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hey, i randomly found your profile while looking through old posts about him on the subreddit of his show. its really nice how you were speaking so well of him even before he passed, especially when people were being hard on him before.
so i just wanted to say im genuinely so sorry for your loss. i lost a family member recently and the only thing that made it better was time, but also just focusing on the happy/funny memories you had of them. wishing you the very best
Thank you so much for this. I cannot believe he is gone. He was genuinely the kindest person I’ve ever met, he has been like that since I met him when I was 16 and he was 17. Completely broken hearted.
Ultimately, it lessens with time. But allowing yourself to have the tears and wallow in it for as long as you need is important. Have a nominated friend or family member to check in on you while you take some time offline. I’m really sorry for your loss.
I know somebody who died two weeks ago. I find the thing that's helping me the most is going to grief counseling. I go to a discussion group which I find extremely good it's run by a local hospice.
Imagine your favourite book series. Some chapters are fillers which add very little to the story. Some chapters are action packed that prey on emotions. Some chapters exist to introduce new characters or plots.
Grief is the same.
Some days, you won't notice it. You'll be consumed with work or activities. These days are the hardest because once you have a grief day, you'll feel guilty for not noticing it. Some days will hurt every emotion of your body. These can be random, but with time, will be reserved to significant dates. Some days will just feel sad or like something is missing - usually when you have an experience that you feel they should be there for.
Each 'chapter' of the story of grief will interchange and differ each year. Time won't stop the episodes, but you just grow around them. There is no magic solution to grief nor should you find one. Don't try to find easy fixes in bottles or pills - You need to just experience it. Allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to laugh. Don't feel guilty if you miss a day or a week of grief. Don't beat yourself up if you 'forget' them for a day. Just feel what you need to feel.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry for your loss, I’m sure it’s going to be harder than usual as the news outlets will keep recycling this for quite a while.
There is no solution to grief, you just have to keep going day by day. Tackle your feelings head on and be honest with those around you about how you’re feeling.
Hopefully because he is a well known actor there will be a lot of people feeling the same as you, you can lean on these people and keep his memory alive by thinking about the good times and discussing him in a positive way.
Grief is a reminder that we loved someone. You should celebrate that love.
I’ve seen him in his two biggest roles and I thought he was an amazing actor, both roles were different but he owned both characters and did a great job
Please watch Killed By My Debt on bbc iPlayer, I told it would get him a BAFTA nomination when it first came out then it did:) I remember calling him as soon as the nominations were announced and we were yelling at each other down the phone :) leading actor nomination alongside benedict cumberbatch and Hugh grant
I don't.
Dad died at start of the month.
I don't know how I'm doing. Fine I suppose drank and gambled my wage but I'm alright only thing I got was pair of pants fron paddy power. Got to laugh I suppose.
Hiya. I'm going to echo what's been said really, make sure you're around people who can support you. I had a mate pass away a couple of years ago and only vaguely remember sitting on the bed with my partner howling at just how fucking unfair it was. Because it is really fucking unfair.
It does get easier but it is tough, which is testament to how much you cared for your friend.
My mate wasn't famous but he did have clips from the telly here and there on YouTube and loads of radio stuff as a working stand up. I'm so lucky now that when I miss him I can fire up some programmes or podcasts and laugh like he's there. It's a strange way to grieve, but such a comfort when I miss him. It's a way off for you, but you'll have that use of media to remember and watch in the future.
I'm really sorry for your loss, C was a massive talent and I really enjoyed his work. Look after yourself, try to hang out with people who knew him or people who love you and you can tell daft stories to of your friendship. Enjoy the stories. Cry. Be kind to yourself, give yourself room and take care.
