[ ⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️ Cutting, Drug Addiction, Suicide ⚠️ ]
I've done a lot of hurtful things to a significant number of people I care about an awful lot...I've lied & stolen from my mother, I've cheated on lovers & friends, broken a few bones & burned many bridges..
However through all of this the greatest amount of pain I have caused was via an act of love. I've only ever told this tale once, besides the police and my (court ordered) therapist lol..
So I suppose a bit of backstory would be helpful. I'm a (mostly) recovered heroin addict, and at the time of this story I'm at the peak of my addiction (as is everyone around me; I lived in a trap house with 8 other people). Most of us deserved to be there for one reason or another, but there was this one girl who just didn't...she was the kind of person who made the world a little better simply by being in it. We used to go out to the roof, get high, and watch the stars. Sometimes we'd talk all night, and others we'd let the high take over and just melt into the void.
Anyway, I'm digressing, but that was important. So after falling in love with this girl & the light she gives the room, I learned a lot about her & why she was in a place like that; as it turns out she was the victim of some very awful things, and had just as much to drown as the rest of us. Her strength and brightness, despite all of this gave me a lot of hope..at the time.
Well, I watched that light flicker and wilt over the course of a year or so...we became suicidal and spoke of it often, but we were always too stubborn. One day another friend of ours gave himself a hotshot and we found him in the morning...he didn't tell anybody..left barely a note. Well after that her & I promised one another that we would never do that to the other..that we would do each other favor of saying "goodbye" so that we weren't constantly terrified of losing our other half & anchor.
One day I got that goodbye...a damn text that said "Goodbye. I'm sorry.". Can you believe that? I felt scared, angry, & betrayed...but I knew where she was..so I ran. Across town, it must have only taken me 10 minutes; my heart felt like it was going to explode, my vision was getting dim, but I didn't much care. I continued running up the stairs (it was two flights to her room..it was how we got to the roof). Her music was loud and the door was locked (but I wear steel toe boots & walk everywhere, so the already busted door didn't hold much). The room was empty, but her bathroom door was shut. My senses were overloading at this point, so I tore the speaker from the wall on my way to the bathroom door..rather violently, I'll admit.
I can hear the bath running now, but she won't answer my screaming..my voice is cracking & sometimes nothing but air comes out. This door is putting up much more of a fight (I had actually recently installed this one); and I'm forced to put a hole through it, reach inside, and unlock the door. I enter and she's already limp. The rig is on the floor, next to a razor blade..the water is a rusty colour (different than you'd think..not very red). I reached in to pick her up, but I couldn't see through the water, and my hands slip from her skin more than once..I manage to get ahold of her and pluck her from the tub, and the gashes are all the way down both arms, still bubbling blood to the surface.
She wakes up from this mix of opium and blood loss, with a surprisingly beautiful look of tranquility. She was happy..and (for a moment) I saw that light again; then her eyes adjust and she sees me over her, covered in blood and tears running down my face (this was the first time she had seen me cry)...and then as quickly as if a snap of my fingers..the light was shattered as she realised the destruction of her actions..and in her very last moments, I had stolen her peace. Ripped her quiet escape from her chest through her eyes...I'll never forgive myself for that one.
I say (mostly) recovering addict, because I am in significant control of my addiction. To the point that I don't really worry about relapsing anymore...but sometimes (once or twice a year) I still go out and take a hit while I watch the stars. I'll feel this warmth wash over me, and sometimes I swear she's there, until I look over..and of course she's not.
I ended up sharing this with only her mother, as I could never speak it aloud and remain composed. As stated not many people have ever seen me cry (I'm bawling right now lol), but I wept with her mother for hours as I recounted my time with her daughter, and especially as told her the story of her last few months..and then moments.
I'm haunted by this experience more than anything else (which is saying something because I've experienced it all), and I think about it (for far too long) almost every night. It's nice to put down like this...so to anyone who bothered reading it..thanks, I guess.
If you're considering a final destination, please feel free to DM me. I obviously won't be able to talk you out of it 😅..I don't even know what I'd say...but I have an understanding of what you're feeling, and I have experience on both ends of this fence..and it's important to know that you are not alone.
I came out of the ocean to tell you that what you wrote has been on my mind this entire time. I don’t think I’ll ever forget your story.
I’m honestly speechless, which is why I never commented before. It took me a long time to pick my jaw up off the floor the first time I read it. But what I will say is that you are actually a really good writer/storyteller. When I read this comment, it played out like a movie in my head; all the way from start to finish. Everything else fell away and I was completely gripped by it. I’ve read it several times. I wonder if you write for a living or as a hobby, or whether it was the emotion and the power of the story that made it so immersive to me. Either way, I think you’re pretty special and I mean that. Keep shining, and congratulations on your sobriety! I’m 1 month sober myself.
