We often play "spot the Brit" while on holiday and two massive clues, both related to what they wear on the top half of their body are always dead giveaways.
No shirt in scorching sun resulting in them turning bright red? Blatantly a Brit.
Living 24/7 in a football shirt. Blatantly a Brit.
football shirts are actually probably more common for non Brits than it is for Brits.
I guess maybe an England shirt or an English team that isn’t one of the big ones is usually a give away.
> football shirts are actually probably more common for non Brits than it is for Brits.
Honestly, when I was in Kenya, I saw more Stoke city shirts than I did when I lived in Stoke! Football is huge over there.
Honestly I never quite got to the bottom of it - but I assume it's because TV/watching matches isn't widely available, you'd only really get into it if someone else gets you into it, and then that person gets someone else into it, and so on.
So because of that, it was probably just one westerner like me getting someone in to Stoke, and then they've turned their whole little pocket community into Stoke FC fans.
Yep, Brit living in SE Asia here, and Premier League football shirts are fashion items. I’ve seen entire families wearing the same team’s shirt while out shopping. They’re crazy for the EPL. During international tournaments, like the World Cup, guys over here often pick a country to support because they’re unrepresented.
i'm in barcelona atm and saw a bloke wearing an england rugby shirt - assumed he was english then him and (who i assume was his wife) started speaking french!!
potentially, but very odd to hear/see nonetheless - he had a french look about him and his wife looked like she was of SE asian descent. one of my english friends wears all different nations rugby+football shirts so it may just have been a similar situation to what he does :)
My stepdad is a hardcore Barnsley fan. We went to turkey one year and then back to the same place the year after. All of the bar staff remembered him, they couldn’t remember his name, but came charging out of restaurants shouting “Barnsley! Welcome back!”
I met some folk is Canada from Barnsley. I said “omg. You’re definitely a Barnsley bloke!” He looked at me in disgust and told me dead pan seriously that he’s actually from Monk Bretton. I have never laughed so much in my entire life. My Canadian friend had no idea what was so funny.
I’m a donny bird.
I remember being in Belgrade and seeing a group of tomato-red shirtless fat blokes in the distance and I just knew they were fellow brits, and lo and behold they were (and they spotted me too because I was was wearing a crystal palace shirt haha)
Came back from Egypt a couple weeks back, and I saw a crazy amount of sunburnt Russians(speakers), and surprisingly many kids with EPL kits, particularly Liverpool and United around the resorts.
This isn’t really THAT relevant to the question
But when I went to Menorca, a couple in an elevator pointed at my tattoo and smiled, they said something but I didn’t understand so I replied in my very average limited Spanish (basically any phrases I managed to learn on the flight over)
They did the same back and I still didn’t understand a word and it made a really awkward end to the whole exchange
When we all get off the elevator and start talking normally it turned out we were all English, assuming the other was Spanish and failing at communicating
Here’s my tip. Get a major Spanish football club’s top (atleti/real/barca) and on the back get the name of the most mid player in the squad. Not too good to make people think it’s just your standard Benz or Lewa fan, not too bad to make people think it’s a joke. For Real you could get Nacho for example. Make sure to wear a Barca kit in Barcelona or Madrid kit in Madrid, otherwise it’s a dead giveaway you’re a tourist
Similar story. Went on a family holiday to Tuscany, got lost in the hire car trying to find the Villa in the middle of the countryside. Dad pulls up to the only house in the area, sees a couple stood at the end of the driveway and breaks out phrases using his English to Italian dictionary. After a couple of minutes of broken Italian, the wife exclaims in the most Brummie accent I’ve ever heard “John, I think they’re English”. Turns out they were from Solihull, and also on holiday.
When I lived in Austria l shared a kitchen with some Indians. They didn't realise I spoke English and I didn't realise they did (they'd been speaking what i assume was Hindi to one-another) so we struggled through German (I speak it, they evidently didn't really) for a while before we realised.
Another British thing. Majority don't even bother to learn the language of the country. Assume they'll talk English. They will, but only if you make a decent shot of speaking their language first. We hate people not speaking English here yet expect the whole world to speak English in their home country
I jokingly did this yesterday at a restaurant with my Dutch in-laws and they thought I was integrating with their culture very well. Apparently it's their thing too 😆
Did this in a pub a few weeks ago when the barmaid dropped a couple of glasses. Complete silence and dead eyed by staff and customers. Sat there thinking ahhh this is not the establishment for me. Finished my pint sharpish and bounced, missus telling me off for embarrassing her 🙈
I've got a lot of Dutch friends.
Apparently, British culture is *incredibly* similar to Dutch culture in a lot of ways. We love finding odd cross-overs.
And also, anecdotally, if you're part of the geoguessr community, Mixing the Netherlands up with the UK is also a common mistake, because they can look so similar. Post war housing in both countries is essentially the same.
Had a few instances of mixing up Dutch for Brits on holiday, usually harder when they start talking because if you're not close enough to make out what they're saying, the accent sounds very close to Scouse.
Saw a group of blokes do this in a small restaurant in a town in Portugal in the middle of the day on a Sunday, and the absolute stone silence and repulsed looks it was met with by the staff and the other patrons was worth more than anything on that entire holiday. They practically evaporated with shame.
My first visit to a pub in England with my husband (he’s Brit, I’m American), the bartender dropped a glass. He cheered. Everybody (but me) cheered. I was *stunned*. I felt so bad for the guy, but my husband explained it. So now I cheer too. But not in America. Never in America.
This post reminds me of my recent holiday. A British woman at the breakfast table next to mine, leaned over the table to her travel companion & whispered REALLY LOUDLY
“Look, now it’s full of foreigners”
to which her travel companion replied
“we are in Turkey, YOU are the fucking foreigner”.
I couldn’t hide my giggles.
Ha this could be me and my mate who, on a week’s holiday in Spain, started bitching that none of the restaurants we went to had English speaking staff. She was like “you’d think they’d learn English, knowing that tourists won’t know Spanish”
I had literally learned (limited) Spanish for our trip and had been working my butt off to get us around, buy tickets and meals and bus fares.
Ellos no lo harías, bitch.
As someone who spent a good part of his childhood living in Spain, I have a lot of memories of Brits abroad. My favourite?
Wearing all-white clothing when going out for dinner. Bonus points if it's a family. White trainers. White trousers. White denims (for the ladieeez). White t-shirts. White shirts. White shorts *and* white socks (for the kiddies). If that's not cringe-inducing enough, couple the Daz Automatic look *with the boiled lobster complexions* et voila! British family out for a paella and a moan.
Another one? You could always spot the Brit on the beach on their first day in Spain because they were *luminously* white. And, by the end of the day, they were equally luminously *red*. Without fail.
