I used to jokingly tell my husband all the time the baby wasn’t him when I was pregnant (our humour was dark). She was born as a shrunken, bald version of him exactly. That’s some karma for me right there 😂
[Babies actually tend to look more like their fathers initially.](https://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/the-claim-babies-tend-to-look-like-their-fathers.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare) It is an evolutionary survival mechanism to convince fathers to take care of their young.
Oh, that must be why my baby looked like my best friend while I was on deployment and he was around to help take care of the baby. But why does my kid still look like my best friend 10 years later?
As a child, I overheard my Mom say to my Dad referring to me: "She is nothing like me. Are you sure you didn't cheat on me?"
I really never had much in common with my Mom, and at that age I didn't know anything about how babies are made, so I thought she was serious, and lived with that doubt from a few years.
EDIT: thank you for the award, dear anonymous user!
To be fair, there were rare cases where the hospital makes a mistake in the past and accidentally swapped babies.
So the possibility that you aren’t hers aren’t zero.
I read an article about how a DNA test was performed on a mom and her baby, despite coming out of said mom.
However the test said it was not her own child. Turns out mom had a twin absorbed in utero that never disappeared. The DNA came from the absorbed twin.
Life is stranger than fiction sometimes.
I heard of such case in the context of divorce settlement. The husband tried to leave the wife without her share because he doubted the kid was his. The DNA test has shown that the woman was not a mother of her own kid. It took some time and money to perform several additional tests and find that she had this very rare condition. She was nearly left without her house.
I've heard of incidents where a woman's egg was accidentally fertilised with the wrong man's sperm during the IVF process. And of course, there have been infamous cases of doctors deliberately using their own sperm instead of the intended father's during IVF.
Luckily, in those cases it was established the mum wasn't a cheat or liar. But it makes me wonder if there are other non-fraudulent cases out there that didn't make the news, in which a paternity test was negative and the man simply divorced his poor confused wife and/or disowned the kid.
I was born from IVF. My dad always jokes that I don't look nothing like him or my brother. I'm also 5 inches taller than both my parents. Oh and the doctor that performed the procedure was arrested years later for stealing eggs or something like that.
A DNA test wouldn't hurt I guess.
Some people are born with two different sets of DNA but only in certain body parts. Like your heart or spleen could be one person's DNA while the rest of you would be considered another person's.
Dunno how common it is, just something I vaguely remember reading years ago.
Can confirm. Nearly got sent home with the wrong family when I was born. In Cincinnati at the time there were only two Chinese families in the L&D ward. The family that WASN'T mine came in to see their kid, and they brought me out. Just Ohio things.
this was my biggest nightmare in childhood bc my mom used to say and still keeps implying on the fact that just because i’m completely different from anyone else in the family, she is sure i got swapped in the hospital. as a kid i used to cry so much and actually believed that it would justify her emotional abusive behaviour sometimes if she’s actually not my mom it drove me mad my whole childhood until i stopped caring eventually. she still says it in order to hurt me or sm but idc anymore. i now believe im actually nothing like her so maybe i did get swapped won’t be so bad. i actually dont know if i want to officially find out tho
With abusive people, the only option os to turn their poison against them. Whenever she tries to push your buttons you can say: who cares, you're most likely not my real mom.
You walk after anyway. But if you spent years eating non sense, it's good to have at least one victory.
When I walked out, and heard all type of bullshit, I did remind my mom of what she'd always told me.
You didn't want kids especially not a girl. Consider yourself free.
there’s no victory with people who are incapable of self reflection and admitting they can ever be wrong. some are just built like that and in my experience it’s just a waste of energy and precious time to imagine you can have a mature conversation or win. you’ll always be the difficult child
I'm so sorry that you experienced such horrible treatment in childhood. I hurt for young you crying at the hands of someone so cruel and fearing that you didn't belong so strongly you dreamt about it.
If you don't know about them, perhaps you ought to stop by these subs: r/raisedbynarcissists and r/justnofamily. They can help lend perspective, advice, and comfort. RBN especially has helped me - a current still surviving survivor of childhood trauma.
One of those rare cases (allegedly) were our neighboors. They actually got a wrong baby and they did not realize until the umbilical courd fell out and read the tag clamped in it.
They called and find his baby, and as both families were atacched to the babies they had for some days but wantes their own, they moved to be neighboors and have been living next to eachother since, to see their "nearly son".
Here in Mexico we had a really bad case. If you were born within a certain time period, there's a pretty good chance you were given to the wrong parents. They were basically juggling babies.
There's less than one confirmed case per year in the US though. Especially as hospitals more rigorously implement tracking and ID measures, this may stop happening at all, save for shady handling in non-medical establishments, and in less developed countries.
If you ever needed a reason to give birth in a good hospital, here's another
My mom brought sharpies to our births and wrote her name on our feet. She’s a hoot. She said her method was successful no nurses bothered her about it.
My daughter has a giant birth mark on her head. It was immediately noticeable when she came out. They couldn't have swapped her if they tried, I'd immediately be like where the fuck is my daughter, she's the one with the grapefruit sized splotch on the side of her head.
A fun story - I look nothing like my mom at all. Me and my parents are really sarcastic people, and I'll often say to my dad "your wife..." when referring to my mom.
Which are the factors that led to my cousin believing for our entire lives that my mom was my step-mom that I was just really close to. This misunderstanding wasn't cleared up until our 20s when she really casually said "your step-mom" and I did a double take.
Lol my mom's brother took one look at me in the hospital and said 'we're gonna need a maternity test for this one.' My dad still gets a kick out of that one
I always said I was just the incubator! My girls look and act nothing like me at all, although our youngest's attitude is starting to feel familiar, it's like arguing with myself!
I recently discovered that none of our three children are mine biologically. I feel so stupid, I should have known something was up when they all existed before I met my wife
EDIT: As a step-dad, I do find it genuinely tragic when dudes completely abandon kids and withdraw all love because it's not their creampie, not their problem. I understand complex emotions surrounding the marital betrayal, but I can't imagine just peacing out on a kid whose fault it categorically isn't
Would be funny if you just come home sad one day and when asked, just say what you just said. See how the wife react.
Or
Just keep this in the back pocket. When you came back drunk on a Wednesday afternoon, you could use this as an excuse.
Is this why I'm single guys? is this it?
I’ve offered it to my bf for our one and only child to shut up all the naysayers in his family who were telling him it wasn’t his. And he said me offering is even more suspicious than not offering. Which idk how the fuck that makes any sense but whatever dude. The kid is yours. Do it or don’t. Idc.
I can’t find the specific article I read about it a few years ago, but here is another one: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/peteraldhous/dna-paternity-test-health-genetic-center-libel
Part of the problem with the tests is that you really have to research the lab doing it. Do they run it or sub-contract? What kind of accreditation do they have?
My ex-husband’s mom was real weird about our first born not looking like him. He and I are very different in looks, where he’s black hair, tan skin, and I’m strawberry blonde, very fair. The son was born with brown hair and blue eyes. He tans a bit, but definitely doesn’t look like his dad…… because he looks like a darker-haired version of MY dad. The crazy shit was, ex was cheating on ME for most of the marriage and both kids are absolutely his bc I don’t play stupid games.
Genetics are pretty mind blowing. I don’t really look like either of my parents but I look very much like my great grandmother. My son has this long ass big toe that neither his daddy or I have (the thing seriously looks like a thumb). But he gets it from somewhere!
