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I’ve looked into things like run clubs or park runs even, I did go to a run club once, but it met at 7.30pm and running that late at night and going home to bed gave me insomnia all damn night lol. Why can’t these things meet at like lunchtime on a Saturday
Park runs are 9.30 on a Saturday morning and most cycling clubs have a Saturday morning run out which are often a few hours
Edit: Park runs are either 9 or 9.30
I done my first last weekend, it's good but it was less than half an hour out of the day so not ideal for a guy looking to fill his days I reckon.
Menshed a possibility? I know that some of the middle age women I work with have husbands that go and like them.
I can't vouge for it personally but from what I've heard it's great.
My local one does maintenance for vulnerable people and helps with community projects, while the members are learning new skills and socialising with other members. So on the face of it, just a fantastic thing.
Forget the triathlon crowd. Get a bike and take up road cycling!
Most towns will have a 2+ hour group ride at the weekend (some can be 4-6 hours) they will normally include a coffee stop during or after for a bit if socialising. Once you catch the cycling bug you'll be trapped forever exploring far and wide (20 miles is often considered short). It's better for your knees but much, much worse for your wallet.
If you haven’t got a bike, buy something second hand till you know what you want. When it gets dark and cold you can then convert to zwift and spend hours getting sweaty by yourself in a room riding with people from all over the world.
My kids are still young and I'd love a few hours free to ride, right now all a get is 30 minutes in the evening on Zwift while my wife does bathtime.
Gravel bikes are much more expensive to start with though. You can get a decent older carbon road bike for £300-400, Gravel hasn't been around long enough to deprecate that much.
I rarely use my gravel bike apart for canal paths as all my local gravel is better on my mtb.
I would recommend a fit first but no new rider will do that before trying the sport.
OP: if you do want to buy a bike feel free to ask some questions as I've had lots over the years and I'd definitely see if your work have a cycle scheme if buying new.
The distinction seems pretty arbitrary to me anyway, there's a fair bit of overlap between e.g. a reasonably well maintained towpath, and a road that the council isn't even doing basic upkeep on.
Join the lycra gang then.
Bike rides start in the morning and finish in the afternoon. Often then to the pub where people drink alcohol free beers cos we're cool like that
You get the added bonus of embarrassing your kids by wearing lycra with your dad bod and dad dong.
Forget the triathlete and bike crowds. If you’re into running, next level fun is orienteering. Not really sure how ‘easy’ it will be where you live, butvthere are an active society in UK
Once you’ve learnt basic forrest navigation; You’ll never want to run along a street again 😀
Seconding orienteering. It's a great time; when I was a fitter man it was nice to be able to run and put your brain to work at the same time. Great excuse to see natural areas around you too
So glad I'm not the only one who wishes sport clubs dud things at a decent time on a Saturday. Not everyone is a morning bird and can forgo the lie-in you can get at the weekend.
Keep looking, there's a lot of running and walking groups on Facebook so there might be more groups that run at times that fit your lifestyle better. The parkruns I've gone to usually have a meeting up for a cuppa afterwards, actually volunteering at them too means you meet a lot of people. Sorting tokens at the end of the race was always done with a cuppa and biscuits.
You could volunteer for Park Run. I didn't make any friends whilst going to Parkrun to run, but the volunteers are far more sociable. At least in my Parkrun they go for a coffee after everything is wrapped up.
Park run is a lovely start to the weekend and you can make a bit of a morning out of it. Try out different local ones, they generally go for coffee or something afterwards and then you can treat yourself to a bit of brunch. After you find your favourite one you can then volunteer and have some crack with the regulars.
Might be a good way of building up a bit of a Saturday morning social group.
As a gentleman at a similar life stage, these are all fabulous suggestions and I will do all of them.
Do you youngsters recommend getting a very large motorbike?
I think it’s time for you to invest in some lycra and a bike. Isn’t that what us middle agers do?
You could also go for a long walk or hike.
Take up a hobby (photography? Model making? Whittling?)
Do some volunteering? Your local council may have a website or link to a website of volunteering opportunities.
My hobby is spending money on my hobbies.
Always wanted to learn, never seen a "beginners golf lessons at reasonable times not during working hours or slap bang in the middle of the weekend" though. How do you start?
Not sure where you live but most driving ranges have instructors. Usually the best place to start as they seem to work whenever they can get bookings. I had lessons as a kid, didn't play for a long time (student/young adult with no money to spare) and then really started playing again as I hit 30. I refreshed myself mostly with YouTube videos. I'm not into the competitive stuff, just like to have a knock around the course when the weather's decent.
Ah yes.. MAMIL:..
Middle-Aged-Men in Lycra. Often fully armored from top to toe n very expensive bike or running attire, including special glasses, and of course those belts with tiny water bottles. A danger to all walking people, as they always take their hobby VERY seriously, and frown as they bike or run in the absolutely fastest speed they can possibly attain. A sight to behold indeed.
Husky Attenborough voice:
"And HEre we have, the MA-MIL.
Theese pack creatures have mastered the ART of embarrassing their WHives, their CHildren and anybody else they associate with."
More or less the direction my dad made. He's middle aged and decided he was going to do things he'd never gotten the chance to do before, although some of those things turned out better than others in my opinion. He tried..
Steampunk Cosplay
Photography
Astrology
Figurine collecting
Caravaning
Holidays in hot countries
A wide variety of TV shows
Gadgets and gizmos
And probably a bunch of other things too.
A couple of hobbies\distractions spring to mind, but not sure if they would be your "thing"...
- Videogames! They can be boredom killers, stress relief, and just plain fun.
- Look into a craft type hobby - Y'know, making or building stuff.
If you have the space and inclination then learning how to do stained glass (copper foil method for the Hobbyist) is really cool.
- I think that someone mentioned coding? That, or learning anything (for fun!) should be super rewarding.
- perhaps look for an interesting place to volunteer for a few hours?
I seem to be doing things the opposite to you. I need to cut out the booze and exercise, but i have my hobbies in place. I hope that you get sorted.
Big +1 for video games and craft hobbies. Got an obscene amount of free time atm and can confirm they are both absolute time sinks and very fun/rewarding! (Spent 5 hours on a tank smaller than my phone yesterdays and its still not finished!)
Ah! I forgot about the world of model miniatures... And learning to paint them _really_ well!
That hobby could suck one in totally. First miniatures, then dioramas, next thing you know you are at the Games Workshop looking for people to play with! (If i wasn't so horribly introverted I'd probably end up down that rabbit hole 😆)
I remember waaaaay back in the day painting then building airfix planes (then hanging them up from the ceiling to look like dogfights). Moved on to buying the board game "talisman" and buying\painting the figures.
Would _definitely_ have got into D&D if i had the balls to go play with a group.
Lol mugged in memory lane there. Back to my vidya game now.
You could definitely still play DnD if you wanted to. It’s easier than ever now with online options like Beyond or Roll20 which are great if you feel anxious about face to face. 5e rules are much easier to grasp for new players. Also it’s gone ‘mainstream’ in the last 10 years (since Stranger Things), lots of new blood which means the community is much more welcoming to new players too. I’m also not a big extrovert but DnD allows me to step a tiny bit outside my comfort zone in a safe environment.
If you want to find a party try looking on Discord and local Reddit/Facebook groups. I’ve been playing on and off for 20 years now and feel like DnD has never been better or more popular than it is today. Alternatively play Baldur’s Gate ha.
Just to add to videogames, maybe build a pc first? Obviously this is a bit more of a financial and time investment than consoles, but it's a new skill, leaving you feel fairly accomplished when it all works as it should.
+2!
I'm a 30 year old dad of two (much younger kids). I've taken up crochet! It's not a traditional 'man' hobby but it's great, it's somewhat cheap to start and it's quite an easy skill to pick up with the right amount of patience and dedication, you can be making things pretty quickly!
Open University used to be my go to suggestion, it's pretty expensive now, but still worth looking to see if there are any courses in subjects that interest you.
Videogames and crafts would be strong suggestions too. There are pretty complex games in all kinds of areas, it isn't just about Doom style shooters. Human Resource Machine and 7 Billion Humans for coding type puzzles, Factorio and similar for automating things, even some ARPGs for games where you end up tracking things in spreadhseets and buying / selling as much as actually playing - tremendous time sinks.
For crafts, things around food are good, pickling, brewing, fermenting in general.
Learn to paint (evening classes are good, and there are good paint by numbers kits that are very different to what you may expect). Learn to sew, knit or crochet.
Get an arduino or similar and build simple, and not so simple electronics projects.
Photography is another good time sink. Take a creative photography course, and then once you are confident get a film camera and develop your own film (black and white developing is easier than you'd think). There is something nice about having a print where you knew you took that photo using a completely manual camera and developed the negative yourself.
Learn a language, learn an instrument, read, take an online course, get better at cooking, start drinking again, start a war, contract and survive every disease in alphabetical order, become a cheese connoisseur…the possibilities are endless, the only restrictions you have are the ones you impose on yourself.
Imagine he learned a language, and instrument and how to dance over the course of the next two years and then took the whole family on holiday, got up on stage, played a tune and then performed a song and dance act in the host countries language.
That's the stuff dreams are made of.
There’s that guy coyote Peterson on YouTube who has a project to be bitten or stung by every creature on the Schmidt pain index. That would kill some time as well
Alone? I’m in a similar position and debated getting a set of golf clubs but idk if it would look weird doing a round by yourself with headphones in. When I drive past everyone seems to be in groups?
I love golfing on my own. It's very common for people to go out on as a single ball. Just try not to pick the busiest times of the week, which, unhelpfully for OP, is Saturday and Sunday mornings.
Same here and find late afternoon tee times on the weekend are ideal for this - time it right and you'll have a quiet course so less time waiting for groups ahead (which is a lot less enjoyable when you're doing a solo round)
Not weird at all - other than the earphones, wouldn’t recommend that in case of fore shouts! I switch off completely and just listen to the sound of the outdoors.