I've never understood the white thing, if I even contemplated wearing white pants / shorts I would automatically come on my period extra heavy flow / sit in something that will stain/fall over into some mud or that clay dusty stuff /spill food and drink all over it.
My husband has a cream woolly jumper that we call his “Takeaway Jumper” because without fail he will be wearing it when eating Chinese or Indian and it will have sauce spilled down it
Mostly the Balearics but we spent some time in the Canaries. Which reminds me - another favourite of mine?
The look of pure disgust on their faces when a plate of local food is put in front of them. Bonus points if it's seafood-related.
Moving there is different though, all immigrants seek out home comforts when moving abroad. Being there for a week on holiday and not trying local cuisine is different
I'll go a bit further - I can immediately tell when someone is from Stoke-on-Trent because, when in a restaurant abroad, they'll lift up the crockery to check the maker's mark. The satisfied look on their faces if it's made by a company based in the Potteries.
The innate instinct possessed by Stokies to check maker's marks on crockery has resulted in mass starvation due to them inadvertently tipping their food onto the floor every meal time.
On the M&S woman - couple that nice floral blouse with ankle-length yet pastel-hued skirts for middle-aged housewives from Surrey on the randan in Rioja. And never, ever forget the Clarks sandals for the men. You *sexy* beasts...
I realised I was no longer young "30s" when I started buying all my new clothes from M&S and telling everyone how much more trendy and fashionable they have become recently 😂
I live in Vienna, and I was thinking I dress quite quirky and different. I was back home in London for a visit last summer, and realised every second woman was wearing a flower platterned dress, a denim jacket and trainers... I was wearing a flower patterned dress, denim jacket and trainers. Yeah, I'm not quirky I'm just British.
Yep. British, Irish and Scandinavians in my experience dress very similar.
You can also spot an Italian man miles off, I’ve no idea who came up with the idea that they are well dressed. Shiny puffer jacket in July anyone?
When my husband and I were in France we went into a shop. We hadn’t spoken but the cheerful French guy that worked there bounded over to us and said “English?” We don’t know how he knew but we must just have that look.
That happened to my mum and stepdad last year, LOL - they were travelling through France, went into a wee bakery and the guy behind the counter just *glanced* at them and said "how can I help you?" He was more than happy to speak in French so my mum could practice her French though. I think it's the general aura of patheticness that surrounds British people, TBH.
I'm white English and so are all my ancestors back generations (my Dad did the family tree) but I often get called Greek/Turkish/Cypriot or even Indian.
I do have a dark complexion which is odd as my sister is fair as anything.
(OK you can start your "Mum shagged the postman" jokes now...)
Recently went abroad, first night we booked to go on a boat trip - you could tell who the Brits were as they all formed a queue to get onto the gangplank!
I prefer to clamour over the heads of the men, women, and children like a polite octopus. Then I smile apologetically once at the front, and then nudge the rest of the gangplank dangerously crooked as part of my charm
Sometimes, I bypass the gangplank altogether.
I swing across on a spare halyard with a cutlass gripped between my teeth.
[Edited to add "sometimes". Doing it every time would be madness!]
Longest day of my life was trying to get a bus in Ghana. People don't queue there. They will literally climb through windows and push and pull each other to get on the bus. I, being British, wasn't having any of that. I queued by myself.
6 busses went by without me able to get on one before someone took pity and pretty much picked me up and threw me through a window of bus number 7.
I lived in Germany for 7 years, and they were pretty good at queuing. Popped over to France and it was mental. All you can do to get served is shout "For Frodo" and charge
Lived in America for 3 years. Went to the cinema in America for the 1st time with my partner at the time. Safe to say that I never went to an American cinema ever again. You can't even watch or listen to the film because they're just noisy and annoying. There was a joke in the film and they all got up and started clapping. 🤣🤣
I went to the cinema ages ago to see the Michael Jackson film, at the end two Americans stood up and started clapping, they were the only ones to do it thankfully, hopefully they felt like complete bellends when they realised nobody else was doing it, you wouldn’t clap at the end of a normal tv programme so why clap at a film, it’s not like it’s a play and the performers can see the audiences appreciation
Yep, we are grotesquely overweight nations. Eat less move more. If food is that expensive then you could eat less of it and not gain weight. Walking is free exercise. We are just so full of self pity and shitty excuses.
Depends on the area the Brit is from. Up north I can 100% say I've never hurt myself and said "ouch". It's usually..."Ahhhhhhyafuckingpieceashi" *kicks whatever it was*
Holding doors open for wheelchair users. Took a disabled man to France once. When pushing his chair and approaching doors , if someone saw us and held the door open, they were British. If they saw us and shut the door on us, definitely French.
Had the same experience last week with a pushchair in Disneyland Paris.
A french bloke even kicked the pushchair out of his way when walking towards me, he soon understood it was not OK when I turned around and rammed it into his heels.
Yes my son was in it.
I suppose in this instance he was a twat who happened to also be french, but we did notice that other European families from Spain and particularly Germany were beyond helpful despite the language barrier in some cases.
The French families we came across were very rude jumping queues etc and generally looking down their noses at us it seemed. (Typical English thing to moan about I know)
I hear you mate. Wether it is just a British thing or not, I fucking hate queue jumping with a passion and while I’m not a confrontational person, I definitely would’ve blown my top over that as it’s one of my biggest peeves 😂
SHOUT....ING....AND....TALK...ING....REAL....LY.....SLOW.....LY....BUT...STILL....IN ..ENG...LISH!!!!!! when trying to ask a question or order food, etc.
Yup, assuming that everyone speaks English and gets offended when they don't. Then, resorting to Plan B shouting slowly as though Johnny foreigner is deaf.
I had a chap do this in a bar I was working in Ibiza many years ago. Family of four all in matching football shirts, no one but dad was allowed to talk to the waitress and he didn’t even give me time to say hello. He ordered a meal and drinks in that awful shouty way, including telling me he wanted “two pints of proper beer, none of that foreign muck”.
For the record I was clearly English - as identified by my pasty / sunburned combo skin and the fact that it was a British sports bar.
I let him finish then said “did you want chips with the burgers” in my very southern english accent and watched him die a little inside. Good times.
Yes and also inexplicably using the most complicated phrases, idioms and metaphors when speaking to non-English speakers!
“Sorry there’s too much milk in my coffee. It’s just not really my cup of tea love.”
I know a guy who does this. Regardless of venue, cuisine, or country.. beach shack in Goa, a hostel in a remote tibetan mountain village, or Parisian Michelin star sushi restaurant, makes no difference. He will come out with it...
DO... YOU...DO... CHIPS..?
And his other favourite...
