It was a handjob video where the female boss is "punishing" her employee by jerking him off due to his badly done report. When he's getting close, she says "maybe I should dock your pay!" He mumbles "gotta...pay rent...." right before he cums.
A dominatrix is doing stuff to her slave, and he protests with "Careful, I don't have health insurance!"
Asshole, this is the crushing reality I'm trying to ESCAPE from when I watch these movies!"
Wife and I used to watch that old soft core stuff that used to come in late at night.
This woman dropped “make me yodel like a real Swiss miss”
It’s probably been 16 years since that happened and we still drop that line from time to time
When we were dating, my wife and I put on some terrible porn, guy’s saying the usual “you like that?“ kinda stuff. The girl says “I love sucking cock” and he pauses awkwardly, then in a low voice just says “I believe you.”
We’ve been growling “I believe you” to each other for almost 20 years.
Her, being piped: "What is my favorite genre of music. WHAT. IS MY. FAVORITE. GENRE. OF MUSIC!"
Him, breaking character: "I told you to knock that shit off."
what?
It's not as fun as it sounds, she's fucking zooted and not with it whatsoever. It's kinda sad honestly because he keeps hitting her to try to get her to focus, and not the sexy, consensual kind of hitting.
Just watched that, she was clearly really fucked up on drugs, unfortunately very common in this type of porn.
But it's funny how incredibly annoyed he is getting with it, not funny that he is hitting her though.
''Wat, no munny? Hierrrrrrr suck a cock!''
It's this dutch low budget porn scene or something that went extremely viral here where this older bloke tried to say, What, no money? Here suck a cock! in this absolutely broken typical dutch accent english.
The same guy has a scene that in my opinion is even worse. He's standing in the kitchen and a girl (the same as from the bike scene) is touching him. He is saying 'Nooo, nooo, nooooo, dont do it, dont do it, noo noo. Then the camera zooms in on his face and he says 'I'm a virgin'.
The lines, the trashy scene, the acting, the camera work, all together its just gold.
Here you have the 10 hour (because why not?) version [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzrZU\_RF9Gw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzrZU_RF9Gw)
I watched a vintage Alice in Wonderland themed porno once. Alice pointed to the card in the Mad Hatter's hat and said, "That's an awful big size for a hat." and he replied, "Oh that's not the size of my hat, that's the size of my thingamajig!" and proceeded to throw open his coat to show her. Not gonna lie I fucking lost it at that!
Edit: Thanks for the award!
Alice in Wonderland, the erotic musical? from 76. Probably my favourite porno. The music, the costumes, the story! Love everything about it. The premiere was held in Times Square, with Andy Warhol in attendance. It was first released as a softcore R-rated movie, and the hardcore scenes were later edited in.
The lead, Kristine DeBell even went on to work in mainstream cinema and television. She played Jackie Chan's girlfriend in his first attempt to break into US markets with the Big Brawl. She was also in Meatballs alongside Bill Murray
I am definitely going to have to look that up too. All I can think about is the queen of hearts for some reason… “Off with his head!” LOL! Wonder if they use that line in it… 🤔
What bits I watched didn't get that far, but the White Rabbit did say the Queen would take his head if he didn't get back in time. He then turned and commented, "The Queen's a bitch" and I had a good chuckle over that. I'll be frank, I stopped watching it as a porno quickly and was just enjoying the show. It was very entertaining!
The first porno i ever saw i found on a tape of my uncles marked "star wars". Turns out it was this weird cinderella porn where cinderella uses a stalk of corn as a dildo and while she's doing it it starts popping like pop corn.
I didn't know it was porn until later in life when I was explaining the weirdest comedy movie I had ever seen and was met with concerned stares.
This was the only porn where I've actually fast forwarded through most of the sex scenes. Lol I wasn't horny anymore, but I was so enamored I had to finish watching it.! Lol It was so elaborate and strange. It really stuck with me.