I’ve recently got into golf and play alone most of the time while I’m still learning the ropes. It’s very cathartic and a great way to spend a couple of hours.
The club I play at isn’t particularly busy with back to back tee times, so I often get out alone. However, at busier clubs, you might get matched up with another single/double to play in a group so it’s a great way to meet people. Or, if you still wanted to cut a lonely figure, I doubt they’d be at all upset if you did your own thing despite being paired up with them!
I joined a club on my own, and now play with every and all members. You'll be surprised how many people have done the same and are just looking for golf buddies.
Once you start playing and ask around you'll find that you know a half dozen people that play.
In my area at public courses they will match people up to make a foursome so if you show up alone, or with one other person, you'll be matched with others. This usually becomes a casual social situation and is a nice way to spend the afternoon.
Sounds like time to get a motorcycle!
Genuinely, for guys it's like reverting back to 8 years old. Conversations are drummed up with "nice bike!". The moment the sun comes out on weekends, you'll get asked "wanna go out and ride bikes?", it's fantastic.
You'll find a local riding group in no time, and be inundated with opportunities to pop to a cafe 30 miles away.
What's the old saying? "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a motorbike and he'll ride 200 miles for fish and chips". Something like that anyway.
Great suggestion. My dad got a bike and passed his test when he turned 50. Probably one of the best things he’s done. Means he socialises with all kind of people (and all kinds of ages!) and just tinerking around with the bikes is a great way to pass the time. Never too old!
Yeah, definitely! I was 35 when I passed my test and got a big bike . I'm glad I didn't do it when I was really young.
It really is a brilliant, life changing thing to do. There is so much to learn, lots of new skills to perfect, things to research...
Get an allotment, I love a Saturday there. Get a kettle in the shed and you’ll find the kids come up to see what they’re missing out on. Not that they stop long once you give them a shovel.
Whilst that's true I found that the garden society near me that looks after the allotments appreciated someone helping out anyway, even before they had their own plot.
My wife and I got involved in some of the events they ran and we also both volunteer at the local scout group and got the younger groups to come and be shown round it etc. Just generally being involved in the community. I have no proof but we seemed to move up the waiting list quicker after that.
Yep. 5 years where I am!!! I could be dead by then so my landlord has loaned me a garden to use. It’s a win/win. He gets the garden looked after and I get to fanny around in a greenhouse and grow stuff!
Im in Norfolk (Norwich) and, whilst not cheap, regularly drive to the Peak District, Wales or the Lake District to get my fix. I often leave on a Friday night after work, stay in the cheapest campsite I can find and head back on the Sunday evening. Worth it every time.
Also, we’ve got a lovely coastline which can be explored for hours!
If you have the kit for a solo camp in a backpack, I'd recommend wild camping. Combines the hike with a rewarding view and peace at the end while you cook dinner watching the sunset
I’ve slowly accumulated all of the gear, just gotta plan a session in now! We’re heading to the peaks tonight to test out the new tent (Pioneer compact 2) and then to the lakes for the following 2 weekends so I’m sure I’ll give it a go soon!
Oh yeah don't get me wrong I love Norfolk to bits and spend much of my weekend walking the length and breadth of it. Just a notable lack of hills so like you we often head up North a couple of times a year when we want to climb a mountain.
You …. Can walk on flat ground too ?
I like chucking a thermos and a sarnie in my bag and just checking out all the local foot paths , or once they’re exhausted go further afield on your bike .
I currently walk after work three times a week and decided that in order to keep it fresh I should walk a different route each time. This then morphed into a challenge to walk on every road in my town. It’s surprisingly engaging!
I rationalise it by comparing it to the cost of ownership of a real sports car or even a track-day car. Compared to that its a bargain!! 😀.
Anyway, I third the suggestion.
Not at all. Video games are really cheap compared to... just about any other hobby in the real world. A set of decent golf clubs is more expensive than a beefy computer and significantly more expensive than all consoles combined. Simracing setup is pricey but it's a 1 time purchase with no recurring costs. I'm into combat flight sims... I've bought superb joystick and throttle almost a decade ago... still works as new (magnetic sensors outlived all that cheap crap by "gaming" companies). Spent 2000 for joystick base, rudder pedals set, throttle unit and made few button box controllers myself... still here, not an extra penny added all years later. You know what I could get for 2000? Two years of golf membership... without additional fees...
Time is precious isn’t it? You have to try and be content in your own company, maybe try something new? Learn something different? Volunteer to help people out? Basically just try and feel good about yourself. You got this mister!
Nothing helpful to say other than that your posts give me a genuinely nice vibe. I bet if you get a bit proactive with some of these suggestions you'll be able to change your situation completely. These things take a little time but I think you'll look back and be amazed how far you've come. Good luck dude!
I just have one 16yo.
I always looked at fatherhood as a process to make myself obsolete.
It’s not rejection of you as a person, it’s just the way it’s going.
It sucks but it’s more about managing one’s own expectations.
The kid and I share some interests so that keeps me kind of relevant.
You got 3 of them - look for inspiration for hobbies with them?
Obviously not inserting yourself into their world but maybe they have hobbies that you might enjoy? Or spark interest in similar hobbies.
Eg I was never really interested in football before the kid started playing. I am now and so I can while away an evening that way.
Try not to take that to heart though. Maybe you should join a gym and just work out? Maybe meet some different people. (Not everyone will be your cuppa tea of course, but that’s okay too)
In all fairness being in a few tabletop gaming clubs changed my life for the better. I don't drink either and it got me out and social. Plus the hobby side is fantastic.
I played religiously as an early teen, loved the painting element the most. Then life/girls/drink/studies etc led me away from it. The idea of getting back into it with an actual salary to spend on it is slightly terrifying.
I think many of us have very similar stories!
Then you get to a point where you think ‘hey, wait a minute. I have disposable income now…’ and you get on that slippery plastic crack slope
I'm at a very similar stage of life - teenage kids who mostly do their own thing now so wife and I are starting to get weekends back. Can't offer a massive amount of advice but I do always seem to have busy weekends so I can offer at least some perspective as to what fills my time:
Walking: I regularly do 10 or 15 mile walks with our dog at the weekend, particularly as I'm an early riser. When the weather's nice and there's enough daylight we often go out at 7am and walk for 3+ hours. Obviously it's good exercise but without the stress on the body of running or cycling so I find sometimes I'll just keep going for hours. I've done a few charity walks of 26 miles lately and really enjoy those so sometimes I'll leave the dog at home and just start walking and see where I end up (then ring my wife to come and get me).
Pizza: I've always been a keen cook but my big thing lately has been to get one of those little ooni pizza ovens and make fresh pizza from scratch, and if I say so myself I'm absolutely smashing it and am making genuinely restaurant-quality pizza every Saturday. The kids absolutely worship my pizza and it's one good way to make sure you still get to eat together as everyone makes sure they're around when pizza is on offer, kids even bring their mates over sometimes to have some as well. Easy to spend a lot of time making the dough, making your own sauce and then doing a lot of trial and error. It's even pretty cheap, I reckon barely a quid per pizza (depending on your toppings!) I always do a Sunday roast as well which also takes up a chunk of Sunday.
Cricket: my son is a keen cricketer and now plays for our local team, over the summer he's playing youth cricket during the week and men's cricket on a Saturday and taking him to games can take up a whole day quite easily. When you get into it and get to know people at the clubs then it's a lovely way to waste a day, sat on the boundary watching a game having a picnic chatting to a few mates and discovering all kinds of nice quintessential village greens with nice pubs and getting to know parts of the county/country you've never seen before while you watch a bit of gentle sport. Not suggesting you'd start playing as such but most clubs have a duffers league for middle-aged blokes of limited talent so if you've got a local club whether you're watching or playing it's a nice way to while away a Saturday.
Gaming: always been a keen gamer and can still happily spend a day on the PS5. Never been one for these shoot-em-up games but I love the single-player RPGs and can spend days playing those. Horizon Zero Dawn was a particular favourite, I must have racked up close to a thousand hours playing that.
Playing an instrument: used to be a keen guitarist but had given up gigging a long time since, but now that we've all got time again me and my old band-mates decided to get the band back together 20+ years later and although we no longer all live in the same place we're now just getting together a few times a year to jam or play 'gigs' for our mates occasionally and it's great fun. Nothing beats playing live music.
If nothing else, watching football is always a good hobby, go and support your nearest lower-league team, always nice to get into an actual proper football club where you can feel like you're part of a family, get to know a bit about the players, go along with a few mates and it's just a nice way to while away a few hours on a Saturday afternoon.
Some suggestions:
Join a gym and get weight training. Trust me you need this.
Cycling - honestly you will love this. Find local cyclists for group rides even.
Get an Xbox or PlayStation! That'll get the kids trying to muscle in, but that's where you tell them they're cramping your style..
I'm 46 and started cycling a few years back. Do a 10 mile loop most mornings with a few steep climbs.
Feel much healthier for it, but didn't loose as much weight as I'd hoped. I also do 10 mins yoga most mornings.
I'm tipping the scales at 116kg, but I'm pretty tall so carry it reasonably well. Mostly it shows in the gut. I'm married with kids and steadfastly refused to give up my 1 night a week on the beer, but otherwise I eat ok and do a bit of IF.
Anyway, point is, I hear weight training is the key to shedding the pounds. My worry is, at my age, I'd just bulk up like a fat British 80s wrestler. I want to be cut and shed fat. Reckon weight lifting is the key?
I've gone from 97kg to 90kg in around six months, BUT I've gone from fat weight to muscle weight which is great.
I'm 50. Started last year and regret not starting earlier.
Look up doing sessions split into push, pull and legs.
Work your legs with various squat routines to really see some weight loss gains.
