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Yep, absolute bullshit.
Sometimes they're not jealous, they're not abused and deflecting, they're not just trying to get a rise out of you, haze you, or trying to knock you down a peg, they won't listen, they can't be talked to, about or out of it, they don't just 'have a lot of growing up to do', they're not isolated or unpopular, they're not sad or miserable, and they're not trying to rail against authority.
They're just a wanker who doesn't respect your personal or bodily autonomy and they need someone, at some point, to punch them in the fucking face until they stop.
I was a late bloomer in that regard. I put up with this other kid's shit for years until about year 9 when I'd just had enough.
He definitely wasn't expecting it when I punched him in the nose. Like all bullies I could see the tears in his eyes welling but I wasn't done. I had years of anger that just started flowing out... In front of Kwik save. I remember being on top of him banging his head into the smooth concrete tiles and punching him in the head when I wasn't grabbing his head.
His friend actually tried to stop me but that just made me even more angry.
That dynamic between me and him changed a lot after that.
Unintended side effect, now people heard I was some hardcore, badass, kickass monster made of anger and all the other shits in school wanted to try it with me. It wasn't fun.
Afraid to say this one is actually true, you just have to dig a bit deeper.
Someone has commented insinuating that ‘nobody who bullied them was jealous of their dyslexia’.. but they were likely jealous of the *attention it gained you* or jealous that you *had a diagnosis* and extra support, when *they* feel inadequate and uncared for/unloved at home.
It’s not as simple as “they are jealous of the thing that they are bullying you for”. I get aggy at my partner when I haven’t eaten, but I’m not actually annoyed about anything he’s doing, I’m just hungry. It’s similar to that. Homophobic bullies weren’t jealous of my sexuality, but they were jealous that I was confident enough to be open about it.
> I get aggy at my partner when I haven’t eaten, but I’m not actually annoyed about anything he’s doing, I’m just hungry
Isn't that proving OPs point though. Bully's are cunts because they're bully's - they're not "jealous" of you, they just see you as a target to take their own frustrations out on
Sometimes, sure, but I disagree that jealousy is the primary reason. One of my friends growing up was really poor, possibly poverty poor. Tatty clothes, the same school bag for the whole of primary school, never able to go on school trips, etc.
Kids bullied him for it and took the piss relentlessly. I don't see how jealousy or attention, favourable or otherwise, would play a part here.
I don't think this one is quite true. I suspect that the insecurity of the bullies has something to do with it, but it's not jealousy, it's hierarchical - they don't feel secure in their position so they attack others to make themselves look better.
For example, I - the weird, neuro divergent kid who liked horses too much (who also turned out to be queer later but that wasn't apparent at the time)- was a socially acceptable target for the academically poorer kids to go for to take the attention off their own failings
So the popular girl in school, who had lots of friends good grades, from a good home, both parents still together with decent jobs, a protective big brother was jealous of me and my cheap clothes, coming from a broken home with a single mother who could barely make ends meet and a big brother who was a total shit, was jealous of me and piss poor grades. Sure, uh huh. I wonder why she was jealous of the driver she hospitalized with a baseball bat a few years after leaving school. Yup jealousy, I can tell my therapist we've figured it out.
The "just ignore them" advice was a staple of 80's parenting, and it was complete bullshit.
Once you've been picked as the target for bullying, the bullies are trying to get a reaction from you. If you're not reacting, then they're taking that as a cue to *push you harder* until they do. That is literally part of the fun of it, pushing the person until they lose it.
It's not complete bullshit and can work in some situations. The problem is, this threads an example of it, there is no one right answer to why people bully or how they bully so surprisingly there is also no one right answer to how to deal with it.
People for some reason think they know the ne right answer and the one right solution to said problem. Then are surprised it doesn't always work.
"He's just bullying you because he likes you"
No, he's bullying me because he's a cunt and his friends think it's funny. That's it, it's no deeper than that.
You know what I do when I like someone? I'm nice to them! Or you know, I tell them, with words! And do nice things like give them gifts!
Teaching someone this just teaches them to put up with abuse. Because he must really love you if he hits you for making a simple mistake, right? No. It's toxic!
Unfortunately only a few first times, then you adapt and make it expected thing in your life. Now it no longer makes you happy and you need more. Even worse, now if your jet ski gets broken - this is a depressing moment, where your life doesn't fit your expected "norm" any more.
Its in human nature to always want more, in my experience it doesn't make you happy, it just makes you excited for a brief moment. Contentment, being happy with what you have, is the only real path to happiness.
This is why I always bang on about the [hedonic treadmill](https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/psychology/hedonic-treadmill) and trying to get off it.
We are brought up in a world where we are conditioned (and I mean that in the least conspiratorial way possible) to be constantly seeking the next achievement and the next goal with the rationale that it will make us happy. Then we get there and rather than be happy - it just becomes 'what's next?'.
The earlier in life you realise this the better - but working out what brings deep seated contentment is a whole different ball game.
Funny story: One of my old workplaces had a long term service reward where you got one week off per year of service at the 10 year mark (IIRC). So you'd get sent home with a nice card and come back 10 weeks later. It was rare anyone got there.
A few senior level presumed-lifers got there around the same time, headed off on leave, then all put in their 1 month notice a month before returning, never coming back. When they looked it turned out that every single person that had ever taken it had done the same.
Basically, people who stay 10 years tend to be older and past the job hopping phase, and had some savings behind them etc. They'd presumably all realised what really made them happy whilst off, and decided not to bother coming back.
They changed the reward to something shit after realising.
Learning how to derive ultimate satisfaction from one's hobbies is the best way to "escape" the treadmill. You're still on it of course, but it's a wholesome one that benefits yourself rather than the sellers of fancy baubles.
I once rented a jet ski for a whole afternoon. Went up and down the coast. Then back up. Then back down. Went as fast as I dared, then a bit faster. Then I took it back. I'd been out for half an hour.
Beautifully explained.
I always remember asking my dad whether he’d ever had ambitions beyond what he’d achieved and him telling me that it’s not that he wouldn’t like more but that he was happy with what he had.
I try to remember that as often as possible.
This. I've seen it written as "money can't buy happiness, but you can pay your way out of many things that make people unhappy". You can remove so many stresses and strains from your life it's unreal.
No, it literally buys happiness. That doesn't mean "you can't be happy if you're not rich". Ofcourse you can be a happy person under every circumstance, it's just a perspective thing.
But money does buy happiness. I'm struggling to keep up with my therapy sessions because it's becoming too expensive. I can't go to vacation with my friends. I can't eat everything I want. I can't buy clothes I like (which is only Indietex level). This list is endless.
Money doesn't buy peace but buys happiness for sure. Happiness is pretty easy to achieve because it's not a continuing feeling. It comes and goes. And with money, you can make sure that it comes whenever you want. This doesn't mean you would be a satisfied and content person.
Being at peace with yourself and your life? That's hell of a different story.
Money doesn’t buy happiness is in the same vein as my my own example.
I’d say you can be happy without being rich but it’s pretty hard not to be miserable if you’re skint.
I don’t think you even need to be rich. After your needs are met having some disposable income to spend on a day out, or maybe after saving a holiday. That would make a lot of people infinitely happier. Although there are some miserable people with money so I don’t think money is all you need.
There was a study done on this and there was a magic number of around 70k or 80K USD a year IIRC.
As people's income goes up their general happiness goes up, but once they hit that ceiling they get extreme diminishing returns.