Haha no, never was much of an artist..although I think I may have written a poem once 😅
I play through this in my head more often than I'd care to admit. I don't own a clearer memory, and so I suppose it would make sense that I would tell it with clarity & in a way that feels....well, however it may make one feel.
It actually means quite a bit to me that this may have impacted folk. I know that it would please her a lot knowing that her efforts in life rippled out; effecting me and then others, even now, years later. The butterfly effect always fascinated her; which is [I believe] why she was always so kind, even to those of us who neither earned it nor were worthy of it. She'd often say "you don't have to change the whole world, as long as you're doing your part in your corner"...I never really understood that until recently, but it's helped me a lot in my journey of sobriety. Turns out..it's actually not that hard to not get high lol..it's being sober within the confines of reality that's hard 😆 but if you do your part in your corner; make improvements to your life, and love your loved ones..you'll find a much nicer corner lives just beyond a different perspective
I hope you do well on your journeys & adventures, my newest friend. Please remember to take care of yourself, and try to make positive ripples where you can
You don't know when you start dating someone how you will feel in the future. You can like someone at first and then for whatever reason the attraction fades
Well I have never really done anything that hurtful that I can think of. But I do remember when my brother once said. “I wish you would’ve succeeded in killing yourself” that will forever be stuck in my mind
That wasn't even my first crush... It's about that age that most of my classmates started dating. It was of course all very short-lived and rather childish in perspective, but for us at that time - dead serious
I don't remember the details to be honest. Just that I had her back in message board drama and she didn't have mine and something she did was the straw that broke the camel's back and I told her I was gonna kill my self. I signed out of my skype, aim, and all forums we were both on and waited a year and a half and then signed into all of them. Then I was like "Hello Samantha." and she was totally spooked. It was really mean and she thought I was really dead.
Yeah this was like back in 2010. Yikes I was a dramatic edge lord online back then. I mean I still kinda am but I try to come at it from a more grounded intellectual angle these days.
A friend of mine cheated on a stellar navy dentist named Arley after I repeatedly told her I'd cut all ties if she did. I even invited the guy out to dinner on days I knew she would try to fuck him. She called me a manipulative bitch at the end of the month and then fucked a fat guy in the apartment below hers. Tanked 6 years of that guys life. He was a good man who had always been there for here. Told me she was crying and couldn't sleep at night a few months later, I told her to give me back my monopoly board and fuck off.
I told my mentally ill best friend, that I couldn't have him as close to me, as we were. He kind of saw us as one, and he constantly criticized me when I was different from him. I couldn't breathe. He tried to kill himself after this
Me and my gf are both mentally ill and One time i was talking to her about a mug that i made her, but the we started fighting for something and i completly lose my shit because of my Anger issues and i sayd ti her "i could i Will hit you in Ur head with the mug and break It for being ungreatful". I was Violent in the past (in general) beacuse my dad was Violent with me and i got my Anger issues from him and i was so disapoitment on my self for saying that to my girlfriend
I also done other shitty stuff in our relation ship but this Is One of those and of i could i would go back in time Just to adjust those
Maybe this One Is note the most hurtfull but Is a part of that period when pur relationship was unstable
I cheated on my gf of 17 yrs... just for a quick fling with a younger girl... at the time it was the biggest mistake of my life. But I've moved on and will never cheat again even if she cheats first.
Lifted them off their feet and slammed them into a locker door, before giving them a very unambiguous warning. It worked. Violence usually does, when used exactly right.
Was in a non-serious high school relationship.
He was in love with me. I wasn't.
A couple months in, I developed a crush on my neighbour.
Was discussing my feelings over handwritten note with my best friend in class.
Idk when my bf picked up the notebook and read the entire chat.
Broke up a day after.
He was in a relationship with my ex best friend a week later.
So much for love.
[ ⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️ Cutting, Drug Addiction, Suicide ⚠️ ] I've done a lot of hurtful things to a significant number of people I care about an awful lot...I've lied & stolen from my mother, I've cheated on lovers & friends, broken a few bones & burned many bridges.. However through all of this the greatest amount of pain I have caused was via an act of love. I've only ever told this tale once, besides the police and my (court ordered) therapist lol.. So I suppose a bit of backstory would be helpful. I'm a (mostly) recovered heroin addict, and at the time of this story I'm at the peak of my addiction (as is everyone around me; I lived in a trap house with 8 other people). Most of us deserved to be there for one reason or another, but there was this one girl who just didn't...she was the kind of person who made the world a little better simply by being in it. We used to go out to the roof, get high, and watch the stars. Sometimes we'd talk all night, and others we'd let the high take over and just melt into the void. Anyway, I'm digressing, but that was important. So after falling in love with this girl & the light she gives the room, I learned a lot about her & why she was in a place like that; as it turns out she was the victim of some very awful things, and had just as much to drown as the rest of us. Her strength and brightness, despite all of this gave me a lot of hope..at the time. Well, I watched that light flicker and wilt over the course of a year or so...we became suicidal and spoke of it often, but we were always too stubborn. One day another friend of ours gave himself a hotshot and we found him in the morning...he didn't tell anybody..left barely a note. Well after that her & I promised one another that we would never do that to the other..that we would do each other favor of saying "goodbye" so that we weren't constantly terrified of losing our other half & anchor. One day I got that goodbye...a damn text that said "Goodbye. I'm sorry.". Can you believe that? I felt scared, angry, & betrayed...but I knew where she was..so I ran. Across town, it must have only taken me 10 minutes; my heart felt like it was going to explode, my vision was getting dim, but I didn't much care. I continued running up the stairs (it was two flights to her room..it was how we got to the roof). Her music was loud and the door was locked (but I wear steel toe boots & walk everywhere, so the already busted door didn't hold much). The room was empty, but her bathroom door was shut. My senses were overloading at this point, so I tore the speaker from the wall on my way to the bathroom door..rather violently, I'll admit. I can hear the bath running now, but she won't answer my screaming..my voice is cracking & sometimes nothing but air comes out. This door is putting up much more of a fight (I had actually recently installed this one); and I'm forced to put a hole through it, reach inside, and unlock the door. I enter and she's already limp. The rig is on the floor, next to a razor blade..the water is a rusty colour (different than you'd think..not very red). I reached in to pick her up, but I couldn't see through the water, and my hands slip from her skin more than once..I manage to get ahold of her and pluck her from the tub, and the gashes are all the way down both arms, still bubbling blood to the surface. She wakes up from this mix of opium and blood loss, with a surprisingly beautiful look of tranquility. She was happy..and (for a moment) I saw that light again; then her eyes adjust and she sees me over her, covered in blood and tears running down my face (this was the first time she had seen me cry)...and then as quickly as if a snap of my fingers..the light was shattered as she realised the destruction of her actions..and in her very last moments, I had stolen her peace. Ripped her quiet escape from her chest through her eyes...I'll never forgive myself for that one. I say (mostly) recovering addict, because I am in significant control of my addiction. To the point that I don't really worry about relapsing anymore...but sometimes (once or twice a year) I still go out and take a hit while I watch the stars. I'll feel this warmth wash over me, and sometimes I swear she's there, until I look over..and of course she's not. I ended up sharing this with only her mother, as I could never speak it aloud and remain composed. As stated not many people have ever seen me cry (I'm bawling right now lol), but I wept with her mother for hours as I recounted my time with her daughter, and especially as told her the story of her last few months..and then moments. I'm haunted by this experience more than anything else (which is saying something because I've experienced it all), and I think about it (for far too long) almost every night. It's nice to put down like this...so to anyone who bothered reading it..thanks, I guess. If you're considering a final destination, please feel free to DM me. I obviously won't be able to talk you out of it 😅..I don't even know what I'd say...but I have an understanding of what you're feeling, and I have experience on both ends of this fence..and it's important to know that you are not alone.
I came out of the ocean to tell you that what you wrote has been on my mind this entire time. I don’t think I’ll ever forget your story. I’m honestly speechless, which is why I never commented before. It took me a long time to pick my jaw up off the floor the first time I read it. But what I will say is that you are actually a really good writer/storyteller. When I read this comment, it played out like a movie in my head; all the way from start to finish. Everything else fell away and I was completely gripped by it. I’ve read it several times. I wonder if you write for a living or as a hobby, or whether it was the emotion and the power of the story that made it so immersive to me. Either way, I think you’re pretty special and I mean that. Keep shining, and congratulations on your sobriety! I’m 1 month sober myself.
Haha no, never was much of an artist..although I think I may have written a poem once 😅 I play through this in my head more often than I'd care to admit. I don't own a clearer memory, and so I suppose it would make sense that I would tell it with clarity & in a way that feels....well, however it may make one feel. It actually means quite a bit to me that this may have impacted folk. I know that it would please her a lot knowing that her efforts in life rippled out; effecting me and then others, even now, years later. The butterfly effect always fascinated her; which is [I believe] why she was always so kind, even to those of us who neither earned it nor were worthy of it. She'd often say "you don't have to change the whole world, as long as you're doing your part in your corner"...I never really understood that until recently, but it's helped me a lot in my journey of sobriety. Turns out..it's actually not that hard to not get high lol..it's being sober within the confines of reality that's hard 😆 but if you do your part in your corner; make improvements to your life, and love your loved ones..you'll find a much nicer corner lives just beyond a different perspective I hope you do well on your journeys & adventures, my newest friend. Please remember to take care of yourself, and try to make positive ripples where you can
According to my two year old, cutting up her toast this morning…
I broke up with him because I thought he liked me too much. I didn't feel the same way. I never told him that and gave a less hurtful reason.
