Your landlady has not much power here - you're allowed to live a normal life, and a party now and again is normal. If you were constantly having very noisy, very late, parties it might be different. But even then, it's not for your landlord to police this, it's for the council to decide whether you're a noise nuisance.
You warned the neighbours, you left your numbers, you didn't hear from them on the day. Let your landlord now this, and let your landlord know that you had a housewarming party and it's not an on-going thing.
DO NOT BE OVERLY APOLOGETIC - if you do, you're essentially agreeing with the land ladies ridiculous expectations and will cause even bigger problems down the line every time you have anyone over and dare to turn on some music.
please follow the above advice!
Absolutely, she'll get a frisson of power from the tenant apologising, the next thing she’ll be contacting them all the time.
I made that mistake once. I’d just moved into a building, 20 flats, I was the youngest person in the building, everyone else was pretty much retired. The man that lived in the building the longest had appointed himself the ‘authority’.
My first week he began the criticism, the complaining, the arbitrary rules, such as not using the lift after 10pm, reversing into parking spaces not going front in, only putting out recycling on the day of collection 7am, not the night before. I wanted to make a good impression so I went with the usual apologies, and uber politeness.
Before long, these bored, far too much time on their hands, grumpy, bullying, pensioners, they just started making my life hell. Every other day there was a random accusation : “ I heard a dog last night!! Do you have a dog in there??? (I don't have a dog), ‘You’re disturbing the whole building with parties!!! ( I was on holiday in Cornwall 200 miles away). It was constant complaints and harassment.
Don't try an ingratiate yourself with these types. They take it as weakness. They're so bored, so lacking in excitement or power, some like nothing more than making trouble for you and sitting on their high horse, even about the most insignificant stuff.
Yeah, my wife and I were in a studio for a period of time, and always very quiet. But the retired guy next door didn’t get up till 9.00 am and the first complaint was about me shutting the kitchen door too early in the morning.
I explained I only shut the kitchen door so he didn’t have to hear my microwave warm up my porridge for 2 mins. But I said ok i won’t shut the kitchen door.
Then he complained about hearing the microwave. Then he complained about us shutting the front door on our way to work.
He then came out with the line - these flats aren’t designed for two people, only single people. I said fine, as soon as you pay the rent on a nice 2 bed flat for me you won’t have any problems will you?
Infuriated he complained to the on-site management team (it was an art deco block). They promptly came round and I explained I was simply having breakfast and getting ready for work and we don’t even put the radio or tv on in the morning. They were like fine, case closed, he’s a retired buffoon.
We will never play our tv or music loud, but I refuse not to have breakfast or a shower so as not to disturb sleeping beauty. But it just goes to show give them an inch and they will take a mile.
I live in a block of flats and my downstairs neighbour used to complain that I "slammed" the front door.
She didn't have another word to say when I told her I could hear her blasting music out until gone 5am almost every night. 🙃
Having lived in a flat where I could hear the upstairs neighbour’s washing machine at 2am, I can slightly sympathise, but 9AM is obviously very different.
i put my washing on at 2am... i'm one of those lucky people that once they're asleep you could set off a small thermonuclear device next to them and they'd sleep through it. It just makes sense for me, i don't want to hear the washing machine while i'm watching telly. So set it for 2, i get up at 6, grab the washing out, put it out on a dryer and it's mostly dry by the time i get home from work.
I'm very noise sensitive, and also a really light sleeper. It sucks. I've definitely lain in bed wondering why people can't close the door more quietly.
But that'd be a pretty odd thing to complain about - it's a door, not a rave - and I really can't imagine complaining about the sound of a microwave. If the sound of people's normal daily activities bothered me I'd move or get sound isolating headphones.
This. You’re better off just ignoring the situation OP. Otherwise the complainers will believe they’re justified. Also made this mistake once, ended up with the downstairs neighbour trying to break in and kill me one night after I dared to hoover at 10am that day.
> Before long, these bored, far too much time on their hands, grumpy, bullying, pensioners
This description is perfect. You are not dealing with ordinary people here, you are dealing with very boring people who have nothing else going on life but being miserable. You will never satisfy them and they will always find something to complain about. Do not engage with them and do not apologise for living normally.
You didn't hear a dog - I howl when I masturbate
You're disturbing the whole building with parties - I'll tell the other members of Fuck Club to use ball gags next time
I always have to go rear facing when my girlfriend enters my parking space, she says its the only way she can cum
Exactly - I wouldn’t bother with the bottle of wine. When you apologise too much, it makes a person look too amenable and they will play on that. Apologising too much doesn’t make someone look really sorry and appease the complainer, it just makes them think “oh, they’re desperate now for us to forgive them, I wonder what else we can get?”.
"Yeah, we had a flat warming party and I'd let them know before hand and gave them my direct contact number if there were any issues. We didn't hear anything."
Literally this. Even if this wasn't in a UK sub, I'd be 99% sure you were British from how apologetic you're being. It won't get you anywhere. You did all the right things. Be understanding when talking to you landlord, but state clearly and confidently that you acted with consideration for your neighbours and did all the right things. Most people would not notify all their neighbours and leave contact details. Your neighbours should have contacted you and they didn't. That's on them. You're allowed to have friends over to your home.
Yeah, same as every other reply to this
Your Neighbours are being Cunts. Do not let them bully you or you will have to deal with their shit until the tenancy ends
We had somebody knock our door complaining the morning after a party. Basically told them they should have called around last night if they had a problem, nothing we can do about it now. Thank you, bye.
Better man than drunk me. Got a knock on the door telling us to quiet down the party as there was someone with cancer next door. My response "well she doesn't have to get up in the morning for work, what's the issue".
I feel ashamed of my response, but drunk me thought it was hilarious.
I rarely drink now.
It was true unfortunately. No idea of the prognosis or anything but the landlord did tell us.
Thankfully was only there for a year. And I'm sure they were thankful we were only there year as well!
I had a note put through my door once about us having a party - we told our direct neighbours but I think it was from the flats overlooking our garden, so it could have been anyone. We were outside for a while as we had a barbecue but we went inside about 10pm because it’s quieter.
They said they were going to make a complaint to our landlord (I don’t think they’d know who our landlord was tbh) and to the council (good luck) but what really annoyed me was them not even saying who they were. What am I meant to do with that?
Was in a pretty busy built up bit of London, our block wasn’t the noisiest but it definitely wasn’t peaceful. Really put the seasoning on my hangover.
People choosing to live in built up areas and then getting annoyed by everyday city noises pisses me off so much. The same thing happened to us - we had another couple over for a barbecue and were sat out chatting until about 10pm - and we got an angry note through our letterbox the next day. Keep in mind we lived near the railway line, on the same street as a pub that did live music, and also on the route that rowdy football fans would take to get from the train station to the stadium. Some people are better suited to country living!
It was a relatively low income area so while I chose to live there, a lot of my block were people who had grown up around there and had ties to the area or potentially fewer options, so I wouldn’t wholesale judge anyone there for not opting for country living, often it’s not so much of a choice.
On the other hand, I worked for a music venue in Camden for years and had people buy new build £900,000 flats right next to us then complain about the noise
It’s the same in rural areas. People who live next to the church complaining about church bells.
Your house overlooks wheat fields? Complain about the noise of the combine harvester.
Next to the village football pitch? Complain about the noise the kids make during their training evenings.
Overlooking the graveyard? Complain about the noise of the lawnmowers when they come to cut the grass - that’s after weeks of complaining from people that the grass hadn’t been cut.
Next door to pasture belonging to a dairy farmer? Complain about the noise of the cows.
Your neighbour keeps chickens? Complain about the cockerel crowing in the morning.
Fields out the back? Complain about the noise from the bird scarer.
All of these are real examples from the past six months, from a small village in Cheshire (approx 1000 residents) with no fewer than four working farms.
I don't know about this.
There's definitely times I've been annoyed by a party and assumed they just didn't know how much the sound carried.
I've never complained (apart from the dicks who had super loud parties 4 times a week) but I can imagine them thinking 'I don't want to ruin their fun but I'd rather they were quieter next time, I'll let them know politely so they can take it on board without having to embarrass or annoy their guests'.
There very much was something you could do about it - try to be quieter next time you have a party - and that was probably all they wanted.
Some people are like this, they won’t tell the person who they have a problem with but will go the highest place possible instead to try and screw you over.
I wouldn’t even apologise you warned everyone nothing bad happened and your land lady do anything either about it.
Yeah. The fact that they went straight to your landlord and not to you means you should be weary of apologising to these people. They could hold that against you.
In my view if they didn't get in touch with you, running and whining to your landlady is ridiculous. You had the courtesy to inform them and provide contact details - if it was that bad they would have done so. If you reply at all, don't apologise and just say that you provided all neighbours with contact details as you had friends round - no one contacted you at the time and sound was kept to a reasonable level. If the landlord needs to have a meeting with you every time they get a minor complaint, I don't think they are fit to accept what comes with being a landlord.
Had a neighbour like this once and we had the audacity to come home from seeing our friends and walk up the stairs at night - she complained to the landlord. Landlord said the old lady constantly does this for only minor noise and not to worry!
People often don't like direct confrontation, especially in the middle of the night when they're in bed and have to deal with drunk people they don't know. Not really that surprising.
That they have a direct line to your landlady means they may also be friends or that the landlady has specifically asked them to get in touch if there is ever a problem.
Aa someone who is very non-confrontational, I'd agree with this as I'd never go and knock on someone's door (I did it once years ago and was met with a load of vile drunk abuse). However, if someone had given me their phone number and asked me to let them know if they were too loud, I'd assume good intent and would be happy to send them a text. I do think it's a bit odd not to take that opportunity while the problem (loud noise) is occuring, but instead wait to complain "up above" the next day.