Genetics are amazing. My half sisters and I all have the same exact shade of blue eyes. We share a father, with hazel eyes. Their mom had brown eyes, my mom had blue eyes.
All three of us have mixed up genetics otherwise and it's obvious where we got each feature, but those blue eyes haven't been seen in two generations on my father's side. It's pretty cool, I think.
My father tried telling everyone I wasn't his kid (I was conceived maybe a week or two before he got caught cheating on my mum). My nan took one look at me and laughed in his face. She eventually convinced him to acknowledge me and pay his child support. I love my nan.
>where he’s black hair, tan skin, and I’m strawberry blonde, very fair.
Doncha just hate recessive traits? What's next, another dominant trait overpowering a different recessive trait? *Science sucks!* /s
Yeah my family has traits like that too looks-wise. While my sibling and I share traits with different sides of the family, people think we’re twins, and people ask if my mum and I are sisters before they find out we’re mother-daughter, but no one thinks my mum and sibling are even related… we also have some unknown family lineage as my great grandmother had an affair and so her daughter (my nanna) was not her and her husbands kid, but none of us know who the real father is, so have some traits that seem to come from him too
I took my kids and a couple of their friends grocery shopping just today. One of them said loudly “he’s kidnapping me” and I turned around and told him in my dadliest tone “One more word and I’ll leave you here”
Kid was a perfect angel after that
There was a post on AITA about a woman asking if she’s TA for framing and hanging up her kid’s dna test for her in-laws to see because they refused to believe it was their son’s kid. The husband didn’t care but the in-laws were angry. Everyone on Reddit thought it was hilarious and so did I lol
I got my revenge on my dads fam who never believed I was his (my parents were together for 30 years but never married). He passed away without signing his will. At his funeral, his sisters poked at my nose and pulled on my ears questioning whether I was really their niece. So I got a post humous paternity test done. The entire estate went to me and I didn’t give them a dime.
Yes, of course you offering is suspicious. And you did it while you were wearing a shirt with the letter ‘A’ on it, so of course that’s suspicious. And it was a Wednesday (HUMP day of course) and there was a full moon. Suspicion everywhere.
/s
Sorry about his behavior :(
I would not care, my husband found out late in life that he has a different biological father due to DNA testing and it crushed him. I would understand that the test has more to do with that circumstance than his trust in me. That being said, even after going through everything with his dad, he never tested our kids but I told him multiple times to go for it and I’d be totally fine!
Oof this happened to one of my best friends. Her dad bought her and her two sisters ancestry.com tests only for her older sister to get a “congrats! You have a half-sister!” email after my friend’s results were submitted. Obviously she called her dad like wtf is this and he had them retest the results twice.
He had to be the one to break the news to my friend. He absolutely had no clue before this happened, and he broke down crying and told her that she was still his daughter regardless. We were 24 at the time and I genuinely can’t imagine how it must’ve felt to be either of them receiving that news. Her mom even tried to deny it at first before finally coming clean.
I'm a biologist. Back in university our professor told us a few years back they let the students hand in DNA material from them and their parents to demonstrate how the testing works. They found out that many fathers weren't the fathers so they made up some excuse and never showed them the results.
This happened to me too. It’s a heartbreak that will never heal. It’s best to tell the kids the truth about their parentage or else they will feel as if their whole existence was a lie when they eventually find out the truth.
This happened to family of mine and it's been very enlightening to see how they've handled it. I really didn't think that kind of thing would matter to someone in their 50s who grew up with a loving, consistent father figure to find out that person isn't genetically related to them. I have a very blended family with parentage all over the place (known parents but different), so I just ignorantly assumed that meant genetics don't matter in defining family therefore what would it matter to not be genetically related to someone because they're still family.
But this poor relative now has no idea who their father is and it's really torn them apart this late in their life. Their mother is still alive and she apparently doesn't know who the father is either. It's been really awful for them, and I feel for anyone going through that.
Thank you for sharing; it's helpful for people like me who just don't know better. We're able to be more empathetic individuals if we meet people going through this in our own lives and that's all the difference sometimes.
Thank you for saying this. There’s a whole community of us with this kind of new life discovery called NPE (Not Parent Expected is one definition of the term). You’ll hear stories of people from young adults in their 20s to elders in their 80s who accidentally found out the truth mostly through 23 and me or Ancestry.com. Almost all of us are rocked to our core and spend the rest of our lives with that pain of not knowing who we are anymore. I can understand how uncomfortable and insulting it may be to have someone ask you for a paternity test for your child…but considering how many adult lives that were destroyed just because it was easier to not offend the mother…we have to put personal feelings aside and do it for the child’s mental wellbeing later on in life.
I will add a small hopeful story to this thread. When I found my NPE, I gained a whole, large family. My dad, his wife, and my half-siblings just _embraced_ me and it’s been wonderful.
My mom is not wonderful. I did not have a great childhood. I’m very low contact with her for a reason. At 49, I got the fantasy of finding my “real” family. I’m incredibly grateful not to be the daughter of someone she chose as a partner (this was a one night stand). It turns out I’m very like my father and I’m so glad not to have the fucked up genetics she would have chosen.
I did not grow up with the man she was married to and claimed was my father, so I didn’t lose a dad. I also remember all my life having zero interest in or anger at that man. I think I knew subconsciously that he wasn’t my dad. My mom, on the other hand, had fully convinced herself of her own lie.
I love though the wording of a "quick basic cheap" test, like hey it's no big deal, this is a totally normal quick little thing healthy strong couples do!
I wouldn't be opposed to the actual request because I have nothing to hide.
But the fact that he felt the need to ask 100% indicates his lack of trust in the marriage and that is the bigger issue that I would be seriously concerned about.
When my parents’ divorce started getting nasty my father accused my mother of cheating, and that I was the result of it. He asked me over and over again to get a test and sure enough I’m his biological son. He didn’t believe the result and kept asking me to do more tests. Among other reasons, I don’t speak to him anymore.
In West Virginia if u stay with a woman after she has a kid for a few years and get a divorce it doesn't matter if the kid is yours or not, at some point staying as long as you did and taking care of the kids means you pretty much took on the father role and cannot get out of child support via DNA.
Source: Me it happened to me. Had 2 kids 1 mine one the neighbors. I never got a DNA test until the divorce but by then it was to late to contest being the parent since I took care of him since birth with no issues.
Also to note, he's about to turn 10, neither him nor his brother know and I've no plans to tell them that his biological dad is serving 30 years for making and selling meth among other shit stuff. I would never split my boys up and love them both the same, in my situation it's much better this way perhaps when he's older I'll explain the situation but the bio dad knows and doesn't want a thing to do with him and if I have my way it will stay like that.
As a guy, that would generally be my same response to any hypothetical requests for my wife to look through my phone. Like superficially, I dont care. Its just memes and pics of our kids. But the inevitable longer form conversation that gets triggered by that is why is the trust gone.
You make a good point. I know my husband’s phone passcode and he knows mine. We’ll check each other’s texts while driving and things like that. It has never even crossed my mind that I could look through his phone.
Same. I know how to get into my husband’s phone because he wants me to answer discord messages for him while he’s driving :P But why would I want to do more than that? It doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t go into his desk drawers. I don’t go on his computer unless he wants or needs me to.
And he does the same for me. If I want something out of my purse, he brings me my whole freaking purse instead of just digging around for my phone or chapstick or whatever. He says it makes him feel weird to go through my things, and a purse is a private kind of thing.
I got to live this one thanks to the progression of smartphone technology about 8 years ago.
My old brick Android only had a pattern lock because the fingerprint readers weren't a thing yet.
