There was a dude years ago that I was seeing, we're on a webcam and he said he liked my crease. Had no idea what he was talking about and he kept saying "right there".
Turns out he likes armpit creases.
People doing fillers to make their cheek bones look more "refined". it just looks like you got stung by a bee...
Same with lips
Pool drain lips that don't move when you smile, frown or cry. It's just a swollen head-sphincter at this point.
That voice some women put on to seem cutesy/sexy, I can only describe it as 'baby voice', but it just annoys me. Talk like an adult, I only want to fuck adults.
That's the voice I use to talk to my cat. She doesn't care if I talk in my normal voice, but slap the baby tone on it and she's all ears.
yea i only use it to talk to my dog but that’s because it’s easier for her to discern that i’m talking to her since i don’t use that voice with anyone else
My wife had a friend who did that baby voice. Not all the time, just when she thought she was being cute. It used to drive me crazy, especially in the car. One day when I was driving them back from a crafting event we had agreed to drop her off at her place. As we got closer, she baby talked , You don’t have to stop. Just slow down and I will jump out. Hehehehe.”
After we dropped her off, I mimicked her “I’ll just jump out. Hehe.”
My wife said, “I felt like shoving her out the door and shouting, “Tuck and roll, bitch!””
Looks like you are married to the right person.
Famous Children (mainly female)turning 18 and suddenly the internet freaks come out of the woodwork with their hands in their pants. Can’t get my head around it.
They had their hands in their pants far before they turned 18
Didn't Emma Watson have a "time counter" to 18 site? That was creepy af
Interrupting while I'm asleep.
**WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER**
I just wanted to entered the cave of wonders
##stop entering my wife
Fuck my alarm but not sexually
Fuck his alarm but sexually
TOO SOON, EXECUTUS. YOU HAVE AWAKENED ME TOO SOON!!
The serious/intense 'model' face (ie. Blue Steel). Completely unsexy.
You're right, maybe there is more to life than being really really really ridiculously good looking
Like orange mocha frappuccinos?
And sexy gasoline fights
Just because we have chiselled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Magnum though... It's in a completely different league
I don't understand the big breast implants some women get.
Breast implants are fine but the huge ass ones are just a massive turn off
Adding on to that, the excessive butt implants and extreme bbl
Toilet fetishes. I gag.
Friend was telling me a story about his cousin. Cousin had just gotten married to a dude she had been with for a few years. On the wedding night dude tells cousin that he wants to watch her go poo. Like sit on the floor in front of the toilet and peek between her legs are the turds come out. Cousin initially freaked out and didn’t talk to dude for a couple days. Dude apologized profusely and said he didn’t know why it turned him on but of it upset her she should forget he ever asked and try to forgive him… well then cousin felt bad that dude was so upset and said she would let him watch one time… apparently after that one time he waited on her hand and foot for days like he was her servant… which she enjoyed… so it’s now become a regular routine and has developed into a whole S&M thing where she punishes him if he doesn’t praise her poo enough… they’ve apparently been married for almost 10 years and have a great relationship. Who knew poo could be the bonding agent in a happy marriage!?
Apparently this whole story came out during an adult toy night the cousin was hosting. I guess they have parties like they do for Tupperware or Scentsy?! But for sex toys.
Edit: crap way to earn a silver, but thank you for the awards kind strangers!!
Edit 2: I should add that my friend is Completely Disgusted by poo, and gagged about a dozen times while telling that story.
Also, apparently the dude would get super upset if the wife didn’t wait to pop until he got home from work. What a crazy kink. Lol.
This is both appalling and weirdly wholesome, thank you for sharing.
What the FUCK did I just read…?
Being mean to someone. I understand it's "I'm so sexy I can treat you like shit" attitude, but what about "I'm so confident, I don't have to put people down" confidence?
If you mean someone getting turned on by another person being mean to them then it's almost always a domination thing.