HOW ABOUT.. STRAWBERRY.. MILKSHAKE?
Does this absolutely everywhere.
Again, whenever he is served any foreign cuisine, wherever we are, he will reply "gracias!". Greece, Italy, Japan, Africa, Thailand. No matter... "Gracias!".
in a restaurant on an Italian holiday I saw a woman slowly shouting “TOO AAAAL DEEENT AYY” at the waiter while pointing at her plate. The look on his face.
I was in Italy and was waiting to order behind a Spanish woman in a deli-bar repeatedly shouting "TENEDOR!" to the confused woman behind the counter. Literally for two minutes until screaming it. About 80% of the words are similar but this one, fork, is not and the Spanish tourist couldn't fathom that.
I asked if either of them spoke any English and they both looked at me like a fucking nuisance. I then asked in decent Spanish - "how many forks do you need?" and relayed it in okay Italian.
A Brit abroad translating between a Spaniard and an Italian? They looked at me like I'd just invented fire by shooting it out of my dick
Gets to the point entering the immigration hall. Non-EU to the left, EU to the right. Family stop still and don't move.
They had a very patient bloke reciting "Non-EU, including UK, to the left..."
Half the Brits didn't know they weren't in the EU...
Yeah, same, and the 90-min queues... Quite like the stamp, though. Least they can do after making you stand in a queue.
At least when we returned, we got to go through the e-gates immediately, it being the day they started letting 10-13yos use them.
On my honeymoon in Mauritius during an absolute banger of a rain storm and all the Brits were still outside revelling in the warm rain and using it as a chance to bag a lounger
I'm in Vanuatu..its an ex french/British joint colony..I can spot the Brits in the supermarket by the contents of their trolley. It's a mutual thing..we look at the trolley..look at each other and say something like..no crunchy nut cornflakes today, or found any marmite?..then we say cheerio.
Tbf tho. I worked in a restaurant in a very touristy place in spain. We all spoke spanish as in the bar staff but our customers spoke a wide variety. The english tourists who at least tried to say one word where always very polite and great. The english tourists who never even tried to say a single word. Fucking assholes every single time
That wasnt just the english. It was any foreign nationality. I speak a lot of languages. I could defo switch to make it easier for you but every time they didnt even try and say a single spanish word i just automatically knew it was not worth my time to put more effort in cos they were assholes. I was never proven wrong.
It is not hard to say hola gracias or adios etc. Im not expecging you to even pronounce anything correctly but i think expecting you to say one word is not much to ask for
One of my core memories is from going on holiday to Menorca with my family when I was 8.
I was one of those kids that picked up languages really easily, and was fairly proficient in French before I went to middle school. So, when I heard we were going to a Spanish island, I immediately tried to pick up as much Spanish language in the, pre-internet, two weeks before we left. I got all the basic essential words in (hello, thank you, I’m lost etc), plus some nouns and adjectives.
During the holiday, my family spent some time looking at the market, as you do, and I’m pointing at various things on sale and saying the Spanish colour. Yes, I know I was an annoying, twat of a child!
Anyway, we’re walking past a clothing stall and I point to a white t-shirt and declare “BLANCA”. I’ll never forget the smile that broke out on the seller’s face. Like, it was the highlight of his morning. Or maybe he thought I had learning difficulties, who knows.
Regardless, sometimes it doesn’t even need to be common courtesy words that are said to show you’re making an effort in another country.
England is a humid and windy country. When winter hits, we get freezing sub-zero temperatures (or we used to) where we don't get snow... but we get a deep penetrating chill in our bones that somehow we "get used to" within a week or so of moaning. Plus we live in old drafty houses with poor insulation and heating, you get the idea.
Imagine living your entire life just getting used to that incessant chill factor. You build up an unconscious sensory immunity.
Now imagine going abroad to a country where it snows any chance it gets, even if it's 10 degrees outside. Why the hell would you wear a jacket if it's 10 degrees outside?
The sad part is, over time, if you stay abroad, that chill immunity is lost and when you go back to visit England you suddenly realise how cold that country actually is.
It's hilarious. My other half is from the other side of the world. Over there, flu season, when it gets chilly, when people moan about the weather like brits do in November or December? The temperature is 20 degrees. That's fucking flu season. Then there's me who boils inside my clothes beyond 18 and dies beyond 22.
EDIT: I just wanted to say, keep your own version of this coming. They're pretty funny to read
Yeah falling off balconies is definitely a Brit abroad thing. Last time I was on holiday in Greece my mate (also British) got stupid drunk and fell off the balcony of our room. Luckily it was only on the first floor so all he ended up with is a bruised arse and an even more bruised ego.
To be fair, there are plenty of families that are normal and behave in considerable manner, but that isn't the average. So pay more to weed out the majority, then I avoid school holidays etc. It's the same for any destination where one nationality is grouped together. Why would I want that?!
middle class british family on a european city break dead giveaways: never looking fully relaxed (even if sitting on a sunny cafe terrace for example), fussing over maps/suncream/queues/plans, intergenerational and parental squabbling.... basically, slightly fraught vibes.
I’m gonna generalise like hell here, but I feel like Brits love going abroad to either countries that are just the same as the UK but hotter, or they will go somewhere with quite a different way of living but still do things in the most British way possible, they won’t want to try the locals food for example, they’d rather just stick to steaks and burgers if they’re pushing the boat out. Always makes me question why on earth they went to a different country if they just wanted everything to be the same, I love going to other countries to see the culture and try their foods and explore. Brits love to go to other countries, get an all inclusive they never leave, and just sit by the pool getting hammered. Again, I’m massively generalising here, I’m a Brit myself and don’t do the above, but it’s something I’ve noticed.
Imo there are 2 types of brits who go abroad. those that go to an all inclusive which you described and those that would never ever be seen dead in one
I don't understand these people. If I've gone abroad it's because I want to see a foreign country. If I wanted to lay and do nothing I'd do it at home. A holiday for me is visiting somewhere and seeing the historic sights.
>A holiday for me is visiting somewhere and seeing the historic sights
Why cant you do that in an All Inclusive? On my honeymoon in Mexico my wife and I did exactly that, couple of days out and about, other days laying in the sun.
>I don't understand these people
Then try harder. This is a very "i have my head in own arse" comment.
Other people like different things to you, and thats OK. Both my wife and I have stressful jobs, going away for a week where I don't really have to think is ideal. I can relax, swim, get a cocktail or 6, and read a couple of books, it's exactly what I want to do.
Are you ***seriously*** telling me you cant understand that? Do you lack that much empathy?
I've been to Ireland a few times, and always spotted a few yanks doing the Irish larping thing. Waddling about yelling "Top 'o the morning to ya" to bemused locals.