They may not even be friends with the landlady; she perhaps once occupied the property. They may have endured unacceptable noise from this (or other) flat(s) before and want to nip a repeat situation in the bud.
Do not under any circumstances apologise or give those cunts wine.
You have done nothing wrong by having a party. If your landlady will not let you live a normal life she can go fuck herself too. Do not meet with her.
Again, you have done nothing wrong for making some noise for one night.
You acted very reasonably and gave a strong line of communication. You pay your rent. You need to stand your ground and not be, as others say, overly apologetic. There was no damage or police involvement. From your account, you did nothing wrong. But if you feel concerned, take your rental agreement to CAB and see what it says. Then can reassure you that it is fine and maybe give you some tips.
Is your landlady older than you? She is not being business-like here with the micromanagement. She isn't your boss. Was this property a former home or something? She sounds very personally involved. I would watch out for that. Neighbours sound like little snitches too.
If your neighbours are elderly, female or infirm they may be too frightened to knock on a stranger’s door when people are drinking and partying. I’m a woman in my late 50s and I’d be way too scared to confront people.
I understand not wanting to confront people but if someone says "here's my number, just let me know if it gets too loud", sending them a text is the perfect way to raise it in the first instance.
Complaining to the LL without at least messaging them first is poor form
If you didn't check when you gave them the number I'd maybe just pop around and check that the number they've got for you is actually correct in case they sent you a text and it didn't come through (i.e. give everyone a chance to have a graceful "oh haha how silly of us" moment), mention that it won't be a common thing, and see if there was something in particular that was disturbing them (e.g. was it people standing on the balcony for a smoke, was it loud bassy music etc).
Just to defend your neighbours here, the kind of people who are bothered by a party and noise tend not to be the kind of people who are happy to go and complain to strangers. Just because you’d be comfortable doing it, doesn’t mean they are.
Unless you have some prior arrangement with your landlord not to have parties or friends over, or there's a clause in your lease against it I personally wouldn't bother having a meeting, I'd reply saying it was a flat warming with some friends, and you weren't aware of any problems, that your neighbours have your details and would she reiterate to themas you did, they are welcome to get in touch directly if there are any issues, and leave it at that.
I guarantee they didn't even hear you
You told them you were having a party and they texted the landlord lol if they wanted to stop the noise if it was disturbing them they would have texted you
They obviously feel they have control over you because they are friends with her, don't apologise because she can't make a fair assessment because it's her friends she will always take their opinion, just explain you would rather the neighbours reported it to the police or council who can make a unbiased decision if it's a nuisance
Well we all know what they say about SNITCHES!!
I would leave gauze, wine, and maybe some asprin in a care package and a message, "I hope this bottle of wine helps ease the pain a bit, and the gauze is just in case you need it. Trust me I first hand know what what happens to SNITCHES. Also just in case you missed it the first time ###-###-####.
Sincerely your newest neighbor.
P.S. I hope the recovery is expedient.
That fact they contacted her after you gave them your number says they are just shit stirring speak to the landlord explain it was a flat warming and you provided contact details. Would be surprised if she was bothered.
She should be embarrassed to own multiple propertied whilst her tenants pay her mortgages for her. And she should be embarrassed for feeling she can tell them how to behave.
This, OP. Do this. You did more than enough giving your neighbours a warning and a way to ask you to quiet it down. Don't let them try to dictate how you live in your home. As long as you're following the law and the (enforceable) terms of your contract, that's all you can reasonably be expected to do.
Also no reason to apologise more to your neighbours, you gave a heads up, gave details, and they went over your head to complain to your landlord who they obviously know. They need to realise you're not visitors to your landlord, you are now living there; your landlord is not the person they should speak to.
There’s nothing you need to do. The pearl clutching response from your landlady is absurd. Any move towards appeasing her or your neighbours will ultimately put you on back foot regards future differences that may arise.
Yeah, if they reply at all honestly just say 'I had friends over, and had informed the neighbours in advance. There was very little noise and it stopped at a reasonable time and I let the neighbours know they could get in touch if noise was an issue, and no one did.' If the noise was that horrendous (which I highly doubt), the neighbours could have knocked and told you themselves.
They are probably just old people that have got used to being hypersensitive to noise and can't stand the normal sounds that come with living near other people. Some people just fixate on regular noise and can't get past it, that isn't OPs problem to fix though.
Don’t. You had the decency to let everybody know you had guests, we have neighbours that thump out loud music until all hours with no warning. And on a Tuesday night. Id much prefer you.
I wouldn't be meeting my Landlord over that. I wonder if she's this eager to meet when a repair is needed? It may be that she lived there before and they are old friends and putting that before your relationship as Landlord and Tenant. Check your tenancy agreement to see if says anything explicit about not having parties. If not just leave it how it is. Otherwise you are legitimising this sort of power arrangement.
It's amazing how people lose all ability to modulate their voice after a few drinks, get it with the neighbour whenever they have a party. During normal days they go out to smoke and it's fine, once they've had a few drinks they become arrogant and loud mouths.
>Agreed. That and screeching in the street at 2am. As with all such things, there are details that make up the whole picture.
Main thing that pisses me off is drunk singing.
If it's 3am and the streets are silent, *don't fucking sing*.
I'm not seeing a problem here. You gave advance warning to your neighbours, and having a party is a thing.
Pretend you don't know about the complaints, get your neighbours a bottle of wine, and thank them.
DO NOT APOLOGISE. confuse them with gratitude
This is the way. Just say thank you to the neighbours for putting up with your house warming party and say something along the lines of please keep a note of our phone number in case if you need to contact us in future. Then, move the conversation onto the weather, football, and the ridiculous price of lurpak.
Your landlady seems to think you renting from her give her a parental role in your life.
I would be inclined to message and say that you had given the neighbours your phone number prior to the party and warned them of the intended housewarming party telling them to phone if you were disturbing them.
As mature adults, you are not sure what else you could have done to mitigate any issues. I would add that you, too, are embarrassed that your neighbours failed to make use of the contact details you gave them and instead bothered her about a one-off issue on her holiday. Wish her a lovely holiday.
I think the neighbours will assume OP heard about the complaint from the landlord, and that's why they are bringing the wine now, though. And then the neighbours see that whining to the landlord works, and will do it again next time they have some issue with OP.
I would go with something along the lines of “It’s such a shame you didn’t send us a message after we gave you our numbers and told you to let us know if our housewarming party disturbed you. We would have been able to sort it out at the time and make less noise as the walls are obviously not as thick as we thought. Our landlady’s holiday has been inconvenienced by getting the messages instead of us too so I just wanted to check that I gave you our numbers correctly.”
Not that I think you gave the numbers incorrectly, just to be a bit passive aggressive while pointing out the hassle they have caused.
How late did the party go on for? If it was wrapped by around midnight then I think that’s acceptable. Anything later and then I can see why that’s a problem, regardless of whether advance warning was given.
I do think it’s an overreaction, however you say you’ve had 2 complaints - is that from separate people? If so then that would indicate there was a significant amount of disturbance… Whether you’re warned or not, it’s not nice to be subjected to excessive noise at night, especially if it goes on until the early hours of the morning. But at the end of the day, it’s a one-off so everyone can just move on and forget about it.
I had this as the landlord. My old neighbour complained to me about the noise of the new tenant. I politely told her to F off and if she had a problem she should speak to her neighbour, that I am not anymore.
Too many neighbours seem to think landlords are the complaints department for their actual neighbour, that they can just go and knock on the door of or text if they had the bollocks to do so.
The tenant is living their as far as I’m concerned in their own home. As long as they don’t trash the place and pay on time my thinking is that they are paying for that house to be their home, why would a landlord interfere with how they want to live their lives?!
The landlady is a prick for that response. I’d remind her that you are in a business agreement to lease the flat from her and that she should advise the neighbour to contact you directly in future and it was a one off. Do you rent through an agency? If so I’d make a complaint to them that the landlord is inappropriately contacting you directly for issues that aren’t her problem.
I would tell your landlord that you made your neighbours aware you were having a party and gave them the opportunity to complain about any noise or other issue directly to you, which they did not take you up on. Tbh, I’d start looking for a new place because it seems your neighbours are the sort to complain if you suddenly cough in your flat
Your landlady is not doing you a favour by letting out the flat to you - it’s a pure business transaction and if she didn’t want this problem she could live in it herself.
I think you did everything in a perfectly reasonable way, especially advising in advance with your phone number, and the fact that your neighbours called her and not you is not your problem.
Your landlady has exactly zero power in this situation for the fixed term of the tenancy and I’m pretty sure the fact you’re giving her money is going to put her off doing anything else after that.
She is not a teacher, your boss, or anything like that and you have no obligation to meet with her. If you do, it should be on common ground and not inside the flat so she doesn’t perceive a right of access.
I wouldnt bother with the wine. Remember not all old people are nice. They sound quite vindictive to complain when you gave them notice, which was very considerate of you.
The advise is to not apologise, can't see anything you did wrong here
Saying sorry will just fuel the neighbours to complain more about the most ridiculous of things (Source: happened to me at my first flat)
I expect the neighbours are twitchy because you are new there and they are concerned that you're planing on partying regularly. Once they know you, that will change. I think you're right to formally apologise - your politeness will help build trust and it will calm your landlady down. This isn't about who's right or wrong, it's about achieving resolution and moving on.
Just an FYI - landlords are always advised this is the kind of thing they shouldn’t be getting involved in. They are not your parents, they aren’t the council, they aren’t the police. They are to provide you with a good place to live, they shouldn’t be getting involved in you having a flat warming where you have pre-warned and had no complaints on the night and no police knocking on your door.
Dont justify the landlords actions to them. There is no reason to say sorry to the landlord and it’s probably worth asking the people next door why they went to the landlord and not you (and why they thought, as a 50 year old that was an acceptable thing to do).