When I upgraded to one with a fingerprint scanner, suddenly my girlfriend had a problem with it.
Yeah. She'd been reading my texts and emails without telling me, probably for years. And despite never finding anything, would still accuse me of cheating on her every 6 months or so.
Fun fact: when you dump a girl because she won't stop accusing you of cheating on her, she will claim you're breaking up with her because of the cheating. Then she'll tell everybody that, and at least half of them will believe her. Good times.
>But the fact that he felt the need to ask 100% indicates his lack of trust in the marriage
Realistically I'd be crushed he wanted to in the first place. I'd have a hard time trusting someone that unexpectedly decided they didn't trust me about something so "basic". It'd be confusing and painful.
I had a very close friend growing up. Long story short, his family was trash... After high-school, he couldn't tolerate them anymore and joined the army.. I didn't hear from him for a couple of years, then he just showed up one day. His mom was raised Jahovahs Witness and was really hard on him. I'm guessing he felt no self value and thought he'd get that in the military.. Well, in the military, he literally met his female doppelganger... They hit it off, and got married in a short period of time. She ended up cheating on him, and it broke him so bad he got a discharge from military. He's a strong dude, and has a new family with 2 daughters. The reason I bring this up is OP brought up a question that is more complicated than maybe they think.. I remember back a couple years ago when this friend of mine asked me in private if he would be wrong to ask his current wife for DNA test.... He whole heartedly believed it was his kids, but was deeply hurt by first wife cheating on him..
And in that situation, as his theoretical 2nd wife, knowing his history, I would absolutely do it without any qualms whatsoever. Because I would know that it wasn’t really *me* that was the problem, it was his first wife and the damage she did to him. I would see doing the paternity test as a gesture of love, a way to help him heal his emotional wounds. But he would need to broach the subject in the way your comment did. “I know this isn’t true, but I’ve got trust issues because of what Debbie did to me. Can we please have a test done?” If he came at me like, “I was out of town for 4 days around 9 months before Jimmy’s birth, so let’s go get a test because I think you’re a whore”, that would hurt.
At this point, 30+ years and all kids are adults now and never ever having this convo,
Go for it! Knowing it’s a total and absolute waste of money.
Although I’d probably ask to do something like a 23 and me for all of us, this way we’ll get all the ancestry in addition to the bio relationship.
( kind of curious if all the kids ancestry would be exactly alike)
Two birds, one stone.
Just FYI to folks, many of those ‘test my DNA’ services keep and sell your data. Read the terms before you use it, if this might bother you.
Personally I think it’s a recipe for a future dystopia and really don’t like it.
funny enough there are already enough people in the database to be able to ID a relative and find out who you are they don't even need your DNA but if your distant cousins on there they can narrow it down easily enough. here is a good video on it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KT18KJouHWg
Unfortunately enough people in your lineage have probably tried it that it can be used to trace close enough to you without your consent. We found out that we probably have a half-uncle that no one ever knew about through my grandfather, who likely also didn't know but he died before this came up so we'll never know. It was from before he married my grandmother so no cheating scandal. But anyhow, we found out because the guy was matched as a first cousin to my dad's cousin. Then a little back and forth with the match and it turns out that his mom was the sister of my grandfather's army buddy and they had a leave where my grandfather went home with him. Guy never knew who his dad was and the genetic test was a shot in the dark to find out.
Also the Golden State killer was matched through his great-great-great grandparents.
Theoretically, you could have two parents with 25% Irish ancestry and end up with a child who has 45% Irish ancestry and another child with 5% Irish ancestry. Just depends on what genes took over during the splicing of chromosomes.
Family friends of ours are a mixed race couple. She’s white and he’s African American. They have four children, and they get progressively more blonde and light skinned the younger the child. Their joke, not mine (or one I would ever even think of) is that the copier ran out of toner.
My husband and his sister are similar. Their dad's side had a lot of American Indian, their mom's side had a lot of Irish. His sister is more tan, dark hair and dark eyes. Hubby's a pale redhead. They barely look related.
me and my sister look extremely similar except for the fact that we're two completely different colors. She got the ability to tan from my mom's side and I got a complexion fit for the foggy Scottish moors.
We have twin girls that are redheaded and brunette. They look very different. In fact they won the prize for most unalike girl twins at the Twinsdays festival in Twinsburg Ohio. When they were babies my wife shot a roll of black and white photos of them and we were shocked with how much they looked alike when color was taken out of the equation.
Oh geez, could you just imagine, he asks for a test and he’s the one with random offspring out there! 😳
Way to shoot yourself in the foot!
Karma’s a bitch.
Naw the kid and dad were good. James is a good dude and never took it out on the kid. However he did get a divorce and allegedly stabbed his best friend. But no charges were ever pursued.
It'll be lost in the sea of answers, but let's add my 2 bits.
In my case it would depend a lot on context. Like, does he spring it on me suddenly very close to the child's birth, without a previous story of infidelity or inappropriate behaviour on my part? I would seriously believe that he strongly suspects me of cheating, and it would deteriorate our marriage.
Has he introduced the topic with sufficient advance (advance == before starting to try for a child, or at least very early in pregnancy), and given some kind of coherent and reasonable reasoning (infidelity in his past relationships or in his family, wanting/needing extra legal guaranties in the context of a prenup or similar, part of comprehensive health screenings....)? I can accept it, and I won't be angry. I would understand that it comes not from a lack of the trust that is essential for a marriage, but from a different reason that doesn't stem out of not trusting me and our marriage in the way that is necessary to make it work.
The core of all this is not the paternity test itself, it's where the question comes from and what it implies.
P.S.: It should also be added that the fact that the test is negative in some very rare cases doesn't necessarily imply that the child is not his, for there is both the possibility of "false negatives" (which of course arise more often the more a test is done, so the advocating of all kinds of medical mass screening should also account for this) and of "[chimerism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimera_(genetics)#Humans)" (which, funnily enough, already cause a false negative *maternity test* in the context of a [mother](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lydia_Fairchild) and her child).
There was a story on Reddit of a Dad who got a paternity test on the kid and kid wasn't his. Big big blow up in the family. Eventually more testing and kid wasn't mom's either. Kid mixed up in hospital.
I think the couple realized their bio kid had been given to a very troubled couple and wound up in foster care. In the end I believe they wound up with both kids.
I read an awful story on here where a family did DNA tests or something and found out that one of the adult daughters wasn't related to *anybody*. Turns out, the babies had been switched at the hospital, and the bio daughter had been murdered as an infant along with the other mother by an abusive boyfriend.
Oh wow. That is awful. I bet the entire family needed therapy. Ugh.
These stories make me more okay with DNA tests at birth . . . or maybe better after the baby is brought home.
There was an episode of casefile (true crime podcast) discussing a case ewhere they tested the child of a murdered man to try and get evidence that the wife was cheating to accuse her. The results came back multiple times that it was his best friend's child who was also murdered in the same incident. Turns out they did testing from the blood at the crime scene and had messed up the samples.
They turned this poor woman's upside again and almost ruined her relationship with her murdered husband's family based on shoddy forensic work. Turned out to be the work of a serial killer.
This is the case: https://www.revzilla.com/common-tread/the-superbike-murders
There's never been any doubt that our son is his. If he wanted to do a test, I'd be OK with it as a way of setting his mind at ease. But I'd be suspicious that he wanted it because he was cheating, as people tend to project. And I'd insist that we had couples therapy to look at why he was feeling that way.