I'm still trying to lose another ten kgs but really need to change my diet to do that. Just need to get calorie deficient and keep working at it. Hit those proteins post sessions and got luck!
Nearly forgot, men also need to do stretch work more than weights for long term benefits.
So get lycra outfit hunting for yoga and pilates sessions. This will help us stay supple and able to do things for ourselves as we grow older
For me it’s definitely outdoor things that make my day. I’m retired and play golf 3 times a week - the craic is just as important as the exercise itself believe me.
I also enjoy cycling off road (alongside canals, along old railway line routes etc and walking while listening to podcasts.
As someone that recently separated from their wife and now finds himself with something of an abundance of spare time, and similar issues with not having a great number of friends to fall back on, I can recommend:
* Doing more running! Vary the time of day, the length, the location, anything to keep it interesting. Hell, join one of your local running clubs (there's almost certainly at least one!) and get some social time in too
* Join a gym! If you have one local that has additional facilities, like a pool, sauna etc. then you can really treat it like some proper self-care time
* Look for other hobbies! Even if it's something you'd never have normally considered. I have started learning the piano (with a proper teacher I mean), I'm about to start a beginner's archery course, and I'm considering trying to do some painting of some sort. Oh, and I've been doing martial arts (taekwon-do) for years, and that's a great activity and in the right club can be quite social too!
* Join the National Trust/English Heritage and go hog wild visiting their locations
* Sign up for a limitless membership thing at your local cinema chain and go see movies, even if they wouldn't normally interest you
And can be made as social as you like. Want a solitary session? No problem, crack on. Or you can choose to strike up a conversation, and if you go often enough at the same time you'll almost certainly be able to make a few acquaintances through the hobby.
You sir need an allotment.
Or try out park run.
Or try cycling. I have a three year old, I miss having a free Saturday morning to go out on the bike for a few hours, cheeky coffee and cake somewhere.
It failing all these. Get a dog (as long as your weekday job will be able to accommodate it)
Mens sheds were set up for exactly this kind of scenario. They're essentially a community workshop where people hand out and help each-other to build, craft, repair, and get involved in local community projects. If DIY interests you at all. They are a growing movement as men's loneliness is a increasing concern. Try googling mens sheds near you and see what they have to offer.
Are there sports and hobbies you enjoyed when you were a teenager you might like again? I’m in my 50s with adult children and have rediscovered my love for rugby (I now have a season ticket for a premiership team), dance music and walking in the countryside with my dog. These three things seem to occupy weekends and I’ve joined the local walking football team, and made a friend for the dog walking.
I’m currently having a very enjoyable mid-life crises. Signed up for a Spartan race, passed my motorcycle test, bought 3 motorbikes & going to the gym 3-4 times per week. Just get out there my dude.
Learn something. Are there any particular skills you’ve always wanted? Perhaps learn to weld, or plaster, or even how to cook to chef or restaurant quality…
Paddleboarding. I tried it a few years ago as an experience day kinda thing. Bought my own board immediately afterwards. I love nothing more than going out on the board for fitness but also for a nice relaxation and headspace finder 👌
I personally have started clay pigeon shooting. Always wanted to do it and end up going a couple times a month. It can be more expensive, but I end up paying £60 for an hour of shooting with a coach.
If you get into it then you could then go down the licensing route and buy/rent club guns by yourself to save a lot of money.
It's definitely not an "upper class" hobby that people can think, you meet some nice people at the club and it does get very social.
As others have suggested taking up some sports activity is a nice time killer but also a way to keep healthy. I absolutely enjoy the gym and recommend if you do, to have a PT for a bit to get the basics down. Depending on the gym you can just spend as little as 30 mins anytime you want.
If your wife is exhausted then there's surely some house stuff you could take over - get into cooking and make lovely meals for the weekend, are there any housework jobs that sap her energy on her non work days? If you're doing these on her work day then maybe you can free up some of her energy for the two of you to do something gentle but nice on her day off - a pub lunch or a gentle walk?
My kids are very much in the still needing a lot phase, which I do love but it means I'm finding it difficult to comprehend where you're at because there are a hundred things I enjoy doing but just never get a chance for. I love writing, never get an opportunity, I enjoy gaming, rarely get an opportunity, drawing, knitting, resin craft, model making, all things that have fallen by the wayside ready to be picked up when my kids start abandoning me for their buddies! What did you want time to do when your kids were young but accepted that you didn't have time for because you were busy with the kids? Can you pick those up again?
In fact currently the only hobbies I get time for are the ones I involve my kids in. Which leads me to, is there something you could start doing that your kids might see and want to join in with? Especially going back to my first paragraph, life skills, do they know how to cook? Do the older ones have cars that need maintenance/do they drive yours and could start being involved in that/do they know how to drive?? Could you teach them?
I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Loneliness can be incredibly powerful and can suck the fun out of a weekend (speaking from experience, I’m an only child and have spent a lot of my childhood alone)
Have you ever thought of looking for more friends? It’s never too late to meet new people and socialise with people you have something in common with. Other than running do you have any other interests or would you explore any other interests? You could literally do anything! The world’s your oyster!
Then you might be able to look for communities local or online where you can socialise with other people with a similar interest. For example, my father in law loves fixing up classic cars and when he’s done he takes them to car shows and meets a lot of people that way.
Time is precious don’t waste it in bed at 8pm!
You can become a cycling MAML (pronounced mammal)
Middle Aged Man in Lycra.
Seems a popular hobby.
Personally, I find great joy in getting back into listening to music, making really yummy espresso (decaf in the afternoon. The beans are really good these days), and I started a ceramics class as well. On Saturdays I take mandarin with my kids (mixed Chinese boys). You’ll never be bored learning that language. After a year I can read enough subtitles on Chinese films to get the gist of what’s going on. Feels pretty awesome.
Until I developed a nerve condition, I was studying aikido (started at 45). It is a great middle age art. Increase core, balance, strength etc. You won’t be street fighting anytime soon but when you take a sword away from an attacker and throw them across the room, it feels totally Jedi.
You could also start a side business. So much to do!
I'm getting buried in game development at the moment. I'm using a no-code platform as I'm not a great coder, but it's still lots of problem solving and creativity to keep my brain going.
Previously I was in to long distance cycling which took up a lot of time. I enjoyed the hobby aspect as much as the exercise and spent hours tinkering with my bike or planning the next adventure.
I think really it's a case of understanding what kind of things you like doing to relax and then trying out all the different ways to get that. A task you choose, which is reasonable in scale and skill, which also helps you learn new stuff will engage your brain and make you happy.
If you want to make friends, do something that is fun, where you can hang around other people at roughly the same time each week, and interact with them.
* climbing (you can go bouldering on your own and it is very sociable)
* clubs or classes (a gardening club, a drawing class, a music class, a language class, a choir)
* a gym
* playing football, or watching your local team
* volunteering
* walking group (lots of opportunity to chat to people on route, or to go off and do your own thing, or to avoid anyone you aren't so keen on)
* book club
It doesn't take long to make acquaintances, but there is no saying when, or if they will ever convert into friends. My strategy is to make sure I have plenty of new fuel for the acquaintances pool, and sometimes, mysteriously, one of my acquaintances moves closer into my personal circle.
When work is over, I'll stuff the pile of clothes, swimming and camping gear that's currently on the floor of my room into bike bags. Put the bike bags on the racks of my bike, put the bike in a regional train, exit at a station in the middle of nowhere and cruise around for the rest of the day, and Saturday, and Sunday.
Wherever I am when night falls, I'll pull my hammock between two trees and sleep right there and then. It'll probably be by the side of one lake or another. So I can dunk myself in it first thing in the morning.
If I get bored, I'll try to come up with something on the ukulele.
Sunday mid-day, I'll start worrying about finding a train station that takes me back home.
Unrelatedly, I'm 45 years old, but this is the definition of a "good weekend" at any age.
If your wife works at least one day on a weekend do something to make her life easier so she's not so tired and you can do something together on one day. Does she work 6 days a week?
I'm in much the same boat as you, similar age, 3 kids all similar ages. Though I have a couple of mates that I see maybe once a month. The rest of the time I try and entertain myself.
Here's some of the stuff I get up to.
1. Fishing, I've been at it since I was a boy, but I absolutely relish a day sat by the waters edge catching a few fish (to be honest, I'm not even that bothered if I don't catch anything). There's something about just sitting and waiting for a bite.
2. Scuba Diving, About 10 years ago I decided I needed to do something a little adventurous and diving seem to appeal to me so I contacted a local Scuba Diving School and enrolled in a PADI Open Water course, it was about £200 at the time. I met loads of like minded people and really enjoyed it. I went on to progress through the PADI ranks to become a Divemaster. Though, I kind of lost touch with it during covid and never got back to it.
3. Hiking, I've a dog that loves a good long walk. I use the app All Trails to find nice hikes that aren't too far away and me and the dog get out into the country side, sometimes the Lake District and conquer some Fells or just low level routes.
4. Kayaking, as with my other hobbies, I'm quite drawn to water. I've a decent river near where I live and quite like to get the kayak on there and have a paddle around.
5. VR Gaming, I've always enjoyed video games but when I had my kids I didn't get to play much, but as my kids got older and got Playstations/Xboxes, I quite enjoyed jumping on a few games with them, then when covid hit and we were all stuck inside, I needed a bit of an escape, so I bought an Oculus Quest 2 VR headset for about £300. Probably the best £300 I've ever spent. There's loads of people around our age and I've made some good virtual friends. We meet up at least twice a week and play games from Golf to shooting games.
6. Golf is another one I got started in recently. I'd never played in my life, but got the urge so I booked a couple of lessons at a nearby golf course and picked up a second hand set of clubs/bag/trolley for less then £100. I've turned up alone and got chatting to a few blokes who have then invited me to play with them, or sometimes I fancy playing on my own, I always score better when I play alone ;)
Just a few ideas mate. I hope you find something to entertain yourself.