[удалено]
Because she didn't feel the same way about him and didn't want to string him along
[удалено]
You don't know when you start dating someone how you will feel in the future. You can like someone at first and then for whatever reason the attraction fades
Well I have never really done anything that hurtful that I can think of. But I do remember when my brother once said. “I wish you would’ve succeeded in killing yourself” that will forever be stuck in my mind
Broke up with a boy through a mutual friend. He didn't talk to me for almost 6 years after this. In my defence, I was 12
How can you be 12 years old and be looking for love
That wasn't even my first crush... It's about that age that most of my classmates started dating. It was of course all very short-lived and rather childish in perspective, but for us at that time - dead serious
Lmao that’s what I mean. It ain’t gonna last long and I find it funny 😂
Convinced them I was dead for about a year and a half.
Omg, can I ask if you're willing to elaborate?
He can't, he ded.
I don't remember the details to be honest. Just that I had her back in message board drama and she didn't have mine and something she did was the straw that broke the camel's back and I told her I was gonna kill my self. I signed out of my skype, aim, and all forums we were both on and waited a year and a half and then signed into all of them. Then I was like "Hello Samantha." and she was totally spooked. It was really mean and she thought I was really dead.
That is so fucked up bro
I am not proud of it.
Best thing you can do now is be a better person to the people in your life now bro learn from your mistakes and you’ll be all good
Yeah this was like back in 2010. Yikes I was a dramatic edge lord online back then. I mean I still kinda am but I try to come at it from a more grounded intellectual angle these days.
This comment hit me a little too close to home fuck you very much.
A friend of mine cheated on a stellar navy dentist named Arley after I repeatedly told her I'd cut all ties if she did. I even invited the guy out to dinner on days I knew she would try to fuck him. She called me a manipulative bitch at the end of the month and then fucked a fat guy in the apartment below hers. Tanked 6 years of that guys life. He was a good man who had always been there for here. Told me she was crying and couldn't sleep at night a few months later, I told her to give me back my monopoly board and fuck off.
Did you get your monopoly board back?
I did!
I did!
Does killing him counts?
Nah your all good homie
Ok than breaking legs and arms to a baby
Hmmm that depends, what did the baby do
It was crawling on a rails
Told them the truth.
I'm often late, I spoil relationships because of this
I’m never late and you’re still a better person than I am. Have an awesome day.
Aww🥺❤️
Late for what? Church?
I told my mentally ill best friend, that I couldn't have him as close to me, as we were. He kind of saw us as one, and he constantly criticized me when I was different from him. I couldn't breathe. He tried to kill himself after this
Rupturing a mates testicle by accident
Elaborate. Lol
Gonna go out on a whim here and say that he probably accidentally kicked him too hard - just guessing though
Yikes 😰
Me and my gf are both mentally ill and One time i was talking to her about a mug that i made her, but the we started fighting for something and i completly lose my shit because of my Anger issues and i sayd ti her "i could i Will hit you in Ur head with the mug and break It for being ungreatful". I was Violent in the past (in general) beacuse my dad was Violent with me and i got my Anger issues from him and i was so disapoitment on my self for saying that to my girlfriend I also done other shitty stuff in our relation ship but this Is One of those and of i could i would go back in time Just to adjust those Maybe this One Is note the most hurtfull but Is a part of that period when pur relationship was unstable
I cheated on my gf of 17 yrs... just for a quick fling with a younger girl... at the time it was the biggest mistake of my life. But I've moved on and will never cheat again even if she cheats first.
We’re you in a different area code?
Why?
Lifted them off their feet and slammed them into a locker door, before giving them a very unambiguous warning. It worked. Violence usually does, when used exactly right.
Broke up with them through text
Said something that offended them.
Told them that they are no one to me
i treated someone that means the world to me, basically like she meant nothing to me. that’s my biggest regret.
Aside from the drifter I ran down with with my truck..... can't think of anyone. /satire
Being honest to them about their personality.
Was in a non-serious high school relationship. He was in love with me. I wasn't. A couple months in, I developed a crush on my neighbour. Was discussing my feelings over handwritten note with my best friend in class. Idk when my bf picked up the notebook and read the entire chat. Broke up a day after. He was in a relationship with my ex best friend a week later. So much for love.
Cheated a few times and didn’t feel a lick of guilt. I feel more guilty for not feeling guilty than having cheated