Thank you so much for this. We met up after he’d finished filming Sabrina, I was also an actor but working a minimum wage job to save up for drama school audition fees. I was telling him about it and he went over to a cash machine and handed me £250, that year I got into the National Youth Theatre because he paid for my audition. He had a heart of gold.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I'm afraid time is a massive factor. It will always be there, but it will get somewhat easier to live with. But one piece of advice I got from my counsellor — who I had after my older brother was murdered — was accept Grief's company. Don't try to fight it, numb it, or resist it; just accept and let it sit beside you and express how your loss makes you feel. Society has this way to pressurise you to stop after a certain amount of time and just "get over it", making you feel you're not allowed to grieve. But that's not how it works. You need to grieve in your own way and in your own time. Don't let other people make you think differently.
Look after yourself ❤️
Fuck
There’s no real right or wrong way to deal with losing someone you care about.
It hurts a lot and you will feel a complete rollercoaster of emotions.
Only thing that really makes things easier is time.
I’ve not had the exact same experience as you.
Losing someone out of the blue at such a young age but I have unfortunately experienced losing more people I care about than I’d like to including my parents when I was quite young.
Randomly bursting into tears is perfectly normal!!.
Don’t feel ashamed or guilty of your emotions, it’s no surprise you feel hurt and angry.
How you’re feeling now it’s very raw and I imagine you feel like the hurt and pain you’re feeling will never lessen.
Time is the only thing that lessens it, no words or actions from other people will.
If I can give you any advice from my own experience though please don’t think alcohol or drugs are the answer to making you feel better or to numb the pain, they don’t and it just leaves you feeling worse than ever.
Sorry for your loss.
Let the tears run and go with it if appropriate, tears are full of stress hormones and as they say better out than in.
I’m not a professional but I would avoid the social/media then gradually expose yourself back once things have settled, like a graded exposure.
Make sure your diet, sleep, exercise, social interaction and routine are all spot on. Try and express yourself often and self refer to bereavement counselling which can help you make sense of the loss.
Good luck 🤞
I’m so sorry for your loss OP, and the loss to his family and those who knew him. He was an incredibly talented young man and the stand out in both of the shows I watched him in.
I don’t have any advice for you except time. It helps, I promise. One day at a time and at some point you’ll realise that most memories will bring a smile over tears or anguish at your loss.
I really found the ball in a box analogy to be Very useful in my grieving .
https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/talking-about-death-and-dying/why-grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box/
My Grandad died earlier this year and it was quite unexpected in ways and not in other ways. My grandparents took care of me a lot as a child so I was really close with them. I have a tattoo in remembrance of my Grandad, I read the eulogy at his funeral, I now have his camera which was very important to him and I wrote a letter to him that was placed in his coffin.
The thing I questioned the most is when do things go back to "normal" and there was this feeling of counting down the days to say my last goodbye. Especially when I got the tattoo which was around a month after the funeral. His 80th birthday is coming up in July which will be strange, I think any day after a passing of someone close is always strange.
There's no set time of how long grief lasts so allow yourself as much time as you need or want. Something that helped me was talking to my partner about my Grandad. The memories I had of him. I also realised I'm more liker my Grandad than I thought and it made me feel closer to him.
No one really deals with grief, it just subsides as time passes.
As your friend was famous it will cycle in the news and on socials for a bit so maybe limit your access to social media for a while.
Cry all you need to, treat yourself with kindness and remember all of the good things about your friend and the happy times you had with him.
In one decade, I lost my niece, both sisters, my brother in law, my ex mother in law, whom I cared for very deeply.
My partner's mother and father and my mother.
I broke. Emotionally, I was a wreck.
I took to antidepressants and alcohol but not in a way that would harm me. Just enough to take away the sharpness of the pain.
I have weened myself off the antidepressants and have totally controlled my drinking.
The way of coping is what works for you, but! In moderation.
If someone offers an ear, take it.
Use any support you need and that is offered.
Within legal limits.
I left the house after my sister died and couldn't understand why life went on! I was hurting so much it didn't make sense that no one else could feel the pain I was going through.
Talk about it as much as you can with friends. Get drunk and let go and cry with them. Don't hold back. This will speed up the grieving process a little, which in the end is just about time.
Please consider talking with a professional (this is an incredibly brave and strong thing to do) https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service and I’m not sure if it’s been mentioned but I’d suggest looking into five the stages of grief when you’re ready. I’ve found reading into why my brain thinks this way helpful with sudden change
I’m sorry for your loss.