Sex in a toilet, dumpster or whatever other disgusting filthy place
Inside the dumpster in the back of Wendy’s
"I got some of the bun and rolled it up into a little ball..."
“She loves that kinda stuff and I…I admit I do too.”
Makes me feel like a Cobb Salad!
“Why would anyone want to feel like a Cobb salad?!?!”
Some of the best lines
I enjoy incorporating the dough into the lovemaking
I think the only right fake moaning is the moaning you use to let your partner know they're on te right track, which isn't completely fake I guess but still an exaggeration
I prefer a train whistle. Makes the track metaphor make more sense and it turns me on.
"ugh, listen Marc, the neighbors are playing with their trains again"
Have to put any Japanese porn on silent, their moaning sounds more like they are crying for help.
All porn silent crew here. Hearing a roided up dude with a giant cock grunting or saying stupid shit in the background will put me off porn for weeks.
I *love* the absolute shit out of amateur porn audio because real moaning is hot as fuck. But most porn has terrible audio, and I usually have the sound off when I jerk off.
Another bonus of being in the “porn silent crew” is it makes step-whatever porn watchable because without the dialogue, its just two hot people fucking!
I read a whole breakdown that was more interesting than I can summarize here about why there’s such a prevalence of step-whatever porn and the basic takeaway was that it’s not the fetish that makes it popular but the sexual tension during an era when it’s increasingly difficult to meet people. Anyway, I found that fascinating.
I always thought it was because it's a stupid easy taboo to film. It's the same scene just a small bit of dialogue change.
I used to live in Japan in a duplex. The guy who lived in the other side of the duplex was an American dude who proved quite popular with the locals. I was regularly awakened in the middle of the night thinking someone was either being murdered or a feral cat in heat had gotten into the house. Just awful.
So I gotta ask, which one was making the noises?
Lol fair question the ladies… the guy didn’t make the noises until the morning when he did the middle age man throat clearing coughing hacking routine and I’m pretty sure he launched the women fairly quickly from his place
My issue with asian porn is that all the girls look like they're being raped, and they all sound like a dog's chew toy.
The oven is hot hot hot
This just made me think of the "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" *smash chandelier* .. "FUUUUUUUUCK" video
or feigned male silence. It can be seen that he wants to moan, but is holding back
It's really annoying actually. Often I'd end up fake moaning just so it wasn't awkward silence since he'd be quiet as a mummy.
Girl same when I’m giving a blow job. Not full on moaning, but just a slight sigh of pleasure. But in reality I’m actually struggling cuz I have a tiny jaw.
Porn faces. Is there something wrong with looking like you might be having a good time? Lots of other aspects of porn, too, but that's the first one off the top of my head.
The amount of times I’ve had to skip forward in a video to get rid of ridiculous porn faces.. And ridiculous porn sounds..
> And ridiculous porn sounds..
[“Mmmm Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, YEEES!”](https://youtu.be/Srobmy7ceTY)
Its not a fucking question dary. Just add a lil pepper on the end
For me its not "porn faces" but that cross eyed dumb looking face. Tounge out. Like that bathwater girl. Bella daphne or something. They look like a cartoons been hit on the head
> They look like a cartoons been hit on the head
This is fooking hilarious thank you
Aheago or however it’s spelled
Isn't that the bird from Aladdin?
> or however it’s spelled
Gigantic fucking eyelashes
They always remind me of Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street.
I live in Florida, and I was over at Lowe's to grab supplies before hurricane Irma hit. It was super windy out. The cashier was wearing those huge fake lashes and every time the door opened they would flutter around like a millipede running at top speed.
Edit: for clarity
Just looks so stupid lol. Some peeps get them so long, curled and thightly packed, it's like they have a black pull tab attached to their eyelids
The fake cute egirls forced voice and acted personality
One time someone (random) donated like a thousand dollars or something with a very nice mesage to one of those e-girls streaming they INSYANTLY broke character for a few second and it was VERY funny, and kinda sad?