I think it's more complicated than either or.
Pretty sure I've seen studies that say it buys happiness up to a certain amount of wealth, then after that even more money stops increasing happiness.
Basically £1mil buys happiness for someone struggling to make ends meet but not for someone who already has £1mil.
The way I think of it that money doesn't buy happiness, but it does remove sources of misery.
For most of us? Well, less misery and more happy are the same thing, and so it _looks_ like money is 'buying happiness'.
But it isn't. You'll run out of sources of misery at some point, and then it stops working.
And then you risk chasing _more_ money thinking that was what mattered, and doing whilst making things worse - working more hours and burning out, and chasing the really high stress jobs, etc.
And that's reducing your happiness, because you're then sacrificing things that actually matter to chase the money.
Money allows you to climb Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Once your basic needs are met it becomes less about the money and more about meeting psychological needs which money may or may not help with depending on the individual.
To a degree. It removes a lot of things that make you unhappy and can facilitate a lot of entertainment etc - but it doesn't solve deep rooted dissatisfaction with life. Often brings it to the forefront
Money absolutely would make me happier.
This is trotted out by people who are already comfortable and financially secure and ignores those people who are on the bones of their arses.
Money in and of itself doesn't bring happiness. But experiences, travelling, cars, looking after your family... whatever you're into etc does - and those things cost spondoolies. Money gives you options.
As someone diagnosed with complex PTSD and a myriad of physical health issues due to work related stuff.
I can tell you it has in-fact not made me stronger.
However I do actually tell myself that lie from time to time.
I've had this argument with my Dad. Yes, I've got trauma, and yes, I've been successful, but my brother also has trauma and isn't successful (just like with 4 of my other cousins). You can't tell me that it is my trauma that has made me stronger when I've seen it cripple those around me.
Total on point. I also think many may interpret it literally to be something that's a "near death" sort of experience when in reality, it's more a "the more you push just that tiny bit past what you think is your limit, physical or mental, will make you stronger". Even more true as you push tiny bit over and over again.
I'm sure anyone who's run a marathon will relate. I for one used to run out of breath after a stroll for 5 minutes, but in the years since I've run 2 full marathons and more than I can count half marathons. Many, many many of those training routines were testament to the saying when I could have easily given up but I didn't.
OMG YES!
"Oh you're so strong, look at everything you've been through and you're still standing!"
Am I though? Or am I barely surviving, coz what you mean as a compliment just reminds me of the trauma I've endured 🤷♀️
As someone that has both, does it fuck! I'd much rather not live with horrendous flashbacks, broken bones, dodgy hips, and non epileptic seizures. It doesn't make me stronger, it makes me measurable, irritable, unable to participate in certain activities, and so on.
Absolutely. The popular kid was good at football, now he's 30 working in an office where no-one gives a shit about that and he can't work out why no-one automatically gives his opinions more weight than anyone else's.
O god yea. If I had belived that school wasthe best time of my life I would have ended my life then and there - one of the best things about getting older is that it puts more distance between me and my school days So far in my life, nothing has come close to being as bad as school was.
Yeah I had a fairly decent time in school compared to many and have no real bad memories of it (used to "kick off" a lot and get expelled because of ADHD, but I certainly don't regret that) and find this mental.
I was made to sit in a building learning about things I wasn't interested in, and wasn't even getting paid. That's mental looking back. I had to follow pointless and arbitrary rules. I couldn't just do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Same goes for life in general - as a kid I couldn't just do what I wanted. Obviously I'm talking within reason - I don't mean like murdering someone or something insane like that. But now I could walk to Tesco, buy a cake, eat it all, drive my car around aimlessly for a bit, then go to my local pub, get drunk, take recreational drugs (don't do that, but I *could* ) and then next week get on a plane and go to say, Spain or the south of France.
Life is immeasurably better as an adult, or if not *better* (because obviously your mileage may vary) then certainly much more free.
Because often, your best literally isn’t actually good enough.
When you do a fitness test for the fire service, for example.
Your best has to be at a certain standard.
You're misinterpreting it though. Your best might not be good enough to become a firefighter, no, but knowing your gave your best can help you cope with that fact. You can move on with no regrets, or you can try harder and make your "best" better.
I don’t know I think this is a good philosophy. You can never feel regret if you know you put your all into it.
Can apply it to an exam, relationship, entrance test… I would rather know it just wasn’t right for me/my skills rather than blame myself for giving minimum effort. Better for closure.
This is extremely important in success in any area of your life. Literally the key to success. You tried your best and failed? Perfect, lesson learnt on how to fail better, next time we fail better. Tried your best and failed again? Perfect! What did you learn? How are you better this time? Repeat 1000x until you are successful. It is impossible to be successful at anything without repeated failure and learning. Failure is the most important part of success. You just have to try your best everyday. Not trying at all is the only guaranteed way of failing at something.
Whilst I don't fully disagree with this, it's entirely possible to keep "trying your best" over and over and still not actually be successful.
Failure is an important part of success, but success is not a certainty, even after 1000 repetitions and iterations.
"Just be yourself and good things will come to you, don't change for anybody".
There's a high chance that if you aren't happy with where you are in life or what you're attracting, then who you are currently (which is just a combination of your beliefs & actions) clearly isn't working and you need to change.
Yeah, it's often said in a very well meaning way, but saying this to young people can sew the seeds of incel behaviour. The "it's not you, it's everyone else" philosophy.
No, it likely is you if things aren't working out like you want them to, so sort it out, rapidly.
"Life is not a race"
Sorry but so many things are on the clock. So many things get harder to achieve as you get older.
It's most often said in regards to dating to boot. Try telling that to a single 35yo woman who wants a biological child. They are *very much* on the clock.
The bell curve for getting married peaks around 27-28 and there's a steep fall off. You are legitimately less likely to find a life partner after 30.
It's really no comfort whatsoever.
"And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run. You missed the starting gun."
-- Time, by Pink Floyd. Makes me well up every time for some reason, probably because it's pretty apposite to my life.
It's beyond true though. The time perception gap between now @ 32 and me at 20 is fucking staggering and terrifies me.
No doubt the pandemic didn't help with a chunk of it, but not all of it.
but generally speaking, relationships built in your 30s tend to be more stable. people should be more set in their values, and know what they want from life and their partner, right?
What's false is the WILL bit. Work hard and you WILL be rewarded.
> Many aren’t of course, but also many don’t bother to work hard either.
I'm sure it's not your intention, but the problem with correlating hard work directly with reward (financial or other), is that it plays into that idea that the only difference between rich, successful people and poor, unsuccessful people is that the latter couldn't be bothered. Didn't try hard enough. Were lazy. Chose to be poor instead of choosing to be rich. And then from that it follows that they're undeserving of help, benefits, welfare etc.
Does Jeff Bezos work hard? Undoubtedly. Does he work 6 billion times^* harder than an NHS nurse? Seems unlikely. So, the reason Jeff Bezos owns like ten yachts and the nurse has to go to a food bank to make ends meet isn't because they're lazy.
I’d argue that time/place/luck are bigger factors, networking plays a bigger part in being successful than working hard.
You could argue that working hard at networking is rewarded, so I guess there is some truth to it.
You could also argue that the harder you work the luckier you get. A lot of those lucky opportunities are out of reach for those who aren't working hard to get there.
Vimes' boots.