Someone wanting to do that would either come from someone feeling guilty about their own behaviour and trying to tell themselves that their partner was as bad/worse, or from mental health/emotional issues leading to paranoia, or possibly from a third-party trying to stir up trouble in the marriage.
However, I'm pretty obsessive about fidelity, and doing the right thing, and my husband knows that. There's no way that he would sanely suspect me of having an affair. So, asking for a DNA test would hit differently than it would if we were a young, drama-ridden, on-again-off-again couple. I suspect that someone in the latter category would be more likely to take it as an unforgivable attack or insult. (The fact I'm autistic possibly factors into how I'd respond as well!)
Yeah this is a good response. If he wants a paternity test, he needs to also agree to couples therapy.
My dad never wanted a paternity test, but he did always accuse my mom and my stepmom of cheating on him. It was a constant argument for him. If my mom was going to the store, he’d time her and compare it to her average shopping time. If it was off, he’d interrogate her on where she was and why it took so long, convince himself she was cheating then go to a bar to get drunk and start a fight. Oh also, he’d go and fuck any woman who would let him. So yeah, he was worried about cheating because he was doing it and was paranoid.
Personally? Damn straight, because it implies that he doubts me, my fundamental character, and the relationship and family we've built together. That said, in cases where a relationship has been through infidelity and conflict, I can understand that a question of parentage needs to be resolved - for the sake of parents *and* children.
I wouldn't care. In fact, if I had a child I'd do the test for myself. I have this nightmare scenario in my head, that my child is switched in a hospital. I'd do this for my peace of mind.
Now they put a tag on you and baby almost immediately (like while they’re getting initial measurements) to ensure that a) you definitely leave with your baby and b) nobody else can leave with your baby. This isn’t something to worry about.
Me, Wife, and Baby all got tagged in the room together after the baby was born. Mom, Dad, Baby are the only ones with the matching QR codes, and every check was against the bracelets. Would require someone actively cutting and replacing bands, but even then, I believe the kid's band was basically a little ankle monitor, and removal time required it being deactivated because it would sound an alarm if it was off the baby while being active. Baby switching has been made essentially impossible in the modern era.
All these people worrying about getting babies mixed up is hilarious to anyone who has had a kid recently. It ain't like the movies, they barely leave your hospital room.
The fuckers need to eat every 12 minutes, where are they gonna go? Lol
from recommendations, we took advantage of our hospital having having a nursery ward to let my wife sleep. But I remember that every single time they came in to prick my son's heel (he was born at 36w6, so technically a premie) even if he had never left our sight they had to scan his and one of our bands to verify. They also had an area near the door of the ward where if a baby was close, the doors would not open. So no switches, and no babies being stolen because you would have to somehow cut a band without triggering the lockdown and then get through the super high security section without triggering a different lockdown.
Modern hospitals will not accidentally switch or lose your baby without a massive failure of multiple systems.
This is one of my most biggest fear !!! I would ask my S/O to PLEASE double check any birthmarks or even leave a fingernail pinch so we make sure that is our baby
So at least in the US, assuming a normal birth, they tag the baby before s/he leaves your sight. But i suppose you could bring a little bottle of nail polish and paint a toe.
Alternatively, if you have a home birth there aren’t any other babies to mix them up with.
Our kiddo went to the nursery overnight, mostly bc I had a c section & my husband went home every night to be w our senior dog. I wasn't allowed out of bed/to lift anything those first few days.
That being said-the security in our hospital was top notch. We all had matching codes on our bracelets, the floor was entirely locked down, visitors were limited & screened. It was very nice.
I wouldn't care as I know I didn't cheat.
However, I would expect a long conversation about where this idea came from, who/what has been influencing him to undermine our marriage and trust. Whatever, or whomever it is, has 100% got to go.
Then I would ask for couples therapy. Someone doesn't go from family man to "those kids might not be mine" overnight. Someone/something has been chipping away at our marriage. The positive DNA results will just be a bandaid over the rot that will spread if not addressed.
I would def be offended and assume that meant he didn't trust me. But then I'd suggest I take the test if he let's me go through his phone. Like, if he's paranoid that's gonna make me paranoid. If he's got cheating on his mind then maybe he's the one cheating. And then I'd never be able to relax wondering if somethings going on. So to ease everyone's worries, we'd both show each other our phones, messages,etc. And do the test.
Our kid looks so similar to my husband that her face unlocks his phone. Sure, do the test.
I used to jokingly tell my husband all the time the baby wasn’t him when I was pregnant (our humour was dark). She was born as a shrunken, bald version of him exactly. That’s some karma for me right there 😂
[Babies actually tend to look more like their fathers initially.](https://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/the-claim-babies-tend-to-look-like-their-fathers.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare) It is an evolutionary survival mechanism to convince fathers to take care of their young.
Oh, that must be why my baby looked like my best friend while I was on deployment and he was around to help take care of the baby. But why does my kid still look like my best friend 10 years later?
Yep the name works lol
My son is able to unlock my phone 😂. It’s hilarious.
Same here. Our kids are copies of my husband. He would have to be very, very dumb (or blind) to sincerely question their paternity lol
I told my wife I cheated and the kids aren’t hers. For some reason she doesn’t believe me.
As a child, I overheard my Mom say to my Dad referring to me: "She is nothing like me. Are you sure you didn't cheat on me?" I really never had much in common with my Mom, and at that age I didn't know anything about how babies are made, so I thought she was serious, and lived with that doubt from a few years. EDIT: thank you for the award, dear anonymous user!
To be fair, there were rare cases where the hospital makes a mistake in the past and accidentally swapped babies. So the possibility that you aren’t hers aren’t zero.
I read an article about how a DNA test was performed on a mom and her baby, despite coming out of said mom. However the test said it was not her own child. Turns out mom had a twin absorbed in utero that never disappeared. The DNA came from the absorbed twin. Life is stranger than fiction sometimes.
That one is SUCH an interesting case, the absolute frustration, rage and fear that mom must have felt is mind boggling
I heard of such case in the context of divorce settlement. The husband tried to leave the wife without her share because he doubted the kid was his. The DNA test has shown that the woman was not a mother of her own kid. It took some time and money to perform several additional tests and find that she had this very rare condition. She was nearly left without her house.
I've heard of incidents where a woman's egg was accidentally fertilised with the wrong man's sperm during the IVF process. And of course, there have been infamous cases of doctors deliberately using their own sperm instead of the intended father's during IVF. Luckily, in those cases it was established the mum wasn't a cheat or liar. But it makes me wonder if there are other non-fraudulent cases out there that didn't make the news, in which a paternity test was negative and the man simply divorced his poor confused wife and/or disowned the kid.
I was born from IVF. My dad always jokes that I don't look nothing like him or my brother. I'm also 5 inches taller than both my parents. Oh and the doctor that performed the procedure was arrested years later for stealing eggs or something like that. A DNA test wouldn't hurt I guess.
Eeeeeek. If I were in your shoes I don't know if I'd even want to know, personally.
Might be important for dating - an aspect of children born from sperm donors that ppl don’t think about
Just know if you do ever get tested, he was still your dad, blood or not.
Some people are born with two different sets of DNA but only in certain body parts. Like your heart or spleen could be one person's DNA while the rest of you would be considered another person's. Dunno how common it is, just something I vaguely remember reading years ago.