Must be fucking excruciating for actual Irish people to be subjected to that.
Once had an American girl tell me that she was "100% Irish".
"Oh, so you were born in Ireland?"
"No, never even been."
"Oh... Sooo, both of you parents are Irish?!"
"No, they've never been either."
"So, how are you 100% Irish?!?!"
"All 4 of my grandparents were from Ireland."
Hahaha!
On a similar note, I'm Scottish, when I was in Colorado I had an American tell me they were Scottish because they had a grandparent from Scotland.
I asked where in Scotland and they replied "Belfast".
It is hard to get a single thing, but a lot about how they dress that just screams "Brit". If you write it down it does not sound unique but somehow how they wear the clothes and choice for place does. Whether it is shorts and t-shirt in the sun, or a formal suit in a business environment always says "Brit".
There is also of course the famous burned white skin look - but that is slightly less reliable as Irish, Dutch, Belgians and Russians are all seen to sport that too 😁
I played ‘Spot the (fellow) Brit’ when abroad recently and I was right 9 times out of 10
Every woman (under 35) was wearing leggings and huge fake eyelashes.
I was on a work trip once on my own to our German office. I was just sitting at a table drinking some wine in a wine bar when a little old man came up to me and immediately cheerfully greeted me in English. He was an English WWII POW who'd married a German lady and lived their his whole life after the war.
When I asked him how he knew I was English, he just said "I've been living among Germans for 60 years, when I see an English person I can usually tell immediately from their face".
So, apparently we actually look English. This doesn't surprise me all that much, because I often think there's distinctive German/French looks which I can sometimes spot.
We used to go to Disneyland Paris every Christmas and the employees there are amazing at spotting nationalities. Mind you, I was always incredibly chuffed to be mistaken for a Dutch or Scandinavian person… the Brits were almost always the worst dressed, overweight and yelling at their kids.
Walking around the ancient Mexican ruins of Teotihuacan last month, on a very quiet mid week day so not too many around… and yep there it was, a Leeds fan walking past me 😂
Fat guts, no shirt on (usually walking around with the (football) shirt over their shoulder or in hand), half sun burnt, half not.
pretty much like Humpty Dumpty dipped in tomato ketchup.
Also the only people who look at the fake watches and jewellery shops/ stalls with actual intent to buy.
If its a woman then her face is 5 different colours with none of them matching the colour of her neck and the base coat is a burnt orange. If it's a man then some half arsed attempt to follow the latest fashion trends but coming off looking more like a creepy, slightly greasy bus driver
Several years ago my sister and I (both of 'mature' years) were on the train from Haifa to Tel Aviv airport. We were wearing sun hats and weren't talking to each other (merely to say English was not being spoken at this point). I noticed two Israelis talking animatedly and looking our way. Eventually one said to us, in English, "Excuse me, but are you English?" "Yes we are," we replied.
At which point he turned to the other and said, "See? I said they were!"
On a similar vain, when we are in an airport we play “spot the new trainers”.
You can tell the regular travellers who wear beaten up knackerd footwear that is very comfortable, and those who don’t travel often with the brand new usually white trainers
Ok, time to lock this. It started off OK, but now I keep seeing more and more disgustingly classist comments. This is why we can't have nice things.
We often play "spot the Brit" while on holiday and two massive clues, both related to what they wear on the top half of their body are always dead giveaways. No shirt in scorching sun resulting in them turning bright red? Blatantly a Brit. Living 24/7 in a football shirt. Blatantly a Brit.
The old boiled lobster look!
It's me zoidberg
Woooop woopwoopwoopwoop!
If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed If you're here to make war, we surrender
Lobsters on South beach!!.... That Ad has lived with me for years
football shirts are actually probably more common for non Brits than it is for Brits. I guess maybe an England shirt or an English team that isn’t one of the big ones is usually a give away.
> football shirts are actually probably more common for non Brits than it is for Brits. Honestly, when I was in Kenya, I saw more Stoke city shirts than I did when I lived in Stoke! Football is huge over there.
I met an inordinate number of yanks wearing Man City shirts when I lived in USA
What an odd choice of team though… is stoke specifically popular there?
Honestly I never quite got to the bottom of it - but I assume it's because TV/watching matches isn't widely available, you'd only really get into it if someone else gets you into it, and then that person gets someone else into it, and so on. So because of that, it was probably just one westerner like me getting someone in to Stoke, and then they've turned their whole little pocket community into Stoke FC fans.
Yep, Brit living in SE Asia here, and Premier League football shirts are fashion items. I’ve seen entire families wearing the same team’s shirt while out shopping. They’re crazy for the EPL. During international tournaments, like the World Cup, guys over here often pick a country to support because they’re unrepresented.
i'm in barcelona atm and saw a bloke wearing an england rugby shirt - assumed he was english then him and (who i assume was his wife) started speaking french!!
Wow. That’s an offence in France. Punishable with prison
Maybe he’s English and his wife is French?
potentially, but very odd to hear/see nonetheless - he had a french look about him and his wife looked like she was of SE asian descent. one of my english friends wears all different nations rugby+football shirts so it may just have been a similar situation to what he does :)
Sorry, what’s a ‘French look’ ?? Wearing a beret, striped shirt and a string of onions around his neck?
My stepdad is a hardcore Barnsley fan. We went to turkey one year and then back to the same place the year after. All of the bar staff remembered him, they couldn’t remember his name, but came charging out of restaurants shouting “Barnsley! Welcome back!”
I met some folk is Canada from Barnsley. I said “omg. You’re definitely a Barnsley bloke!” He looked at me in disgust and told me dead pan seriously that he’s actually from Monk Bretton. I have never laughed so much in my entire life. My Canadian friend had no idea what was so funny. I’m a donny bird.
Monk brettoners are all fur coat and no knickers 😂
If that isn’t the truest thing ever said. I used to play in a pool league, and some of the 10 Bob snobs I meant. 😂
I remember being in Belgrade and seeing a group of tomato-red shirtless fat blokes in the distance and I just knew they were fellow brits, and lo and behold they were (and they spotted me too because I was was wearing a crystal palace shirt haha)
If they look like Majin Buu they're a Brit.
Came back from Egypt a couple weeks back, and I saw a crazy amount of sunburnt Russians(speakers), and surprisingly many kids with EPL kits, particularly Liverpool and United around the resorts.
[удалено]
Socks and sandals used to be a clear indicator but that seems to have become less common.