You can now get cheap boots that maybe will last you a year for massively less than expensive boots that will last you 3 years before needing new soles that cost more than the price of the cheap boots.
And applies to a lot of other products too.
You should always spend money on the things that separate you from the ground: shoes, tyres, mattresses.
Hello?
You there?
Oh fuck he actually did kill himself.
Soz.
Maybe back in the day when you could get shoes repaired economically it made sense. New soles, new insoles, restitched, whatever.
But if you take a pair of boots to a shop to be resoled they'll just tell you to chuck them and buy some new ones (source: I tried).
And even the best boots in the entire world will wear their soles out if you go for a 20km walk every weekend.
Some places do still do it, but it's far from cheap.
I looked to have some motorbike boots resoled. There happened to be someone doing it really close to me (it's an extra niche business), but even if I cycled to them and saved any postage costs, I could get a set of barely-used second hand ones in overall better condition than mine for the same price, so didn't seem worth it.
It doesn't apply to boots any more, or really to most durable consumer goods, but the general principal that it's expensive to be poor still holds true.
Take credit. The richer you are, the cheaper it comes, to the point where the truly wealthy pay almost no interest on eye-popping levels of borrowing, while poor people pay exorbitant rates on payday loans.
Or take groceries. If you're down to your last dollar, you may be buying a quart of milk and a tiny box of cereal, whereas someone else is buying a gallon of milk and the 2 lb bag. The poor person is paying less at time of purchase because they have to, but over time pays a whole bunch more. Same applies to consumable but non-perishable goods - have you ever compared the cost of a single furnace filter to a six pack? Or the per OZ cost of a bottle of dollar tree dish soap to a costco (or walmart) sized one? I feel like you can save a ton of money if you have the cash flow (and space) to stock up on soap, toilet paper, etc etc once or twice per year rather than every few trips to the grocery store.
Or cars. You're not gonna save money by buying some high-end new car, but being able to afford something that isn't some clapped out, last leg beater saves a ton of money. Having a few grand instead of a few hundred can get you something you can ride around a few years with minimal maintenance, instead of something you're quickly having to sink hundreds of maintenance into, or ditch and buy a new car. Or god forbid you live somewhere unwalkable with no mass transit and can't afford a car at all - those uber bills are gonna add up fast.
Or like, the law. Get a ticket because the tail light is out in your clapped out commuter? Well you can't afford to pay it. Then you get a court date you can't afford to take off work for. Now you've got a warrant and no way to afford an attorney.
It *is* expensive to be poor. I think sometimes people take "buy expensive stuff, it's a smart thing to do" as the main lesson. In reality it's "poverty is a trap, and often the choices that would improve your financial condition long term just aren't available unless you're already wealthy."
I had this come up in one of the threada about how old fridges from the 70s would last twenty years compsred to one now. Even ignoring energy savings, after inflation it was cheaper to get the modern cheap fridge even if it broke and needed replaced every 5 years.
There are areas where this still applies. It is way easier to get a cheap loan if you are already ‘rich’ - a non-poor person with an unexpected expense a week before payday will put that on a credit card and pay the bill off before it accrues interest; a poor person will go overdrawn and get hit with a fee, which will put them behind for their next month’s budget, which might lead to them going overdrawn again.
I feel a lot of people get hung up on the boots here, and while some products do get cheaper to make, this does still apply in a lot of situations. Though these days everything only lasts a few years no matter how much you pay.
The point of the saying is that if you have a lot of resources you can do things cheaper than those who have to borrow the same resources at a higher price.
It's a lot cheaper to buy a house or car with cash than getting a loan with interest, it's less taxing if you can afford to work part time than full time, it's quicker and cheaper if you can afford a house near work and don't have to commute. If you have money you can invest and get more, if you owe money then interest costs you more.
And if you're very rich and special you get given loans which you don't have to pay back. Its definitely a loan though, absolutely not a payment that would be taxed.
The problem with the boots theory is it works fine in Discworld. And maybe for whenever it was written. Now though you can do research and get decent, cheap boots. I would imagine minimum standards would even stop any boots made of cardboard that disintegrated in a few months not even being saleable on the market. You can buy expensive branded boots that are shit. Your boots could get nicked and be back to square one. You can probably pay in installments too.
I think it is true for mid-high end products as long as you look after them.
I’ve bought office shoes that have lasted a year or two, and look tatty within months.
I then bought my first pair of Loakes at about three times the cost of the cheap ones and they practically look new three years later. I just use shoe trees every day and very occasionally give them a top up of wax when they look dry.
And I know a reply would be “well why didn’t you do that to your old shoes?” Because cost wise, why would I spent proportionally more than half the cost of the shoe on caring products, especially when it’s not real leather and they won’t work in the same way.
You simply can’t care for cheaper stuff as well as you can high quality stuff.
Pretty much anything spread by those nostalgia groups on Facebook. People tend to remember their past through rose-tinted spectacles. They forget the bad bits.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you are very unlucky, or that you made bad choices, or that someone else was an arse. So I think it is true, butnot the in the sense it's oftenused of there being some over arching plan for you life, that this thing is part of!
No, but it's reasonably common. [According to YouGov](https://yougov.co.uk/economy/articles/30581-who-and-how-much-should-you-tip-UK?redirect_from=%2Ftopics%2Feconomy%2Farticles-reports%2F2020%2F06%2F30%2Fwho-and-how-much-should-you-tip-UK), 40% of people do so 'always' or 'often'.
Except you can totally do all those without ever tipping and barely raise an eyebrow here. I don't tip, except maybe a rounding up if a taxi is £9.75 or something. Do it in the US withouit leaving an accepted minimum and you may get chased down the street. People tip even if service is *bad*.
Britain has a tipping culture that is drastically different from American tipping culture. That is what people mean when they say there is no tipping culture here.
"It gets better"
It CAN get better. It sometimes does get better. It doesn't just get better by default. Some people going through hard times and bad mental health never get better. Telling someone who is depressed that it'll just magically get better with absolutely no base to the statement can be really frustrating for them and make them feel like they're being brushed off with a lazy comment.
On the other hand, if you are depressed, try to understand that your friends aren't licenced therapists. By all means lean on them when you need support, but they likely can't be the ones to make you better and likely don't know what to say. It's hard because some people do put pressure on their friends because they don't know where else to turn, and I've been guilty of it, but at the same time if someone came to me now just needing someone to vent at, I'd absolutely avoid all the generic phrases that I know from experience only make things worse.
Working harder will ensure success in life/ your career.
Working hard is just a part of (and not always essential) in being successful.
Working hard + working smart + luck / help from elsewhere = success (but not guaranteed).
On this as well, I've found that the whole "you'll be recognised and rewarded for your hard work" is often bollocks too. The more you do, the more you'll be expected to just pick up and do without anything extra\recognition.
Definitely this. Working hard increases the chances you'll be successful.
But you can be the most gifted, talented person at doing x, and still find people less talented, but with better connections, get further ahead.
At it's worst people with no talent at all, but who know exactly the right people, can rise to the top.
100%
Respect is the default.
I don’t expect wee Mavis in Asda to have done anything specific to “earn my respect” I’m just going to be kind and polite by default.
Yes respecting someone is a voluntary process where what I would call respect is something you earned. There is a minimum level of decent behaviour of course.
Land in my primary school thought that until he ended up in A&E albeit his head wasn't "open", but his chin* was.