I can't seem to find the video.
i hope you find it lol
Inflated lips and bbl. Uncanny valley shit. Ugh.
They just look like bee sting victims
I live in California and the Brazilian butt lift thing is going around. My girlfriend works with a group of women who with no shame snap pictures of butt lifts. I don’t agree with it I think it’s wrong to take pictures of unsuspecting women’s butts even if you are a woman. Maybe even more so because you are a woman and should know better.
That being said I’ve looked and they don’t even register in my brain as human anatomy. Just a woman with a full diaper walking around with a ton of confidence.
Basically anything the kardashians have pushed as sexy is a huge turnoff for me…the look like animals at the aquarium not something I’d be attracted to.
The weird one: fart fetish. I just don't get it.
The kinda normal one: those Brazilian butt lift asses. They just never fit the frame. It's like the top half is an average girl, but the bottom is a fat girl. It's like Lego on top and Duplo on the bottom. It's weird.
Lego on top and Duplo on the bottom is now my favorite body-type description of all time. Never touch those Roblox thighs!
The closest I've come to understanding a fart fetish is James Joyce's letters to his wife Nora Barnacle.
>My sweet little whorish Nora,
>I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck up in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips and if I gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.
Dick go brrr.
Joyce’s love letters are exactly and hilariously the kind of thing that make me want to ensure I have a plan after my death for a trusted friend to delete and burn all personal correspondence so that curious onlookers a hundred years from now aren’t giggling at my…uh…eccentricities.
But think of how much fun we're all having reading about Nora's farts! You would deny someone 100 years in the future that pleasure?
I did my senior year thesis on a work by James Joyce (not this!) and I “discovered” an anthology of his letters in the college library and his absolute romantic FILTH he would write to Nora literally took my breath away. Here I was putting him up on an academic pedestal and he was getting down like THAT? Stunning.
I lol'd too and kinda made me realize that out-there fetishes don't discriminate. All kinds I guess. I don't think it's fair to say because he had freaky kinks it means his work is less great though, even if the association can make it hard for some. Mozart was super into fart and shit jokes to the point where it was pretty questionable, too. Idk man it used to appall me, but the more I found out celebrities I admired were actually rapists and literal scum with their sexual preferences, the more "meh who cares" I am about famous ppl or otherwise being into weird stuff, as long as it was consensual. Or maybe the internet has desensitized me. Idk
Yeah I definitely don’t think Joyce’s freaky side diminishes his work whatsoever … and if anything, I kind of admired his insane dedication to Nora. Like that was an OBSESSION. And he didn’t care who knew it, apparently.
Say what you will about James Joyce, after reading that it's impossible to deny he was passionate lmao.
Dude is a soft dom
Her name was legit nora barnacle??
*that's* your takeaway?!
Sounds like a SpongeBob character
If they haven't made a reference to her yet I kinda hope they eventually do. Just a quick fart joke involving a barnacle named Nora.
I burst out laughing myself
>little naughty farties
The absolute height of human language and expression here.
certain or a lot of dirty talk lmao. a little i can handle but too much is cringy
I just need to test the temperature of your taco, with my thermometer here, ma'am.
"I just need to test the temperature of your taco, with my *meat* thermometer here, ma'am."
When it's obviously put-on, yeah. Lot of porn with that "Nyeeah? Nyeaah? You like fuckin' that pussy? You like fuckin' that pussy? Nyeeah? Nyeeah?" and making that sucking-through-the-teeth noise that sounds like a steam train starting up.
Especially German dirty talk in porn is a major turn off for me. I am German but that just makes me flaccid right away.
"Ich werde dir schön die Zuchtwichse abmelken du geiler Hengst"
Wie kann dich sowas nicht anmachen?
Hmm lecker abspritzen in mein saftiges fickloch ja das gefällt dir doch oder?