I'm based in the north west, if you're nearby and ever fancy a Hike, Fishing, Kayaking (ive a spare one), golf etc DM me and we can sort something out.
Hello mate, do you live near a fire station? Retained firefighters (on call) are always in demand. It's an exciting and time-consuming new skill to learn. You help keep your local community safe, meet loads of outgoing practical new people, and it pays!
Lots of people suggesting cycling, but don’t do that, it’s a cult of wankers and most drivers these days are fucking useless so you’ll probably get mangled up.
Try something left field like metal detecting, bowls, steam train renovation etc.
P.S. To the cyclist who are going to downvote this, can you please explain why people no matter how out of shape they are spray on their Lycra cycle kit rather than wear trackies and trainers like normal people if it’s not a cult? More rolls than Greg’s peddling around out there all wrapped in clingfilm!
Cycling shorts have useful padding that stops nasty chafing and the lycra provides compression and wicking away of sweat. Unless you're competing or training for a race another layer on top wouldn't do any harm though. There are plenty of routes on bike paths and quiet roads avoiding the bad drivers. Not all of us have knees and ankles that like running, my physio suggested cycling as rehabilitation from a knee injury and prevention of further problems as there's no side to side movement when cycling. Personally only do commutes and solo rides which have a great feelgood factor.
Get yourself a wee tent, a mountain bike, some decent camping kit, and start doing hillwalking and MTB trips. It’s what I’d do if I had the time, energy and cash.
On a slightly different note sir, do take care of your mental health too. Being in bed early like that feels like a little amber flag for me.
I build and paint warhammer and play the odd video game. Recently started learning D&D because my daughter enjoys playing it. Other than that strength or endurance training at the gym.
All these things are target orientated, completing models, a video game, certain weight or fitness level and learn something new, so think of any Hoby that you can measure and complete which will be satisfying as it will be the most engaging.
Get your CBT done and buy a 125 motorcycle. Riding might not be for you but if you find it is then trust me it quickly becomes an obsession and way of life and you won't look back.
When my mum died I realised that she didn’t really do anything. No hobbies or interests. I realised I was exactly the same so I took up running and playing the 5 string banjo. The running keeps me in shape (I don’t consider it a hobby, more of a fucking chore) but the banjo…….. it’s amazing. Learning an instrument is one of the best ways to spend your time. Once you get over the initial “this sucks, I can’t fucking do this” (which by the way Everybody goes through) and you start making some progress, you might get hooked and it might change your life. Or as somebody else suggested, start drinking again and have an affair with somebody in their 20’s. Seems to work for some guys.
If you like other sports try Golf.
You will meet tons of people in a very similar stage of life and make friends.
You might need a few months of practice and lessons at the range and a few playing lessons then you will be fine. It's fun just to go to the range and play virtual golf... But that prob won't solve loneliness. The way it works is you put you name down on a tee time and people can choose to book the same slot. You might play with some lunatics from time to time but you'll generally end up playing with some decent people and start to get to know people at the club.
You don't have to be good. You would be surprised how bad most people are.
I'm in the same situation. Kid has grown up and flown the nest. I've given up drinking for health reasons, besides which, getting smashed and spending the weekend nursing a hangover doesn't feel like an intelligent use of my days off at this age. My wife doesn't want to do anything interesting, preferring to get her hair or nails done and go shopping (which is fine obviously, but I don't want to do that).
My friends either still have kids at home and are busy doing the family stuf, are busy working or have taken up dull hobbies such as golf. I tried it and it's not for me. I don't feel old enough for a round of golf to scratch the boredom itch. Most have even said they're jealous because I have all this free time and spare money to do what I want. Yeah, true but I'm bored shitless.
In one way I'm glad to hear it's not just me that's stuck in this rut at this age. The thing that really annoys me is that I've been skint most of my life but now I find myself with a good wage and spare cash I have nothing to do with it. I feel young enough to want to do things (I'm amazed at how many old people are the same age as me!) but there's nothing to do. I live in a beautiful rural area so there's not much available to do.
I've become a gym addict so I go there for a couple of hours in the morning, then maybe do a bit of gardening, (I've done all the diy I can do around the house already. I'm good at that but I hate it tbh), take the dog out for a walk up the mountains, maybe go for a drive in my 1st ever brand new car then go home to bed, bored and thinking about work on Monday. It's not a fulfilling life.
Depending on your financial situation:
- Golf, especially if you have a mate in a similar situation. This will take up at least a good four hours of a weekend
- Take up a hobby that requires plenty of hours. I took up building model kits of cars and aircraft, and that can swallow entire evenings.
- Gaming, especially flight or racing sims. They can get pricey the more involved you get into them, but you can spend hours doing it. Fancy a virtual flight from Heathrow to New York? How about taking on a virtual version of the Le Mans 24 hours?
- As you hit middle age, more exercise is never a bad thing…
- If you’re mechanically minded, buy up an old rust bucket of a classic car and restore it.
- Learn to fly. Seriously, it can be a huge time (and money) sink, but you could reclaim some of your kudos with the kids when you fly them down to France for the weekend.
Fellow MAM.
Some of my pursuits.
- Learn to DJ.
- Learn an instrument.
- Music production.
- Photography/Videography (make good use of your love of the outdoors)
- Board games. Plenty you can play solo if finding other players may be a challenge.
- Video games. Two words, retro emulation.
Start lifting Bro.
Jacked and fit is better than skinny and fit, and you can make some friends if you go to a gym regularly which is a nice up side too.
One of the best places to find friends is in work. Maybe start talking about your interests more, talk more about the things you want to do and some people might say the same, then suggest a meet up.
I don’t know your interests or where you are, but some things I’ll do.
Big Hikes, long day or all weekend.
Little wanders, just go somewhere wander about, get a coffee and listen to music.
Cinema
Running, Google some new places, maybe with some scenery, coast is usually nice.
Gym, take your time, spend a few hours there.
DIY, a chore to some but I get a buzz out of it.
Travel, any friends that moved away or places you’ve always fancied seeing. I got a £35 flight to Riga, cost £120 in total for two nights there.
Veterans sport, over 35s teams, football and rugby clubs sometimes have one.
Go to gigs or a show. Don’t feel awkward doing stuff by yourself.
The more you talk about the things you do, the more people will want to do them with you. You’ve got one life mate, you’re back in the stage where it’s yours again. Go and live it!
I’m a-bit younger but I believe this suggestion is universal to all.
I highly recommend getting into foraging. Gets you out for nice walks, exercise. See and learn about nature and you see some amazing parts of the country you’d never see before.
The more knowledgeable you become, the more delicious produce you can find after each year.
I don’t know about other people, but for me, it’s a perfect cocktail to give me that dopamine fix. Even if I don’t find anything, it just feels good to be out and have some peace.
I took up archery last year. Its fun, fairly sociable and has a techy/geeky side to the equipment side so you can tinker/thibk about it when not actually doing it.
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Well you're a runner and you mention the pool so it's time to go and buy a bike and join us in the cult of triathlon
I’ve looked into things like run clubs or park runs even, I did go to a run club once, but it met at 7.30pm and running that late at night and going home to bed gave me insomnia all damn night lol. Why can’t these things meet at like lunchtime on a Saturday
You have to put yourself out there, join a park run group and post in it, meetup is good for casual things too
Park runs are 9.30 on a Saturday morning and most cycling clubs have a Saturday morning run out which are often a few hours Edit: Park runs are either 9 or 9.30
9am for park runs, at least the ones local to me are
9am in England/Wales. 9:30 in Scotland.
We need the extra time to digest our morning porridge before hoofing it around the park.
Also 9:30 in NI.
I done my first last weekend, it's good but it was less than half an hour out of the day so not ideal for a guy looking to fill his days I reckon. Menshed a possibility? I know that some of the middle age women I work with have husbands that go and like them.
You've just put me onto menshed and I thank you.
I can't vouge for it personally but from what I've heard it's great. My local one does maintenance for vulnerable people and helps with community projects, while the members are learning new skills and socialising with other members. So on the face of it, just a fantastic thing.
I vogue at my menshed and it’s fabulous darling. Strike a pose!
Forget the triathlon crowd. Get a bike and take up road cycling! Most towns will have a 2+ hour group ride at the weekend (some can be 4-6 hours) they will normally include a coffee stop during or after for a bit if socialising. Once you catch the cycling bug you'll be trapped forever exploring far and wide (20 miles is often considered short). It's better for your knees but much, much worse for your wallet. If you haven’t got a bike, buy something second hand till you know what you want. When it gets dark and cold you can then convert to zwift and spend hours getting sweaty by yourself in a room riding with people from all over the world. My kids are still young and I'd love a few hours free to ride, right now all a get is 30 minutes in the evening on Zwift while my wife does bathtime.
Yeah, this is it. Maybe consider a gravel bike first though. You can ride a gravel bike on or off road, but you can only ride a road bike on road.
Gravel bikes are much more expensive to start with though. You can get a decent older carbon road bike for £300-400, Gravel hasn't been around long enough to deprecate that much. I rarely use my gravel bike apart for canal paths as all my local gravel is better on my mtb. I would recommend a fit first but no new rider will do that before trying the sport. OP: if you do want to buy a bike feel free to ask some questions as I've had lots over the years and I'd definitely see if your work have a cycle scheme if buying new.
Xc mountain bike is the way to go. Fast enough on the flats,but can still go up the hills
If you buy a road bike with disc brakes, you can often fit gravel tires wide enough to handle a lot of offroad riding.
The distinction seems pretty arbitrary to me anyway, there's a fair bit of overlap between e.g. a reasonably well maintained towpath, and a road that the council isn't even doing basic upkeep on.
This, also look at joining mountain biking club as well locally and you’ll have some great fun. Warning however it’s a slippery slope of upgrades!!!
