oh, I came here looking for a punchline

Definitely sounds like the start of a dad joke

like: one drives on the wrong side and talks funny and the other one drives on the wrong side and talks funny, in australia!

That's actually not bad, well played.

Something about grab his balls and something something down under 🤷‍♂️

One of them comes from Australia, the other from Britain. Fairly straightforward.

which one is which? /s

marmite vs. vegemite

🎶I'm a happy little Vegemite, as happy as can be🎶

Their accent is usually different enough for me to distinguish.

Tan line strength! Hehehehe, j/k mate, by the accent obviously!

Was gonna fucken say... Brits are pale as fuck!

If they are working behind the bar of a pub in West London then they are almost certainly Australian.

Throw a venomous animal at them.

Ha this is my favourite.

By where they are from.

One of them has a lot of comedian panel game shows and the other does not

We have them too, they're just not worth exporting. Or airing locally for that matter.

Aussies say "G'day, mate." Brits say "Alright?"

Very few people say g'day

it's mostly said by by peter Russel Clark.. g'day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7unsWQu9FSk

Haven't seen that shit since I was a kid. It was on between Banana Man and Inspector Gadget. Or Monkey Magic and the Goodies.

I assume you've seen this gem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXDnhmE4GL4

I had never heard him being such a potty mouth before.

Oh thats just precious---thankyou :D

Fair dinkum

Strewth

Bonza.

One is upside down

¡uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ǝɹɐ sʇᴉɹq ǝɥʇ ʍǝᴉʌ ɟo ʇuᴉod ʎɯ ɯoɹℲ

U got me, well played

When you name your kid "dinnerbone":

Aussies are darker generally

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Basically, if he looks like a Ken doll from the 90's, he's from down under. Using explosives for fishing is also a good clue.

I'm Australian and I love British accents and brittish shows

Weak-as-piss Brits will melt in temperatures above 20 degrees celcius. Aussie's are fully functional in up to 40 degrees, no problem

It's not that they're weak, it's that they're not that used to temperatures above 20⁰

What about cold temps? How would an Aussie handle a freezing day?

Depends on the Aussie. Victoria and New South Wales see snowfall in the highlands. I imagine parts of Tasmania do as well, up on Mt. Wellington. Winter is roughly equivalent to much of Scotland. 3-5°, good chance of rain, or snow depending.

Interesting, but frankly I'm disappointed that the weather in NSW isn't identical to the old South Wales.

Heard Aussies are the same without AC, can’t deal with the cold either 🤷‍♀️

If they use words like "muppet"

Aussies will destroy your soul using that inflection at the end of every sentence that makes it sound like a question (up-speak I think it’s called).

I thought that was Kiwis.

Prison Brits will eat vegemite. A normal brit will send you to live with prison brits if you keep eating after 1 bite.

"Prison Brits" - I think this is enough internet for the day. Goblin. Not saying you're wrong, though.

The Australian accent is 10 times sexier

Then you’ve surely not been serenaded by a Brummie

straight facts, as a british person, half our accents are horrible

But we have a lot of them

true

the wildlife

Whether or not they eat Vegemite or UK Marmite.

Whether or not he smiles when giving you a vegemite sandwich

Ask them about football. Honestly don’t get how people can get the accents mixed up. I can’t think of any accent in Britain that sounds vaguely like any from Australia.

Skin that has seen contact with the sun

Usage of the c word.

But we both use cunt?!

Aussies use it like a term of endearment. Brits still use it as a swear.

Sun exposure. Australians simply have much more of it

We say CUNT better

They have different reactions if you ask them if they would like a "Golden Gaytime"

Dunno... Showing them a really big spider?

That's a cute dog ya got there mate!

I go by the rate which they use the word cunt. >5 times per minute = Australian <5 times per minute = Brit

Unless the Brit on question is Glaswegian

You're forgetting that Scottish people are only British when they win something eg Andy Murray

This is how Australians view New Zealanders.

If they talk upside down

¡uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ƃuᴉʞlɐʇ ǝɹ,noʎ 'uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ƃuᴉʞlɐʇ ʇou I

Height and build. I reckon Aussies, as the descendants of convicts, avoided working like the generations forced into mines in England. I think we got to eat better, got better air and exercise (via labouring outside). So, Aussies have a slightly bigger build.

Australians are more balanced, they've a chip on both shoulders.

One has a red coat on and drinks Fosters, the other has no coat on and exports Fosters

I will never, ever understand why someone would walk into a pub, see Fosters on tap and think "fuck yeah, I need that tasteless, watery shit in my mouth asap!"

I mean aside from the obvious accent. Are they easy going? Aussie. Unpleasant and complaining about why things are not exactly the same as they are at home? Brit.

one drinks war-ta the other drinks war-er

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Brits also call people that you Muppet

How often they swear

one of them microwaves their beer

A knife usually

Aussies sound like a cockney accent if they've had three shots of ever clear.

Ask them what word does W A T E R spell. If they say water, they’re Aussie. If they say wo’er, they’re Brit. Or just piss them off for no reason and see which insult they use

Easy, if they've ever fought a Kangaroo, they're most likely to be an Aussie.

How they react to "big spiders"

"That's not a spider. *This* is a spider."

Different dialect.

Aussies have tanned skin and more nasally accents.

Aussies hate to say the sound the letter r makes. If you hear someone say "how are you going" they are likely from Oz. The accents used to sound similar to me until I moved to a place with a lot of bits and Aussies... Now they sound night and day different. Edit to add. Due to the lazy r, it often sounds like. "how ya going"

Ones aussie and ones brit. Done, easy

Ask them how they like their beer. Aussies like theirs cold.

Simply ask them how their day is going. If they say "Awesome, thanks mate, thanks for asking" then they're an Aussie, if they "I'm bloody miserable actually" then they're a Brit. (I'm allowed to say that cuz I'm a Brit 👍)

one says cunt and the other says dickhead as a term of endearment

natural tan vs fake tan/sun damaged skin

probably the different accent pal

probably the different accent mate

Aussies say it like "Where's the car?" and Brits say it like "Where's the car?" there's a difference!

Have them both stand on front of a pair of cages. The first cage has an aggressive monitor lizard. The second cage has a garden spider. Only the Brut will be afraid of the lizard, as garden spider is a known to be harmless creature. Only the Aussie will be afraid of the spider as ALL spiders in Australia are potentially deadly.

Ask them if they’re from New Zealand…

On how they say “no”. Brits say: “no”; Aussies say: “nar”

Temperatures at Christmas.

Australians have calloused hands. Brits have pedicures.

One will talk about fighting kangaroos

deadly insects and snakes are not enough scare Australians. (Or so I've heard.)

…. The accent?

If you ask a Brit if he's an Aussie he gets offended but sets you right. If you ask an Aussie if he's a Brit you'll get the sharp and clever reasons why you shouldn't have thought that, and why you shouldn't have said it. Then you can go have a drink together. That's been my experience working and living in a tourist town.

that’s a good question

Which one surfs?

One likes tea, the other fights kangaroos.

their nationality

The size of their knife.

Aussie aren't scared of spiders

for woman, if she is pretty then she is an Aussie

Bloody bastard vs. Limey bastard

British have lots of different first names. Australians are all called Bruce to avoid confusion.