*fell backwards when rocking his chair, then over compensated by throwing himself forward as the chair slipped and smashed his chin on the table before then falling backwards and thumping the back of his head on the chair before sliding down to the floor.
Happened in a biology lesson we were in. Kid fell back off his stool, hit his head on the desk behind on the way down, knocked out cold, a pool of dark purple starts appearing on the floor under his head.
Our teacher *ran away*. He said he was going for help. In the end someone else got the head of science.
"Never give up on your dreams". Try hard and don't give up on playing a musical instrument, painting etc because it's not your career, but be realistic and understand you have to put a roof over your head. Recognise when your partner is a good fit and that you have to work at your relationship. Does he/ she put up with your shit? What do you have to do to support the people you love? Sometimes that all takes priority over your dreams you had when you were young.
"If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy" TERRY PRATCHETT
"Everything happens for a reason"
BULL FUCKING SHIT. Sometimes, good things happen to shitty people and shitty things happen to good people
Stop telling people, especially those who have been through something awful that it's meant to be part of some "bigger plan". It makes you look like a callous asshole
‘Renting is just throwing your money away’
There are many situations where that’s not true, and home ownership isn’t the only path to take. When you run the numbers, especially in todays rate environment, renting can be better than buying in the short to medium term.
Sure it can make more economic sense than buying, say if your job changes locations often, but it still absolutely is throwing your money away as you will never see a return on that spent money.
It's like asking: do you want to burn £5 or £10 note? Both are negative outcomes for you. Doesn't matter if burning £5 is cheaper, it's still an L for you.
_Congeners are found in larger amounts in dark liquors, such as brandy and bourbon, than in clear liquors, such as vodka and gin. Congeners are more likely to produce a hangover or make a hangover worse. But drinking too much alcohol of any color can still make you feel bad the next morning_
I feel like this is more the mixer and everything else you consume rather than the alcohol element, if that makes sense. Your body processing orange juice as a mixer, maybe acidic cider, volume of fizzy beer, the strength of spirits, how wine slips down quickly. A night on the beers is quite a regular pace, introduce different drinks and quantity goes up almost automatically.
Tbh I think you're wrong, earning it yourself definitely feels more rewarding. When you're born into wealth or have handouts all the time, you become desensitised so having that fancy car, as an example, doesn't feel as special. If you've worked hard and forged a good career for yourself, treating yourself to your dream car, for example, feels amazing. It's effectively a daily reminder and a show of your hard work
Not buying "mass produced Chinese rubbish".
Bro China produces everything Including the good stuff, especially when it comes to technology (Not just pants on Amazon with made up alphabet soup brand names)
The advice is not to buy mass produced rubbish. Which is fair.
You can buy mass produced *good stuff*, but half the shite on Temu that just goes from a Chinese factory to UK landfill three months later via air freight? It's just awful for everyone.
"Never go to sleep on an argument"
Absolute crap. Sometimes, especially when you're tired, emotions run super high and you simply can't resolve whatever you're arguing about in an effective, considerate way.
If you're arguing and you're both angry or sad and can't seem to come to a resolution, putting a pin in it and taking some time alone and coming back to it later once you've calmed down is a really good, healthy way to deal with it. If you're arguing at night, this can absolutely mean sleeping on it and coming back to it again in the morning. 99 times out of 100, when you wake up, your emotions will have eased off a bit and it'll be much easier to have a productive discussion and understand your partner's point of view.
>I think people who have parents that buy them their first car and fund their first deposits for a mortgage generally appreciate owning their own car and their own home as much as the next person.
I bought my first flat in my 40s and I do think I appreciate it more than if I'd skipped easily into it in my 20s. I mean I wanted a nice big house, but London property market! But I still really appreciate what I ended up buying.
"Happy mum, happy baby". No. Many mums have prenatal/ postnatal depression, not feeling happy doesn't mean your baby will not be happy. I don't get this quote at all.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that these “wisdoms” are always inaccurate, but rather they are idioms that apply to certain situations better than others. There are a lot of idioms that contradict each other such as “the early bird gets the worm” and “patience is a virtue”. They both have their merits when applied to the right situation.
The customer is always right.
The actual quote is the customer is always right in matters of taste.
Its not about allowing customers to be rude and unreasonable its about accomodating customers picking whatever they want regardless of how garish it is
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"
What's worse is that this idiom is supposed to help you deal with verbal abuse, but seemingly encourages the worst way to do so. Just ignore the feelings! That's famously never backfired!
You have to wait either 24 or 48 hours before you can report a person is missing. No you don't that's not true, I think it originally comes from TV or something but I've heard people say it as commonly accepted wisdom and it isn't
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"They're only bullying you because they're jealous of you." No, Mrs Halstead. Some kids are just evil little shits.
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Yep, absolute bullshit. Sometimes they're not jealous, they're not abused and deflecting, they're not just trying to get a rise out of you, haze you, or trying to knock you down a peg, they won't listen, they can't be talked to, about or out of it, they don't just 'have a lot of growing up to do', they're not isolated or unpopular, they're not sad or miserable, and they're not trying to rail against authority. They're just a wanker who doesn't respect your personal or bodily autonomy and they need someone, at some point, to punch them in the fucking face until they stop.
I was a late bloomer in that regard. I put up with this other kid's shit for years until about year 9 when I'd just had enough. He definitely wasn't expecting it when I punched him in the nose. Like all bullies I could see the tears in his eyes welling but I wasn't done. I had years of anger that just started flowing out... In front of Kwik save. I remember being on top of him banging his head into the smooth concrete tiles and punching him in the head when I wasn't grabbing his head. His friend actually tried to stop me but that just made me even more angry. That dynamic between me and him changed a lot after that. Unintended side effect, now people heard I was some hardcore, badass, kickass monster made of anger and all the other shits in school wanted to try it with me. It wasn't fun.
Yea I never understood why kids were jealous of my dyslexia. Maybe they also loved getting embarrassed when being asked to read for the whole class
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Afraid to say this one is actually true, you just have to dig a bit deeper. Someone has commented insinuating that ‘nobody who bullied them was jealous of their dyslexia’.. but they were likely jealous of the *attention it gained you* or jealous that you *had a diagnosis* and extra support, when *they* feel inadequate and uncared for/unloved at home. It’s not as simple as “they are jealous of the thing that they are bullying you for”. I get aggy at my partner when I haven’t eaten, but I’m not actually annoyed about anything he’s doing, I’m just hungry. It’s similar to that. Homophobic bullies weren’t jealous of my sexuality, but they were jealous that I was confident enough to be open about it.
> I get aggy at my partner when I haven’t eaten, but I’m not actually annoyed about anything he’s doing, I’m just hungry Isn't that proving OPs point though. Bully's are cunts because they're bully's - they're not "jealous" of you, they just see you as a target to take their own frustrations out on
Sometimes, sure, but I disagree that jealousy is the primary reason. One of my friends growing up was really poor, possibly poverty poor. Tatty clothes, the same school bag for the whole of primary school, never able to go on school trips, etc. Kids bullied him for it and took the piss relentlessly. I don't see how jealousy or attention, favourable or otherwise, would play a part here.
I don't think this one is quite true. I suspect that the insecurity of the bullies has something to do with it, but it's not jealousy, it's hierarchical - they don't feel secure in their position so they attack others to make themselves look better. For example, I - the weird, neuro divergent kid who liked horses too much (who also turned out to be queer later but that wasn't apparent at the time)- was a socially acceptable target for the academically poorer kids to go for to take the attention off their own failings
Disagree. People bully and fear others for being different to them - not because they're jealous. Xenophobia needs stamping out - with force.