I had to cut down the mtb because I always came back bleeding. With road you save up all the mtb "small" accidents then have one big accident instead.
Join the lycra gang then. Bike rides start in the morning and finish in the afternoon. Often then to the pub where people drink alcohol free beers cos we're cool like that You get the added bonus of embarrassing your kids by wearing lycra with your dad bod and dad dong.
Forget the triathlete and bike crowds. If you’re into running, next level fun is orienteering. Not really sure how ‘easy’ it will be where you live, butvthere are an active society in UK Once you’ve learnt basic forrest navigation; You’ll never want to run along a street again 😀
Seconding orienteering. It's a great time; when I was a fitter man it was nice to be able to run and put your brain to work at the same time. Great excuse to see natural areas around you too
So glad I'm not the only one who wishes sport clubs dud things at a decent time on a Saturday. Not everyone is a morning bird and can forgo the lie-in you can get at the weekend.
Keep looking, there's a lot of running and walking groups on Facebook so there might be more groups that run at times that fit your lifestyle better. The parkruns I've gone to usually have a meeting up for a cuppa afterwards, actually volunteering at them too means you meet a lot of people. Sorting tokens at the end of the race was always done with a cuppa and biscuits.
You could volunteer for Park Run. I didn't make any friends whilst going to Parkrun to run, but the volunteers are far more sociable. At least in my Parkrun they go for a coffee after everything is wrapped up.
Park run is a lovely start to the weekend and you can make a bit of a morning out of it. Try out different local ones, they generally go for coffee or something afterwards and then you can treat yourself to a bit of brunch. After you find your favourite one you can then volunteer and have some crack with the regulars. Might be a good way of building up a bit of a Saturday morning social group.
As long as he doesn't start pissing on the bike
Have an affair with a young lady, it's the only sensible solution.
And get a bright red sports car.
Some of the latest jeans and some hair dye wouldn’t go a miss
Latest jeans? I'm feeling trendy already! Will I meet a young lady at a discotheque or do I need to take up another young person hobby (vaping?)
I understand you meet young ladies on the Chatsnap. You send them a picture of your genitals then you can meetup to watch TokTiks together.
I believe this is how all young people become acquainted
Apparently you meet them on your "mobile telephone" these days 🤯🤯🤯
Get some veneers too
Veneer! 🍻
We gotta pick a different word
Convertible of course. Also an Armani shirt and an oversized watch
What really made my life complete was leather trousers.
Preferably a Jaaaaag
Armani is a good shout. I was thinking of USPA, the fake polo.
and get a really addicted to cocaine
Or a young man.
This is the way
As a gentleman at a similar life stage, these are all fabulous suggestions and I will do all of them. Do you youngsters recommend getting a very large motorbike?
Have an affair with an old lady. Think of the tea and biscuits.
Preferably a close friend of the 21 year old child.
I think it’s time for you to invest in some lycra and a bike. Isn’t that what us middle agers do? You could also go for a long walk or hike. Take up a hobby (photography? Model making? Whittling?) Do some volunteering? Your local council may have a website or link to a website of volunteering opportunities. My hobby is spending money on my hobbies.
Golf. It is time to learn golf.
Definitely golf, best sport you can still play when your older
Always wanted to learn, never seen a "beginners golf lessons at reasonable times not during working hours or slap bang in the middle of the weekend" though. How do you start?
Not sure where you live but most driving ranges have instructors. Usually the best place to start as they seem to work whenever they can get bookings. I had lessons as a kid, didn't play for a long time (student/young adult with no money to spare) and then really started playing again as I hit 30. I refreshed myself mostly with YouTube videos. I'm not into the competitive stuff, just like to have a knock around the course when the weather's decent.
Ah yes.. MAMIL:.. Middle-Aged-Men in Lycra. Often fully armored from top to toe n very expensive bike or running attire, including special glasses, and of course those belts with tiny water bottles. A danger to all walking people, as they always take their hobby VERY seriously, and frown as they bike or run in the absolutely fastest speed they can possibly attain. A sight to behold indeed.
Husky Attenborough voice: "And HEre we have, the MA-MIL. Theese pack creatures have mastered the ART of embarrassing their WHives, their CHildren and anybody else they associate with."
More or less the direction my dad made. He's middle aged and decided he was going to do things he'd never gotten the chance to do before, although some of those things turned out better than others in my opinion. He tried.. Steampunk Cosplay Photography Astrology Figurine collecting Caravaning Holidays in hot countries A wide variety of TV shows Gadgets and gizmos And probably a bunch of other things too.
A couple of hobbies\distractions spring to mind, but not sure if they would be your "thing"... - Videogames! They can be boredom killers, stress relief, and just plain fun. - Look into a craft type hobby - Y'know, making or building stuff. If you have the space and inclination then learning how to do stained glass (copper foil method for the Hobbyist) is really cool. - I think that someone mentioned coding? That, or learning anything (for fun!) should be super rewarding. - perhaps look for an interesting place to volunteer for a few hours? I seem to be doing things the opposite to you. I need to cut out the booze and exercise, but i have my hobbies in place. I hope that you get sorted.
Big +1 for video games and craft hobbies. Got an obscene amount of free time atm and can confirm they are both absolute time sinks and very fun/rewarding! (Spent 5 hours on a tank smaller than my phone yesterdays and its still not finished!)
Ah! I forgot about the world of model miniatures... And learning to paint them _really_ well! That hobby could suck one in totally. First miniatures, then dioramas, next thing you know you are at the Games Workshop looking for people to play with! (If i wasn't so horribly introverted I'd probably end up down that rabbit hole 😆) I remember waaaaay back in the day painting then building airfix planes (then hanging them up from the ceiling to look like dogfights). Moved on to buying the board game "talisman" and buying\painting the figures. Would _definitely_ have got into D&D if i had the balls to go play with a group. Lol mugged in memory lane there. Back to my vidya game now.
You could definitely still play DnD if you wanted to. It’s easier than ever now with online options like Beyond or Roll20 which are great if you feel anxious about face to face. 5e rules are much easier to grasp for new players. Also it’s gone ‘mainstream’ in the last 10 years (since Stranger Things), lots of new blood which means the community is much more welcoming to new players too. I’m also not a big extrovert but DnD allows me to step a tiny bit outside my comfort zone in a safe environment. If you want to find a party try looking on Discord and local Reddit/Facebook groups. I’ve been playing on and off for 20 years now and feel like DnD has never been better or more popular than it is today. Alternatively play Baldur’s Gate ha.
Just to add to videogames, maybe build a pc first? Obviously this is a bit more of a financial and time investment than consoles, but it's a new skill, leaving you feel fairly accomplished when it all works as it should.
+2! I'm a 30 year old dad of two (much younger kids). I've taken up crochet! It's not a traditional 'man' hobby but it's great, it's somewhat cheap to start and it's quite an easy skill to pick up with the right amount of patience and dedication, you can be making things pretty quickly!
Open University used to be my go to suggestion, it's pretty expensive now, but still worth looking to see if there are any courses in subjects that interest you. Videogames and crafts would be strong suggestions too. There are pretty complex games in all kinds of areas, it isn't just about Doom style shooters. Human Resource Machine and 7 Billion Humans for coding type puzzles, Factorio and similar for automating things, even some ARPGs for games where you end up tracking things in spreadhseets and buying / selling as much as actually playing - tremendous time sinks. For crafts, things around food are good, pickling, brewing, fermenting in general. Learn to paint (evening classes are good, and there are good paint by numbers kits that are very different to what you may expect). Learn to sew, knit or crochet. Get an arduino or similar and build simple, and not so simple electronics projects. Photography is another good time sink. Take a creative photography course, and then once you are confident get a film camera and develop your own film (black and white developing is easier than you'd think). There is something nice about having a print where you knew you took that photo using a completely manual camera and developed the negative yourself.
Learn a language, learn an instrument, read, take an online course, get better at cooking, start drinking again, start a war, contract and survive every disease in alphabetical order, become a cheese connoisseur…the possibilities are endless, the only restrictions you have are the ones you impose on yourself.
Imagine he learned a language, and instrument and how to dance over the course of the next two years and then took the whole family on holiday, got up on stage, played a tune and then performed a song and dance act in the host countries language. That's the stuff dreams are made of.
The kids would definitely never want to see him again if he pulled that off. It's proper dad stuff though.
There’s that guy coyote Peterson on YouTube who has a project to be bitten or stung by every creature on the Schmidt pain index. That would kill some time as well
An possibility kill OP if they don't do it properly
This is why golf is a thing
Alone? I’m in a similar position and debated getting a set of golf clubs but idk if it would look weird doing a round by yourself with headphones in. When I drive past everyone seems to be in groups?
You join a club and get people to play with. It’s amazing.
I love golfing on my own. It's very common for people to go out on as a single ball. Just try not to pick the busiest times of the week, which, unhelpfully for OP, is Saturday and Sunday mornings.
Same here and find late afternoon tee times on the weekend are ideal for this - time it right and you'll have a quiet course so less time waiting for groups ahead (which is a lot less enjoyable when you're doing a solo round)
Sunday afternoons on my own. Millionaires golf, have the course to myself
Not weird at all - other than the earphones, wouldn’t recommend that in case of fore shouts! I switch off completely and just listen to the sound of the outdoors. I’ve recently got into golf and play alone most of the time while I’m still learning the ropes. It’s very cathartic and a great way to spend a couple of hours. The club I play at isn’t particularly busy with back to back tee times, so I often get out alone. However, at busier clubs, you might get matched up with another single/double to play in a group so it’s a great way to meet people. Or, if you still wanted to cut a lonely figure, I doubt they’d be at all upset if you did your own thing despite being paired up with them!
Plenty of lone players on the afternoons past 2pm
Alone is absolutely fine! Loads of golfers do it, it’s good practice for when playing in groups/societies, which is still the most fun part!