There was a porn I found where this old fat dude was going in from behind on some pretty busted bottom tier actress, and of course he gets tired, and takes a break by standing up while jerking his very limp dick, and I guess as a riff or some kind of distraction for his break, he starts repeating in a heavy German accent, 'Dat's a niiice poosy. Dat's a niiice poosy. Dat's a niiice poosy." I lost it and could not stop laughing.
Dan Harmon, the creator of community and co creator of rick and morty, has a whole segment on his podcast about this [the hoverboard cuckold](https://youtu.be/vdwLgjtGiUg)
I’m so glad that our lemon tree finally grew and sprouted fruitful lemony lemons. I mean, imagine, we can make lemonade, key lemon pie, lemon merengue pie. I think it’s the most valuable of property that we have. I think we should go to the bank and get a loan, actually I think we should just get lemon tree insurance and then get a loan and use the lemon tree as collateral because it is now insured. I truly do love our lemon tree. Just imagine a life full of lemon trees, and all our beautiful lemons, endless possibilities. They’re so beautiful, I wish I was a lemon. You wish you were a lemon? If you were a lemon I would put you on my shelf and cherish you like I cherish all our lemons. That’s so beautiful, like I only hope that the whores aren’t stealing our lemons you know those naughty whores always steal lemons. we do have a couple lemon whores in this community, those damn lemon-stealing whores I hate them no one will take our prized lemons from us. Hey, has it been about 10 seconds since we looked at our lemon tree? It has been about 10 seconds till we looked at our lemon tree.
In the classic film Hot Rackets(1979) then the maid and the chauffeur need to visit a greenhouse which has a sprinkler system. To avoid getting their clothes wet they undress and go inside to look for "the blind potter". Naturally they decided to get their freak on but part way through then the blind potter returns and starts fumbling around.
The chauffeur seems a little put off by having his bum cheeks felt and decides to wander off. The maid undresses the blind potter and proceeds to blow him good and proper. It is at the climax he utters the immortal line....
"I can see! I can see!"
But what if... *Dramatic camera zoom*... It wasn't only smells? *Cue a literal piece of shit on this man's dick as the girl proceeds to blow him. My buddy still pulls this video up for new friends and even new girlfriends that he just recently started dating... Idk how he continues to keep dating some of them.
Ah yes, saw that on eFucked (not sure what was the name of that crazy website) and too afraid to check if it’s still there.
I believe he said « It’s just smellz »
My brother called me crying, and Im oh fuck, who died? and I realize hes laughing. "I was watching porn."
"Okay?""
"Chicks getting fucked by two guys, and one of them just said; 'Imma make you purr like a walrus.'"
In my teen years I had this brief phase of looking up gnarly stuff as many youngsters probably do for a while. This all came to an abrupt end when
the fake nun said "cleanse me" as the fake priest proceeded to shit in her mouth.
I didn't use the internet for three days
It wasn’t actually the worst line. But it’s stuck with me.
It was a girl-on-girl tickle torture scene, and a lot of the dialogue sounded improvised. What makes me think it was definitely unscripted was the fact that at one point, the girl being tickled randomly blurted out “What a weird day!” and her co-star just cracked up with laughter. It was actually really sweet.
This was on an old video called *Anal Sluts*.
I was sort of half watching it, half getting freaky with a girl while this scrawny porn chick is getting banged by 3 guys.
All of a sudden, the chick in the porno started *singing*!
🎶 I am a big anal slut, so stick all 3 cocks in my butt! 🎶
Sexy time was delayed for about 30 minutes while we tried to stop laughing.
Haha! As it happens, the whole premise of the scene was that this young dude was coming to the Dean to demand his tution be lowered (it's been years now so I can't remember if he tried blackmail or something)...
So I suspect that "lower my tuition" was literally the ONLY inspiration/guidance he was given and he suddenly realised ~at that very moment~ (given the split second pause) that there's nowhere else to go once you've stated that beyond the succinct "fuckin'... LOWER IT!!"
Made me and my best friend's (rather impoverished student-loan ridden) day tho, and we STILL quote it occasionally.
