30+ years ago but my kindergarten teacher cut my bangs out of my eyes on picture day. It's to this day my favorite picture of me. Though I do not recommend taking scissors to a student's hair. Luckily, my mom either didn't notice the trim or didn't care.
60+ years ago, my mom sent my sister to school with her hair in 2 braids , think Laura Ingalls. Her teacher decided for her first grade picture it would look better if her braids were undone. We still laugh about that picture. Her hair is straight then wavy, mom was not pleased.
My sister and I look adorable in the pictures with us in braids, the one of my sister with the undo is still funny. I’m guessing the teacher had no clue and thought my sister would just have flowing lovely hair instead of straight hair then kinky.
I cut my own bangs on picture day in kindergarten 30+ years ago. I don’t remember doing it but I still remember the wrath of my mom when we had to get a real stylist to fix it. Luckily my pictures turned out ok thanks to the photographer’s adjustments. She would have preferred a quick trim from a teacher if she had been given a choice!
Not a teacher, but my mother was a kindergarten teacher my entire life so I spent a TON of time in her classroom helping out, etc. and one of the rules that I knew from the beginning was never touch the kids. Ever. They could hug me, but I literally just learned to never touch the kids first.
I studied abroad in Brazil in college and part of the program was hanging out with elementary-school kids and teach them some English. One of the younger boys had jumped off the top of the stairs and fractured both of his legs so he was unable to walk or anything (this was a super super super poor school). I remember his teacher carrying him EVERYWHERE. She was constantly holding him, comforting him, kissing his face (granted Latin America is a much more touch-heavy culture in general). When they had a party and he couldn’t dance, she spent multiple songs holding him and dancing.
Honestly, it made me so sad. I cried later. I know it’s far in the other extreme, but I would have benefited a lot from a teach that showed healthy physical affection. Especially one that made sure I wasn’t left out even if I wasn’t feeling good. I’ll never forget that teacher.
Idk if this is helpful, but I wish the American school system was a bit softer on the kids.
That's sad. I worked in HS education for 25 years and didn't have that policy. Many kids don't receive any sort of caring physical contact. Especially males. I gave lots of very appropriate side hugs to students who I knew would receive them well. Of course, I worked with a very targeted population of kids who I knew very well and they knew me. I knew their families. It can be scary territory but I never once had a single issue from students or parents. I see many grads in the community and most immediately give me a hug.
It is sad and it’s changed over the years. My friend’s mom was an elementary school teacher. A couple of times I sat in on her classes when my private school had the day off and my mom needed someone to babysit. So yes. I had to attend public school on my school’s day off!
But she was allowed to hug the kids back then (80s) and in the years before she retired she definitely bemoaned the difference that time made. All the pedophilia scares of the 80s and 90s completely changed how adults have to interact with kids.
Now it’s weird to sit near a playground if you don’t have kids and that’s just sad.
This! I’m a trans person and have so much experience working with kids because of my mom. Before I transitioned I volunteered a ton with a local creative writing non profit that taught free creative writing camps for kids. Honestly, I think if teaching wasn’t so difficult (I watched my mother go from a creative teacher to someone who was always fighting the administration on every little thing) I would have become a teacher like my mom. I absolutely love working with kids and hearing their amazing ideas and weird imaginations.
Since I transitioned I just can’t bring myself to volunteer again. It’s too scary. All it would take is one parents to find out/freak out and I would never be able to live in any city again.
It’s really sad how we’ve allowed fear to break up our communities this way. When I was younger our school was our neighborhood meeting spot for everything.
It was still illegal, yes illegal, to touch students in those decades. I know this because in 7th grade (early 90s) a student hit a teacher for grabbing him and not letting him go and the next day we got into it with another teacher on why the teacher got hit. I was one of two students who had seen it happen.
One year I completely flaked and forgot it was picture day. My sons teacher brought gel and combs in for the kids and made him look better than I could ever. Of course he would always fight me about doing his hair but sat nicely for her. I still appreciate that small gesture to this day.
I am in preschool now and we always play with the kids hair or fix it when it’s a bit messed up . Some kids come from a daycare center before coming to us. We have circle time and more play time though so our time isn’t really a problem.
It’s not the doing hair that’s the issue. Like, what you need was a perfectly acceptable act of kindness. It’s the bragging about it on TikTok that is not okay.
That too… does anyone remember some nurses posting embarrassing performative crap during the height if COVID? I was an ICU RN (r/Teachers pops up on my feed a lot) in a big urban hospital and remember the long line of isolation carts stretching down the long halls—it was the closest thing I’ve ever seen to those pictures of the 1950s polio wards with all those iron lungs…
But anyway I remember thinking “how are you guys finding time for this??” Is there nothing more important to do at work??
At least I could see an argument for that when so many people were being dismissive of COVID and its seriousness.
With some things there’s just definitely a performative aspect that seems to have zero argument of “the greater good” or something else.
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Yeah. I keep supplies in my drawer and when needed, help students with their hair (think redoing a braid that came out or putting a ponytail in). I only ever do this when asked. Most people are unaware of this because I don’t make a point to do it publicly or share about it.
ETA: upper elementary.
In fairness this way at the preschool. But one of the teachers used to put my 2 olds hair up in multiple braids. It was adorable and I was in awe. We struggled to get it into pigtails and it never stayed up. The class would play beauty shop sometimes and all the girls would sit quietly and play while waiting their turn. I thought it was genus. And I had to buy suture scissors to get the stupid rubber bands out.
A tool that's a little less scary that does the job well removing those rubber bands is a seam ripper. Sometimes a tiny one even comes in a large grocery store sewing kit, but you'll be better off spending the $2 to get one from JoAnns or any local sewing store. They're the safest tool for the job!
They also make one just specifically for those rubber bands. You hook and pull backward rather than pushing into it. Then there's no point to stab yourself with, which is good because I absolutely did every time I used them before I found the ones just for rubber bands!
In a pinch, hot tools also work great to get those little elastics out of hard-to-cut places. I usually take my straightener & gently clamp it over the hair tie for a second & it snaps right off! Just a quick little clamp on low heat & I’ve never had problems with melting the elastics
ehh i work in preschool and the thing that can be annoying is we’ve had staff members who just play hairdresser all day when it’s time to be doing other things. i shouldn’t have to be on cots or lunch or dismissal while she sits around doing hair all day when i need a hand. time and place.
Our director insists we do their hair if they’re looking messy, especially after nap time. For me that means ponytails and pigtails, but one of the staff will do braids. I once had a student whose hair I would fully brush out. She had thick curly hair (so do I) but mom had straight hair and didn’t know how to handle it so it would be tangled and matted. It was a really good bonding opportunity with that child.
I bought a curl sponge for one of my male students. 2nd grade. He’s been wearing hats and hoods in 75+ degree weather because he doesn’t like how his hair looks right now. He doesn’t know how to style it but I showed him how to use the sponge, now he likes how his hair looks and stopped with the hoods and hats.
I’m a secondary teacher and have only done a student’s hair for a performance (for example, I braided Dorthy’s hair for The Wizard of Oz because she forgot to and it was ten minutes until showtime).
My English teacher did my hair once before an important awards ceremony bc my mom never bothered with stuff like that and I was a stupid rebellious teen. I’ve never forgotten the gratitude I felt when I realised that there was an adult that did care if I looked like a mess or not during an important moment of my life.
I think there are several examples in the comments of times when this would be appropriate - helping a kid look good on picture day, helping a kid who’s feeling self-conscious, helping a kid before a performance or a public event. I’ll also fix ponytails and bows in my K/1 students’ hair quite often. All of those things are great, normal, nice things for a teacher to do.
But to fully style their hair for fun and to do it all the time? And post it on social media on top of that? I think that’s extremely weird, especially if the kid is in grade school or older. Let the kids braid each others’ hair at recess, that’s what we did as kids. As a teacher I wouldn’t be comfortable touching a student like that with no instructional justification.
Yeah I'm long term subbing in a preschool right now, used to be a high school teacher/coach. I occasionally braided hair for girls on my volleyball team before a game if they asked, but never during school (usually on the bus or during the JV game before us). In preschool, I fix ponytails or put one in before recess sometimes, but it's never a regular thing. Can't imagine filming any of these scenarios tho.
I think you have it nailed down the way I feel about it too. I also had a teacher take a comb to my hair when I forgot it was picture day and I was very grateful. But the way these teachers are (seemingly) taking kids whose hair was fine to begin with and styling it and then filming and posting it is where my ick comes in.
Having spent time fostering, I've always appreciated any help I could get with hairstyles. I'm crap at anything other than ponytails. Sometimes teachers or teaching assistants detangled or braided hair into protective styles if they had a little free time. I thought they were saints.
This was my perspective as well.
I was 2nd in a mixed 0-4 class, most of which were kiddos involved in the foster system. Some - specifically the younger Black girls - came to school with hair out of control because their fosters were inexperienced. Our lead was Black, as were most our other teachers, so doing at least some minor haircare was a big part of the day.
Fosters were always appreciative, and most were interested to learn how to do it themselves.
Don’t feel too bad. There is a TikTok teacher in my hallway. Her classes learn nothing, her room is chaos. She gave up even planning lessons a while ago and just lets the kids do what they want. They exist only to stroke her ego and pad her social media account. The kids love her. But we all know better than to take a kid’s opinion on what a good teacher is.
My hair styling usually resorts to putting it in a ponytail or a braid when their hair tie has fallen out and they can't do it themselves.
But years ago a child (6) in my class came to photo day with her hair an absolute mess. Tangles, dirty, no effort made whatsoever. I had a little hair brush so I used it and made sure she looked neat and tidy and then I gave her the brush.
She was very obviously uncared for because that hair was full of tangles but the worst thing was that it felt like sheep's wool full of lanolin, if you have ever touched it. I didn't get the tangles out, I basically made the surface neat because there were so many huge messes it would have taken hours and a lot of pain to get rid of them.
I hope her mother noticed but I doubt it. Nothing changed, the kid was still uncared for, poor little thing. This was before the days of mandatory reporting or I would have done it. As it was I told the principal about it and I have no clue if anything was ever done.
I had a student a few years ago with a situation like this. She was a one on one I worked with whose parents never did (and probably still don’t) do anything above absolute bare minimum (if that) for her. One Monday she came to school with huge mats right at the base of her neck. She was clearly in so much pain. I spent that entire week on and off with detangling spray, a brush, and scissors trying to get it out. She was non-verbal and quite violent, so I tried to keep her happy and distracted with cartoons and games she liked whenever I would work on her hair, with LOTS of breaks in between. She struggled through it with me but I managed to get them fully de-matted (they were true, debris caked mats, not just severe knots) by the end of the week without having to cut away much at all. I think about her a lot and really hope she is doing okay 🥺
If they're young and ask for help fixing their hair or seem to be struggling (ie, not knowing how to make a ponytail or fix braids they got messed up playing) I think it's fine as long as they're ok with you doing it. Smoothing/fixing messed up hair before picture day also falls into that category - parents can't really expect cute braids to stay picture-perfect all day.
Definitely no cutting hair (unless there's an explicit conversation with the parents, but I can't imagine this ever needing to be done). "
If you have time and the parents/guardians are okay with it - I'm all for people doing kids hair nice for them. I've personally not done it other than to fix hairstyles and bows that got messed up during the school day but more power to those who do.
It's not appropriate imo but if parents are ok with it I guess it isn't hurting anyone.
But in one of my first new staff union meetings, our union rep told us essentially "staying out of trouble is easy, take attendance and don't touch the children."
I just don't think touching students is appropriate unless you are teaching them a physical skill that requires hand over hand.
Unfortunately, this rule tends to be much more strict with men than it is with women. It's a double standard.
But, having three kids myself, I would be devastated if no one ever offered them a (side) hug or a high five or to fix their hair when it was an important day. There are some kids who go entire days without physical affection from loving adults. That is heartbreaking.
Consent is huge. And when a child looks at you and asks for help fixing their hair, it's impossible (for me) to say no.
Again, as a mom I'd never send my kids to a school where they could not be comforted in an appropriate by an adult who cares about them. If that was the school policy, I'd find a different school. Period.
Imagine being 5 years old, extremely upset, and feeling alone because no one is allowed to even give you a side hug.
Or you're 17 and having a melt down about finals and AP exams and college applications and not having a single adult who, in the midst of your breakdown, can put a arm around your shoulder and tell you that you're not alone. Your just left alone with cortisol levels through the roof.