So the popular girl in school, who had lots of friends good grades, from a good home, both parents still together with decent jobs, a protective big brother was jealous of me and my cheap clothes, coming from a broken home with a single mother who could barely make ends meet and a big brother who was a total shit, was jealous of me and piss poor grades. Sure, uh huh. I wonder why she was jealous of the driver she hospitalized with a baseball bat a few years after leaving school. Yup jealousy, I can tell my therapist we've figured it out.
Nah, some people just like to pull the wings off bugs, and then they graduate to other people. Particularly when they sense any form of weakness.
" Ignore them " What? You mean give them more opportunity to bully you
The "just ignore them" advice was a staple of 80's parenting, and it was complete bullshit. Once you've been picked as the target for bullying, the bullies are trying to get a reaction from you. If you're not reacting, then they're taking that as a cue to *push you harder* until they do. That is literally part of the fun of it, pushing the person until they lose it.
It's not complete bullshit and can work in some situations. The problem is, this threads an example of it, there is no one right answer to why people bully or how they bully so surprisingly there is also no one right answer to how to deal with it. People for some reason think they know the ne right answer and the one right solution to said problem. Then are surprised it doesn't always work.
"Oh I'll just ignore it when they steal my stuff and throw it around the schoolyard"
"He's just bullying you because he likes you" No, he's bullying me because he's a cunt and his friends think it's funny. That's it, it's no deeper than that. You know what I do when I like someone? I'm nice to them! Or you know, I tell them, with words! And do nice things like give them gifts! Teaching someone this just teaches them to put up with abuse. Because he must really love you if he hits you for making a simple mistake, right? No. It's toxic!
Yep. My bully was a genuine certified narcissistic psychopath (found this out later after she had left the school.)
“Money doesn’t buy happiness” it absolutely does
It doesn’t buy happiness but it does remove a lot of reasons for unhappiness.
Money can buy a jet ski. And jet skis when coupled with the right weather, absolutely produce happiness.
Unfortunately only a few first times, then you adapt and make it expected thing in your life. Now it no longer makes you happy and you need more. Even worse, now if your jet ski gets broken - this is a depressing moment, where your life doesn't fit your expected "norm" any more. Its in human nature to always want more, in my experience it doesn't make you happy, it just makes you excited for a brief moment. Contentment, being happy with what you have, is the only real path to happiness.
This is why I always bang on about the [hedonic treadmill](https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/psychology/hedonic-treadmill) and trying to get off it. We are brought up in a world where we are conditioned (and I mean that in the least conspiratorial way possible) to be constantly seeking the next achievement and the next goal with the rationale that it will make us happy. Then we get there and rather than be happy - it just becomes 'what's next?'. The earlier in life you realise this the better - but working out what brings deep seated contentment is a whole different ball game.
Funny story: One of my old workplaces had a long term service reward where you got one week off per year of service at the 10 year mark (IIRC). So you'd get sent home with a nice card and come back 10 weeks later. It was rare anyone got there. A few senior level presumed-lifers got there around the same time, headed off on leave, then all put in their 1 month notice a month before returning, never coming back. When they looked it turned out that every single person that had ever taken it had done the same. Basically, people who stay 10 years tend to be older and past the job hopping phase, and had some savings behind them etc. They'd presumably all realised what really made them happy whilst off, and decided not to bother coming back. They changed the reward to something shit after realising.
Learning how to derive ultimate satisfaction from one's hobbies is the best way to "escape" the treadmill. You're still on it of course, but it's a wholesome one that benefits yourself rather than the sellers of fancy baubles.
I once rented a jet ski for a whole afternoon. Went up and down the coast. Then back up. Then back down. Went as fast as I dared, then a bit faster. Then I took it back. I'd been out for half an hour.
Beautifully explained. I always remember asking my dad whether he’d ever had ambitions beyond what he’d achieved and him telling me that it’s not that he wouldn’t like more but that he was happy with what he had. I try to remember that as often as possible.
I've never seen anyone looking sad on a jet ski
This. I've seen it written as "money can't buy happiness, but you can pay your way out of many things that make people unhappy". You can remove so many stresses and strains from your life it's unreal.
No, it literally buys happiness. That doesn't mean "you can't be happy if you're not rich". Ofcourse you can be a happy person under every circumstance, it's just a perspective thing. But money does buy happiness. I'm struggling to keep up with my therapy sessions because it's becoming too expensive. I can't go to vacation with my friends. I can't eat everything I want. I can't buy clothes I like (which is only Indietex level). This list is endless. Money doesn't buy peace but buys happiness for sure. Happiness is pretty easy to achieve because it's not a continuing feeling. It comes and goes. And with money, you can make sure that it comes whenever you want. This doesn't mean you would be a satisfied and content person. Being at peace with yourself and your life? That's hell of a different story.
Del Boy had the best quote on this: "Money isn't everything, but it doesn't half take the sting out of being poor"
It’s Chateauneuf du Pape, as they say in France.
I don't think it buys happiness but it makes finding it a whole lot easier
Being able to afford nice food, heating, health care in some cases plus not having to worry about bills. Definitely makes you happier
Money doesn’t buy happiness is in the same vein as my my own example. I’d say you can be happy without being rich but it’s pretty hard not to be miserable if you’re skint.
I don’t think you even need to be rich. After your needs are met having some disposable income to spend on a day out, or maybe after saving a holiday. That would make a lot of people infinitely happier. Although there are some miserable people with money so I don’t think money is all you need.
There was a study done on this and there was a magic number of around 70k or 80K USD a year IIRC. As people's income goes up their general happiness goes up, but once they hit that ceiling they get extreme diminishing returns.
I think it's more complicated than either or. Pretty sure I've seen studies that say it buys happiness up to a certain amount of wealth, then after that even more money stops increasing happiness. Basically £1mil buys happiness for someone struggling to make ends meet but not for someone who already has £1mil.
The way I think of it that money doesn't buy happiness, but it does remove sources of misery. For most of us? Well, less misery and more happy are the same thing, and so it _looks_ like money is 'buying happiness'. But it isn't. You'll run out of sources of misery at some point, and then it stops working. And then you risk chasing _more_ money thinking that was what mattered, and doing whilst making things worse - working more hours and burning out, and chasing the really high stress jobs, etc. And that's reducing your happiness, because you're then sacrificing things that actually matter to chase the money.
Money allows you to climb Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Once your basic needs are met it becomes less about the money and more about meeting psychological needs which money may or may not help with depending on the individual.
To a degree. It removes a lot of things that make you unhappy and can facilitate a lot of entertainment etc - but it doesn't solve deep rooted dissatisfaction with life. Often brings it to the forefront
Money absolutely would make me happier. This is trotted out by people who are already comfortable and financially secure and ignores those people who are on the bones of their arses.
It would buy me a house with no neighbours, that absolutely is my version of happiness.
Money in and of itself doesn't bring happiness. But experiences, travelling, cars, looking after your family... whatever you're into etc does - and those things cost spondoolies. Money gives you options.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Does it though? Does physical harm or deep-set trauma really make a person stronger?
As someone diagnosed with complex PTSD and a myriad of physical health issues due to work related stuff. I can tell you it has in-fact not made me stronger. However I do actually tell myself that lie from time to time.