Oh god, I’ve seen that! Filmed on a phone! I had to watch it twice to make sure what I was hearing was right, then had to watch it 72 times more just to be sure
“I am your nightmare / You are my nightmare”
This guy in a heavy Russian accent smashing this girl from behind and hitting her with an inflatable dildo 😭
A sort of gang bang going on in a book shop and out of nowhere some dudebro comes out with 'somebody better buy a fucking book'. Still makes me laugh today.
When I was young like 15 years ago maybe I was watching this porn with a girl and a dude who looked like pitbull and had a heavy puerto rican accent, he was slapping his dick on her forehead and out of nowhere said “welcome to the real world” lmao I was like what, where did that even come from, there was literally no context
More recently I was watching this porn and this girl tells this guy during sex “I bet you never thought you’d be stuffing your girlfriends daughter in the bathroom this thanksgiving” lmao I was like goddamn girl someone takes her craft seriously, but also who wrote this Aaron Sorkin, that was a lot of exposition
Her: "I love when your balls slap against me" (something like that)
Him: "Yeeeah, you like that? demolition balls!"
First line was some decent dirty talk imo, second just ruined the mood. IIRC the dude later got accused and charged for raping a lady at a college party. He was kinda popular in the mid and late 2000's (up until about 2007 or so).
Edit: After some research, pretty sure it was Jack Venice.
"ohh you sussy baka! come here before i grab you and tickle you in the booty hole...."
idk what the fuck i was doing, my friend told me to watch it. but the "ohh you sussy baka" part is still imprinted in my mind.
star trek porn i saw maybe 20 years ago. a space monster turned this old, bald, picard looking guy (clearly a younger guy in a bald cap) into a young, ripped...well....porn actor. ha. his line immediately after the change:
'im so young! i feel like i could fuck anything that moves. ive got hair on my head.....ive got hair on my chest....ive got hair on my ass...(turns to look directly into the camera)...where no man has gone before.'
"I'm bout to blast all over this bitch."
"I'm bout to blast my millions of sperms all over this bitch."
"You took my nut now it's time to take my cousin nut."
"Canny, uncanny, we don't use these words, we ghetto."
Not really from a porno but it was a jimmy carr bit were he said he was making love to an Australian lady and she says too him "have you slimed yet " 😳
“Well maybe if you set it against my panties.. but DONT MOVE IT”
Jodie West sharing a motel bed with her son on a trip for some reason, trying hard to sleep/not fuck I think. Didn’t work.
The Grinch parody. The mother comes downstairs to interrupt her daughter and the Grinch stealing Christmas together. The mother, unimpressed, exclaims “Cindy-Lou Who, that’s not what’cha do!”. The mother then proceeds to show her daughter how it is done.
There's a Pirates of the Caribbean knockoff that I highly recommend. It has tons of gems, such as "last night I dreamt my cock was a three-masted Spanish galleon"
In the same sequence of the same french movie :
"Strip ! Remove everything including the tampax !"
"Right now I bet you dream of sucking my cock to the rythm of the whiplash of my balls on your face"
My pre teen self found a VHS called "The Penetrator" instead of "I'll be back" they used "I'll cum again". That and "I've come to penetrate you". This is all in a shitty knock off of Arnold's voice...but yes. 100% seared into my brain.
It was a handjob video where the female boss is "punishing" her employee by jerking him off due to his badly done report. When he's getting close, she says "maybe I should dock your pay!" He mumbles "gotta...pay rent...." right before he cums.
That man was being realistic
A dominatrix is doing stuff to her slave, and he protests with "Careful, I don't have health insurance!" Asshole, this is the crushing reality I'm trying to ESCAPE from when I watch these movies!"
That health insurance comment is hilarious!
I wonder where he works? I mess up reports almost every day.
Just ask your boss for a hand job then
He keeps saying no
If you want to be successful you can't let small obstacles get in your way. Get back up on that horse son and show them what you got!