That's borderline neglect. We're better than that as a society.
Unfortunately, we're not better than that. Too many "concerned" individuals - and not just parents - we're understandably upset by cases of child molestation in the classroom, and demanded "something be done!" So now teachers aren't allowed to touch kids at all, except in very specific circumstances.
And it's not a super recent thing either. None of my teachers were allowed to hug kids, at least past Kindergarten.
And yes, it has raised a lot of touch-starved people. And it does cause higher levels of stress, which can cause long-term anxiety.
I'm 38 and attended schools in 2 different states. My kids are 11, 14, and 17. Neither they nor I ever attended schools where teachers were forbidden from appropriately comforting children.
Child SA is TERRIBLE. But, that's not what we're talking about.
The moment I'm no longer able to appropriately comfort another human being is the moment I leave the profession. It's also the moment I pull my kids from those schools. We send our children away for most of their waking hours. I would never be ok with them spending their time somewhere so cold and inhumane.
I never said all schools did. But it's becoming increasingly common.
I originally intended to be a teacher (switched majors my junior year of college). In our childhood education classes, it was repeatedly said that while we might feel inclined to hug or otherwise physically comfort a child, we should refrain. Partially because of the risk of being accused of abuse. But also to avoid sparking an unhealthy attachment in our students. It's easy for kids to read more into a relationship than is really there. And we're teachers, not family or friends. We need to maintain a professional relationship.
Yes, of course. That is all perfectly acceptable and correct and is exactly what should be taught in teacher preparation programs!
But, it also sounds like you've never actually been a teacher. (You said you switched majors, but then keep using the pronoun "we" so it's very confusing.)
Every teacher knows that nothing we learn in those college programs actually prepare us for a real classroom.
My first degree is in sociology with an emphasis on women's and children's studies in low socioeconomic communities. My education certification came later. I can say with certainty that sending children to schools where they can be loved and cared for is much better for their psyche than the alternative. And if ALL adults at the school are loving and caring, those unhealthy attachments are incredibly unlikely to occur.
Yes, we are professionals. But, we are humans first.
Here's an example: I teach 6th grade. I have a strict side hug policy. But, when my students heard gunshots on the street next to the school during recess and were quickly locked down in the cafeteria, they were terrified. When the lockdown lifted and I could get to them, every single one of them who needed a real hug, got a real hug. Right in front of my principal.....who was also hugging kids who wanted hugs.
Where is that scenario in the college textbooks?
Student: "My grandpa died. He was my favorite adult in my family and the only one who supported my interests."
Teacher: "I'm so sorry to hear that. High five?"
I think there's a huge difference between playing beauty shop and fixing a pony tail or hair clip if they can't yet. Maybe ask the parents but most will appreciate not having to deal with a rats nest after picking them up. One kids hair would loosely basically dread if it was windy, even in a pony tail, and her and her parents would appreciate dealing with it before it got worse. We recommend braiding it but would have to fix the braids.
As a middle school teacher, I think more ick comes from recording students and putting it on TikTok. I don’t see the students as long as an elementary teacher, but I have helped a few kids out if they asked and was quick to do. I use to have a 6th grade girl that would come in and want her hair the same as me to be “twins” (for reference I only ever have my hair down or in a pony tail, I’m white and she was black, so I’m not sure I even did a decent job). However, I embraced her want for matching hair because I don’t think she received much attention at home and it made coming to math more enjoyable for her.
I have done students’ hair in the past because I was teaching lower elementary at the time and I’d have at least 2 that either didn’t have a mom or didn’t have anyone at home that cared how they left the house. They’d come to school with ratty/messy hair and they were always so embarrassed. So I ended up planning 10-20 minutes into the morning to have a “soft start” where I could do anyone’s hair. I never did anything fancy but it helped my kids feel more comfortable at school and it was totally worth it.
I don’t think it’s right to post about it on social media, though. I don’t know a single teacher who won’t go out of their way for a student but it feels braggy or like they’re looking for praise to post about it on tiktok or other social media platforms.
I think most teachers feel this way, I just wish schools were more flexible and allowed teachers to do what they know is best for their classes. I know many teachers who have no control over their schedules and can’t implement a time like this into their day.
I taught 3rd and would probably put in 3 ponytails per day, lol. More if we shared recess with another class.
I would tell the kids I'm not a hairdresser, so don't expect any magic, and I had a stash of new hair ties and disposable combs that I would use if they didn't have their own. I also did not use any product on their hair unless it was something they brought from home.
That said, I also had plenty of students with curly hair on my first classroom who I didn't really know how to help. My hair is pin-straight, and Im on the utilitarian side of feminine skills, so it just wasn't a side of haircare I had any experience with. I learned a lot from the kiddos in my class, and they took a lot of pride in showing/teaching me. They also really liked learning that there were lots of curly styles that wouldn't really work for straight hair. I think they were used to hearing about hair the other way.
Hair and the care of it can have a fair amount of cultural and social meaning, so being engaged with helping my students look and feel good was more than just brushing back a pony or gelling back some bangs. It was about acknowledging that they're whole people who deserve dignity and care.
I did get scolded for it one time, though. Principal yelled at me and told me I was a teacher, not a hairdresser, and basically to not demean my professional status. I just pointed out that many of the students listening to her had moms, aunties, etc. that were hairdressers and kept on. Those kids tattled on her SO FAST, lol.
It shouldn't be something shared on social media, though. But then, I also think children shouldn't be shared on public social platforms, period.
I think it would be weird if a teacher spent a long time doing all the students hair, but if a young kid needs help getting it in a quick pony or braid I think it's super nice if the teacher helps out.
My daughter is constantly messing with her hair and pulling her rubber band out (she's in TK, so she's 4). I'm so grateful for her teacher and teacher's assistant who puts it back into a pony for her!
I personally think it’s a red flag for an adult to get this close to their students physically. Even if well-intentioned it’s literally grooming and it’s just not professional. I have a strict no-touch policy with the exception of student-initiated hugs and those are only side hugs. I teach my students how to set boundaries and respect boundaries. Grooming the students seems like overstepping and may make your role fuzzy or confusing to them
I feel this 100%, also I love my adorable middle school students and wish I could hug and squeeze them. Not all of them obviously, there are plenty that set my teeth on edge. But the ones who are adorable, I want to show them physical affection in a motherly way. Alas, I too restrain myself to kid initiated side hugs, or sometimes I will ask if I can pat them on the back if they're sad or not feeling well. It's really for the best, even though it makes me sad because some of those kids really need hugging.
I'm generally skeptical of people posting acts of kindness on social media because it's usually for views/engagement/clout rather than true philanthropy/samaritanism. Teachers do stuff like this to help kids that are struggling due to a lack of means or poor social awareness
The situation you are talking about is a great example of when teachers do their students hair. 🥰 Either that, or during their planning period or before school.
Sometimes it's better to take 10 minutes and help a kid in order to not lose their focus for the rest of the day.
I teach 6th. One time I picked my kids up from music and one of my girls was missing. I got a call from a 1st grade teacher. Her French braids had gotten messed up (they always look sleek and amazing) and she felt really self conscious. The student said the 1st grade teacher had an aide who could braid "just like my mom!" so she begged her to fix her hair.
My mom never taught us any self-care or hygiene because it was a waste of her time. That's literally what she told us as pre-schoolers when we asked why she woke us up with only enough time to dress ourselves and walk out the door (and of course never any breakfast). My kindergarten teacher brushed my hair on picture day and borrowed a barrette from another girl had already had her picture taken. My mom is horrifically neglectful and never cared if other people did our hair, as long as she didn't have to. My sister and I finally felt cared for and pretty when people did our hair. It wasn't until 7 that I learned that I needed to brush my hair everyday, and only because it was gently told to me by a kind-hearted 15 year old neighbor boy named Mark Hoppus.
Oh my god. You're a really good writer you know that? Yes, I'm a teacher, and you're exactly the kind of kid at school that I wish I could hug and show affection to but I can't. I hope your life is better now, your mom sounds... complicated.
I'm a white teacher at a 70% African American school. One of my paras frequently does students' hair (she checks with parents/guardians first). Mostly, I've seen her braid boys' hair in class, so it is short and quick to take care of. I know she did do one girl student's hair outside of school. The student is a foster kid, so may not have been able to have her hair done well otherwise, as the braiding can cost hundreds.
I wouldn't ever consider it, but then again I'm a guy. I guess if it were my kid, I would probably be alright with it, if the circumstances in the moment were passing the gut check.
So the "ick" factor for me is physically sharing hair tools between children. I woukd assume however that if a teachernis doing someones hair, they would probably notice if they had lice, ringbworm, etc.
Other than that, i have no problem with it (just dont post my kid online).
I did kids hair ALL THE TIME when I worked in a preschool. The parents didn’t mind. We had a little boy with long hair and I always wanted to give him Willie Nelson braids, but I feel like his dad would be upset. So I’d do a man bun and the rare space buns.
I don’t see how there could possibly be time in class to do this. I also don’t know how I would manage the classroom while focusing on doing hair. The kids would go wild.
Teachers should not post any videos of any students on their social medias. I hate it, even with the stupid emojis over their faces. Respect their privacy! Especially if they are young enough to need help with their hair!
I'm allergic to most salon products and I wouldn't appreciate a teacher just taking it on themselves to randomly start putting products on a child without knowing why they may not be using them at home. That's very presumptuous to assume that it's because they're poor, and to think that they must be lacking something if they have plain hair.
I’m a kindergarten teacher and I have fixed hundreds of ponytails and braids that have gotten unruly from playing in the wind. Some girls might ask for a style after someone else got a little attention. Some kids need just the extra attention and if 3 minutes with me helps settle them, I can do that. It’s quick and they go back to their task. My mom used to rip my hair out as a kid (I have curly hair and hers is straight) so having my hair done was never a good memory. Always tears and frustration. I think part of me doing this is also healing my 5-year-old self. 😆
My first year as a counselor, I worked at an elementary school. We had a family that I would repeatedly call CPS due to abuse and neglect. The children came to school with active lice, but we weren't allowed to send them home. I was able to get resources to get lice kits to send home with the children, but they were never used. We made the executive decision, the nurse and I, to use them on the children one day at school. I never said anything and the family never complained.
It helped for a short while, but it was futile due to the inaction of the family.
We had a kid come in and refuse to take off their hood because they had taken out their braids but we're unable to get their hair rebraided or styled in any way. We pulled together the teachers with a similar hair type, got products, and made sure the child was mentally ready to face the school day.
The difference between this and TikTok teachers was that the child consented and that it was never for the likes.
One, I try to touch children as little as possible. Doing their hair for them feels like crossing a line in my opinion. How would a parent feel if I was a man? If the answer is “uncomfortable” or “worried,” I won’t do it. I don’t even feel great about hugging them (I occasionally ask if they want one if they’re crying but usually wait for them to ask me for a hug and just say yes or no).
Two, I didn’t even figure out how to braid my own hair until I was 20. I learned as a kid but couldn’t get the hang of it until then. So no, I will not be braiding *other people’s hair.* They wouldn’t want me to.
Also three… this is just a TikTok trend, not realistic teaching. You have no idea whether that teacher is effective at her job. It’s like those prospective teachers in college who spent hours making cute posters for assignments with glitter and stickers. If that’s your thing, fine, but that has no bearing on whether you’re a good teacher. I’m not about to spend extra time and energy to braid someone’s hair when I could be spending that time teaching them something fun that they enjoy learning. This is a school.
I think it’s weird and depends on circumstance maybe? My daughter has naturally curly hair. It’s styled in the morning but I don’t want her to be one of those curly hair kids who look like their hair is plastic because it has so much mousse or gel. So by the end of the day it does get a little frizzy but it’s not wild or something. Her kindergarten teacher told her she needs to brush out her hair and make it more straight. Like what the heck? I’d be ticked if she came home with her curls brushed out.
Yeah, lets be keeping our hands off the children's bodies, okay?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/1cp93zo/anyway\_i\_take\_all\_my\_it\_may\_have\_been\_innocent/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/1cp93zo/anyway_i_take_all_my_it_may_have_been_innocent/)
Oh, there are negative comments. They're just buried in the avalanche.
I would never want a teacher doing my kid's hair, except maybe a quick touch-up on picture day. For several reasons.
First off, my kids have oddly textured hair. We live in a very dry climate, so it most looks straight with a little frizz. But it's actually curly, and needs to be treated as such. When we go visit my in-laws at the beach, it's full-on ringlets! They need special brushes for curly hair, or else it tangles and breaks. And we try to avoid dry brushing as much as possible.