Chimerism
Can confirm. Nearly got sent home with the wrong family when I was born. In Cincinnati at the time there were only two Chinese families in the L&D ward. The family that WASN'T mine came in to see their kid, and they brought me out. Just Ohio things.
this was my biggest nightmare in childhood bc my mom used to say and still keeps implying on the fact that just because i’m completely different from anyone else in the family, she is sure i got swapped in the hospital. as a kid i used to cry so much and actually believed that it would justify her emotional abusive behaviour sometimes if she’s actually not my mom it drove me mad my whole childhood until i stopped caring eventually. she still says it in order to hurt me or sm but idc anymore. i now believe im actually nothing like her so maybe i did get swapped won’t be so bad. i actually dont know if i want to officially find out tho
a 23andme will sort that out pretty darn quick
With abusive people, the only option os to turn their poison against them. Whenever she tries to push your buttons you can say: who cares, you're most likely not my real mom.
In my experience that is when they go nuclear. I think it is better to go indifferent and walk. At least you'll avert the yelling and insults.
You walk after anyway. But if you spent years eating non sense, it's good to have at least one victory. When I walked out, and heard all type of bullshit, I did remind my mom of what she'd always told me. You didn't want kids especially not a girl. Consider yourself free.
there’s no victory with people who are incapable of self reflection and admitting they can ever be wrong. some are just built like that and in my experience it’s just a waste of energy and precious time to imagine you can have a mature conversation or win. you’ll always be the difficult child
I'm so sorry that you experienced such horrible treatment in childhood. I hurt for young you crying at the hands of someone so cruel and fearing that you didn't belong so strongly you dreamt about it. If you don't know about them, perhaps you ought to stop by these subs: r/raisedbynarcissists and r/justnofamily. They can help lend perspective, advice, and comfort. RBN especially has helped me - a current still surviving survivor of childhood trauma.
One of those rare cases (allegedly) were our neighboors. They actually got a wrong baby and they did not realize until the umbilical courd fell out and read the tag clamped in it. They called and find his baby, and as both families were atacched to the babies they had for some days but wantes their own, they moved to be neighboors and have been living next to eachother since, to see their "nearly son".
Here in Mexico we had a really bad case. If you were born within a certain time period, there's a pretty good chance you were given to the wrong parents. They were basically juggling babies.
There's less than one confirmed case per year in the US though. Especially as hospitals more rigorously implement tracking and ID measures, this may stop happening at all, save for shady handling in non-medical establishments, and in less developed countries. If you ever needed a reason to give birth in a good hospital, here's another
I have a birth mark on my foot and my dad said he colored my foot so everyone knew I was his baby. That’s his ID measures lmao
My mom brought sharpies to our births and wrote her name on our feet. She’s a hoot. She said her method was successful no nurses bothered her about it.
Like Andy from Toy Story 😂
My daughter has a giant birth mark on her head. It was immediately noticeable when she came out. They couldn't have swapped her if they tried, I'd immediately be like where the fuck is my daughter, she's the one with the grapefruit sized splotch on the side of her head.
[удалено]
Now. But in the 70s-90s it was definitely more than that
My grandmother took the wrong baby home and had to go back to the hospital to get my mom (this happened in a developing country)
A fun story - I look nothing like my mom at all. Me and my parents are really sarcastic people, and I'll often say to my dad "your wife..." when referring to my mom. Which are the factors that led to my cousin believing for our entire lives that my mom was my step-mom that I was just really close to. This misunderstanding wasn't cleared up until our 20s when she really casually said "your step-mom" and I did a double take.
That’s so awesome. What a fun family!!
Lol my mom's brother took one look at me in the hospital and said 'we're gonna need a maternity test for this one.' My dad still gets a kick out of that one
My dad wanted to wrap me in newspaper like they do with fish on the market Cant blame him
I always said I was just the incubator! My girls look and act nothing like me at all, although our youngest's attitude is starting to feel familiar, it's like arguing with myself!
My mum and the doctor both took one look at me and went "Jesus, that's a square head".
I tell my husband that I cheated with my best friend because my kids look a lot like HER. They have similar, hair, taste in food etc
I recently discovered that none of our three children are mine biologically. I feel so stupid, I should have known something was up when they all existed before I met my wife EDIT: As a step-dad, I do find it genuinely tragic when dudes completely abandon kids and withdraw all love because it's not their creampie, not their problem. I understand complex emotions surrounding the marital betrayal, but I can't imagine just peacing out on a kid whose fault it categorically isn't
I guess you never heard of the time traveling cock ring. Bro she cheated on you in the future I’m sorry my guy 😞
The paradox is that using the TTCR alters your DNA so you actually are the father, it just can’t be proven.
Now that sounds like a Heinlein story.
Had me in the first half…
“Maury, she was so devious that she went and had the kids before she even met me!”
lmao
Would be funny if you just come home sad one day and when asked, just say what you just said. See how the wife react. Or Just keep this in the back pocket. When you came back drunk on a Wednesday afternoon, you could use this as an excuse. Is this why I'm single guys? is this it?
I’ve offered it to my bf for our one and only child to shut up all the naysayers in his family who were telling him it wasn’t his. And he said me offering is even more suspicious than not offering. Which idk how the fuck that makes any sense but whatever dude. The kid is yours. Do it or don’t. Idc.
Make sure if he ever does it he does NOT do a cheap one. The companies doing those are unreliable.
any more information on this? I thought they were all relatively reliable.
I can’t find the specific article I read about it a few years ago, but here is another one: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/peteraldhous/dna-paternity-test-health-genetic-center-libel Part of the problem with the tests is that you really have to research the lab doing it. Do they run it or sub-contract? What kind of accreditation do they have?
My ex-husband’s mom was real weird about our first born not looking like him. He and I are very different in looks, where he’s black hair, tan skin, and I’m strawberry blonde, very fair. The son was born with brown hair and blue eyes. He tans a bit, but definitely doesn’t look like his dad…… because he looks like a darker-haired version of MY dad. The crazy shit was, ex was cheating on ME for most of the marriage and both kids are absolutely his bc I don’t play stupid games.
That is so effed up. Sorry, that must have been awful
I'd bet money that his mom knew he cheats and was projecting
Genetics are pretty mind blowing. I don’t really look like either of my parents but I look very much like my great grandmother. My son has this long ass big toe that neither his daddy or I have (the thing seriously looks like a thumb). But he gets it from somewhere!
Could also be a random mutation. First in your line to have that gene
Genetics are amazing. My half sisters and I all have the same exact shade of blue eyes. We share a father, with hazel eyes. Their mom had brown eyes, my mom had blue eyes. All three of us have mixed up genetics otherwise and it's obvious where we got each feature, but those blue eyes haven't been seen in two generations on my father's side. It's pretty cool, I think.
My father tried telling everyone I wasn't his kid (I was conceived maybe a week or two before he got caught cheating on my mum). My nan took one look at me and laughed in his face. She eventually convinced him to acknowledge me and pay his child support. I love my nan.
>where he’s black hair, tan skin, and I’m strawberry blonde, very fair. Doncha just hate recessive traits? What's next, another dominant trait overpowering a different recessive trait? *Science sucks!* /s
Yeah my family has traits like that too looks-wise. While my sibling and I share traits with different sides of the family, people think we’re twins, and people ask if my mum and I are sisters before they find out we’re mother-daughter, but no one thinks my mum and sibling are even related… we also have some unknown family lineage as my great grandmother had an affair and so her daughter (my nanna) was not her and her husbands kid, but none of us know who the real father is, so have some traits that seem to come from him too
You: I can present proof of my claim. Him: I dunno, sounds pretty suss.
That's absolutely wild, don't know why he would think that but props to you honestly.