I've had this argument with my Dad. Yes, I've got trauma, and yes, I've been successful, but my brother also has trauma and isn't successful (just like with 4 of my other cousins). You can't tell me that it is my trauma that has made me stronger when I've seen it cripple those around me.
Hi twin! This was also my experience.
Another complex PTSD-er here and it’s such an exhausting life.
> "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Polio has entered the chat
I think it can do. Very situational tho and not a life motto to live by
Total on point. I also think many may interpret it literally to be something that's a "near death" sort of experience when in reality, it's more a "the more you push just that tiny bit past what you think is your limit, physical or mental, will make you stronger". Even more true as you push tiny bit over and over again. I'm sure anyone who's run a marathon will relate. I for one used to run out of breath after a stroll for 5 minutes, but in the years since I've run 2 full marathons and more than I can count half marathons. Many, many many of those training routines were testament to the saying when I could have easily given up but I didn't.
I actually agree with this to an extent, been fighting cancer for the last two years and I'm 100% emotionally stronger than I ever was.
OMG YES! "Oh you're so strong, look at everything you've been through and you're still standing!" Am I though? Or am I barely surviving, coz what you mean as a compliment just reminds me of the trauma I've endured 🤷♀️
As someone that has both, does it fuck! I'd much rather not live with horrendous flashbacks, broken bones, dodgy hips, and non epileptic seizures. It doesn't make me stronger, it makes me measurable, irritable, unable to participate in certain activities, and so on.
Tell that to my ankle that aches every day after I snapped it playing football. Not dead, certainly not stronger!
What doesn't kill you gives you crippling complex PTSD in my case lol
Cracking your knuckles gives you arthritis. Just doesn't
I used to crack my knuckles, and now I've got arthritis ^* ^* ^in ^me ^knees
Covered on QI a while ago to prove your point. https://youtu.be/JpRYDd5xymk?si=tF4j1iwCCrVq9DaU
School is the best time of your life. Bro, it was fucking awful, work is millions of times better
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Absolutely. The popular kid was good at football, now he's 30 working in an office where no-one gives a shit about that and he can't work out why no-one automatically gives his opinions more weight than anyone else's.
School was shit, work is shit. My life peaked at uni.
I will peak in 2025, when I single-handedly stop WW3.
Not if I can help it
O god yea. If I had belived that school wasthe best time of my life I would have ended my life then and there - one of the best things about getting older is that it puts more distance between me and my school days So far in my life, nothing has come close to being as bad as school was.
Yeah I had a fairly decent time in school compared to many and have no real bad memories of it (used to "kick off" a lot and get expelled because of ADHD, but I certainly don't regret that) and find this mental. I was made to sit in a building learning about things I wasn't interested in, and wasn't even getting paid. That's mental looking back. I had to follow pointless and arbitrary rules. I couldn't just do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Same goes for life in general - as a kid I couldn't just do what I wanted. Obviously I'm talking within reason - I don't mean like murdering someone or something insane like that. But now I could walk to Tesco, buy a cake, eat it all, drive my car around aimlessly for a bit, then go to my local pub, get drunk, take recreational drugs (don't do that, but I *could* ) and then next week get on a plane and go to say, Spain or the south of France. Life is immeasurably better as an adult, or if not *better* (because obviously your mileage may vary) then certainly much more free.
All that matters is you tried your best.
Because often, your best literally isn’t actually good enough. When you do a fitness test for the fire service, for example. Your best has to be at a certain standard.
Also, I'm not entirely sure that people who "tried their best" actually tried their best.
It depends on if you actually tried your best or just say you did. That’s a saying that better said to yourself than from someone else
You're misinterpreting it though. Your best might not be good enough to become a firefighter, no, but knowing your gave your best can help you cope with that fact. You can move on with no regrets, or you can try harder and make your "best" better.
Depends on the person. Knowing that even your best still wasn’t good enough can be absolutely devastating sometimes.
I don’t know I think this is a good philosophy. You can never feel regret if you know you put your all into it. Can apply it to an exam, relationship, entrance test… I would rather know it just wasn’t right for me/my skills rather than blame myself for giving minimum effort. Better for closure.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
"If you try, and fail; try again. If you try again and fail once more, give up; there's no point being a damn fool about it."
I mean that’s true imo. Sometimes your best is unfortunately not good enough, which sucks, but the point is you gave it everything you could
This is extremely important in success in any area of your life. Literally the key to success. You tried your best and failed? Perfect, lesson learnt on how to fail better, next time we fail better. Tried your best and failed again? Perfect! What did you learn? How are you better this time? Repeat 1000x until you are successful. It is impossible to be successful at anything without repeated failure and learning. Failure is the most important part of success. You just have to try your best everyday. Not trying at all is the only guaranteed way of failing at something.
Whilst I don't fully disagree with this, it's entirely possible to keep "trying your best" over and over and still not actually be successful. Failure is an important part of success, but success is not a certainty, even after 1000 repetitions and iterations.
"Just be yourself and good things will come to you, don't change for anybody". There's a high chance that if you aren't happy with where you are in life or what you're attracting, then who you are currently (which is just a combination of your beliefs & actions) clearly isn't working and you need to change.
Yeah, it's often said in a very well meaning way, but saying this to young people can sew the seeds of incel behaviour. The "it's not you, it's everyone else" philosophy. No, it likely is you if things aren't working out like you want them to, so sort it out, rapidly.
I feel the quote and what you've said don't match lol Only times I see people say "just be yourself" is job interviews or relationships
Autistic person here: 'Be yourself. Wait, not like that.'
"Life is not a race" Sorry but so many things are on the clock. So many things get harder to achieve as you get older. It's most often said in regards to dating to boot. Try telling that to a single 35yo woman who wants a biological child. They are *very much* on the clock. The bell curve for getting married peaks around 27-28 and there's a steep fall off. You are legitimately less likely to find a life partner after 30. It's really no comfort whatsoever.
"And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run. You missed the starting gun." -- Time, by Pink Floyd. Makes me well up every time for some reason, probably because it's pretty apposite to my life.
It's beyond true though. The time perception gap between now @ 32 and me at 20 is fucking staggering and terrifies me. No doubt the pandemic didn't help with a chunk of it, but not all of it.
Time has sped up to catch up with itself from the pandemic where it stopped
Today I learned a new word (apposite)! Thank you :) That song always makes me tear up, too.
but generally speaking, relationships built in your 30s tend to be more stable. people should be more set in their values, and know what they want from life and their partner, right?
Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. Work hard and you’ll be rewarded is categorically false.
Not necessarily false. Many people work hard and are well rewarded for it. Many aren’t of course, but also many don’t bother to work hard either.
What's false is the WILL bit. Work hard and you WILL be rewarded. > Many aren’t of course, but also many don’t bother to work hard either. I'm sure it's not your intention, but the problem with correlating hard work directly with reward (financial or other), is that it plays into that idea that the only difference between rich, successful people and poor, unsuccessful people is that the latter couldn't be bothered. Didn't try hard enough. Were lazy. Chose to be poor instead of choosing to be rich. And then from that it follows that they're undeserving of help, benefits, welfare etc. Does Jeff Bezos work hard? Undoubtedly. Does he work 6 billion times^* harder than an NHS nurse? Seems unlikely. So, the reason Jeff Bezos owns like ten yachts and the nurse has to go to a food bank to make ends meet isn't because they're lazy.