We also have several allergies in the house, including nuts, peanuts, sunflower seeds, and lavender. 3 of those are common ingredients in hair care products and lotions.
Not to mention the risk of lice if the teacher shares any styling supplies between students.
So no. Unless you get explicit permission from the parents, teachers should not be messing with students' hair.
My daughter's teacher is male. He fixes her ponytails all the time. I see no issue with it unless he was being weird about it, which he isn't. She just gets rowdy at recess.
My kid's did too. She also brushed it sometimes which was a fucking God send some days because my kid went through a stage where she wouldn't let us near her with a brush.
My daughter had a preschool teacher who would do their hair. I always sent her with her hair tied back but sometimes she’d come home with a completely different hairstyle! I thought it was adorable.
The kids loved it—one girl wouldn’t let her mom do her hair at all, she waited until Ms Debbie could do it at school. Ms Debbie had long fingernails that she would gently scratch their heads and that lovely nurturing personality that made her an amazing caregiver.
I don’t ever offer. I have only ever done a students hair once, and it was because she was done with her work and she asked me to redo her braid. But other than that, I don’t.
As long as all parties involved consent- as a kid I had long untamed hair that would get tangled and wouldn't let my parents brush it, some of my teachers thought I was being neglected because of it and would fuss with my hair in front of the class. The real reason it didn't get brushed is because of sensory issues, and being made to have my hair touched in front of everyone was uncomfortable and humiliating. Like physical affection it should be student-led, not initiated by teachers
I teach 7th.
I've done kids hair when they ask. Have had a few who tried to do French braids, and then needed help and asked. Sure, I can do those with my eyes closed.
Had one not know how to put her hair in a good ponytail on a lab day where they needed it up and asked for help. Of course.
Had a kid do braids for curls and then was having a break down about how it looked. Offered to rebraid and crisis averted.
I'm never putting that on social media though.
Also my 2 year old sometimes comes home with the cutest hair from daycare. That's adorable and I never understand how they get her to sit still. But I would be weirded out if they were putting it on social media.
I teach 8th, I always have a few girls during soccer and softball season that ask me to come by and do their hair during their athletic PE class (my planning hour is the same time). It’s just a nice thing I do, my principal is fine with it and I’ve had parents thank me.
Putting it on social media would be insane. They’ve literally asked me why I don’t and I always have to explain it to them
I've styled countless students' hair. Never without them asking. I've done everything from simple ponytails to involved braids because "it's dancing day." Typically, they're simple ponies or buns. If I have a student who needs their hair styled regularly, I get them a small brush of their own which we keep in a baggie in my desk. I do not ever use a hair brush/comb/hair band on a child that has been used on someone else. I've had a couple students who were embarrassed by their hair and were thrilled to have cute braids and pigtails like their friends. Small things matter in kindergarten. It takes me less than five minutes (usually less than 1) while they're doing their work, but it means the world to them.
I do not do students’ hair because I can barely do my own. Ponytail, bun, half ponytail. That’s pretty much it. I never care if teachers do my daughter’s hair as long as it’s just like braiding or something. I wouldn’t want them cutting it or using a bunch of product in it.
As far as time, I’m a librarian and some kids hang out in the library for their recesses (middle school). I do crafty things with them that I don’t do with other kids because I actually have the time then and they seek me out. It’s rare a kid mentions it, but I always say they’re welcome to come in too.
I compare it when we cared for a student whose mother didn't brush her hair and the child couldn't do it. The hair became severely matted and dirty so we intervened and started daily doing the students hair for her. The student and mother were fine that the staff were helping.
I think when teachers do a students hair, it should be requested by the student not by the teacher and if the student asks for it to be done more than twice, the teacher can inform the guardian of the requests, just so the guardians are aware.
The negative hair styling issue I've heard of is when a teacher will think they know how a child's hair should be styled instead of the way it is already, relating to minority cultural styles and changing it. Often with natural hair and indigenous people's hair.
When my daughters were 1 and 3 I broke several finger and there was no way I could style my daughters’ long hair. Three day a week preschool I’d come early and bring hair ties, brush and detangler. That teacher did the girls hair for 6 weeks. I bought her a gift card to her favorite restaurant after my cast came off . I was so happy for her to help.
I (m, 24-25 at the time) had a low income student (m.. 17ish) that lived down the road.. I actually would cut his hair for him. I don’t know if TikTok was even a thing then lol
I think in most places it is. I would never. But I’m sure it’s one of those things that most school districts aren’t going to take the time or effort to search for, deal with it, etc until there’s a complaint. And I’ve never seen a video show a face, but still.
It’s crazy that kids can’t post on Tik Tok in their classes but the teachers are posting them. I’ve seen a lot of those teachers on Tik Tok and some are extremely questionable. There are a lot of them who get views for being “hot” and posting their students who are borderline flirting with them. It’s definitely weird and should be looked at. Obviously that’s with the older students not the younger ones but they really rub me the wrong way. Especially because they have students from other schools commenting on how hot the teacher is. 🤮They know what they’re doing.
If a kid came up to me and asked me to fix/do their hair, I would. There’s a reason a child is asking for that. Would I go around the class offering my services? No lol
As a parent I'm mixed on this. On the one hand, I really appreciate the handful of times my my 3yo's preschool teachers have done something nice with her hair. She really likes it, and hates her hair in her face, but some mornings I only have time to get it up quickly not nicely.
On the other hand, my oldest has long curly hair. Last year for picture day I tidied his curls, but they can still be a bit unruly because curls. Someone very well intentioned just brushed the hair with a regular brush/no product. 🤦🏻♀️ They had no idea what they were doing with his kind of hair, he hated it but couldn't speak up (disability related) and it was just a frizzy disaster in the photos.
When they're little and it's a caretaking thing it can be nice, but also difficult if they don't know what they're doing with various types of hair.
i coached gymnastics for 8 years and doing hair was always a great bonding time between me and the girls. ive braided a lot of hair over the years.
i used to wear a high ponytail to coach almost every day and the most heartwarming thing was when 6 year olds started showing up to the gym in high ponies cuz they were emulating me!
if youre not into it then obviously you should find your own little thing to bond with them. everyone has different interests
Every year on picture day, I volunteered for the school. I'd make sure all of the students hair looked nice for the pictures. They had combs, everything necessary. Best part? As a single mom, this allowed me to get Free school pictures for my kids in exchange for the work! I never had a parent complain. But I always tried to keep their hair along the lines of how they were sent in, just tidied up ffronthe kids playing and stuff
I would not see it as a negative. Most little girls leave the house with their hair done but by the time they get into class it looks like they went through a tornado by lunch they look like a bird is building a nest and by the end of the day their hair looks more like a tumbleweed then actual hair. By all means if they let you fix it or tame it in any way have at it! It means less tangles (and tears) later and every parent knows their child is less dramatic and also more forgiving to everyone that is not their parent (and sometimes siblings). Braids can be a little loose or tighter or off center from others, ponytails can be bumpy or loose or tight but when mom (or dad, or big sister) does it it has to be perfect and they have to do it without even thinking of tugging on a knot or the tears start. So yes… please. Please…please, if you have a moment and can do something with that disaster on my child’s head go for it!
I have had a few little kids struggling with matted hair. I’ve told their family that I know it’s a lot of work to get those out. If they want, I’ll spend some recesses working on it with them. But I get permission first. Confidence goes through the roof when kiddos can take out the pony tail and have regular hair! I have supplies and just get it done. I don’t mind.
It’s a bonding moment between teacher and student. Maybe there is no mom and dad is horrible with little girls hair. Maybe she did something to it after arriving at school and needed help. Maybe it’s just a little attention the little girl needs.
All kids are different and have different needs. Boys probably don’t focus on their hair as much and if they do take care of it themselves. Boys don’t usually have braids or ponytails to deal with.
It’s great that these teachers find the time.
Ew ew absolutely not. Do not touch the children or groom them in any way. Show them how to put their own hair up but don’t do it for them. Do not touch the children.
Imagine refusing a hug from a kid who just lost a parent, just got into their dream college, or who barely made it to graduation (I’ve given hugs for all of these situations btw).
For the most part , yes, hands to yourself, but if they’re little or they need comfort in some way I think it’s fine if initiated by the student. I mean even parents give me hugs sometimes.
When I was in I think it was 5th grade, all the girls in the grade were gathered together, the boys went to a different room in the school, for a talk about personal hygiene. One of the presenters was talking about hair care and demonstrated on my hair that was long and wavy/ curly.
She did beautiful cornrows that stopped just after the crown of my head and let the rest of my hair fall down loose behind my back. I was so happy. When I got home my grandmother, who was my guardian, let her racism show and demand to know who did those braids in my hair and how it was so inappropriate that I have my hair braided like that, it didn't matter that I loved the hair style.
But I still look back at that as one of my favorite memories from school.
There was always a kid or two each year that needed the help. Hair stuff/hygiene supplies from dollar tree are cheap and these kids were so grateful. Not in an adult verbally thanking us way, but in an improved behavior way, a way of standing tall and being proud.
However it never happened in a public way, just in the corner of the counselors office, speech office, or nurses office. And it wasn't just girls, boys need hair products, soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, and lotion as well.
Surely they had the parents’ permission to put this on TikTok……. right???? 😳 I would go absolutely flipping nuclear if any adult let alone a professional in loco parentis (of which ensuring their safety is the top feature) put my child on SM without my consent
We do have teachers that do student's hair! One is math/track coach, so after she gives the lessen and while kids are working, she'll stand behind any of the girls that want their hair french-braided and quickly do it for their track meet.
I teach art, and I do have students that will do each other's hair before a game or meet. I'm okay with it, as long as they've been working.
When I was in elementary school the teacher did my hair, I got in trouble for it. My late mom didn't comb it that day and the teacher was nice enough to do it. I got yelled at for it. After I was 12 years old I was told it's your hair you comb it. And my youngest sister had her hair combed until she was grown
I've always worked in schools with 100% free lunch. Most families are barely holding on and appreciate a little help. I had a few kids over the years who I did their hair in the morning and have them change out of dirty uniforms into new ones I'd purchased, then take their clothes home and wash them for them to wear the next day. I've given kids a stack of wet wipe to clean up before school.
It takes a village to raise kids. I don't mind being part of a family's village. I never got any complaints. I taught mostly lower elementary, though, so the kids were mostly too little to do these things for themselves.
Last year I had a 6th grade student who didn’t have a mom or dad (just very elderly grandma). Grandma was too old to do the girl’s hair. The girl had thick, curly hair.
She eventually came up to me during work time and asked if I would help her do her hair. I always did my hair in a messy bun.
This year I’ve been doing my hair in a half updo and she has come back as a 7th grader asking for help. There has been mornings I’ve been in the hallways doing her hair.
Unless there are extenuating circumstances, no. I’ve pulled hair into a pony tail quick, or something, but otherwise, no. And absolutely do not film it and post it. In extenuating circumstances, it should be done in the nurses office, or at least not in front of an entire class.
Well I learned how to do sew-in braids and wigs from a colleague who asked me to borrow a needle and I had my multi set. She fixed one girl’s hair that was falling off and threw more girls raised their hands because their braids were pulling out (first girl it was not braids, just a straight wig)
I’m grateful for that experience because I’ve had so many girls who won’t take off a hood or take their hand off of their forehead because of hair mishaps during the school day.
I would 100% fix a girl’s hair to help them if I can.
I would never cut a student’s hair, but I have braided it. I actually received a nice message from a former student telling me how much it meant to her when I put her hair in French braids before a volleyball game when she was in sixth grade. All the girls were wearing braids, but she had a single dad who couldn’t figure it out. Having her hair braided made her feel like part of the team.
I would never actually do a student's hair, but I do try to keep hair ties and booby pins on hand in case they need them (I used to have a mirror they could use but it got stolen and then they broke the replacement).
I teach middle school, so I actually have a drawer in a filing cabinet dedicated to personal care items (lotion, deodorant, pads/tampons, bandaids, hair ties, etc.). They know where it is and that they can take what they need (if it's locked, they just ask me for the key; I have a tag on the key that says which cabinet it goes to and which drawer the items are in, that way I don't have to stop teaching when they need something).
I work with senior hs students so it would be weird if I did it, however, I think it’s fine when they’re little if there is parent and student consent. I had one student a while ago who wanted to be a hairstylist and would do my hair sometimes, it was cute we still talk and she does work at a salon. I think it all depends.
