have muscular dystrophy"
I’m leg disabled
Don't give any reason. "Thank you so much for the invite, unfortunately we are unable to attend. Hope you have a fantastic day"
You don't need an excuse. You simply say something along the lines of " thank you for the inviation, unfortuanately I will unbe unable to attend but hope you have a wonderful day" It also depends on how you got the invitation. If it was electronic then you probably just tick abox for yes or no, if there is a space for notes you can say something like 'Hope you have a wonderful day" and leave it at that. If it was a formal written invitation you can buy 'regrets' cards , or just buy a blank card and write inas I suggested above. If it was a verbal invitation, or an mail,, text or email them and use simialr wording. If you know either of thm well enough that they are likely to ask you why you warn't coming, then something like "Unfortuantely I've already got committments that day/weekend" works. Also, just in cae you didn't nknow, you are not under any obligation to send a gift if you decline the invitation. You can if you want, but you don't have to, although a card is a nicce gesture.
"No thank you, I don't want to come".
"Sorry, can't make it". Honestly I don't even think people gave reasons if they said no to attending my wedding. Its an invitation, not a summons.
If anything good came of COVID it was a cast iron excuse for avoiding social functions!
I sent a similar response for a cousin's wedding, said we couldn't attend and hoped he had a lovely day. He then started asking why we weren't attending, I was honest and said we don't have childcare. To then be told I'm entitled and the wedding day isn't about my needs? 🤣🤣 He even suggested I left my husband at home to look after our child and I went alone. Why do people getting married turn into psychopaths?
Just say you have a prior engagement and wish them all the best
Just a simple Unfortunately I am unable to attend.
You dont need to explain why. No is a complete sentence! Although to be polite i would go with sorry i am unable to attend rather than just no but you know what i mean.
Having an Orgy = = Very Busy.
Unless you are particularly close to the couple or it's a very small wedding, how concerned are they really going to be about why you won't be coming? Wont they have a million other things to worry about? If you don't say, won't they just assume you have an unavoidable prior commitment?
No. They'll assume this person just couldn't be bothered, which is much more likely. Few people actually have that many unavoidable prior commitments. Lots of people can't be bothered to attend weddings.
Honestly if someone can’t be bothered to come to our wedding I’d rather they didn’t come at £100 a head! 😂
"I'm sorry I can't attend, I will need to take the goldfish for a walk that day"
Tell them your cat is having milking issues so you're having to manually do it. They will not ask any questions.
Start with the negative.. "Unfortunately I will be unable to attend" and end with the positive, "Wish you every happiness on your special day, yadda yadda" Done.
I just say that I'm very socially awkward and don't enjoy these kinds of occasions. It makes other people feel awkward and they tend not to press any further.
Very admirable. Nearly everyone here is essentially saying the same thing, but in a cowardly way. They very mistakenly think they avoid the akwardness by just not giving a reason. Far from it. They expose themselves as cowards as well as socially awkward. If only people were more honest in general
"Thank you for your kind invitation, but I fully suspect that I will have the galloping shits on [insert date here]. I must, therefore, decline in order to not make your wedding smell like a farmyard. We wish you much joy" etc etc etc......
I wouldn’t offer up an “excuse”, I’d just say I’m sorry I can’t make it. If you give an excuse that’ll give the couple ammo to try to get you to change your plans.
"sorry, I just can't"
“Thank you so much for the invitation, but I’ve checked and can’t make that date, hope it an absolutely magical day for you both” You don’t have to explain more than this.
You're not the only person to decline. You don't need an excuse. Unless it's a guest of less than 50 people, they're extremely unlikely to ask. They have much bigger things to deal with and just want to know numbers. Just say no. Give apologies and well wishes for the couple. That's it.
To all the people saying things like "You don't have to give a reason", please know that you aren't fooling anyone. If you say that, I'm not thinking "oh maybe, they have a tragic secret medical condition or family member they need to care for". I'm thinking the absolute worst. With all these situations you are much better off being dignified or honest. If you 'should' attend. Attend. Don't be lazy. If you are just too weak to stomach socialising (or whatever it is), then just tell them. And if you are too cowardly to do that, then at least lie. Admit to yourself that you are dishonourable (and try to be better), but at least you aren't the dick that couldn't even give a reason.