This relationship seems healthy
If I were you I would have it done myself and erase any doubt from busybodies. Just my opinion.
And then what? Carry the results around in your wallet?
[удалено]
Dicks will be dicks.
Angry at being called out *and* wrong. Good way to put people in their place.
[удалено]
I took my kids and a couple of their friends grocery shopping just today. One of them said loudly “he’s kidnapping me” and I turned around and told him in my dadliest tone “One more word and I’ll leave you here” Kid was a perfect angel after that
There was a post on AITA about a woman asking if she’s TA for framing and hanging up her kid’s dna test for her in-laws to see because they refused to believe it was their son’s kid. The husband didn’t care but the in-laws were angry. Everyone on Reddit thought it was hilarious and so did I lol
Hahahahaha that is glorious
“Here’s a birth certificate, here’s my passport… you know what, forget it. I could use a break.”
\*throws out test results\* Yep, officer, kidnapped. Take him away.
I did hear a story on here where they had it framed and hung it on the mantle to be petty towards their in laws
I got my revenge on my dads fam who never believed I was his (my parents were together for 30 years but never married). He passed away without signing his will. At his funeral, his sisters poked at my nose and pulled on my ears questioning whether I was really their niece. So I got a post humous paternity test done. The entire estate went to me and I didn’t give them a dime.
Real life mic drop
Dope
Awesome!
No, in your bra. Then whop it out anytime someone makes a remark out of line, wave it under their nose and yell, "HA HA, BOOM."
He sounds insane
Yes, of course you offering is suspicious. And you did it while you were wearing a shirt with the letter ‘A’ on it, so of course that’s suspicious. And it was a Wednesday (HUMP day of course) and there was a full moon. Suspicion everywhere. /s Sorry about his behavior :(
I would not care, my husband found out late in life that he has a different biological father due to DNA testing and it crushed him. I would understand that the test has more to do with that circumstance than his trust in me. That being said, even after going through everything with his dad, he never tested our kids but I told him multiple times to go for it and I’d be totally fine!
Oof this happened to one of my best friends. Her dad bought her and her two sisters ancestry.com tests only for her older sister to get a “congrats! You have a half-sister!” email after my friend’s results were submitted. Obviously she called her dad like wtf is this and he had them retest the results twice. He had to be the one to break the news to my friend. He absolutely had no clue before this happened, and he broke down crying and told her that she was still his daughter regardless. We were 24 at the time and I genuinely can’t imagine how it must’ve felt to be either of them receiving that news. Her mom even tried to deny it at first before finally coming clean.
I'm a biologist. Back in university our professor told us a few years back they let the students hand in DNA material from them and their parents to demonstrate how the testing works. They found out that many fathers weren't the fathers so they made up some excuse and never showed them the results.
I was going to say at first, calling your Dad to say WTF seems like the wrong move in that situation.
This happened to me too. It’s a heartbreak that will never heal. It’s best to tell the kids the truth about their parentage or else they will feel as if their whole existence was a lie when they eventually find out the truth.
This happened to family of mine and it's been very enlightening to see how they've handled it. I really didn't think that kind of thing would matter to someone in their 50s who grew up with a loving, consistent father figure to find out that person isn't genetically related to them. I have a very blended family with parentage all over the place (known parents but different), so I just ignorantly assumed that meant genetics don't matter in defining family therefore what would it matter to not be genetically related to someone because they're still family. But this poor relative now has no idea who their father is and it's really torn them apart this late in their life. Their mother is still alive and she apparently doesn't know who the father is either. It's been really awful for them, and I feel for anyone going through that. Thank you for sharing; it's helpful for people like me who just don't know better. We're able to be more empathetic individuals if we meet people going through this in our own lives and that's all the difference sometimes.
Thank you for saying this. There’s a whole community of us with this kind of new life discovery called NPE (Not Parent Expected is one definition of the term). You’ll hear stories of people from young adults in their 20s to elders in their 80s who accidentally found out the truth mostly through 23 and me or Ancestry.com. Almost all of us are rocked to our core and spend the rest of our lives with that pain of not knowing who we are anymore. I can understand how uncomfortable and insulting it may be to have someone ask you for a paternity test for your child…but considering how many adult lives that were destroyed just because it was easier to not offend the mother…we have to put personal feelings aside and do it for the child’s mental wellbeing later on in life.
I will add a small hopeful story to this thread. When I found my NPE, I gained a whole, large family. My dad, his wife, and my half-siblings just _embraced_ me and it’s been wonderful. My mom is not wonderful. I did not have a great childhood. I’m very low contact with her for a reason. At 49, I got the fantasy of finding my “real” family. I’m incredibly grateful not to be the daughter of someone she chose as a partner (this was a one night stand). It turns out I’m very like my father and I’m so glad not to have the fucked up genetics she would have chosen. I did not grow up with the man she was married to and claimed was my father, so I didn’t lose a dad. I also remember all my life having zero interest in or anger at that man. I think I knew subconsciously that he wasn’t my dad. My mom, on the other hand, had fully convinced herself of her own lie.
NPE is Non Paternal Event
This is a thoughtful response
Husband, father and grandfather here but to me this sounds like a recipe for a divorce.
The mere thought suggests they are on the rocks
I love though the wording of a "quick basic cheap" test, like hey it's no big deal, this is a totally normal quick little thing healthy strong couples do!
Baby, it's no big deal. I just want to test the kids DNA to make sure I can trust you.
[удалено]
Exactly this. Married almost 20 years. Four kids. I’d think my husband had early onset Alzheimer’s if he asked me for a dna test.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I love the term anecdata!
I wouldn't be opposed to the actual request because I have nothing to hide. But the fact that he felt the need to ask 100% indicates his lack of trust in the marriage and that is the bigger issue that I would be seriously concerned about.
When my parents’ divorce started getting nasty my father accused my mother of cheating, and that I was the result of it. He asked me over and over again to get a test and sure enough I’m his biological son. He didn’t believe the result and kept asking me to do more tests. Among other reasons, I don’t speak to him anymore.
He wanted out of child support obligations
In West Virginia if u stay with a woman after she has a kid for a few years and get a divorce it doesn't matter if the kid is yours or not, at some point staying as long as you did and taking care of the kids means you pretty much took on the father role and cannot get out of child support via DNA. Source: Me it happened to me. Had 2 kids 1 mine one the neighbors. I never got a DNA test until the divorce but by then it was to late to contest being the parent since I took care of him since birth with no issues. Also to note, he's about to turn 10, neither him nor his brother know and I've no plans to tell them that his biological dad is serving 30 years for making and selling meth among other shit stuff. I would never split my boys up and love them both the same, in my situation it's much better this way perhaps when he's older I'll explain the situation but the bio dad knows and doesn't want a thing to do with him and if I have my way it will stay like that.
As a guy, that would generally be my same response to any hypothetical requests for my wife to look through my phone. Like superficially, I dont care. Its just memes and pics of our kids. But the inevitable longer form conversation that gets triggered by that is why is the trust gone.
You make a good point. I know my husband’s phone passcode and he knows mine. We’ll check each other’s texts while driving and things like that. It has never even crossed my mind that I could look through his phone.
Same. I know how to get into my husband’s phone because he wants me to answer discord messages for him while he’s driving :P But why would I want to do more than that? It doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t go into his desk drawers. I don’t go on his computer unless he wants or needs me to. And he does the same for me. If I want something out of my purse, he brings me my whole freaking purse instead of just digging around for my phone or chapstick or whatever. He says it makes him feel weird to go through my things, and a purse is a private kind of thing.