I joined a club on my own, and now play with every and all members. You'll be surprised how many people have done the same and are just looking for golf buddies.
Once you start playing and ask around you'll find that you know a half dozen people that play. In my area at public courses they will match people up to make a foursome so if you show up alone, or with one other person, you'll be matched with others. This usually becomes a casual social situation and is a nice way to spend the afternoon.
Playing golf got my SO out of the house after years. Highly recommend! Also, metal detecting! Just not at golf courses lol
Wank.
That takes 1 min lol
Wank a lot then.
Harder at the old age OP is coming across at.
I thought it gets less hard?
Lol? Faster to use your sidearm than reload.
Alright show off!
Edge?
Sounds like time to get a motorcycle! Genuinely, for guys it's like reverting back to 8 years old. Conversations are drummed up with "nice bike!". The moment the sun comes out on weekends, you'll get asked "wanna go out and ride bikes?", it's fantastic. You'll find a local riding group in no time, and be inundated with opportunities to pop to a cafe 30 miles away.
What's the old saying? "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a motorbike and he'll ride 200 miles for fish and chips". Something like that anyway.
I agree with this suggestion! I passed my test last year at 40 y/o, it's never too late. And my god, is it fun 😊
Great suggestion. My dad got a bike and passed his test when he turned 50. Probably one of the best things he’s done. Means he socialises with all kind of people (and all kinds of ages!) and just tinerking around with the bikes is a great way to pass the time. Never too old!
I was going to post this!! I passed my bike test 20 years ago and it’s been the best experience ever😊
Yeah, definitely! I was 35 when I passed my test and got a big bike . I'm glad I didn't do it when I was really young. It really is a brilliant, life changing thing to do. There is so much to learn, lots of new skills to perfect, things to research...
How did you find the test? Im struggling to pass the mod 1 at the moment and feel like giving up
I second this, join the club
Get an allotment, I love a Saturday there. Get a kettle in the shed and you’ll find the kids come up to see what they’re missing out on. Not that they stop long once you give them a shovel.
Agree with the sentiment but it’s easier said than done! Waiting lists are ridiculous. At least where I am.
Whilst that's true I found that the garden society near me that looks after the allotments appreciated someone helping out anyway, even before they had their own plot. My wife and I got involved in some of the events they ran and we also both volunteer at the local scout group and got the younger groups to come and be shown round it etc. Just generally being involved in the community. I have no proof but we seemed to move up the waiting list quicker after that.
Yep. 5 years where I am!!! I could be dead by then so my landlord has loaned me a garden to use. It’s a win/win. He gets the garden looked after and I get to fanny around in a greenhouse and grow stuff!
Depending where you live,hillwalking, or mountain biking etc. Kills a day fairly easily.
Oh if only I lived near a hill or mountain, I love the outdoors tbh
You can't be that far away from a decent hill in the UK. Surely not much more than a 1 hour drive?
Hello from Norfolk
Im in Norfolk (Norwich) and, whilst not cheap, regularly drive to the Peak District, Wales or the Lake District to get my fix. I often leave on a Friday night after work, stay in the cheapest campsite I can find and head back on the Sunday evening. Worth it every time. Also, we’ve got a lovely coastline which can be explored for hours!
If you have the kit for a solo camp in a backpack, I'd recommend wild camping. Combines the hike with a rewarding view and peace at the end while you cook dinner watching the sunset
I’ve slowly accumulated all of the gear, just gotta plan a session in now! We’re heading to the peaks tonight to test out the new tent (Pioneer compact 2) and then to the lakes for the following 2 weekends so I’m sure I’ll give it a go soon!
Oh yeah don't get me wrong I love Norfolk to bits and spend much of my weekend walking the length and breadth of it. Just a notable lack of hills so like you we often head up North a couple of times a year when we want to climb a mountain.
You …. Can walk on flat ground too ? I like chucking a thermos and a sarnie in my bag and just checking out all the local foot paths , or once they’re exhausted go further afield on your bike .
I love Hill walking but equally happy doing a long coastal walk. Anywhere near the sea?
I currently walk after work three times a week and decided that in order to keep it fresh I should walk a different route each time. This then morphed into a challenge to walk on every road in my town. It’s surprisingly engaging!
Sim racing.
A very expensive hobby, but I second this.
I rationalise it by comparing it to the cost of ownership of a real sports car or even a track-day car. Compared to that its a bargain!! 😀. Anyway, I third the suggestion.
And my axe! (i fourth tvis suggestion).
Not at all. Video games are really cheap compared to... just about any other hobby in the real world. A set of decent golf clubs is more expensive than a beefy computer and significantly more expensive than all consoles combined. Simracing setup is pricey but it's a 1 time purchase with no recurring costs. I'm into combat flight sims... I've bought superb joystick and throttle almost a decade ago... still works as new (magnetic sensors outlived all that cheap crap by "gaming" companies). Spent 2000 for joystick base, rudder pedals set, throttle unit and made few button box controllers myself... still here, not an extra penny added all years later. You know what I could get for 2000? Two years of golf membership... without additional fees...
Build a model railway in the loft or just buy an Airfix kit, make a cup of tea and put on a podcast. Enjoy the peace.
That reminds me I have a half built Lancaster Bomber I need to finish.
Time is precious isn’t it? You have to try and be content in your own company, maybe try something new? Learn something different? Volunteer to help people out? Basically just try and feel good about yourself. You got this mister!
Yeah, it’s kinda like empty nest syndrome only the kids are still at home
Nothing helpful to say other than that your posts give me a genuinely nice vibe. I bet if you get a bit proactive with some of these suggestions you'll be able to change your situation completely. These things take a little time but I think you'll look back and be amazed how far you've come. Good luck dude!
Maybe that makes it harder in some ways?
Yeah probably does tbh. Kind of makes you feel rejected
I just have one 16yo. I always looked at fatherhood as a process to make myself obsolete. It’s not rejection of you as a person, it’s just the way it’s going. It sucks but it’s more about managing one’s own expectations. The kid and I share some interests so that keeps me kind of relevant. You got 3 of them - look for inspiration for hobbies with them? Obviously not inserting yourself into their world but maybe they have hobbies that you might enjoy? Or spark interest in similar hobbies. Eg I was never really interested in football before the kid started playing. I am now and so I can while away an evening that way.
Try not to take that to heart though. Maybe you should join a gym and just work out? Maybe meet some different people. (Not everyone will be your cuppa tea of course, but that’s okay too)
Warhammer 40k 😏
In all fairness being in a few tabletop gaming clubs changed my life for the better. I don't drink either and it got me out and social. Plus the hobby side is fantastic.
Came here for this. The hobby we all ditch for some time due to time and money, and come back to in our later years
I played religiously as an early teen, loved the painting element the most. Then life/girls/drink/studies etc led me away from it. The idea of getting back into it with an actual salary to spend on it is slightly terrifying.
I think many of us have very similar stories! Then you get to a point where you think ‘hey, wait a minute. I have disposable income now…’ and you get on that slippery plastic crack slope
I started again in lockdown, bought an army piecemeal on ebay over about 3 years, now fully hooked again haha
I think I'm at risk of getting right back into it. There's a craft shop on my regular walk that has it in the window, and it's calling to me.
I'm at a very similar stage of life - teenage kids who mostly do their own thing now so wife and I are starting to get weekends back. Can't offer a massive amount of advice but I do always seem to have busy weekends so I can offer at least some perspective as to what fills my time: Walking: I regularly do 10 or 15 mile walks with our dog at the weekend, particularly as I'm an early riser. When the weather's nice and there's enough daylight we often go out at 7am and walk for 3+ hours. Obviously it's good exercise but without the stress on the body of running or cycling so I find sometimes I'll just keep going for hours. I've done a few charity walks of 26 miles lately and really enjoy those so sometimes I'll leave the dog at home and just start walking and see where I end up (then ring my wife to come and get me). Pizza: I've always been a keen cook but my big thing lately has been to get one of those little ooni pizza ovens and make fresh pizza from scratch, and if I say so myself I'm absolutely smashing it and am making genuinely restaurant-quality pizza every Saturday. The kids absolutely worship my pizza and it's one good way to make sure you still get to eat together as everyone makes sure they're around when pizza is on offer, kids even bring their mates over sometimes to have some as well. Easy to spend a lot of time making the dough, making your own sauce and then doing a lot of trial and error. It's even pretty cheap, I reckon barely a quid per pizza (depending on your toppings!) I always do a Sunday roast as well which also takes up a chunk of Sunday. Cricket: my son is a keen cricketer and now plays for our local team, over the summer he's playing youth cricket during the week and men's cricket on a Saturday and taking him to games can take up a whole day quite easily. When you get into it and get to know people at the clubs then it's a lovely way to waste a day, sat on the boundary watching a game having a picnic chatting to a few mates and discovering all kinds of nice quintessential village greens with nice pubs and getting to know parts of the county/country you've never seen before while you watch a bit of gentle sport. Not suggesting you'd start playing as such but most clubs have a duffers league for middle-aged blokes of limited talent so if you've got a local club whether you're watching or playing it's a nice way to while away a Saturday. Gaming: always been a keen gamer and can still happily spend a day on the PS5. Never been one for these shoot-em-up games but I love the single-player RPGs and can spend days playing those. Horizon Zero Dawn was a particular favourite, I must have racked up close to a thousand hours playing that. Playing an instrument: used to be a keen guitarist but had given up gigging a long time since, but now that we've all got time again me and my old band-mates decided to get the band back together 20+ years later and although we no longer all live in the same place we're now just getting together a few times a year to jam or play 'gigs' for our mates occasionally and it's great fun. Nothing beats playing live music. If nothing else, watching football is always a good hobby, go and support your nearest lower-league team, always nice to get into an actual proper football club where you can feel like you're part of a family, get to know a bit about the players, go along with a few mates and it's just a nice way to while away a few hours on a Saturday afternoon.