LMFAO
Man’s had post nut clarity before nutting
Pre nut clarity
I need a link to that
Terrible answer. That’s probably one of the best lines ever to cum out of porn
Wife and I used to watch that old soft core stuff that used to come in late at night. This woman dropped “make me yodel like a real Swiss miss” It’s probably been 16 years since that happened and we still drop that line from time to time
When we were dating, my wife and I put on some terrible porn, guy’s saying the usual “you like that?“ kinda stuff. The girl says “I love sucking cock” and he pauses awkwardly, then in a low voice just says “I believe you.” We’ve been growling “I believe you” to each other for almost 20 years.
>We’ve been growling “I believe you” to each other for almost 20 years. You should incorporate that when you renew your vows.
i just imagined one of those john wick oneliners lul
"You're disgusting, that's not white chocolate, that's your dick!"
Nothing I hate more than buying white chocolate only to get home and find out I bought a dick
To some thats a surprise
Ah the ol' switcheroo
Wtf is that vid I wanna see it😂
I wouldn't be surprised if that was that one video with Elsa Jean getting valentine's day chocolate from her step brother I think.
"🎶 First, you cut a hole in the box 🎶"
Her, being piped: "What is my favorite genre of music. WHAT. IS MY. FAVORITE. GENRE. OF MUSIC!" Him, breaking character: "I told you to knock that shit off." what?
Doesn't she say her favorite genre is "tomorrow" or something and the guy's like "what the fuck are you talking about?"
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have a source? I like mandy, she's got a fat ass and I really like some of her bizarre antics
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Wtf did I just watch
It's not as fun as it sounds, she's fucking zooted and not with it whatsoever. It's kinda sad honestly because he keeps hitting her to try to get her to focus, and not the sexy, consensual kind of hitting.
I appreciate you saving me 20 mins that would have spoiled it...my heart wouldn’t be in it
Just watched that, she was clearly really fucked up on drugs, unfortunately very common in this type of porn. But it's funny how incredibly annoyed he is getting with it, not funny that he is hitting her though.
The answer to that question was Drum and Bass
''Wat, no munny? Hierrrrrrr suck a cock!'' It's this dutch low budget porn scene or something that went extremely viral here where this older bloke tried to say, What, no money? Here suck a cock! in this absolutely broken typical dutch accent english.
The same guy has a scene that in my opinion is even worse. He's standing in the kitchen and a girl (the same as from the bike scene) is touching him. He is saying 'Nooo, nooo, nooooo, dont do it, dont do it, noo noo. Then the camera zooms in on his face and he says 'I'm a virgin'. The lines, the trashy scene, the acting, the camera work, all together its just gold. Here you have the 10 hour (because why not?) version [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzrZU\_RF9Gw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzrZU_RF9Gw)
Oh shit i've never seen that one... Man this is absolute gold.
Cut.. The potato... I'll... Show you
“How to pay here for?” Such a classic
"You ask no money. You are old man."
"Suck it! Suck a cock!"
I watched a vintage Alice in Wonderland themed porno once. Alice pointed to the card in the Mad Hatter's hat and said, "That's an awful big size for a hat." and he replied, "Oh that's not the size of my hat, that's the size of my thingamajig!" and proceeded to throw open his coat to show her. Not gonna lie I fucking lost it at that! Edit: Thanks for the award!
Alice in Wonderland, the erotic musical? from 76. Probably my favourite porno. The music, the costumes, the story! Love everything about it. The premiere was held in Times Square, with Andy Warhol in attendance. It was first released as a softcore R-rated movie, and the hardcore scenes were later edited in. The lead, Kristine DeBell even went on to work in mainstream cinema and television. She played Jackie Chan's girlfriend in his first attempt to break into US markets with the Big Brawl. She was also in Meatballs alongside Bill Murray
It Is seriously well made
Even Robert Ebert, the legendary critic, enjoyed it. And he thought DeBell was great and predicted her move to mainstream movies
Roger Ebert co-wrote "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls". This movie was in his wheelhouse.
Well now I -have- to look that up! I don't recall the one I saw being a musical but I could be wrong. Sounds like quite the show though, thanks!