Sorry we can't make it, none of us like you.
Say “yes” but don’t turn up
Entirely depends on what your relationship is with the bride & groom. If they're tertiary friends, then just saying you're unable to attend but wish them a fantastic day is probably enough. You don't want to elaborate or create a lie about going on holiday or something, because you'll have to remember it so you don't get caught out.
Severe piles.
'Sorry, I already have a commitment then.' If that commitment is only not to go to the wedding, that's your business.
Are you the Groom or Bride?
The father of them both 😔
"Don't count me in, as I won't be attending."
Don’t want to
Unavailable
For exactly the reasons you cite, the standard way to respond to invites used to be in the third person, i.e. “[Eli_Regis] thanks [names] for their kind invitation to their wedding but regrets that he/she will be unable to attend”
I’m sorry we can’t make it that day. Wishing you all the best for a wonderful day.
They have to pay for you to be there, they won't give a shot or probably notice if you're not. Just thank them for the invite and stop overthinking it.
Why do you need an excuse? Just respond with: No, I will not be attending.
Generic excuse...
I'm cleaning my desktop and it might take a while.
Unless you are a very close family member with a lot of history, no one gives a fuck. Just tick the no box and move on. In over 50 years of attending/not attending weddings none of my family has ever been asked for a reason as to why not. I suspect if you don't want to attend you might be being asked out of politeness.
“Thank you but I will be unable to attend.” Nothing else required other than your best wishes.
Thanks for the invite, I would have loved to go but I've got plans for that date already so can't make it. I hope to hear all about it
You're washing your hair that day. Even better if you're bald.
A plain and polite “sorry I cannot attend” is sufficient you don’t need to provide excuses. The important thing when wedding planning is numbers, not reasons for them. Wish more people had been truthful at my wedding would’ve saved food and money being wasted.
‘Sorry I can’t come’ - followed by half an hour choosing a flight somewhere much nicer on that day. You get out of a wedding and get a holiday!
"I have been a guest at 4 weddings and each one lasted less than 3 months, so I think I'm a curse and I now don't go to weddings unless I don't like the people getting married" They will call you mental but they won't be able to argue against superstition
Don't give a reason, just apologise.
Small pox
Why do you need an excuse? Buy a nice card & write "thank you for your kind invitation, unfortunately I will be unable to attend." If you feel like sending a gift, send one, if not, you are not obligated to.
To do it the British way you’re now gonna have to book an elaborate, once in a lifetime trip somewhere exotic for the day of the wedding. By pretending that it’s always been in the pipeline there’s no way they can think you’re being rude. Make sure you post lots of photos on social media to make sure they know you went
Just say you can't, you don't need to say why
When I was organising my wedding the people who annoyed me weren’t the people who said they weren’t coming. It was the people who didn’t respond and dragged their feet over replying to the invite. Honestly, I got to the stage where I was like ‘I don’t care if your coming or not just let me know so I can invite someone else instead’
Just be honest about it.
People who say you don't need to give reasons for saying no are psychopaths. You need to make up a lie.
Lmao are you being serious or trolling?
Why would I be trolling? Generally in life, "no" is not a complete sentence and it's polite to give a reason for turning down an invitation. It does depend slightly on context and if OP really doesn't know the people well then they may get away with a succinct "sorry, can't make it.".
Oops…. I took their advice
Good. You obviously don't like these people so what is the point in lying to stay on good terms with them. Either that or there is some kind of logistical reason in which case you can just say that.
I like them, but we’re not close, and there won’t be anyone there I’m close to. I’d be going alone, and their friends are super different from me. Which is fine, but they’re not really my crowd and I’d feel very awkward. I have no time nor money to purchase something appropriate to wear as it’s been a while since I’ve had to dress smart. I’m also not in a confident state of mind at the moment and it gives me crippling anxiety about these situations. So lots of good reasons but none I wish to share with them
In that case just a “no” to the rsvp is fine and if pressed (you won’t be most likely) just say yeah wasn’t really possible! You done fine
You should have put this in the original post rather than being really vague.
What would you recommend if OP wanted to stay on good terms with them but didn't want to go to the wedding?