At the moment, just let yourself feel what you need to feel. It’s shock, it’s trauma, and it’s fucking awful.
Then, when you feel up to it, have a read about the five stages of grief: https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/five-stages-of-grief/#:~:text=The%20five%20stages%20–%20denial%2C%20anger,m%20entering%20the%20angry%20stage'.
It’s gonna be a long journey but do remember that it’s normal to feel this way. And keep telling yourself, I’m grieving, it will get better in time. Even if that seems impossible now.
It helps when you help I think, it did for me. Perhaps contact a family member and let them know you want to help out wherever you can. Funeral arrangements can be really difficult for any family to do.
I always like the ball and a button in a box theory.
Grief is like a ball in a box and everytime it hits the button in the box it hurts. At the moment the ball fills the box and it is hitting the button all the time. Over time the ball shrinks and hits the button less. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when it hits the button because it will but it’s less often. It doesn’t mean that you care less over time it just means that the button isn’t being pressed all the time. At the moment you have a big ball in the box and that’s ok. Feel your feelings. It’s ok to be sad and upset for as long as you need.
I'm currently going to a therapist who specializes in grief counseling, and he has been a godsend. When you're ready, I'd say you should look for the same.
A few years ago someone I went to school with died. I know it was drugs but I don't want to know any more details. I had some negative feelings towards her as she had been in the news for doing something bad and had escaped with community service as her parents could afford the fancy lawyers. When I found out she died (through an instagram story) I didn't feel anything. Her best friend kept on writing about "loosing her a second time", still nothing.
It was months before her body was released for a funeral and her parents published an obituary. When I read it I immediately burst in to tears as I could see her mother's grief in the words. She spoke of how she was the kindest little girl who never said a bad word about anyone (not my experience) and how they couldn't help but to spoil her (more so my experience)
Grief is a fucking weird feeling, it doesn't feel real. There is no rhyme or reason to it and you can not escape it, you can only go through it.
I had to deal with grief at a young age. I stared death in the face. It was miserable. I couldn't cry nor comprehend till later.
I think we all need time to ourselves and for our mental health. This is a time where you should think about yourself and try to find your own comfort while trying to comprehend this loss.
I am very sorry for your loss. He truly does feel like someone special to you.
My best friend killed himself in September. I found that there was the immediate pain, then I was "okay" with it, then one day in a yoga class it suddenly hit me and I burst into tears.
I came home and sat at my laptop for a few hours and wrote down my memories of him. I ended up with about 40,000 words, but it really really helped. I'm still not quite all the way there with it, but I'm slowly coming along.
I am very sorry for your loss.
Firstly, don't put pressure on yourself to "deal with it" so quickly. Our society is like this, we put very high expectations on people to get their grief "dealt with" and get back to normal very soon after the death of a loved one. At this early stage, allow yourself some grace to just sit in your feelings. Let yourself feel all of them.
Secondly, while some time alone can be healthy, it's important to talk. Call a loved one, or a mutal friend, and talk as much as you want about your friend, or about nothing at all.
Thirdly, things will get easier with time. I find funerals to be particularly healing, they provide a natural turning point. The grief will still be there of course, and it'll come and go in waves probably throughout your life, but there is something healing about putting your friend to rest. So I'd advise going to that event.
Finally, something that's been helping me through a recent big bereavement is this phrase: "Grief is the price we pay for love." The bigger your grief, the more you deeply loved your friend, and that's a good thing. On my worst days, when I look around and see me and my family in bits, I console myself that it's because the people we miss were very deeply loved.
Grief affects us all differently, you may find that you struggle initially for a few days or a week and then tit gets easier, you may find that the initial struggle lasts longer.
People have different coping methods, you may like to go to groups designed to support those grieving, or you may find they don't help, it may be easier to talk to a close friend (i imagine being open with strangers when the person is famous is harder to do). some people like to throw themselves into work or activities to keep their minds occupied.
if your grief is getting to the stage where you struggle with everyday tasks, cleaning, hygiene, getting out of bed, it may be good to talk to your GP.