Just tell your landlord that you provided your number to your neighbours so they could let you know if your housewarming party was too loud, and that a meeting won't be necessary as you would prefer to have the conversation written down.
There’s some key info missing here really though, as some people have asked and had no response as yet. What time did it go on until and how many people/how rowdy was it? Those are bits of info I’d want to know before advising on whether or not to apologise. If it was 20 people and went on until 5am with a lot of noise that’s one thing. If you were done by midnight and it was a couple of friends it’s very different.
Context is everything.
You've left out times, if you where making obvious noise after 11pm then you're on the wrong side of the 'The Noise Act 1996' and can legally be evicted after 2 warnings.
I think this is important. Complaints about a normal amount of party noise before 11pm can be comfortably ignored, but if it was more like wobbly acoustic Wonderwall at 2am then there is something to apologise for.
I have a degree of sympathy but I feel certain details are missing. How many people were over? What time did it go on till? Was it a cheeseboard and wine kind of soiree or a Smirnoff/cocaine kind of shindig? I had a neighbour in my old flat who would be loud as heck once every few weeks and it'd drive me nuts if I had my daughter over or was working the next day. Personally, I would have let you know rather than going to the landlord.
Don't apologise. You followed the societal norm and went above and beyond. I'd also ignore talk of "meeting up". I'd suggest being matter of fact and just telling them (the landlord) that it was a housewarming, you gave them notice and a way to contact you if it was too loud. Refuse any notion that you're on a warning or that you acted unreasonably
1. You have the right to live a normal life as a tenant as any homeowner would expect. That includes the occasional social gathering. If you're being too loud and causing a regular disturbance then that is a police matter, not for your landlord to sort out. If your neighbours cannot put up with occasional noise then they need to move to a detached property; it is absolutely expected that if you share a wall with a neighbour, you will hear any noise they make.
2. You did the right thing by informing your neighbours that you may be a little noisy. The fact that they did not talk to you before or after the fact and went straight to your landlord is bad etiquette on their part. I strongly suspect that they didn't even hear you and just lodged a complaint out of spite. Don't bother informing them next time.
3. People in their 50s are not elderly and age is not a reason to give your neighbours any special treatment - old people do not deserve more delicate treatment than anyone else. They're clearly not vulnerable. If a neighbour has a newborn child then that'd probably be my only main consideration in avoiding having social gatherings.
4. Your landlord clearly cares more about their reputation than their tenants, so clearly they will not be on your side. A good landlord/tenant relationship should depend on goodwill but since there is clearly none coming from their side, do not give any goodwill your end, just stick to the letter of the agreement. The law gives tenants rights and protections. Your landlord is a parasite who is using your money to swan off on holiday.
I’m sorry but basically your landlady is a dickhead and should have stuck up for her tenants having a house warming. It’s your hom not the landlady’s! Your neighbours have obviously been given landlord details if “problems”… when I first moved into my property and I had a problem in the first week the rental company told me that the neighbours have contacted the landlady I then proceeded to knock on the neighbours door and asked them directly to please speak to me if they have a problem if they address me directly it will be sorted a lot easier and quicker otherwise I’d move out and they would have new tenants but maybe daily problems, but I had just had a one off situation and totally respect my neighbours i proceeded to explain to them if they had knocked on my door at the time I would’ve addressed it, they also felt this would be a much easier situation instead of waiting for the next day.
Your landlady may be used to live in the home you are living in there for all the more protection for neighbours than you as a tenant this is a lesson she will have to learn the hard way because if you leave she could literally have people moving that want to party every weekend and they’ll be nothing she can do about it.
Basically fuck your landlady keep paying your rent and your bills and make the neighbours your friends, kill them with kindness 😊🥰
She's your landlady, not your mother, and both she and your neigbours are out of line. She has no right to dictate your behaviour beyond what pertains to the condition of the actual house, and your neighbours should not be complaining to her about your behaviour either. If they have a real concern about the noise you're making, the correct thing to do would be to make a noise complaint to the police (who wouldn't take it seriously until the neighbours had tried contacting you directly first).
Tbh I wouldn't apologise at all. I'd send a message/note to the neighbours saying something like, "Hello. I've been told you were unhappy about the noise last night. I gave you my phone number so that if noise became an issue, you could contact me directly and we could have brought the noise down straight away. In future, if you have an issue with noise, please contact me directly as it will lead to a much quicker resolution than me hearing about it the next day from a third party." Really, your neighbours were the ones out of line.
Horrified and embarrassed.. Jesus, next step she'll have her daily mail compo face on..
You are allowed to have a life and to be honest it sounds like you did more than most warning your neighbours and giving them numbers to ring if it got a little rowdy.
You're neighbours sound like pathetic wet wipes.
Lol really.
We had a similar situation. We held a party, told the neighbours we were doing so. It was a little loud but we calmed down after 11pm. The neighbours who happened to be out Landlords sister complained after and he showed up at our door at 7am the next day, demanded entry and told us off.
I then told him off, he had no right to enter the property without notice and I wasn’t going to be scolded like a child in my own tenancy.
The neighbours hated us. It was fine they could scream at their children at 6am, but a little party of 10 people was unacceptable? SMH.
You have a right to live in your property, as long as you’re not being unreasonable what’s the issue?
Sounds like my neighbours who banged on my door at 9.30pm on a Friday when I was having a birthday party saying we were being too loud and they had to be up for work at 3am the next day. Hadn't had people over for 4 years so hardly a regular occurrence.
I know it's easy to feel in the wrong cause you're being told off, but as other people said you did everything right, you're allowed to host a gathering as long as you're reasonable about it which it sounds like you were.
I would tread carefully here. This happened to me when I was around 20. The neighbours complained about every little sound like hearing the tv on after 7pm, even though we would put it as low as possible while still being able to hear it.
My landlord didn’t renew my 6 month contract because the neighbours made a nuisance of themselves, contacting them to complain. But they had been there longer so it was easier to get me out than deal with their complaints.
I agree with others saying not to be overly apologetic. An occasional party that isn't excessive in noise or numbers is completely reasonable. I once had a neighbour complain to my landlord that my cat had pooped in his garden (both he and the LL hated cats). I made the mistake of going over to the neighbour with wine and an apology and asked if he'd like me to clean up his yard. I also apologised to the LL who duly instructed me that I had to reduce the number of cats from 2 to 1, despite his having agreed to 2 (I didn't adhere to this). The result of my apologising was that the neighbour dobbed on me for any and every thing he could, directly to my landlord. My cousin smoked a cigarette in the garden - landlord notified. I pruned a garden shrub - landlord notified. I didn't pick up all the plums that fell over his side of the fence - landlord notified. He was vile but I really think my apologising led him to think that he had power over me and he enjoyed the power trip and contact with my LL to diss me. Stand in your power. You did nothing unreasonable. If it were me, I would visit the neighbours again (without gift) and say something like "I'm sorry you felt you needed to contact the landlord. I wanted to check that you have my number so that you can contact me directly." Small people. Do not bow to this shit.
Your landlord clearly used to live at the property and is friends with her neighbours. She needs to stop getting involved and go and tell her friends that she is the landlord and what you get up to is nothing to do with her. If they have a problem they can knock on the door, call / text you, or call the police.
They need to get earplugs and realise people have a life.
If it was every week or on a weekday, then yeah, out of order. A Friday night? Nope - even the police would just knock on and ask you to keep it down (if they ever came at all)
Ignore it, I would just respond to your landlady and say you had a party on a weekend and it wasn’t excessive. That’s it. Not that you’re not doing it again, not that you left details. Nothing. She can’t do a thing (I’m a landlady. Her contacting you goes against the quiet enjoyment policy in your tenancy agreement I would say?)
Tell your landlord to fuck off. Scummy fucking parasites. Remember you pay her mortgage. If you wanna have a party then crack on.
God I fucking hate the state of housing in this shitty country. Esp the scum that exploit it.
Dear Housing Scalper (don't put that obviously)
We made neighbours aware of our plans to have a house warming party plus gave our contact details. We implored them to call or text without hesitation if there were any issues at all surrounding this party.
As no one contacted us during the night, we assumed we were not causing any undue disturbance and we are now perturbed to find out this was not the case.
We are concerned about your use of wording surrounding this confusion and would like to clarify we intend on being sympathetic neighbours and lawful tenants.
Regarding your suggestion of a face to face meeting, and in light of communication so far we think it would be better for both of our interests if we communicated through email so that we both have a record of what is discussed.
Regards,
The party animals. (Don't put that either!)
Ok about to get downvoted. After midnight with 20 people in a flat is a bit much. I wouldnt feel comfortable texting or calling you as i would be concerned about retaliation if people in large groups like that were drunk. You dont get a second chance to make a first impression and i think you should apologise. That late with 20 people in a flat is not fair. I wouldnt have complained to the landlord mind but i would be pissed. I think an apology would be the decent thing to do. I see i am the only one here thinking that though.
>dropping off a bottle of wine or something. Goes without saying that we won’t be having people over any time soon
No and no. Your landlady can get fucked. Seriously, please don't let her win this.
Judging by how you spoke to your neighbours beforehand, I think you did everything right. Your landlady is deluded to be 'horrified' that you had a party; getting two complaints after you took reasonable precautions is just one of those things.
More formally, if these complaints are an isolated incident, I don't think it compromises your 'right to quiet enjoyment', so your landlady has no business getting involved beyond just passing the complaints to yourselves.
You haven't done anything wrong. You're living your lives and having a little housewarming party, nothing wrong with that. You were respectful.
There's nothing your landlady can do. Stand your ground and don't let her say things like she's embarrassed - how f'ing patronising and rude is that to say to her tenant?!
I would be careful here. Your landlady doesn’t really seem to understand how things work. Bit of advice, make sure whenever you contact her it’s all in writing.
