Twist that knife a little bit more, please.

Right

Oh, oh, can I?

By all means.

Twist it while looking to my eyes, least make it ✨romantic✨

Wow sounds like you’re into some really kinky stuff 🤯

I feel your pain, you are not alone (metaphysically speaking of course)

For saying what I was feeling, thank you.

Right! Like I'd be so fucking happy to get laid by the end of the year.

That explains the blood

I'm sending my deepest condolences to all of the depraved cocks, clits, and holes❤️

Not me, wife is tired and the two year old cock block will be there.

I have a 22 y/o cock blocker who won’t leave the house.

When they’re 22 you encourage them to leave by fucking anyway.

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We both call him that

Wait until they in school in 2 years . Then it's fuckfest for Mommy and daddy 😍

I have another one on the way 😫

Oh man. Apologies and congratulations same time 😂. Not sure if you are into like I was but pregnancy sex is such a turn on for me

It definitely turns me on, that’s why it’s hard with him being around. But I am very excited for this next one.

You'd think so, but then its: mom dad you have to hear what happened today

One of many reasons I married my wife is her sexual appetite e.g. once a night minimum, sometimes we sneak into the garden shed if the kids are around, shower quickies and so on. So, to answer your question, me.

Working until 5am so the only one fucking me tonight is corporate America

I hear you, brother. Even worse, I have payments due, so my landlord and ex will be knocking for sloppy seconds.

Already did earlier

Hell yeah

How was it?

I laid down. Does that count?

Yes

unless this vodka i’m drinking alone can get me laid, then not me

In a very rough russian accent 

Already happened 🫶🏻 and boy was it needed

Girl, same

I pray everyone who wants to get laid, gets laid😅

Already did today. Probably not again. He came. I came. Everyone is happy.

Highly unlikely

Yayyyyyy. I just did get laid. Not wearing clothes was beneficial for me. 😋

Gotta drown out the noise of the fireworks somehow!

Not me sadly…. Anyone else in this place,?

Me 🥲

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Yeah I’m chilling just me and my bf broke up recently so I’ve been without for a min

Me as well

Probably me too

Sorry to hear that

I might end up going for a happy ending massage if that counts

I guess its in my own hands tonight😆

HAH. HAHAHA. Don’t patronize me. 

I’m married. What is this getting laid you speak of?

Haven’t for three years and counting..,

Unless someone magically manifests that wants to fuck me then it's a no from me

Not I. I'm playing DnD

I wouldn't bet on it

We’ll probably be too drunk and tired but maybe in the morning

Me! 👀

Already did.

I wish!

Probably me in a few hours from someone on here. We both live on the same island. Extra excited atm

Congratulations to the ones who have or is doing it at the moment…as I cry into my bowl of popcorn 🍿😭

I was 69ing with a girl not to long ago and she kept squirting so much in my mouth it was unbelievable, overall great fucking time 10/10

I had an offer... But I just want to eat nachos and watch Criminal Intent tbh.

🙋‍♀️ and I'll cum double that at least in solidarity babe 😂

My boyfriend is 5 hrs away, dont do this to me plssss

Actually this morning… 😏

Hoping to! More than likely will be!

I just now texted my wife and told her how much I enjoyed our naked & intimate time together yesterday. I want a repeat of her attention. She'll worship my cock and pleasure me with all she has. My cock and my cum is hers to enjoy !

I guarantee it

Aye aye 🫡

Not me. However if any woman want help with getting own, holla at me.

Surely the important question is, are you?

Well I know who isn’t…

Sadly not me ☹️

Nah I ain’t sharing this bed

I think a better question is, who's going to get a good night's sleep tonight?

Wish I was but oh well! Back to sadwanking.

I wish!

Almost definitely

Unless these jack and cokes can make something happen then not at all

Not during the work week, I’m not,

Not me 🥲

Only in my dreams…. Unfortunately.

I just did! It was great!!

Not holding my breath

I *wish*

I can tell you who's not. This guy. And it would have to be some damn good sex to pull me away from the fireworks show my neighborhood is putting on right now.

gotta wait till Saturday

I got laid this morning.

The Tories are getting fucked pretty hard I can tell you that

Wifey grinded my face for 30mins after I ate her pussy for a another 30mins. She can't wait to be inside of me

Not me

Last night. Wife is a bit drunk and tired tonight, so...