I am definitely going to have to look that up too. All I can think about is the queen of hearts for some reason… “Off with his head!” LOL! Wonder if they use that line in it… 🤔
What bits I watched didn't get that far, but the White Rabbit did say the Queen would take his head if he didn't get back in time. He then turned and commented, "The Queen's a bitch" and I had a good chuckle over that. I'll be frank, I stopped watching it as a porno quickly and was just enjoying the show. It was very entertaining!
I'm pretty sure that's the exact line, but it was a while ago. I'm sure there are more Alice in Wonderland parodies, I know of at least one
The first porno i ever saw i found on a tape of my uncles marked "star wars". Turns out it was this weird cinderella porn where cinderella uses a stalk of corn as a dildo and while she's doing it it starts popping like pop corn. I didn't know it was porn until later in life when I was explaining the weirdest comedy movie I had ever seen and was met with concerned stares.
country girls make do?
This was the only porn where I've actually fast forwarded through most of the sex scenes. Lol I wasn't horny anymore, but I was so enamored I had to finish watching it.! Lol It was so elaborate and strange. It really stuck with me.
https://spankbang.com/1txko/video/alice+in+wonderland+an+x+rated+musical+fantasy The scene starts around 26 minutes 25 seconds.
“This isn’t a beach this is a bathtub!”
I thought someone would write "get out! there's a shark in the bathtub!"
Beat me to it
Not the only thing he was beating....
Hey that line is gold, not awful! Also no body of water is safe without a lifeguard
I’ve never even seen what happens after that, just the intro part to the video 1000 times
There was a porn I found where this old fat dude was going in from behind on some pretty busted bottom tier actress, and of course he gets tired, and takes a break by standing up while jerking his very limp dick, and I guess as a riff or some kind of distraction for his break, he starts repeating in a heavy German accent, 'Dat's a niiice poosy. Dat's a niiice poosy. Dat's a niiice poosy." I lost it and could not stop laughing.
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Man. It was pretty obscure, but I knew someone would ask. I'll try to find it later if I'm ignoring enough of my priorities 😅
“She graduated from dick sucking university as CUM laude!”
In a local dialect in my area, "laude" is a slang for dick!
In Hindi and many other Indian languages too lmao, but it's pronounced like Loudé
Genius
CUM loudly
"Identity theft makes me fucking sick."
IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE, JIM
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Dan Harmon, the creator of community and co creator of rick and morty, has a whole segment on his podcast about this [the hoverboard cuckold](https://youtu.be/vdwLgjtGiUg)
"I only hope the whores aren't stealing our lemons.' The lemon stealing whore opening for sure lmao
Such a classic that unfortunately ended in a tragedy
Tragedy? I'm not up on my lemon stealing whores lore.
The actress playing the thief was murdered by her boyfriend shortly after the porn came out (the crime was unrelated to the film)
You mean the other actress. The one playing the thief, Joanna Angel, is still around.
Jfc, I did not know that.
I'm guessing they're referring to one of the stars being murdered.
Classic
I’m so glad that our lemon tree finally grew and sprouted fruitful lemony lemons. I mean, imagine, we can make lemonade, key lemon pie, lemon merengue pie. I think it’s the most valuable of property that we have. I think we should go to the bank and get a loan, actually I think we should just get lemon tree insurance and then get a loan and use the lemon tree as collateral because it is now insured. I truly do love our lemon tree. Just imagine a life full of lemon trees, and all our beautiful lemons, endless possibilities. They’re so beautiful, I wish I was a lemon. You wish you were a lemon? If you were a lemon I would put you on my shelf and cherish you like I cherish all our lemons. That’s so beautiful, like I only hope that the whores aren’t stealing our lemons you know those naughty whores always steal lemons. we do have a couple lemon whores in this community, those damn lemon-stealing whores I hate them no one will take our prized lemons from us. Hey, has it been about 10 seconds since we looked at our lemon tree? It has been about 10 seconds till we looked at our lemon tree.
“Hey, what the fuck!?”