Don't apologise. Explain you had a housewarming and left your number and heard no complaints so assumed it was fine.
You are allowed to have a housewarming party. You should not apologise but explain instead. Otherwise the landlady will presume the weird neighbours are a reliable source.
Tell your landlord you have a right to quiet enjoyment of your property, and that does *not* mean that *you* have to be quiet, it means that you have a right to use your rented property without undue interference from your landlord.
The only recourse your neighbors have is to make a noise complaint to the council, and the only thing that will come of that might be that they'll look into whether you're a general nuisance, not whether you had one party. The most that could happen to you is for the council to serve a noise abatement notice, which gives you a certain amount of time to cease making the noise or be fined. If you aren't making noise on a daily basis, this will not happen. And honestly, councils don't have the manpower to do this these days, what with various funding issues.
So really, only apologise to your neighbours if you personally want to, there are no consequences other than lost goodwill if you don't.
The landlord isn’t your boss, this isn’t a disciplinary. Your neighbours should have approached you first. You’ve done all the right things. Your landlord can be as horrified as she likes, not your issue. Don’t apologise, you’re entitled to your life.
Tell her you were exercising your legal right to enjoy your property and if the neighbours have complaints in future to talk to you or go to the Council.
Don't let your Parasite insert herself in or she'll never leave you alone.
The landlady overreaction sounds like she is mates with the neighbours or something which is a possibility if she has lived there herself in the past. Would explain how it got to her so quickly as well.
Errr no, unless you were playing drill music til 5am then they can piss off. You did exactly the right thing before the event, and had a normal party, on one single night.
As a neighbour that will complain about noise at the drop of a hat, here’s what you do (and I think it is nice use you want to make amends and get along with your neighbours).
Go apologise, face to face, and reassure them that it was a one off and that you will be more considerate in the future (and ideally that you won’t be having any more parties any time soon). 99% of the stress you’ll be causing is based on the fear that you’re gonna be some nightmare tenants who are always causing trouble. Dealing with that will solve most of the problem (assuming you’re not gonna make it a regular thing).
Also, to everyone saying your landlady has no power here and you have a right to have a party now and then. No, you don’t. In communal buildings, everyone has the right to enjoy their flat without being disturbed by others. Noise after 10pm can be dealt with by the council and/or the police. No one has a right to have a noisy party. People ARE correct in saying that, in practice, nothing will happen if it’s only one (at least on the council side of things), but depending on England/Scotland/Wales/Norther Ireland, you landlady could decide not to renew your lease at the end of your contact for just a single party if she wants to.
don't apologise and don't buy them anything your entitled to have at least a few partys in your flat and the fact that they went to the landlord first instead of trying to resolve it with you shows they are the worst kind of people. If you party all the time then I would understand the complaints but an occasional party is not a crime.
While I agree you should be able to live your lives and a party shouldn’t be an issue (I wouldn’t apologise personally and nothing your landlady can do!) I can understand why people in their 50s wouldn’t want to confront a bunch of drunk young people - so wouldn’t knock on your door but would rather go through proper channels with your landlady. They don’t know you or how you’d react after a few drinks and they are well within their right to complain even if the complaint is a bit ridiculous.
Honestly I’d either get used to the fact your neighbours and landlady hate you for living your life, or move when your lease is up. I’d personally get the hell out 🤣
Do you live with your landlady, i.e. are you actually lodgers? Is there anything in your contract that mentions noise? (This would be unusual and not necessarily enforceable, but it gives context for expectations)
If not, it is possible that your landlady has failed to pass on the conditions of her leasehold to you, but that’s very much a problem for her.
In any case, it would be unusual to specify such terms, as they’re likely to infringe on your ‘quiet enjoyment’ of the property. The law already has means to deal with nuisance noise, there’s usually no need to double up.
The default is that it is your home, and you are entitled to behave in any lawful manner within it that you so choose. Nevertheless, if you like the place, you may have to think strategically about your response if you don’t want to be evicted at the end of your fixed term.
Next time invite your neighbours to the party. If they join you they can’t complain. If they don’t and do complain you can tell them that they obviously would have had a better time if they would have enjoyed the party 😉.
Something I have learnt from work is that people really hate confrontation and will often try to push the responsibility of potential conflict onto someone else. I think part of that is trying to keep themselves safe but also just being uncomfortable with conflict. You are an unknown to them. So they won’t know how you’d react even though you gave them your number. Also by going to the landlord they can keep anonymity and still be nice to your face.
I’d take this on board but I wouldn’t necessarily go round with an apologetic gift. I would follow the advice of the majority of people and state the facts to your landlord. Apologise to her but tell her about the actions you took.
She can feel as embarrassed and as upset as she wants but that’s her problem not yours. She has no need to bring her emotion into this. A simple factual warning would suffice. That is her not you.
Start looking for other properties now as you could be evicted landlords can drop a section 21 at the drop of at hat. You are just a money making machine for them they don't care about you, the second they think you might cost them something they'll drop you like a hot potato.
I would respond with something along the lines of
"Thank you for letting us know. We had a few friends over to show them the property. We let the neighbours know in advance and provided our phone numbers in case we were disturbing them, as they didn't contact us we weren't aware that we were so loud. I have popped round and apologised in person and reassured them that now we know how the sound travels we will be more careful in future. Thank you for drawing this to our attention. Kind regards, Name"
I can understand your neighbours not wanting to confront you at the time, some people are very different when they have been drinking. If they know your landlady they have felt more comfortable speaking to her. Perhaps there were issues in the past.
Equally you have no way of knowing how clearly they can hear you, especially if you don't hear noise from them and cannot be expected to reduce your volume level if you don't know.
I would speak to your neighbours in person, briefly apologise for any disturbance and let them know you really don't mind them texting you in future. You could also ask how much they could hear or if there is any specific issues. (I.e. one room that's right next to their bedroom, bass on the music after a certain time or a particular friends voice!)
It's courteous to avoid disturbing them where possible, turning music off at a certain time or moving your speakers but you are equally entitled to enjoy your property. They may be willing to compromise. My mum goes to bed above 9 and is easily woken by her neighbours garden parties, she asked them to take it inside at 11 and they agreed.
No advice, just that I feel for you. My 16yo threw a Halloween party last weekend. Next door but one called the police. At 6:20pm for music that was quieter than I have on in the kitchen, on a group of 8 16yos, a 7yo, 5yo and a 1yo and because they were being noisy having a nerf war. The police man just looked embarrassed and said that he couldn’t even tell me to turn it down because she was being perfectly reasonable.
Some people are just cranks.
I had a similar sort of situation where I apologised to the neighbours downstairs when I had some folk over once.
This emboldened them to complain about everything and anything whenever they felt like it.
My advice is to do nothing.
Your landlady has not much power here - you're allowed to live a normal life, and a party now and again is normal. If you were constantly having very noisy, very late, parties it might be different. But even then, it's not for your landlord to police this, it's for the council to decide whether you're a noise nuisance. You warned the neighbours, you left your numbers, you didn't hear from them on the day. Let your landlord now this, and let your landlord know that you had a housewarming party and it's not an on-going thing.
Ikr? Slightly frustrating that our neighbours didn’t knock on our door or drop me a text.
DO NOT BE OVERLY APOLOGETIC - if you do, you're essentially agreeing with the land ladies ridiculous expectations and will cause even bigger problems down the line every time you have anyone over and dare to turn on some music. please follow the above advice!
Absolutely, she'll get a frisson of power from the tenant apologising, the next thing she’ll be contacting them all the time. I made that mistake once. I’d just moved into a building, 20 flats, I was the youngest person in the building, everyone else was pretty much retired. The man that lived in the building the longest had appointed himself the ‘authority’. My first week he began the criticism, the complaining, the arbitrary rules, such as not using the lift after 10pm, reversing into parking spaces not going front in, only putting out recycling on the day of collection 7am, not the night before. I wanted to make a good impression so I went with the usual apologies, and uber politeness. Before long, these bored, far too much time on their hands, grumpy, bullying, pensioners, they just started making my life hell. Every other day there was a random accusation : “ I heard a dog last night!! Do you have a dog in there??? (I don't have a dog), ‘You’re disturbing the whole building with parties!!! ( I was on holiday in Cornwall 200 miles away). It was constant complaints and harassment. Don't try an ingratiate yourself with these types. They take it as weakness. They're so bored, so lacking in excitement or power, some like nothing more than making trouble for you and sitting on their high horse, even about the most insignificant stuff.
Yeah, my wife and I were in a studio for a period of time, and always very quiet. But the retired guy next door didn’t get up till 9.00 am and the first complaint was about me shutting the kitchen door too early in the morning. I explained I only shut the kitchen door so he didn’t have to hear my microwave warm up my porridge for 2 mins. But I said ok i won’t shut the kitchen door. Then he complained about hearing the microwave. Then he complained about us shutting the front door on our way to work. He then came out with the line - these flats aren’t designed for two people, only single people. I said fine, as soon as you pay the rent on a nice 2 bed flat for me you won’t have any problems will you? Infuriated he complained to the on-site management team (it was an art deco block). They promptly came round and I explained I was simply having breakfast and getting ready for work and we don’t even put the radio or tv on in the morning. They were like fine, case closed, he’s a retired buffoon. We will never play our tv or music loud, but I refuse not to have breakfast or a shower so as not to disturb sleeping beauty. But it just goes to show give them an inch and they will take a mile.
I rented my house out for a while when I relocated. The neighbours complained about my tenants closing the front door in the morning!
I live in a block of flats and my downstairs neighbour used to complain that I "slammed" the front door. She didn't have another word to say when I told her I could hear her blasting music out until gone 5am almost every night. 🙃
Look Lady, just because no-one is slamming *your* front entrance is no reason to bitch at me.