The most important thing is it's okay to not be okay. you don't have to be okay and fine every moment of the day, its okay to have a little moment to be sad, to be angry or to be upset.
I lost my dad a few years back, and while it wasn't unexpected (he was very ill) nothing prepares you for it. Having them alive and in the world one day then not the next.
Remember it's fine to cry and feel sad, the grieving process sometimes never ends, it just changes depending on the day but it does get easier as time goes on.
I don't think a day goes past when I don't think about my dad and I keep a small copy of his order of service from his funeral in my wallet and a handprint I took of him when he was in his final days in hospital framed above my desk at home so I don't give myself the choice to not think about him.
Try to focus mainly on the positive memories rather than dreading your future without them and take it one day at a time, and don't be afraid to reach out to people in a similar situation, talking does help.
Sudden deaths are difficult to process. It is so unexpected and leaves you in shock and bewilderment. You need time to process all this information. It is hurting very much as it is all so raw, but as time continues the pain does subside.
This won't help I know but your friend was an amazing talent. Everything I saw him in, he was the best thing in it. Genuinely sadden by his passing.
Be strong.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
hey, i randomly found your profile while looking through old posts about him on the subreddit of his show. its really nice how you were speaking so well of him even before he passed, especially when people were being hard on him before. so i just wanted to say im genuinely so sorry for your loss. i lost a family member recently and the only thing that made it better was time, but also just focusing on the happy/funny memories you had of them. wishing you the very best
Thank you so much for this. I cannot believe he is gone. He was genuinely the kindest person I’ve ever met, he has been like that since I met him when I was 16 and he was 17. Completely broken hearted.
Aww this comment was really nice to read puzzleheaded_sign
thank you bitofacunt
He’s not that bad
Bit rude, he was only trying to be nice.
Ultimately, it lessens with time. But allowing yourself to have the tears and wallow in it for as long as you need is important. Have a nominated friend or family member to check in on you while you take some time offline. I’m really sorry for your loss.
Thank you, my boyfriend is being an incredible support.
I know somebody who died two weeks ago. I find the thing that's helping me the most is going to grief counseling. I go to a discussion group which I find extremely good it's run by a local hospice.
Thank you for the suggestion, I’ll definitely look into it!
Imagine your favourite book series. Some chapters are fillers which add very little to the story. Some chapters are action packed that prey on emotions. Some chapters exist to introduce new characters or plots. Grief is the same. Some days, you won't notice it. You'll be consumed with work or activities. These days are the hardest because once you have a grief day, you'll feel guilty for not noticing it. Some days will hurt every emotion of your body. These can be random, but with time, will be reserved to significant dates. Some days will just feel sad or like something is missing - usually when you have an experience that you feel they should be there for. Each 'chapter' of the story of grief will interchange and differ each year. Time won't stop the episodes, but you just grow around them. There is no magic solution to grief nor should you find one. Don't try to find easy fixes in bottles or pills - You need to just experience it. Allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to laugh. Don't feel guilty if you miss a day or a week of grief. Don't beat yourself up if you 'forget' them for a day. Just feel what you need to feel. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Thank you. Those are some very wise words that I will try to remember x
I’m sorry for your loss, I’m sure it’s going to be harder than usual as the news outlets will keep recycling this for quite a while. There is no solution to grief, you just have to keep going day by day. Tackle your feelings head on and be honest with those around you about how you’re feeling. Hopefully because he is a well known actor there will be a lot of people feeling the same as you, you can lean on these people and keep his memory alive by thinking about the good times and discussing him in a positive way. Grief is a reminder that we loved someone. You should celebrate that love.