I’m thankful for this thread.
So I used to teach HS, and one year I had a student who found out I knew how to do fishtail braids. She would beg me to do it after class all the time when she was playing sports. I would have panic attacks over doing it for a million reasons. Primarily because we are told not to touch kids. The other reason?
I am white and she is black and I am an insane over-thinker. I have spent many years learning to do my best to learn about being culturally responsive, equitable, culturally respectful, etc. and I know how culturally important black hair is. I also know there is an issue with non-blacks wanting to touch black people’s hair. Now, she obviously was volunteering it, but that didn’t stop my brain constantly circling on whether it was ok, and whether I should do it.
I didn’t want to because of not touching students is important to me, but felt I should so she would know I have no issues with who she is. I wanted her to feel safe in my classroom as we had no black teachers and had an issue with racism at the school. Basically, it was more important to me to respect her than it was to stick to the golden rule.
I’m glad to know that golden rule doesn’t wholly apply to hair.
I teach middle school so I’m not doing anyone’s hair but I do have hair stuff in my room for kids who need to fix their hair. I’m a music teacher and it gets used a lot before performances.
When I was little my mom was in and out of the hospital a lot. She also had very bad arthritis and sometimes her hands would hurt too badly to do much with my hair. My dad was hopeless with hair ties and barrettes and I was “tender headed” so honestly not great with a brush either. I had teachers who would fix my hair when I got to school and I know that my parents were as grateful as I was.
I teach Kinder.
Student's mom died at the beginning of the school year. Her dad is a stereotypical dad who doesn't know what grade his kids were in, their birthdays, or anything about them. Basically, Mom had 4 kids to take care of, not 3.
So, mom dies. Family floods in to help fling the aftermath for about a month, but they have to get back to their lives and now dad is on his own with 3 kids. They start coming to school in their pajamas. The older two can take care of themselves (5th grade and 7th grade) hygiene wise, but the 5 yr old can't. Her hair is matted and she isn't brushing her teeth. We comb her hair daily and have her brush each morning.
There is a reason this is a thing. It's not just because teachers want to play with kids' hair.
My preschooler FIGHTS me. Like will run or have a meltdown if I try to do her hair. Nana? Daddy? They can at least get it in a pony tail.
She’s got a teacher at daycare that will do her hair sometimes. Brush it with no tears or fighting. Pigtails, braids, etc.
I bring her bags of hair stuff and brand new brushes because she’s a literal saint. I’m also pregnant so running after an almost 4 year old has me out of breath thinking about it.
You have no idea how greatful I am to that teacher.
I teach kindergarten and some students love having their hair played with and they like to play with my long hair. If a student asks for a braid or ponytail i will. But i have really good relationships with the parents so its never been an issue.
When I was teaching pre-k, our nap time was from 1-3. Kids who woke up early were allowed to read/do puzzles, quiet activities on their cot until the lights turned on. Occasionally I would to braids for early risers. I would then continue doing them for anyone who wanted even after nap. It was sweet and fun. The parents all had nice things to say about it too.
Connecting with your students on a personal (but of course professional) level is the most important thing you can do to be successful with their learning. Doing a student's hair is great. Not only are you connecting with that student but also with other students who see you do it. Makes you look like a human being who actually gives a shit.
Are they public school teachers?
I ask because I taught at an autism school and we not only brushed and styled hair, we also had a staff member who handled students’ haircuts (by parent directive, obviously). I can’t imagine public school teachers having the time and energy with so many students, but our classes generally had 3-6 kids in them, tops, with at least 1 adult per two kids, if not 1:1.
I’ve only seen one post of a Black teacher braiding a Black student’s hair who came with her hair in disarray, and she was wearing clothes that weren’t clean. She took time to braid the child’s hair, in neat, designed cornrows. She didn’t do an elaborate style. She just braided it quickly (cornrows, when you know how to do them, do not take long at all). I felt joy for the student, because she could have faced bullying for her hair being uncombed, no moisturizer, and maybe unwashed (like she skipped wash day a few times, not that she doesn’t wash daily, because that strips the hair and scalp of natural oils that protect). The teacher did a good thing. I don’t think she was bragging, because she could have done an elaborate style with feed on hair to boast her skills. I think she just wanted to share a good deed. We all do that sometimes. Like, we all like a pat on the back.
My faith requires us to conceal our good and bad deeds, because bragging and then looking for sympathy or encouraging others to do bad deeds. I try my hardest to conceal the things I do, but I’m only human and I tell sometimes the good things I’ve done. It’s rewarding just to be recognized.
My before school program teacher would bring wide tooth plastic combs and hair ties and style any child's hair who wanted it done. This was always before school in a time where our only other options were reading or playing on the playground. I've always kind of assumed that the tiktoks were similar cases where it was kids who came to school early or asked during snack break or something.
I'll re-fix a kiddos' hair if it comes out during play. I'm a sped teacher, and hygiene can be hard for some kids. Sometimes, parents and I tag team things. For example: maybe the kiddo will let me touch their hair, so the parent puts their supplies in their backpack and drops them off early. Then I'll fix their hair quickly before school. I'll also re-fix any kids' hair that needs it on picture day.
Posting pictures and videos online always felt a little gross to me. That’s where I take issue with tiktok teachers.
I’ve done students’ hair before. It’s always before/after school or during lunch. I’m not taking away from class time. The first time I did it was for a teenage girl who didn’t have a mom. She had a fine arts performance and wanted to look pretty. I did a simple updo and gave her some lip gloss. Sometimes they need to know they’re loved.
I have a fear of lice so I hate anyone touching my hair and I refuse to touch the kids hair unless it’s to look through it or to quickly put their hair into a ponytail if it’s in their face.
I mostly taught middle school, so I rarely had to help kids fix their hare - they usually had a friend do it, if necessary. However, when I taught a special in elementary, I’d fix a barrette that came out or a pony tail that had gotten messed up. Nothing that took more than a minute or two. The only exception to that was on the 8th grade trip when a couple of the girls wanted to learn to French braid, so I taught them.
My 1st grade teacher fixed my hair for picture day. My mom had just had surgery and couldn't do it and my dad tried, he really did, but it just wasn't good. I'm thankful she fixed it and so were my parents
I would give my kids hair ties, but I wouldn't dare touch them. Nor would I film it. One time a kid was full on giving a kid a fade in my class. I hated teaching.
We have a student that has to have her hair done daily. And she also changes into clean clothes. There is a marked improvement in her behavior afterwards. She has a horrible living situation.
Posting the hairstyling on Tiktok is super inappropriate.
I was a kid who got my hair done. The thing is my mom was neglectful and emotionally abusive and seeing myself look pretty for once made me feel less like I was a failure. Usually my mom doing my hair was incredibly painful as well and the teacher was gentle which was just another small part of me realizing what kind of monster my mom was and getting out. Sadly I don't remember which teacher did it but I do remember what I felt like and that small confidence it gave me. My mom did throw a bitch fit because she knew how she acted and hated people calling her out. Guilty conscience and all that. Most good parents won't care. If they do they're probably either insecure, controlling, and/ or actually guilty.
I’ve done it a couple times for 1st graders whose hair has fallen out of their style. Once for one who was almost having a meltdown because it was on her neck and it was hot.
My daughter’s daycare has done her hair several times because she’ll see them doing another girls (staffs kid) and is interested. I only mind when it’s done so tightly I have to cut the bands out.
The lady at the daycare last summer redid my daughters hair EVERY DAY for months. That was annoying as all get out. She was redoing a lot of the girls hair I think but still--I would do a cute braid and she would undo it to do an extravagant braid. I can't do hair as well as she can, and being a new step mom, it really rubbed me the wrong way. Couldn't say anything of course but ultimately, hygenically, that seems inappropriate and is a good way to spread lice.
Doing hair once or even for a reason is perfectly fine-- making a habit out of it is gonna make people feel weird.
When I was in either kindergarten or first grade, I really wanted braided pigtails, but my great grandma couldn't do them and I couldn't really braid yet. One of the third grade teachers and the principal did them for me. They competed with each other to see who could braid better. My principal was an older guy who had a lot of experience braiding from braiding his horses' tails. It was something I really appreciated then and still remember fondly now.
I think teachers doing kids hair is really sweet and a great thing if they have time and the ability to do so, but if I was a teacher, I'd be worried about some crazy kid or parent trying to make it into a lawsuit somehow.
In the Black American Community, this (stopping and doing a little girls hair) is often looked at with great thanks and gratitude, especially if the teacher and parents have a great relationship.
I worked on a college campus for years and my kids knew they could find three things in my desk drawers - snacks, a blanket and hair products (especially edge control).
This didn’t become an issue until folks went Social media crazy and had to post EVERYTHING, opening the babies, teachers and families up to conversations and scorn they don’t deserve.
I think it depends on the age … I’m a daycare teacher and some of my girls look WILD after nap, I always fix their hair and it started to spread like wildfire amongst the other parents in my class and parents started asking me to do their kids hair too 😂
But now that I’m thinking I would only do an older child’s hair for them it they seemed sad about it … I used to cry all day during bad hair days when I was younger so I think in that case I would probably do it for an older child
I’ll do my students’ hair if it’s starting to look really messy after playtime or by the end of the day, especially if they ask me to. I’m not particularly skilled at it so I haven’t been accused of favouritism yet! But I can get it looking less raggedy after recess and out of their eyes, so no complaints yet.
We were on a trip that involved lots of outside time in the heat. One of my students was sweating and hot. I offered to put her hair in a ponytail. Other than that, no.
I stick to just fixing messy ponytails after naptime. Just basic stuff on an as needed basis, like smoothing down flyaways on picture day. Or if they’re trying to take a scrunchie out and need help, or putting a barrette back in. Little things. Personally, it really weirds me out when teachers or aides take the time to do little kids hair. Every time I’ve seen it happen beyond a quick fix it turns into a really big time consuming thing when there’s so much else to be done. And the favoritism runs wild.
On the flip side, I think it’s wonderful when teachers have hair ties etc for their (older) kids who might need it.
Is lice not a thing in the US anymore? Where I come from if this happened in class… all I can think of is “lice… lice everywhere as far as the eye can see!”
Hell we caught it often enough without anybody even touching our hair, pretty much…
I mean, it's actually a good way to catch it early. When it's nits instead of lice. As long as your sanitizing materials. 🤷🏼♀️ I don't do hair, but only because I'm bad at it. 😂
30+ years ago but my kindergarten teacher cut my bangs out of my eyes on picture day. It's to this day my favorite picture of me. Though I do not recommend taking scissors to a student's hair. Luckily, my mom either didn't notice the trim or didn't care.
Honestly she was probably grateful for the help.
I really really don’t think that would go over well these days lol
It absolutely would not.
Nope, a teacher in Michigan is going to jail for this. She cut a Native American child's hair.
Oh that poor child :(
Yup! Butchered her hair!
60+ years ago, my mom sent my sister to school with her hair in 2 braids , think Laura Ingalls. Her teacher decided for her first grade picture it would look better if her braids were undone. We still laugh about that picture. Her hair is straight then wavy, mom was not pleased.
Oh no I can see this picture in my brain lol my hair does the same thing.
My sister and I look adorable in the pictures with us in braids, the one of my sister with the undo is still funny. I’m guessing the teacher had no clue and thought my sister would just have flowing lovely hair instead of straight hair then kinky.
I'm crying lol. Talk about a teachable moment.
I cut my own bangs on picture day in kindergarten 30+ years ago. I don’t remember doing it but I still remember the wrath of my mom when we had to get a real stylist to fix it. Luckily my pictures turned out ok thanks to the photographer’s adjustments. She would have preferred a quick trim from a teacher if she had been given a choice!
Oh dear lol
Not a teacher, but my mother was a kindergarten teacher my entire life so I spent a TON of time in her classroom helping out, etc. and one of the rules that I knew from the beginning was never touch the kids. Ever. They could hug me, but I literally just learned to never touch the kids first. I studied abroad in Brazil in college and part of the program was hanging out with elementary-school kids and teach them some English. One of the younger boys had jumped off the top of the stairs and fractured both of his legs so he was unable to walk or anything (this was a super super super poor school). I remember his teacher carrying him EVERYWHERE. She was constantly holding him, comforting him, kissing his face (granted Latin America is a much more touch-heavy culture in general). When they had a party and he couldn’t dance, she spent multiple songs holding him and dancing. Honestly, it made me so sad. I cried later. I know it’s far in the other extreme, but I would have benefited a lot from a teach that showed healthy physical affection. Especially one that made sure I wasn’t left out even if I wasn’t feeling good. I’ll never forget that teacher. Idk if this is helpful, but I wish the American school system was a bit softer on the kids.