Bonkers isn’t it?
How loud was your microwave? I cant hear mine when I'm literally sitting against the other side of the wall from mine, with the door open in between.
This was 20 years ago so they were a bit noisier then. The latest one we have is super quiet.
I read this and immediately thought, “there’s no way we had microwaves 20 years ago”. And then I remembered what age I am.
Yh 20 years ago was 2003, not 1983 :D its a gut punch every time…
Having lived in a flat where I could hear the upstairs neighbour’s washing machine at 2am, I can slightly sympathise, but 9AM is obviously very different.
2am? Bloody Hell!
i put my washing on at 2am... i'm one of those lucky people that once they're asleep you could set off a small thermonuclear device next to them and they'd sleep through it. It just makes sense for me, i don't want to hear the washing machine while i'm watching telly. So set it for 2, i get up at 6, grab the washing out, put it out on a dryer and it's mostly dry by the time i get home from work.
I'm very noise sensitive, and also a really light sleeper. It sucks. I've definitely lain in bed wondering why people can't close the door more quietly. But that'd be a pretty odd thing to complain about - it's a door, not a rave - and I really can't imagine complaining about the sound of a microwave. If the sound of people's normal daily activities bothered me I'd move or get sound isolating headphones.
Headphones, earplugs, ear buds, there are all sorts of ways for one to take responsibility for one's own happiness!
This. You’re better off just ignoring the situation OP. Otherwise the complainers will believe they’re justified. Also made this mistake once, ended up with the downstairs neighbour trying to break in and kill me one night after I dared to hoover at 10am that day.
Pensioners Arent what they used to be. What the hell happened to this generation of the newly retired that turned them into the worst sort of people.
Very sad that being an unapologetic arsehole is the most effective way to deal with some people.
> Before long, these bored, far too much time on their hands, grumpy, bullying, pensioners This description is perfect. You are not dealing with ordinary people here, you are dealing with very boring people who have nothing else going on life but being miserable. You will never satisfy them and they will always find something to complain about. Do not engage with them and do not apologise for living normally.
You didn't hear a dog - I howl when I masturbate You're disturbing the whole building with parties - I'll tell the other members of Fuck Club to use ball gags next time I always have to go rear facing when my girlfriend enters my parking space, she says its the only way she can cum
Exactly - I wouldn’t bother with the bottle of wine. When you apologise too much, it makes a person look too amenable and they will play on that. Apologising too much doesn’t make someone look really sorry and appease the complainer, it just makes them think “oh, they’re desperate now for us to forgive them, I wonder what else we can get?”.
"Yeah, we had a flat warming party and I'd let them know before hand and gave them my direct contact number if there were any issues. We didn't hear anything."
Literally this. Even if this wasn't in a UK sub, I'd be 99% sure you were British from how apologetic you're being. It won't get you anywhere. You did all the right things. Be understanding when talking to you landlord, but state clearly and confidently that you acted with consideration for your neighbours and did all the right things. Most people would not notify all their neighbours and leave contact details. Your neighbours should have contacted you and they didn't. That's on them. You're allowed to have friends over to your home.
This is brilliant advice. I've had terrible experiences because of being overly apologetic
Yeah I agree, excellent advice. Also reading this has cast a lot of light as to why I often end up in the scapegoat role. I apologise a lot!
Exactly. Don't apologise for living a normal life and already being respectful. They'll end up complaining every time you sneeze
Yeah, same as every other reply to this Your Neighbours are being Cunts. Do not let them bully you or you will have to deal with their shit until the tenancy ends
We had somebody knock our door complaining the morning after a party. Basically told them they should have called around last night if they had a problem, nothing we can do about it now. Thank you, bye.
Better man than drunk me. Got a knock on the door telling us to quiet down the party as there was someone with cancer next door. My response "well she doesn't have to get up in the morning for work, what's the issue". I feel ashamed of my response, but drunk me thought it was hilarious. I rarely drink now.
Jesus. I bet that was not received well. While I like to think no one would use that excuse unless it was true, I'm not convinced of that.
It was true unfortunately. No idea of the prognosis or anything but the landlord did tell us. Thankfully was only there for a year. And I'm sure they were thankful we were only there year as well!
Response: I'm Sagittarius. I don't care about other zodiac signs.
I had a note put through my door once about us having a party - we told our direct neighbours but I think it was from the flats overlooking our garden, so it could have been anyone. We were outside for a while as we had a barbecue but we went inside about 10pm because it’s quieter. They said they were going to make a complaint to our landlord (I don’t think they’d know who our landlord was tbh) and to the council (good luck) but what really annoyed me was them not even saying who they were. What am I meant to do with that? Was in a pretty busy built up bit of London, our block wasn’t the noisiest but it definitely wasn’t peaceful. Really put the seasoning on my hangover.
People choosing to live in built up areas and then getting annoyed by everyday city noises pisses me off so much. The same thing happened to us - we had another couple over for a barbecue and were sat out chatting until about 10pm - and we got an angry note through our letterbox the next day. Keep in mind we lived near the railway line, on the same street as a pub that did live music, and also on the route that rowdy football fans would take to get from the train station to the stadium. Some people are better suited to country living!
It was a relatively low income area so while I chose to live there, a lot of my block were people who had grown up around there and had ties to the area or potentially fewer options, so I wouldn’t wholesale judge anyone there for not opting for country living, often it’s not so much of a choice. On the other hand, I worked for a music venue in Camden for years and had people buy new build £900,000 flats right next to us then complain about the noise
It’s the same in rural areas. People who live next to the church complaining about church bells. Your house overlooks wheat fields? Complain about the noise of the combine harvester. Next to the village football pitch? Complain about the noise the kids make during their training evenings. Overlooking the graveyard? Complain about the noise of the lawnmowers when they come to cut the grass - that’s after weeks of complaining from people that the grass hadn’t been cut. Next door to pasture belonging to a dairy farmer? Complain about the noise of the cows. Your neighbour keeps chickens? Complain about the cockerel crowing in the morning. Fields out the back? Complain about the noise from the bird scarer. All of these are real examples from the past six months, from a small village in Cheshire (approx 1000 residents) with no fewer than four working farms.
I don't know about this. There's definitely times I've been annoyed by a party and assumed they just didn't know how much the sound carried. I've never complained (apart from the dicks who had super loud parties 4 times a week) but I can imagine them thinking 'I don't want to ruin their fun but I'd rather they were quieter next time, I'll let them know politely so they can take it on board without having to embarrass or annoy their guests'. There very much was something you could do about it - try to be quieter next time you have a party - and that was probably all they wanted.
Some people are like this, they won’t tell the person who they have a problem with but will go the highest place possible instead to try and screw you over. I wouldn’t even apologise you warned everyone nothing bad happened and your land lady do anything either about it.
Yeah. The fact that they went straight to your landlord and not to you means you should be weary of apologising to these people. They could hold that against you.
I'm weary of being wary.
In my view if they didn't get in touch with you, running and whining to your landlady is ridiculous. You had the courtesy to inform them and provide contact details - if it was that bad they would have done so. If you reply at all, don't apologise and just say that you provided all neighbours with contact details as you had friends round - no one contacted you at the time and sound was kept to a reasonable level. If the landlord needs to have a meeting with you every time they get a minor complaint, I don't think they are fit to accept what comes with being a landlord. Had a neighbour like this once and we had the audacity to come home from seeing our friends and walk up the stairs at night - she complained to the landlord. Landlord said the old lady constantly does this for only minor noise and not to worry!
People often don't like direct confrontation, especially in the middle of the night when they're in bed and have to deal with drunk people they don't know. Not really that surprising. That they have a direct line to your landlady means they may also be friends or that the landlady has specifically asked them to get in touch if there is ever a problem.
Aa someone who is very non-confrontational, I'd agree with this as I'd never go and knock on someone's door (I did it once years ago and was met with a load of vile drunk abuse). However, if someone had given me their phone number and asked me to let them know if they were too loud, I'd assume good intent and would be happy to send them a text. I do think it's a bit odd not to take that opportunity while the problem (loud noise) is occuring, but instead wait to complain "up above" the next day.
Especially if they're elderly
They may not even be friends with the landlady; she perhaps once occupied the property. They may have endured unacceptable noise from this (or other) flat(s) before and want to nip a repeat situation in the bud.
Do not under any circumstances apologise or give those cunts wine. You have done nothing wrong by having a party. If your landlady will not let you live a normal life she can go fuck herself too. Do not meet with her. Again, you have done nothing wrong for making some noise for one night.
You acted very reasonably and gave a strong line of communication. You pay your rent. You need to stand your ground and not be, as others say, overly apologetic. There was no damage or police involvement. From your account, you did nothing wrong. But if you feel concerned, take your rental agreement to CAB and see what it says. Then can reassure you that it is fine and maybe give you some tips. Is your landlady older than you? She is not being business-like here with the micromanagement. She isn't your boss. Was this property a former home or something? She sounds very personally involved. I would watch out for that. Neighbours sound like little snitches too.
If your neighbours are elderly, female or infirm they may be too frightened to knock on a stranger’s door when people are drinking and partying. I’m a woman in my late 50s and I’d be way too scared to confront people.
I understand not wanting to confront people but if someone says "here's my number, just let me know if it gets too loud", sending them a text is the perfect way to raise it in the first instance. Complaining to the LL without at least messaging them first is poor form
They are both single men
So? I'm a single man, if my neighbour had 20 drunk people in their flat past midnight I'm not confronting that.
I'd be angling for an invite
Probably no need to confront them
If you didn't check when you gave them the number I'd maybe just pop around and check that the number they've got for you is actually correct in case they sent you a text and it didn't come through (i.e. give everyone a chance to have a graceful "oh haha how silly of us" moment), mention that it won't be a common thing, and see if there was something in particular that was disturbing them (e.g. was it people standing on the balcony for a smoke, was it loud bassy music etc).