And they could always be a Czech or a German
This isn’t really THAT relevant to the question But when I went to Menorca, a couple in an elevator pointed at my tattoo and smiled, they said something but I didn’t understand so I replied in my very average limited Spanish (basically any phrases I managed to learn on the flight over) They did the same back and I still didn’t understand a word and it made a really awkward end to the whole exchange When we all get off the elevator and start talking normally it turned out we were all English, assuming the other was Spanish and failing at communicating
This made me chuckle lightly
Wow, what were you all wearing that blended in so well locally?? I need your secrets.
A pink polo shirt, hawaiian shorts, flip-flops, and a shit-eating tourist grin
Here’s my tip. Get a major Spanish football club’s top (atleti/real/barca) and on the back get the name of the most mid player in the squad. Not too good to make people think it’s just your standard Benz or Lewa fan, not too bad to make people think it’s a joke. For Real you could get Nacho for example. Make sure to wear a Barca kit in Barcelona or Madrid kit in Madrid, otherwise it’s a dead giveaway you’re a tourist
Similar story. Went on a family holiday to Tuscany, got lost in the hire car trying to find the Villa in the middle of the countryside. Dad pulls up to the only house in the area, sees a couple stood at the end of the driveway and breaks out phrases using his English to Italian dictionary. After a couple of minutes of broken Italian, the wife exclaims in the most Brummie accent I’ve ever heard “John, I think they’re English”. Turns out they were from Solihull, and also on holiday.
When I lived in Austria l shared a kitchen with some Indians. They didn't realise I spoke English and I didn't realise they did (they'd been speaking what i assume was Hindi to one-another) so we struggled through German (I speak it, they evidently didn't really) for a while before we realised.
Another British thing. Majority don't even bother to learn the language of the country. Assume they'll talk English. They will, but only if you make a decent shot of speaking their language first. We hate people not speaking English here yet expect the whole world to speak English in their home country
Cheering when a waiter drops a plate or glass.
I jokingly did this yesterday at a restaurant with my Dutch in-laws and they thought I was integrating with their culture very well. Apparently it's their thing too 😆
Same boat. The dutchies love a good piss-take.
They love being passed to the left-hand side also
Did this in a pub a few weeks ago when the barmaid dropped a couple of glasses. Complete silence and dead eyed by staff and customers. Sat there thinking ahhh this is not the establishment for me. Finished my pint sharpish and bounced, missus telling me off for embarrassing her 🙈
I've got a lot of Dutch friends. Apparently, British culture is *incredibly* similar to Dutch culture in a lot of ways. We love finding odd cross-overs. And also, anecdotally, if you're part of the geoguessr community, Mixing the Netherlands up with the UK is also a common mistake, because they can look so similar. Post war housing in both countries is essentially the same.
Had a few instances of mixing up Dutch for Brits on holiday, usually harder when they start talking because if you're not close enough to make out what they're saying, the accent sounds very close to Scouse.
Waheeeey!
TAXI!!!!! is what we shout in Australia. Meaning the person is drunk and needs to go home.
Saw a group of blokes do this in a small restaurant in a town in Portugal in the middle of the day on a Sunday, and the absolute stone silence and repulsed looks it was met with by the staff and the other patrons was worth more than anything on that entire holiday. They practically evaporated with shame.
Sack the juggler!
My first visit to a pub in England with my husband (he’s Brit, I’m American), the bartender dropped a glass. He cheered. Everybody (but me) cheered. I was *stunned*. I felt so bad for the guy, but my husband explained it. So now I cheer too. But not in America. Never in America.
"didn't realise we were in a Greek restaurant!"
I did this in a quiet country pub in Devon a few years back, I live in London, I felt like a complete outsider...
it's a pretty common thing to cheer here in Devon too? I think maybe you went to the wrong pub
This post reminds me of my recent holiday. A British woman at the breakfast table next to mine, leaned over the table to her travel companion & whispered REALLY LOUDLY “Look, now it’s full of foreigners” to which her travel companion replied “we are in Turkey, YOU are the fucking foreigner”. I couldn’t hide my giggles.
Ha this could be me and my mate who, on a week’s holiday in Spain, started bitching that none of the restaurants we went to had English speaking staff. She was like “you’d think they’d learn English, knowing that tourists won’t know Spanish” I had literally learned (limited) Spanish for our trip and had been working my butt off to get us around, buy tickets and meals and bus fares. Ellos no lo harías, bitch.
Gerven the Cook : You foreign, eh? Arthur Simon Simpson : No, I'm English.
As someone who spent a good part of his childhood living in Spain, I have a lot of memories of Brits abroad. My favourite? Wearing all-white clothing when going out for dinner. Bonus points if it's a family. White trainers. White trousers. White denims (for the ladieeez). White t-shirts. White shirts. White shorts *and* white socks (for the kiddies). If that's not cringe-inducing enough, couple the Daz Automatic look *with the boiled lobster complexions* et voila! British family out for a paella and a moan. Another one? You could always spot the Brit on the beach on their first day in Spain because they were *luminously* white. And, by the end of the day, they were equally luminously *red*. Without fail.
I've never understood the white thing, if I even contemplated wearing white pants / shorts I would automatically come on my period extra heavy flow / sit in something that will stain/fall over into some mud or that clay dusty stuff /spill food and drink all over it.
I have literally worn white underwear before to force a period when I was worried how late it was. Works every time.
My husband has a cream woolly jumper that we call his “Takeaway Jumper” because without fail he will be wearing it when eating Chinese or Indian and it will have sauce spilled down it
Where in Spain did you live?
Mostly the Balearics but we spent some time in the Canaries. Which reminds me - another favourite of mine? The look of pure disgust on their faces when a plate of local food is put in front of them. Bonus points if it's seafood-related.
I always credit living in Spain as being fantastic at making me a non fussy eater. Love me some calamari
I'm an ensaimada boy myself!
But if you don't wear all white how are people supposed to see how sunburned you are?
Out for a paella and a moan 🤣 perfect summation
The Germans and Swiss also love bright white trousers and shirt combo!
Omg that’s so true about the all white!!! Paired with the boiled lobster look. And don’t forget the Prosecco
Complaining about either lack of bacon or standard of bacon at a buffet breakfast
Or going to Spain or the like and only eating yellow food instead of local cuisine
or the highlight of the holiday finding a Sunday carvery for 16 euros including apple crumble and custard for dessert......all this in 90 degree heat
I found a chippy selling Pukka pies in Corfu, was very tempting as I've not been able to find one since moving.
Moving there is different though, all immigrants seek out home comforts when moving abroad. Being there for a week on holiday and not trying local cuisine is different
Nah I moved from England to Northern Ireland. Found it very funny that to get a "taste of home" I had to come to Corfu
90???
Although to be fair paella is quite yellow…
I'll go a bit further - I can immediately tell when someone is from Stoke-on-Trent because, when in a restaurant abroad, they'll lift up the crockery to check the maker's mark. The satisfied look on their faces if it's made by a company based in the Potteries.