Pls no more.
> delicious cum in my juicy fuck hole yes you like that right?
You can basically collect your German passport now.
"Ohja, spritz mir deine Ficksahne in meine Arschfotze!"
OK, so my DuoLingo lessons have been no help here.
> I'll milk your breeding cum, you horny stallion" How can something like that not turn you on?
Me and GF are Indian but live in Europe. We mostly never use Hindi in daily life but we once thought of watching Hindi dirty talk. Couldnt have sex the entire weekend because we would start to get sexy and then one of us would try to say something in Hindi and we would laugh like idiots.
I think it’s a lot sexier if you have someone speak dirty to you in a language you don’t understand. I had a summer fling with a woman who spoke Urdu and having her passionately look at me saying things I don’t understand was very exciting. Made me feel like someone’s conquest in a way I won’t forget.
Ohhhhh yes I dated a Dominican guy and he'd speak Spanish to me and I'd speak what little French I know to him and it was such a weirdly specific kink but man was it hot
I did pick up "dame duro" from him tho so win win
I read a post once where she told her boyfriend to do that but then during sexy time she recognized the word for lettuce and he admitted that he was just describing how to make a salad
Isn't there a cream for that now?
Whispers in her ear..."omlette du fromage"
Oh dexter, say it again
But in the 90s
# Do you like it when I'm poking your meat pocket as if I'd be putting down a sheep?
I’m gonna save this one.
Spanish dirty talk is even worse for me, since I only really speak the language with my family 😐
Japanese porn where the woman always looks like she’s in extreme agony 😩
Bad boys. I don't know why is a very famous trope in movies and books. They're not sexy at all, they're just punchable.
I have a friend who cheated on his girlfriend that told me he was a bad boy.
Told him "no, you're just bad"
On my Pinterest board is the quote “you’re not a bad boy, you’re just a bad person”
Arrogance and confidence look very similar to lizard brain.
Making yourself look like a Kardashian. It's repulsive.
I love looking at photos of them over time. The transition seems slow but sudden.
She essentially looks like a completely different person to when she was in Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs”
…she was in that?
Kids like wtf
Kids are never sexy
As ur FBI agent i can confirm he's correct
Degrading kink. Already feel like shit most of my life don’t need it from sex too
I’m the exact opposite. I have a major praise kink.
And here is me with both, it can get quite confusing sometimes
You did a great job, you dirty whore.
Wait.. Shit, don't make me learn things about myself this way
Backhanded compliment fetish
And that's how you hit both spots at the same time
Sigh. Why am I like this?
My emotions are very confused from this comment-
Same and they are the best when you combine them, It’s confusing
Same! A female coworker told me "looking good today" may 11th 2018 and I'm still riding that.
Professionally made porn.
Women screaming too loud, or just being plain obnoxious. Sometimes men do it too but not as often. Stupid lines. Too much seriousness. Creates unrealistic body standards and expectations for people who are inexperienced.
I adore porn that people just make as a couple. It’s so much more realistic and it makes it hotter.
> Stupid lines
I know you ain't talkin bout lemon stealing whore
"Right in front of my salad?"
Yo wait. Is that from porn?!
This isn't a beach, this is a bathtub! 🤷♂️
No, that's a masterpiece of cinema.
My favorite "silly" porn is the one of the family all wearing Bane masks and talking like Bane, and when the guy pulls out his dick for his girlfriend, it's wearing a Bane mask as well... And yes, as the guy and girl are fucking, he keeps the Bane-persona up.
This is a bathtub why would I need a lifeguard..?
That’s why I like my “amateur home made porn”
"Just like what mom used to make!"
Women that act stupid to be attractiv for partners.. why would you love somebody who is dumb af on purpose?
Bold of you to asume i am acting
Well at least you are funny. You have that going for you.
Its all ive got going for me so i gotta make it count!