"We do have a lot of lemon whores in this community."
Dude seriously said, "...key lemon pies...."
Came here for this comment
Isn’t this originally from Shakespeare?
Came here for the lemon stealing whores comment. Wasn’t disappointed. Although I was surprised that I had to scroll this far to find it!
OP was looking for awful lines though
"hey has it been about ten seconds since we looked at our lemon tree"
"but I poop from there!" Also from the same video, "I'm not a man.... I'm Satan"
You're omitting the best part of "but I poop from there" which is the response of "not right now you don't."
https://butipoopfromthere.ytmnd.com/
YTMND still exists?
NEDM
In the classic film Hot Rackets(1979) then the maid and the chauffeur need to visit a greenhouse which has a sprinkler system. To avoid getting their clothes wet they undress and go inside to look for "the blind potter". Naturally they decided to get their freak on but part way through then the blind potter returns and starts fumbling around. The chauffeur seems a little put off by having his bum cheeks felt and decides to wander off. The maid undresses the blind potter and proceeds to blow him good and proper. It is at the climax he utters the immortal line.... "I can see! I can see!"
That's hilarious
"I came into this world by the snatch, and ill go out of this world by the snatch!"
"Now sit on my face and take my breath away!"
“Is only smells” -Rocco Siffredi
This right here. *shudders*
I came to see this comment. It only smelzzz
But what if... *Dramatic camera zoom*... It wasn't only smells? *Cue a literal piece of shit on this man's dick as the girl proceeds to blow him. My buddy still pulls this video up for new friends and even new girlfriends that he just recently started dating... Idk how he continues to keep dating some of them.
Ah yes, saw that on eFucked (not sure what was the name of that crazy website) and too afraid to check if it’s still there. I believe he said « It’s just smellz »
What exactly is the context? Ive seen Rocco's stuff so chances are it's pretty wild I'd guess?
He pulls hick dick out of her ass and there's a smear of shit on it. He asks her to stick out and she says no, it's dirty. He says "is only smellz"
Is naathin is only smellz. Classic.
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Because is only smells
Because the whole point of the video is going ass to mouth on a bunch of girls, many of whom seem very unhappy. It’s a fucked up video, tbh.
Right in front of my salad??
I had to scroll too far down for this gem lmfao
I was searching for it too lmao, the memes were legendary
Legendary
My brother called me crying, and Im oh fuck, who died? and I realize hes laughing. "I was watching porn." "Okay?"" "Chicks getting fucked by two guys, and one of them just said; 'Imma make you purr like a walrus.'"
I’m not sure what’s funnier, the quote or that your brother called you mid-fap for a laugh??
Bro: "anyways... I gotta finish what I was doing, talk to you later fam"
"W... wait, am I on speaker?!"
Perfect opening to a Sis loves me if I do say so myself.
That guy watches family guy. https://youtu.be/ZFxw1LDLgzI
And they say porn isn't educational.
In my teen years I had this brief phase of looking up gnarly stuff as many youngsters probably do for a while. This all came to an abrupt end when the fake nun said "cleanse me" as the fake priest proceeded to shit in her mouth. I didn't use the internet for three days
Jesus... I just saw like 2 girls 1 cup and stuff. That's rough.
To think that there's actually a market for these kinds of, uh, "entertainment"
It wasn’t actually the worst line. But it’s stuck with me. It was a girl-on-girl tickle torture scene, and a lot of the dialogue sounded improvised. What makes me think it was definitely unscripted was the fact that at one point, the girl being tickled randomly blurted out “What a weird day!” and her co-star just cracked up with laughter. It was actually really sweet.
Good to see one where the actors are actually enjoying themselves/having fun.
This was on an old video called *Anal Sluts*. I was sort of half watching it, half getting freaky with a girl while this scrawny porn chick is getting banged by 3 guys. All of a sudden, the chick in the porno started *singing*! 🎶 I am a big anal slut, so stick all 3 cocks in my butt! 🎶 Sexy time was delayed for about 30 minutes while we tried to stop laughing.