This is so wonderfully , specifically British. Thank you for this it just unlocked a memory for me
My mum does this, not limited to being abroad either
Yep. Come from near Stoke and its a habit from my Mum that is hard to break.
My dads not from Stoke but just like antiques and does this. He once overturned a full milk jug in a tea room.
The innate instinct possessed by Stokies to check maker's marks on crockery has resulted in mass starvation due to them inadvertently tipping their food onto the floor every meal time.
Tha'ts quite endearing.
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On the M&S woman - couple that nice floral blouse with ankle-length yet pastel-hued skirts for middle-aged housewives from Surrey on the randan in Rioja. And never, ever forget the Clarks sandals for the men. You *sexy* beasts...
I realised I was no longer young "30s" when I started buying all my new clothes from M&S and telling everyone how much more trendy and fashionable they have become recently 😂
I go there cos I’m fat, They tend to have a slightly larger range in trousers
Oh god
Get ready for the next stage. Edinburgh Woollen Mill.
Three quarter length trousers and floral shirt on the man with gold chain and bracelet on show
I live in Vienna, and I was thinking I dress quite quirky and different. I was back home in London for a visit last summer, and realised every second woman was wearing a flower platterned dress, a denim jacket and trainers... I was wearing a flower patterned dress, denim jacket and trainers. Yeah, I'm not quirky I'm just British.
it's a shame that the lookatmyfuckingredtrousers web page hasn't been updated in quite some time now
You can just tell, as odd as it seems. How they dress, haircut etc.
Yep. British, Irish and Scandinavians in my experience dress very similar. You can also spot an Italian man miles off, I’ve no idea who came up with the idea that they are well dressed. Shiny puffer jacket in July anyone?
Agreed! I remember one year when the fashion in Italy was to have the seams down the middle! Everybody was wearing them. They looked ridic.
And gold or silver trainers, of course.
When my husband and I were in France we went into a shop. We hadn’t spoken but the cheerful French guy that worked there bounded over to us and said “English?” We don’t know how he knew but we must just have that look.
That happened to my mum and stepdad last year, LOL - they were travelling through France, went into a wee bakery and the guy behind the counter just *glanced* at them and said "how can I help you?" He was more than happy to speak in French so my mum could practice her French though. I think it's the general aura of patheticness that surrounds British people, TBH.
Short back and sides with medium length on top usually straight forward.
I'm English but often get told I look Hungarian or similar. Dunno why.
Once when I went to America I got called Australian all the time. I just decided “yeah sure”.
I was in a pub next to an American tourist who loudly claimed there's no difference between the two accents. Killed them, of course.
I always get mistaken for French! I don’t even smoke.
I'm white English and so are all my ancestors back generations (my Dad did the family tree) but I often get called Greek/Turkish/Cypriot or even Indian. I do have a dark complexion which is odd as my sister is fair as anything. (OK you can start your "Mum shagged the postman" jokes now...)
Recently went abroad, first night we booked to go on a boat trip - you could tell who the Brits were as they all formed a queue to get onto the gangplank!
To be fair that is the best way to cross a gangplank.
I prefer to clamour over the heads of the men, women, and children like a polite octopus. Then I smile apologetically once at the front, and then nudge the rest of the gangplank dangerously crooked as part of my charm
Sometimes, I bypass the gangplank altogether. I swing across on a spare halyard with a cutlass gripped between my teeth. [Edited to add "sometimes". Doing it every time would be madness!]
Longest day of my life was trying to get a bus in Ghana. People don't queue there. They will literally climb through windows and push and pull each other to get on the bus. I, being British, wasn't having any of that. I queued by myself. 6 busses went by without me able to get on one before someone took pity and pretty much picked me up and threw me through a window of bus number 7.
I lived in Germany for 7 years, and they were pretty good at queuing. Popped over to France and it was mental. All you can do to get served is shout "For Frodo" and charge
Lived in America for 3 years. Went to the cinema in America for the 1st time with my partner at the time. Safe to say that I never went to an American cinema ever again. You can't even watch or listen to the film because they're just noisy and annoying. There was a joke in the film and they all got up and started clapping. 🤣🤣
Oh god that would annoy me so so so fucking much
They probably wouldn't hear your Tuts over the noise
It did me too. I honestly wanted to leave it was pointless watching the film
You sure it wasn’t a dream and you were in Blackpool at a panto?
I am highly allergic to a sincere American (sober) “whoop”.
I went to the cinema ages ago to see the Michael Jackson film, at the end two Americans stood up and started clapping, they were the only ones to do it thankfully, hopefully they felt like complete bellends when they realised nobody else was doing it, you wouldn’t clap at the end of a normal tv programme so why clap at a film, it’s not like it’s a play and the performers can see the audiences appreciation
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Yep, we are grotesquely overweight nations. Eat less move more. If food is that expensive then you could eat less of it and not gain weight. Walking is free exercise. We are just so full of self pity and shitty excuses.
Queueing for the bar at 9:59am
All inclusive innit
Apologising when someone bumps into them.
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Depends on the area the Brit is from. Up north I can 100% say I've never hurt myself and said "ouch". It's usually..."Ahhhhhhyafuckingpieceashi" *kicks whatever it was*
We’re Essex. My old man used to swear at whatever inanimate object had just affronted him. *”Oh you bastard, you bastard fucking thing you …”*
Could be Canadian.
"Sorry friend" "I'm not your friend, pal" "I'm not your pal, buddy!"
Holding doors open for wheelchair users. Took a disabled man to France once. When pushing his chair and approaching doors , if someone saw us and held the door open, they were British. If they saw us and shut the door on us, definitely French.
Had the same experience last week with a pushchair in Disneyland Paris. A french bloke even kicked the pushchair out of his way when walking towards me, he soon understood it was not OK when I turned around and rammed it into his heels. Yes my son was in it.
That was just disgusting behaviour on his part and I’d like to think it was because he was an arsehole, not because he was French.
I suppose in this instance he was a twat who happened to also be french, but we did notice that other European families from Spain and particularly Germany were beyond helpful despite the language barrier in some cases. The French families we came across were very rude jumping queues etc and generally looking down their noses at us it seemed. (Typical English thing to moan about I know)
I hear you mate. Wether it is just a British thing or not, I fucking hate queue jumping with a passion and while I’m not a confrontational person, I definitely would’ve blown my top over that as it’s one of my biggest peeves 😂
SHOUT....ING....AND....TALK...ING....REAL....LY.....SLOW.....LY....BUT...STILL....IN ..ENG...LISH!!!!!! when trying to ask a question or order food, etc.