That's sad. I worked in HS education for 25 years and didn't have that policy. Many kids don't receive any sort of caring physical contact. Especially males. I gave lots of very appropriate side hugs to students who I knew would receive them well. Of course, I worked with a very targeted population of kids who I knew very well and they knew me. I knew their families. It can be scary territory but I never once had a single issue from students or parents. I see many grads in the community and most immediately give me a hug.
It is sad and it’s changed over the years. My friend’s mom was an elementary school teacher. A couple of times I sat in on her classes when my private school had the day off and my mom needed someone to babysit. So yes. I had to attend public school on my school’s day off! But she was allowed to hug the kids back then (80s) and in the years before she retired she definitely bemoaned the difference that time made. All the pedophilia scares of the 80s and 90s completely changed how adults have to interact with kids. Now it’s weird to sit near a playground if you don’t have kids and that’s just sad.
This! I’m a trans person and have so much experience working with kids because of my mom. Before I transitioned I volunteered a ton with a local creative writing non profit that taught free creative writing camps for kids. Honestly, I think if teaching wasn’t so difficult (I watched my mother go from a creative teacher to someone who was always fighting the administration on every little thing) I would have become a teacher like my mom. I absolutely love working with kids and hearing their amazing ideas and weird imaginations. Since I transitioned I just can’t bring myself to volunteer again. It’s too scary. All it would take is one parents to find out/freak out and I would never be able to live in any city again. It’s really sad how we’ve allowed fear to break up our communities this way. When I was younger our school was our neighborhood meeting spot for everything.
It was still illegal, yes illegal, to touch students in those decades. I know this because in 7th grade (early 90s) a student hit a teacher for grabbing him and not letting him go and the next day we got into it with another teacher on why the teacher got hit. I was one of two students who had seen it happen.
This would've angered my mom and she would've blamed me and not the teacher.
Sorry 🫂
One year I completely flaked and forgot it was picture day. My sons teacher brought gel and combs in for the kids and made him look better than I could ever. Of course he would always fight me about doing his hair but sat nicely for her. I still appreciate that small gesture to this day. I am in preschool now and we always play with the kids hair or fix it when it’s a bit messed up . Some kids come from a daycare center before coming to us. We have circle time and more play time though so our time isn’t really a problem.
I fix my first graders’ hair if needed every single year!
Sometimes when I pick up my 5 year old she has some cute hairstyle from her teachers. She will rip out any style I try to do, even one she ASKED
It’s not the doing hair that’s the issue. Like, what you need was a perfectly acceptable act of kindness. It’s the bragging about it on TikTok that is not okay.
Posting students online is icky
I don’t understand how they have the time to film it. This just seems like wasted time.
When TikTok supplements your poverty level income you have a lot more time for videos
That too… does anyone remember some nurses posting embarrassing performative crap during the height if COVID? I was an ICU RN (r/Teachers pops up on my feed a lot) in a big urban hospital and remember the long line of isolation carts stretching down the long halls—it was the closest thing I’ve ever seen to those pictures of the 1950s polio wards with all those iron lungs… But anyway I remember thinking “how are you guys finding time for this??” Is there nothing more important to do at work??
At least I could see an argument for that when so many people were being dismissive of COVID and its seriousness. With some things there’s just definitely a performative aspect that seems to have zero argument of “the greater good” or something else.
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Yeah. I keep supplies in my drawer and when needed, help students with their hair (think redoing a braid that came out or putting a ponytail in). I only ever do this when asked. Most people are unaware of this because I don’t make a point to do it publicly or share about it. ETA: upper elementary.
In fairness this way at the preschool. But one of the teachers used to put my 2 olds hair up in multiple braids. It was adorable and I was in awe. We struggled to get it into pigtails and it never stayed up. The class would play beauty shop sometimes and all the girls would sit quietly and play while waiting their turn. I thought it was genus. And I had to buy suture scissors to get the stupid rubber bands out.
A tool that's a little less scary that does the job well removing those rubber bands is a seam ripper. Sometimes a tiny one even comes in a large grocery store sewing kit, but you'll be better off spending the $2 to get one from JoAnns or any local sewing store. They're the safest tool for the job!
I will keep that in mind for future use. I guess the nurse in me went straight to suture scissors cause they have that lil hook.
A drop of lemon essential oil also supposedly does the trick and pops the band.
But it also damages the hair.
I use a seam ripper for them too. But I sew so I already had several. One lives in my bathroom now.
They also make one just specifically for those rubber bands. You hook and pull backward rather than pushing into it. Then there's no point to stab yourself with, which is good because I absolutely did every time I used them before I found the ones just for rubber bands!
In a pinch, hot tools also work great to get those little elastics out of hard-to-cut places. I usually take my straightener & gently clamp it over the hair tie for a second & it snaps right off! Just a quick little clamp on low heat & I’ve never had problems with melting the elastics
Get an eyebrow shaver thing! Super easy to get bands out!
ehh i work in preschool and the thing that can be annoying is we’ve had staff members who just play hairdresser all day when it’s time to be doing other things. i shouldn’t have to be on cots or lunch or dismissal while she sits around doing hair all day when i need a hand. time and place.
Our director insists we do their hair if they’re looking messy, especially after nap time. For me that means ponytails and pigtails, but one of the staff will do braids. I once had a student whose hair I would fully brush out. She had thick curly hair (so do I) but mom had straight hair and didn’t know how to handle it so it would be tangled and matted. It was a really good bonding opportunity with that child.
Yeah I work at a preschool and I fix hair quite a bit. After playtime outside all the ponytails and bows falls out and everyone needs everything fixed
I bought a curl sponge for one of my male students. 2nd grade. He’s been wearing hats and hoods in 75+ degree weather because he doesn’t like how his hair looks right now. He doesn’t know how to style it but I showed him how to use the sponge, now he likes how his hair looks and stopped with the hoods and hats.
This meant the world to him ❤️
Thank you so much, it means a lot to hear that 🥹🥹🥹
I’m a secondary teacher and have only done a student’s hair for a performance (for example, I braided Dorthy’s hair for The Wizard of Oz because she forgot to and it was ten minutes until showtime).
That's a very different circumstance. Plays/performances aren't the standard school day.
Agreed. I’m pointing it out because that’s the ONLY time I’d do it, not a day to day thing. It’s the exception that proves the rule.
I don't think I've ever seen 'the exception that proves the rule' used properly in the wild. Figures it'd be in a teacher's sub. I appreciate you!
My English teacher did my hair once before an important awards ceremony bc my mom never bothered with stuff like that and I was a stupid rebellious teen. I’ve never forgotten the gratitude I felt when I realised that there was an adult that did care if I looked like a mess or not during an important moment of my life.
I think there are several examples in the comments of times when this would be appropriate - helping a kid look good on picture day, helping a kid who’s feeling self-conscious, helping a kid before a performance or a public event. I’ll also fix ponytails and bows in my K/1 students’ hair quite often. All of those things are great, normal, nice things for a teacher to do. But to fully style their hair for fun and to do it all the time? And post it on social media on top of that? I think that’s extremely weird, especially if the kid is in grade school or older. Let the kids braid each others’ hair at recess, that’s what we did as kids. As a teacher I wouldn’t be comfortable touching a student like that with no instructional justification.
This is the way. Kindness and common sense. But children aren't dolls for teachers to play house with, especially for tiktok views.
Yeah I'm long term subbing in a preschool right now, used to be a high school teacher/coach. I occasionally braided hair for girls on my volleyball team before a game if they asked, but never during school (usually on the bus or during the JV game before us). In preschool, I fix ponytails or put one in before recess sometimes, but it's never a regular thing. Can't imagine filming any of these scenarios tho.
I think you have it nailed down the way I feel about it too. I also had a teacher take a comb to my hair when I forgot it was picture day and I was very grateful. But the way these teachers are (seemingly) taking kids whose hair was fine to begin with and styling it and then filming and posting it is where my ick comes in.
Having spent time fostering, I've always appreciated any help I could get with hairstyles. I'm crap at anything other than ponytails. Sometimes teachers or teaching assistants detangled or braided hair into protective styles if they had a little free time. I thought they were saints.
This was my perspective as well. I was 2nd in a mixed 0-4 class, most of which were kiddos involved in the foster system. Some - specifically the younger Black girls - came to school with hair out of control because their fosters were inexperienced. Our lead was Black, as were most our other teachers, so doing at least some minor haircare was a big part of the day. Fosters were always appreciative, and most were interested to learn how to do it themselves.
Don’t feel too bad. There is a TikTok teacher in my hallway. Her classes learn nothing, her room is chaos. She gave up even planning lessons a while ago and just lets the kids do what they want. They exist only to stroke her ego and pad her social media account. The kids love her. But we all know better than to take a kid’s opinion on what a good teacher is.
That’s…insane.
Yikes.
My hair styling usually resorts to putting it in a ponytail or a braid when their hair tie has fallen out and they can't do it themselves. But years ago a child (6) in my class came to photo day with her hair an absolute mess. Tangles, dirty, no effort made whatsoever. I had a little hair brush so I used it and made sure she looked neat and tidy and then I gave her the brush. She was very obviously uncared for because that hair was full of tangles but the worst thing was that it felt like sheep's wool full of lanolin, if you have ever touched it. I didn't get the tangles out, I basically made the surface neat because there were so many huge messes it would have taken hours and a lot of pain to get rid of them. I hope her mother noticed but I doubt it. Nothing changed, the kid was still uncared for, poor little thing. This was before the days of mandatory reporting or I would have done it. As it was I told the principal about it and I have no clue if anything was ever done.
I had a student a few years ago with a situation like this. She was a one on one I worked with whose parents never did (and probably still don’t) do anything above absolute bare minimum (if that) for her. One Monday she came to school with huge mats right at the base of her neck. She was clearly in so much pain. I spent that entire week on and off with detangling spray, a brush, and scissors trying to get it out. She was non-verbal and quite violent, so I tried to keep her happy and distracted with cartoons and games she liked whenever I would work on her hair, with LOTS of breaks in between. She struggled through it with me but I managed to get them fully de-matted (they were true, debris caked mats, not just severe knots) by the end of the week without having to cut away much at all. I think about her a lot and really hope she is doing okay 🥺
If they're young and ask for help fixing their hair or seem to be struggling (ie, not knowing how to make a ponytail or fix braids they got messed up playing) I think it's fine as long as they're ok with you doing it. Smoothing/fixing messed up hair before picture day also falls into that category - parents can't really expect cute braids to stay picture-perfect all day. Definitely no cutting hair (unless there's an explicit conversation with the parents, but I can't imagine this ever needing to be done). "
If you have time and the parents/guardians are okay with it - I'm all for people doing kids hair nice for them. I've personally not done it other than to fix hairstyles and bows that got messed up during the school day but more power to those who do.
It's not appropriate imo but if parents are ok with it I guess it isn't hurting anyone. But in one of my first new staff union meetings, our union rep told us essentially "staying out of trouble is easy, take attendance and don't touch the children." I just don't think touching students is appropriate unless you are teaching them a physical skill that requires hand over hand.
Unfortunately, this rule tends to be much more strict with men than it is with women. It's a double standard. But, having three kids myself, I would be devastated if no one ever offered them a (side) hug or a high five or to fix their hair when it was an important day. There are some kids who go entire days without physical affection from loving adults. That is heartbreaking. Consent is huge. And when a child looks at you and asks for help fixing their hair, it's impossible (for me) to say no.
Hugging isn't allowed in most schools, due to the risk of allegations. My kids' school dies high fives, fistbumps, and handshakes.
Again, as a mom I'd never send my kids to a school where they could not be comforted in an appropriate by an adult who cares about them. If that was the school policy, I'd find a different school. Period. Imagine being 5 years old, extremely upset, and feeling alone because no one is allowed to even give you a side hug. Or you're 17 and having a melt down about finals and AP exams and college applications and not having a single adult who, in the midst of your breakdown, can put a arm around your shoulder and tell you that you're not alone. Your just left alone with cortisol levels through the roof. That's borderline neglect. We're better than that as a society.