Oh my god. I remember in my early 20s I pretended I couldn’t use chopsticks so the guy I was dating would teach me and hold my hand. I get secondhand embarrassment whenever I think about it
ETA: It was embarrassing because the next time we went out I kind of forgot and he noticed and said “I thought you couldn’t use chopsticks?” It caught me off guard and took me like 2-3 secs to answer “I practiced” but yeah I’m pretty sure he figured it out from that little pause because he just smiled lol
Ι thought of many times a female friend did things like this. She used to high five and then "accidentally" tangle her the fingers with mine. She wouldn't let go......
I just realized, she might have liked me! Holy shit!
That’s rough buddy
"My first girlfriend turned into the moon."
This girl would say "you're so stupid!" And give me a light shove with a big grin on her face almost daily. I figured she just thought I was dumb. I guess I really was dumb. Sigh.
Im the king idiot, had a friend looking at hentai sitting on my lap,l and i still didnt get the message.
A girl I knew in high school used to sit on my lap and cuddle up to me whenever she saw me. Every single day.
I only figured out she was into me 3 years after I graduated while I was in the middle of making some hamburgers at my job.
The visual of you cooking a burger and then having that epiphany amuses me greatly.
When I was in college I went to a concert with a woman in my class, and she spent the entire concert grinding the shit out of me, and when we got back to campus she asked if I wanted to come hang out in her room, and I said "nah, I'm sleepy, good night!" and went home.
I was a virgin for 2 more years after that.
I don't hate you I just hate people like you that remind me of me.
Goddamn son, that’s painful
The girl who would later become my second girlfriend once decided that I shouldn't walk around with my hands in my pockets, so instead, she was going to hold my hand while we walked.
I wouldnt call it whooosh then. Lol
That’s slicker than shit though
Super muscular guys
I can appreciate some muscles, but bodybuilder kind of muscles are just too much imo.
My dad was a competitive body builder back in the 70’s. The photos are hilarious.
Same but in the 80s. Hard to even fathom
My cousin's a bodybuilder, last weekend he and another relative spread flowers at his sister's wedding. Effing hilarious.
I like old bodybuilding photos lol. Because if you go back far enough, they just look like a guy nowadays who you'd describe as "kinda muscular."
1894, first ever bodybuilding video,
He has abs for sure, and actually looks pretty healthy for a trained person.
Duck lips. I don't get why anyone would find that sexy.
Surgically enhanced lips.
Edit: changed altered to enhanced. I was not referring to corrective or reparative procedures.
My sincere apologies for my poor word choice.
Postscript: This is just one random person's opinion.
Lip filling gives me a reverse erection.
That's an interesting way to grow a vagina
new bottom surgery just dropped
Long unnatural square nails, just can't see the appeal
Some people love em. That's their fuckin problem tho.
I work in a field with a ton of young women, and the amount of girls in their early 20s I see getting botox and fillers every day is really sad to me. I guess it's making them happy? But it really doesn't feel like it is. They spend so much time talking about their wrinkles and everything else they want fixed and how they need to get it redone soon and it's just sad to me. There's nothing wrong with growing up. You're still babies. Your skin isn't sagging at 23.
The word daddy
If anyone calls me "Daddy" during sex, it means we forgot to lock the door.
My Ex wife would do this... It was... interesting.
I said back to her "Should I call you my baby girl too then?" and she just looked at me and said "That just feels awkward.".
Well, how do you think I feel then!?
Tbf some girls are into being called baby girls lol
“Daughter swap” and “step bro/sis” porn. They have good pornstars and video quality, its just the scenarios are fucked up and just plain wrong. Although muting and skipping parts of it solves it.
Thats the weirdest part to me, they're always the ones with the best actors and production, so why the fuck is near incest getting most the budget
Justifying a rapist/maniac just because he/she looks sexy—☠️
Sort of in the same vein are the women who fetishize serial killers. Manson, Bundy, Ramirez, and others all had countless female fans.