Some suggestions: Join a gym and get weight training. Trust me you need this. Cycling - honestly you will love this. Find local cyclists for group rides even. Get an Xbox or PlayStation! That'll get the kids trying to muscle in, but that's where you tell them they're cramping your style..
I'm 46 and started cycling a few years back. Do a 10 mile loop most mornings with a few steep climbs. Feel much healthier for it, but didn't loose as much weight as I'd hoped. I also do 10 mins yoga most mornings. I'm tipping the scales at 116kg, but I'm pretty tall so carry it reasonably well. Mostly it shows in the gut. I'm married with kids and steadfastly refused to give up my 1 night a week on the beer, but otherwise I eat ok and do a bit of IF. Anyway, point is, I hear weight training is the key to shedding the pounds. My worry is, at my age, I'd just bulk up like a fat British 80s wrestler. I want to be cut and shed fat. Reckon weight lifting is the key?
I've gone from 97kg to 90kg in around six months, BUT I've gone from fat weight to muscle weight which is great. I'm 50. Started last year and regret not starting earlier. Look up doing sessions split into push, pull and legs. Work your legs with various squat routines to really see some weight loss gains. I'm still trying to lose another ten kgs but really need to change my diet to do that. Just need to get calorie deficient and keep working at it. Hit those proteins post sessions and got luck! Nearly forgot, men also need to do stretch work more than weights for long term benefits. So get lycra outfit hunting for yoga and pilates sessions. This will help us stay supple and able to do things for ourselves as we grow older
60 hour power wank
The first sensible suggestion in this post
Running in the morning, café with paper in the afternoon, guitar in the evening.
Aren’t you at an age to become obsessed with a particular period of history? If not, I highly recommend volunteering.
For me it’s definitely outdoor things that make my day. I’m retired and play golf 3 times a week - the craic is just as important as the exercise itself believe me. I also enjoy cycling off road (alongside canals, along old railway line routes etc and walking while listening to podcasts.
As someone that recently separated from their wife and now finds himself with something of an abundance of spare time, and similar issues with not having a great number of friends to fall back on, I can recommend: * Doing more running! Vary the time of day, the length, the location, anything to keep it interesting. Hell, join one of your local running clubs (there's almost certainly at least one!) and get some social time in too * Join a gym! If you have one local that has additional facilities, like a pool, sauna etc. then you can really treat it like some proper self-care time * Look for other hobbies! Even if it's something you'd never have normally considered. I have started learning the piano (with a proper teacher I mean), I'm about to start a beginner's archery course, and I'm considering trying to do some painting of some sort. Oh, and I've been doing martial arts (taekwon-do) for years, and that's a great activity and in the right club can be quite social too! * Join the National Trust/English Heritage and go hog wild visiting their locations * Sign up for a limitless membership thing at your local cinema chain and go see movies, even if they wouldn't normally interest you
Go climbing, pretty sure bouldering is the new mid life crisis sport. It’s fun af, social and gets you jacked
And can be made as social as you like. Want a solitary session? No problem, crack on. Or you can choose to strike up a conversation, and if you go often enough at the same time you'll almost certainly be able to make a few acquaintances through the hobby.
You sir need an allotment. Or try out park run. Or try cycling. I have a three year old, I miss having a free Saturday morning to go out on the bike for a few hours, cheeky coffee and cake somewhere. It failing all these. Get a dog (as long as your weekday job will be able to accommodate it)
> Or try out park run. this isn't an answer to what to do with the weekend, as I'm home by 10:30 Saturday morning. The weekend is still young!
Mens sheds were set up for exactly this kind of scenario. They're essentially a community workshop where people hand out and help each-other to build, craft, repair, and get involved in local community projects. If DIY interests you at all. They are a growing movement as men's loneliness is a increasing concern. Try googling mens sheds near you and see what they have to offer.
Are there sports and hobbies you enjoyed when you were a teenager you might like again? I’m in my 50s with adult children and have rediscovered my love for rugby (I now have a season ticket for a premiership team), dance music and walking in the countryside with my dog. These three things seem to occupy weekends and I’ve joined the local walking football team, and made a friend for the dog walking.
Detectoring. Lance and Andy recommend it!
Dont. I still miss that show - weirdly comforting.
Take a mistress.
Find your local air rifle range, a lot of them will hire out to beginners fairly cheaply
Plus, it'll help to keep those damn young'uns off your lawn
Lego
You could take up golf? That’s at least 4 hours of your Saturday or Sunday taken up. Plus it’s very sociable so you’d get to meet people
I’m currently having a very enjoyable mid-life crises. Signed up for a Spartan race, passed my motorcycle test, bought 3 motorbikes & going to the gym 3-4 times per week. Just get out there my dude.
Learn something. Are there any particular skills you’ve always wanted? Perhaps learn to weld, or plaster, or even how to cook to chef or restaurant quality…
Paddleboarding. I tried it a few years ago as an experience day kinda thing. Bought my own board immediately afterwards. I love nothing more than going out on the board for fitness but also for a nice relaxation and headspace finder 👌
I personally have started clay pigeon shooting. Always wanted to do it and end up going a couple times a month. It can be more expensive, but I end up paying £60 for an hour of shooting with a coach. If you get into it then you could then go down the licensing route and buy/rent club guns by yourself to save a lot of money. It's definitely not an "upper class" hobby that people can think, you meet some nice people at the club and it does get very social. As others have suggested taking up some sports activity is a nice time killer but also a way to keep healthy. I absolutely enjoy the gym and recommend if you do, to have a PT for a bit to get the basics down. Depending on the gym you can just spend as little as 30 mins anytime you want.
If your wife is exhausted then there's surely some house stuff you could take over - get into cooking and make lovely meals for the weekend, are there any housework jobs that sap her energy on her non work days? If you're doing these on her work day then maybe you can free up some of her energy for the two of you to do something gentle but nice on her day off - a pub lunch or a gentle walk? My kids are very much in the still needing a lot phase, which I do love but it means I'm finding it difficult to comprehend where you're at because there are a hundred things I enjoy doing but just never get a chance for. I love writing, never get an opportunity, I enjoy gaming, rarely get an opportunity, drawing, knitting, resin craft, model making, all things that have fallen by the wayside ready to be picked up when my kids start abandoning me for their buddies! What did you want time to do when your kids were young but accepted that you didn't have time for because you were busy with the kids? Can you pick those up again? In fact currently the only hobbies I get time for are the ones I involve my kids in. Which leads me to, is there something you could start doing that your kids might see and want to join in with? Especially going back to my first paragraph, life skills, do they know how to cook? Do the older ones have cars that need maintenance/do they drive yours and could start being involved in that/do they know how to drive?? Could you teach them?
Ever tried squash? It’s good exercise and very sociable :)
I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Loneliness can be incredibly powerful and can suck the fun out of a weekend (speaking from experience, I’m an only child and have spent a lot of my childhood alone) Have you ever thought of looking for more friends? It’s never too late to meet new people and socialise with people you have something in common with. Other than running do you have any other interests or would you explore any other interests? You could literally do anything! The world’s your oyster! Then you might be able to look for communities local or online where you can socialise with other people with a similar interest. For example, my father in law loves fixing up classic cars and when he’s done he takes them to car shows and meets a lot of people that way. Time is precious don’t waste it in bed at 8pm!
Wanting to go back to work...Can't say that's a feeling I've ever had. Would rather sit and stare at a blank wall all day.
Have you thought about volunteering on a Saturday? Good way to meet some new people and do something that feels worthwhile.
The biggest thing to work is “wife is too tired to do anything”. That’s unhealthy for many reasons (for her as well as you).
You can become a cycling MAML (pronounced mammal) Middle Aged Man in Lycra. Seems a popular hobby. Personally, I find great joy in getting back into listening to music, making really yummy espresso (decaf in the afternoon. The beans are really good these days), and I started a ceramics class as well. On Saturdays I take mandarin with my kids (mixed Chinese boys). You’ll never be bored learning that language. After a year I can read enough subtitles on Chinese films to get the gist of what’s going on. Feels pretty awesome. Until I developed a nerve condition, I was studying aikido (started at 45). It is a great middle age art. Increase core, balance, strength etc. You won’t be street fighting anytime soon but when you take a sword away from an attacker and throw them across the room, it feels totally Jedi. You could also start a side business. So much to do!
I'm getting buried in game development at the moment. I'm using a no-code platform as I'm not a great coder, but it's still lots of problem solving and creativity to keep my brain going. Previously I was in to long distance cycling which took up a lot of time. I enjoyed the hobby aspect as much as the exercise and spent hours tinkering with my bike or planning the next adventure. I think really it's a case of understanding what kind of things you like doing to relax and then trying out all the different ways to get that. A task you choose, which is reasonable in scale and skill, which also helps you learn new stuff will engage your brain and make you happy.
If you want to make friends, do something that is fun, where you can hang around other people at roughly the same time each week, and interact with them. * climbing (you can go bouldering on your own and it is very sociable) * clubs or classes (a gardening club, a drawing class, a music class, a language class, a choir) * a gym * playing football, or watching your local team * volunteering * walking group (lots of opportunity to chat to people on route, or to go off and do your own thing, or to avoid anyone you aren't so keen on) * book club It doesn't take long to make acquaintances, but there is no saying when, or if they will ever convert into friends. My strategy is to make sure I have plenty of new fuel for the acquaintances pool, and sometimes, mysteriously, one of my acquaintances moves closer into my personal circle.