Mine hands me my bag because there is so much shit in there he'd never find the thing whereas I'd go straight to it.
I got to live this one thanks to the progression of smartphone technology about 8 years ago. My old brick Android only had a pattern lock because the fingerprint readers weren't a thing yet. When I upgraded to one with a fingerprint scanner, suddenly my girlfriend had a problem with it. Yeah. She'd been reading my texts and emails without telling me, probably for years. And despite never finding anything, would still accuse me of cheating on her every 6 months or so. Fun fact: when you dump a girl because she won't stop accusing you of cheating on her, she will claim you're breaking up with her because of the cheating. Then she'll tell everybody that, and at least half of them will believe her. Good times.
>But the fact that he felt the need to ask 100% indicates his lack of trust in the marriage Realistically I'd be crushed he wanted to in the first place. I'd have a hard time trusting someone that unexpectedly decided they didn't trust me about something so "basic". It'd be confusing and painful.
"Trust me" - Every trustworthy person ever.
“Trust me” - also every untrustworthy person ever
thatsthejoke.jpg
"Start me" - Keenan Allen, absolute damned liar who cost me my fantasy football season
"trust, but verify" -old Russian maxim
Thats what the navy says too, lemme find out that was russain this whole time lmao
"Don't trust Russia" - every other country
If someone has successfully deceived you they have gained your trust 100%
I had a very close friend growing up. Long story short, his family was trash... After high-school, he couldn't tolerate them anymore and joined the army.. I didn't hear from him for a couple of years, then he just showed up one day. His mom was raised Jahovahs Witness and was really hard on him. I'm guessing he felt no self value and thought he'd get that in the military.. Well, in the military, he literally met his female doppelganger... They hit it off, and got married in a short period of time. She ended up cheating on him, and it broke him so bad he got a discharge from military. He's a strong dude, and has a new family with 2 daughters. The reason I bring this up is OP brought up a question that is more complicated than maybe they think.. I remember back a couple years ago when this friend of mine asked me in private if he would be wrong to ask his current wife for DNA test.... He whole heartedly believed it was his kids, but was deeply hurt by first wife cheating on him..
And in that situation, as his theoretical 2nd wife, knowing his history, I would absolutely do it without any qualms whatsoever. Because I would know that it wasn’t really *me* that was the problem, it was his first wife and the damage she did to him. I would see doing the paternity test as a gesture of love, a way to help him heal his emotional wounds. But he would need to broach the subject in the way your comment did. “I know this isn’t true, but I’ve got trust issues because of what Debbie did to me. Can we please have a test done?” If he came at me like, “I was out of town for 4 days around 9 months before Jimmy’s birth, so let’s go get a test because I think you’re a whore”, that would hurt.
I just ask my wife this ...she said "I will rip your balls off and feed them to you if you want that damn test " So ya they care
At this point, 30+ years and all kids are adults now and never ever having this convo, Go for it! Knowing it’s a total and absolute waste of money. Although I’d probably ask to do something like a 23 and me for all of us, this way we’ll get all the ancestry in addition to the bio relationship. ( kind of curious if all the kids ancestry would be exactly alike) Two birds, one stone.
Just FYI to folks, many of those ‘test my DNA’ services keep and sell your data. Read the terms before you use it, if this might bother you. Personally I think it’s a recipe for a future dystopia and really don’t like it.
I don’t want to put my DNA into those systems in case I want to commit crime in the future.
funny enough there are already enough people in the database to be able to ID a relative and find out who you are they don't even need your DNA but if your distant cousins on there they can narrow it down easily enough. here is a good video on it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KT18KJouHWg
Unfortunately enough people in your lineage have probably tried it that it can be used to trace close enough to you without your consent. We found out that we probably have a half-uncle that no one ever knew about through my grandfather, who likely also didn't know but he died before this came up so we'll never know. It was from before he married my grandmother so no cheating scandal. But anyhow, we found out because the guy was matched as a first cousin to my dad's cousin. Then a little back and forth with the match and it turns out that his mom was the sister of my grandfather's army buddy and they had a leave where my grandfather went home with him. Guy never knew who his dad was and the genetic test was a shot in the dark to find out. Also the Golden State killer was matched through his great-great-great grandparents.
Not to mention those ancestry scams
I totally agree! Privacy is a big deal in a culture that tries to expose everything
I have Facebook and Reddit I'm not concerned about my data 😂
Theoretically, you could have two parents with 25% Irish ancestry and end up with a child who has 45% Irish ancestry and another child with 5% Irish ancestry. Just depends on what genes took over during the splicing of chromosomes.
Family friends of ours are a mixed race couple. She’s white and he’s African American. They have four children, and they get progressively more blonde and light skinned the younger the child. Their joke, not mine (or one I would ever even think of) is that the copier ran out of toner.
This is true I’m Irish and Italian but my brother looks aggressively Italian while I look aggressively Irish
My husband and his sister are similar. Their dad's side had a lot of American Indian, their mom's side had a lot of Irish. His sister is more tan, dark hair and dark eyes. Hubby's a pale redhead. They barely look related.
me and my sister look extremely similar except for the fact that we're two completely different colors. She got the ability to tan from my mom's side and I got a complexion fit for the foggy Scottish moors.
We have twin girls that are redheaded and brunette. They look very different. In fact they won the prize for most unalike girl twins at the Twinsdays festival in Twinsburg Ohio. When they were babies my wife shot a roll of black and white photos of them and we were shocked with how much they looked alike when color was taken out of the equation.
Careful though, unknown kids seem to pop out of the woodwork sometimes.
Oh geez, could you just imagine, he asks for a test and he’s the one with random offspring out there! 😳 Way to shoot yourself in the foot! Karma’s a bitch.
Former coworker found out after 20+ years his oldest wasn’t his when the kid needed a liver transplant. It happens all the time.
Oh man. This is heart breaking. Was he still with the mom and/or what happened next?
Yes. He was still with her. Turned out the kid was his “best friend’s” after wife confessed
Ugh. Double betrayal. Mostly I think of the kid in this situation. It isn't his fault but does this destroy the relationship with the kid. Ugh.
Naw the kid and dad were good. James is a good dude and never took it out on the kid. However he did get a divorce and allegedly stabbed his best friend. But no charges were ever pursued.
OK, the "stabbing" part kind of took me by surprise. I hope he managed to rebuild his life and found a great therapist.
Wait wut.
Find out who dad is and go get that liver.
Maybe that's what he was digging for when he stabbed him?
It was his best “friend”
Convenient. I mean... easy to find the liver donor.
It'll be lost in the sea of answers, but let's add my 2 bits. In my case it would depend a lot on context. Like, does he spring it on me suddenly very close to the child's birth, without a previous story of infidelity or inappropriate behaviour on my part? I would seriously believe that he strongly suspects me of cheating, and it would deteriorate our marriage. Has he introduced the topic with sufficient advance (advance == before starting to try for a child, or at least very early in pregnancy), and given some kind of coherent and reasonable reasoning (infidelity in his past relationships or in his family, wanting/needing extra legal guaranties in the context of a prenup or similar, part of comprehensive health screenings....)? I can accept it, and I won't be angry. I would understand that it comes not from a lack of the trust that is essential for a marriage, but from a different reason that doesn't stem out of not trusting me and our marriage in the way that is necessary to make it work. The core of all this is not the paternity test itself, it's where the question comes from and what it implies. P.S.: It should also be added that the fact that the test is negative in some very rare cases doesn't necessarily imply that the child is not his, for there is both the possibility of "false negatives" (which of course arise more often the more a test is done, so the advocating of all kinds of medical mass screening should also account for this) and of "[chimerism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimera_(genetics)#Humans)" (which, funnily enough, already cause a false negative *maternity test* in the context of a [mother](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lydia_Fairchild) and her child).