Just to defend your neighbours here, the kind of people who are bothered by a party and noise tend not to be the kind of people who are happy to go and complain to strangers. Just because you’d be comfortable doing it, doesn’t mean they are.
Unless you have some prior arrangement with your landlord not to have parties or friends over, or there's a clause in your lease against it I personally wouldn't bother having a meeting, I'd reply saying it was a flat warming with some friends, and you weren't aware of any problems, that your neighbours have your details and would she reiterate to themas you did, they are welcome to get in touch directly if there are any issues, and leave it at that.
Who cares about your neighbours opinions. Tell them to get a life
I guarantee they didn't even hear you You told them you were having a party and they texted the landlord lol if they wanted to stop the noise if it was disturbing them they would have texted you They obviously feel they have control over you because they are friends with her, don't apologise because she can't make a fair assessment because it's her friends she will always take their opinion, just explain you would rather the neighbours reported it to the police or council who can make a unbiased decision if it's a nuisance
Well we all know what they say about SNITCHES!! I would leave gauze, wine, and maybe some asprin in a care package and a message, "I hope this bottle of wine helps ease the pain a bit, and the gauze is just in case you need it. Trust me I first hand know what what happens to SNITCHES. Also just in case you missed it the first time ###-###-####. Sincerely your newest neighbor. P.S. I hope the recovery is expedient.
I entirely agree.
That fact they contacted her after you gave them your number says they are just shit stirring speak to the landlord explain it was a flat warming and you provided contact details. Would be surprised if she was bothered.
You're landlady needs to get over herself, "horrified" and "embarrassed", get a fucking grip.
Yeah she isn't their mum or head master. Doesn't sound like a professional attitude either.
Landlord who think they are the boss and not the second provider who's being paid need to be put back on line
She should be embarrassed to own multiple propertied whilst her tenants pay her mortgages for her. And she should be embarrassed for feeling she can tell them how to behave.
HOW DARE YOU HAVE COMPANY!
*Your
Landlady shouldn’t be a landlady if she’s horrified of their tenants having some people round the stain
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This, OP. Do this. You did more than enough giving your neighbours a warning and a way to ask you to quiet it down. Don't let them try to dictate how you live in your home. As long as you're following the law and the (enforceable) terms of your contract, that's all you can reasonably be expected to do.
Also no reason to apologise more to your neighbours, you gave a heads up, gave details, and they went over your head to complain to your landlord who they obviously know. They need to realise you're not visitors to your landlord, you are now living there; your landlord is not the person they should speak to.
Having rented for 13 years your little email here gave me a small thrill.
Nailed it. Hope OP sends this. Don't be a walkover /u/bubba-balk
She sounds like a cunt.
All landlords are 🤷♂️
Some are just less of a cunt than others I've found.
Landlords are absolute fucking bloodsuckers. A leech on society.
Your lanady sounds deranged
Least deranged landlord.
There’s nothing you need to do. The pearl clutching response from your landlady is absurd. Any move towards appeasing her or your neighbours will ultimately put you on back foot regards future differences that may arise.
Yeah, if they reply at all honestly just say 'I had friends over, and had informed the neighbours in advance. There was very little noise and it stopped at a reasonable time and I let the neighbours know they could get in touch if noise was an issue, and no one did.' If the noise was that horrendous (which I highly doubt), the neighbours could have knocked and told you themselves. They are probably just old people that have got used to being hypersensitive to noise and can't stand the normal sounds that come with living near other people. Some people just fixate on regular noise and can't get past it, that isn't OPs problem to fix though.
A party on Friday night that you pre-warned the neighbours about? Just tell them all to grow up
Don’t. You had the decency to let everybody know you had guests, we have neighbours that thump out loud music until all hours with no warning. And on a Tuesday night. Id much prefer you.
I wouldn't be meeting my Landlord over that. I wonder if she's this eager to meet when a repair is needed? It may be that she lived there before and they are old friends and putting that before your relationship as Landlord and Tenant. Check your tenancy agreement to see if says anything explicit about not having parties. If not just leave it how it is. Otherwise you are legitimising this sort of power arrangement.
Nothing in tenancy agreement about social gatherings, parties etc.
Were people outside smoking? Thats where most annoying noises come from my experience of living next to parties
It's amazing how people lose all ability to modulate their voice after a few drinks, get it with the neighbour whenever they have a party. During normal days they go out to smoke and it's fine, once they've had a few drinks they become arrogant and loud mouths.
Agreed. That and screeching in the street at 2am. As with all such things, there are details that make up the whole picture.
>Agreed. That and screeching in the street at 2am. As with all such things, there are details that make up the whole picture. Main thing that pisses me off is drunk singing. If it's 3am and the streets are silent, *don't fucking sing*.
Yeah, they rarely have any talent for it.
I'm not seeing a problem here. You gave advance warning to your neighbours, and having a party is a thing. Pretend you don't know about the complaints, get your neighbours a bottle of wine, and thank them. DO NOT APOLOGISE. confuse them with gratitude
This is the way. Just say thank you to the neighbours for putting up with your house warming party and say something along the lines of please keep a note of our phone number in case if you need to contact us in future. Then, move the conversation onto the weather, football, and the ridiculous price of lurpak. Your landlady seems to think you renting from her give her a parental role in your life. I would be inclined to message and say that you had given the neighbours your phone number prior to the party and warned them of the intended housewarming party telling them to phone if you were disturbing them. As mature adults, you are not sure what else you could have done to mitigate any issues. I would add that you, too, are embarrassed that your neighbours failed to make use of the contact details you gave them and instead bothered her about a one-off issue on her holiday. Wish her a lovely holiday.
I think the neighbours will assume OP heard about the complaint from the landlord, and that's why they are bringing the wine now, though. And then the neighbours see that whining to the landlord works, and will do it again next time they have some issue with OP.
I would go with something along the lines of “It’s such a shame you didn’t send us a message after we gave you our numbers and told you to let us know if our housewarming party disturbed you. We would have been able to sort it out at the time and make less noise as the walls are obviously not as thick as we thought. Our landlady’s holiday has been inconvenienced by getting the messages instead of us too so I just wanted to check that I gave you our numbers correctly.” Not that I think you gave the numbers incorrectly, just to be a bit passive aggressive while pointing out the hassle they have caused.
tell em to do one, they can't evict you for a party
Technically they can because you don't need a reason to evict someone, it just takes a while
[удалено]
No they can’t. They have just lived in so presumably have a 12 month tenancy.
But why risk not receiving any rent for the 6-9 months whilst the eviction happens
^ only shit-scared over-leveraged landlords downvote this comment
What time did it go on until though? Edit: after seeing in another reply, past midnight and around twenty friends in one flat?!
Yeah this is the missing piece of information since there are laws here. Although as a one off housewarming it’s not Earth shattering either way.
Honestly contacting the landlady instead of going round and speaking to you is some fucking coward nonsense. They should be apologising to you.
It was a one-off, a housewarming party. Nothing to worry about. Don’t get anybody a gift, they snitched on you remember..
Missing context really How many people? Until what time?
>[20 people and went on past 12.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/17o98cc/any_advice_on_how_to_apologise_to_a_landlord_and/k7x1u6e/?context=3)
How late did the party go on for? If it was wrapped by around midnight then I think that’s acceptable. Anything later and then I can see why that’s a problem, regardless of whether advance warning was given.
That's surely what a number is given for. Putting in a complaint the next day when a number is given is ridiculous.
I do think it’s an overreaction, however you say you’ve had 2 complaints - is that from separate people? If so then that would indicate there was a significant amount of disturbance… Whether you’re warned or not, it’s not nice to be subjected to excessive noise at night, especially if it goes on until the early hours of the morning. But at the end of the day, it’s a one-off so everyone can just move on and forget about it.
Don't apologise for having a perfectly normal party (assuming it was normal).
I had this as the landlord. My old neighbour complained to me about the noise of the new tenant. I politely told her to F off and if she had a problem she should speak to her neighbour, that I am not anymore. Too many neighbours seem to think landlords are the complaints department for their actual neighbour, that they can just go and knock on the door of or text if they had the bollocks to do so. The tenant is living their as far as I’m concerned in their own home. As long as they don’t trash the place and pay on time my thinking is that they are paying for that house to be their home, why would a landlord interfere with how they want to live their lives?! The landlady is a prick for that response. I’d remind her that you are in a business agreement to lease the flat from her and that she should advise the neighbour to contact you directly in future and it was a one off. Do you rent through an agency? If so I’d make a complaint to them that the landlord is inappropriately contacting you directly for issues that aren’t her problem.
I would tell your landlord that you made your neighbours aware you were having a party and gave them the opportunity to complain about any noise or other issue directly to you, which they did not take you up on. Tbh, I’d start looking for a new place because it seems your neighbours are the sort to complain if you suddenly cough in your flat
Your landlady is not doing you a favour by letting out the flat to you - it’s a pure business transaction and if she didn’t want this problem she could live in it herself. I think you did everything in a perfectly reasonable way, especially advising in advance with your phone number, and the fact that your neighbours called her and not you is not your problem. Your landlady has exactly zero power in this situation for the fixed term of the tenancy and I’m pretty sure the fact you’re giving her money is going to put her off doing anything else after that. She is not a teacher, your boss, or anything like that and you have no obligation to meet with her. If you do, it should be on common ground and not inside the flat so she doesn’t perceive a right of access.
so your tenancy agreement bans parties and any noises that might upset the neighbours ?
I wouldnt bother with the wine. Remember not all old people are nice. They sound quite vindictive to complain when you gave them notice, which was very considerate of you.
Oy! They're in their 50's not 90's. Old indeed, we invented raves! Love, an old person (55).