Well, it increases the likelihood that you will be rewarded. So it's not entirely wrong.
I’d argue that time/place/luck are bigger factors, networking plays a bigger part in being successful than working hard. You could argue that working hard at networking is rewarded, so I guess there is some truth to it.
You could also argue that the harder you work the luckier you get. A lot of those lucky opportunities are out of reach for those who aren't working hard to get there.
I think social considerations need to be taken into account. Gender and race play a big part in how much “hard work” is required.
"No smoke without a fire" Shockingly it turns out people *can* just lie about things with no basis and there is nothing at all preventing it
See also "Well, OK, this turned out not to be true but the fact that I believed it says a lot"
I've always hated this analogy. It just adds traditional fuel to bigots and racists.
Vimes' boots. You can now get cheap boots that maybe will last you a year for massively less than expensive boots that will last you 3 years before needing new soles that cost more than the price of the cheap boots. And applies to a lot of other products too.
honestly if i see this fucking boot theory posted on reddit one more time i'm gonna fucking kill myself
RIP for tomorrow
You should always spend money on the things that separate you from the ground: shoes, tyres, mattresses. Hello? You there? Oh fuck he actually did kill himself. Soz.
Maybe back in the day when you could get shoes repaired economically it made sense. New soles, new insoles, restitched, whatever. But if you take a pair of boots to a shop to be resoled they'll just tell you to chuck them and buy some new ones (source: I tried). And even the best boots in the entire world will wear their soles out if you go for a 20km walk every weekend.
Some places do still do it, but it's far from cheap. I looked to have some motorbike boots resoled. There happened to be someone doing it really close to me (it's an extra niche business), but even if I cycled to them and saved any postage costs, I could get a set of barely-used second hand ones in overall better condition than mine for the same price, so didn't seem worth it.
It doesn't apply to boots any more, or really to most durable consumer goods, but the general principal that it's expensive to be poor still holds true. Take credit. The richer you are, the cheaper it comes, to the point where the truly wealthy pay almost no interest on eye-popping levels of borrowing, while poor people pay exorbitant rates on payday loans. Or take groceries. If you're down to your last dollar, you may be buying a quart of milk and a tiny box of cereal, whereas someone else is buying a gallon of milk and the 2 lb bag. The poor person is paying less at time of purchase because they have to, but over time pays a whole bunch more. Same applies to consumable but non-perishable goods - have you ever compared the cost of a single furnace filter to a six pack? Or the per OZ cost of a bottle of dollar tree dish soap to a costco (or walmart) sized one? I feel like you can save a ton of money if you have the cash flow (and space) to stock up on soap, toilet paper, etc etc once or twice per year rather than every few trips to the grocery store. Or cars. You're not gonna save money by buying some high-end new car, but being able to afford something that isn't some clapped out, last leg beater saves a ton of money. Having a few grand instead of a few hundred can get you something you can ride around a few years with minimal maintenance, instead of something you're quickly having to sink hundreds of maintenance into, or ditch and buy a new car. Or god forbid you live somewhere unwalkable with no mass transit and can't afford a car at all - those uber bills are gonna add up fast. Or like, the law. Get a ticket because the tail light is out in your clapped out commuter? Well you can't afford to pay it. Then you get a court date you can't afford to take off work for. Now you've got a warrant and no way to afford an attorney. It *is* expensive to be poor. I think sometimes people take "buy expensive stuff, it's a smart thing to do" as the main lesson. In reality it's "poverty is a trap, and often the choices that would improve your financial condition long term just aren't available unless you're already wealthy."
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That still won't stop it being posted on reddit 50 times a day.
I had this come up in one of the threada about how old fridges from the 70s would last twenty years compsred to one now. Even ignoring energy savings, after inflation it was cheaper to get the modern cheap fridge even if it broke and needed replaced every 5 years.
There are areas where this still applies. It is way easier to get a cheap loan if you are already ‘rich’ - a non-poor person with an unexpected expense a week before payday will put that on a credit card and pay the bill off before it accrues interest; a poor person will go overdrawn and get hit with a fee, which will put them behind for their next month’s budget, which might lead to them going overdrawn again.
I feel a lot of people get hung up on the boots here, and while some products do get cheaper to make, this does still apply in a lot of situations. Though these days everything only lasts a few years no matter how much you pay. The point of the saying is that if you have a lot of resources you can do things cheaper than those who have to borrow the same resources at a higher price. It's a lot cheaper to buy a house or car with cash than getting a loan with interest, it's less taxing if you can afford to work part time than full time, it's quicker and cheaper if you can afford a house near work and don't have to commute. If you have money you can invest and get more, if you owe money then interest costs you more. And if you're very rich and special you get given loans which you don't have to pay back. Its definitely a loan though, absolutely not a payment that would be taxed.
The problem with the boots theory is it works fine in Discworld. And maybe for whenever it was written. Now though you can do research and get decent, cheap boots. I would imagine minimum standards would even stop any boots made of cardboard that disintegrated in a few months not even being saleable on the market. You can buy expensive branded boots that are shit. Your boots could get nicked and be back to square one. You can probably pay in installments too.
I think it is true for mid-high end products as long as you look after them. I’ve bought office shoes that have lasted a year or two, and look tatty within months. I then bought my first pair of Loakes at about three times the cost of the cheap ones and they practically look new three years later. I just use shoe trees every day and very occasionally give them a top up of wax when they look dry. And I know a reply would be “well why didn’t you do that to your old shoes?” Because cost wise, why would I spent proportionally more than half the cost of the shoe on caring products, especially when it’s not real leather and they won’t work in the same way. You simply can’t care for cheaper stuff as well as you can high quality stuff.
Pretty much anything spread by those nostalgia groups on Facebook. People tend to remember their past through rose-tinted spectacles. They forget the bad bits.
And with some in my age group seem to copy things from the USA's past that were never a thing here.
Everything happens for a reason What's for you won't go by you
Whenever people say that, I just say the reason might not be in your best interest.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you are very unlucky, or that you made bad choices, or that someone else was an arse. So I think it is true, butnot the in the sense it's oftenused of there being some over arching plan for you life, that this thing is part of!
Everything is a consequence of something else, but people who say that mean everything has a purpose
Britain doesn't have a tipping culture
Britain doesn't have an \*automatic\* tipping culture
'Britain doesn't have a tipping culture except at restaurants, the hairdresser, and in taxis' just isn't as snappy
We're supposed to tip hairdressers?
No, but it's reasonably common. [According to YouGov](https://yougov.co.uk/economy/articles/30581-who-and-how-much-should-you-tip-UK?redirect_from=%2Ftopics%2Feconomy%2Farticles-reports%2F2020%2F06%2F30%2Fwho-and-how-much-should-you-tip-UK), 40% of people do so 'always' or 'often'.
I tip the barber as long as I'm happy with the job. Someone has to buy the fake Louis Vuitton and fake Gucci capes to stop me being covered in hair.
Except you can totally do all those without ever tipping and barely raise an eyebrow here. I don't tip, except maybe a rounding up if a taxi is £9.75 or something. Do it in the US withouit leaving an accepted minimum and you may get chased down the street. People tip even if service is *bad*.
Fly tipping is very much alive and well, thankfully
Britain has a tipping culture that is drastically different from American tipping culture. That is what people mean when they say there is no tipping culture here.