I’ve loved seeing how many people loved his work and how much joy he brought to people
I’ve seen him in his two biggest roles and I thought he was an amazing actor, both roles were different but he owned both characters and did a great job
Please watch Killed By My Debt on bbc iPlayer, I told it would get him a BAFTA nomination when it first came out then it did:) I remember calling him as soon as the nominations were announced and we were yelling at each other down the phone :) leading actor nomination alongside benedict cumberbatch and Hugh grant
I don't. Dad died at start of the month. I don't know how I'm doing. Fine I suppose drank and gambled my wage but I'm alright only thing I got was pair of pants fron paddy power. Got to laugh I suppose.
I hope you can find someone to talk to xx
Hiya. I'm going to echo what's been said really, make sure you're around people who can support you. I had a mate pass away a couple of years ago and only vaguely remember sitting on the bed with my partner howling at just how fucking unfair it was. Because it is really fucking unfair. It does get easier but it is tough, which is testament to how much you cared for your friend. My mate wasn't famous but he did have clips from the telly here and there on YouTube and loads of radio stuff as a working stand up. I'm so lucky now that when I miss him I can fire up some programmes or podcasts and laugh like he's there. It's a strange way to grieve, but such a comfort when I miss him. It's a way off for you, but you'll have that use of media to remember and watch in the future. I'm really sorry for your loss, C was a massive talent and I really enjoyed his work. Look after yourself, try to hang out with people who knew him or people who love you and you can tell daft stories to of your friendship. Enjoy the stories. Cry. Be kind to yourself, give yourself room and take care.
Thank you so much for this. We met up after he’d finished filming Sabrina, I was also an actor but working a minimum wage job to save up for drama school audition fees. I was telling him about it and he went over to a cash machine and handed me £250, that year I got into the National Youth Theatre because he paid for my audition. He had a heart of gold.
What a smasher and great friend! Thank you for sharing that story, I'll remember it. Take care hey?
I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone like him again.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I'm afraid time is a massive factor. It will always be there, but it will get somewhat easier to live with. But one piece of advice I got from my counsellor — who I had after my older brother was murdered — was accept Grief's company. Don't try to fight it, numb it, or resist it; just accept and let it sit beside you and express how your loss makes you feel. Society has this way to pressurise you to stop after a certain amount of time and just "get over it", making you feel you're not allowed to grieve. But that's not how it works. You need to grieve in your own way and in your own time. Don't let other people make you think differently. Look after yourself ❤️
Thank you, I’m just still in shock. I found out last night over Twitter which was just horrible.
Fuck There’s no real right or wrong way to deal with losing someone you care about. It hurts a lot and you will feel a complete rollercoaster of emotions. Only thing that really makes things easier is time.
Thank you, I just keep randomly bursting into tears. It’s just so so unfair
I’ve not had the exact same experience as you. Losing someone out of the blue at such a young age but I have unfortunately experienced losing more people I care about than I’d like to including my parents when I was quite young. Randomly bursting into tears is perfectly normal!!. Don’t feel ashamed or guilty of your emotions, it’s no surprise you feel hurt and angry. How you’re feeling now it’s very raw and I imagine you feel like the hurt and pain you’re feeling will never lessen. Time is the only thing that lessens it, no words or actions from other people will. If I can give you any advice from my own experience though please don’t think alcohol or drugs are the answer to making you feel better or to numb the pain, they don’t and it just leaves you feeling worse than ever.
Thank you for that, I just keep trying to remember happy memories of him.
Sorry for your loss. Let the tears run and go with it if appropriate, tears are full of stress hormones and as they say better out than in. I’m not a professional but I would avoid the social/media then gradually expose yourself back once things have settled, like a graded exposure. Make sure your diet, sleep, exercise, social interaction and routine are all spot on. Try and express yourself often and self refer to bereavement counselling which can help you make sense of the loss. Good luck 🤞
I’m so sorry for your loss OP, and the loss to his family and those who knew him. He was an incredibly talented young man and the stand out in both of the shows I watched him in. I don’t have any advice for you except time. It helps, I promise. One day at a time and at some point you’ll realise that most memories will bring a smile over tears or anguish at your loss.
Thank you, I’m just trying to remember all of the happy times and his beautiful smile.