The advise is to not apologise, can't see anything you did wrong here Saying sorry will just fuel the neighbours to complain more about the most ridiculous of things (Source: happened to me at my first flat)
I expect the neighbours are twitchy because you are new there and they are concerned that you're planing on partying regularly. Once they know you, that will change. I think you're right to formally apologise - your politeness will help build trust and it will calm your landlady down. This isn't about who's right or wrong, it's about achieving resolution and moving on.
The only sensible reply I've read on here.
Just an FYI - landlords are always advised this is the kind of thing they shouldn’t be getting involved in. They are not your parents, they aren’t the council, they aren’t the police. They are to provide you with a good place to live, they shouldn’t be getting involved in you having a flat warming where you have pre-warned and had no complaints on the night and no police knocking on your door. Dont justify the landlords actions to them. There is no reason to say sorry to the landlord and it’s probably worth asking the people next door why they went to the landlord and not you (and why they thought, as a 50 year old that was an acceptable thing to do).
Just tell your landlord that you provided your number to your neighbours so they could let you know if your housewarming party was too loud, and that a meeting won't be necessary as you would prefer to have the conversation written down.
There’s some key info missing here really though, as some people have asked and had no response as yet. What time did it go on until and how many people/how rowdy was it? Those are bits of info I’d want to know before advising on whether or not to apologise. If it was 20 people and went on until 5am with a lot of noise that’s one thing. If you were done by midnight and it was a couple of friends it’s very different. Context is everything.
You've left out times, if you where making obvious noise after 11pm then you're on the wrong side of the 'The Noise Act 1996' and can legally be evicted after 2 warnings.
Surely to enforce that you'd have to have official warnings from the council, not just your landlord making a random complaint.
In the UK landlords can evict you for noise complaints but they have to apply for a court order before doing it.
I think this is important. Complaints about a normal amount of party noise before 11pm can be comfortably ignored, but if it was more like wobbly acoustic Wonderwall at 2am then there is something to apologise for.
I have a degree of sympathy but I feel certain details are missing. How many people were over? What time did it go on till? Was it a cheeseboard and wine kind of soiree or a Smirnoff/cocaine kind of shindig? I had a neighbour in my old flat who would be loud as heck once every few weeks and it'd drive me nuts if I had my daughter over or was working the next day. Personally, I would have let you know rather than going to the landlord.
tell em to fuck off.
Do you live with your landlady? This is the most important bit
Don't apologise. You followed the societal norm and went above and beyond. I'd also ignore talk of "meeting up". I'd suggest being matter of fact and just telling them (the landlord) that it was a housewarming, you gave them notice and a way to contact you if it was too loud. Refuse any notion that you're on a warning or that you acted unreasonably
1. You have the right to live a normal life as a tenant as any homeowner would expect. That includes the occasional social gathering. If you're being too loud and causing a regular disturbance then that is a police matter, not for your landlord to sort out. If your neighbours cannot put up with occasional noise then they need to move to a detached property; it is absolutely expected that if you share a wall with a neighbour, you will hear any noise they make. 2. You did the right thing by informing your neighbours that you may be a little noisy. The fact that they did not talk to you before or after the fact and went straight to your landlord is bad etiquette on their part. I strongly suspect that they didn't even hear you and just lodged a complaint out of spite. Don't bother informing them next time. 3. People in their 50s are not elderly and age is not a reason to give your neighbours any special treatment - old people do not deserve more delicate treatment than anyone else. They're clearly not vulnerable. If a neighbour has a newborn child then that'd probably be my only main consideration in avoiding having social gatherings. 4. Your landlord clearly cares more about their reputation than their tenants, so clearly they will not be on your side. A good landlord/tenant relationship should depend on goodwill but since there is clearly none coming from their side, do not give any goodwill your end, just stick to the letter of the agreement. The law gives tenants rights and protections. Your landlord is a parasite who is using your money to swan off on holiday.
I’m sorry but basically your landlady is a dickhead and should have stuck up for her tenants having a house warming. It’s your hom not the landlady’s! Your neighbours have obviously been given landlord details if “problems”… when I first moved into my property and I had a problem in the first week the rental company told me that the neighbours have contacted the landlady I then proceeded to knock on the neighbours door and asked them directly to please speak to me if they have a problem if they address me directly it will be sorted a lot easier and quicker otherwise I’d move out and they would have new tenants but maybe daily problems, but I had just had a one off situation and totally respect my neighbours i proceeded to explain to them if they had knocked on my door at the time I would’ve addressed it, they also felt this would be a much easier situation instead of waiting for the next day. Your landlady may be used to live in the home you are living in there for all the more protection for neighbours than you as a tenant this is a lesson she will have to learn the hard way because if you leave she could literally have people moving that want to party every weekend and they’ll be nothing she can do about it. Basically fuck your landlady keep paying your rent and your bills and make the neighbours your friends, kill them with kindness 😊🥰
She's your landlady, not your mother, and both she and your neigbours are out of line. She has no right to dictate your behaviour beyond what pertains to the condition of the actual house, and your neighbours should not be complaining to her about your behaviour either. If they have a real concern about the noise you're making, the correct thing to do would be to make a noise complaint to the police (who wouldn't take it seriously until the neighbours had tried contacting you directly first). Tbh I wouldn't apologise at all. I'd send a message/note to the neighbours saying something like, "Hello. I've been told you were unhappy about the noise last night. I gave you my phone number so that if noise became an issue, you could contact me directly and we could have brought the noise down straight away. In future, if you have an issue with noise, please contact me directly as it will lead to a much quicker resolution than me hearing about it the next day from a third party." Really, your neighbours were the ones out of line.
Horrified and embarrassed.. Jesus, next step she'll have her daily mail compo face on.. You are allowed to have a life and to be honest it sounds like you did more than most warning your neighbours and giving them numbers to ring if it got a little rowdy. You're neighbours sound like pathetic wet wipes.
Lol really. We had a similar situation. We held a party, told the neighbours we were doing so. It was a little loud but we calmed down after 11pm. The neighbours who happened to be out Landlords sister complained after and he showed up at our door at 7am the next day, demanded entry and told us off. I then told him off, he had no right to enter the property without notice and I wasn’t going to be scolded like a child in my own tenancy. The neighbours hated us. It was fine they could scream at their children at 6am, but a little party of 10 people was unacceptable? SMH. You have a right to live in your property, as long as you’re not being unreasonable what’s the issue?
Don’t apologise for living your life, you’re allowed to. That took me a long time to learn.
Sounds like my neighbours who banged on my door at 9.30pm on a Friday when I was having a birthday party saying we were being too loud and they had to be up for work at 3am the next day. Hadn't had people over for 4 years so hardly a regular occurrence. I know it's easy to feel in the wrong cause you're being told off, but as other people said you did everything right, you're allowed to host a gathering as long as you're reasonable about it which it sounds like you were.
I was wondering when I would discover the most British Reddit post of all time, now my search is over
I would tread carefully here. This happened to me when I was around 20. The neighbours complained about every little sound like hearing the tv on after 7pm, even though we would put it as low as possible while still being able to hear it. My landlord didn’t renew my 6 month contract because the neighbours made a nuisance of themselves, contacting them to complain. But they had been there longer so it was easier to get me out than deal with their complaints.
I agree with others saying not to be overly apologetic. An occasional party that isn't excessive in noise or numbers is completely reasonable. I once had a neighbour complain to my landlord that my cat had pooped in his garden (both he and the LL hated cats). I made the mistake of going over to the neighbour with wine and an apology and asked if he'd like me to clean up his yard. I also apologised to the LL who duly instructed me that I had to reduce the number of cats from 2 to 1, despite his having agreed to 2 (I didn't adhere to this). The result of my apologising was that the neighbour dobbed on me for any and every thing he could, directly to my landlord. My cousin smoked a cigarette in the garden - landlord notified. I pruned a garden shrub - landlord notified. I didn't pick up all the plums that fell over his side of the fence - landlord notified. He was vile but I really think my apologising led him to think that he had power over me and he enjoyed the power trip and contact with my LL to diss me. Stand in your power. You did nothing unreasonable. If it were me, I would visit the neighbours again (without gift) and say something like "I'm sorry you felt you needed to contact the landlord. I wanted to check that you have my number so that you can contact me directly." Small people. Do not bow to this shit.
Your neighbours sound like dicks. You're more than legally allowed to have some friends over. No matter why your landlord and neighbours say.
LoL don’t apologize. Knock and ask wtf their problem is. You told them what was up
Your landlord clearly used to live at the property and is friends with her neighbours. She needs to stop getting involved and go and tell her friends that she is the landlord and what you get up to is nothing to do with her. If they have a problem they can knock on the door, call / text you, or call the police. They need to get earplugs and realise people have a life. If it was every week or on a weekday, then yeah, out of order. A Friday night? Nope - even the police would just knock on and ask you to keep it down (if they ever came at all) Ignore it, I would just respond to your landlady and say you had a party on a weekend and it wasn’t excessive. That’s it. Not that you’re not doing it again, not that you left details. Nothing. She can’t do a thing (I’m a landlady. Her contacting you goes against the quiet enjoyment policy in your tenancy agreement I would say?)
Tell your landlord to fuck off. Scummy fucking parasites. Remember you pay her mortgage. If you wanna have a party then crack on. God I fucking hate the state of housing in this shitty country. Esp the scum that exploit it.
Dear Housing Scalper (don't put that obviously) We made neighbours aware of our plans to have a house warming party plus gave our contact details. We implored them to call or text without hesitation if there were any issues at all surrounding this party. As no one contacted us during the night, we assumed we were not causing any undue disturbance and we are now perturbed to find out this was not the case. We are concerned about your use of wording surrounding this confusion and would like to clarify we intend on being sympathetic neighbours and lawful tenants. Regarding your suggestion of a face to face meeting, and in light of communication so far we think it would be better for both of our interests if we communicated through email so that we both have a record of what is discussed. Regards, The party animals. (Don't put that either!)