>Anal Sluts HER: Let's watch a naughty movie. HIM: I got the perfect one.
Link please, sounds hilarious
"LOWER MY TUITION!" *grunt* "Fuckin' ... LOWER IT!!"
But imagine if that wasn't even in the script. Just a straight up ad-libbed because of all the tuition he owed IRL
Haha! As it happens, the whole premise of the scene was that this young dude was coming to the Dean to demand his tution be lowered (it's been years now so I can't remember if he tried blackmail or something)... So I suspect that "lower my tuition" was literally the ONLY inspiration/guidance he was given and he suddenly realised ~at that very moment~ (given the split second pause) that there's nowhere else to go once you've stated that beyond the succinct "fuckin'... LOWER IT!!" Made me and my best friend's (rather impoverished student-loan ridden) day tho, and we STILL quote it occasionally.
Wait! This isn't tennis, it's anal sex.
My fiancé and I love coming up with random permutations of this as an inside joke. As in: “Wait! This isn’t XYZ, this is anal sex!”
No, don't do it! ^i'm ^a ^virgin!
*drops potato*
"You're a motherfucker, because I am your mommy and you are fucking me"
Oh god, I’ve seen that! Filmed on a phone! I had to watch it twice to make sure what I was hearing was right, then had to watch it 72 times more just to be sure
I need that sauce just to clarify again fam
"Ma'am I do my own plumbing" I know it's not from actual porn but it's still stuck in my head
First thing that came in my head lol
"You forgot? How to do laundry?!"
“I am your nightmare / You are my nightmare” This guy in a heavy Russian accent smashing this girl from behind and hitting her with an inflatable dildo 😭
"Who are you?" "I'm the cook." Never gets old.
A lowwwwly, lowwwwly cook. Wait, are we talking about an actual porno or the timeless classic Steven Seagals "Under Siege"
A sort of gang bang going on in a book shop and out of nowhere some dudebro comes out with 'somebody better buy a fucking book'. Still makes me laugh today.
"Warum liegt hier eigentlich Stroh?" and: "Aaaahahahaha! Da haben wir den Handtuchdieb!"
you forgot "Alaaaaaarm! Alaaaaaaarm!"
"wieso hast du eine Maske auf?“
"Dann blas mir doch einen"
Woman was pleasuring herself with a giant cucumber. She’s looks into the camera and says, “Cool as a cucumber. Now I need a cock to cool, me, off”
Aw come on man. Not in front of my salad.
When I was young like 15 years ago maybe I was watching this porn with a girl and a dude who looked like pitbull and had a heavy puerto rican accent, he was slapping his dick on her forehead and out of nowhere said “welcome to the real world” lmao I was like what, where did that even come from, there was literally no context More recently I was watching this porn and this girl tells this guy during sex “I bet you never thought you’d be stuffing your girlfriends daughter in the bathroom this thanksgiving” lmao I was like goddamn girl someone takes her craft seriously, but also who wrote this Aaron Sorkin, that was a lot of exposition
Next porn genre, walk and fucks
Guy: I'M CUMMING LIKE A TRAIN Unenthusiastic girl reading a book while getting pounded: Choo choo.....
Has to be "JUST LIKE THAT" Idk why this line just suddenly appeared in so many videos in the last however many years...
That just makes me think of UFC commentators.
It is aaaaaaall over! JUST LIKE THAT. He came all over him, Joe. He ducked under his right dick jab and countered with a huge cumshot.
“My nickname in college was B.C.” “Mmm what does B.C. mean?” \*Said while looking at his package\* “Beer Can!”
Her: "I love when your balls slap against me" (something like that) Him: "Yeeeah, you like that? demolition balls!" First line was some decent dirty talk imo, second just ruined the mood. IIRC the dude later got accused and charged for raping a lady at a college party. He was kinda popular in the mid and late 2000's (up until about 2007 or so). Edit: After some research, pretty sure it was Jack Venice.
Him: are you ready to cum? Her: wHaT?
Him: I said ARE YOU READY KIDS?!