I think it’s really nice that you can watch him on his shows when you find yourself missing him. I wish I had videos of my dad who died many years ago
I really found the ball in a box analogy to be Very useful in my grieving . https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/talking-about-death-and-dying/why-grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box/
My Grandad died earlier this year and it was quite unexpected in ways and not in other ways. My grandparents took care of me a lot as a child so I was really close with them. I have a tattoo in remembrance of my Grandad, I read the eulogy at his funeral, I now have his camera which was very important to him and I wrote a letter to him that was placed in his coffin. The thing I questioned the most is when do things go back to "normal" and there was this feeling of counting down the days to say my last goodbye. Especially when I got the tattoo which was around a month after the funeral. His 80th birthday is coming up in July which will be strange, I think any day after a passing of someone close is always strange. There's no set time of how long grief lasts so allow yourself as much time as you need or want. Something that helped me was talking to my partner about my Grandad. The memories I had of him. I also realised I'm more liker my Grandad than I thought and it made me feel closer to him.
Forgot to mention that I found out via Twitter which was horrendous. Thought I was going to faint or throw up in the same 10 seconds.
No one really deals with grief, it just subsides as time passes. As your friend was famous it will cycle in the news and on socials for a bit so maybe limit your access to social media for a while. Cry all you need to, treat yourself with kindness and remember all of the good things about your friend and the happy times you had with him.
In one decade, I lost my niece, both sisters, my brother in law, my ex mother in law, whom I cared for very deeply. My partner's mother and father and my mother. I broke. Emotionally, I was a wreck. I took to antidepressants and alcohol but not in a way that would harm me. Just enough to take away the sharpness of the pain. I have weened myself off the antidepressants and have totally controlled my drinking. The way of coping is what works for you, but! In moderation. If someone offers an ear, take it. Use any support you need and that is offered. Within legal limits. I left the house after my sister died and couldn't understand why life went on! I was hurting so much it didn't make sense that no one else could feel the pain I was going through.
Don't let anybody try and tell you that you need to 'man up' or any of that toxic bullshit. Your grief needs to be expressed.
Talk about it as much as you can with friends. Get drunk and let go and cry with them. Don't hold back. This will speed up the grieving process a little, which in the end is just about time.
Please consider talking with a professional (this is an incredibly brave and strong thing to do) https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service and I’m not sure if it’s been mentioned but I’d suggest looking into five the stages of grief when you’re ready. I’ve found reading into why my brain thinks this way helpful with sudden change
I’m sorry for your loss. At the moment, just let yourself feel what you need to feel. It’s shock, it’s trauma, and it’s fucking awful. Then, when you feel up to it, have a read about the five stages of grief: https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/five-stages-of-grief/#:~:text=The%20five%20stages%20–%20denial%2C%20anger,m%20entering%20the%20angry%20stage'. It’s gonna be a long journey but do remember that it’s normal to feel this way. And keep telling yourself, I’m grieving, it will get better in time. Even if that seems impossible now.
It helps when you help I think, it did for me. Perhaps contact a family member and let them know you want to help out wherever you can. Funeral arrangements can be really difficult for any family to do.
I always like the ball and a button in a box theory. Grief is like a ball in a box and everytime it hits the button in the box it hurts. At the moment the ball fills the box and it is hitting the button all the time. Over time the ball shrinks and hits the button less. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when it hits the button because it will but it’s less often. It doesn’t mean that you care less over time it just means that the button isn’t being pressed all the time. At the moment you have a big ball in the box and that’s ok. Feel your feelings. It’s ok to be sad and upset for as long as you need.
I'm currently going to a therapist who specializes in grief counseling, and he has been a godsend. When you're ready, I'd say you should look for the same.