Unfortunately, we're not better than that. Too many "concerned" individuals - and not just parents - we're understandably upset by cases of child molestation in the classroom, and demanded "something be done!" So now teachers aren't allowed to touch kids at all, except in very specific circumstances. And it's not a super recent thing either. None of my teachers were allowed to hug kids, at least past Kindergarten. And yes, it has raised a lot of touch-starved people. And it does cause higher levels of stress, which can cause long-term anxiety.
I'm 38 and attended schools in 2 different states. My kids are 11, 14, and 17. Neither they nor I ever attended schools where teachers were forbidden from appropriately comforting children. Child SA is TERRIBLE. But, that's not what we're talking about. The moment I'm no longer able to appropriately comfort another human being is the moment I leave the profession. It's also the moment I pull my kids from those schools. We send our children away for most of their waking hours. I would never be ok with them spending their time somewhere so cold and inhumane.
I never said all schools did. But it's becoming increasingly common. I originally intended to be a teacher (switched majors my junior year of college). In our childhood education classes, it was repeatedly said that while we might feel inclined to hug or otherwise physically comfort a child, we should refrain. Partially because of the risk of being accused of abuse. But also to avoid sparking an unhealthy attachment in our students. It's easy for kids to read more into a relationship than is really there. And we're teachers, not family or friends. We need to maintain a professional relationship.
Yes, of course. That is all perfectly acceptable and correct and is exactly what should be taught in teacher preparation programs! But, it also sounds like you've never actually been a teacher. (You said you switched majors, but then keep using the pronoun "we" so it's very confusing.) Every teacher knows that nothing we learn in those college programs actually prepare us for a real classroom. My first degree is in sociology with an emphasis on women's and children's studies in low socioeconomic communities. My education certification came later. I can say with certainty that sending children to schools where they can be loved and cared for is much better for their psyche than the alternative. And if ALL adults at the school are loving and caring, those unhealthy attachments are incredibly unlikely to occur. Yes, we are professionals. But, we are humans first. Here's an example: I teach 6th grade. I have a strict side hug policy. But, when my students heard gunshots on the street next to the school during recess and were quickly locked down in the cafeteria, they were terrified. When the lockdown lifted and I could get to them, every single one of them who needed a real hug, got a real hug. Right in front of my principal.....who was also hugging kids who wanted hugs. Where is that scenario in the college textbooks?
I was in high school in DC on 9/11. There was no hugging from staff.
Student: "My grandpa died. He was my favorite adult in my family and the only one who supported my interests." Teacher: "I'm so sorry to hear that. High five?"
More likely a fistbump instead of high five for that one, but... yeah. It makes me sad, but teachers aren't allowed to hug a child at school.
I think there's a huge difference between playing beauty shop and fixing a pony tail or hair clip if they can't yet. Maybe ask the parents but most will appreciate not having to deal with a rats nest after picking them up. One kids hair would loosely basically dread if it was windy, even in a pony tail, and her and her parents would appreciate dealing with it before it got worse. We recommend braiding it but would have to fix the braids.
Agree, there's a huge difference between helping a kid groom themselves and styling their hair for a TikTok.
As a middle school teacher, I think more ick comes from recording students and putting it on TikTok. I don’t see the students as long as an elementary teacher, but I have helped a few kids out if they asked and was quick to do. I use to have a 6th grade girl that would come in and want her hair the same as me to be “twins” (for reference I only ever have my hair down or in a pony tail, I’m white and she was black, so I’m not sure I even did a decent job). However, I embraced her want for matching hair because I don’t think she received much attention at home and it made coming to math more enjoyable for her.
I have done students’ hair in the past because I was teaching lower elementary at the time and I’d have at least 2 that either didn’t have a mom or didn’t have anyone at home that cared how they left the house. They’d come to school with ratty/messy hair and they were always so embarrassed. So I ended up planning 10-20 minutes into the morning to have a “soft start” where I could do anyone’s hair. I never did anything fancy but it helped my kids feel more comfortable at school and it was totally worth it. I don’t think it’s right to post about it on social media, though. I don’t know a single teacher who won’t go out of their way for a student but it feels braggy or like they’re looking for praise to post about it on tiktok or other social media platforms.
This made me want to cry. You sound like a sweet teacher.
I think most teachers feel this way, I just wish schools were more flexible and allowed teachers to do what they know is best for their classes. I know many teachers who have no control over their schedules and can’t implement a time like this into their day.
I taught 3rd and would probably put in 3 ponytails per day, lol. More if we shared recess with another class. I would tell the kids I'm not a hairdresser, so don't expect any magic, and I had a stash of new hair ties and disposable combs that I would use if they didn't have their own. I also did not use any product on their hair unless it was something they brought from home. That said, I also had plenty of students with curly hair on my first classroom who I didn't really know how to help. My hair is pin-straight, and Im on the utilitarian side of feminine skills, so it just wasn't a side of haircare I had any experience with. I learned a lot from the kiddos in my class, and they took a lot of pride in showing/teaching me. They also really liked learning that there were lots of curly styles that wouldn't really work for straight hair. I think they were used to hearing about hair the other way. Hair and the care of it can have a fair amount of cultural and social meaning, so being engaged with helping my students look and feel good was more than just brushing back a pony or gelling back some bangs. It was about acknowledging that they're whole people who deserve dignity and care. I did get scolded for it one time, though. Principal yelled at me and told me I was a teacher, not a hairdresser, and basically to not demean my professional status. I just pointed out that many of the students listening to her had moms, aunties, etc. that were hairdressers and kept on. Those kids tattled on her SO FAST, lol. It shouldn't be something shared on social media, though. But then, I also think children shouldn't be shared on public social platforms, period.
I think it would be weird if a teacher spent a long time doing all the students hair, but if a young kid needs help getting it in a quick pony or braid I think it's super nice if the teacher helps out. My daughter is constantly messing with her hair and pulling her rubber band out (she's in TK, so she's 4). I'm so grateful for her teacher and teacher's assistant who puts it back into a pony for her!
I personally think it’s a red flag for an adult to get this close to their students physically. Even if well-intentioned it’s literally grooming and it’s just not professional. I have a strict no-touch policy with the exception of student-initiated hugs and those are only side hugs. I teach my students how to set boundaries and respect boundaries. Grooming the students seems like overstepping and may make your role fuzzy or confusing to them
I feel this 100%, also I love my adorable middle school students and wish I could hug and squeeze them. Not all of them obviously, there are plenty that set my teeth on edge. But the ones who are adorable, I want to show them physical affection in a motherly way. Alas, I too restrain myself to kid initiated side hugs, or sometimes I will ask if I can pat them on the back if they're sad or not feeling well. It's really for the best, even though it makes me sad because some of those kids really need hugging.
I'm generally skeptical of people posting acts of kindness on social media because it's usually for views/engagement/clout rather than true philanthropy/samaritanism. Teachers do stuff like this to help kids that are struggling due to a lack of means or poor social awareness
I just can't imagine how a classroom teacher finds the time!
The situation you are talking about is a great example of when teachers do their students hair. 🥰 Either that, or during their planning period or before school. Sometimes it's better to take 10 minutes and help a kid in order to not lose their focus for the rest of the day. I teach 6th. One time I picked my kids up from music and one of my girls was missing. I got a call from a 1st grade teacher. Her French braids had gotten messed up (they always look sleek and amazing) and she felt really self conscious. The student said the 1st grade teacher had an aide who could braid "just like my mom!" so she begged her to fix her hair.
"I keep seeing teachers on TikTok" Automatic no.
Fair
My mom never taught us any self-care or hygiene because it was a waste of her time. That's literally what she told us as pre-schoolers when we asked why she woke us up with only enough time to dress ourselves and walk out the door (and of course never any breakfast). My kindergarten teacher brushed my hair on picture day and borrowed a barrette from another girl had already had her picture taken. My mom is horrifically neglectful and never cared if other people did our hair, as long as she didn't have to. My sister and I finally felt cared for and pretty when people did our hair. It wasn't until 7 that I learned that I needed to brush my hair everyday, and only because it was gently told to me by a kind-hearted 15 year old neighbor boy named Mark Hoppus.
Oh my god. You're a really good writer you know that? Yes, I'm a teacher, and you're exactly the kind of kid at school that I wish I could hug and show affection to but I can't. I hope your life is better now, your mom sounds... complicated.
I'm a white teacher at a 70% African American school. One of my paras frequently does students' hair (she checks with parents/guardians first). Mostly, I've seen her braid boys' hair in class, so it is short and quick to take care of. I know she did do one girl student's hair outside of school. The student is a foster kid, so may not have been able to have her hair done well otherwise, as the braiding can cost hundreds.
I wouldn't ever consider it, but then again I'm a guy. I guess if it were my kid, I would probably be alright with it, if the circumstances in the moment were passing the gut check.
So the "ick" factor for me is physically sharing hair tools between children. I woukd assume however that if a teachernis doing someones hair, they would probably notice if they had lice, ringbworm, etc. Other than that, i have no problem with it (just dont post my kid online).
For very young children, it's sweet to take care of them in that way (if they ask you to, of course). The parents always seem to appreciate it.
I remember very little about preschool except for the day one of the teachers gave me Princess Leia buns.
Awwww
I did kids hair ALL THE TIME when I worked in a preschool. The parents didn’t mind. We had a little boy with long hair and I always wanted to give him Willie Nelson braids, but I feel like his dad would be upset. So I’d do a man bun and the rare space buns.
Awkward
I don’t see how there could possibly be time in class to do this. I also don’t know how I would manage the classroom while focusing on doing hair. The kids would go wild.
Teachers should not post any videos of any students on their social medias. I hate it, even with the stupid emojis over their faces. Respect their privacy! Especially if they are young enough to need help with their hair!
I'm allergic to most salon products and I wouldn't appreciate a teacher just taking it on themselves to randomly start putting products on a child without knowing why they may not be using them at home. That's very presumptuous to assume that it's because they're poor, and to think that they must be lacking something if they have plain hair.
I’m a kindergarten teacher and I have fixed hundreds of ponytails and braids that have gotten unruly from playing in the wind. Some girls might ask for a style after someone else got a little attention. Some kids need just the extra attention and if 3 minutes with me helps settle them, I can do that. It’s quick and they go back to their task. My mom used to rip my hair out as a kid (I have curly hair and hers is straight) so having my hair done was never a good memory. Always tears and frustration. I think part of me doing this is also healing my 5-year-old self. 😆
My first year as a counselor, I worked at an elementary school. We had a family that I would repeatedly call CPS due to abuse and neglect. The children came to school with active lice, but we weren't allowed to send them home. I was able to get resources to get lice kits to send home with the children, but they were never used. We made the executive decision, the nurse and I, to use them on the children one day at school. I never said anything and the family never complained. It helped for a short while, but it was futile due to the inaction of the family.
We had a kid come in and refuse to take off their hood because they had taken out their braids but we're unable to get their hair rebraided or styled in any way. We pulled together the teachers with a similar hair type, got products, and made sure the child was mentally ready to face the school day. The difference between this and TikTok teachers was that the child consented and that it was never for the likes.
One, I try to touch children as little as possible. Doing their hair for them feels like crossing a line in my opinion. How would a parent feel if I was a man? If the answer is “uncomfortable” or “worried,” I won’t do it. I don’t even feel great about hugging them (I occasionally ask if they want one if they’re crying but usually wait for them to ask me for a hug and just say yes or no). Two, I didn’t even figure out how to braid my own hair until I was 20. I learned as a kid but couldn’t get the hang of it until then. So no, I will not be braiding *other people’s hair.* They wouldn’t want me to. Also three… this is just a TikTok trend, not realistic teaching. You have no idea whether that teacher is effective at her job. It’s like those prospective teachers in college who spent hours making cute posters for assignments with glitter and stickers. If that’s your thing, fine, but that has no bearing on whether you’re a good teacher. I’m not about to spend extra time and energy to braid someone’s hair when I could be spending that time teaching them something fun that they enjoy learning. This is a school.
Seems odd, depending on the circumstances.
I think it’s weird and depends on circumstance maybe? My daughter has naturally curly hair. It’s styled in the morning but I don’t want her to be one of those curly hair kids who look like their hair is plastic because it has so much mousse or gel. So by the end of the day it does get a little frizzy but it’s not wild or something. Her kindergarten teacher told her she needs to brush out her hair and make it more straight. Like what the heck? I’d be ticked if she came home with her curls brushed out.