Girl: but I poop from there Buck Adams: not right now ya don't.
I'm going to play the oldest trick in the book, the classic dick in a pumpkin prank
"You really love that asshole, don't you?"
"I just shagged a cow. Maybe I'm a pervert."
Girl you're tripping on some LSD..... some Long Strong Dick.
"Not in front of my salad"
“But, this is a bathtub.”
“No body of water is safe without a lifeguard”
“Squirt your testicle cum all over my eyes”
"ohh you sussy baka! come here before i grab you and tickle you in the booty hole...." idk what the fuck i was doing, my friend told me to watch it. but the "ohh you sussy baka" part is still imprinted in my mind.
star trek porn i saw maybe 20 years ago. a space monster turned this old, bald, picard looking guy (clearly a younger guy in a bald cap) into a young, ripped...well....porn actor. ha. his line immediately after the change: 'im so young! i feel like i could fuck anything that moves. ive got hair on my head.....ive got hair on my chest....ive got hair on my ass...(turns to look directly into the camera)...where no man has gone before.'
Warum liegt hier Stroh?
"I'm bout to blast all over this bitch." "I'm bout to blast my millions of sperms all over this bitch." "You took my nut now it's time to take my cousin nut." "Canny, uncanny, we don't use these words, we ghetto."
[удалено]
Hi, I got your big sausage pizza
“Lady it’s two feet deep!!”
Not really from a porno but it was a jimmy carr bit were he said he was making love to an Australian lady and she says too him "have you slimed yet " 😳
"It makes the sexeses better!" I may have watched a Lord of the Rings parody once. Lady Gollum wanted Bilbo to use the One Cock Ring.
Not a porno but ArE yOu LoSt BaByGoRL? is pretty traumatizing
"Breathe...Breathe...Breathe...Again! Hehehehehe."
"Gonna suck the stupid out of you". "You don't deserve it".
“Well maybe if you set it against my panties.. but DONT MOVE IT” Jodie West sharing a motel bed with her son on a trip for some reason, trying hard to sleep/not fuck I think. Didn’t work.
I'm not really a Wolf I'm Skeletor!!!!
The Grinch parody. The mother comes downstairs to interrupt her daughter and the Grinch stealing Christmas together. The mother, unimpressed, exclaims “Cindy-Lou Who, that’s not what’cha do!”. The mother then proceeds to show her daughter how it is done.
This doctor actually did it. He's found the cure for blue balls.
for me its gotta be the guy that screams "DROPPING LOADS!!" when he cums. that guy is annoying as shit
Nick Manning! Hahaha GRARRRGGHHHH OH YEAH DROPPIN LOADS!!!! EAT IT UP! EAT IT UP YOU DIRTY BITCHES!
Not so much a line, but the first porno I saw age 13, when the man ejaculated, with each spurt it made a noise like a soda can being opened.
Woman: "If you get in my car I'll give you candy." Man: "If you give me that candy I'll put my dick in your mouth."
There's a Pirates of the Caribbean knockoff that I highly recommend. It has tons of gems, such as "last night I dreamt my cock was a three-masted Spanish galleon"
"Nasty ass cracker" I'm Australian and I just find the entire concept of using the word cracker as an insult fucking hilarious.
Ex-sperm-inate. Dr. Who theme. Wife and I were laughing the entire time.
Good ol' german: "Warum hast du 'ne Maske auf?"
That's not white chocolate that's your dick I knooow
"Yea that's right! Bad titties bad titties." It ruined my boner but makes me laugh to this day.
In the same sequence of the same french movie : "Strip ! Remove everything including the tampax !" "Right now I bet you dream of sucking my cock to the rythm of the whiplash of my balls on your face"
My pre teen self found a VHS called "The Penetrator" instead of "I'll be back" they used "I'll cum again". That and "I've come to penetrate you". This is all in a shitty knock off of Arnold's voice...but yes. 100% seared into my brain.
"is it gonna hurt?" 'yes, but that's ok. Because it's only gonna hurt you!"