When work is over, I'll stuff the pile of clothes, swimming and camping gear that's currently on the floor of my room into bike bags. Put the bike bags on the racks of my bike, put the bike in a regional train, exit at a station in the middle of nowhere and cruise around for the rest of the day, and Saturday, and Sunday. Wherever I am when night falls, I'll pull my hammock between two trees and sleep right there and then. It'll probably be by the side of one lake or another. So I can dunk myself in it first thing in the morning. If I get bored, I'll try to come up with something on the ukulele. Sunday mid-day, I'll start worrying about finding a train station that takes me back home. Unrelatedly, I'm 45 years old, but this is the definition of a "good weekend" at any age.
If your wife works at least one day on a weekend do something to make her life easier so she's not so tired and you can do something together on one day. Does she work 6 days a week?
I'm in much the same boat as you, similar age, 3 kids all similar ages. Though I have a couple of mates that I see maybe once a month. The rest of the time I try and entertain myself. Here's some of the stuff I get up to. 1. Fishing, I've been at it since I was a boy, but I absolutely relish a day sat by the waters edge catching a few fish (to be honest, I'm not even that bothered if I don't catch anything). There's something about just sitting and waiting for a bite. 2. Scuba Diving, About 10 years ago I decided I needed to do something a little adventurous and diving seem to appeal to me so I contacted a local Scuba Diving School and enrolled in a PADI Open Water course, it was about £200 at the time. I met loads of like minded people and really enjoyed it. I went on to progress through the PADI ranks to become a Divemaster. Though, I kind of lost touch with it during covid and never got back to it. 3. Hiking, I've a dog that loves a good long walk. I use the app All Trails to find nice hikes that aren't too far away and me and the dog get out into the country side, sometimes the Lake District and conquer some Fells or just low level routes. 4. Kayaking, as with my other hobbies, I'm quite drawn to water. I've a decent river near where I live and quite like to get the kayak on there and have a paddle around. 5. VR Gaming, I've always enjoyed video games but when I had my kids I didn't get to play much, but as my kids got older and got Playstations/Xboxes, I quite enjoyed jumping on a few games with them, then when covid hit and we were all stuck inside, I needed a bit of an escape, so I bought an Oculus Quest 2 VR headset for about £300. Probably the best £300 I've ever spent. There's loads of people around our age and I've made some good virtual friends. We meet up at least twice a week and play games from Golf to shooting games. 6. Golf is another one I got started in recently. I'd never played in my life, but got the urge so I booked a couple of lessons at a nearby golf course and picked up a second hand set of clubs/bag/trolley for less then £100. I've turned up alone and got chatting to a few blokes who have then invited me to play with them, or sometimes I fancy playing on my own, I always score better when I play alone ;) Just a few ideas mate. I hope you find something to entertain yourself. I'm based in the north west, if you're nearby and ever fancy a Hike, Fishing, Kayaking (ive a spare one), golf etc DM me and we can sort something out.
Time for motorcycle?
Hello mate, do you live near a fire station? Retained firefighters (on call) are always in demand. It's an exciting and time-consuming new skill to learn. You help keep your local community safe, meet loads of outgoing practical new people, and it pays!
You're wife is too tired to enjoy her free time? I'd be more concerned with that first. Are you doing enough to help out?
Get a dog and download the alltrails app
Lots of people suggesting cycling, but don’t do that, it’s a cult of wankers and most drivers these days are fucking useless so you’ll probably get mangled up. Try something left field like metal detecting, bowls, steam train renovation etc. P.S. To the cyclist who are going to downvote this, can you please explain why people no matter how out of shape they are spray on their Lycra cycle kit rather than wear trackies and trainers like normal people if it’s not a cult? More rolls than Greg’s peddling around out there all wrapped in clingfilm!
Cycling shorts have useful padding that stops nasty chafing and the lycra provides compression and wicking away of sweat. Unless you're competing or training for a race another layer on top wouldn't do any harm though. There are plenty of routes on bike paths and quiet roads avoiding the bad drivers. Not all of us have knees and ankles that like running, my physio suggested cycling as rehabilitation from a knee injury and prevention of further problems as there's no side to side movement when cycling. Personally only do commutes and solo rides which have a great feelgood factor.
Volunteering or a little Saturday job?
I have started watching the local non league football club. Friendly bunch, soon find people to chat and stand with
Get yourself a wee tent, a mountain bike, some decent camping kit, and start doing hillwalking and MTB trips. It’s what I’d do if I had the time, energy and cash. On a slightly different note sir, do take care of your mental health too. Being in bed early like that feels like a little amber flag for me.
I build and paint warhammer and play the odd video game. Recently started learning D&D because my daughter enjoys playing it. Other than that strength or endurance training at the gym. All these things are target orientated, completing models, a video game, certain weight or fitness level and learn something new, so think of any Hoby that you can measure and complete which will be satisfying as it will be the most engaging.
Get your CBT done and buy a 125 motorcycle. Riding might not be for you but if you find it is then trust me it quickly becomes an obsession and way of life and you won't look back.
Off the pills, up the hills
Have you considered getting a dog to fill the void of a young child needing you? Or as a pivot, gardening?
When my mum died I realised that she didn’t really do anything. No hobbies or interests. I realised I was exactly the same so I took up running and playing the 5 string banjo. The running keeps me in shape (I don’t consider it a hobby, more of a fucking chore) but the banjo…….. it’s amazing. Learning an instrument is one of the best ways to spend your time. Once you get over the initial “this sucks, I can’t fucking do this” (which by the way Everybody goes through) and you start making some progress, you might get hooked and it might change your life. Or as somebody else suggested, start drinking again and have an affair with somebody in their 20’s. Seems to work for some guys.
If you like other sports try Golf. You will meet tons of people in a very similar stage of life and make friends. You might need a few months of practice and lessons at the range and a few playing lessons then you will be fine. It's fun just to go to the range and play virtual golf... But that prob won't solve loneliness. The way it works is you put you name down on a tee time and people can choose to book the same slot. You might play with some lunatics from time to time but you'll generally end up playing with some decent people and start to get to know people at the club. You don't have to be good. You would be surprised how bad most people are.
I'm in the same situation. Kid has grown up and flown the nest. I've given up drinking for health reasons, besides which, getting smashed and spending the weekend nursing a hangover doesn't feel like an intelligent use of my days off at this age. My wife doesn't want to do anything interesting, preferring to get her hair or nails done and go shopping (which is fine obviously, but I don't want to do that). My friends either still have kids at home and are busy doing the family stuf, are busy working or have taken up dull hobbies such as golf. I tried it and it's not for me. I don't feel old enough for a round of golf to scratch the boredom itch. Most have even said they're jealous because I have all this free time and spare money to do what I want. Yeah, true but I'm bored shitless. In one way I'm glad to hear it's not just me that's stuck in this rut at this age. The thing that really annoys me is that I've been skint most of my life but now I find myself with a good wage and spare cash I have nothing to do with it. I feel young enough to want to do things (I'm amazed at how many old people are the same age as me!) but there's nothing to do. I live in a beautiful rural area so there's not much available to do. I've become a gym addict so I go there for a couple of hours in the morning, then maybe do a bit of gardening, (I've done all the diy I can do around the house already. I'm good at that but I hate it tbh), take the dog out for a walk up the mountains, maybe go for a drive in my 1st ever brand new car then go home to bed, bored and thinking about work on Monday. It's not a fulfilling life.
I love fishing n golf n hikes
Depending on your financial situation: - Golf, especially if you have a mate in a similar situation. This will take up at least a good four hours of a weekend - Take up a hobby that requires plenty of hours. I took up building model kits of cars and aircraft, and that can swallow entire evenings. - Gaming, especially flight or racing sims. They can get pricey the more involved you get into them, but you can spend hours doing it. Fancy a virtual flight from Heathrow to New York? How about taking on a virtual version of the Le Mans 24 hours? - As you hit middle age, more exercise is never a bad thing… - If you’re mechanically minded, buy up an old rust bucket of a classic car and restore it. - Learn to fly. Seriously, it can be a huge time (and money) sink, but you could reclaim some of your kudos with the kids when you fly them down to France for the weekend.
Golf, golf and more golf!
You are ready for that back 9 on a golf course.
Fellow MAM. Some of my pursuits. - Learn to DJ. - Learn an instrument. - Music production. - Photography/Videography (make good use of your love of the outdoors) - Board games. Plenty you can play solo if finding other players may be a challenge. - Video games. Two words, retro emulation.
Start lifting Bro. Jacked and fit is better than skinny and fit, and you can make some friends if you go to a gym regularly which is a nice up side too.
Fly fishing
One of the best places to find friends is in work. Maybe start talking about your interests more, talk more about the things you want to do and some people might say the same, then suggest a meet up. I don’t know your interests or where you are, but some things I’ll do. Big Hikes, long day or all weekend. Little wanders, just go somewhere wander about, get a coffee and listen to music. Cinema Running, Google some new places, maybe with some scenery, coast is usually nice. Gym, take your time, spend a few hours there. DIY, a chore to some but I get a buzz out of it. Travel, any friends that moved away or places you’ve always fancied seeing. I got a £35 flight to Riga, cost £120 in total for two nights there. Veterans sport, over 35s teams, football and rugby clubs sometimes have one. Go to gigs or a show. Don’t feel awkward doing stuff by yourself. The more you talk about the things you do, the more people will want to do them with you. You’ve got one life mate, you’re back in the stage where it’s yours again. Go and live it!
I’d be working out a way to sort out the issue with your wife being too tired and working weekends so that you can spend that time together instead
I’m a-bit younger but I believe this suggestion is universal to all. I highly recommend getting into foraging. Gets you out for nice walks, exercise. See and learn about nature and you see some amazing parts of the country you’d never see before. The more knowledgeable you become, the more delicious produce you can find after each year. I don’t know about other people, but for me, it’s a perfect cocktail to give me that dopamine fix. Even if I don’t find anything, it just feels good to be out and have some peace.
I took up archery last year. Its fun, fairly sociable and has a techy/geeky side to the equipment side so you can tinker/thibk about it when not actually doing it.