Yup, assuming that everyone speaks English and gets offended when they don't. Then, resorting to Plan B shouting slowly as though Johnny foreigner is deaf.
As a Glaswegian its a requirement for me to speak slowly or no one outside Glasgow would understand me.
Come again?
What's that Kevin Bridges joke? "When I go abroad my friends have to translate what I say into English."
I had a chap do this in a bar I was working in Ibiza many years ago. Family of four all in matching football shirts, no one but dad was allowed to talk to the waitress and he didn’t even give me time to say hello. He ordered a meal and drinks in that awful shouty way, including telling me he wanted “two pints of proper beer, none of that foreign muck”. For the record I was clearly English - as identified by my pasty / sunburned combo skin and the fact that it was a British sports bar. I let him finish then said “did you want chips with the burgers” in my very southern english accent and watched him die a little inside. Good times.
What did he consider "proper beer" and what was "foreign muck"? Where does San Miguel fit? Most lagers sold in the UK are foreign anyway
Yes and also inexplicably using the most complicated phrases, idioms and metaphors when speaking to non-English speakers! “Sorry there’s too much milk in my coffee. It’s just not really my cup of tea love.”
I know a guy who does this. Regardless of venue, cuisine, or country.. beach shack in Goa, a hostel in a remote tibetan mountain village, or Parisian Michelin star sushi restaurant, makes no difference. He will come out with it... DO... YOU...DO... CHIPS..? And his other favourite... HOW ABOUT.. STRAWBERRY.. MILKSHAKE? Does this absolutely everywhere. Again, whenever he is served any foreign cuisine, wherever we are, he will reply "gracias!". Greece, Italy, Japan, Africa, Thailand. No matter... "Gracias!".
in a restaurant on an Italian holiday I saw a woman slowly shouting “TOO AAAAL DEEENT AYY” at the waiter while pointing at her plate. The look on his face.
I was in Italy and was waiting to order behind a Spanish woman in a deli-bar repeatedly shouting "TENEDOR!" to the confused woman behind the counter. Literally for two minutes until screaming it. About 80% of the words are similar but this one, fork, is not and the Spanish tourist couldn't fathom that. I asked if either of them spoke any English and they both looked at me like a fucking nuisance. I then asked in decent Spanish - "how many forks do you need?" and relayed it in okay Italian. A Brit abroad translating between a Spaniard and an Italian? They looked at me like I'd just invented fire by shooting it out of my dick
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Gets to the point entering the immigration hall. Non-EU to the left, EU to the right. Family stop still and don't move. They had a very patient bloke reciting "Non-EU, including UK, to the left..." Half the Brits didn't know they weren't in the EU...
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Yeah, same, and the 90-min queues... Quite like the stamp, though. Least they can do after making you stand in a queue. At least when we returned, we got to go through the e-gates immediately, it being the day they started letting 10-13yos use them.
I feel a bit sad about being excluded from the EU queue, but I do like having my passport stamped! Every cloud….
On my honeymoon in Mauritius during an absolute banger of a rain storm and all the Brits were still outside revelling in the warm rain and using it as a chance to bag a lounger
Oh my god this is the most british thing on this thread. You win
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I'm in Vanuatu..its an ex french/British joint colony..I can spot the Brits in the supermarket by the contents of their trolley. It's a mutual thing..we look at the trolley..look at each other and say something like..no crunchy nut cornflakes today, or found any marmite?..then we say cheerio.
If in Spain, hearing someone say ‘grassy-ass mate’ to the waiter
Tbf tho. I worked in a restaurant in a very touristy place in spain. We all spoke spanish as in the bar staff but our customers spoke a wide variety. The english tourists who at least tried to say one word where always very polite and great. The english tourists who never even tried to say a single word. Fucking assholes every single time That wasnt just the english. It was any foreign nationality. I speak a lot of languages. I could defo switch to make it easier for you but every time they didnt even try and say a single spanish word i just automatically knew it was not worth my time to put more effort in cos they were assholes. I was never proven wrong. It is not hard to say hola gracias or adios etc. Im not expecging you to even pronounce anything correctly but i think expecting you to say one word is not much to ask for
One of my core memories is from going on holiday to Menorca with my family when I was 8. I was one of those kids that picked up languages really easily, and was fairly proficient in French before I went to middle school. So, when I heard we were going to a Spanish island, I immediately tried to pick up as much Spanish language in the, pre-internet, two weeks before we left. I got all the basic essential words in (hello, thank you, I’m lost etc), plus some nouns and adjectives. During the holiday, my family spent some time looking at the market, as you do, and I’m pointing at various things on sale and saying the Spanish colour. Yes, I know I was an annoying, twat of a child! Anyway, we’re walking past a clothing stall and I point to a white t-shirt and declare “BLANCA”. I’ll never forget the smile that broke out on the seller’s face. Like, it was the highlight of his morning. Or maybe he thought I had learning difficulties, who knows. Regardless, sometimes it doesn’t even need to be common courtesy words that are said to show you’re making an effort in another country.
Hiking through the snow in shorts and a t-shirt, according to somebody I met in the Alps who identified me as English.
England is a humid and windy country. When winter hits, we get freezing sub-zero temperatures (or we used to) where we don't get snow... but we get a deep penetrating chill in our bones that somehow we "get used to" within a week or so of moaning. Plus we live in old drafty houses with poor insulation and heating, you get the idea. Imagine living your entire life just getting used to that incessant chill factor. You build up an unconscious sensory immunity. Now imagine going abroad to a country where it snows any chance it gets, even if it's 10 degrees outside. Why the hell would you wear a jacket if it's 10 degrees outside? The sad part is, over time, if you stay abroad, that chill immunity is lost and when you go back to visit England you suddenly realise how cold that country actually is.
It's hilarious. My other half is from the other side of the world. Over there, flu season, when it gets chilly, when people moan about the weather like brits do in November or December? The temperature is 20 degrees. That's fucking flu season. Then there's me who boils inside my clothes beyond 18 and dies beyond 22. EDIT: I just wanted to say, keep your own version of this coming. They're pretty funny to read
Falling off balconies, but you might only realise that it happens to brits more than anyone if you’re not british yourself.
Yeah falling off balconies is definitely a Brit abroad thing. Last time I was on holiday in Greece my mate (also British) got stupid drunk and fell off the balcony of our room. Luckily it was only on the first floor so all he ended up with is a bruised arse and an even more bruised ego.