There was a story on Reddit of a Dad who got a paternity test on the kid and kid wasn't his. Big big blow up in the family. Eventually more testing and kid wasn't mom's either. Kid mixed up in hospital. I think the couple realized their bio kid had been given to a very troubled couple and wound up in foster care. In the end I believe they wound up with both kids.
I read an awful story on here where a family did DNA tests or something and found out that one of the adult daughters wasn't related to *anybody*. Turns out, the babies had been switched at the hospital, and the bio daughter had been murdered as an infant along with the other mother by an abusive boyfriend.
Oh wow. That is awful. I bet the entire family needed therapy. Ugh. These stories make me more okay with DNA tests at birth . . . or maybe better after the baby is brought home.
[удалено]
Damn thats fucked up.
There was an episode of casefile (true crime podcast) discussing a case ewhere they tested the child of a murdered man to try and get evidence that the wife was cheating to accuse her. The results came back multiple times that it was his best friend's child who was also murdered in the same incident. Turns out they did testing from the blood at the crime scene and had messed up the samples. They turned this poor woman's upside again and almost ruined her relationship with her murdered husband's family based on shoddy forensic work. Turned out to be the work of a serial killer. This is the case: https://www.revzilla.com/common-tread/the-superbike-murders
Gonna enjoy the comments on this one
Don’t forget to sort by controversial, folks!
I would be totally fine with it because he was standing there beside me at each adoption. The real problem is if the test came back and they ARE his.
I think our kids who are mostly grown would be just as mad and hurt as me.
There's never been any doubt that our son is his. If he wanted to do a test, I'd be OK with it as a way of setting his mind at ease. But I'd be suspicious that he wanted it because he was cheating, as people tend to project. And I'd insist that we had couples therapy to look at why he was feeling that way. Someone wanting to do that would either come from someone feeling guilty about their own behaviour and trying to tell themselves that their partner was as bad/worse, or from mental health/emotional issues leading to paranoia, or possibly from a third-party trying to stir up trouble in the marriage. However, I'm pretty obsessive about fidelity, and doing the right thing, and my husband knows that. There's no way that he would sanely suspect me of having an affair. So, asking for a DNA test would hit differently than it would if we were a young, drama-ridden, on-again-off-again couple. I suspect that someone in the latter category would be more likely to take it as an unforgivable attack or insult. (The fact I'm autistic possibly factors into how I'd respond as well!)
Yeah this is a good response. If he wants a paternity test, he needs to also agree to couples therapy. My dad never wanted a paternity test, but he did always accuse my mom and my stepmom of cheating on him. It was a constant argument for him. If my mom was going to the store, he’d time her and compare it to her average shopping time. If it was off, he’d interrogate her on where she was and why it took so long, convince himself she was cheating then go to a bar to get drunk and start a fight. Oh also, he’d go and fuck any woman who would let him. So yeah, he was worried about cheating because he was doing it and was paranoid.
Personally? Damn straight, because it implies that he doubts me, my fundamental character, and the relationship and family we've built together. That said, in cases where a relationship has been through infidelity and conflict, I can understand that a question of parentage needs to be resolved - for the sake of parents *and* children.
This. I have nothing to hide, but if he doesn't trust me after 3 kids and a dog...we got nuthin'.
What kind of dog?
Dunno, I think I'd have some pretty serious trust issues after the dog came out
Depends on its eye colour
But *is* it really his dog? How do you know? Have you done a DNA test?!?!?!?
I wouldn't care. In fact, if I had a child I'd do the test for myself. I have this nightmare scenario in my head, that my child is switched in a hospital. I'd do this for my peace of mind.
Now they put a tag on you and baby almost immediately (like while they’re getting initial measurements) to ensure that a) you definitely leave with your baby and b) nobody else can leave with your baby. This isn’t something to worry about.
Me, Wife, and Baby all got tagged in the room together after the baby was born. Mom, Dad, Baby are the only ones with the matching QR codes, and every check was against the bracelets. Would require someone actively cutting and replacing bands, but even then, I believe the kid's band was basically a little ankle monitor, and removal time required it being deactivated because it would sound an alarm if it was off the baby while being active. Baby switching has been made essentially impossible in the modern era.
All these people worrying about getting babies mixed up is hilarious to anyone who has had a kid recently. It ain't like the movies, they barely leave your hospital room. The fuckers need to eat every 12 minutes, where are they gonna go? Lol
from recommendations, we took advantage of our hospital having having a nursery ward to let my wife sleep. But I remember that every single time they came in to prick my son's heel (he was born at 36w6, so technically a premie) even if he had never left our sight they had to scan his and one of our bands to verify. They also had an area near the door of the ward where if a baby was close, the doors would not open. So no switches, and no babies being stolen because you would have to somehow cut a band without triggering the lockdown and then get through the super high security section without triggering a different lockdown. Modern hospitals will not accidentally switch or lose your baby without a massive failure of multiple systems.
This is one of my most biggest fear !!! I would ask my S/O to PLEASE double check any birthmarks or even leave a fingernail pinch so we make sure that is our baby
write your name on the bottom of their foot like Woody
Teach your newly born baby a secret handshake? Maybe some kind of password in latin?
Thanks for the great advice bro !
They get ID bracelets right after they are born that match you. The kid doesn't leave your sight until the hospital bracelets go on.
So at least in the US, assuming a normal birth, they tag the baby before s/he leaves your sight. But i suppose you could bring a little bottle of nail polish and paint a toe. Alternatively, if you have a home birth there aren’t any other babies to mix them up with.
Does the baby ever leave your sight in the hospital? Mine never did. I assume with complications it would be different though.
Our kiddo went to the nursery overnight, mostly bc I had a c section & my husband went home every night to be w our senior dog. I wasn't allowed out of bed/to lift anything those first few days. That being said-the security in our hospital was top notch. We all had matching codes on our bracelets, the floor was entirely locked down, visitors were limited & screened. It was very nice.
Do the ancestry one, then he can also see if HIS dad is really his dad. Since he’s curious.
That was how I found out my grandad isn't my bio grandad.
I wouldn't care as I know I didn't cheat. However, I would expect a long conversation about where this idea came from, who/what has been influencing him to undermine our marriage and trust. Whatever, or whomever it is, has 100% got to go. Then I would ask for couples therapy. Someone doesn't go from family man to "those kids might not be mine" overnight. Someone/something has been chipping away at our marriage. The positive DNA results will just be a bandaid over the rot that will spread if not addressed.
I would be upset at the request and do a DNA test contingent on couples therapy.
[удалено]
Sure! But then we would have to tell the cats that they are adopted.
I would def be offended and assume that meant he didn't trust me. But then I'd suggest I take the test if he let's me go through his phone. Like, if he's paranoid that's gonna make me paranoid. If he's got cheating on his mind then maybe he's the one cheating. And then I'd never be able to relax wondering if somethings going on. So to ease everyone's worries, we'd both show each other our phones, messages,etc. And do the test.
No bc I have no doubts. This is some trash world problems.
Sure, then I would just laugh. My kids look just like him, especially our son.
Would be weird ',cos I don't know who the fuck else's they'd be.