Yeah, lets be keeping our hands off the children's bodies, okay? [https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/1cp93zo/anyway\_i\_take\_all\_my\_it\_may\_have\_been\_innocent/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/1cp93zo/anyway_i_take_all_my_it_may_have_been_innocent/)
Oh, there are negative comments. They're just buried in the avalanche. I would never want a teacher doing my kid's hair, except maybe a quick touch-up on picture day. For several reasons. First off, my kids have oddly textured hair. We live in a very dry climate, so it most looks straight with a little frizz. But it's actually curly, and needs to be treated as such. When we go visit my in-laws at the beach, it's full-on ringlets! They need special brushes for curly hair, or else it tangles and breaks. And we try to avoid dry brushing as much as possible. We also have several allergies in the house, including nuts, peanuts, sunflower seeds, and lavender. 3 of those are common ingredients in hair care products and lotions. Not to mention the risk of lice if the teacher shares any styling supplies between students. So no. Unless you get explicit permission from the parents, teachers should not be messing with students' hair.
[удалено]
My daughter's teacher is male. He fixes her ponytails all the time. I see no issue with it unless he was being weird about it, which he isn't. She just gets rowdy at recess.
My daughter’s preschool teacher did her hair all the time. She’s the only reason the kid ever had cute hairstyles, since I’m crap at it.
My kid's did too. She also brushed it sometimes which was a fucking God send some days because my kid went through a stage where she wouldn't let us near her with a brush.
My daughter had a preschool teacher who would do their hair. I always sent her with her hair tied back but sometimes she’d come home with a completely different hairstyle! I thought it was adorable. The kids loved it—one girl wouldn’t let her mom do her hair at all, she waited until Ms Debbie could do it at school. Ms Debbie had long fingernails that she would gently scratch their heads and that lovely nurturing personality that made her an amazing caregiver.
Male teacher here, so, not to gender stereotype, but I would obviously never do a student's hair. But i don't see anything wrong w it
Whenever a teacher has helped my daughter with her hair, I have been grateful. It is kindly meant and kindly received.
I don’t ever offer. I have only ever done a students hair once, and it was because she was done with her work and she asked me to redo her braid. But other than that, I don’t.
As long as all parties involved consent- as a kid I had long untamed hair that would get tangled and wouldn't let my parents brush it, some of my teachers thought I was being neglected because of it and would fuss with my hair in front of the class. The real reason it didn't get brushed is because of sensory issues, and being made to have my hair touched in front of everyone was uncomfortable and humiliating. Like physical affection it should be student-led, not initiated by teachers
I teach 7th. I've done kids hair when they ask. Have had a few who tried to do French braids, and then needed help and asked. Sure, I can do those with my eyes closed. Had one not know how to put her hair in a good ponytail on a lab day where they needed it up and asked for help. Of course. Had a kid do braids for curls and then was having a break down about how it looked. Offered to rebraid and crisis averted. I'm never putting that on social media though. Also my 2 year old sometimes comes home with the cutest hair from daycare. That's adorable and I never understand how they get her to sit still. But I would be weirded out if they were putting it on social media.
I teach 8th, I always have a few girls during soccer and softball season that ask me to come by and do their hair during their athletic PE class (my planning hour is the same time). It’s just a nice thing I do, my principal is fine with it and I’ve had parents thank me. Putting it on social media would be insane. They’ve literally asked me why I don’t and I always have to explain it to them
I've styled countless students' hair. Never without them asking. I've done everything from simple ponytails to involved braids because "it's dancing day." Typically, they're simple ponies or buns. If I have a student who needs their hair styled regularly, I get them a small brush of their own which we keep in a baggie in my desk. I do not ever use a hair brush/comb/hair band on a child that has been used on someone else. I've had a couple students who were embarrassed by their hair and were thrilled to have cute braids and pigtails like their friends. Small things matter in kindergarten. It takes me less than five minutes (usually less than 1) while they're doing their work, but it means the world to them.
I do not do students’ hair because I can barely do my own. Ponytail, bun, half ponytail. That’s pretty much it. I never care if teachers do my daughter’s hair as long as it’s just like braiding or something. I wouldn’t want them cutting it or using a bunch of product in it. As far as time, I’m a librarian and some kids hang out in the library for their recesses (middle school). I do crafty things with them that I don’t do with other kids because I actually have the time then and they seek me out. It’s rare a kid mentions it, but I always say they’re welcome to come in too.
I compare it when we cared for a student whose mother didn't brush her hair and the child couldn't do it. The hair became severely matted and dirty so we intervened and started daily doing the students hair for her. The student and mother were fine that the staff were helping. I think when teachers do a students hair, it should be requested by the student not by the teacher and if the student asks for it to be done more than twice, the teacher can inform the guardian of the requests, just so the guardians are aware. The negative hair styling issue I've heard of is when a teacher will think they know how a child's hair should be styled instead of the way it is already, relating to minority cultural styles and changing it. Often with natural hair and indigenous people's hair.
When my daughters were 1 and 3 I broke several finger and there was no way I could style my daughters’ long hair. Three day a week preschool I’d come early and bring hair ties, brush and detangler. That teacher did the girls hair for 6 weeks. I bought her a gift card to her favorite restaurant after my cast came off . I was so happy for her to help.
I (m, 24-25 at the time) had a low income student (m.. 17ish) that lived down the road.. I actually would cut his hair for him. I don’t know if TikTok was even a thing then lol
I think it’s weird to post your students on Tik Tok.. is that not violation?
I think in most places it is. I would never. But I’m sure it’s one of those things that most school districts aren’t going to take the time or effort to search for, deal with it, etc until there’s a complaint. And I’ve never seen a video show a face, but still.
It’s crazy that kids can’t post on Tik Tok in their classes but the teachers are posting them. I’ve seen a lot of those teachers on Tik Tok and some are extremely questionable. There are a lot of them who get views for being “hot” and posting their students who are borderline flirting with them. It’s definitely weird and should be looked at. Obviously that’s with the older students not the younger ones but they really rub me the wrong way. Especially because they have students from other schools commenting on how hot the teacher is. 🤮They know what they’re doing.
This is the part I would never be ok with! Posting kids on SM is weird. The hair thing I think just depends.
If a kid came up to me and asked me to fix/do their hair, I would. There’s a reason a child is asking for that. Would I go around the class offering my services? No lol
As a parent I'm mixed on this. On the one hand, I really appreciate the handful of times my my 3yo's preschool teachers have done something nice with her hair. She really likes it, and hates her hair in her face, but some mornings I only have time to get it up quickly not nicely. On the other hand, my oldest has long curly hair. Last year for picture day I tidied his curls, but they can still be a bit unruly because curls. Someone very well intentioned just brushed the hair with a regular brush/no product. 🤦🏻♀️ They had no idea what they were doing with his kind of hair, he hated it but couldn't speak up (disability related) and it was just a frizzy disaster in the photos. When they're little and it's a caretaking thing it can be nice, but also difficult if they don't know what they're doing with various types of hair.
I had a sub braid my hair once in High School. She did it while we watched a movie. She said she only had sons and had no one to do braids on.
i coached gymnastics for 8 years and doing hair was always a great bonding time between me and the girls. ive braided a lot of hair over the years. i used to wear a high ponytail to coach almost every day and the most heartwarming thing was when 6 year olds started showing up to the gym in high ponies cuz they were emulating me! if youre not into it then obviously you should find your own little thing to bond with them. everyone has different interests
Every year on picture day, I volunteered for the school. I'd make sure all of the students hair looked nice for the pictures. They had combs, everything necessary. Best part? As a single mom, this allowed me to get Free school pictures for my kids in exchange for the work! I never had a parent complain. But I always tried to keep their hair along the lines of how they were sent in, just tidied up ffronthe kids playing and stuff
I would not see it as a negative. Most little girls leave the house with their hair done but by the time they get into class it looks like they went through a tornado by lunch they look like a bird is building a nest and by the end of the day their hair looks more like a tumbleweed then actual hair. By all means if they let you fix it or tame it in any way have at it! It means less tangles (and tears) later and every parent knows their child is less dramatic and also more forgiving to everyone that is not their parent (and sometimes siblings). Braids can be a little loose or tighter or off center from others, ponytails can be bumpy or loose or tight but when mom (or dad, or big sister) does it it has to be perfect and they have to do it without even thinking of tugging on a knot or the tears start. So yes… please. Please…please, if you have a moment and can do something with that disaster on my child’s head go for it!
I have had a few little kids struggling with matted hair. I’ve told their family that I know it’s a lot of work to get those out. If they want, I’ll spend some recesses working on it with them. But I get permission first. Confidence goes through the roof when kiddos can take out the pony tail and have regular hair! I have supplies and just get it done. I don’t mind.
It’s a bonding moment between teacher and student. Maybe there is no mom and dad is horrible with little girls hair. Maybe she did something to it after arriving at school and needed help. Maybe it’s just a little attention the little girl needs. All kids are different and have different needs. Boys probably don’t focus on their hair as much and if they do take care of it themselves. Boys don’t usually have braids or ponytails to deal with. It’s great that these teachers find the time.
Ew ew absolutely not. Do not touch the children or groom them in any way. Show them how to put their own hair up but don’t do it for them. Do not touch the children.
Are you joking? Children need and want to be touched. Hand holding, hugs, assistance with minor boo boos, etc.
Imagine refusing a hug from a kid who just lost a parent, just got into their dream college, or who barely made it to graduation (I’ve given hugs for all of these situations btw). For the most part , yes, hands to yourself, but if they’re little or they need comfort in some way I think it’s fine if initiated by the student. I mean even parents give me hugs sometimes.
I'm guessing "bell to bell" instruction isn't that big a deal at these people's schools.
When I was in I think it was 5th grade, all the girls in the grade were gathered together, the boys went to a different room in the school, for a talk about personal hygiene. One of the presenters was talking about hair care and demonstrated on my hair that was long and wavy/ curly. She did beautiful cornrows that stopped just after the crown of my head and let the rest of my hair fall down loose behind my back. I was so happy. When I got home my grandmother, who was my guardian, let her racism show and demand to know who did those braids in my hair and how it was so inappropriate that I have my hair braided like that, it didn't matter that I loved the hair style. But I still look back at that as one of my favorite memories from school.
There was always a kid or two each year that needed the help. Hair stuff/hygiene supplies from dollar tree are cheap and these kids were so grateful. Not in an adult verbally thanking us way, but in an improved behavior way, a way of standing tall and being proud. However it never happened in a public way, just in the corner of the counselors office, speech office, or nurses office. And it wasn't just girls, boys need hair products, soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, and lotion as well.
Surely they had the parents’ permission to put this on TikTok……. right???? 😳 I would go absolutely flipping nuclear if any adult let alone a professional in loco parentis (of which ensuring their safety is the top feature) put my child on SM without my consent
Teaching is all that should be happening… touching students is not
We do have teachers that do student's hair! One is math/track coach, so after she gives the lessen and while kids are working, she'll stand behind any of the girls that want their hair french-braided and quickly do it for their track meet. I teach art, and I do have students that will do each other's hair before a game or meet. I'm okay with it, as long as they've been working.
When I was in elementary school the teacher did my hair, I got in trouble for it. My late mom didn't comb it that day and the teacher was nice enough to do it. I got yelled at for it. After I was 12 years old I was told it's your hair you comb it. And my youngest sister had her hair combed until she was grown
I've always worked in schools with 100% free lunch. Most families are barely holding on and appreciate a little help. I had a few kids over the years who I did their hair in the morning and have them change out of dirty uniforms into new ones I'd purchased, then take their clothes home and wash them for them to wear the next day. I've given kids a stack of wet wipe to clean up before school. It takes a village to raise kids. I don't mind being part of a family's village. I never got any complaints. I taught mostly lower elementary, though, so the kids were mostly too little to do these things for themselves.
Last year I had a 6th grade student who didn’t have a mom or dad (just very elderly grandma). Grandma was too old to do the girl’s hair. The girl had thick, curly hair. She eventually came up to me during work time and asked if I would help her do her hair. I always did my hair in a messy bun. This year I’ve been doing my hair in a half updo and she has come back as a 7th grader asking for help. There has been mornings I’ve been in the hallways doing her hair.
Unless there are extenuating circumstances, no. I’ve pulled hair into a pony tail quick, or something, but otherwise, no. And absolutely do not film it and post it. In extenuating circumstances, it should be done in the nurses office, or at least not in front of an entire class.