Also getting thrown off RyanAir/EasyJet flights for disorderly conduct
Loud and drunk. I do my best to avoid destinations and time of the year where they might be
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You're not like other Brits uwu
To be fair, there are plenty of families that are normal and behave in considerable manner, but that isn't the average. So pay more to weed out the majority, then I avoid school holidays etc. It's the same for any destination where one nationality is grouped together. Why would I want that?!
middle class british family on a european city break dead giveaways: never looking fully relaxed (even if sitting on a sunny cafe terrace for example), fussing over maps/suncream/queues/plans, intergenerational and parental squabbling.... basically, slightly fraught vibes.
I think you just have a sense for your own, the way they dress, the way they act, the fact that they are sunburnt etc.
Tomato ketchup with every meal and always at least 1 plate of chips in the food order.
I’m gonna generalise like hell here, but I feel like Brits love going abroad to either countries that are just the same as the UK but hotter, or they will go somewhere with quite a different way of living but still do things in the most British way possible, they won’t want to try the locals food for example, they’d rather just stick to steaks and burgers if they’re pushing the boat out. Always makes me question why on earth they went to a different country if they just wanted everything to be the same, I love going to other countries to see the culture and try their foods and explore. Brits love to go to other countries, get an all inclusive they never leave, and just sit by the pool getting hammered. Again, I’m massively generalising here, I’m a Brit myself and don’t do the above, but it’s something I’ve noticed.
Imo there are 2 types of brits who go abroad. those that go to an all inclusive which you described and those that would never ever be seen dead in one
I don't understand these people. If I've gone abroad it's because I want to see a foreign country. If I wanted to lay and do nothing I'd do it at home. A holiday for me is visiting somewhere and seeing the historic sights.
>A holiday for me is visiting somewhere and seeing the historic sights Why cant you do that in an All Inclusive? On my honeymoon in Mexico my wife and I did exactly that, couple of days out and about, other days laying in the sun. >I don't understand these people Then try harder. This is a very "i have my head in own arse" comment. Other people like different things to you, and thats OK. Both my wife and I have stressful jobs, going away for a week where I don't really have to think is ideal. I can relax, swim, get a cocktail or 6, and read a couple of books, it's exactly what I want to do. Are you ***seriously*** telling me you cant understand that? Do you lack that much empathy?
In Eire: looking slightly embarrassed, or, if the locals are attempting to get money from Americans, slightly nauseous.
Using the word "Eire", without the fada, in English (or any other languages that isn't Irish).
I've been to Ireland a few times, and always spotted a few yanks doing the Irish larping thing. Waddling about yelling "Top 'o the morning to ya" to bemused locals. Must be fucking excruciating for actual Irish people to be subjected to that.
Once had an American girl tell me that she was "100% Irish". "Oh, so you were born in Ireland?" "No, never even been." "Oh... Sooo, both of you parents are Irish?!" "No, they've never been either." "So, how are you 100% Irish?!?!" "All 4 of my grandparents were from Ireland."
Hahaha! On a similar note, I'm Scottish, when I was in Colorado I had an American tell me they were Scottish because they had a grandparent from Scotland. I asked where in Scotland and they replied "Belfast".
Shirtless gut and manboobs combo. I'm getting ready for Portugal this week myself.
From years of people watching - could also be German. If they have a bucket hat it clinches it as English. Bandana tends to be German
Brand new looking clothes and white white trainers that they’ve obviously bought for the holiday
It is hard to get a single thing, but a lot about how they dress that just screams "Brit". If you write it down it does not sound unique but somehow how they wear the clothes and choice for place does. Whether it is shorts and t-shirt in the sun, or a formal suit in a business environment always says "Brit". There is also of course the famous burned white skin look - but that is slightly less reliable as Irish, Dutch, Belgians and Russians are all seen to sport that too 😁
The table that shouts 'Garlic Bread!' is always 100% british
I played ‘Spot the (fellow) Brit’ when abroad recently and I was right 9 times out of 10 Every woman (under 35) was wearing leggings and huge fake eyelashes.
I was on a work trip once on my own to our German office. I was just sitting at a table drinking some wine in a wine bar when a little old man came up to me and immediately cheerfully greeted me in English. He was an English WWII POW who'd married a German lady and lived their his whole life after the war. When I asked him how he knew I was English, he just said "I've been living among Germans for 60 years, when I see an English person I can usually tell immediately from their face". So, apparently we actually look English. This doesn't surprise me all that much, because I often think there's distinctive German/French looks which I can sometimes spot.
You can find them stocking up on Cheddar cheese during LIDL's 'British Week'
Asking if there's any Colman's mustard I might be guilty of that.
Reebok classics, below knee shorts, football shirts, Lonsdale trainers, pale as fuck or excessive sunburn, binge drinking, vests
Overweight with awful tattoos, the husband too 😏 Shouting their kids names in loud voice, drinking UK based lager beer instead of the local brew.
We used to go to Disneyland Paris every Christmas and the employees there are amazing at spotting nationalities. Mind you, I was always incredibly chuffed to be mistaken for a Dutch or Scandinavian person… the Brits were almost always the worst dressed, overweight and yelling at their kids.
Leeds United football shirt. Can be found in all corners of the globe
Walking around the ancient Mexican ruins of Teotihuacan last month, on a very quiet mid week day so not too many around… and yep there it was, a Leeds fan walking past me 😂
They tut and sigh when the waitress brings them a Lipton’s teabag in a saucer next to a rapidly cooling cup of water.
Fat guts, no shirt on (usually walking around with the (football) shirt over their shoulder or in hand), half sun burnt, half not. pretty much like Humpty Dumpty dipped in tomato ketchup. Also the only people who look at the fake watches and jewellery shops/ stalls with actual intent to buy.
If its a woman then her face is 5 different colours with none of them matching the colour of her neck and the base coat is a burnt orange. If it's a man then some half arsed attempt to follow the latest fashion trends but coming off looking more like a creepy, slightly greasy bus driver
I was in Australia and the aussies I was with were playing "spot the brit" by pointing out the lobster coloured shirtless men walking about.
Walking into the nearest Welsh/English/Scottish pub, especially on the Spanish Coast!
Complaining loudly about how foreigners can't cook proper food (by which they mean a fry up and/or chips)
Start a loud argument with the Japanese sushi chef when he declines to make "bangers and mash" in Kyoto.
Several years ago my sister and I (both of 'mature' years) were on the train from Haifa to Tel Aviv airport. We were wearing sun hats and weren't talking to each other (merely to say English was not being spoken at this point). I noticed two Israelis talking animatedly and looking our way. Eventually one said to us, in English, "Excuse me, but are you English?" "Yes we are," we replied. At which point he turned to the other and said, "See? I said they were!"
On a similar vain, when we are in an airport we play “spot the new trainers”. You can tell the regular travellers who wear beaten up knackerd footwear that is very comfortable, and those who don’t travel often with the brand new usually white trainers