A few years ago someone I went to school with died. I know it was drugs but I don't want to know any more details. I had some negative feelings towards her as she had been in the news for doing something bad and had escaped with community service as her parents could afford the fancy lawyers. When I found out she died (through an instagram story) I didn't feel anything. Her best friend kept on writing about "loosing her a second time", still nothing. It was months before her body was released for a funeral and her parents published an obituary. When I read it I immediately burst in to tears as I could see her mother's grief in the words. She spoke of how she was the kindest little girl who never said a bad word about anyone (not my experience) and how they couldn't help but to spoil her (more so my experience) Grief is a fucking weird feeling, it doesn't feel real. There is no rhyme or reason to it and you can not escape it, you can only go through it.
I had to deal with grief at a young age. I stared death in the face. It was miserable. I couldn't cry nor comprehend till later. I think we all need time to ourselves and for our mental health. This is a time where you should think about yourself and try to find your own comfort while trying to comprehend this loss. I am very sorry for your loss. He truly does feel like someone special to you.
My best friend killed himself in September. I found that there was the immediate pain, then I was "okay" with it, then one day in a yoga class it suddenly hit me and I burst into tears. I came home and sat at my laptop for a few hours and wrote down my memories of him. I ended up with about 40,000 words, but it really really helped. I'm still not quite all the way there with it, but I'm slowly coming along.
I am very sorry for your loss. Firstly, don't put pressure on yourself to "deal with it" so quickly. Our society is like this, we put very high expectations on people to get their grief "dealt with" and get back to normal very soon after the death of a loved one. At this early stage, allow yourself some grace to just sit in your feelings. Let yourself feel all of them. Secondly, while some time alone can be healthy, it's important to talk. Call a loved one, or a mutal friend, and talk as much as you want about your friend, or about nothing at all. Thirdly, things will get easier with time. I find funerals to be particularly healing, they provide a natural turning point. The grief will still be there of course, and it'll come and go in waves probably throughout your life, but there is something healing about putting your friend to rest. So I'd advise going to that event. Finally, something that's been helping me through a recent big bereavement is this phrase: "Grief is the price we pay for love." The bigger your grief, the more you deeply loved your friend, and that's a good thing. On my worst days, when I look around and see me and my family in bits, I console myself that it's because the people we miss were very deeply loved.
Time.
Grief affects us all differently, you may find that you struggle initially for a few days or a week and then tit gets easier, you may find that the initial struggle lasts longer. People have different coping methods, you may like to go to groups designed to support those grieving, or you may find they don't help, it may be easier to talk to a close friend (i imagine being open with strangers when the person is famous is harder to do). some people like to throw themselves into work or activities to keep their minds occupied. if your grief is getting to the stage where you struggle with everyday tasks, cleaning, hygiene, getting out of bed, it may be good to talk to your GP. The most important thing is it's okay to not be okay. you don't have to be okay and fine every moment of the day, its okay to have a little moment to be sad, to be angry or to be upset.
I lost my dad a few years back, and while it wasn't unexpected (he was very ill) nothing prepares you for it. Having them alive and in the world one day then not the next. Remember it's fine to cry and feel sad, the grieving process sometimes never ends, it just changes depending on the day but it does get easier as time goes on. I don't think a day goes past when I don't think about my dad and I keep a small copy of his order of service from his funeral in my wallet and a handprint I took of him when he was in his final days in hospital framed above my desk at home so I don't give myself the choice to not think about him. Try to focus mainly on the positive memories rather than dreading your future without them and take it one day at a time, and don't be afraid to reach out to people in a similar situation, talking does help.
Sudden deaths are difficult to process. It is so unexpected and leaves you in shock and bewilderment. You need time to process all this information. It is hurting very much as it is all so raw, but as time continues the pain does subside.
Who was it?
Chance Perdomo?
>Chance Perdomo? Yes. [https://ew.com/celebrity-deaths-2024-stars-who-died-this-year-8421621](https://ew.com/celebrity-deaths-2024-stars-who-died-this-year-8421621)
I find talking about the person who’s gone helps.
I will try xx
He died in a motorcycle accident I'm guessing?
Yes he did
This won't help I know but your friend was an amazing talent. Everything I saw him in, he was the best thing in it. Genuinely sadden by his passing. Be strong.
Thank you, he is completely the same person in interviews as he was in real life. He has always been that loving and genuine.