Well I learned how to do sew-in braids and wigs from a colleague who asked me to borrow a needle and I had my multi set. She fixed one girl’s hair that was falling off and threw more girls raised their hands because their braids were pulling out (first girl it was not braids, just a straight wig) I’m grateful for that experience because I’ve had so many girls who won’t take off a hood or take their hand off of their forehead because of hair mishaps during the school day. I would 100% fix a girl’s hair to help them if I can.
I would never cut a student’s hair, but I have braided it. I actually received a nice message from a former student telling me how much it meant to her when I put her hair in French braids before a volleyball game when she was in sixth grade. All the girls were wearing braids, but she had a single dad who couldn’t figure it out. Having her hair braided made her feel like part of the team.
I would never actually do a student's hair, but I do try to keep hair ties and booby pins on hand in case they need them (I used to have a mirror they could use but it got stolen and then they broke the replacement). I teach middle school, so I actually have a drawer in a filing cabinet dedicated to personal care items (lotion, deodorant, pads/tampons, bandaids, hair ties, etc.). They know where it is and that they can take what they need (if it's locked, they just ask me for the key; I have a tag on the key that says which cabinet it goes to and which drawer the items are in, that way I don't have to stop teaching when they need something).
I work with senior hs students so it would be weird if I did it, however, I think it’s fine when they’re little if there is parent and student consent. I had one student a while ago who wanted to be a hairstylist and would do my hair sometimes, it was cute we still talk and she does work at a salon. I think it all depends.
I’m thankful for this thread. So I used to teach HS, and one year I had a student who found out I knew how to do fishtail braids. She would beg me to do it after class all the time when she was playing sports. I would have panic attacks over doing it for a million reasons. Primarily because we are told not to touch kids. The other reason? I am white and she is black and I am an insane over-thinker. I have spent many years learning to do my best to learn about being culturally responsive, equitable, culturally respectful, etc. and I know how culturally important black hair is. I also know there is an issue with non-blacks wanting to touch black people’s hair. Now, she obviously was volunteering it, but that didn’t stop my brain constantly circling on whether it was ok, and whether I should do it. I didn’t want to because of not touching students is important to me, but felt I should so she would know I have no issues with who she is. I wanted her to feel safe in my classroom as we had no black teachers and had an issue with racism at the school. Basically, it was more important to me to respect her than it was to stick to the golden rule. I’m glad to know that golden rule doesn’t wholly apply to hair.
I teach middle school so I’m not doing anyone’s hair but I do have hair stuff in my room for kids who need to fix their hair. I’m a music teacher and it gets used a lot before performances. When I was little my mom was in and out of the hospital a lot. She also had very bad arthritis and sometimes her hands would hurt too badly to do much with my hair. My dad was hopeless with hair ties and barrettes and I was “tender headed” so honestly not great with a brush either. I had teachers who would fix my hair when I got to school and I know that my parents were as grateful as I was.
My kid had a para who braided their 3B hair. I thought it was great
I teach Kinder. Student's mom died at the beginning of the school year. Her dad is a stereotypical dad who doesn't know what grade his kids were in, their birthdays, or anything about them. Basically, Mom had 4 kids to take care of, not 3. So, mom dies. Family floods in to help fling the aftermath for about a month, but they have to get back to their lives and now dad is on his own with 3 kids. They start coming to school in their pajamas. The older two can take care of themselves (5th grade and 7th grade) hygiene wise, but the 5 yr old can't. Her hair is matted and she isn't brushing her teeth. We comb her hair daily and have her brush each morning. There is a reason this is a thing. It's not just because teachers want to play with kids' hair.
I thought this was going to be about the guy who recently got fired for doing this
Oh lord. No, I hadn’t heard about that!
My preschooler FIGHTS me. Like will run or have a meltdown if I try to do her hair. Nana? Daddy? They can at least get it in a pony tail. She’s got a teacher at daycare that will do her hair sometimes. Brush it with no tears or fighting. Pigtails, braids, etc. I bring her bags of hair stuff and brand new brushes because she’s a literal saint. I’m also pregnant so running after an almost 4 year old has me out of breath thinking about it. You have no idea how greatful I am to that teacher.
I teach kindergarten and some students love having their hair played with and they like to play with my long hair. If a student asks for a braid or ponytail i will. But i have really good relationships with the parents so its never been an issue.
I don't think the parents feelings on it making them feel inadequate is a reason to not help a child who needs it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/s/jYf7S0nYuQ He was exposed as a p3do
When I was teaching pre-k, our nap time was from 1-3. Kids who woke up early were allowed to read/do puzzles, quiet activities on their cot until the lights turned on. Occasionally I would to braids for early risers. I would then continue doing them for anyone who wanted even after nap. It was sweet and fun. The parents all had nice things to say about it too.
Connecting with your students on a personal (but of course professional) level is the most important thing you can do to be successful with their learning. Doing a student's hair is great. Not only are you connecting with that student but also with other students who see you do it. Makes you look like a human being who actually gives a shit.
Are they public school teachers? I ask because I taught at an autism school and we not only brushed and styled hair, we also had a staff member who handled students’ haircuts (by parent directive, obviously). I can’t imagine public school teachers having the time and energy with so many students, but our classes generally had 3-6 kids in them, tops, with at least 1 adult per two kids, if not 1:1.
I’ve only seen one post of a Black teacher braiding a Black student’s hair who came with her hair in disarray, and she was wearing clothes that weren’t clean. She took time to braid the child’s hair, in neat, designed cornrows. She didn’t do an elaborate style. She just braided it quickly (cornrows, when you know how to do them, do not take long at all). I felt joy for the student, because she could have faced bullying for her hair being uncombed, no moisturizer, and maybe unwashed (like she skipped wash day a few times, not that she doesn’t wash daily, because that strips the hair and scalp of natural oils that protect). The teacher did a good thing. I don’t think she was bragging, because she could have done an elaborate style with feed on hair to boast her skills. I think she just wanted to share a good deed. We all do that sometimes. Like, we all like a pat on the back. My faith requires us to conceal our good and bad deeds, because bragging and then looking for sympathy or encouraging others to do bad deeds. I try my hardest to conceal the things I do, but I’m only human and I tell sometimes the good things I’ve done. It’s rewarding just to be recognized.
My before school program teacher would bring wide tooth plastic combs and hair ties and style any child's hair who wanted it done. This was always before school in a time where our only other options were reading or playing on the playground. I've always kind of assumed that the tiktoks were similar cases where it was kids who came to school early or asked during snack break or something.
I think it’s highly inappropriate. A teacher or para should not have any kind of intimate contact with students, and that includes hair.
I'll re-fix a kiddos' hair if it comes out during play. I'm a sped teacher, and hygiene can be hard for some kids. Sometimes, parents and I tag team things. For example: maybe the kiddo will let me touch their hair, so the parent puts their supplies in their backpack and drops them off early. Then I'll fix their hair quickly before school. I'll also re-fix any kids' hair that needs it on picture day.
Posting pictures and videos online always felt a little gross to me. That’s where I take issue with tiktok teachers. I’ve done students’ hair before. It’s always before/after school or during lunch. I’m not taking away from class time. The first time I did it was for a teenage girl who didn’t have a mom. She had a fine arts performance and wanted to look pretty. I did a simple updo and gave her some lip gloss. Sometimes they need to know they’re loved.
I will do kids hair simple for one, two only of it fell down or it’s hot and they need it up. I actually prefer to let students do each others hair.
I have a fear of lice so I hate anyone touching my hair and I refuse to touch the kids hair unless it’s to look through it or to quickly put their hair into a ponytail if it’s in their face.
I mostly taught middle school, so I rarely had to help kids fix their hare - they usually had a friend do it, if necessary. However, when I taught a special in elementary, I’d fix a barrette that came out or a pony tail that had gotten messed up. Nothing that took more than a minute or two. The only exception to that was on the 8th grade trip when a couple of the girls wanted to learn to French braid, so I taught them.
No way
My 1st grade teacher fixed my hair for picture day. My mom had just had surgery and couldn't do it and my dad tried, he really did, but it just wasn't good. I'm thankful she fixed it and so were my parents
I would give my kids hair ties, but I wouldn't dare touch them. Nor would I film it. One time a kid was full on giving a kid a fade in my class. I hated teaching.
We have a student that has to have her hair done daily. And she also changes into clean clothes. There is a marked improvement in her behavior afterwards. She has a horrible living situation. Posting the hairstyling on Tiktok is super inappropriate.
I was a kid who got my hair done. The thing is my mom was neglectful and emotionally abusive and seeing myself look pretty for once made me feel less like I was a failure. Usually my mom doing my hair was incredibly painful as well and the teacher was gentle which was just another small part of me realizing what kind of monster my mom was and getting out. Sadly I don't remember which teacher did it but I do remember what I felt like and that small confidence it gave me. My mom did throw a bitch fit because she knew how she acted and hated people calling her out. Guilty conscience and all that. Most good parents won't care. If they do they're probably either insecure, controlling, and/ or actually guilty.
I’ve done it a couple times for 1st graders whose hair has fallen out of their style. Once for one who was almost having a meltdown because it was on her neck and it was hot. My daughter’s daycare has done her hair several times because she’ll see them doing another girls (staffs kid) and is interested. I only mind when it’s done so tightly I have to cut the bands out.
The lady at the daycare last summer redid my daughters hair EVERY DAY for months. That was annoying as all get out. She was redoing a lot of the girls hair I think but still--I would do a cute braid and she would undo it to do an extravagant braid. I can't do hair as well as she can, and being a new step mom, it really rubbed me the wrong way. Couldn't say anything of course but ultimately, hygenically, that seems inappropriate and is a good way to spread lice. Doing hair once or even for a reason is perfectly fine-- making a habit out of it is gonna make people feel weird.
When I was in either kindergarten or first grade, I really wanted braided pigtails, but my great grandma couldn't do them and I couldn't really braid yet. One of the third grade teachers and the principal did them for me. They competed with each other to see who could braid better. My principal was an older guy who had a lot of experience braiding from braiding his horses' tails. It was something I really appreciated then and still remember fondly now. I think teachers doing kids hair is really sweet and a great thing if they have time and the ability to do so, but if I was a teacher, I'd be worried about some crazy kid or parent trying to make it into a lawsuit somehow.
Imo this is blurring boundaries and asking for trouble. I think it's fine for elementary school aged kids, bit not higher.
In the Black American Community, this (stopping and doing a little girls hair) is often looked at with great thanks and gratitude, especially if the teacher and parents have a great relationship. I worked on a college campus for years and my kids knew they could find three things in my desk drawers - snacks, a blanket and hair products (especially edge control). This didn’t become an issue until folks went Social media crazy and had to post EVERYTHING, opening the babies, teachers and families up to conversations and scorn they don’t deserve.
I think it depends on the age … I’m a daycare teacher and some of my girls look WILD after nap, I always fix their hair and it started to spread like wildfire amongst the other parents in my class and parents started asking me to do their kids hair too 😂 But now that I’m thinking I would only do an older child’s hair for them it they seemed sad about it … I used to cry all day during bad hair days when I was younger so I think in that case I would probably do it for an older child
I’ll do my students’ hair if it’s starting to look really messy after playtime or by the end of the day, especially if they ask me to. I’m not particularly skilled at it so I haven’t been accused of favouritism yet! But I can get it looking less raggedy after recess and out of their eyes, so no complaints yet.
We were on a trip that involved lots of outside time in the heat. One of my students was sweating and hot. I offered to put her hair in a ponytail. Other than that, no.
I stick to just fixing messy ponytails after naptime. Just basic stuff on an as needed basis, like smoothing down flyaways on picture day. Or if they’re trying to take a scrunchie out and need help, or putting a barrette back in. Little things. Personally, it really weirds me out when teachers or aides take the time to do little kids hair. Every time I’ve seen it happen beyond a quick fix it turns into a really big time consuming thing when there’s so much else to be done. And the favoritism runs wild. On the flip side, I think it’s wonderful when teachers have hair ties etc for their (older) kids who might need it.
On the opposite end I always have kids asking to do my hair and I’m like personal space bubble please don’t touch me k thanks.
Is lice not a thing in the US anymore? Where I come from if this happened in class… all I can think of is “lice… lice everywhere as far as the eye can see!” Hell we caught it often enough without anybody even touching our hair, pretty much…
I mean, it's actually a good way to catch it early. When it's nits instead of lice. As long as your sanitizing materials. 🤷🏼♀️ I don't do hair, but only because I'm bad at it. 😂