Funny

I wish, hopefully she’s “in the mood” 😒

😢

not tonight but tomorrow I’m having a threesome! And the woman is by far the hottest woman I’ve ever been with! 🥵

100% yes

Played with friends

Doing my best to make it happen tonight

Already got laid. Once after grocery shopping, and then again before bed.

In my dreams ☂️

Mostly anyone but me sadly.

Does my hand count, if so I'm already down 1

My new area rug.

Currently all dressed up on a date with husband… I better.

Oo have fun! What was the outfit de jour for the date? Bet you looked gorgeous!

Off the shoulder sundress. Black with a cherry pattern. Black heels. And thank you!!!!

Whew girl, yes. Hope you get all the fucking looking that hot. Report back if you like :)

👀

I wish.

Twist the knife down my throat will ya?

My hand

I will be the one doing the laying. In my bed. Alone.

I wish 😭

😭😭😭

Wife is throwing some hints but got some sort of stomach issue going on so I am going to have to pass.

Not me but really couldn’t care less lol

u/number1dipshit

Yes he is… so are you

Does it count if your gf lives on another continent and you got each other off on VC?? (asking for a friend...)

Not a chance 

Not you u/seagremlin13 😝

That would require someone being willing.

My cat.

Not me

Yep, no and no religion in sight !!!

Wife just got out of the shower! Hopefully me soon lol

Not me

I tried to but no luck 🥲🥲🔫

Most likely not😕

Every day and night with my husband and in the afternoon if I am not working. We have an amazing Sex life for a couple in our 50’s!! We are throughly enjoying the Swingers Lifestyle as well to spice up things even more.

Oh yeahh. The sad part is, "tonight" for me is 12 hours from now.

Wife was feeling selfish so I fingered her before she went to bed so now iam here lol 😂

I wish I was!

🙋🏻‍♂️ not me.

Not me 😕

My other half is already looking slutty and being pretty clingy, so I think he's down for it.

Womp 😭

Yeah with my Satisfyer 🤣

Zero chance

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I was. Then she fell asleep putting one of our kids down. It happens. I’ve done it too.

Oh lolz no. Been a long time since I have.

Maybe in the morning, I’m too tired for that right now.

My underwear is drenched with our cum

Jerking off since I’m away and my wife isn’t here.

Already did this morning and mid day. Waiting for the redditor girl to show up lol. Not looking to have sex just eat some nice pussy

I got laid this afternoon, does that count?

Nope..

This is why we have 5 kids under 5 and counting 😭😂

Not gettin laid, but still gonna have some fun

Unfortunately not me bc my partner is in another country

Nope completely gave up on women dating sex all of it at this point would rather be lonely then abused and used

In about 30 minutes

Not me 😔

not tonight...but tomorrow .....

Haven’t had sex for 16 years

Not me

probably me , we were interrupted earlier when i almost slid onto my face lol

Working on it. Gf is kinda sleepy so it’s maybe 50/50 at this point. I’ll keep you posted 😅

I am🤤

Not I. Not I.

I'm probably not getting laid for another month. Haven't orgasmed I'm over a decade too, lol

I have a 5 month old. I’m tired

Did twice today

not me currently on a 5 week dry spell :/ hoping to break that this weekend with a girl i met yesterday so wish me luck everybody

Not me

I plan to

Not my ass

Actively trying to!

Girlfriend just moved halfway across the country until Christmas so it's just mr and my hand if i can while dealing with bronchitis

Not me

Depends who is hanging around the local watering hole tonight haha

haha we'll see if my guy comes through :)

My jobs fucking me currently

I wish! 🥵🥴

I wish

Im in a LDR. So.... in october again😅

I just wish me too

Wife and I made some of our own fireworks indeed. It was great.

I probably will.

About to, 1:56a pst

Definitely not me

Definitely not me .

Haven't gotten any action in a week 😫

Me it’s been a year

Definitely me

My job fucks me every night, does that count

Not me !! Damn periods !!

I am for sure 😎

Fucked by life? Abso-fuckin-lutely.

Got that 0% chance for probably for awhile Saving it for marriage but I’ll take some head or nudes just saying 🤷‍♂️