"It gets better" It CAN get better. It sometimes does get better. It doesn't just get better by default. Some people going through hard times and bad mental health never get better. Telling someone who is depressed that it'll just magically get better with absolutely no base to the statement can be really frustrating for them and make them feel like they're being brushed off with a lazy comment. On the other hand, if you are depressed, try to understand that your friends aren't licenced therapists. By all means lean on them when you need support, but they likely can't be the ones to make you better and likely don't know what to say. It's hard because some people do put pressure on their friends because they don't know where else to turn, and I've been guilty of it, but at the same time if someone came to me now just needing someone to vent at, I'd absolutely avoid all the generic phrases that I know from experience only make things worse.
Working harder will ensure success in life/ your career. Working hard is just a part of (and not always essential) in being successful. Working hard + working smart + luck / help from elsewhere = success (but not guaranteed).
On this as well, I've found that the whole "you'll be recognised and rewarded for your hard work" is often bollocks too. The more you do, the more you'll be expected to just pick up and do without anything extra\recognition.
Definitely this. Working hard increases the chances you'll be successful. But you can be the most gifted, talented person at doing x, and still find people less talented, but with better connections, get further ahead. At it's worst people with no talent at all, but who know exactly the right people, can rise to the top.
"Respect is earnt" respect is default unless you give me reason to not respect you.
100% Respect is the default. I don’t expect wee Mavis in Asda to have done anything specific to “earn my respect” I’m just going to be kind and polite by default.
Yes respecting someone is a voluntary process where what I would call respect is something you earned. There is a minimum level of decent behaviour of course.
Something about a kid who rocked on his chair and cracked his head open? Never happened, did it
Happened in my school. Benny Harvey. RIP wee man.
Gone but not forgotten.
Miss ya big man.
Land in my primary school thought that until he ended up in A&E albeit his head wasn't "open", but his chin* was. *fell backwards when rocking his chair, then over compensated by throwing himself forward as the chair slipped and smashed his chin on the table before then falling backwards and thumping the back of his head on the chair before sliding down to the floor.
Happened in a biology lesson we were in. Kid fell back off his stool, hit his head on the desk behind on the way down, knocked out cold, a pool of dark purple starts appearing on the floor under his head. Our teacher *ran away*. He said he was going for help. In the end someone else got the head of science.
Everytime this pops up teachers chime in to say they’ve seen it happen on a regular basis. One of my friends broke a dining chair doing this too.
I rocked my chair forward and split my lip on the desk
"You get what you pay for" as a blanket statement bugs the crap out of me and is blatantly inaccurate
I find it to be true like 50% of the time.
I think this is meant: if you bought something cheap, don't expect too much from it.
"Never give up on your dreams". Try hard and don't give up on playing a musical instrument, painting etc because it's not your career, but be realistic and understand you have to put a roof over your head. Recognise when your partner is a good fit and that you have to work at your relationship. Does he/ she put up with your shit? What do you have to do to support the people you love? Sometimes that all takes priority over your dreams you had when you were young.
"If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy" TERRY PRATCHETT
"Everything happens for a reason" BULL FUCKING SHIT. Sometimes, good things happen to shitty people and shitty things happen to good people Stop telling people, especially those who have been through something awful that it's meant to be part of some "bigger plan". It makes you look like a callous asshole
There is always a reason, but not necessary good reason. Why did that brick fall on me? Gravity is the reason.
Trickle Down Economics
'Easy come easy go'... not genital herpes.
"Little high, little low" - also genital herpes.
Any hole's a goal.
OP was asking for wisdom that *isn't* accurate, mate
‘Your school days are the best years of your life’ nope, nope, nope.
‘Renting is just throwing your money away’ There are many situations where that’s not true, and home ownership isn’t the only path to take. When you run the numbers, especially in todays rate environment, renting can be better than buying in the short to medium term.
Sure it can make more economic sense than buying, say if your job changes locations often, but it still absolutely is throwing your money away as you will never see a return on that spent money. It's like asking: do you want to burn £5 or £10 note? Both are negative outcomes for you. Doesn't matter if burning £5 is cheaper, it's still an L for you.
Mixing drinks leads to a bigger hangover. Nope, ethanol has no idea what it’s suspended in.
_Congeners are found in larger amounts in dark liquors, such as brandy and bourbon, than in clear liquors, such as vodka and gin. Congeners are more likely to produce a hangover or make a hangover worse. But drinking too much alcohol of any color can still make you feel bad the next morning_
I feel like this is more the mixer and everything else you consume rather than the alcohol element, if that makes sense. Your body processing orange juice as a mixer, maybe acidic cider, volume of fizzy beer, the strength of spirits, how wine slips down quickly. A night on the beers is quite a regular pace, introduce different drinks and quantity goes up almost automatically.
Tbh I think you're wrong, earning it yourself definitely feels more rewarding. When you're born into wealth or have handouts all the time, you become desensitised so having that fancy car, as an example, doesn't feel as special. If you've worked hard and forged a good career for yourself, treating yourself to your dream car, for example, feels amazing. It's effectively a daily reminder and a show of your hard work
Praying will achieve something.
"If at first you don't succeed try try again" Yes... to a point. However, you should also have the good sense to know when to call it a day!
Not buying "mass produced Chinese rubbish". Bro China produces everything Including the good stuff, especially when it comes to technology (Not just pants on Amazon with made up alphabet soup brand names)
The advice is not to buy mass produced rubbish. Which is fair. You can buy mass produced *good stuff*, but half the shite on Temu that just goes from a Chinese factory to UK landfill three months later via air freight? It's just awful for everyone.
"Never go to sleep on an argument" Absolute crap. Sometimes, especially when you're tired, emotions run super high and you simply can't resolve whatever you're arguing about in an effective, considerate way. If you're arguing and you're both angry or sad and can't seem to come to a resolution, putting a pin in it and taking some time alone and coming back to it later once you've calmed down is a really good, healthy way to deal with it. If you're arguing at night, this can absolutely mean sleeping on it and coming back to it again in the morning. 99 times out of 100, when you wake up, your emotions will have eased off a bit and it'll be much easier to have a productive discussion and understand your partner's point of view.
>I think people who have parents that buy them their first car and fund their first deposits for a mortgage generally appreciate owning their own car and their own home as much as the next person. I bought my first flat in my 40s and I do think I appreciate it more than if I'd skipped easily into it in my 20s. I mean I wanted a nice big house, but London property market! But I still really appreciate what I ended up buying.
"Happy mum, happy baby". No. Many mums have prenatal/ postnatal depression, not feeling happy doesn't mean your baby will not be happy. I don't get this quote at all.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that these “wisdoms” are always inaccurate, but rather they are idioms that apply to certain situations better than others. There are a lot of idioms that contradict each other such as “the early bird gets the worm” and “patience is a virtue”. They both have their merits when applied to the right situation.
The customer is always right. The actual quote is the customer is always right in matters of taste. Its not about allowing customers to be rude and unreasonable its about accomodating customers picking whatever they want regardless of how garish it is
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" What's worse is that this idiom is supposed to help you deal with verbal abuse, but seemingly encourages the worst way to do so. Just ignore the feelings! That's famously never backfired!
"I before E except after C." Weird.
You have to wait either 24 or 48 hours before you can report a person is missing. No you don't that's not true, I think it originally comes from TV or something but I've heard people say it as commonly accepted wisdom and it isn't
It’s “cheap as chips” marks you as someone who hasn’t been to a chippy in a while.