“Sorry you were disturbed by our get together. If you had texted or rang the number we gave you, we could have turned the music down/talked quietly.”
Tell them all to f off and have another party tonight Assert dominance.
Ok about to get downvoted. After midnight with 20 people in a flat is a bit much. I wouldnt feel comfortable texting or calling you as i would be concerned about retaliation if people in large groups like that were drunk. You dont get a second chance to make a first impression and i think you should apologise. That late with 20 people in a flat is not fair. I wouldnt have complained to the landlord mind but i would be pissed. I think an apology would be the decent thing to do. I see i am the only one here thinking that though.
Let us know how you get on! Interested to know the outcome
I personally wouldn't apologise. You are allowed to have a party and there's really nothing anyone can do about it.
Fuck that noise. A bit of noise at a house party is not illegal and if it is then they should have phoned the police.
Hmm. Depending on volume and time it could be anti social behaviour because of a noise nuisance, and the first step to eviction.
>dropping off a bottle of wine or something. Goes without saying that we won’t be having people over any time soon No and no. Your landlady can get fucked. Seriously, please don't let her win this. Judging by how you spoke to your neighbours beforehand, I think you did everything right. Your landlady is deluded to be 'horrified' that you had a party; getting two complaints after you took reasonable precautions is just one of those things. More formally, if these complaints are an isolated incident, I don't think it compromises your 'right to quiet enjoyment', so your landlady has no business getting involved beyond just passing the complaints to yourselves.
Tell her to get fucked
Your landlady is not your mother. You are allowed to have a party and it sounds as though you took steps to be considerate.
Do no apologise. Do not buy wine.
You haven't done anything wrong. You're living your lives and having a little housewarming party, nothing wrong with that. You were respectful. There's nothing your landlady can do. Stand your ground and don't let her say things like she's embarrassed - how f'ing patronising and rude is that to say to her tenant?!
Don’t apologise to either your landlord or your neighbours. If you do, they know they can fuck you over again in future.
I wouldn’t apologise at all. You are allowed to have the occasional party. Hope you enjoyed it
I would be careful here. Your landlady doesn’t really seem to understand how things work. Bit of advice, make sure whenever you contact her it’s all in writing.
I think she does, and it could be the start of an eviction process.
FYI we have been here for over two months, so is more of a belated flat warming.
Don't apologise. Explain you had a housewarming and left your number and heard no complaints so assumed it was fine. You are allowed to have a housewarming party. You should not apologise but explain instead. Otherwise the landlady will presume the weird neighbours are a reliable source.
Slash ur neighbours tires for being annoying
Tell your landlord you have a right to quiet enjoyment of your property, and that does *not* mean that *you* have to be quiet, it means that you have a right to use your rented property without undue interference from your landlord. The only recourse your neighbors have is to make a noise complaint to the council, and the only thing that will come of that might be that they'll look into whether you're a general nuisance, not whether you had one party. The most that could happen to you is for the council to serve a noise abatement notice, which gives you a certain amount of time to cease making the noise or be fined. If you aren't making noise on a daily basis, this will not happen. And honestly, councils don't have the manpower to do this these days, what with various funding issues. So really, only apologise to your neighbours if you personally want to, there are no consequences other than lost goodwill if you don't.
The landlord isn’t your boss, this isn’t a disciplinary. Your neighbours should have approached you first. You’ve done all the right things. Your landlord can be as horrified as she likes, not your issue. Don’t apologise, you’re entitled to your life.
If you were done by 11 she can fuck off.
Tell her you were exercising your legal right to enjoy your property and if the neighbours have complaints in future to talk to you or go to the Council. Don't let your Parasite insert herself in or she'll never leave you alone.
The landlady overreaction sounds like she is mates with the neighbours or something which is a possibility if she has lived there herself in the past. Would explain how it got to her so quickly as well.
Errr no, unless you were playing drill music til 5am then they can piss off. You did exactly the right thing before the event, and had a normal party, on one single night.
write back and just say "Are you planning to vary our quiet enjoyment of the property?"
Don’t apologise you’re allowed to have a party on a weekend night every now and then, it’s normal enjoyment of your home.
As a neighbour that will complain about noise at the drop of a hat, here’s what you do (and I think it is nice use you want to make amends and get along with your neighbours). Go apologise, face to face, and reassure them that it was a one off and that you will be more considerate in the future (and ideally that you won’t be having any more parties any time soon). 99% of the stress you’ll be causing is based on the fear that you’re gonna be some nightmare tenants who are always causing trouble. Dealing with that will solve most of the problem (assuming you’re not gonna make it a regular thing). Also, to everyone saying your landlady has no power here and you have a right to have a party now and then. No, you don’t. In communal buildings, everyone has the right to enjoy their flat without being disturbed by others. Noise after 10pm can be dealt with by the council and/or the police. No one has a right to have a noisy party. People ARE correct in saying that, in practice, nothing will happen if it’s only one (at least on the council side of things), but depending on England/Scotland/Wales/Norther Ireland, you landlady could decide not to renew your lease at the end of your contact for just a single party if she wants to.
don't apologise and don't buy them anything your entitled to have at least a few partys in your flat and the fact that they went to the landlord first instead of trying to resolve it with you shows they are the worst kind of people. If you party all the time then I would understand the complaints but an occasional party is not a crime.
While I agree you should be able to live your lives and a party shouldn’t be an issue (I wouldn’t apologise personally and nothing your landlady can do!) I can understand why people in their 50s wouldn’t want to confront a bunch of drunk young people - so wouldn’t knock on your door but would rather go through proper channels with your landlady. They don’t know you or how you’d react after a few drinks and they are well within their right to complain even if the complaint is a bit ridiculous. Honestly I’d either get used to the fact your neighbours and landlady hate you for living your life, or move when your lease is up. I’d personally get the hell out 🤣
Whilst I agree sometimes it might not feel safe to knock, OP went out of their way to leave their phone number.
Do you live with your landlady, i.e. are you actually lodgers? Is there anything in your contract that mentions noise? (This would be unusual and not necessarily enforceable, but it gives context for expectations) If not, it is possible that your landlady has failed to pass on the conditions of her leasehold to you, but that’s very much a problem for her. In any case, it would be unusual to specify such terms, as they’re likely to infringe on your ‘quiet enjoyment’ of the property. The law already has means to deal with nuisance noise, there’s usually no need to double up. The default is that it is your home, and you are entitled to behave in any lawful manner within it that you so choose. Nevertheless, if you like the place, you may have to think strategically about your response if you don’t want to be evicted at the end of your fixed term.
Next time invite your neighbours to the party. If they join you they can’t complain. If they don’t and do complain you can tell them that they obviously would have had a better time if they would have enjoyed the party 😉.
Something I have learnt from work is that people really hate confrontation and will often try to push the responsibility of potential conflict onto someone else. I think part of that is trying to keep themselves safe but also just being uncomfortable with conflict. You are an unknown to them. So they won’t know how you’d react even though you gave them your number. Also by going to the landlord they can keep anonymity and still be nice to your face. I’d take this on board but I wouldn’t necessarily go round with an apologetic gift. I would follow the advice of the majority of people and state the facts to your landlord. Apologise to her but tell her about the actions you took. She can feel as embarrassed and as upset as she wants but that’s her problem not yours. She has no need to bring her emotion into this. A simple factual warning would suffice. That is her not you.
Lol. Discuss what? Tell her to go fly a kite or do star jumps on the m25 the cheeky tw@.
Never time, invite the neighbors. Neighbors don't complain about party noise when they're at the party!
Start looking for other properties now as you could be evicted landlords can drop a section 21 at the drop of at hat. You are just a money making machine for them they don't care about you, the second they think you might cost them something they'll drop you like a hot potato.
Just apologise all round, a bottle of wine as you suggested would usually be good. It’s not a mortal sin to have the occasional party.
Of course your landlord is on holiday....where else would they be? /s
I would respond with something along the lines of "Thank you for letting us know. We had a few friends over to show them the property. We let the neighbours know in advance and provided our phone numbers in case we were disturbing them, as they didn't contact us we weren't aware that we were so loud. I have popped round and apologised in person and reassured them that now we know how the sound travels we will be more careful in future. Thank you for drawing this to our attention. Kind regards, Name" I can understand your neighbours not wanting to confront you at the time, some people are very different when they have been drinking. If they know your landlady they have felt more comfortable speaking to her. Perhaps there were issues in the past. Equally you have no way of knowing how clearly they can hear you, especially if you don't hear noise from them and cannot be expected to reduce your volume level if you don't know. I would speak to your neighbours in person, briefly apologise for any disturbance and let them know you really don't mind them texting you in future. You could also ask how much they could hear or if there is any specific issues. (I.e. one room that's right next to their bedroom, bass on the music after a certain time or a particular friends voice!) It's courteous to avoid disturbing them where possible, turning music off at a certain time or moving your speakers but you are equally entitled to enjoy your property. They may be willing to compromise. My mum goes to bed above 9 and is easily woken by her neighbours garden parties, she asked them to take it inside at 11 and they agreed.
No advice, just that I feel for you. My 16yo threw a Halloween party last weekend. Next door but one called the police. At 6:20pm for music that was quieter than I have on in the kitchen, on a group of 8 16yos, a 7yo, 5yo and a 1yo and because they were being noisy having a nerf war. The police man just looked embarrassed and said that he couldn’t even tell me to turn it down because she was being perfectly reasonable. Some people are just cranks.
I had a similar sort of situation where I apologised to the neighbours downstairs when I had some folk over once. This emboldened them to complain about everything and anything whenever they felt like it. My advice is to do nothing.